


Stay

by Evilsnotbag



Series: Stay [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: A respectable amount of sex after a two-digit chapter!, Alternate Universe, Animal Attack, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Children, Communication, Consentual Sex, Cooking, Cramps, EVENTUAL Amedot!!!, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Getting to Know Each Other, Head Injury, Hospitalization, Human/Gem, Human/Genderless, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated, Illustrations, Injury, It's minor, Jasper Redemption (Steven Universe), Like seriously don't read this just for the Amedot, Lots of mentions of periods/cramps/ovulation pains/bleeding etc, Magical Accidents, Magical Artifacts, Major Original Character(s), Menstruation, Nonverbal Communication, Other, POV Original Female Character, Parental Issues, Permanent Injury, Pictures, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Singing, Sketches, Slice of Life, Smoking, Swearing, Violence, amedot - Freeform, period, reproduction?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2018-08-28 04:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 85
Words: 668,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8431324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilsnotbag/pseuds/Evilsnotbag
Summary: OC Author E. K. Brooks goes to an uninhabited island to have her own Robinson Crusoe adventure. She finds a mysterious orange gemstone and her fantasy vacation goes distinctly sci-fi.





	1. Travelling

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU where gems differ slightly from canon in that they have a measurable heart beat as well as other small changes that you will likely notice, I’m not mentioning all of them here because spoilers and I’m lazy. Mask Island is much bigger than canon version.  
> Day 6 of this story is the day of “Super Watermelon Island”.  
> This fanfic is written from the perspective of E. K. Brooks who spends a lot of time alone before any canon characters are introduced. Thou hath been informed-ETH!

## Chapter 1: Travelling

It was time to go, finally. I leaned over the bathroom sink and looked myself in the eye. This had been a long time coming. The last thing that had kept me in this place, my cat Sam, died a few weeks ago. I stepped out of the bathroom and looked around my ground floor apartment. Sam’s metal food bowl still stood in its usual place on the plastic mat by the fridge. I kept waiting for him to trot through the cat flap with a “mmraw” and his tail high in the air, like he had done every morning for the last twelve years. I couldn’t take it away, if I did, it would be like he was really gone. A real Schrodinger’s cat moment, despite the twinge of loss, I smirked at my own pun.

All the bags were packed, or _the_ bag was packed. The backpack. It had been a birthday gift from my parents when I turned twenty. It was a really good one, and by that I mean expensive, something I could never have been able to afford on my own back then. My parents were always good at that, making sure me and my sister had good quality things that lasted. This backpack had been their final gift to me before they passed away. I had named it the Luggage, because of Terry Pratchett books, an author both my father and I loved. In its life, the Luggage has been to several festivals, camping trips and vacations across numerous countries. It has been lost, found, accidentally set on fire and had almost all of its detachable components replaced over the years. Sometimes I think about that, how many parts of a whole can you change without the whole thing becoming something different. To semi-quote Terry Pratchett:

“This, milord, is my family's axe. We have owned it for almost nine hundred years, see. Of course, sometimes it needed a new blade. And sometimes it has required a new handle, new designs on the metalwork, a little refreshing of the ornamentation . . . but is this not the nine hundred-year-old axe of my family? And because it has changed gently over time, it is still a pretty good axe, y'know. Pretty good.”

Maybe it’s just about perspective.

I made a last sweep of the apartment, checking the fridge and kitchen cupboards for the tenth time to make sure there was no food to rot. A couple about my age was going to rent the place while I was away. The second to last thing that kept me here was my ex, Christina. We had been together six years, before I ended it about seven months ago. We had met as she was finishing up med school and I was working on my book. It was a whirlwind romance and we fell for each other quickly, but we only got to meet once every two weeks. She lived half the month in the same city as me and spent the other half in the far north, completing her studies in a very specialized hospital. We were both very busy, she conducting a medical trial for her final paper and me working round the clock to finish my deadlines. When my book was finished, we waited eagerly to see how it would sell, and after three weeks my publisher called with “great news”. It had been an overnight success. Suddenly I was flooded with emails and calls from journalists, talk show hosts and movie companies. I was overwhelmed, but Christina kept me grounded. I’m especially thankful to her for keeping me from buying some really stupid things with the first check I got. My bank account had never seen so much money. It was such a change from before I finished the book. I had lived below the poverty line since I graduated from high school, picking up stray shifts wherever I could get them to make ends meet. I remember going to the grocery store after the check had cleared. For the first time, I didn’t have to count every penny, read on all the prize tags and add it up on my phone as I went along. I didn’t just have to get what was necessary; I could have anything I wanted. Name brand stuff! _Fancy_ name brand stuff! I ended up putting so much in my cart I couldn’t carry all the bags, but that was ok, because I could afford a cab now! As I got home that day, Christina shared some great news of her own – her article had been published in a prestigious medical journal and she had been invited to speak at the biggest medical conference in the country. We celebrated with the fanciest meal we had ever made together. We had been together for two years at that point but I think that was the beginning of the end. We saw each other less and less, and talked less frequently on the phone too. Daily emails became bi-weekly emails, then monthly emails. We stayed faithful to each other, but we drifted apart. It happened slowly and we were both so busy we hardly even noticed. Years passed and she was hired as a full time medical researcher at the most famous research facility in Europe. During the same time, I was doing book tour after book tour, appearing on TV only when I had to though. I liked interacting with my fans personally and a camera wasn’t my idea of personal. A movie based on my book was made, which I was reasonably happy with. This added even more money to my account, and I had no idea what to do with it. In our last year together I only saw Christina twice. Once on her birthday and once on Midsummer’s eve, when I ended it. There wasn’t really much to say about it and neither of us seemed particularly upset. You had to know each other to be upset, and we just didn’t anymore. We parted on good terms. I think what was upsetting was the lack of emotion I felt. And the paparazzi. Our breakup was apparently big news and we both got hounded for comments, pictures and TV-appearances. Let’s just say, neither of us obliged.

I had always been an introvert and this public life was getting to me. I had had this idea when I was a kid, that I wanted to have my own Robinson Crusoe adventure. And that fantasy was what I was now going to finally realize, with some modifications. Everything had been organized by my assistant Parker, the most efficient and able multi tasker I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She found the perfect place, an uninhabited island without large predators, that wasn’t a nature preserve. She sorted out countless forms, jumped through all the hoops to make sure that I got all that I wanted, which was to be left alone with supplies on an island for as long as I pleased, with a solid exit strategy and safety measures. I negotiated the safety procedures down from ridiculous to manageable – a satellite phone. I argued that I wanted to be left _alone_ and alone didn’t mean a helicopter doing a fly by every six hours. Part of the deal was that I would acquire all the necessary knowledge for island survival _and_ that I would lose those seventy or so extra pounds I had packed on over the last four years. I agreed. It was hard. Really fucking hard. But I did it and I was now in the best shape of my life. My body was strong, but not in the showy way of bulky biceps and a six pack. It gave me confidence that there wasn’t a pickle jar in the world that I couldn’t open. I was ready.

I stepped out of my apartment, hoisting the Luggage onto my shoulders. A car was waiting for me by the curb and the driver took me to the airport. Parker met me at the entrance with a few last minute papers that needed to be signed and watery eyes. She tried to hide it, but I saw. I gave her a hug at the security station and told her I would be just fine and to not worry. I picked up a bottle of Absolutely Vodka in the tax free shop, not that I drank very much, but it was a taste of home. I felt elated as I got on the plane. Parker had gotten me a first class ticket with all the trimmings and I sipped possibly the last fizzy drink I would have for months. I felt extremely good about myself – I could fit into the plane seat without feeling uncomfortable. Yes, the first class seats were bigger than the ones in coach, but there was a time I was very close to having to buy two seats.

Surprisingly rested, I stepped off the plane, picked up the Luggage and headed out of the airport. In the arrival hall a man was holding up a sign saying “Harriet Johnson”, which was the alias I was travelling under this time. My real name, Erica Katheryn Brooks, or EK Brooks, would have drawn unwanted attention. He led me to the car and we drove off to a marina, where a grey haired woman and a young female nurse met me. That was another part of my deal with Parker, every two months I would have to meet a nurse who would take all sorts of measurements, weight, blood pressure etc., and if any of them went into the dangerous zone, I would have to come back home. The examination went quickly and I boarded the sailboat ‘Olivia’ that would take me to the island. The woman captaining the boat was named Rita Fernandez and had a cheery demeanor. It took us several hours to get to the island and we spent the time chatting about this and that. She was a nice person with three grandkids and one great grand kid on the way. Her oldest grandchild apparently was a big fan of my book and I happily signed her a very dog eared copy. Seeing the book so well read made me feel so… proud. Not of myself for writing the book, but of the book itself. Like it was my kid and they had grown up to be a good person.

We arrived at the island around midafternoon and I felt so excited. We waved farewell and I looked around at the beach that would be my home for as long as I wished. It was perfect. There was a cliff off to the left side that provided two walls, a perfect place to put up camp. There was a coral reef making a natural border to keep large aquatic predators like sharks out and also provided a living larder with fish and crustaceans. The jungle was dense and had a variety of fruit trees including mangos and coconuts. There was a fresh water spring about five minutes’ walk from my soon-to-be campsite. In the shadow of the cliff there was a huge pile of supplies stashed under a tarp, courtesy of Parker and delivered by Rita and Olivia. This was going to be Robinson Crusoe, luxury version.

I raised the tent and dug a fire pit, gathered some firewood and found a handy flat rock I was sure could be used to bake fish on. I lit a fire after ten minutes hard work with the fire steel and settled down to enjoy a dinner consisting of a cup of hot chocolate, a meal bar and a pack of peanuts. I lay back in the sand and watched the spectacular sunset. I was so happy. So free! It didn’t get any better than this. I put on a super serious face and said aloud;

“But then everything changed when the fire nation attacked” and lit a cigarette, chuckling to myself and my amazing wit. I crawled into my sleeping bag after a while, deciding I would sleep under the sky tonight. The sound of the ocean so close, the occasional squawk of gulls, the salty air and the warm sand made me feel perfectly at ease. It really didn’t get any better than this.

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	2. The shakes

## Chapter 2: The shakes

Day 1

I woke up laughing. I couldn’t remember what I had dreamt, but it had been very funny. It was rare for me to wake up like that and I savored they unexpected joy. The sun was just peeking over the horizon and I stretched to welcome it, feeling refreshed and ready to start my new life. A quick breakfast of instant oatmeal and a cup of coffee with a cigarette for dessert. The first thing on my internal list was to find the fresh water spring. I dug out a printed satellite image of the island and traced the dotted line to the mark indicating the location of the spring. I put on my utility belt with a lot of pockets on top of my shorts and grabbed a one gallon jerry can. After hesitating a moment, I picked up the machete in my free hand. I might need it for vines or to defend myself from spiders. There were only a few things I feared and spiders were one of them. Back in my country, the spiders didn’t get very big, but here on a tropical island, I knew they could be disturbingly large. One of the warnings Parker had given me was that this place had never been inhabited, so no one had really documented the wild life. The one thing we did know was that it wasn’t big enough to house any large predators like panthers or bears. It was more than likely there were monkeys and marsupials of some variety, and a whole butt load of different kinds of birds. I was really hoping to see some animals. If they hadn’t seen humans before, maybe we could hang out and chitter over a coconut. I smiled to myself and strode forward into the jungle. It was hotter in there than I thought and sweat beaded on my forehead after less than a minute. There was so much to see! The trees stretched high above my head, great thick trunks covered in moss and vines. Beautiful flowers grew everywhere and all the different sweet scents mixed wonderfully with the smell of soil. There were enormous geodes scattered around, their hearts exposed and glittering in patches of sunlight. I followed what seemed to be a thin animal trail that was going the right way. Maybe it led to the spring? After a few minutes the spring came into view. I stopped and stared. A narrow waterfall cascaded down into a small pool of crystal clear water, rainbows shimmering in the spray. It felt almost sacrilegious to dip my jerry can in the water. I knew it was ground water, because Parker didn’t leave anything to chance. I wouldn’t even have to filter it. It was surprisingly cold to the touch and I splashed my face. I felt as if I was really in another world, like I’d stepped through a wardrobe and ended up in Narnia. I whooped, not being able to contain the happiness bubbling up in my chest. I walked back to the campsite, listening to the birdsong and trying to mimic them, but failing miserably. I spotted something red on a low tree – it looked like someone had decorated it with Christmas baubles. It was mangos! I walked over and sniffed at them. They smelled delicious and I put the ripest one in my pocket. At the beach, I set down the can and drew a three by three feet square in the sand to the right of the tent. I started to dig with my little shovel, singing random snippets of songs as I worked. It was going to be a storage pit for my supplies. I wanted to reinforce the walls and the floor with bamboo or something, and also put a lid on it to protect it from animals and rain. It took longer than I anticipated to dig it out and my stomach felt uncomfortably empty. I decided it must be time for lunch. I rummaged through the pile of supplies and found some ships biscuits and a can of baked beans. I ate it cold with a big cup of water from the jerry can. Sitting by the fire and eating beans straight out the can made me feel like I was a cowboy, riding out west to find gold. I aimed a finger gun at a seagull and made said “Bang!”. It looked at me like I was crazy and I nearly choked laughing.

After I had finished eating I decided to tackle the next digging project – a latrine. I walked fifty or so yards away along the cliff wall to the right of the tent. There was a pile of rocks and I figured this was a good a place as any. I didn’t want it too close to the camp for obvious reasons and not in the jungle because spiders. Putting it where I now stood also gave it a fantastic view of the ocean. I dug down a few feet and climbed out. It would be a good idea to shore up the sides of this too; I really didn’t want it collapsing in on itself while I was doing my business. There was a huge splash behind me and I whipped around. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Dolphins! I ran down to the water and out onto the stretch of rock that formed the leftmost wall of the coral reef. I had never seen dolphins before! Or, yes, sure on TV, but never in real life. They looked so happy, leaping high into the air and then back into the crashing waves. I thought my heart would burst with delight, this was a dream come true. I drank in the view of the frolicking, gray creatures, watching them until they were lost in the swell of the ocean. Not being able to stop smiling I turned around and headed toward the jungle again, to see if I could find some bamboo. I kept close to the beach though, hoping to hear more splashing and see the dolphins again. Maybe this was their feeding ground? Hopefully they would come back. After around twenty minutes I found a patch of giant bamboo stalks. Luckily there was an area with thinner sticks and shoots that suited my needs perfectly. I chopped down around thirty for the latrine, since I felt I needed to use that pretty soon. I carried them back to the beach and made quick work of shoring up the sides. Then I tested it out. It was a bit of a balancing act, but I didn’t fall in, so great success! I stashed a roll of bio degradable toilet paper in a plastic case between two rocks. Maybe I’d construct a parasol to put over it, might be nice for when it rained. I returned to the bamboo patch to get sticks for the supply pit. This wasn’t as deep as the latrine, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. I put down some sticks in the bottom and then saw to the sides. After I deemed it good enough, I began piling the supplies in, organizing it in order of accessibility. There was space left over for me to squat in the middle of the area, where I could reach everything without straining my back over much. Before I called it a day, I took out three little nets and changed into my swimming shorts. They had big pockets where I could put water safe tools and string. I had spied out a few places where fish seemed to gather and put the three nets out, remembering doing the same with my dad during the summer vacations. Back then, we had used a boat and the nets were much, much bigger and weighed down. I recalled the excitement I had felt when we went out early in the morning to pull them up. My sister and I would look down into the water as dad did all the work, shouting out when something was coming up; trying to guess what it was before it reached the surface. I realized with a sudden stab of loss, that he must have been beaming when we did that. I smiled sadly to myself. He had always loved the sea and had taught himself to sail by stealing a dinghy from a water sports club and sailing around the large island he had spent his summers on as a boy. He had got into terrible trouble for doing that, but it was one of his most precious memories.

Back on the beach I decided to take a swim before it got dark. That was another one of my fears – swimming in the dark. Because that’s just what it felt like, swimming in liquid darkness. I dumped out my tools and strode back into the water. I took a few strokes and then started to float on my back, looking up into the cloud streaked sky. Birds flew over me and I was rocked by the waves rolling over the reef. Since I had done a whole bunch of work today I would reward myself tomorrow by going snorkeling. My stomach rumbled after a while and I made my way back to the campsite. As I struggled out of my clinging swim wear it struck me that I could be naked if I wanted to. There was no one around for miles. My cheeks flushed and I giggled to myself as if I was about to do something very mischievous. I hadn’t been naked on a beach since I was a toddler. I hung the wet clothes on a pair of spare bamboo sticks and turned to face the sea. The breeze felt unfamiliar on my usually concealed areas and I wasn’t sure I liked it. Some of my friends had sunbathed topless when I was younger, but I had never tried. I was more of a one-piece swimsuit kind of girl. Until I had realized that girls could wear swim shorts too. That had been such a revelation to me. Somehow I had gotten it into my head that girls weren’t allowed to wear them. I had a strong feeling my mother had something to do with that. She and my sister had got along very well, both loved to shop and do all that girly-girl stuff I had never had an interest in. They had their spa-days and trips to the nail salon, sometimes even wearing matching dresses. I remember my mother telling me that even as a little kid I had refused to wear a dress. Apparently, when I was made to wear one for a fancy party I would disappear and then come back butt naked, to the embarrassment of my mother. My dad had chuckled in his quiet way at that, earning him a warning look from his wife. Smiling at the recollection I walked around, trying it out. I had no problem being naked at home, but this felt a bit uncomfortable. Maybe I’d get over myself and start to enjoy it later. I put on some dry clothes for now. For dinner I had more beans and biscuits and the mango I had found on my way back from the spring. The sun was setting now and I could feel my skin burning from slight overexposure to the sun. I had always loved that feeling. I dug out my notepad and started to doodle while I still had a little light. I drew dolphins jumping until I couldn’t make it out anymore. I stared into the fire instead and wondered how many other people out there were doing the same thing right now. I closed my eyes for a moment and must have fallen asleep, because when I opened them the stars were sparkling over my head. There were so many of them! I could see the Milky Way with my naked eye! It was astonishing… I had never seen the sky so clearly before, every star indeed a diamond, twinkling down at me. I stared until my eyes teared up, I didn’t want to blink and realize I was back home in my apartment and that this had all been a dream. When I opened my eyes again I was still on the beach, the sand coarse between my toes and against the palms of my hands. I sighed in relief and lay back so my entire field of vision was taken up by the spectacular view. It felt as if I could fall into it, it was so still and perfect.

Day 2

The ground trembled and I dropped all the rupees on the cobbles, making a sound like Sonic losing all his power rings. The people in the square walked around as if nothing had happened. I started to pick them up, I needed them to buy the blue chicken from the mask salesman to give to the Grave Digger so he’d let me see the frogs, god damn it. Then I woke up. The ground was vibrating! What! Was this an _earthquake_?? I had no plan for an earthquake! I searched my memory and all I could recall was American children getting under their school desks, but I didn’t have a desk. Then it stopped. I clutched at my chest, breathing fast. Parker hadn’t said anything about this being an earthquake zone, that’s not something she would leave out. What the hell? Was there a volcano on the island about to erupt?! Panicking, I sprinted away from the cliff to look up at the mountain – the top was round and smooth, no opening and no smoke. Had I imagined it? Ugh what an unsettling sensation. There was a low rumble and the sand shook underneath my feet. It wasn’t as big as the first one, but hell if it didn’t send my heartrate through the non-existent roof. The trees to my right rustled and the jungle was eerily silent. The shaking only persisted for a few seconds and then the sound of birds returned to the world. Was that an… aftershock? I sank to the ground, waiting for it to happen again. I sat there for a good fifteen minutes, trying to control my breathing. When I had calmed down I scurried back to the tent and lit a cigarette in shaking hands. I felt very exposed somehow and I didn’t like it one bit. My old mantra ‘don’t get afraid, get angry’ bounced around in my head. But there was nothing for me to be angry _at_. It wasn’t like the quakes were caused by a person whose ass I could kick, or at least glare at until they stopped out of embarrassment. Times like these, I wanted to have something solid at my back, like the cliff, but that seemed like a bad idea at the moment. What if it came down? I grabbed a couple ships biscuits, a coffee packet and a cup of water and hurried away from the camp. I sat down and began to eat, far too fast. I forced myself to stop. This is not the time to binge; I had promised myself there wouldn’t be any more binging, ever. Holy shit balls. An earthquake. I tried to reason with myself. You are afraid, that’s ok. You have never experienced anything like that before; it’s alright to be freaked out. You confirmed there isn’t a volcano on the island. You have no control over stuff like this; you can only control how you see it. How do you deal with fear, when you can’t get angry at it? I spoke out loud: “Ridi-culous!” and waved an imaginary wand. How the fuck would I make an earthquake funny though? Shaking, trembling, jostling, jiggling, yellow, yarn, orange, blueberry, fruit cup, bowl, fork, spoon, flour, sugar, cake, mixing, frosting, dough… Then suddenly it popped into my mind like it was the Kool-Aid Guy – Jell-O – it jiggled. I pictured one of those huge molded gelatin creations on a plate, jiggling as the ground trembled. I smirked. “Jell-O don’t care about no earthquake” I hummed quietly, and then repeated it louder. “Jell-O don’t care about no earth _quaaaaake_!” I jumped to my feet. “Earthquake make Jell-O shake, shake, shake”

“Jell-O is mighty” I threw sand into the air “Jell-O is stroooong!” I flexed my arms, “Absorbs falling rocks and becomes stronger! Jell-O don’t care! Jell-O don’t worry about nothing! It’s all _jigg-e-lyy”_ I grabbed my stomach and jiggled it up and down. “I am Jell-ooooooo!”

I lay down on the ground, panting. ‘OK’ I thought, ‘Mission accomplished’. I didn’t have to wait long before the ground shook again. I was just about to head into the water to see if my nets had caught any fish when it hit. I took a deep breath and struck a ridiculous pose.

“Jell-O don’t care about no earthquake! Quake make Jell-O shake, shake, shake!”

This one was slightly longer than the first one.

“Jell-O is _mighty_! Jell-O is _strong_!” I screamed in my most macho voice, stomping the ground like a sumo wrestler. “Jell-O make _you_ shake!”

I waited for the aftershock to pass before checking the nets. There was a fish in the first net, but I had never seen anything like it before. It was purple and had little white mask on its head. I figured it might be deformed, but then the other nets carried two more fish that looked exactly the same. I brought them to shore in my string bag and started to dissect one. On the inside it looked like any other fish. Had I just found a new species of fish? I felt a thrill go down my spine. Oh, that’d be awesome! Then I would get to name it! I decided to document as much as I could, sketching the fish in my note pad. My stomach complained after a while. Would I dare eat it? Would it be poisonous? Hmm… How could I test for that? I looked over where I had thrown the fish guts; the place had been picked clean by the sea gulls. If it was OK for birds, it’d probably be OK for humans. I cooked one fish and stood ready with a bottle of sea water to make myself throw up if I started to feel… poisoned. How would I be able to tell?

“Here goes nothing” I said as I took a bite, closing my eyes tight as if I might get struck by lightning. The white meat was tasty; it had a mild but savory flavor, almost like tuna. I wanted to continue eating, but forced myself to wait to see if anything weird happened. To pass the time I doodled on my note pad. A caricature of myself with my stomach exploding took shape. I snickered, thinking what the obituary would say if this is how I died.

“Erica Katheryn Brooks, 32, died from eating stomach exploding fish”

After a while I reckoned I wasn’t going to die, so I ate the rest of the fish. I cooked the other two to save for later.

Day 3

I spent this day exploring the area of jungle closest to the camp. I found some more fruit trees, one of them infested by spiders. Let’s just say I got the fuck away from there very fast. I also found a deep crack in the ground, about fifty yards long. A result from the earthquakes? I looked down into it, seeing a lot of sparkling stones. I didn’t stay long since I didn’t want to fall in if there was another tremor.

There were four quakes during the entirety of the day, one hitting just as I had lain down to sleep. It was disturbing enough when it happened when I was on my feet. Feeling the vibrations resonate in my skull made me feel sick. I sat up quickly and held my head, touching the tingling scar at the back of my neck. It took me a long time for sleep to come that night.

Day 6

I had established a routine now. I would wake up, have some breakfast and then check the nets for fish. Then I’d go refill one or both of the jerry cans and then have a swim to reward myself. I felt I had mastered the jello-mantra and was barely bothered by the quakes anymore, even though they had increased in frequency over the last few days. When the first one of this day hit, however, it was a completely different story. I had just got out of the water after my morning swim when there was a distant crash as if something _huge_ had splashed into the ocean. I couldn’t see anything from where I was standing. No trees had fallen over and the mountain was intact, so maybe it was on the other side of the island. Images of Godzilla trampling Tokyo raced through my mind. Then the entire island _bucked_ like a bronco. My heart almost tore itself a new one as my feet momentarily left the ground. The ground kept shaking for more than twenty minutes this time and then everything just stopped. I was on all fours, trying to hold on to the wet sand with fingers and toes. What the hell was going on?

“Jell-O!” I shouted angrily into the air. I was expecting more quakes, but none came. At sunset dark clouds rolled in and it started to rain. I had been lying in the sand, looking out to sea and thinking of nothing in particular when the first few drops hit me. I ran to the camp, grabbing the Luggage and throwing a couple cans of food in there before crawling into my tent. Thunder rolled and the rain came down hard, it was almost too loud. The wind had got up and I could hear it whistling around the support lines of the tent. I could see the waves on the ocean increase in size as the wind and rain beat down. I closed the tent flap and wiggled into my sleeping bag. It felt cozy lying there in the warm, the storm roaring outside.

 

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	3. Treasure

## Chapter 3: Treasure

Day 7

I woke up and stretched the stiffness out of my limbs. The storm had abated. Today was Thursday, which marked my first week on the island. After my morning bathroom adventure I went to check if I had caught any fish. As I approached the second net, something glimmered in the waist high water and I dove under the surface to pick it up. At first I thought it was gold, but it was a stone, shimmering fiery orange, red and yellow. Like a trapped flame. It had a curious angular, pendant like shape, not natural at all. There was a crack down the middle.

Maybe it had been part of a necklace? Discarded by someone who no longer wanted it, because it was broken? Or, and the thought sent a shiver down my spine, it could have been part of a buried pirate treasure. I looked around eagerly for more loot, but found nothing but half of an old bottle, its jagged edges polished smooth by the sand and waves. Looking at the orange stone more closely, its sides were not exactly sharp, but it didn’t look as if it had spent, let’s say, hundreds of years in the ocean. The realization that it couldn’t have been part of some dashing pirate’s ill begotten booty made me frown slightly in disappointment, but it was still a cool find. I put it in the pocket of my swimming shorts, put the string bag between my teeth and swam back to shore.

I gutted and cleaned the fish on the rocks and threw the guts to the gulls, they gobbled it up like it was the food of the gods. I strolled to the fire pit; the coals were still glowing and were the perfect temperature to slowly bake my catch. The fish’s purple and silver scales shone in the sunlight. I wanted to have a swim. I took off my sodden swim shorts and sports bra and put them to dry on the rack by the tent. The idea of being outside naked had gone from being uncomfortable to extremely liberating. It was so strange, being outside, naked and exposed and yet feeling so safe and secure. There was no one else but me on the island, no one could see or judge me for what I looked like without clothes on. Finally, my body was just for me and only had one job – to function well enough to keep me alive. And keep my blood and organs on the inside.

I splashed into the crystal clear water and let out a shriek of happiness. As I dove under the surface my body felt sleek and almost oily. It was a moment of blissful peace and freedom and I smiled to myself, wishing it would last forever.

Day 10

The day began with a glorious peach sun rise, an equally amazing cup of Samir’s instant three-in-one coffee mix and a breathtaking hand rolled cigarette. I felt terrifyingly dapper as I lounged in the sand, tanned to a t and wearing nothing but my ratty old baseball cap on my messy hair. I toasted an imaginary bystander with my tin cup and said “Shaken, not stirred” in an awful attempt at a Scottish accent. I snickered to myself as I got up and put on my swimming shorts. Lighting another cigarette, I slouched down to the water and started my morning check on the nets, to see what delicious little mask wearing sea creature I would be eating today. The first and second nets held nothing, but the third yielded four and a half medium purple fishes and a crab, which had been eating the fifth fish. Score! The crab would be a feast this evening. I had just made my way back to the shallows, wishing I had some dill, when my pocket started to vibrate. My first thought was “Who the fuck is calling at this hour?” before I realized I hadn’t had a phone in my pocket for more than a week. There was a strange noise and my shorts ripped apart as the orange stone rose in the air by itself?! It was glowing and emitting a keening sound. I dropped everything, including my chin, the cigarette stuck to my chapped lips. The light from the stone increased so much my eyes hurt, the only thought flying through my head was “That’s it, I’ve lost my mind”. What happened next was over in a flash, but out of the stone came a shape, like a sketch of a person, a HUGE person. Details sharpened and hair appeared, color flooded it and then, for the briefest moment, it hung suspended a meter or so over the water and then it dropped with a massive splash and a grunt.

“W-water?!” more splashing happened as the enormous person stumbled around and then scrabbled onto the beach on all fours. Their insanely long beige hair was all over the place and they panted for a second, before lying down on their side, facing away from me.

I stood frozen for what could have been a life time. Then my brain kicked into gear.

“Holy shit fuck!”

The person flipped over faster than I could imagine anything that big would be able to, got to their feet and took on a threatening stance.

I looked into widened, piercing yellow eyes. Her face, because this was certainly not a man, had a red stripe across it and a set of full lips that parted to shout “Who are you!” – It wasn’t a question, it was a command.

“E-Erica Katheryn Brooks” I stammered, taking half a step back, stunned.

“Where is Lapis!” she barked, taking a step closer.

What did she say?

“What?” I asked my voice raspy.

“Lapis Laszuli!” she looked around, eyes darting everywhere. I made a motion to take the cigarette out of my mouth and her gaze snapped back to my face.

“They were here! All of them! They…” she swayed dangerously and stumbled a few steps forward.

Despite the weirdness of this situation and the fact that she could squish me with one hand, I took a concerned step forward, and then three more to catch her as she sagged. I felt my feet sink inches into the sand as my shoulder took her weight. “Oh fuck balls!” I grunted through clenched teeth.  
I was almost six feet weighing close to one eighty, but this woman towered over me and must have outweighed me by at least a hundred pounds. My knees hit the ground and I forced her to the side so she wouldn’t crush me. Panting from the effort, I looked her in the face. Before her eyes closed she managed to force out “Why… are you naked”.

My hands flew up defensively, covering myself whilst blushing furiously. I had completely forgotten I wasn’t wearing a shirt. Looking down I saw the right leg of my swim shorts hanging in shreds from the elastic waist band.

“Oh fuck me!” I exclaimed and stood up. Awkwardly sprinting over to my tent I threw on a sports bra, the Studio Ghibli t-shirt and changed into my green cargo shorts. I grabbed a bottle of water and the first aid kit and walked back to the giant woman. Approaching cautiously, I took in the state of her. She seemed unharmed, no cuts or bruises. She seemed to be breathing regularly. My first aid skills were a bit rusty, but weren’t you supposed to try to wake people up? Did I even _want_ to wake her up? I touched one heavily muscled shoulder. Nothing happened.

“Hey” I shook the shoulder gently. No reaction. She was lying on her back, hair streaked across her face and splayed around her like wings. “She must be more than seven feet tall” I thought, then remembered the next step in first aid. I started to push at her right shoulder and rib cage to get her into the recovery position, but couldn’t shift her, partly because of her size, partly because my feet kept slipping in the sand. I grabbed her right hand, which was nearly the size of a hub cap, and stepped to the other side, trying not to step on her hair. I gritted my teeth and pulled hard. After a few seconds I managed to move her onto her side. I positioned her arms as best as I could remember. I noticed that she had red streak like markings on her arms too, the left lower arm completely red. It wasn’t blood colored, maybe it was tattoos? “Rather strange way to get tattooed” I thought. All of a sudden the reality of what had just happened hit me and my knees gave way.

“What does it matter if it’s tattoos?! She came out of a stone! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE - !” then I noticed – the stone was her nose. Not covering her nose, it WAS her nose. Still the fiery color, still with the crack down the middle. “What the hell is going on here” I said out loud.

“Is this what going insane feels like? Am I hallucinating?” I grabbed the water bottle and took a long draught, figuring I might be dehydrated or something. I looked up at the sun still close to the horizon. It couldn’t be sunstroke, could it? I wasn’t on any medication that could cause this, was I? No, not for years, I reassured myself. This wasn’t a dream, I was sure, because I’d been able to taste the coffee and feel the water, which I would never be able to do in a dream. My best friend always had full sensory dreams, which made me insanely jealous, but this wasn’t the time to get sidetracked! What else should I do? Check breathing, check pulse – pulse! I hadn’t done that, god how could I have forgotten to do that, that was like the most important thing. I placed two fingers across her massive wrist, but couldn’t feel anything. Panicking, I reached out for her neck. Her skin was unexpectedly soft. My fingers moved around a bit to find her pulse, but then suddenly there it was, a slow beat. I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Her face was so relaxed now that she was out cold. It was hardly recognizable in this state, so calm and serene, so… beautiful. Her jaw was very strong and angular. Oh god, that was a gorgeous jaw line. I brushed the wet hair away from her face. She made a deep grunting whine like sound as the back of my hand brushed her nose and I froze up, terrified she would wake up. Blushing, I tore my eyes away from her face and got up.

“She’s not dead” I said aloud to no one in particular. “That’s good… right?” I had no idea. Was she gonna wake up and kill me? Should I maybe tie her up? No, she would be able to break out of anything I used, and it would be a shame to waste good para cord. She was too big for me to move into the shade, and the sun would start getting annoyingly bright soon. I’d have to make some sort of parasol to give her shade. It was a relief to reach that conclusion; it gave me something to do. I always thought better if my hands were busy.

I threw some more driftwood on the fire and set the two of the fish to baking and stuck the crab in the big pot. I spread the other fish out to dry in the sun. Hopefully they wouldn’t be stolen by the gulls. I grabbed some cord, the spare tarp, my utility belt and a couple of stands of bamboo and carried it all over to the giant woman. She was still out cold. I began to construct a very simple three point shelter around her that would give her shade during the day. When I was done, the sun had reached its zenith and the smell of baking fish made my mouth water. I settled down by the fire to have a brunch consisting of one baked fish, a cup of coffee, some ships biscuits and another cigarette. Finally my thoughts were in order.

I had placed a bottle of water and some food next to the stone woman’s head. I was going to stay away from her as much as possible, but check on her regularly to make sure she was still breathing and take her pulse. If she hadn’t regained consciousness by sundown, I would call Fernandez on the satellite phone and she could arrange transport. Hopefully, when she did wake up, she would realize I could have done worse things to her than provide her shelter and give her some of my food. It was going to be fine. We just had to use common sense. My thoughts spun away on a tangent around how common sense might not be the right word for this, or even the right concept. I was exhausted. I really wanted a nap. Well, if I was asleep, the worst thing that could happen if she was the one to wake up first was that she could kill me. Yes, very comforting. I fell asleep anyway.

I opened my eyes and thought I had gone blind, because it was dark. I glanced at where the fire should be, but saw no embers. It had gone out completely. Shit, I must have slept for a really long time. I was still wearing my belt and scrabbled around until I found a flash light. Just as I was about to turn it on, the moon slid out from behind a cloud and bathed the ocean in its silvery blue light. My breath caught in my throat at the beautiful scene before me. The moon was high in the sky, so it must be the middle of the night. Shit fuck, it was too late to call Fernandez. Shit balls! The stone woman! I stood up too fast and a powerful head rush made me stumble. I took a deep breath, steadied myself and then strode toward the dark shape thirty or so yards away from my tent. What if she was dead now? Fuck, fuck, fuck! I started running, calling out “Hey! Are you awake?” there was no response. I reached her and noticed she had turned over to her other side, but the food and water lay untouched. I managed to take her pulse on the wrist this time and could clearly see her chest moving, taking slow and steady breaths. Her skin was cool, had it been that way before? I couldn’t remember. I started to dig an elongated fire pit a few yards away from her and then piled my entire stockpile of driftwood into it, lighting it with my fire steel. I felt quite proud, I had become better and better at making fires. My stomach growled and I went to pick up the big pot, which had the crab still inside. It waved a reproachful claw at me as I lifted the lid to check. I grabbed a ripe mango from under the food tarp and traipsed back to the stone woman’s shelter. I wasn’t going to go hunting for more firewood in the middle of the night.

“Sorry, little fella” I mumbled as I stuck my knife into the crab’s belly and then its head. “At least you won’t boil alive”. I put it back in the big pot.

The fire crackled and snapped as I sat in the sand, waiting for my dinner. I looked up at the brilliant stars. It was strange how their light sometimes made me feel safe and how it at other times, like now, it made me feel incredibly small and alone. I hugged my knees and scooted closer to the fire. The fact that I could hug my knees now, without having a huge belly in the way, brought me comfort. I turned to look at the stone woman. She was the biggest person I had ever seen. Compared to her I was small. A weird sting of regret bloomed inside my chest. What if I had seen her when I was younger? Maybe I wouldn’t have been so obsessed with how big I was compared to everyone else. Maybe she had gone through something similar? Or maybe she was a small version of… whatever she was. It hit me again that I really had no idea what she was or where she had come from. Was it magic? Like a genie in a bottle type deal? No, that’d be ridiculous. A humanoid creature which could exist as a stone, but could grow a body? I had never run across a person or creature or spirit or whatever the fuck in all my years of escaping into fantasy worlds through books and movies. My love had always been dragons and magic, elves and unicorns. Maybe she was some kind of Terry Pratchetty troll thing? They were silicone based lifeforms. But their bodies were made completely out of stone, but the woman looked, well, like a big human and she had a pulse and breathed air. Perhaps she was an amazon? My skin tingled at the thought. She was obviously a warrior of some kind, but she hadn’t pulled out a gun or any other kind of weapon. Maybe she’d lost it. I dabbled in sci-fi from time to time, but that wasn’t nearly as close to my heart as… Wait… Could she be an alien? I sat up straighter. A silicone based Amazonian warrior alien? I felt my cheeks burning.

I tried not to stare at the way her powerful chest moved up and down. That was way too creepy of me to do. She wore a skin tight, red black and maroon jumpsuit with a bright yellow mark at the middle of her chest, like a diamond from a card deck. Her arms were uncovered though, and the skin that wasn’t red was tanned to the point of being orange.

I decided it had been long enough and pulled out the crab from the pot and used the lid as a plate. Now it just had to cool. I ate the mango in the meantime.

What was it she had said before? “Where is Lapis Laszuli”? It sounded like a name. And then “All of them were here” or something. That must mean that there were more people on the island! Or, had been at some point. Maybe that was what all that ruckus a few days back had been about? Had they had a fight? Were the others as big as this stone woman was? My thoughts started to spin out of control. Oh, fuck, I felt a panic attack coming on. I hadn’t had one of those in years, and I hadn’t thought to pack any benzos in my medicine kit! Fuck balls! I remembered the way I used to deal with panic attacks before I got in contact with a doctor, but cutting myself seemed like a very bad idea under the circumstances. Then I recalled the sanctioned way of dealing with this. I dragged in a shaky breath and exhaled. With a very hoarse voice I started to sing.

“Sometimes… Some crimes… Go slipping through the cracks. But these two, Gumshoes, are picking up the slack” I took a sip of water to clear my throat, trying to steady my shaking hands. I forced myself to sing louder.

“There’s no case to big, no case to small, when you need help just call, Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale’s, rescue rangers! Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale, when there’s danger! No, no it never fails once they’re involved; somehow whatever’s wrong gets solved! Fresh prints, not since, Watson and Mr. Holmes, have two minds, so fine, looked under every stone. When you need some help to save the day, they’re never far away. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale’s, rescue rangers! Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale, when there’s danger! No, no it never fails once they’re involved, somehow whatever’s wrong gets solved!” my voice was way more steady now, and I took a huge breath and belted out “Grey skies – it’s trouble, bad guys – see double, when they’re around, the chips are never down. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale’s, rescue rangers! Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale, when there’s danger! No, no it never fails, they’ll take the clues and find the wheres and whys and whos! Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale’s, rescue rangers! Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale, when there’s danger! Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale…” I panted from the effort, but it had had the desired effect. My mind was calmer and I could think straight again. To an outside person, I’m pretty sure; it must have seemed like a super weird thing to do. Singing in public was something crazy people did. I didn’t know how the Rescue Ranger’s theme song rated on the crazy scale; did it add or subtract crazy? I had learned not to be embarrassed over the years, but I had never dared sing it at the top of my lungs before. Before, if I was out among people I would mumble it under my breath and hoped no one heard me. If I felt a panic attack coming when I was home, I could sing it out loud. My best friend was the only one to have heard me sing it, well, until now. I don’t know if the stone woman counted, since she still seemed to be out cold. That was a bit of a relief to be honest.

I lit a cigarette and tried to think rationally about the situation. If there had been more people here, I hadn’t seen them, even though I had explored a fair bit of the island. I hadn’t found any signs of someone else living on the island, no fire pits, no structures, no camp sites. I hadn’t seen any boats or helicopters either. I knew from the satellite pictures of the island, that there was another beach on the other side of the jungle, but I hadn’t got that far yet. Maybe that’s where the stone woman and the others had their camp? Or, if they were aliens… maybe a ship? Had they crashed on this island? I had so many questions rolling around in my head. I needed answers. And I wasn’t gonna get any until the stone woman woke up. If she ever woke up. I glanced over at her again. Such a mystery, I was so curious. And hungry. I began to eat the crab. The white meat was deliciously salty and it absorbed me for a full fifteen minutes. I had saved the claws for last, since they were my favorites. I smashed one with a rock and stuck it in my mouth to slurp out every last bit of crab meat.

There was a grunt from the other side of the fire and I nearly choked. My eyes went wide with fear and anticipation as I slowly turned my head to look at the stone woman.

She seemed to struggle to raise herself onto her elbow, before she opened her eyes. With a gasp, she threw herself backward, into the tarp and got tangled, roaring like a trapped lion. I heard a ripping sound. I spat out the crab claw and got to my feet, anger taking over and guiding my steps. My tarp!

“Are you fucking serious!” I bellowed and kicked sand over the struggling heap of tarp and bamboo.

“Stop destroying my shit you fuckwad!”

There was a grunt, and the whole mess stopped moving around so frantically.

“Peridot?!” the stone woman demanded.

“What?! Who or what is Peridot?!” I was getting into my stride now.

She growled and started to try to free herself again, but only managed to entangle herself further. She was getting pretty close to my tent and I had had just about enough.

“STOP!” I yelled with as much authority as I could muster. To my big surprise and delight, she stopped moving.

“Stay still and I’ll get you out” I approached cautiously, flicked out my knife and with a pang of guilt, I sliced through both tarp and para cord. As soon as she was able to move her arm, she ripped the tarp apart with ease and got to her feet, backing away from me and the fire and into my camp, stomping all over my tent and food store!

“Watch it!” there was a crunch of metal and plastic before she hit the wall of the cliff, hanging onto it for dear life. My stomach felt as if it was full of ice. The only thing in my camp able to make that crunching noise was the container for the satellite phone.

I narrowed my eyes and glared at the stone woman. Was this the thanks I got? Now I had no way of contacting anyone and Fernandez wouldn’t be back to resupply me for another twenty or so days. Who knows how much of my food supply had been crushed? I was so angry and so scared at the same time.

“Get out of my camp before you destroy the entire thing you shit head!” I said and was surprised at how low and menacing my voice was. The feeling seemed to echo in her face, as she looked down, apparently realizing what she had been trampling and stepped a few yards away, still holding on to the cliff. Then something weird happened. She… glitched. That was the only word to describe it. Like a glitch in a video game. It was only for a fraction of a second, but she grunted as if it was painful.

“What on earth are you?!” my voice was steady, although I could feel my hands shaking again.

There was a tense silence. It clashed so hard with the serene sound of waves from behind us.

“I’m not from… this garbage planet” her voice was hoarse.

So she was an alien! Ha, I was right! Then realizing what that meant - shit! I was right! Did she just say _garbage_ _planet_?!?

“What shitty planet are you from then?” I demanded, bristling at having my so far undiscovered planet pride insulted by a hot alien.

She glared at me, then, not appearing to be able to stand up any longer, she slid down the cliff wall. She grunted as she hit the ground.

“What are you doing here?” my voice was going softer, despite my anger. Curse my heart. All I got in response was a grimace.

“Answer my questions damn it! I’ve been looking out for you all day and this is what I get? My gear destroyed because you stupid alien ass has never seen fire before?! Jesus fucking Christ!” my voice rose again out of frustration.

“I know what fire is, you little shit! Just wasn’t expecting to wake up with one close to my face and a fucking human with a mouth full of claws glaring at me!”

It hit me like a shot – she had been afraid! Of _me_! I couldn’t help myself. I started to laugh. She looked as if I had just spit in her face.

After I had caught my breath I stepped a bit closer to her, holding out my hands palms up to show her I didn’t mean any harm.

“But seriously though. Where the fuck are you from?”

She glared at me suspiciously. I let out a snicker.

“If I wanted to kill you, you’d already be dead. And if you wanted to kill me, I’d be _extremely_ dead. So, no one wants to kill anyone, agreed?”

She gave a non-committal shrug.

“Where is Lapis?” the stone woman asked again.

“I have no idea who or what you are talking about” I stated, and she made a ‘tch’ noise and looked away from me. “Is that a friend or yours? Were you in a fight, is that what happened a few days ago?” I was eager to know.

“Days?!” she exclaimed. “They could be anywhere by now!” she dragged her hands through her mane of beige hair, wincing. She frowned and touched her ‘nose’. “Tell me human” she paused. I could see it took a great deal out of her to ask me this. “Is… Is my gem cracked?”

“Your gem?”

“Yes, my gem!” she snapped and pointed to her ‘nose’. “This!”

I stared at her. So it was important, was it? “I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine” I said and crossed my arms.

She made another ‘tch’ sound and grumbled “Fine”.

“Where are you from?”

There was a pause before she begrudgingly answered. “The gem home world, from another galaxy”. Another galaxy… This was huge. A completely new life form, intelligent, capable of human speech was here, right in front of me.

“Now tell me, is there a crack in my gem?”

“Yes” I stated, my mouth feeling very dry all of a sudden.

“How big is it?”

I held up a hand. “It’s my turn. Why are you here?” I felt my shoulders tense up, studying her face closely.

“I was sent here to make contact with – “I interrupted her, “Liar!” her face had completely changed from the last time she spoke. This time she was looking me right in the eye. I knew that was one of the ways humans behaved if they were lying. The liar needed to see the lie be believed. She was shocked at my accusation.

“Fine! I was sent here as an escort for a Peridot technician with the informant Lapis Laszuli!” she barked. “How big is the crack!”

“I’m gonna have to come closer to look” I said.

“Fine” she repeated.

I approached slowly so as not to startle her. The moonlight wasn’t enough to make out any fine detail on her face. “I need to use my flashlight”, I indicated a pocket on my belt. She grunted assent and I took it out and turned it on while I was a few yards from her, pointing it at the ground. She shielded her eyes from the sharp white light. I stepped closer. It felt like I was stepping into the lion’s den. She kept her face turned away. “Turn this way” I said. She looked up at me, eyes apprehensive and filled with defiance. I inspected her gem in the light. It was about three and a half inches long and the crack ran nearly end to end, with a smaller crack splintering off to the left. I held out a finger to compare and tried to see how deep it was. It was really hard to tell even with the flashlight. If I remembered correctly the gem was about one and a half inches thick at the widest part, where the nostrils would usually be. The deepest crack might have been a quarter of an inch. I stepped back and shone the light on my hand to show her.

“It’s this long, has a smaller crack on the left and seems to be this deep in the middle” I pinched my thumb and forefinger together to show the distance.

Even with the sparse moonlight, I could see that was _not_ what she wanted to hear.

“I’m going to _kill_ that brat!” she exclaimed and thumped her fist on the sand. I stood my ground; there really wasn’t any other choice as I hadn’t had time to move. Our eyes met and I swear I could see the stars reflected in them, but I couldn’t remember if I could a moment ago. Was she… about to cry? My insides couldn’t decide whether they should be tightening up in fear or squirm with awkward sympathy.

“I-it’s bad, isn’t it?” she looked away and frowned. I took that as a yes. “Is that gem… you?” the expression on her face clearly said that was also true. “If that gem is destroyed, will you die?” she looked back at me, as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“How could you possibly know that!” she roared at me from barely a foot away. It made my ears ring. I didn’t dare move a muscle, but something inside me was egging me on to continue.

“Deduction” my voice was barely a whisper. She glared at me with fire in her eyes.

It was so hard to remain calm, with this beast of a woman almost frothing at the mouth with anger. But she didn’t attack. Even though her disdain for me was obvious and despite her own _more_ than superior strength and size, she hadn’t hurt me. Why not? I stared at her, my mind working faster than it ever had. I decided, there and then, that I didn’t just _not_ want to kill her, I already knew that. I didn’t want her to die, period. This was too important. _She_ was too important. How much could we learn about the universe from her kind? The possibilities were endless.

“What is your name?” I asked, she drew in a breath but before she could speak, that glitching thing happened again, this time her face warped and for a moment three eyes glared at me. I didn’t have time to react, it passed so quickly.

“Jas – “, she grunted and sagged lower against the cliff before finishing “ – per”. Jasper.  I had heard that before. It was the name of a precious stone. Wasn’t that a bit on the nose? Her eyes flickered shut and her chin dropped to her chest. My eyes widened in surprise and concern. Was she dead? After a few seconds there was a hugely familiar, but extremely unexpected noise. I gaped - she was snoring! Snoring people were not dead. Relief flooded my veins.

My knees gave way and I slumped to the ground. I looked around bleary eyed. My mind was racing again, but I was suddenly so, _so_ tired. I turned around to see a rosy tint to the horizon, dawn must be approaching. I crawled over to my wrecked tent, pulled out a miraculously undamaged sleeping bag, wiggled in and promptly fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

Please review!

 **Rescue Rangers intro:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSPG9NPj73E>


	4. Spider

## Chapter 4: Spider

Day 11

I woke up to the sound of a seagull squawking far too close for comfort. I sat up quickly and squinted around. There were five gulls strutting around in the remnants of my camp, picking at what looked like bits of energy bars and peanuts. One bird had a packet of oatmeal in its beak.

Suddenly furious, I started to scream and flap my arms. They hopped away from me, but didn’t fly off. Swearing loudly, I kicked my way out of the sleeping bag and used it to swat at them. They cawed at me angrily, but flew off.

Panting and groggy, I surveyed the destruction. The tent was in tatters. The bamboo and tarp lid I had used to cover my supply pit was crushed. I could see cans and food bags scattered across the sand. I dragged the tangled mess away and felt my eyes burn with tears. Nearly everything was broken, squashed or flattened. Red sauce, peanuts, beans in sticky paste and deflated water packets had covered the bamboo bottom in multicolored goop. The satellite phone case was crushed into a weird shape; I grabbed it and wedged it open with my knife. Opening the wonky lid, I bit my lip in anticipation, thinking “Please, please, please, please, _please,_ don’t be broken”. It was in pieces. There was _no way_ I could fix that. That box had been sand and water proof, isolated from impact and heavy as hell. I had felt so confident, thinking I had thought of every possible way that the satellite phone, my one and only life line to civilization, could be damaged – thought it could all be prevented. I hadn’t included ‘being stomped on by a giant alien woman’ on my list.

“Motherfucking shit fuck!” I hissed and gripped the sides of the metal and plastic container as hard as I could, not even trying to stop myself from crying. I don’t know how long I sat like that, tears cascading down my cheeks and dropping onto the sand. What was I going to do?!

Fernandez wouldn’t be here for another nineteen days. NINETEEN! Was there enough food to last that long? I threw myself into the pit and took a frenzied inventory. There was a lot of damage, but some of the things might still be usable. I made three piles. OK, maybe and fucking useless. The coffee and tobacco packets were mangled, but whole. That was a relief, if nothing else. At least I wouldn’t have to go through any withdrawal whilst I was starving. Because that’s what it seemed like I was facing. I estimated I had about seven days of two meals a day, or one meal per day for fourteen days. For one person.

“Shiiiiit!” I groaned, feeling drained. I _hated_ being hungry. As if to agree, my stomach rumbled noisily. I knew I could fish and pick fruit, but they were uncertain sources of food. I liked to be certain about stuff, especially about food.

I had never been in a situation like this before. If I ever ran out of food or even if I didn’t feel like cooking, there was always the pizza place down the corner, or the twenty four hours fast-mart right next to it, with its fantastic breakfast burritos. My head started to throb.

Thankfully, the first aid kit was a soft fold out contraption and was completely unharmed. I scarfed down two paracetamol and one ibuprofen, lay down in the sand, lit a cigarette and pulled my hat over my eyes. The sun was nearly at its highest point. Ugh. I groaned again, and rolled over onto my stomach. Jasper had slid down even more and was now lying on her side, her back against the cliff wall. I huffed in frustration and clicked my jaw. I desperately wanted a cup of coffee, but there was no water and no fire. Getting up, I grabbed my two biggest water containers and stomped off into the jungle, treading the path to the spring. The air was thick in there, so I refilled my water supply quickly and made my way back to the beach. Anger gave me the strength to gather up a sizable pile of firewood and set it afire. Remembering that my swimming shorts were shredded, I stood indecisive for a moment. I wanted to be able to carry my tools and sit on the rocks to get at the second net without ripping my ass cheeks, so the green cargo shorts would have to do. I grabbed my string bag and went to the water. Hell if I was gonna wear a shirt. I threw it off. It felt so good to take the sports bra off. I wanted to be naked. I wanted to be alone!

“Grraaaaah!” I roared as I strode into the waves. Today was not a good day. The gods of the sea seemed to want to lessen my burden however and had blessed net number two with a lobster. The other nets gave me one really big purple and green fish with big eyes. It didn’t look like it belonged in the shallows. Well, it was going in my belly no matter where it came from. I cleaned the fish out to the delight of the flying assholes and went back to the fire. I was hungry enough to want to have sashimi for breakfast, but made myself put the big fish on the spit. It took ages to cook and I had finished my coffee and four straight cigarettes before it looked acceptable. I tore off a piece and wolfed it down. Maybe it was because I was so hungry, but it tasted damn good, like cod mixed with river salmon. The meat was a pale yellowy pink and the bones large and easy to pick out. I sent a thankful nod to the ocean and burped my satisfaction to the skies. Maybe I wasn’t going to starve after all.

When I had had my fill of fish and made sure the lobster was nice and cozy in a gallon of sea water in the big pot, I stood up and took a look at my camp. Fuck, there was a lot to do. Before I could get started however, my conscience made me go check on Jasper. She had turned so she was facing the cliff now, her hair casting shade over her head. She seemed to still be, for lack of a better word, asleep and breathing normally. That was all the charity I had for the time being. I grabbed my machete and headed toward the bamboo patch. So, I thought as I began to chop, she was here on an escort mission with two other aliens, judging from their names. I knew peridot was a type of gem too, but I’d never heard of lapis laszuli, but it seemed likely that it was another precious stone. _Something_ had happened; Jasper had been separated from these two and was possibly severely injured. If she was the only person sent on an escort mission, did that mean that she was a formidable fighter who didn’t need backup, or was the task so easy that any grunt soldier could handle it? Her commanding voice suggested she was used to giving orders, so it seemed likely the first option was true. But, when I had shouted at her to stop, she _had_ stopped. So she could take orders too. I decided that meant that she might be an officer, but not the top brass. She had no markings on her clothes to show off rank. Maybe that was what the stripes were?

I had chopped down fifty or so stands of inch thick bamboo when I finished the thought. I carried them back to the beach and then took a water break. I stood and looked at Jasper’s broad back. I snickered to myself. In video games, my _least_ favorite type of quests were escort missions. Some NPC or other had to be transported from A to B to wherever the fuck, and they always got into trouble somehow, for some really stupid reason. “Oh, look, a flower” or “Wait I have to push this random button to see what it does. Oops, that released all the mutant bears and we’re all gonna die. Sorry, not sorry!” I picked up the machete again and headed back to get more bamboo.

When I returned some fifteen minutes later, I glanced over at Jasper again. To my absolute horror, there was a spider like bug thing, the size of a golden retriever, creeping down the cliff face, heading toward the sleeping Jasper. It had long legs and a small body and a brilliant turquoise stone on its back.

“Jasper” I hissed, no reaction.  The nightmarish creature moved very slowly, as if cautious. Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck, what the hell was it?! Curse this island and its fucked up fauna!

“Jasper, wake up” I said louder, putting all but one of the bamboo sticks I was carrying down on the sand. The one I kept was very long and pointed at the end, the result of a cut at a wrong angle. Wasn’t I lucky to be so inept at chopping shit down? The alien woman did not stir.

“Jasper!” my shout was a mistake. The spider thing leapt down and landed with four legs on either side of Jasper, who finally grunted something indecipherable and moved feebly. I jabbed at the creature with my improvised spear and it hissed at me like a snake, lowering its body over Jasper, as if to claim it as theirs. It was so disgusting! My skin crawled with fear and absolute revulsion. I stabbed at it again, and it jerked forward, lifting its front legs threateningly.

My mind raced. What was I even doing! I needed a strategy! If this was a boss battle in realm of warlords, the tank would charge in and taunt it, getting the agro. Fuck me, I always played a rogue. I darted forward and whacked it across the side of the head. It gurgled a hiss at me and rushed at me. I threw myself to the side and it skittered across the bamboo sticks I had dropped, losing its balance momentarily. Cursing loudly I tried to smack at its legs, thinking to immobilize it, but it turned around and tackled me. My back hit the sand with a crash and lights popped in front of my eyes. It dipped its head to bite me but I managed to jam the improvised spear under its neck. It gurgled and spat thick saliva at me and I screamed and tried to get my legs under its body to kick it off. I couldn’t get a good angle with my feet, but I twisted sideways at the same time as I pushed at its neck, it twisted its head in turn and grabbed the spear. I let go of it and rolled away. Shit fuck! It took a moment for the beast to bite the stick in half and I managed to scramble to my feet, looking around for another weapon. I stepped on something hard in the sand – my machete! This was way better than the bamboo. It turned around to face me and charged at me again. This time I jumped to the side and swung the machete in the same movement. The wild swing connected with one leg and sliced it clean off. The creature squealed and hissed shrilly, falling onto the ground. I had no time to loose! I jumped onto its back and hacked at the head, screaming wordlessly. Its legs waved in sickening spasms, trying to get at me, but they couldn’t bend that way. Liquid sprayed my face as I struck the head and neck, but I didn’t stop. Suddenly I was lifted off the ground and the creature vanished from underneath me in a puff of smoke. Screaming in surprise I fell face first into the sand but scrabbled round to see where it had gone. There was no sign of it! What the hell! Then I saw a turquoise gem lying in a small crater in the soft white sand. I felt as if my heart was going to explode, it was beating so fast.

“Destroy it” a hoarse voice said from behind me. I turned round so fast I felt my neck crick. “We don’t want it coming back” Jasper was sitting up, looking at me with serious eyes.

I grabbed the turquoise gem and carried it over to a rock. I put the gem on the rock and picked up another stone in both hands. Without hesitating, I smashed the gem repeatedly. First it cracked in to several pieces, then it became shards, and finally dust. I dropped the rock, breathing heavily, got up, went to my supplies and dug up the bottle of Absolut vodka, pulled the screw cap off and took a long pull. It burned feeling back into my body. A wave of nausea hit me, but I forced myself not to vomit. Then I sat down, finally trying to catch my breath. My head swam with adrenaline and endorphins. I had killed something. Me. Holy crap. I looked at my hands. They were shaking and covered in blue black liquid mixed with sand. A strange jumble of emotions was surging through my body – disgust, fear, an overwhelming urge to go scrub my skin clean and some sort of feral pride that made me want to pound my chest and roar. I took another swig of vodka and stood up to go down and wash myself. The need to rid my body of the clingy goop intensified and I threw off my clothes. I needed to be free of their restraint. I started to sprint and dove head first into the waves. The mess came off quite easily and I relished the sight of clean skin. I checked my body for cuts, but only found bruises. Getting out of the water I grabbed my clothes and gave them a thorough scrubbing too. As I turned around to head back to the tent, Jasper suddenly stood in front of me. I froze. I had completely forgotten she was awake. I forced myself not to try to cover my intimate areas, and stood as tall as I could be. She looked me straight in the eye and said:

“That was pretty good” then her gaze swept down and back up again, one corner of her mouth twitching. “For a human”

Her voice dripped condescension. Anger swelled in my chest and before I knew it, I had swung a hand at her. Grabbing my wrist in a vice like grip, her mouth widened into a crooked grin. I tried to slap her with my other hand, but she caught that too. She narrowed her eyes and laughed coarsely, I felt like I wanted to grow spikes. I waited for her to blink, then kicked her on the knee cap with my left foot, used her buckling knee as a step, put my other foot on her stomach then my left knee shot up and hit her on the chin. She grunted and staggered back, still holding my arms.

“Oh, you are _feisty_ ” she growled and lifted me into the air at arm’s length so I couldn’t repeat my move. Her smile had vanished and a trickle of something ran down the side of her mouth. I glared at her and clicked my jaw defiantly.

“Why did you defend me?!” she roared at me. I struggled to get loose, but she squeezed my arms tightly. It felt as if the bones ground together. In a burst of adrenaline, I did the hardest pull up in my entire life and chomped down on her pinky finger as hard as I could. She hissed, let one arm go and grabbed me by the legs instead. I dangled upside down while she stared at me incredulously.

“We aren’t even the same species. Tell me why!” she commanded in a low growl.

“What kind of person would I be if I let some random monster kill you?!” I shouted back at her. She stared at me, shock evident on her face. I was kind of stunned too. She let me go suddenly and I crashed to the ground with a yelp. I got to my feet and spat out a mouthful of sand.

“What kind of thing are _you_ that you can’t thank someone for saving your fucking life?!” I snarled and pushed past her before she could say anything. I’d had enough. I was bruised, tired, hungry and had entirely too much adrenaline pumping around my system. I knew this would cost me dearly tomorrow.

The fire was still going, but I broke a few logs into smaller pieces and threw them on. I put on a t-shirt and my last pair of shorts and plopped down in the sand, arming myself with vodka and a cigarette. What I really, really, really wanted to do was to storm off into the jungle and kick the shit out of something, but it was getting dark and I would probably get lost. I couldn’t just sit still though. I stood back up again and stomped off down the beach. It felt better to move, I knew I needed to spin off the anger. The best way to do that was to talk about what had happened with my best friend. But the satellite phone was destroyed, because of _her_. This was _not_ how I wanted my vacation, or whatever the fuck to call it, to be! I wanted to be alone, think only about myself and just argh! And now this, this, this fucking alien just _had_ to appear and suddenly it there was all this stuff to deal with! I wanted to scream! So I started to. Self-consciously low at first, because I wasn’t alone, then I thought “Fuck it”. I took a deep breath and felt my entire body vibrate as I let the first one rip. I didn’t care that it sounded like a little girl. I screamed again and again, feeling the anger leave me in bursts, like there was a fire in my stomach I had to let out. Soon I had run out of steam and I took a drink of vodka to numb my aching throat. I turned around, wanting to go make some food, to find Jasper standing a few yards away from me, wearing a confused look.

“Why were you screaming like that?” she asked, forehead creasing.

“I was angry” I stated coldly.

She stood clenching and unclenching her hands and then said “You are the strangest human I have ever seen”, I raised an eyebrow at her and grumbled a hoarse “Seen a lot, have you?” as I moved to walk past her.

“Yes” she answered. “During the war”

I spun round, “What war?” I had never heard of a war with any aliens, what the fuck was she saying?

“It was more than five thousand years ago” that would make it earlier than three thousand BC. That was before humans had discovered the wheel (thank you jeopardy).

“There’s no record of such a war!” was she lying again?

“Of course there isn’t, the war wasn’t with _humans_!”

“ _What?!_ ”

“Earth was supposed to become a new colony to expand the Gem Empire. Some bleeding heart gems betrayed their home and started a… rebellion” Jasper’s face hardened on the last word.

Colony? They _invaded_ earth?! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Why the fuck were you trying to colonize a planet that was already inhabited?! Were you going to _enslave_ us??” I demanded.

Jasper made a ‘tch’ sound, “Inhabited by _organic_ life”, ‘organic’ was said with so much disgust, like it was the foulest word in their culture. “We wanted the _earth_ , not the vermin running around on it”

I was appalled. Is that how their species saw humans? Like… cockroaches, like we didn’t even matter? Occupying something they wanted. Big powerful aliens, with the power of space travel trampling around earth when the human civilization was in its infancy. The people back then would have been completely defenseless. They must have seemed like little more than animals to the invaders. The thought made my head spin. Humans did that to animals every day, taking their hunting grounds and territories because we want the resources. Animals had no claim on land… The rebellion though, _someone_ had stood up for the humans… I drew an uncomfortable parallel between the rebels and PETA. Wow. Perspective mattered a fuck load.  
All this flew through my head in a second, leaving me unsure at what to say next.

“What… what happened with the rebellion?” I asked, out of my depth.

“In the last days of the war the cowards used a weapon capable of destroying all gems; we… retreated back to home world. We thought they were all dead, and it was decided to leave the earth… alone” that last statement felt like it left something out.

“So… why return now?” I asked suspiciously.

“I told you, I was escorting a technician and her informant. That was the extent of my orders”

“What, you’re afraid of some humans? I thought we were _vermin_ ”

“Tch! The technician had evidence that there were gems on earth!”

“What, there are _more_ of you here?!”

“Pff! I would barely call the remaining rebels gems! They’re weaklings, _rejects_ ” she looked away, squaring her massive shoulders.

“Seems they were stronger than you – “

“ _WHAT DID YOU SAY_?!” she roared and rushed up to me, raising one enormous fist and staring at me with blazing eyes. A surge of fear rooted me to the spot and my breath caught in my throat. She looked absolutely terrifying.

“Y-you are… injured, and… No one else is here, you said they could be anywhere by now…” I squeaked out, it didn’t sound like my voice at all. She was breathing heavily. Why had she reacted like that? Was her ego really _that_ fragile? Then I noticed her hand was shaking and it looked as if she was trying really hard to keep her face in a threatening grimace. I had made that expression myself too many times for it to slip me by. It was the ‘don’t get afraid, get angry’ face pushed to the breaking point. Suddenly I wasn’t afraid anymore. Offence is the best defense; it was an act, a mask. And it was slipping.

“What… happened to you?” I asked. She flinched as if I had hit her, staring at me with wild, terrified eyes. She glitched, this time, her raised arm flickered and twisted into a horrific angle, making her scream out in pain. Half a second later, it was back to normal, but hanging limply by her side and she grabbed at it with her other hand.

“What _is_ happening to you?!”

“It’s”, she winced “my gem…” I looked at her nose, and to my surprise, the middle crack seemed deeper than before, and the spidering that went off to the left had split in to two smaller tendrils. “I need to r-rest” she swayed. “Can you make it back to camp?” I asked, stepping to her uninjured side. She put one massive arm over my shoulder, but didn’t really put any weight on me. As we were walking, she stumbled and nearly fell, but I managed to hold on, though my back muscles protested. I saw a surprised look pass over her face out of the corner of my eye, but pretended like I hadn’t noticed. I thanked my personal trainer in my head. There was no way I’d be able to do that a year ago. When we got to the other side of the beach she lay down in the sand next to the fire.

“Here” I said, holding out a bottle of water to her. “You haven’t had anything for, I have no idea how long”

“I don’t need to eat or drink” she said in a low, exhausted voice. I was taken aback. “Excuse me?” I blurted out.

She grinned crookedly and chuckled, making the tops of my ears burn. “I get all I need from my gem”. That sounded… weird as fuck. How was that even possible?

“More lobster for me then” I said with my eyebrows raised. Great, I wouldn’t have to share my food store. Feeling relieved, I got up and got the big pot, refilled it with fresh water. When it boiled, I scooped up a cup to make coffee and then threw the lobster in the pot, after having stabbed it in the head.

“Why did you do that?” Jasper asked me sleepily.

“Mercy” I answered and she let out a ‘pff’ before closing her eyes. She started to snore half a minute later.

I sighed and leaned back on my hands. What a fucking day. What a _fucking_ day. My body ached all over. I groaned as I realized I hadn’t really done anything to fix my camp. The fight with the spider thing, Jesus fucking Christ. I huffed. “Pretty good for a human, my ass”. That thing had had a gem too, I remembered suddenly. Fuck, had they brought a zoo with them or something? What _else_ was on this island? I sipped my coffee and stared into the fire. The events of the day spun around in my head. The way the monster had hissed at me made me shiver, even though the sun hadn’t set yet. I really didn’t want to become a snack for another one of those things. The lobster wasn’t quite done yet, so I got up and grabbed some bamboo sticks and shoved them into the sand, creating a perimeter around the camp. I tied a bunch of crushed cans and the two smaller pots to my longest piece of para cord and strung it all up on the bamboo sticks. At least now there would be a little warning if something came during the night. I took out the spare nets and hung them up on the side that faced the cliff and the jungle, just as an extra precaution.

I devoured the lobster as soon as it was done, not caring that I burned my fingers or my tongue. I was too hungry to care. The whole thing vanished into my mouth in less than twenty minutes. I threw the tarp over the supply pit, shook out the sand from my sleeping bag and settled down with the rest of my coffee and a cigarette. The moon had risen. I looked up at the stars. What was Jasper’s home world like? Did it have trees, or lobsters, or giant spider monsters? I yawned. Maybe it had all three, or maybe it was covered in ice cream. Oh, some ice cream would be good about now. I stretched out in the sleeping bag and closed my eyes.  

* * *

Please review!


	5. Rain

## Chapter 5: Rain

Day 12

When I woke up, the sun was a hand above the horizon. I must have slept a really long time. Jasper had rolled away from the fire during the night and was lying on her back. The fence I had put up last night was intact. I started to extricate myself from my sleeping bag, but it was hard going. My entire body felt like one big bruise. I groaned loudly in dismay. Today was going to suck in a big way. I grabbed the first aid kit and dry swallowed a big dose of pain killers. I was desperately hungry, but I felt sick, so I only made a cup of broth for breakfast. The warm liquid was soothing on my sore throat.

I sat hunched by the fire, waiting for the painkillers to kick in. It looked as if it would become overcast in a while, maybe even rain. I groaned. I’d have to make a proper shelter. I mulled it over in my mind. There was one more tarp in the supply pit, but it was quite small, it would barely cover me, let alone me and Jasper together. If I used the ruined tent and the bits of the tarp Jasper had torn up, I could probably extend it to make a huge open tent. All I needed was duct tape and time, luckily I had both.

I gathered all the materials to the left of the fire and spread them all out. The tent cloth was in smaller pieces so I started with that, laying all the bits out flat and taping them together. The shredded tarp was quite easy to reform, but it took a lot of duct tape. Jasper didn’t seem to mind the ripping and rustling. After I was done with the tarps, I thought about the floor of the shelter. I scrapped my previous plan of making a raised bamboo platform; I was in no shape to go cut more sticks down today. I would use the materials I gathered yesterday to make a sturdy frame, then put the smaller tarp and the tent tarp on the ground and drape the big one over the frame to create the roof. I lay the sticks out in the shape I wanted to make and started to tie them together with string. My muscles were getting warmed up now and the pain was ebbing away for the time being, I knew it was going to come back when it rained though. And it was going to rain. Probably another thunderstorm according to the tension in my head. I had to power through it though. I pounded a bundle of sticks into the sand at the front and back where I was planning to put the shelter, placed the middle support beam over them and tied them together. Then I placed the tarps that would form the floor and leaned the bamboo frames against the middle beam. Getting the big repaired tarp to go over was the most frustrating part. It kept snagging on the bamboo and weighed a lot more with all the duct tape. When it was finally on I placed a few rocks on top of the ends on either side so it wouldn’t be blown away. I threw my sleeping bag in there and crept inside. It was quite roomy. The roof was about two yards off the ground in the middle, about eight feet long and six feet wide. It would probably be a bit cramped with both of us in there and some supplies, but it’d have to do for now. I put my notepad, some food, water and a battery powered lantern in the Luggage and put the backpack in the back of the shelter. I glanced at the sky. It was looking quite grim, but it wasn’t raining yet. I might have an hour or two to spare. I cursed myself, if I had gone to check the nets it would have been more efficient, now there might not be enough time to cook the fish, if there were any. There was no time to beat myself up over it though, if I wanted a chance. I started the sweep, feeling a bit sick as the clouds rolled in and the water became darker in response. Two medium fish were in the first net and I decided that was good enough. I gutted them quickly, and was surprised at the lack of seagulls. The birds knew a storm was coming too, just like last time. I decided the fastest way to cook them would be boiling, even if that wasn’t the best way to preserve their wonderful flavor. I threw them in the pot and remembered the mango tree. I sprinted over as the fish boiled and picked five fruits that looked the ripest. The last storm had lasted a full day, but this one felt as if it was going to be bigger.  When I got back I grabbed a sweater and an emergency blanket before making sure the supplies were covered properly. It might become really cold without a fire. I took the pot off the fire and placed it just outside the tent, it was too hot to bring inside yet.

All that remained now was to get Jasper into the shelter. I would have to try to wake her up.

“Jasper” I said aloud as I approached her. “You have to move into the shelter, it’s going to rain”, I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t respond. I tried shaking her gently by the shoulder. Nothing. “Jesus you are just like my cousin Jacob” it made me smirk. Jacob was notorious in my family for being able to sleep like the dead. He was quite short, so we could always lift him up and take him to his room if he was in the way. I couldn’t do that with Jasper though. I shook her more roughly. “Jasper, wake up, come on”.

I sat back on my haunches, frowning. Would I dare to tickle her? She would probably kill me if I did that. Throwing a bucket of water on her would probably have the same effect. And she was injured, I didn’t want her to get worse. So, a gentle way would be best. My heart started to beat faster as I reached out and stroked her cheek with the back of two fingers, murmuring a soft “Hey”. Her face scrunched up slightly. It was working. I brushed a lock of beige hair away from her forehead. Her hair was so soft, not at all like mine. I wanted to run my fingers through it, the thought made my ears heat up pleasantly. I had to stop myself from doing that; the creeper factor was shooting through the roof. I removed my hand with a sigh and a twinge of regret and looked down at her face again. Her eyes were open and mine widened in sudden surprise. Shit fuck!

“What… are you doing?” she rasped.

“I was trying to wake you up!” I babbled, leaning back and feeling my face flush. “You- you didn’t when-when I shook you or-or-or talked to you so I f-figured I’d t-try something… else” my words trailed away into silence. I coughed and got to my feet. “There’s a storm coming, that’s why. I made a shelter big enough for the two of us” I gestured feebly towards the structure.

She lifted herself up onto her elbow and looked over. She gave me a strange look through narrowed eyes and then got laboriously to her feet. She stopped for a moment at the entrance and then proceeded inside. I stood and waited for… something. An acknowledgement of some kind? Her feet disappeared inside and I heard a rustling, so she must be settling down. Then, silence. Then, after a tense minute; a snore. I deflated and sat down in the sand, lighting a cigarette. Why did I have to be so fucking awkward? Jesus. Rain began to fall and I positioned myself at the mouth of the tent so as not to fill the entire thing with smoke. It came down thick and fast and I watched the sand darken as it got wet. Everything became gray. The sound the rain made on the tarp ceiling was soothing and I was reminded of the umbrella scene in My Neighbor Totoro. I grinned to myself and began to sing.

“Totoro, Totoro, Totoro, Totoro. Dareka ga. Kossori, komichi ni  ko no mi Uzumete! Chiisana me. Haetara! Himitsu no ango. Mori e no pasupooto.Sutekina bouken hajimaru! Tonari no Totoro, Totoro, Totoro, Totoro. Mori no naka ni. Mukashi kara sunder! Tonari no Totoro, Totoro, Totoro, Totoro. Kodomo no toki ni dake! Anata ni otozureru! Fushigina deai… Ame furi. Basu tei.  
Zubunure. Obake ga itara. Anata no Amagasa Sashite agemasho. Mori e no pasupooto. Mahou no tobira Akimasu! Tonari no Totoro, To to ro, Totoro, To to ro. Tsukiyo no ban ni. Okarina fuiteru. Tonari no Totoro, Totoro, Totoro, Totoro. Moshimo aeta nara. Sutekina shiawase ga  
Anata ni kuru wa…”

I loved the soundtrack to that movie. I remember how I watched it the first time. When I was about eight or nine, I stumbled across it on a channel that was not properly adjusted on our TV. The colors were reversed, half the picture was distorted and it was a Danish dub, but it was a cartoon, so I kept watching. Using the text-TV option available I found out the name of the movie and insisted to my parents we should rent it, but the rental place didn’t have it. I was extremely disappointed and cried in the store, something I had never done before. The bittersweet memory made me sigh. I stubbed out the cigarette and scooted further inside. It was more cramped than I had imagined, or maybe it just appeared that way because of Jasper’s astounding amount of hair. It was strange. I was so used to being the biggest person in the room and here I was, feeling small by comparison. I crawled to the back and grabbed my notepad and pen, turning around and lying down on my stomach on top of the sleeping bag. I flicked through the pictures. I had more than one note pad with me to the island, but I had already started this one before I got here. Actually, I had had this one for years I realized. I just hadn’t had time to draw. Man. Had I really been that busy? Shit. Many of the drawings were from before I finished my book. Dark days. But simpler in many ways. I paused on a portrait I had made of Christina after we had just met. Sometimes I missed my old life, not the being sad part, but the freedom I had had, relatively speaking. If I couldn’t be arsed to go to work, the only one who was affected was me. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to take this vacation-ish thing. To just care about myself. It had sounded so selfish in the beginning, but I knew I needed a break from… everything. And everyone. And then… Jasper happened. What sort of adventure had I stumbled into? I started to doodle the Enterprise from Start Trek the Next Generation. There were so many characters I wanted to talk to, especially Counselor Deanna Troi or Guinan. They were both so wise and felt… safe. Like they would understand me and could give me some really solid advice about, well, anything. I looked at Jasper’s feet incased in boots, wondering what sort of piggy-wiggys she had. I drew Gir in his dog costume, in a pig costume, with a speech bubble saying ‘But I wanted to be a mongoose K’. Costume-ception. Next, a griffin took shape, then a feather. I remembered a friend who was fantastic at drawing, they had drawn a feather so lifelike it seemed to leap off the page. Mine did not. I had been in a role playing group with them, but had gotten kicked out because… Why? It had been back in the dark days. I think I made a character that was too much like myself and couldn’t separate what happened to her from what had happened to me. Trust issues, anger and pride. Throw that into an elven lightning mage with a hatred for humans and you’ve got a volatile concoction. I drew a smoking potion bottle. Volatile. That’s what I had been. So angry at everything and everyone. It shamed me how I had behaved towards people back then. It had taken a long time for me to realize the anger was hiding deep sadness, loneliness and loss and even longer to work through it all. I hadn’t been depressed for years now, which was weird in itself. It had been such a big part of my life, of me. The key had been to accept myself for the person I was, and accept that everything that had happened in the past _had_ happened. No more pushing stuff away or trying to forget. And when I finally managed to embrace all that I was, good _and_ bad, I could change the things that needed changing.

Making those changes within myself had been the hardest thing I had ever done, and I still struggled. It was so easy to fall back into old habits. The anger was now a tool, a fuel, something I could harness to protect myself, but I could still overload and snap, but it took way longer now if nothing else. I knew how to express myself better now. I thought back over the last few days. Had I reacted in a way I was OK with? Yes. Could I have handled things differently? Yes, but then I wouldn’t have been me. I had reacted to things put in front of me in a very ‘me-way’, as my best friend would say. I drew the character I had made for her when we were seventeen and totally goth-tastic. That was the summer she had taught me to look cool while smoking.

Jasper turned over on her side with a deep sigh, mumbling something that sounded like ‘kite’. What was her story? Alien warrior from another galaxy, sent to earth to escort two people who were going to do… what? She hadn’t said. Her mission had been to protect the others from the remnants of the rebel forces. Her attitude towards earth and humanity was… bad. But was that really _her_ opinion or the opinion of the Gem Empire? Anyone who had ever read a history book knew that the wrong leader could corrupt an entire nation... Was that what was going on here? Was she spouting thousands of years of indoctrination? Oh man, she _had_ said she had met humans, _during_ the war – more than five thousand years ago. How old _was_ she?? She looked to be about my age, maybe a few years older. I couldn’t imagine anyone living that long. What did you do with all that time? I drew Yoda with a walker with a plate reading ‘JDI-MSTR’.  What had happened to her? The face she had made before she glitched the last time… It had held so much… pain. More than just having been beaten in a fight, she seemed… traumatized. I sighed. Even multi-millennial aliens didn’t have everything figured out.

Without really thinking, I started to sing again. “And who are you, the proud lord said, that I must bow so low? Only a cat of a different coat, that's all the truth I know. In a coat of gold or a coat of red, a lion still has claws, and mine are long and sharp, my lord, as long and sharp as yours. And so he spoke, and so he spoke, that Lord of Castamere, but now the rains weep o'er his hall, with no one there to hear. Yes now the rains weep o'er his hall and not a soul to hear” I started to draw Japer’s gem as I finished the bit of the song that I knew, humming the rest. I had never been able to get the hang on how to draw shiny surfaces, like metals. There was so much more to it than just painting metal things a solid grey. There were reflections, color differences and highlights, distorted and stretched sometimes, depending on the shape of the object in question. Jasper’s gem was much the same. As I filled in the crack it made me wonder about how much it must hurt. She had confirmed, well, sort of, that she would die if it broke. They must have some way of fixing an injury like that, right? Maybe she needed a doctor? Maybe it would heal on its own? I bit my lip. I had made it worse. When I hit her chin with my knee - that must have been what had made the crack worse. I was torn how I felt about that entire situation. I had just killed that… thing, and she had the audacity to be condescending towards me, not even saying thank you. And then she had… looked me up and down, while I was naked. My cheeks burned and – I felt a surge of arousal in my nether regions. Her eyes had been so… feral. If it had been a different situation, like if we had met at a bar, a look like that would have made me strike up a flirty conversation. Or if I was slightly tipsy, I’m pretty sure I would have grabbed her face kissed her to assert my dominance. How long had it been since I had been with anyone, apart from Christina? There was that girl… Vanessa, we’d had a lovely night together when I was on my last book tour, like three months ago. She hadn’t known who I was, and we never exchanged last names.

I shook my head and lit a cigarette. Was I really attracted to an alien? Seriously? Come on. I hardly knew anything about her. And she was part of an empire that had tried to take over the earth, for fucks sake. But she hadn’t hurt me, even though I had hit her. What did that tell me… Was it an honor thing? Like, ‘you saved my life so my code of honor keeps me from squashing you like the filthy little vermin you are’. That _might_ be it. Or maybe she was just unable to show how grateful she was that someone was trying to take care of her. Well, I figured, I couldn’t _not_ help her, that would go against everything I knew to be true about myself.

I put the note pad away and grabbed the pot that was still standing in the rain. It was cool now and I dumped out the water on the already saturated sand. I began to eat, staring out onto the ocean. Lightning struck far away and I counted under my breath, reaching one thousand and eleven before thunder rolled. I shivered with pleasure, I had always loved thunder. Jasper’s legs kicked out suddenly and just barely missed me. I had a mouth full of fish and made a “Mmph!” sound as she scrabbled to turn around and look out.

“The Cluster!” she exclaimed, color draining from her face. She was obviously terrified and I swallowed with difficulty.

“It’s just thunder” I said, trying to sound reassuring. She glared at me. “Look” I pointed out to sea. Lightning struck again and I counted aloud this time “A thousand, a thousand and one, a thousand and two”, I reached a thousand and ten this time before another thunderclap hit. She stared around. “It’s OK, it’s the weather. Nothing bad is happening” my demeanor seemed to calm her and her shoulders relaxed.

“Have you never heard thunder before?” I asked, taking another bite of fish.

“Yes, of course I have!” she snapped. “I just got… startled”

“No need to be… startled… It’s a perfectly natural natural phenomenon” I paused for a moment. “Did you say… ‘cluster’? Like in cluster bomb?”

“What? No. It’s… Wait, human, have there been any earthquakes?” she asked me with intensity.

“Yeah” I answered, slightly annoyed at her dodging my question. “But not for… like a week? Last one was pretty big, the same day as the last storm. The day before I found your gem - ”

“They _stopped_?” her eyes moved rapidly as if she was thinking very fast. “They must have found a way to destroy it… Curse that Rose Quartz!” she thumped the ground with both her fists, making the entire shelter shake.

“What are you talking about?! And for the love of fuck, my name is Erica, not ‘human’. I prefer if people who have seen me naked use my name, thankyouverymuch. Tell me what is going on, that’s the _least_ you could do” she stared at me, a mix of confusion and affronted pride on her face.

“You’ve got some carats, I’ll give you that” she said reluctantly, but seemed calmer than before. Was that a roundabout way of saying thank you for saving my life, or that I had spunk? I nodded at her to go on.

She sighed. “That was what the technician was going to check up on. The cluster. It is… or _was_ going to be a very powerful weapon, grown here on earth”

“What do you mean, ‘grown’?”

“It was a collection of gems and when it was finished it would be very… big”

“Big like you? Or big like a bus?”

“… What’s a bus?”

“It’s a vehicle made out of metal, about three times as long as this shelter”

She chuckled coarsely before mumbling “Yeah, something like that” I noted the change in her tone, but wanted to keep the conversation going.

“Were you going to use it to colonize other worlds?”

“Yes, that was the plan”

“Was the cluster responsible for all the ground tremors then? Was it under ground?”

“Yes”

This was fascinating. “How do you ‘grow’ gems?”

“Uh… Injectors put… stuff… in the ground and all the nutrients gets absorbed and then you come out. Of the ground”

“Is that how your species reproduces?”

“That’s how we are produced, yeah”

“Wait, produced as in _made_? Who makes you?”

“Other gems” she shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. My mind was boggling. I had never heard of anything like that, creatures making other creatures without some sort of sexual contact. Silence stretched between us and I continued to eat, my eyes unfocused. I huffed and smirked.

“What’s so funny?” she asked testily.

“It’s just… I was thinking. If there really is an infinite number of universes, how lucky am I that I am in this one? And if this is the only universe that there’s ever going to be, then I guess I must be even luckier”

She frowned. “Why is that?”

“I don’t know. It just hit me. I’ve been able to fulfill so many of my dreams. I wrote my book, it became a movie, I got to meet Doprah O’Generes, I’ve travelled the world… And now I’ve met an alien” I shrugged, feeling strangely happy.  

She looked at me with a quizzical expression on her face before asking “But what _are_ you?”

“Me? I’m an author, I write books. Well, I’ve written _one_ book”

“No, I mean, what is your real function – I’ve seen you fight and you are… decent. But you built this, this” she gestured at the shelter “structure, and you hunt” she pointed at the fish in my hand “and you… sing” she frowned as if she hadn’t meant to say that last part. My heart skipped a beat. Had she heard me _singing_?

“W-well um” I said, feeling flustered “I uh, do all those things. I don’t have a _primary_ function, I just do… stuff”

Jasper looked at me as if I was some kind of curious object.

“No, I mean what is the function of an Eri-ca. Are you soldiers, builders, hunters or singers?” I felt a tingle in the pit of my stomach when she said my name.

“Erica Katheryn Brooks is my name, it doesn’t come with an instruction manual on what I should do if I’m given that specific name” I said smiling uncertainly. “Is that how it works in your society? If you are given a name you have to be a certain way?” how on earth would that work?

“If you are a peridot, then you are a technician with some kind of specialization. If you are a ruby, you are a soldier, class 3 or lower” she stated.

I creased my forehead, trying to understand. “So, wait, there’s more than one peridot?”

“Yes” she huffed, grinning as if I was being an idiot. “Tons”

“So… if you’re a peridot, you _have_ to be a technician? You can never be anything other than that?”

“Of course you can’t, if you’re a peridot, you must do what a peridot does. Everyone must do what they have been made to do”

“But… what if you don’t like being a technician?” this was making me feel a bit uneasy.

“That doesn’t matter, you have to be of use to your Diamond”

“Your Diamond?”

“The Gem Matriarchs” she made it sound like they were some kind of royalty.

“What happens if you refuse to do what you were made for?”

“You get shattered” she shrugged, as if it was of no consequence.

“That seems… rather harsh” I frowned. Their society didn’t sound as if it encouraged individuality at all. Humanity was all about individuality, at least in this century.

“I am Jasper Facet-2A6K,  Cut-1GT. Soldier, class one, my purpose is to fight, to conquer in the name of my Diamond” it sounded like something she had been drilled to say.

 “But is that all that you are? A soldier?” I asked hesitantly.

“What do you mean?” she sounded confused, as if no one had ever asked her that question before.

“I mean… what do you do when you don’t fight?”

“We train”

“And that’s it? For your entire life?”

“You say it as if it is wrong” she narrowed her eyes.

Shit. I didn’t want to insult her. “No, it’s just really hard for me to understand” I said quickly. “It sounds so different from what I’m used to” I paused. “Does being a soldier make you… happy?”

She let out a small gasp and then looked out into the storm. “It brings me… satisfaction” she stated with a brutish smile.

“What does… make you happy?” I asked slowly, holding out my hand in the rain.

“Being of use to my Diamond, defeating my enemies and expanding the Gem Empire” she said with a hard face. She glanced quickly at me and then away. “What makes you… happy?”

“A lot of things. The rain and thunder, the sound of waves or seeing the first butterfly of summer. Watching my favorite movies, eating delicious food. Being with my best friend. Listening to new music and finding something that makes your spine tingle” I smiled, wishing I had brought a radio. Wait, was I stupid or what. I had my smartphone – it didn’t have any reception but I did have songs. I hadn’t charged it in almost two weeks, so the battery would probably drain really fast, if it would even turn on. “Hang on” I said and wiggled backwards. I dug around in the luggage before I found the phone inside a zip-lock bag. I turned it on and punched in the pin number. It blooped at me that there was less than 20% remaining and if I wanted to change to power save mode. I pressed yes and crawled back to the entrance. “This is one of my all-time favorites”

Bach Cello Suite number one, prelude started playing from the speaker at the bottom of my phone. Jasper’s eyes went wide. At the end of the song her eyelids fluttered.

“You want to hear some more?” I asked, smiling at the dazed look on her face.

She nodded silently and I let the playlist named “Favs_latest” continue. The next song to play was Lacrimosa by Mozart. After that came Session by Linkin Park. About half way through that one I took out my notepad again, feeling like I needed to do something with my hands. When the song changed into Inner Universe by Yoko Kanno & Origa, she gasped audibly. I paused the music.

“What’s wrong? You don’t like that song?” I tried not to feel insulted; it was my favorite playlist after all. She leaned in close and for a moment I thought she was going to head-butt me, but she stopped half an inch away from my cheek, one soup plate sized palm slapping down on my right side. I followed her gaze - she looking down at my notepad. It was open to the same page I had been doodling on before. Her hair tickled my face and back and I could feel the heat coming off her body. I became aware of her smell and tried not to inhale loudly. It was a pleasant mix of… something sweet I knew I had smelled before and something else that I couldn’t place at all.

“Is that my gem?!” she burst out.

“Yes?” I squeaked, not sure if I had made a faux pas.

“Is that what the crack looks like?!” she asked desperately. I nodded in silence. It looked like she was about to roar and pound the ground again, I braced myself and tried to make myself smaller – she had never been this close to me when she had an outburst. A few seconds passed and then I felt a droplet fall onto my cheek. Had the tent started leaking? I thought I had done such a good job with the duct tape. I looked up and… was stunned. Jasper was… _crying_. I could feel the arm that went over my back tremble. She was absolutely silent, jaw locked halfway between a snarl and a deep frown, eyes streaming, still looking down at the drawing. I was so taken aback; I didn’t know what to do. Slowly, I put down my pen and moved my right hand to place over hers. I was prepared for it to flinch away as soon as I touched her, but she didn’t move. I could feel the suppressed sobs shaking her body through her hand. I squeezed as much as I could grab, which wasn’t a lot. I wanted to reassure her that it was OK to cry, that she didn’t have to hold back. But I knew what it felt like to get terribly bad news around people you didn’t trust with your emotions. I knew what it felt like to not trust _yourself_ with your emotions. I didn’t want to pressure her, it might be the first time she had been overwhelmed like this. I tried to convey all these things through my hand. Tears fell on my drawing and I watched the thick lines blur slightly. I could feel her chest moving rapidly against my ribs.

“Breathe…” I said softly. I started to hum a song my grandmother had sung to me when I was very young. I didn’t remember the words, I just remembered feeling safe and protected. Jasper’s breathing steadied slowly. She retracted her arm from over my back and sat up. I kept my eyes away from her, giving her time to collect herself. My finger traced the shape of the crack on the drawing.

“Will it heal?” I asked carefully.

“Not on its own, no” she said in a thick voice.

“So there is a way to fix it?” relief flooded my chest.

“Yes, but I would have to get home. My ship was destroyed by the rebels…”

“Could the peridot help you?”

“ _Her?_ No. She doesn’t have the equipment…”

I wracked my brain. “Do the rebels have the stuff you need?”

“No” she said, her tone flat. But then she raised her gaze, looking through me. “Rose Quartz… Her lieutenant, I’m sure I cracked her, but in a later battle she returned, whole…! They must have the technology!” she looked at me, hope lighting in her eyes.

“Great! Where are they?”

“In a town with a stupid water name… Ocean Town, no… River Village? No. Beach City! Yes, I’m sure!”

“How will you get there?” I asked, trying to hide the sudden sadness I felt at the prospect of her leaving.

“There must be a warp pad on this island somewhere… It would take me to their base!” her brow furrowed in concentration.

“Warp pad… Like a teleport?” I thought of wizard portals in realm of warlords.

Just as she opened her mouth, a deafening roll of thunder struck and I clapped my hands over my ears. I saw her nodding however. When it died away I said “It’s just above us, you’ll have to wait until it passes. Maybe you should try to rest?” she nodded, looking pleased and lay down promptly. I scooted to the mouth of the tent, lighting a cigarette. She sniffed and asked “Why do you subject yourself to those things, they smell awful” I smiled ruefully and answered “It gives me… satisfaction” she let out a rough chuckle and turned her back. I inhaled deeply and blew the smoke outside, the wind whipping it away in an instant. I looked at my drawing. Maybe that’d be the only thing I’d have to remember her by. Despite everything that had happened between us, it stung that she was going to leave. I sighed, rubbing my temples. After I finished my cigarette, I lay down too. A wave of tiredness swept over me and I fell into a restless sleep.

 

* * *

 

Please review!

 

 **Tonari no Totoro:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0U1BIDy2o8> **  
Translation:**

To to ro, Totoro,  to to ro,  Totoro

Someone secretly  
Bury a berry in the side road and  
When a small sprout grows, the secret code

Is the passport to the forest  
A wonderful journey will begin

My neighbor to to ro totoro to to ro totoro  
Living in the forest since the past  
My neighbor to to ro totoro to to ro totoro  
It visits you only when you are a kid  
A very mysterious meeting

Raining at the bus stop  
If there's a drenched ghost,  
Let him under your umbrella  
The passport to the forest,  
The magical door will open

My neighbor to to ro totoro to to ro totoro  
It blows upon its ocarina on the night if the moon  
My neighbor to to ro totoro to to ro totoro  
If you ever meet him, a wonderful happiness will  
Come to you

 **Rains of Castamere:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vU8eL2CjzHw>


	6. Rocks

## Chapter 6: Rocks

Day 13

Hunger woke me up in the middle of the night. The sky outside was a lighter gray than before. I checked my phone; it was 3:46 in the morning. It was still raining, but less than before. I grabbed a meal bar from the back of the shelter. It was holding up pretty well, no leaks so far. I couldn’t help but feel a bit proud. A sudden sharp pain in my lower abdomen almost made me gasp. Fucking hell. What day was it? I used my phone again to look at my period tracker app. It had been very useful so far, since I was completely incapable of using a pocket calendar – I kept on losing them. The app said ‘Three days left’. Well, shit. Even though it happened every month, it still managed to surprise me. Parker had advised me to go on birth control pills during my ‘vacation’, but my family had a history of deep vein thrombosis, so that was out of the question. I groaned to myself and lay down again, munching on the chocolate flavored bar. I had brought a big pack of bio degradable tampons, which solved the problem of where to throw them away. I never used them normally, preferring pads, but it would be a lot more efficient and less mess this way. I turned on the lantern and flipped through my notepad and sighed when I found the page I was looking for. It was several doodles of the main character in my book, Jenny. One of them was of her playing the cello, tears sliding down her shadowed face. It was from a very emotional scene where she overhears something terrible, but has to pretend she didn’t and to pull it off she had to continue playing. I don’t know what kept drawing me back to that particular picture, but I looked at it every once in a while when I felt blue. The other doodles were battle poses and close ups of her eyes and hands. Lightning flashed on the horizon and I counted above thirty before a distant clap of thunder rumbled. Good, the storm was finally heading off. I flipped over on my back and turned off the lantern. Jasper was breathing deeply and her steady breaths in combination with the rhythmic patter of rain on the roof soothed my mood. I closed my eyes.

The world shook and I jolted awake. Another earthquake?! Then I realized Jasper was shaking me by the shoulder.

“The rain has stopped” she said, grinning down at me. After a moment I crawled out of the tent. The sky was still overcast, but looking much brighter. It must be after daybreak then I decided and stretched and yawned hugely. It felt good to stand up again and be able to move freely.

“I could use your… assistance” she stated, giving me a stand offish look, like she was expecting me to say no.

“Sure” I said “just give me a minute to wake up”. The corner of her mouth twitched and she turned around and walked carefully toward the jungle. I surveyed the campsite. Everything was wet, but looked ok. I lifted the lid to the supply pit and was pleased to see that the sand at the bottom was dry to the touch. I grabbed the small backpack and put a bottle of water and a couple of meal bars in it, and then I put my tool belt on over my shorts. As I started toward the trees, I lit a cigarette.

By the time she had reached the stuffy air of the forest I had caught up to her. She was moving slowly, as if it required great effort.

For the next few days, we spent many hours looking for the warp pad, but finding no clues as to where it might be. Jasper’s energy reserves depleted quite fast, so when we weren’t searching, she slept. While she rested, I gathered fruit, checked the nets and went swimming in the shallows.

Day 16

Morning had barely broken when I was roused from sleep by my uterus trying to commit suicide. I tried massaging my stomach gently, shushing it as if it was screaming. After a few minutes the cramps had been reduced from an eight to a five. I wanted to curl into a ball and go back to sleep so I wouldn’t have to deal with it, but I knew that wouldn’t work. Reluctantly I crawled out of the tent to take some painkillers and insert a tampon. Guh, so much work. I thought about not bothering about the tampon when the cramps intensified again. It felt like balls of ice exploding in my ovaries and a hard, twisting sensation filled my lower stomach. “Mothershitfuck” I hissed as my knees buckled. I massaged again and the intensity returned to a dull, throbbing five. I decided I had to act quickly. Jasper was nowhere to be seen which was fine by me for the moment. I dry swallowed some pills and used hand sanitizer before awkwardly taking care of the bleeding element. The fire was in the ember stage and I set the flat rock I used to bake fish in the middle of the pit, thinking I could use the heated rock to soothe my rebellious internal organs. After a few minutes, the rock was too warm for my fingers so I wrapped it in a towel and curled myself around it like a cinnamon bun. The relief was almost instantaneous and I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh. My mind was blissfully blank for a while before I remembered Jasper would want to go out looking for the warp pad again soon.

“Nooo” I whined, hugging the rock closer. I heard footsteps approaching in the sand. A shadow fell over me.

“What are you doing?” she asked, sounding mildly amused.

“Never you mind…” I grumbled, wanting to be left alone. The sand moved close by and something soft brushed my face.

“Are you injured?” Jasper inquired sternly, sounding much closer. I opened my eyes – she was squatting in front of me. Gods, how was I going to explain this?

“No, I’m not injured. My internal organs are just celebrating the fact that I’m not pregnant. Heat helps, hence the rock” I said, trying not to sound too sarcastic.

Jasper looked almost comically confused.

“I’m going to look for the warp pad” she said, giving me a dubious look.

She walked off and I sighed to myself. We had been searching for three days, but hadn’t found it. She seemed so sure that there was one, but I was starting to doubt it. I wasn’t going to be the one to crush her hopes though. I was worried about her. The crack hadn’t gotten any worse over the last few days, but she seemed to have less and less energy. Maybe I should try to convince her to rest more. I knew that if we didn’t manage to find the warp pad, we could always go to the main land with Fernandez when she came to deliver supplies. That was still more than two weeks away though, so the fastest way to get Jasper fixed up was still finding the warp pad. I shifted into a more comfortable position and tried to get some sleep.

A thud woke me from my slumber. Jasper was standing over me again.

“I brought you another rock” she said, pointing to a stone about the same size as the one I was hugging. I looked at her blearily, brain lagging behind.

She sat down in the sand next to the fire, throwing a huge branch onto the dying embers so that ash flew into the air. The big hunk of wood eventually started smoking and flames licked its bark.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. The improvised heating pad had cooled down enough to not be effective anymore. I hadn’t had a cup of coffee or a cigarette this morning and judging by the sun it must be close to lunch time. I filled the smallest pot with water from the jerry can and saw that it was nearly empty. I swore underneath my breath at the fact that I would have to go get some more later. I didn’t want to do anything today. I sat down and waited for the water to boil, noticing as I did so that Jasper had placed the rock she had brought in the fire. After a little while she reached out and grabbed it and tried to hand it to me. I looked from the rock, to her face and back at the rock.

“Congratulations” she said. Confused, I took the rock out of her hand without thinking. It was too hot! I screamed and dropped it on the sand.

“Jasper what the fuck!” I gasped, shaking my hand vigorously.

She frowned at me, looking confused as well as insulted. “But you said… your body is celebrating” the penny dropped and I started to laugh, caught completely off guard.

“Why are you laughing?” she asked, sounding insulted. I kept on laughing and then suddenly I was crying, sobbing.

“Why are you crying?” now she sounded horrified. I tried to steady myself and took deep breaths. Finally calm, I said; “I’m sorry, when I said the thing about celebrating, I was being sarcastic. I’m going through a part of the human female reproductive cycle. It hurts a lot and heat helps relax the muscles that are causing the pain. And then you gave me a rock and said congratulations, it was just too funny!” I chuckled, wiping my eyes. “And sweet…” I smiled and looked up at her face which still looked confused. I wrapped the stone in the towel and held it close, feeling the heat doing its work.

“Thank you” I said, feeling my ears heat up. She relaxed visibly at my words.

With a cup of coffee finally in my hands I lit the first cigarette of the day, the nicotine making my head spin.

“What are those things?” Jasper asked, pointing at the cigarette in my mouth.

“They’re called cigarettes. It’s really bad for you”

“Then why do you keep doing it?”

“Because I like it. It’s my body and my choice” she looked at me with a thoughtful expression on her face.

“Can I try one?” she asked. I nearly dropped my cup of coffee in surprise.

“Um… What?”

“Can I try one?” she repeated. I just stared at her. “What?” she asked, starting to sound annoyed.

“It’s just… Not a lot of people want to… try them. They just think it’s disgusting and dangerous. Well it _is_ disgusting and dangerous… Are you sure?”

She huffed and then smirked “My body, my choice”

“Fine” I said, raising my eyebrows and shrugging. I held one out to her and she grasped it between her thumb and index finger. It looked comically small compared to her hand and I couldn’t help but smile. She put it between her lips and waited for a second or two before saying in a muffled voice; “Nothing’s happening”

I chuckled and held out the lighter to her, “Well, you have to light it first”

She grabbed the lighter and inspected it, then glanced at me.

“Here” I said, taking it out of her hand and clicking it, showing her the small flame before giving it back.

She managed to light the cigarette after a few false starts.

“Now you inhale”

She drew in a huge breath, half the cigarette turning into ash and then dropped it as she started to cough. I forced myself not to laugh.

“That is truly disgusting” she said hoarsely, and then chuckled. I joined in with a snicker of my own, saying “I know, right? You get used to it and then it becomes nice”

“I’m never doing that again” she smirked and I clapped her on the shoulder and said “Good for you, Jasper. Good for you”

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and then she said she was going to go lie down for a while. ‘Good’ I thought. I smiled to myself. She had asked to try something of mine. That was a big step in the right direction. I couldn’t help but feel a bit proud. What had happened had put me in a much, much better mood and I decided to take advantage of it and get some work done. I grabbed the jerry can and went to refill it. When I returned my stomach was grumbling and I remembered I hadn’t had anything to eat since last night. I scarfed down half a packet of peanuts and took another dose of painkillers, not wanting the cramps to get to an unmanageable level again. They were holding steady at a five and a half. Checking the nets, I found two crabs and five fish. I returned to the beach, cleaned my catch and started to cook. I ate two of the fish for brunch, wrapping the other three in some leaves and put the crabs in separate pots so they wouldn’t kill each other. I decided I would try to repair my swimming shorts and grabbed the sewing kit from the Luggage. Jasper was fast asleep. I sang as I worked on the shorts, taking an occasional break for a cigarette and to reheat the stone. After a few hours I decided it wasn’t going to get any better and tried them on. They were a bit more snug and one pocket had had to be sacrificed to patch a particularly tattered part. A decent result.

“Absolutely fabulous, Pats. Yes, fabulous darling. Time for some Bolly Stoli? Yes, darling, just don’t tell Saff” I snickered to myself, feeling compelled to have a swig of vodka, regretting not having packed any champagne.

The sky was a brilliant periwinkle blue and completely free of clouds. The stars would be out tonight.

I went to wake Jasper, so we could do another sweep for the warp pad. We searched for a good two hours before giving up this time. As the time wore on, Jasper looked more and more subdued.

“Hey” I said as we started to head back to camp “We’ll be bound to find it soon, the island isn’t that big” she shrugged and looked annoyed, but I knew she was disappointed underneath. I picked up some firewood on the way and threw it onto the pile next to the fire pit.

Jasper sat down in the sand and started to fuss with her mane; I glanced over and saw something green tangled in the hair at the back of her neck. She growled as she tried to get at it, but couldn’t quite reach.

“Let me” I said. I knew she would have refused if I had asked if she wanted help. She grumbled and lowered her arms. I stepped up behind her and felt my heart beat faster as I touched her hair. It was impossibly soft. I began untangling the green thing, discovering that it was a huge burdock.

“Oh fuck me, it’s a burdock” I said, but my internal creeper whooped because it would take forever to get out, which meant I could touch her hair for ages.

“What’s that?” she said, sounding both annoyed and worried.

“It’s a plant, it’s not poisonous or anything, it’s just gonna take long to get it out. It’s designed to stick to animals and birds and stuff so that it can be carried to new places and spread its seeds”

“Great” she muttered.

I worked silently, unwinding long pale strands of hair from the burdock’s sticky spikes. Without noticing, I started to sing The Rains of Castamere. To my epic surprise, Jasper started to hum along. I stopped everything I was doing for a moment, stunned. I quickly resumed however. It was such a long time since I had sung together with anyone (even if it was just humming), a broad smile stretched my mouth to its limits and I could feel my cheeks and ears flush. When I reached the end of the song, I started again. When I came to the second verse Jasper actually sang the words. Her voice was deep and raspy, making my skin tingle. She continued on to start the first verse again. Our voices flowed in harmony and by the time we reached the last note for the third time, the burdock was out and I felt elated.

“You have a beautiful voice” I said, stepping around and holding up the burdock for her to see. She looked at me uncertainly, as if she was expecting me to continue by saying “nah, just kidding, you suck”.

“I like that song” she said with feigned nonchalance and I grinned. “What?” she demanded testily.

“I like that song too. It’s from a book series called ‘A song of Ice and Fire’. The song is about two families, or houses, one ruling over the other one. The ruler was perceived as weak by his subjects so they rose up against him. But the ruler’s son marched against the upstart Lord to restore honor to his house and show they were no weaklings. The son crushed the revolt and burned their castle and executed all members of the family”

Jasper raised an eyebrow at me.

“I love those books. The story is _so_ good! There are dragons, magic, monsters and heroes. There are many factions, all vying for the iron throne of the seven kingdoms. There are so many characters involved, and the author doesn’t abide by the namby pamby convention of ‘the good guys must win’, it’s excellent! You keep on being surprised! There’s war, death, disease, deception, madness, betrayal, love, honor, redemption and vengeance. Soooo much vengeance! It’s _fantastic_!” I picked up a stick and brandished it as a sword, assuming the first position. “My favorite character is Arya of house Stark. She is not like other girls, she wants to fight, not make pretty useless things like her sister. She learns how to use the sword, but loses her family members one by one. She becomes an assassin and swears to avenge her family” Jasper had noticeably perked up.

“You humans are more interesting than I thought. What happens to the girl, does she defeat her enemies?” she asked eagerly.

“I don’t know. The author hasn’t released the sixth book yet. He’s worked on it for years and is under a lot of pressure. It will come when it’s ready” I said solemnly and saluted George R.R. Martin with my stick. I looked at Jasper and wondered who she most resembled in the story. Maybe a mix of Brienne of Tarth and the Hound? I didn’t mention this, not that she’d know who I was talking about, but filed it away for later. A cramp twisted my insides suddenly and I dropped the sword stick. “Mothershitfuckasssssss” I hissed and clutched at my stomach. Fuck! I had forgotten to take more painkillers during the afternoon. My eyes teared up and I sank to the ground, pressing my lips together to not whimper aloud.

“Eri-ca?” Jasper was at my side in half a second. A wave of nausea swept over me, and I held out a hand to stop her coming any closer. I took deep breaths. Acid burned my throat, but the queasiness faded away slowly.

“More… celebrating?” Jasper asked and I let out a snort of laughter, despite myself.

“Yeah, I forgot to take my pills on time…” I said and stood up to go get said pills, but I must have got to my feet too quickly. My head swam and my knees threatened to buckle again. A huge warm hand grabbed my arm and I fell against something very solid that wasn’t the ground. My head cleared and I realized to my horror-mixed-delight that I was leaning my head against Jasper’s massive chest. I gasped in surprise and looked up at concerned yellow eyes. I felt my face go beet red and my ears felt as if they were on fire. A slight blush graced her cheeks as she said; “Breathe”. I drew in a breath and swallowed hard, regaining my balance.

“Thanks” I squeaked and stepped back, not knowing what to do with my arms. Why was I behaving like a fucking fourteen year old? I was over thirty gods damn it! Get a hold of yourself, take a deep breath and wrangle that fucking uterus like a woman. I straightened my back and went to pick up the first aid kit. I swallowed some pills with a drink of water and then turned around to look for the stones I had used to battle the pain before. My heart swelled when I saw Jasper putting both of them in the fire. I looked her in the eye like a fucking grown up and said “Thank you”. I sat down in the sand, rubbing my face and then my belly, sighing deeply.

“This is normal?” Jasper asked, sitting down too.

“It’s different for every woman” I responded, wishing the pain would go away and never come back. After a few minutes silence, Jasper grabbed one of the stones, wrapped it in the towel and handed it to me. I thanked her again and hugged it close. The sun was barely setting, but I felt exhausted. And hungry. I waited for the painkillers to kick in and then went to get the crabs still in the pots. I changed the water and but it to boil, holding back tears as I ended the crustaceans’ lives with my knife. Wiping my eyes on my sleeve, I threw them into the water. A wonderful smell rose from the pot as they cooked, and I wasn’t the only one who sniffed the air appreciatively.

I glanced over at Jasper who met my gaze with a thin smile.

“Do you want to try one?” she raised her eyebrows at me, hesitated a moment, then nodded.

When the crabs were done, I fished them out and put the biggest one on a lid and handed it to her.

“I need to wait until it cools a bit, but you go ahead” I said, nodding encouragingly at her.

“I’ll wait” she said, putting the lid on the sand.

After a few minutes I judged the crab cool enough to eat and lifted off the top and used my fingers to get at the meat and sauce. Jasper mimicked me and smacked her lips appreciatively. I showed her how to crack the legs to get at the meat inside, but she surprised me by eating the legs as they were. I gaped as she crunched them in her teeth, apparently having no trouble at all to digest a calcium rich exoskeleton.

“You can eat the whole thing?”

“Yes, you can’t?”

“No! It would rip my insides to shreds!”

“Tch. You humans and your soft bodies”

“Hey!” I held up my left arm and flexed it “ _This_ isn’t soft”

Jasper chuckled. “That’s nothing. _This_ ” she flexed “is _hard_ ”, I could see every muscle stand out as if it was part of an anatomical study. Her arm was thicker than my thigh. I swallowed hard, feeling my cheeks flush. The red stripes on her skin only served to accentuate the curve of her bicep.

She grinned and shook her head at my expression.

“W-well” I stammered. “Eh… you win. Are all gems so… buff?”

“The soldiers are”

“How can you concentrate?” I blurted out, then covered my mouth with my hand, blushing furiously.

She burst out laughing. This was the first time I had ever heard her laughing out of mirth.

“I prefer my ladies to be smaller than me” she explained whilst grinning and looking away. I squealed internally.

“Do you have someone special, back home?”

“No. Not for a long time. There was one though, back in the war. But she didn’t make it”

“Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss” I said, my eyes tearing up. “What was her name?”

“Red Beryl. Do you have a special someone?”

“No, not anymore. Her name is Christina. Possibly the smartest person I have ever met”

We both stared into the distance. Me lost in memories of Christina, Jasper probably thinking about Red Beryl. We sighed at the same time and snickered. I made a cup of coffee and grabbed the second stone out of the fire.

After a while I got up and stretched, yawning hugely. I snuggled down on top of my sleeping bag, curling around the pleasantly warm rock. Soon I drifted off to sleep, content.

It was dark. The long corridor stretched ahead of me. I started running, dropping the bucket of crabs on the ground. The clang it made was too loud! They would find me! I reached the end of the hall, turned left and kept on running. Where is the princess? At the end of the next corridor! I was sure. I had to get her out. The soldiers must be looking for me already. I reached the heavy door and tried to open it with the green key. The lock fought me but clicked when I leaned my shoulder against the wood. I wrenched it open. The cell was empty. What?! Where was she?!

“OVER HERE!” soldiers shouted and charged at me.

“No!” I screamed and took off. I ran along endless corridors, the sound of running feet echoing behind me. I ran up some stairs and ended up on top of a tower. There was nowhere else to run!

“Stop!” a soldier shouted at me as I climbed the battlements.

“I’d rather die!” I said and then I jumped. As I fell, I turned around to look up at the soldiers and it was then I realized I was wearing a pink frilly dress. _I_ was the princess?

I jolted awake, sitting up and panting as if I had actually just been running through a castle. I clutched at my heart, it was beating too fast!

“Sometimes, some crimes, go slipping through the cracks. But these two, gumshoes, are picking up the slack. There’s no case to big, no case to small…” my breathing steadied, then I realized Jasper was lying next to me, looking at me apprehensively.

“Jesus!” I twitched away in surprise, the movement triggering a cramp and I doubled over, hissing.  I pressed my hands against my stomach and rolled to the side. Tears ran down my cheeks as my uterus clenched into a ball of iron. I gasped for breath, my mind overloading with physical and mental signals. The edges of my vision began to flicker and black spots popped in front of my eyes. I forced myself to say the words of my calm down song; “Sometimes, some crimes, go slipping through the cracks. But these two, gumshoes, are picking up the slack. There’s no case to big, no case to small, when you need help just call. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale’s, rescue rangers. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale, when there’s danger. No, no it never fails once they’re involved, somehow whatever’s wrong gets solved. Fresh prints, not since, Watson and Mr. Holmes, have two minds, so fine, looked under every stone. When you need some help to save the day, they’re never far away. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale’s, rescue rangers. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale, when there’s danger. No, no it never fails once they’re involved, somehow whatever’s wrong gets solved. Grey skies – it’s trouble, bad guys – see double, when they’re around, the chips are never down. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale’s, rescue rangers. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale, when there’s danger. No, no it never fails, they’ll take the clues and find the wheres and whys and whos. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale’s, rescue rangers. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale, when there’s danger. Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale…” I breathed deeply, forcing my body to relax.

“What… was that?” Jasper asked, sounding scared.

I cleared my throat, trying to not feel embarrassed. “I um… I don’t know… I had a bad dream”

“You were making noise and moving around before you sat up…”

“I dreamt I was in a castle, running from soldiers. I wanted to rescue the princess, but then it turned out I was the princess and I fell, no I jumped off a tower…” I rubbed my temples and groaned. I felt like I wanted a hug, a stiff drink and a bath, not necessarily in that order.

“I have bad dreams too, sometimes…” she said quietly and I turned around to look at her. The fire light made her gem sparkle.

“I dream I’m still at the bottom of the ocean, battling Lapis for control. Then Malachite takes over and I just… become something else, with different thoughts and emotions and everything hurts. I keep myself down at the bottom because I made a promise, but I’m also fighting to break free because I was tricked. And then I’m me again, chained to Lapis and I’m drowning…”

She looked so vulnerable as she spoke and I temporarily forgot about my own pain.

“Is that what happened to you? How you ended up here?” I asked carefully.

She was silent for a moment. Then she spoke: “When we arrived on earth, we took the rebels into custody. Rose Quartz was still alive, and I knew Yellow Diamond would want to deal with her personally. They broke out of holding and their fucking fusion challenged me. They crashed out ship! I wasn’t going to give up, they were fighting dirty! I asked Lapis to fuse with me, so we could beat them. She agreed and we danced and then… I was huge, more powerful than I have ever felt before in my life. New powers, new vision… It was glorious! I was going to smash them like the little shits they were, but then Lapis betrayed me! She used her powers to chain us and then dragged us to the bottom of the ocean. She kept me there for months… The weight of the ocean holding me down. Finally, I managed to overpower her and I took control. But then those fucking traitors found us and we fought. It felt so good to be able to fight, but they were using dirty tricks again, all four of them in one monstrous fusion! And then there were these little green things running around, distracting us! And then everything went dark” her eyes stared right through me.

“The next thing I remember is falling into water and… you, moving towards me”

It took me a moment to process all this new information. “What… is a fusion?”

“It’s a physical combination of two or more gems. It’s used for fighting. A fusion between gems of the same type is easy. You are united, of one mind, purposeful. It’s an abominable and forbidden act to fuse with a different gem type than your own, but I was desperate. Those wretched rebels left me no choice, I had to make a fusion with Lapis to be able to beat them.”

My mind boggled. I couldn’t picture what she was saying.

“Wait, combine? Like, you get two heads and four arms and four legs?”

“What? No! Nothing happens if you’re the same gem type, you just get bigger. But different gem type fusion makes you into a monster. Extra limbs, extra eyes…”

For some reason, Cthulhu popped into my head. “Whoa… How can you do all these things? Is it a gem thing or like a technology thing or what?”

“It’s a gem thing”

I was silent for a moment. “I’m really sorry that happened to you Jasper. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling…”

“I have never failed at a mission before. It was supposed to easy! Just an escort mission! And here I am, without a ship, my gem cracked, stuck on an island with” she took a deep breath before finishing with a soft “you…” looking at my face quickly and then away.

I was surprised, I thought she would say ‘stuck on an island with a filthy human’ or ‘a fucking idiot’. The softness in her voice made my heart melt a little.

“Hey, don’t worry. We’ll find the warp pad soon and then get you fixed right up, alright?” I reached out a hand in the fire lit tent and found her arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “And, worst case scenario, if we don’t find it before Fernandez gets here, then we can just take the long way around”

Now it wasn’t just her gem sparkling in the warm light. She placed a massive hand over mine and said “Thank you, Erica”

“N-no problem” my spine had tingled as she said my name and my brain was cheering at the fact that she had finally thanked me for something.

Jasper fell back asleep soon and I crawled outside to have some pills, reheat the stone and have a cigarette under the moonlit sky. I had no idea what time it was, but it was pitch dark, so dawn was a long way off.

I took a long drag on my cigarette, blowing out a plume of smoke that hung in the air in front of me. There was no wind to speak of. Jasper’s situation, how she had gotten here… Wow. Holy shit. Talk about trauma. Imprisoned at the bottom of the sea for months, locked in what imagined to be some sort of mental wrestling match with another gem. It sounded like torture. The triumph and relief she must have felt when she finally managed to take that Lapis gem down, and then the disappointment and humiliation of immediately getting attacked and knocked out by the rebels. Emotional rollercoaster. If that was their last interaction, how on earth were we going to convince them to let Jasper use their technology to get her gem repaired? I had no idea what so ever. I went to lie down again, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep before dawn.

* * *

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	7. Red and blue

## Chapter 7: Red and blue

Day 17

I woke up before Jasper and made a cup of coffee before checking on the nets. To my dismay, they were all empty. Maybe the windless night had something to do with it. I decided to take a skinny dip to cheer myself up and stretch out my sore muscles. I spent about fifteen wonderful minutes diving and swimming around inside the coral reef before my stomach told me it was time for breakfast. I pulled open a can of Chili con Carne and started to eat it cold when something zipped across the sky. I frowned, thinking it might be a plane, but it had moved too fast. It returned a few minutes later, stopped far off and then started speeding straight for the island. It passed overhead and I got a good look at it. It was a sort of balloon shaped red ship – a space ship!

“JASPER! A SHIP! A SPACE SHIP!” I yelled excitedly.

“What!? Where?!” she tumbled out of the tent, looking around.

“It flew right over us! It was red and had a yellow triangle on it!”

“A Roaming Eye!?” she stopped suddenly and looked confused and then terrified. “Fuck!” she shouted.

“Wa-what? Is it bad? What?”

“They’re gonna try to arrest me!” a shaft of ice pierced my heart making me unable to speak.

“I’m going to be detained by a squad of stupid fucking _rubies?_ Oh, if my gem was whole it’d be no problem, but now…” she covered her face with her hands “Grr! I hate being this _weak_!”

“Wait, if your gem was whole, you could take out a group of gems and a _ship? By yourself?!”_

“Yes!” she screamed, waving her arms as if it was obvious. Despite the seriousness of the situation, I was impressed.

“Can’t we just hide in the jungle?” she looked at me as if I was insane.

“Hide?! From _rubies?!”_

“Yes, hide! Quickly, I can hear it coming back!” I grabbed her by the hand and tried to pull her along. “Come on for fuck’s sake!” she growled and started running towards the trees. A few seconds later, the ship came into view and stopped, hovering over the sand a hundred or so yards to the left of where we were standing. A hatch at the top opened and five little red people jumped out. I gasped in surprise.

“They’re so _small_!” I whispered. Jasper shushed me through gritted teeth. The red people started talking to each other and I could clearly make out what they said.

“Oh, look at the trees!” one said.

“Do you think there are _bugs_ here? I don’t want to see any more bugs!”

“I’ll squash them as if they were… eh… bugs!”

“Yeah! BUG-SMASH!”

They sounded… like children?

“The old maps say this place has a warp pad, the leader of the earth mission might be here. Spread out and look!” another one commanded. They must be in charge.

“Yes Ruby!” the other four shouted and started to move toward the jungle, one of them heading directly towards us.

“Are they children?” I asked Jasper in a low whisper. She gave me a disgusted look and shook her head “No, they’re just dense as shit”

“I have an idea! You, go hide further in!” I hissed and then stepped out of the jungle, not looking back but hearing her growl at me and then footsteps moving away.

I pretended to be heading towards my camp and after about five seconds someone called out.

“Hey you, human!”

I turned around, screamed and fell to the ground, crawling backwards away from the ruby, who looked at me with obvious arrogance.

“Have you seen a Jasper around here?”

“A what?” I asked, looking around as if I was scared.

“She looks like this” I gasped, not needing to fake it this time, as she started to glow and then _expand_ until a perfect replica of Jasper stood there, the only difference being that this one was red and their gem was on her shoulder.“… but with white hair”

“Uhh… Yes… she was here. Why are you looking for her? “I asked.

“Yellow Diamond wants the traitor caught and returned to home world for questioning!” they shifted back to their original shape and two other rubies joined us, one of them was the one who had given the order to search.

“This human has seen Jasper!” the shoulder gem ruby reported to their superior.

“Where is she now?!” the leader demanded.

“She uh, she left like a week ago, I th-think. She used that teleport thingy in the jungle, and then I uh, I b-blew it up. I d-didn’t want her to come back. She had a n-n-nasty temper”

“That sounds like Jasper alright… Did she say where she was going? “

 “Uh… I heard her say something about… Siberia?” I invented wildly.

“Ok, that’s useful information human. You go about your business!”

“Back to the ship, rubies!” shoulder gem shouted.

I stared as they walked away, piling back into the ship. It took off at an impossible speed. I waited for a few minutes to see if they would come back, but there was no sight of them.

I ran to look for Jasper, feeling kind of proud of my spur of the moment performance. The little red rubies really were _dumb_ though, so maybe it was more their lack of wits that allowed me to succeed.

I found Jasper by a huge purple and white geode.

“I can’t _believe_ this!” she shouted “Yellow Diamond thinks I’m a _traitor_?!”

“But, you’re not, are you? So it’s a mistake, right? Can’t you just tell her that?” I panted.

“No! A Diamond’s word is _law_! If she thinks I’m a traitor then that’s it! I’m as good as dead!”

“What, so there’s no appeal? No hearing? No trial?”

“If I’m extremely lucky yes, but it’ll end the same way… Or worse. There are worse punishments than just being executed. You have _no_ idea what it was like after the war. Gems suspected of being part of the rebellion were shattered _in the streets_! I know, because I was there, I was part of the execution squad… I followed orders… One Aventurine in my troop hesitated and she was sentenced to be _harvested_! She was my friend, and I assisted in her arrest! Because those were the orders…”

“Jasper, I’m so sorry”

“After all I’ve done for Yellow Diamond… My life, dedicated to her. And she just assumes I’m a traitor?! GRAAAAH!!!” she punched the geode, cracking it in two and making herself glitch.

“Jasper, take it easy! I know this is _terrible news_ but please! Think of your gem!”

She roared as loud as I’d ever heard her, stomping back and forth like a trapped animal.

“WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?! I can’t go home! I have no home! I’m exiled!” she stopped and roared again, pounding the ground with her fists and making me almost lose my balance. She collapsed to her knees, swearing loudly. Suddenly she fell silent and I was worried that it had all been too much and she had passed out, but then she looked up.

“What am I, if I’m not a soldier in home world’s forces?” she asked in a voice devoid of any emotion. She sat up and looked down at her chest. “This symbol” she tore it off as easy as if it was a sticker, but I heard the rip of fabric. “I have been proud to wear it for more than five _thousand_ years!” she threw it on the ground and stamped on it, creating a small crater in the dirt. “The secrets I have kept for her, all the times I have done unspeakable things to her enemies, how _dare_ she doubt my loyalty!” she roared again, but this time it ended in a sob. Her body shook as she wailed, huge tears rolling down flushed cheeks. My heart broke to see her like this, but I didn’t dare approach her. She rolled over onto her side and continued to cry. I stood stock still, having no idea what to say or do.

After what felt like an eternity, she seemed to finally calm down.

“Jasper?” I asked hesitantly. “Do you want me to leave you alone?” I tensed up waiting for the answer.

“Stay…” she said in a brittle voice. My shoulders relaxed. If this had been my best friend, I would have rushed over to give her a long hug. But I walked up to her slowly, my eyes tearing up. I had no idea how she must be feeling. I squatted down by her head. Her hair was covered in leaves and dirt and laid across her face so I couldn’t see her eyes. Her body looked so dejected, hopeless. I swallowed hard and leant forward to brush the hair away. When I saw her face, so contorted in grief and sadness, my own tears started falling.

“Oh, sweetheart…”I mumbled, stroking her across the forehead and cheek. “I’m so, _so_ sorry”

She hugged herself and drew her knees up to her stomach, and I sat down properly.

“Here” I patted my leg and she moved her head into my lap. I was too lost in her pain to feel embarrassed about this very intimate position. She needed this right now. My social embarrassment could go fuck itself. I continued to stroke her forehead and wiped away some dirt from her cheek. She cried silently into my lap and I into her beautiful mane.

“I am… nothing without my Diamond…” she whispered after a while, hands gripping her sides tighter.

“You are _not_ nothing” I soothed. “You are a gem warrior, powerful and proud and you _will_ get through this”

“How?” she sobbed.

“By not hiding away from how much it hurts right now. Your leader has betrayed you on a whim. Someone you respected over all others, has turned their back on you. I can see your heart is breaking. _Let it break_ ”

A new wave of violent sobs claimed her and I held her head, waiting for the storm to subside. I cried too, unable to stop myself from empathizing with this torrent of loss.

After more than half an hour, Jasper fell silent and made a move to sit up. I wiped my eyes.

“How do you feel?” I asked softly.

“Tired…” she answered, her voice hoarse.

“Let’s go back to camp”

We made it to the beach before rain began to fall. I stopped. Jasper looked at me questioningly.

“I just need to stand in the rain for a bit, you go ahead, go rest” she turned without a word and crept inside the tent. The rain increased from a drizzle to a downpour and I stood there, eyes closed. Everything hurt. My head, shoulders, stomach and legs were in agony. I wished the rain was warm like my shower at home, so that I could burn the ache away. But just as I told Jasper to not hide from her loss, I told myself to not try to run from my own symphony of pain. It had been ages since my body was in such overwhelming discomfort. There was a time when this had been my every day, but as I had recovered from my depression and got myself sorted out, the pain had almost disappeared. It was hard to describe to someone who had never experienced it, but it was akin to the body aches you get when you have the flu. Nowadays this only happened when I’d had an emotionally demanding day and today was certainly one of those days. The confrontation with the rubies had been taxing enough, but Jasper’s breakdown had been so… heart wrenchingly sad. My tears mixed with the cold rain and eventually I began to shiver. I decided to go to the tent. I was completely soaked, but I knew there were dry clothes in the Luggage. There was no room inside to hang the ones I was wearing though, so I just took them off and left them on the sand.

Jasper was lying with her head toward the cliff wall, so she didn’t see me crawl inside the tent naked. I dried myself off as best I could with the towel I had used to wrap the rock and then put on some dry clothes. I lit a cigarette at the mouth of the tent and to my relief, my headache subsided almost immediately. ‘Good’ I thought, feeling my shoulders relax too as the nicotine hit my system. I had a drink of water and then lay down on top of my sleeping bag, looking out at the rain. An old song in my grandmother’s tongue came to me and I sung it quietly:

“ _Historien. Har du hört historien? Om ett frö som vägrade, som bara gror och gror igen. Om det sker att trampas ner, så växer det mer och mer och mer. Om man krossar det, delas det i fler. Och fler, och fler, och fler. Om det möter våld och tvång, så växer ur fröet fram en sång, som kan höras i jorden gång på gång. På gång, på gång, på gång. För där, i jorden, där spelar en dröm. Där porlar ständigt visor om frihet, ström efter ström. Och med vindens hjälp, förs markens musik ut över havet. Den styr mot land och når till en strand! Melonia. Melonia! Där en hög med frusna frön, kan bli pelargonia. Där finns liv och sol och frid, istället för död och stål och skrik. Där kan man slå rot och växa fri, för evig evig tid. Kanske är det dit vi ska en dag? Kanske blir det du?_ _Kanske blir det jag?”*_

It soothed me to think of my grandmother at this time. She was a short, plump lady with thin white hair and thick glasses, the very best at reading stories and the one who had taught me ‘the old language’ as she called it. Amazingly she was still alive at 95. I decided I would go visit her when I got off the island.

I slept for a long time. The rain had stopped when I woke up. My body hurt less now, sleep being the cure all that it is. I had a cigarette and looked at Jasper who was still asleep. Or I thought she was. Her red rimmed eyes looked at me and they looked darker than before, but maybe that was just a shadow.

“Hey” I said, turning my body to face her. “How are you feeling?”

She was silent for a long time before she rasped; “Empty…”

I stubbed out the cigarette and crawled inside the tent, lying down on my side, my face less than a foot away from Jasper’s. Up close, I could see fresh tear tracks on her orange cheeks. 

I sighed in sympathy with her. She looked so unbelievably sad. Well, her entire world had just gone up in flames, so it was only to be expected. But it hurt me so to see this powerful woman so down. At the same time it was amazing that she was sharing this side of her with me. She could so easily have gone in the other direction and just shut me out. Or worse.

“The emptiness will fade” I said softly, she wiped her eyes roughly with her hand.

“How do you know that?” she asked hoarsely.

“Well” I took a deep breath “I will not claim that I know exactly what you’re going through, but I _have_ experienced betrayal… and loss before”

She looked at me, asking me to continue with her eyes.

“It wasn’t another person that betrayed me, it was my own body… I had… a tumor in my head. The doctors took it out, and it’ll never come back but… I was so terrified I disappeared behind a mask of anger, to protect myself. It felt like a parasite had lived in my most private place and I felt so… violated and alone. It made me question who I was and what the world was. I looked for a reason as to why it had happened, and there wasn’t one. It was all just random. There was nothing for me to blame, so I blamed everyone and everything. I was so angry and I took it out on the people closest to me and I lost them… Eventually I got help and I had to deal with all the feelings the anger had hidden, and all the things I had never told anyone from before the tumor. It was very hard. The hardest thing I have ever had to do” I sighed as memories flashed on my internal screen. “Then things started to get better and I found myself again. Or, no. I don’t think I knew myself before this all happened. But I do now”

Jasper looked stunned.

“It has taken me a very long time to be able to say this, but… I feel grateful for the tumor. It forced me to look inside and find the truth about who I am. And that person is… enough”

I looked Jasper in the eye, trying hard to emphasize my next words.

“One of the most valuable lessons this all taught me, is that running away from how you feel only makes it worse. That’s why I told you to let your heart break before. Even though it is _so_ hard to deal with the pain of this situation, it’s better to do it now. And…” I reached out my right hand and placed it on her left cheek bone. “You are not alone. I’m _here_ for you, Jasper…” I used my thumb to wipe away some tears. Then I was suddenly embraced in a hug so powerful I felt my ribs creak, Jasper’s head pressing in between my head and shoulder. My head was in her hair and my nostrils filled with her wonderful scent. I put my arms around her head and pulled her closer and she started sobbing. My body moved with hers as her emotions claimed her. I stroked her hair with one hand, supporting her head with the other. I could feel her ragged breath on my neck and chest and felt my shirt become wet, but I didn’t care, I just held on.

I had no idea how much time had passed when she finally calmed down. I put my cheek against her forehead and asked; “How do you feel?”

She drew in a shaky breath. “T-tired… but lighter…”

I smiled and said; “Good, I’m glad” and felt it. “You should rest now… It’s been a rough day” I brushed a lock from her cheek. She unwound her arms from my body and closed her eyes and sighed as her body relaxed. I had just sat up and stretched awkwardly in the small space, when she whispered;

“Thank you”

My chest swelled with emotion and I squeezed her hand, smiling broadly.

Outside the tent, I stretched out properly. My body ached in a different way now. Up in the jungle, it had been despair, frustration and betrayal but in the tent it had been more of a release. I started walking along the edge of the water, waves erasing my footprints as I moved further and further away from the tent. I felt a need to be alone with my thoughts for a while. Jasper would be OK for a good while, I could only imagine how exhausted she must be at this moment.

‘Poor darling’ I thought, and was surprised at the term of endearment. I had called her ‘sweetheart’ up in the jungle, too… Was I falling in love with her? I stopped in my tracks. Gods, that sounds like something I’d do yeah… Fall in love with an alien that’d leave first chance they got. But… she couldn’t go back to home world now, she’d be killed. What would she do when her gem had been fixed? Would she leave and go… somewhere? Anywhere? Get away from earth? My heart sank. If that was her plan, then that was her plan. And I’d just have to deal with it. It was a relief to think like that. Maybe that ‘living in the moment’ stuff really was where it was at… Que sera, sera.

When I reached the end of the beach, I turned around and walked back. My stomach rumbled. When I reached the camp I built up a new fire, having a bit of trouble getting it started because the wind started to get up. I made a cup of coffee before having a bowl of instant oatmeal and nuts. I pulled out my note pad and the satellite picture of the island, weighing them down with rocks so they didn’t blow away. I had been tracking our progress on finding the warp pad as best I could on the map. I estimated that we had covered roughly thirty percent of the island. I knew the area that we were going to search next required us to go up a long hill. I grinned, thinking of how much I had hated walking up the stairs to my first apartment on the fifth floor. This hill looked higher than that. It was going to be a draining climb for me, but probably an exhausting one for Jasper. Maybe there was a less steep path somewhere? I’d have to scout it out tomorrow, I was too tired now. I sighed deeply and leaned back on my hands. The sky looked less ominous, some shafts of pinkish golden light piercing the clouds far out to sea. The sun must be starting to set then. My eyes itched with tiredness and I decided to go to bed. I warmed my stone up and brought it into the tent with me. I yawned hugely as I lay down. Hopefully the rain had brought the fish out and there’d be something in the nets tomorrow. Jasper grunted something in her sleep and turned over to face me. Her face looked so peaceful. I smiled and closed my eyes.

 

**Längtan till Melonia:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcW0ySBswb0>

*Literal translation from Swedish:  
The story.  
Have you heard the story  
About a seed that refused  
That only grows again and again  
  
If it’s trodden down  
It only grows more and more and more  
If it’s crushed it divides into more  
And more and more and more  
  
If it meets violence and coercion  
From the seed comes a song  
That echoes in the earth again and again  
Again and again and again  
  
Because in the soil a dream plays  
There are songs of freedom  
Stream after stream  
And with the help of the wind  
The earth’s song is brought out over the sea  
It steers towards land  
And reaches a beach  
  
Melonia! Melonia!  
Where a heap of frozen seeds  
Becomes pelargonium.  
There is life and sun and peace  
Instead death and steel and screams  
  
There you can take root and grow free  
For all eternity  
Perhaps we will go there someday?  
Maybe it will be you?  
Maybe it will be me?


	8. Dark water

## Chapter 8: Dark water

Day 18

My bladder woke me just before dawn. I took care of my need and then made some breakfast, not wanting to go in the water before the sun was up. I went to refill both jerry cans and thought about waking Jasper to look at the sunrise, but figured I’d let her sleep until it was just about time to go look for the warp pad. The rubies had said that there definitely was one and I had a feeling we were really close to finding it.

When the sun was a respectable distance from the horizon, I changed into my swim shorts and started to check on the nets. Number one and two yielded another a small crab and one of the really big fish with the protuberant eyes. When I reached the location of the third net however I was dismayed to find that it had come undone in one end and drifted over the reef. I cursed and tried to see if I could just yank it loose, but it made a ripping sound and I stopped immediately. I swam over and started to untangle the closest bit, having to dive and resurface five times before I got it free. It was stuck on more places than that however and I grumbled. The big fish was apparently still alive and started to wiggle out of my hands. “Not today, my friend!” I said, and stabbed it over the neck. I wasn’t going to let it go, I was looking forward to eating it. I tied the string bag to my shorts to keep it from floating away and started to untangle the next bit of net. I didn’t need to dive down for this one, but I stuck my head down to see better. The next one was on the top of the reef and quite easily solved, but it required me to balance in bigger waves on unstable ground. Small fish started to try to nibble my big fish and I slapped the surface of the water to get them to go away. The last tangle was on the other side of the reef, a few yards under the surface. I felt a bit apprehensive about going past the reef, and I took a precautionary look at what lay beyond it. The reef ended a dozen or so yards out into the ocean and I saw the bottom drop away fast, the water becoming dark really fast as I looked ahead. It made me shiver and I decided I would get this done quick and then go back to shore. I started to dive. It was harder to keep steady on this side, the waves kept trying to push me into the spiky reef. I felt a little tug at my waist and turned around to see a bigger fish try to snack on my dinner. I swatted at it and resurfaced to gulp some air. One or two more trips should get it loose. I dove again and had just reached the tangle when something barreled into me and slammed me against a stand of coral. Then I was dragged sideways by my shorts, left arm and back scraping over the coral, then suddenly let go. I looked around and saw a shark slip out of sight behind a big rock. I panicked and fought my way to the surface, gasping for air.

“HELP!” I screamed as I tried to swim away, but my foot was caught in the net! Mother of god I was going to die! “JASPER!”

There was a distant crash. I tried to pull my foot out of the net and saw that I was now swimming in red water. Blood. My blood! “HELP ME!”

What looked like a ball of fire shot towards me and then I was pulled under the surface, a piercing pain in my right calf. There was a snap and my foot came free as I was dragged away from the reef.

The rapid pressure change made my head clang with dizziness. My vision was full of bubbles and blood. ‘This is how I die’ I thought as the water darkened around me. Then there was a flash of pure white light and I was thrown sideways, the shark releasing my leg. I swam as fast as I could toward the sunlight, my lungs about to burst. I broke the surface and forced my body to keep moving. I was nearly fifty yards from the reef. I sped toward safety, my mind gripped in cold terror. I heard great splashes behind me, but I didn’t turn around until I reached the other side of the reef. My eyes couldn’t believe what I saw. Jasper was fighting the shark! It had her left arm in its jaws and she kept punching it on the side of the head, making a nasty wet crunching sound. The shark pushed her through the water and she roared at it, starting to glow white hot. The stench of burning flesh hit my nostrils before a shockwave bawled me over. The shark splashed backwards away from Jasper, who shot in the other direction. The shark tumbled end over end and then fell with a smack on the surface. Jasper swam toward me with huge strokes. I was speechless.

“Hold on to me!” she shouted and I grabbed her shoulder strap. I was pulled through the water with great speed and we reached the beach within seconds.

She collapsed onto the sand, breathing hard.

“Jasper!” I gasped and rushed over. Our eyes met and I knew something was terribly, terribly wrong. My lungs filled with ice and I clutched at her face.

“Y-you s-saved me…” I stammered, my body shaking.

She let out a chuckle and reached up and put a giant hand against my cheek.

“What kind of gem… would I be if - ” she gasped “If I let some random monster kill you?”

I let out a breath, smiling for a brief moment. There was a sound like glass being dropped on a stone floor and I could see the crack in her gem deepen and split off into more tendrils.

“Your gem! Jasper, what can I do?!”

“Take me to the r-rebels… I won’t be able to” she gasped again “to come back, by myself… Promise me” she glitched, her entire body warping this time. She grunted in pain.

“I-I promise!” I nodded breathlessly, tears rolling down my cheeks, clutching her hand to me.

She smiled crookedly at me and then she vanished in a puff of white smoke, her gem falling to the sand with a small chink. I picked it up in trembling hands. It was still in one piece.

I fell to the ground, screaming and clutching her gem to my heaving chest.

I began to feel dizzy and remembered my leg. I hadn’t felt any pain since I had been dragged into the dark water. I hobbled over to the tent, tore out the first aid kit and the bottle of vodka. There was too much blood and sand to see the wounds. I poured water over it and stared for a horror struck moment. There were deep teeth marks in a crescent shape on both sides of my calf, blood leaking out slowly. I picked up a stick and jammed it in my mouth and then I poured the vodka over my leg, screaming and biting down on the wood. I doused my hands too before touching it, knowing I’d have to act fast. I unwrapped the two largest gauze pads and put them on, my jaw clenching and spittle flying out of my mouth as I applied pressure. I wrapped the leg up tightly in a roll of gauze and then drank half a bottle of water. My entire body was trembling now and my mind stopped working completely. I rolled into a ball and hyperventilated until darkness swallowed me.

Pain wrenched me from my stupor and I threw up on the sand, some of it coming through my nose. I panted as the events of the morning slammed into my consciousness.

I grabbed at the first aid kit, shaking out pain killers and a big dose of broad spectrum OTC antibiotics. I swallowed them one by one, emptying the water bottle. My brain wasn’t working properly. I crawled inside the tent, grabbing Jasper’s gem. I slumped down, still wet, on my sleeping bag and passed out again.

When I woke up again it was dark and I was freezing. The fire had burned down to embers, so I must have slept for hours, not days. My head pounded and my leg felt like it was being stabbed. I knew I had to warm up and crawled outside to throw more wood on the fire. I drank more water and took more painkillers and another antibiotic for good measure, then I dragged the sleeping bag to the fire and wrapped myself in it, shivering.

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	9. Fragments

## Chapter 9: Fragments

Day 19

I jolted awake from a nightmare. It was day. I changed my bandage, swallowed more pills and forced down a meal bar.

Night time. Water. Fire.

Day 20

Day. Very thirsty. Changed bandage. Cried from pain.

Sunset. Water. Meal bar. Pills.

Darkness, rain. Crawled into tent.

Day 21

Dawn. Peanuts. Water.

Noon. Pills. Can of pea soup.

Day 22

Daylight. Changed bandage. Pills. Water.

Dusk. Can of chili con carne. Lots of water. Changed my clothes.

Day 23

My mouth was so dry it felt like sandpaper. I reached around for the water bottle, but it was empty. I sat up, scratching at my bandage. So it was healing then. Good.

I made my way over to the jerry cans, one was still half full. I drank until my stomach felt full. I took more pills, noticing I was running out.

“Fuck!” I said aloud.

I checked how much food was left in my messy camp. Two cans of pea soup, three meal bars and four packs of peanuts.

“FUCK!” I screamed, tears stinging my crusted eyes. I had no idea what day it was. Then I remembered I had been on my period. I quickly shoved a hand down my pants and then looked at it. No blood. It usually lasted six days so… The day Jasper… disappeared… was three days into it. So it must have been at least three more days then. Which would make it at least day twenty one. I looked around at all the empty food packages, but couldn’t remember how often I had eaten, so they were no help.

My mind was beginning to race. Nine days! There were nine food items left, but only one a day? That would be a recipe for disaster in my current condition. I needed proper food to heal. There was no way I would go back into the water. No fucking way. And then I was back in the dark water, being dragged to my death, bubbles and blood in front of my eyes –

“No!” I screamed. “I am here and this is now and I am safe! I am _here_ and this is _now_ and I am _safe_!” I pounded the sand for emphasis. I knew what this was and I knew how to handle it. I started to sing my calm down song and repeated it three times before I felt calmer.

I sighed deeply and said aloud; “OK, to survive I need water, fire and food. I have water and fire but need more food. Where do I get food? In the jungle. Mangos. Coconuts. Easy”

I tried to stand up, but my leg gave way and I fell down.

“Not easy. Make it easy. Or less hard. I need a crutch”

I grabbed some bamboo sticks and made an improvised t-shaped crutch and tried it out. It went fairly well.

I hobbled my way to the mango tree and ate four of the ripest ones before packing my little backpack full. There was still a lot of fruit left on the low tree, which made me feel quite a bit better.

“Rest” I said to myself as I came back to camp. “But first change the bandage”

There were no more bandages left.

“MOTHERFUCKING COCK SHIT!” I raged, throwing empty packages around me and then bursting into tears. I took Jasper’s gem out of my pocket and looked at it. It hadn’t been more damaged since she vanished. And she said she would come back, I just had to get her to the rebels. I had to get there. I made a promise.

“Don’t worry” I said aloud, as if to reassure both myself and Jasper. I went to sleep.

Day 24

Light. Water. Tears. Pain.

Dusk. Pea soup. The last of the painkillers.

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	10. Early

## Chapter 10: Early

Day 25

Someone shook my shoulder, a voice from far away…

“Jasper?”

“Miss Brooks! Miss Brooks! Wake up!”

I sat up, wincing and grasping my head. I looked into brown eyes and threw myself into the terrified looking Maria Fernandez’s arms.

“Fernandez!” I shouted with such relief. She hugged me back quickly but then pushed me away and grabbed me by the shoulders.

“Miss Brooks, what happened with your leg?!” her face was full of concern and fear.

I thought about trying to brush it off as no biggie. But it had been a biggie.

“I was attacked by a shark”

“A _shark_!?”

“I’ll tell you all about it, I promise. But can we leave? Right now?”

“Uh, yes! Of course!”

I grabbed the Luggage and my notepad; the rest could burn for all I cared.

“Let’s go” I said, leaning on my crutch.

Fernandez hesitated as if she was expecting me to pack everything up neatly.

“Are you sure? The rest of your equipment?”

“I don’t give a shit!” I snapped.

She looked shocked.

“I-I’m sorry, but I’d _really_ like to get off this island now!”

“OK Miss Brooks”

“Please, call me Erica”

Fernandez helped me to the shore and I steeled myself as we got into the water. Climbing up the ladder to the back of the boat was a painful experience, but I was so relieved I was getting off the island that I didn’t care.

We set off quickly and Fernandez gave me access to the boat’s first aid kit. I cleaned and re-wrapped my leg, Fernandez fussing over me. When I had scarfed down a glorious sandwich with cheese, actual _cheese_ , and a cup of tea, I asked her;

“Has it really been thirty days?”

“Ah, no. Twenty five. Your assistant called me and asked me to check on you. She said she had tried to call you for two days, but you hadn’t answered”

“Oh… Well thank goodness for Parker!” I started to laugh. Then I began to tell her my story, first warning her that it would sound totally crazy. And then made her promise not to tell anyone, ever. She gave me her word. At the end, I showed her Jasper’s gem. She goggled at me.

“Yeah, that really is a crazy story” she said, shaking her head in disbelief.

Her cell phone rang and I savored the electronic noise.

“Hello? Ah, yes. Yes, I found her. OK, hold on” she held out the phone to me and smiled. “It’s your assistant”

“PARKER!” I shouted.

“Oh my gosh! Loud!” Parker squeaked.

“Sorry!”

“Brooks! I’ve been _so worried_!”

“I’m a little worse for wear, but I’m alive!”

“Oh I’m so _relieved_!”

“Parker, I’ve got _tons_ to tell you, and I will, but first of all I need you to arrange some stuff for me, alright?”

“OK, let me get my pen!”

Right after we had docked at the marina, the waiting nurse gave me a thorough examination. I was healthy enough to fly, but told that I should see a doctor as soon as possible to keep my bite wound nice and clean. I thanked the nurse and gave Fernandez a big hug, telling her I owed her big time and to call me if she ever needed anything.

A very clean car waited for me on the street and we went directly to the airport. There I was given a wheelchair and a handsome and slim steward was given the joyous task of carting me around. Parker had arranged everything and I was more impressed than usual. A first class ticket to Empire City in Delmarva, United States waited for me at the check in counter. The plane would depart in four hours and would take six hours to reach its destination. From there I would take a two hour bus ride to Beach City.

I asked the steward, whose name was Clarkson, to take me to the nearest burger place and offered to treat him to lunch, but he politely declined. I ate a big greasy burger, nearly bursting into tears as the familiar tastes sent my mouth to heaven. I was getting some funny looks and asked Clarkson what they might be staring at.

“Well… “ he began, sounding troubled.

“Spit it out, I can take it” I said, wiping my face with a napkin.

“Um. Your clothes, they are… Rags?”

I looked down at myself. My t-shirt was stained and torn in more than one place and my shorts looked as if they had been through a tornado.

“Alright, I can see that. Anything else?”

“You… smell”

I barely stopped myself from smelling my own armpit.

“I’ll take your word for it. Can you please take me to a shower? And uh, get me some clothes?”

“Yes, certainly Miss Brooks” he looked relieved.

I don’t think I’ve _ever_ enjoyed a shower more than I did this one. It was awkward to keep my leg out of the water, but the nice people at Vorpal Airlines, where I was a platinum ‘suck my dick’ customer, provided me with a shower chair and a plastic sheet to keep my bandage dry. I must have spent at least an hour in the warm spray. When I exited, I felt cleaner than I had done in ages.

A set of very formal clothes waited for me outside the shower and I put them on for now, thinking the next stop would be the nerdiest clothes shop in the entire airport. I looked myself in the mirror as I dressed. I looked skinnier, but also more well-muscled and tanned to freaking perfection. My brown hair was sun-bleached and just at that length that made it look charmingly scruffy. It clashed horribly with the crisp white shirt and black skirt that had been provided to me and I laughed to myself as I put the skirt on. This would not do.

Clarkson waited for me when I re-entered the VIP lounge and I asked him to take me to a place to get different clothes. He obliged and I found some perfectly acceptable Star Trek themed t-shirts at a store, as well as sports bras and shorts. Happy with my purchase I asked to be taken to the smoking area and after that to the gate. Clarkson left me there and I dozed until it was time to board. I made sure Jasper’s gem was still in my pocket, before I got up out of the chair and a tall stewardess helped me to my seat. I fell asleep almost immediately, hand in my pocket.

Another wheelchair and a fancy looking crutch awaited me when we landed and I was transported through the airport by another handsome young man. I put my old clothes and the new ones in the Luggage and bought sandwiches and some snacks and drinks for the bus ride. Parker had offered to get me a car and a driver, but I had refused. I wanted this time to think, and a bus ride with strangers was just what I needed. There would be ordinary people on the bus, going to ordinary places, having ordinary conversations.

I had a smoke before the bus driver helped me on board with the Luggage. I unpacked a gloriously mass produced sandwich, a bag of chips and a fizzy drink and began to eat, enjoying everything. Before we took off, I asked the bus driver to please announce when we were getting close to Beach City.

The bus engine hummed and the muted conversation of other people worked its magic and I could think about what I was going to do when I got to the little city by the sea.

I needed to find Rose Quartz and the rebel base. I had no idea what she looked like, since Jasper hadn’t described her to me. I was assuming that if she was anything like Jasper or the rubies, she would be hard to miss. Someone would know her. And the rebels had a base. I pictured some governmental looking bunkers.

But what was I going to say to Rose Quartz when I found her? I sighed. The truth, nothing more, nothing less. I was terrible at lying anyway. I just hoped it would be enough. I took out Jasper’s gem and looked at it, caressing its undamaged side with my thumb. ‘Soon’ I thought, starting to feel nervous.

“Next stop, Beach City boardwalk” the bus driver said. He helped me down with the Luggage and I thanked him warmly. The bus drove off.

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	11. Beach City

## Chapter 11: Beach City

I was standing at a little square in the quaint little town. The buildings were mostly one storied and were all facing the beautiful beach. It was midafternoon and there weren’t a lot of people about. I leaned on my crutch and started to make my way down the little avenue. There were a few restaurants down to my left and an arcade to my right. I followed my nose to the first eatery. It was a fry shop. If I hadn’t just stuffed my face on the bus, I might have bought myself some. But I could ask if they knew Rose Quartz.

“Welcome to Beach Citywalk Fries, can I take your order?” a very young boy asked in a bored voice as I approached the counter.

“Hello there” I said, trying to remember how to speak to people. He raised his eyebrows at me.

“Uh… I-I’m looking for someone named Rose Quartz, do you know them?”

“Oh um. No, I don’t think so?” he looked thoughtful. “You could try asking next door”

“Thanks” I said, smiling, but feeling disappointed.

I entered the restaurant called ‘Fish Stew Pizza’ thinking what a weird name that was for a pizza place and looked curiously at the menu if they actually had fish stew pizza. And they did! What a world.

“Hi!” a cute young woman in a head scarf greeted me.

“Hey. I’m looking for someone. Do you know anyone by the name Rose Quartz?”

“Uh… Gunga!” she shouted to someone in back.

A little old woman stepped through a door that presumably led to the kitchen.

“Yes, Kiki?”

“This lady is looking for a Rose Quartz, do you know them?”

“Hmm. No, I don’t think I’ve met them, and I know everybody around here” my heart sank.

“Sorry” Kiki said, shrugging.

“Thank you anyway” I said, trying to smile, but not succeeding very well.

I stepped outside and lit a cigarette. When I started moving again I almost tripped over a little kid. He was just standing there, looking at me. He had a curiously shaped head and a blue shirt around his shoulders like a cape.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” he smiled widely up at me, creeping me out. “Sorry, little dude, I didn’t see you. Uh. Do you know a Rose Quartz?” he looked away and then back at me, then pointed toward a building that stood apart from the others down the boardwalk. My heart leapt!

“Thanks kid!” I said, smiling without effort this time.

I hobbled towards the building, it looked like a café. It had a big donut on the roof. As I got closer I saw it was actually called ‘The Big Donut’. ‘That’s an appropriate if dull name’ I thought to myself.

I crossed a street and opened the door to the little shop. A bell tingled and I could hear the hum-zum of refrigerators.

“Welcome to the Big Donut, what can I get you?” a cute short blonde woman asked me from behind the long counter. There was a young man with ludicrous holes in his ears sitting at a table and playing on his phone.

“Hey” he said in an uninterested way.

I approached the young woman.

“Hi. I’m looking for a Rose Quartz, do you know them? Some little kid pointed to this place when I asked him”

“Oh, do you mean Steven’s mom? I think her name was Rose” It was amazing how my heart could fill with hope, and then deflate within the space of a few seconds.

“Was?” I asked dejectedly.

“Yeah… I don’t know, that whole family is a bit… unusual…” that sounded promising.

“Do you know where I could find this Steven guy?”

“Yeah, sure. Straight down onto the beach and to the left, you can’t miss it”

“Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this helps me, Sadie” I said as I read her name tag.

“Will you be alright walking in the sand with that thing?” she asked kindly, pointing to my crutch.

“I’ll be fine! Thanks again!” I grinned and waved as I left. The young man said “Hey” as the bell tinkled.

I started walking in the sand, following the huge cliff growing out of the ground. It was hard going, but now I had a solid lead. I broke into a sweat as I struggled with my aching leg, but I didn’t stop.

Something huge came into view – a statue, as tall as the cliff! This must be it! Yes, the statue was cradling a house in its arms!

There was an incline that lead to some stairs, when I reached the top, I had to stop for a good few minutes to catch my breath. I took a drink of water and then knocked on the screen door, my heart pounding hard against my ribs.

“Coming!” a voice called from inside. Footsteps approached and I steeled myself.

A stout young man with dark hair opened the door.

“Hi!” he greeted me brightly.

“Uh. Hi” I said, staring at him. “A-are you Steven?”

“Yeah, who are you?”

“I-I’m Erica. Erica Brooks” his eyes widened.

“R-really? Erica Katheryn Brooks?!” he gaped and I grinned uncertainly, I had hoped no one would know me here in this little town.

“Uh, yeah… Listen –“

“GARNET! AMETHYST! PEARL! Come quickly! This is amazing!” he shouted, eyes sparkling. Hang on a minute, those were names for gems! I stood up straighter – was I about to meet the rebels? A sound like stone grinding on stone came from the back of the house and three figures stepped out of a door.

“- You should just have left it alone, Amethyst, that’s all I’m saying” a thin, and pale woman said to a short _purple_ girl with long white hair. This was it. These must be the rebel gems. I fought the urge to take up a defensive position. Taking up the rear was a taller gem with square hair and pink shades.

“I dunno, if I hadn’t punched it, I wouldn’t have that awesome squiggly thing it made” the purple one said defensively. “It’s like, my favorite squiggly thing!”

“Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl! Do you know who this is?!” the boy asked the three gems excitedly.

“Uh, hello” the pale gem said as she noticed me standing awkwardly in the door.

“Is she the new pizza delivery girl?” the purple gem asked, looking me up and down. “Where’s the pizza?”

“She’s not a pizza delivery girl, Amethyst. Look at her, she’s obviously here to try to sell something” the pale gem huffed.

“She’s not either of those things” the tallest gem said in a serious voice.

“She’s the author of ‘Relentless’! Connie showed it to me! It’s a really good book!”

“Ah-ha, thanks” I laughed awkwardly.

“Oh…” the pale gem changed her demeanor immediately, sounding a lot friendlier. The purple gem said ‘Pff!’ at this.

“Why are you here?” the tallest gem asked bluntly.

“I um. Uh. It’s rather a long story”

“Oh, oh, story!” the boy squeaked, jumping from one foot to the other. “Come on in!” he stepped aside and I entered the house hesitantly.

“Can I take your backpack?” he asked politely.

“S-sure” I leaned the crutch at the wall to unburden myself from the Luggage.

“Oh, have you been in an accident?” the purple gem asked curiously.

“You could say that… “ I said, not sure how much I should tell them out of context.

“Please have a seat, take a load off” the boy gestured to a sofa built into the wall behind a set of stairs.

“Thanks” I limped across the floor and sat down on the white cushions.

Steven brought me a glass of water and I sipped it as they gathered around me. I couldn’t help to feel a bit cornered. I cleared my throat.

“Um. I, uh. I went to an island for a sort of vacation and there were all these earthquakes. Then they stopped and there was a huge storm. The day after I found something in the water. Before I show you, can you please promise you will hear me out?”

“Of course!” Steven said loudly.

“Go on” the tallest gem said. The pale gem frowned and exchanged a dubious look with the purple one.

“OK” I took a deep breath “I found this” I carefully pulled Jasper’s gem out of my pocket and held it up so they could all see.

“Wait, is that –“ the purple one started. The pale gem got to her feet and _pulled a spear out of the gem on her forehead_!

“What kind of trickery is this?!” she screamed.

I clutched Jasper’s gem to my chest protectively, but before I could say something, the tallest gem said in an almost bored voice; “Pearl…”

The pale gem, Pearl, looked at the one who had spoken uncertainly. “But Garnet, that’s –“

“I know what it is, Pearl. Steven promised we would hear her story” Pearl let the spear go with a grumble and it disappeared with a ‘twing’ sound. The purple one, Amethyst, snickered.

“Yeah, yeah!” Steven exclaimed.

I took another breath and closed my eyes. “I thought it was a pirate treasure at first” Steven smiled. “I put it in my pocket and forgot about it. Then, a few days later, it ripped my shorts apart and this huge woman formed from out of the cracked stone. I mean, gem” they all exchanged looks.

“She fell into the water and seemed scared and didn’t notice me at first. Then she saw me, moved really fast and asked who I was, I answered and then she asked where Lapis Laszuli was” Steven gasped audibly. “I had no idea what she was talking about, then she said something about ‘all of them being there’ and then asked me why I was naked before passing out. I caught her before she hit the ground” Amethyst let out a “Whoa” and Pearl huffed an affronted "Oh, really".

“I was shocked, to say the least. I couldn’t move her, so I built a shelter around her. I was afraid she would get sun stroke. I left some food and water with her. Later, I built a fire so she would keep warm during the night. I sat down to eat there, since I couldn’t be arsed to get more firewood in the dark. She woke up and got scared of the fire and of… me” I smiled. Pearl wore a doubtful frown.

“She got tangled in the tarp and when I shouted at her to stop destroying my shit, she stopped momentarily and said ‘Peridot?’” Steven and Amethyst laughed at this, Garnet’s mouth showed a hint of a smile. "I yelled at her to stop and I cut the tarp and she used the tare to rip it off herself. Then she trampled all over my camp, wrecking my tent and a lot of my equipment" Steven gasped "Oh no!"

"She started to... glitch and I asked what on earth she was" Amethyst chuckled.

"We both wanted answers to questions, so we traded information. She reluctantly disclosed that she was an alien from another galaxy, sent here on an escort mission. I answered her questions related to her gem. I described the crack to her and she was very upset. I asked if she would die if her gem was destroyed" Steven, Amethyst and Pearl all gasped.

"How could you possibly know that!?" Pearl erupted.

I smiled and replied; "That's _exactly_ what she asked me, too" Amethyst laughed and said " _Oooh_!" as if I had delivered a snappy comeback. Pearl's cheeks flushed a pale blue.

"And I'll tell you what I told her. Deduction. A simple stone forms a woman who has that stone as part of her face, she seems awfully concerned about it and threatens to kill someone when she finds out that it's seriously damaged. It's not that big of a leap..."

"I asked her name, and she glitched in the middle of her response. Jas-per. Jasper. Then she fell... asleep? She was snoring. I was so tired I went to sleep too"

"When I woke up the next morning I checked on my camp and found that my satellite phone and most of my food supplies had been destroyed. I got very upset... I wanted to be alone on the island and just care about myself and swim and stuff. Simple things, so I could think. Have a break from the world... I made some plans on a new shelter, thinking about what she had said to me about what she was and why she was there. I concluded she must be a soldier of some kind, mid rank. I was gathering bamboo and on my second return to the beach there was this... thing. A huge spider thing. I tried to wake Jasper, but she was out cold. I smacked the creature to get it away from her and it attacked me" Steven, Amethyst and Pearl all gasped.

" _You_ fought a corrupted gem?" Pearl demanded, as if it was a ludicrous idea.

"It had a gem yes. I managed to get on its back and... kill it" I spared them the gory details. "Jasper had woken up finally, and she told me to destroy it so it wouldn't come back"

"Oh, no!" Steven exclaimed and I turned to him. "W-we try not to destroy them... They look like monsters, but they used to be gems like us... We poof them and put them somewhere safe, where they can't hurt anyone"

"Did I kill... a person?" I felt color drain from my face as guilt slammed into me like a hammer.

Suddenly Garnet was standing in front of me, her hand on my shoulder. "You couldn't have known... You did what you had to do"

I swallowed hard and looked around at the gems, Garnet sitting down on my other side. Her words carried a lot of weight. "Go on with your story" she said.

"I uh... I was upset and I wanted to get clean, but I also felt proud of what I had done. I had no idea I could do something like that... I went to the water to wash myself and my clothes. I forgot Jasper was awake, so I undressed. I was so focused on what had just happened. I almost walked into her..." I could feel my cheeks burning red.

"She said 'That was pretty good for a human' and looked me up and down. I got so angry, I tried to slap her" Amethyst said " _Oooh_!" again, smiling. Pearl looked mildly entertained for the first time, and Steven gaped, his cheeks rosy.

"She grabbed my hand, so I try to slap her with the other one, but she grabbed that too... She laughed and then I sort of ran up her body and hit her on the chin with my knee"

"Ohh! BOOM!" Amethyst laughed.

"She lifted me into the air by my arms and told me I was feisty, then asked me why I had defended her. I was still angry, so I bit her hand and then I was hanging upside down. She asked me again and I said; 'What kind of person would I be if I let some random monster kill you?', she dropped me on the ground and then I asked her what kind of thing _she_ was that she couldn't thank someone for saving her life" Amethyst actually got up this time and said "Oh no, you did _not_!" a wide grin on her face.

"I walked away and started to scream to let off steam. She followed me and asked what I was doing, so I told her. She said I was the strangest human she had ever met and I asked if she had seen a lot. She said 'Yes. During the war'. She told me earth was meant to become a gem colony but that some gems had disagreed and rebelled. Her attitude towards humanity was... awful. Called us vermin..." I sighed as I remembered how I had made a connection between the rebels and PETA. "She said the rebels used a weapon to destroy all gems and that the home world gems retreated. Then I asked what she was doing here now and she said the peridot had needed an escort, since she had evidence there were still gems on earth. She called you rejects and I said they must be stronger than you and she got _really_ mad..."

Amethyst fell to the floor laughing, Steven clapped his hands to his cheeks, Pearl gaped and Garnet nodded, grinning.

"What?" I asked them, looking around confused.

"I'll tell you later..." Steven whispered, awestruck.

"She... The anger was a mask. That comment made it slip and I saw something in her that took away my fear... I asked what had happened to her and she flinched away from me and started to glitch again. She told me it was her gem and that she needed to rest, so I helped her to my camp. I offered her food and water but she said she didn't need any, then she fell asleep"

"The next day there was a storm. I had made a shelter out of the remnants of my tent, tarps and duct tape that was big enough for the two of us. She went inside when I finally managed to wake her. The rain started and I went inside too. I started to draw and sing to pass the time, I doodled her gem on the paper. Then there was a clap of thunder and she woke up, startled, shouting 'the cluster'" the gems gasped.

"I tried to reassure her that it was just thunder. I asked what she meant by cluster, thinking cluster bombs. She asked if there had been any earthquakes and I told her yes, but that they had stopped the same day the last storm hit, the day before I found her gem" all the gems looked at Steven. "She said the cluster was a powerful weapon that they had grown on earth to use for colonization. And that you guys must have destroyed it"

"We didn't destroy it, but it's OK. It's not a weapon anymore" Steven said breathlessly.

"I asked her how they grow gems and she told me a bit about home world. It sounded so... rigid. That all gems must do what they were created to do, no matter if you liked it or not. That your only purpose was to be useful to your Diamond. I asked if being a soldier made her happy and she said it brought her satisfaction. I asked what other things made her happy and she gave me a rehearsed list that sounded like propaganda" Pearl looked uncomfortable at this, Amethyst glancing at her and then away.

"Then she asked what made _me_ happy and I told her some stuff... I played her some of my favorite music on my phone. She seemed to really like it, and I started to doodle again. She saw that I had sketched her gem and was really upset, like she hadn't realized how big the crack was before. She started to... cry"

"She _did_?" Steven asked, surprised. Pearl and Amethyst looked astounded too.

"Yes" I said, "I didn't want her to feel embarrassed... So I held her hand and told her to breathe, then I hummed a song my grandmother used to sing to me when I was a kid, and she calmed down..."

Steven looked around at the other gems, smiling.

"I asked if her gem would heal on its own and she said no. After talking for a while she realized that Rose Quartz must have some sort of technology to repair gems and that there must be a warp pad on the island that led to your base. She got really excited and said she would go look for it. I suggested she should rest until the rain stopped"

"But... That warp pad was destroyed" Amethyst said and Pearl looked at her questioningly.

"It got smashed in the battle with Malachite" the purple gem explained.

"Oh... ”I said, feeling a little disappointed.

"Wait, she told you about _Malachite_?" Amethyst asked me.

"Yes…" she nodded at me to continue the story.

"The next morning she woke me up and we went looking for the warp pad. We searched for a few hours every day for about three days, using a satellite image I had brought as a map. Then..." I hesitated at the next part. But, I decided, if I wanted to convince the gems to help Jasper out, I'd have make them understand that she wasn't what they thought she was.

"I um. Uh, I started to get... cramps..." Steven's face went red and Pearl blushed blue. Amethyst raised an eyebrow. "And, and I used a heated rock to help with the pain. Jasper asked what I was doing and I said, _sarcastically_ , that my body was celebrating and that the rock was helping me. She went to look for the warp pad by herself and when she came back, she had brought me another rock. She put it in the fire to warm it, then handed it to me and said 'Congratulations'" Amethyst burst out laughing. Garnet chuckled, Steven looked confused and Pearl pressed her lips together as if trying not to laugh on principle. I smiled at the memory.

"It was sweet of her. We talked for a while and she asked to try one of my cigarettes. She didn't like it at all, but I felt glad about it. She was already so different from the first day"

"We went to look for the warp pad again, but no luck. When we came back to the beach she had gotten a burdock stuck in her hair. I said I'd get it out and started to sing as I worked at it. She started to sing along after a while and it made me so happy, I didn't know she knew the words. I told her about what the song was about and where it came from. She sounded interested in the story. Then a... cramp hit me and I was about to fall, but she caught me. It was... very sweet of her" I blushed.

"We shared a meal that night and talked about... old girlfriends. We went to sleep, but I had a nightmare. She said she had bad dreams too and told me about Lapis and how and why they had formed Malachite. She explained about fusions, but I'm not sure I understood. She was sad about it all and I tried to reassure her we would be bound to find the warp pad soon. And if we didn't, my friend Fernandez would come to the island and pick us up, and we'd just have to take the long way round"

"The next day was a hard day. I woke up before her and saw a space ship! She called it a Roaming Eye and said it was there to arrest her. I convinced her to hide in the jungle and I talked to the rubies. They said they had come to find the traitor Jasper and bring her back to Yellow Diamond for questioning"

" _Whaaat_?" Steven breathed.

"I told them that she had gone to Siberia, and I think they believed me and they took off. I went to find Jasper and she was _devastated_. At first she was so angry she tore off the yellow diamond symbol from her clothes and stamped on it" the gems stared at me, incredulously.

"Then she was so sad. I asked if she wanted me to go, but she said stay. I sat down by hear head. She said she was nothing without her diamond, and I said that told her that she was a proud warrior and that she would get through this. She asked me how and I said by not hiding from how much it hurt... to let her heart break..." things were losing focus and I realized I was crying. I let the tears fall, taking a deep breath. A small warm hand touched my arm.

"She... broke down... Her head was in my lap and I just..." I cleared my throat. "After a while she calmed down and we went back to the camp. It started to rain and I told her to go on inside the tent, she said she was very tired. I needed a moment to... think. Eventually I went to go lie down and sleep"

"When I woke up the rain had stopped. Jasper was awake too and I asked how she was feeling. 'Empty', she answered. I lay down next to her. I remember thinking how much it hurt me to see her that way, but also felt honored she was showing me that side of her. I told her I couldn't imagine what she must be feeling, but that I knew what it felt like to feel betrayed by something you never thought would turn on you" I touched the scar at the back of my head and sighed deeply before I continued. "I had a brain tumor", the warm hand on my arm squeezed gently. "It was benign, but I was traumatized by the ordeal and I lost myself in anger, because it was easier to be angry and push everyone away than to deal with how violated and alone I felt. I got help, and things got better. I told Jasper that the most important lesson this had all taught me was that you should never run from how you feel. I told her she wasn't alone and that I was there for her" I remembered the feel of her breath on my neck. "She hugged me and embraced how she felt. I held her close… Afterwards, she said she felt tired, but lighter. I told her to rest" I wiped my eyes.

"The next day..." I felt my body begin to tremble. I realized I hadn't told this to anyone but Fernandez, and then I had been so happy to be getting off the island; I had been able to keep a smile on my face the entire time.

"I went to see if I had caught any fish. One of my nets had gotten tangled over the reef and I went to sort it out. I had a fish in my string bag tied at my waist. I killed it so I could concentrate, then..." I swallowed hard "Then a s-shark took the fish and slammed me into the reef. I tried to swim away but my foot got caught in the net. I screamed for help and then the shark bit my leg and dragged me down. I thought I was going to die... Then there was a white light and the shark let me go. I swam to the reef and turned around. Jasper was fighting it. She sent it flying and raced toward me, telling me to hold on to her. We got to the beach and she..."I lost my voice for a second "I promised I'd take her to you " I squeezed the gem in my hand. "Please say you can help her"

“O-of course!” Steven panted.

“Now wait just one minute!” Pearl exploded.

“You heard her, Pearl. Jasper’s changed!"

“Yes, but! It’s _Jasper_!” she wailed exasperatedly, waving her arms in my direction. “She attacked us! Ripped Garnet in two, punched you in the face, Steven! She imprisoned us! She was going to hand us over to _Yellow Diamond_! Then she tried to kill us by forming Malachite!”

“And then she spent some time with a human” Garnet said calmly.

“And sacrificed herself for her! Doesn’t that sound like she has changed?” Steven said to Pearl. “Look at Lapis! She tried to kill us, and so did Peridot! And they've _both_ changed!”

“J-jasper was just repaying a debt! Erica saved _her_ from a corrupted gem!” Pearl said dismissively.

I stood up, anger gripping my heart.

“I didn’t go through all this just to falter at the finish line! I _know_ what she has done! I _know_ what she was! And I _know_ that that’s _not_ what she is anymore!” tears rolled down my cheeks, but I didn’t care.

Before I knew what was happening, Steven _licked his hand_ and slapped it onto Jasper’s gem.

“STEVEN!” Pearl shouted, shocked and angry.

“Whoa” Amethyst gasped.

I looked at Steven, not understanding what was going on.

“I believe her” he said, crossing his arms.

Jasper’s gem sparkled and then started to glow, I held on to it and hobbled away from the sofa. The gem rose into the air as they all got to their feet, Pearl pulling out the spear again and Amethyst pulling out a whip from the gem on her chest.

“Pearl, Amethyst, don’t!” Steven yelled, Garnet restraining him.

Jasper started to form and I turned to face Pearl and Amethyst, throwing out my arms.

“Don’t you _dare_ touch her!” I screamed. I heard a grunt and a thud behind me, then a ‘Thoom!’ sound and the beginnings of a roar. Time seemed to slow as the two gems in front of me took on offensive stances. I opened my mouth and sang as loudly as I could;

“WHO ARE YOU, THE PROUD LORD SAID! THAT I MUST BOW SO LOW! ONLY A CAT OF A DIFFERENT COAT, THAT’S ALL THE TRUTH I KNOW! A COAT OF GOLD, A COAT OF RED – “

Then, from behind me, Jasper’s voice joined me; “A lion still has claws. And mine are long and sharp my lord, as long and sharp as yours” my eyes were streaming and my voice was breaking, but I continued, not caring how I sounded. “And so he spoke, and so he spoke, that lord of Castamere. And now the rains, weep o’er his halls, but no one’s there to hear. And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but not a soul to hear…” Nobody moved. I turned around. And there she was… Standing tall and proud, arms relaxed at her sides, looking down at me with a warm, crooked grin. Her gem was whole and her outfit was slightly altered, but I only had eyes for her face.

“Jasper…” I whispered breathlessly, reaching out my hand towards her face. She looked at me with eyes full of tears. I caressed her cheek and she leaned into my touch. My heart leapt in my chest.

“Erica” she said slowly and my spine felt like it was being electrocuted. She opened her arms wide and I stepped into her embrace. I leaned my head against where the yellow diamond used to be and began to cry in earnest, shaking. My injured leg gave way, but instead of going down, I went upwards. I saw her cheeks flush with color, and I became aware of my burning ears. She carried me over to the sofa, Pearl and Amethyst moving out of her way, stunned into silence.

She placed me gently on the cushions and then sat down herself, looking around at the other gems.

“I am no longer part of Yellow Diamonds army. She believes I am a traitor, and I can’t serve a Diamond who doubts my honor” she stated solemnly. “I want to… find who I am, without a master”

I squeezed her hand. She looked at me and smiled confidently.

“I give you my word, that I will never try to harm you again. I have no reason to. Rose” she turned to Steven “I will never be able to repay you the kindness you have shown me today. Thank you”

Pearl looked like her chin was going to hit the floor. Amethyst threw her hand up into the air, her whip vanishing. Steven’s eyes were full of tears and wonder and Garnet reached under her shades to wipe her cheek.

“That was beautiful” the boy gasped and then “Do you want to stay in Beach City? Oh, please, please stay!”

“There is a lot I have to think about here. People… to talk to” Jasper responded. It didn’t seem possible, but Steven’s eyes went even wider.

Pearl drew in a breath as if to protest, but Garnet put a restraining hand on her shoulder.

Amethyst looked pleased and then said; “I could really go for some pizza right about now”

“Yes! Pizza!” Steven shouted, raising his arms into the air. “This day is just getting better and better!”

“I agree” Garnet said, and to Pearl’s great surprise, she got up and started walking towards the door. We all stepped outside, me grabbing my crutch.

“See you at the pizza place in a few minutes?” Garnet asked me and Jasper and I nodded. Pizza did indeed seem like a good idea. The four of them went ahead, Pearl glaring at us suspiciously.

Jasper looked at me questioningly. “What is pizza?”

“It’s a type of food” I answered, looking at the ground.

“Hey… Um. I-I was thinking of hanging around here for a while to heal up. It seems… It seems like a nice place… I mean, I-if you don’t mind“

She leaned down and took my chin in a firm but gentle grip, lifting it up so that she could see my face. My pulse started to race as I looked into her eyes, I could see the light of the setting sun reflected in them. Then, in a husky voice that promised _so_ much, she whispered;

“Stay”

* * *

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	12. Four walls and a roof

## Chapter 12: Four walls and a roof

I sighed as I lay down on the king sized bed. Had I ever really appreciated how wonderful it was to sleep on a mattress? Well, I would from now on.

Jasper and I had gone to the pizza place and had some food with the rebels, Steven doing most of the talking. I had been dazed and feeling exhausted and had nodded off a few times. The last time I snapped back to wakefulness I found myself leaning against Jasper and that she had placed her arm around me, presumably to keep me from falling over. I moved my head and Jasper noticed I was awake. To my muzzy delight, she didn’t remove her arm and kept talking to Amethyst. I listened and sat up straighter when I heard the word Lapis, but didn’t speak. Jasper had stiffened up as the name was mentioned. Steven told us that both Lapis and Peridot were living together close to town and that Peridot officially was a ‘crystal gem’ now. I had raised my eyebrows at this and Steven explained that Peridot had escaped and eventually been captured by the rebels. Over time they had become friends and they had worked together to stop the cluster from forming. I squeezed Jasper’s hand as Steven talked about Lapis. He said she was recovering and that Peridot was helping her. Jasper’s hand had shook and I gripped it tighter. That’s when I asked the group if they knew of a hotel in town and Steven had pointed us toward the Ocean View. I had paid for a room and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. I hadn’t even removed my clothes or crept underneath the blankets.

The bed moved as Jasper sat down. She rubbed her face and then lay back. She was so tall that her legs wouldn’t fit on the bed. She had had to hunch down not to hit her head on the ceiling too. She placed her hands behind her head and took a deep breath. I looked over at her. She was wearing a very thoughtful expression.

“Home world isn’t going to give up” she said in a flat voice.

“Didn’t Amethyst say they sent the rubies off to Neptune or something?”

“The rubies might be stupid, but Yellow Diamond isn’t. Eventually an attack will come. And when that time comes, I won’t be able to fight them all by myself. Yellow Diamond is a superb adversary, but I know how she fights. To defeat her forces however, I’m going to have to try to work with… the rebels…” she frowned as if disgusted.

“Would that be so bad?”

She sighed and shrugged. “The rebels… If I could choose five gems to fight home world, it wouldn’t be a runt, a defective Pearl, whatever Rose Qu- hah, _Steven_ is or the puny gems that make up Garnet… ”

“Well, they seem to have done alright so far”

“No one knew they were _here_ before. It’s not like they are important enough to send an armada for or anything, but something _will_ come”

“Isn’t there a way to get Yellow Diamond to leave earth alone? Like a treaty or something?”

“Tch, Yellow Diamond takes what she wants. And if it’s true that Peridot insulted her to her face…”

I thought for a moment. “Do you think there will be another war?”

“I don’t know. Earth isn’t exactly a threat to home world. I’m not sure there are resources to spare for another campaign, when there is so very little for the Empire to gain here”

“I’ve heard about war, met refugees, but never been part of it myself”

“I like a good fight, but war is… Chaotic. There is no honor, no rules, no limits. It was my duty, my _purpose_ to fight, not my… choice” She said and looked like she just had her mind blown. “I’m not like the ‘crystal gems’, I don’t follow Rose Quartz. I don’t have a master anymore… I fight for… me”

Her face was surprised and worried.

“They might not come tomorrow or even next month. But they will come…”

“I want to help” I said before I could stop myself. She turned to look at me.

“Erica, it’s not your fight” she said seriously.

“The hell it isn’t” I said forcefully. “This is my home. I don’t deserve to call it such unless I’m willing to defend it. What kind of person would I be if I just stood back and let home world stomp all over my planet? It’s not like they’re gonna step around the humans to get to you guys. If I’m gonna die I’d rather die fighting” images of Valkyries lifting the souls of the fallen from the battlefield flashed across my inner vision.

She raised her eyebrows at me and then smiled crookedly. “Good…” she said and something in her eyes made my ears heat up like a furnace.

“I’m gonna go for a smoke, then I think I’ll go to sleep. It’s been rather a long day…” I limped stiffly outside and lit a cigarette. I pulled out my phone and sent a quick email to Parker that I had arrived and that everything was fine. I also asked if she could check if there were any already furnished houses you could rent in Beach City and if she could find me a clinic where I could get my leg looked at. When I was done I looked up at the sky. The stars were out. My universe had expanded, I realized. It was hard to describe the feeling. Like, my world had always consisted of my immediate area. Somewhere I knew I was in a place in a country that was part of planet earth, but that was on such a large scale I couldn’t really grasp it. And now, earth was just a rather small planet in a single star system. The universe was so much more. I had always thought of space as a plane rather than an infinite… something. Did infinity have a shape?

A dog barked in the distance and it brought me back to earth. My cigarette had burned out and I put it in the ash tray before going back inside. Jasper was lying on the bed and there was a snore - I chuckled to myself. I lay down too and listened to her deep and steady breaths. It was so comforting to have her back. I had missed her, I realized and felt my heart beat faster. Her face was so peaceful in the warm light from the street lamp outside the window. Would it really come to fighting? She had sounded so certain… I looked up into the white ceiling and sighed. One part of me was saying ‘Oh, bring it, home world’ and another ‘There has to be a better solution that violence’. A third part said ‘Maybe there will be a confrontation with home world, maybe it can be avoided. All you really know is that you won’t give in without a fight, whether that is with words or with fists. And you know that you can wield both’. I let out a breath. The rebels didn’t seem too worried though. They were just living their lives, or at least that’s what it sounded like. Even Peridot and… Lapis. Jasper had trembled at the mere mention of her name. My heart swelled with sympathy for her. How strange it was to hear Steven talk about Lapis like she was his friend, when I only knew her as a torturer. How had Jasper felt? She hadn’t said anything after I changed the subject in the restaurant… I sighed again and decided that I wasn’t going to bring it up with her, if she wanted to talk about it I just hoped she would trust me to listen. Steven had said Peridot and Lapis were living outside Beach City, so the likelihood of randomly running into them in town seemed rather small. I realized I had no idea what they looked like, but then figured that it’d be quite obvious if and when we met. I had a feeling Jasper wanted to talk to Lapis, but judging from her reaction today, she wasn’t ready yet. We should just… try to live a normal life. I didn’t have any tours planned for the foreseeable future and my leg was going to need some time to heal, so I didn’t have a reason to leave. Somehow it felt right to be here, right to lay next to this beautiful alien and right to want to fight for my home. Yet I had doubts… I had a complicated relationship with that part of me. The part that always questioned and saw the flaws and all the ways something could go wrong. But it was also that part of me that worked out problems and could make complicated plans and plot lines. It was useful, but not always fun.

Jasper made a mumbling sound in her sleep and rolled over onto her side, her back toward me. Her outfit had changed from dark brown and red to a dark grey. Did it reflect how she was feeling? Or was it simply that she was no longer required to wear a uniform? The rebels hadn’t worn any, they all looked different. The one called Garnet had been so kind in a strange way, when I talked to all of them at Steven’s house. She had been supportive and reassured me. Amethyst seemed like a fun person with a lot of attitude. Steven… he seemed almost too good to be true. He was extremely friendly and it made me feel a little uncomfortable, if I were to be completely honest. But I think that was more about me being socially awkward and overwhelmed rather than anything bad about him. That Pearl, though, she really seemed to hate me. She hadn’t said a word to me or Jasper at the pizza place and had just huffed and glared at me when she thought I wasn’t looking. What was her problem with me? Had I insulted her somehow? I frowned to myself and then yawned. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth before changing into some soft new cotton pajamas and getting under the covers. It was a bit of a hassle since Jasper had fallen asleep on top of them, but I figured my body would recover better if I could keep warm. Beach City was a lot cooler than the island, but not as cold as my home country. It made me happy to think that I might be able to wear shorts for a really long time here, because I fucking love wearing shorts. I smiled to myself and turned to face the window. My movement triggered Jasper to move too and her warm arm fell to rest against my back. It was strangely intimate… We hadn’t had a lot of physical contact, but her unconscious touch felt somehow reassuring. I smiled and closed my eyes.

***

I pushed the key into the lock and opened the door. A small hallway led past a staircase and into a kitchen. To the left of the stairs was a big living room with high ceilings. Jasper had to stoop down to not hit her head on the door frame as she came in behind me, carrying the Luggage.

“This’ll do, right? At least you won’t hit your head in here” I said with a smile, making Jasper grin and say ‘Tch’.

I leaned on my crutch and walked forward, discovering a small bathroom underneath the stairs. The kitchen was rather long and narrow and had a small square table and three chairs. The living room was enormous and had two sofas made of faded black leather standing against either wall. There were a few coffee tables and a long chest of drawers underneath the garden window. I stepped through the kitchen and opened the door to the patio. It had a small wooden deck with a sofa, a table and a couple of mismatched wooden chairs. The roof stretched over the sofa, which was great for when I wanted to smoke while it was raining. The garden was overgrown in a nice way that made me think of the Burrow and I wondered briefly if there were any gnomes hiding in the bushes. The fence was taller than I was, so I couldn’t see into the neighbor’s garden, but a few trees peeked over the top, trailing some branches over to our side. I struggled up the stairs and Jasper followed, walking behind me with her arms at the ready if I should slip. I don’t think she meant me to notice this, and I pretended I didn’t know, but smiled to myself. The upstairs consisted of two small bedrooms, one with a single bed and one with a king size. There was also a huge bathroom with a shower stall.

“Oh, that’s a shame” I said disappointedly, the tiled floor and ceiling making my voice echo slightly. “I was hoping for a bathtub…”

“Do you want to go look at more places?” she asked, sounding a bit tired.

This was the only house that was rent controlled, furnished _and_ had high ceilings in Beach City, but I hadn’t told Jasper that.

“No, it’s fine” I smiled. “The acoustics are better in a stall anyway” Jasper chuckled at me.

I took out my toiletries from the Luggage before exiting the room and closing the door. I stopped on the landing and looked at the two bedrooms. Shit. Would she want a bed to herself? Suddenly I felt a little lonely.

“Where do you want to sleep?” I asked, trying to sound casual. She glanced at me quickly and then looked away, clearing her throat.

“I was thinking that maybe… Maybe if we took the mattresses downstairs, it would be easier for you, I mean with your leg and all…”

She had said _mattresses_ , plural. A warm feeling spread in my chest and my cheeks flushed with color.

“That’s so… thoughtful, Jasper, thank you” I whispered. Her mouth twitched and I swear I could see a rosy tint to her cheeks. She grabbed the mattresses and lugged them downstairs with ease and I followed slowly. When I reached the living room she had placed them on the floor, the single mattress lying at the foot of the king sized one, essentially making one big floor level bed.

“This way my legs could fit” she said, grinning proudly. I wanted to hug her so badly, she was just too cute for words.

“Great! I think there are supposed to be sheets and blankets in a cupboard in the hall, could you help me get them? Oh and pillows”

We found the stash of bed linens and Jasper reached the highest shelf without trouble. I put my hand on the small of her back to steady her, not realizing I’d done so until she took a step backward and nearly knocked me over.

We went back into the living room, Jasper carrying everything with no apparent effort. We made the bed and then Jasper lay down to test it out. She made an appreciative noise in the back of her throat that made me smile.

“I don’t really go in for all this…” she lifted a pillow “soft stuff, but…” she snorted and put her hands behind her head.

“What, didn’t you have a bed back on home world?” I asked, giggling.

“I’d say it was more of a… slab”

“Hah, what?”

“It was a beautiful piece of rhyolite…” she sighed wistfully.

“You’re serious? Gems sleep on rocks?” it made me think of Klingons. She chuckled cockily.

“Just the bad asses” it made me snort with laughter and she grinned.

“Well, miss Bad Ass, do you want to join me on the patio for a smoke?”

She got up and followed me outside.

I blew out a stream of smoke and leaned back against the pillows.

“You know, just because you’re big and strong doesn’t mean you can’t like soft things” I said with a smirk. “It doesn’t make you any less of a bad ass”

“Pff” she huffed and threw me a sideways glance before relaxing a little. She crossed one leg over the other and moved to put her arm on the back of the sofa, brushing the top of my head and making me cringe.

“Please don’t touch my head” I hissed, putting a hand on my scar protectively.

“Uhh… sorry?” she looked very confused.

“My scar from the surgery it’s… it’s really sensitive, alright? It makes me _really_ uncomfortable when someone touches my head unexpectedly…” I was trying really hard not to sound angry.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to” she looked like a kicked puppy, all her cockiness crumbling.

“I know! I know…” I forced myself to relax. “It’s… it’s OK, I’m fine” I didn’t know who of us needed more convincing. I felt cold and exposed; I clicked my jaw and got to my feet. She gave me a sad look. “Could you hold this for a minute?” I held out my cigarette to her and she took it from me carefully, sadness being replaced by something else in her eyes. I hobbled inside and dug around in the Luggage until I found my smaller backpack. Inside its side pocket was a black and white striped soft beanie. I put it on and took a deep breath. ‘There you go’ I told myself, ‘you’ve got the armor on and you’ll feel better in a second. You are here and this is now and you are _safe_ ’

I went back outside and sat down again with a sigh. I patted Jasper on the knee and she handed me back the cigarette.

“Why are you wearing that?” she asked quietly.

“It makes me feel safe” I said and closed my eyes and leaned my head back against her arm. I felt her relax against my side at my gesture of trust and peace. “I’m sorry I snapped”

“It’s fine… I… I thought it was long ago though?”

“It was… But I have nerve damage so the sensation is… weird and it brings back… memories”

“I’m really sorry” she looked sad again.

“It’s OK, Jasper, you couldn’t have known” I put my hand on her knee again to reassure her. “It’s not something I bring up usually. I mean I tried doing that at first, but that seemed to make people really want to touch it somehow…”

“I’ll be more careful” she said sincerely.

“Thanks” I smiled.

We were silent for a moment. A little bird landed in the middle of the garden, looked at us with a beady eye and hopped around before flying off with a tweet.

“I never really got to know this place before. During the war I was, well… occupied. This was just a place to fight in”

“Then you have so much to see” I smiled at this.

“I guess I do” she smiled back at me. “What is this sound?” she held up a finger and I listened.

“The sort of… chittering?”

“Mmm”

“I think it’s cicadas” I shivered at the thought and she looked at me questioningly. “They are really big insects. They don’t exist where I come from, so I’m only guessing though. Maybe it’s grasshoppers”

“Why do you shake?” she asked curiously.

“I don’t like bugs over much, they’re so… creepy looking. But they can make beautiful songs and some of them are really pretty and colorful, like butterflies”

“Are they dangerous?”

“Bugs in general are harmless I think, they are mostly food for larger things like birds and stuff. Some of them are poisonous though and can cause disease and what not, but don’t worry about it”

There was a knock at the front door and I sat up. Who on earth could that be? Had I even told anyone we were renting this house?

“What?” Jasper asked.

“I think someone’s at the door” I said slowly and got to my feet. We went to have a look. I took a peep through the spy hole and saw to my surprise that it was the purple gem, Amethyst.

“It’s Amethyst” I whispered.

“Amethyst?” Jasper straightened up and took on an air of cockiness again - a thrill went down my spine. She really was stunning. I opened the door.

“Yo” the purple gem greeted with a flick of her hair.

“Hello” I said, feeling a bit awkward. Jasper only nodded. Amethyst looked a little intimidated but rallied.

“Can we talk?” she looked up at Jasper, whose composure faltered a bit at the question. I glanced between them and began to move away slightly, I had a strong feeling Amethyst wanted to talk to Jasper alone. My phone buzzed – it was a text from Parker that I should go to the clinic and get my leg looked at before it closed.

“Uh, hang on, r – Amethyst” Jasper turned to me. “What’s up?”

“Parker’s reminding me that I should go get my bandages changed” I wrote a quick ‘OMW’ and sent it before putting my phone away. “I should get going, they shut in an hour”

Jasper half closed the door and whispered “Do… do you want me to come?” her eyebrows knitted together.

“No, it’s fine” I smiled reassuringly at her. “Go, talk to Amethyst, I’ll be back soon” I saw the uncertainty in her eyes, and then I realized she was the one who didn’t want to be left alone. I leaned forward and stood on tip toe to whisper in her ear, “You can do it, sweetheart”

When I leaned back I could see she was blushing slightly and I wasn’t sure if that was because of the physical closeness or because I had caught her in a vulnerable moment. I smiled at her warmly and she looked away with a slightly embarrassed grin. It made my heart skip a beat.

“Uh, hello?” came Amethyst’s voice from the other side. I nodded at Jasper encouragingly and she reopened the door. “I could come back, if it’s a bad time…” Amethyst said a little uncertainly.

“It’s fine” Jasper stated confidently.

I picked up my little backpack. “I’m just heading to the doctor” I smiled at Amethyst. As I walked past Jasper I stroked the back of her arm slowly. “See you later”

“See you, Erica” my spine tingled when she said my name.

“Uh, yeah, good luck man” Amethyst said.

They began talking as I limped past and I did my best to ignore what they said, filling my head with song lyrics instead. I plugged my headphones into my phone and pushed play. Sahara Hotnights’ ‘Cheek to cheek’ started and I hummed along as I made my way slowly to the clinic. It was only a few streets away but when I arrived my leg and arms were aching. I wasn’t used to walking with the crutch yet and I sat down in a chair in the waiting room for a minute or two before approaching the counter. After I had signed in it only took about five minutes before a middle aged doctor called my name. I got up and limped into their office.

“Am I reading this right?” they asked me, looking over the tops of their half-moon spectacles at me. “Shark bite?”

“Yes, that’s correct”

“How in the name of God did you manage to get bitten by a shark?” they asked, staring at me.

“I was on vacation on a tropical island and swam outside the safe zone… With a dead fish tied to my waist… I know, stupid right?”

“Unwise I would say, but, you’re alive. And I trust you won’t do that again will you?” they said admonishingly.

“Uh, no, I don’t think I will” I said with an embarrassed grin.

“Well then, let's have a look. Hop on the bed please” I did as they asked and they began unwrapping the bandages. They cleaned my wounds and rewrapped them, telling me that it was healing nicely but that I should get some rest. They also said to come back the day after tomorrow. I thanked them and headed outside, sitting down to have a smoke on a bench under a tree. I dug around in my backpack and found a packet of peanuts and chewed them slowly, looking at the building opposite the clinic. It was a grocery store. It would be a good idea to get some food for dinner and breakfast for tomorrow morning. I knew I had lost some weight on the island, but having take-out for two days straight wasn’t a good idea. My mouth started watering as I thought of digging my teeth into a fresh apple. Oh! And waffles. Since I was in the US now they’d be bound to have maple syrup – a combination I’d always wanted to try. I finished the peanuts and limped across the street.

I overdid it a bit on the shopping and ended up with more groceries than could fit in my backpack, so I had to grab a spare plastic bag. It was more awkward to walk with a swinging bag and it slowed me down further – it must have taken me a good twenty minutes to get back to the house. I was sweating profusely when I stepped through the door and leaned against the wall for a moment to catch my breath. I carried the groceries into the kitchen, hearing a scuffle from the garden. I looked outside – Amethyst and Jasper were out there _wrestling_ on the ground!

“Oh no! No, no, no, no, _NO_!” I wrenched open the door and stumbled outside croaking “What are you doing!? Stop!” they didn’t seem to hear me. Then Amethyst caught Jasper in a headlock and they stopped moving around so much.

“How’d you like me now, huh!?” Amethyst shouted gleefully.

“Get the fuck _off_ her!” I screamed, brandishing my crutch like a club. “Let her go or I’ll make you regret it, you purple piece of _shit_!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Amethyst said, releasing Jasper and raising her hands. “We were just playing around! Just playing around!”

“ _What_?!” I barked. Blood pounded in my ears.

Jasper coughed and stood up slowly, staring at me.

“Tell her, Jasper!” Amethyst implored, gesturing toward me.

“Erica, it’s true. She was showing me some earth fighting moves and it got a little carried away” she said quickly, holding up her hands in a calming gesture.

“Are you fucking serious?!” both of them took a step away from me. I lowered the crutch slightly.

“Yeah, it’s all good, put that thing down, jeez” Amethyst blurted and I glared at her, panting. I was starting to feel dizzy.

“What the fuck you guys…?” I groaned and let the crutch drop to the ground. My head was spinning and I grabbed my forehead as I swayed. “Son of a… _bitch_ ”

Strong arms grabbed me as the world went sideways. “Amethyst, get some water” it was an order. I heard something dash past me. “Easy…” Jasper cooed softly and lowered me to the ground. Black spots danced in front of my eyes.

“Here” something was pressed against my lips and cold liquid ran into my mouth and down my chin. I swallowed, wetting my dry throat. My vision cleared slowly and both their worried faces came into focus.

“E, you alright?” Amethyst asked.

“Y-yeah…” I blinked in the suddenly blinding light of the sun. “New house rule… No fighting in the garden…”

Jasper chuckled and said “Agreed”

Amethyst breathed out a long breath of relief. “Jeez, E, collapse much?”

Jasper turned her head fast to glare at her.

“Sorry” the purple gem said, shrugging.

“Gods, I thought you were trying to kill each other… You nearly scared the life out of me”

Amethyst started to laugh. “We scared _you_? You were fucking terrifying, waving that thing!”

I let out a snort of laughter. “What?”

“Intimidation is a very useful strategy” Jasper said and grinned at me with a glint in her eye.

“ _I’m_ intimidating?” I was shocked.

“Hah, _yeah_ ” Amethyst rolled her eyes at me. I looked at Jasper with raised eyebrows.

“You are a lot of things” her words made me blush scarlet and I took another drink to try to hide it.

“Alright, so no more fighting here, got it. I know some other places I could take you. More room, less chances of the Eradicator busting my ass” Amethyst smirked at both of us.

“Sounds good to me” Jasper responded. “Do you want to get up?” I nodded and she pulled me to my feet and Amethyst handed me back my crutch.

“Careful with that, alright?” I snickered and jabbed it at her, making her laugh and jump back. “Oh _ho_ , you wanna dance, E?”

“Maybe some other time” I went back into the kitchen and picked up an apple before sitting down on the sofa. “Shit” I lit a cigarette. “And the doctor said I should take it easy…”

“You got snacks?” Amethyst asked hungrily.

“Help yourself” I waved a hand in the direction of the kitchen.

“Hey, who wants waffles?” Amethyst stuck her head out the door with a grin.

“Oh me, yes please” I raised a hand.

“What are waffles?” Jasper asked, looking from me to Amethyst and back again.

“I’ll show you, come on!” the big buff gem stepped inside and I grinned and leaned my head back. There was some clanging and laughter, followed by sizzling and a wonderful smell. After a few minutes they came back outside with three plates piled high with waffles and the maple syrup and ketchup. They must have used all the waffle mix.

“Whoa” I said and smiled as they put it all on the table. “Thanks”

“You should try them with syrup _and_ ketchup. It’s the best combo. Hands down” Amethyst assured both of us with a grin.

“Hah, I’ll try one with just syrup first. I’ve never had it before” I poured out some thick golden brown liquid onto the top waffle and took a big bite. “Oh” I said as the taste surprised me “I thought it would taste more like honey, whoa”

“You’ve _never_ had maple syrup before?” Amethyst looked dumbstruck.

“It doesn’t really exist in Europe”

“Then what do you put on waffles?”

“Uh, jam I think. Or powdered sugar. Oh, or ice cream”

“Weird… I’ve never tried that”

“But you’ve tried them with ketchup?” I raised my eyebrows at her.

“Yeah” she said with her mouth full “Itsh delishush”

I looked at Jasper and smiled broadly. Her eyes were sparkling as she chewed. Amethyst looked over at Jasper too and snickered.

“This… This…” Jasper seemed lost for words. “Oh my stars…” she took another bite and moaned. The sound made my hairs stand on end.

“Just wait until you try _cake_ ” Amethyst said forcefully. “Oh, dude!”

I had a few more waffles, even trying one with a bit of ketchup – it was interesting, but I would rather skip it. The gems devoured their stacks quickly and I pushed my plate into the middle of the table so they could share the rest of mine.

“Phwoar” Amethyst patted her belly and burped. Jasper opened her eyes wide in surprise.

“What was that?”

“A burp” the purple gem giggled. “It happens when you get air trapped in your stomach. It feels weird. But hey, you wanna pick this up tomorrow? I’ve got a feeling you got some moves to show me too with all that home world training”

“Hmpf, you have no idea” Jasper snorted cockily.

“Alright, don’t hurt yourself with that pride, Jay-Z. I’m gonna head back to the temple, so I guess I’ll see ya tomorrow!”

“Bye”

She jumped over the fence easily and I stared after her.

“Did you see that? She cleared the fence no problem!”

“Hah, that’s nothing” I goggled at her.

“Really? How far can you jump?”

“Oh, I dunno, couple hundred yards or so”

“ _Hundred_?!” she chuckled at my expression. “Holy fuck balls…” I lit another cigarette as she finished her last waffles.

***

It was later in the evening and I had just taken an awkward shower with a plastic bag taped around my bandage. It was around ten at night and I was getting ready to go to bed. I yawned hugely as I brushed my teeth. I made my way downstairs slowly in my PJs and flopped down next to Jasper with a sigh, burying my face in a fluffy pillow.

“Oh, bed, my sweet mistress, how I have missed thy soft embrace. Carry me upon thy back into the land of dreams…” I mumbled and grabbed a couple more pillows and hugged them to my chest.

Jasper chuckled and turned to face me. “Don’t take all the pillows”

“I didn’t think you went in for soft things?” I teased and threw one at her.

“Hah! It doesn’t make me any less of a – bad – ass!” she swatted me with it and I laughed.

“It certainly doesn’t” I looked at her fondly and then yawned, covering my mouth with my hand. “What’s your favorite dream?”

She blushed a little. “Well… there’s one where I’m in a big, big place and there’s this sound I can’t describe, coming from the walls. It’s really weird. I just walk around and listen”

“That sounds really nice” I smiled, thinking that it was funny how someone who was made for war had such powerfully peaceful dreams.

“What’s your favorite?”

“Hmm… I think it’s one I had as a kid. I’m a big cat in a beautiful swamp like place. It’s got little islands with trees and clear water and if you run through it, it hangs in the air. I just run around and laugh, chasing butterflies” I felt myself blush too and she smiled at me.

“What’s a cat?”

“It’s a mammal” I showed her a picture of a bobcat on my phone. “I can’t remember what kind though, but it’s big… It feels so good to run on all fours… Claws digging into the ground, taking huge leaps… Oh man… I wish I could have that dream again” I sighed wistfully and grabbed a blanket and scooted a little closer to the middle of the mattress.

“Are you cold?”

“A little”

She pulled another blanket over me and I felt touched. “Thanks” I whispered and yawned again, closing my eyes.

“You’re welcome”

“Good night, Jay-Z”

“Good night, Eradicator”

* * *

Please review!


	13. Lunch

## Chapter 13: Lunch

Amethyst had showed up after breakfast and she and Jasper had gone off somewhere to train. I was running out of clean clothes and decided to go buy some more, three sets of shirts and underwear wasn’t enough. I found a clothes shop on the boardwalk with hilarious t-shirts and general beach wear. I bought a few things for myself and picked up a couple of t-shirts for Jasper too, my cheeks growing hot when I thought about how she might look in them. I wasn’t sure about her size, but I kept the receipt so she could exchange them if need be. I sat down on a bench outside and had a smoke, sending an e-mail to Parker and asking her to express ship me my laptop and a couple of other things. I could of course make all the arrangements myself, but then I’d put her out of a job. It was such a luxury to have a personal assistant. I didn’t have to worry about a lot of things anymore, Parker was a fixer and extremely efficient. We had grown quite close over the few years we had worked together and I realized with a pang that I hadn’t seen her in more than a month. Feeling a bit sad, I decided to cheer myself up with a treat and started walking to the Big Donut. Then I remembered the girl… Sadie? She had led me to the gems. I should thank her again and ask her to lunch or something.

The bell tinkled as I entered the café and the boy behind the counter greeted me unenthusiastically.

“Welcome to the Big Donut, what can I getcha?”

“Is Sadie here?” I asked, walking up to him.

“Sadie!” he called and slouched off into the back. “Someone’s asking for you. I’m going on a break, your turn to manage the register”

The short blonde girl came through the door and smiled as she recognized me.

“Oh, hi”

“Hello” I said brightly.

“Did you find Steven alright?” she asked and stepped up to the register.

“Yes, thank you, I did. That’s one of the reasons I’m here today – I was wondering if I could treat you to lunch to say thanks?”

“Oh” she blushed slightly. “Um, you don’t have to do that, it’s not like I did much”

“Please, I want to. You and that kid were the only ones who even knew the name Rose Quartz, I really owe you big time. I should try to find that kid and thank him too, do you know where he might be?”

“Which kid are you talking about?”

“Oh, I don’t even know his name… He was quite short and had a sweater around his shoulders. Kind of a weird head?”

“I think it might be Onion. Did he speak?”

“No, he just smiled and pointed to this place”

“Hah, that sounds like Onion alright. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him talk to tell you the truth… He hangs around the arcade sometimes”

“Ah, great, thanks” I smiled “So, how about lunch?”

“A-are you sure? I wouldn’t want to put you out” she smiled a little uncertainly. Gods, she was sweet.

“Not at all, not at all, it’s the least I could do. You have no idea how much you helped me out” I tried to look as sincere as possible.

“Oh OK” she smiled. “My lunch break starts at one o’clock”

“You want to meet here?”

“Sure, that’d be great”

“Awesome” I smiled with pleasure “Oh, could I trouble you for a donut?”

“Of course! Uh, sorry, I don’t know your name”

“Oh, my bad. I’m Erica”

“So, what kind of donut would you like, Erica?”

“Pink frosting with sprinkles?”

Sadie picked up a pair of tongs and I dug around in my pocket from my wallet.

“It’s on the house” she smiled and I giggled.

“Thanks!”

She handed me a small paper bag with the café’s logo on it.

“See you at one then” I said as I made my way outside. She waved and said “See you!”

I felt distinctly cheered up and munched on the donut as I headed toward the arcade. How would I thank the kid – Onion. It would feel creepy to buy him lunch, or any kind of food really. Especially candy. Shit, what did kids like? I entered the low ceilinged arcade and was enveloped in a smell of cheap pizza and fried food. The floor was slightly sticky underfoot. Man, that took me back. I wandered through the aisles of retro games, recognizing many of them from my childhood.

“Holy fuck balls” I breathed as I found Street Fighter II. This had been my _game_! I took out a quarter excitedly and put it in the slot. The familiar music made me grin and I hummed along, feeling my excitement mounting. I grabbed the controls. Oh-ho man, I knew exactly who I was going to play as: Chun Li.

“Prepare to die, you electric motherfucker” I giggled as the fight against Blanka started. When I was a kid I had played a few perfect games, but my skills were rusty. I had to try a few times to do the Spinning Bird Kick before muscle memory kicked in. I battled my way through the game, hooting and hollering as I did my special moves, completely lost in joy.

“Yeah throw that opera cape, little man, your days are numbered!” I said passionately as the last fight against Bison began. “Vengeance!”

His health meter dropped to zero with a final “Spinning Bird Kick!”-yell from me and I punched the air as the end movie played. I put my initials in like I had always done – ‘ECB’. My given name was Erica _Catheryn_ Brooks. I had legally changed it to Erica _Katheryn_ Brooks when I was old enough. The initials ‘E. C.’ sounded like ‘easy’, which had been the base of some really _cruel_ names when I had attended school. I only had to change one letter, but it had made me feel in control. The only one who still called me ‘Easy’ was my sister. I frowned slightly and changed it to ‘EKB’.

The game showed me the top one hundred list – I ranked number thirty six. The top name was ‘SRC’. I wiped my brow and smiled.

“That was a good game, man” a slow voice said from behind me. I turned around to see a thin young man with hair so pale it could have been white.

“Uh, thanks” I grinned, feeling a bit embarrassed by my shouting. “Hey, have you seen a little kid in here? His name is Onion?”

“That’s my little brother” he said. “What do you want with him?”

“He did me a huge favor a few days ago and I wanted to thank him. Actually I wanted to get him something, but I don’t know what he’d like. And I didn’t want to be creepy”

The boy made a ‘Hnuh’-sound that I think was a snicker. “He really likes those GUY and GAL toys. There’s a machine over there” he pointed to his left.

“Is he here with you?”

“Yeah, he’s by the Skeeball games”

“Thanks”

“No problem, man” he strolled off down the aisle and I went to check out the machine he had pointed to.

I put one quarter in the one marked “GALS!!!” and another in “GUYS!!!” and pushed the button. The first one said “Cop Gal!” in an enthusiastic metallic voice and the second one said “Eye Guy!”

I picked up the containers and looked at them closely. The ‘Cop Gal’ was wearing a police uniform and brandishing a night stick and ‘Eye Guy’ was a rotund teal cyclops.

Onion was standing by the Skeeball games and staring at them intensely, but not playing.

“Uh, hello there” I said awkwardly. Onion turned his head slowly toward me. “Do you remember me? I asked if you knew a Rose Quartz a few days ago. You really helped me out so... I-I, uh, wanted to thank you, so I got you some of these” I held out the toys to him. “Your brother said you liked them”

He looked at them, then back into my eyes before snatching them out of my hands and walking away quickly. After a few steps he turned around and made a hand motion as if he was blowing a kiss. I was stunned by this strange behavior.

“That means thank you” Onion’s brother slouched into view.

“Oh… OK, great”

“Come on, bro, mom’s waiting for us” they left together and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I looked at the time; it was half past ten. A few hours to kill before lunch with Sadie. My fingers itched a bit and I decided to google if there was an art supply store in the area. There was one a few streets away. I walked over there slowly, having a cigarette and listening to some music.

“Do you do deliveries?” I asked the lady behind the register of ‘Color me impressed’.

“Hmm, not usually, but I’m sure I could arrange it” she said helpfully. “Whatcha thinking of?”

“I’d like to get a couple of big canvases and a bunch of supplies, but I can’t really drive at the moment. And, well. I don’t have a car either” I smiled apologetically.

“Oh shit, what happened to your leg, girl?”

“I had an accident” I lied and pursed my lips and she raised her eyebrows at me.

“Hah, accident, really? Well, I’ll tell you what. You tell me what happened and I’ll drive the stuff over this afternoon, deal?” she reminded me strangely of Amethyst – this woman didn’t seem to have any boundaries either. I grinned.

“You’ve got a deal, but you’re not gonna believe me”

“I’ll be the judge of that, missy” she snickered and crossed her arms. “Now spill it”

“I was on a tropical island, fishing, and one of my nets had come loose and got stuck over a coral reef. I had a fish in a string bag tied to my waist and I went to untangle the net on the other side and a shark took the fish and then bit me and dragged me under”

“How did you get away?” she looked fascinated.

“Jasper saved me, I don’t really remember how”

“Who’s Jasper?”

“She’s… someone special”

“Oh I see” she grinned at me and winked. “Well, it does sound unbelievable, but I’ll take your word for it. Now, what exactly is it you want to get?”

We spent some time making a list of supplies. She thanked me for my business and said her name was Vidalia. She promised she’d be by a little after five o’clock this afternoon with everything and that I could pay her via invoice. I thanked her profusely and headed home to rest for a little and drop off the clothes I had bought earlier.

At one o’clock exactly Sadie exited the Big Donut and I could see the boy glaring at both of us through the window.

“Wow, what’s his deal?” I asked as we walked slowly toward the boardwalk.

“Uh, he’s a bit upset I was leaving is all” she frowned.

“Why is that?”

“He wanted to head out to see his friends for lunch, but we can’t close the shop. And you had asked me to lunch before he even brought it up, so I said it was only fair that I go. He… he didn’t like that he had to cancel…”

I felt a pang of guilt for this.

“I mean I always stay in. The one time someone asks me out for lunch… Oh I don’t know why he has to be so… so… Ugh” she sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring down the mood”

“It’s OK, Sadie. Sounds like you need to talk about it”

She smiled at me. “I-it’s OK, it’s fine. Where do you want to go?”

“I was kind of hoping you could tell me – what’s your favorite restaurant?”

“Oh! The sushi and ice cream place! They’ve got a really great selection! But it’s a bit pricey…”

“Don’t worry about that” I smiled. “Let’s go!”

I had a smoke on the way there. It was a medium sized restaurant with a handful of people sitting around a revolving track that disappeared behind a wall.

“Oh _cool_! I’ve always wanted to eat in a place that has a thing like that” I pointed at the track.

“Yeah, it’s pretty neat” Sadie smiled.

We sat down next to each other at the counter.

“The sushi is automated, you just pick what you like and it calculates your bill as you go”

“That’s awesome”

“You have to order drinks from a waiter though”

“What is this, the stone age?” I said with mock aggression, making her giggle. “Oh, look, salmon!”

I picked up a little plate with two salmon nigiri pieces, then poured some soy sauce into a little bowl and tasted the provided wasabi to check the strength – it was a bit weak, so I put a lot into the brown sauce. Sadie chose a plate of hoso maki with crab sticks and we dug in.

“Gudars skymning…” I sighed as I chewed the first piece.

“Hmm? What language is that?” Sadie asked curiously.

“It’s Sowegian, I was born in Soweland*, but my family moved to Great Breton when me and my sister were really young” (*Sweden, Norway and Finland)

“Oh, cool. We don’t get a lot of foreigners in Beach City. What did that mean?”

“Uh… Like, twilight of the gods? I think. I’m not very good at Sowegian anymore, but I remember important things like swearwords and songs and stuff” this made her giggle and I smiled.

“I wish I knew a second language… I’d really like to learn Spanish or Parisian^ so I could go to Europe, see the sights, you know?” (^French)

“Most people speak English though, well, the Parisians are, well, a bit Parisian… But the rest are fine. What sights would you like to see?”

“I’d absolutely _love_ to see the Coliseum in Reme, well, the entirety of Ichtaly (Italy)”

“It’s spectacular”

“You’ve seen it?!”

“Yeah, we went there on vacation once when I was younger, when my dad turned fifty”

“Wow, I’ve barely even been to Empire City” she looked down at her empty plate. I had a feeling she was waiting for me to pick out something else. I took a plate of California rolls.

“Have some more, please” I said, smiling and waving a hand through the air “I’m serious, don’t worry about the bill” I picked a few random things to prove my point. She shyly took some dumplings of the track.

“H-have you been to more places?”

“I’ve been a bit all over” I said evasively. “I really like going to like comic conventions and stuff” ‘as a fan’ I added in my own head.

“Oh, which ones?”

“Like, Comicon, Supercon, AnimeExpo, all that stuff. I _love_ movies, TV-shows, books and games. I’m a huge nerd”

“I’ve been to Horrorcon in Empire City once! It was _great_! I got the autograph of the guy who plays Lester in Teddy Terror V”

“Nice!”

“It’s so nice, meeting so many people who love the same things you do. All the cosplays! I’d really like to go to one in costume once, I think I’d make a pretty convincing Evelynn from Urban Street Massacre” She blushed slightly, as if she hadn’t meant to say that aloud. 

“I could totally see that” I said with a smile. She had exactly the right build and even her face was similar to the actress who played Evelynn. “I really want to cosplay Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica, I just haven’t had the time to work on that costume. I mean, you could always order one online, but it’s so much fun to make your own, you know?”

“I’ve never actually seen that show”

“Holy fuck balls, really?”

“Ha ha! I’ve heard good things though”

“It’s amazing - Oh, I absolutely _adore_ Mary McDonnell as the President. Her voice is spectacular!”

“Is she the one who plays the girl in Dances with Wolves?”

“Yes!”

We kept on talking about various shows and movies for quite some time, until she glanced at her watch and gasped.

“Oh, shoot! I’m gonna have to go or I’m gonna be late!” she jumped down from her chair. “I completely forgot about the time! This was really fun, Erica” she smiled broadly. “It’s not often I meet someone who appreciates the nerdier things”

“I had a great time too, Sadie. Let’s do it again soon!”

“Yeah that’d be awesome! You should come to the Horror Club next week, we’re gonna see a director’s cut of Bad Taste”

“Gross! I love it. Text me the details?”

“Sure! Take care”

“You too” she waved as she dashed out of the door. I chuckled to myself and finished the last of my food before flagging down a waiter and asking for the check. Seems like I had made a new friend. I walked back to the house slowly, feeling very full. ‘Time for a nap’ I thought muzzily as I unlocked the door. I lay down on the bed in the living room and put on some music on a timer, setting an alarm for an hour later.

***

Vidalia had come over at the set time and delivered the art supplies and I was now sitting in front of a big empty canvas with a brush in my hand. I was waiting impatiently for the base coat to dry so I could begin. I decided to make a snack and have a smoke instead of literally watching paint dry. When I returned some fifteen minutes later it was ready. I had no idea what I was going to make, I just wanted to paint. I put on some music and found the flow. I loved that feeling… It was a mind space devoid of conscious thought, just wordless emotions and impulses. A dab there, a dash there, smudge it with the other hand… There were no mistakes, because there was no judgement. It was almost like a trance. The canvas filled with color and after a while, I stepped back and took in what I had done. It was an underwater scene. A blurry hand was reaching out for the surface, darkness eating away at the edges. I sighed. My subconscious was usually pretty bad at communicating, but this was clearly about the shark. I scribbled my name in the corner and put the brush down, realizing I was covered in paint. Well, it was good I had bought some new clothes today then. It was only acrylic so it could be washed off quite easily, but… It was ages ago since I had worn paint streaked clothes. There used to be a time when I didn’t own a garment that didn’t have at least one extra color splattered on it. I grinned ruefully as I remembered Parker making me get an entirely new wardrobe for my first book tour. I threw a quick base coat on a few more canvases before taking a smoke break.

When I returned I stood and stared at the white square for quite some time before picking up the brush. I felt a thrill as I mixed red and yellow together.

* * *

Please review!


	14. Connie

## Chapter 14: Connie

I was walking across the square where the bus had stopped. I was on my way to the fry shop to get something to eat. It had taken me ten minutes of slow walking to get this far. Something bumped my shoulder and I stumbled off the gravel and onto the grass as a bunch of people rushed past me on bikes, laughing.

“Watch where you’re going asshole!” I snapped as I tried to regain my balance.

“Why don’t _you_ keep out of my way, you fucking _weirdo_!” a boy in his early teens shouted cockily over his shoulder. He and his two friends laughed as they rode off down the street.

The nerve! If my leg was better I would have set off after them and given them a piece of my mind and probably a black eye or two. Fucking asshats! Didn’t they see I was walking with a fucking crutch?!

“Jesus fucking Christ!” I grumbled, appalled. There was no one else around so I had no witnesses to this incident and no one to back me up if they were gonna come back. I hobbled toward the boardwalk. At least there would be someone there.

I made it to the fry shop and sat down at a table. The young boy who I had met when I arrived gave me a menu.

“Oh, hi again” he said. “Did you find who you were looking for the other day?”

“Yes. Yes, I did, thanks”

“Sorry I couldn’t be more help”

“It’s alright”

“I’ll give you a minute to look over the menu, would you like a drink while you decide?”

“Yes, please. Mega porp with ice”

“Coming right up” he said in a bored voice and strolled off.

When he came back I ordered a plate of fries with garlic sauce on the side. To my surprise it only took a few minutes before he was back with the food, even if I was the only customer in the place. I forced myself to eat slowly, my mind still seething from being bumped into by those little assholes. The fries were really good and eased my mood a bit. I paid for my meal and started to walk back to the house, feeling like I needed a nap. When I reached the square again I saw a girl sitting on a bench, reading. The kid who had bumped into me was sneaking up behind her. Before I could call out, he had grabbed the drink standing next to her on the bench and poured it all over her head.

“Got nothing better to do than to read, you fugly bookworm? You’re at the beach! At least now you’re _wet_!” he and his friends laughed as the girl spluttered and jumped away from them.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I shouted and quickened my pace. “Leave her alone you little shit!”

“Oh it’s the weirdo” he said with a lazy grin. “Watch out or I’ll shove that cane up your ass!”

“Are you retarded?! That would explain _a lot_!” his face purpled at my words.

“You can’t talk to me like that; I’m the mayor’s nephew!”

“Good! Then I know who to talk to about your bullshit behavior! Now either apologize or fuck the hell off!” they got on their bikes and rode away, screaming insults at me. I reached the girl in a few seconds.

“Hey, you OK kid?”

“Y-yeah I think so… My phone…” It was sopping wet. “Oh no!” She picked up the soggy purple stained book. She started crying, apparently more upset about the book than the phone.

‘Oh wow, OK, tears’ I thought. My first instinct was to offer a hug, but I couldn’t go around hugging random children, I’d get arrested. I dug around in my pocket.

“Here” I handed her a napkin “It’s alright, they’re gone” I said softly. 

“No it’s not! I’m never going to be able to replace it!” she wailed.

“Oh…” she was talking about her book. “I-is it a first edition or something?” an icy chill went down my spine at the thought.

“No… It was signed…” a shard of glass pierced my heart. One of my most prized possessions was a signed hard book copy of ‘Night watch’ by Terry Pratchett. If anything would happen to that I’d be _devastated_. It wasn’t just an object – it was a precious, _precious_ memory. I had met my idol the year before he died. I had been tongue tied and teary eyed, but had managed to thrust the book into his hands and he had smiled with a twinkle in his eye.

“Is this your favorite?” he had asked me and I had nodded slowly. He signed the book with a practiced hand and I had managed to squeak out a “’nk you” before my best friend pulled me away. He had snickered at this little internal joke and my heart had _soared_.

“I’m sorry kid… Wow, that _really_ sucks” I said emphatically. “Do you want to call your parents to come get you?”

“They’re working… I asked them to drop me off early so I could read before meeting up with my friend… Can I call him instead?”

“Uh, sure” I handed her my phone and sat down on the bench. She dialed a number and had a short conversation before handing it back to me.

“Thanks…” she looked sad.

“What’s up?”

“He’ll be a while… He’s off with the ge-, uh,  his family…”

“Did you tell him what happened?”

“No… What he’s doing is more important than that, I didn’t want to bother him with it…”

“Oh, hey now. Stuff like this _is_ important” she looked _so_ dejected.

“Yeah, well…”

“Did he say when he’d be back?”

“Not for an hour or two…”

“Ah…” my heart went out to the girl. I couldn’t just leave her here with a soggy book and dirty shirt. “OK, kid, here’s an idea” she looked up at me “how about we go get you a clean shirt? Do you know anyone else in this town?”

“Huh? Yeah… my friend’s dad owns a car wash”

“Let’s go” I got to my feet and smiled.

“Oh, you don’t have to…”

“Hey, I want to. It’s ok”

We started walking slowly.

“I haven’t seen much of the city yet, I only came here a few days ago”

“Are you here on vacation?”

“Hah… I don’t know to be honest. Me and my…” what were me and Jasper really? “Uh, we have just started renting a house here”

“It’s a really nice place, usually… I’ve never met the boy who poured the drink over me before…”

“He’s a little tick, don’t worry about him. He’s gonna get his just desserts”

“Please don’t make trouble on my account…”

“It’s no trouble; it’s just what’s right. No one has the right to do that to another person. It was really, really mean and completely unnecessary”

There was silence. I felt I had to say something more.

“Bullies are often people who have been bullied themselves and the only way for them to feel better is to make someone else hurt as much as they do. It’s more about them and their own insecurities than it is about the people they target. So don’t take to heart what he said”

“So I’m not a fugly bookworm?” she asked shyly.

“No. You are a girl with a passion for books. And books are awesome” she looked a bit happier.

“Do you read books, miss?”

“Of course, who doesn’t? Call me Erica by the way” she smiled at me.

“I’m Connie. What kind of books do you read?”

“Oh all sorts. I’m a huge fan of Terry Pratchett. I must have re-read his entire series like ten times now. I usually read fantasy, sci-fi, mystery, thrillers… Well, anything that’s good, really”

“I _adore_ fantasy! Have you read The Spirit Morph Saga?”

“I was a bit too old when they came out, but they are on my list. Young adult novels are for more than just youngsters after all. I keep returning to the Harry Potter series, I’m pretty sure I know all there is to know about the Wizarding World”

“My favorite character is Hermione Granger! I love how she is written!”

“Hah! She’s my favorite too” I smiled “And professor McGonnagall, ain’t nobody messing with Minerva McGonnagall”

“There’s the car wash” she pointed across the street.

I could see the rear end of a rotund man digging around in a van.

“Hi Mister Universe!”

“Oh, hi Connie” the man said as he turned around. “Your shirt! What happened?” he looked worried, she glanced at me before saying;

“A boy poured my drink over me…”

“What? That’s not nice. Are you alright?”

“Yeah… I’m fine. But my phone isn’t working and he ruined my book”

“Oh no! Do you want to call your parents?”

“No, it’s fine. They’re working. This lady helped me out” Connie pointed at me.

“Hello” I held out my hand.

“Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Greg”

“Erica, nice to meet you too. Do you maybe have a shirt she can borrow?”

“Uh, sure, I think so. Probably have an old band shirt that’d fit you, Connie, if you don’t mind it”

“That’s fine! I just want to get out of this sticky one”

He rummaged around in his van some more and pulled out a black shirt with purple writing on it.

“Here” he held it out to Connie “there’s a restroom around the corner”

“Thanks!” Connie said and went to change.

“Was it bad?” Greg asked me when Connie was out of earshot.

“Some little shit head just walked up to her when she was sitting on a bench and reading, grabbed her drink and poured it over her. I shouted at him and his friends and they left”

“What an idiot! It was lucky you were there to chase them off”

“I passed them earlier and they nearly knocked me over with their bikes. It felt good to tell them off”

“Ha, yeah. Hope they’ll stop now”

“Oh, I’ll make sure. The bully is apparently the mayor’s nephew. I’ll have a word with him”

“Oh, gosh, really? He’s a bit… eccentric, our Mayor Dewey. But he’s nice, I’m sure he’ll want to do something about his nephew”

“Good!”

Connie came round the corner, wearing the black shirt but looking disappointed.

“What’s up Connie? You don’t like the shirt?” Greg asked, looking a little hurt.

“No, the shirt is great. It’s just… I tried to wash the book in the sink and it all just fell apart…” she held it up. It wasn’t bright purple anymore, but the book was completely ruined.

“Oh boy… I’m sorry Connie” Greg said compassionately.

“Hey, if the author is still around, I’m sure you could get a new signed copy” I said, trying to find a silver lining.

“Yeah, she’s still alive… But I have no idea if she’ll come to Empire City again. She does do book tours and goes to conventions and stuff”

“If she doesn’t you could send a letter, I’ve gotten books signed that way”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right… “

“Was it one of those Morph Saga books?” Greg asked kindly.

“Yeah… It was the first one, ‘Unfamiliar familiar”

“I think I’ve heard Steven talk about it… Isn’t that the one with the girl who’s a witch but doesn’t know it?”

“Yeah…” Connie said sadly. Wait, had Greg just said ‘Steven’?

“Hey, you know Steven?” I asked Greg.

“He’s my son actually” I gaped.

“And he’s my friend” Connie supplied.

“Oh my gods, really?” I laughed. “I know him too!”

“You do? Wait, are you the Erica Steven told me about? You came to visit and…” he trailed off. “You’re the one who found Jasper?” his forehead knit in worry.

“Y-yeah…”

“You _what?!”_ Connie exploded.

“Uh, yeah, but listen, she’s different from before…”

“Yeah, Steven told me… But he’s very trusting and always wants to believe the best about people… A-are you sure it’ll be ok?”

“Yes” I said, my face locking into a very serious frown. “Look… You don’t know her; you don’t know what she has been through. I know what she did before, but she has changed since then. She’s not working for Yellow Diamond anymore”

“Is she the one who hurt your leg?” Connie asked.

“What? No! She was the one who saved me from the shark!”

“You were bitten by a shark?!” Greg and Connie said simultaneously.

“Uh, yeah… “I answered uncertainly.

“Wow, a shark bite…” Connie mumbled.

“For goodness sake, sit down!” Greg blustered and pointed to a lawn chair closer to the entrance to the car wash. We all went to sit down.

“It’s healing fine, but thanks” I said to stop Greg fussing.

“I’ll get us some drinks” he said and went inside the car wash office.

“Does it hurt?” Connie asked me.

“No, but my leg is a bit stiff”

“Steven could heal you!” Greg said as he returned with three cans of luke warm soda. “He fixed my broken leg in a second”

“Oh, I thought that only worked on gems?”

“It works on everything! He made my eyes better! I don’t have to wear glasses anymore thanks to him” Connie supplied, smiling.

I thought for a moment.

“Thanks, but I don’t think so. I believe some scars are there to teach you a lesson… I think these ones tell me I need to work on my patience… If I had returned to shore and dropped off the fish I was carrying before I tried to untangle the net from the reef, the shark might not have attacked me at all. I didn’t want to make two trips…” I chuckled, despite myself “Maybe they tell me I’m lazy”

Greg and Connie laughed uncertainly.

“It’s fine” I said to try to smooth things over.

“What is Jasper like?” Connie asked after a moment of tense silence.

“Jasper? Oh she’s…” I sighed. ‘Gorgeous and has the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard’ I thought. “She’s, she’s… something special, alright” my mind drifted back to last night and how we had fallen asleep holding hands. My cheeks flushed.

Greg grinned at me knowingly. “I think I know what you mean” he said.

“I meant, like, is she nice?” Connie asked, looking a bit red in the face.

“Yeah. She likes to sing sometimes, she has a… beautiful voice” I supplied, smiling like a fool.

“Rose had a wonderful voice…” Greg said, reminiscently.

“When did she pass? If you don’t mind me asking” I asked Greg carefully.

“She uh… She gave up her form to make Steven. He has her gem, but he is half human. So, fourteen years ago. My, time goes by fast” Greg said, sighing.

“I’m sorry…” I said and Connie looked at Greg too, smiling sadly.

“He’s so much like her” he said, smiling too.

“He’s a special boy, alright. There’s not a lot of people who would have helped an old enemy like that”

“That’s Steven for you” Greg smiled proudly.

“Yeah he’s pretty great” said Connie, her cheeks rosy.

I looked at the two of them and smiled.

“Thanks for helping me out, Erica” Connie said shyly.

“My pleasure, kiddo. I should be off, I’m overdue for a nap” I said with a wink.

“Do you need a lift?” Greg asked but I waved a hand.

“No it’s just up the street, I’ll be fine. It was really nice meeting you, I’m sure we’ll see each other around” I stood up to leave and the two of them said ‘Nice to meet you too’ and waved as I walked across the street.

 

* * *

Please review!


	15. A visit

## Chapter 15: A visit

A few days later I woke with a start and a groan. My lower stomach was a tight ball of nope. The pain peaked and I let out a gasp.

“Erica? What’s wrong?” Jasper asked, her voice heavy with sleep.

“Mothershhh!” was all I could get out as I curled up like a hedgehog under the covers.

Jasper scooted closer and started to spoon me, her right hand slipping under my shirt and touching my quivering belly. There was the noise of her gem activating and suddenly her hand began emitting heat. I gasped out of surprise and put my trembling hand on hers and squeezed it as I sighed in relief.

“I d-didn’t know you could do that…”

“I can now my gem is healed. I can to lots of other things too”

“Yeah…? Like what?”

“I can summon my weapon, shapeshift, project holographic images, use my pocket dimension…”

“You have a _pocket dimension_?”

“Yes”

I laughed and then winced. She pulled me closer.

“Easy…” she whispered soothingly. She started to hum a song I hadn’t heard before. I could feel her chest vibrating against my back. It was a slow, mournful melody. I lay there listening to it, my heart swelling with affection for her. I had sung to her when she was hurt on the island and now she was singing for me...

When she reached the end, she started again, this time with lyrics;

“The sun has set, the moons will rise. The battlefield, is quiet now. My enemies, have fallen down. My friends are still, by my side, but my heart aches… Her hand on mine, my hand on hers. Will I feel, her touch again? I do not know, if she’s alive, and my heart aches, until I find, the war is won”*

Her deep raspy voice suited the song perfectly. She hugged me tighter.

“That was beautiful, Jasper…”

“It’s a song from the war for earth…”

I wound my fingers in her fine hair, still so fascinated by how soft it was.

She pressed her head against my neck and sighed, her warm breath flowing over my shoulder, a very pleasant shiver went down my spine.

It was strange to be so physically close with someone I had never kissed. And this was a level of intimacy and trust that I don’t think I’d ever shared with anyone. The fact that she willingly touched my cramping belly, without any kind of disgust or expectations of things going further, was so beautifully touching. So innocent. So _fucking_ _adorable_. Not that I wouldn’t want to go further than this, I certainly hoped that at some point we would. But I wasn’t in any hurry, even though my body had demanded satisfaction quite a few times. I had a feeling that if we did end up together, it wouldn’t be like any of my previous relationships. It would be something entirely new.

We fell asleep for another hour or two. My ovulation pain wasn’t as bad as before, thanks to Jasper’s warm hands, but I did take a few painkillers and a shower. I knew my cycle. The pain would intensify again. I started to make breakfast.

We sat down outside and I had a cigarette with my coffee. Nicotine helped soothe my ovaries too. Or maybe that was just something I told myself.

Jasper devoured her tower of waffles and burped impressively afterwards.

I chuckled and said;

“Not bad, for a gem” she grinned crookedly at me. “What’s your plans for today?” I stubbed out my cigarette and started on my sandwiches.

“Me and Amethyst were going to go training…” she looked at me and smiled warmly. “But we can do that another day, if you need me here”

I couldn’t help it, I burst into tears. She touched my hand, alarmed.

“Does it hurt again?”

“No… well, it never really stops, but… That’s really sweet, Jasper”

“Oh” her face went from concerned to smiling, cheeks flushed.

“Thank you, both for saying that and for before, I can’t tell you how much it meant and how much it helped…” I smiled wetly. “Of course you should go hang out with Amethyst, I think it’s awesome you guys are becoming friends, she’s really cool. I’ll be fine! I’m just gonna take it easy and watch some movies today”

“You sure?”

“Yes, Jasper” I put a reassuring hand on hers. “I’d love to see what the two of you can do some time, if that’d be ok?”

“Sure!” her face lit up. “I’ll see you later” she got up and enveloped me in a gentle hug.

“You are amazing, you know that?” I mumbled into the fabric of her shirt.

“I know” she said, grinning at me with half lidded eyes. She left by leaping gracefully over the garden wall. I felt my ears burn at her casual display of strength. 

I sat back in the worn sofa and had another cigarette before going back inside, trying hard not to feel abandoned. I always felt so lonely during ovulation and PMS. I was pretty sure it was because I had felt very isolated in school, back when I started. Eleven years old was kind of early to get your period, but I had gotten boobs when I was in the third grade (age 9), so maybe it wasn’t so strange. There had only been two other girls in my class of the same age. I had attended a school that had mixed age classes; mine had been grade three to five. I was the oldest girl, the other two, Kelsie and Mercedes were a head and a half shorter than me. It made me stand out like a giant and I got picked on because of my size. Kelsie and Mercedes had been nice enough; it was the boys that were mean. Especially one boy; Peter. He was the bane of my existence. Once he had taken my bag and dumped it out all over the classroom floor. I could still hear the thud the science book made as it landed on the stone floor. Pens, stray pieces of paper and my little bag of pads had fallen out too. He had bent down and picked up a pink and purple package, triumph in his eyes. I had tried to snatch it out of his hands, but he jumped out of my reach and started to shout; “Easy Breezy Brooks has her _period_! Ha!” and everyone started laughing…

A knock at the front door dragged me from my memories.

I walked to the door in my robe and glanced at the clock. It was half past ten. Jasper had barely been gone twenty minutes, so it couldn’t be her, and besides, she’d just walk in the back door.

I opened the door. It was Steven and… Pearl?

“Hi!” Steven exclaimed. I clutched the front of my robe together self-consciously.

“Hello Steven… Hi Pearl”

“Hello, Erica” Pearl said with a forced smile. Last time I had seen her she had been icy. I didn’t know what her problem with me was, but having her here today of all days probably wasn’t going to help us get along. I thought about telling them that it wasn’t a good time to visit, but… I really didn’t feel like being left alone with thoughts of Peter.

“Uh, come in” I said, standing back and letting them through.

Steven sprang inside, racing into the kitchen, shouting “I’ll make some tea!”

Tea?

“Here” Pearl said, thrusting out a purple box to me. I took it, feeling slightly confused.

I opened the box. It was full of pastries from the Big Donut. Chocolate was the unifying factor.

“Th-thank you, that’s very kind” I stammered, feeling touched. Maybe she didn’t hate me after -

“Garnet said you’d want them…” she mumbled. Oh. Well. At least I had Garnet on my side.

“Uh, h-have a seat, I’m just gonna… go change” I said, putting the box in the kitchen and then going upstairs to put on some proper clothes. I grabbed the new hot water bottle from its plastic bag and returned downstairs. Steven was pouring hot water into three cups.

“Is there any water left?” I asked.

“Yes, Garnet said I should boil more than three cups worth” I stopped in the middle of picking up the pot.

“Huh? Is she psychic or something?” I asked, stunned.

“Well, yeah” Steven answered, looking sideways at Pearl, who looked away.

“What! Really?!”

“She has future vision; she can see all the possible ways things can turn out”

“That’s… wow. Holy sh-“Pearl glared warningly at me “-iiiitake mushroom” I finished lamely. “That’s got to be dead useful right?” I filled the rubber bottle and wrapped it in its cozy.

“Yeah!”

I sat down across from Pearl, hugging the warm bottle. Steven brought the cups and sat down at the third side of the square kitchen table.

“Do all gems have different powers? Jasper told me she could summon a weapon, uh, project stuff and have access to a pocket dimension”

“Some gems can. I can’t do all that stuff, not yet anyway” Steven answered.

I opened the box of pastries and offered it to Steven and Pearl.

“No, _thank_ you” the pale gem huffed, turning her head away. Wow, really? Could you be less happy to be here Pearl?

“Aww come on Pearl, try one! They’re really good!” Steven urged Pearl, picking one up and taking a big bite.

I picked up a donut and sank my teeth into it. “Schweet Bu-jesush” I said as the chocolaty goodness flooded my taste buds. Steven grinned at me with bulging cheeks and we both started laughing. My eyes started tearing up, both at the wonderful taste and at the sweet gesture from Garnet.

“This is really what I needed, guys, thank you so much” I said as I finished the first one and immediately picked up another.

“I love the Big Donut, I go there every day! Lars and Sadie are really nice too”

“I met them; Sadie is actually the one who pointed the way to your house!” Pearl huffed. “I had lunch with her to thank her for helping me out. I like her. Not too sure about Lars though, he seems a little… “I waved the donut in the air as I searched for the right word. “…Difficult? To get to know?”

“Really? I know him pretty well. He’s a cool guy, but he worries a lot about what people think of him”

“Oh?” I thought for a moment. “Ahaaa…” he was one of _those_ guys. An ‘I’m gonna play it cool and pretend to hate everything but on the inside I’m really insecure’-guy. “That makes sense”

“Have you met any other people here?”

“A few. Onion and his brother and what was her name… Vidalia? Me and Jasper” Pearl huffed again. I took a deep breath. “Me and Jasper have mostly been resting up. I hardly need to use the crutch to walk anymore, so that’s awesome. We’ve been walking around town a little. And I know she and Amethyst goes off somewhere to train” Pearl huffed yet again. My patience ended with an almost audible snap. I closed my eyes and said as calmly as I could;

“OK, Pearl, _what_ is going on?”

She glared at me, her cheeks blue.

“Uh... So these donuts, they’re great, am I right?” Steven said, trying to dispel the air of tension.

“You don’t like me, I get that, so why the f—frack are you here?”

“I couldn’t let Steven come to this house alone, when _she_ might be here!” Pearl exploded, flicking her wrist to indicate someone really tall.

“ _Jasper_?” I felt my cheeks burning, feeling very insulted on both my own and Jasper’s behalf. “You’re worried what she’s gonna do to Steven?!”

 _“Yes!”_ she threw her arms out _._

“Listen, she has _changed_ , Pearl! Didn’t you hear what I said a couple of days ago?”

“I didn’t believe you for a second! This is all some ploy of hers!”

I rose to my feet, chair and bottle crashing to the floor.

“A _ploy_!?”

“Yes _a ploy_!” she got to her feet too, thumping her hands palms down on the table so that the cups rattled.

“Guys!” Steven tried.

“She’s just pretending! That move when she tore off the Yellow Diamond insignia, that was _truly_ masterful! She’s got _all of you fooled_!”

“Are you crazy?!”

“She just said all those things to you so you’d take her to get healed!” Pearl screamed.

“You’re wrong! She could have left me to _die_ when the shark attacked me! But she _saved_ me!”

“Bah! She was just saving her own skin! Who would take her off the island if you died, huh?! The warp pad was _destroyed_!”

“Well, _she_ didn’t know that! The only one who knew that was Amethyst!”

“ _She’s lying to you_!” Pearl bellowed. “She’s been _using_ you from the start! She figured you out in _two_ seconds, got you to trust her, and then had you carry her all the way here!”

“You’re delusional, Pearl! She wouldn’t do that!”

“Oh, yeah? How long have you known her?! A few weeks?! I fought her during the war! She is a _ruthless SAVAGE_!” Pearl thumped the table with fists this time; the cups fell over and crashed to the floor. Jasper had accidentally broken a cup the other day and I remembered how she had agonized over it - and here was this, this _gem_ , accusing _Jasper_ of being a savage? My blood boiled.

“You come to my home unannounced, bring me a gift only to show how much you _don’t_ care, sit at my table and huff like some passive aggressive teenager, disrupting a nice conversation between friends, destroy my belongings and you dare call _Jasper_ a savage?!”

“Oh, _you_!” she growled and without hesitation she drew her spear from her gem and held it up to my throat. Steven gasped. My mind was on fire.

“Do it!” I screamed at her. “Do it! Come on, Pearl, what are you waiting for, huh?! Do it! Kill me and start another war!”

Pearl _gasped_.

“Because that’s what it’s all about, right? The war! When everything was black and white, exactly right or exactly wrong, _easy choices_! Jasper was an enemy! So she should die! But the war is _over_ Pearl! The rebels won! Why do you still hate her?!”

“ _Because she almost shattered Rose_!” she wailed.

The spear tip trembled against my skin. My stomach convulsed and my head shot involuntarily forward. I felt a brief sting and something warm started to flow down my throat, fast.

At the same moment there was a noise and everything took on a pink tinge. I grabbed at my neck and looked around, shock making my head spin.

“Erica!” Steven shouted and rushed over to me as I collapsed to the ground. Before everything went black I saw Pearl dart out of the back door.

 

* * *

 

Please review!

*Set to Dragon Age Inquisition’s The Dawn Will Come


	16. The hospital

## Chapter 16: The hospital  


“Miss Brooks?” a woman’s voice. “I think she’s coming to”

I opened my eyes and winced. There were bright lights above me. I drew in a breath; the smell was heart wrenchingly familiar and I started to panic. I tried to get up, but strong hands held me down. I needed to run! My body started to tremble and my mind went numb with fear. I started to hyperventilate. My field of vision shrank.

“Sometimes… Some crimes… Go slipping through the cracks” a beautiful voice started to sing. I froze. In my mind was a thread and I grabbed at it fiercely. “But these two, gumshoes, are picking up the slack. There’s no case too big, no case too small, if you need help just call –“

“Ch-ch-ch-Chip 'n Dale, Rescue Rangers, Ch-ch-ch-Chip 'n Dale, when there's danger…  Oh no, it never fails once they're involved, somehow whatever's wrong gets solved…” my voice was barely a whisper, but it worked like a magic spell. My mind cleared bit by bit as the song wore on. When we reached the end I wasn’t having tunnel vision anymore and was able to look around.

On my left was a tall stern looking woman in a lab coat, to my right was Steven and Garnet.

“I’m doctor Maheswaran” the woman on the left said, and I tried to turn my head, but it was like trying to turn an oil tanker, I lifted a hand to touch my neck, finding nothing. My eyes went wide and I reached up to my head, but it was free of bandages too. I felt queasy.

“Miss Brooks, do you know where you are?”

“H-hospital” I rasped.

“Yes, good. Can you tell me what year it is?”

“2016"

“Who are these people on your right?”

“Steven… and Garnet”

“Good, alright. You have suffered severe blood loss, but you should make a full recovery. You have received a transfusion. We will keep you for observation for twenty four hours” doctor Maheswaran said briskly. “You can stay another five minutes, then Miss Brooks needs to rest”

She turned her heel and marched away.

“Erica, I’m so sorry! I didn’t move fast enough!” Steven said, reaching out to grab my hand, his eyes streaming.

“Shh… It’s alright Steven, you did your best. This wasn’t your fault” Garnet soothed.

“It was… my f-fault…” I croaked.

Steven shook his head vigorously.

“L-listen… I shouldn’t have provoked her… I-I… my stomach it… made me move”

“Erica” Garnet said, her voice shaking slightly. “Whatever was said, Pearl shouldn’t have drawn her weapon. If this is anyone’s fault, it’s mine… I saw that this was a possible future, but I never thought it would happen. There was a chance you would come out as friends and for Pearl to accept that Jasper has changed. I took a chance and you almost died…” Garnet removed her shades and I was gob smacked to see that she had three eyes, all of them shedding tears.

“H-how did I get here?” I asked after a few moments silence.

“I healed you as fast as I could and the bleeding stopped, but you didn’t wake up. So I called an ambulance and then ran to get Garnet when they drove off…” Steven said and I looked down at his shirt. It was splattered with blood. A lot of blood. My blood…

“Thank you, Steven… You saved my life” I squeezed his hand as hard as I could, but I felt weak as a baby bird.

“We should let you rest” Garnet said, wiping her eyes and putting her shades back on just as doctor Maheswaran stepped back into view.

“Where is Jasper?” I asked.

“We will bring her tomorrow” Garnet said as they stepped out of the room.

“We contacted your assistant; she is flying here as we speak. You should get some rest now, Miss Brooks”

I closed my eyes as she turned the lights down low. And then I was crying. Then it all became part of the nightmare.

The mists billowed around me and I could feel the glass scrape along my Achilles heel. The mud stank like it always did, of iron and blood and fear. I couldn’t move from fear of crippling myself. There was so much glass this time. So many sharp things, sharp, sharp, sharp. My scar tingled and my blood froze to ice in my veins as the masked creature approached me, the mist boiling away from him and turning night black. He moved so agonizingly slowly and I couldn’t look away from his featureless face. ‘Please let me die this time’ I thought, and my words screamed out of my pores like rats escaping a sinking ship. In a flash of indigo that left streaks of color across my vision, he was suddenly a quarter of an inch away from my face. I could see my reflection in his mask, eyes hollow and unblinking, my features contorted in agony and terror. Then he began.

My insides filled with cold, dead, COLD, DEAD! Taring, ripping, too much, TOO PAINFUL! My breath gone! My eyes unseeing! Blind! Silent! COLD! DEAD! INSIDE ME! Inside! Inside…

***

“Miss Brooks?” something grabbed my arm and I bolted in the other direction, falling out of bed and getting tangled in wires.

“Miss Brooks!”

“Erica!” it was Parker!

“Parker! The mist – he - ” I croaked and then everything went black.

***

“Erica?” I knew that voice. Tiny blonde person. P… Penny? Pepper? Parker. Parker!

“Parker!” my eyes flew open.

“Jesus motherfucking Christ!” Parker squealed in alarm.

“Parker… “I rubbed my eyes and the room came into focus.

She was sitting on my right, in the chair Steven had occupied before. She looked tousle haired and haggard, but I had never been happier to see her. I held out my arms and she hugged me fiercely.

“What happened to you?! They called and said you’d lost a lot of blood! I got on the first plane out of Kerlstadt! “

“Uh... It was an accident” I tried to reassure her, patting her hand.

“An accident?! How do you accidentally lose two pints of blood?!”

“Ahh… I got in an argument with someone and she drew a blade, but!” I saw Parker was about to interrupt me.

“She didn’t stab me with it, a cramp hit and I jerked forward into it… You know how I get…”

“What the fuck Erica! Why are you getting into fights with armed people?! Oh I could _hit_ you!” Parker raged at me.

I looked at her fondly. That was my Parker alright; tiny, well dressed and fierce as a swarm of Africanized bees when roused. She glared at me with eyes of fire.

“Did you learn _nothing_ after that incident in Urvidsjaur?!” then we both started to laugh.

“Oh, fuck me sideways, Parker, I’ve missed you so much” I said, wiping my eyes on my sleeve.

“I’ve missed you too, Erica” she smiled and dabbed her face with a crisp white handkerchief. “You look good, despite everything”

“Thanks”

There was a pause before she asked;

“Did you have the moorland dream?”

“… Yes” I answered, frowning.

“Oh, Erica, I’m so sorry… “

“It’s alright, I think… I know it’s just a dream…” I said, feeling my eyes tear up again. Then I was crying like a baby and Parker held my hand tightly, shushing me. After a few minutes I calmed down and she sat back.

“When was the last time you had it?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Months… maybe even years” I was surprised I hadn’t had it after the shark attack. For all I know I could have, I just didn’t remember.

“Do you want me to set up an appointment with Doctor Olofsson?”

“No, not yet…” I yawned hugely.

“Maybe you should try to get some more sleep?”

“Myeah, that’d be nice…”I mumbled and lay down, tiredness washing over me like a tide. Parker picked up her tablet and started tapping away. It was a comforting sound. I drifted off.

***

“Hey, you can’t go in there!”

“Stop!”

“Security!”

I sat up and glanced around. There was a commotion out in the hallway and Parker was standing in front of my bed, one of her stiletto heels in her hand. There was a roar.

“Jasper!” I said, getting out of bed. My legs were wobbly, but I steadied myself on the wall.

“Erica, get back into bed!” Parker hissed at me.

“No, it’s fine!” I panted as I wrenched open the door. The scene outside was chaotic. Jasper was crouched down in front of five men and women in blue uniforms who had night sticks and tazers out. She was wearing a shining orange helmet and a furious expression.

“ _LET ME PASS_!” she bellowed, the uniformed people taking a collective step backwards.

“Jasper!” I shouted and started to run, forcing my legs to carry me. She looked up and saw me. Distracted, the security staff glanced around at me too. I pushed my way through them and she knelt down, the helmet disappearing with a “Thoom”. I fell into her arms and she hugged me so tenderly I thought I might melt. She was trembling from head to foot, tears cascading down her face and wetting my white and green hospital gown. I couldn’t have cared less.

“I came back to the house and there was so much blood on the floor! I thought you were dead!” she panted against my shoulder. I held her as tightly as I could.

“Pearl didn’t mean to! It was an accident… Steven saved me; I’m going to be completely fine”

“I thought I had lost you…” she rasped.

“I’m right…” I lifted her chin so I could look her in the eye “here…” I brushed away a lock of silken white hair and leaned my forehead against hers, closing my eyes. I continued to stroke her hair as her breathing slowed. I could hear people shuffling off and then a distinct click-click gait approaching.

“So this is Jasper?” Parker asked and I reluctantly opened my eyes to look at her.

“Yes” I said, stroking Jasper’s cheek as she stood up. She had to hunch not to hit her head on the ceiling.

Parker held out a tiny hand and smiled her most diplomatic smile.

“Nice to meet you, I’ve heard good things”

Jasper took her hand gingerly and shook it, Parker was almost lifted off her feet.

“Erica!” someone shouted from behind Jasper. It was Steven, Garnet and Amethyst.

Steven ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. I smiled at them all.

“Yo!” Amethyst called out “So you’re not dead then?”

“Amethyst!” Steven said, shocked.

“Ha, no I’m not dead! Nice to see you too” Amethyst punched me on the arm playfully.

“Hello” said Garnet, smiling.

“Everyone, this is Parker” I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. They all shook hands. Gods bless Parker, there was nothing that could shake her in a social situation.

We all chatted for a minute before Doctor Maheswaran strode around a corner.

“What’s this I hear about someone trying to force their way into the recovery ward?!” she demanded.

To my surprise, all the gems looked away from her. Even Garnet.

“Uh, it’s alright Doctor Maheswaran, it was a bit of a misunderstanding”

“Miss Brooks! What on earth are you doing out of bed?!”

“Well, I –“

“Get back to your room this instant! You!” she pointed at Steven who looked cornered. “Get her a wheelchair, now!” Steven scurried off and returned ten seconds later.

“Sit!” she commanded me and I sat down. She steered the chair back to my room herself and made me get into bed. No one else dared enter my room. She took my temperature, checked my blood pressure and shone a bright light into my eyes.

“Hmpf” she huffed, as if she was disappointed. “Your readings are normal. Technically, you can be released, but!” she looked at me sternly. “I would prefer to keep you here a little longer”

“All due respect, Doctor Maheswaran, I would like to get out of here as fast as possible. I don’t particularly like hospitals”

“When you get home I want you to take it easy, no heavy lifting. If you feel faint, get a fever, double vision, seizures or feel any chest pain, you need to seek emergency medical care immediately. Do you understand?”

“Yes Doctor Maheswaran” I almost saluted.

“Alright, I’ll get started on your discharge papers. Your clothes are in that bag over there, but you should wear something else” then she spun round and marched out the door.

Parker peeped around the door as soon as Doctor Maheswaran was out of sight.

“I can go home!” I said happily.

“Are you sure? Maybe you should stay another day” Parker asked carefully.

“No need, I’m fine”

“You can go home?” Steven asked as he popped his head in the door too. I smiled and nodded. “Wohoo! We can all go home!”

Garnet stepped inside the room and handed me a plastic bag.

“Clothes” she said, smiling. I smiled back.

By the time I had gotten dressed, Doctor Maheswaran had returned with papers for me to sign. Parker skimmed through them as I tied my shoes.

“I’ve got your European Union universal health care card here, I’ll fill in the numbers and you just sign at the dotted line” she said and started to scribble.

I signed and sat down in the wheelchair again. At first Amethyst steered me, but when we bumped into the second wall Parker took over.

There was an enormous pink creature sitting just outside the entrance and Parker stopped in her tracks.

“Is that… Is that a _lion_?!” she gasped.

“Yeah!” Steven said happily and ran past us, hugging the beast. It nuzzled his cheek and he petted its fluffy looking mane. I looked around at the gems, no one seemed surprised.

“I’m not hallucinating, am I?” I asked quietly, and I heard Amethyst snort with laughter behind me.

“Nah, Lion’s real. And pretty cool”

“Come say hello!” Steven called from outside. Parker let the others walk ahead of us. When they didn’t get eaten she wheeled me outside too.

“Lion, this is Erica, I told you about her. Erica, this is Lion”

“Hello” I said as Lion looked over at me. He made a gruff noise and put his heavy head in my lap, allowing me to stroke his soft fur. “Gudars skymning” I mumbled, completely absorbed.

“Aww… “ Parker said and patted his flowing mane. He sniffed at her interestedly.

“How will we get home?” I asked.

“I took a cab from the airport” Parker provided.

“Me and Garnet and Amethyst came here on Lion, he can make portals!” Steven said happily and Garnet nodded at the look of disbelief that must surely be on my face.

“I ran…” Jasper said and I got choked up. The hospital wasn’t exactly far away from Beach City, but still… Jasper had arrived before the other gems.

I got up from the wheelchair and hugged her, leaning my head against her massive chest.

“You truly are something special” I whispered.

“I know” she grinned down at me.

“I’ll call my dad and he can come get some of us in the van” Steven suggested, his phone in his hand.

“That’s a good idea” Garnet said.

While we waited for Greg to show up, I had a cigarette in the hospital’s designated smoking area, Jasper and Parker joining me.

“Parker, really?” I huffed as she grabbed my lit cigarette and put it in her own mouth.

Jasper chuckled saying; “I like this one” Parker grinned at her.

I lit another cigarette and inhaled deeply. I felt lucky to have such an amazing bunch of people in my life.

Greg pulled up after about fifteen minutes and Jasper got laboriously in the back while Parker got into the front, I sat in the middle seat. We said good bye to the rest of the gems for now and they all got on Lion’s back.

Parker and Greg chatted in the front, as extroverts tend to do. I leaned back in my seat and looked at Jasper. She was too big for the back and looked uncomfortable, but grinned crookedly at me. I closed my eyes.

“Oh, boy” Greg said as he stopped the van. I looked out of the window. Pearl was sitting on the porch to our rented house.

There was a “Thoom!” from the back seat as Jasper started to growl.

“I’m going to kill her!” she roared.

* * *

Please review!


	17. As are you

## Chapter 17: As are you  


“No you will not” I said calmly and got out of the van. Pearl looked up, but she was too far away from me to make out her face. I walked round to the back of the van and opened the doors. Jasper climbed out, rage twisting her face. I knew that she would indeed try to kill Pearl if I let her go, but violence was not the way to end this.

“I told you, Jasper, it was an accident… Things got out of control. She said stuff she shouldn’t, I said stuff too” I said as calmly as I could, looking her in the eye imploringly. “Please, I know you’re angry… Let me talk to her”

She looked at me, her face softening. With another “Thoom” her helmet vanished and her shoulders relaxed. I leant forward and stood on tip toe to kiss her on the cheek. She stared down at me, a smile twitching her lips and her cheeks bright red.

“Give me some time with her” I said, smiling at how adorable she looked. She nodded and sat down on the edge of the van, making Greg squeak “Aah, my suspension!”

I stood up straight and strode round the van, taking a deep breath and forcing my shoulders not to rise to my ears.

Pearl remained seated, head bowed. I stopped a few yards from her. She clutched a rag in her hands.

“I’m sorry… I - ” she said in a voice thick with emotion.

“Do you mind if I sit?” I asked and she looked up at me in surprise. “My legs are a bit wobbly”

“O-of course” she said, scooting to the side to make room. I took a deep breath and then lit a cigarette.

“The old me would have let Jasper kill you” I said in a voice without malice. I was just stating a fact.

“I deserve it…” she said, red rimmed eyes brimming with tears.

“No, you don’t. I don’t think you would have actually struck me with your spear. You had a good ten or twenty seconds to do it, and you _didn’t_. It was my body that jerked forward on its own” I took a long drag on my cigarette.

“Look, I know how crazy it can get when the past comes back to haunt you… Old wounds get ripped open when you see someone who has hurt you badly in the past. I understand not wanting to believe an old enemy has changed…” my thoughts returned to Peter.

“There was a boy who tortured me all through school. I loathed everything about him. He was a completely despicable person. I met him again about seven years ago… He was walking his dog with his son. He recognized me and wanted to talk to me, but all I could see was him trying to hurt me again. Then I saw his boy… Half his face was covered in terrible burn scars. It made me stop. Peter started to talk to me and apologized. He said he’d never understood what he had done to me until his son had his accident and started to get bullied in school. He said his heart broke every time he saw his son cry after the bullies had teased or hit him”

“I left him, not saying a word. He had made my life miserable, and it hadn’t ended when I left school. The scars he gave me were invisible and they changed my life forever. I thought there was no way I could ever think of him in any other way than a monster…”

Pearl sniffed.

“As time wore on, the images I got in my head whenever I thought of him, started to change from the boy he was when he was young, to the man he was the day I met him and his kid. His son didn’t see him as a monster… To him, his father was a good man, someone who took care of him… Held him when he cried”

I took a deep breath.

“It’s hard to let the monsters become heroes… I’m sure _I’m_ a monster to somebody, but I’m pretty certain I’m a hero to someone else. I am both. As are you. And Rose. And Jasper… But not Steven. That boy is all hero”

Pearl smiled at my last comment.

“Yes he truly is…” she said, rubbing her eyes with her hands. “I’m so sorry it happened, Erica… And I’m sorry I ran. I feel so ashamed for all of it” she looked me in the face for the first time and I could see the terrible anguish in her eyes. I put my hand on hers.

“It was an accident, Pearl. You would never have hurt me in front of Steven, never in a million years”

“I… “ she paused “I cleaned up as best I could” I looked over my shoulder through the open door. It looked absolutely spotless.

“Thanks” I smiled back at her and I felt my shoulders unclenching.

“It was the _least_ I could do”

She took a deep breath.

“How about a cup of tea at the temple in a few days?”

“That sounds really nice” I responded.

“You… and Jasper”

“We’ll bring the pastries” I raised myself to my feet I offered her a hand. She took it and stood up too. After a seconds hesitation I pulled her into a hug.

“Jasper’s really lucky you found her…” she whispered.

“I know” I said, grinning.

I could hear Greg let out a loud sigh. Jasper got out of the van and started heading towards us. Pearl stiffened. When she reached us her gaze swept over Pearl and then to me.

“Are we good here?” she asked. I nodded and smiled. My uterus reminded me that it was still there and still had a job to do. I tried to hide my wince, but Jasper caught me.

“We should go inside” she stated and I felt inclined to agree.

“I’ll drop you off at the temple Pearl!” came Greg’s voice from the van.

“I’ll call you later, Erica” Parker said and I could hear by the tone of her voice that she must be smiling. She knew I wanted some alone time with Jasper. Pearl walked towards the van and Jasper and I went inside, closing the door behind us. She took me by the hand and led me into the living room where we both slept. Everything was crisp and clean. Pearl must have tidied up in here too.

We went to lie down, Jasper’s hand finding its way to my aching stomach within seconds. Heat emanated from it again and I felt my entire body relax. She placed her head against my neck and sighed deeply, her warm breath tickling my ear. I smiled and wound my fingers in her hair.

“You really ran the entire way?” I asked in a whisper.

“Yes” she answered, sounding smug.

I snuggled in closer against her, my chest filling with such fierce joy. She had come for me. She had _run_ to find me. She could have barged in and killed a bunch of people to get to me, but hadn’t hurt anyone. Then she had wanted to kill Pearl, but had listened and trusted me to sort it out. I’m pretty sure she had been listening closely to our conversation, but she hadn’t acted. I felt so… _proud_ of her. It must have taken so much self-control to not resort to violence. The last thirty or so hours must have been so hard on her… 

“I’ve never met anyone like you, darling…” I whispered.

“And I’ve never met anyone like _you,_ babe…” she breathed in my ear. A thrill of pleasure danced through my exhausted body and I smiled broadly. My eyes closed, and as I drifted off to sleep I heard her let out a great contented sigh.

* * *

Please review!


	18. Overtones

## Chapter 18: Overtones

It was a beautiful afternoon so decided to go take a walk. I wanted to feel grass under my feet, so I headed out of town, walking past the big camphor tree. I found a trail of sorts and followed it. After about fifteen minutes the landscape had changed from grassland to a more rocky terrain. Walls of rock soon surrounded me and I let out a whistle. To my astonishment it echoed beautifully around the little canyon. I clapped my hands, listened, took a few steps and then clapped again. After a minute I had found the acoustic sweet spot. A thrill of excitement shot through me and I looked around to make sure I was alone. Then I started to hum. The sound rolled around the stone walls and floor and returned to me, making me shiver. How amazing was this!

It had been ages since I had tried overtone singing, but this place… I hummed until I ran out of breath a few times. Then there it was, trapped in my closed mouth, a second sound. I smiled and stood up straighter. Once I had found the sound, it all came rushing back to me. I warmed up by transitioning from vowel to vowel, lips still sealed, to focus on how I moved my tongue. After a while I felt loosened up vocally and I dared to open my mouth.

"Mmmmoooooõõõõõõõõüüüüüüüüãããããããããããã”

It sounded so unearthly in the canyon and I stopped, my body tingling from head to toe. I felt like a magician. I started again, this time with more confidence. My breathing found its rhythm and I closed my eyes and just let the sounds fly out of me. The acoustics were fantastic. I had never sounded so good before! My senses were overloading, it felt so amazing. I felt so free! Like I could do anything!

I didn’t stop until my throat felt dry as a bone. I opened my eyes and bent down to get the water bottle out of my bag, unscrewing the cork and drinking half of it in one go. I hadn’t realized I was sweating like a hog. Wiping my brow, I looked up at the pink sky. It must be almost sunset…

“That was… beautiful” someone said from behind me and I whipped round.

Pearl stood a few yards away from me, one hand over her heart and a breathless smile on her face. Her eyes were over bright and she blinked rapidly to clear them. My hand flew to my mouth and I felt my face heat up rapidly as if it was going to burst into flames. _FUCK!_ I thought I was alone!

 “Please, don’t feel embarrassed… I was walking past and I just had to stop and listen. I’ve never heard anything _like_ it before…” Pearl took a step forward, holding out a placating hand. “I really didn’t mean to intrude; I come here to sing too, sometimes” she smiled and made a sweeping motion to indicate the canyon.

My mind was in disarray. I felt exposed and embarrassed, but also proud in a strange way.

She looked at me with kind, worried eyes.

“I didn’t know you humans could sing like that… I’ve spent _thousands_ of years on this planet. It’s funny that there’s still so much I don’t know” she said with a chuckle. “C-can you teach me?” I was caught by surprise by her shy question.

“Uh…” I said uncertainly.

Her face fell and she took a step back. “Sorry, that was impertinent of me”

“I’ve never… sung like that in front of anyone before” I said slowly. “I… Pearl, please give me a moment”

“OK” she said, looking uncertain, but standing down.

I took a deep breath and thought; Well, fuck. There was a choice to be made here. Would I handle this like I did before, or should I try to do something new? If I did it the old way, I would let embarrassment take over and literally run away and pretend it never happened. The other option might lead to a better connection with Pearl, but would probably require me to sing more, potentially embarrassing the fuck out of myself. Gods, how I wished I could tell the future like Garnet… The thought of acting on my first impulse was surprisingly off-putting; it had never really worked out for me before... Well, that made everything simpler, hi ho, into the unknown.

I cleared my throat. Less than ten seconds had passed since our last exchange. She looked up at me uncertainly.

“I could try? I’ve never taught anyone anything though” I said warningly.

She smiled at me.

I put my knuckles to my mouth to try to think how I actually made the overtones.

“First you have to find an overtone. Just one. And then you can build on that to make others. It seems impossible at first, but you just have to find it your way”

She nodded as if she was taking notes.

“The idea is to sing one continuous note and then use your tongue to shape the air as you exhale, creating the harmony”

“Oh, that makes sense” she said.

“Your tongue moves almost as when you whistle? Not really, but, sort of?”

I sang a few vowels to myself to check.

“Yeah, not really but sort of is the best description I can give you” I said with an apologetic grin. “One way of finding your first overtone is to use the vowel triangle. At the top is ‘E’, bottom left is ‘O’ and bottom right is ‘A’. When moving from E to A it sounds as if you say ‘yeah’, from A to O it sounds like ‘ow’ and from O to E it’s ‘wee’. Really draw them out, but keep your voice monotone” My hands moved through the air as I spoke. “Give it a try?”

Pearl nodded and cleared her throat.

On her first attempt her voice warbled out of control and she laughed.

“That’s a lot to think about all at once!” she chuckled.

“I know” I smiled. “Follow my lead? Let’s start with ‘wee’, remember monotone”

We sang together for a few moments.

“One thing. Your voice doesn’t need to sound good for this, it’s just there to generate the second tone. Let go of the need to sound beautiful”

She smiled self-consciously at my comment and chuckled; “This is really hard”

“I know” I said again, smiling. “It’s so worth it though, when you get it right…”

“Yeah… You looked and sounded so… happy…”

I felt my cheeks blush again.

“Well… I was… Finding this amazing spot, it was just so… perfect, you know?”

She smiled sadly. “I used to come here with Rose… We would sing together and dance…” she sighed deeply.

“You really miss her, don’t you?”

“Yes, she was my… everything”

It was touching and sad to hear. Greg had told me Pearl and Rose had been involved before he and Rose got together. She had been gone for more than fourteen years now though. Maybe for a person that lived for countless millennia, fourteen years was a short time, but to me it sounded like an awful long time to grieve someone’s death. The other gems and Greg seemed fine.

“I’m sorry” I said.

The sun was almost below the horizon now and I realized I was starving.

“Wanna go get something to eat?” I asked her.

“Oh, I’m not a big fan of eating” she said, flicking her wrist. My phone started to ring and I excused myself.

“Hello?”

“Babe, it’s me. You coming home soon? I’ve made dinner” Jasper said and my hand flew to my mouth.

“Oh, darling, that’s so sweet! Sorry, I lost track of time, I’ll be home soon” I said with a broad smile on my face.

“OK, see you in a bit, bye”

“Bye”

I beamed as I pocketed my phone.

“You look happy?” Pearl asked with her eyebrows raised.

“Jasper has made dinner” I said, grinning like an idiot.

She chuckled at my expression as we started walking back to town. I lit a cigarette.

“She has taught Amethyst a lot. For some reason, Jasper just gets through to her in a way I never have. They’re both so… in the moment. Maybe it’s because they’re both quartzes…”

“They are?” I was surprised. “But they look so different? Well, apart from the hair”

“Well… Amethyst was _supposed_ to look more like Jasper, tall and broad; but she spent too long in the ground. Amethyst can still do all the things a quartz gem can do, she’s just… smaller”

“Oh” I said.

“She was made here on earth in fact. The last one to come out of the ground…”

“Really? Has she ever been to home world?”

“No… She didn’t emerge until after the war had ended, she has never met any home world gems apart from Lapis, Peridot and Jasper”

“Huh…” I had assumed that all the gems were from off planet. I really had to stop assuming things about the gems.

“It’s fascinating… Gem culture. It’s so different, yet not so different at the same time… From the little I know, it sounds so… strict. Is it really so hierarchical?”

Pearl looked a little uncomfortable. “Yes… If you were malformed strayed from your duties you could be punished most severely, shattered even… There were so many rules” she sighed.

“What was your role on home world?” I asked, curious, but careful.

“I guess you could call it a servant, if you wanted to be nice, but… In truth, I was a slave”

I choked on my cigarette smoke and started to cough.

“A-are you alright?” Pearl asked, concerned.

“I’m fine” I said, taking a drink of water to soothe my throat. I stubbed out my cigarette.

When I regained my composure I looked at her. I would _never_ have expected that. Her attitude towards me had done a one eighty since I came back from the hospital, but she still had an air of… dignity and superiority and a hint of arrogance. Maybe that was her mask, just like Jasper’s had been anger? I had assumed she had been like a teacher or something. There I go again with the assumptions. INFJ through and through. When I thought about slavery I got a mental picture of someone in rags, their spirit broken, lost, starved…

“Pearl… I had no idea…” I said hoarsely.

“Yes, well… Rose freed me, in more than one sense of the word. If it weren’t for the rebellion I’d still be on home world with the delusion that that was the way it should be…”

We walked quietly for a few minutes, both deep in thought.

“It must have been so hard for you to see Jasper…” I said and I felt my chest constrict. “If Rose was _all_ that to you, your savior, your love, your _everything_ … And Jasper had almost destroyed her for good… I… I didn’t understand!”

Pearl stared at me, wide eyed.

“Oh, how could I have made the comparison to Peter! All he did was bully me, but Jasper tried to _kill_ Rose! Your heart must have been _torn out_ when I came to your house! Oh my gods…” tears streamed from my eyes as my imagination spun on.

“You must have _hated_ me!” I wailed. “Some random fucking human, traipsing in from out of nowhere, bringing the gem that almost killed Rose! That almost killed _all_ of you! Holy fuck balls, Pearl, how can you even look at me?!”

“Erica…” she looked at me with concern and alarm.

My head was spinning with all the different perspectives. “Oh, I feel sick” I said as nausea hit me like a truck. I sat down on the grass, holding my head.

There was a rustle and Pearl sat down next to me with a sigh.

“You’re right, I did feel all those things…” she said in a flat voice. “But… you were also right in that she has changed, I can see that now… I’m sorry you almost had to die before I understood… When I ran from your house, I was afraid I’d killed you… I hid and it all swept over me… Maybe I was wrong, maybe Jasper could be different after Malachite and the things the two of you went through… I just didn’t want to believe it was true, because that meant I could no longer hate her. I went back to your house, and you were all gone… I looked at the destruction I had caused, the broken cups, the blood… There was so much blood… I broke down. I couldn’t believe what I had done. And then” she drew in a harsh breath and sniffed, and I knew she was crying, even though I couldn’t see her face.

“Then Garnet was there, in the kitchen. I have _never_ seen her so angry, _never_ … Not even when I…”she trailed off.

“She told me; ‘She’s alive, thanks to Steven… What the _fuck_ were you thinking Pearl?! Drawing your weapon on a _human_?! Steven is _devastated_! This is not how a Crystal Gem acts! And you shouldn’t consider yourself one until you _**make this right**_!’”

Her words made my spine tingle, had Garnet really said all that?

“Then she left… I was relieved you were alive, but I had no idea what to do… So I started to clean up. I finished the kitchen but I couldn’t leave… I needed to talk to you, I needed to apologize… So I started to clean the rest of the house, just to pass the time until you returned… I saw your improvised bed, your paintings … Then it hit me… _I_ had become the villain – _I_ had almost killed someone _she_ loves… “

Jasper… loves me?

“I was no different than her. I had been part of the invasion, stood by as humans died by the thousands and I had changed, tried to make up for it all… how could I think she wouldn’t be able to, too?”

“Then you came back, and you said it was an accident… That you knew I’d never subject Steven to that kind of trauma on purpose. You have no idea how much that meant to me, Erica… That after all that had happened, you’d just be able to brush it off like that. You even put yourself in my position, and now you’re doing it again – how? How can you do that? You…” she wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.

“You are the strangest human I have ever met” she said and I let out a chuckle and looked up at her.

“Jasper told me the same thing…” I smiled.

Pearl laughed and shook her head. “We are more alike than I thought…” she said quietly. The last light of the sun vanished and the stars took over the task of lighting the world. I sighed and looked up at them. Then I remembered I had told Jasper I’d be home soon. We were still a good twenty minutes’ walk away from the house, and I had lost track of how long we had been talking.

“Crap! I forgot about dinner!” and got to my feet too fast, and the world went sideways for a fraction of a second before I found my balance.

“Careful!” Pearl said, grabbing me by the arm. I started to walk fast, bending down to see the thin trail in the sparse light.

“Erica, wait a minute” Pearl said and I stopped, feeling impatient.

“What? Why?”

“Let’s take a short cut” she said and smiled. Her gem started to glow and she shapeshifted into a giant bird.

‘Marahoot’ flew through my mind as I gaped.

“If you tell Amethyst I shapeshifted into a bird, I’ll deny it” bird-Pearl said with a hint of chill.

I was too astounded for words, but I mimed zipping up my mouth and throwing away the key.

“Get on” she commanded and I scrabbled onto her back, my heart pounding with excitement.

She ran forward a few steps and then took off with a mighty flap of her huge white wings. I was completely breathless as we soared into the sky. The wind rushed through my hair and my eyes teared up from the speed. My heart felt like it was going to burst from happiness! We were _flying_! I threw up my hands and screamed “WOHOO!” and then both of us started laughing.

The flight was over too quickly and we landed gracefully on the bit of lawn on the front of the house. I slid off Pearl’s back and she returned to her normal form. I threw my arms around her.

“That was _amazing_! Thank you!” I squealed. Pearl laughed nervously but hugged me back.

“You’d better hurry up inside” she said quietly, smiling warmly at me. I nodded and said ‘Goodbye’, my smile as broad as it had ever been. I stepped through the door and was enveloped in the wonderful smell of roasted garlic.

Jasper was sitting by the kitchen table, but she rose to her feet when she saw me.

“Sorry I’m late” I said, so very, _very_ happy to see her.

I walked up to her in a few quick strides, stood up on tip toe, grabbed her face in both hands and planted a kiss on her soft, full lips. She seemed surprised at first, but then she responded with ferocious passion. She placed her hands on my hips and pulled me closer as our kiss intensified. Fireworks of pleasure and excitement exploded in my mind and body; I felt like I wanted to burst into laughter, tears and song at the same time. Our first kiss! And it was more wonderful than I could _ever_ have imagined.

When we eventually broke apart we locked gazes. Her gem and cheeks were glowing and I knew my face and ears must be doing the same. Her eyes were full of sparkling lights and she let out a happy chuckle which I joined in on. I stroked her cheek and she leaned into my touch, making my heart swell with adoration.

“You are… _beyond_ beautiful” she said in a husky voice, and my legs wanted to give way right there and then, but I forced myself to remain standing.

“Goddess…” I breathed and leaned in for another kiss. Her arms wrapped around my back and my hands slid down from her face to rest on her collar bone. I could feel her pulse racing through my fingers. It was such bliss… standing there, enveloped in her scent, embraced by her strong arms.

As our second kiss ended I whispered;

“Did you really make dinner?”

“Yes” she answered with a crooked grin. She pulled out a chair for me and then bent down in front of the oven and took something out. The smell of garlic intensified. She turned around and placed an oven plate on the table. It contained a large loaf of garlic bread. I gasped and threw my arms around her waist.

“How did you know I love garlic bread?!” I squealed, so surprised and happy I barely knew what to do with myself.

She laughed and hugged me back, saying;

“Parker told me. I hope you like it”

I tore off a slice, and took a bite. Now my legs actually gave way and I collapsed on the chair. The taste was like a whip crack of umami across my tongue with an acidy burst at the end. I had never tasted anything so delicious!

“Wow…” I said through a mouthful of bread. I could feel my eyes tearing up.

She sat down at the other side of the table and looked at me expectantly. Then she saw my streaming eyes and her face fell.

“Is it… bad?” she asked uncertainly.

“Itshh schoo gooohd” I moaned and shoved the rest of the slice into my mouth. I wiped my eyes and tried to say ‘It’s unbelievable, Jasper!’ but it came out as; “Ish unbuhlifabl, Jaschpur!”

Her face lit up and she let out a relieved sigh.

“I knew I’d be great at that” she said, crossing her arms and looking incredibly smug.

I sniggered and grabbed another slice and Jasper took one too.

“Hmm…” she said, chewing analytically. “Next time I’ll add a little more fire salt”

“Whatever you say, darling! I’ll be your Guinea pig” I smiled with bulging cheeks.

After we had finished eating, I walked around the table and kissed her to thank her for the glorious meal. Then I started to do the dishes, beating down her protests and stating;

“If you cook, I’ll do the dishes, it’s only fair”

I put on a pot of coffee and we sat down on the patio. The sound of cicadas filled the warm night air and I lit a cigarette. The stars were shining in a cloudless sky and I snuggled up to Jasper and sighed.

“My life has changed so much since I decided to go to that island…“ I said, leaning my head on her chest.

“In a good way?”

I smiled warmly and said; “In the _best_ way”

* * *

Please review :)


	19. The other talk

## Chapter 19: The _other_ talk  


I was sitting in the shade on the beach, doodling and listening to music. I hadn’t really spent much time close to the water since I left the island, the memories of the shark attack keeping me wary. I didn’t want it to become a whole thing, so I was trying a bit of exposure therapy. My notepad was filling up fast with drawings of sharks, legs, teeth and crashing waves. Occasionally the red scars on my calf tingled and seared. I knew what nerve damage felt like and sighed. I drew little lightning bolts next to the affected scars; trying to think I was lucky it wasn’t all of them. I felt really stupid about the whole thing. If I had just gone back to shore with the fish or if I had started with the third net instead of following my routine like a fucking robot then maybe –

“Graah!” I growled and pushed down hard with my pen, breaking the tip. Blaming myself for what had happened was a _bad_ idea. Thinking in endless loops of ifs and buts was _also_ a bad idea. Maybe I needed to talk to someone about it, but I felt I had had enough therapy to last me a life time already. I sharpened the pen again and continued to doodle the serrated edges on a shark tooth.

The sensation of sandpaper running along water saturated and sensitive skin, a sharp piercing pain and then the _jerk,_ water rushing in my ears, the pressure building inside my head –

“I am _here_ and this is _now_ and I am _safe_!” I forced out before the dark water closed around me. I rolled over onto my back and looked up at the cliff wall, trying to distract myself. Would I be able to climb it? No, probably not. I bet it’d be really cool to try to hang glide from the top though. The much more pleasant memory of soaring through a star lit night sky filled my mind instead. I held out my arms and said; “Be free, Marahoot!”

I sat up and lit a cigarette. Fluffy clouds drifted across the sky. If you flew through them, would you emerge cold and wet? They were made out of water vapor so… yeah? I should ask one of the gems. The playlist on my phone had reached ‘Butterfly’ with Crazy Town and I started to sing along. I knew the next song on the list would be ‘Cure for the itch’ with Linkin Park and I got to my feet. I felt like I needed to move around a bit, so I started doing the kata from my orange belt karate graduation. I had used ‘Cure for the itch’ as my accompaniment and muscle memory guided me through the two and a half minute routine. It felt pretty good, but I was rusty as hell and my calf protested a bit. I sat down and rubbed at it and then I heard a splash coming from the ocean. I looked up and saw Garnet walking out of the waves, holding one arm out. Was she holding a ball? I waved at her and she started walking toward me.

“Hey Garnet, what have you got there?” I asked, pointing at the sphere which actually didn’t make contact with her hand – it was levitating above it?

“Whoa…” I said in awe.

“It’s a corrupted gem. The bubble keeps it from regenerating its body” she patted the top of it and it vanished. “I just sent it to the Temple, where we keep them”

“Like a prison?”

“Mm, more like a storage area. When gems are bubbled, they are unaware of the outside world, not even the passage of time”

“Whoa…” I said again and looked at her hand that had levitated the bubble. Her gem was on her palm. She adjusted her shades with her other hand and it had a gem too.

“You have _two_ gems?” I burst out.

“Hah, yes I do. You are observant”

“Wait, wait… Are you a _fusion_?” my excitement was mounting fast.

Garnet nodded.

“But… you seem fine?”

“Not all fusions are like Malachite, Erica” Garnet said gently. “Jasper and Lapis were really bad for each other”

“Jasper told me fusion is supposed to be used for fighting… wait a minute! Are you the fusion Jasper fought before she formed Malachite with Lapis?”

“Yes”

I gaped and then clapped my hand over my mouth, as a thought hit me.

“Wow, she… really wanted to hurt you guys… It’s so weird! I got to know a different person than you… And then you just took me at my word that Jasper had changed, well, everyone except Pearl… Ah, the perspective again!” I sat down. To my surprise, Garnet joined me.

“I think it was really brave of you to come all the way here, knowing we were enemies”

“I made a promise” I said as explanation.

Garnet smiled at this. “You told us about all that had happened since you found her gem. You tried to help someone you didn’t know and that told me you had a big heart. Jasper changed because of the way you treated her”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t back down when she tried to intimidate you and offered to share your shelter and supplies with her, you protected her from a corrupted gem, showed her a side of humanity she has never seen before, distracted the rubies who came to arrest her, comforted her when she found out she would never be able to return to home world and gave her advice on how to deal with it. And you asked for nothing in return; you changed her”

My eyes were wide. “But… she”

“Do you think she would have fought off the shark for you the first day you met?”

“Uhh…” my forehead creased.

“You had proved to her that you were someone _worth_ saving, something I’m sure she has never felt about a human before”

“But… Wouldn’t anyone have done those things?”

She reached out a hand and ruffled my hair and I froze up. The scar at the back of my head tingled and I cringed away from her touch. I pulled up the hood on my sleeveless hoodie and held my head.

“P-please don’t touch my head…” I stammered, my voice strained.

“Erica, oh I-I didn’t think…” Garnet said regretfully.

It was so hard to get people to understand just _how_ uncomfortable it made me feel when someone or something touched my head unexpectedly. The physical feeling is of your leg being asleep and wrapped in a layer of inch thick foam – imagine you had that feeling in your _crotch_ \- then combine that with the emotional state of having just been groped in that region by Edward Scissorhands. There’s no actual slicing happening because of the foam, but you can _feel_ the sharpness through the material. It goes without saying that it triggers your fight/flight/freeze response.

Garnet took off her shades and put them on the ground and sighed deeply. Then she spoke with a different tempo; “You sounded so much like Steven just then and I…” she dragged in a sharp breath and her voice changed again “Sorry. We’re so sorry… Ruby gets very physical when she wants to show affection and - ”

“Ruby?!” I leaned away from Garnet, what was she saying?! Was this all a trick? Were they going to arrest Jasper? Were they going to arrest me too? I got to my feet too quickly and my head swam sickeningly, making me sway.

“Oh, dear… Erica, please, it’s not what you think!”

Garnet stood up too and started to glow, her entire body going white. There was a weird sound and suddenly two much shorter gems stood in front of me, holding hands. One of them was a ruby!

I stumbled backwards and fell on my ass.

“Holy shit fuck!” I gasped.

The other gem, a blue one in a dress stepped toward me and held up her hands.

“Please, Erica, let me explain… _This_ Ruby was part of the rebellion; she is _not_ here to hurt you _or_ Jasper” she spoke in a slow voice, almost forcefully calm. My eyes darted from the blue one to the ruby – the little red gem wore an expression of regret and wrung her hands. She looked so sad it broke through my fear. 

“Whuh?” I was so confused. My heart was racing.

The blue gem sat down a few yards away from me.

“My name is Sapphire. Do you want me to sing the song I sang to you at the hospital again?”

“What?” I squeaked.

“When you were in the hospital you woke up and were afraid… I used my future vision to see what the outcomes would be and in a few of the alternate paths you sang that song to yourself and it calmed you down… So, I sang it to help you feel better” Sapphire said, placing her hands in her lap.

“…That was you?” I sagged. “I… uh, I mean thank you for doing that, and no, you don’t need to sing it again…” I clutched at my heart.

“I’m _really_ sorry” Ruby said from behind Sapphire and then walked up and placed her hand on the blue gem’s shoulder. Sapphire responded by reaching up to hold her hand. It was such a sweet gesture.

“I get very… uncomfortable… when something touches my head. Y-you couldn’t have known that…” I said carefully. Or could they?

“We did, but… we got lost in the moment” Sapphire said, smiling ruefully. Ruby smiled down at her and said; “Yeah… You sounded just like Steven – he believes people are genuinely good” the red gem stepped up to me and reached out a hand; “It’s such a beautiful mindset… I just wanted to show you it made me happy to have met someone else who thinks that way”

My cheeks flushed and I took her hand - she pulled me to my feet with ease. She must be really strong; I wasn’t exactly a small person.

“How are you feeling?” Sapphire asked and was pulled to her feet by Ruby’s other hand.

“I’m… OK” I said, feeling out of my depth. They exchanged a pleased look.

“If you would excuse us…” Ruby said, letting go of my hand and grabbing Sapphire by the waist. I raised my eyebrows in surprise as they waltzed away from me. They began to laugh and Ruby picked Sapphire up and spun her around. There was a flash of light and a sound and there stood Garnet again, adjusting her shades.

I gaped and Garnet chuckled; “Ruby and Sapphire don’t like being apart for long”

“Is that how fusion happens, y-you spin around?”

“That’s how Ruby and Sapphire do it, but every fusion is different and their dance may change depending on the situation”

“Dance?” I asked.

“Yes. To fuse, the people involved have to be in sync, find an emotion or a purpose that unite them. I embody Ruby and Sapphire’s love for each other and since that is so strong I can stay fused for a very long time. When Pearl and Amethyst fuse they have to work together, which can be hard for them, so their fusion Opal is not very stable”

“Can gems fuse with humans?” the question slipped past my filters and I felt my ears almost catch fire.

Garnet chuckled; “Steven has fused with a human, but no other gem has so far”

I tried to wrap my mind around this fascinating piece of information.

“What happens when you fuse? How does it… feel?”

“You aren’t separate beings anymore, and yet you are not one. You are an experience, an expression of the feelings or purpose that caused the fusion”

“So… what was Malachite?” I asked timidly.

“Hmm… She was a fusion built on deception, hatred, desperation and battle lust. Lapis kept Jasper prisoner and remained in control of Malachite for a long time, then Jasper took over… It was a terrible battle… Malachite was extremely powerful, and if it weren’t for Steven, it might have ended very differently…”

“Go Steven” I said breathlessly.

Garnet looked at me with a grin; “I wouldn’t worry about Malachite, Erica. Jasper has changed… And you two have a very different relationship”

I swallowed hard.

“Uh… what if you can’t uh… dance?”

Her grin broadened. “ _Everybody_ can dance”

She held out her hand to me. My eyes were drawn to the gem on her palm.

When was the last time I had danced? Probably at my high school prom… Ugh what a disaster that had been. I had recently broken up with a girl named Nadia and was mopey as hell. I had gotten really drunk and spent a lot of time praying to the porcelain god. I must have gone dancing after that though… Right? Maybe… The times I’d gone out with friends to bars, I’d mostly hung back and watched everyone’s drinks, smoking. Why had I been so awkward? Jesus. Oh no. This was one of those moments, wasn’t it? Where I had to decide whether to run away and continue to be awkward or take a chance and actually try something that made me nervous. Wellp. Last time I tried I got the experience of a life time. So… why the hell not. I took a deep breath and blew it out fast through my nose, straightening my back and placing my hand in hers.

“That’s the spirit” she said encouragingly and bent down to pick up my phone. Did I even have any dance music stored there? She pushed play and an instrumental chilltrap mix streamed from the speaker. She pulled on my hand to get me moving. ‘Oh shit’, I thought. ‘Just follow her lead. Accept the fact that you might end up looking like an idiot’ I told myself. I stepped forward and she stepped back, moving her feet in time with the music. I tried to mimic her moves. Gods, she was so graceful. I stumbled around, tripping over my feet but it was starting to get fun. My body found the rhythm of the song and I began to relax my movements, letting them flow rather than trying to control every little part of myself. Garnet smiled and let my hand go and started to move both her arms very quickly over her head. I circled her, throwing in a few moves from my kata and she nodded in time with the music. She stepped parallel to my path, caught my arm and pulled me along with my own movement, launching me into the air a few feet. I twisted in midair and managed to pull off a pretty decent super hero landing whilst sliding backwards in the sand. I beamed at her and she laughed, clapping her hands.

“Smooth moves, girl” she said as the song ended. I panted as I straightened up.

“That was _awesome_!” I whooped and jumped forward. “I don’t think I’ve ever had that much fun dancing”

She smiled at me broadly. “It’s like you told Pearl, you’ve gotta find your own way of doing it”

I giggled. “She told you about the singing?”

“Oh, she’s been practicing non-stop. There is a chamber that has amazing acoustics and it reverberates through the entire Temple”

“Really? Oh my gods… that’s fantastic!”

Hearing that made me feel very happy. I had thought that Pearl might have just asked me to teach her to be polite, but apparently not.

“Thank you so much for dancing with me, Garnet” I bowed elaborately in her direction.

“My pleasure, Erica” she chuckled. “I’d better get back to the Temple, I promised Amethyst I’d help her move some of her junk around her room”

If Amethyst was back, that meant that Jasper would be soon as well.

“OK, say hello from me” we waved goodbye and she jumped away. It was amazing how they could move like that, like real fucking super heroes. I plugged my headphones into my phone and picked up my stuff. I started walking towards town and danced as far as I dared. I decided to stop by the Big Donut on my way home.

The bell tinkled as I entered the little café.

“Oh, hi Erica!” Sadie greeted cheerily when she saw me.

“Hi Sadie” I smiled. “How’s it going?”

“Oh you know, same old, same old” she said slightly nervously as Lars came in from the back.

“Uh-huh” I said, not believing a word she said.

“I’m heading out Sadie, you OK to lock up?” he didn’t wait for a response before putting on his headphones and stepping outside.

She sagged behind the counter.

“Ugh, finally” she sighed and rubbed her belly. She looked up at me uncertainly.

“What’s up Sadie?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s my _time_ ” she whispered, even though we were alone. “And I haven’t been able to take a break for _hours_ ”

“But Lars was just here?”

“Yeah, I know but… He usually does inventory, by which I mean a nap, in the afternoon. I can’t leave the counter then, since it’s just the two of us…”

“He’s _napping_ all afternoon? How is that fair?” I asked, feeling affronted.

“Well, it leaves me time to think about stuff…” she said evasively. “I’ll be right back”

I browsed the shelves as I waited for her. There was a flyer for a rave later in the week with DJ SC. It looked handmade and promised free glow sticks.

Sadie returned, looking disgruntled.

“Sadie?”

“That _Lars_ ” she huffed “he’s left a mess in the breakroom and tomorrow the owner is coming by to take an _actual_ inventory. Uhh, I just want to go home and take a looong bath” she groaned.

“Need some help?” I asked, putting my bag on the floor.

“Oh, I couldn’t ask you to do that!” she waved her hands “I-I was just complaining out loud”

“For the love of fuck, Sadie, come on. It’ll go faster” she smiled at me.

“OK, let me just get the front door”

Sadie pulled down the curtains and locked the door. We headed to the back. I was always curious what was behind the ‘Employees only’ sings in places like this. There were a few rooms, mostly full of boxes of supplies and a small kitchen. She hadn’t been kidding, it was a _mess_.

“Seriously?” I said as I saw the dirty dishes and empty food containers strewn across the floor. “How much does he _eat?_ ”

“Oh, I think he had his friends over for lunch” she said apologetically.

“And they don’t clean up after themselves?”

“Apparently not” she sighed.

I started on the dishes as she swept up. It took us about fifteen minutes all in all.

“Does he do this sort of stuff a lot? Leave you with the mess?” I asked her as I dried my hands on a towel.

“Well… yes. But I don’t mind usually… It’s just today, I dunno…” she rubbed her belly unconsciously.

“Sweetheart…” I said, my ovaries twinged in sympathy. I knew it was no use brow beating her about letting Lars walk all over her. I knew she had a soft spot for him. “Time for that bath I think”

“Hah, yeah. It’s gonna be _sooo_ nice. I’ll light some candles, put on some music…” she sighed wistfully. “Did you want to get something? I completely forgot to ask!”

“It’s not a problem! I just wanted a few donuts to bring home” I smiled.

“They’re on the house!” Sadie said, smiling back.

We left the Big Donut via the back door, me clutching a box of half a dozen mixed donuts. We hugged goodbye on the parking lot and headed in opposite directions. I lit a cigarette and strolled lazily down the street towards our rented house. When I got there, the lights were on and I smiled and went inside.

“Donuts!” I exclaimed as I shut the door. Amethyst came bounding up to me and snatched the box out of my hands with a triumphant laugh.

“MINE!”

“Hey, I worked my ass of for those!” I joked and ran after her.

“Uh-oh!” she said loudly and jumped out onto the patio.

“What are you doing?” came Jasper’s voice from outside.

“She stole hard earned donuts! Oh, whatever shall I _do_ ” I said in an overdramatic voice and threw myself at the doorpost as if I was a diva in a b-movie from the fifties. Jasper looked from me to Amethyst and then grinned.

“You have pilfered your last pastry, Purple Puma!”

“Oh, no! Whatcha gonna do about it, huh?” Amethyst shapeshifted into a hairy chested body builder.

“I’m gonna teach you not to mess with my woman!” Jasper roared playfully and flexed her muscles. I know we were just being silly, but my stomach filled with butterflies at her words.

“Is that the best you can do?” Amethyst chuckled and struck a ridiculous pose.

“I’ll show you!” Jasper huffed and took on a different stance.

They switched poses back and forth and I couldn’t keep myself from laughing.

Amethyst got distracted by my sudden outburst and Jasper tugged the box out of her hands. The purple gem returned to her normal shape, laughing. Jasper walked up to me and knelt down, offering me the box of donuts as if I was a queen.

“My lady…” she began “I have retrieved your precious pastries from the scoundrel”

I took on an air of royalty and proclaimed;

“Ah, well done. We are pleased. Arise, Jasper, defender of baked goods and receive a queen’s gratitude!”

She stood up, face ridiculously serious and I rose on tip toe to kiss her for a full minute, wrapping my arm around her waist.

 “Aww, you guys” Amethyst said and we broke apart. I was pleased to see pink patches on Jasper’s cheeks and she grinned crookedly down at me.

I opened the box and held it out to Jasper, who grabbed one with pink frosting and sprinkles. Then I offered it to Amethyst who picked a jelly filled one. I took a chocolate one and bit down on it with enthusiasm.

“Ugh, how can these be so good?” I said, leaning back against the wall and licking my fingers. Amethyst glanced up at Jasper and then nearly choked on her donut, laughing. Confused I looked up at Jasper too, my thumb just slipping out of my mouth. Her eyes had something predatory in them that made my hair stand on end. She grabbed the box of donuts from my unresisting hands and handed it to Amethyst without breaking eye contact with me and said;

“Amethyst, go home”

“Oh-ho, _shit_ ” Amethyst said as her gaze flitted from Jasper’s face to mine. “Uh, yeah, I’m out!” she jumped away, sniggering “Don’t break her” – I had no idea who of us she was referring to.

* * *

Please review :)


	20. Heartbeat

## Chapter 20: Heartbeat  


Jasper took a step closer to me and reached out for my hand, bringing it up to her lips and putting my thumb in her mouth and sucking on it with apparent relish. I was _instantly_ turned on. She kissed the palm of my hand and a thrill shot down my spine. Her lips travelled up my arm. Her tongue found its way into my mouth and I was immediately set on fire when I felt how agile and confident it was. A moan escaped my throat and it egged her on. She started to kiss down my neck, leaving burning patches on my skin. Then she stopped suddenly.

“Erica…” she panted in my ear. Her voice was forcibly controlled. “There’s something we need to talk about before we go further”

I looked at her, feeling confused.

“Although I go by ‘she’ gems have no genders, we’re all just… gems. We do have pleasure organs, but they don’t look like yours...” I knew she was thinking about shape shifting, but that was out of the question.

“I want _you_ , just the way you are” I panted with fervor, grabbing her chin and kissing her again. She growled with a smile and picked me up bodily and carried me in a fireman’s lift and I squealed with delight. In the living room she put me down on my feet and I stared into her predatory eyes.

“I want to see you” I said huskily. She grinned and lifted her shirt slowly. The fabric rustled and revealed a stomach with a magnificent six pack, a red stripe slashed across it at an angle. Next came her breasts with big red nipples. I looked at them hungrily and then to her face as her shirt slipped over her head and hair – it fell like feathers around her, settling slowly. God, she was gorgeous. Her hands unbuckled her pants and let them slide to the floor. I held her gaze for as long as I could before looking down. She wasn’t wearing any underwear. Soft white curls topped a tentacle like appendage that moved as my eyes focused on it. I cocked my head to the side. It twitched as if to follow my movement and I looked up at her face with raised eyebrows.

“This is my stem…” she said with a husky voice. She moved her hand to place her fingers at its base. It was such an effortlessly sexy gesture – I bit my lower lip. “Now I want to see _you_ …”

Wordlessly I removed my shirt just as slowly. She followed my movement with half lidded eyes. I lifted my sports bra and the motion made my nipples harden as the soft fabric brushed against them. Her eyes widened ever so slightly at this and her stem twitched. I unbuttoned my shorts and let both them and my underwear slide down to the floor. Her eyes wandered down to my mound.

“This is my vagina… How do you like to be touched?” I asked, taking a step closer.

She gazed into my eyes. “With hands…” she caressed the white curls above her stem, then her hand rose to her mouth. “With lips…” her thumb stroked her bottom lip. “With tongue…” she put the tip of her thumb in her mouth. This was so maddeningly sexy I thought I’d lose my mind.

“Kneel” I whispered and she obliged. Our faces were level now and I stepped in close and grabbed her chin, turning it away from me and started kissing her neck, brushing away her luscious curls as I went. She growled passionately as my hands found their way to her collarbone and then slid downwards. They caressed the magnificent curve of her chest and her breath came quicker. My questing hands found her nipples and I brushed over them lightly. Her eyes were full of desire and she pulled me in close for a kiss. Her lips were swollen with passion and even softer than before. My hands continued to play ever so gently with her nipples and she moaned throatily. I descended on them with passion, grabbing one breast in each hand. My lips closed around one nipple and the noise she made nearly drove me mad with desire. I looked up at her face as my tongue twirled and felt her harden in my mouth. I moved to the other one and breathed on it before letting my teeth slide over it then my tongue lavished it in soft motions. This hard soft approach elicited another maddening sound from her and my entire body felt like it was on fire. Suddenly I was on my back on the floor and we were kissing again. Her hair surrounded me with its wonderful scent as she moved toward my breasts. Her breath on my bare skin made goose bumps rise all over. Her full lips closed so carefully around my right nipple it made me want to cry and then her tongue danced over it, making me drag in a ragged breath. This excited her further and her huge fingers caressed my other breast, her other hand slid down my body. She spent a few minutes switching between my breasts and I felt as if I was going to burst with lust. As she started to kiss down my stomach I pushed her off and she rolled onto her back with a crooked grin. I straddled her and looked down at her for a few breaths before pouncing on her breasts again. She growled with passion and squirmed between my legs. I used my nails to scratch down the sides of her ribs as I moved downwards. I caressed her insanely muscular stomach with tingling hands before I slid in between her legs. I drew in the smell of her and it was gloriously arousing. I looked her in the eye and she nodded her consent. My hands caressed her thighs slowly and I leaned in close to her most intimate part, breathing warm air on to it. Her hips moved and I looked up at her face again. She had propped herself up against some pillows – she wanted to _watch_. I felt my arousal rise to breaking point and I held eye contact as I placed one finger on the base of her stem. It _quivered_ at my touch and I drew in a breath of surprise as it engorged, weaving through the air slowly. It was slick with some kind of sweet smelling secretion. I drew my finger along its entire length and as I reached the tip it curled around my finger. I watched in amazement as it caressed me in turn. I could feel her pulse through the soft skin. As my finger came free a strand of thick liquid expanded between it and her stem. I looked up at her grinning face.

“She likes you…” she purred. Her hand slid down her rock hard abs and gripped her stem with index finger and thumb. I bit my lip as she stroked it up and down. It curled around her hand as it had done my finger. It seemed like it wanted to caress as it was being touched, like something that was longing for intimacy. I put my hand at the base and moved with her hand. A low moan escaped her lips and she let her hand fall to her white curls. My hand and her stem moved together like a dance, Jasper’s breaths became heavier. I took the lead and became more aggressive with my movements, more forceful than just caresses now. An appreciative moan egged me on. I leaned forward as kissed the base of the stem as my hand continued to twirl. She hissed as my lips touched her skin. My tongue slid along the curve of her appendage and I felt it quiver as well as pulsate. I pulled my hand up and the stem followed, then I licked the back of it from the bottom to the tip, my hand sliding down the front to grip the base. The tip slid into my mouth and I sucked on it gently, this made Jasper growl deep in her throat. The stem moved almost like a tongue, making it feel like we were making out. It explored my mouth and I was surprised to find my palate caressed, even more so when I enjoyed it so much I let out a moan of my own. I felt it swell slightly and pulsate harder in my mouth as Jasper drew in a ragged breath. I looked at her face. Her gem was glowing, her cheeks were flushed and her mouth was open – her chest was moving rapidly. I opened my mouth so she could see what I was doing, she responded by lowering her chin and breathing deeper. Oh, she _did_ like to watch… The corners of my mouth went up in an evil grin as I slowed down my caresses. I wanted to extend her pleasure, tease her… I made my tongue as soft as I could and gave her stem the lightest of licks. She moaned huskily and gritted her teeth, her gem pulsating. I licked her from root to tip _agonizingly_ slowly. She started to tremble as I neared the tip. I stopped just before I reached it and blew on it. It tried to make contact with my lips but I moved out of the way. Jasper let out a longing sound and bit her lower lip, breathing hard. I licked my lips before breathing on the tip again, massaging the root with my hand gently before moving upwards. Her eyes were trained on mine as I lowered my mouth onto the tip, enveloping it with my tongue. She _moaned_ so lustfully I felt as if I was as close as she was, her body trembling more forcefully than ever. Then her back arched and her mouth opened into a scream as my tongue danced and twirled. Her gem emitted a burst of blinding light, her hips bucked and the tip flailed wildly; it was all I could do to keep it in my mouth. I massaged it with my tongue and it was flooded with a new sweeter taste. Her half minute long climax sent enormously pleasant shivers through my entire body. As her body settled she started to laugh throatily, making her stem vibrate on my tongue. I set it free with a smile and it waved around happily.

“Oh, my, _stars_ …” she panted and grinned down at me. I gave her a cocky smirk and kissed the inside of her thigh, making her twitch. I sat up and she mirrored my movement. Her arms wrapped around me and pulled me into a long kiss. Her hands slid down and grabbed my ass, squeezing my cheeks. I squealed into the kiss and she snorted lustfully, laying me down on my back. She sat back on her knees and trailed a hand from my collar bone, down my chest, over my stomach and onto my mound. She looked at my face the entire time and I gasped as her fingers slid through my pubes. Her eyes moved downward and she tilted her head as they focused on my sex. She lay down for a closer look, pushing my legs apart and sweeping her hair out of the way with a confident flick of her hand. I moved my hand down to my crotch and caressed my outer lips. She glanced up at my face, grinned and then looked at what my hand was doing. I spread my outer lips to reveal the inner ones, then dipped a finger in between them – I had never been so wet in my entire life and I let out a little gasp. I circled my clitoris slowly, making sure she was paying attention.

“This… is the clitoris. It is _very_ sensitive and like your stem, it likes to be touched with hands, lips and tongue” my finger slid down to my entrance and circled that too “This is my vaginal opening… The inside is also very sensitive to all sorts of touch”

She met my gaze and grinned and I slid my hand up to rest on my stomach. She started to stroke my outer lips while looking at my face. Then her eyes moved down and she began circling my clit just like I had, making me gasp. She grinned and continued to caress me. I had to control my breathing to not orgasm right away. I don’t think I’ve ever been that aroused. My hand fell down onto the blankets and I grabbed at them with passion. This made her chuckle confidently and then she licked her lips. She bent down slowly and crooked an eyebrow at me and I nodded. When her lips met mine, the world disappeared for a moment and all I could feel was her touch. I let out a moan and she looked up at me as I pulled at the blankets, she let out a warm breath of mirth and then she slid her long tongue out and licked me from my opening to my clit in one luxurious stroke. My breath caught in my throat and she studied my face intently.

“Is that how you like it?” she asked in a raspy voice. I nodded and panted my ascent. She smiled cockily and repeated the move, making me moan again. Her tongue was so soft against my slick skin and every time she reached my clit it sent tendrils of pleasure through my lower half. My left hand flew to my nipple and started rubbing it between my fingers. She saw this and adjusted her position, her arms sliding under my thighs and cupping my breasts. I let my hand fall with a smile and moaned as her fingers found my nipples. This triple point stimulation was driving me insane.

“Harder…” I panted and pushed at her huge hands. She obliged and pinched, making me almost lose control. I felt a wave building up inside me and my breath quickened. Her licks became slightly more rapid and I rolled my hips against her tongue. She snorted lustfully and started sucking on my clit, letting me feel a touch of teeth – this made me almost pass out and I pressed my lips together and whimpered.

“Let me hear you” she breathed and I opened my mouth and groaned loudly as she began licking me again. My toes curled and my back arched as a sparkling wave of pleasure broke over me. I screamed out as my body tensed up and shook. She didn’t stop licking and another wave hit me, overlapping the first one and blinding me temporarily. When it faded I panted and my body relaxed. She kissed my mound cheekily and then grinned and moved upwards to kiss me. I pressed my lips against hers, tasting myself on her tongue.

“You _beast…”_ I mumbled against her ear and she chuckled. My hands found her breasts and I heard her draw in a sharp breath. I grinned evilly and scooted in underneath her so her chest was just above my face. They looked so delicious… One hand caressed her left nipple while my lips brushed the other. I could feel it stiffening and I sucked at it gently until it softened again. I pulled her closer to me and she grunted as I switched to her other nipple, my hand enveloping the breast I had just abandoned so cruelly. Her skin was so warm in my mouth and I hummed happily as I played with her. I looked up at her face and raised my eyebrows to find her gazing down at me going to town on her breasts. She really _did_ like seeing what I was doing. I smiled and let my teeth become part of the equation, she bit her lip and groaned and I felt her stem caress my leg. I moved my free hand downwards and her tip curled around my questing fingers. It was slicker than before and my hand slid along its length with ease, the tip wrapping around my wrist. She moaned as I reached the base and moved upwards again slowly, winding her stem between my fingers. Her gem began to pulsate with light and I gloried in the glow of her pleasure. I chuckled into her breast and bit down lightly and heard her gasp, her light intensifying and her stem gripping me tighter. I switched back to her other nipple and lavished it with kisses and licks before taking a nibble. My other hand slid across her trembling stomach and joined the dance. Her breath came quicker and she moaned louder as both my hands stroked her. I sucked her nipple hard and switched again, clamping it between my teeth and flicking it with my tongue. Her back arched and light blinded me as she threw back her head and gave voice to her climax. Her stem pulsated powerfully and I felt droplets of warm liquid fall onto my chest and belly, making me release her nipple out of surprise. She panted above me and I looked up at her, hands still sliding along her member. She smiled and moved herself so she was facing me, her stem slipping out of my grip.

“You little monster…” she purred and kissed me passionately once, then she slid further down and licked my stomach and chest clean before returning to my lips and kissing me again. Her sweet release flooded my mouth and I grabbed her head and pulled her closer. She rolled to the side and pulled me on top of her and I giggled. Her chest heaved underneath me, but my weight didn’t seem to bother her at all. I kissed her grinning mouth and she placed one hand on my back and the other on my ass. She raised an eyebrow at me and simultaneously squeezed my buttock, one finger sliding down to caress my wetness. I gasped at her cheekiness and smiled. She drew me into a kiss as she began exploring my nether region anew. Her heart beat so close to mine - I had never felt so in sync with anyone. Our breathing flowed together as she slipped a finger inside me. It was so _thick_ and I drew in a sharp breath. My walls contracted around it and she broke our kiss with a gasp.

“You’re squeezing my finger” she said in surprise.

“Mhm” I moaned and nodded. “Go in and out, slowly…” her eyes were locked onto my face as she began moving her finger. She let out a breath when I squeezed and relaxed my internal muscles. I wanted more… “Go… deeper” I moaned and hissed as she did as I asked. My hips began moving of their own accord, pressing against her hand and belly. She grinned lustfully.

“Ohh… I can feel your pulse” she whispered and I bit my lower lip and nodded.

“She… likes… _you_ ” I panted. Her warm finger slid slowly all the way back to my deep spot and I arched my back and _moaned_. “Mmm-make little ci-circles” her fingertip caressed me so agonizingly slowly. My butt ground against the palm of her hand, it was such a deep, heavy pleasure and I couldn’t get enough. I dug my nails into her shoulders and purred throatily. I could feel her stem caress the inside of my thigh lovingly.

She moved her other hand from my back and I looked her in the eye. She grinned mischievously at me. I felt her begin to touch herself and the thought of that sent me reeling and I kissed her deeply. Her finger moved a little faster and I felt another wave building and I moaned into her lips. This egged her on and I had to break our kiss to breathe. I looked into her hungry eyes and saw her gem pulsate faster and faster as she caressed herself. The look of pleasure on her face was beyond sexy. Her finger pressed against my deep spot and wiggled forcefully - a tsunami suddenly crashed over me, her finger so deep inside I didn’t know where it ended and I began. Wave after wave struck me as I saw my own ecstasy echoed in her face. Her hips bucked and our voices rose together in lustful harmony. My body trembled on top of hers as aftershocks pulsated through me. Her chest heaved with exertion and she started to laugh. This made my body shake even more and I couldn’t help but giggle myself.

“Oh my stars, Erica… that was…” she seemed to be lost for words.

“Fan-fucking-tastic?” I suggested and she let out a “Hah!” with such force that it nearly threw me off her.

“You have a way with words, you know that?” she said, grinning crookedly at me.

“Hah, yeah I’ve been told” I responded, smiling fondly at her. I brushed some hair out of her face. “I might not be able to move from here” I giggled and lay my head down on her chest. She kissed my forehead and wrapped her warm arms around me.

“Good” she sighed happily.

As I lay there, listening to her slowing heartbeat, I realized I was _exhausted_. My head was spinning with endorphins and my body felt limp. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. The smell of her body tickled my nostrils and I sighed, feeling so content. She began stroking my back and I purred. She chuckled sweetly.

I don’t know how long we lay like that, but after a while my bladder complained. I groaned and she looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“I need to go to the bathroom” I whined. She unwound her arms from me and I slid off her, landing flat on my back right next to her and we both burst out laughing. I got to my feet slowly. My legs were very wobbly and I grabbed the sofa for support. Thankfully it wasn’t that far to the guest bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and relieved myself. I could see my face in the mirror and I grinned drunkenly at my reflection. I had just had sex with Jasper. I threw my hands into the air in and opened my mouth in a silent cheer. ‘Jesus motherfucking Christ’ I thought, ‘that was the best sex I’ve ever had’. I giggled and dragged a hand through my bed head.

When I was done congratulating myself in the bathroom, I grabbed two water bottles from the kitchen and stuck my head into the living room.

“Join me for a cigarette?” I asked, smiling.

She got up and stretched and my eyes could not get enough of her. The stripes over her chest and belly and down her legs seemed more vivid than before. With that mane of silken beige hair she looked like a dream. She caught me staring and grinned cockily.

“My abs are down here” she said and pointed. I snorted with laughter and she walked toward me, chuckling. We stepped out onto the patio naked. It was walled in, so the most anyone could see of us would be Jasper’s hair. We sat down on the soft couch and I lit a cigarette, taking a deep luxurious drag. I leaned against her side and sighed.

A warm salty breeze caressed my bare skin. Had I ever felt this _good_? I finished my cigarette and threw the butt in the overflowing ashtray. My stomach rumbled.

“Hungry?” Jasper inquired, grinning.

“ _Starving_ ” I said, realizing that I was. “How about you?”

“Yeah, I could destroy some pizza right about now”

We went inside and I called the pizza place for a delivery. After a few minutes there was a knock at the door. Jasper went into the hall naked and smirked and I called out to her.

“Darling, I don’t think the pizza delivery girl can handle all that”

I threw on Jasper’s shirt and picked up my wallet from the floor, squeezing past her in the hallway. The shirt was much too big on me and I loved it.

“Hey, that’s mine” she snickered and took a few quick steps to hide behind the living room wall.

I opened the door.

“Hi” Jenny said and looked me up and down and grinned knowingly. “That’ll be sixty bucks”

“Hi” I grinned a little embarrassed and handed her the money. She gave me a stack of four pizza boxes. “Thanks”

I closed the door and went back to the living room.

“Wanna watch something while we eat?” I asked.

“Sure. Oh, can it be that last Lord of the two kings or something?”

“Hah, sure” I smiled warmly.

We made ourselves comfortable on the floor and were swept away Peter Jackson’s masterpiece.

* * *

Please review :)


	21. Cake

## Chapter 21: Cake  


A text woke me up the next morning. I untangled myself from the blankets and located my phone.

‘Hey! Do U guys wanna hang out w me & Connie 2day? :D:D:D’ – from Steven 09:34.

I smiled and stretched and realized how sore I was, _everywhere_. My smile broadened and I sniggered as I remembered why.

I crept back to Jasper and lay down next to her.

“Hey…” I stroked her cheek softly and she opened her eyes. “Good morning, beastie”

She grinned and said; “Good morning, monster” in a hoarse voice.

“Steven just texted and asked if we’d like to hang out with him and Connie today. Maybe we could make a cake. What do you say?”

“Mm… Is Connie the friend he keeps talking about?” she asked me muzzily.

“Yeah”

Jasper thought for a moment. “You had me at cake” she said and pulled me close. As our lips met a pleasant shiver flew through my body, but it also set off some of the aches from the night before.

“Ohhh” I hissed as we parted. She looked at me questioningly. “I’m sore from yesterday” I grinned.

“You were the one getting fancy with the teeth” she chuckled.

“I was holding back” I said with a smirk. It was true, I had held back.

“Hah!” she laughed. “You _are_ a monster” I joined in her laughter and kissed her again.

“Mhm… I’m gonna go jump in the shower” I said, stroking her cheek again before getting to my feet.

I heard her chuckle throatily from behind me and I looked back at her.

“What?”

“Can’t a gem enjoy the view?” she grinned up at me.

“Oh, you are a beast!” I sniggered before walking super model style towards the stairs. I answered Steven’s text before stepping into the shower stall.

‘Yaaas! How about we make a cake? J’ – from Erica 09:54.

The warm water was soothing on my aching body and I stood under the warm spray for at least twenty minutes, singing an assortment of songs, trying to work in some overtones. It worked sometimes, especially on the drawn out bits.

When I exited the shower and dried myself off I noticed Steven had texted me back.

‘Yay cake XD C U @ Urs @ 1?’ – from Steven 10:13.

I texted back an ‘OK! See you then J’ and headed downstairs. Jasper was making waffles. I kissed her on the arm, making her grin. I put on some coffee and went to have a cigarette on the patio, enjoying being naked in the warm morning sunlight.

Jasper joined me after a few minutes with the leaning tower of waffles that seemed to have become her favorite breakfast. She had also brought me a cup of coffee, which I had completely forgotten about.

“Thanks beastie” I said and patted her on the thigh. “What kind of cake do you want to make?”

“There’s more than one kind?!” she asked, a look of disbelief on her face.

“Yes!” I laughed “All sorts! Chocolate cake, cheese cake, sponge cake, fruit cake… Hang on”

I went to get my laptop and image searched for cakes.

“Oh! That one!” she said excitedly and pointed at a picture of a birthday cake with strawberries and sprinkles on top. I clicked the picture and it led me to a site with a recipe.

“We have to go to the store, I don’t think we have any of the ingredients” I mumbled as I tapped the list into my phone. I left Jasper on the patio and went to put on clothes and make myself some sandwiches.

At around eleven we stepped outside and headed for the grocery store. People looked at Jasper as we walked, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“This building has cake parts?” she asked as we entered through the sliding doors.

“Yeah” I smiled at the way she phrased herself “It’s a grocery store. We take a one of these, put in the stuff we want to get and then pay for it all at the register” I said, grabbing a cart. We entered the produce isle and Jasper stared.

“This is all for cake?”

“No” I giggled “You can buy all sorts of food here, some of it can be used to make cake. These are fruits and vegetables. Look, they have the names and the prices on the little tags under the boxes. We need some strawberries and a lemon” Jasper had to squat down to see the stickers. A burst of happiness flooded my chest and I smiled broadly at her fascinated looking face.

I waited by the cart for her to explore the isle.

“Strawberries” she read aloud and I walked up to her. I studied the different little cardboard containers until I found one that looked good. I picked it up and sniffed at them.

“Why do you smell them?” she asked. I held the carton out to her and she sniffed at them too.

“You can tell if they are fresh and if they are ripe by looking at and smelling them. There are some fruits that you can touch with your hands before buying, but berries like these are delicate” I picked up a different container and took a whiff. “Ah, this other one is better” I handed it to Jasper to smell too.

“That one smelled less sweet” she supplied.

“Yes, this one is fresher than the first one, the berries will be crisper. The more pungent the smell, the riper it is. It’s better to buy them before they get really ripe, because the riper they are the more delicate they are and the faster they’ll go bad”

“Go bad?” she asked.

“Yeah, organic matter decays very fast” she looked a bit panicked, as if I was talking minutes. “It takes days for it to happen to fresh food like this” I reassured her. “A lot of foods have best-before-dates that tells you how long it will last. Some foods last for years”

I picked up a lemon. “This you can touch, it’s got a tough skin on the outside. Just don’t squeeze it too hard” she took it from my hand very carefully and sniffed at it.

“This smells a lot less” she said.

“Yeah. You can tell the freshness of it by looking and sometimes squeezing it. They should be intensely yellow and very firm. We only need the skin for the recipe, but lemon juice is nice on a lot of other foods or in drinks”

We put the berries and the lemon in the cart.

“Do you want to look around some more?” I asked and she nodded. She walked around for a minute, looking closely at all the different kinds of produce.

“Can we get one of these? They look funny”

Jasper was pointing at a pineapple and grinning.

“Sure” I said with a smile. “If there’s anything you want to try, just put it in the cart”

We moved to the baked good isle and Jasper pointed out some donuts.

“Is this where you got the donuts from?” she asked me curiously.

“No, the ones I got were from the Big Donut, it’s a café on the boardwalk. These will taste differently I think”

“Why? Are they not donuts?”

“They are, but different places create different tasting donuts. Wanna try some of these?”

She nodded and picked some out and put them in a bag.

We proceeded through the store and picked up the ingredients for the cake and some random things she found interesting. Jasper was being totally adorable and asking me a bunch of questions.

I made a stop in the feminine hygiene isle and I was relieved to find my brand of pads.

“What’s that?” Jasper asked me.

“Pads” I answered “for when my body will celebrate me not being pregnant again”

“But what are they for? Can you eat them?”

I snorted with laughter. “No, you can’t eat them. I’ll tell you when we get home, ok?”

“Alright” she said, looking a little disappointed. It didn’t last for long however because we found the snack isle round the next corner.

When we got to the check out, the greasy looking teenager glanced up at Jasper with wide eyes before wringing us up. Apart from the donuts, the pineapple, the cake ingredients, my pads and a huge bar of dark chocolate, Jasper had added a bag of Doritos, a neon green soda, some baby food, a tube of toothpaste, some crackers, a can of meatballs in cream sauce, a jar of pickles and a bucket of pink marshmallow fluff.

We packed it all into bags which Jasper carried with ease. I had a smoke on the way back to the house.

It was a little past twelve when we stepped through the door. We proceeded to put the stuff away in the cupboards and fridge, Jasper opening the jar of pickles and trying one.

“Hmm…” she said as she chewed. “What is this again?”

“It’s a pickled cucumber, a vegetable” I said, rubbing my belly. It was hurting, but it couldn’t be time yet? How long had it been since the last one? I checked my phone, but I hadn't written it down when I was on the island. Shit. I grabbed the pads off the counter and went to the bathroom.

Apparently I was early this month. I sighed and un-wrapped a pad. The pain increased quickly and I hurried to take some painkillers, hoping it wouldn’t get too bad before they kicked in. I glanced at the clock in the kitchen. It was 12:17; too late to cancel with Steven and Connie. My face must have shown some of what was going on inside me, because Jasper asked;

“Babe, what’s wrong?”

My eyes teared up as the pain flared suddenly. I grabbed the sink for support.

“Babe?” Jasper asked again, concern in her voice. Suddenly she was at my side.

I clutched my stomach and tried to breathe through it.

“Has the celebration started?” she asked and I nodded, not able to speak.

She placed her hand on my stomach and heated it. I panted as the warmth battled my raging uterus. After an eternity the pain lessened. My hand shook on the metal counter top.

“Can we go lay down?” I asked through clenched teeth. We moved into the living room. I lay on my side and she spooned me, reapplying her hand to my lower abdomen.

“This can’t be normal, Erica” she mumbled worriedly in my ear.

I blew out a breath through my nose. “It is normal… It’s healthy even. Not the amount of pain, but the fact that it’s happening at all is a sign of good health” I said exasperatedly.

“What? That sounds stupid”

“I wouldn’t mind if it wasn’t so fucking” I gritted my teeth as the pain mounted again and hissed; “ _painful_!”

Jasper kissed my neck and snuggled closer to me. “Can’t you stop it?”

“Hah! Not unless I want to take extreme measures… There are ways of controlling it all; medication to do this and that and the other thing, but the side effects can be disastrous for me because of my medical history”

“What do you mean?” she asked, sounding alarmed.

“Basically I have a choice between this pain and a not insignificant possibility of dying. With those odds I’ll take the pain and” I curled up around her hand as the pain peaked again and panted; “ _live!”_

“But why is this happening?”

“It’s called a period, it’s the stupid fucking reproductive cycle. Once a month an egg is released from an ovary and travels to the uterus through a fallopian tube. If the egg is fertilized it will attach to the wall of the uterus and it might make a baby, but if it’s not then the lining of the uterus is shed through the vagina. That’s what the pads are for, to catch the blood so it won’t get all over the fucking place”

“There’s bleeding involved?!” she asked intensely and I felt her body stiffen against my back.

“Yes, but it’s a _finite_ amount of blood. I’m not – “another wave hit “ _bleeding out_! Even though it feels that way sometimes” she relaxed a little.

“I’m going to be just _fine_ ; it just sucks ginormous donkey balls until the painkillers kick in, which they’ll do soon” I panted.

“Do they make it go away?”

“No, but they take the edge off so you can fucking – _function_ ” I hissed, pressing her hand against my stomach.

“Does this really happen to all human females?” she asked incredulously.

“Those who are healthy and have the organs required and remain within the right age range, yes. But the pain varies from person to person. Some don’t get any at all, the little shits” she chuckled in my ear. “Sometimes it helps if I rub it a little…” she started to massage my stomach gently. The soft motions combined with the heat soothed my body and soon the ache was down to a manageable level. It was so wonderful to lie like that though, I didn’t want to move.

“How are you feeling?” she asked me after a few minutes.

“Much better…” I said quietly “Thank you, darling…”

“Any excuse to hold you like this, babe…” she whispered and kissed my neck.

“Oh, you…” her words made me feel so protected, so secure, so not alone. I hugged her hand closer and sighed happily as more pain left my body.

We lay there a blissful ten or fifteen minutes, me almost drifting off to sleep. Then there was a knock on the front door.

“I forgot they were coming” Jasper said surprised “Should I ask them to go away?”

“No, it’s fine. It’s on a manageable level now” I responded and sat up, even though I’d really like to spend the rest of the day sleeping in Jasper’s warm embrace.

“Could you get the door?” I asked her and she rose to her feet. It took much longer for me to get off the floor. I felt drained and tired and not at all like spending time with anyone. But both Steven and Connie were so sweet. Maybe their presence would distract me from the pain. Oh and then there was the cake. I smiled to myself. This was going to be fine.

Jasper opened the door and Steven rushed inside saying; “Hi Jasper! Hi Erica!”

Connie walked in more cautiously.

“H-hi Jasper, n-nice to meet you. My name is Connie” she held up her hand to Jasper. Jasper looked a little taken aback and glanced over at me. I nodded encouragingly at her and she shook Connie’s small hand very carefully. 

“Nice to meet you too, Connie” Jasper rasped and I could see Connie’s eyes widen slightly.

“Are you guys thirsty?” I asked to break the tension.

“I could use a drink” Connie said quickly and walked into the kitchen. Jasper looked a bit down cast as she closed the door. I was torn on who to see to first. “There’s soda in the fridge, help yourselves. Don’t take the neon green one though” they dashed over to pick out drinks.

I walked over to Jasper and whispered;

“What’s wrong darling?”

“She… she looked scared of me…” she confided in a murmur. Her expression tugged at my heart strings and I felt my eyes moisten.

“Oh, darling… She’s nervous. It’ll be OK” I said reassuringly and gave her a hug, stroking her back.

“What kind of cake are we making?” Steven asked excitedly and I answered;

“Birthday cake” this made Steven’s mouth drop open.

“Who’s birthday is it??” he asked.

I chuckled and said; “It’s no one’s birthday, we’re just making a birthday cake. Jasper picked it out” I smiled fondly at her. I saw her cheeks take on a rosy tint as she grinned.

Steven laughed and Connie giggled at this. ‘Good’ I thought as the tension in the room dropped.

“OK, everybody wash their hands and we can get started” I said.

We pulled out all the ingredients and the recipe, turning the oven on so it’d be warm enough for when we needed it.

“Alright – who wants to measure the sugar?” I asked and Steven put his arm up shouting “Me!”

We alternated adding ingredients to the big mixing bowl. When we got to the eggs it was Jasper’s turn.

“Connie, how many eggs does it say we need?” Steven asked.

“Um… Three!” she responded and handed the egg carton to Jasper with a shy smile. This made Jasper perk up. Her big hands opened the lid and she stared down at the brown eggs for a few seconds, then looked questioningly at me. I was about to speak when Connie picked an egg up and said;

“They’re really fragile, so be careful. Look” she demonstrated how to crack the egg and put it in a separate bowl. Jasper gingerly took an egg out and very carefully mimicked Connie. The egg cracked in two perfect halves and fell into the bowl.

“Whoa…” Steven breathed. I smiled broadly at all of it. It was too damn cute!

“Egg-cellent!” Connie said to Jasper with a huge smile. “We need one more!”

Jasper concentrated very hard and managed to repeat the impressive feat. When she was done she beamed. Steven and Connie took turns stirring everything together, switching when their arms got tired. I walked up to Jasper and kissed her on the cheek.

My uterus decided it was time for another quick round of ‘let’s fuck with Erica’ and I stiffened against her. She looked down at me.

“I thought you said it was better?” she said as she put her arm around me.

“It’ll pass just… give me a minute” I said quietly. After about thirty seconds my uterus unclenched and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I think the batter is done you guys” Steven said and they turned around.

“Great!” I said, trying to smile naturally. “Let’s… let’s put it in the oven and start on the frosting, shall we?”

The two of them jumped to it and I put the kettle on. Jasper gave me a questioning look and I nodded to her that I was fine. I filled the hot water bottle and held it close to my body, sitting down at the table where Connie and Steven were grating the lemon skin. I put on a timer for the cake. I looked at the three of them fondly as they made the frosting. It was almost like having my own little family…

“Steven, I challenge you to a lemon duel!” Connie said dramatically.

“En garde!” Steven responded and picked up a slice of lemon. They both bit into a piece at the same time, trying hard not to scrunch their faces up. After a few seconds Steven faltered and hissed “ _So sourrrr_!” and the two of them started laughing.

“You wanna try it Jasper?” Steven asked eagerly.

Jasper picked up a lemon wedge and put it whole into her mouth before I could warn her. Her face contorted fantastically and we burst out laughing, Jasper joining in after a few seconds.

“Ugh, that was terrible!” Jasper said grinning. “Babe, I thought you said this was good?” Steven and Connie exchanged a smirk.

“It is good in small amounts! You’re not supposed to eat the rind, it’s really bitter”

“Yeah thanks I noticed. Your turn” she grinned and held up a lemon wedge to my mouth. I giggled and took a bite, not even trying to keep my face still.

“And Connie is the winner!” Steven exclaimed and Connie stood up and took a bow.

My phone beeped and Steven took the cake out of the oven.

“It needs to cool a bit before we can put the frosting and strawberries on. I’m gonna go have a smoke on the patio”

I stood up and made my way outside, putting on some music as I went. I slumped down in the couch and lit a cigarette. The sky was strewn with high feathery clouds and a few gulls circled over me. The cicadas sung in the grass and the sound of Lake’s ‘Mother Nature’s Promise’ started streaming from the speaker on my phone. I huffed at the timing. That song had a very long intro. I sang along when the lyrics started. Half way through the song the pain intensified again and I pulled my legs up to my chest, groaning.

“Are you OK?” I hadn’t heard Connie approaching. She sat down next to me on the couch, wearing an anxious expression.

“I’ll be fine” I said, straightening up a little, despite the extra pain it caused. I tried to smile naturally. It felt like it would be highly inappropriate to tell this young girl what was going on. I had no idea of what she knew or didn’t know about the subject.

“I like this song, who’s it by?” she asked as the current one ended and the next one began. With the new song came relief.

“It’s an indie band called ‘Lake’; I can send you a tubetube link if you want. They’re a bit difficult to find, because there is another band called Lake that is more well-known”

“That’d be really cool, thank you” she said with a shy smile.

I stubbed out my cigarette and we went back inside.

“We started cleaning the strawberries” Steven beamed at me.

“That’s awesome, thanks guys” I smiled. “Think the cake’s cool enough yet?”

I picked it up and put it in the middle of the table. Steven and Connie covered it in frosting and Jasper placed the strawberries and I had the honor of putting the sprinkles on top.

“Let’s take a picture!” Steven suggested and we all crowded together, Steven holding the phone and Connie the cake. Jasper and I hunched down behind them. “Say cheese!”

“Cheese!” we all said together.

“Can you send that to me, Steven?” I asked and Connie said “To me too!”

Steven did so, saying; “I’m sending one to my dad too! He’s gonna be so jealous!”

“It almost looks too good to eat, doesn’t it?” Connie said.

“We did a good job” Jasper supplied and smiled down at all of us. I grabbed a knife.

“The first piece goes to the winner of the lemon duel!”

Connie held out a plate and said; “Thank you!”

I cut slices for all of us and then we went outside to taste it, but I had forgotten forks.

“Ah, fff-screw it, let’s eat with our hands” I suggested and grabbed my slice and taking a big bite. Steven and Connie laughed. I knew I must be covered in frosting and sprinkles, but played along by going; “What are you laughing at? Is there something on my face?” I put the cake down and wiped my mouth with my frosting covered hand, thereby making a bigger mess. Jasper joined in laughing too at this point.

“I never get to eat with my hands at home” Connie said with sparkling eyes. She grabbed a fistful of cake and crammed it into her mouth with every sign of enjoyment. Steven mimicked her and soon they were snickering at each other’s messy faces.

“We’ve gotta take a picture like this you guys!” Steven suggested excitedly. We all crowded together again.

Connie and Steven continued to take ‘cake face’ pictures and laughing. Jasper wiped some frosting off my cheek with her thumb and then put it in her mouth.

“Tastes even better with a bit of you” she whispered with a glint in her eye. She pulled me in for a long, tender kiss. When we resurfaced for air, there was no more laughing or sounds of pictures being taken. I turned my head to see Steven beaming at us with a big smile and stars in his eyes.

“Aww, you guuuys!” then he gasped and said “Jasica!” in a loud voice.

Who on earth was Jessica?

“If you guys fuse your name would be Jasica!” he was trembling with excitement as if he had just made a great discovery. Suddenly I felt cold.

Jasper and I looked at each other. A slightly strained grin spread across her face.

“Gems can’t fuse with humans, Steven” she said matter-of-factly.

“Sure they can! Me and Connie have” Connie nodded emphatically.

Jasper looked thunderstruck. “What? You can’t be serious”

“It’s true” Connie confirmed happily. “Together we’re Stevonnie!”

So it was _her_ Steven had fused with. When I talked to Garnet she said he had been able to fuse with a human, but she hadn’t said _who_.

Jasper turned to me with a strange look on her face. A chill ran down my spine as I saw the mounting panic in her eyes. As if on cue, my uterus twisted into a tight leaden lump and I felt my knees want to give way. It was too much all at once and I gasped for breath.

“Steven, Connie… I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to ask you to leave now” I forced out, my brimming eyes locked onto Jaspers, who now looked _through_ me.

“But –“ Steven said, sounding confused.

“ _Please_ , I really don’t feel well and have to lie down” I groaned and clutched my lower stomach, eyes leaving Jaspers to meet Steven’s confused and hurt looking face, then moving on to Connie’s. I knew she knew what was happening to me as her gaze snapped down to my midriff and then back up.

“Steven” she said seriously “We should go. Thank you so much for inviting us over. Hope you feel better soon” she said politely and grabbed Steven’s arm.

“Huh? But… Connie?” Steven sputtered, sounding even more confused.

“Come on Steven” she tugged at him to get him to move.

“Uh… Bye” he said sadly as he was dragged away.

I knew he was hurt by this, Connie too, even though she understood more than Steven. If it was ‘ _just’_ cramps, I’d be able to handle it. I’d deal with the two of them later. The important thing now was Jasper. She was still looking in the same direction. As soon as I heard the front door shut, I spoke;

“Darling?”

She didn’t react. My stomach convulsed, but it could go fuck off right now. I was pretty sure she was dissociating or having some sort of flashback. I didn’t dare touch her for fear of scaring her and sending her deeper down the rabbit hole. I would just have to wait for her to resurface on her own.

It must have been the talk about fusions that triggered her. I was insanely curious about fusions and the possibility of me being part of one, but Jasper’s mental well-being was way more important.

“I’m right here” I said aloud “right here…”

I lay down on the sparse grass to try to ease the pain. I began to sing The Rains of Castamere to myself, hoping it’d guide Jasper back to the present. After what felt like an hour, but must in reality only have been a few minutes, her eyes flickered and she swayed. I sat up.

“Darling?” I asked carefully.

She shook her head as if to clear it. Then she looked down at me.

“Babe?” she looked confused “Why are you on the ground?”

I felt my lower lip quiver and I started to cry. I was so relieved she was back! She knelt down in front of me.

“Is it hurting again?” She looked round. “Where are Steven and Connie?”

“Can we please go lay down?” I asked.

She helped me to my feet and we lay down in the living room, spooning. Her warm hand reached under my shirt and I sighed as the pain ebbed.

“I asked them to leave” I began softly “They talked about fusion and you went somewhere else in your head. I didn’t think you’d want them there when you came back from… wherever. The pain escalated just as you drifted off and I think Connie thinks I asked them to leave because of it. Well, I said I wasn’t feeling well and needed to go lay down…”

Jasper was quiet for a moment before saying; “I was back in Malachite…”

I turned over so I could look her in the face. She looked distraught. I hugged her head to my chest, stroking her hair. She pulled me closer.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked softly. She sighed.

“It was so _dark_ …” she began “The pressure was unbearable; I was being crushed from every side… There were so many thoughts, so many conflicting desires. I wanted to get free, but I knew we couldn’t be free. We _should_ never be free. I, she was an abomination. We were an abomination. I was and I wasn’t, and then she was and wasn’t. Then we were everything, and then we were nothing… Sometimes, when I was me, I could feel what it felt like to be Lapis. She was so… hurt, so alone, so _determined_. Everyone had used her for their own means… I had used her…”

I kept stroking her hair, listening and trying to understand.

“I had no idea anyone could feel so much all at once. There was both pride and anguish at her plan working out. Confusion about how this had all happened, why everything had changed. The sorrow of losing all that she was because of one stupid mistake. She had no control and yet she did. And her _rage_ … It was staggering… She _hurt_ me”

Her words were disjointed as if she was jumping from thought to thought. I felt tears falling on my chest and I held her tightly.

She took a deep breath.

“They talked about it like it was a good thing…”

“Steven and Connie?”

“Yeah… “

“Maybe to them, fusion _is_ a good thing” I suggested.

Jasper looked up at me.

“I don’t know a lot about fusion… But from what you and Garnet told me – “ she stiffened against me.

“You talked to Garnet about fusion? When?”

“Yesterday. We met on the beach and I saw she had two gems, so I asked if she was a fusion. She said yes and that all fusions are different, that the stability and powers of the fusion depend on the feelings of those who fuse. So I figure… if you fuse with someone you are friends with, like Steven and Connie, I’m guessing they would have a good time”

She looked confused and… hurt?

“Darling… I know being in Malachite was a complete and utter nightmare…” I said, not wanting her to think I was being dismissive of her feelings.

“It was… until it wasn’t…” she said quietly. Now her eyes showed… shame?

“When I took over control, when we were _free_ … I was, we were… so powerful. It felt… amazing… We could _fly_ ”

I was surprised, and then saw more tears sliding down her face.

“I would have been shattered if we had been on home world! Lapis too… It’s the crime of crimes, fusing with a different gem type. An abomination… So how could it feel _good_?”

“Hey…” I stroked her cheek and thought intensely. She was feeling guilty about fusing with Lapis, about enjoying (at least to some extent) something that was so forbidden. But how could it be so wrong if the rebels did it all the time? Steven and Connie were the best kids I’d ever met; they wouldn’t do something that was horrible. And Garnet… what was it she said? She embodied Ruby and Sapphire’s love for each other. And that a fusion is what the partners bring into it… If fusion was ok, no matter which gems did it, then Jasper wouldn’t have to feel guilty about it, right?

“Maybe it felt so bad in the beginning because you were separate inside Malachite, struggling for control. She tortured you…” I kissed her forehead “I’m so sorry, darling…”

I paused.

“Maybe, when you _were_ Malachite, when you weren’t separate, it felt good because it’s… supposed to feel that way?” I said a bit hesitantly.

“But it’s a horrible crime” she argued. She seemed to only focus on the fact that they fused, not how Lapis had treated her. Maybe it was too painful to touch right now… I decided to take my cue from her.

“On home world” I said back, calmly.

“Huh?”

“It’s a horrible crime on home world, but not on earth. If it was a crime here, Steven would never dare say the Jessica-thing, or admit he and Connie had fused. And maybe it’s not a crime here because fusion is just… fusion, no matter who it’s between…”

Jasper was silent for quite some time.

“But if it’s not an abominable act, why would the Diamonds say it is?” she asked.

“Well, I don’t know… There could be all sorts of reasons. Maybe it’s to keep everyone in line. Maybe different type gem fusions are more powerful than same gem fusions - that would challenge the hierarchy. Totalitarian leaders want stability, and a great way to keep people in line is by keeping them scared…”

She huffed as if the idea was ludicrous, but then looked thoughtful. “You might have a point there…” she admitted. “It wouldn’t be the first thing they lied about…” she mumbled bitterly and then sighed. I felt her body relax against mine.

“Secrets and lies…” she sighed deeper this time and snuggled closer to my neck. My chest flooded with warmth at this little gesture. “What else have the Diamonds kept from us?” she wondered aloud.

We were quiet for a while. My mind wandered back to Malachite. If they had been able to feel what it was like to be each other, what had Lapis felt from Jasper? I felt anger swirl in the pit of my stomach. Lapis had _hurt_ Jasper…

“Is there any cake left?” Jasper asked out of the blue, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Y-yeah, I think so…” I said. I couldn’t help but worry. Would she always react like that when fusion was mentioned? Even if she accepted the rebel’s way of looking at it, the trauma of being inside Malachite was still a trauma. And what would happen if she ever ran into Lapis again? Would they try to kill each other?

“What would happen if you saw Lapis again?” I asked quietly.

“I… honestly don’t know…” she murmured. “Before, she was just some brat, a nuisance I had to deal with. But now… I know what it feels like to be her and… I’m angry at her for trapping me and keeping me prisoner for months, but at the same time I feel as if I understand why she did it…”

I kissed her on the forehead and she sighed.

“What do you think about Malachite?” she asked me tentatively.

“Hmm… I don’t know. It’s hard for me to understand exactly what you went through, but I know it was traumatic. Thinking of you trapped and tortured…” I felt tears running down my cheek “It hurts because I care for you…” she removed her head from my chest and leaned on her elbow.

“It hurts you when I talk about Malachite?” she asked, looking hurt and guilty.

“No… listen. My mind always does this. I always try to picture what everyone is saying, from their point of view and my own, if they differ. Like a story or a movie. When people tell me about things that happened to them, I can picture what it must have felt like – not all of it of course, but a little. It helps me understand them better. It is a good thing, even when it makes me hurt. And the hurt isn’t mine so it doesn’t stay for long. I just have to let myself feel it – it’s a part of me that I like… So please, don’t be afraid to tell me things, darling…”

She looked at me uncertainly. “Are you sure?”

I sat up too and looked her in the eye. “Yes, Jasper” I said seriously and smiled warmly. She smiled back at me.

“I’m always willing to listen, beastie…” I murmured. “And I know how hard it can be to talk about dark times, so thank you for telling me”

“If it weren’t for Malachite… I would never have met you…” she said quietly. I looked at her face and saw she was crying.

“Oh darling” I whispered and hugged her. I knew what she said was true. And I was so happy that we had met, I just wished it hadn’t cost her so much.

“You saved me…” she whispered.

“You saved me too, beastie…” I whispered back.

The things that had happened on the island came back to me in a flash… Her tiredness, her cracked gem, the spider thing, the rubies, the shark… We had helped each other, saved each other. The more I got to know her, the more I cared for her. In the beginning she had been so angry, but now I felt as if I was seeing the real Jasper. Confident in herself, in her body, in her skills. She might come off as intimidating, but she had a soft heart, whether she liked to admit it or not.

“You want to have some more cake?” I asked her after we broke apart. We got up and went outside, me taking a new dose of painkillers on the way.

“How are you feeling?” I asked her as we snuggled on the couch, her warm hand on my stomach.

“Lighter, I think. I always thought talking about how you felt only made it worse, but… Talking to you about things… it’s like you make it better, just by listening…” she said thoughtfully, and I felt so touched my eyes teared up.

“Oh, darling…” I wiped my cheeks.

“You make me feel… safe” she continued, looking down at me. My chest swelled with emotion.

“Secure…” I said, placing a hand over my heart.

And then both together “Protected…”

She smiled warmly at me, and I at her.

I reached out for her hand and brought it up to my mouth to kiss it before guiding it to my ear. We kept eye contact and I saw her eyebrows crease as if she was unsure. I dipped my chin slightly and her hand touched my skin. I watched her eyes fill with tears as her fingers gently explored the back of my head, tracing the outline of the scar and the uneven area of bone underneath. My skin tingled but didn’t sear. This was the most intimate part of me and I trusted her with it, to see that realization dawn on her face filled me with such fierce joy.

“Oh, _Erica_ …” she whispered, voice thick with emotion, tears making her eyes sparkle.

“I trust you, beastie…” I whispered back.

She lowered her hand to my neck before pulling me into a tender kiss. I ran my hands through her beautiful hair.

***

It was a little while later and we were preparing to make dinner, or rather, taking out all the things Jasper had wanted to try at the grocery store for a sort of buffet.

“Darling” I said, unscrewing the pickle jar. “I feel really bad for asking Steven and Connie to leave earlier. I mean, I wouldn’t have wanted them here for when we talked but… I want to apologize, explain what happened…”

Jasper stood up after having located the pineapple in the fridge and looked at me with a small smile.

“What would you tell them?” she asked.

“Well, the truth… Or as much truth as you are comfortable with, darling. I don’t you to feel… exposed” I said, rubbing the back of my head without realizing. “I mean, I could say something like ‘fusion is a really sensitive subject for Jasper because of Malachite’, if that’s OK?”

“That’s… fine. I don’t really understand why you need to though?”

I sighed and put the pickles down.

“You didn’t see their faces… They looked so hurt and confused. But in the moment, I knew I had to get them out because I couldn’t deal with everything at once. If they stayed, there would be too many questions and feelings for me to handle… I could see that you were panicking, I wanted to give you the space and the time you needed. If another gem or Greg had been there, it would have been easier; they could have talked to Steven and Connie and explained things… But there wasn’t so I did what I had to do to simplify things, and they got hurt in the process”

Jasper looked at me with surprise.

I could feel my eyes burning at the memory of Steven’s face; so happy and excited one moment and so sad and confused the next.

“They didn’t understand why everything suddenly changed. They shouldn’t have to feel bad because I wasn’t capable of handling it all at once… They’re such great kids! And after Steven saved my life, he must feel I’m such an ungrateful dick…” I wiped my cheeks as tears of frustration fell.

“Babe…” Jasper said softly and enveloped me in a hug. “You’re not a dick” she said softly “And I appreciate that you got them to leave. I don’t think I’d have been able to talk if they were still here…”

“I know…” I mumbled.

“Do you want to go talk to them now?” she asked.

“Do you mind?”

“Babe, go” she said simply. I kissed her on the cheek.

I grabbed my phone and gulped down some more painkillers before darting out the door. I knew that Jasper and I had _needed_ to be alone to be able to talk. And it had been such a _great_ talk! And afterward, so sweet, so beautiful… Wonderful words, wonderful actions. I also knew that if I hadn’t asked them to leave, it might have ended very differently… I don’t think Jasper would become violent, but I’m sure the anger would have come out to try to protect her from showing how affected she had been by what they had said.

I lit a smoke as I walked quickly towards the temple. I was hoping that that’s where they were, hoped Connie hadn’t been picked up by her parents. I pulled out my phone and clicked Steven’s number.

After five signals it connected.

“Steven’s phone, Pearl speaking” her tone was icy. Oh. Fuck.

“H-hello Pearl, it’s Erica… I-is Steven there?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

I could hear Pearl walking and opening and closing a door.

“What happened?” she demanded. “Steven and Connie came to the temple looking so sad!”

I sighed “The very short version is, Steven saw me and Jasper kissing and said that if we were to fuse, our name would be Jessica or something. Then they kept talking about fusion, being all excited and I could see Jasper… She’s sensitive about that subject, because of Malachite, you know? At the same time, ugh…” this was no time to be embarrassed! “My cramps suddenly got really bad and I asked them to leave – I couldn’t handle all four of us being in crisis all at once, I was afraid they’d be scared if Jasper got angry and I’m sorry!” I rambled. “I knew I had really hurt their feelings… Steven’s face… They didn’t do anything wrong! I’m so sorry, but I didn’t know what else to do…”

Pearl was so quiet I thought she had hung up on me, but then;

“I… see…” she said thoughtfully.

“I’m on my way over to apologize and explain. I really, really, really want to apologize…” it was harder and harder to keep my voice steady.

“How is… Jasper?” Pearl asked carefully.

“It was a difficult conversation, but she’s fine” I wished I could just have told her everything.

“Oh my stars…” Pearl sighed.

“Would it be OK if I came over?” I asked as I reached the beach, stopping there and waiting for Pearl to respond.

“I suppose…” she said hesitantly.

“Thanks Pearl… I really appreciate it” my voice broke on the last word and I clamped my mouth shut not to sob in her ear.

“S-see you soon” she said and I responded with a “Mhm” before hanging up.

I trudged through the sand. Gods. This day. I wiped my face the best I could before climbing the stairs up to the house. I took a deep breath. I could see Pearl standing in the kitchen talking to Steven. Had Connie gone home? I knocked on the screen door.

Steven turned around and saw me. My hands rose and clutched my heart, my eyes brimming with tears for the five billionth time. His face… I let my tears fall.

“Steven, I’m so sorry” my voice was barely audible. I cleared my throat awkwardly and spoke again. “Steven, I’m _so_ sorry! Can we please talk?”

He opened the door silently and let me in. Gods, this was so much harder than I thought. He walked over to the sofa and sat down, I followed. Connie was sitting in the corner, I hadn’t been able to see her from the door.

“Steven, Connie… I’m so very sorry about before…” I wiped my eyes quickly and sat down on the edge of a seat. They looked at me. Connie looked sad, Steven’s eyes were red rimmed. I looked at the floor, feeling ashamed.

“Jasper and I had only talked about fusion once before, back on the island. It was hard for her to speak about. I know that you guys view fusion very differently than home world does. When you talked about it, I saw how happy it made you and how proud you were. But the subject is very sensitive to Jasper, because of Malachite. I could see she was getting… upset. And then to make matters worse, my stomach started to hurt really badly. When I asked you guys to leave, I said it was because I wasn’t feeling well, but I would have been able to put up with that. The real reason was because I was worried about Jasper… I felt overwhelmed. I couldn’t help all four of us deal with what was happening… I knew it would hurt you to send you away without an explanation, but it was the fastest way to keep you safe and for me to try to help Jasper… You guys did absolutely nothing wrong! That’s what I want you to know… You had no idea about Jasper and fusions… I had no idea she’d react like that, and neither did she… But I should have handled it better and I’m really, _really_ sorry about that. The last thing I want is to hurt you guys. I’d had such a great time with you today; it was almost like I had my own little family – “I clapped my hand over my mouth and closed my eyes. Oh no… Why’d I have to say that aloud?

Something heavy fell in my lap and I gave an involuntary jerk, my eyes flying open. It was Lion. He had placed his giant head on my legs and let out a feline sigh. I glanced up at Steven and Connie and saw Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst standing behind them. I felt… trapped.

“Erica…” Steven said, and I looked at him. He was crying… and smiling? My eyes darted to Connie, she was wiping her eyes on her sleeve. I felt confused.

“We were afraid we had overstayed our welcome” Connie said quietly and I shook my head emphatically, feeling my throat constrict.

“We’re sorry too…” Steven said “I just got so excited when I saw you guys together. I didn’t think about how Jasper might feel about it at all… How is she?”

How could this young boy have such a big heart? “She’s… fine. We talked about it and… she’s fine” I said. I touched the back of my head again, feeling exposed.

“It means a lot that you came to explain” Steven said.

“Yeah” Connie agreed.

“H-how are you guys feeling?” I asked, trying to fight the need to go hide in a corner.

“I feel much better now… You care about us” Steven grinned. Connie nodded.

“Of course I do!” I blurted, then snapping my mouth shut again. “I was so happy you wanted to hang out today…” it was hard to breathe. I was getting overwhelmed by everything. There were too many people around, too many stares. I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing.

“Steven, Connie. Could you give us a moment? We would like to talk to Erica” Garnet said in her calm voice.

I opened my eyes and looked around, my feelings of panic mounting. Steven and Connie got up and waved at me, smiling, before stepping outside. Steven called out for Lion to join them but the big cat stayed where he was. I was kind of hoping he’d leave, but he just flicked his ears. The gems came to sit down in the sofa. My hands were trembling.

“Erica” Pearl began, and I couldn’t help but cringe a little “I think you did the right thing…” I opened my eyes in shock. Pearl was looking me straight in the eye. She was sincere.

“Yeah…“said Amethyst, looking at the floor “I wouldn’t have known what to do”

Garnet smiled at me. “I know it was hard for you to choose who to help today. Jasper needed you more. It was kind of you to come and explain to Steven and Connie. I know you had a very good time before everything happened” she handed me Steven’s phone. There was a picture on the screen. It was Steven, Connie, Jasper and I smiling broadly at the camera, our faces covered in cake. I burst into tears. It was all too much!

“Aww, come on E” Amethyst said kindly. “It all turned out alright”

An arm wrapped around my shoulders and held me until I regained control. I looked at the gem holding me – it was Pearl. She was holding Steven’s phone and looking at another picture. It was Steven and Connie, both smirking and looking at me and Jasper kissing in the background. Jasper’s hands were at my back, mine were resting on her shoulders. Our faces were partially obscured by her hair, but you could clearly see that her gem was glowing. I had never seen myself so relaxed in a picture before. I was stunned.

Pearl noticed me looking and put the phone down.

“You must be a good kisser” Amethyst snickered.

“Amethyst!” Pearl burst out.

“What? When was the last time you got kissed so good _your_ gem started glowing?”

“Well!” Pearl huffed crossed her arms.

I felt my cheeks grow hot.

“Don’t embarrass Erica, Amethyst. She’s had a lot to deal with today” Garnet said serenely.

“Gee, _sorry_ you’re such a great kisser, E” Amethyst said so sarcastically it made me laugh. She brightened at my reaction.

I dried my eyes with the back of my hand. “Thanks, guys. You’re all really sweet”

“Aww, shucks” Amethyst said with feigned shyness.

“I should go” I tried to stand up, but Lion was still occupying my lap. “Lion… I need to use my legs to get home”

He got up immediately and walked to the door.

“Hey, E, tell your squeeze I’ll be by in the morning. And take care, OK?” Amethyst said and punched me playfully on the arm. The other gems nodded at me.

“I will”

My legs were a bit wobbly as I stood up, but I made it all the way to the door without falling on my ass. I opened it and Lion slipped out. I turned to the gems and said goodbye, I was so ready to go home.

I made my way down the stairs and onto the sand, walked a little way from the temple and then sat down with my back against the cliff wall. I was exhausted. My eyes shut of their own accord and I leaned my head back on the smooth rock. I lit a cigarette and took a deep drag. This day… It had been too much. Much too much. For a moment I wished I was back on the island, away from all the people and the drama. But then I thought of the picture Pearl had been looking at and a small smile appeared on my face. An overwhelming need to be back in Jasper’s arms washed over me and I got to my feet. I made my way back to the boardwalk, lighting another cigarette.

I reached the house and walked in through the front door. Jasper was standing in the very messy kitchen.

“Hey babe, how’d it go?” she asked, looking over at me with a smile.

I walked up to her and put my head on her chest and my arms around her waist. She put down whatever it was that she was holding and hugged me back.

“Did it go that bad?” she asked worriedly.

“No… It went better than I could have expected… I think they forgave me, all of them…” I mumbled into her shirt “It’s just… I’m _so_ exhausted”

Before I knew it, I was crying again, but this time I didn’t have the energy to hold anything back. I shook from the sobs and I knew I was leaking both tears and snot onto Jasper’s shirt. She held me closer. Had I ever allowed myself to cry like this with anyone? It felt so good to be able to trust Jasper with my vulnerability; some of the tears were tears of relief.

Eventually my sobs became sniffles and I dug around in my pocket for a handkerchief. Jasper held up a kitchen towel to me and I took it gratefully and wiped my face.

“I’m sorry about your shirt” I croaked.

“It’s OK, babe” she said and pulled it over her head on her way to the living room. She emerged a few seconds later, wearing the ‘Winter is coming’ shirt I got her. I smiled at this. She came up to me again and lifted my chin.

“How are you feeling, my little monster?” she asked with a warm smile.

I let out a hoarse chuckle. “Lighter…” her smile broadened. I took her hand and we went outside to sit down on the couch. I lit a cigarette with shaking hands. The air was warm, but I was shivering. Jasper put an arm around me and I leaned my head against her chest.

I did feel lighter, like I had put down a big rock I was carrying. But there was something still nagging at me, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. I knew I would figure it out eventually, and tried to put it as a background process in my mind.

I sighed hugely, then remembered Amethyst’s message; “Amethyst is coming by tomorrow morning”

“Ah, good. She’s a fast learner, that gem” Jasper said quietly.

“I like her… She’s funny” I mumbled. My eyelids were getting heavy.

“You need some sleep, little monster” Jasper whispered in my ear. She pulled me to my feet and we went to lie down. It wasn’t even dark yet. I flopped to the floor and curled up. I could hear Jasper snicker at this before snuggling up against my back and kissing my neck. I fell asleep within seconds.

* * *

Please review :)


	22. Pink puzzle

## Chapter 22: Pink puzzle

It was early morning. I smacked my lips to try to get some moisture going. Jasper was laying spread eagled next to me, her hair over her face. She was snoring gently. I stretched and picked up some clothes to put in the wash. I pulled on one of Jasper’s giant shirts, it smelled like her. My brain felt muzzy from yesterday, and that niggling thing at the back of my mind was still there. My lower belly ached, but second day cramps were a lot easier to deal with than first day ones. I made a cup of coffee, took some painkillers and filled the hot water bottle. I was surprised to find the kitchen quite clean, Jasper must have tidied up after I fell asleep. I took my sketchpad with me outside and sat down on the sofa. I flicked through my most recent drawings, thinking of how Garnet and I had danced on the beach. Yesterday’s events came back with a crash and I sighed. Jasper had been so cute in the store, and then Connie and Steven with their silly banter and lemon wedges… The cake had tasted great, then the kissing, then the talk… Then my freak out and apology mess. Oh, why did I have to be so fucking awkward. Had I overreacted? I sighed again and rubbed my eyes.

After about an hour of screwing up drawings, I threw the sketch pad onto the grass. Maybe I was hungry? I had no appetite, but I should try to eat something. I made a sandwich and prepped a gallon of waffle mix for Jasper. I stood in the kitchen and munched my toast with cream cheese, salami and cucumber. What kind of mood was I in today? I felt so tired but also… agitated. I wanted to do… something. But what? I thought about possible activities. Walk? I didn’t want to leave Jasper alone while she slept, that would be inconsiderate. Make food? Had toast… Make waffles for Jasper? They’d grow cold. Have a shower and sing? Yes, that I could do. OK. Shower. I went upstairs and threw off my clothes on the way. I climbed into the shower stall and turned it on, wincing at the cold water. As the temperature rose I cleared my throat and the water vapor loosened my vocal cords. This wasn’t the best shower I had ever sung in, but it was decent. What should I sing? I needed something with a bit more fire than usual to go with my mood. I grabbed a shampoo bottle.

“Quite a feeling, quite a relief, quite a mess! Quite a feeling, quite a relief, quite a mess, quite a mess! Someone convinced me of jealousy. It's the best compliment I'll ever get! So I shouldn't be the sad girl, shouldn't but I said I was. And who's going to tell, who's going to tell this time? It's a blizzard outside, _don't you dare_ stay inside! Quite a feeling, quite a relief, quite a mess! Quite a feeling, quite a relief, quite a mess! Quite aaAAAIIIIIIHHH!”

Two enormous spiders were crawling over the wall right in front of my eyes! My scream reverberated around the bathroom and I threw myself backwards, slipped and hit the side of my head on the opposite wall. There was a crash and suddenly the shower stall door was yanked open and there stood Jasper wearing nothing but her orange helmet and a furious expression. I scrabbled out of the stall and as far away from it as I could.

“Where’s the enemy?!” she roared and glared around the bathroom.

“S-spiders!” I squeaked and tried to make sure they hadn’t fallen on me. My ear pounded like a motherfucker.

“Spiders?! What?!” she panted, looking at me with wild eyes.

“Spiders in the stall!” I heard a smack. Images of thousands of tiny spiders escaping from their mothers’ dead bodies flooded my mind. My skin crawled and I shivered.

Jasper squatted down next to me and I heard the ‘thoom’ of her helmet disappearing.

“Erica, you’re bleeding!” she panted and I was instantly horrified, my hands flying to my crotch. “Your ear too”

I struggled to my feet and looked in the mirror. The left side of my face and neck were covered in blood - there was a nick on my ear that was oozing. I grabbed some toilet paper and pressed it to the cut, wincing at the sting.

“Mother _fuck_!” I growled. Wasn’t this just fucking perfect?

I saw Jasper approach me in the mirror, looking concerned. I looked down at my body. Blood was running down my legs. Mothershitassfuckcocksuckerbitchfacedincestlovingludicroussatanistichellcunt!

“You scared me half to death, I thought you were being attacked” she said, raising her hand to her heart. It was such a sweet gesture it cooled my mood a bit.

“Sorry… I just can’t _stand_ spiders” I said by way of explanation, trying to angle my legs so she wouldn’t see.

“But… you killed that gem spider?” she asked, sounding confused.

“That was different…” I lifted the paper to see if the bleeding had stopped, but no luck.

“But that was so much bigger than those” she pointed at the shower stall.

“It was more important to protect you than to be afraid…” I looked at the floor. She had come to my rescue. Ran straight to me, not even putting on clothes…

“Babe…” she reached out for me, but I leaned away.

“You’ll get blood all over you” I said and felt a lump in my throat.

“I don’t care” she stepped closer and put an arm around me. I leaned gratefully against her chest.

“What a fucking morning…” I sighed and she chuckled; “That’s a sure way of getting me out of bed”

I changed the toilet paper on my ear, taking a look at the cut in the mirror. It wouldn’t need stitches at least.

“Thank you for coming to my rescue, beastie” I said quietly.

She kissed the top of my head, saying; “Always”

My lip quivered. Why was I such a mess today?

“This might sound like a strange thing to say, but you look good in red” Jasper said with a smirk and I giggled through my tears; “Jasper, that’s fucked up…”

“Fucked up but true” I kissed her on the chest where I was leaning.

When my ear had stopped bleeding I grabbed a tampon.

“Go in the shower, wash the blood off, I’ll join you in a sec” I said, washing my hands. She looked at the little package questioningly. I sighed. “It’s a tampon. It’s like a pad, but it goes inside me”

She looked down at my legs and I could feel myself blush.

“Erica, why are you embarrassed?” she asked, sounding confused. “Didn’t you say it was healthy?”

”Yes, but… It’s private…”

She gave me a confused look but went into the stall and I sorted myself out. The shower was a bit cramped with the two of us in there, but it felt good to stand in the warm spray with her. I washed myself with a loofah and started to shampoo my hair. Jasper looked fascinated.

“What?” I asked.

“Can I try that?” I handed her the shampoo bottle. Her hair was much less voluminous when wet and reached down to her knees. Soon the stall was full of bubbles.

“Just don’t get it into your eyes” I advised.

We stepped out of the shower and I handed her a towel. My hair was still short enough to just head bang dry, but I used a towel this time to spare my ear. She looked stunning as she dried herself off, I couldn’t help but stare.

“What?” she raised her eyebrows at me.

“Has anyone ever braided your hair?” I asked.

“What’s a braid?”

“It’s a way to wear your hair, here” I grabbed a tuft of her hair and showed her the way to do it.

“I usually don’t do anything with my hair” she said gruffly, as if the idea was ludicrous.

“Really? Doesn’t it get in the way when you fight?”

“My helmet keeps it out of my eyes” she explained. Then she looked at me a little shyly. “But I’d like to see what it looks like”

Jasper went downstairs while I mopped the bathroom floor and put a band aid on my ear. The smell of waffles soon filled the house.

I put on some clothes, dug out my rarely used hairbrush and some hair bands and joined her on the patio.

“Could you explain something to me, babe?” she asked me.

“Sure” I said, caught a bit off guard.

“What is the difference of taking care of your bleeding ear and your bleeding vagina? They are both body parts, why is one embarrassing?”

“Uh well… One is private, the other one isn’t…” I thought about her question. Why _was_ I so embarrassed about this?

“But you gave me a guided tour of your vagina the other day?” she grinned uncertainly.

“Well… that was sexual. My downstairs has more than one function, some of it is easy and fun to share, like having sex. But… like period stuff, I… I haven’t done that in front of anyone before…” I touched the back of my head. If I had shared my scar with her… the place I thought of as my most intimate and private, why did the idea of inserting a tampon in front of her freak me out so much?

She looked at me with knit eyebrows.

“I guess I didn’t want you to think I’m… disgusting…” I said quietly, looking at the ground. Her arms wrapped gently around me and she held me close.

“I could never find you disgusting” she whispered into my ear and I felt a lump in my throat.

“Beastie…” I was overwhelmed with affection for her and tears spilled down my cheeks. She hugged me tighter. It was incredible… How could a gem who didn’t even share the same home planet with me be so accepting of me and all the quirks of my human body, when I myself had struggled with it my entire life? How could it feel so good to share my vulnerabilities with her? I felt so safe… It was so freeing…

“You’re incredible…” I whispered. She leant down to kiss me and I tried to communicate my adoration for her through my lips. She ran her fingers through my hair and I leaned into her touch.

“I know” she said quietly with a confident grin. I giggled and then let out a deep sigh, winding my hand in her soft hair. To my surprise it was completely dry.

“Did you want me to braid your hair?” I asked. She grinned and nodded. I kissed her on the chest and climbed on top of the back rest of the sofa.  

“Oh…” she said as I began to brush her hair “That feels really nice…” I smiled broadly and took longer, slower strokes. Her hair contained no tangles whatsoever but I kept brushing it anyway, it was just too amazing to resist. After a good fifteen minutes I began separating her mane into three strands. I braided them together, making sure not to pull too hard. I had to use all my hair bands to keep the end together. When I was done Jasper stood up and moved around.

“Hmm…” she said as she turned her head this way and that. I couldn’t stop staring at her. She looked like a warrior goddess of old… “It’s more compact than I’m used to. I can see how it would be advantageous in battle”

“Mhmm” I hummed. She looked at me and her mouth broadened into a crooked grin.

“You should see your face right now” she chuckled.

As if on cue, there was a knock at the front door. I went to open it as Jasper continued to test the braid out.

“Mornin’ E, I brought you a little friend” Amethyst said, gesturing with her thumb over her shoulder. Steven was standing with Lion a few yards away, wearing a grin. “Good morning!” he called.

“Hi guys. Beastie, it’s Amethyst for you!” I said over my shoulder.

“ _Beastie_?!” the purple gem burst out laughing “Oh, I’m _so_ using that!”

I shook my head, giggling “No you won’t”

“Ohooo, I see… A very _special_ nickname, eh?” she said, wiggling her eyebrow at me and grinning.

“Hey Amethyst” Jasper said from behind me.

“OH SHIT!” Amethyst exclaimed, taking half a step backwards as Jasper came into view. Steven gasped.

“ _Nice hair_! Is this your work, E?”

I nodded, grinning.

“You look great Jasper!” Steven said walking up to us. Lion followed him.

“I know” she grinned and looked at me. “See you later, babe” she pulled me in for a kiss that was a little theatric – this made my heart leap – she wanted to show us off to Amethyst. When we broke apart my cheeks were glowing.

“S-see you later, darling” I breathed.

“I’ll try not to mess up your pretty hair when I kick your booty, Jazzy-Pee” Amethyst smirked.

“Oh, you wouldn’t dare!”

They walked a few yards before jumping away, laughing.

“What happened to your ear?” Steven asked.

“I slipped in the shower” I said, touching it gingerly.

“Want me to see if I can fix it?” he asked excitedly.

I thought for a moment. “Thank you, but no”

He looked downcast and I felt like a heel.

“It’s just that… Our scars shape us. They teach us things… Like, don’t touch the hot stove or you should always wear a helmet. Or they remind us of things. Like this one” I pointed to my chin. “I got this one with my best friend on our first roller coaster ride” I smiled at the memory.

Steven looked a bit happier.

“Hey, is everything OK… between us?” I asked tentatively.

“Yes of course” he answered with a smile. “That’s actually the reason I came by. I wanted to tell you that in person, I had a feeling you might not be doing so good today”

I was taken aback.

“Uh… How did you know that?”

“I dunno, just had a feeling. Was I wrong?” His eyebrows knit together.

“No… I’ve felt a bit… off…”

“I was wondering if you’d want to come for a ride with me?” he asked kindly.

“Ride?” I looked around for Greg’s van.

“Yeah, on Lion” on cue, Lion put his nose to my shoulder.

Going for a ride on a magical pink lion? Maybe that’d get me out of my funk.

“Uh… sure that sounds like a great idea, lemme just make some coffee to bring along. Have you had breakfast?”

“Yeah, I ate at home” he smiled. I went inside and they followed. I boiled some water to put in a thermos and mixed in a few bags of Samir’s coffee mix. I grabbed my little backpack and put the thermos and a couple of bananas in there too.

“Ready to go?” Steven asked as I zipped up the bag.

“Yeah” I said, feeling a little nervous.

We went back outside and Lion lowered himself to the ground.

“Oh, you really like her, don’t you?” Steven said in a baby-voice to Lion. He looked up at me “He never does this for me anymore, I just have to climb up on my own”

“Oh, thanks Lion” I said, feeling honored. Lion made a ‘Mmrrr’ noise. Steven positioned himself right behind Lion’s mane and I climbed awkwardly up behind him, trying not to step on Lion’s paws.

“Hold on to me” Steven said and I put my hands on his hips, feeling a little uncomfortable. Then Lion got to his feet and I wrapped my arms tightly around Steven’s middle out of shock. He laughed.

“S-sorry” I said, relaxing my grip.

“It’s OK, I’m just ticklish” he chuckled. Lion started walking. It was almost like riding a horse, but Lion’s back was broader and I couldn’t feel his spine, which was strange. The gait was familiar and soon I found my balance and relaxed some more, smiling.

“How’s Connie?” I asked, tentatively.

“She’s fine. Oh! She asked me to ask you to send her that link on tubetube. That band?”

“Oh yeah, I totally forgot” I felt a pang of shame “I don’t have her number though”

“That’s OK, I do!”

I pulled out my phone and added a new contact.

“It’s 555-893421”

I pulled up my tubetube app and copied the link then sent it in a text to Connie.

“Can you play it?” Steven asked as I moved to put my phone away.

I smiled and said; “Sure”

“Oh, indie-pop! I can see why she liked it” he said and I raised my eyebrows.

“You can tell music genre just like that?” I asked in surprise.

“Yeah! My dad is a musician! He taught me a lot about music” he said excitedly.

“I thought he owned a car wash?”

“Yeah, but he’s a musician too!”

Suddenly Greg’s hair style made so much sense.

“Is Indie-pop your favorite genre?” he asked.

“Nah… I don’t really have a favorite. I listen to all sorts, it depends on my mood”

“What mood is this song?”

“Oh uh… It helps me cheer up when I feel down. It makes me remember not to be so hard on myself. It’s comforting”

“Mmm” Steven hummed in response. Had I meant to say all that?

“Do you have a favorite genre?” I asked him.

“No, I like all music. My favorite instrument is the ukulele though! I play it with my dad and Connie all the time” this made me grin. How adorable! Small, quirky sounding, easy to like… Yeah that was Steven alright.

“I really like Greg” I found myself saying “He seems like such a good dad”

“He _is_! He’s the best dad ever!” Steven laughed, then asked; “Where are your parents?”

I bit my lip before answering; “They’re dead”

“Oh, I’m sorry… My mom’s dead too… sort of” he said quietly.

How can someone be ‘sort of’ dead?

“What do you mean?” I asked carefully.

He took a deep breath before responding. “I’m half gem, half human. My mom gave up her form so that I could exist”

“Oh yeah… Greg said that…” How did that even work? Could humans and gems _breed_? This thought made my skin tingle and then a wave of cold hit me. Me and Jasper hadn’t used any protection! What the fuck! My mind started to panic and for a few moments I was overwhelmed by the implications - but then I remembered she hadn’t put her stem inside me and… I was on my period – so I couldn’t be pregnant. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then another thought struck me – Rose had sacrificed her _life_ to give birth to Steven? Willingly? “She must have really loved you…” I whispered.

“Yeah…” he sounded both happy and sad at the same time.

Oh man… What would it feel like to know that? To know _for a fact_ that someone loved you enough to literally give their life for yours… Judging from his tone of voice, it sounded both good and bad. If it were me I’d be… what? Sad that I’d never got to meet Rose… But happy to be alive?

I wrapped my arms more tightly around him in a hug. He placed his arm on top of mine.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet her, Steven…” I said quietly, feeling a lump in my throat.

“I am too… But it’s OK. The gems are like moms too, and I have my dad” he said with genuine joy. How could he be so positive? Maybe that’s what knowing you are loved gives you – a positive outlook, because no matter what happens you’ll still be loved… Fuck, I was crying wasn’t I?

I wiped my eyes, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“It’s really beautiful that you can see it that way” I said in a shaky voice. “Was she really the leader in the rebellion against home world?”

“Yeah… She believed all life was precious. She couldn’t stand the idea of turning earth into a gem colony, it would mean everyone and everything here would die” a chill went down my spine. Jasper hadn’t said that that’s what would have happened if home world had had its way.

“Shit… Uh I mean shoot!” Fuck balls! Pearl would have my guts for garters.

Steven laughed and said; “Don’t worry about it, Erica. I know the words, I just don’t use them, I don’t mind if you do though”

I relaxed a little. “Awesome, thanks… It’s hard to change the way I talk. Parker always reminds me there are kids at conventions and book signings so I shouldn’t swear, and I argue my book is _mostly_ swearing…” I giggled to myself as I thought of the face Parker always made when we had that argument.

“Is it fun to be famous?”

“A lot of it is fun. Meeting fans is the best bit… Hearing how what I wrote helped them out in some way or gave them a new perspective on something is very cool. It’s an enormous boost to see people who I never met look genuinely happy to see me. Some of them give me gifts and they’re always _so_ thoughtful” I smiled to myself. “This one girl, I think her name was Ursula, she gave me a hand knitted black and white striped beanie because she read I’d lost mine during a trip. The hat I had lost was the only one I had been able to wear after the surgery, because it was so soft and loose. I was so sad when it disappeared… And then a few weeks later I had a new one, even softer. It’s not the same as the original one and I think I will always miss it because of the comfort it gave me, but I wear the new one every time I get cold. It has a different kind of protection…”

“That sounds so cool! Did you bring it with you to Beach City?” Steven asked enthusiastically.

“It’s always in my backpack” I said with a giggle, Steven joined in. “Is it fun to be a crystal gem?”

“Yeah it’s rad! We get to fight monsters and go on adventures! I keep learning new things about myself and what I can do… It’s pretty darn cool, if I say so myself” he snickered.

Lion had taken us a little way out of town now and we were surrounded by grasslands. I looked back at the little town. Why did it feel so _right_ to be here? All the people were so nice, well, except for Lars… The ocean was beautiful if intimidating, the gem temple was a marvel of construction and the town itself was the definition of quaint.

“I really like this place…” I said with a sigh. Steven turned round too.

“Me too!” he laughed. “Hey, do you want to go fast?”

“Go fast?” the words had barely left my lips before Lion leapt forward. He started to trot and I gasped in surprise. Seconds later he broke into a canter – it was the smoothest gallop I had ever experienced. I clung on to Steven who whooped happily at the speed. It took me a few moments for my brain to catch up and then I started to laugh. It was amazing! The wind blew my hair back from my face and whistled in my ears. I had never moved so fast on something that didn’t have an engine! Then Lion _roared_ and something appeared ahead of us. I had barely enough time to register it before we flew into a tunnel roiling with clouds. My breath caught in my throat as I stared around in amazement, but didn’t have time to get scared before we exploded out of the end and into a completely different landscape. Lion slowed down to a walk and then stopped. We were surrounded by high cliff walls and there were huge machines scattered around the dark ground, _and_ on the walls themselves. It was an eerie place and I felt suddenly cold.

“Huh? Lion, why did you take us _here_?” Steven asked and patted Lions mane.

“What… what is this place?” I whispered, I didn’t want those machines to hear me.

“This is the Kindergarten… This is where home world grew gems” I could see vaguely humanoid shaped holes in the rock. It sent shivers down my spine.

 “We shouldn’t be here, there could be gem mutants around” Steven mumbled.

“Gem _what-nows_?” I blurted.

“Gem mutants… When home world realized they wouldn’t be able to use earth as a colony, they started experimenting with forced fusion… They took the shards of different gems and stuck them together somehow… That’s what the cluster was. The shattered pieces of _millions_ of gems _forced_ into an enormous fusion” Steven sounded both angry and sad as he spoke.

“Jasper said the cluster was a collection of gems… I thought she meant _whole_ gems… That sounds _horrible_!” I exclaimed. “What a twisted thing to do!”

“I know!” Steven said passionately. His words echoed around the canyon and we both winced at the sound. There was a cry from behind us and I whipped around. Something… was coming towards us…

“Steven we should leave” I whispered, keeping my eye trained on whatever it was that was approaching. It was moving in the shadows of the cliff wall.

“Lion, go!” Steven hissed. “Come on, Lion! Let’s go home!” but Lion remained standing where he was. The big cat _yawned_ and then he sat down, making me and Steven tumble to the ground.

“What the fuck?!” I growled and untangled myself from Steven’s legs. I stood up and looked around wildly for the thing that had cried out, but it had vanished.

“Where is it?” I panted and tried to look everywhere at once.

“Where’s what?” Steven groaned and rubbed his head. “Lion, seriously”

“The thing! The thing that made a noise! It was there!” I pointed at the spot where I last saw it, my heart racing.

“What was it?” Steven asked, sounding alarmed.

“I don’t know! I couldn’t see it properly, I – “I was interrupted by a different cry, coming from the other direction.

“Oh fuck me, there’s _two_?!” I hissed. “Let’s get out of here, please!”

“Lion! Stop fooling around! This is dangerous!” Steven pleaded with the pink animal. But Lion lay down and smacked his lips, as if getting ready for a nap. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“What’s he _doing_?!”

“I don’t know! He doesn’t always listen to me!” Steven blurted out nervously.

Something peeped over a rock behind Steven and I froze. “Steven” I whispered and pointed. He turned around and blanched. He gave me a frightened look and stuck his hand _inside_ Lion’s mane and pulled out something long and pink. He held it out to me and I stared. It was a sword and scabbard. I looked at his face, not sure why he was giving it to me.

“I don’t know how to use this, but you do” he whispered and I felt a trickle of ice run down my spine at his words.

“What?! I’ve never held a real sword before!” I hissed, feeling my heart beating against my ribs.

“Jasper said you fought that gem spider with a sword?” Steven said, looking me in the eye uncertainly.

“That was a _stick of bamboo and a machete_!”

He pressed the handle into my hands and pulled the scabbard. It slid off with ease and I stared down at the sharpest edge I had ever seen. There was a wail from above us and then another from behind me. ‘This can’t be happening’, I thought. There was a ‘ping’ noise and Steven and we were surrounded by a spherical pink force field. I gasped out of surprise and then screamed as something hit it from behind me, making the sphere ring like a gong.

“I’m so sorry about this Erica!” Steven said forcefully.

I looked up – everything was tinted pink – the thing that had hit us was monstrous! It was slightly shorter than me but looked disturbing! It had hands where feet should be and a torso with stumps for arms and no head. I felt sick. Then I looked down at Steven’s pale face. This little boy… A kid, a _child_! I couldn’t let anything happen to him! Don’t get afraid… get angry! The anger flowed into me like black ink dropping into water.

“We have to fight them off! There’s a warp pad somewhere around here! There!” he pointed to a spot a few hundred yards away. “I’m gonna drop the bubble so we can hit them! Are you ready?” I nodded “In three… two… one!” there was a pop and I thrust the sword forward into the gut of the creature in front of me. It gurgled and groaned and then my hair was blown out of my face as it vanished in a puff of white smoke. I heard Steven grunt from behind me and whipped around. He was holding a big pink shield in front of him, fending off another gem mutant, this one consisting of a body with three arms on one side and two short legs. I took a step toward them and turned the blade around in my hands to stab down at the bulbous body. We were both blown back as it exploded into nothing. Then my legs were swept from under me and the world twisted sideways. Steven yelled and there was a thumping sound, followed by an undulating bellow. I scrabbled to my feet and saw a third mutant with a huge hand grip Steven’s shield and yank it away from him. It blinked out of existence and Steven leapt backward out of its reach. I picked up the sword and ran after them. They were both too fast for me but I followed anyway, I didn’t want to get left behind. Steven summoned another shield and managed to throw it at the mutant like a discus. It made a ‘ _thunk’_ as it connected with its body and it gargled, enraged. I raised the sword as I ran up to it and it turned around to face me, thrusting its hand right at my face. I slashed with the sword and it gripped it between two salami-like fingers. I tried to pull it loose but it held on and lifted it out of my reach and flung it away. Steven jumped onto its back and punched it with his fists and it staggered drunkenly. I ran over to the wall where the sword had stuck and drew it out with great difficulty. When it came free I turned around and my throat closed as I saw the mutant was holding Steven by the neck and squeezing. I rushed forward and slashed wildly at its back and it dropped him, but the force of the swing made me overbalance and I barreled into it, throwing both of us onto the ground. I lost my grip the sword as we rolled and the creature landed on top of me as we came to a halt. It was crushing my lungs with its bulk and I gasped for breath. My arms were pinned. Panic gripped my mind as it gurgled in my ear. I whimpered and tried to shift its weight so I could get free, but it wouldn’t move. ‘Don’t get afraid, get angry!’ I told myself and rage filled my veins with fire. I dragged in a breath and yelled so forcefully I felt my jaw click; “ _Get off me you cunt_!”

My words crackled through the air like lightning and there was a clap of thunder and the acrid smell of burning flesh. The creature squealed and got up off me, I scrabbled away from it on all fours. A huge rock smacked into its back and it rolled over onto its front, screeching. Steven ran up to it screaming and hacked at it with the edge of his shield. There was an explosion of white smoke.

“Are you OK?!” Steven shouted hoarsely.

“I-I’m fine!” I said as I stood up, patting myself down to make sure. There was something sticky on my neck and I remembered my ear. “It’s just my ear again…” I sighed as I looked at my fingers which bore a few drops of blood. “Are you alright, Steven?”

“Yeah… I’m OK” he panted. He bent down and picked something up and then came over to me. He held out his hand and showed me what he had found. It was three little gem shards of different colors stuck together at the base. I stared at them for a moment before looking into Steven’s pale face.

“You’re hurt…” he said and before I knew it, he had licked his hand and touched my arm. I winced as the saliva dripped from his hand and on to the ground.

“Did it work?” he asked. I looked touched my ear and it stung, my fingers coming away bloody.

“No, but let’s get out of here” I suggested and he nodded, though looking disappointed.

“I just h-have to get the other shards” he said and a pink sphere appeared around the one in his hand. He tapped the top and it disappeared exactly like Garnet’s had a few days ago. He ran to where the other shards had landed on the ground and I went to pick up the pink sword, wiping my arm on my shorts. I was worried the impact with the cliff wall might have damaged the blade, but it looked pristine.

“This way!” Steven called out to me and I ran over to him.

“Where’s Lion?” I asked and looked around for the big cat.

“I don’t know” he said, balling his hands into fists, he looked very angry. “I can’t believe he did this again”

“ _Again_?!” I squawked out of surprise. “He’s done this _before_?!”

“Yeah with me and Connie, but that was so long ago! I never thought he’d do it again!”

“Holy _fuck balls_ , Steven!” I exploded and a tendril of lightning arched in the air in front of my face. Both Steven and I froze.

“Uhh…” he said uncertainly.

“Was… was that… me?” I said quietly, staring at him.

“It wasn’t me…” he shrugged.

We stood in silence for a moment, and then a grin spread across his face.

“You have _magical_ powers!” he shouted happily and I shushed him, looking around, worried he’d attract more mutants.

“Let’s get out of here!” I whispered and he grabbed my hand and we ran toward the warp pad. The flat surface glittered in the sunlight. Its brightness clashed with the eerie darkness of this place. We stepped onto it and he turned to me.

“Try to keep still” he said and held his arms out as if he was about to perform a magic trick. There was a ping sound and we were suddenly inside a rushing blue white tunnel of light. My stomach rose into my throat like when you miss a step going downward, only multiplied by about ten. Steven drifted away from me, or maybe I was the one drifting away from him.

“Ahh help what!” I whimpered and he grabbed my ankle and pulled me down towards him.

“Brace yourself!” he said and before I had time to do so my feet hit something solid and I tumbled forwards down some steps and onto a hard wooden floor, the pink sword flew out of my hand and clattered away. I lay on my back and stared into the ceiling, groaning. Everything hurt.

“ _Steven_!” someone screamed and there was a tinkle of breaking china and the sound of running feet.

I sat up slowly and looked around. We were inside Steven’s house?

“What _happened_?!” Pearl asked worriedly, looking Steven up and down.

“We were riding Lion and he took us to the Kindergarten…” Pearl gasped. “There were some gem mutants, but we poofed them…”

Pearl stared between me and Steven and said in an incredulous voice; “ _By yourselves_?!” Steven nodded. Pearl began berating him with questions and I tuned them out. I got to my feet and a wave of nausea hit me.

“Bathroom?” I asked and Steven pointed toward a door. I made my way over there and managed to close the door and lean over the toilet before throwing up my breakfast. There might be people in the world that can be sick with grace and keep the noise down, but when I vomited there was no question about what I was doing. After a minute or two there was nothing left in my belly and the back of my throat ached and tasted of bile. I flushed the toilet and leaned my head against the sink stand, groaning. I looked down at my clothes. They were covered in dark dirt and mud. I groaned again.

“I just wanted to go on a ride on a magical pink lion” I whined to the white porcelain. I grabbed some toilet paper and dabbed at my ear, luckily the bleeding seemed to have stopped on its own. I stood up very carefully and looked myself in the mirror. There was a scrape on my cheek and the shoulder of my shirt was torn, revealing a bruise. I lifted my shirt and hissed as my shoulder twinged with pain. The bruise spread down my shoulder and about halfway across my chest. There were other scrapes and bruises on my torso, but nothing too serious. I turned on the tap and washed my hands, then turned it to cold and soaked a towel. I used it to wash my face and then dab at the scratches on my chest and stomach. There was a knock at the bathroom door, but they didn’t wait for me to reply before entering. Pearl gasped, her hands flying to her mouth as she saw my torso.

“You should see the other guy…” I said, lowering my shirt and trying to smile. Pearl’s face was distraught.

“Why on _earth_ were you in the Kindergarten?!” she asked anxiously and closed the door. I looked from the door to her face.

“I don’t know… Steven didn’t ask Lion to take us there. Lion just… took us and then wouldn’t listen when we said we wanted to leave”

She sighed and rubbed her temples. “Oh, that animal…” she bent down and took out a bottle of disinfectant, some cotton pads and band aids from a cupboard under the sink. She soaked a cotton ball and reached up and wiped my cheek with a practiced hand. Her touch was gentle, but the alcohol stung and I drew in a breath through my teeth. She frowned sympathetically and moved on to my ear.

“Steven said he tried to heal you… I’m sorry, his powers can be a bit fickle” she murmured as she discarded the ball and soaked another one. “Take your shirt off” she commanded and I raised my eyebrows at her. “You have nothing I haven’t seen before, Erica” she said in a softer voice. I considered this a moment or two, then I lifted my shirt over my head with difficulty (I was still wearing my sports bra) and she let out a compassionate sigh as she took in all my injuries. She began dabbing at my scrapes and applied some panda band aids to the ones that were bleeding a little.

I glanced in the mirror as she asked me to turn and saw that my back had its fair share of boo-boos too. It wasn’t particularly painful, but my eyes teared up anyway. Maybe it was the care she was showing me by helping me clean my wounds? I remembered what Steven had said about having three moms... Was this what a mother’s loving touch felt like? The image of Steven’s frightened face flashed red hot across my mind. If I had told him that I didn’t want to go for a ride with him, would he have been in the Kindergarten alone? I felt betrayed by Lion. I knew he was an animal, but… Why the fuck had he taken us to that place? And where had he gone? My tears made the scrapes on my face sting and I tried to keep my breathing normal, but my shoulders were shaking from suppressed sobs. Pearl put a steadying hand on my arm.

“I’ll be done soon…” she said soothingly. “He told me you fought them with Rose’s sword…”

I stiffened and looked into the mirror over the sink, she met my gaze. She stopped what she was doing a moment.

“Steven is OK… right?” I asked in a voice that cracked with emotion.

She nodded at me, her eyebrows knitting. I leaned onto the sink stand and my tears splashed down on the stained porcelain. My knees felt weak.

Pearl flipped the toilet lid down. “Sit… you look as if you’re going to faint” she said, guiding me to the seat. I winced as I sat down. She knelt in front of me and dabbed at my lacerated knees and I hissed through my teeth.

“I think I’ll need some bigger bandages” she mumbled and straightened up. “I’ll be right back”

She stepped out of the bathroom quickly and I leaned my head back against the wall, taking deep steadying breaths.  

I heard light footsteps approaching and Pearl reappeared. She began wrapping my left knee with a clean white bandage. When she was done she handed me a red shirt.

“Here, it’s one of Steven’s” she said kindly. I put it on gratefully and got to my feet slowly. I felt too confined in this room, I needed some air. And a cigarette.

“Thanks Pearl, it’s very nice of you to help me like this” I said. “I need some air”

I limped out of the bathroom and Pearl followed me as if she was afraid I was going to fall over.

“I’m alright” I said hoarsely as I made my way to the screen door. Steven was sitting on a chair outside, holding a bag of frozen peas to his cheek. He seemed OK, apart from a few minor scrapes on his arms.

“Pearl let me borrow one of your shirts” I said as he looked up at me.

“A-are you OK?” he asked and I nodded. I sat down on the chair next to him. “I’m sorry…” he said sadly and looked away from me.

“It’s OK, Steven. We made it” I said, trying to sound reassuring, patting his shoulder. I leaned back in the chair and lit a cigarette. Gods it tasted good. We sat in silence for a little while, then Pearl joined us with a pot of tea.

“Thanks” I said as she handed me a steaming mug. She poured one for Steven and one for herself and sat down next to me.

“You two…” she began and we both looked over at her. “You’re lucky you came out of that alive…”

“It wasn’t luck, Pearl, we beat those mutants” Steven said quietly. She smiled apologetically.

“I’m sorry. You did a good job. You too, Erica…” I felt my cheeks flush.

“I had no idea what I was doing…” I said self-consciously and looked down at my hands. “I’ve never held a real sword before”

“You were great” Steven said, smiling. “You got two of them!”

Pearl glanced at me, surprised.

“Only because you held them off. You got the last one, I – “ I remembered the smell of burning flesh and the flash of light as I had shouted at it. What had happened?

Steven gasped. “OH! Pearl! Guess what!” he said excitedly. Before I could stop him he continued; “Erica’s got powers too!”

“ _What_?!” Pearl exclaimed and stared from Steven’s face to mine.

“Uh…” I mumbled.

“The last mutant was crushing her and she _cursed_ at it! It made a flash like lightning! There was a smell!” Steven jumped out of his chair and waved his arms.

“Steven, this is no time for jokes” Pearl said sternly.

“It’s not a joke! It happened again when we were talking!”

“Erica, is this true?” Pearl asked, disbelief evident in her voice.

“I… I don’t know what happened” I said, looking at the floor.

“Oh come on Erica, it was really cool!” Steven’s voice was pleading.

I sighed. “I was panicking, then I got angry and shouted for it to get off me… There was a flash and it squealed…”

Pearl stared at me open mouthed.

“See!” Steven said triumphantly. “Magic!”

“That’s _impossible_! Humans can’t use magic!” Pearl blurted out and got to her feet.

“ _I’m_ half human!” Steven argued.

“But you have a _gem_ , Steven! Erica doesn’t! She’s just an ordinary human!” I felt a little insulted at this, but said nothing.

“Well I don’t know why it happened! But it happened! And she was the one who made it happen!” Steven shouted at Pearl. I was getting really uncomfortable sitting between the two of them.

“It couldn’t have been! You were probably just seeing things!” Pearl yelled back, her cheeks flushed blue.

“You weren’t there Pearl!” Steven pointed towards the warp pad and nearly hit me.

“And neither should you have been! It was the _Kindergarten_ , Steven! Why would - !”

“Stop yelling!” I snapped, getting to my feet too. Green light lashed across my field of vision and I stumbled back and tripped over the chair. I hit my elbow hard as I landed awkwardly. I grunted and rubbed at it.

“ _See_! I _told_ you!” Steven said forcefully. Pearl stared at me with wide eyes. She drew in a breath but before she could speak I interjected;

“ _Please_ stop yelling…” and she deflated. Steven reached out for my hand and pulled me easily to my feet. Pearl started walking up and down the deck, mumbling to herself.

“Are you OK?” Steven asked me.

“Yeah, fine” I clicked my jaw.

“This is unheard of” Pearl said, continuing to pace “There was a time in history when you humans were convinced there were witches and things like that, but that was just your superstition and fear making you crazy…”

Could I be a _witch_? A thrill of both excitement and anxiety went down my spine.

“No, that’s just silly… Which gems have you interacted with?” she asked me pointedly.

“Uh… you guys?” I answered uncertainly.

“Yes, I know that! But other than us!” she said agitatedly.

“Well… There was the mutants. And the rubies… and the gem spider thing…”

Pearl gasped as if she had just had an idea. “You smashed that gem, right?” she asked, looking at me hard. It was an intimidating sight.

“Yeah?” I felt a pang of shame at the memory.

“How many pieces?” I looked at her, not understanding. “How many pieces were there when you were done?”

“Uh… I don’t know, there was just dust left!”

“ _Did you inhale it_?!” Pearl asked so forcefully I stepped back from her.

“I don’t know! Maybe!” I tried to remember, but it was all just a blur.

“HA!” she exclaimed triumphantly. “Open your mouth!”

“What?!” I yipped.

“Open your mouth, please” she said a bit calmer. “I need to look down your throat”

“What! Why?” Steven asked, shocked.

“I need to see if my suspicions are correct” she supplied and stepped closer to me.

“What suspicions?” I grabbed my throat protectively; I remembered the last time she had interacted with it.

“If you _did_ inhale some gem dust that could be the reason for this… this light thing you did” she reached out for my chin and I leaned out of the way.

“Let her check” Steven said in a worried voice. I hesitated for a moment and then took a deep breath, clicked my jaw and opened my mouth. Pearl’s gem lit up and she gazed intensely down my throat with the help of its light.

“Hmm…” she said and moved her head around. “Hang on” she stepped back and pulled something out of her gem. It was a tiny mirror on a stick. Before I could stop her she had put it in my mouth, all the way to the back of my throat. I felt nothing, so she must not be touching any part of me, but it made me feel very uncomfortable.

“That’s better...” she mumbled and then gasped.

“Aach?” I asked with my mouth still open, starting to feel afraid. She pulled the mirror out and it winked out of existence. I smacked my lips to get some moisture back before croaking; “What did you see?”

“You have… gem dust imbedded in your vocal cords…” she said breathlessly.

Steven gasped and I felt as if I had been slapped in the face.

“Wh-what does that mean?” I stammered, grasping my throat again.

“I… I don’t know… I’ve never seen this before” she said quietly, her eyes unfocused.

“Does it hurt?” Steven’s voice was small and unsure.

“N-no… I don’t feel anything” I closed my eyes. “Jesus fucking Christ – I _inhaled_ a gem?!”

“Part of a gem…” Pearl said and sat down.

“Oh, I’m gonna be sick…” I gagged as a powerful wave of nausea hit me. I ran to the bathroom and hunched over the toilet, feeling revolted, violated and scared. There was nothing but a few mouthfuls of tea in my stomach but I kept on dry heaving for a good minute, bitter bile burning my throat. When I was done I rinsed my mouth with water and squeezed out some toothpaste on my finger and tried to rid myself of the awful taste in my mouth. I panted and looked myself in the eye in the mirror.

I hadn’t thought about the gem spider at all until today when Jasper brought it up, but… Garnet had told me that I had done what I had to… Had she known about my throat when she said that? I was so conflicted. I had killed someone, ground their essence to a powder, and then inhaled it like some cocaine junkie. I was a _murderer_. And what did this mean? Was I going to die? Was the gem residue in my throat going to tear it up from the inside? Was it going to spread? Would I become corrupted? All the thoughts spun around in my head in a whirlwind and I felt myself drift away. My knees buckled and I collapsed to the floor, shaking. I stared unseeing at the underside of the sink stand until my vision was obscured by whiteness.

Mist covered the ground, but I felt myself standing in mud up to my knees. Sharp points pressed against the skin of my legs, hundreds, maybe thousands. The sky was purple black. I was cold. Cold, dead. My scars seared and I whimpered at the pain. It had never been so intense. _All_ the mist turned black and _he_ flickered right up to my face in a flash of bright blue and a skittering sound. His breath rattled louder than I had ever heard. He was excited. He placed his disgusting appendages on my shoulders and pushed me deeper into the mud, the sharp edges of the glass slicing my skin in a symphony of pain but I couldn’t scream. Cold flowed into my body as my blood spilled out. He was turning me to glass. Cold, dead. Inside. COLD, DEAD, INSIDE!

Then, for the first time, he spoke. His voice clung to the chilly air like tar exploding from a cannon in a green house filled with the rarest of orchids.

“ _Murderer_ _…_ ”

My mind _shattered_.

* * *

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	23. Human?

## Chapter 23: Human?  


I… It… Me…

A bright light. Then darkness.

We… The sound of rain.

Cold… Wet…

Purple clouds boiled across the sky.

Sharp. Sting. Pricking. Needles.

 _Him_.

Indistinct noises. I was under the floor, they were running –

A smell of oranges. Bitter taste of bile.

Time passed like ashes billowing through a forest of dead trees.

Someone was whispering… ‘Come back’?

A golden cage surrounded me. My shoes were too tight, the dress made it hard to breathe but I had to keep playing the piano or they would know I had heard them.

The door into the bunker, I didn’t want to go there! No! STOP!

It hit my face with a pole, but this was my prey! Mine!

Sam’s eyes didn’t close when he died.

A golden coat. A red coat.

The sound of the MRI machine. So. Loud. I didn’t want to be there. I couldn’t breathe, my lungs were full of glass.

Why didn’t they _understand_ why I had to hit her? They never listened to me! I hate you! I wish you were dead! ALL OF YOU!

“Come back…”

What? Who?

The razor fell to the floor and clattered across the tiles. Blood ran down my arm and my sister screamed. My sister? She –

A little boy with a red shirt. But he was wrong.

Under the floor again. Hiding. I didn’t want to be found.

My head was stuck in the iron crown, my left side was numb from lying on the metal table.

Someone touched my hand, gripped it hard. “Come back!” No! Leave me alone!

Mine are long and sharp my lord.

A bright light and a song and then… madness.

“Erica!”

Who?

Yellow eyes. Afraid. My heart leapt. You…

“No, stop!” his voice was terrified. I turned around. I had a body? But why? “Erica! Don’t run away, please!” I didn’t run.

“What… are you?”

“It’s me, it’s _Steven_! You’ve got to come back!” he cried.

“Why?”

“You’re _not_ a murderer!”

“LIAR!” spikes. Lightning.

“ _Please_! You had to do it! It was the only way to save her!”

“Save… who?”

“ _Jasper_!” his face was in agony. Mist on the ground. Purple clouds.

“Jas… per…” my hand was full of shards of glass but felt soft skin.

“That’s right! Jasper!” he sounded relieved and stronger.

I looked down at my nightshirt. My skin was grey. This was not mine… But a melody came out of the sky.

“Who are you…” I sang and light danced.

“The proud lord said” not his voice, someone else’s.

“That we must bow so slow…”

The sky echoed ‘so low, so low, so low’.

“Only a Sam with a different boat… a different coat?” the words were wrong. The light faded.

“Start again” his voice was encouraging. It was nice.

“Who are you… The proud lord said… That I must bow so low… Only a cat of a different coat… That’s all the truth I know…” the right words. The northern lights danced across the sky. My voice.

“A coat of gold, a coat of red. A Lion still has claws. And mine are long and sharp my lord, as long and sharp as yours” harmonies flowed, two tones, three. Chords! I was the instrument.

“And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but no one’s there to hear. And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but not a soul to hear…” his smile was broadening and he stumbled through the mud and glass and mist to throw his arms around… me?

“Erica!” his tears burned on my skin.

“Yes?” it _was_ me. He hugged me tighter. I looked around. “Steven?” we started moving upwards and the world went dark. “What’s happening?” I could still feel him holding me.

“I don’t know…” he sounded uncertain.

There was a crackle of leaves being stepped on. We turned around and there was a huge screen. It flickered. Someone was walking. We could see the tip of a long leg.

“What is this?” I asked and floated closer. The trees… The scent… The sounds of birds… It was all so familiar… As I moved forward, feelings that weren’t mine gripped me and I halted. “Steven… This is weird” he came up next to me.

“Oh, what?” he said as he felt it too.

There was a hunger… a need for… something. And anger, confusion, desperation. It moved forward, more legs coming into view. There was something moving through the jungle to the left and it froze, afraid. It shrunk back into a shadow. After a while the other thing passed, but it left a smell in the air and the hunger rose. It set off stealthily through the jungle, following the scent. Then a cliff. Over the top, and there! On the ground, big, white and orange. Prey…

“That’s… that’s Jasper!” I said and pointed at the screen.

It moved slowly down the cliff face, so focused on the prey. Then something hissed and it saw a creature with green poles it its paws. Enemy! Wanting prey! It jumped onto the prey, defending its territory. 

“That’s you!” Steven exclaimed.

A sharp pain in the head and anger spiked. It rushed the creature and wrestled it onto the ground, but the stick was in the way, couldn’t bite! Couldn’t kill! Anger! The thing rolled away, but it needed to die! Enemy! Attack! But the thing jumped to the side and PAIN! Rage! The thing was out of reach, but hitting, biting and then… Relief.

The screen went dark and I looked around at Steven. “Was… was that the spider?”

“I think it was a memory… The corrupted gem’s last memory…” he said breathlessly.

“It felt… relieved…” I felt stunned. Was it a relief to end? To die?

We looked at each other and he reached out for my hand. “I think… I think it’s saying it’s ok… You’re not a murderer, you’re just the winner in a fight for survival…”

Something unclenched in my chest and I breathed out black smoke as if I had just inhaled dark mist. It faded away and I felt… lighter. Steven smiled at me and I smiled back. Our surroundings changed again.

We were standing at the edge of a swamp? Clear water surrounded little islands with weeping willows. It was beautiful.

“I remember this place…” I said and bent down to touch the water. It was pleasantly warm. Vapor rose from it in fluffy clouds. There was grass on the bottom. And flowers. Colorful fish swam in and around the roots of the trees.

I stepped into the water eagerly, it was barely ankle deep. “Steven, come with me” I said excitedly. He followed me. I started to run, the water splashing up and falling in slow motion, glittering in the golden sunlight. I heard him laughing behind me and I turned around to see him jump high in the air and make a huge splash. I started to giggle as I took long strides. Then I began running on all fours and it felt so good to stretch out my stride. My claws dug into the soft ground and I propelled myself forward with joy. I panted golden clouds as I turned and ran back towards Steven. It was glorious!

“Erica! You’re a cat!” he said, astonished. I looked down and saw that it was true.

“I’m always a lynx here…” I said and light danced around me like butterflies. “This is my favorite dream!” I started to laugh and took off running again, the lights streaming around me like dolphins playing. Steven caught up to me and as he ran he changed. Suddenly a grinning tiger ran alongside me and I whooped with joy. We ran faster and faster, laughing. The swamp ended and a forest began. Our paws thundered on the soft ground as we raced through the trees. Childlike happiness coursed through me.

I opened my eyes slowly and breathed out a cloud of golden light. I felt warm and snug. I looked up at wooden beams in a slanting roof. Something was lying on my chest, I looked down. Someone’s head… Steven’s head. He looked up at me and smiled groggily. I could see large windows behind him. It was dark outside. I became aware of someone talking.

“Hmm?” I said muzzily. I’d had such a wonderful dream…

“Steven, Erica, are you alright? Can you hear me?” Pearl’s voice was worried.

“We’re fine…” Steven mumbled happily and sat up slowly. I stretched and yawned, becoming aware of how much my body hurt.

“Oww…” I groaned and sat up too. It took a while for my eyes to focus, but when they did I could see Pearl sitting next to me with an anxious expression on her face. At the foot of the bed stood Garnet who was smiling down at me and Steven.

“What happened?” I asked.

“We found you unconscious on the bathroom floor… We couldn’t wake you” Pearl said in a shaky voice. “Steven and I carried you up here. We waited for you to come round for hours… You looked like you were having terrible nightmares…”

“Then I went in to get you” Steven yawned.

“Huh?”

“I can go into people’s dreams…” he mumbled.

“You were a tiger…” I remembered us running through sparkling water.

He smiled at me. “You were a lynx”

Pearl looked from my face to Steven’s and then to Garnet, looking confused.

“Everything’s OK now Pearl” Steven said and she breathed a sigh of relief.

“I was so worried…” she whispered.

I touched my throat.

“It won’t harm you” Garnet said and everyone looked at her. She nodded at me for emphasis and I felt such a rush of relief that I started to laugh. Bright little butterfly-like lights flickered in the air around me and Pearl and Steven gasped. My hand flew to my mouth and they winked out of existence. Steven looked at me with sparkling eyes.

“Just like in the dream!” he giggled and I joined him. “You should have seen it Pearl! You would have loved it! It was sooo pretty!”

Pearl laughed a little nervously and then looked fondly at Steven, whose stomach rumbled. “Oh, Steven! Are you hungry?”

“Uh… yeah. Really hungry. I haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast” he said, giggling. “Guess we’ve been busy”

“Me neither” I said and on cue my stomach gurgled too. Steven laughed.

“Let’s make grilled cheese!” he exclaimed happily and rolled off the bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen.

My body was stiff and ached all over, so getting out of bed was a slow and painful exercise. Pearl looked down at me with concern.

“I’ll be alright” I said quietly as I placed my feet on the floor. I stood up carefully to avoid a head rush, but my head spun anyway and I sat down again with a slight grunt. My uterus remembered it hated me and gave me a stab and I winced.

“Erica…” Pearl whispered sounding worried.

“It’s just cramps, I’ll be fine” I mumbled, trying not to feel embarrassed.

“Steven, put the kettle on” Garnet called down to Steven. “There’s a hot water bottle in the cupboard under the stairs” she adjusted her shades “Under ‘Non-invasive operation’”

I smiled at her gratefully and braced myself for another attempt.

“Here, let me help you up” Pearl said and reached out a hand.

I took it and she helped me to my feet and down the stairs.

“Thanks Pearl, you’re such a sweetheart” I said with a smile and I swear her cheeks went the palest shade of blue.

I made my way to the bathroom slowly, picking up my backpack on the way. I was long overdue for a tampon change and some painkillers. I washed my hands and went to the kitchen. Steven was in full chef mode, bringing out cheese and bread.

“Do you have mayo, chives, tomatoes and garlic?” I asked as I joined him at the counter.

“Hmm… Let me check…” as he rummaged in the fridge Pearl handed me a blue hot water bottle wrapped in a tea towel. I felt my eyes mist over.

“Thank you” I said gratefully and she leaned against the counter next to me. I held the bottle to my stomach and sighed as the pain subsided almost immediately.

“Ah, we have all four!” Steven said and held them up.

“Excellent” I smiled. “You want to try my best friend’s super grilled cheese recipe?”

“Yeah!”

“Alright. First you put mayo on the bread, then cheese, then chives and tomatoes, then a little salt and pepper, then more cheese” I instructed.

“Not the garlic?” he asked as he assembled the sandwiches.

“That comes later” I smiled “Now let’s fry those bad boys up!”

The bread sizzled in the pan and after a few minutes the sandwiches were a golden brown color.

“Alright, time for the magic touch” I said and picked up a clove of garlic. “You rub it over both sides and voila, you’ve got Robyn's Grilled Cheese Deluxe” Steven rubbed the sandwiches and then placed all four of them on a plate and we sat down to eat.

The first bite was gloriously crunchy and the hot cheese almost burned my tongue. It tasted even better than usual, hunger being the best spice.

“Oh my gosh” Steven said as he chewed. “This is the best grilled cheese I’ve ever had!”

“My compliments to the chef” I said with a twirl of my hand and Steven laughed.

“Garnet, Pearl, you have to try these!” he said with his mouth full.

Garnet picked up a sandwich and took a bite. “It’s delicious” she said in her flat tone and then gave it to Pearl who took it after a moment’s hesitation. She looked down on it and then up at Steven and saw that he was staring intensely. She took a deep breath but before she could take a nibble, the warp pad pinged.

“Trust me, she’ll love it, just don’t forget to – oh hi guys” Amethyst said as she and Jasper materialized.

“Hi!” Steven greeted them “Do you want some amazing grilled cheese?”

“Uh, duh” Amethyst said with sass and then grinned and stepped off the warp pad. Jasper followed and walked up to me. I was happy to see she was still wearing her hair in a braid.

“Hey babe” she said with a confident smile and I could feel my ears burning. Then her face fell as she took in the state of me “Wh-what happened to you?!”

“We fought some gem mutants!” Steven said excitedly.

“You _what_?!” Amethyst asked, freezing in the middle of picking up a sandwich. I stood up to hug Jasper and she wrapped her arms around me, stunned.

“Hi darling” I whispered. She looked down at me and I said “We’re OK, we’re fine” reassuringly. She held me tightly and kissed my forehead.

“Lion took us to the Kindergarten! We got attacked by three mutants, Erica poofed two and I got the last one! And you’ll never guess!” Steven was grinning broadly. “Erica’s got magic vocal cords!”

Jasper and Amethyst looked round at all of us.

“Say that again?” Amethyst said.

“Her vocal cords have been infused with the gem dust from the corrupted gem she defeated on Mask Island” Pearl said seriously. “She seems to have some sort of light manipulation power”

Jasper looked down at me again, this time with alarm in her eyes. “Is this true?” she asked.

“Yeah…” I said suddenly feeling anxious on how she would handle this bit of news, I stiffened in her arms.

“Will it harm you?” she asked worriedly and stroked my cheek.

“No” Garnet said and Jasper and Amethyst looked at her. I could feel Jasper relaxing and I leaned my head on her chest, feeling reassured.

“It was amazing!” Steven said excitedly. “The last mutant had her pinned on the ground and she cursed at it and there was lightning! Zap!”

Amethyst burst out laughing. “Your power is _cursing_?!” her face was priceless and both me and Steven joined in her laughter. Small bright lights like fireflies twinkled in front of my face and I clapped my hand over my mouth again. Jasper lifted a hand and one of the little lights settled on her finger before winking out.

“You… _are_ extraordinary…” she whispered and looked into my eyes. They were so warm, so beautiful. She removed my hand from my mouth and kissed me. I did not object in the slightest.

I could feel something squirm against my hip and my cheeks flushed with happiness – she wasn’t just OK with me having gem infused vocal cords, she thought the lights were pretty and she obviously still desired me sexually.

“Oh, get a room” Amethyst sniggered and we broke our kiss. Jasper’s gem was glowing faintly and I positioned myself in front of her so the others wouldn’t see what else was going on. She grinned down at me with a twinkle in her eye and adjusted her stance so that her stem caressed my stomach. It was incredibly arousing, but this was neither the time nor the place.

“Down girl” I whispered with a smile and she bit her lip and nodded.

“We need more grilled cheese!” Steven said happily and bounded into the kitchen. “Who wants some?”

Jasper, Amethyst and I said yes.

Steven and Amethyst busied themselves by the stove and I asked Jasper to join me outside for a smoke. I lowered myself into a chair with difficulty and lit a cigarette.

“Sweet baby Jesus” I breathed out a plume of smoke “this day…” I felt very tired.

“You keep on surprising me, babe” Jasper said, looking at me fondly.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah… you are this tiny thing, but there is so much… _fight_ in you” she said forcefully.

“Hey, I’m not tiny!” I said jokingly. It hit me that I’d never said that before in my life, it had always been the other way around.

Jasper laughed at my words and wrapped an arm around me.

“The more time I spend here on this planet, the more I understand why Rose chose to turn against home world…” she said with a sigh. “You humans are so much more than I thought you could be. You don’t stay one thing your entire life, you change and grow and learn new things…”

I leaned my head against her shoulder.

“And now you have this… this new ability… instead of it killing you or turning you into a freak, you manage to turn something I could only think to use as a weapon into something beautiful… Those lights you made were so _cute_ ” I raised my eyebrows at her using the word ‘cute’, I don’t think I’d ever heard her use it before.

“Cute?” I asked, smiling and a warm feeling spread throughout my chest.

She laughed. “Yes, cute… You see things so differently than I do and it’s fascinating”

“Hah, well I could say the same about you…”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Like this morning… With the spiders and the rest… It’s been hard for me to accept my body and the way it works, but you just… _do_. As if it’s the most natural thing in the world”

“Well… isn’t it the way your body is supposed to be?”

“Yeah I guess, but… I don’t know, it’s like – I’ve been told all my life that what my body does is disgusting and horrible, it – it just gets into your head and you start to believe it’s true…” I said quietly.

“Well that’s just stupid” she said with a smile and I knew she was saying that the people who had told me it was so were stupid, not me for believing them. “It’s actually kind of amazing… The way you organic beings function, I mean. You are so dependent on everything around you, air, water, food… And yet you survive. You _thrive_ … Your lives are so short, but you _live_ them” she looked into the starlit sky. “If only home world could understand…” she sighed.

I put my hand on her knee and squeezed it gently. Her words were so touching.

“Can’t we make them understand?” I asked quietly.

“It’s something you have to experience to be able to believe, if words were enough there wouldn’t have been a war... If someone would have told me a few months ago that I would be in love with a human, I would very likely have pulverized their face” she said and I could see her cheeks reddening. Wait… what had she just said?

She looked at me with terrified eyes. “I-I uh”

I stood up and stepped in between her knees, feeling no pain whatsoever. My heart was pounding and my eyes were tearing up, tendrils of wonder lashing my body.

“I’m in love with you too, beastie” I said and my words were honey gold in the air like shooting stars. I grabbed her face with both hands and kissed her, closing my eyes as the intensity of the luminescence around us increased. She seemed stunned at first, then she pulled me closer.

“My little monster…” she whispered affectionately as we broke apart. Her gem glowed and reflected the fading lights. She kissed my hand and held it to her chest.

“Ahem” there was a dainty cough from the screen door and I looked over. “There are more sandwiches ready if you want some” Pearl said, smiling, her cheeks blue.

I pulled at Jasper who laughed and got up. We rejoined the kitchen and I picked up my half eaten sandwich. It was almost tastier when it was cool.

Jasper bit into one with gusto and chewed appreciatively. “Thish ish rly goohd, Shtvn” she said, spraying crumbs.

“Awwh, thanksh Jashpur!” he responded with his mouth full. Amethyst laughed hugely.

Steven swallowed. “Erica! You should come training with me and Connie and Pearl!” I nearly choked on my sandwich.

Jasper laughed and said; “That’s an _excellent_ idea!”

“Pearl! Pearl! Can she? Oh please, oh please, oh please!” Steven was jumping up and down with excitement.

“Uh, well um… Does she even want to?” she said uncertainly, looking at Steven. Then she turned to me “Would you want to?”

I felt stunned, I never thought about it. What If I did join them? Maybe I could learn enough not to have my ass handed to me by everything… Then my imagination whisked me off to the millions of daydreams I had had growing up – of fighting with swords and shields, bows and arrows, lightsabers and magic. How could I say no?

I nodded emphatically “Yes mhm yup yeah” Pearl was wearing a pleased expression and Steven ran round the kitchen whooping. Jasper beamed at me with a broad grin and Amethyst said; “Welcome to the team, rookie”. Garnet silently held up her thumb.

My heart swelled with joy. They really were amazing, all of them.

“Our next training session is in a few days” Pearl said “It should give you some time to heal”

“I’m gonna tell Connie right now!” Steven said happily and picked up his phone.

I leaned back on my chair, taking another big bite of cheesy goodness. Holy crap. I was really doing this? I felt a thrill of excitement and giggled to myself, the butterflies appearing again.

After we had finished eating, me and Jasper stood up to leave. I yawned so widely it made my jaw click. We said our goodbyes and strolled slowly across the beach toward town, holding hands.

When we got home I went to brush my teeth and get ready for bed, I was exhausted and my belly was full of cheese. I stole one of Jasper’s shirts to use as pajamas. I undressed and was about to put it on when I heard Jasper gasp from behind me. I turned around.

“Oh, _babe_ ” she said with a voice full of concern.

I smiled at her. “I know… It looks bad and I’m gonna have a _rough_ few days, but I’ll heal…” I pulled the shirt over my head and lay down. Jasper joined me after a few minutes.

“I didn’t know you could turn blue” she said and looked at my bruised shoulder.

“It’s called a bruise. It happens when there is bleeding under the skin. It will change color as it heals, when my body breaks it down” I yawned. “Did you have a good training session with Amethyst today?”

“Yeah… That gem isn’t like any other quartz I’ve met. If she had been made on home world, she would have been shattered for being defective … Everything gets a chance on this planet, to do or be whatever they want…” she said thoughtfully.

“Mhmm…” I mumbled as my eyelids grew heavier. Jasper looked at me and smiled and kissed my forehead.

“Sleep, little monster” she whispered and I grinned and closed my eyes the whole way.

“Good night beastie” I mumbled.

* * *

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	24. Lion's gift

## Chapter 24: Lion’s gift

I awoke feeling quite fine, but then I tried to move and discovered I was not fine at all. I was stiff all over and my body felt like one big bruise. I had to go to the bathroom however so I struggled out of the blankets and limped out into the kitchen. Jasper was sitting by the table and reading a cook book.

“Hey, babe” she said and rose to her feet and walked over to me.

“Oh, careful” I hissed as she hugged me. “Everything hurts”

She let me go and looked me up and down. “What can I do?” she asked.

“Could you make me a cup of coffee?”

When I emerged from the bathroom a steaming cup stood on the table. I could hear a rustling coming from the patio and then Jasper yelped. What the hell? I grabbed the cup and hobbled outside and found Jasper on all fours in the corner of the garden.

“Jasper? What are you doing?” I asked.

“Come and look at this babe!” she said excitedly. I walked up to the fence and looked down.  

There was a very dirty white kitten on the ground, going to town on a waffle.

“It’s a tiny white lion!” she whispered enthusiastically and prodded another waffle in the direction of the little animal. I sat down slowly, to try to minimize the pain. The kitten stopped chewing on the waffle for a moment and sneezed.

“Aww…” I said. “Where did it come from?”

“I don’t know. I heard a noise and there it was”

I looked at the kitten closely. It didn’t have a collar and looked a little skinny. Maybe their mother had dropped them in here by mistake? Or maybe it was an orphan? It looked less than six months old.

“Let’s call it Cake!” Jasper said in an excited voice. She was being so adorable! I smiled broadly at her.

I reached out a tentative hand and it sniffed my fingers interestedly before gnawing the waffle again. I stroked its back – I could feel the ribs clearly through the matted fur. “Hello Cake” I said softly.

“It really likes waffles” Jasper said and laughed quietly.

“I think we have a can of tuna in the kitchen” I got to my feet and walked inside slowly. I found and opened the canned fish and put about half of it on a plate and grabbed a bowl and filled it with water from the tap. When I reached Jasper I handed her the plate and the bowl.

“Here, I think she’d like this better” I said, sitting down laboriously.

The kitten sniffed the air and stood on its hind legs to try to reach the tuna in Jasper’s hand – she put it down quickly and the kitten pounced on the plate. Jasper chuckled and put down the water too. The little animal was making appreciative noises as it devoured the fish.

“How did you know it’d like that better?” Jasper asked quietly.

“It’s a kitten, a baby cat. And cats eat meat. I used to have a cat named Sam. He always loved tuna…”

After it had had its fill of fish it drank from the water bowl and then lay down in a sunny spot a little way away from us. It looked decidedly content, its stomach distended from what could very well be the first proper meal it had had in a long time.

“Oh, look” Jasper pointed at it as it started to groom itself. “What’s it doing?”

“It’s washing itself” I smiled at the expression of fascination on her face. I moved to the sofa and had myself a cigarette as Jasper gazed curiously at the little kitten. Soon it fell asleep. Jasper joined me on the sofa.

“It’s so… cute” she said breathlessly. “Can it stay with us?”

I thought about this. Whenever I saw a cat nowadays they reminded me of Sam. How he would sometimes wake me by putting a paw on my cheek. When he had killed a mouse or a bird he would always place it on my desk because that’s where I spent most of my time when I was at home… He had been my friend since before my parents died. They had given him to me after the surgery, to keep me company when I was recovering, since they couldn’t be there… Was my heart ready for another little fuzzy feline friend? Then I looked at Jasper’s face. She had already named it, hadn’t she? Oh gods. There was no way I could tell her ‘no’ now. It hurt a little to say the words, like I was somehow betraying Sam;

“Of course, beastie…” I felt like I had to warn her though. “But it might already have a home somewhere else. It doesn’t look like anyone has taken care of it though, so it’s probably a stray… Cats have a mind of their own, if it wants to stay here then it will. At least it knows the two of us will feed it” I tried to keep any hint of sadness out of my voice, but I’m not sure how well I did. I lit another cigarette and leaned back in the cushions.

“Will it be as big as Lion when it grows up?” Jasper asked and looked at me.

“No, darling… It’ll be about this size” I smiled and moved my hands through the air to show her. “It’s a house cat and Lion is… well I don’t know what he is really. I’ve never seen a lion that looks like him. I think they are smaller and sort of sand colored, not hot pink…” she looked a little disappointed at this. And I felt I wanted to reassure her.

“Cats make excellent companions, Jasper, even if you can’t ride them…” I patted her hand and yawned. I knew I had just got out of bed, but I felt like I could sleep for another hour or two. Jasper looked at me with slightly worried eyes.

“You should rest, babe” she said softly and kissed the top of my head. “Amethyst promised she’d help me with something today, but I won’t be gone long”

“Could you bring me my phone and a blanket before you leave? I think I’m gonna take a nap out here in the shade” I yawned again and lay my head down on the rough fabric of one of the couch’s throw pillows.

“Sure, babe” she said grinning and got up. I stretched out my legs carefully and angled my head so I could look at the white kitten. It hiccoughed and licked its lips, making me smile ruefully.  Jasper returned and threw a blue blanket over me with a flourish that made me giggle. She knelt down so she could kiss me before handing me my phone and saying;

“I’ll be back very soon”

She walked away and after half a minute I heard the front door closing. The sound made the kitten look up briefly. I put on some calm instrumental music, wrapped the blanket tightly around myself and closed my eyes.

There was a mewling sound that brought me out of my slumber and I turned my head toward it. The kitten was sitting by the sofa and meowing at me. I untangled an arm from the blanket and reached down. It rubbed itself against my hand, making me smile a little. I picked it up and put it on the sofa. It padded around for a little and then curled up against my chest. I stroked its little head and it purred.

“Oh, you are a sweetheart aren’t you” I mumbled before closing my eyes again and letting out a sigh.

The light was bobbing along in the dark forest, always staying a few dozen yards ahead of me. I had been following it for what felt like hours. Every so often it stopped and said ‘help’ in a wispy voice. It reached a cliff wall where a sword stuck out at ninety degree angle. The little light settled on the hilt and vanished with a whisper. I pulled at it and it began to slide out of the rock. The blade was very long and I had to step backward as it came out. There was no end to it… I just kept moving backwards, holding the hilt in both hands. Why was it so long? I started running and the blade just kept coming. Then suddenly it stopped and wouldn’t move no matter how much I pulled. I tried to let go of it but it was like my hands were glued to the handle. Then it began to pull _me_. I dug my heels into the dirt but it didn’t seem to make a difference. The cliff was approaching fast; I was going to slam into it! I braced myself for the impact but it never came. I opened my eyes and looked around. I was still being pulled along but I wasn’t in the forest anymore. It was a library? I slowed down gradually and came to a halt in front of a pedestal and my hands were set free. The sword was absorbed into the stone and vanished completely. There was a book open on top. I stepped up to it, curious, but the pages were blank. There was a pen next to it. I picked it up in my grey hands and wrote ‘Why did you ask for my help?’

The ink was absorbed into the page and new letters appeared. Or, I thought they were letters at first, but they looked like a cross between old Sowegian runes and Arabic. It kept repeating the same… word? Sentence? It scribbled faster and faster until the page was black. Then the ground shook and books fell off the shelves with a thunderous sound. I screamed out and purple zig-zagging amorphous shapes slashed through the air.

I opened my eyes and saw the back of the sofa. My stomach was aching and something soft brushed my cheek. The little kitten was lying between my head and shoulder. It woke up and stretched out its legs, rubbing its head on my chin. I let out a breath. What had I been dreaming about? A book? It wrote a sign by itself. I grabbed the kitten and sat up slowly. I needed something to draw with before I forgot what it looked like. There was a stick on the ground and I scraped it across the dirt, then I took a picture with my phone, rubbed it out, redrew it and took another picture. I compared the two images – they looked exactly the same. I glanced at the time in the corner of my screen. It was almost three in the afternoon. I remembered I hadn’t had anything to eat since last night. That’s when I noticed a wonderful scent in the air. I put the kitten down, noticing that it was a girl, and got to my feet carefully and walked slowly into the kitchen. The little white cat meowed and followed me. Jasper was standing by the stove stirring a big pot.

“Hey…” I said smiling tiredly. Jasper looked up at me with a grin.

“Did I wake you? I was trying to keep it down” she said and put the ladle down and wiped her hands on a kitchen towel before walking up to me.

“No, I had a weird dream is all…” I mumbled and stood on tip toe to kiss her full lips. “What are you making?”

“Soup” she said simply and pointed to the cook book open on the table. “I found a recipe that looked interesting”

“It smells absolutely _divine_ ” she smiled at my words.

“Want a taste? I think it’s done”

“I’d love to, just let me get the hot water bottle”

“Celebration cramps?”

I nodded emphatically and she pulled out a chair for me to sit down. She gave me a spoon and then ladled some soup into a bowl and placed it in front of me with a flourish. She made a bowl for herself and sat down opposite me. I took a spoonful and blew on it before having a taste. It _was_ absolutely divine!

“Jasper, oh my gods! This is so delicious! It’s French onion soup right?”

She laughed heartily and nodded, using her bowl like a cup and drinking the soup.

“You are so talented! I don’t think I’ve ever had French onion soup as good as this! Mmm!” I finished the bowl in two minutes and stood up immediately to get some more. When I had emptied the second bowl I let out a satisfied sigh and little pink ribbons of light twirled around me. Jasper raised her eyebrows and snickered. There was a ‘meep’ from under the table and I bent down to pick up the kitten.

“Aww, do you want some more tuna?” I asked and she bumped her head on my cheek. Jasper made a strangled noise and I glanced over at her. The expression on her face was _so_ cute. “You want to hold her?” Jasper nodded and held out an enormous hand. I placed the kitten on her palm and she sniffed at Jasper’s skin, then looked up at her smiling face and meowed.

“Oh, it spoke to me!” she said ecstatically and petted the little white head with her other index finger. I pulled out my phone and took a picture, it was too adorable not to. I put the rest of the tuna on a plate and gave it to Jasper who put it on the table.

“Little Cake…” Jasper hummed affectionately as the kitten stepped off her hand to reach the tuna.

“Do gems have pets?” I asked curiously.

“No… There are gems whose job it is to handle creatures though” she said quietly as she stroked Cake’s back.

I was just about to ask what sorts of creatures were native to home world when there was a scratch at the front door. Who would _scratch_ instead of knock? Jasper was totally distracted by Cake, so I got up and opened. Lion was standing outside, holding a stick in his mouth.

“Uh… hi?” I said and looked around for Steven. Lion bowed his head and looked me in the eye, then dropped what he was carrying, it made a loud clang when it hit the concrete, then he sat back on his haunches. I looked down. It was a long spear that was half covered in ripped leaves and… seeds? Lion huffed, nodded slowly and then stood up and padded off. I looked at him go, my mouth open.

“Who is it?” Jasper asked from the kitchen.

“Uh…” I said uncertainly. I picked up the spear. It was surprisingly light yet seemed to be made of metal. It had a long and broad dirt covered blade at the top with hook and an octagonal gem set into the shaft just below it. The whole thing was about a foot or so taller than me. My hand came away sticky and I sniffed at it. It smelled like… strawberries? “What the actual fuck?” I muttered and went back inside.

“Look at this!” Jasper turned around and her smile changed into a look of surprise. I walked past her into the garden and turned on the hose to rinse the spear off.

“Where did you get that?” she asked from behind me.

“Lion brought it”

“ _Lion_?”

“Yeah, him. I… I have no idea why, but… it’s _beautiful_! Look!” I held the relatively clean weapon aloft and shook some water off it. She stepped closer.

“Oh my stars! This is gem made!” she exclaimed and put Cake down, holding out her hands for the spear. I gave it to her and she inspected it thoroughly. “Look” she showed me some scratches just below the eight sided gem. “It’s a name… ‘Song bird’… Hmm” she hefted it deftly and swung it quickly in an arc. It made a noise almost like a tie-fighter from Star Wars. “Hah! Fantastic!”

“Whoa!” I yipped and picked the kitten up from the ground.

“The balance is…” she held it on the middle on one finger and it stayed completely level “… perfect” she said in an amazed voice. She tested the blade on her thumb nail. “Sharp as all hell…” Next she took the shaft in both hands and lifted her leg as if to break a thick branch and the spear bent around her knee – making me cringe – then she let it go with one hand and it snapped back to its original shape. “And flexible. This is a masterpiece…” she said with shining eyes, holding it out to me. I took it in one hand and gave her the kitten. I walked a few steps away so I wouldn’t hit them and then swung it in a slow arc. It whispered through the air like sand through an hour glass. I laughed out of surprise and joy, making the bright butterflies appear around me. I tried swinging it faster, like Jasper had, and it made a high pitched whistling sound. It hit a few of the butterflies and sent them flying into the fence with a smattering. I was so surprised I dropped the spear and it thumped on the dry grass.

“What the fuck?!” I said and picked it up gingerly. “Did you see that?!”

“Whoa…” Jasper breathed. “That’s… I’ve never seen that before…”

The butterflies had disappeared but I walked up to the fence where they had hit. There were a few scorch marks. A thrill went through me. Was this a magic weapon? I grinned and waved it and it made the whistling sound again.

“This is so cool…” I whispered, trying to spin it from one hand to the other. The increased speed changed the noise and it sounded more like a digeridoo. I started to hum in harmony with it and it seemed to resonate with my voice, changing pitch as I did. I ran out of breath and stopped twirling it, looking around at Jasper. She was wearing a pleased but thoughtful expression.

“It’s a formidable weapon. Where did Lion get it from?” she said ponderously.

“I have no idea” I panted and looked at the name on the shaft. I couldn’t read it, it looked like angular Arabic. “Hey, wait” I pulled out my phone and compared the signs with the picture I took before. “Do you know what this means?” I held out the phone to Jasper.

She looked at it and her eyes widened. “Where did you find this?”

“It was in my dream, a book wrote it in itself until the page was all black. So it does mean something?”

“Yeah… ‘A Diamond’s song, a Diamond’s light, madness, treachery, must fight’…” she said sounding alarmed. “You _dreamed_ this?”

“Yes… Why do you look so scared?” I said softly, lowering the point of the spear to the ground.

“I don’t know… This is gem writing” she waved the phone. “Have you ever dreamt something like this before?”

“No, not that I can remember. Well… yesterday, after Pearl told me about the gem dust I… sort of fainted? And I had… terrible dreams. Then Steven found me and then there was this… screen? We saw the last memory of the gem spider… It wanted to eat you or something, then it wanted to kill me because it thought _I_ wanted to eat you. Then when it died it felt… relieved. Then we were in another dream, my favorite dream from when I was a kid… Then I woke up”

Jasper stared at me with knit eyebrows. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked sadly.

“I don’t know… I was just so happy to be out of there, so relieved I wasn’t a murderer. I get it now, it was a fight to the death and I won. I guess I didn’t want to worry you more…”

She smiled slightly at this and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.

“I get to worry about you, my little monster” she said and kissed the top of my head. “Don’t shut me out”

“OK, beastie” I said and leaned my head on her chest. Had anyone ever said that to me before? Had anyone wanted to share my darkness? No. They had all just run from it. Or ignored it. “I guess I’m afraid to talk about those things because… people in the past haven’t wanted to hear them…”

“I’m not them” she said forcefully. “You listened to me when I talked about Malachite, helped me think about it in a different way… I want to know you, _all_ of you”

I looked up into her face and she brushed some hair away from my forehead with a gentle hand. Her eyes were serious and I felt a lump in my throat. I nodded slowly, unable to speak. The spear thudded onto the ground as I wrapped my arms around her waist. A part of me was screaming that I shouldn’t trust her, that she was just lying because she wanted something from me, but the rest of me shouted for it to fuck off. Were my trust issues really this bad?

“Remember on the island, in the jungle after the rubies left? You held me… You talked to me… I hadn’t been nice to you, and yet you did all those things for me. No one had ever spoken to me that way before, like they understood what I felt, understood what I needed… I… I had never cried like that. And then later in the tent… You said you were there for me and I _believed_ you. Please, believe me when I say I’m here for you too” I looked up at her, my eyes streaming. She smiled softly and kissed my forehead again.

“I-I do believe you, beastie” I stammered, golden and purple sparks falling out of the air like rain at my words. I did believe her, and it was so comforting and yet so frightening. She leant down and kissed me gently and the lights turned pink and silvery.

A meow made me look down; Cake was rubbing herself against Jasper’s leg. We bent down to pick her up at the same time and we both giggled, golden butterflies appearing. Cake tried to bat them with her front paws. I picked up the spear and leaned it against the wall by the sofa and then sat down with Cake in my lap. Jasper sat down next to me and put an arm behind me on the back of the sofa.

“My cat Sam died a few months ago” I said as I scratched behind Cake’s ears. “He was big and black with one white paw. My parents gave him to me to keep me company after the surgery, since they couldn’t… Or wouldn’t be there. I never knew which one it was. I resented Sam at first, thinking it was just another tactic for my parents to buy my loyalty or something… But he made me smile with his antics and wild energy. He was my little ray of sunshine in a time in my life that was just darkness. Oh, and my best friend was there of course, but it was hard for her when I was so… lost. If it weren’t for her and Sam, I’d not be here today…”

“What do you mean?” Jasper asked softly.

I sighed before answering. “I wanted my life to end. It was too painful to go on, every day the same, full of anxiety, fear, dark thoughts and helplessness. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t break completely, or maybe that’s exactly what I did… I _was_ broken. My body, my mind… Either I couldn’t sleep for days or I couldn’t get myself out of bed at all. I lost so much time; I can barely remember anything from the first six months after the surgery. I don’t know how I managed to finish school, but I did somehow…” I kept looking down at Cake.

“Then I tried to make my life work, but it wasn’t like before. I was different; my mind didn’t work properly… I kept on trying until I just couldn’t anymore and I broke down completely. My parents sent me to a facility where I could get some help and I stayed there for… years… I was so angry at everything and everyone and had terrible nightmares and flashbacks about the surgery and the time afterwards. It wasn’t until I started to talk about it that I started feeling better. I had this one dream…” I could feel my chest constricting and touched the back of my head protectively. Jasper moved her arm from the backrest and stroked my knee with her thumb. I took a deep breath.

“In the dream, I’m on a moor. It’s muddy and dark and the ground is covered in glass so I can’t move. There’s mist too… _He_ comes out of the mist and it goes black where he touches it. He’s pure white and so thin, starved… The back of his head has twisted horns and spikes and his arms are thick and don’t have fingers, just little sharp nubs… His face…” I swallowed hard but forced myself to continue. “His face is a mask made of porcelain. He comes up to me, he stands so close and all I can see is my own reflection. Then he touches me…” my skin was covered in goosebumps and I felt cold.

“He… it… his…” I swallowed hard again. “His… _thing_ goes inside me and it’s so _cold_ and dead and it… _hurts_ and I can’t move, I can’t speak, I can’t close my eyes and I hear him breathing, he turns me into glass from the inside… Cold, dead, inside…” I fell silent for a while trying to rid myself of the terrible feeling, my hand clamped across my scar.

“Someone, I don’t remember who, told me to try to write a story where someone defeated him and maybe the nightmares would stop. I had to take control back… I started to write and it helped. Over the years I fleshed out the story more and more and when I was done I gave it to my shrink to read” I blew out a breath between my teeth. “She said it was good and that I should try to publish it, and that’s what I did... I was feeling much better by this time and the book sold well, extremely well and I was catapulted into this new life I would never have imagined for myself…” I trailed off.

I stared down at Jasper’s hand, waiting for her to say something. Instead she stood up and the little voice inside that had warned not to trust shrieked with triumphant delight. Then Jasper turned around and knelt in front of me, taking my hand in hers.

“Erica, look at me” It was very hard to do so. Her yellow eyes were serious and I could see tear tracks down her cheeks. “Thank you” she said earnestly and my lips parted in surprise. “Thank you for telling me… I’m sorry you had to go through all that” she caressed the top of my hand with her thumb. “Did the dreams stop?”

“I… I don’t have it very often now” I said in a small voice.

“Babe… Come here” she held out her arms invitingly. The voice inside told me to run. But I never wanted to run again. Not from her. I _wanted_ to trust her; I _wanted_ to share everything that I was with her, because she _would_ accept me. She already _had_. _I_ was the one who hadn’t.

I put Cake down and stood up and stepped into Jasper’s warm embrace. With her strong arms around me the little voice disappeared and I hoped it would stay away forever. I leaned my forehead against hers, tears of relief sliding down my cheeks.

“You get hurt and then you come back stronger” she murmured. “I am honored that you share yourself with me, honored to know such a singular person holds my heart in her capable, caring hands. I can’t think of a better place for it”

And then we were kissing and I couldn’t get enough of her lips. My hands slid through her silken hair and her hands stroked my back. When I opened my eyes we were standing surrounded by lights of every color of the rainbow. Jasper glanced around and smiled, whispering;

“Extraordinary…”

* * *

Please review :)


	25. Training day

## Chapter 25: Training day

 

It was two days later and my body was still stiff but the pain was nearly gone. My bruises had gone from blue to a pale purple and my scratches were healing nicely. I had spent the last days loafing about the house and sleeping a lot accompanied by Cake, who was well on her way to a healthy weight. Jasper had fussed over me and I almost had to force her out of the house so she’d go training with Amethyst. My adoration for her was growing ever stronger and I missed her when she was gone, but I knew she would be back with new tales of things she had seen out in the world. Today, however, she wasn’t the only one heading out in the morning. I was feeling excited as I laced up my sneakers and picked up my little backpack. I grabbed the spear and made sure the little hood I had made for the blade was tied securely in place.

“Jasper, are you ready?” I called.

I heard her snickering from the kitchen. “Yeah, I’m just washing the dishes”

“Leave them! Let’s go!”

“Someone’s excited for their first day of training” she teased as she sauntered into the hallway.

“Yes I am” I said with a smile. We exited the house and made our way to the beach. I could barely contain myself and Jasper grinned at me crookedly.

“Don’t overdo it, babe”

“I promise nothing!” I said and struck a heroic pose in the sand, making her laugh.

“That’s my little monster” she said affectionately.

We arrived at the temple and I knocked at the door. To my surprise Connie opened.

“Good morning Erica, good morning Jasper” she said solemnly and then smiled broadly. She was wearing loose clothes and her hair was in a long braid on her back.

“Hi Connie” I said, smiling back. Jasper nodded at her and we entered.

“Steven, they’re here!” Connie called and Steven came bounding out of the bathroom.

“Good morning! Are you excited for your first day of training?” he asked.

“Mhm!” I hummed and nodded emphatically.

“Yo” Amethyst greeted as she stepped through the door at the back of the house. “You ready, Jayster? I wanna get outta here before P goes all jedi-master on these guys”

Jasper snickered cockily and said; “Yeah, I’m good to go” then she turned to me and her face softened. “See you later, babe. Good luck today, not that you need it…” she leaned down and kissed me and I felt my ears burning.

“See you, beastie” I giggled and some golden butterflies fluttered through the air and settled in her hair before winking out. I heard Connie gasp in surprise.

“Geez, you guys are so cute it’s sickening” Amethyst groaned theatrically and then snickered. “Let’s go!”

Jasper gave me a last grin and then strutted across the floor to join Amethyst on the warp pad. It pinged and they vanished.

I turned to Steven and Connie and felt my cheeks redden at the way they were staring at me.

“What?” I said self-consciously.

“You really _can_ make light!” Connie burst out. “That’s so cool!”

“And you guys are just too adorable together” Steven said slyly and wiggled his eyebrows at me. It made me laugh and more lights danced around me.

“Does it always happen when you laugh?” Connie asked curiously.

“Uh… I haven’t really thought about it… it just happens”

The door at the back of the temple opened again and Pearl stepped out.

“Ah, good, you’re all here. Everyone on the warp pad please” she said serenely and stood with her hands behind her back. Steven and Connie ran forward, Connie picking up a duffel bag with a pink sword sticking out of it. I walked forward eagerly.

“Steven, take us to the cloud arena please” Pearl said and I braced myself. The warp activated and I felt my stomach do a somersault as white and blue light streamed past. Connie and Steven laughed and I barely had time to drift away from them before the light vanished and I fell a few feet before landing hard and staggering off the warp pad.

“Don’t worry! You’ll get used to it!” Connie grinned at me before sprinting after Steven up a long set of stairs.  

I giggled nervously. “Well, I didn’t fall on my face this time”

“That’s the spirit” Pearl said with a smile. “Have you had any previous combat training?”

“I’ve taken karate and self-defense classes, but I’ve never really used a weapon. Well, I’ve been playing around with this for a few days” I held out the spear to her as we reached the top of the stairs, slipping the hood off it.

She inspected it interestedly.

“Where did you _get_ this?” she asked intensely.

“Lion brought it to me the day after he took us to the Kindergarten, I thought… I thought you guys knew?”

“No” she looked confused. “Steven, come here for a second please!”

Steven ran up to us.

“Cool spear!”

“Did you ask Lion to bring this to Erica?” she asked him sternly.

“Uh… No? Wait, Erica, have you seen Lion?”

“Yeah… he came by the day after I last saw you. I thought you had sent him?”

“No! I haven’t seen him since he left us in the Kindergarten! Was he OK?”

“He seemed fine to me. He just showed up, dropped that in front of me, nodded and then left”

“Hmm… That’s strange… Was it in this condition?” Pearl asked.

“No it was all sticky and had seeds, leaves and dirt all over it”

“He must have taken it from the Strawberry Battlefield!” Steven gasped.

“The what-now?”

“It’s the site of a battle fought thousands of years ago. It’s littered with material gem weapons” Pearl supplied.

“I-is it OK that he gave it to me?” I asked, feeling uncertain.

“Of course it is! Isn’t it Pearl?” Steven turned to Pearl.

“I suppose… It’s not like anyone was using it out there” her thoughtful look turned to a smile and she handed it back to me. I felt relieved; it would have been a shame if I had to give it back.

“Its name is ‘Song bird’, look” I pointed to the signs below the blade.

“So it is” Pearl said with surprise. “How did you know that?”

“Jasper told me. She said it was a masterpiece. It… It reacts to the light that I make and it… sings when it’s moved” I stepped away from them and made a sweep through the air. It made a sound like a finger being dragged along the edge of a wine glass. I felt quite smug about this.

“Oh, can I try?” Steven asked excitedly and Pearl nodded to me over his shoulder. I handed him the spear and he waved it and it hummed dolefully. “Wow”

“Here, let me” Pearl said and she sliced the air in a graceful arc. This time the blade made an impressive steely sound. “Hmm. It certainly is a marvelous weapon. It’s a good length for you too” she said as she put the butt of the spear on the ground and compared it to me. “Yes… This is a very good choice of weapon for you… How on earth would Lion know that?”

“He brought me Rose’s scabbard before” Steven said helpfully.

“Yes, but that’s not the same thing. This has some thought behind it, and Lion doesn’t exactly come across as a weapons expert” Pearl mumbled and handed it back to me. “Erica, could you hold on a moment? I’ll start these two off and then come back to you, feel free to warm up”

I nodded and stood back for them to pass. I put the spear on the ground and started to jog in place and do a few jumping jacks. It was a long time since I did any intentional exercise and my body protested slightly as unused muscles were forced into work. Physical activity also helped with my last day of period cramps. I was happy it would be over tomorrow, I really didn’t like wearing underwear. When I felt warmed up, I started to stretch my arms and legs. My right leg proved more difficult to get going and I had to massage it to get it to loosen up.

I looked over at Steven and Connie and was stunned how fast they were moving. Connie wielded the pink sword like a pro and I was so impressed with the both of them. Steven threw his shield like a discus and Connie parried it with a happy ‘Hah!’

“ _Excellent_ , Connie! Steven, remember, follow _through_ with your arm when you throw, don’t get sloppy. Again!” Pearl smiled at them and then turned around to me.

“Wow, they are really good aren’t they?” I panted as Connie managed to knock Steven’s shield back into his stomach with a perfect ninety degree swipe.

“Yes they are” Pearl said with pride. “Now, Erica, everything begins with your stance. When you fight with a spear the whole point is to keep your enemy away from you, but even then you want to expose as little of yourself as possible” she pulled her own spear out of her gem and faced me. “I am right handed, so I lead with my left foot. Notice how I’m facing you with my side - that is to make my body harder to hit from the front. A smaller target is harder to hit”

I picked up the spear and copied her stance as best I could.

“Good, but straighten your back and bend your knees. Yes, there we go. Distribute your weight evenly on both feet, you’ll want good balance and be able to move quickly”

I felt my thighs shaking a bit.

“Your grip can be overarm or underarm. Place your right elbow at the butt of the spear and grip it, put your left hand about half way up the shaft. Your dominant hand’s pinky finger should be facing away from the enemy. This is the underarm grip. It gives you great reach” she demonstrated by stretching out her arm as far as it could go “you can increase it further if you lunge forward. You have a wide angle of attack, not only are you able to strike someone directly in front of you, you can hit people to the either side. The movement is a thrust, as if you are raking leaves” she lunged forward quickly and showed me the arm movement “You can parry incoming blows, not only protecting yourself, but people around you too”

She shifted her grip and held the spear as if she was about to skewer something from above. “This is the overarm grip, the pinky is facing the enemy. This grip is great for defense” she dropped the tip to the ground, lifting the back of the spear over her head in a downward angle. “This grip has less reach and power, fewer angles of attack and is easier to knock to the side, especially if you only use one hand”

“The spear is a great weapon for single combat, but when you fight alongside one or more people with spears and shields it becomes an infinitely more powerful thing. Then you have the security to jab and thrust from behind someone else’s defensive line. There are many examples throughout human history where spear wielders and shield bearers have worked together to form devastatingly efficient regiments”

Pearl swung her spear with one hand. “Now, the first thing I want you to learn is how to protect yourself. Parrying is better than being hit, but evasion is the key. You will tire quickly if you constantly have to parry, so being light on your feet and nimble will be great tools”

“Oh shi-oot” I grumbled and she looked at me. “I’m not exactly graceful, and my sense of balance is a bit… bad”

“These are things that can be trained” she said with a hint of a smile.

“I’m not so sure… I get a lot of head rushes” suddenly I felt very discouraged. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea”

“Every fighter has their strengths and weaknesses, Erica. It’s just something we’ll have to work around” her voice was encouraging and she beckoned me over so we stood side by side. “Let’s see you do an underarm grip”

I grabbed the spear tightly and put my left foot forward.

“Good, now try an overarm grip” I shifted my grip. “OK, to parry with this keep your elbows and knees bent, so they can flex as you receive the blow – it will cushion the impact. For a counter I want you to think of it as if you are trying to leverage a huge stone with a pole, you lift with your right side – it will throw the attacker off – and then you can move in for an attack like this” she flicked the tip of the spear from the ground into the air at about waist height and took two quick steps forward in one fluid motion. “Let’s try the first part”

She stood opposite me and gripped her spear close to either end and leaned it against the shaft of mine. “I’m going to push and I want you to push me off and that’s it, alright? We’ll go slow”

She pushed harder than I thought and I tensed up, just trying to resist the force.

“Remember to flex, if you freeze up you have no momentum and then it just becomes about who is physically stronger” she stepped back. “Let’s try it again”

It went better the second time and I accepted the impact. “That’s better, but try to take the brunt of the force with your legs, since they are stronger than your arms, then use that extra leverage to push back”

The third time I managed to push her off. “Good!” she stepped away from me and her gem glowed. A replica of pearl with blank eyes appeared in front of her. “This is a Holo-Pearl, she won’t harm you. I want you to try to push her off and then do the counter thrust”

“Prepare yourself!” the Holo-Pearl said in a robotic voice. On the fourth attempt I managed to flick the point up and ram her through.

“Again” Pearl said and summoned another one as the first one vanished saying; “Defeat, acc-ep-ted”

I felt as if I was getting the hang of it and my breathing found a rhythm in the movement. As I grew more confident the spear whistled and whined as I snapped the tip through the air. I exhaled forcefully as I thrust the spear forward a few times and then I let out a ‘Hah!’ like a kiai to put more power behind it. There was a fizzle and a faint slivery blue light bent around the spear like a wave and instead of being skewered the Holo-Pearl was pushed backwards slightly as if something had hit it in the chest. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

“Do that again” Pearl said intensely as I turned to look at her. I repeated the move, but there was no light that time and the impaled Holo-Pearl vanished.

“Hmm” she said, walking up to me and inspecting the tip of my spear. “Can I try?”

She thrust it forward, saying “Hiya!” and there was a zum and a sparkle. She took a deep breath and did it again, producing a different sound and a slightly more intense light.

“Could you try something for me, Erica?” she handed the spear back. “Sing”

“What?”

“Sing as you wield it”

“Uh…” I looked around at Steven and Connie – they were occupied. “Um… what should I sing?”

“Anything you like”

I cleared my throat, feeling a bit exposed. “Uh… M-Mary had a little lamb?” my voice cracked and I had lost all my confidence in the movement and nothing happened. I felt dumb.

Pearl let out a gentle chuckle and then began to hum and do the parry counter slowly. She got a very concentrated look on her face, then she opened her mouth and to my complete surprise I could hear faint overtones in her voice.

“Pearl! You _found_ them!” I burst out happily and butterflies danced around me.

“Join me?” she asked, panting. I fought the urge to glance around at Steven and Connie. I took a deep breath as the light faded. I knew she must have worked really hard and it gave me such a rush.

“You start” I said and cleared my throat. She began to hum again and I joined in, trying to match pitch. She began transitioning from vowel to vowel and I followed her lead. As soon as I opened my mouth lights began swirling around me in two streams of white-ish silver. They vibrated and flowed in and around each other as the tones changed and I felt elated. The color changed and became more brilliantly yellow-gold. They looked like little leaves…. Slowly we began to move as we sang, and my spear seemed to add a harmony of its own - the swirls bent around the blade like a ribbon. As I thrust the spear forward in the counter, all the lights streamed along the shaft and shot off the end and away into the distance, carrying the sound with it. I stared after it as it created a passage through the clouds that surrounded the arena.

“Mother _fuck_ ” I said and a graceful slow tendril of light writhed in the air like a snake. I felt absolutely stunned. I had to sit down.

“I would have to agree…” Pearl said breathlessly.

“What was _that_!?” Steven asked excitedly and skidded to a halt in front of us.

“Something _new_ ” Pearl stated and grinned. “This is fascinating… Did you notice it changing color?”

“Yeah, it… It seems to depend on how I feel?” I kept staring at the corridor it had made in the clouds.

“My abilities depend on my emotions too!” Steven exclaimed. “This is so cool!” he patted my shoulder.

I started to laugh as a thought hit me. “Ahahaha!” the butterfly lights appeared again, this time they were multicolored. “I’m the fucking _Dovakhin_!” did I dare try _it_?

“The what?” Pearl turned to me.

“The Dovakhin! The Dragon Born! From Skyrim!”

Connie gasped and I held up a hand to high five her. She grinned and obliged, making my hand sting like seven hells.

“Sorry, I high five hard. Erica you have to do the thing!” I exchanged a look with her and I knew she was thinking the same I was.

“I mean, I have to try, at least once, right?” Connie nodded at me and looked excited. My heart was pounding and I felt a little light headed with giddiness. I stood up and took a few steps away from them and took a deep breath.

“FUS- _RO_ **- _DAH_**!” I screamed as loud as I could and was instantaneously blown off my feet as a small bright white thing shot in the other direction. I hit the lowest step of the seats that surrounded the arena and crumpled to a heap, wheezing. I lifted my head and tried to see where the white thing had gone but it had disappeared.

“OH MY FREAKING GOSH!” Connie yelled and ran over to me smiling, but looking terrified. “Are you OK?!” Pearl and Steven joined us too.

I gurgled and spat out some blood, but smiled and started to laugh hoarsely. The butterflies were there again, fluttering around me. My back hurt a lot.

“Oh my stars!” Pearl exclaimed and crouched down beside me. “Erica, you have to be careful! We don’t know how this works yet; _don’t do_ anything more like that, please!”

“I _am_ the Dragon Born” I grinned drunkenly.

“What _is_ she talking about?” Pearl turned to Connie.

“It’s from a computer game! You play someone who uses magical ‘Shouts’ to do things like blow stuff up or call down dragons! Oh _man_!”

“No way!” Steven said with stars in his eyes. “I wanna be the Dragon Born too!”

“I’ll Fus-ro-dah your _face_!” Connie giggled and struck a pose.

“Nuh-uh, cuz I’m gonna fus-ro-dah your face _first_!”

“Steven, Connie, get back to training please. Work on your aim, Steven. Connie, I want you to get that spin attack down pat” Pearl said with authority and the two kids straightened up.

“Yes ma’am” Connie said and took off, Steven grinning “OK, Pearl”.

Pearl took a deep breath. “Erica, you hit that step pretty hard”

I sat up slowly, groaning. “Hah, it was worth it. Jesus”

“How am I going to explain this to Jasper?” she said exasperatedly.

“Huh? Oh, don’t worry about that, it’ll be fine”

She looked at me worriedly and sighed. “I think that’s about enough for you today… I would advise you to be careful until we know how it all works – I’d like you and me to test it out, without Steven and Connie. Somewhere… closer to the ground” she looked over the edge of the arena.

“Hah, yeah that sounds like a good idea. Ow” I rubbed my back.

“Maybe Steven should try to heal you?”

I thought it over for a second. I felt kind of done with being in pain for now. “Yeah… Will it work though?”

“Hmm, I don’t know. But it’s worth a shot” she said with another sigh. “Steven!”

The boy came running over. “Yeah, Pearl?”

“Could you heal Erica?” she asked gently.

His eyes went wide. “Of course!”

He licked his hand and slapped it onto my arm. A warm sensation spread from his touch and I breathed a sigh of relief as all my aches and pains vanished. I felt a thrill of hope and fear and touched the back of my head. The scar… It was still there… I didn’t know how I felt about that… The scars from the shark were still there too. The only thing that seemed to have changed was the injuries of the last few days. I wrinkled my brow and touched my belly. The cramps hadn’t gone away either.

“How… How does it know what to keep?” I said quietly.

Steven looked at me questioningly. “What do you mean?”

“Never mind” I filed the thoughts away for later. “You guys look really good out there”

“Thanks! That stuff you did was really cool!”

“Yes, I know” I said with a smirk. “Thanks for the heals, dude”

“You’re welcome!”

Steven went back to Connie and I got to my feet and picked up the spear. Pearl went over to the kids and gave them pointers. I sat down closer to them to watch, taking out a banana and a bottle of water. Pearl set them up with a couple of Holo-Pearls and they fought fiercely. I whistled and clapped encouragingly, snapping a few pictures on my phone. After a while I felt restless and started to spin the spear in my hands, if nothing else it looked really cool. Pearl threw me a glance and I mimed zipping up my mouth, which made her grin. I practiced the stance and the parry counter in silence, feeling thrilled that my muscles seemed looser than before.

“OK, I think we’re gonna call it here, great work today!” Pearl called after a while and Steven’s shield vanished with a twing and Connie sheathed Rose’s sword and put it back in her bag.

“Lunch time!” Steven threw his hands into the air and ran toward the warp pad.

“Hey Connie” I said and she walked over to me.

“Yes?”

“Do you have any tips for the warping?”

“Oh um. When I first joined Steven I had trouble too. I imagined that there was a roof above me that I couldn’t possibly go through” she said shyly. “Now though, it’s just something I do without thinking, because I know it’ll be OK”

I dipped my chin looked at her with raised eyebrows. “Clever girl… Thank you”

She sniggered a little and ran after Steven.

I thought as I walked after them, picking up my stuff. Visualize something that would keep me in place and trust that it would be alright. OK. What would keep me in place? Roof like Connie? That felt a little claustrophobic. I didn’t want to be stuck, I wanted to be immobile… Hmm.

I joined the others on the warp pad, still lost in thought. There was a ping and I snapped back to reality as my stomach did a flip and I started to drift sideways.

“Naaaahhh-OOF!” I smacked into the ground with my left side.

“Oh dear” Pearl exclaimed. “Are you alright?” Steven and Connie looked down at me too.

“Hneh, I’m fine” Steven pulled me to my feet and I dusted myself off, trying not to feel embarrassed.

“Do you want to join us for lunch?” he asked.

“Uh, sure, that’d be nice, thanks”

“Great!” Connie smiled.

“What do we want to eat?” Steven mused. “Pizza?”

“My parents said ‘No fast food’…”

“Oh… We’d better make something then. How aboouuut…” he put his head in the fridge. “Hmm… There’s a bunch of left overs. We could make a sort of buffet?”

Steven began to take stuff out and Connie and I joined him.

“Oh, we could make Pyttipanna from this” I said, grinning.

“What’s that?” Connie asked.

“It means… Tiny bits in a pan? Kind of? You just fry up boiled potatoes, some meat, onions and eggs. Oh and then drown it in ketchup. That bit’s optional, though”

“Sounds good to me!” Steven said. “What do we need to do?”

“Just chop it up and fry it. It’s Sowegian student food. Cheap and easy to make” I smiled.

“Oh, I think you can get that at IKËA” Connie supplied. “That’s from Soweland, isn’t it?”

“Yeah” I nodded.

We started cooking and after about fifteen minutes it was ready to serve.

I shoveled a forkful into my mouth. “Oh, this takes me back” I grinned as I chewed. “When I was at school, this is what I would make for my house mates in the middle of the night when we were studying for tests”

“What did you study?” Connie asked interestedly.

“Hah, animal husbandry and natural sciences. It’s a bit of a strange combination – it’s weird when the person teaching you physics is also the one who teaches you how to shear sheep”

Steven and Connie laughed with their mouths full.

“Oh, I remember when the people of this town used to be shepherds…” Pearl said reminiscently.

“I met a goat once” Steven said “I named him Steven Junior. But, I think it was a girl goat really”

“Pah, goats! They are really clever, not like sheep at all. We had some at school, and they were the biggest couple of troublemakers there ever was. They would break out of their pen and go devour the principal’s garden or wreak havoc in the greenhouses. No potato was safe!”

“Ohh, I would really like to meet some animals too. Or have a pet, but my dad is allergic” Connie said a bit sadly.

“There are hypoallergenic pets” I said to try to cheer her up.

“Yeah I know. I’ve gathered information about them for years, but my mom wouldn’t let me have one anyway, even though I explained to her about the psychological benefits of having an animal companion. You’re so lucky you have Lion, Steven”

“Hmm. I haven’t seen him in a while now though... Has he come by your house again?” Steven asked me hopefully.

“No, sorry. I haven’t seen him”

The mood in the room dropped and I exchanged a look with Pearl.

“Oh, you know what though?” I said as I remembered the new addition to Jasper’s and my household. “Jasper found a little kitten in our garden the other day” I pulled out my phone and showed them the picture of Jasper holding Cake in one hand at the kitchen table.

“Aww, look at its little nose!” Steven squealed and Connie giggled.

“I think she was a stray. We’ve been feeding her and she’s very cuddly. Guess what her name is”

“Uh… Queenie? No, Bianca!” Steven tried.

“No, no, she looks more like a Snowball! Or, hmm, maybe a Trixie?”

“I’ll give you a hint – Jasper named her” I said with a smile.

“Destroyer! Ripper! Uh, Massacre!” Steven guessed enthusiastically.

“Shinobu! Oh, _Ghost_!”

I was taken aback by the violent nature of the names and I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. But they were smiling again. I decided to let it go and gave them another hint.

“No, it’s something very sweet”

“Sucrose?” Pearl tried. I smiled at her.

Steven furrowed his brow in ferocious concentration. “Hmm… Cookie? Peaches?”

“Marshmallow!” Connie said loudly. “Because she’s white!”

“All wrong” I smiled. “Give up?”

They nodded together.

“Her name is Cake”

“Oh my _gosh_!” Steven said and clapped his hands to his cheeks.

“That’s so _cute_!” Connie smiled broadly.

Pearl looked more than a little surprised and I raised an eyebrow at her. “Would you like to meet her?”

“Yeah!” Connie and Steven said together.

“Great, are you doing anything after lunch?”

“We were just going to hang out here” Steven said. “Pearl, you’re coming too right?”

“Well I…” she looked at Steven’s smiling face and relaxed a little. “Sure, I’ll come and meet Cake”

We finished our food and Pearl insisted on doing the dishes before we left. I took the opportunity to have a smoke outside and get a moment to myself. The four of us left and headed toward town, Steven and Connie running ahead.

“Gudars skymning, they have a lot of energy” I said in an undertone as they dashed away.

“Hah, yes they do. It’s hard to keep up with them sometimes, I can tell you”

“I believe you, Pearl” something niggled at me about this, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. It had something to do with Steven and Connie though. Ugh. Frustrating.

“You did well today, Erica. I’m quite curious to see what you can do. I thought it was just light manipulation, but there was mass to the things you produced”

“Mass? Like, I made an actual _thing_?” I was surprised.

“I think so, well at least the last thing you did. It looked like a ball of light and it took out a chunk of rock of one of the statues and bounced off. What you shot with the spear might have just been sound and light though”

I felt stunned.

“I think you have a point about it being connected to how you feel. Have you noticed what colors the lights have?”

“I think the butterflies are gold. There was silver and pink too. And… “ I remembered kissing Jasper and seeing all the colors of the rainbow.

“And?”

“A-and I think I saw purple too, at some point…”

“What color was it in the Kindergarten?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t see. But when you and Steven were arguing it was like… green?”

“Hmm…”

We had reached the boardwalk and Steven and Connie stood waiting for us.

When I opened the door and stepped inside I called out for Cake. She came trotting in from the garden, meowing squeakily.

“Oh my gosh, she’s so tiny!” Steven whispered.

“Hello, little kitty” Connie said as the white kitten walked up to us. Cake began to attack the laces of my shoes as I untied them, making even Pearl chuckle.

“Are you hungry, precious?” I asked Cake softly and she focused on my face and meeped, eliciting a chorus of ‘Aww’s from the others.

I put some wet food in a bowl and she threw herself over it hungrily.

“She’ll probably want to play after she has eaten. Do you guys want something to drink?” Connie and Steven nodded. “There’s soda in the fridge, have at it. Pearl?”

“Actually, some tea would be nice”

I put the kettle on and rubbed my belly as my cramps intensified a little. It was probably time for another round of painkillers. When the water boiled I poured two cups and refilled the kettle so I could get some water for the hot water bottle too.

“I’m sorry Pearl, we only have tea bags”

“Oh, that’s fine” she said and waved a hand.

We went into the garden and after a minute Cake came trotting out, licking her chops. I called her name and she came to the sofa.

“Jasper found her over there in that corner. I have no idea how she got here, but I’m glad she did. Yes I am, sweetheart” I said and picked her up. She head butted my chin affectionately. I put her back down and she traipsed up to Connie and sniffed her leg. Connie leant down and held out a hand and Cake sniffed that too and then rubbed her cheek against it.

“Hi Cake” she said softly and stroked the kitten’s head carefully. “Oh, she’s so soft”

Both Connie and Steven sat down on the ground and Cake went over to inspect him too.

“Here” I held out a piece of string. “She really likes to play with this”

Connie began to drag it along the ground and Cake was instantly in play mode, dancing around and pouncing on the string. Connie and Steven laughed at Cake’s antics.

I sat back in the sofa and had a smoke, pulling my legs up to sit cross legged. I smiled at the kids and then looked at Pearl. She sipped her tea and was gazing lovingly at the three of them playing and laughing. She really was like a mother to him… The thought I had had before Lion had taken us to the Kindergarten bubbled up in my mind again; what must it feel like to know, without the shadow of a doubt, that someone loves you enough to give their life for yours? Not in the Romeo and Juliet way of overdramatic teenage angst, but in a familial way. Parents. Children. Siblings… That niggling feeling was back again. Did it have something to do with family? Children? That felt about right. I felt like I wanted to be alone all of a sudden. And I could probably do with a shower. An intense image of blue and red lights flashed across my mind, and with it came the sensation of my hand slipping out of someone else’s grasp. It was over in less than a second but it made me shiver. Where had that come from?

“Erica, do you have time to meet tomorrow afternoon?” Pearl asked.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah. Yes. I think so”

“Good. I know a good place for us to go where we can experiment with your abilities” she smiled at me and I tried my best to return it.

“That sounds great”

They stayed around for another twenty minutes or so, Steven and Connie taking turns with the string and making Cake jump high into the air. I waved goodbye to them at the door, holding Cake in my arms. When I put her down she trotted into the living room, I followed her to pick up some laundry and found her lying stretched out on her back in the middle of our bed. It made me smile a little.

The warm water cascaded down my back as I sat on the floor of the shower. Why hadn’t Steven been able to heal my scars? Connie had said he was able to fix her eyes and Greg had said he had mended his broken leg. They seemed like much more… complex things than a few scars and messed up nerves. Connie’s thing had been old, I’m assuming – it wasn’t a recent injury. But Greg’s had been. The damage I had taken today and earlier this week had been totally eliminated, I didn’t even have any bruises left. So it couldn’t be like a time limit on his healing power… But… did I even _want_ the scars to go away? I had told Steven not to try to heal my ear – I reached up to it and to my surprise I could feel a slight bump as if there was a scar. I got out of the shower for a moment and inspected it. It looked just like it had healed in the normal way, like it was a few months old maybe. I stared at it until I started to shiver and went back into the stall.

I had told Steven my thoughts on scars being lessons… Maybe that was it? He knew that about me, so maybe he decided only to help with the recent injuries. But when I had asked how he chose what to leave behind, he seemed to not know what I was talking about. It hadn’t helped my cramps either for that matter. Hmm.

Maybe… maybe it didn’t fix things that were already healed? The scar at the back of my head was more than fourteen years old now, but the shark bite was from around… three weeks ago? I looked closer at my leg. Were they paler? I ran my fingers over them and the nerve damaged ones still tingled at my touch. But… wait… Steven had healed me before today! When me and Pearl got in that fight – he had stopped me from bleeding out. My scars hadn’t been affected then either… So they must be considered healed then. I sighed. They were never going to get better. I never thought they would, really, but… If magic couldn’t heal you, then nothing would. I felt a strange relief at this and relaxed against the wall. 

After a while I got out of the shower and looked at myself in the mirror.

“I am the Dragon Born… kinda” I said aloud with a smirk. It had felt… amazing – at least in that split second before I slammed into the stone seats. The shout was really supposed to send out a powerful cone shaped, invisible pushing force – but I counted it anyway because it was created by my voice, just like the Dragon Born’s shouts. It was unbelievable that I could do something like that. _Me_. How many times had I wished I could do magic? Probably thousands… And now I could. I felt a surge of excitement. What would I be able to do?

Sound and light. _Sound and_ _light_.

I realized I hadn’t sung in the shower and felt a little cheated. Pearl had asked me to not try anything like the Fus-ro-dah-thing again, but I could probably get away with something smaller… right? I mean, the butterflies didn’t seem to hurt anyone. Why were they golden? Hmm. I tried saying ‘Ha ha ha’ aloud, but nothing happened. So it did need the feeling behind the laughter too. Maybe it was like the feelings were the water and my vocal chords were the turbine. Combine the two and you got… electricity.

I went downstairs and made myself a cup of coffee, hearing the neighbor’s car pull out of the driveway. Should I rent a car? Or, get one? I had a pretty nice one back in Great Breton. I felt a sting as I remembered when Christina had helped me pick it out a few years ago.

Coffee cup in hand I went out into the garden and sat down in the grass next to a sunbathing Cake. She woke up and wanted to play. I pretended my hand was another cat and pounced on her. She jumped and swiped at me like a ninja and I just had to laugh, she was so cute. The butterflies appeared and she stared at them and chittered before trying to catch them. The little lights tried to settle on her and she tumbled around on the ground, trying to bite her own back. I took this opportunity to tickle her belly and she bit my fingers and scratched my hand with her hind legs.

“You are a little rascal, aren’t you?” I said, giggling and pulling my hand away. I wasn’t surprised, and I wasn’t angry that she had done that – it was a game cat’s played with each other – and she hadn’t drawn blood. I drew a deep breath and the butterflies winked out. Cake looked up at me disappointedly.

“I’m sorry, Cake, I don’t seem to be able to keep them around” I stroked her head and she blinked at me slowly. I smiled and sang;

“Lille katt, lille katt, lille söte katta, vet du att, vet du att, det är mörkt om natta?”*

Pale pink and silver ribbons twirled slowly through the air and Cake stared at them, mesmerized. I repeated the verse and pulled out my phone to take a video of her trying to bat them with her paws. I’m sure both Connie and Steven, hah, and Jasper, would love to see that. I put some music on, turning on the shuffle feature. The first song to play was Gobbledigook with Sigur Ròs. It was in Icelandic, but I knew a few of the lyrics – many of them were ‘lalala’ so that helped. I got to my feet and sang and jumped around – that song had so much positive energy! Cake stared at me like I was crazy, but then she sprang after me and the new pink and silver lights. Lacrimosa followed Gobbledigook and I slowed my movements to match the somber tone – this song always made me imagine someone taking their dead man’s walk up to the gallows. This was an excellent song to use overtones on. I strode determinedly through the grass, waving my arms as if I was conducting. As the overtones joined in a third little ribbon of palest gold sort of wafted tremulously just above the others. As the song ended I was panting, it was hard to sing even when you weren’t moving, and even harder with overtones. I grinned as I heard the opening of Cherry Bomb by the Runaways. I strutted confidently across the overgrown lawn. The lights were deep pink and white and more angular than before. I was singing more forcefully now and they jumped around like mad when I got to the chorus – to Cake’s delight. I was getting out of breath, but the next song was Bad Reputation by Joan Jett – and you can’t _not_ sing along to that song. To both my own and Cake’s surprise the golden butterflies joined in as I belted out the last ‘Not me!’

Someone started to clap from behind me and I staggered round, panting.

“Shit, _girl_ , you got some pipes!” Amethyst dropped down from the fence and landed softly. Jasper followed, chuckling.

“That she does”

I was too hyped up to feel embarrassed and made an elaborate bow toward them.

“Oh this is my _jam_! It’s going down! I’m yelling timber!” Amethyst started to dance around the garden as Timber with Pitbull and Ke$ha started, I giggled and joined in. She was word perfect on the lyrics and we sang together, lights whirling around us in sparkling waves of white and gold butterflies. Her dance moves were excellent, and they didn’t make me feel self-conscious about mine. As the song ended she picked up my phone from the ground.

“You got an odd mix here, E. Whoa, what’s this one?” she pressed a button and the intro to The Dresden Dolls’ Coin Operated Boy began to play. “It’s so… weird!”

“I’m glad you like it” I panted with a grin and the lights faded. “Hi, beastie. Sorry, I got carried away”

Jasper chuckled. “I like it when you sing, babe” she walked up to me and I put my hands on her hips and stood on tip toe to kiss her hello. “How did your first day of training go?”

“Pretty well, I’d have to say. Pearl showed me some spear fighting basics and I got to see Steven and Connie – they are fucking amazing”

“I know, right?” Amethyst grinned.

“And I did a thing… Well, two – several things. First, when I was practicing with the spear against a Holo-Pearl, I made a kiai – “

“What’s that?” the purple gem interrupted.

“It’s like, you add a ‘Hah!’ or whatever when you attack – it made like a wave that pushed her – it – backwards. Then Pearl asked me to sing and at first I was really embarrassed but then she sang and she has found her overtones! We sang together and did the combo – and I _shot_ the light and sound away with the spear! It made a hole in the clouds!”

“Whoa!”

“Really?” Jasper asked, sounding enthusiastic.

“Overtones – is that why Pearl has been singing non-stop?” Amethyst punched me playfully on the arm. “It’s disturbing my naps, you dork!”

“I guess” I smiled at the Amethyst. “Then I had this idea… There’s this game called Skyrim, it’s great – you play this character that uses their voice to do powerful shouts – they’re like dragon magic – I had to try it out. I said the words to the most famous one and it sort of made a white thing and it shot off! But it sent me flying backwards too” I shrugged and grinned. “That’s not how that shout is supposed to work, you’re supposed to send things ahead of you flying, not yourself, but, I don’t know – it still felt really cool”

“Dude…” Amethyst breathed.

“Pearl asked me to come with her tomorrow afternoon, to test out what I can do – away from people. I’m kind of psyched” I smiled. Jasper chuckled and pulled me into a hug.

* * *

Please review!


	26. For us

## Chapter 26: For us

We were making dinner – pasta with pesto and cherry tomatoes.

“Maybe we should have a dinner party” I said and looked up from the basil leaves I was shredding “Like a Sowegian evening or something. Too bad Midsummer’s Eve has passed already, otherwise that would have been perfect”

“What does Sowegian and Midsummer mean?”

“Oh” I realized I hadn’t told Jasper where I was from. “Soweland is where I was born, my family moved to Great Breton when me and my sister Victoria were really young – but we kept up the traditions, since the rest of the family still lived there. Sowegian is the language and the style of food that comes from there. It’s really tasty. Midsummer’s Eve is a holiday there, you have food and you dance around a May pole – it’s an ancient fertility ritual, but now it’s mostly an excuse for people to get incredibly drunk and do stupid things”

“’Drunk’?”

“It’s uh… When you drink alcohol, you get ‘drunk’ – there are all sorts of variations, made from different things – it lowers your inhibitions and can make you think really insane ideas are actually good, like driving really fast or jumping off stuff. It’s been around since the dawn of human civilization. It can be really nice, but mostly it just tastes like, well, alcohol”

“Humans have some really strange customs” Jasper said with raised eyebrows.

“That is very true” I smiled.

“What is Sowegian food then?”

“It’s mostly fish and potatoes, to be honest. Prepared in different ways of course. Salmon plays a big part, especially if you’re from the west coast. For midsummer it’s traditional to have fresh potatoes and pickled or fermented fish – that’s a bit of an acquired taste. _Very_ acquired taste, I should say. It can smell _really_ bad” I chuckled as I remembered my uncle spilling fermented herring juice all over himself and had to burn his clothes.

“ _Fermented_? You eat stuff that has gone _bad_?” Jasper wore a slightly disgusted look.

“It’s a very controlled bad?” I tried to explain “If you do it right it can be extremely tasty, but it’s hard and not everyone likes that stuff. But there’s more than just that to choose from” I smiled reminiscently “There are meatballs with lingonberry jam, smoked sausages, black rye bread, cloudberry pie, oh my grandmother makes the _best_ blueberry jam…”

She smiled at me. “I have no idea what any of those things are, but judging by the look on your face, I’d like to try them” I giggled at her sweet words and a few _pink_ butterflies appeared.

“I was thinking of inviting the other gems and Greg, Connie and Sadie”

“Sadie is the girl from the donut place, right?”

“Yeah, she’s really nice” I adjusted the hot water bottle as I felt tension building up in my stomach again.

The timer on my phone rang and Jasper got up to strain the pasta. I threw all the ingredients into the mixer and a wonderful herbal smell spread in the kitchen as I turned it on. We each made a plate and sat down at the table again.

“Oh, the lemon” I said and went to get it, cutting a slice for myself and one for Jasper. “This is a really good dish to have a little lemon juice on” she smiled at me and I know we were both thinking of the lemon duel a few days ago.

When we were done eating I did the dishes. I heard a cocky chuckle from behind me and the hair at the back of my neck stood on end. Jasper bent down and kissed my neck, placing her hands on my hips.

“Hello, _beastie_ ” I giggled and she let out a breath in my ear, making me shiver.

“Oh” she snickered and pressed herself against my back, her hands sliding up my stomach to cup my breasts. I drew in a breath as her fingers found my nipples and brushed over them softly. I could feel her stem squirm against the small of my back and I arched my spine so my behind ground against her hips. She chuckled appreciatively and nibbled my earlobe at the same time as she pinched my nipples gently, making me gasp and grip the counter top with soapy hands.

“ _Cormamin lindua ele lle_ ” she whispered and my mind was set on fire – she was speaking to me in _elvish_ … It was maddeningly sexy.

“My heart sings to see you too, _Arwenamin_ …” I whispered back. Then my heart tensed up slightly as I remembered I was still on my period. “Beastie… wait…”

“What’s wrong?” she asked huskily.

“I’m still, I mean I think I’m still bleeding…”

“Will it hurt if I touch you?”

“No, it’ll just be a bit… messy” I felt myself blush a little.

” _San' amin uuma malia_ ” she purred and kissed down my neck again. ‘Then I don’t care’ I translated in my head and I felt a surge of affection for her. She moved her head to the other side of my neck and kissed down the length of it, making my body shiver again. She chuckled in my ear and lowered herself slightly, I felt her stem twitch against my buttock. I made a move to turn around but she placed a warm hand on my arm.

“Oh, no you don’t” she whispered and let her teeth graze my skin, I purred my delight. Her hands moved under my shirt and lifted it over my head in one fluid movement. “This little harness is in the way” she breathed in my ear and plucked at the shoulder strap of my sports bra. I reached up behind me and unhooked it, brushing against the underside of her breasts accidentally on purpose, making her stem twitch again. The garment fell to the floor and she looked down over my shoulder and smiled as her hands rose to cup my bare breasts.

“So this is what you see every day…” she said fascinatedly, caressing my nipples with her thumbs. I moaned and then hissed as my stomach pressed against the cold metal sink.

“You really like to watch, don’t you…” I whispered and turned my head to kiss her cheek.

“Yes – I – do” she pinched and released my nipples three times and I giggled with pleasure, gripping the side of the sink tightly. Her right hand slid down my stomach and unbuttoned my shorts and slid both them and my underwear off. The fabric rustled as it fell to the floor and her hand moved down my thigh and then back up again to squeeze my ass, making me moan. She wiggled against me and I understood as I heard more fabric rustling that she had dropped her pants too. She leaned against me and I gloried in the warmth coming off her body. Her stem curled around my other buttock and I heard her grunt as it gave me a little squeeze.

“Do you control her?” I asked curiously.

“Mostly…” she purred in my ear. Her right hand caressed its way to my mound and I shivered again as her fingers gently slid through my pubes and down into my wetness. Her stem squeezed my buttock again as she found my clit, making me gasp. She circled it slowly and I rolled my hips against her hand, making her member twitch and move down to the inside of my thigh. She chuckled softly and whispered; “ _Rwalaer_...”, lustful one. The fact that I was being denied the pleasure of touching her was revving up my enjoyment fast and my breath came quicker. She moved her hand to spread my lips apart. “I want my stem to touch you” I felt it twitch against my upper thigh, eager to caress me. I nodded breathlessly and I felt it slide upwards. It was the most curious sensation as it spread my lips further apart, almost like being licked– I drew in a breath as the tip curled around my clit. Jasper moaned throatily in my ear and I nearly climaxed right then and there. She squeezed my nipple, making me bite my lip. She began moving her hips slowly, sliding her stem back and forth between my thighs. I had never been touched like that before and it was tantalizing how much of me she could stimulate at once. My breath came out sparkling like fresh snow under a full moon. When her hips were touching my ass, the tip reached just above my mound. I reached down with one hand to let it slide along the outside of her stem, pressing it against myself. She kissed my neck again and moaned with me as a powerful trembling swept through her appendage. My hand was slick with her juices and I couldn’t get enough of her body moving against mine, her wonderful breasts pressing into my back. She leaned forward and rested one massive hand on the counter, this made my back arch and my pleasure doubled as she thrust faster. I felt a wave building quickly and my breath sped up, the light intensifying. 

“Jasper, oh my gods, don’t… stop…” I panted, my knuckles whitening against the sink. She snorted lustfully against my neck and twisted my nipple between her fingers, making me growl with passion. My gums itched and I wanted to sink my teeth into something. I raised the arm stroking her and bit my palm, her sweetness welling into my mouth. The taste and the sensation of my jaws clamping down on something soft sent tendrils of pleasure all the way down to the soles of my feet and my toes curled.

“Bite me…” I hissed through my teeth and she thrust harder, egged on by the lust in my voice. Her mouth closed on my neck but she was being too gentle. “Harder” I panted and she increased the pressure slowly – the wave built at the same pace and the lights in front of me began to pulsate with forks of pale orange, keeping pace with my racing heart. Jasper’s breath was hot like fire and she moved faster still, moaning into my neck, the glow of her gem mixing with my light. When the wave crashed over me I screamed out wordlessly and my world went dark for a moment, Jasper’s voice joining mine as our climaxes hit simultaneously. When I regained my vision we were standing in a lightning storm, the tendrils bending around both our voices. Her body shook violently against mine and her stem oozed thick strands of liquid over my thighs and stomach. She leaned on the sink with both hands and breathed heavily for a few seconds before she turned me around and enveloped me in her arms.

“Oh my fucking stars” she panted, her face and gem were glowing with and she wore a broad roguish grin. I stood on tiptoe to kiss her and she lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around her waist with a giggle.

“You could say that again, beastie” I said hoarsely, grabbing her beautiful face in both hands as kissing her with such ferocity she actually took a step backwards.

“My legs are not working properly” she laughed and lowered me to the ground and slumped down onto a kitchen chair. My legs weren’t feeling particularly stable either and I sat down on her lap.

“Oh, hello beauties” I greeted her breasts. “Beastie kept me away from you this entire time, I’m so sorry. Let me make it up to you…” I cupped them gently and placed a kiss on each of them, making Jasper laugh heartily, then I kissed her on the lips again.

“They have missed you, they were complaining all last night” she chuckled.

“Oh, why didn’t you wake me?” I said with a sad laugh.

“It was your first day of training, I couldn’t send you out there all tired and stuff” her eyes gleamed at me and I kissed her again.

“I’d prefer if you let me be part of that conversation in future, _en Aratoamin”_

“I give you my word, _en Lirimaer_ ” she said solemnly and placed her hand over her stomach. “I swear on my abs”

I giggled and ran my fingers through her hair. “Let’s go get cleaned up”

We wobbled our way up the stairs and stepped into the shower stall after I made sure there were no spiders. I turned on the water and sighed and leaned my head between Jasper’s breasts as the warm water washed over me. I felt her chest vibrate as she chuckled.

“What?” I asked.

“I was just thinking about before, when Amethyst and I found you in the garden. You looked so happy just dancing around”

“Oh, well… I was” I smiled up at her. “I took the cutest video of Cake, I have to show you later! How was your day with Amethyst?”

“It was fine – she showed me this really big place full of junk, like her room, but bigger and outside”

“What, like a dump?”

“I think she called it a ‘treasure trove’” I sniggered at her words. “It had all these busted up human things… Once you got used to the smell it was actually kind of fun. I found this thing like a box full of strings and it had keys on it and when you pushed them they made a noise” she said enthusiastically. “I think she called it a ‘piano’”

“Ah, that’s a cool find” I smiled. “I used to play that when I was younger. Did you find anything else?”

“Lots of things! There was a vehicle just like Greg’s and a bunch of fridges and this huge pile of metal in weird shapes. Oh and a ‘dog’. It was almost as big as Amethyst and at first it chased us, but then Amethyst threw something and it chased after that instead – and then brought it back!”

“That’s awesome, darling” I smiled and picked up the soap and started to wash myself. “If you ever go back there you should bring the dog a bone or something”

“Dogs eat bones?”

“Yeah… Or maybe they just chew them. They seem to enjoy it anyway”

“Where do you get bones?” she asked curiously.

“Um, butcher’s shop I think? Or a pet store. We could get one next time we have to get more cat food”

“I’d like that” she smiled down at me and I handed her the soap. She scrubbed herself clean and we exited the shower. When I looked myself in the mirror I saw Jasper had left a big red bite mark on my neck and shoulder.

“Oh holy fuck balls” I exclaimed and touched it gingerly – it was a bit sore but it made me snigger. “You certainly left your mark on me”

She smiled and chuckled as she dried her legs. “Well, you asked for it”

“I know!” I laughed when I thought how on earth I would explain it if anyone asked.

We went downstairs and I headed out for a smoke. When I got back inside Jasper was lying on her stomach naked on the bed and cuddling a purring Cake.

“Aww” I said aloud and they both looked up at me. “Can I take a picture of you? You guys just look so cute like that”

“You don’t have to ask” she smiled and grinned crookedly at me. I pulled out my phone and got down on one knee and snapped a few shots, getting a really good one where Cake head butted Jasper’s chin. “Oh, here, look at the video” I gave her my phone and watched another smile spread across her face.

“What’s that language you’re speaking?” she asked as she handed the phone back to me.

“It’s Sowegian”

“What does the song mean?”

“Something like… ‘Little cat, little cat, little cute cat, did you know, did you know, that it gets dark at night’. There are more verses about a pig and a cow I think. Oh, you know what I could really go for right now?”

“What?”

“Ice cream” I smiled at her quizzical expression. “Come on, let’s go get some! I think you’ll like it, it’s a dessert. Oh, and you can meet Sadie!”

“Alright, let me just put some clothes on” she stood up and I followed her with my eyes as she dressed. I felt very special that I got to see her naked. She picked a black t-shirt with the words ‘So say we all’ printed on it.

We strolled down to the boardwalk lazily, holding hands. We passed Jenny, Sour Cream and a boy wearing sunglasses on the way and we waved at each other.

I held the door to the Big Donut open for Jasper and she ducked her head to get inside.

“Welcome to the Big Donut, what can I get you today?” Sadie said to Jasper from behind the counter. Jasper had stopped just inside the door and was staring around.

“Hi Sadie” I greeted as I entered the café too.

“Oh hi Erica” she smiled at me warmly.

I looked up at Jasper’s face and just had to smile – she looked stunned.

“There are so many different kinds…” she said quietly and I patted her arm to bring her out of her trance.

“Come say hello to Sadie” we walked up to the counter and Sadie stared up at Jasper with wide eyes – seems like Jasper got that reaction a lot. “Jasper, this is Sadie. Sadie, this is Jasper”

“Nice to meet you” Jasper said and held out her massive hand.

“N-nice to meet you, too” Sadie stammered, her cheeks pinking up as they shook hands. I smiled at both of them.

“How many different donuts do you have here?” Jasper asked curiously.

“Uh… thirty-two at the last count, I think. Oh and there’s cupcakes and croissants too as far as baked goods go. Then there’s ice cream, beverages and snacks like the ‘Dog-nut’ and spicy pretzels” Sadie gestured toward the display shelves and Jasper bent down to look at all the different pastries, completely absorbed.

“How’s it going?” I asked and leaned on the counter.

“I’m fine…” Sadie tore her eyes away from Jasper’s hair and looked at me. “How are y- what happened to your neck?”

I raised my eyebrows at the question and then looked down and bit my lip, glancing over at Jasper and grinning before looking back at Sadie, whose eyes widened and she had to suppress a giggle. Lars came in from the back carrying a big box which he dropped on the floor with a thud, making Jasper stand up quickly. Lars jumped back.

“Holy shit you’re tall” he gasped.

“Lars!” Sadie hissed at him indignantly. “Don’t be rude!”

“Sorry, man – uh – miss. I-I didn’t see you there” he mumbled and began unpacking napkins. Jasper crooked an eyebrow and looked over at me.

“Hello… Lars” I said with an edge in my voice and he looked over at me and blanched slightly.

“I’m… gonna go get more napkins” he said quickly and retreated back behind the door to the back rooms.

“I’m really sorry about Lars” Sadie said with her eyebrows knitted in worry. Jasper looked at her a little confused and then asked;

“Where is the ice cream?”

“Behind you to your right, in the freezer” Jasper turned and went over to investigate.

Sadie gave me an apologetic look and I smiled back reassuringly before joining the tall gem by the soda.

 “’Lion Lickers’?” she said with a chuckle and pointed.

“Hah, what?” I sniggered and had a look. They were indeed called Lion Lickers.

“There are ice cream sandwiches on the bottom shelf too” Sadie said from behind us. I opened the door.

“You want to try one?”

“Hah yeah. Can we get some donuts too?”

“Of course, beastie” I said with a smile and picked out two ice creams with the least lopsided eyes.

“What kind of donuts would you like?” Sadie asked as we approached the counter again.

“I’ve tried the pink ones and the chocolate ones… Oh, look that one has different sprinkles” Jasper pointed at three more donuts and Sadie put them all in a bag. I brought out my wallet but Sadie waved it away.

“You know, I’m going to have to pay for something eventually” I said with a smile and Sadie grinned back.

“Yeah, but not today. Oh, about the Horror Club! We didn’t exchange numbers when we had lunch, and I completely forgot about it last time you were here”

“Oh yeah, it slipped my mind too. What’s your number?” she gave me her information and I added a new contact to my phone, then called it so she’d get my number too.

“Have a good evening” she said with a smile as we headed toward the door.

“You too!”

We sat down on a bench that faced the sea and I pulled the wrapper off my ice cream and took a bite. The taste was very nostalgic, a mass produced artificial vanilla and strawberry, and it made me smile. Jasper unwrapped hers too.

“I think I prefer donuts” she said with a slight frown.

“I’ll take it if you don’t want it” she handed it to me and grabbed a donut instead. “This isn’t very good ice cream, I’m sorry. I thought there’d be more choices. Oh” I hit my forehead with the heel of my hand. “The restaurant I went to with Sadie served ice cream, we should have gone there instead. Next time – it’ll be loads better than this” I waved the Lion Lickers and Jasper smiled at me.

“These donuts are really good though. And Sadie seemed nice”

“Yeah, she’s really sweet. Oh yeah, she invited me to watch a movie called Bad Taste with the Beach City Horror Club – I’m sure it extends to you too”

“Is it like Lord of the Rings?”

“No, no, it’s _very_ different. It’s directed by the same guy who made the Lord of the Rings movies though. It’s actually a really _bad_ flic, but it’s a classic. I think that’s what the club is about – the movies that are so bad they become good. Or maybe it’s just about nostalgia, I don’t know. It’s bound to be interesting though”

“What is it about?”

“I think there’s a town and people go missing, so someone is sent to go find out what happened. That’s really all I could say without spoiling it”

“Movies can go bad too?”

“Oh, hah, no – spoiling means revealing too much about the story, ‘spoiling’ your experience of it. Like, to describe the first Lord of the Rings movie, you could say that it’s about a group of hobbits who find themselves in possession of a powerful magical ring, but that they have to destroy it. Spoiling it would be saying something like, Boromir dies and Galadriel wants the ring for her own and that Saruman has turned evil”

“Oh, I see” she said with her mouth full.

The eyes on the Lion Lickers turned out to be bubble gum and I tried to remember how to blow a bubble. After a few false starts I succeeded and I pointed enthusiastically at it and Jasper stared. It popped and I giggled at the expression on her face.

“What was that?”

“It’s chewing gum” I opened my mouth to show her and she leaned in very close, fascinated.

“Can I try?”

“Sure” I giggled and handed her the other ice cream. “Take the eyes”

She popped them both in her mouth and chewed. “Hmm, they go all soft”

“Yes, don’t swallow it though”

“Alright, how’d you do that bubble thing?”

“You sort of press it between your teeth with your tongue and then blow it up like a balloon”

Jasper got a very concentrated look on her face and then the gum shot out of her mouth and smacked into the railing of the fence to our left with a wet clang. I burst out laughing – making a whole swarm of butterflies appear – and she joined in after a few seconds.

“Oh my gods, that was fantastic” I chuckled and wiped my eyes. “You wanna try again?”

“Yeah” she smiled.

“OK, come on, I think the arcade has some gumball machines”

We went over to Funland Arcade and I handed her some coins.

“Take a quarter, put it in the slot and turn the handle, then open the little flap below”

As we walked back to the house Jasper managed to produce a bubble and she beamed proudly, a swagger in her step. She was completely adorable and I grinned at her fondly.

“Edible entertainment” she chuckled and shook her head. “I can’t decide if humans are crazy or clever”

“I think we’re all a mix of both” I said with a smile.

I made a cup of coffee as we got back inside and felt a sudden need to paint, so I dragged a big canvas outside.

“I don’t understand how you can make those pictures” Jasper said from behind me as I lit a cigarette.

“You’ve never drawn anything?” I asked, totally surprised.

“No” she shrugged.

“Come here” she walked over and I handed her a brush. “Give it a go”

“Uh, OK” she grinned uncertainly. “How?”

“Just dip the brush in some paint, or use your hands – there is no wrong way to make art… Paint a thing, a feeling, a dream or just fill it with color” I smiled. “I’ll go get another canvas”

When I returned outside Jasper stood with her chin in her hand, deep in thought.

“This big white space is somehow intimidating” she said when she saw me.

I chuckled. “I know, right? Sometimes it takes me _forever_ to start, but once I do it usually just flows… The good thing is that you can always paint over it if you mess up”

“Hmm” she put the brush to the canvas and drew a long curving line. I smiled and turned to my own canvas, turned on some instrumental music and took a deep breath. I picked up the biggest brush and mixed black, red and blue together to a dark purple and began to paint.

After a while I stepped back and rubbed my eyes. I had made a space landscape with nebulae and stars. What could that mean? I turned around to look at Jasper and saw her sitting on the ground in front of her canvas with Cake in her lap. I walked over to stand behind her and her picture caught my attention. It was an abstract twisted swirl of red and black, like two tornadoes battling.

“Wow…” I breathed and put my hands on her broad shoulders. “Beastie, this is _beautiful_ …”

“Thanks, babe…” she said in a slightly hollow voice. I glanced down at the top of her head.

“What’s wrong?”

“I… I don’t know. It makes me feel weird”

I sat down next to her and took her hand. “The painting? Weird how?”

She sighed, her eyes focused on the painting. “Yeah, I don’t know… just… weird…”

I was silent for a moment. “Sometimes when I paint or draw it’s like a hidden part my mind is showing me something that I’m thinking, but I don’t know that I am thinking it. Sometimes it takes a while for me to understand what it is. Maybe this painting is of something you can’t put into words yet…”

Jasper turned to me and I saw her eyes were slightly over bright, and I squeezed her hand.

“I don’t like this feeling” she mumbled and looked down at the ground. Her expression was so sad…

“Don’t fight it, darling…”

“It’s like… an ache… here” she pointed to her solar plexus. “And I feel… anxious and _small_ ” her cheeks reddened. She never been so verbal about her emotions before and it made me feel a little proud.

“Do you want to go lay down?” I asked and she reddened a little more but nodded. We went inside and I positioned myself on my side and patted the mattress next to me. She hesitated a little before lying down on her side and facing me. I held out my arms and she snuggled up to me and I embraced her gently but firmly, she let out a little sigh. I wished I was bigger so that I could spoon her without drowning in her wonderful hair, but this position was the best I could do. Whenever I felt vulnerable it made me feel better if the person comforting me was bigger, or at least felt bigger.

I heard a little sniff and responded by pulling her closer and kissing her forehead. “It’s alright, darling; you don’t have to hold back…” I said quietly.

I felt her body relax a little and I stroked her cheek, her silent tears wetting my palm. What had her painting triggered in her mind? I tried to find something to say, but I didn’t want to disturb her process.

After a while Cake meowed from behind me and I felt tiny claws digging into my back as she climbed in between us and lay down just under Jasper’s chin. There was a purring and Jasper’s shoulders relaxed further and she took a deep breath.

“You two…” she said in a slightly cracked voice and I pulled her a little closer.

“I know…” I whispered. “We are pretty great” this elicited a little chuckle and she snuggled closer and kissed my chest. “How do you feel?”

“A little better… I think” I looked down at her face – her brow was furrowed and it made me more than a little worried. I hated when I couldn’t help. “Mostly tired…”

“Maybe you should try to get some sleep?”

“Yeah… Would you… stay with me until I fall asleep?” her voice was so vulnerable I felt a lump in my throat.

“Of c-“ I swallowed “Of course, sweetheart”

I began to stroke her hair and within fifteen minutes she was sound asleep, snoring slightly. I didn’t really want to get up, but I needed to go to the bathroom and wanted to have a smoke. I extricated myself from her embrace and she rolled over onto her other side. I got up and put a blanket over her and Cake followed me out of the room and meeped at me as I went to the bathroom. She had begun to follow me in there – I don’t know what it was with pets and coming with you into the bathroom, but it seemed to be a common thing. I wondered briefly if Lion did the same and then hoped he’d come back to Steven soon. I still didn’t know what had made him take us to the Kindergarten, or why he had brought me the spear – maybe the weapon was an apology of sorts?

I gave Cake some food, noticing we were running low and added a trip to the pet store to my internal list. Maybe going there and getting a bone for the dog in the junk yard would cheer Jasper up a little?

I glowered at her painting as I had my cigarette, feeling stupid I had suggested she should give it a try. But I couldn’t have known it’d upset her. I tried to figure out what it meant. Red and black, colors of rage and sadness… Two tornadoes battling it out, twisting into each other – Malachite. Of _course_ it was about Malachite. How could I not have understood that the second I saw it? _Gods_.

I knew she needed to talk about it and maybe there was a lot of grieving to go through too. A lot had happened since she and Lapis unfused. _Lapis_. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. When I had asked Jasper what’d happen if she met Lapis again she had said she didn’t know. But, what would _I_ do? ‘Kill her’ popped up in my mind as soon as I had posed the question to myself. I leaned back in the sofa and sighed. I didn’t want to kill her, really. I was angry for what she had done to Jasper. I knew they had both contributed to forming Malachite, I knew Jasper was the one who had initiated it, but Lapis was the one with hidden motives. A part of me could see why Lapis had done the things she had done, but… It wasn’t a very big part. I finished my cigarette and stood up to go back inside when I decided to put sheets over both paintings. It would protect them from rain and sun and also not sneak up on her unexpectedly tomorrow morning. I had an inkling that she would want to destroy it to try to avoid dealing with the feelings it caused. That would be bad… Maybe I could think of something to actually say about it now, since I had a better idea what it was about. Hopefully I could help her. I doubted whether she’d be willing to talk to a human psychiatrist. I went back inside and brushed my teeth and lay down next to her again, bringing a book with me to read. There wasn’t a whole lot of choices in the house, so the second Twilight book would just have to do for now.

***

I stared into the ceiling, wondering what had rested me from my sleep. The mattress moved and there was a muffled whining noise.

“Jasper?” I said muzzily into the darkness. She didn’t respond and I looked over at her, barely able to make her out. She was lying on her side, facing away from me and seemed to be trembling. She made another noise and her right arm twitched as if to swat away a fly. I gently touched her shoulder and found her skin covered in sweat – I was instantly worried.

“Jasper?” I said a little louder and sat up and turned on my reading lamp. She rocked back and forth, making more muffled whines.

I moved to her other side to see her face – it was scrunched up and she was panting, her left arm clutching her pajama shirt so tightly her knuckles were white. Was she having a nightmare? A chill went down my spine. My next words were accompanied by a little puff of purplish grey smoke.

“Jasper, wake up” I shook her by the shoulder and she curled into the fetal position, whimpering. This made me immediately regret my actions. “Shit”

I took a deep breath to calm myself, then hunched down by her head, hugging my knees. “ _Vargen ylar i nattens skog, han vill men kan inte sova. Hungern river hans vargabuk, och det är kallt i hans stova. Du varg, du varg, kom inte hit. Ungen min får du aldrig…” purplish silver bead like lights fell in the air like snowflakes and Jasper relaxed a little._ This made me hopeful and I continued the song. _“Vargen ylar I nattens skog, ylar av hunger och klagan. Men jag ska gen han en grisasvans, sånt passar i vargamagar. Du varg, du varg, kom inte hit. Ungen min får du aldrig. Vargen ylar i nattens skog, och hittar sig inget byte. Men jag ska ge’n en tuppakam, att stoppa ner i sitt knyte. Du varg, du varg, kom inte hit. Ungen min får du aldrig…”_ I reached out to stroke her hair, finding it damp from sweat. My heart ached. ” _Sov mitt barn i bädden hos –_ ” she jerked suddenly awake and sat up, making me pull back my hand in alarm.

“Hey, it’s OK – it’s alright – you were having a nightmare” I said as calmly as I could with my heart racing. She stared around wildly, panting.

There was a little meep and Cake trotted onto the bed and Jasper’s eyes focused on the little cat. Her shoulder’s sagged as she relaxed and leaned forward, putting her hands on her knees.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked softly and she looked up at me with terrified eyes. “Oh, _darling_ …”

“Lapis, she…” Jasper croaked and fear bloomed in my chest. “Her eyes were so _cold_ …” she shivered, and then her hands flew to her face and she began to sob.

“Sweetheart…” I crept over to her side and put an arm around her massive shoulders, I felt frustratingly small. She dropped her hands and cried openly, taking great ragged breaths. “Come here” I whispered and patted my leg and she lay down with her head in my lap. I brushed her hair away from her face and stroked her cheek softly.

“She kept me chained like an animal… shackled to her at all times. I was her _toy_ …” her voice was barely a whisper. “Her anger, it _burned_ me… There was so much _hate_ ” My insides went cold at her words. Then they were scorched as anger flowed into me like melted iron. If I _ever_ got my hands on that Lapis Laszuli…

“The only thing that kept me going was… was my love for my Diamond” her voice broke on the last word and a new torrent of tears claimed her. She clutched her hands over her stomach and gripped the shirt tightly. Oh for the love of all that was holy, how must she _feel_ knowing that the one she had fought for her entire life, the reason she had gotten _into_ this whole Malachite mess in the first place _and_ the reason she got out of it – that person had turned on her. Thrown her out into the cold on a whim. _Betrayed_. _Abandoned_. My anger slunk away to give room for compassion and grief. I stroked her hair and back and eventually she fell silent. Too silent. Worry gripped my heart and I was about to speak when she whispered;

“She made me feel powerless… took everything from me, made me into nothing. _No_ … She found…” she hissed and I could hear how much it was costing her to say this. “She found I _was_ nothing… Just a façade, built over thousands of years of _lies_ … She found how much I hated myself and used it to _punish_ me…” my heart stopped – she _hated_ herself?

“Everyone on home world kept telling me I was the perfect Quartz, if it weren’t for the fact that I was made on Earth... I’m famous back ho… there, known as the Kindergarten Quartz That Could. I emerged in the heat of battle, ready to lay down my life. But I survived the war… The way they talked to me afterward, the way they acted around me – it was either top brass looking down on me or underlings being in awe of me, no one was ever on the same level. They filled my head with the idea that I was better and stronger than any other quartz, but I knew they were lies… A voice inside told me so, told me I was weak; but also that I had to pretend to be what they wanted me to be – so there could be some hope after the war… I… resented them all… It made me feel so alone. And if I was the perfect quartz and _I_ was weak, then everyone else must be so _pathetic_ … I knew that I could never live up to Yellow Diamond’s expectations of me. How could I? I had let _her_ be shattered…”

My mind felt water logged. She had been made on _earth_?! Who got shattered?!

“I was too late; I had been held up by some rebels and she was just… _gone_! She made me and I couldn’t defend her, this was to be _her_ colony! Her first one, perfect and pristine, like her... And I, the perfect jasper, made right here in the dirt, _her_ dirt, was supposed to be by her side, always… That’s _what_ I was made for, that’s _who_ I was made for… My Diamond… Pink Diamond… And I _failed_ her!” she sounded angry, sad and disgusted all at once. I was shocked. Why had she never told me about this before?

“It was the battle for the Ziggurat… I don’t know who did it; I was the only home world gem to come out of there the same shape I went in… It’s… It’s one of the reasons I came back to earth… To find who did it and to retrieve her… remains… Then maybe I could feel like I had done _something_ right, like I had some kind of honor…”

I felt overwhelmed by all this information. She wiped her eyes roughly and sat up.

“Jasper…” I reached out for her. “Please tell me you don’t hate yourself anymore…”

She turned around to stare at me. “A-after all I’ve just told you, _that’s_ what you’re focusing on?!” she sounded astonished and angry, as if I had insulted her. I tried not to shy away from the intensity of her gaze. She lowered her shoulders and her hair settled down when she saw I was frightened.

“I-I don’t… I don’t think I hate myself anymore…” she said quietly, sounding ashamed now. She grabbed her arm protectively.

“Jasper, listen… It is a lot to take in… I had to ask the most important question first…” this made her smile ruefully and her shoulders hunched.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped – “

“It’s… OK. I know this was very hard for you to say, darling, so thank you... You’ve gone through _hell_. _Several hells_. You lost one Diamond and were betrayed by the other… None of those things were your fault. The one who shattered Pink Diamond is responsible for that and Yellow Diamond is a fucking fool…” Jasper drew in a breath through her teeth at my words. “She didn’t even know you… You were imprisoned, tortured, _cracked_ – did she crack you?! Did that… _Lapis_ crack you?!” my voice rose in sudden anger and sparks of purple and blue zigzagged in front of my mouth.

“I-I don’t remember…”

I stepped up to her and grabbed her by the elbows and tried to sound as convincing as I could.

“You were born into a war you didn’t start, you’ve been laden with guilt and grief for thousands of years for something that was out of your control, you’ve been deluded into thinking you are worthless by a society run my sociopathic megalomaniacs – they told you that you _had_ to be a warrior, and yet _you_ dream of _peace_ … They didn’t know the _real_ you – we all have a past and we all have flaws – but despite everything you’ve gone through – you are _kind_ and _warm_ and _beautiful_ and you care about things like stray kittens and little girls being scared of you! You are a _good person_!” my voice was full of emotion and sparks and ribbons flared between us. “And you don’t have to carry it all alone, darling…” I said in a much softer voice, and the sparks winked out. “I’m _not_ afraid of your past _or_ your darkness”

“But, Erica… you don’t understand… I’ve done things, _bad_ things…” she looked away from me.

“Would you do them again?” I asked and her eyes snapped back to mine. “If it meant you could bring Pink Diamond’s remains to home world and get everything you had back?” my voice was intense and she looked a shocked at my questions.

“No…” she said after a few seconds. “I never want to feel like that again…”

“Then you aren’t the same person anymore. _This_ Jasper, right here, right now is _you_ …” I gripped her elbows harder. “The Jasper who saved me from the shark, who held me when I cried, who accepts me for everything that I am, who loves to cook, who knows how to speak fucking elvish – not Yellow Diamond’s Jasper, not _Pink_ Diamond’s Jasper – _your_ _own_ Jasper…” the lights spun around me as I spoke. “ _You_ – just like you said your first night here, you fight for _yourself_ ”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

She stared at me unblinking and I could see her lower lip trembling.

“It’s OK to be sad, it’s OK to be afraid, it’s OK to feel lost and unsure and doubtful, it’s OK to cry and break down and be angry at the past – it’s OK to feel _all_ those things – it’s _not_ weakness, it’s _strength_ ”

She was crying silently and I just stood there, baring witness to her emotions. Her shoulders shook and she leaned her head down against my forehead, her tears falling onto my face and sliding down my cheeks. I closed my eyes and accepted everything she was sharing with me.

After a while, she kissed my forehead and grabbed my left hand gently and brought it up to her face. She turned it so my fingers brushed against her… _gem_. My lips parted in surprise when I felt how warm it was. She let my hand go and I ran my fingers gently along it and it glowed honey gold.

“ _Beastie_...” I whispered breathlessly and brilliant orange and golden butterflies danced through the air, settling in her hair and beating their wings slowly. She smiled and leaned down to kiss me tenderly, making the butterflies sway.

“I have never felt… lighter” she murmured and my heart filled with joy as she stroked my cheek.

“I’m glad…” my smile was wide with happiness.

She took my hand in hers and led me outside onto the patio. She sat down on the sofa with a deep sigh.

“I know you want a cigarette right now, my little monster” she said affectionately and patted the cushion next to her. I sat down with a smile and leaned against her chest. Soon a plume of smoke left my mouth and I looked up at the star strewn sky.

“It’s scary to think that they are out there somewhere…” I said quietly.

“I know…” she murmured and put an arm around me. “But we will fight them and win. For _us_ ”

* * *

Please review


	27. The desert

## Chapter 27: The Desert

I woke to soft lips being pressed against my cheek.

“Good morning, little monster” Jasper said huskily and put a warm hand on my thigh.

“Mmm… Please, wake me up like this every morning” I rolled over and snuggled into her chest. She chuckled and stroked my back. “How are you feeling?” I asked muzzily.

“I’m alright”

I lifted my head and tried to focus on her face – it was hard going and she laughed at my expression.

“I _am_ alright… I’ve never told anyone about that before, it was such a _relief_ … And then everything you said…” she looked into my eyes and I saw her cheeks flush. “Nothing and no one has ever made me feel so… happy”

I stared at her and a grin spread slowly across my face and she pulled me into a long and tender kiss. My heart pounded and I gently tucked a lock of fine hair behind her ear as we broke apart.

“I’m so very, _very_ pleased to hear that, beastie” she smiled crookedly at me and I snuggled close to her face and let out a sigh. It was very cozy and my nose filled with her scent, her warm skin against my cheek. “Can we just stay in bed today?” I asked sleepily.

She chuckled softly. “Until the afternoon sure, but I don’t want you to miss training with Pearl”

“Oh yeah…” I didn’t really want to think about anything or anyone else right now, I just wanted to remain here in our little bubble of contentment.

“Can I borrow your phone to call Steven and ask Amethyst not to come over until later?”

“Mhmm” I hummed and reached out for it, taking the opportunity to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I could hear the conversation clearly.

“Call Steven” Jasper said to my phone. She had trouble using the screen with her big fingers, so the speech command was very useful for her. A few signals sounded before the call connected.

“Hello?”

“Hey Steven, it’s Jasper”

“Good morning Jasper! What’s up?”

“Is Amethyst there?”

“Yeah, uh, hang on. Amethyst! It’s Jasper for you!” there were some scrapes and then a new voice.

“Yo, sup, Jayster?”

“Hey Amethyst. Can we meet this afternoon instead?”

“Uh, sure. You guys OK?”

“We’re great” Jasper said with a cocky chuckle. “I’ll come by the temple and pick you up, alright?”

“OK, see you later”

“Bye”

I went out for a quick smoke before rejoining Jasper on the bed. I sighed happily as I put my head on her outstretched arm and scooted close to her body.

“I talked to Amethyst” she said.

“Yeah I heard” I yawned into her shoulder.

“You’re so cute when you do that” she stroked my cheek.

“Ooh, could you scratch my head?”

“Really?” she looked surprised.

“Yeah, just not over the scar” I said with a smile. “I… I really like having my head scratched, but I haven’t really trusted anyone to do it since… well, the surgery I guess”

“I’ll be careful” she said huskily and ran her fingers through my hair.

“Mmh…” I sighed as she scratched my scalp gently. I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the sensation. “I’m sorry if I drool on you” I mumbled indistinctly and it made her laugh. It made me feel so relaxed and when I next tried to speak my words were so slurred that I couldn’t even distinguish what I was saying myself. I smacked my lips and tried again.

“M fallin aschleep…”

“Sleep then, _Lirimaer_...” she said quietly and kissed the top of my head. I adjusted my position slightly and put my arm over her stomach and let out a great contented sigh.

When I came to Jasper was snoring slightly, her cheek resting against my forehead. I stretched my body and tried to remember what I had dreamt, but it was slipping away too fast. I yawned like a Wookie and there was an answering meow from the kitchen. Cake came trotting in and jumped lightly onto Jasper’s stomach, making Jasper grunt and open her eyes.

“I’m sorry, beastie, I didn’t have time to stop her” I said sleepily. The kitten stepped over Jasper’s chest and flopped down under her chin.

Jasper made a pleased sound at the back of her throat and raised a hand to stroke Cake’s head. The little white cat purred and blinked slowly.

“Oh, did you feed her?” I asked.

“Yeah, I did. We’re out of cat food now though”

“Mmmh… We should go to the pet store… Get a bone for your dog friend too. And a collar for Cake” I looked at the time – it was 10:43 AM. “Maybe we should have some brunch…”

“Brunch?”

“Yeah… Like, too late for breakfast, too early for lunch – brunch” she started laughing hoarsely, making Cake stand up on her chest. “Do you want waffles?”

“I always want waffles” she grinned at me as I sat up and stretched and yawned. I got to my feet slowly and slouched to put the kettle on before going to the bathroom. My period was finally over and I threw my underwear into the laundry basket with a grin.

I washed my hands and face in the sink and joined Jasper in the kitchen. She was standing by the counter, making waffle mix in the biggest bowl.

“Is there enough for me too? Kinda in the mood for waffles today”

“I’ll add a little more than” she said with a smile and I hugged her from behind. It made me remember yesterday’s kitchen adventure and I sniggered into her hair before getting myself a cup of coffee and going out into the garden for a smoke.

I looked up in to the azure blue sky and let out a contented sigh. Our sky. For _us_. That’s what she said last night, or early this morning. She was from earth. It made me strangely happy to know that. This was supposed to be her home and now it actually could be. I smiled to myself as I went back inside.

“You look happy” Jasper said as I put the empty coffee cup in the sink and filled it with water.

“I am” I answered softly, making a solitary pink butterfly appear. “Oh, let’s eat in bed”

“Alright babe. Could you grab the syrup?” I nodded and grabbed the bottle from the cupboard while Jasper carried the plates and waffles. I threw myself onto the mattress with a grin. We began to eat and I noticed the waffles tasted differently than usual.

“Did you change the waffle mix?” I asked curiously.

“Mhm. I added some cinnamon” she said with a confident smirk.

“You are an artist” I leaned in to kiss her.

When we were finished with our tasty brunch we went to the little pet store a few streets away and Jasper found a book of dog breeds. She turned the pages until she found the junk yard dog. She held it up to me – it was a Rottweiler.

“Oh wow” I said with my eyebrows raised. “Yeah that is one big doggy. This one won’t do then” I had found a barrel of pig tails and had picked one up. “I think I saw some _really_ big stuff in the back”

Jasper picked out a huge marrow bone that looked like it could have belonged to a dinosaur. We both agreed that a spiked leather collar would be totally awesome on Cake and we had a little name tag engraved with our address and my phone number.

“We should take her to the vet too. If she was a stray she probably needs to be vaccinated and chipped”

“What does that mean?”

“Vaccination helps you fight off diseases and chipping means putting a little electronic chip under the skin – it’s an identifier so if she ever gets lost, we can find her”

I asked the store clerk where the closest vet office was and she told us it was on the outskirts of town.

When we came back to the house I put the collar on Cake, she didn’t like it _at all_ and tried to claw it off for a good ten minutes before giving up. I found the number to the vet and made an appointment for Monday. Hopefully Greg would be kind enough to give me a ride or maybe even let me borrow his van. It wasn’t particularly far away, but I’d prefer not to have to go the entire way on foot. Cake liked cuddling but she wasn’t super fond of being carried around for too long. I sent Greg a text.

“I was thinking maybe we could have the Sowegian evening next week” I said as we were making our way to the temple, me carrying the spear and my backpack and Jasper the giant bone.

“That sounds good. Were you serious about the fermented stuff though?”

“I’m not super fond of it, so I think I’ll skip that” I squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Hey, do you want to borrow my phone and take some pictures of the dog?”

“You sure you won’t need it?”

“Nah, and I really want to see the dog” I said with a smile. “I bet he’s gonna be really happy when he gets that bone”

“I hope so” I saw her cheeks flush a little.

As we walked up the stairs I saw Jasper tensing up slightly and setting her face.

Garnet opened the door for us when we knocked and told Jasper that Amethyst would be there in a few minutes. Pearl was sitting on the couch and folding some of Steven’s laundry.

“Ah, Erica, Jasper, good afternoon” she said as she stood up.

“Afternoon” Jasper said a little gruffly as I smiled at Pearl.

“Do you feel ready to go Erica?” Pearl asked me with a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

I turned to Jasper and threw a quick glance at Garnet who had a strained little smile on her lips.

“I think I’ll have a smoke before we go, if you don’t mind” Pearl nodded and I touched Jasper on the arm and she followed me back outside. We sat down on the chairs to the left and I saw her relax a little.

“What’s wrong, _Aratoamin_?” I asked.

She let out a sigh. “It’s one thing to hang out with Amethyst, but Pearl and Garnet make me… a bit uncomfortable”

“Why?” I felt a little surprised. “You’ve seemed to get along fine”

“Well… Either you or Amethyst were always there” this made me raise my hand to my heart. “Pearl and Garnet were part of the rebellion, Amethyst wasn’t and neither was Steven, in a way. And then what happened between you and Pearl…”

“That was an accident” I said softly.

“I know, I understand that, but… there’s a part of me that doesn’t _care_ if it was an accident… And with Garnet – she humiliated me in the fight we had on the ship – but I know that we have to fight together when home world comes… It’s just… hard to be around them”

“Darling…” I put my hand on her knee. “Sounds like there’s a lot of stuff going on inside you, I’m sure Pearl and Amethyst won’t mind if we skip today - ”

“No” she interrupted me and looked me seriously in the eye. “Training is too important. I _meant_ it when I said it was an excellent idea for you to train with Connie, Steven and Pearl. I would have loved to teach you myself, but I wouldn’t know how to adapt the way I fight to someone with a human body”

“You’d love to teach me?” I felt my heart flutter.

“Yeah…” she glanced down at me and smiled. I leaned my head on her arm.

“That’s so sweet”

She chuckled lightly and slid her hand down my back and rested it on my hip.

“Just because I’m uncomfortable with them… It shouldn’t stop you from learning how to protect yourself. I wouldn’t know what to do about your abilities – I’m not built like that. It’s hard to deal with things that I can’t, you know… punch in half”

“We all have our areas of expertise” I said and smiled up at her. “And there is more to you than just brute strength, darling. So much more…”

She met my gaze and smiled. “You have really beautiful eyes”

I felt my ears heat up. “So do you, beastie”

She leant down and kissed me.

“Guh, seriously, is that all you ever do?” Amethyst said from behind us. She smiled and wiggled her eyebrow.

“Hey Amethyst” Jasper greeted and stood up. Her body language changed and was much more assertive now.

I stubbed out my cigarette and got to my feet too, stretching. We all went back inside and I picked up my gear.

“See you later, babe” Jasper said and kissed me again.

“Bye darling, remember to take pictures”

“Oh yeah, I will”

Amethyst and Jasper walked onto the warp pad and it activated with a ping. I sighed as they vanished. Was it pathetic that I already missed her?

“You ready?” Pearl asked.

“Yeah… yes” I shook my head slightly – time to wrangle my brain into training mode.

We stepped onto the warp pad.

“Hang on” Garnet said and handed me a pair of sunglasses and a bottle of water. “You’ll need these”

“Oh, thank you” I said, feeling a little confused. “Uh, where exactly are we going, Pearl?”

“The desert” she answered shortly. I felt a little apprehensive about this.

“Really? OK…”

She smiled reassuringly at me. “It’s big and empty – just what we need”

There was a ping and the blue and white lights rushed past and I drifted away from Pearl.

“Oh, sorry I should have told you” she said worriedly and reached out for my arm and pulled me down to her level. My feet connected with something solid, and my knees bent slightly, but that was it.

“Woo, that was the best landing I’ve had so far” I said a little excitedly and patted Pearl’s hand.

“I’ll remember to warn you next time”

The sun glared down on dunes of sand that stretched from horizon to horizon. It was very hot and bright and I put on the sunglasses Garnet had given me.

“OK” Pearl said and took on a more authoritarian tone. “Today I want us to experiment with your abilities and document what we learn” her gem activated and a clipboard and a pen materialized in mid-air. “What do we know so far?”

“Um… The lights seem to change depending on how I feel. The color and shape and I mean”

She wrote this down and then looked up at me.

“Do you think the intensity of the things you feel influence it too?”

“I don’t know… maybe? Sounds like it’d make sense”

“OK. I’ve been thinking about how to test your abilities, and since they are based on your emotions, I think we need to make you feel different things. I know the butterfly lights appear when you laugh – what is it you feel then? Happiness? Joy?”

“Uh… It depends? I think the butterflies have been different colors. When I first used the spear I struck some of them and they shot into the fence and made little burn marks”

“That’s interesting…” Pearl scribbled this down.

“I don’t know if I can just… summon emotions though” it made me think of Patronuses from Harry Potter – to cast that spell you had to think of a really happy memory, the stronger the better. That had always seemed so impossible to me, to try to find happiness when you were in mortal danger. “I tried just saying ‘hahaha’ in front of the mirror yesterday and nothing happened”

“I see” she looked up at me.

“All the times the light things have happened it’s been spontaneous, in the moment”

“How about we try a word association game?”

“OK?”

“That way it’ll be spontaneous, see?”

“Oh. OK”

“Alright, let’s see” she thought for a moment “Blue”

“Uh… Bird”

“Feathers”

“Pillow”

“Bed”

“Dreams”

“Unpleasant”

“Bugs”

“Animals”

“Cat”

“Lion”

“Steven”

“Rose”

“Heart”

“Broken”

“Mother” there was a puff of purplish blue smoke.

Pearl’s eyes went wide. “Mother? How did that make you feel?”

I felt a chill down my spine. “Anxiety... And… anger”

Her eyebrows creased in concern and she made a note on the clipboard. “I’m sorry” I wasn’t sure exactly what she was sorry about.

“It’s… fine” I said, looking away from her.

“Let’s go again?” I nodded. “Yellow”

“Gold”

“Metal”

“Music”

“Dance”

“Floor”

“Roof”

“Telescope”

“Stars”

“Space”

“Ship”

“Water”

“Malachite”

“ _Lapis_ ” there was a flash of pale blue lightning.

“What was that feeling?” Pearl asked.

“Anger” I pressed my lips together. This was getting kind of revealing. She made a note.

“Car”

“Wheels”

“Spinning”

“Bicycle”

“Bell”

“Clock”

“Time”

“Now”

“Desert”

“Heat”

“Passion”

“Jasper” pink and orange butterflies appeared, but instead of taking a note, Pearl continued.

“Love”

“Adoration” the butterflies swirled around me.

“Loyalty”

“Trust” the lights pulsated and became all pink.

“Forgiveness”

“Regret” the butterflies became green and scraggly and ripped apart.

“Shame”

“Loss” green and purple strands mixed together.

“Betrayal”

“Family” purple sparks leapt through the air.

“Alone”

“Abandoned” the sparks fell.

“Lost”

“Darkness” purple clouds surrounded me.

“Drowning”

“Shark” the clouds darkened.

“Redemption”

“Promise” white light consumed the dark.

“Bravery”

“Gratitude” I was illuminated by pale yellow beads.

“Honor”

“Truth” the beads pulsated.

“Beauty”

“Jasper…” butterflies in gold, orange and pink wove in between the points of light.

Pearl smiled and lifted the pen to scribble on the clipboard. My head was spinning a little and I sat down on the warm sand.

“Give me a minute to think” she said and I nodded in response. She walked off a little distance.

I felt a little drained so I took a long draught of water, my free hand touching the back of my head as my scar tingled.

“So” Pearl turned to face me. “I think that purple is fear or anxiety, blue is anger, and green is you being uncomfortable? The positive emotions have warmer colors and seem a bit more interwoven with each other. Pink and orange are associated with Jasper. They went all pink when you said ‘trust’…”

“Hey… don’t… don’t tell anyone about this OK? I mean, it kind of feels like you’re listing my triggers here…”

“I give you my word” she said kindly. “That was… some display, Erica. It seems you associate the strongest emotions with people – with Jasper, Lapis and… your family…” she looked at me with a slightly wary expression on her face and I felt myself tense up. “Steven told me your parents were gone”

“Yes” I said stiffly.

“How did they pass?”

“They were sick. Pearl… I don’t like talking about them…”

“Why not?”

“It’s… It’s just complicated, OK?” there was a puff of purple smoke and a tendril of blue light.

“Erica, I don’t mean to pry, but... Talking about them is obviously very emotional for you, and I think we might be able to use that”

I felt a little sick at this. “What? Use my feelings for my parents _for training_?” green saturated the purple cloud and Pearl pointed at it.

“Look… Since your abilities are linked with your emotions, the more powerful they are – I think that’ll make it easier to use them. You said you couldn’t make yourself summon emotions, so they’d have to be real – spontaneous reactions”

“Yeah?” I said uncertainly.

“Isn’t that what is happening right now?” she pointed to the dissipating cloud.

“I think I see your point…” there was a puff of green and I fell silent.

“So… Can you tell me about them?” she held out a hand to me. I sighed deeply, but took it and she pulled me to my feet. Maybe it was time…

“Their names were Theodor and Ingrid” I said slowly. “I didn’t really know them…”

Pearl creased her forehead. “What do you mean?”

I sighed again, feeling like I was lifting up heavy objects. “I mean, when they were alive I had as little contact with them as possible”

“Why was that?”

“I don’t know… I just didn’t feel… welcome” I rubbed my arm. “Our home was so… It didn’t… Um…” I took a deep breath. “It never felt like a _home_ ” a slow purple black wisp of smoke curled out of my mouth. Pearl put a hand between my shoulder blades and the gesture seemed to act like a release. My vision went blurry with tears as her hand made little circling motions. The thought I had had in the bathroom when she was cleaning my wounds hit me again – is this what a mother’s loving touch felt like? I felt a twinge in my heart.

“I didn’t _want_ to know them. They made it so clear I wasn’t what they wanted… Or at least, my mother did. I don’t know if my dad ever understood how she was toward me. He was never home. It was just my mother, my sister Victoria and me most of the time. They made me feel like _garbage_ ” another curl of black left me.

“She wanted everything to be correct. Neat. Pretty. Girls were supposed to have bows in their hair and wear nail polish and jewelry and be like princesses. My sister liked all that stuff, and she was the perfect little angel in my mother’s eyes…”

“But me, I did everything wrong. I climbed trees and ruined the pretty dresses. I came home with frogs in my pockets and dirt all over myself. It was so important to her that we made _her_ look good in front of her high society friends – it was like we were her accessories” the black was laced with blue and purple. “It made me feel so… alone and worthless. It didn’t matter how well I did in school, it was always about the way I _looked_. ‘Stand up straight’ or ‘You look a bit pudgy’ or just ‘Why can’t you be more like your sister’… She made me feel ugly and fat and her constant comments made it OK for my sister to call me names too. But never in front of my parents. Never when they saw, no. She would provoke me into hitting her and then run screaming to our mother and I would get yelled at and she would stand behind her legs, grinning… And my mother never believed me, so eventually I just stopped trying to defend myself…”

“My dad… when he was home, it was different. My mother and sister treated me better, like they pretended we were this happy little family. I think he took my silence for everything being fine… Once I went to him and told him what they were like when he wasn’t around and he told my mother about it, because he wanted to help I think, and… she hit me when we were alone” my breath was black and purple and Pearl’s hand stopped moving suddenly.

“When I was twelve they sent me to private school and I never officially lived at home after that, just moved from one boarding school to the next. I started to get bad migraines when I was sixteen and it took me two years to tell them, dad used his contacts to get me to a specialist and then they discovered the tumor… I had the surgery a two weeks before Christmas and…” I sighed “…was back in school when the summer term started…”

“I managed to finish school somehow and tried to get my life back together but… Everything was different. My dad bought me a cat to keep me company and it helped a little but… My parents, I mean I don’t know if I even wanted them to be there, but they weren’t anyway so… I had Sam and my best friend Robyn. Then there was an incident at my job and I snapped… Then they sent me to a facility to get me treatment… They died shortly after my twentieth birthday, and I never…” my throat constricted. “I never got to tell my dad I loved him…” I exhaled a cloud of darkness as I began to cry in earnest. Pearl’s thin arms wrapped me in a firm but gentle hug and I clung to her sparse frame like she was a piece of flotsam in a raging storm.

“He knew…” she whispered and I felt my knees give way as something inside me broke, we slumped to the sand. She held me tightly and I could hear her crying too. The black smoke flowed out of me like there was a raging fire burning in my gut. My mind was in disarray from the unexpectedness of it all and getting overloaded with the storm of emotion this conversation had released. It felt like an old wound had been torn open and was being drained. Images of my parents flashed before my eyes and I remembered countless times of inexplicable cruelty and dashed hopes with my mother and a few with my dad. His eyes, like mine. The way they had emptied when he had told me about the tumor. How he had hugged me then, for the first time in years, and I had pushed him away…

“I _miss_ them” I whispered and my eyes widened in surprise at my words – they left a trail of purple silver sparks in the air.

“Of course you do… Even if they weren’t the best, they were still your parents… I’m sorry I made you talk about them”

“I didn’t want to… but I think I needed to” I leaned back from her and wanted to look her in the eye, but could only manage her chin. “Thanks…”

She gave me a wet smile.

I sat down on the sand and wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my t-shirt and was considering doing the same with my runny nose, but Pearl’s gem activated and a box of tissues appeared. She caught it out of the air and held it out to me.

“Thanks” I said again and she took one herself. I lit a cigarette and lay back on the sand.

“I miss them” I repeated. “It’s been almost thirteen years. This is the first time I’ve ever said… _that_ ” I stared into the cloudless sky. “My dad taught me how to fish… That saved my life, on the island” a tiny shimmering silver fish darted across my field of vision. “Oh! Did you see that?”

“Yes I did” she said interestedly and sat down on her knees next to me. “Talk about your dad some more?”

“Um… When I was seven he gave me my first pocket knife, nearly sliced my thumb off first thing I did” two more fish appeared, and I smiled and stroked the thin white line on the back of my left thumb. “Once, I woke up in the middle of the night and went into the kitchen for a glass of water, and I found him making popcorn, wearing his slippers and robe. He said we could share if I kept it a secret from the others…” more little fish joined. “Then, I don’t know when it was, but it was not too long after that, he came and woke me up one night and whispered ‘Midnight popcorn’ and we made them together…” now there was practically a school of little fish. As I fell silent they winked out one by one. “I don’t think I remembered that until now…”

“That sounded lovely, Erica” she smiled down at me and dabbed at her eyes again and handed me another tissue. I took it hesitantly and she pointed at my face. I touched my cheek – I had been crying without realizing it.

“Thanks for this, Pearl…” I sat up and crossed my legs. “For offering me to train alongside Steven and Connie, for this extra session – and for pushing me to talk about my parents… It feels like something heavy is lifting. It’s not gone, but it’s like it’s easier to breathe…”

Pearl looked a little surprised and then smiled. “My pleasure, Erica”

“Hah… I really should follow my own advice. I’ve told Jasper not run away from what she’s feeling. And here I’ve been avoiding to talk about my parents for I don’t know how long. Seems I’m not done recovering still, after all this time…” I looked down at my hands again.

“One thing I’ve learned from you humans is that nothing stays the same. You and your planet change constantly – it’s your nature. That’s one of the most beautiful things about your species, your ability to adapt and thrive. You are never complete”

“Somehow that thought is both comforting and alarming” I said with a smile. “Oh my gods… I could use a drink” I rubbed my neck. “And a _nap_ ”

Pearl chuckled at my words. “I’m sure that could be arranged”

I got to my feet and dusted myself off. “We didn’t get a lot of work done, did we…”

“I think we made great progress” she smiled reassuringly. “Reme wasn’t built in a day, as you say. I’d like to continue these sessions, I think there is a lot for us both to learn”

I smiled and held my hand out to her, she grabbed it and I pulled her to her feet. “Sounds good to me…”

I felt exhausted but relieved.

“How about we meet again in a few days? Before the next weekly training session with Connie and Steven. I have a few ideas and I need to work on them a little further”

“Yeah, sure…” I was kind of curious for her to tell me right now, but I hadn’t been kidding about that nap. Or the drink.

We stepped onto the warp pad.

“Hey… how do you use these things?” I asked curiously. “I mean, how do they work? Is it like some sort of worm hole technology or something?”

“We activate them with the power of our gems. While the warp is active, we travel through a different dimension which has no gravity. Hmm…” she looked thoughtful.

“What?”

“I wonder… could you activate the warp?” she looked at me curiously.

“Me?” I felt very surprised.

“Steven can, and he is half gem… And Greg has used the warp pad with a Warp Whistle”

“’Warp Whistle’?”

“Yes, it’s a little flute, like a penny whistle. As the name implies, it can activate the warps, and it does so by sound… It doesn’t seem _completely_ impossible for you to be able to do it”

I felt a rush of excitement. “Uh, how would we test it? How do you… steer?”

“Oh, when I warp, I picture where I want to go. If I want to go to the temple, I just think about the temple and well, warp. I suppose you could just try whistling?”

I sniggered. “Oh shit… What if it works?”

“Then we’ll warp” Pearl smiled at me. “Give it a go”

I licked my lips and tried to whistle, but just blew air. I remembered the way dad had called us into the house during the summers. He would do his very distinct whistle and he had taught me how. I smiled to myself and turned to Pearl. “Cover your ears”

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, thought of Steven’s house, put my fingers in my mouth and blew. There was a blast of sound and the warp activated! I opened my eyes and saw the blue and white light stream past. I gasped out of surprise and turned to see it echoed in Pearl’s face. The inside of Steven’s house appeared around us and I hadn’t moved an inch!

“Mother _fuck_!” I exclaimed and little silver fish appeared together with white butterflies as I began to laugh.

“Welcome back” Garnet was standing in the kitchen and grinning at us.

I felt elated and smiled broadly at both Garnet and Pearl as I walked onto the wooden floor.

“Well _done_!” Pearl said happily and patted me on the shoulder. “And you didn’t drift off!”

“I know!” I put my hand over my mouth and laughed again. “Ohoho, _shit_ ” I felt like I should strike a pose or do a little dance or something.

The screen door opened and Steven ran in, followed closely by Greg.

“I heard the warp pad activate!” the boy said excitedly. “How did your first solo training session go, Erica?”

“It went well” I said with a smile, Pearl walked up and put a hand between my shoulder blades like she had done in the desert and I felt a surge of affection for her.

“Guess who is their very own warp whistle?” Pearl grinned at Steven and then inclined her head toward me.

“Whaaat? For _real_?!” I nodded and Steven ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. I giggled, making the butterflies appear in shimmering gold and white. “That’s _awesome_!”

“Hah, thanks Steven. What have you guys been up to?”

“We’ve been to the video game store! Look!” Steven held up a box. It was a game cube game called F-Zero GX. My eyes widened.

“Oh my gods are you serious? I used to play the first version on the super Nintendo, man I had no idea they made one for the game cube!”

Steven’s eyes lit up. “Really?! Oh, do you want to play?”

“I really do, but not today. I’m all hyped up on being able to warp just now, but I’m really, really tired underneath so I think it’d be best if I went home and had a nap. Oh, before I forget – me and Jasper were wondering if you guys, Amethyst, Connie and Sadie would want to join us for a Sowegian evening in a few days? A dinner party with some traditional Sowegian food”

“Yeah that sounds rad! What kind of food do you eat in Soweland?”

“Mostly fish and potatoes” I smiled “But there’ll be meatballs and pies and other stuff too”

“We’ll be there” Garnet said and Pearl nodded.

“I never say no to a meal with friends” Greg smiled at me.

“Great!” I said and beamed around at all of them. “I’ll text Sadie and Connie and ask them too, and I’ll be in touch about the exact time. I think I’ll head home” I went over to hug Pearl and whispered ‘Thank you’ before waving to the rest.

When I got outside I lit a cigarette and made my way back to the boardwalk. I knew there was a store down one of the streets around the square that might have something I was suddenly craving. The last time I had had any was at my parents’ funeral – well, not technically but - it was my dad’s favorite drink, Gammeldansk.

To my bitter sweet pleasure, the store had the liquor and I paid for it with a slightly shaking hand. The clerk had asked for my ID, something that rarely happened to me anymore so I was a little surprised. When I got to the house I poured myself a very small measure and sat down on the couch in the garden. Cake came trotting over and sniffed at the glass, retreating quickly and sneezing.

“This isn’t for little kittens” I said to her softly, raising the drink to my lips. The smell of it yanked me back to that day, nearly thirteen years ago.

It had been sunny and I remember thinking how appropriate it was for even the weather to be celebrating. The ceremony had been long and stuffy and there had been endless speeches from my parents’ many friends and some family members. My aunts had been crying loudly and I had thought how pathetic they were, losing control in public like that. Victoria had at least had the decency to keep her composure, even though she was pale as a ghost. She had tried to hug me when we met in front of the church, her pregnant belly obvious in her tight black dress. I had stepped out of her reach and said; ‘I’m only here for granny’s sake’. It was the truth and she needed to hear it.

The only thing that had made the slightest impression on me that day was my grandmother’s song. She had sung for her son more than anything, from his favorite story as a boy. Her voice had been clear and strong, even though I had seen her hands trembling on the podium.

When the ceremony was over we had gone to my parents’ house. It would be the last time I ever set foot in that wretched place, I had promised myself. There had been food and drinks for everyone and I had stood on the opposite end of the big living room from my sister, trying not to interact with the people. They hadn’t known my parents’ true natures. A few had tried to strike up a conversation with me but I had just glared at them until they went away. I didn’t want to hear ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ because I felt no loss. I didn’t want to reminisce about ‘the lovely times we had’, because there hadn’t been any. Somewhere inside I knew there had been some precious moments, but my heart was cold and hard and full of hurt. I had only stayed long enough to say goodbye to my grandmother. We had shared a toast to my parents’ memory, or that’s what she had thought. I had only raised the glass to my lips, but hadn’t taken a sip. They hadn’t deserved it.

The words to the song my grandmother had sung at the funeral came back to me. She had sung it many times when I was young and it had always brought a sad smile to my dad’s face when she did.

“Genom rosengården, med de silverpopplar, går jag med min fader, håller hårt hans hand. Och från det högsta trädet, hör jag en ensam fågel, sjunga om det grymma, landet utanför, och mitt hjärta darrar när min faders röst jag hör; Mio, min Mio. Över rosengården, börjar det att skymma, och jag ser min fågel, svinga sig mot skyn, på sina breda vingar, flyger den rakt mot himmlen. Flyger mot det svarta, landet utanför, och mitt hjärta darrar, när min faders röst jag hör; Mio, min Mio. Mio, min Mio”*

I looked down into the glass and then raised it to the cloud strewn sky in salute.

“Skål, pappa…” I said hoarsely, and then I took the drink I should have taken thirteen years ago. I lay down and hugged Cake, letting grief and tiredness claim me.

***

A rough tongue licked my cheek and I turned my head away. “Sam, stop it…”

I opened my eyes and looked blearily into the ceiling – sky? Something soft rubbed against my neck and purred. It wasn’t Sam’s purr. I looked down at a white kitten. I shook my head and my mind cleared. I was in Beach City, not Londinium^. I patted my pocket for my phone and remembered I had given it to Jasper, then I went into the kitchen to look at the clock, noticing as I moved that everything hurt. When had I gotten home? I must have slept for an hour or two, my jaw clicked as I yawned and stretched. It was still light outside. I made myself a cup of coffee, took a few painkillers and gave Cake some food. As I watched the little kitten throw herself over the bowl I felt how hungry I was. I patted my pocket again, wanting to call for a pizza. I sighed in disappointment and opened the fridge. Sandwiches would have to do for now, but I promised my stomach it would get the pizza it was craving later. Maybe it was time for Jasper to get her own phone. There was a land line in the house and I felt more than a little stupid for not thinking of that. Dialing the number to the pizza place, I put the cheese back in the fridge.

“Hi Kiki, it’s Erica – can I get a tuna pie with extra cheese for delivery? OK, great, thanks”

I changed into my pajamas and turned on my laptop, queuing up the first episode of ‘Dead Like Me’ while I waited for the food to arrive. Cake joined me on the bed and I played with her until the doorbell rang. I paid for the pizza and returned to the bed, devouring half of it in less than ten minutes. As the second episode ended I heard a creak and a thud from out in the garden. I sighed as the sound of heavy footsteps approached the kitchen door. Cake got up with a meep and trotted to greet Jasper.

“Hello, little Cake” Jasper’s voice came from the kitchen. “Have you had a good day? Hmm? Oh yeah, I’ve missed you too… Babe? You home?”

“I’m in here…” I said and Jasper stepped into view, holding Cake in one hand.

“Hey babe, how was your…” her forehead creased as she looked at me. “Babe?”

She took a few quick strides and knelt by my side, putting a hand carefully on my back. “Are you injured?”

I looked up at her, feeling smaller than usual. “No… Could you just… hold me?”

Without a word, Jasper lay down and spooned me, putting one arm around me and scooting as close to me as she could. I could feel the tension in her body and I wished she would relax. 

“What happened?” she asked me, voice full of concern. There was a lump in my throat and I couldn’t speak. I swallowed and sniffed, tears beginning to leak out of my eyes. “Did Pearl do something?” her breath was hot on my neck. I shook my head and drew in a ragged breath.

“Nn-“ I cleared my throat. “No… We just talked”

 

 

“Erica, you’re making me really worried”

“We talked about my family” a wisp of black and purple smoke drifted out of my mouth. “I didn’t want to, but… I needed to. I’ll feel better, I just need to rest and let it all settle in…”

“I’ve never seen you make black before…” she murmured and there was a hint of fear in her voice.

“I think that’s sadness…” and I knew it was true. “I didn’t think… I had any left for them…”

“For your family?”

“Yeah” I let out a slow breath of dark purple and black. “When my parents died, I _hated_ them. For all they didn’t do”

“ _Didn’t_ do?”

“They didn’t take care of me properly… Parents are supposed to be like Greg and the gems – kind and supportive and just… _there_ for you, _whatever_ is going on. But I still miss them. So somewhere _I_ must have loved _them_ …” I curled up. “I have some good memories of my dad from when I was really young, before everything really went to shit. He didn’t mind that I wasn’t a perfect little princess…”

“Do all humans have parents?” Jasper asked softly.

“Huh?” I felt confused. “Yeah… At least, biologically. Wait… Jasper, you know how humans reproduce, right?”

She shifted her position slightly. “I don’t”

“Oh” that threw me for a loop.

“I know that there are small ones and big ones, and you told me about periods being part of the reproductive cycle but… I didn’t really get it…” she hugged me tighter from behind. “I’m sorry”

“But I thought that was why you didn’t…”

“Didn’t what?”

“You’ve never put your stem… inside me” I felt myself blush, but to my surprise Jasper sighed against my ear and relaxed a little.

“Well… the first time we were just exploring, weren’t we? And the second time… you had told me about that dream of yours and I didn’t want to make you feel… bad”

I felt very touched at her words.

“Is that how you reproduce?” I felt her tense up again. “Is it horrible like in your dream?”

“What? No…” then I thought about the worst crime one could ever commit, short of killing someone. “Well… you can get raped and become pregnant…”

“’Raped’?”

“It’s when someone forces sexual contact onto another person without their consent”

She was silent for a moment. “That’s not, I mean, we didn’t –“

“No, no, Jasper. Everything we’ve done I’ve wanted to do, you asked my permission before everything, not verbally always but I understood” I put my hand on hers reassuringly and she relaxed against my back. “The easiest way for humans to reproduce is for a male and a female to have penetrative, vaginal sex and the male deposits his… sperm inside the vagina. If the circumstances are correct, when there’s an egg available, the sperm and egg can combine, uniting both genetic signatures to create a baby that grows inside the uterus. That is what being pregnant means – carrying a new human inside you”

“Oh…”

“The baby grows slowly over nine or so months and then gets born. Giving birth is a very painful process for the woman, but afterwards you have a new little person…”

“So… you’ve been a baby?”

“Yes”

“Have you ever _had_ a baby?”

“No… I’ve never really been with… men. They don’t interest me romantically or sexually”

“What does that mean?”

“Humans have many different gender and sexual identities. I’m romantically and sexually attracted to women”

“But, I’m not a woman…”

“No, I know. I suppose I should call myself Jasper-sexual from now on…” I smiled despite myself and Jasper snorted in my ear and pulled me closer.

“Do you think… could _I_ make you pregnant?” her voice was hesitant.

“I don’t know… Greg and Rose made Steven somehow, so I suppose it’s possible, but I don’t know how… I mean, Greg is a male and…” a thought hit me. “Do all gems have stems?”

“Yes”

“That would mean that Rose would have had to… shapeshift?” my eyebrows drew together. “She would have had to make an egg and… a uterus? To carry Steven in” Jaspers hand caressed my stomach carefully.

“Is it here?” she asked. I nodded and an image of her hand touching my distended belly flashed red hot across my mind. Her voice brought me back to reality.

“Sorry, what did you say?” I asked.

“I said, do you want to have a baby?” her voice was soft.

The idea of myself reproducing had gone through a lot of changes over the years. When I was in my early twenties, it had been completely unthinkable, but as I got older, and especially after I had met Christina, the idea of having children had slowly entered my mind. I _did_ want them. Sometimes so much it felt like I was missing a person I had never met. But I was also afraid of what kind of mother I would be. I had promised myself I would never treat any child of mine like my parents had treated me. What Jasper was asking me was very important, but how would she react if I told her the truth?

“Yes… I’d like to, at some point” I tensed up, waiting for her to speak. She kept caressing my lower stomach gently. 

“If we were to make one… Do you think they’d be like Steven?” my heart swelled with affection for her and my ears burned. The idea was tantalizing. What if we did have a baby together? Not now, obviously, but in the future… What would they look like? Would they have powers?

“I don’t know… do you think they’d have a gem?” I felt so relieved she hadn’t just got up and left.

“I don’t see how they could… You don’t have one, a whole one I mean, so you couldn’t do what Rose did - not that I'd want you to”

“She never got to meet him…” I mumbled. “She loved him enough to give up her entire existence just to make him… When he told me I thought about how it must feel to know that – to know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you are loved…”

She snuggled closer to my neck and kissed my earlobe. “Maybe that’s why he is the way he is… Why he was able to forgive me”

“He certainly is one special little boy…” we fell silent for a while. Then Jasper blew out a breath on my neck.

“What?” I asked.

“Ever since I first put my finger inside you, I’ve wanted to try it with my stem… But I didn’t know how to bring it up. How would you feel about that?”

I felt my cheeks flush. She had been thinking about our intimate times?

“I… I would like that” my hand stroked the back of hers. “But… we should take some precautions”

“Like what?”

“I mean, first of all I’d like to know if there is a risk of me getting pregnant with you in your natural state, and if that is so I guess we’d have to try to find some condoms…”

“What are ‘condoms’?”

“They’re a contraceptive. Human males wear them on their… penises during sex to prevent their sperm getting where it shouldn’t. It’s like a thin plastic… bag?” I smirked. “But maybe we’d have to special order some for you… I don’t know if there are ones in your… size”

Jasper chuckled in my ear and I felt something moving against my butt. “She likes to be complimented”

“I bet she does…” I said quietly. “Who would know, do you think? About whether we would need condoms or not”

“Greg maybe?”

“Hmm… Maybe… I was kind of thinking of asking… Garnet” I said hesitantly and I felt her tense up against me again. “With her future vision and all…”

“That’s probably… safer” she said stiffly.

“You don’t have to be there, if you don’t want to” had I told her how helpful Garnet had been during my first day there? “Hey… did I tell you? When I first got here, when I talked to the rebels, Garnet really helped me out… It was like she knew everything would be OK, I mean I know that she knew that now, but I didn’t then. She was very supportive of me and reassured me. She’s… she’s reassured me quite a few times now…”

“No… you haven’t told me that…” she said thoughtfully.

“I even met Sapphire and Ruby”

“You what?”

“Yeah… That day we talked about fusion, Garnet touched my head – “

“She _what_?” her body tensed up. I turned around to look at her.

“Darling, it’s OK. I had said something that she thought was sweet and she wanted to show her appreciation – apparently she ruffles Steven’s hair when he’s being cute. It’s not like she hit me or anything. I got really scared anyway and she tried to explain that Ruby gets over excited sometimes and that scared me even more, because I thought of the rubies on the island, that they were gonna arrest you and stuff. Garnet de-fused and Sapphire spoke to me and they apologized. They were really cute. And then they fused again and… we danced a little”

“You... danced?” Jasper’s face went from disgruntled to looking hurt.

“Yes. When they fused, they spun around like they were dancing and I asked if that is how fusion happens and she said yes. Then I asked if…” oh gods. We were talking about fusions. And I had got to the point in the retelling when I had asked if gems could fuse with humans.

“If?”

I didn’t want to lie, this would take us where it took us. “I asked if it was possible for gems and humans to fuse…” her lips parted in surprise. “She said Steven had been able to, but no one else had succeeded… I asked what it felt like to fuse and she said something like you’re not one person, but you’re not separate, you’re an expression of the feelings that caused the fusion. I asked what Malachite had been… Garnet said she was extremely powerful and if it wasn’t for Steven, the battle would have ended very differently… And also not to worry about her, because you had changed and that you and I have a very different… relationship from you and Lapis… Then I asked what if you can’t dance and she told me that everyone can, and then she invited me to do so, to prove to me that I could, if I was brave enough to try…” Jasper’s expression had frozen and I was afraid she was dissociating again. “Darling?”

She blinked at me. “Erica… do you mean… you’d want to fuse? With me…?” her voice was slightly constricted and a cold thrill went down my spine and my cheeks flushed.

“I wanted to know if it was possible but… I didn’t want to ask you about it because I didn’t want to upset you… I know how traumatic and painful talking about Malachite was and I told myself I wouldn’t bring it up. I’m sorry…”

“That didn’t answer my question…” she looked into my eyes and I couldn’t read her expression at all. I took a deep breath.

“Yes” I said and braced myself for whatever was coming. I wasn’t expecting the kiss and I let out a ‘Mmf’ of surprise as her full lips collided with mine. I found my bearings quickly however and the kiss deepened as her tongue begged entry into my mouth. I surfaced for air and looked into her shining eyes.

“Darling?”

“You…” her voice was hoarse and full of emotion. “You’d do that… for me?” I felt more than a little confused.

“I don’t understand” I said uncertainly and she leaned her forehead against mine. “You want to?”

“Yes, my little monster…”

“But I thought… Because of Malachite you’d – the way you reacted when Steven brought it up, you…  I thought it’d be too much…”

“I’ve talked about fusion with Amethyst today… You were right; the rebels really don’t consider it a crime… It’s just something they do… She told me it felt good for her too, but that they didn’t really do it often and she misses the person they make together, her and Pearl. And especially her and… Garnet. But because of Malachite, I’m reluctant to try it with one of _them_. Amethyst would be better, but… There are parts of me I don’t want to share with her yet that I’d be willing to share with… you” she stroked my cheek and smiled a little shyly.

“R-really?” I felt a little light headed.

“Yes” she chuckled.

A broad smile spread across my face and I pulled her into a kiss. “That makes me so happy to hear, beastie… But do you think we could? Garnet said only Steven had been able to fuse with a human”

“Well, did she say anyone else had ever _tried_?”

I thought for a moment. “No… she said no one else had succeeded. But… maybe it’d be possible with me because of the gem dust?” I sniggered and smiled, making pink and orange butterflies appear.

“That’s what I was thinking too…”

“Oh my gods… It’s kind of frightening… But exciting”

“Frightening?”

“Yeah… I mean I can’t really picture what it would feel like, not to be me. To be something, someone different…”

“I guess it’s something you can only understand when you’ve done it”

“Would you be able to know what I’m thinking?”

“Not really, but I could feel what it’d be like to be you…” she stroked my cheek again sweetly and smiled.

“What would that feel like?” I asked curiously.

She chuckled. “I think only you can know that, my little monster. Amethyst told me that when she fuses with Garnet, she can feel Garnet’s confidence and… security”

“Whoa… That sounds… wow” I breathed. So I had been right. If it was a fusion between people who liked each other it’d be… nice. What would Jasper feel from me? What _did_ it feel like to be me? It was hard to try to think of myself from the outside looking in. And what would we look like, together? “What would we look like as a fusion?”

“Like a combination of the two of us… Taller than me, for certain”

“Oh, would we be buff like you?” I asked enthusiastically and she chuckled.

“Probably… Maybe we could sing like you…” she smiled so widely her shoulders went upwards.

My eyebrows raised and I felt touched. “Y-you really like my singing that much?”

“Yes” she said huskily and kissed me.

“My grandmother taught me… She used to be a music teacher” I smiled as her face popped up in my head. “Oh, I miss her… I think she’d really like you”

“Where is she?”

“She lives in Soweland. She’s ninety five, well ninety six soon. Her birthday is the day after mine…”

“Humans feel the need to mark every year they’ve been alive?”

“Yes, we celebrate with cake and presents usually…” I felt a pang of sadness.

“Babe?” her hand stroked my back.

“I always used to look forward to my birthdays. There’s a tradition where you put your new age in candles on the birthday cake and then you make a wish and blow them out. If you don’t tell anyone about it, it’s supposed to come true. I used to wish so fiercely that I would find a magic portal into another world… There’s a story that I love called ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’ where a little girl finds a kingdom called Narnia by walking through a magic wardrobe. I must have checked every single cupboard I saw when I was a kid…”

“You really wanted to get away from your family that badly?”

“Yes… And I did, in a way. I went to a lot of boarding schools, which means you live at the school and not at home. It was a relief to be away from my family. I met the person who would become my best friend when I was twelve – Robyn. We weren’t in the same class, but we had some lessons together. But we shared a dorm room. When she invited me to come and stay with her and her family during part of the summer, that’s when I realized just how messed up my family was. I didn’t know before, I thought it was like that for everyone. She has two brothers and two sisters, Hannah, Kate, Marcus and Oliver. Her parents are Clara and David – they are genuinely good people. They even visited me in the hospital after the surgery, travelled so far… for me” I snuggled in under Jasper’s chin. “I shouldn’t have gone back to school right after… but the only alternative was to stay at home with my mother… I couldn’t stand how she feigned interest in my well-being – it was only to show off to her friends what a good mother she was. As soon as the extra attention she was getting from _my_ surgery was over, she went back to the way she was… She told me to ‘brighten up, because it was all over now’ on Christmas Eve. That if anything made me hate her…” a puff of dark purple smoke laced with blue tendrils escaped my lips. “That’s when I truly knew she never cared about me; I was only some sort of accessory to her. How could she… How could she make me and then not love me?” my throat constricted on the last words and I clutched at my wrist. The long scar there was faded now. The memory of how I got it burned in my mind. Jasper’s hand pulled at my fingers and lifted my arm so she could see.

“What is this?” she asked me breathlessly.

I pulled my arm to my chest protectively. “I tried to kill myself that night…” the darkness that flowed out of me almost seemed to suck away the light in the room. “My sister found me just as I had made the cut, she screamed and I dropped the razor…” the sound of how it had clattered across the tiles echoed in my head. “They took me to the hospital again… My mother told them it was because of my medication after the surgery and they _believed_ her…”

“Babe…” she kissed my forehead and I buried my face in her shirt and cried. She held me tightly and stroked my back with warm soothing hands. “You are a veteran of a different kind of war… It takes a strong heart to bare so much hurt… I am honored you trust me with it…” her words settled me and after a little while I could speak again.

“I’m glad I’m still here… It would have been such a shame if I hadn’t met you, beastie…”

“Same here, my little monster…”

“Your shirt…”

She chuckled softly. “It can take it, don’t worry. How are you feeling?”

“Wrung out…” I felt so _tired_ , but somehow cleaner. Like I had finally removed a deep splinter from my soul. There was still a wound, but maybe now it could heal.

“Let’s go outside” she said warmly and wiped my cheek. I nodded, knowing she knew I’d want a cigarette now. She got up and changed her shirt and I got slowly to my feet, my body aching. I picked up my backpack and took out my black and white beanie and put it on. When Jasper saw she smiled sadly and stroked my arm.

“You want a cup of coffee?” I nodded gratefully and headed out into the garden. Night had fallen. Cake lay in the middle of the sofa like a tiny white cushion and I sat down next to her. She woke up and climbed into my lap, purring.

“You always know what to say, don’t you?” I said quietly and petted her. I sighed deeply and looked up into the sky. So many things had happened today… I fished out a slightly flattened cigarette from my holder and lit it. Seemed a lot was happening every day in the last month or so. I wondered briefly if it had all been worth it and knew for certain that it had – no question about it. Jasper came out with a steaming mug in each enormous hand.

“It hit me that I’ve never actually tried coffee, hope you don’t mind I made myself some too”

“Of course not, beastie” I smiled as she sat down next to me and handed me a cup. The coffee soothed my throat and I leaned my head against her shoulder, watching her taking a hesitant sip.

“Hmm…” she said as she smacked her lips. “I wasn’t expecting it to be so bitter”

“It’s not for everyone” I said and yawned hugely. “It has caffeine in it, which keeps humans awake”

“But I’ve seen you drink this right before bed?”

I let out a little chuckle. “I’ve built up a tolerance over the years”

There was jingle from Jasper’s pocket and she twitched, spilling coffee over her hand.

“Oh my stars, it keeps doing that!” she tried to take it out with the dry hand but it was an awkward angle. “Babe, could you get it?” I reached into her pocket and retrieved my phone. It had several new e-mails and a few text messages. One of them was from Sadie saying the Horror Club would be meeting tomorrow to watch Bad Taste.

“Hey did you want to go to that movie thing with me? It’s tomorrow night”

“Sure, babe. I’ll be right back” she went into the kitchen and turned on the tap.

I texted Sadie back and asked if it was OK if Jasper came along too and if I should bring anything. She replied immediately with an ‘of course! The more the merrier  and it’s my turn to bring the snacks, so there’ll be plenty!’

“Oh… did you go see the dog today?” I asked when Jasper rejoined me on the sofa.

“Yeah, Amethyst took a few pictures” she smiled. I opened the picture folder. There were a bunch of new ones from today of Jasper squatting down beside a big friendly looking black dog. “Aww… he looks so sweet. Was he happy when you gave him the bone?”

“Yeah, look at the next one” I swiped to the side and saw the dog gnawing on the bone, his tail blurred with motion. “I think his name is ‘Frank’, it said so on his collar”

We looked at the rest of the pictures, then I skimmed the e-mails quickly just to get them out of the way. It was nothing I needed to reply to tonight, but I put a reminder on for tomorrow.

“I think I’m gonna go take a shower” I said and put the phone down before getting up.

“Wait” she stood up too and wrapped her arms around me in a gentle hug. “I was going to make something to eat, do you want some too?”

“Maybe later” I saw her forehead crease with worry. “I had a pizza before you got home”

“Oh, OK”

I went upstairs slowly and undressed on the way, dropping my clothes wherever. I turned the temperature of the shower to nearly scalding as I got in it, hoping it’d sear away some of the pain. I slumped down against the wall and leaned my head back as the water washed over me. I sat in silence for a while, trying to figure out how I was feeling. The day had stirred up so many emotions. I didn’t want to fall into another depression because of it and to keep that from happening I knew I had to express myself. Talk about it. I knew I had put _a lot_ on Jasper today and I knew she was worried – it meant a lot that she had listened and comforted me. I should tell her that. I should also tell her that the other things we had talked about – children and fusion – that the way I was feeling now didn’t change what I had said or what I thought about them. Fifteen minutes later I walked downstairs wrapped in a towel. Jasper was standing by the stove, cooking something that smelled delicious. She looked up as she heard the stairs creak.

“Hey babe, did you have a nice shower?”

“Yeah…” I walked up to her and leaned my damp hair against her chest and sighed. “I know you’re worried, beastie… I know I told you a lot of heavy stuff today and I really appreciate you listening and comforting me”

“Of course, my little monster” she kissed the top of my head and I smiled faintly. “And I’m not too worried… I know you’ve got this” she grinned down at my raised eyebrows. Her quiet confidence in me lifted my spirits and I felt my shoulders drop as I relaxed. 

“That smells lovely” I said and leaned forward to look into the pot she was stirring.

“It’s stew. Want a taste? Tell me if it needs more garlic” she raised the wooden spoon and held it out to me. I blew on it before taking a sip.

“Mmmh… Jasper oh my gods… How can you be this good at cooking?” I whined and took a bigger spoonful. She chuckled from behind me.

“So I don’t need to add more garlic then?”

“No, itsch perfect” I said with my mouth full.

“Then it’s done” she said with a crooked grin. I went to put some clean pajamas on and returned to the kitchen. A steaming bowl stood ready for me on the table and Jasper was ladling some more into one for herself.

“Thanks, beastie” I said as I sat down.

The stew was very tasty but the pizza from earlier prevented me from having seconds. I yawned hugely as I did the dishes and went outside for a last smoke before brushing my teeth. The bright light in the bathroom made the scar on my wrist stand out and I looked down at my arms. They were littered with them, both big and small. They were from before I learned to use the Rescue Ranger’s theme song as a way to calm down. It was nice that no one had asked about them. It wasn’t that I was ashamed; on the contrary there was a strange kind of pride – almost like looking at a battle-worn piece of armor. I had _survived_. I was still here.

“Going to bed?” Jasper asked as I stepped out of the bathroom, stretching.

“Yeah”

“I’ll join you in a minute”

As I lay down under the covers, Cake came up to me and snuggled in between my arms as I looked at Jasper’s pictures from the day again. They made me smile. I kept on swiping backwards and found the last pictures I had taken of Sam. “Look, Cake… this is your older brother, Sam. He was wonderful and sweet. He liked tuna too” Cake head-butted my chin and I kissed her little head. Jasper lay down behind me with a big sigh, then rolled over to wrap an arm around me.

“What are you guys doing?” she asked in my ear.

“Just – “ I yawned “looking at pictures”

“Is that Sam?”

“Yeah…”

“Who’s that holding him?” she asked as a photo of a tall red headed woman cradling Sam in her arms came onto the screen.

“That’s my best friend Robyn, I think this is from my birthday last year”

“What else happens on a birthday? Apart from cake wishes”

“It’s traditional to get presents and people sing the Happy Birthday-song. In the first Lord of the Rings movie Bilbo celebrates his one hundred and eleventh birthday, remember? There’s lots of people and food… The difference is that in the real world, the guests to the party bring gifts to the birthday boy or girl or whatever”

“Are there fireworks too?” Jasper asked interestedly.

“I guess you could have them if you wanted to, but it’s not standard” I mumbled sleepily.

“When is your birthday?”

“The twelfth of September” I yawned and Jasper gently took the phone out of my hand and put it on the floor next to the reading lamp. “Hey…”

“You should get some sleep, babe” she said into my ear.

“Mmm… If you say so…” Jasper chuckled softly and kissed my neck. I closed my eyes and was instantly asleep.

* * *

 

^London

*Mio, my Mio by GEMINI, English version

Flying through the garden  
Garden of the roses  
And the silver poplars  
I can see a bird  
  
It is the bird of sorrow  
I hear the bird of sorrow  
  
Singing of the long lost  
Land of faraway  
And my heart is trembling  
Then I hear my father say  
Mio my Mio  
  
High above the garden  
Garden of the roses  
I can see a big bird  
Making for the sky  
  
It is the bird of sorrow  
Singing about tomorrow  
  
I must leave the garden  
I must go away  
And my heart is trembling  
Then I hear my father say  
Mio my Mio  
Mio my Mio

* * *

Please review :)


	28. Horror Club

## Chapter 28: Horror Club   


“Babe, your phone is ringing again. Maybe it’s time to get up – it’s almost noon”

 

“Hmm wzt?” I mumbled into the pillow as I fumbled after my phone. I didn’t manage to find it before it stopped ringing and tried to focus on the screen. It had four missed calls from an unknown number. What the hell?

 

I sat up and looked around blearily. Jasper was standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

 

“Damn you sleep long, E” Amethyst popped her head out from behind Jasper and I raised the blanket to cover myself instinctively.

 

“Amethyst?” I realized I wasn’t naked and lowered my hands again. “What’s going on?”

 

Jasper walked in and sat down on the bed next to me. “You’ve slept for a really long time, babe. I didn’t want to wake you, and I didn’t want to leave while you were asleep so… Amethyst came here instead”

 

I yawned and stretched. “Mmm, good morning, or… good noon?” I leaned over to kiss Jasper and realized I really had to go to the bathroom. “Oh, excuse me”

 

After I had brushed my teeth and washed my face I exited the bathroom. I felt surprisingly good. There was some body aches, but not as bad as I had expected, and I was a lot less tired then anticipated too. How long had I slept? At least twelve hours, because I had fallen asleep before midnight, I was pretty sure. Oh, sleep, you wonderful, wonderful thing…

 

I stood on tip toe to kiss Jasper properly and she hummed appreciatively. “I made you some coffee” she said, looking slightly dazed.

 

“Oh, thanks, beastie” I smirked and slid my hand down her bum, making her chuckle.

 

“What about me, don’t I get some sugar?” Amethyst said sarcastically from the door to the garden.

 

I grinned as I picked up my cigarettes and walked toward her. I leant down and kissed her on the cheek, making her blush.

 

“Hey, I w-was only joking” she stammered and glanced at Jasper.

 

“I never joke about kisses, Amethyst” I smirked and sat down on the sofa. I could hear Jasper laughing heartily from the kitchen. They both came outside and Jasper sat down next to me. Amethyst hesitated a little, and I patted the cushion on my other side. “I won’t kiss you again, come sit down”

 

The purple gem sat down and leaned back with her arms behind her head. “Rough day yesterday, huh? Jacky Lee here was all worried when you didn’t wake up”

 

I raised my eyebrows at this and looked up at Jasper. She returned my gaze with a little embarrassed grin.

 

“Yes, it was a rough day” I said to Amethyst, then turned back to Jasper. “And thanks for not waking me, beastie… I think I really needed to sleep. I’m feeling much better than I thought I would” Jasper smiled and gave me a squeeze.

 

“Man, Steven was all excited when I got home. He was all like ‘Amethyst, guess what!’ and I was like ‘what, Steven?’ Then he was like ‘Erica can warp!’ and I was like ‘whaaat, that’s cool bro’”

 

“Huh?” Jasper stiffened up slightly at this.

 

“Oh yeah… Sorry, beastie – it completely slipped my mind… I warped us to the temple yesterday – by whistling”

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“Yes – and – I didn’t fall on my face” I sniggered at the broad grin spreading across her face.

 

“Always a bonus” Amethyst smirked.

 

“That’s… that’s amazing, babe” she stroked my cheek. “You’re gonna have to show me” I nodded happily.

 

“Speaking of warping – are we gonna go train today or not?” Amethyst asked, sounding a little bored.

 

Jasper looked at me as if asking for permission.

 

“For fuck’s sake, go train you knuckle heads” I smiled at them both. “How about we meet at six by the pizza place, we can have some dinner before the Horror Club at seven”

 

“Alright, babe. What are you going to do until then?” Jasper asked as they stood up.

 

“Order stuff for the Sowegian evening and answer some e-mails I think. Oh Amethyst, did Pearl or Garnet tell you about that?”

 

“Yeah, sounds like fun. We’ll be there” she smiled at me.

 

“Awesome. Oh, beastie, one more thing before you go…” I stood up on the sofa and held out my arms. Jasper stepped into my embrace with a grin and I ran my fingers through her hair before kissing her sweetly. “Thanks for yesterday, darling”

 

“You’re so welcome, babe” she ran her hand down my back.

 

“Now go before I change my mind” I whispered into her ear and she chuckled. Amethyst rolled her eye at us and let out a grunt of frustration before leaping over the fence with a “See ya later, E”.

 

Jasper kissed me again before stepping back. “Take it easy alright, babe?” there was a hint of worry in her eyes.

 

“I will, don’t worry” I said with a reassuring smile. She smiled back and jumped away. I sat down again and sighed, lighting a cigarette and looking down on my phone. Ugh. So many e-mails. Well, I’d deal with them after breakfast. Or lunch, whatever. I put on some music.

 

I fixed myself a quick omelet and some toast and sat down at the kitchen table with my laptop. There were a few from my publisher, some requests for interviews, the usual spam and a long e-mail from Parker warning me that Victoria was coming to Empire City for a business trip later this month. I scanned the text carefully but found no mention of Charlie – Victoria’s twelve year old daughter. Sometimes I worried about her – Charlie – because I knew what type of mother Victoria was. She wasn’t as bad as ours had been, but she would never win the most caring parent of the year award. The last time I had met Victoria face to face was at Charlie’s tenth birthday party. I had given Charlie one of our late grandfather’s secateurs – he had kept a beautiful garden and grew roses so deep dark red they were almost black. Charlie shared his green thumb and loved everything to do with flowers. Victoria and I had fought over whether the gift was appropriate for a ten year old, she saying that it was a dirty old dangerous instrument and I argued that it was good for kids to learn how to use tools, even the ones with sharp edges. The argument had gone off the rails after that and in the end Charlie was crying in her room, Victoria was having a drink in the kitchen and I was outside, smoking a cigarette with shaking hands. I usually never stood up for myself around her, and I think that’s what made it so much worse. But Victoria had called the beautifully crafted and extremely well cared for instrument ‘old and dirty’ – something she would never have said about if it came from someone else; Victoria was an art dealer for fuck’s sake – I had felt insulted on my grandfather’s behalf. He had been a good man and both Victoria and I had loved spending time with him in the garden, picking strawberries and helping to pull up potatoes and carrots… The look on Charlie’s face as she unwrapped it had been so happy… She had always admired it on my bookshelf where I kept it next to a picture of granddad. I had some other of his old tools hanging on the walls, but Charlie had been drawn to that particular one. I had figured that a tenth birthday should be special, and I never used that thing – the only plants to (barely) survive in my apartment were cacti – so I cleaned and oiled it and gave it to Charlie in the hopes that my grandfather’s legacy could live on through her. Man, had it really been two and a half years since that day? Charlie must have grown so much… I always sent a gift to her on her birthdays and for Christmas, it wasn’t her fault her mother was a dick.

 

I looked at my phone again and googled the number that had called me. It was from Great Breton, so it might have been Victoria… I didn’t have her number saved in my phone, for obvious reasons. The unknown number was unlisted, so it probably belonged to a pre-paid cellphone… Maybe they’d call again. I answered the relevant e-mails, sending Parker a detailed list of the stuff I wanted for the Sowegian evening. I could get most of the fresh ingredients locally, but the pickled herring and fresh summer potatoes would be hard to find in the grocery store down the street.

 

After I was done with the e-mails I ordered some books – I couldn’t go on reading the second Twilight book over and over. I logged into my favorite nerdy apparel web shop and got myself and Jasper a few new shirts and hoodies.

 

I turned the computer off and dragged a canvas out into the garden. Before I started on it I uncovered the two paintings Jasper and I had made the other day. Hers was so hauntingly beautiful… she had used the brush so forcefully I could see little strands of synthetic hair ingrained in the pigment. I traced the outline of the strokes, they were so passionate… It was so raw… It inspired me. I knew if I put on some harder music I might be able to tap into some of my own subconscious rage or sadness. I spent a few minutes putting together a playlist on my phone and then picked up the brush. It didn’t take long before I lost myself in the trance. After a while I took a step back and lit a smoke. It was a cave with purplish rock walls and some luminescent crystals, and in the corner was a golden cage which had some of its bars twisted, as if something had broken out of it. That cage… It wasn’t the first time that had appeared in something I’d made. Little black foot prints led away from it and off into the unfinished part of the painting. That was new however. They looked like they had been made by a kid. Barefoot. I looked down at my feet and saw I should really cut my toenails. I went upstairs to do that and realized I was still in my pajamas. Just as I was done in the bathroom my phone started ringing – it was the unknown number again and I answered.

 

“Hello?”

 

There was no response. “Hello?” I said again and then the call disconnected. What the hell? The service wasn’t too good upstairs maybe?

 

I painted for another hour or so and then changed into clean clothes. It was hard to decide on t-shirts, there was a choice between a green ‘All your base are belong to us’ shirt and a blue one with the Triforce on it. I smirked and picked the green one, then headed to the store to buy a side of salmon to make into gravlax. It took several days to cure in the fridge, but when it was done, it would _so_ be worth the wait.

 

At ten to six I left Cake with a full bowl of food and strolled lazily toward the boardwalk, feeling quite dapper in clean black shorts and the green shirt. I had even tried to brush my hair, since it was a special occasion. I arrived a few minutes before the hour and had a cigarette whilst leaning on the fence. At exactly six o’clock, Jasper dropped out of the sky and landed with a thud and a spray of sand twenty or so yards away from me. She dusted herself off and stepped cockily toward me, ignoring the curious looks of passersby. She cleared the fence easily and grinned crookedly, making my cheeks burn.

 

“Hey babe” she said and placed a kiss on my lips.

 

“Hello darling” I said a little hoarsely and he chuckled. She was really enjoying the effect she had on me; I could see it in her eyes. “How was your afternoon?”

 

“Pretty good… Amethyst was nearly able to land a decent punch on me today”

 

“Nearly?” I raised my eyebrows.

 

“Yeah… She’s coming along great” there was a hint of pride in her smile. “She’s really into this thing called ‘wrestling’ and invited me to fight Purple Puma in a match”

 

“That’s awesome, beastie” I smiled back at her. I had never seen an actual wrestling match – was it really fake? “Can I come too? I’d really like to see that…” my hand slid down the inside of her arm.

 

“Oh yeah?” she smirked down at me.

 

“Mhmm” I hummed.

 

“I’d love to have you cheer for me, little monster” she purred. The image of myself wearing a cheerleader uniform, complete with pom-poms appeared in my mind and I sniggered.

 

“Just as long as I don’t have to wear the uniform!”

 

“Huh?” she looked confused.

 

“There are people called cheerleaders, who cheer for sports teams and stuff. The girls wear uniforms with miniskirts and have these frilly things they wave around… And they chant and whip the crowd up, leading the cheer, see?”

 

“Oh, well… you could be naked for all I care. Actually, I think I’d prefer that…” she smirked and closed her eyes for a second and her grin broadened. “Yeah, that’d be good…”

 

“Did you just imagine me naked?” I giggled with my eyebrows raised.

 

She nodded and leaned down to kiss me again. Her hands pulled me closer and rested on the small of my back and I put mine on her hips.

 

“I won’t be naked, but I’ll cheer for you…” I murmured. “What would your persona be?”

 

“Persona?” she asked distractedly, tucking a stray lock behind my ear gently.

 

“Amethyst’s got Purple Puma”

 

“Oh… I don’t know… Can’t I just be myself?”

 

“I think you can, but it’s part of the fun to make up a character” I dragged her along toward the pizza place. “Come on, I’m hungry”

 

“Hi guys” Kiki greeted from behind the counter. “What are you in the mood for today?”

 

“I think it’s high time I tried your fish stew pizza” I said with a smile.

 

“Hmm… I’ll have the cappricosa, the pescatore and the mafia. Oh and some garlic knots”

 

“Oh yes, garlic knots” I nodded.

 

“And what would you like to drink?” Kiki asked politely.

 

“Mega Porp please” Jasper and I said at the same time and then sniggered.

 

“Coming right up!”

 

We went to sit down in the corner.

 

“You should have a special outfit, like Amethyst” I said with a broad grin. “Even if you go as yourself”

 

“What kind of outfit?”

 

“Anything you like I suppose… Something that’s easy to fight in… Or…” an image of Jasper in Xena-armor slid seductively into my mind and I completely lost my train of thought.

 

She waved a hand in front of my eyes. “Babe?”

 

“Sorry” I felt myself blush.

 

Jasper sniggered. “Now what did you think of?”

 

“Just you… In leather armor…”

 

Jasper burst out laughing just as Kiki came over with our drinks.

 

“Here you are, two Mega Porps. Your food will be ready in a few minutes”

 

“Thanks, Kiki” I said, tearing my eyes away from Jasper’s smiling lips with difficulty. The young woman put the glasses down on the table, gave us a bright smile and then went back into the kitchen.

 

“What did you do this afternoon?” Jasper asked me with a crooked smile. She was changing the subject to tease me and I played along.

 

“I answered some e-mails, ordered some food, books and clothes on the internet, and then I painted a little. Oh, and my phone rang again and I answered, but it disconnected after a few seconds. It might actually have been… Victoria”

 

“Your sister?” Jasper’s face was suddenly serious. “Why would she be calling?” there was more than a hint of anger in her voice and somehow that was reassuring.

 

“Parker wrote and said she’d be coming to Empire City for a business trip soon”

 

“Is that the large human settlement north of here?” I raised my eyebrows.

 

“Yeah… She’s an art dealer, so there must be some fancy show or something… Last time I saw her was like two and a half years ago, at my niece’s tenth birthday party”

 

“’Niece’?”

 

“My sister’s daughter. Her name is Charlotte, but she lets me call her ‘Charlie’. I worry about that girl… Victoria isn’t exactly like our mother, but still…” I looked down into my drink.

 

Jasper’s hand reached out to cover mine.

 

“Maybe it was Charlie calling earlier?” she said softly and I looked up at her.

 

“I looked it up, and it was a pre-paid account from Great Breton. So it might have been her... Maybe I should call the number and check?”

 

“Couldn’t hurt right?”

 

I pulled out my phone and made the call, feeling a little nervous. If it was Charlie, what would I say? Sorry I haven’t seen you since I ruined your birthday party? The call went straight to an automated voice mail and I hung up without leaving a message.

 

“Her phone must be turned off…” I put it back in my pocket with a frown.

 

“She’ll call you back. She did call four times this morning” Jasper said encouragingly.

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right”

 

“Here we are! One fish stew pizza, one capriccosa, one pescatore, one mafia and a basket of garlic knots. If you need anything else, just call and I’ll come right over”

 

“Thank you so much Kiki” I said with a slightly forced smile.

 

“Maybe I should give that leather armor some thought” Jasper said, trying to sound nonchalant. I knew she was changing the subject back to wrestling to try to cheer me up. I smiled more genuinely at her and picked up a slice of pizza.

 

“It’d look great on you… But then again, everything does…” I looked her in the eye and she jutted her chin out cockily and grinned – making my ears burn.

 

“Yes. Yes it does” she said confidently and took a huge bite of pizza. “What kind of character would you make, if you were a wrestler?”

 

“Me?” I was surprised at the question. “Hmm… I don’t know… Would I be me? In the sense of, this body, this strength?” I pointed at myself.

 

“Yes?” she looked at me questioningly.

 

“There are games you can play called role playing games, where you make up characters and play as them. Abilities, looks, weapons, all that stuff. And then you go on adventures or missions – it’s really fun. So, if I were me… I’d want to be something that means a lot to me, or something I stand for. Like I could be the Painter and my outfit could be a paint stained smock and a beret” I smiled.

 

Jasper looked at me with raised eyebrows.

 

“Or I could be… Heidúr, shield maiden, with full on armor and a winged helmet, ready to conquer all in the name of my Queen” I held out my arm in front of me as if brandishing a shield. “Or Natasha of the starship Penelope, a quirky mechanic with a heart of gold and a solid right hook”

 

Jasper was looking at me with her mouth slightly open. “You… came up with three characters, just like that?”

 

“Yeah” I said, feeling a little excited. “I mean, I’d never actually wrestle. I’d get crushed” I let out a little giggle.

 

“How about… you make the character and I do the wrestling?”

 

“Really?” I felt touched.

 

“Yeah” she nodded sincerely and I smiled broadly.

 

“I’d like that…” I wiped my mouth on a napkin. “Excuse me, I’ll be right back. Kiki?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Bathroom?”

 

“Oh, here, take this key”

 

“Thanks” I made a quick bathroom visit and then returned to the table. Jasper stood up as I walked back into the restaurant.

 

“Why do you do that?” I asked as we both sat down again.

 

“Do what?” she asked.

 

“Stand up…”

 

“Oh…” to my surprise she blushed. “It’s just what you do for your… It’s… It’s a sign of respect”

 

I felt my ears heat up.

 

“I can stop, if it’s bothering you” she said hastily.

 

“No, don’t… I like it” I put a hand on hers. “It makes me feel… special”

 

“Good” she smiled.

 

We finished our meal and I paid the check at the counter. It was five to seven and we made our way slowly to the light house on top of the hill.

 

“Oh, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to eat just before…” I huffed as I reached the top a good two minutes behind Jasper.

 

I collected myself and took some deep breaths before knocking on the door. Jasper reached down and grabbed my hand as footsteps approached the door from inside.

 

“Hi guys!” Steven said with a smile as he stepped out on the porch.

 

“Steven? You’re part of the Horror Club?” I asked in surprise.

 

“Yeah!”

 

“A-aren’t you a little young?” Oh man, had I just insulted him? “I-I mean, do you like these kinds of films?”

 

“Some of them, but I mostly come to hang out” he stepped back to let us in. We entered the cylindrical structure and I looked around.

 

“Wow, I’ve never been inside a lighthouse before…”

 

“It’s cool, right? Ronaldo has this as his hide out!” Steven set off up the circular stairs. “Come say hi!”

 

“Oof, more climbing?”

 

Jasper chuckled and let me go first, maybe she was thinking of when we had just arrived in Beach City and I was still healing from the shark bite. She had walked behind me on the stairs then too. We reached the top floor and saw a group of three people standing around a table.

 

“Hello Erica, hi Jasper!” Sadie came up to us and I hugged her in greeting.

 

“Hi Sadie, how are you? Thanks for inviting us”

 

“I’m fine, how are you? And no problem!”

 

“I’m good” I said and Sadie turned to Jasper.

 

“I’m good too”

 

“Great, this is Ronaldo” she gestured toward a young man in glasses who was sporting blonde dreadlocks.

 

“Greetings, Erica and Jasper” he said solemnly as he approached us. “I’m Ronaldo. Welcome to my humble abode. Sadie tells me you’re quite the connoisseur when it comes to the… more interesting parts of fiction, both animated and not…” he held out his hand to me and I shook it. He spoke as if he was addressing a very serious meeting. Jasper shook his hand too, a slightly confused look in her eye.

 

“Bah, stop it Ronaldo. You’re weirding them out already” Lars stepped into view and I felt my own face harden.

 

“Very nice to meet you, Ronaldo. Hello Lars” I said, trying to keep the ice to a minimum.

 

“Yeah, hi” he said sulkily and looked away with his lips pursed.

 

“Yeah, I dabble in all sorts of… fiction” Steven glanced at me with a smirk and I smiled at our silent joke.

 

“Have you seen Bad Taste before?” Ronaldo asked me and Jasper, ignoring Lars.

 

“I haven’t” Jasper volunteered and Ronaldo smiled. “But Erica has”

 

“It was a long time ago though” I held up my hands.

 

“Ah, excellent! Then it’ll be even better!” he said enthusiastically and gestured us toward a raggedy looking three seat sofa.

 

“Oh, Ronaldo, we won’t all fit. It was a squeeze with four of us, since you got rid of that armchair” Sadie said with concern.

 

“Well, I’m not sitting on the floor” Lars griped and sat down with his arms folded. Oh what a ray of sunshine he was…

 

“Oh. Ah, not to worry!” Ronaldo went over to a cupboard and brought out some blankets and pillows.

 

“We’ll take the floor” I suggested, thinking that adding both me and Jasper to the couch might be the death of it. Jasper shrugged.

 

We made ourselves comfortable on the floor, me sitting in between Jasper’s outstretched legs. It was really cozy to sit like that, Jasper could easily see over my head and I leaned back against her chest and looked up at her.

 

“Is this OK?” I asked softly as the others brought out snacks and drinks and sat down. Jasper nodded and kissed my forehead.

 

We were sitting on the right side of the couch; Steven was the closest to us. I saw Lars put an arm on the back of the cushions behind Sadie. She blushed slightly and Lars glared at Ronaldo who sat on her other side, furthest away from me and Jasper.

 

“Tonight’s movie will be the infamous Bad Taste, from before Peter Jackson’s more… commercial venture into the realm of Middle Earth. As true aficionados, we appreciate the true grittiness of this film. Let us… begin!”

 

Ronaldo clapped his hands and the lights went out, making me jump. Jasper chuckled and put her hand on my thigh.

 

The movie started to play and everyone fell silent. I felt Jasper gasp as the person in the beginning got their head blown off. It was called Bad Taste for a reason.

 

After a while I heard Lars say; “Get off me, man!” and I turned to see him shoving Steven away from himself. Steven huddled in the corner of the couch instead and met my gaze.

 

“Can I come sit with you guys?” he asked in a whisper and I nodded. To my slight surprise he crept in between my legs and sat down just like I had with Jasper. As the next person got magnificently slaughtered he put his hand over his eyes. He must have turned to Lars for comfort and I wasn’t surprised Lars had rebuffed him. I put a reassuring hand on Steven’s arm and he relaxed a little and leaned back against my chest. I looked up at Jasper – she had a fascinated expression on her face and she sniggered as the blood went flying. I liked the movie; it really was so bad it was good, but maybe it was a bit much for Steven.

 

"Hey" I whispered into his ear. "Are you OK?"

"F-fine" he said and looked down on the ground. I knew he was lying and felt a bit torn. On the one hand, I was kind of enjoying the movie - it really was so terrible it was brilliant, on the other hand Steven really seemed to be struggling to keep his dinner down. I leaned back against Jasper's warm chest and quietly said that I wanted to go have a smoke. She glanced from me to Steven and then back to me with a small smile.

"You want to come get some air with me?" I asked Steven and he got up so fast he nearly knocked me on the chin.

Sadie looked over and crooked an eyebrow at me and I mimed smoking a cigarette. Her gaze fell on Steven's back and her face took on a worried expression and she nearly rose from her seat, but I held up a hand and smiled. She really was sweet.

I followed Steven out through a door and salt laden air filled my lungs. He stood by the railing of the platform that encircled the lighthouse and sighed deeply. I lit a cigarette and joined him.

"So... not quite your taste in movies then?"

"No..." he sighed again and looked troubled.

"Why do you watch them?"

"I really like hanging with Lars, Sadie and Ronaldo and this is what they like to watch so... I don't know, it's usually not that bad but this is so... gory"

"I know right? I remembered it a bit differently to be honest"

"You've seen this movie before?"

"Yeah, years and years ago. I thought it was much funnier back then"

"Funnier?" Steven looked distinctly green.

"Yeah... But maybe it was the company. I saw this with my best friend and her siblings on Halloween when I was fifteen I think" I smiled at the memory. "But it's not for everyone and I think I see it with different eyes now"

Steven looked out to sea.

"I mostly feel sorry for them" he said quietly.

"The people in the movie?"

"Yeah..." his voice trailed off. "I suppose you think I'm silly. Lars teases me about it sometimes..."

I felt a surge of anger and my next words were accompanied by a tendril of blue light.

"Don't listen to a word he says, Steven! I think it's wonderful that you care so much, even for people in made up stories. It tells me you're a good person with a big heart and that is simply beautiful, don't let anyone tell you different" I put a hand on his shoulder rather more forcefully than I had anticipated and he winced slightly. "Oh, sweetheart I'm sorry"

"It's OK" he said with a slight smile. "And thanks... I usually don't let what Lars says upset me, because I know he's got things a bit twisted up inside. It's like he wants to say something nice but it comes out sounding mean, like it's a bad translation or something"

"Huh?" I raised my eyebrows at the insight he had into Lars, I mostly thought of him as a selfish jerk. Then I remembered what Steven had said about him before; that he really cared what people thought of him. Insecurity. Well, yeah, insecurity could make you really mean... Another thought collided with that one like a bullet train - had my mother been insecure? Was that why she had treated me so badly? No... that couldn't be it, could it? Steven adjusted his position and I snapped back to the present.

"Maybe we should head back inside" he said and stood up straighter, like he was preparing for battle.

"We don't have to" he looked up at me, resolve faltering a little.

"We don't?"

"No, of course not. If the movie makes you so uncomfortable, we could just you know, leave"

"But I don't want to leave... I still want to hang out with you guys and... When the movie is over Ronaldo always wants to talk about it and that makes me feel better because they talk about the details and point out faults and mistakes and stuff and it makes it seem... less real. I know it's not really real, but I don't know... It helps because... because..." he frowned slightly.

"Because they are breaking down the scary into bits that aren't scary?" I asked with a smile.

"Yeah... yeah! Exactly!"

"You know, that's really clever. It took me aaages to figure that out" he smiled up at me.

"So it'll be OK! And, sometimes we play games afterwards too"

"Oh, that sounds nice. What sort of games?"

"Video games or board games. Oh! Maybe we should have a game party sometime, or like a Game Club or something - where we play all sorts of different games!"

"That's a great idea! I used to do that with some friends when I was younger, it was really fun. Oh, there's this great tubetube channel called Geek&Sundry that has a show called Tabletop where they do exactly that - Wil Wheaton is hosting!"

"Who?"

"Wil Wheaton? He played Wesley Crusher in Star Trek the Next Generation?"

"Oh, isn't that the really old sci fi show?"

"Old?! It ended in 1994!"

"But it's 2016... that was" he counted on his fingers "... twenty two years ago"

"Oh... wow, OK... Man, I feel really, really old now" I sniggered and shook my head.

"How old are you?" Steven asked curiously.

"Uh" I briefly thought of telling him that you should never ask a lady how old she was and then dismissed that ancient piece of garbage from my mind. "I'm thirty two, thirty three soon"

"Really? You don't look that old" he said, studying my face intensely in the sparse light.

"Why, thank you, Steven" I felt my cheeks flush a little.

"When's your birthday?"

"September twelfth"

"That's pretty soon! What do you want for your birthday?" he was suddenly very excited.

"Hey, you don't have to get me anything" I said, feeling touched.

"Of course I do! Friends have to get you gifts when it's your birthday, it's practically the law, you know" he grinned slyly. "So... what do you want?"

"Oh, I have no idea... People always complain that it's hard to find me gifts" I smiled a little apologetically. My phone dinged and I took it out of my pocket to check - it was a text from Connie saying that she would love to come to the Sowegian evening and... that she was wondering if me and Jasper would want to come to her birthday party on Sunday.

" _När man talar om trollen_..." I said under my breath and then giggled.

"Huh?"

"Uh... Speak of the devil, or literally, 'when you speak of the trolls'. Connie is coming to the Sowegian evening and... she just invited me and Jasper to her birthday party on Sunday"

"Oh! You're coming, right?" Steven bounced up and down on his heels. "Me and the gems and Dad are going!"

Well, that meant that Amethyst and Jasper wouldn't go off to train that day, and I had no plans, so... Why not?

"I need to see what Jasper says, but I'm sure she'd love to go. Especially when I tell her there'll be cake" Steven laughed. "How old will she be?"

"Thirteen"

"Oh, my... Officially a teenager then" a thought struck me and I grinned to myself. I knew _exactly_ what to get Connie.

"The gems are giving her a new sun hat, because she loves those. Well, it's mostly from Pearl"

"What are you getting her?"

Steven gave me a sly grin. "It's a secret. What are you gonna get her?"

"That is also a secret" hopefully I'd be able to pull it off, but I had no idea if it'd be possible with less than a weeks notice.

"Hmm, so that's how it is, is it?" he said with a mock frown.

"Mmmyes" I said in a terrible attempt at a Scottish accent and wiggled my eyebrows. "Maybe we should head back inside, if you feel ready?"

"Yeah, I think so. Can I still sit with you though?"

"Of course" I said with a smile. He smiled back and took a deep breath. We scurried inside and I sat down in Jasper's lap again, Steven snuggling up to me and I put my arms around him. Jasper leant down to whisper;

"Everything OK? You were gone for quite some time"

I nodded and smiled at her in response. We sat in the dark for another half an hour or so and then the movie was over.

"So... what did everyone think?" Sadie asked as she stood up and stretched.

"It was so cheesy" Lars said with a cocky grin. "The special effects were so tacky"

"Yeah, the brains barely even looked like brains, they did a much better job at that in 'Zombie Night Party IV' and they had an even smaller budget" Sadie smiled at all of us.

"They did a great job in my opinion. Did you know they had to build their own camera dollies? This movie is a DYI masterpiece" Ronaldo supplied.

"It was fun to see Peter Jackson do so much really, I'm so used to him just making cameos nowadays" I said with a smile.

"What's a cameo?" Jasper asked.

"It's when someone famous plays a very tiny role in a movie - like Alice Cooper in 'Wayne's World' or - the king of cameos - Stan Lee himself"

Jasper looked as if she wanted to ask more questions, but Lars interrupted.

"Bah! More like king of cheese!"

"I really like when they do that, it's like an internal joke or a tip of the hat to fans" I said, trying really hard not to feel offended at Lars' rudeness.

"Yeah, oh - I really love Stan Lee's appearance in 'Mallrats'" Sadie said happily.

"Is he that really old guy with the glasses?" Steven asked.

"Yeah, that's him" Ronaldo nodded encouragingly. "He's in all the Marvel movies. The man is a... legend" Ronaldo actually placed his fist over his heart, making Lars huff indignantly.

"Have we seen any Marvelous movies?" Jasper asked me in an undertone. I smiled at her, my heart softening immediately.

"No, not yet, darling" the others got up and went over to the snack table.

"What are they about?"

"Mostly super heroes, like the X-Men and Spiderman and stuff. They're really great! Lots of action and TONS of explosions!" Steven said enthusiastically.

"What is a super hero?" Jasper asked with her eyebrows knitted together.

"It's someone with super human abilities... A bit like a gem, maybe. Super strong or fast, or they can control the weather... There are hundreds if not thousands of made up heroes with different powers"

"Sounds like something I'd want to see" she said with a crooked smile. "See how they compare to me, you know" she shrugged with feigned nonchalance, making Steven laugh and setting my cheeks afire.

"I've never thought of it that way..." Steven said breathlessly. "We... we are like super heroes aren't we?" his face lit up and he had stars in his eyes.

"Yeah, you are" I ruffled his hair and then leaned back to kiss Jasper. "Oh! I just thought of a wrestling name for you"

"You're gonna wrestle?!" Steven turned round to look at Jasper, his eyes wide.

"Thinking about it at least" Jasper said slightly self-consciously. "What name did you think of, babe?"

"How about... The Beast master"

"Beast master?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, because, you know... Cake and Frank and... beastie" she grinned crookedly. "And... it would be quite funny since Amethyst is Purple Puma, see? Because you'll kick her butt"

"I like it" Jasper smirked.

"Oh... I can see it now" Steven said, making a sweeping motion with his arms. "The stands are packed for the title match... The old rivals, Purple Puma and The Beast master will face off! Will The Beast master finally tame the wildest cat in the jungle? The crowd roars as you both enter..."

"That paints quite the picture" I said appreciatively. "Oh, it would be fun if we could write that into the backstory, that you and Purple Puma are old rivals, I mean" my mind spun away.

"Sounds good to me" Jasper said and kissed me.

About an hour later, Jasper, Sadie, Steven and I were heading down the hill. We had started playing Monopoly, but Lars and Ronaldo had gotten into a heated argument about some obscure rule and Sadie had suggested we leave. Apparently this wasn't uncommon and I was quite relieved someone else had made the decision for us to get out of there. When we reached the bottom, Steven told me Pearl had asked him to tell me to be at the house at ten the next morning. Sadie said that she'd be delighted to come to the Sowegian evening. I asked if any of the people coming had any allergies and they both said no. Me and Steven hugged goodbye before he headed out onto the sand toward his house. A few minutes later Sadie split off too.

"That certainly was a very... interesting night" Jasper said and I saw her shoulders drop a level.

"Some fun, I hope?"

"Yeah, the movie was kinda funny. But I prefer Lord of the Rings. That Ronaldo guy, I like him. He's got flair"

"Flair?" I sniggered at this. "I liked him too. Guh, I hadn't expected Lars to be there"

"You don't like him, do you?"

"No, I don't. He's horrible to Sadie and Steven sometimes. But they both like him. And I guess... I don't know. He's insecure; that's why he acts like that, but oh, there are so many better ways to be than.. than... like that" I finished lamely. "It's not like he's gonna get struck by lightning if he says he actually liked something... Or said something nice"

Jasper raised her eyebrows at me.

"Why does he bother you so much?"

"I don't like it when someone is mean to the people I care about. Both Sadie and Steven are so kind and sweet, they deserve to be treated better than that"

"Is that why you were outside so long?"

"I heard Lars telling Steven to get off him - I think Steven wanted to sit closer to him because he was afraid. When he sat down with us I could see he wasn't feeling well and I thought he could use a little break from the gore, so I asked if he wanted to get some air with me, then we talked about all sorts of things. Oh, I received a text from Connie - she's coming to the Sowegian evening and she invited us to her birthday party on Sunday. Would you like to go?"

"Birthday party? Like we talked about yesterday?"

"Yeah"

"She really invited me too?" Jasper's cheeks bore a hint of pink.

"Yes, darling, why wouldn't she?"

Jasper shrugged. "I don't know... I wasn't sure she considered me a friend"

"Of course she does" I gave her hand a squeeze.

"So we should get her something then? A... birthday present?"

"Yes! I have a really good idea, but I don't know if I'll be able to pull it off, or, Parker, rather... I'd be surprised if she couldn't though..."

"Now you're making me really curious" she said with a smile.

"I was thinking... You remember I told you about how I met Connie?"

"Yeah" her eyes darkened and her fists clenched. "I really wish I had been there - I would have twisted their stupid little heads off for disrespecting you like that" my nostrils flared at this, some primal part of my brain activating. It made me want to tear off her clothes and make love to her right here on the street. I coughed and felt my ears burning.

"They... uh.. destroyed her book..." I shook my head and continued. "She was so upset about it, and I totally get why. So I was thinking I'd get her a new one. Signed by the author"

Jasper's eyes cleared and looked at me. "Sorry, could you say that again?"

I repeated my last statement and saw a smile spreading across her face.

"I think she'd really like that"

"I think so too. You have to promise to keep it a secret though, if it doesn't work out I don't want to make her feel disappointed"

"OK. What should I get her?"

I was a little taken aback by this, but rallied quickly. "Hmm... What do you think she'd like?"

"I have no idea. What does she like apart from books?"

"Sunhats, apparently, but Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst are giving her one already. I don't know what Steven is giving her, he said it was a secret..."

"You said she fights with a sword, right?"

"Yeah, she does"

"Could I get her another one?"

"I think she'd like that but... I don't know how popular that would be with her parents. They seem rather strict"

"Her parent's don't want her to be able to defend herself?" Jasper looked a little offended.

"I'm sure they do" unbidden, the memory of the secateurs flew across my mind. "But I think it'd be safer if you got her something else... Maybe something that isn't sharp"

"Like... food?"

"Oh, I'm sure she'd love some candy" I smiled up at Jasper. "I think there's a fancy candy store by the square"

"Is that the place with the red and white sign?"

"Yes I think so. We could go there together during the week if you want"

"I'd like that" she smiled at me.

When we got home I took the salmon out of the fridge and started preparing it for curing.

"What are you doing?" Jasper asked curiously.

"I'm making gravlax for the dinner party, it's going to be _so_ good"

"But that's a few days away, won't it go bad?"

"No, it needs to cure in the fridge for a long time. It's like a very mild pickling process. I'm using my grandmother's recipe, she is the absolute best at making it, but mine's not bad, not bad at all"

"You're practically drooling" she sniggered and looked over my shoulder. "Can I help?"

"There really isn't that much to do, but sure. Could you remove the bones from this? There shouldn't be that many" I pointed to the second piece of salmon.

"OK" she washed her hands and set to it. When we were both done I took out sugar, salt, whole white pepper corns and fresh dill.

"First you take the sugar and rub it in all over the meaty side with a bit of water on your hands, then do the same with the salt, then you grind the pepper and sprinkle it on top and spread out the dill" she copied me. "Lastly, you put one piece on top of the other, meat against meat, thick end to thin end and put it all in a plastic bag. Oh, and you have to say the magic spell"

"Magic spell?"

"Yes, very important, very traditional" I said seriously. "It's a Sowegian tongue twister, but you have to say it _wrong_ "

Jasper raised her eyebrows at me. "And what is that supposed to do?"

"Make sure that the fish gnomes pay special attention to it and do a good job at curing it" I smiled. "That's the story my grandmother told me when I was little. And who am I to argue when there are fish gnomes involved?" I gave her a wink and she sniggered.

"Well, you have to respect the fish gnomes, obviously"

"Exactly my point"

I put the salmon in the bag and tied it together and cleared my throat, then patted it three times on top and said: " _Sex laxar i en laskask._ _Sex laxar i en laskask. Sex laxar i en laskask_. And now you put it on a platter in the fridge. Then you have to remember to turn it over a few times"

"What did the spell mean?" she asked as I closed the fridge door.

"It's supposed to go: ' _Sex laxar i en LAXask_ ', not ' _LASKask'._ It translates to 'six salmon in a salmonbox'. My grandmother has a lot of little spells and rituals, I think she made them up to make cooking fun for me and Victoria, but I keep on doing them for the special things like gravlax and gingerbread... I just hope everyone will like the food" I smiled a little sadly and Jasper put a hand on my shoulder.

"It's gonna be great, babe" she said huskily.

* * *

Please review :)


	29. Row, row, row your boat

## Chapter 29: Row, row, row your boat  


At nine forty-six the next morning I knocked at the screen door to Steven's house and Garnet opened.

"Morning" she said with a slight grin.

"Good morning" I looked around as I stepped inside. No one else seemed to be home.

"Tea?" she asked me, moving toward the kitchen. I felt very surprised at this.

"S-sure" I stammered, thinking of the conversation me and Jasper had had the night before last. Was this a good opportunity to ask?

"Hey... um... Garnet? Could I ask you something uh... very personal? Not you-personal, I meant me-personal"

She nodded and handed me a cup and gestured toward the couch. We sat down and I took a deep breath.

"Would it be possible for me and Jasper to... I mean, when she's - if we..." I sighed and clicked my jaw. "Could Jasper make me pregnant, in her uh... natural state?"

"No" she said with a small smile and took a sip of tea. I felt my shoulders relax.

"But could she if... if she shapeshifted?"

"Yes" a huge weight seemed to lift off my chest and I breathed out with a smile.

"OK... Do you know what exactly would she have to shapeshift?"

"She would have to make what is... missing from the equation"

"Oh" did she mean Jasper would have to look like a guy downstairs? That made me kind of uncomfortable. There was a big difference between a stem and a penis, in my mind. They were both well, phallus shaped, but... A penis had all these cultural meanings and so much history attached, whereas Jasper's stem was something new and, to be honest, it was exciting. I was actually kind of relieved it was so different from a human penis. But did it really matter what she looked like between her legs? It wasn't like that defined who or what she was. She was and would always be genderless. The mental image of her with a cock and balls was a little unsettling none the less. Then the idea of what she would look like with a vagina entered my mind and I suddenly felt my mouth go dry and my ears were probably glowing like a furnace. I gave myself a little mental shake. I liked her exactly the way she was. Her stem was part of her normal state, and it was beautiful, just like the rest of her. It was sort of endearing how it always wanted to interact with me and I wondered briefly how gems had sex. I would have to ask Jasper later. Garnet had said she'd make what was missing from the equation... Could that mean just - and I groaned internally at the thought - that she would have to make sperm?

"Um... Just to make everything super clear... Would she have to make all the um... equipment? Or can she just uh... make the important ingredient by itself?"

"That depends on her"

"OK..." well thank you for being super clear about that, really.

A thought hit me... She had confirmed that Jasper and I could get pregnant but... What would the child be like? A gem? A human with a gem, like Steven? Or 'just' a human? Those thoughts faded in significance as the most important question formed in my mind.

"It would be alright, right? The... child? It would be healthy?" I stared into Garnet's reflective shades.

"Yes" she said with an easy smile and put her hand on mine. "As long as you don't smoke during the pregnancy" a chill went down my spine and I felt kind of insulted.

"I-I would never jeopardize - " I began, but she squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"I know, Erica" she said calmly and my hackles settled.

"OK, good..." then a smile spread across my face. We could have a baby together! And it would be healthy! That's a lot more than others got to know! Holy shit... Holy mother fucking Christ... I could be a mother... That thing that had been niggling at me for the last few days suddenly bloomed into the forefront of my mind; was I capable of loving a child?

Could I love a kid the way Greg loved Steven, like Rose loved Steven? Could I love unconditionally, no matter what the kid said or did or grew up to be? Or would I default to the way my mother had been, treating me like dirt because I wasn't exactly what she wanted?

There was a sound of stone grinding on stone and Pearl stepped out of the door at the back of the Temple. She looked around and saw me and Garnet sitting on the sofa and walked towards us.

"Ah, there you are Erica. Good morning!" she said happily and I saw she was clutching the same clipboard from a few days ago. It was holding a lot more paper this time.

“Good morning” Garnet said calmly.

"Good uh, good morning Pearl" Garnet stood up and was just about to turn away when a sudden impulse struck me and I flung an arm out to grab her by the shoulder. She stopped and looked at me. "Thank you, Garnet. Thanks a million" I tried really hard to smile. I was really grateful toward her, even though my mood had been sort of knocked off kilter by that last question erupting in my mind. "And thank you for the tea"

"Just remember what I said about the cigarettes and everything _else_... will be fine" she had put such an emphasis on the word 'else' - had she known what I was thinking?

Pearl looked from Garnet to me and back to Garnet. "Everything... OK?"

"Yes" Garnet stated. "I'm going out" the tall gem stepped onto the warp pad, looked toward me again and gave me a double thumb up, the barest hint of a smile on her lips.

"What was all that about?" Pearl asked me curiously.

"Uh..." I felt a little floored. Had... Had Garnet meant that I wouldn't be... like my mother? Everything else would be fine... I made a deep sigh and slumped back against the pillows. I desperately wanted to talk to Jasper and cursed myself for not bringing up the subject of her getting a phone.

"You look pale" Pearl said worriedly and sat down on the coffee table in front of me.

"I'm... OK" I said and sat up straighter. This was good news. A smile slowly spread across my face and I felt my cheeks flush. I met Pearl's gaze. "In fact... I'm great. Really great"

Pearl raised her eyebrows at me. "What on earth did you two talk about?"

"She answered some questions I had" I wanted to discuss this all with Jasper before anyone else. Not that I thought Pearl would blab - would Garnet? No... She was good at keeping secrets, I was absolutely sure.

"I'm sorry Pearl, I'd really like to tell you, but I can't yet. Hope you don't mind"

"Oh" the pale gem looked disappointed. "No. No of course I don't mind" she waved her hand and put on a nonchalant face so see through it might as well be made of plastic wrap. I held back a laugh. It was obviously bothering her quite a lot, not being included and I felt a bit guilty. I considered her a friend, and she was training me, for free even (not that the gems seemed to really deal with money). I really did want to tell her and share the great news but Jasper had to be first.

"How uh... How were you feeling after our last session? Amethyst told me you slept a really long time, that you called it a 'rough day'... You seemed in such a good mood when you left here?"

"Yeah I was" I thought back to that day. It had been such a whirlwind of emotion. "I went home and thought a lot about what we talked about. I remembered a bunch of stuff I had pushed away and got really upset when they came rushing back... Jasper comforted me and we talked about what had happened and some other things" I rubbed my wrist on my knee without really realizing. I shouldn't say anything about the fusion thing either. Gods, this was hard work. I looked up at Pearl and to my dismay she was wearing an expression of regret.

"I'm really sorry Erica" she said quietly and I watched her put the clipboard face down on the table, pushing it away from herself, then she clasped her hands in her lap.

"Pearl... It was a good thing" I said softly and she raised her eyes to meet my gaze. "I needed to remember. I needed to talk about it. I think I still do, no I know I do. It's like cleaning out an old infected wound, if you can pardon the disgusting analogy. I know it's going to hurt but that shouldn't stop me from going forward" I couldn't believe those words were coming out of my mouth - not about this subject. "I mean, if you still want to"

"I want to, Erica. I haven't been able to stop thinking about how best to help you explore your abilities" she smiled shyly.

"Oh?" I felt a little surprised. I had barely spared it a thought and felt a little guilty. She moved the clipboard a little closer, as if not really sure it was OK.

"Yes. I find it fascinating"

"Fascinating?" I felt my cheeks redden further.

"Yes. There has never been someone like you before, well, at least not to my knowledge. Steven is the closest I have to compare to and he keeps on surprising us all the time"

"Really?"

"Yes, the last thing he learned was to control the speed of his descent, just like Rose could. Oh! And he can change the surface of his bubble! I've seen him grow spikes from it at one time" she smiled fondly.

"Wow... how much can you do exactly? I mean, all gems. You really sound like super heroes..."

"Ah, yes, Steven told me about that, very amusing" her eyes misted over slightly as she locked me in her gaze. "He also told me you took him outside for a while"

"He looked like he needed a break. Honestly I was really surprised to find him there at all, I didn't get that vibe from him - that he'd be into horror movies. But he said he was there mostly for company and that after the movie is over, they talk about it and it helps him calm down if he gets scared. He is very brave, doing something that frightens him just because his friends like it. And it's not because he wants them to like him or to seem cool, he just... wants to be with them. That's so... unusual in a boy his age. He really is something, that Steven..." I'd be lucky to have a kid like him, I added to myself and felt a little flare of happiness erupt in my chest. Me and Jasper's potential kids would have a great role model to look up to.

"That's so kind of you to say Erica and it makes me even happier to know that. We, I mean, Garnet, Amethyst and I are really grateful you did that, saw that he needed some air and said that there was an option of leaving and that that was OK too. You get many Pearl Points for that!"

"Pearl points?"

She sniggered into a dainty hand. "Yes... Forgive me. It's a point system that I use to help motivate Steven, and Connie occasionally, during training. Steven responds to it very well. Connie gets more satisfaction from knowing she has learned something new and I think she enjoy the Pearl Points like she would any other praise, but it would be unfair to exclude her and the competition for them motivates them both. So it's a win-win-win"

"What do you do with the Pearl points then? Most points win the day?"

"No, if you get enough points you get to pick a prize from the Pearl Pouch" she said with relish.

"The what-now?" I sniggered.

"The Pearl Pouch. Oh such wonder it contains. And mystery!" she said dramatically and summoned a fanny pack from her gem. "It's full of little trinkets and joke things like fake noses and oversized glasses and such - things Steven thinks are funny. Actually, it's quite fun to go out and get the prizes. Some of them are quite outrageous"

"I bet he adores it" I smiled at her, a wave of affection rolling through me. She really did love Steven to go to such lengths to teach him. Was that what she was trying to do for me too? Find something to motivate me? I glanced down at the upside down clipboard with its stack of papers. She followed my gaze.

"You've been doing some thinking I see" not sure exactly how I felt about that - a little exposed or a little flattered. Maybe a bit of both.

"Yes I certainly have" she picked the thing up and held it out to me. It was covered in gem writing, neat and tidy, with some English words thrown in here and there and some very careful doodles of the spear that was resting against my leg.

"Uh... I can't read this" I said, lifting the first page and finding the second one just as full of notes.

"Oh, right, um" she was flustered and her cheeks glowed a iridescent indigo. "Sorry I just got so carried away. Gem writing is so much more efficient, and it has more words than any human language, though some concepts and words don't exist in it, hence the occasional English word"

I looked down at the page again. There were two English words; Erica and butterfly. I checked the next page, there were a few more there; fish, cigarette and for some reason - duct tape.

"Duct tape?" I said with my eyebrows raised.

"Yes, in that passage there I'm reflecting over something that happened a while back now. Right after Steven discovered his healing power, Greg broke his leg, and Steven fixed it - but Greg pretended it was still broken so that he could spend more time with his son..."

"Huh, really?" I was a little surprised and I felt my regard for Greg slip a little.

"Yes... And as a consequence Steven lost all confidence in himself and lost the ability to heal for quite a long time. It doesn't always work, even now, as you noticed after your visit to the Prime Kindergarten. There is something called the Geode that was cracked and we needed Steven to heal it, but he couldn't. In the end Greg apologized and Steven forgave him and they worked together to seal the crack with duct tape. Personally I think there's more than just tape holding the geode together. I was thinking how ordinary objects, even human made objects like duct tape, can interact with a gem. I think it's Steven's belief that it would work was the thing that made it actually work and that imbued the tape with magic. That's one thing I want to test with you. We know that the spear enhances your abilities, but it is only a spear, beautifully crafted as it is..." she looked at it sadly. "I want to see if other things, like instruments can be used instead - if they can make the same results. And other material weapons too. It might be that the spear is the best possible combination for you, since it seems to resonate so well with you . Have you tried playing an instrument since your abilities, for want of a better word, awakened?"

"Uh no" I was a little overwhelmed. "Wait... The spear makes sound as it is wielded and we know that it interacts with the lights, so... you want to see whether it's the generated sound or the weapon as an object that makes it happen?"

"Yes" she said with an approving smile and I felt something I hadn’t felt in years: the pleasure of impressing a teacher - which in all honesty was a bit weird, since I thought of Pearl as a friend rather than an authority figure. Trying out weapons and instruments...

"Oh" a little thrill of excitement tickled my stomach. "I hadn't really thought of this as a mystery before... Like, it was just something that happened but now I'm really curious"

"Good! Then we're on the same page!" Pearl said enthusiastically.

"What else is in here?" I lifted a few more pages.

"More musings and lists of weapons and instruments that we have already that might suit you - I didn't know if you actually play any?"

"I used to play the piano and the recorder I guess, but not for oh, fifteen years or so for the piano and longer than that for the recorder"

"Ah, I see. Well for testing purposes we just need the thing to make noise I think"

"Hah! If I had known back then that playing an instrument would one day help me do magic stuff, I'd have been able to put up with my piano teacher for much longer" I said with a snigger.

"Oh? They were bad?"

"Yes! She would always scream at me if I slouched and I had to scrub my fingers raw before I could touch her precious piano. Bah"

"Oh, really! That sort of attitude is never conducive to learning!" she said indignantly.

"Yeah... Do you have any more ideas?"

"Yes, lots. The notes are in chronological order, but not in the order i want us to do them. I have a sort of plan staked out. We should start slow, build up to things like weapon and instrument testing - leave it for when you have more control over your powers"

"Oh, so... what do you have planned for today?"

"I'll tell you when we get to the desert" she said and actually winked at me.

"Alright, sensei" I quipped and she smirked back. Maybe that would be our dynamic, I thought to myself. Our internal joke - she'd call me grasshopper and I'd call her jedi master and we both knew it was a joke, that we were friends really.

We got up and walked onto the warp pad.

"Will you do the honors?" Pearl asked and I felt a thrill of nerves. I collected myself and thought: desert. The desert. Sand. Sun. Heat. I lifted my fingers to my mouth and the memory of my dad calling us inside during the summers played inside my mind as I closed my eyes. The sound was: 'Fwuuii-IPP'. I kept the sensation of myself running barefoot over pine needles and grass until I felt my feet touch stone again.

"Oh, well done! Very well done, Erica!" Pearl said happily and patted me on the shoulder. I grinned from ear to ear, so incredibly relieved it had worked again. The clipboard and pen were in her hands and she raised them interestedly. "What did you think of?"

"I thought of the way my dad would call us home during the summer time, when we were at my grandparents cottage. It was in a forest valley and he could whistle so loudly from the porch that you could hear it for miles. He taught me how to do it. And then I did like you said, thought about where I wanted to go. And I guess what Connie said helped too"

"And what did Connie say?"

"Basically trust that it would be OK. I don't know. There are few things that were certain in my life before, but that whistle only had one meaning: come home - it made me feel sort of... secure, in a strange way"

Pearl smiled at me and then scribbled this down. "Good, good" she mumbled and then straightened up. "OK. Today I want do a little experiment. I want you to sing 'row, row, row your boat'" I raised an eyebrow at this "and picture yourself singing it someone that you know - I will tell you who" this seemed a little more promising.

"OK?" I said uncertainly.

"Alright, let's warm up" she began singing scales and I joined in. After a few minutes I felt loosened up and Pearl looked at me expectantly. "OK, now I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath... Good. Feel your shoulders relaxing" I heard some rustling and figured she must have turned a new page. "I want you to picture yourself on a stage. In front of you are rows upon rows of empty seats. There is only one person in the audience. Before I tell you who it is, you need to know - there are only the two of you in the entire theatre. No one can overhear you, or walk in on you. If you want to leave, there is a door to your right that only lets you through - you are safe here" Pearl's voice was calm and warm and I could feel myself relaxing, a small part of my mind keeping alert and taking notes of its own.

"Let's start singing" she began the simple song and I followed her lead, trying not to feel stupid. On the third iteration she broke off and told me to continue by myself. After two more loops she spoke again. "Now the person in the audience becomes clear to you: it's Sadie. Sing to Sadie" I did sing to Sadie, picturing her smiling face, both of us knowing this was a bit silly. "That's right" I heard Pearl from far away. "Now, imagine Steven taking Sadie's place"

The Sadie in my mind got to her feet and faded away at the same time as Steven appeared and sat down. His face was excited and pointed round to all the different features of the theatre, his eyes sparkling.

"Now Steven gets up and Amethyst takes his place" the purple gem wolf-whistled and hooted at me, but in a way that made me feel supported, not mocked.

"Amethyst gets to her feet and then Lars sits down, keep singing" the young man scowled and glared at me as if someone had dragged him there kicking and screaming. He huffed and turned away from me.

"Lars is replaced by Garnet" the tall gem sat down and nodded in time with the song, her arms crossed and the corners of her mouth turned upwards ever so slightly.

"Garnet is replaced by... Jasper" she materialized and stared as Garnet vanished, then relaxed visibly and sat down - the seat magically being big enough for her to sit comfortably. Since we were alone now and no one else could see, she smiled so much her shoulders went upwards a little - just like they had done when she had said she hoped our fusion would be able to sing like me. I felt so touched she shared her sensitive side with me and only hoped she would come to trust the other gems... eventually.

"And now Jasper stands up and leaves..." she rose to her feet, smiled at me and walked a few steps and vanished. "... the person sitting in front of you now is... your sister" the theatre changed instantaneously. Everything became more angular and the colors seemed to drain away as Victoria strode from out of nowhere and sat down imperiously on an ornate seat. She looked at me with cold, cold eyes. It was so disheartening to see my father's eyes, my grandmother's eyes, my own eyes - looking at me with such disdain. She crossed her legs slowly, just like our mother had always done when she was preparing to unleash a tirade of criticism.

"Then it's time for her to go" Victoria didn't get out of her seat, but instead grabbed the arms of the chair tightly and stared at me indignantly. "and she is replaced by your best friend" Robyn materialized next to Victoria, bringing color back with her. She looked down at Victoria and my sister met her gaze. They spoke words I couldn't hear and Victoria reluctantly got up and stalked huffily away into nothingness and Robyn sat down in the chair with a slightly satisfied smile. That was my best friend alright. I admired the way she never took shit from anyone. She was the only one who could get Victoria to back off me - by the simple tactic of not acknowledging that Victoria had any power whatsoever. I had tried to copy that, but never succeeded. Robyn's age seemed to flow backwards and soon a seventeen year old girl sat in front of me, all gangly legs and freckles. She started to make funny faces at me, just like she used to back then, when trying to cheer me up.

"And now it's time for her to go" Robyn got up and moon-walked out of sight, her long red hair waving. "You can stop singing. I want you to go out the door now and come back to the desert, Erica... That's right, nice and easy. As you place your hand on the latch, I want you to take a deep breath. Good. Now step outside and open your eyes"

The sunlight on the dunes was nearly blinding and I shielded my eyes with my hand. My throat was very, very dry and I looked around for my backpack.

"Here" Pearls voice came from my left and I turned around. She handed me a bottle of water and I drank all of it in one go, then sat down on the sand. "Now... I don't want you to be mad at me..."

"Mad?" my voice was a bit hoarse. "Why would I be mad?"

She held up a tattered looking video camera and gave me an uncertain smile. "I recorded you" I felt rather shocked and exposed. My hand flew to my scar and I glared at her, feeling my cheeks go red out of embarrassment. "For research purposes only, of course! I didn't tell you because I wanted to get your genuine reaction" she said quickly and my lips parted, but no sound came out. "I'm sorry to have deceived you" she said and looked it, and my heart unclenched and I relaxed a little.

"I... think I understand... But, please don't do that again, OK? I'm pretty sure I would be more tense if I knew that I was being recorded - but only in the beginning - especially if you promise to not show it to anyone else - ever"

"I swear on Steven's life" she said solemnly. I don't think she could swear on anything more precious than that, so I lit a cigarette and tried to relax some more.

"So..." I said, feeling quite curious. "What happened?"

"Oh, Erica, it was absolutely fascinating!" Pearl said enthusiastically. "If we go back to the temple I can show you on Steven's TV - it's all set up"

"So this was your plan all along, eh?" I said with a grin.

"Yes. From now on I'll inform you of any recordings - but I might not be able to tell you exactly what we are doing, to keep your reactions as spontaneous as possible"

"OK" I nodded.

"Alright. As soon as you are done with that... thing" she pointed toward my cigarette with obvious dislike. "We can head back to the temple"

"This place is really beautiful" I said and shoved my hands into the sand and let it trickle between my fingers.

"It is that" Pearl turned away from the warp pad to look at the uninterrupted desert. "At night, the stars are so bright that you can see the Milky Way with your naked eye" she said wistfully.

"I could see that during clear nights on the island. It was amazing, I'd never seen it before..."

Pearl let out a little laugh and I looked up at her.

"Oh, your vacation... Got a bit more than you bargained for with that, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did" I grinned. "And I'd do it all again" a mental image of Jasper's sleeping face, so relaxed and serene in the fire light appeared in my mind. I stubbed out my cigarette with a little sigh and got to my feet.

"Ready to go?" Pearl asked me and I nodded and we stepped on the warp pad again.

"Can I go again?" I asked and she nodded encouragingly at me. I gathered my thoughts and after a few seconds I whistled and there was a ping. Back in Steven's house Pearl patted my shoulder.

"You're really getting the hang of it, Erica, nicely done" I beamed at her and she led the way up to Steven's bed. She hooked up the camera to a cord and rewound the tape. A slightly grainy picture appeared on the TV screen.

"Ah, there we are, now where is the remote?"

"Here" I handed it to the pale gem and we both sat down on the floor, the clipboard turned to a page in the middle of the stack. This time Pearl had written in English and I looked at her notes interestedly. I felt a little nervous.

"Let me just pause it for a moment, OK" she turned to me. "I propose we go through the people one by one, have a little pause after each and talk about what we see on the video, what do you say?"

"That sounds good" I said, nodding.

"Great, OK. Let's start"

It felt weird to see myself on the TV. I mean I had seen it before, but then I had gone through hours of preparations with hair dressers and make-up artists and someone telling me what to wear. This version of me, unadorned and with messy hair felt somehow naked by comparison.

I noticed, just like the picture Steven had taken of me and Jasper when we had made the cake, I looked very relaxed. Not at all stiff and awkward as I usually felt whenever I had a camera pointed at my face.

When we had warmed up, there hadn't been any lights, they only appeared after Pearl asked me to picture the first person: Sadie. I noticed my body language changing, it became more open and I smiled pleasantly. Yellow and silver ribbons flowed languidly through the air.

Pearl pressed pause and turned to face me again.

"How did singing to Sadie make you feel?"

"Oh, um... Like we were both in on a joke, that we knew it was a bit silly but did it anyway. It was OK to be silly with her"

She wrote this down and I was seriously impressed how fast she could write and stay so neat. When she was done she pressed play again. When Steven's name was mentioned, my face and voice softened and sounded happier, pale yellow gold butterflies joining the ribbons.

"What did singing to Steven make you feel?"

"He was being adorable, pointing around to all the different things in the theatre. I felt happy to see him enjoying himself" Pearl made some more notes and then started the video just where Amethyst's name was said. I stood up a little straighter and leaned over on one hip and flicked my hair - I knew I did that when it got in my eyes, but I had never seen that from the outside perspective before. It looked both cocky and emo at the same time and I wondered if it always looked like that. The butterflies disappeared and the yellow and silver ribbons twisted a little jerkily through the air.

"How did that make you feel?"

"Amethyst was being loud and pretend-mocking me, but I felt supported"

The next person up was Lars and I could see myself frowning as I sang to him. My shoulders rose slightly and my chin lowered and I planted my feet firmly in the sand. The lights turned green, taking the shape of tattered looking butterflies, or maybe they were just jagged leaves, whirling around quickly.

"How did he make you feel?"

"I don't like him. He is mean to Sadie and Steven sometimes and there is no reason for that at all... He doesn't need to be that way"

Pearl restarted the tape and Garnet's name was called. I straightened up and my hands clasped behind my back, as if I had just been given the order 'at ease'. I sang more confidently and the yellow and silver ribbons came back, thicker and moving smoothly in time with the song. There were a few sparks of purple woven in between.

"How did Garnet make you feel?"

"A little intimidated, but mostly good. Like she was approving of seeing me on the stage"

Pearl scribbled this down and raised the remote again.

Next was Jasper. As soon as her name was mentioned a broad smile appeared on my face and my body relaxed, head cocking slightly to the side. I flicked my hair again, this time it looked more flirtatious and confident than cocky and emo. My voice sounded huskier and sweeter, the butterflies there again - this time pink, orange and gold among gold and pink ribbons.

"And how did she make you feel?" Pearl said with a little smile.

"Happy and honored" I felt my cheeks flush and Pearl raised her eyebrows at the word 'honored'.

Next up was Victoria and a knot appeared in the pit of my stomach. I saw my shoulders tense up and my head lowered, hands finding their way into my pockets. My voice became stiff and steely and green and purple sparks skittered around me erratically, the occasional black dart shooting through them.

"How... how did that make you feel?" Pearl looked at me uncertainly.

"Like she was going to yell at me. Like I was wrong and ugly and beneath her... When you said she should leave she didn't - because she hadn't told me off yet. But then Robyn talked to her and got her to move"

This time I pressed the button and saw my face lift and smooth out, purple and green sparks gradually replaced by white and gold butterflies and silver and pink ribbons.

"And how was that?"

"Robyn could always make me feel better after dealing with Victoria... I was glad to see her goof around, happy she was there for me, like always..."

Pearl spent a longer time writing now, apparently lost in thought. When she finally put the pen down, she gave a little satisfied sigh.

"Excellent. This is some excellent data, Erica. It confirms some of my earlier theories - about what colors are related to which emotions"

"So what are your conclusions?" I asked curiously.

"Well. Cold colors are negative emotions, definitely. As previously established, blue is anger and purple is fear or anxiety. Green is you disliking something, or being uncomfortable or disapproving. Black is..."

"Sadness or sorrow" I interjected.

"Ah, yes" she made a note. "Yellow, gold and white are happy, comfortable colors like joy, friendship and enjoyment. Pink is more intimate, like trust. A deeper connection, maybe even love. Extremely positive in any case. Then there's orange - I've only seen that together with mentions of Jasper - it might mean romantic love, adoration... or sexual attraction" Pearl's cheeks were a pale blue. "A-and then there's silver - I don't know what that means yet" she said hastily as if she wanted to get away from the scary subject of sex.

"It feels like... silver sort of... underlines the other colors or speaks to intensity. I've seen grey too, I think it adds... bad weight"

"Bad weight?"

"Yeah, like... that heavy feeling in your gut when you suddenly realize something bad is about to happen or that someone is about to tell you some terrible news. Or when it just sucks that things are bad and you can't do anything about them"

Pearl wrote this down too. "Now, let's talk about shapes. Today we've seen butterflies, stripes and sparks. What other forms has the lights taken?"

"Hmm... There have been like... clouds? Or vapor? And lightning, oh and the little fish. At some point it looked like shooting stars and one time I think it looked like rain. There have been combinations too, like today"

"Does the shapes correspond to a certain color or can they be different?"

"They can be different. I've seen clouds of purple, black, grey, white, gold and green. The lightning has been blue, orange and white, I think. The fish were silver. The ribbons have been pink, gold, white and green. The butterflies have been gold, yellow, orange, pink and white. And I've seen blue, purple, green and white sparks. The falling stars and rain were both gold. And there was this other time... When me and Jasper were surrounded by all the colors of the rainbow - including the cold ones, but I didn't feel bad at all, it felt really, really good"

"Oh?" Pearl was scribbling furiously. "What had happened before they appeared?"

"I had just told Jasper about some of my past and she thanked me for trusting her with it and said some incredibly sweet things... Then we kissed for a long time... The lights appeared after that, or... during probably"

Pearl looked at me with slightly blue cheeks. "I... see" she said and cleared her throat. I raised my eyebrows at her. "It's just a bit well, weird to hear Jasper saying sweet things"

"Look, Pearl... I know things are not... _easy_ between you, but Jasper is so much more than you know. I mean, I hope that eventually you guys will get along better and then you'll see just how big and beautiful her heart is..."

"I'm sorry, Erica, that was rude of me" Pearl sat up straighter. "Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if you hadn't gone to that island... I mean, we should thank you, really. I'm afraid what would have happened if you hadn't found her. She might have come looking for us, tried to capture us again. Or maybe the rubies would have taken her to home world - with all the information she had on us, about our base and our forces, or lack thereof... It could all have ended so differently" she looked into the distance, as if seeing another timeline play in front of her. "I wouldn't exactly call Jasper a friend, but at least she's not an enemy anymore... I really should be more grateful" she said and nodded decisively. "I am" she looked at me. "We are all lucky you were there, not just Jasper"

I felt my cheeks and ears burn slightly. Had I really changed things that much? No, I thought, feeling a little light headed. "You give me too much credit" I mumbled. Could it really have gone the way Pearl said? What would it have been like then? Would home world just have showed up one day and eradicated the rebels, maybe even the earth? A chill went down my spine.

"Don't underestimate yourself" Pearl said softly. "A kind act in the right moment can change the world... Rose certainly did, and Steven too. When Lapis tried to steal the ocean - "

"When Lapis did what?!" I stared at Pearl with incredulity.

"Oh, um... Jasper hasn't spoken about Lapis?"

"Not... a lot" I felt anger rising like bile in my throat.

"Lapis' gem had been used to power a mirror for thousands of years... I _gave_ this mirror to Steven so he could _learn_ more about gem culture, since that is what those mirrors were _for_ \- they could show you anything they had seen. The gem was _cracked_ and I didn't think it'd work anymore, but Steven wanted it anyway. He said it spoke to him and me and Garnet and Amethyst wanted to take it back and bubble it, because the mirror shouldn't be able to do _that_. Steven got upset and ran away and then removed the gem from the back of the mirror, and Lapis reformed, asked him to come with her, away from us, but Steven refused. She screamed at us, terribly angry that she had been kept prisoner in the mirror for _thousands_ of years - I had no idea, honestly. Then she left through the ocean. The next day the sea was just... _gone_. We suspected Lapis of being the culprit and set off after her. Eventually we found her - she was trying to build a tower of water to reach the stars - she wanted to go home. When we arrived at the base, she fought us and would have destroyed us if it weren't for Steven's shield. He went to the top of the tower and talked to her, then healed her gem. With it restored, she could use her water wings to fly into space and she disappeared and the ocean came back to us. Months later, we received a transmission from her that home world was coming to earth and it was true, we tried to prepare, evacuated Beach City, tried to keep Steven out of the confrontation, but he came to us, saved us with his shield. Jasper had ordered Peridot to shoot us with the ship, when she realized Rose wasn't with us. But when she saw Steven's shield, she recognized it as Rose's...  Lapis tried to intervene - she hadn't told home world about us, or as little about us as she possibly could - Peridot had brought her as an informant. Jasper used a weapon called a gem destabilizer to poof Garnet and then head butted Steven so he was knocked out, then they grabbed me and Amethyst too and dragged us aboard the ship and put us in different cells. Steven got out of confinement - the energy field that keep gems from escaping didn't affect him like it did us and he helped us get out too. Garnet reformed and there was a fight with Jasper, Amethyst, Steven and I tried to apprehend Peridot, but she threw herself into an escape pod. We crashed the ship on the beach and thought it was all over, but then Jasper stepped out of the wreckage, demanded Lapis fuse with her so she could defeat us. They formed Malachite and the part that was Lapis dragged them into the ocean with chains of water..."

I stared at Pearl, mouth slightly open. I remembered what Jasper had said, that Lapis had been used and hurt and very, very angry at everyone for treating her the way they had. A big part of me roared that that it didn't matter, that I would tear her limb from limb for how she had tortured Jasper.

"But she didn't have to fuse with Jasper! She could have just said no!"

"I think she saw an opportunity and took it..." Pearl said calmingly.

"An opportunity for revenge..." I muttered angrily and my hands balled into fists.

"I guess... I can see you are getting angry, Erica"

"No shit, Sherlock..."

"Maybe this isn't the time to bring it up, but... This situation reminds me a lot of when Steven and I came to visit you, when we had that... fight..." she clasped her hands together in her lap and a look of shame swept over her features. I felt a cold thrill shoot through me. "I _hated_ Jasper for what she had done to us and for what she had nearly done to Rose... but things had changed, Jasper had changed. I couldn't see past my own anger and hurt and I nearly killed you, I was so blinded by it... Please, don't make the same mistake I did"

My eyebrows knit together at her words. Was I losing myself in anger at Lapis? But it was justified, wasn't it? _Wasn't it_?

"Steven loves Lapis... And I think Peridot does too, in her own way..."

"But I - " anger and logic battled inside me fiercely. I had said that it's hard to let monsters become heroes - but I didn't want to think like that about Lapis - she was just so _bad_ and - then I stopped myself. Wasn't I repeating what Pearl had said back then? She didn't want to see that Jasper had changed, so that she could go on hating her... Would it take me nearly killing someone too, for me to realize the same thing? Well... _would_ it? But... had _Lapis_ changed?

"I don't want to hurt anyone, but... Whenever I think of her I just get so - graaah!" blue tendrils of light wrapped around my fists as I thumped them on the floor - there was a very small clap of thunder - and to both my and Pearl's shock, I was lifted a few inches off the floor, like I'd just been bucked off a very tiny pony. I stared at my hands - my knuckles looked a little scorched - and then at the floor - there were two distinct burn marks in the wood.

"Holy shit fuck" I said breathlessly. "I, uh, I'm s-sorry about the floor"

"Oh my stars" Pearl leaned forward to touch the blackened boards, withdrawing her hand quickly after brushing her fingertips against them. "Oh! That's hot!"

I leaned forward too and held my palm just above the wood and I could feel the heat coming off it. Pearl took my hand and held it up so she could inspect it.

"It looks like they've been scalded" she said with both concern and fascination. "Go downstairs and run them under the tap" she ordered and I got up to do so, feeling dazed.

The cold water was soothing on my hands and I stood there for a while, thinking. So this was new... Looked like the spear wasn't the only thing that could interact with the lights. Would they all burn me? The butterflies had settled on Cake and in Jasper's hair and on her skin, but she hadn't been hurt by them. Maybe it was just the lightning that hurt? It had burned that gem mutant so it got off me in the Kindergarten, hadn't it? A smile spread across my face. What if I could wield lightning in my hands like Zeus? Now _that_ was _incredibly_ badass...

Pearl walked up next to me and leaned against the sink, holding the clipboard and pen in her hands.

"I take it that's never happened before?" she said thoughtfully.

"No"

"Hmm... Garnet can send electricity into objects, but she isn't hurt by it... Maybe it's something similar? How are your hands?" I took them out of the water and held them up. They looked a little red and there were a few blisters.

"It doesn't hurt that much"

"Have you ever touched any of your other lights?" she asked interestedly and I shook my head.

"No, but the butterflies have landed on both Jasper and Cake and they seemed fine"

"We must test them all... Maybe we should get you some hand protection first though"

"Like gloves?"

"Yeah. But is it lightning in the sense of electricity or... maybe even plasma? Because it was certainly hot"

"Maybe electrician's gloves?"

"Would they survive the heat, do you think?"

"I have no idea"

"I think that's enough cooling, let's wrap you up" Pearl went to get some bandages and I dried my hands carefully on a paper towel. The pale gem dabbed my skin with disinfectant and spread some sort of salve over my knuckles before bandaging me up neatly.

"You're really good at that, Pearl" I said and flexed my fingers.

"I've had to learn since Connie started training with us, it was a condition of her parents. Steven is extremely durable and mostly he only gets scrapes or bruises and he heals very quickly. Hey..." she looked me in the carefully in the eye.

"Yes?"

"About Lapis..." to my surprise, my emotional reaction was a lot less than before, but my hackles still rose to the sound of her name. "Think about what I said, OK? Maybe you won't hurt anyone else, but I don't want you to hurt yourself either" she looked at my bandaged hands, then her gaze slid over my scarred arms and her brow furrowed. "They weren't accidents, were they?" suddenly I felt very vulnerable.

"N-no, but..." a puff of purple left my mouth and I completely lost my train of thought. I stared at it for half a second before raising my arm through it - it parted like mist and for a very brief moment my skin tingled like my arm had fallen asleep. But the most curious thing was that the vulnerable feeling _doubled_. I let out a high-pitched "Ah!" and put my hand across my suddenly searing scar, producing another little purple cloud, this one darker in hue. Pearl looked at me and furrowed her brow, then reached out before I could stop her and waved her hand through it. I watched her cringe and take a step back, raising her hand to the back of her head with a slight yelp.

"Wh-what was that?! My head, ohh... It felt like someone pressed a hot iron to it! And... oh..." her free hand clutched at her top "I feel so... so..."

"Vulnerable?" I asked in a very small voice. Pearl looked at me, astonished.

"I-is that how you just felt?" I nodded and she lowered her hand from her head and looked at it in horrified amazement. "I've never felt that kind of physical pain before... Is that how... how your scar feels all the time?"

"No. It doesn't happen very often" I could feel the increased vulnerability fading away fast. Pearl seemed to be recovering quickly too.

"What did the first one feel like?"

"Tingly, like my arm had fallen asleep, and then the feeling of vulnerability... doubled"

"Fascinating" she said breathlessly and picked up the pen and began to scribble. "Hmm... So I got the second, concentrated cloud, which was double the effect of the first one, I'm assuming..."

"Can we go outside?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Sure, sure" she said distractedly and turned toward the door. We sat down on the chairs outside and I lit a cigarette with some difficulty.

"I wonder..." she said slowly. "I wonder if all your lights are like that - interactive manifestations of your emotions"

"'Interactive manifestations'?"

"Yes, I could feel exactly what you felt, I think. I'm very interested to try some more" she said enthusiastically.

"Right..." I felt rather rattled. "Pearl..." she looked at me, her face falling and then she gasped, her hand flying to her mouth.

"Oh, it was what I said wasn't it? About your sc-" she caught herself mid-word, held her breath for a moment and then sighed. 

"Yeah... It's OK to talk about with you, right?" I asked tentatively.

"O-of course" she looked at me with worried eyes.

"Good, OK... It's OK to ask too, I was just a little surprised and with everything else going on I think it just passed through all my defenses. They are from a time when I didn't have any other outlet and I hadn't learned another way of handling getting overwhelmed"

"So they are self-inflicted then?"

"Yes. And to be honest I hardly notice them myself anymore, I'm so used to them being there. I've learned to be proud of them - I know that sounds a bit morbid, but it's better than regretting it. I like to look at them as lessons, well, not just the ones I made myself, but all of them... Because they did teach me things and make me remember stuff. This one" I pointed to the one I had shown Steven the day after we made the cake (the one on my chin). "I got that from my first roller coaster ride with my best friend. I was wearing a big ring and managed to scrape myself during the ride. Robyn noticed immediately and gave me her scarf and I held it there until we could find a first aid station. It meant so much to me that she helped me out, that she didn't run away" I smiled at the memory. "She wasn't just a good-time friend, she was a bad-time friend too"

Pearl smiled. "She sounds like a great friend"

"She is..."

"Do you mind if I ask... What did the self-inflicted ones teach you?"

"Well... Many things I guess" I thought for a moment, not sure if she wanted to hear all of it. "Some of them are kinda... sad" she nodded at me to go on. I took a deep breath. "The first thing they taught me was that my mother didn't care how I felt inside. I was almost thirteen when I started and my mother saw during a holiday from school and yelled at me and forced me to go shopping for long sleeved shirts. She was so angry at me and asked who else knew and I told her no one. But, of course Robyn did. She was terrified any of her friends would find out and that it would reflect badly on her..." I remembered how she had cursed at me and grabbed my wrist so tightly my hand went numb. I breathed out a heavy cloud of purplish green and Pearl looked hopefully at me. "I'm not sure you want to touch that" I said warningly.

"But can I?" she asked eagerly. I nodded briefly and she raised her right hand carefully and let her fingers fall through it.

She froze for a moment and then her face contorted in pain and she gasped and gripped her left wrist.

"P-pearl?" she whimpered quietly and I instantly regretted letting her touch the cloud. I put my hand on her back and made soothing motions. "It'll pass, just... just breathe"

After a little while she straightened up and wiped her eyes. "Oh... my stars..."

"What... what happened?"

"I... was somewhere else. In a place with high ceilings and big pictures on the walls..." a trickle of ice ran down my spine. "There was a woman, she... she... oh" she rubbed her wrist gingerly. "She snatched my arm up and squeezed it _so_ hard! I couldn't feel my f-fingers..." she looked like a kicked puppy and I felt stunned.

I tried to speak but my mouth had gone dry, I swallowed hard. "I remembered her grabbing my wrist when she found out - I think... I think you just saw my _memory_ "

Pearl looked up at me sharply and then her eyes unfocused. "What was that she said? 'Eifla' something..."

I felt a twinge in my heart. "'Vad har du gjort, din jävla idiot'" I said tonelessly. "It means, what have you done, you fucking idiot"

She made an exasperated noise and slumped back in her chair. "How can a parent... say something like _that_ to their child?"

I shrugged. "That's how she acted when she got angry, but she didn't usually... grab me like that"

"Erica, I'm so sorry... That was simply _awful_!" she said fiercely and I felt a strange comradery toward her. Someone knew how my mother had behaved now, had experienced it through my eyes. I smiled at her faintly.

"Thanks for saying that, Pearl" she calmed down a little and smiled back.

"That was unpleasant to say the least, but terribly interesting at the same time - I actually shared one of your memories, felt the physical sensations, saw and heard everything... Excuse me, I have to make a note of this while it's still fresh" she picked up her pen and began writing furiously again, mumbling under her breath.

I sat back in my chair and looked out on the beach. Some people were playing volleyball in the distance. I picked up my phone and saw it was just about lunch time and wondered if Pearl would like to join me for a meal, then I remembered she didn't eat. Maybe I needed some alone time... Yes. I felt a sudden urge to go swimming. Did I dare? It would be so nice to just float... Maybe there was a lake somewhere around Beach City? The ocean was still too... sharky. Suddenly I was in the mood for sushi. Oh, I should totally stop by the sushi and ice cream bar to have lunch. Did they sell ice cream in containers there? Then I could bring some home to Jasper and she could taste the real deal...

"Pearl, I think I'm gonna go have some lunch, if you don't mind" she looked up from her note taking.

"Oh, that's fine. Today certainly has been an education, we've made so much progress!" she said enthusiastically. "Thank you for sharing, Erica... This is all so wonderfully interesting"

"Thank you too, Pearl" I stood up and stretched, feeling like the backlash tomorrow might not be so bad, well, apart from my hands... But they'd heal. "Hey what was that salve you put on my knuckles?"

"Oh, it's a burn ointment of my own invention. It speeds up the healing process quite a bit. You should take it with you! Put it on twice a day and it'll probably be healed day after tomorrow"

"That's... wow, that's amazing" she smirked a little and got up to get it.

"Don't get it in your eyes though" she said warningly as she handed the little glass jar to me. "And take care of yourself. Our next joint training session will be in two days, in the afternoon, in case your dinner party runs late into the evening tomorrow"

"Good plan" I said with a smile.

"I'm thinking that the joint training sessions will be where we focus on your spear skills, and we'll leave your other abilities for our private ones. Eventually you will have more control and then we should combine them, but for now, let's keep them separate"

"OK" I nodded and picked up my stuff. We hugged for a long time and it felt somehow more relaxed than before, like we had known each other for years instead of weeks. I waved goodbye and headed toward the delicious prospect of lunch.

I unlocked the door to the house with slight difficulty and put my gear just inside the door and brought the bag from the restaurant into the kitchen. Cake greeted me with a loud meep and sniffed the air interestedly.

"Do you want some sashimi?" I asked her as I put the ice cream in the freezer and then unpacked my lunch. I had got three slices of tuna, salmon and white fish sashimi for Cake as a treat and put them on a plate for her. She devoured them greedily and then licked her chops, looking extremely contented.

I turned on my laptop and read a few emails - Parker reported that she had in fact got in touch with the executive assistant of Evelyn Myers and a signed copy of the book was already making its way toward my mailbox, as well as all the food items I had requested. They would arrive early tomorrow morning! I started to laugh out loud and then called her up.

"Holy fuck balls, Parker! You are a miracle worker!"

"Well, hello to you too" her voice was a little smug. "It wasn't that hard to be honest, you _are_ signed by the same publisher..."

"Shut up and let me praise you, damn it"

"OK, fine" she giggled.

"You are the fixiest fixer in the history of fixers, Parker. I'm so nominating you for employee of the month..."

"Oh, don't you dare!"

"This is going to make Connie so happy! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"It's what I do" she said confidently and I could just picture her leaning back in her chair and kicking off her shoes like she always did when she was feeling particularly good. "So, Brooksie, have you run into any more sharp objects lately? It's getting quite dull at the office..."

"All my blood is where it's supposed to be, well, nearly all of it at least"

"What did you do?" Parker drew out the 'do' sarcastically and I sniggered.

"Oh, there's such a lot to tell you, Parky-park, _such_ a lot..." I teased.

"I'm all ears" she said curiously.

"Strictest confidence, of course"

"Of course!"

"Well... The day after you left..." I began to recap the things that had happened since I came home from the hospital and Parker gasped and squeaked appreciatively at the appropriate moments. I ate my lunch as I spoke, not being able to resist. It was, of course, just as tasty as the time I had had lunch with Sadie at the actual restaurant. Parker asked me a bunch of questions and when we finally hung up my throat was quite sore. Of course I hadn't included everything, some things were between me and Jasper and that's where they would stay. I really wanted her to come home now, I was just bursting to tell her the good news about the possibility of making a baby together. And about the session with Pearl. I was feeling quite energized after my conversation with Parker and decided I would brush up on my spear combo a little before putting up the table and chairs for tomorrow. But before that I needed to prepare a little game for the party.

About two hours later I was dripping with sweat and my hands ached from the chafing bandages. I had finished the game idea and had made a long table and put up all nine folding chairs neatly. I knew I would spend all day tomorrow cooking  and I checked if we had any pie shapes. The well-stocked kitchen disappointed me however and I decided I would take a quick shower and then go to the store. They would be bound to have disposable aluminum ones at least. I checked my list of ingredients against the shipment information and then realized I needed to buy some minor things like sugar and dill. I went through the cooking process in my head and felt I had a pretty good plan. I would make the pies first so they could mature a little and cool down on their own before putting them in the fridge. The thing that would take the longest would probably be the meatballs and the potatoes. You didn't peel fresh summer potatoes, you just gave them a thorough scrubbing. There would most likely be leftovers for days afterwards and I was looking forward to having gravlax on my breakfast sandwiches. It had been very hard to leave it alone - I could eat my own weight in gravlax and still want more. My grandmother was a champion at making it and she had taught me how to do it properly and now I had passed it on to Jasper. Oh, they would make a _killer_ cooking team, Jasper and my grandmother. They could probably take over the world if they joined forces.

I jumped in the shower after checking for spiders and redressed my hands afterwards, smearing Pearl's homemade salve over them. Was I wrong or did they already look better than earlier?

I made my round in the grocery store and picked up what I needed, and a few impulse candy purchases, because why not. The sun was just beginning to set and I hoped Jasper would be home when I returned. To my delight the lights were on and I hurried inside and was met by a half-naked and partially dirt splattered Jasper just heading up the stairs.

"Hi darling!" I greeted brightly and she backtracked down into the hall. "Oh, what happened to you?"

"Hey babe" she said with a tired smile. I put the bags down and walked up to her. "Me and Amethyst ran into a corrupted gem, it knocked me into a mud puddle" I stood on tip toe to kiss her hello.

"Did you get it back?" I asked teasingly.

Jasper snorted cockily and pointed to the ceiling. I looked up to see an orange sphere holding a hexagonal indigo gem.

"Whoa..." I said and she grinned smugly. "But what's it doing here? I thought the rebels kept them at their base?"

"Amethyst told me to send it home, and I did" she said matter-of-factly. My heart leapt in my chest at her words and I threw my arms around her waist and hugged her tightly.

"Well done, darling" I said and kissed her bare chest, she chuckled appreciatively. "Are you hungry? I could make something while you shower"

"Mmm... I'd love some pizza"

"Again? But we had that yesterday?"

"I haven't tried all the different kinds yet" she said with a shrug and a crooked grin.

"Alright" I laughed and picked up my phone. "Which ones do you want?"

"Number thirty four, forty two and sixteen, and some garlic knots"

I raised my eyebrows at her. "You know their menu by heart?"

"I am trained to pick up important information in a heartbeat" she said cockily and began walking up the stairs backwards. She ducked just as she was about to hit her head on the ceiling and I felt a little squirm of arousal in the pit of my stomach. Her physique was so amazingly beautiful, but it was her confidence that sealed the deal. I wondered briefly if she would be able to make me climax by just doing something athletic while grinning at me in that sexy way of hers... I blinked quickly to clear my mind.

"Make it a quick one, I've got news to share" I said with a grin and then dialed the number.

Jasper came downstairs a few minutes later naked and steaming. She threw on a shirt and some shorts.

"What's the news?" she asked as she took out a soda from the fridge and drained it in one.

"First of all, Parker has acquired the book, signed by the author and it's on its way here as we speak"

"That's great" she said and smiled warmly at me.

"Secondly... Me and Pearl had a very productive session today, we figured a bunch of stuff out and we learned something new - apparently I can use my hands and the blue lightning can bend around them, but it sort of hurts me" I held up my hands and she blanched and grabbed them gently and kissed my fingers.

"Can't there be one time you _don't_ get injured?" she said exasperatedly.

"It's not that bad, they just got a bit burned. And so did the floor... Then we discovered that if I make a light and someone touches it - they will feel what I felt when I made it! Or they will see a memory!"

"Really?" she asked with her eyebrows raised. I told her what had happened and just as I was nearing the end, the doorbell rang and I went to pay for the pizza. I finished the retelling as we sat down at the kitchen table and she began to eat. She offered me some and I took a slice.

"But that didn't happen with the butterflies" she said thoughtfully.

"Well, you're the only one who knows"

"I mean, they were pretty and all, but they didn't make me feel something like you described Pearl did. Maybe it has to do with the shape it takes?"

"You might be on to something there, darling... The gem mutant in the Kindergarten didn't seem like it felt my anger, it just got burned. Maybe when it's without a shape, that's when it transfers stuff?"

Jasper smiled at me, and then her face fell slightly. "I would never have been able to think up that theatre thing Pearl did. She seems to really understand how to get through to you"

"It's funny you should say that, because it's basically what she said about you and Amethyst. That you get through to her in a way that Pearl has never been able to do, that maybe it's because both of you are so in the moment"

"She really said that?" Jasper looked surprised but pleased.

"Yes" I smiled at her. "There's one thing I haven't told you yet" I felt my heart beat a little faster.

"Oh?" she looked me up and down as if checking me for more injuries.

"I arrived early and Garnet was there alone. She offered me a cup of tea and I thought it was a pretty good opportunity to ask her about baby making stuff"

Jasper's eyes widened and she sat up straighter. "W-what did she say?"

"She said that there was no risk of pregnancy when you are in your natural state, so we won't have to get condoms" I smiled and saw a roguish grin spread on Jasper's face.

"Good..." she said slowly, then her eyes focused on mine and grew more serious. "Does that mean that I _could_... make you pregnant?" she said with a little smile.

"Yes, but you would have to shapeshift. I asked her what exactly you would have to do and she said that you would have to make what was missing"

"Missing?"

"I asked her to be a bit more clear - if you needed to actually make the uh, equipment or if you could just make the crucial ingredient - and she said that was up to you"

She looked thoughtful again. "The crucial ingredient being that... screm stuff?"

"Screm? Oh, you mean sperm - yes, that's what's missing"

"So, how do humans make that then?" she asked a little curiously.

"Uh... Men produce it in their... testicles?" that was right, wasn't it? "Could you make it without making the male parts?" I tensed up a little.

"Probably"

"Oh, good" I let out a long breath of relief and smiled at her. "I wouldn't want you to have to change the way you look down there"

"Really now?" she said with a purr.

"Yeah... I like your stem..." I felt my cheeks heat up and Jasper shuddered slightly at my words.

"I like hearing that word coming from you, babe..."

"Stem?"

"Mhmm..." she leaned forward over the table and pushed the pizza to one side. "What about her do you like?"

I smiled and felt the hairs on the back of my neck and arms stand up pleasantly. "I like how curious she is... always exploring..."

"Mhmm..." she nodded at me to continue.

"I like how she feels in my hand, all slick with juices and so warm..." Jasper leaned further forward so we were just an inch apart. "And..." I said quietly, it was so intimate talking so close to her face and I could feel her breath on my lips. "I like how she tastes..." Jasper growled slightly and pressed her lips to mine in a long kiss. Our tongues intertwined and I felt my arousal heat me up from the inside. I felt her pull away and opened my eyes and saw her get up. She held out her hand to me and I took it and followed her into the living room with a smile. She lay down and pulled me on top of her and I giggled in slight surprise. We kissed again and I loved how I could feel her chest rise and fall underneath me. I ran my fingers through her hair and caressed her neck and she put both her hands on my butt and massaged it gently. My left hand slid down from her neck and cupped her breast through her shirt and our kiss deepened. Oh, it was so comfortable, so easy, so wonderful lying like that. I wished I could just freeze this moment forever... But I also wanted it to go on. I found her nipple and began playing with it. It responded a little differently under the cloth and I liked it. My right hand moved down to her other breast and joined in on the fun. I only used the lightest of touches and felt her breath increase slowly in frequency and deepen. Little moans escaped her and she squeezed my butt a little more intensely. She broke our kiss and looked me in the eye. Her cheeks were rosy and her gem was glowing faintly.

"I really want to try putting my stem inside you... But I've never done anything like that before" she said in a slightly uncertain voice.

"Me neither" I said with a nervous smile. "Well... I've played around with hands, dildos and the occasional strap-on but never with anything that was, you know, actually _attached_ to the other person..." Jasper looked confused.

"What's a dill-do? And what's a strap-on?"

I giggled a little. "They are sex toys... They come in all shapes and sizes, some of them vibrate... They're vaguely penis shaped. A strap-on is a dildo on a harness that you can wear to have sex with"

"Oh. So... how do we do it?"

"Well... we'd have to go slow. I've never tried to insert anything quite as... _big_ before. And we should do other things first, I think I need to work my way up to it, I really don't want it to hurt"

"Hurting you is the last thing I want to do" she said softly and stroked my cheek. "I want it to feel amazing for the both of us"

"Good..." I murmured and caressed her breasts and leaned down to kiss her again. She growled appreciatively and rolled to her side, laying me down on my back and started kissing down my neck. "Oh aren't we eager" I giggled.

"Mhmm" she hummed into my neck as she grazed my skin lightly with her teeth. Her right hand found my breast and gave it a teasing squeeze before deftly lifting my shirt and sports bra over my head. She bit her lip before descending on me again, kissing her way down past my collar bone and brushing her lips against my nipple. I let out a little moan and she snorted lustfully and took it in her mouth, grabbing my other breast in her free hand and massaging it gently. She sucked and licked for a long time and I felt so very, very spoiled. Then she moved on to my other breast and gave that the same royal treatment. It seemed this was going to be all about _my_ pleasure and I was not one to stop her.

"Oh, _beastie_ " I moaned as her hands caressed their way down my stomach and slid my shorts off without fuss. Her fingers slid through my pubes and dipped down in between my lips.

"You're so... wet" she said and released my nipple for a moment and brought her hand up to put her finger into her mouth. "Mm... you taste so _good_..." this nearly drove me insane and I made a whimpering sound. She leant down to kiss me and her hand returned to its previous destination and began to rub my clit. Her tongue tasted of my juices and I was getting overwhelmed with pleasure. I could feel my insides already surge and contract, eagerly awaiting what would eventually come. A finger slid down to my opening and she broke our kiss to ask; "May I?" I nodded silently and pulled her back into our kiss, I just couldn't get enough of her lips and tongue. Her finger slid inside me so carefully I thought I might climax just from the _caring_ she was showing me and I moaned into our kiss. She moved so gently in and out, putting more of her finger inside every time until she was knuckle deep and I felt her brush my deep spot. My hips rolled against her hand and I broke our kiss to breathe.

"Jasper, oh - my - fucking - gods..." a shimmering cloud of orange and pink escaped my mouth and she grinned and moved down to my nipple again. The wave was already cresting and her renewed focus on my breasts sent it crashing over me and I lost my vision for a moment as I screamed out my pleasure. Jasper was still going in and out of me and I rode the wave further, trembling in the wake of a fantastic orgasm. She grinned down at me and removed her finger and moved down between my legs and lifted my butt into the air like she was holding out an offering to a god. Before I had time or breath to ask her to wait, she began licking me and I lost all will to stop her. My legs fell open and she squeezed my cheeks as she licked me up and down. Her tongue was like velvet and I felt another wave building up. She moaned into me and her obvious pleasure sent a thrill of warmth through my entire body. She licked in between my inner and outer lips, exploring my vagina thoroughly before focusing in on my clit. My breath was quickening again. She sucked my clit sweetly and looked down at my face. Her pupils were dilated. She grinned as she began licking me again.

"I can't get enough of this taste" she panted and sped up a little, this sent the wave crashing down. My body shook as I screamed again, losing my vision for a good ten seconds this time as the orgasm claimed me.

"Wait..." I managed to croak as she repositioned her hands to try another angle. "Let... let me catch my breath..." she lowered her hands, and my lower half, a little and looked at me with a crooked grin.

"Getting tired?" she asked evilly and kissed my thigh.

"Beast!" I snorted  and then laughed. "Oh my gods, darling... That was... amazing..."

She lowered me to the ground and moved up to kiss me. Her hair fell around me and I sank into the pillows, enveloped in her warmth. I started to play with her breasts as we kissed and she moaned so lustfully I felt a second wind buoy me up. I broke our kiss and looked up at her. The pulsating light from her gem was illuminating the both of us and I smiled.

"I think I'm ready" I said excitedly and she grinned a little nervously.

"You sure?" I nodded and she sat back on her knees. I raised myself up on my elbows and looked down. She grabbed her stem carefully and guided it down to my wetness. It lapped against my clit a few times and then slid down to my opening. She planted her hands on either side of my body.

"Just go slowly" I reminded her and then gasped as the tip entered me.

"Ohh my ssstars" she exclaimed. I could feel her exploring my entrance before beginning to slide in and out very slowly, her hips moving smoothly. Her tip was about the size of my thumb, but it thickened fast and I felt myself being gently spread open. "Erica, oh, ohh, this feels _so good_... You're squeezing me all over, ah!" my internal muscles were contracting and relaxing around her as she carefully went deeper.

"Holy mother of god" I whimpered and she retreated immediately.

"Are you OK?" she panted.

"Yes, darling, I've just never felt so... _full_ before... Please, continue" I lowered my hand to my clit and began rubbing it to help things along a bit.

"OK" she said and positioned herself closer to me. She pushed inside again and I moaned with delight. I could feel every inch of her pulsating stem and it wasn't like anything I had ever felt before. It was so _warm_... She squirmed inside me and I gasped.

"How... how much of you is inside?" I asked with a giggle.

"Ohhh, oh, Erica!" Jasper's face was shining with sweat and her gem glowed steadily. "When you laugh you squeeze me even more! _Stars_!" she panted for a moment and then looked down, her hips moving steadily. "I would say I'm about... 70% inside you"

"Holy shit..." I breathed. It felt as if she was very close to my deep spot, the tip leading the way and exploring like a scouting team. And then she made contact and my hips rose of their own accord. The pleasure was so _deep_ and _dark_ it thrummed through my entire body as I ground against her. My breath caught in my throat and I clutched at the sheets. My walls contracted forcefully and I could feel a tsunami wave building up _incredibly_ fast.

"Fuck!" she hissed.

"Oh, _Jasper_ " I moaned. Our breaths synched up as we began to move a little faster, she leaned further down so our bellies touched, my legs wrapping around her waist. We found a steady rhythm and I couldn't believe how good it felt. The wave approached quicker and I hit a plateau of almost orgasmic pleasure and moaned loudly, grabbing Jasper's trembling arms. "Faster" I begged and she sped up, snorting like a dragon.

My heart raced and I thought my mind was going to be ripped from my body it felt so good.

"Darling, ah! Yes, yes, _yes_! Don't stop!" my walls pulsated powerfully.

"I'm - I'm - OH - OHH!" I felt her stem spasm wildly inside me and there was a feeling of filling up with warmth - it sent the wave crashing down over me. We both screamed and my mind went completely white as a cascade of pleasure shook my body. I had never orgasmed so hard in my entire life and the living room was illuminated with our combined lights. Sparks and ribbons and butterflies of every color swarmed around us as we trembled in each other’s aftershocks.

It was a testament to Jasper's strength that she didn't collapse on top of me. We both panted like we had run a marathon and I looked up into her beautiful, sweat covered face.

"You're _gorgeous_..." I huffed and lifted my hand to her cheek, she leaned into it and chuckled happily. She was still inside me, but neither of us seemed to want to change this fact.

"Hey..." she began and leaned down to kiss me "Don't steal my lines" it made me giggle and she grunted, her gem flickering. "Ah, I'm still s-sensitive" she sputtered and I felt her slide out of me. That curious feeling of liquid leaving my vagina followed and I froze up.

Jasper sat back on her haunches and grabbed my knee with one hand for support. "Oh my stars..." she panted and touched her stem. "She's gone _limp_!" she chuckled. "That has _literally_ never happened to me before... I always want more" she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and then lay down beside me with a sigh and pulled me close and kissed my cheek.

I reached down and touched the sheet underneath my bum - it was wet - but not as wet as it would have been as if I had wet myself. Maybe this was that thing that my straight friends had described... After unprotected sex they could feel the semen sort of leak out of them. I touched my opening - it was quite tender, then looked at my fingers. The liquid was clear.

I scooted closer to Jasper's warm chest and looked where I had just been - there was a big wet patch and I sniggered and turned to kiss her.

"Holy fuck balls" I mumbled and lay my head on her arm and she embraced me.

"Are you OK babe?" she asked and looked down at me.

"Yeah, fine... Better than fine... that was... incredible"

"I know" she sniggered and kissed my forehead. I felt a sudden need to go to the bathroom, but didn't know if my legs would carry me yet. I snuggled in closer to her chest.

"How’s your stem?" I asked muzzily.

"She'll recover, she's a trooper"

"I think she might need a promotion after this" I joked and Jasper burst out laughing.

"Yeah, you're probably right... How's your vagina doing?"

"It's... a little sore" she looked at me with concern. "I'm _fine_ " I said reassuringly and kissed her. A sudden thought struck me. "Hey... does she have a name?"

"A name?"

"Yeah. Some people like to name their private parts"

"No, she doesn't. Does your vagina have a name?"

"No" I giggled. "Would you like to name it?"

"Hah! Sure... How about... Galadriel?"

"You want to name my vagina after the mightiest and fairest elf in all of Middle-Earth?" I raised my eyebrows and felt a little honored.

"Yeah... It suits her" Jasper wore a slightly soppy grin.

"Alright, Galadriel it is" I said and patted my mound softly.

"What would you name my stem?"

I thought for a moment and then grinned. "Kara... Kara Thrace... Starbuck"

"Three names? Where do they come from?"

"From a show called Battlestar Galactica. She's one of my all-time favorite characters and so. Incredibly. Badass. Starbuck is her nickname" Jasper smiled. "Oh, and she's a Captain"

"Quite the promotion then" she chuckled.

"If you'd excuse me, I need to take Galadriel to the little girl's room" I said and sat up before getting unsteadily to my feet. Calling my legs wobbly was the understatement of the century. I stumbled to the bathroom giggling. When I wiped myself I felt a little sore and there was some blood. I froze for a second - it was _way_ too early for my period. Maybe Kara had been _too_ big. We hadn't been rough... It hadn't hurt at all - which was _really_ good news - but maybe I had got nicked somewhere? I went back into the living room and put on some underwear before snuggling up to Jasper again. She looked at me questioningly.

"I'm just bleeding a little" I said, trying to sound casual.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked worriedly.

"No, no, it's fine. It can happen during sex. You were being _so_ gentle, darling" I kissed her and stroked her cheek.

"I'm sorry" she wrapped her arms around me and I felt so protected.

"It's OK, sweetheart - I'm not that surprised to be honest. The way you made me cum I'm happy I didn't break my spine" she smiled at this and relaxed against me.

"I've never felt anything like it before... It was so warm and wet and it held me so... so _powerfully_! It was incredible, babe - the way you moved, the sounds you made - _stars ­_ \- I'm surprised I lasted so long"

"Oh, the things you did to me, beastie..." I circled her nipple with my finger. "I really like being spoiled like that, you really gave me the royal treatment..."

"It's only what my queen deserves" she murmured and slid her hand down to caress the top of my vulva.

"When you entered me..." I shuddered at the memory and smiled. "You were so careful and I could feel every inch of you, your pulse, your little squirming motions..." Jasper looked down at me with a broadening smile. She was obviously enjoying talking about this. "I wasn't really expecting her to be - _so_ \- thick in the middle, I felt so filled up. Such a strange sensation..." I breathed out a little shimmering gold and orange cloud and it drifted lazily upwards. "Oh, try touching it"

"You sure?" I nodded encouragingly and she held out a finger. As her skin made contact her eyes went wide and her body arched, a deep moan escaping her throat. She breathed hard as if she was still in the throes of our love making and her hips moved sensually. I stared in fascination as she calmed and opened her eyes.

"I-is that how you felt?" she inquired hoarsely. "Is that how you felt when I was inside you? All... tingly and warm and so full, SO full it was almost but not exactly painful... The feeling of going in and out like that, the pressure, the _pleasure..._ "

"Yes" I said with a smile.

"Wow... _wow_! And that wasn't even your orgasm was it? _Stars_! I've never thought what it'd be like to be... penetrated. It was _very_ interesting..." she kissed me passionately and then grinned. "So that's what it's like for you to have sex with me, is it? You are one _lucky_ queen..."

I laughed and pink and orange butterflies appeared and settled on both of us this time. "Yes, I am" I said happily and ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her softly. The scent of her was intoxicating.

"Oh, I'll be right back" she said and got up and then nearly fell over on the sofa with a surprised 'Oof'.

"You OK there, darling?" I said with a giggle and propped myself up on my elbow.

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine" she sniggered and turned around to look at me. "You've officially worn me out, babe"

"Oh, really? I'd better add it to my resume under 'awards and achievements'" I quipped and she snorted and threw a pillow at me. "Why thank you, you're so kind" I laughed and put my head on it.

She sat down and wiped her forehead. "Seriously, I thought my legs were unstable last time..." I moved down to her and put my hand on her knee.

"What were you gonna do?"

"I wanted to go get the pizzas, my meal got kind of interrupted" she smirked.

"Hah! You started it, darling"

"Yeah, yeah, I know"

"I can go get them, my wobbly-legged-beauty" I got up and went into the kitchen and grabbed the boxes and some sodas and returned to the living room.

"Aw thanks babe" she said as I put it all down. "I can't decide if I like pizza better cold or warm" she mused as she chewed.

"I think both have their moments" I nodded. "Cold pizza for breakfast is so good. And in the middle of the night. Hmm... I'm talking about snacking aren't I? Yeah, cold pizza is best for a snack and warm ones are best for a proper meal" I thumped my hand on the mattress. "It had been established"

Jasper sniggered and took a drink. "Hey, about tomorrow, when do we need to start cooking?"

"Oh, as soon as the delivery person gets here I think. But don't you want to go hang out with Amethyst before the dinner?"

"And miss cooking all this stuff with you?" she grinned at me crookedly. I felt my heart skip a beat.

"Aww, Jasper... I'd love it if we did it together..." I patted her thigh. "Speaking of food, I got some ice cream from the sushi restaurant earlier, do you want to have some for desert? I promise it'll be loads better than the Lion Lickers"

"Yeah, OK" she grinned at me.

"It's alright, right, the dinner party? With Pearl and Garnet coming?"

"Yeah... I know they've really helped you out since we came here, and me too, in a way... And you'll be there, and Amethyst, Greg, Steven and Connie, so it'll be fine, right?"

"Yeah, beastie, it'll be fine. I just wish... I just wish they could know you like I did, not the sex part, of course" I said quickly. "But the rest... Your sense of humor, your laugh, your gentle heart..."

"'Gentle heart'?" she scoffed.

"Yeah... Like how you are with Cake and Steven and Connie. You care and you are so careful of them"

"Well, they're so tiny and innocent, aren't they?"

When we had finished the pizzas Jasper's legs were working properly again and we went to sit outside to have ice cream and I had a very well deserved cigarette. I looked at the tables I had put up.

"I don't think there's anything else we can do today to prepare for tomorrow" I mumbled into the air.

"Good, I don't think I have it in me to do anything else. Maybe watch something. Hey... Maybe you could show me Starbuck?"

"Oh, yes!" I said enthusiastically. "The first episode is kinda heavy though, but it has her being badass in it"

Jasper smiled and pulled me close. "You are so fucking cute when you get excited" she kissed my cheek.

We went back inside and watched the first episode, then the second, third and fourth back to back before deciding to try to get some sleep. It was going to be a long day tomorrow.

* * *

Please review :)


	30. Dinner and a show

## Chapter 30: Dinner and a show  


My phone rang and I looked at the time - it was 06:13 AM - I groaned and picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi!" a man's voice. "This is Dave with Flash Delivery Service International, we are currently... fifteen minutes away!" he sounded so chipper it was disgusting.

"Great, thanks" I mumbled and hung up. I looked blearily at Jasper who was snoring gently and had to fight the urge to snuggle up to her and go back to sleep. I dragged myself out of bed and went to brush my teeth and put on the kettle for a cup of coffee. I'd had such an uncomfortable dream, but I couldn't remember what it was about. After no time at all there was a loud knock at the door and I heard a grunt from the living room. I threw on a hoodie over my pajamas and opened the door.

"Good morning!" a young man in a crisp red and blue uniform greeted me brightly and held out an electronic clipboard. "Here's your shipment manifest!"

"Hi" I croaked and looked down at the plastic rectangle.

"Where do you want your packages?" he asked brightly.

"Uh... kitchen" I pointed behind me.

"OK, I'll bring them in" he marched toward a big red and blue van and I went into the living room to check on Jasper.

"Darling? The delivery guy is here, there's gonna be some noise"

"Mmmf" she mumbled and turned over. Cake rubbed herself against my ankle and I bent down to pick her up. The young man wiped his feet before entering the house and I stepped back to let him pass.

"These are the perishable goods and I'll be right back with the rest" he said as he placed a big cardboard box on the kitchen table. He returned shortly with two other boxes and put them next to the first one. I compared the shipment manifest to my list and found that everything was there, signed it awkwardly with the pen attached to the clipboard and gave the delivery man a tip.

"Thank you for choosing Flash Delivery Service International and have a great day!" he said and left, closing the front door behind him quietly. I looked at it, feeling slightly dazed. How could anyone have so much energy this early in the morning? I gave Cake some food and went outside to have a smoke and my luke warm cup of coffee before I tackled unpacking the boxes.

When I came back inside I took out all the ingredients and organized them by dish. Parker had seen fit to send along a wooden "Kubb" set and I smiled broadly as I found Connie's present. I put the book safely on a high shelf before I surveyed the situation. Holy fuck balls that was a lot of food. I stared around, feeling distinctly overwhelmed. My chest constricted a little and I tried to take deep breaths.

"Sometimes, some crimes, go falling through the cracks, but these two, gumshoes are picking up the slack..." I sang to myself and then said; "One thing at a time... I have a plan. It's a good plan. This is going to be fine..." I put on some disposable plastic gloves over my bandages and started making the pies.

Around an hour later Jasper slouched out of the living room and stretched with a massive yawn.

"Why didn't you wake me?" she asked sleepily.

"I was afraid if I went in there I'd just join you and fall asleep again" I said, feeling frazzled. The egg timer dinged and I bent down to take the cloudberry pie out of the oven.

"Oh that smells good"

"Thanks, darling" I said as I placed it on the metal counter top and picked up the blueberry pie and put that in the oven instead and reset the timer.

"Have you had breakfast yet?"

"I had some coffee" I said distractedly as I poured the potatoes into the sink, a few bounced out and rolled across the floor. "Fuck!"

"Coffee isn't breakfast" she said seriously.

"I got a bit overwhelmed... I knew it was going to be a lot, but this" I gestured exasperatedly to the chaotic kitchen "this is _a lot_!" and then got down on all fours to get a potato out from under the fridge. 

"Here" Jasper said and pushed the fridge so the front end lifted slightly so I could get it out. I got to my feet again and threw the potato into the sink and turned on the tap. Then I began to scrub them, my bandages got wet and I hissed out some blue sparks. I had forgotten to put on a new pair of gloves.

"Shit!" I threw everything down and slammed my hands down onto the counter with a muffled 'tang'. "Why did I even _have_ this stupid idea? I've never organized a fucking dinner party before!" I was starting to feel quite dizzy and black spots popped in front of my eyes. I could hear music coming from somewhere, sort of loungy, jazzy-type.

_"Vicky dearest, fix mommy a martini" her voice was tired and she pinched the bridge of her nose._

_"OK mom" Victoria's dress swished out of sight and we were suddenly alone in the cold and messy kitchen._

_"Why your father had to **insist** on having a roast turkey I just **do not** understand" she said aggressively. "He knows very well it takes **all** day to make, and the guests will be here in just a few hours! Erica" she looked at me with stern blue eyes. "Go get the potatoes and scrub them well, not like last time - if I have to hear Josephine tell that story **again** I swear I'll have an aneurism! And hurry up" her voice was harsh but I didn't flinch. She hated when I flinched. _

_I got the potatoes and climbed the stepping stool so I could wash them. I tried to focus on the noise the water made, but I could still hear her voice._

_"Oh, thank you Vicky, such a **good** girl" she trilled and I heard her take a sip. "Well done, this is an excellent martini" I could just picture Victoria's beaming face as she was being praised. "Now you do the Brussel sprouts and I'll see to the turkey and the cake"_

_Victoria pulled up her stepping stool to the sink too and I knew she was going to try to shove me, so I tensed up. She bumped my hip with a grin that faltered when I didn't move. She frowned and moved the water tap over to her side of the sink so she could wash the Brussel sprouts. I knew there was no point in arguing and that seemed to make her more annoyed with me._

_"Mom, Easy isn't doing it properly!" she said in a snide voice and I froze up and looked down at the potatoes in my hands - they looked fine, didn't they? I heard a clip clop of high heels approaching from behind and I could smell my mother's subtle perfume and the alcohol on her breath. She looked down over my shoulder and sniffed._

_"Do it again" she demanded. I put all the potatoes I had already cleaned back in the sink and started over. Victoria smirked and finished her sprouts, then shoved the tap back over to my side and jumped down._

_"I'm done! Can I lick the spoon?" I glanced over at them down by the stove. My mother was stirring the cake batter frantically._

_"When I'm done, dear" she said shortly._

_"But I want to lick it **now** , mom!" Victoria whined. Oops, big mistake._

_"You know I hate whining, Victoria! Go peel the carrots instead" my mother's voice was cold and Victoria stepped back._

_"Sorry, mom..." she said sulkily and went to get the carrots. I tried to finish the potatoes before she came back, because I knew she would try to shove me harder this time. I had one more potato to go before I was done, then I felt something rock my step and I tipped to the side with a squeal of surprise. Victoria smiled down at me as I got off the chilly stone floor. Why did she have to be so **mean**? I felt tears burning the corners of my eyes and her smile widened when she saw. _

_"Erica, don't do that! You nearly made me drop the cake batter!" my mother sniped. "Are you even finished with the potatoes yet?"_

_"I only have one left" I said quietly._

_"Speak up, you know I can't stand mumbling"_

_"I only have one left" I said a bit louder._

_"When you're done, put them to boil, then go take the garbage out"_

_"Yes, mom" I finished cleaning the last one, then pulled a pot off the dish rack and put the potatoes in it, then filled it with water and carried it laboriously over to the stove, then turned it on and went to take out the garbage. It was so cold outside, but it would get me away from them for a little. When I came back Victoria was standing in the doorway with the cake spoon in her mouth. She licked it slowly on purpose. My ears burned with jealousy. I **never** got to lick the spoon. _

_"ERICA CATHERYN BROOKS!" my mother's voice was shrill with anger. I froze up and saw Victoria smile broader than before. What had she done? There was a clip clop and a cold hand grabbed me by my chin and yanked it upwards. "What is this!?" she held up a wet and dirty potato. I stared at it with widening eyes but couldn't speak. "Are you **trying** to destroy my reputation?! You did it on purpose didn't you!" her fingers squeezed my cheeks hard and I winced. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" she shouted. My mind worked fast. Victoria must have snuck a potato from the fridge into the pot when she wasn't looking, because I had made sure, made absolute **sure** that they were clean! My stomach felt as if it was full of ice. _

_"S-s-sorry mom" I forced out. There was no point in trying to explain what had happened, she wouldn't believe me anyway._

_"Go clean them again! I swear to **god** , Erica..." she said menacingly and let go of my face and I darted away to do what she said, tears threatening to start pouring down my cheeks. If it was something she hated more than whining and mumbling, it was **crying**. _

_I turned the water on hot and washed the pot and then scrubbed the potatoes again, the warm water making my cold hands tingle._

_"Vicky dear, mommy needs another drink. I swear, I don't know what's wrong with your sister..."_

_"I'm the **good** twin, remember?" Victoria said sweetly. I stopped scrubbing and felt my cheeks burn with shame. A high pitched noise sounded in my right ear. _

_"Erica, don't dawdle!" black spots swirled in front of my eyes and I felt dizzy. "Erica. ERICA!" clip clopping approached me. "Don't you **ignore** me, you little - "_

A hand was suddenly on my shoulder and I twisted away with a whimper and a puff of purple black smoke. I slammed against a wall and my knees gave out. I slid to the floor with a thud and a yelp as a jolt of pain shot through my nether region. " _Helvetes jävla skit_!" I hissed through clenched teeth and a burst of _red mist_ came with it.

"Babe!?" Jasper's voice was full of fear and I looked up - my vision was full of dark blotches, but I could still see her shape. "W-what is happening?!"

"Darling?" I said weakly and reached out in front of me, suddenly needing her touch.

"I'm here..." her voice was much softer and closer to me now, so she must have squatted down. A warm hand touched my fingers and I moved forward, feeling her thighs around me. I squeezed my way in between them and threw my arms around her waist, desperate for shelter and warmth. I heard her grunt and she shifted her weight and sat down on the floor awkwardly, then tentative arms wrapped around me. I burrowed my face in her shirt and felt hot tears roll down my cheeks as I began to sob and shiver. Her embrace tightened and I felt her chest vibrate as she spoke. "What's wrong, little monster?" I shook my head against her, not ready to form words yet. She held me tenderly. There was a sudden ringing sound and I tensed up. She twisted a little and one arm came away from me and I heard the opening and closing of the oven door, then her hand returned much warmer. I treasured it.

"C-cold" I squeaked. She grunted slightly and then her hands began radiating heat. I stopped trembling and relaxed as warmth flowed into me.

"What is going _on_ , babe?"

"I-I don't know... I was back in my parent's house - with my mother and my sister" I raised my head a little, leaving quite a mess behind. "It was _so cold_... They were so _mean_... She came up behind me and I _knew_ she was going to grab me and then I was back here again and I fell... It was _h-horrible_ " I wiped my face on the sleeve of my hoodie and then looked up at Jasper.

"You went so quiet... I tried to talk to you, but you didn't answer... Then I tried touching you and you flinched away - I thought I had hurt you" her brow was wrinkled in worry.

"I'm... I'm OK, you didn't... didn't hurt me" I sniffed. "I... I'm sorry, darling"

"No, no you have nothing to apologize for, babe" she held me closer and I leaned my head on a dry part of her shirt. "I just don't understand why this happened, you were fine and then..?"

"I don't know... maybe it was the potatoes?"

"The potatoes?"

"In the memory... I was scrubbing potatoes for a dinner party my mother was having that evening... Maybe it was because I was feeling stressed about _our_ dinner party - there was so much to do, and I hadn't had breakfast and I had a bad dream just before I woke up, I think..."

My phone began to ring, and I pulled it out of my pocket, but Jasper put her hand on mine.

"Ignore it" she said softly and I lowered my hand. "You had a bad dream?"

"I think so, it was very uncomfortable, but I don't remember what it was..." I sighed deeply.

"Is there something I can do?" she asked a little uncertainly.

"You're doing it" I said with a weak smile. "I'm sorry I just attack-hugged you, I just felt so... in need of security and I was _so_ cold" I shivered a little at the memory. "Maybe it happened because I've been digging up old things with my family. Yeah, that's probably why..."

"Is it weird that it makes me angry when you talk about them?" she asked carefully and I looked up at her. I felt a warm feeling spreading through my chest.

"No, I don't think so. It makes me feel better..."

"It does?" she sounded surprised.

"Yeah, because I know you're on my side, that I'm not alone" I gave her a squeeze.

"Good, because I _am_ " she rubbed my back slowly. I thought about bringing up the subject of Lapis, but this wasn't the time. We had so much to do and _one_ of us freaking out was quite enough for one day.

"I know you are, darling... You make me feel safe" she kissed the top of my head.

"I thought it was weakness to need another person to feel that way, but now that I actually _know_ what feeling safe feels like... I don't know, I used to think so many things that turned out to be wrong"

"Like what?"

"Like... that humans were vermin, for one" this made me giggle a little. "And that this was a garbage planet, that I should be ashamed because I was made here... I'm beginning to feel... proud, to come from this place..."

"Did you come from the Kindergarten?"

"I came from _a_ Kindergarten, the Beta Kindergarten. It's quite different from the Prime one, where you and Steven went with Lion"

"Oh? What's different?"

"Well, it's made of sandstone, for one. And it's in the desert. I... I haven't been back there, since I emerged..."

"Do you want to go there?" I asked carefully.

"Maybe... maybe it would be good. I could show you my hole"

"Your 'hole'?" I suppressed a snigger.

"Yes, it's quite impressive" she said seriously.

"Then I'd love to see it" I thought for a moment. "Will there be gem mutants there too?"

"You don't have to worry about that"

"Oh? Why not?"

"You'd be with me" she said simply and gave me a crooked grin. I felt my ears heat up and moved up to kiss her sweet lips, she put a hand underneath my bum to steady me. 

"Have I told you that you're incredible?" I said against her lips.

"Not since last night" she murmured and kissed me softly. "How are you feeling, and how's Galadriel?"

"I'm feeling much better, beastie... And Galadriel is a little... sore, but she'll be fine. How are you and Kara?"

"Ready for battle, as always" she smirked. "I think our next mission should be to fight this hunger in my belly"

On cue, my stomach rumbled.

"Oh yes, that sounds like a good idea. What do you want for breakfast?"

"Let me worry about that" she said softly and hugged me. "I'll make us something. You go and have a smoke and a rest. I can't believe you've already made three pies today"

"OK, I won't argue" I said with a smile and stood up. Jasper rose to her feet too.

"Out the door, now. Surprise breakfast coming up"

"Alright, I'm going" I opened the door to the garden and Cake darted out over my foot. I sat down gingerly in the sofa. My butt felt quite bruised from my fall. I lit a cigarette and pulled out my phone to check who had called earlier. It was the unknown number again. I stared at the screen for a moment before hitting the redial button. Three signals went through, then it connected.

"Hello?" no response. "Charlie? Is that you?" whoever was on the receiving end hung up and I held my phone away from my ear and frowned. I put on some music instead and lay down on my stomach to spare my backside a bit. Sahara Hotnights 'Cheek to cheek' started playing and I hummed along as I read a few e-mails and sent one to Parker to thank her for the prompt delivery and for the Kubb set. I wanted to see what Myers had written to Connie, but stopped myself from spoiling the surprise breakfast. A wonderful smell was wafting out through the door. I thought back on the morning. Could I expect more things like this? It had felt like a flashback, so it probably was one, but that memory wasn't particularly traumatic... I heard the scraping of plates and Jasper's heavy footsteps approaching. She stepped out of the door wearing a new shirt and a broad smile.

"It smells wonderful" I said and sat up. She put a plate down in front of me and sat down in the sofa. "Oh, you made _grilled cheese_? Darling, _thank you_!"

"Surprise!" she said with a snicker and took a big bite. I picked one up, with the sleeve of my hoodie protecting my fingers and bit into it carefully. It was very hot, but I was too hungry to care. Of course, it was delicious. I really didn't know where she had gotten the talent from, maybe it was just instinct.

"Jasper, you have to promise never to make food for anyone else" I said with my mouth full.

She chuckled a little confused. "And why is that?"

"'Cuz they'd want to take you and never let you go!"

"Pff... I'd like to see them try" she scoffed and then smirked. "You wouldn't let them take me away, would you?"

"Never in a million years, darling" we shared a very cheesy kiss.

We finished our breakfast and I had another cigarette before we got back in the kitchen.

"OK, what do we need to do next?" Jasper asked and rubbed her hands together.

"We need to make the meatballs and scrub the potatoes" I said with a sigh. "I've got some more plastic gloves to wear over my bandages, so things will be hygienic. After the meatballs it's the Jansson's temptation, then the gravlax needs to be sliced, the eggs boiled, the bread cut and the herring put into bowls. Oh my gods it's already eleven!"

"Erica..." Jasper said soothingly. "We've got this"

I took a deep breath. "OK, do you want to chop the onions or scrub the potatoes?"

"I'll do the potatoes" she said quickly. I smiled at her - I knew what she was doing. We started working and soon we were both rolling meatballs in our hands and putting them on a big oven dish. It would be way faster to cook them all in one go in the oven, rather than frying them in a frying pan. When they were done we immediately started on the Jansson's temptation - a casserole with onions, potatoes, anchovies and cream. It was really a Christmas dish, but I loved it so much. After that we had a little break while we waited for the meatballs to finish, since the casserole needed a different temperature in the oven. It was approaching four in the afternoon when it was done and Jasper and I had spent the time carefully slicing the gravlax very finely. I was so impressed with the way she wielded a knife.  She had an amazing sense of precision, like she had shown when she had cracked the eggs for the cake we had baked with Steven and Connie. The leaf-thin slices she had produced made the gravlax positively melt in your mouth and she had to put it in the fridge so I wouldn't eat it all. She sliced the bread while I decanted the herring and cut the boiled eggs into halves and devilled them up with caviar sauce. We were finally done with all the cooking at twenty past five, which gave us some time to relax before our guests arrived at six.

"Holy fuck balls, I can't believe we did it" I said as I wiped my forehead and surveyed the kitchen.

"Told you" Jasper said confidently and nudged me in the ribs.

"You were right, beastie" I said with a laugh. "Let's just hope they aren't rude enough to be on time and we might actually have some breathing room. I'm going to jump in the shower"

"Mind if I join you?"

"I'm afraid I would have to insist" I smiled at her as she lifted her arm and sniffed her armpit.

"Oh yeah, I'm rank"

I could finally take off my plastic gloves and the bandages for a while, which was a relief. I inspected my knuckles carefully - they looked so much better. The redness was gone and the blisters were much smaller. Jasper got in the shower as I washed them thoroughly in the sink with disinfectant soap.

"No spiders!" she reported and I smiled to myself in the mirror. I noticed my hair was getting a little long and wondered if there was a hairdresser in town. I joined Jasper in the steamy stall and took the opportunity to snuggle in between her breasts. "You like being in there don't you?" she asked with a smile in her voice.

"Mhmm... they're so big and warm" I kissed her chest and wrapped my arms around her. "Oh, I forgot to tell you - I made a game for tonight, and Parker sent along another game"

"Games?"

"Yeah, the first one is like a quiz, Robyn had it on her twenty-fifth birthday party, it's really fun. She made up vague questions involving three people at a time, like 'Who's the biggest sour-puss?' and people would have to guess, then when all the questions were answered, there were little competitions. For that question, we had a three-way lemon duel. There was another one, 'Who's best in bed' and then we timed three people putting a cover on a duvet. The questions sound dirty, but they're really innocent. I toned them down because of Steven and Connie, but essentially it's the same"

"OK, that sounds like it could be interesting"

"We'll divide into three teams, I was thinking: You, Connie and Amethyst, Garnet, Greg and Steven and then Sadie, Pearl and me"

"I see what you did there" she said with a sly smile after a moment. "But you know my team is going to win right? Connie _is_ the undefeated lemon duel champion"

"We'll just see about that darling, we'll just see. Since I don't know the outcome of the questions, I can answer them too and it won't be unfair. The team who gets the most questions right get a little prize"

"What's the prize?" she asked curiously.

"It's a surprise. A _Sowegian_ surprise" I giggled. "And then there's the other game, we'll split into two teams for that one, since we're nine we'll be uneven, but that's OK, it won't give an advantage. I'm gonna have to freshen up on the rules a bit, so I'll tell everyone at the same time"

"Alright"

After a few minutes we got out of the shower and dried off and traipsed downstairs naked. I put on a spiffy new moss green polo shirt with the slogan 'Feegles welcome', which I thought was wonderfully ironic, and Jasper donned a brown t-shirt that matched her stripes, with the print ' _Auta miqula orqu_ ' in white letters across her massive chest. We boiled the potatoes and put the Jansson's temptation in the oven with the meatballs to heat them up at five to six and then sat down outside again with a drink each and I had a cigarette.

"I thought you looked good in red, but stars, green looks even better on you" she said to me, looking me up and down. "It really brings out your eyes... and your biceps" she squeezed my arm appreciatively.

"Thank you, beastie. I'm so happy the shirt goes with your stripes" 

"Hah! 'Go kiss an orc', I love it" she looked down at the writing on her chest with a smile.

There was a knock at the door and I looked at the time; it was ten minutes past six.

" _Välkomna_!" I said happily as I opened the door. It was Steven, Connie, Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. "Oh, don't you look nice, come on in"

Steven was wearing his usual red shirt with a yellow star and jeans, but he had a bow tie too. Connie had a red dress and a black bow in her hair like a diadem. I wondered if they had dressed to match, because they certainly did.

Steven and Connie hugged me hello and then went to do the same to Jasper, who looked very pleased at this.

"Thank you for inviting us" Garnet said in her calm voice and handed me a little box of chocolates. She had a bow tie on too.

"Thank you for coming, come in, come in" I said and she walked past me. Garnet and Jasper exchanged a stiff nod, then Amethyst came in. She had a shirt with a slogan reading 'Kiss me, I voted for Nixon before it was cool'.

"Sup, E? Where's the food? I'm starving!"

"It'll be all ready in just a few minutes, have a drink and some snacks in the meantime"

"Ooh, Jackson five over here looking fancy in a new shirt - what's it mean, huh?"

"Go kiss an orc" Jasper chuckled.

"Nerd!" Amethyst groaned and Jasper punched her on the arm. "Oww! Hey, I wasn't ready!"

Pearl came up and hugged me. "Good evening Erica, how are your hands?"

"Fine and healing nicely, thanks" she was wearing a beige jumper with some sort of embroidery on it.

Jasper actually held out her hand to Pearl, who stopped in surprise. "Hello" she said a little gruffly and Pearl shook it carefully.

"H-hello, Jasper" the pale gem said nervously, then glanced at me as I closed the door.

"Everybody, please go out onto the patio, there's drinks and snacks" I called over Pearl's head.

"You're out of chips!" Amethyst's voice came from the garden. I snorted and picked up the other bag on my way outside. I saw Pearl dart over to Garnet and whisper something to her with a smile and Garnet smiled back. Steven and Connie were on the ground playing with an excited Cake and Amethyst was over by the snacks, shoving a handful of peanuts into her mouth with obvious enjoyment.

"Leave some for the rest of us" Garnet said admonishingly to Amethyst.

"It's OK, we've got lots of food" I said reassuringly and poured the bag of chips into the empty bowl.

"Yeah, Garnet, they've got lots" the purple gem said teasingly.

There was another knock at the door and Jasper went to open and I went to get more peanuts and sodas. I heard Sadie's voice come from the hallway and smiled as she entered the kitchen.

"Hi Erica, you've got a lovely house!" she said a little nervously. She was dressed in a pale blue shirt and black pants.

"Hi Sadie, welcome!" I hugged her. "You look good"

"Thanks, so do you. And thank you for inviting me" she said shyly.

"Are you thirsty? There's snacks and drinks out in the garden" I said with a smile. "You'd better hurry before it's all gone though, I think Amethyst was serious when she said she was starving" Sadie went outside.

Jasper came up to me with a little box in her hands. "Sadie brought us this" she said and held it up. It was more chocolate. "Did you see Steven and Connie _hug_ me?"

"Yes!" I said excitedly and grabbed her by the hips. "And you shook Pearl's hand!" I felt so proud of her.

"Yeah, well..." she said a little embarrassed. I beamed up at her. There was another knock at the door and I stood on tip toe to give her a quick kiss before going to open.

"Evenin'!" Greg greeted and we shook hands. He was wearing a Hawaii shirt with his cutoffs tonight and had a guitar across his back.

"Hello, welcome!" I said happily.

"I brought you some wine, it's nothing fancy" he handed me a bottle of red wine.

"Thank you, that's very nice of you. Come on in, please"

Greg greeted Jasper a little hesitantly and shook hands, Jasper smiling down at him. He relaxed a little and lit up as he saw his son.

"Hey Stuball!" he said and Steven ran up and hugged him, yelling "Dad!"

"You're out of chips again" Amethyst said and burped loudly.

"Amethyst, show some decorum!" Pearl hissed at her. "Please excuse her, she doesn't know how to behave in civilized company!"

"Hey I'm plenty civilized, wearing clothes and everything" the purple gem shrugged and popped open a soda.

"Dad, come look at Jasper and Erica's cat, guess what her name is!"

"Oh, look at that! A little kitten, aww. Um... could it be Marshmallow?"

"That's what I guessed!" Connie said excitedly.

"Oh, I didn't know you two had a cat?" Sadie said and bent down to look at Cake. "I _love_ cats. Hi there..." Cake sniffed her hand and rubbed up against it. "Can I pick her up?"

"Of course, but she doesn't like to be carried around too much, just so you know"

"Dad, dad, keep guessing! It's really _cute_!" Steven was almost jumping up and down.

"Oh, um... Sweetie-belle? Uh... Jasper junior?" Greg said uncertainly. Jasper laughed from behind him.

"Jasper junior! Well, that's what I should have named her" she said with a smile and clapped Greg on the shoulder, making him wince.

"Do you give up, Mr. Universe?" Connie asked him.

"Yeah, I give up" he said with a slightly strained smile.

"It's Cake!" Steven said happily.

"Aww, that's the sweetest name I've ever heard for a cat" Sadie said and hugged Cake close to her chest.

"What's this I hear about a cat?" Amethyst asked curiously. "Cuz I happen to be the cat's _meow_ " she shapeshifted into a purple cat and strutted around the ground. Cake began to hiss in Sadie's arms and then jumped down on the dry grass and took a swipe at Amethyst.

"That's my _girl_!" Jasper said approvingly and crossed her arms. "Get that nasty flea-bag, Cake, run her out of town. This is _your_ turf!"

"Whoa, I don't wanna fight you, kid!" Amethyst shied away from Cake, who was spitting defiance at her and jumping back and forth. The purple gem took on her regular form and hid behind Steven. Cake looked around confused and sat down and began to wash herself.

"Guys" I said loudly and everyone looked at me. "We'd like to welcome you all to this Sowegian evening, I was hoping to start us off with a little game, if you don't mind - it'll be quite quick, and then we'll bring out the food, please feel free to have more snacks and drinks while we play"

"Oh, we love games!" Steven said with a smile and Connie nodded. "What sort of game is it?"

"It's like a little quiz game, I'd like to split us all into teams of three; Connie, Amethyst, Jasper together, then Greg, Garnet and Steven, and as the last team, Sadie, Pearl and myself" we all moved to our team mates.

"Can we name our teams?" Steven asked. "Because we'd be the Tiger shrimps, wouldn't we, Dad, Garnet?"

"Tiger shrimps?" Greg said a little uncertainly and rubbed the back of his neck, but a smile appeared when he saw the look of happiness on Steven's face. "Sure, bud, we'll be the Tiger shrimps."

"Then we'll be Pony Extravaganza Explosion" Amethyst said sarcastically.

"Yeah!" Connie said and thrust her fist into the air. This made Amethyst perk up. Jasper looked at both of them with a smirk and shook her head slightly.

"What should our team name be?" Sadie asked Pearl shyly.

"Oh, something classy I think. I don't particularly care for exploding ponies... What do you think, Erica?"

"Oh, I don't mind. You guys decide" I said with a smile.

"Something classy... How about Prime-adonnas?"

"Because three is a prime number, oh, how very amusing!" Pearl laughed and patted Sadie on the shoulder, whose cheeks flushed. I sniggered too.

"Great. I'll give each team a little sheet of paper here. I'll ask a question and three of our names would be given as answers, then you guess which of those three names would be most likely to be the correct one, OK? The questions might seem a little strange and maybe even like they're making fun of you - but they don't mean what you might _think_ they mean, so it's all in good fun and everything will be revealed. The winning team will get a little prize. And I have another game planned for after dinner too, a very traditional Sowegian garden game. Please have a seat, or if you prefer to stand. I'll read out the questions" we all sat down in our teams around the table. "Everyone good?" I asked and there was a chorus of yeses and nods. "OK, the first question is 'Who is the snappiest dresser'? If you think it's Garnet, write her name down, if you think it's Connie, write her name, or if you think it's Sadie, write hers"

"Hey, why isn't my name an alternative for that one?" Amethyst asked jokingly. "I'm _easily_ the person with the best taste in clothes, I mean just _look_ at me" she gestured to herself. There was some appreciative laughter and the mood in the garden lightened, not that it was tense, but it made everyone relax a little more. Good, I thought, exactly what I wanted.

"I think it's Connie!" Steven said slightly too loudly, his round cheeks pinking up. "Let's put her name down! Sorry, Garnet"

"Connie is wearing a very nice dress tonight" Garnet said with a little smile. Connie looked a little put on the spot.

"While Connie is indeed wearing a very beautiful dress, I'm more a shirt and pants kind of a girl, so I'm gonna go with Sadie on this one" I smiled at Connie and then at Sadie, who also blushed.

"Yeah I like Sadie's outfit too" Connie said quickly.

"Um, I think Garnet's looking very snappy" Sadie said shyly, as if to get attention away from herself. I regretted picking the two of them for this question, they were obviously uncomfortable.

"Yeah, super snappy!" Amethyst shapeshifted her head into that of a crocodile and snapped her jaws. "Get it? Snappy!" it made everyone laugh and then all the teams held some hushed internal discussions. I bent down to join Pearl and Sadie.

"I like your choice in garments too, Sadie" Pearl said with a smile and Sadie's blush deepened.

"So that's one vote for Garnet and two for you" I grinned warmly at the short blonde girl.

"Oh... w-well, democracy rules I guess..." she gave a nervous giggle. Pearl wrote Sadie's name down on the paper.

"Everyone ready for the next question? OK, 'Who is the neatest'? The alternatives are Jasper, Steven and Pearl"

"Well, Pearl, _obviously_ " Amethyst said loudly and threw out her hand.

"Remember, the questions might not mean what you think they mean" I said mysteriously.

"How are we supposed to answer them then?" Amethyst asked frustratedly.

"Just pick your best guess" Jasper said with a shrug and a smile. I exchanged a look of thanks with her and she gave me a wink and a smirk.

"It might mean 'neat' as in cool?" Greg said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, then Pearl's out" Amethyst sniggered and Pearl let out an affronted little gasp. "Hmm... who is cooler... Jasper or Steven?" we all bent over our papers again, whispering.

"I'm cool" Pearl huffed quietly. "Right?"

"You're very cool" I said encouragingly. "But the question might not mean that either" I winked at her.

"Oh, this is _hard_ " she said with a little laugh.

"I think it's pretty fun" Sadie supplied and I beamed at her.

"Next question please!" Connie said eagerly.

"We're not ready yet" Garnet's voice was low and calm as always.

"Oh, we'd better answer" Sadie whispered. "I'm gonna go with Pearl on this one"

"Alright" Pearl's cheeks glowed a little blue as she scribbled her name down.

"We all ready for the next one? Great, OK, next one is... 'Who's the most colorful'? Greg, Pearl or Garnet?"

"Hey, they've already been in questions" Amethyst complained.

"It's just the way it turned out, you're part of the next one" I waved a hand at her.

"What is it?" she asked eagerly.

"Be patient" Garnet stated and Amethyst settled.

"So... who is the most colorful?" Sadie asked Pearl.

"In the sense of personality? Or temper?" Pearl asked in return.

"Maybe it's something like eye color? Like if you have eyes like Erica" Pearl turned to study my eyes in the setting sunlight.

"Oh I thought your eyes were green... but they're blue and brown, how peculiar... Then I'd go with Garnet, she's got at least three different hues"

"Oh wow, really? Yeah let's go with Garnet - or what do you say Erica?"

"Garnet it is" I said with a smile.

"We're done!" Steven called and Jasper said "Us too".

"OK, next question is... 'Who's the biggest sour-puss'? Amethyst, Greg or Erica"

"Hey!" Amethyst slapped her hand on the table. "Why don't I get a nice question?!"

"Oh, lighten up" Jasper yanked the paper away from Amethyst and gave it to Connie instead.

"Connie, here's our answer, you ready? It's A-M-E-T-H-Y-S-T" Jasper spelled it out loudly, while holding a struggling Amethyst off easily with one enormous palm.

"I'm going to have to side with Jasper on this one" Pearl said with a smile.

"Hmm... I don't know... _I_ can be pretty nasty sometimes" I said, sniggering.

"Oh, I don't believe that" Sadie wore a frown. "I'm with Pearl"

"Amethyst _has_ been a right sour-puss" Pearl nodded.

"Fine, fine" I held my hands up in surrender.

 "I don't think _anyone_ of you is a sour-puss" Steven said sadly.

"Remember the tip, Steven, it might not be what you think it means" Garnet soothed.

"Exactly" I gave him a wink and he looked a little cheered up. I lit a cigarette and took a sip of Mega Porp. Jasper was instructing Connie in how to put someone in a head-lock, using a swearing Amethyst as a dummy. Pearl and Sadie chatted politely next to me and Steven and Greg had their heads bent over their paper. Garnet was watching Jasper and Amethyst with her arms crossed and a thin smile on her face. The egg timer rang for the potatoes and I put my cigarette down and went inside to strain the water quickly. When I got back outside Jasper stood up and didn't sit down until I sat, then Steven reported that they were done. Amethyst looked at Jasper with a half amused, half disgusted expression on her face.

"Alright, the next question: 'Who is the handiest?', Connie, Steven or Sadie" I looked over at Jasper with slightly rosy cheeks. I felt my insides squirm with joy.

"Hmm" Greg said thoughtfully. "You've helped me repair the van sometimes" he said to Steven.

"All I did was hand you the tools, Dad"

"That _was_ pretty handy" Greg said with a terribly smug smile and I couldn't help but laugh at his dad-joke.

"After that argument I'm gonna have to go with Steven" I said in an undertone to Pearl and Sadie. I glanced over at Jasper and saw Amethyst was showing both Jasper and Connie how to shotgun a drink - thankfully it was soda. I smiled happily, Jasper seemed to be having fun. I looked over at Garnet again and saw she was still watching them, this time her grin a little more discernable. I re-lit my half-finished cigarette and had a little more to drink. There was only one question left now and I was getting kind of hungry.

"You guys ready for the last question?" they all nodded. "OK, 'Who's the fastest?' Jasper, Amethyst or Erica?"

"Ooh, _better_ question this time" Amethyst said approvingly. "Me, obviously, I'm the fastest at like, _everything_. Fastest eater, fastest to fall asleep - "

"Tch! Those things don't count - I'm faster than you at running" Jasper interrupted her.

"Only because you've got longer legs!"

"You've raced me as Purple Puma, I still beat you" Jasper crossed her arms with a smirk and a 'so there' look.

"Are you fast, Erica?" Sadie asked me politely.

"I've got a pretty fast mouth sometimes" I said with a wry smile. "And I'm pretty sure I could beat you all in a sonnet race"

"Oh, that would be so much _fun_!" Pearl said with a happy little laugh. "We simply _must_ do that sometime!"

"What's a sonnet race?" Steven asked.

"A sonnet is a type of poem" Connie said with rosy cheeks. "So I'm assuming a sonnet race is who can write one the fastest"

" _Yawn_!" Amethyst said dramatically and Jasper turned to glare at her. "Gee, not yawn then"

"I think I'm gonna choose Erica" Connie said and both Jasper and Amethyst looked down at her.

" _Excuse you_?" Amethyst said and crossed her arms. "Which team are you on, huh?"

"Erica's got my vote too" Jasper said with a smirk and put her arm across the back of Connie's chair.

"Fine, but I'll blame the both of you when we lose because of it" she turned her nose up at them and huffed, and I was strongly reminded of Pearl.

"Hmm" Steven said slowly. "Jasper. Yup. Jasper, she's the fastest" he scribbled it down.

"OK, everyone got all their answers down?" a chorus of ascent filled the garden. "Great, _now_ it's time to find out the answers! The first question was 'Who's the snappiest dresser'. Right, so Garnet, Connie, Sadie... How many _buttons_ do you have on you at the moment?"

" _Buttons_?" Amethyst, Steven and Connie said together.

"Yes, buttons. Count them" I said with a goofy smile. "Told you it wasn't going to be what you thought it was" they all laughed and Sadie and Connie stood up to see how many they did have.

"Do shoes count?" Connie asked and I nodded.

"Everything you've got on you counts"

"I've got three" Sadie said and held up three fingers.

"And I have... One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven!" Connie held up seven fingers triumphantly. Everyone turned to Garnet, who held up her hand, forming a zero with her thumb and index finger.

"So, the correct answer for question one is: Connie! Pearl, could you write it down?"

"Of course"

"Thanks. OK, the second question was... 'Who's the neatest', Jasper, Steven, Pearl, could you come over here please?" they all got up and stood in front of the table. "Great, OK, now, hold out your right hand. What do you think, guys - who has the neatest nails?" everyone leaned forward to see. By a five to four vote, Steven's hand won. We all sat down again.

"For the third question, 'Who's the most colorful' - Greg, Pearl, Garnet - how many colors are you wearing currently?" after a little pause I added "Underwear doesn't count" there were a few sniggers from Steven, Connie and Amethyst.

"I've got twelve" Greg said with a little smile. "Good I decided to wear this shirt today, eh, Stuball?"

"Six for me" Pearl said modestly.

"Ten" Garnet stated.

"Greg is the answer for number three! Number four was 'Who's the biggest sour-puss', Amethyst, Greg and myself. I'll just go get something" I darted into the kitchen and got the lemon I had sliced earlier, and a little carton of crackers. Jasper stood up as I came back and I felt a pleasant squirm in my stomach again. "OK, so lemons, see?" I held up the little plate. "The biggest sour-puss is the one who scrunches up their face first, alright?"

"Oh-ho, I see what you did there, E" Amethyst punched my shoulder. "All o' y'all's gonna eat your words, cuz there's no way I'm gonna lose _this_!" we each picked up a lemon wedge.

"One, two, three, go!" Steven counted and we all bit into them at the same time. It was cold as well as sour and I couldn't keep my face still if my life depended on it.

"Jeez that's, mwuaah, sour!" Greg took a long drink of his beer to rid himself of the taste.

"Told you!" Amethyst pointed round to all of us dramatically and everyone laughed.

"Erica's the biggest sour-puss then" Pearl said and wiped her eyes.

"I tried to give you all a hint - I'm terrible at that game" Connie, Steven and Jasper laughed again. "Right, next question was 'Who's the handiest', Connie, Steven, Sadie - who of you has the biggest hands?" turned out Sadie's were slightly bigger than Steven's.  "Sadie for number five then. The last question was 'Who's the fastest', darling, Amethyst, if you could join me?"

They both stood up and came to stand next to me. "Here, have two crackers each. On the count of three we eat them and then the first one who can whistle a tune wins, OK?"

"Oh, this'll be interesting" Amethyst rubbed her hands together.

" _No_ shapeshifting" Jasper said warningly to Amethyst who shrugged her shoulders.

"Pff, as if I need to shapeshift to win an _eating_ game"

"Steven, could you count again?" I asked and he nodded.

"One, two, three, go!"

Jasper and Amethyst shoved both crackers into their mouths at the same time and started to chew furiously. I took one at a time.

"Omgf, its sho dryh" Amethyst flapped her hands in the air. She tried to whistle, but just blew crumbs. Jasper tried too, but failed as well. I swallowed hard and licked my lips and then managed to make a little whistle.

"Erica is the fastest!" Connie cheered. Jasper, Amethyst and me all took long sips of our drinks and regained our voices.

"OK" I said a bit hoarsely. "If everyone could count how many answers you got right - Pearl, could you read them aloud?"

"Alright, in order it is: Connie, Steven, Greg, Erica, Sadie, Erica. Team Prime-adonna got one out of six"

"So did team Pony Extravaganza Explosion" Connie reported.

"Oh, oh! We got two out of six!" Steven said excitedly and waved their piece of paper.

"Congratulations team Tiger shrimp!" everyone applauded and laughed and Steven took a bow. "I'll go get your prize and then we can bring out the food" I went into the kitchen and got the little box I had hidden under the sink. When I returned everyone was milling about and getting some more snacks and drinks.

"Here we are" I held out the box to Steven, who took it with shining eyes.

"Oh, it's a little horse, and a troll and a... reindeer?"

"That's a moose, Steven" Greg said, looking over his shoulder.

"You get one each" I said with a smile. "They are the most popular Sowegian souvenirs out there, the Dalecarlian horse, the mountain troll and the moose"

"Thank you!" Steven gave me a rib cracking hug.

"You're we-welcome" I watched as Steven picked up the little horse and showed it to everyone.

"Can I have this one?" he asked his dad and Garnet.

"Sure, son. Which one would you like, Garnet?"

"The troll" she picked it up with a smile. "Sapphire thinks it looks a little like Ruby"

"Oh-ho it _does_ look like Ruby! Look at their little _face_!" Amethyst snickered.

"Great, because I think the moose is the _most_ rad" Greg chuckled "I'm going to put this on my dashboard"

"Darling, could you help me with the food?" I called to Jasper and she joined me in the kitchen.

"That was fun" she said with a crooked grin.

"Yeah? Good! I'm so pleased!" she put her hands on my hips and pulled me into a kiss.

"I could barely keep myself from saying 'yeah she does' when you said that thing about you having a fast mouth" she said with a chuckle, making me laugh - pink and gold butterflies twinkled around us for a moment. "If Steven and Connie hadn't been there, I would have"

"I saw how cute you were with Connie, darling, it made me so happy!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" I nodded and kissed her. "Could you show me how to do that head-lock thing later too?"

"Of course, babe" she stroked my cheek and looked deep into my eyes for a moment. "I -"

"What's the hold up? People are starving out here, you know" Amethyst came in from the garden with an empty soda can in her hand.

"Why don't you help and it'll go faster" Jasper said  and reached behind me to pick up the big pot of steaming potatoes. Sadie and Pearl came in behind the purple gem.

"Can we help?" Pearl asked.

"That's so kind, thank you" I said gratefully and we started to hand out dishes and cutlery. After a few minutes all the food was outside on a side table.

"OK, traditionally, you start with the herring and then work your way to the warm course, but I'm guessing everyone is very hungry, I know I sure am!" I started to point out the different dishes. "There are three kinds of herring, onion, Skagen and Matje. Skagen is very mild and savory, the others are a more sour. Then we have fresh summer potatoes, really great with butter or sour cream, red onions and chives. Then we have meatballs, secret family recipe, and Jansson's temptation - a casserole with potatoes, onions and anchovies. There's rye bread and cheddar cheese, devilled eggs a la Skagen... And then..." I made a dramatic pause "we have the gravlax... The epiphany of Sowegian delicacies, at least in my opinion. Then there's blueberry, cloudberry and raspberry pies and ice cream for desert - we have lots and lots of everything so don't be shy! Please, dig in!" I stepped back and went to get the Aquavit from the kitchen. "Something for the adults" I said to Greg.

"Oh, I think I've heard of this! It's schnapps, isn't it?"

"Yes - I'm not much of a drinker, but I'll have a small one with the herring and the song"

"There's a song?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it's mandatory" I said with a smile. Greg went to fill his plate.

Pearl stood a little off to the side, her hands behind her back.

"I didn't forget about you" I said and gave her a nudge.

"What do you mean? You know I don't like to eat..."

"I know. But you like tea, right?"

"Yes, I do like tea" she said a little uncertainly.

"Have you ever tried Söderblandning?"

"No, I can't say that I have" a smile spread across her face.

"There's a teapot brewing on the table with your name on it" I gave her another nudge and went to get some food. I piled my plate up with a bit of everything and then sat down between Jasper and Sadie, across from Greg.

"OK, anyone want to try some Aquavit schnapps?" Steven gave me a hopeful look and I added "Who is over the legal drinking age, of course"

"I'd love some" Greg said with a smile.

"Mhe tfoo" Amethyst said through a mouthful of Jansson's temptation.

"Is that that alcohol thing you told me about?" Jasper asked me.

"Yes"

"Does it taste good?"

"No" I said with a laugh. "But it's traditional. Do you want to try some? It's really strong" she nodded and I poured the four of us a shot each, then picked up my knife and hit my soda glass until I had everyone's attention. "Sorry about this everyone, but I'm going to have to sing a song now" I said with a feigned sad look on my face. I cleared my throat theatrically and raised my shot glass, Amethyst, Jasper and Greg mimicking me.

" _Ja silla hon går i havet, bland torsk och makrill! Ja silla hon går i havet, bland torsk och makrill! Hon mår inte illa av 'et, hon tar en sup när hon vill! Hon mår inte illa av 'et, hon tar en sup när hon vill!_ _Skål_!" I braced myself and took a large sip - the liquid hit my throat like fire and my eyes watered at the bitter taste. " _Åh fy fan_!" I shivered. I put the schnapps down and picked up my soda glass and drained it. I looked around at the other drinkers - Greg smacked his lips with a strained look on his face, Amethyst seemed completely unaffected and Jasper was still holding her full glass.

"Was that some sort of signal?" she asked me.

"Sorry, darling" I suppressed a burp. " _Skål_ means 'cheers', that's when you drink"

"Well, _skoll_ then" she tipped the glass back and I saw her eyes go wide and her cheeks bulge before she swallowed with a disgusted look on her face. "Oh my stars - that was _awful_! My throat is on fire!"

"Drink some soda, it'll help" I advised.

"It's very bitter isn't it?" Greg said and put the shot down. "I wasn't expecting that"

"A lot of Sowegian spirits are bitter or sour" I said apologetically.

"I liked it. Can I have another one?" Amethyst asked and held up her glass.

"No" Garnet said and put her hand on the purple gem's arm.

"Oh, you're no fun" she grumbled and went back to eating.

"This food is amazing" Steven said from down the other end of the table and I leaned forward to look at him.

There was a chorus of ascent and nodding all around the table and me and Jasper beamed.

"So glad you like it!" I said happily and grabbed Jasper's hand under the table, golden butterflies dancing around me.

"Oh!" Sadie gasped and her cutlery fell on her plate with a clatter. "Where did _they_ come from?!" she pointed at the lights as they faded away.

I had completely forgotten I hadn't told Sadie about my newly acquired abilities... What on earth should I say? What _could_ I say? Was this supposed to be a secret? None of the gems looked particularly bothered, so that must make it OK to talk about, right?

"Sorry, Sadie, I forgot you didn't know. Um..." I looked at Greg for some help.

"You know how Steven's got that gem on his belly, but he's my son?" he said slowly.

"Yeah? Wait... Erica, are you a _gem_?" she looked at me in astonishment.

"What? No, no, I'm human" I thought for a moment. "Well... mostly human..." what was the correct term? "It's a bit of a long story, but... Basically, I inhaled some gem dust and it sort of got stuck in my throat... and now I can do stuff like that"

"Isn't it pretty?" Connie said dreamily.

Sadie looked from me to Greg, to Connie and then back at me again. "But... how is that even possible?" she drew away from me a little.

"I don't know how it works, it just... does. Did it freak you out? It freaked you out, didn't it?" a little puff of purple left me and drifted over the table. I could feel panic welling up inside. Jasper's hand moved from my hand to rest on my shoulder.

"Breathe..." she murmured in my ear. Everyone had fallen silent around us.

"Erica?" Pearl's voice was concerned as she leaned forward from Connie's other side.

"What does purple mean?" Steven asked, sounding a little unsettled. Pearl looked at Jasper. I knew Pearl knew what it meant, but I had told her never to speak about it to anyone else. Jasper knew too, but she wouldn't say on principle.

Everyone looking at me was making me feel very, _very_ uncomfortable. I felt an overwhelming urge to bolt. It took all the mental strength I had to say my next words.

"It means... I'm afraid..."

"Afraid?" Sadie asked, looking both concerned and frightened herself. "Of what?"

"Losing a friend" I said quietly and forced myself to look Sadie in the eye. "Am I?"

Steven gasped, but Pearl shushed him.

"No, why would you lo- oh... No, no, Erica I just got s-surprised!" she met my gaze. "I just wasn't expecting - " she glanced around at everyone, and I realized they were looking at her rather than at me, she swallowed the rest of her sentence and shrank back in her chair.

"Have you tried the gravlax?" Greg said loudly to Amethyst.

"Yes, Gregory, it is scrumptious" she said stiffly. Everyone watching us occupied themselves elsewhere for a moment, except for Jasper. She was still holding her hand on my back reassuringly.

"I'm sorry" Sadie mumbles quietly. "I... I should go"

"No, please don't - come with me and we can just... talk" I got up from my chair and Jasper gave me a questioning look. I gave her hand a reassuring stroke. Sadie followed me into the kitchen.

"I didn't mean to bring the mood down" she said quickly.

"I know you didn't, sweetheart" I felt a bit wretched. "And I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that just now, in front of everyone"

"It - it's OK, I was being _so_ rude, when you've invited me here, with all this fancy food and, and, and your girlfriend and everything" she was wringing her hands and looking at the floor. The word 'girlfriend' made my heart beat a little faster. Me and Jasper hadn't talked about stuff like that. What did gems call their significant others? Was that how I thought of Jasper? I filed those thoughts away for later.

"You weren't rude, I just got so scared all of a sudden - I completely forgot you didn't know. I mean it freaked me out like crazy the first time it happened - the circumstances were different but - I'm sorry, I should have said something. To be honest I don't know if it's like a secret, but please don't tell anyone" I was speaking very fast. "And please don't go"

She looked up at me with over bright eyes. "I won't tell anyone. You sure you don't want me to leave? I can be so awkward sometimes..."

"Please stay" I reached out for her hand. "I want you to stay"

"You are OK, right, that gem stuff - it's not dangerous is it?"

"I'm fine, totally fine" relief flooded my chest and little white lights like fireflies bobbed around me.

"Oh... They look different now"

"They change depending on how I feel. Pearl is helping me figure it out. I keep discovering new things all the time"

"Wow... is that why you came here? To be with them?"

"No, that's an even longer story" I said with a smile.

"I'd love to hear it sometime" she said shyly and gave my hand a squeeze. I heard footsteps approaching and Pearl entered the kitchen.

"Sorry, we were running out of drinks at the table" she said apologetically, but I knew she had come over to check on us. She looked down at our hands and gave a little sigh of relief, then went over and picked up a bottle of soda and went back outside.

"You feel ready to get back out there?" I asked Sadie quietly.

"Actually, I need to use the bathroom?"

"Oh, it's just under the stairs. I'll wait" she smiled and went over there. I leaned against the counter top and took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes. Phew, crisis averted. The noises coming from the garden sounded relaxed again, and there was a sudden burst of laughter. I smiled. This was actually going well! People seemed to be enjoying themselves and the food seemed a great success.

"What was that song?" Sadie asked me curiously as she exited the bathroom.

"It's a drinking song, it's really, really old" I smiled at her.

"What does it mean?"

"It goes; 'Yes, the herring swims in the sea, among cod and mackerel. Yes, the herring swims in the sea, among cod and mackerel. She doesn't feel sick, she has a drink when she wants. She doesn't feel sick, she has a drink when she wants'"

"It really is all about fish in Soweland, then?" she asked with a giggle. Everything seemed to have gone back to normal.

"Yes, indeed! Fish, potatoes and alcohol, that's the Sowegian way of life. Oh, and standing in queues and _thinking_ about complaining, but never actually doing so" Sadie laughed. Jasper had stood up when we came outside again and Amethyst looked over at me and Sadie with a knowing grin.

I had reached the gravlax on my plate - I liked to save it for last. It melted in my mouth and I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes as I savored the wonderful taste.

"Gudars _skymning_..." I mumbled.

"Good?" Jasper asked me softly.

"Mhmm" I hummed happily and she bent down to kiss my upturned face. I savored the combined taste of gravlax and Jasper's lips.

Everyone ate and chatted around us, Connie seemed to be in the middle of retelling a riveting story, Pearl, Sadie, and Greg seemed to be listening raptly. Steven sat next to her with an adorable expression on his face.

"... Then we said; 'Fore hand!', 'Back hand!', 'Overhead Death Strike!' and swung the sword and the last ball of energy shot back into the robot floaty thing and it exploded!"

"And then we went to see Dog Copter 3!" Steven finished and threw his arms up in the air.

After a while people seemed to put their knives and forks down and Greg patted his belly.

"Oh, I think I might have overdone it a bit - it was just too good! Especially that Jansson's casserole thing"

"There's still pie, right?" Amethyst asked eagerly.

Jasper nodded at her and put an arm around the back of my chair.

"What do you guys say? Do you want a little game break before dessert? Or maybe just a break?" I gave Greg a smile.

"I think I'll sit the game out" Greg said with a sigh.

"Yes, more games!" Steven whooped. "What kind of game is it?"

"It's called 'kubb'" I got up from my chair and held up the heavy bag. "Steven, Connie, want help me set it up?" they got up too and we went over to the space I had set aside for this purpose.

"We'll clear the table in the meantime" Pearl said with a smile and started to pick up plates.

"Let me do that" Jasper offered and held out her hand, palm up to Pearl.

"T-together?" Pearl suggested nervously and Jasper gave her a small grin and a nod. I beamed at them. Sadie got up to help out too.

"OK, so we need to mark the rectangular playing area with the corner poles, that's these four here" they each grabbed two and put them up. "Excellent, thank you" I said with a smile. "Then each short side has five of these wooden blocks, evenly spaced out, and then this guy goes in the middle of the playing field" I held up a big hunk of wood with a simple crown carved out of the top.

"What are these for?" Steven held up one of six round foot long pieces of wood.

"I will explain when everyone's back, OK?" he nodded and went up to Garnet and pointed to the playing field. I went into the kitchen and to take out the pies from the fridge and put on a pot of coffee for the dessert. Pearl, Jasper and Sadie were still bustling around, they had formed a little work team - Pearl was washing the dishes, Sadie dried them and Jasper put them back into the cupboards. It was so endearing I wanted to hug all of them at the same time.

"You guys... you didn't need to do that" I said and they turned around.

"Oh, it's no trouble" Pearl said and waved a soapy hand. "I can't leave dishes unwashed, it drives me up the wall"

"It's the least we could do" Sadie said with a smile.

"They wouldn't let me take over" Jasper said with an apologetic grin. I put my hand on her arm.

"Thank you all" I almost got a little choked up and went to put the coffee on before I started crying.

A few minutes later everyone was out in the garden again.

"OK, to play kubb we need two teams, sure you don't want to join us, Greg?"

"No, I think I'll just watch from here thanks" he said with a slightly embarrassed grin.

"Connie and Steven, you want to be team captains?" they nodded and Steven bowed to Connie for her to begin.

"I'll take Jasper!" she said and Jasper made a little start of surprise, then went over to stand beside Connie with slightly rosy cheeks.

"Then I'll take... Sadie!" Steven said and Sadie stood next to him with a smile. Pearl and Amethyst joined Connie and Garnet and I went with Steven.

"OK, so, the point of this game is to knock down the opposing team's warriors, that's these guys" I pointed to the five wooden blocks on each side. "Using these" I held up one of the foot long sticks. "You throw them underhand from behind your own warriors. If you manage to knock a warrior down on your turn, the opposing team has to stand behind their line and throw it over to your side of the field, without knocking down the king - that's this guy right here. Then you raise the warriors where they landed and they act as an extra defense for you, and if they don't take them out, you get to stand behind them on your next turn. The opposing team has to take them out before they can go after the ones on the starting line. When a warrior has been knocked down, thrown over and then knocked down again, that warrior is out of the game. To win, you have to knock down all the other team’s warriors and then take out the king. It has to be on the same round as you knock down their last warrior, or you lose the game. Anyone have any questions?"

"Which team starts?" Amethyst asked.

"Oh yeah, one from each team throws a stick and tries to get as close to the king as possible without knocking him over. That's another rule - if you knock the king down before you take out all the warriors – at any point and by any means , then you lose"

"OK!" Steven said and picked up a stick and aimed very carefully, then lobbed it quite close to the king. It landed with a 'pef' on the dry grass and Sadie said; "Good job, Steven"

Connie's throw was also very good and we had to inspect the result. Connie's was an inch or so closer than Steven's and we handed all the sticks to them.

"It's safest to step away from the backline when the other team is throwing" I advised. "Those sticks can really bruise up your shins, ask my cousin Jacob"

Connie started and took careful aim, but missed with both her sticks - since there were six of them and only four on each team, two people got to use two sticks instead of one. Jasper was up next and hit a warrior so hard it flew into the fence with a smack and everyone on my team took a nervous step further away from the field of play, laughing. Jasper put on a very smug grin.

"Beat _that_ " she said to Amethyst and crossed her arms.

"I'll wipe that smile off your face, just you wait, Jayster" she stuck her tongue out in concentration but missed with both her sticks.

"Oh, I'm sorry, what was that?" Jasper smirked down at a blushing Amethyst.

"I just need to get my hand in, is all!"

Next up was Pearl. She took such a long time aiming, Amethyst started to complain.

"Come on, P, we don't have all night"

"Patience, Amethyst. This is a game of _physics_ " Pearl lobbed the stick in a graceful arc and it hit the leftmost warrior with a 'pock' and knocked it over. "See?" she said with a triumphant grin as Connie clapped her hands and Jasper chuckled.

"Can I throw our warriors over?" Steven asked Garnet, Sadie and me when we had picked up all the sticks.

"Go for it" Sadie said kindly and Steven threw them over one at a time, the first one hitting the second one.

"Oh! When that happens, stack them on top of each other" I said to Connie who was sent to stand them up.

Sadie and Steven both had two sticks each and Steven started. His second throw took out both the extra warriors and we cheered.

"Nice one, son!" Greg called from the table and raised his beer.

Sadie was up next and took one down but missed with the other stick. Then it was Garnet's turn, she threw the stick at the fence - it bounced off and knocked the closest warrior over. Everyone laughed and Steven said "Whoa, that was so cool!"

"Hey, no trick shots!" Amethyst said loudly. "That's gotta be an illegal move, E?"

I chuckled, making more gold and white butterflies appear. "All the rules say is that it's gotta be an under arm throw" I shrugged my shoulders and grinned. "It was, wasn't it?"

Garnet nodded and leaned back against the fence. It was my turn now and I hefted the stick and took aim.

"Hey, batter-batter" Amethyst taunted and Pearl gasped at her.

"Amethyst, don't be a spoil sport!"

"Is there a rule against it?" the purple gem crossed her arms and smirked at Pearl and then at me.

"No" I said with a smile.

"There, Pearl, see? No precious rule" Amethyst flicked her hair cockily and cracked her knuckles.

"But us Sowegians have honor, so it isn't needed" I smirked, then threw the stick and _just_ managed to knock a block over. I looked up at the stunned look on Amethyst's face, and saw Pearl covering her mouth with her hand, her shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. Sadie, Connie, Steven and Jasper sniggered and Garnet blew out a breath through her nose.

"Well I never!" Amethyst said in a mock-hurt voice and picked up the warrior I had just knocked over.

I walked forward to take out the blocks Steven had put out of the game and put them on the side while Connie's team picked up the sticks. They threw over the three my team had toppled, Pearl managing to hit the second and third on the first one.

"That means you stack all three on top of each other, right?" she asked with a smile. I nodded and Steven stacked them up carefully. Connie threw the first one and nudged the bottom block in the stack, making the little tower fall over with a clatter.

"Nice one, Connie" Peal said approvingly and Steven whooped. Jasper had two sticks this time and took out two blocks with extreme prejudice. I clapped along with Sadie and Steven and she looked about as proud as two cats full of six pences. We only had one little warrior left now and it was Pearl's turn. She took a long time to aim again, but it paid off. There was a sound like 'plunk' and the block fell. She had one stick left and twirled it in her hand.

"You want to go first?" she asked Amethyst.

"Nah, you deserve it" the purple gem said with a grin and Pearl turned to throw at the king. A 'plonk' later the king went down and we all cheered. Pearl took a bow.

"So, what did we win?" Amethyst asked eagerly.

"The title of Beach City Kubb Champions and of course; bragging rights" I chuckled and began to pick up the blocks.

"Aww man, I wanted a little Ruby-troll too. I knew just which garbage pile to put it on and everything. Hey, Garnet - wanna trade?"

"You've got nothing I want, Amethyst" the tall gem said calmly.

Steven and Connie put the game up again and began to play by themselves. Garnet sat down in the grass to watch and Cake came up to her and snuggled down in her lap. Jasper stood still for a few moments and looked at the kids, Garnet and Cake with a ponderous look on her face. I smiled to myself and went into the kitchen to get plates and cutlery for the pies. Pearl and Sadie joined me in setting up and Amethyst surprised me by getting the ice cream out of the freezer.

"What kinds of pies are these again?" Greg asked as we all sat back down.

"This one is blueberry, that one’s raspberry and that one’s cloudberry" Jasper pointed.

"Cloudberry? What's that?" Connie asked and looked up at Jasper, who glanced at me and smiled.

"You'd better ask Erica"

"Oh, sorry"

"It's OK, sweetheart" I said softly. In fact, the way Connie had just talked to Jasper - assumed the two of us were a team and would know stuff like that - filled my chest with warmth. "It's a gold-orange berry that grows in the far north. It is quite tart, tastes a little like sweet-sour apples. It's really good with vanilla ice cream. Please, dig in!" I sat back and sipped my coffee and had a cigarette while they dove over the pies.

Pearl and Garnet were sitting next to me now. I noticed Pearl cradling a cup in her hands.

"Hey, how did you like the tea?" I asked the pale gem.

"Oh, it's wonderful, thank you for thinking of me, Erica" she smiled and touched my arm. "Do you think you could buy it in a store here?"

"I don't think so, but please, take the bag with you - I'm more of a coffee person and Jasper prefers soda"

"That's very kind, thank you" she took another sip. "Black tea is my favorite. This one has a very fruity and flowery taste"

"Here" Jasper held out a plate with a slice of cloudberry pie on it across the table. "It was going so fast" she threw an eye over at Amethyst, Connie and Steven who were covered in crumbs with their cheeks bulging.

"Thank you, darling" I said and took it. "Did you get a chance to try it?"

"No, but that's OK" my heart melted.

"We'll share it then, beastie. Excuse me" I got up, grabbed my chair and walked around the table to sit next to Jasper. Her cheeks were a bit pink and I saw Pearl and Garnet exchange a look and a smile. I scooted close to her and picked up a fork.

"Pass the ice cream please" I asked and Sadie handed me the nearly empty container. I threw some down next to the pie and took a forkful and put it in my mouth. The pie was wonderfully tart and the ice cream a creamy sweet.

Jasper leaned in close. "Did you know, every time you take the first bite of something, you always close your eyes?" she murmured.

"I do?" I felt my ears burning. She had been watching me eat? I mean I knew she had watched me eat, but I didn't know she had _watched_ me eat.

"Yes, you do" she said with a crooked grin. She took a bite of pie and fluttered her eyes closed and tilted her head back slightly. "That's how you do it. And this pie..." she looked down on it and took another forkful. "I understand why it went so fast"

"Wow, nice combo of compliment, teasing and compliment there, beastie" I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

"I try" she chuckled and leaned down to kiss me. It was amazing how the others' conversations suddenly seemed far away. My fingers found hers and she stroked the back of my hand with her thumb. It made my skin tingle and I smiled into our kiss as it deepened slightly. A new sound entered the background we surfaced from the kiss to hear someone playing guitar. I saw Jasper's gem pulsate slowly with light and my heart beat a little faster - I breathed out a little cloud of pink and orange-gold mist. Her eyes flicked up to it and back to mine and I smiled and nodded. She reached up and let her fingers brush through it just before it faded - her eyes closed and her smile broadened as she raised a hand to her heart. Had she just felt her heart beat faster, like mine had? Something moved at the edge of my vision and I turned my head, sitting up a little straighter. Steven and Connie were dancing to Greg playing guitar. One song was just coming to a close and he started a new one. My heart skipped a beat.

"Oh, he's _not_... oh, he _is_!" I said in amazement and smiled.

"He's... not what?" Jasper asked, looking a little dazed.

"He's playing _Queen_! I _love_ Queen!" Greg heard me and gave me a wink as he began to sing.

"This thing - called love, I just, can't handle it, this thing - called love. I must, get round to it - I ain't ready! Crazy little thing called love"

I could barely contain myself and Jasper looked at me with delight in her eyes.

"Do you want to dance?" I asked her and she raised her eyebrows and chuckled nervously.

"What?" her cheeks had gone a deep pink.

"Want to dance? Come on, let's!" I urged her. "You can't be worse than me" I said in an undertone.

"Y-you go ahead, babe... I'll... I'll wait for a slower song, OK?" I could see she was uncomfortable, maybe she didn't want to dance in front of people? She hadn't joined in when Amethyst had after my first training session with Steven and Connie, when they had found me singing and dancing in the garden. Suddenly I felt torn - it was rare for me to even _think_ of dancing in front of anyone, but it felt so safe with this group of people - and I _had_ already danced with two of them. On the other hand I hadn't spent a lot of time with Jasper during the evening and we had just shared such a wonderful kiss - I didn't want to ruin the mood. 

"It's OK, I'll wait" I said with a smile, feeling a slight twinge of disappointment, despite my previous thought.

" _Stars_ , Erica, go dance already" she said with a laugh. "I know you want to"

"Are you sure? I don't want to just abandon you" I said a little uncertainly.

"You're not" her smile looked genuine. " _And_ it means I can have the rest of this delicious pie"

"OK, just don't laugh when I make a fool of myself" I said with a grin then turned to the rest of the table. "That goes for all of you"

"We would _never_ " Amethyst said sarcastically and flicked her hand at me.

I got to my feet and joined Steven and Connie.

"Yay, more people dancing!" Steven said happily.

I began to sing along with Greg. White and yellow ribbons flitted through the air and seemed to move with me. I could see Sadie jiggling her leg in time with the music and I nudged Steven in the ribs and looked at her meaningfully. He grinned and went over to her.

"Sadie my Lady, would you honor me with this dance?" she blushed a deep scarlet but smiled and took Steven's proffered hand.

"Oh, such a little gentleman" Pearl said and put her hand over her heart. Greg hit the solo and both me and Connie played air guitar.

As the song ended, Greg took a drink. "Anyone got a request?"

"Do you know Duality by Slipknot?" Connie asked excitedly and I snorted with laughter.

"Give me some skin" I said and we high-fived, the bandage dampening the impact on my hand.

"I know it, but it's not very dancy. Maybe another song?" Greg smiled uncertainly.

"More Queen?" she suggested.

"Oh, yes please" I said and nodded. "Killer Queen?"

"Now we're talking" Greg grinned and tapped the body of his guitar to count in. We sang together again.

"She keeps Moet et Chandon, in her pretty cabinet, 'Let them eat cake' she says, just like Marie Antoinette. A built-in remedy, for Khrushchev and Kennedy, at any time an invitation, you can't decline! Caviar and cigarettes, well versed in etiquette, extraordinarily nice - she's a Killer Queen, gunpowder, gelatin, dynamite with a laser beam - guaranteed to blow your mind!" we played off each other, both smiling broadly. At the end I played the air guitar, singing the notes so Greg could do the fiddly solo bits. Everyone clapped and I panted for breath, feeling giddy.

"You're so good!" I said to him and he scoffed.

"There's more talented people out there" he said modestly and took a swig of beer to wet his throat.

"Take my compliment, damn you!" I punched him on the shoulder, making him laugh.

"Fine, fine, I'm good, alright, jeez" he laughed. "Phew... I need a break"

"Aww... I wanted to dance some more" Steven whined.

"Not to worry, we've got tunes" I went to get my laptop. "Here, feel free to browse my music" I sat down next to Jasper again and lit a cigarette as Connie squealed; "She has Slipknot!" the intro to Duality started playing. I smiled broadly and shook my head slightly.

"You looked good out there" Jasper leaned down to kiss me on my rosy cheek.

"It was fun, but at this rate I'm gonna need another shower"

"Is there anything with Celine Dion?" Pearl asked and leaned over toward Connie and Steven.

"I can tell you right now, there isn't" I said with an apologetic smile.

"Lucky, I would say - once Pearl gets into the Celine Dion songs, forget getting your stereo back all night" Amethyst grumbled. "Or at _all_!"

"But you have so many in your room, Amethyst" Pearl said a little testily.

"Yeah, but only one works and you took it!"

"If you'd only let me in I could fix the others - "

"No, you'll just want to clean and mess up my system!"

"I'd _hardly_ call it a _system_ \- "

"Pearl, Amethyst" Garnet said warningly and they both looked at her and settled down.

I exchanged an amused look with Jasper but neither of us dared to laugh.

"Is there any pie left?" Greg asked and Amethyst shook her head.

"There's more ice cream in the freezer if you want" I said and pointed to the kitchen. "Want me to get some?"

"Ah, no thanks, I've probably had too much sugar tonight as it is" he grinned.

Steven and Connie kept playing different songs - they must have made one hell of a playlist - it had everything in it, from Björk to more Slipknot. Or maybe they had just found one of my old favorite mixes, because that could very well be the case. Then ‘Truly, madly, deeply' with Savage Garden came on and I felt my ears go bright red. They must have found my sappy love song subfolder somewhere! Just as I was about to ask them to change it, Jasper spoke;

"Well, _that's_ a slower song" she said and rose to her feet and held out a hand to me. "Would you like to dance?" suddenly this was the best song in the world - her cheeks were rosy but she looked determined.

"Y-yes" I said and took her hand and stood up too. She led me away from the table and I didn't dare catch anyone's eye. She stopped by the wooden deck and slid her hand onto my back and raised the other into the air. I followed her lead, looking up into her beautiful face as we began to slow dance. At first her body was stiff, but after a little while she relaxed and met my gaze. Her yellow eyes reflected the light of the stars and I smiled, my heart beating faster as she smiled back. Like when we had kissed, the sounds around us seemed to fade into the background. My chest touched her stomach and my head, as always, was on the same level as her breasts. I could feel her pulse against my abdomen, back and hands. A slowing, steady beat and I felt my own heart slow until we beat in unison, like we shared a heart. Her gem began to glow with the rhythm of _our_ heart. Our eyes were locked and slowly, _slowly_ she leaned down to kiss me. When our lips met, my entire body tingled from the top my head to the soles of my feet and I felt myself wanting to melt into her, to never lose this feeling of togetherness.

* * *

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	31. Something to remember me by

## Chapter 31: Something to remember me by  


I opened my eyes and looked up to see her face, but, hang on a minute; I should look _down_ to do that. A feeling of understanding rushed through me and I smiled, feeling sharp incisors against my lower lip as I did so - I raised a hand to touch one and felt lips much fuller, no _less_ full than mine - hers. A laugh bubbled out of me but it didn't sound like me at all - but there were _butterflies_! In all the colors of the rainbow! From _me_! There was a thrill of such _innocent_ happiness at being able to do that and I felt Jasper stirring somewhere _deep_ inside. Erica's confusion bloomed into surprise and then transformed into joy and revved up all the way to happiness in one go - I clapped a hand over my mouth.

"We... we did it..." my voice was like the plucking of a cello string, deep and thrumming. Erica _adored_ it and Jasper was just lost in the idea of being _me_ , together. I looked down at my hands - one was red, one was sunburned with that scar she had gotten when her dad had given her too hard a push on the swing set in that park with the yellow play house... A flutter of anxiety came with the memory and Erica grew afraid she would ruin things, Jasper shared the fear that _she_ _herself_ would ruin things, but I told them that _I_ knew them both, _all_ about them... And I loved them. I felt easy, accessible tears from Erica and deep, long hidden ones from Jasper, and I cried for all of us, feeling the release like being able to finally stretch after a long time in a confined space. I let them explore me and each other in the safety of... me. Because that's _what_ I was, their shared safe space. Well, I was a bit _more_ than that, I added, and of course they agreed, Erica a little more eager to appease me than Jasper - which Jasper found adorable in the same way she found Cake adorable when she sought out closeness in those hours during the night she sometimes lay awake and just thought about the past as Erica slept peacefully beside her. There was slight confusion from Erica at this knowledge, why hadn't Jasper said - did she need comfort then? From Jasper came first resistance but then acknowledged that yes, sometimes she wished to talk and be reassured but she knew Erica needed sleep. Jasper felt the struggle Erica faced then - weighing the need to sleep versus the strong desire to be _there_ for _Her_. I intervened before Jasper could get wrapped up in her decision and told them that we all knew we couldn't be _everything_ for each other all the time. That sometimes, Jasper had moments of sadness and regret but that she needed them too, just like Erica needed her moments of THE SOUND THE MRI MACHINE MADE WHEN I FINALLY LET GO AND - no. We will not go into the MRI machine. Both of them calmed but rocked in the wake of the _power_ of that particular memory. Erica felt an overwhelming need to apologize but there was nothing to apologize for, Jasper and I agreed. It was scary, yes, but that's what bravery was for. And we are all so brave. Yes, Erica. You too. Calmness and peace inside me, a tense knot unfolding. I rooted around in my own memory, or our memory and found someone else... a tiny, flickering personality... _Tourmaline_ it whispered and went dark, but I knew it was still there, asleep. So _that's_  what I was... A jasper, a human, with a sprinkling of a _turquoise_ tourmaline. A writer, a fighter and a... what? _Historian_ , went the little sputtering consciousness and fell back into slumber.   
A writer - _and a singer_ came Jasper's powerful interjection. A _bard_ then, I compromised and felt Erica's surprise at the title and her wonder if she deserved it, but Jasper insisted it was such and Erica glowed with pleasure so that _my_ cheeks must surely be reddening.  
A bard, a fighter and a historian. _Makes a Gonagall_ Erica supplied, and shared the memory of the little Feegle who made the nightmares scream in agony as he played the mouse pipes. Battle poet I explained to Jasper and she filled our heart with such _pride_ it was almost indecent.   
But what is my name, I asked them. And they didn't know. _Name yourself_ , they both wanted it so strongly - Jasper for the _freedom_ that is in a name and Erica for the curiosity of what I would choose. They both remembered what Steven had said - Jasica, but even though we treasured him - they were both a little surprised at this, but they did, both in their own way, and I combined them into something more tangible - but Jasica was not the name _I_ wanted. Erica had many suggestions, but it was my decision. I liked the way my voice sounded, like an instrument, deep and full of pleasant vibrations. And there it was. Echo. _Echo_.

I opened my eyes and looked down at my hands again - they had six fingers. Very handy for when we needed to climb or scratch ourselves - Jasper felt very strongly about this. My chest was ample and Erica was surprised at the _weight_ , but it didn't make my back hurt, like it had hurt hers before. My stomach was flat and my core was strong, I flexed it and felt pleased at the tone, not as bulky as Jasper's. I took a tentative step forward and my legs felt... weird. I seemed to be walking on my tippy toes. I lifted one leg to look and gasped - it looked more like an animal leg than a humanoid one - I drew my knee up to my chest and then extended it to its full length and spread my toes. My thighs were very powerful, but my lower leg seemed to be more sinewy and my foot was elongated like the lower leg of a cat or a dog. I must have one _powerful_ kick I thought and Jasper agreed, helping me assess this. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, there was certainly a lot of _bounce_ in them. Erica was absolutely delighted at this and I felt her desire to test them out immediately. My hair seemed to be loose and I shook my head slightly, a lock of brown and beige _striped_ hair coming into view. I tucked it back behind my ear. Then there was a moment of slight panic and we all remembered that we had been at the party, but Erica knew, and Jasper was starting to realize - that these people - if any would _understand_. I looked around me for the first time and it was like the sound had been turned off until now - it was suddenly turned on again and I winced slightly.

"Inside voices, please" I asked quietly, my voice sounded a little strained. I could feel it vibrating powerfully in my own chest and it made me very curious how it would feel to sing. The chatter around me quieted and I turned around to face the others - they were _much_ further down than I had expected. I was towering over all of them - I must be fifteen feet tall at least. "Nobody ask me what the weather is like up here or there is going to be trouble" I said with a little grin.

"Giant woman!" Steven exclaimed excitedly. "Hello! What's your name?"

"Hi kiddo" I said warmly and lowered myself into a squatting position. "My name is Echo. I know you suggested Jasica, but... they both wanted me to name myself"

There was a meep from my left and Cake looked up at me with sad little kitten eyes, as if asking where her mommies had suddenly gone. I lowered my hand to her and she sniffed at my fingers before stepping onto my palm like she did with Jasper. I lifted her up to my chin and she head-butted it.

"That's right honey, they're right here" I said soothingly and kissed her very tiny head. She purred contentedly and I held her to my chest where she curled up.

"You look so _cool_!" Connie said, standing fearlessly next to Steven. I felt both Erica's and Jasper's warmth for her too and knew they adored her as well. I knew that I would never let anything happen to either of them.

"Thank you, Connie darling" I felt Jasper's no-longer-so-secret joy at using terms of endearment bloom inside and I smiled. "I feel rather like I could leap a building or two"

"Oh my stars..." Pearl looked up at me, decidedly floored. "How... how are you feeling?"

I chortled, the multi-colored butterflies appearing again - I noticed the scale of them had increased from actual butterfly sized to that of Connie's head. "I feel... steady" and it was true. I was confident, but not in a must-remain-in-control way that was Jasper's default, and not in the only-sometimes way of Erica. It was constant and even and I relaxed into the feeling.

"Yeah... hmm... I still think Sugalite is cooler, even with those funky legs" Amethyst said, feigning being unimpressed. I smiled at her.

"Sounds like someone needs a kiss and a cuddle" I said teasingly.

"Huh?" she said and blushed a deep pink. "N-no I don't" I knew that she did both _want_ and _need_ some affection, but I also understood that I shouldn't push her, or she'd just bolt.

"Um... Excuse me?" Sadie was sitting on a chair by the table. "Um... what is happening? And... where did Erica and Jasper go?" she sounded apprehensive.

"It's OK, Sadie honey, I am Jasper and Erica together. They made me. I'm a fusion" it gave me quite the rush to use that word about myself and I felt both of them share my excitement. "They are both alright, and they are both safe with me. Very safe" I produced a vast cloud of shimmering mist as I exhaled. It hovered above all their heads for a moment before dissipating. "It's a little bit unfair to you Sadie dear, to all of you - because I know _you_ but you don't know _me_ "

Sadie looked very skeptical at all this and Erica shared a memory that might help put her at ease.

"You haven't let her pay at the Big Donut yet, have you, Sadie?"

"How did you know that?" she asked, looking amazed.

"Erica shared it with me. She really wants you to feel comfortable, sweetheart" I felt both Jasper and Erica stir slightly, and I knew they wanted to come back into their own bodies. "It was really nice meeting you all, but I can feel them wanting to come back now. I hope to see you again soon" I put Cake down on the ground. "Please give them a few minutes to readjust. Oh, and Connie dear?"

"Yes?" she asked, looking surprised.

"Have a very happy birthday on Sunday" I smiled and closed my eyes and let go of my form, deciding on a whim to leave them both a gift to remember me by.

A feeling I had never felt before left me and I opened my eyes and broke the kiss Jasper and I had been... reincarnated? into. I looked up at her beautiful eyes and saw her smile broaden and I felt my own doing the same.

"Holy fuck balls..." I said and felt tears trickling down my face. She leaned her forehead against mine and I felt _her_ tears fall on my cheeks too, mixing with my own.

"You didn't fight me..." she said in a whisper and I could feel her trembling.

"Of _course_ not, beastie" I put my hands on her shoulders. We stood in silence, just _being_ in this moment. I felt somehow drained and energized at the same time and wanted both to run around singing at the top of my lungs and to go sleep for _days_.

"Echo..." she said and lifted her head from mine and embraced me gently, putting her hands _just_ where I wanted them - one on my right hip and the other between my shoulder blades.

"Echo..." I repeated and wrapped my arms around her, resting my hands in the small of her back, just where she sometimes had that little twinge of pain.

We remained in the embrace for a long time, so relaxed and warm and _free_ and happy.

Sounds came creeping back into our world, first distant and then growing in strength. Soon I could discern individual voices.

"... could just go? I mean, it's not like they'd _miss_ us..." Amethyst said in a bored voice.

"Don't be rude. I'm very interested to see how she - how they _both_ are feeling after this. I had no idea Erica could _fuse_ with Jasper. I had theorized that she _could_ fuse, based on Steven and Connie - but I figured it would have had to be with _Steven_ since he's part human too..."

"Did you see her _hair_?" Connie said excitedly. "It had stripes just like oh, what's her name... i-in that movie... Bride of something?"

"She was so nice, calling us 'honey' and 'dear' and stuff... I had no idea they would be so _big_ together, though. Echo was almost taller than the house!" Steven spoke quickly.

"Oh boy... I thought I was surprised when _you_ _two_ fused right in front of me, but, man... Jasper? I mean, I know they're together, I just didn't think they'd be able to _fuse_ " Greg's voice sounded strange.

"They can hear you" Garnet's voice was calm as ever. The others fell silent.

Both willing to remain in the close embrace _and_ move around, I turned my head to face the others and slowly relaxed my grip on Jasper's midriff.

"Hi..." I said and clicked my jaw. I felt Jasper moving too, she sniffed and one warm hand was removed and I knew she was wiping her face. She wasn't quite ready to cry _openly_ in front of this many people, and I didn't blame her.

"Welcome back" Garnet said with a big grin - the biggest I had ever seen her wear. "You two looked good together"

"Yeah?" I asked and wiped my eyes on my sleeve, still leaning on Jasper's chest. I remembered the feeling of being Echo, so _safe_ and _steady_. And the feeling of _Jasper_ so close to me, not physically, but emotionally. Like our minds had touched and information had sort of seeped from one to the other. She was such an emotionally complex being, it was hard to describe her to myself in words. The strongest impression she had made on me was that she cared so much more than she dared to show. Behind that tough, muscular exterior, there really was a gentle heart.

I felt Jasper trembling still and knew she wanted us to be alone now. She was hiding her face in my hair and I stroked her back.

"It's getting late" Garnet stated. "Steven, Connie. You need your sleep. Let's go"

Pearl looked around surprised.

"There will be plenty of time to talk - tomorrow" Garnet's voice was firm and I saw Pearl's shoulders relax and she gave a little frustrated sigh. I knew she wanted to ask me a bunch of questions, but I didn't have it in me tonight. I smiled gratefully at Garnet.

"Well, thanks for all the grub - it was great" Amethyst sniggered. "Dinner _and_ a show"

"Amethyst!" Pearl hissed. "Don't be so insensitive. _Thank you_ for a lovely evening, you two. We'll see you tomorrow afternoon, Erica" Pearl and I grasped hands as she and Amethyst walked through to the kitchen.

"I had loads of fun, thank you!" Connie said with a big smile.

"Me too!" Steven smiled and grabbed Connie's hand and both dashed away.

"Yeah, thanks - the food was excellent, I guess it's my turn to organize a party next time" Greg came up to me and spoke a little awkwardly.

"That would be awesome" I said a little muzzily. Oh man, I was fading fast. He followed the others.

"So... um... This certainly was an interesting experience" Sadie said shyly.

"Are you OK?" I asked her, my eyebrows wrinkling.

"Yeah, yeah" she said quickly. "I'm fine. Come by the Big Donut later in the week and I promise you'll get to pay for something" she smiled at me.

When Garnet spoke I could feel Jasper tensing up slightly, but then relax again as if she didn't have the energy to put up a fight.

"It was a fun night. And it was very nice to meet Echo" she grinned and held out her fist and we fist bumped softly.

"Get home safe and thank you all for coming" I said as loudly as I could, which, at this moment, wasn't very loud.

"I'll pass it on" Garnet smiled and went inside to hurry the others along. After a minute I could hear the front door close and I breathed a sigh of relief. Jasper lifted her head and I looked up at her.

"Hey..." I said, feeling quite dazed.

"Hey..." she said back. "We fused"

"I know..." I giggled against her chest. "Oh my gods, we really did..."

"How... how do you feel?"

"I feel... so wonderfully tired..." I yawned into her shirt.

"Me too..."

"And I _so_ want a cigarette" I giggled. "Do you think we can move?"

She chuckled softly. "We could try, but I can't guarantee anything"

We extricated ourselves from the embrace and took a tentative step toward the sofa together.

"Oh, the legs are different again" Jasper said with a little grin.

"They felt so _springy_!" I sniggered - I felt a little drunk or stoned. Everything was so nice and soft and _funny_. "I really want to try jumping up and down right now but I think I'd just fall over"

"Then don't - I don't think I could get you up" we both laughed softly and sat down laboriously in the sofa and I lit a cigarette on the fifth try.

"Can I have one of those?" she asked and I looked up at her. "I just... really want one right now"

"Take it" I handed my lit one to her and took out another.

"Thanks, babe" I watched her take a deep drag and exhale slowly. "Nope, still terrible" she said and handed it back to me with a snigger.

"I like Echo. I had no idea that's what it'd feel like to fuse - it was just like Garnet said, not two people, but not one person... I guess you can only get it afterwards. Oh! And did you feel that _other_ thing? The... the tourmaline? Am I saying that right? TOR-ma-leene?"

"Yeah... That was a surprise... And yes, you are saying it right. A historian, right?" she started to chuckle softly.

"What?" I asked with a smile.

"That little Feegle, what was his name? With his mouse pipes - the way his cheeks bulged, he looked like he was going to explode!" she sniggered some more and I joined her.

"His name was No'-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock Jock. Oh, that's why I love Terry Pratchett so much, his crazy wonderful imagination"

" _You're_ crazy wonderful" she said huskily and kissed the top of my head. "I can't believe how _good_ it felt to be Echo together... I really like that she called people 'honey' and stuff like that" her cheeks flushed as she said this and I patted her thigh.

"I know... And wasn't it amazing that Cake recognized us _inside_ her?"

"Yeah... Where is Cake?" Jasper looked around. "Caake? Come to mama" there was a meep and a patter of soft paws on the ground and Cake came trotting up to us and impressed us with leaping onto the couch and climbing into Jasper's lap.

" _Mama_?" I raised my eyebrows at her and she looked a little stunned at her choice of word. Her cheeks went a deeper pink.

"I-I don't know _where_ that came from... but it felt... right? I _am_ your mama, aren't I, Cake?" she stroked the not-so-little kitten anymore and Cake let out a 'mreww' and started to purr.

"If Cake says so, it must be true" I smiled at them both and felt a wonderful warm feeling blooming in my chest. "Then I'll be your mommy, won't I?" I scratched under her chin and she made a 'mrawr' sound and licked my finger.

"Cake approves" Jasper said softly and then looked out over the garden. "We can leave the mess until tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, please" I mumbled against her chest. I fished my phone out of my pocket. It was a little after ten. "You want to go to bed? I feel like I could sleep for a week"

"Me too... But I'm not sure if I can get up"

I got to my feet very slowly and held out a hand to her. "Come on, darling" and smiled. She stared at my outstretched arm, then looked at her left shoulder, lifting the sleeve of her shirt a little.

"Babe..." she said slowly and looked up at me.

"What is it?"

"You have a _stripe_ "

"What?" I touched my face and then felt stupid - how would I _feel_ a stripe?

"No, on your arm, your left arm!" Jasper got to her feet, holding Cake to her chest. I rolled up my short sleeve - there was a long red mark there.

"Oh my gods, what the hell?!" I rubbed at it with my fingers - it didn't hurt and it didn't come off. "What? How?" I looked up at Jasper. Now that we were standing in the light I could see something different on her face, too. I gasped. "Darling! You have _freckles_!"

"I _do_?"

With a sudden burst of adrenaline, I sprinted into the downstairs bathroom to look myself in the mirror. I pulled off my shirt so I could see better. Jasper squeezed into the small room and looked into the mirror as well.

"I _do_ have freckles..." she touched her cheek, then licked her finger and rubbed it over the band of little spots - nothing happened.

I twisted around and lifted my arm to take the whole thing in - it looked _exactly_ like a scaled down version of the stripe across Jaspers left shoulder and bicep.

"Holy shit" I said and looked up at her with a smile. "Did you do this?"

"Me? How would _I_ make a change to _your_ body?"

"I don't know? So stuff like this doesn't happen after you fuse?"

"No!" then she thought for a moment. "Well, never happened _before_ "

"Whoa. Do you think - do you think this is Echo's doing?" I flexed my arm in the mirror and my smile widened.

"That would be just like her" Jasper grinned at herself in the mirror then met my gaze. "It's weird that I know that, right?"

"Is it? I can feel it too" I took a closer look at my own freckles and then inspected Jasper's. "They look the same! Look, that little comma shaped one right there" I pointed to one particularly large freckle on her face and then to the same spot on my own.

"Oh shit" she said and then grinned and held out her left arm to compare to mine. "They're the same too..."

I felt myself blush a little as I had the thought - I'd always found Jasper's striped kind of _fetching_ \- ever since I wondered about them on the island. That time she had flexed her arm to show me something 'hard', _holy shit_. I felt a pleasant little tingle in the pit of my stomach.

"Actually... This stripe of yours has always sort of been my favorite..." I stroked her arm along the curve of it, flicking my eyes up to meet her gaze and then lowering them again, feeling a bit shy.

"Really? I've... I've always found your freckles, well... attractive" she grinned a little sheepishly.

"Aww, really? They look really good on you, they accentuate your beautiful cheekbones" I stroked her cheek.

"That stripe really makes your bicep pop, babe" we both grinned at each other like we shared a little secret. It felt very innocent and sweet and full of joy.

I picked up my toothbrush and began to brush my teeth.

"So _that's_ what you use it for" Jasper said a little surprised. "I've been using it to clean the sink"

I choked and splattered the mirror with blue-white foam.

"You wha-c?!" I spat into the sink and looked up at her and then at my toothbrush, feeling suddenly very unclean.

"Just kidding" she smirked and started to laugh as I hit her on the shoulder.

"Oh you fuck wad! I totally believed you!" a handful of lights popped up around me and twinkled like little sputtering candles. I went back to brushing my teeth and wiped the mirror with some toilet paper, then removed my bandages to check on my knuckles. I smiled as I realized I wouldn't have to put on new ones. I felt I needed to pee before going to bed and decided with a little thrill _not_ to ask Jasper to leave before doing so. She had put Cake on top of the little cupboard the sink was built into and watched her explore with a smile. She looked up as I dropped my shorts and sat down.

"Oh, should I go?" she asked and stood up straighter.

"Only if it makes you uncomfortable" I said with a smile. She smiled back and shook her head, then leaned forward to pet Cake.

I winced slightly as I wiped myself, I was still a bit sore from yesterday. Jasper noticed and turned to me.

"You OK?" 

"A little sore, but it's fine - Galadriel's fine" I said and stuck my tongue out at her as I kicked off my shorts, there was no point in putting them back on since I was going to change into pajamas in a minute.

"Good" she smiled, then yawned hugely as she walked out of the bathroom. I washed my hands and face in the sink and then went to join her in the living room. She was changing into her pajamas and I stopped a moment, completely entranced by how her body caught the light just then. Her left side was turned to the street, where a warm, orange light came from, and her right side was toward the garden window, where the blueish light of the moon spilled in. It was such a pleasant contrast and the differently colored hues slid along her hair and body as she moved.

"Darling... I have to paint you" I said quietly as she put her head through the shirt.

"What was that?" she asked as she adjusted her hair.

"Can I paint you?" I said a little louder and walked up to her.

"Now?" her eyebrows raised in slight confusion.

I laughed faintly and put my hands on her stomach. "No, not now, but some other time? I think I've wanted to ask for a while, but... the way you caught the light just now - ah" I felt a pleasant full-body shiver. She began to chuckle at both my words and my involuntary movement, then pulled me close and lay down so that I was lying on top of her chest, making me squeal.

"Sure you can paint me" she said with slightly rosy cheeks. "I'd like to see that. Actually, they made several portraits of me on home world, but I'm pretty sure yours would be so much better. They never got my gem right, and... It was always in some ridiculous pose the painter _thought_ I'd use on the battle field..." I raised my eyebrows at her.

"'Ridiculous pose'?"

"Well, when Yellow Diamond tells you to obey the little tiny excuse for a gem with the paint brush, you _obey_ the tiny little excuse for a gem with the paint brush"

"I want to paint you... when you're relaxed, doing something you love" I said and followed the line of her collarbone with one finger. "Like watching Lord of the Rings, or cooking, or -"

"Kissing you?" she kissed me sweetly and I felt a little dazed when we broke apart. She began to snigger and her vibrating chest seemed to knock some sense back into me. "Stars, you should have seen the look on your face!"

"You... love kissing me?" I felt my cheeks positively burning.

"Yeah, I do" she grinned up at me. "I've... never kissed someone that could match me, tongue wise" it was my time to laugh now, then stroked her cheek, tracing the outline of her new freckles.

"Why did she give us these, do you think?" I asked softly and Jasper raised her hand to stroke my stripe.

"Just before we unfused... I think she decided to give us something... to remember her?"

"I'm _never_ going to forget her, she was just so..." I struggled to put words around the concept of her. "So _herself_ , you know? Unapologetic, secure"

 “Yeah…” she yawned hugely, making her whole body shudder and I let out an unexpected giggling squeal. She started to laugh, making me rock back and forth instead. Butterflies exploded into being around us, brilliantly pink and honey-gold. I rolled off her and kept on laughing, snorted unexpectedly and laughed even more. Eventually we fell silent, and lay looking at each other, panting. Jasper reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear with a warm smile.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been happier than this moment…” she said huskily. My breath hitched – her words had taken me totally by surprise and I was _flooded_ with affection for her, I breathed out a little butterfly so brightly orange and pink it was almost blinding. It fluttered toward her face and settled on the tip of her gem. Its light made her eyes sparkle as it beat its wings slowly and then faded.

“Me neither” I whispered and leaned in to kiss her wonderful, soft lips.   


* * *

Please review :)


	32. Flight

## Chapter 32: Flight

The next morning I woke up to the sound of Cake purring in my ear. Her whiskers were tickling my cheek and I smiled and smacked my lips lazily. After a little while I opened my eyes. I could see Jasper lying on her side, facing me. Sunlight played over her hair in patches as it fell through the leaves of the maple tree outside the window. It must be quite early, judging by the angle of the light. I felt warm and cozy and let out a long, happy sigh.

I had dreamt something wonderful, something about… ponies? I sniggered to myself and stroked Cake’s back. She rolled onto her side and stretched all four paws in the air, rubbing herself against my cheek and neck.

“What a wonderful way to wake up…” I mumbled muzzily. I thought about last night and smiled. We had _fused_. The memory of Echo was so soft and warm and peaceful. It had felt _so good_ to be her… I wondered what it would be like to run on those animal-like legs of hers and stretched out my own and yawned. My stomach felt empty and I rubbed my face and scratched my head before slowly sitting up. I leaned over to kiss Jasper on the cheek. She gave a little sniff and the corners of her mouth went up, but she didn’t wake. I stood up and stretched some more, then went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. Cake came with me and wound around my ankles. I slouched into the kitchen and gave her some food and changed her water bowl, then opened the door to the garden. We really should get a cat flap. I should e-mail the landlord about that. The kitchen was quite messy, but it could have been worse. I looked at the time; it was a little after eight in the morning. Grabbing a soda I went out on the patio and surveyed the garden. It wasn’t _that_ messy. I had a smoke and my soda, feeling very decadent. I turned on some music on my laptop that was still on the table outside – it hadn’t rained thankfully so it was OK. Cake joined me outside and started stalking grasshoppers in the long grass. I began to clean up, carrying the plates and glasses inside quietly not to wake Jasper. When the tables were clear I folded them up _without_ shutting my fingers in the lethal looking hinges. I put them against the fence and put the kubb set back in its bag and picked up general dross from the ground. It had taken me about half an hour, working slowly. The kitchen was a _big_ mess now, and I let out a sigh. Breakfast first. I lowered the volume on the laptop and put it on the kitchen table, singing along quietly as I prepared to make some omelets. I had continued to play the playlist Steven and Connie had made and grinned to myself as Linkin Park’s Crawling changed into ABBA’s Dancing Queen. I danced around the kitchen, throwing the ingredients into the frying pan, making toast and coffee at the same time. Dancing Queen was followed by LAKE’s No wonder I and I swayed to the soft indie beat.

“Now _that_ … is a wonderful way to wake up…” Jasper’s sleepy voice came from behind me and I half turned to smile at her.

“The omelets are almost done”

“Mmm…” I felt warm hands wrap around me and I was enveloped in her wonderful scent. Her hair fell around me and she kissed the top of my head. “Good morning, little monster…”

“Good morning, beastie”

I plated the omelets; three for her and one for me, then I picked them up and headed out into the garden. “Could you grab the toast and cream cheese?” I asked and heard a happy grunt from behind me. I sat down in the sofa and put my feet up on the table, Jasper joining me after half a minute.

“Oh, you cleaned up out here”

“Yeah, so you have to do the dishes” I said with a smirk.

“Mmm after breakfast” she speared half an omelet on her fork and put it in her mouth. She gave a happy little sigh as she chewed.

“Good?”

She nodded with her eyes closed and then took the second half.

After breakfast Jasper did the dishes as I checked my e-mails and put some clothes in the laundry machine. We got dressed and then headed outside to go to the candy store so Jasper could get Connie a present for her birthday.

The bell tinkled as we entered. The store was quite small and every inch of available space was covered in brightly colored packages.

“Whoa” I breathed.

“Welcome, sugar enthusiasts” a little wrinkly old woman in a shawl was sitting on a high stool behind a counter with a very old fashioned register. She was knitting a long green and white striped scarf and peered up at us through thick glasses. “Are you looking for anything special? We have the best marzipan in Delmarva!”

I looked up at Jasper who was staring around eagerly. She could barely fit in the door and closed it behind her awkwardly. “I’m getting a birthday present for a friend” she said and then smiled hugely.

“That’s nice, dear. What are their interests?”

“Books?” Jasper said a little uncertainly.

“Ah… an _intellectual_ friend. How old are they turning?”

Jasper looked down at me. “Thirteen, she’s turning thirteen” I said, smiling.

“Hmm… tell me more about this young woman…” the little old lady had a name tag shaped like a bonbon with the name ‘Gladys’ on it.

“Uh… She’s a fighter”

“Hmm, a well-read warrior, I see, I see… Does she have any allergies?”

Jasper looked at me again. “No” I said, remembering having asked Steven that a few days earlier.

“Good, good… Tell me, what does she read and what does she fight”

“She reads mostly fantasy and she fights… monsters?” I supplied, wondering where this was going.

“Ah, yes… And she is a good girl, works hard?” Gladys put down her knitting and adjusted her glasses.

We both nodded.

“You, tall girl, behind you on your left is a green box, get it for me please. And you, with the short hair, over there” she pointed to the opposite wall. “Take the third red box from the right, second row from the bottom” me and Jasper looked at each other and then did as she asked, moving carefully so as not knock something over. When we placed the little boxes on the counter she picked them up and sniffed at them, humming and nodding to herself.

“Yes. She will love these” she said firmly. Jasper and I exchanged another look.

“Um… what are they?” I asked uncertainly.

“Her favorites” Gladys said simply.

“But what’s in the boxes?”

“Her favorites” Gladys repeated herself. “Now, you’ll want them wrapped up. Keep them cool and out of direct sunlight, you hear me?”

“Alright, but –“

“Listen, young lady. Your friend will love these. You notice you can’t see through any of the boxes in my store?”

We both looked around and saw that it was true.

“These are carefully crafted works of art. These two pieces will give your friend a singular taste experience, and that experience will be marred by any expectations or previous information. They are meant to be enjoyed in the moment, all at once. That’ll be twenty four dollars”

I handed her the money, feeling slightly stunned. She wrapped the packages in thick brown paper and put a red and green sparkly bow on it.

“If you keep onions in the fridge, put the package in a plastic bag and seal it tightly, you hear?”

“OK”

“Make sure she eats the red one first. Thank you for your business and have a nice day” she picked up her knitting again and we shuffled outside.

We walked a little way away before daring to speak.

“That was weird, right?” Jasper asked.

“Yeah… This town really has some strange people. I’m really curious about the candy though” I looked at the little bag in Jasper’s hand.

“Me too. Has to be pretty good if there’s only one per box” she smiled to herself a little proudly. “I just hope she’ll like them”

“I’m sure she will – who doesn’t enjoy ‘a singular taste experience’?” I nudged Jasper in the ribs.

***

As I walked through the sand toward Steven’s house, I practiced the few spear related things I knew. Honestly, most of the time I just spun it in my hands, seeing what different noises I could produce. If I spun it really fast the sound it made became higher pitched, but if I moved it too slowly it didn’t make any sound at all. I was feeling really good and took off my sneakers and hung them round my neck and walked toward the water. The ocean was calm and the waves lapped slowly at the shore.

“I don’t want to be afraid of you” I said as I felt my heart beat faster. Remember what Echo said, I told myself. ‘We are all so brave. Yes, Erica. You too’. My toes were in the damp sand now. A new wave was sliding in and I took another step forward to meet it. I gasped as the water flowed over my feet. It was colder than I had expected, not like at the island at all. That somehow made it easier and I took another step forward. The water reached just above my ankle now and I wiggled my toes deeper into the sand. My left pinky rubbed against something hard and I bent to pick it up. It looked like a shard of green glass, polished smooth by the waves. It was pretty and I decided to keep it, drying it off on my shirt before putting it in my pocket.

“Hi Erica, come on in” Steven greeted me with a hug at the screen door. “We’re playing cards, want to join?”

I smiled. “Hey Steven, sure I’d love to. What are you playing? Hi Connie” I waved as I stepped inside. I saw two sleeping bags rolled out on the floor. They must have had a slumber party last night. How incredibly adorable!

Connie put her cards down. “Hi Erica! I had so much fun yesterday, and Echo was so nice! And so _tall_! I’ve never met another fusion except for Garnet! How was it? Did you like it? Did Jasper like it?”

I felt a little overwhelmed at all the questions and let out a little nervous laugh. “It was… amazing” I wasn’t quite sure how much Jasper would be comfortable with me telling them. “Never felt anything like it before. I think I get it now, the not-two-people-but-not-one-person thing” I smiled hugely. “I’m really curious to know what we looked like, Echo only saw her hands and” huge awesome looking breasts “uh, legs. And a bit of her hair”

“I took a picture!” Steven said and got his phone out. “It’s not very good, because it was so dark, but look” he held it up to me and I looked down at the screen, my breath taken away. It was from the side and from a very low angle. It must be from right after she formed, because her hand was over her mouth. She _was_ really tall, especially from Steven’s point of view. Her hair was beige with a few brown stripes mixed in, and looked wild and fetchingly wind swept. I could see a few thin braids in there too. Her face was… beautiful. Even though it had a mix of our features it was much softer than both mine and Jasper’s on their own – or maybe it was just her expression in the picture. She had big, heavily lidded eyes and full lips. She had Jasper's stripes but her arms were slimmer, like mine. Her hips were wide and her powerful thighs seemed to strain against the fabric of her shorts – they were a mix of black and grey, camo colored. Her shirt was both green and brown, with the text ‘ _Auta miqula_ Feegle’ on it – it made me let out a little breath of mirth.

“Oh, my gods…”I couldn’t stop staring at the picture. “Steven… could you send this to me?”

“Sure” he took the phone out of my unresisting hands and tapped at it. A few seconds later my pocket vibrated.

“Thanks” I sat down, feeling dazed. Echo was _enchanting_. She looked both feral and serene at the same time. I felt my mouth stretch into a wide smile and I closed my eyes and leaned back, remembering the feeling of such steadiness and _calm_. And the way Jasper had felt, so… surprised and _happy_ that it felt so good, and not scared at all, not even a tiny little bit. I could hear Steven and Connie giggling and opened my eyes again. There were a few very bright butterflies flitting through the air around me.

“They really are _so_ pretty” Connie said happily. “What do they mean?”

“Happiness mostly I think” I mumbled softly and watched them fade.

Pearl stepped in through the door.

“Good afternoon, everyone” she said solemnly. “Today we’re going to a new place”

“Not the cloud arena?” Connie asked a little surprised.

“No. It is easy to fight where your field of vision is clear of obstacles. Today we will train in a different kind of environment. Everyone on the warp pad please”

Steven and Connie dashed over, Connie taking her bag with her. I stood up too and greeted Pearl with a wide smile.

“I have so many questions for you” she said a little quietly, breaking her professional manner as we walked over the floor together. “I’m ever so curious about last night… Let’s talk after training, yes?”

“I’d like that”

We travelled to a heavily wooded area. The air was fresh and full of birdsong.

“What is this place?” Steven asked in an awed voice.

“This used to be one of the first gem settlements on earth. The forest has claimed it now. It is an excellent place for you to practice in more advanced terrain. A warrior should be resourceful – able to use their surroundings to their advantage. We are small compared to many of the corrupted gems out there, and drawing them into a place where they cannot use their size to the full extent is a very sound tactical move”

We stepped off the warp pad and started walking, Connie taking the lead and chopping down vines that stretched across the little path. After her came Steven, then me and Pearl took up the rear. We walked for about half an hour before reaching a clearing and Pearl told us to stop.

“Gather round, now. Alright, take a moment to inspect this place. See if you can find something you can take advantage off in a fight. It could be anything”

I looked around eagerly, not really sure if this was just for Steven and Connie, but I wanted to see if I could find something. The clearing was quite small and the trees surrounding it were tall and broad, one tree had low hanging branches that you might be able to reach. There were a few mossy boulders spread around the ground and there was a big mud puddle off to one side. I smiled. I could see at least one use for all the different things.

“Steven, what do you see?” Pearl asked after a minute or so.

“Hmm. You could hide behind the big rocks. And the trees, too”

“Good. Using cover to your advantage, making the enemy play on your terms. Connie, what can you see?”

“You could probably climb that tree over there” she pointed at the one with the low hanging branches. “Or if your enemy is a lot taller than you they could get tangled up in them”

“Good thinking – evasion is the best way to keep ourselves safe. Erica, what do you see?”

I was a little surprised to be asked, but also pleased. “That mud puddle – you could use it to blind your opponent or make them slip and fall”

“Misdirection and crippling your enemy, both good ideas” she looked at the three of us with a pleased expression. “Now, Steven, Connie, I will summon a few Holo-Pearls and set them to attack you. They are programmed to not use their environment to their advantage for now. I want you to evade them for as long as you can, understand? Let’s see how you do. Erica, just stand back for a moment”

Steven and Connie readied themselves and the Holo-Pearls appeared and immediately lunged toward them. They darted off in different directions and began to dodge and weave to evade their attackers. Pearl and I stood and watched them for a few minutes and I felt strangely left out, even though I knew this was only my second group session.

“Good use of that tree, Steven!” Pearl called as Steven threw himself behind a trunk, it made the Holo-Pearl’s sword stick in the bark and she tugged at it to get it free.

Connie ran through a bush and grabbed a springy branch, waited for the right moment and then released it, making the Holo-Pearl chasing her drop her sword and stumble.

“Excellent thinking, Connie!” Pearl sounded very pleased and clapped.

“Nice one” I grinned. They ran around for a few more minutes and then Pearl called for them all to stop. Steven and Connie were slightly winded, but the Holo-Pearls were covered in mud and leaves, one of them even had sticks in her hair.

“That was a great first round, you two. Very well done. Now, the Holo-Pearls will be more aggressive and they will learn when you use something against them, so things will get harder from here. You have to think on your feet. I will give you a slight head start. Ready?” Steven and Connie nodded. “Go!” they sprang away and Pearl counted to five under her breath before flicking her hand, making her clones sprint after them.

“Now, Erica. Have you been practicing with your spear?”

“A little bit”

“Good. I want to build on your previous knowledge. Today I would like to add more movement, get you used to blocking from several angles and to work on some underarm parries as well. Remember what we said, just the spear. No lights”

I nodded and picked it up. Pearl demonstrated with a new Holo-Pearl and I copied her.

“I notice you seem to put more weight on your left foot, is your leg injury still troubling you?”

“It’s a big stiff, but it’s OK” I panted as we took a little break. “It just takes longer to warm up” I massaged it a little and felt it loosen.

“Alright. To parry with an underarm grip, you redirect your opponents blow and use that momentum to strike. Your attack can be a thrust or a swipe” she demonstrated and I picked up the spear again to try it out. It was harder than it looked and the Pearl clone kept getting past my guard, stopping a few inches away from my jugular and then resetting. After a while my arms started to feel numb from blocking the incoming blows. I clicked my jaw and rolled my shoulders, feeling determined to get it right next time. The Holo-Pearl swung in high and I took a half step forward, hit her weapon just right and managed to thrust my spear into her shoulder.

“Well done, Erica. Again” Pearl called and I felt a little proud over myself. I managed to repeat the feat three times in a row, the Holo-Pearls coming in from different angles all the time, then Pearl told me to take a break. I sat down on a handy rock and drank some water and wiped my forehead. Steven and Connie were _still_ running around, evading the Holo-Pearls. Had I _ever_ had as much energy as them? Nope.

Then Connie slipped on a muddy patch and slid along the ground on her stomach with a cry of pain. I stood up quickly – too quickly. The ground swayed and I stumbled a few steps in the wrong direction before my head cleared. Steven and Pearl were by her side when I got there, the Holo-Pearls standing in a loose cluster a little way off.

“Are you alright, Connie?” Steven asked, his voice full of concern for his friend.

“Uuugh” Connie groaned, still lying face down.

“Let’s get you up” Pearl said and she and Steven grabbed her by the shoulders and lifted her into a kneeling position. Connie’s front was covered in mud and there was a tear in her shirt, exposing a bit of her upper chest and an unpleasant looking scrape. “Oh dear” Pearl said with a worried frown. I drew in a breath through my teeth – that must have really hurt. Connie looked down at her chest and I saw her eyes fill with tears. “Steven, can you heal her?”

“Mm!” Steven said and licked his hand and touched Connie’s arm. There was a little sparkle and Connie sighed out a breath of relief – I watched in amazement as she scrape slowly vanished.

“Thanks, Steven” she said gratefully and rubbed her eyes with the least muddy part of her hands.

“Here” I fumbled in my pocket for my handkerchief and soaked it in water from my bottle. Connie wiped her face and hands as best she could.

“Let’s take a little break, shall we? You both did very well, I’m proud of you” Pearl suggested kindly. Connie and Steven went to get something to drink. 

“I’m so impressed with them” I said quietly to Pearl. “They work so well together, and on their own”

“They are very dedicated students” Pearl said proudly. “They have come _such_ a long way…”

I felt like I needed to use the bathroom and excused myself to go into the bushes. I walked a little way off and looked around to make sure I was alone before pulling down my shorts. When I was done I headed back toward the glade but couldn’t hear anyone talking. I looked around apprehensively and saw movement in the corner of my eye before Pearl’s pale hand closed over my mouth and her other hand pulled me by the shoulder behind a tree. She held her finger to her lips before letting go of my mouth and I stared at her. She twitched here head in the direction of the glade and I peered carefully around the tree trunk. There was something _enormous_ snuffling around on the ground. I moved back quickly and stared at Pearl again, my eyes wide. She shook her head slowly, a very serious expression on her face. This thing must be very dangerous if _she_ was hiding from it. But where were Steven and Connie? I looked around, but couldn’t see them anywhere. I felt my chest constricting. I gestured at Pearl, indicating two people of Steven and Connie’s heights and Pearl pointed to another tree on the other side of the clearing. I looked over and saw Steven’s red shirt in the mass of green and brown. The thing in the glade snorted and there was a screeching of birds taking off. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from gasping. Then plunged my hand into my pocket and took out my phone, setting the mode to soundless before turning it off. Pearl nodded at me approvingly. She reached out a hand for it and I let her take it, then watched her wave at the others, point at the phone and then make an emphatic cross sign with her arms, presumably warning them to also turn their phones off. The creature moved around, making a low guttural rumbling noise and then snorted again. There was a snapping sound from the forest to our left – and the creature roared loudly and charged, making the ground tremble. It slammed into a tree and there was a terrible cacophony of rending wood and scared animals sprinting away, I had to cover my ears. Holy fuck balls! What was this thing?! I looked at Pearl again; she was pressing her back against the tree and looking very frightened. I felt my own fear rising inside and my breath became shallower. What were we going to do?! The beast clambered off the tree it had knocked down, its heavy footfalls sounded as if it was moving further away. I took a quick peep around the tree and saw to my horror that it was lumbering toward Steven and Connie. I grabbed at Pearl’s shirt frantically and pointed – her eyes widened. What could we do?! There was a sound from the direction of Steven and Connie and I felt my stomach fill with ice. The creature roared again and rushed at the tree next to them. We heard them both scream and Pearl’s hand closed around my wrist as we both stood rooted to the spot as another huge tree went crashing to the ground. The creature didn’t stop this time and went rampaging round, tossing its huge head and trumpeting in anger.

“I’ll distract it, you get Steven and Connie and then you _run_ , you hear me?” Pearl hissed at me, then sprinted off before I do anything but nod. I watched her go, my heart beating faster. I forced my feet to move and I stumbled in the other direction as I heard Pearl shout and whoop to draw it away from the kids. The creature turned and charged. I raked the forest with my eyes for any sign of them and then saw Steven’s red shirt again, they were behind another tree, I made sure the beast was occupied, then ran as fast as I could toward them. They were huddled against the tree trunk and I hissed;

“Come on, we have to go!” purple sparks accompanied my words.

“Steven, wake up!” Connie whined and shook Steven by the shoulder. Panic gripped me and I threw myself down on the ground to check on him. He had a bump on his head the size of a golf ball and they were both covered in pine needles and bracken. I took his pulse – it was fine, then leaned my head on his chest to see if he was breathing – he was.

“He’s out cold” I put his feet together, put my foot on it, grabbed his arm and pulled him up in a fireman’s lift. He was heavier than I expected and I stumbled a bit.

“Where’s Pearl?” Connie looked around for her.

“She’s distracting it, she’ll meet us at the warp pad” I knew it was a lie, but we needed to move. “Let’s go!” Connie led the way across the glade and back on the path we had arrived by. I only had one thing on my mind now – running. After half a minute I was already panting heavily and my lungs and back felt as if they were on fire. There were distant crashes and roars behind us and the fear they generated kept me going. I followed Connie through the forest, getting slapped in the face with branches and leaves. I don’t know how long we ran, but I felt I had to stop or I’d collapse.

“Connie!” I gasped as I slowed to a halt. She ran back to me. “I have – to catch – my breath” I panted and put Steven down carefully and leaned him against a tree trunk, then I flopped down on the ground, lying flat on my back, completely soaked in sweat. “How long – were we – running for?”

“I don’t know, ten minutes? Fifteen?” holy shit, I don’t think I’d ever run continuously for that long before.

“We should – be close then” Connie was pacing back and forth.

“I can’t hear them anymore” she said worriedly. “Do you think Pearl is alright?”

“I’m sure – she’s fine – she’s a – gem” Connie bent down to check on Steven. “Where did – it come from?” I asked, more to distract her than anything.

“It just wandered out from the forest! Me and Steven were dodging the Holo-Pearls again so we were already in cover, and Pearl moved so fast! Is Steven going to be OK?”

I sat up and took Steven’s pulse again and checked his breathing – it was fine.

“He’s fine, sw-sweetheart” I rubbed my chest and looked around. I didn’t recognize where we were. “Where’s the path?” I asked, feeling worry building up in me again.

“The path?” Connie stopped pacing for a moment and looked around too. “I-I don’t know! I was just – just running!”

And I had been following her! Were we lost?! Shit fuck! I got to my feet with difficulty and scanned the ground. I couldn’t see the path anywhere.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, _no_!” Connie wailed. “We’re lost!”

“Let’s… let’s look a little further before we jump to any conclusions, alright?” I said, not sure who needed more reassurance, Connie or me. We searched in expanding circles from Steven but after ten minutes I felt it was quite clear. We _were_ lost. “OK, yes, I think we are lost, but it’s OK, we have our phones, we can just call for help” I was trying to keep my tone light.

Connie pulled her phone out and turned it on with shaking hands. “There’s… there’s no reception” she said in a very small voice. I tried my phone too, but no luck. Of course there isn’t any reception, I said bitterly to myself.

“That’s… fine. People know where we are, they’ll find us”

“What if they don’t?” she asked worriedly.

“They will, I promise. Garnet will know” I patted her on the shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, I should have looked where I was going – I was just so afraid, it’s my fault we’re lost!“ she put her hands over her face and started to cry.

“Oh, hey, now sweetheart, this isn’t your fault!” I said soothingly and put my arms around her. “We’re safe, that’s what matters. It’s going to be alright, shhh… It’s going to be alright…” she leaned her head against my stomach and sobbed hard, little hands clutching at the hem of my soaked shirt. I thought fast. What were we going to do? We were in an unknown forest, _somewhere_ on earth. I looked around at the trees – I saw maple and birch and pine – that meant we weren’t in a rainforest at least, but that’s about all I knew. What did you do when you got lost? Stay put, right? Wait for rescue? But… there was that big thing in the forest with us… And where was Pearl? My mind started to spin away and I forced myself to say the words to my calm down song in my head. I stroked Connie’s back as my breathing slowed, shushing her. We needed to find a spot where we could be safe, I decided. Somewhere we could make a shelter and build a fire if need be. OK, now I had a plan. Connie calmed down after a little and I stroked her cheek.

“It’s going to be alright, I promise. I think we should move a little further away from the glade and see if we can find a nice spot where Steven can rest”

“OK” Connie sniffed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. I stretched out my back before picking Steven up again and we started walking. I was already exhausted and I’m sure Connie was too, and the light was fading. We had to find a decent spot quickly. We came upon a little creek that had two very large boulders on the other side of it. Water. Good. We all needed a drink. I carried Steven to the other side of it and set him down carefully.

“Here’s good” I said and stretched my back again. The ground was soft and dry and the big rocks gave us protection on two sides. We could make an easy lean to shelter here. “OK, Connie… If we need to stay here for a while, we should build a shelter. In case it rains. And make a fire, so Steven can keep warm”

She looked at me with a slight frown. “You think we need to stay here tonight, don’t you?” she asked quietly. Damn, why did she have to be so clever? I sighed.

“Yes… We might have to. So… what have we got for supplies?” I emptied my pockets on the ground. A phone, my cigarette holder, a lighter, a dirty handkerchief, the green piece of glass I had picked up from the beach and a pack of gum. Connie emptied hers too, she had her phone, some change and a key. “Could you check Steven’s pockets?” it yielded another useless phone, a bunch of lint and a crumpled two dollar bill. Not a lot, but we could make fire, and there was water. This was going to be fine.

“We’re going to need some long sticks for a lean to shelter, then something to put on top, like pine branches. Then something to sleep on, so we don’t get cold from the ground. And firewood… Could you stay here with Steven, gather up as many of these dry leaves as possible and bring them here? They would make a nice soft bed. Then I can go look for long sticks. And we should both keep a look out for something to boil water in”

“OK” she said a little hesitantly. “You’ll stay close though, right?”

“I won’t move out of earshot, I promise” I said reassuringly. We set to our tasks. I found a thicket of dead hazel bushes and broke off a handful of thick sticks and brought them back to our make-shift camp before heading out again to find some pine. The forest was littered with them and I gathered my arms full, went to drop them off and then got another load. I headed out a fourth time and collected some firewood. When I came back Connie stood with a tiny old bucket in her hands.

“Can we use this to boil water do you think?” she asked timidly.

“Is it whole?”

“I think so, I filled it with water and it hasn’t leaked yet”

“Then that’s perfect, nice job” I smiled at her. We spread out the leaves and I lay Steven down on his side. He was still out cold, but breathing normally. We built the shelter over him and put the pine needles on top. I built up the fire a little way away to minimize the risk of the shelter catching fire and then lit it with the help of Steven’s two dollar bill.

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay him back” I said with a little smile to Connie. Soon we had a roaring fire and could put the water to boil. I went to wash my hands and soak the handkerchief in the little stream and saw some nettles growing on the other side of the big rock. I picked some likely looking ones carefully and went to sit down next to Connie. I put the cool handkerchief over Steven’s bump.

“Have you ever had nettle tea?” I asked her and she shook her head. “Well, you’re about to” I threw the plants in the bubbling water and lit a cigarette. After a minute I took the bucket out of the fire by the handle and put it in the dirt to cool.

“How can you be so calm about all this?” Connie asked me quietly. I raised my eyebrows at her and thought for a second before answering.

“Do you want the truth?”

“Yes” she nodded.

“I’m calm because I have to be, for you and Steven. If I were alone I’d probably be a mess” I tried to smile.

“Oh…” she looked at the ground. “Is that like, an adult thing?”

“Adult thing?” I felt a little surprised at her question. It was still hard to think of myself as an adult sometimes. “I suppose so. Hey, how are you feeling – did you get hurt on our way here?”

“No, I’m fine…” she looked over at Steven. “He pushed me out of the way, when the branch fell…”

I looked from her to him and back to her. “Pearl told me he heals quickly” I said and patted her shoulder. “He’s going to be OK. Here” I picked up the bucket gingerly and gave it to her. “Drink it before it gets too cold”

“What about you?” she asked uncertainly.

“There’s a bunch of nettles, don’t worry. I’ll just make some more” she took it from my hand and sipped it carefully. Twilight was falling around us. It felt a little early for that and I checked my phone. It was only a quarter to six. Did that mean we were in a place where autumn was closer? Or maybe we were in a different time-zone? I looked at what we were wearing. Steven had his normal t-shirt and jeans, Connie had some three quarter length pants and sleeveless shirt and I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts. It was probably going to get a lot colder and I felt a thrill of unease. This wasn’t like the island, where I could sleep on top of my sleeping bag under the stars without a fire. I looked at the little pile of fuel – it wasn’t going to get us very far.

“Will you help me find some more firewood?” I asked her and she nodded. We stayed close to the camp and gathered up a sizable pile. I also found some smooth rocks, figuring we could use them to keep warm too. I put them near the fire to heat them up. I’d rather be safe than sorry. We’d need something to wrap them in and I pulled off my socks. They were dirty and sweaty so I got up to go a little downstream to wash them.

“Where are you going?” Connie asked me worriedly.

“Just to wash my socks. You should too. We can use them to keep warm – we can put heated rocks inside”

“Oh, that’s clever” she pulled hers off and we washed them together, then wrung them out and hung them on sticks near the fire to dry out. I refilled the bucket with water and picked some more nettles before sitting down by the fire again. Jasper was probably worried where I was now, why I hadn’t come home… And what had happened to Pearl? I took a deep breath. Panicking wasn’t an option right now.

“Did you like the kubb game yesterday?” I asked her, mostly to distract myself from how I was feeling. Connie had also looked deep in thought and turned to face me slowly.

“Yeah… It was cool” she said quietly. “I told my parents about it, they thought it sounded fun” I remembered the sleeping bags on Steven’s floor.

“Did you have a sleep over at Steven’s?” she nodded.

“I was going to stay over tonight too; mom and dad are at my aunt’s to see her new baby”

“Oh, that sounds nice. What’s the little one called?” the thought of Jasper stroking my big belly swam tantalizingly in front of my eyes.

“Benjamin” she said with a little sigh. “He’s really cute… Here, look” she pulled out her phone and showed me a picture.

“Aww, adorable…” I said softly. “Is that your aunt, holding him?”

“Yeah” she nodded. “Her name is Aisha”

“Are you looking forward to your birthday?”

“Yeah, I am. It’s gonna be great” her face lit up a little. “My dad will make a cake and there will be a make-your-own-cupcake-table and… a bounce house” her cheeks flushed a little at this and I smiled.

“Really? A bounce house? Ohhh… that takes me back” I smiled broadly at the unexpected memory of Robyn and myself jumping around one, completely lost in joy. “I _love_ bounce houses”

“My parents always rent one, and I forgot to ask them not to this year… Thirteen is a big thing, you know – I’ll be a teenager. And teenagers don’t have bounce houses on their birthdays…” she picked at a toenail.

“You’re never too old to bounce” I said with a smile. It made me think of Echo’s springy legs – would it feel like the entire world was a great big bounce house when she ran? It was getting properly dark now and Connie shivered. “Have some more tea” I urged and then checked on the dryness of the socks – they were still a bit damp. I could feel how empty my stomach was and I didn’t like it one bit. It rumbled as I thought about the snack I had packed in my backpack, now probably trampled or eaten by some forest creature. Connie handed me the bucket and I drank it down in one, then went to get more water. I poked the rocks a little closer to the fire, remembering how Jasper had brought me one on the island. It brought a sad smile to my face and I let out a little sigh. Connie looked up at me.

“One of the first nice things Jasper did for me was to bring me a rock” I said softly.

“A rock?”

“Yeah… I was having a really bad stomach ache and heat helps…”

“That’s really nice of her... What else did you do on the island?”

“The plan was to just go there and be by myself, to think and to see if I could do it, really. I spent a lot of time fishing and swimming. It was so beautiful there… I saw dolphins once. And the sky at night was simply breathtaking” I looked up, but the crowns of the trees high above obscured our view.

“Weren’t you afraid to be by yourself like that?”

“Not really, it was kinda nice, just being able to think about myself and not worry about anyone else…” I sighed. “Then when Jasper showed up, I don’t know, it all happened so fast. Suddenly she was there, this big mysterious alien woman… I know she’s not a woman but, you know…”

“When Steven had told me about her she sounded so… scary. And _bad_ … I didn’t know she could be so nice”

“I think she was really, _really_ unhappy on home world. When she told me about it sounded so awful. Brainwashing comes to mind. Did you know that they are told that they are made to do _one_ thing their entire lives? Just one. No choice. Just do that or be killed” she looked at me with wide eyes. “Or that if they come out defective, they get executed too… Or if they fail…”

“I-I didn’t know that…” she rubbed her arm. “That doesn’t sound fair at all. No wonder Steven’s mom rebelled…”

“It must have taken so much courage to do that, stand up against an entire empire and say ‘no more’…” I poked the fire with a stick. “Do you know what she looked like?”

“There’s a picture hanging over the front door in Steven’s house” Connie said quietly, looking into the flames.

“The one with the woman with all that pink hair?”

“Yeah, that’s her. Rose Quartz”

What must it had felt like to realize that the world you came from was doing things wrong? What was it that had convinced her to rebel? Was it the way home world had treated humans? Or that they were trying to colonize an already inhabited planet? Maybe there was a different reason altogether – maybe the earth had just been the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or maybe it had nothing to do with earth or humanity whatsoever. The rebellion could have been brewing on home world for millennia for all I knew.

There was a little whimpering sound from behind us and Connie scrabbled over to Steven, calling out to him. I moved toward him too.

“Steven? Are you awake?” she shook his shoulder gently. He didn’t move again. “That’s good, right? That he’s making noise?” I nodded at her, then lifted the handkerchief from his forehead. The bump looked a lot smaller now.

“He _does_ heal fast, this one” I said with a smile and went to cool the handkerchief again. When I turned around I saw Connie stroking his forehead tenderly. I decided to give her a minute and lit a cigarette. The forest was quiet around us, there was only the crackling of the fire and the gentle little water noises from the creek. It was very peaceful but quite dark. Soon it would be pitch black, I figured, and the stars or the moon wouldn’t be of any help, because of the canopy. I suddenly felt really uncomfortable with my back turned to the darkness and craved the safety of something solid behind me. I went to sit with my back against one of the rocks. Connie put another stick on the fire and then yawned.

“Maybe you should try to get some sleep?” I suggested. “I’ll keep watch” I added when I saw her forehead crease with worry.

“Won’t you be lonely?” she asked quietly.

“No, sweetheart, it’s fine. You’re never lonely when you’ve got a fire” I smiled at her and she gave me a tired smile back. I checked on the socks – they were dry now. I put warm rocks in them and folded them over twice. “Put them under your armpits when you lie down, it’ll help you keep warm. Could you put them under Steven’s arms too?” she nodded and went over to do so and then lay down next to Steven, snuggling up close to him.

“It feels weird to go to sleep without my retainer” Connie said in a hushed voice. “And without brushing my teeth…”

“Just brush them twice tomorrow when we get home” I said with a smile.

“Good night”

“Good night, Connie”

There was silence for a while, then Connie spoke again in a hesitant voice;

“Erica?”

“Yes?”

“Can… can you tell me a story?” I felt my heart melt a little, and I teared up at how vulnerable her voice sounded. She was only a kid after all, and this had been such a trying day. She had been so brave.

“O-of course, sweetheart… What kind of story do you want to hear?”

“One with a happy ending” I wracked my brain to try to remember a good one. My grandmother was a marvelous storyteller and fantastic at making all the different voices. She had had lots of practice with nine grandchildren and four great-grandchildren.

I cleared my throat and got comfy. “Once upon a time there was a wizard named Prospero, who lived with his daughter Miranda, his assistant Ariel the storm bird, Caliban the gardener and William the poet on an enchanted island called Melonia… Prospero was a researcher and he was trying to find out how the beautiful island was so bountiful with both flora and fauna. One day, when Ariel was out flying across the vast sea, he found a boat that was heading toward Melonia. On this ship were two very bad men named Sinister and Sludge… Ariel overheard them talking about wanting to go to Melonia to exploit the mysterious power the place held, that they wanted to bring the secrets back to their factory island, Plutonia, where they made weapons all day long. Of course Ariel didn’t want this to happen, so he summoned a storm to sink the ship… ‘Blow, wind, blow’ he sang and the waves rose and the clouds gathered…” about ten minutes into the story I heard Connie give a little snore. I smiled to myself and lit a cigarette. I probably hadn’t done the story justice, I couldn’t remember all the details, but it had done its job – Connie was soundly asleep. I put another log onto the fire and made myself some more nettle tea. It was better than nothing. I sighed to myself. How was I going to keep awake all night? I felt absolutely exhausted and my back ached from carrying Steven all that way. I was impressed I had been able to do that, to be honest. Or, maybe I should be impressed with the effect adrenaline had on the human body. How worried would the gems be right now? Had Pearl made it back to the temple to find it empty? Had she come back and was out there somewhere, looking for us? Maybe they were all out there, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Greg and Jasper… Maybe the creature had hurt Pearl, maybe she had been, what did Steven call it? Poofed? Maybe… maybe she had been shattered… No, she couldn’t have been. She was quick and clever and when it was light we would find out way back to the warp pad, go home and she would be in the temple, alive and well! Yep! And Jasper would be there too, my big, beautiful Jasper, with her warm hands and soft lips… I shivered and built up the fire, elongated it to heat up the length of the shelter. I wished I had a blanket to put over Steven and Connie, and one for myself too. I took out my phone and held it up to see if I could get a signal but to no avail. I decided to look at my pictures instead, to try to cheer myself up. I opened the photo of Echo and stared at it. I wish I was her again, or part of her again, or however to put it. If Echo had been in the glade she could probably have handled that creature, right? What had it been to make Pearl so scared? It was big, yes, enormous even, and incredibly strong to be able to knock over trees that size – but they had been three people, two of them gems with weapons ready to use at the drop of a hat. And Steven and Connie could have made their fusion… Why hadn’t they? Maybe they were afraid they’d send the creature trampling my way? Maybe we could have all gotten away if it weren’t for my pesky bladder… I sighed and leaned against the rock and looked up into the darkness. What I wouldn’t give for _one_ single star right now. Or better yet, one single _bar_ on my phone. Or a sandwich. Or a shower. Or a hug… Suddenly I felt something inside me open up and I began to cry silently, just letting the tears fall. After a while I wiped my face on the bottom of my shirt and breathed deeply. I leant back against the rock again and closed my eyes, suddenly so very, very tired. Just for a few minutes, I told myself. Just a few minutes…

I woke up – the rock I was leaning on vibrated ever so slightly, and then it stopped. What the hell? I waited a few seconds and there it was again, more powerful this time. A log slipped in the fire, making it snap loudly and my head twisted round, my heart pounding. There was another tremble and this one I could feel through my legs, was this the beginnings of an earthquake? Then my blood froze to ice in my veins as I heard a not-so-distant trumpeting roar coming from somewhere behind me. Connie woke with a start and a yelp, making the leaves rustle loudly.

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	33. Fight

## Chapter 33: Fight

“Quiet!” I hissed – purple sparks fizzed out of me as I waved my hand frantically for her to be still. I scooped handfuls of dirt over the fire in a hurry. Darkness enveloped us until I let out a breath, then our surroundings were briefly lit by a dull purple light that faded quickly. I glanced over at Connie who was staring at me with terrified eyes. I breathed out again before I clamped my hand over my mouth and scooted closer to her, reaching out with my other hand. I found her arm and then her little hand and grabbed it tightly. She squeezed back with surprising strength and I could hear her rapid breath and feel it on my shoulder. Maybe it hadn’t seen the fire, maybe it hadn’t heard us, maybe it would just pass us by. _Please oh, please let it just pass by_! The ground shook again and it must be getting closer, because I could hear it snorting now. Connie’s hand trembled and I could feel her pulse racing and hear her increasingly panicked breathing. I would have to do something, maybe I could lure it away from them, maybe I could outrun it in the dark, maybe – maybe – there was a little whimper from the ground, a pause as me and Connie both drew in a breath and then the world exploded with noise. Something roared and then _slammed_ into the rock behind us – it pushed us forward a few feet, making us tumble into a heap with the shelter on top of us. Both Connie and I screamed and we were illuminated by a burst of purple light. This is how I die flashed through my mind as time seemed to slow. I saw Connie cover Steven’s still unconscious body with her own as sticks and pine needles rained down on her, at the same time the creature’s head appeared between the two big rocks – it kept pushing forward, wedging them apart to try to get to us. The light faded for a heartbreaking fraction of a second until I expelled another breath. Its mouth opened in a furious bellow and it doused us in spittle and stench. Connie screamed out shrilly in terror and that seemed to flick a switch in my mind. Child. Danger. Can’t let it happen. Don’t get afraid, get angry… Don’t get afraid, get _angry_!

“Graaah!” I growled – a blueish purple cloud illuminated us all and I scrabbled to my feet quickly, pushing Connie and Steven roughly behind me in a burst of adrenaline. Connie screamed and the creature roared again, surging forward.

“FUCK OFF!” I screamed and blue lightning arched through the air, striking the rocks and the ground around us. “Cock sucking mother of a shit stain!” there was a smattering thunderclap and the creature’s head twisted as a bolt of blue struck the side of its face. It screeched and tried to back away, but it seemed stuck and I felt a surge of terrible delight. “ _RABID CUNT_!” another clap of thunder and silvery blue struck the head and back, leaving a stink of burning flesh in the air. It roared and scrabbled at the rocks, trying to get free. I picked up one of the hazel sticks and jabbed at it while I screamed wordlessly, frenzied, my voice rising in pitch, lightning bending around my arms.

The stick broke in two and I used the bit still in my hand to stab at its many eyes, blood pounding in my ears – it was all a blur of screams, thunder, light and gushing liquid – until I was suddenly blown off my feet by a rapidly expanding white cloud. I crashed into the creek and resurfaced quickly, panting out bursts of blue sparks, still holding the bit of stick. The creature was gone!

“Connie?!” I shouted, spinning around on the spot, my light turning purple. “Steven?!”

“Here!” Connie’s voice came from my right.

“Are you OK?! Where’s Steven?!” I rushed over to her – she was covered in mud and wet, Steven in her lap, half of him wet too. I bent down to check his pulse and found it beating steadily.

“I’m OK, we’re OK!” she panted and clutched at Steven’s head.

“Good, oh my fucking gods…” I felt a wave of nausea hit me and I managed to turn away before starting to vomit.

“Are you OK?!” Connie asked me with fear in her voice.

“I’m f-fine” I grunted and wiped my mouth on my sleeve, fuck my arms hurt. “We… we need fire”

I located the firewood with the help of my breath, then dug around in my pocket for my lighter.

“Please work” I begged and clicked it – but it was too wet. “ _Kuken_!” I roared in sudden anger as I clicked it again – there was a spark and a flash and a blue green flame grew on the wood, turning slowly orange. I stared, stunned for a moment before piling more firewood on. Soon the fire was crackling and I picked up a thick burning branch and held it up high. The two big rocks had been pushed apart, one of them almost down to the water’s edge, the shelter was in splinters and the previous fire was history. Connie was dragging Steven closer to the new one and I went over to help her, grabbing one of his arms. I piled more wood onto it, using the ruined shelter too.

“Where is the gem?” Connie asked suddenly.

“The gem?”

“From the thing – its gem, where is it?” I had completely forgotten about it.

“I don’t know, shit” we each grabbed a burning branch and searched the ground. Several things glittered in the light and me and Connie exchanged a look of confusion.

“It had more than _one_?!” Connie burst out. “Oh _no_! _Look_!” she bent down to pick up one of the shining objects. “It’s _Pearl_!”

“Shit fuck!” purple and green sparks leapt out of my mouth. Connie picked up the other two gems and we went back to the fire to sit down.

“Was it a _fusion_?” she pondered aloud. “Or did one gem _eat_ another?”

“Maybe? How else would Pearl be here – it’s not like she would have fused with that… thing”

“I didn’t know gems _ate_ each other… What do we do with them?” Connie turned to me with a worried frown.

“I don’t know” I said and shook my head. “How long does it take for them to come back?”

“I have no idea” she dropped them on the ground as if disgusted, then held Pearl’s gem to her chest protectively. One was black and brown and the other was white with green spots. They both gleamed in the fire light. “Do you think Pearl will come back first?”

“Let’s hope so… Then she can bubble them, or if Steven wakes up he can do it too, right?”

“Yeah, he can… Maybe we can wake him?” she patted his cheek carefully. “Steven? It would be _really_ good if you could wake up now…” she said tensely. Steven didn’t stir. “Do you think he needs a doctor?” she asked me worriedly.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry. He just seems to be knocked out, but I really have no clue” the bump on his head seemed smaller than before, that was good, right? I looked down at my arms. There were bands of blisters and large red, lighting shaped welts all over them. “Shit” I said under my breath.

“Oh, no Erica, what happened to your arms?!”

“The lightning, ah, it burned me… But it’s alright, it’ll be fine” I tried to reassure her. They looked much worse than the burns I got a few days ago. Seemed like I needed a doctor too.

“Can’t you bubble the gems?” Connie asked me suddenly.

“ _Me_?” I jerked my head back in surprise. Could I? “Uh… I have no idea”

“Try?” her voice was scared. “Steven just holds his hands on either side of the gem and then… I don’t know”

“I’ll… I’ll give it a go” how on earth was I going to make a _bubble_ appear? I picked up the green spotted white gem and held it in the palm of my hand. “Jasper said… she sent it home… When she and Amethyst ran into a corrupted gem a few days ago, she bubbled it and ‘sent it home’… Go home?” I said and a puff of purple and green floated in the air.

“Maybe try saying ‘bubble’?” Connie suggested.

“Bubble” I said clearly. Nothing happened. “Make a bubble. Defend. Shield. Force field. Uh… sphere. Ball. Protect…” I frowned and flicked my eyes over to Connie. “Maybe… maybe I should get some rocks… Just… just to be safe”

“You mean… destroy them?” she gasped. “We shouldn’t!”

“I know we _shouldn’t_. But if they start glowing or something I’d rather smash them then fight them, I don’t think we’ll get lucky like that again. If it hadn’t gotten stuck we’d probably be dead…” Connie’s eyes fixated on the gem in my hand, then got up and found two rocks.

“Keep trying to bubble them?” she asked.

“O-OK” I really had no idea what I was doing, but tried saying random words for a few minutes. Nothing happened, except for a few puffs and sparks of green and purple. I pulled out my phone to check the time. It was four in the morning. If it got dark just before six, dawn was probably still a few hours away. I put the gems in my pockets, not wanting to look at them anymore. Connie was nodding off, Steven’s head in her lap. I could feel my eyelids droop too, but I didn’t want to fall asleep again. I got to my feet and splashed some water on my face, the gems felt uncomfortably heavy in my pockets and they pulled them down so my shorts nearly slipped off. I took them out and looked around for something to carry them in, but I the little bucket was gone. I braced myself and put them in my sports bra. Now _that_ was uncomfortable – not physically per se, but emotionally. At least now I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again, I told myself bitterly. I sat down again and looked over at Connie, her cheek now resting on Steven’s forehead and Pearl’s gem still clutched to her chest. They looked strangely relaxed like that, like both of them had fallen asleep watching TV, instead of passed out from head trauma and exhaustion. I threw some more wood on the fire and then just sat and waited for the dawn, trying to ignore the pain in my shoulders, back and arms.

When it finally started getting light I nudged Connie carefully. She jolted awake with a yelp and stared around.

“Shh, it’s OK, it’s just me” I said hoarsely. “It’s getting light… We should get going”

I picked Steven up again, feeling my body protesting loudly. My arms felt raw and seared with every tiny movement. We retraced our steps back to where we had stopped for a breather before.

“You’re gonna have to lead us, Connie, I don’t think I can do more than carry Steven right now” I panted and she gave me a worried look.

“But what if I get us more lost?”

“Then it’ll just take a little longer. Come on, you can do this, kiddo” I gave her a weak smile. Please don’t let us get more lost, I begged any deity that might be listening.

“Look” Connie pointed to some trampled looking ferns. “We must have come from that direction” I nodded and we followed the trail of destruction. After twenty minutes or so I needed a break. I put Steven down against a rock and lay down face first on the ground.

“I really hope there’s a chiropractor in Beach City” I mumbled and lifted my hands behind my back so my shoulders and upper back cracked wetly. _That_ did _not_ sound good. Connie scouted ahead a little and I treasured the cool ground on my sweating face. I heard her coming back at a run.

“I found it! I found the path!” she whooped happily and jumped around.

“Awesome” I huffed and rolled onto my back. “Just give me a moment…” I said with a smile.

After a few minutes we set off again and Connie led us straight to the path. We walked along it for a good fifteen minutes but then there it was, white and pristine in the early morning light – the warp pad.

“Oh sweet baby Jesus” I panted as we stepped onto it. Connie helped hold me steady as I put my fingers in my mouth, concentrated hard and blew. There was a burst of sound and blue and white light surrounded us as the pad activated. Steven lifted off my shoulders and I grabbed at him and held him close to my chest and tried to brace myself for what I was sure was going to be a hard landing. Gravity came back with a vengeance and I tipped backwards, landing hard with Steven and Connie on top of me.

“Ooof!” I grunted and Connie got off me quickly.

“Oh my gosh, _finally_! Where have you _been_?! We’ve been so _worried_!” I heard Greg shout, his voice full of fear.

“Connie!” a man and a woman shouted together.

“Erica!” Jasper’s voice was like music to my ears.

“ _Mom_! _Dad_!” Connie sprinted off and Greg’s face appeared above me, shortly followed by Jasper.

 “Erica? Where’s Pearl?! What _happened_ to you?!” he gasped when he saw Steven wasn’t moving and reached out for him with trembling hands. “Son?”

“He was knocked out, he’s got a bump on his head… He’s been out for a long time” I panted and saw Greg’s eyes widen. “But he’s made noises, and he never stopped breathing, I made sure…” I wanted to reassure Greg, but at the same time he needed the truth. “I think he needs a doctor”

“Mom, go help Steven! I’m _fine_!” I heard Connie’s voice say, then click-click footsteps approached.

“Pick him up and put him on the sofa” a woman’s voice commanded, it sounded familiar –  trembling from head to toe Greg bent down to pick Steven up, but Jasper put a hand on his arm.

“Let me” she said in her deep voice, and Greg took an unsteady step back. Jasper lifted Steven with ease.

“Erica, your arms…” Greg said to me, it frightened me how weak his voice sounded.

“Here, come on, E” Amethyst appeared beside Greg and pulled me up. “Where’s Pearl?”

“I’ve… I’ve got her” Connie said and I saw her hold up the white oval gem carefully.

“Shit, she got _poofed_?! What the fuck _happened_ you guys?!”

“We’d like to know that too!” the man holding Connie in his arms demanded.

“Everyone quiet!” I looked over and saw… Doctor Maheswaran? She was bending over Steven, listening to his chest with a stethoscope. “Honey, bring me my bag”

The man hugging Connie hurried to the door and picked up a big black bag and brought it to her. Everyone else stood still and waited, except for Greg who went to sit by his son’s head.

Doctor Maheswaran took something out of her bag – a pen light, and shone it in Steven’s eyes.

“Pupils equal and reactive” she mumbled into the silence.

“Is that good or bad?” Greg asked nervously.

“That’s good” Doctor Maheswaran said shortly. “His pulse and breathing are normal. It’s like Miss Brooks said – he’s unconscious and has a sizable bump on his forehead”

“It used to be golf-ball sized” I supplied, feeling woozy.

“Huh. This is much smaller than that. How long ago did he sustain this injury?”

“Like… more than twelve hours ago…?” I felt quite unsteady on my feet and black spots swam in front of my eyes. “We should drink something… Connie…” my knees gave way and the world went sideways, but I didn’t fall to the floor. Strong hands gripped me gently and I felt softness under my bum. Someone forced my eyelids open and a bright light shone in my eyes. “Ughh, stop it…” I mumbled and tried to swat them away, but they grabbed my arms.

“These look like second degree burns” I heard someone say from far away. “Hand me the antibiotic cream” a searing pain brought me back to my senses and I hissed loudly. “Keep still, Miss Brooks. You, get her some water” Amethyst’s hair whipped out of sight and soon returned with a bottle, which she handed to me. I drank greedily, some of it spilling down my chin and onto my chest – that reminded me about the gems in my bra. I reached in there without delay and took them out.  

“Can someone bubble these” I mumbled before taking another long drink. Oh it felt so good. Water, why did I ever drink anything other than water? There was a noise and both gems were surrounded by orange spheres and Jasper sent them away.

Doctor Maheswaran was bandaging me up neatly and I looked blearily at her.

“Are you Connie’s mom?” I asked.

“Yes, I am” she said in her crisp manner.

“She’s very clever, you have a clever kid, Doctor Maheswaran” there was the barest hint of a smile on her face.

“And you… have a knack for getting yourself hurt, Miss Brooks”

“Yes, I know. I’m terribibble… I mean terrible” I felt a little light headed. “Get a bucket, I’m gonna hurl…” someone handed me a wastepaper basket and I dry heaved for a bit before expelling into it. 

“Miss Brooks, did you hit your head?” Doctor Maheswaran asked sternly. I shook my head, dry heaving again.

“Connie, did Miss Brooks sustain any head trauma?”

“I don’t know, she didn’t say, but she vomited earlier too” Connie said worriedly.

“And she like, fainted, or something” Amethyst supplied.

“Miss Brooks I’m going to examine your head” I held up a hand for her to wait.

“Jasper?” I croaked, head still in the bucket. I heard shuffling and then felt the tickle of her hair on my neck and shoulders.

“I’m here, babe…” I reached out for her hand and she brought it up to meet mine. “She has a scar at the back of her head, on the right” Jasper said slowly. “It’s very sensitive. She doesn’t like people touching her head at all. I _advise_ you to be… careful” there was a hint of threat in her voice.

“I’ll be gentle” Doctor Maheswaran said in a slightly softer voice and I felt my breath hitch. Slim fingers began exploring my scalp and I squeezed Jasper’s hand. As she neared my scar I felt another wave of nausea hit, and Jasper squeezed back.

“Breathe” she murmured softly. Then Doctor Maheswarans fingers traced my scar and I felt very small and vulnerable, I cried into my bucket and gripped it tightly. I felt Jasper put an arm around me and I leaned against her gratefully.

“I can’t find any… _recent_ abnormalities, but I’d still want to do a CT, and on Steven too. And you need intravenous fluids, you’re quite dehydrated. It’ll be faster if we drove to the hospital rather than to wait for ambulances”

“I’ll go start the van” Greg said tremulously.

“I’ll drive” it was Connie’s father’s voice. “Then you can sit with your son in the back”

“Thank you…”

“I’ll take Connie and Miss Brooks in our car. Bring that bucket” there was a bunch of shuffling around and people talking. Jasper helped me to my feet and we went to go outside. Everything ached and I dreaded the walk through the sand to the boardwalk.

“Amethyst, take Steven, I’ve got Erica” Jasper said over her shoulder. “I’m going to pick you up, my little monster…” she said to me softly. She did so, very gently and soon I was being carried across the sand, bridal style, I leaned my head on her chest. “You had me so worried, when you didn’t come home… When I got back to the rebel base, Greg and those other people were there” she said as we walked. “Tell me what happened” we were all walking in a group, so everyone could hear.

“We went to a forest to train, walked for a while and found a glade. Pearl had Steven and Connie practice using their surroundings to aid them in battle, then I went to pee and when I came back there was this thing in the glade… Pearl was very afraid but she couldn’t say what it was, it stomped around and brought down some trees because of a tiny noise – it was _very_ aggressive, then it charged where Steven and Connie were hiding and Pearl told me to get them and just run, while she distracted it. Pearl led the creature off and I went to find them. Connie was OK, but Steven was out cold. I grabbed him and we ran, but we got lost. It was getting dark, so we made camp. Then in the middle of the night it found us… It got its head stuck between the rocks we made our camp against and… and I poofed it, with lightning or a stick or both. Either it was a fusion that tried to eat Pearl, or it was _one_ gem that had eaten another gem _and_ Pearl, because we found three when the smoke cleared. We waited for dawn to head out and Connie found the path back to the warp pad… This was no one’s fault. That thing just wandered into the glade on its own. We tried to use out phones but there was no reception” I felt like I was rambling.

We reached the boardwalk and Jasper put me on the passenger’s side in the front of Doctor Maheswaran’s car, placing me on the seat very gently.

“I’ll meet you at the hospital” she said softly, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

“OK, darling. How will you get there?”

“I’ll run with Amethyst, we’ll probably get there before you” she said with a confident grin as she closed the door, then she jogged off. I buckled up and grabbed my bucket as Connie and Doctor Maheswaran got in the car too.

“Steven’s gonna be OK, right mom?” Connie asked nervously.

“Steven’s going to be just fine, honey. Buckle up” Doctor Maheswaran looked over at me and nodded, then started the car.

“What I don’t get is why you were out in a forest in the first place? I thought you trained out there on the beach?” Doctor Maheswaran asked her daughter, sounding both annoyed and distracted as she reversed out of the parking space.

“We train in lots of different places, mom… And Pearl wanted us to learn to use our surroundings to our advantage against… against bigger enemies, but she would _never_ take us to a place where she knew there were things like that, right Erica?”

“Right. Pearl looked absolutely terrified of it”

“Why were you there, Miss Brooks?” she glanced at me quickly and then back to the road.

“I’ve started training with them, this was our second session” I thought about the gear we left behind. Rose’s sword was out there with my spear… I felt a strange pang of loss.

There was silence for a bit, then Connie sighed and said;

“In your retelling of what happened, you forgot to mention the part where I was the one who got us lost…”

“What?” Doctor Maheswaran looked up into the mirror to see Connie, then glanced over at me before facing the front again.

“We were running in a blind panic, if I’d been in the lead, we’d be lost too. You found the path again and got us home, kid” I said hoarsely, half turning in my seat to look at her. I didn’t want her to blame herself. “And besides, we got exactly where we needed to be – it got its head stuck and we poofed it and now we’re home. I say we got lucky, not lost” I tried to give her a reassuring smile.

“You mean _you_ poofed it…” Connie looked down at her dirty hands. “I didn’t do anything to help at all…”

“Of course you helped, what are you talking about? I wouldn’t have been able to do that without you, Connie. You helped build the shelter, you found that little bucket so we could boil water to drink and make the nettle tea, you took care of Steven… And when it was out there in the dark, getting closer – I was hoping it hadn’t heard us and I was so scared. Then it went for us and you screamed and… I couldn’t let it hurt you, you’re a _kid_! And then I got angry instead – and I could fight back”

Connie looked a little stunned, as did Doctor Maheswaran.

“But – “ Connie began, but I interrupted her.

“Listen, Connie, it was a terrible situation and you did very well, you were _so_ brave. Now that we’re safe, be afraid and cry and break down, do all those things, _I_ certainly will soon, but please _don’t_ blame yourself… If anything _should_ be blamed it’s that fucking creature”

“There’s no need for language like that around my daughter” Doctor Maheswaran said sternly.

“Sorry”

“Despite the colorful language, she’s right honey, you shouldn’t blame yourself” Doctor Maheswaran’s voice was much softer now, and she looked up into the mirror again. “The most important thing is that you made it home alive…”

Connie stared at her mother for a moment and then burst into tears. Great big sobs shook her little body, and to my amazement, Doctor Maheswaran pulled the car over without a word, got out and gathered her daughter up in her arms. I felt a very powerful twinge in my heart when I saw this. Something _deep_ inside me cried out in agony. I couldn’t stop staring at this display of maternal love and caring, I felt like an intruder for doing so, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Doctor Maheswaran held Connie close to her chest, one arm holding her up and the other stroking her back soothingly. Connie had her arms around her mother’s neck and her head was nestled under her chin. Doctor Maheswaran rocked slowly from side to side, mumbling soothing words I couldn’t hear, her low calm voice melodic and full of caring.

After a while, Connie calmed and then they held a whispered conversation. I collected myself as they got back in the car, Doctor Maheswaran buckling Connie in herself and kissing her on the forehead before getting into the driver’s seat. She pulled a handkerchief from somewhere and dabbed at her eyes and blinked hard before starting the car, then she exchanged a look in the mirror with Connie and relaxed and smiled weakly. I glanced over at Connie, she looked a lot more relaxed too. There was definitely a lot less tension in the car now, but as we neared the hospital Doctor Maheswaran’s professional no-nonsense manner was back in play. She drove straight up to the entrance and went inside for a moment, then returned with a woman in scrubs, a security guard and a wheelchair.

“Evans, take Miss Brooks directly to CT, then do a full work up” the woman in scrubs gestured for me to sit down in the wheelchair and I did so with slight difficulty. She wheeled me off quickly and in through the hospital’s automatic doors. Doctor Maheswaran kept talking to the security guard and I heard her ask her to move her car to her usual spot. We stopped in front of the elevator and Evans pushed a button. The smells of the lobby were hitting me now and I felt a knot of tension in my stomach. Did I really have to get a CT? I felt really uncomfortable about this and memories from before the surgery started to resurface. It had all started with a CT, ‘just to rule out anything physical causing the migraines’… When we exited the elevator at the fifth floor, the smell of disinfectant intensified and so did my apprehensions. I wondered where the others were, suddenly feeling very alone. Evans walked with a brisk pace and we passed through several big doors until we stopped in a room with green curtains and lockers. I felt panic welling up inside now, this room was too familiar.

“There is a hospital gown in the locker there” Evans pointed to the one closest to me. “Please remove all your other clothes and jewelry. Do you need help doing any of that?” I looked up at her.

“M-maybe the earrings” she helped me remove them and then stepped outside the green curtain to give me some privacy while I changed. I could feel myself trembling, fumbling with getting my clothes off and then with the buttons on the front of the green and white robe.

“Do you know where the others are?” I asked, my voice shaking slightly.  

“The ones who arrived with Mister Maheswaran?”

“Yes”

“I don’t know, I could go check when you’re in the procedure room” my stomach lurched and I felt sick.

“Can’t… can’t you go check now?” I really didn’t want to be alone for this, not again. “ _Please_?” I was almost begging her.

“I’ll… I’ll see what I can do” I heard her walk away and a door opened and shut. I breathed out a vast cloud of black and purple, then sat down in the wheelchair again, holding my head in my shaking hands.

“I am here and this is now and I am safe. I am here and this is now and I am safe. I am here and this is now and I am safe…” I told myself over and over, and began to rock back and forth, feeling myself slipping away.

_It was very early in the morning. I looked at the letter again, rereading it for the twentieth time. It told me not to eat breakfast before the examination, and my stomach felt so empty. I took a bus to get there and walked in to the building, holding the letter and my passport tightly in my hands. I had my headphones in but I hadn’t turned any music on, I had no idea what to listen to. The nurse at the desk greeted me and I gave my name, they gestured to a waiting area. I had barely had time to sit down before another nurse called my name._

_“Come with me please” he said and held one half of a big double door open for me. The next room had little curtained off areas with lockers. “Please put on a hospital robe and remove any jewelry. I’ll be right back with the contrast”_

_I nodded at him that I understood, then undressed and removed my earrings. They were such a hassle to get back in, I thought as I sat on a cold chair and waited._

_When the nurse came back he gave me a shot._

_“This might make you feel like you’ve wet yourself, but don’t worry, you won’t” he led me into the room next door, the big donut shaped machine had a sliding tray in front of it and he gestured for me to lay down. “Try to keep as still as possible”_

_I lay on the tray and he stepped behind a wall. Then the machine started and I thought what if I wake up in the matrix?_

_Hours later my phone rang – it was my father. He told me they wanted me to come back in for more testing, so I should come home instead of going back to school –  they’d need to take more pictures of my head tomorrow morning. Maybe I had moved during the examination? That must be it._

_That night, during the very uncomfortable dinner, the landline rang and dad answered it in his office. Then he came out, looking strange. He sat down at the table again._

_“Who was that?” my mother asked him._

_“That was the doctor…” he said slowly. “Erica… has a brain tumor”_

_My vision shrank to a tunnel and there was a ringing in my ears. He hadn’t just said that. No. I must have misheard him. I looked at him and he turned to me with eyes full of pain, then leaned forward to embrace me. I felt instantly trapped and pushed him off, my heart pounding in my chest. It was true then. He would never try to hug me otherwise. I had a brain tumor. In my head. I couldn’t be there anymore._

“Miss Brooks, where is Evans?” Doctor Maheswaran’s voice was annoyed. I couldn’t answer, then I heard the curtain being twitched aside. I sat up quickly, my breath little puffs of darkness. “Are you _smoking_ in here?!” she lifted a hand to waft the clouds away.

“Don’t!” I forced myself to say it, green, purple and black sparks accompanying the word.

Doctor Maheswaran froze and stared at me.

“What in the _world_!”

“Isn’t it cool?” Connie came up behind her. “I really like the butterflies she makes, they’re so pretty. Remember, I told you? I don’t know what black… means though…” her voice trailed off. “Erica?”

I couldn’t hold it in. “I don’t want to go in the CT machine” I whimpered, a plume of dark purple and black issuing from my mouth. I hugged myself tightly as I began to cry, looking at the floor.

“Mom… purple means she’s afraid…” Connie said quietly.

“Honey, why don’t you go to the nurses’ station, ask Caren to get you something to eat. _Not_ from a vending machine. Be careful with the IV stand”

“Oh… OK” Connie sounded a little uncertain. Doctor Maheswaran moved and Connie moved with her. “Is Erica going to be OK?” I could hear her whispering to her mother.

“Yes, honey” a door closed and Doctor Maheswaran came back to me. I heard the scraping of a chair and Doctor Maheswaran’s shoes came into my field of vision, followed by a deep sigh. “Miss Brooks, Erica… When was the surgery?” my heart beat faster at the question.

“F-fourteen years ago”

“Was it benign?” I nodded. “Meningioma?” I nodded again. “I take it that’s why you don’t want to do the CT” I nodded a third time, then wiped my eyes on my discarded t-shirt. She sighed again. “I wouldn’t be doing my duty as a doctor if I cancelled it; I take it you know that too” another nod from me.  “What we could do is give you a sedative and it’d be less… frightening”

“Can’t you just find Jasper?” please say yes.

“Jasper? Is she the really tall one?” I nodded. “Well, they should be in the waiting area. Steven should be done in there soon…” she looked over at the procedure room door.

There was the sound of another door opening, on my left this time.

“She’s right in here” it was Evans.

“Thanks” Jasper’s voice came closer.

“Ah, Evans, there you are. Is my husband in the waiting area?”

“Yes, Doctor Maheswaran”

“Good. Please administer contrast to Miss Brooks, then go tell Mister Maheswaran to meet our daughter by the nurses’ station”

“Yes, Doctor Maheswaran” Evans walked past me and then Jasper appeared. She looked at me worriedly, then pulled the curtain around us for privacy and knelt down to hug me.

“Why are you crying?” she whispered as she stroked my back.

“I’m scared” I mumbled into her chest. “Please don’t go”

“I’m staying right here, little monster…” she said softly and I felt so grateful.

“Miss Brooks, can I come in?” Evans’ voice came from outside the curtain. I nodded against Jasper and she moved an arm to pull the hangings open.

Evans put an IV-line in the crook of my arm and gave me a shot of contrast. I closed my eyes and tried to just listen to Jasper’s steady breath. I felt exhausted.

After a few minutes I heard doors opening again and something rolling across the floor.

“Mister Universe, hello again”

“Oh, hi Doctor Maheswaran…” Greg’s voice was thin and worried. I raised my head from Jasper’s chest.

“H-how’s Steven?” I asked and tried to get up, but Jasper put a hand on my shoulder, then stepped around me and pushed the wheelchair forwards. I blinked in the light of the fluorescent lamps and saw Greg standing next to a gurney. Steven lay on it, wearing a hospital gown too. He still seemed to be out of it.

“He hasn’t woken up yet” Greg said slowly.

“I’ll take a look at the slides right now, I’ll come to the recovery ward afterwards” Doctor Maheswaran said briskly and marched in through the doors. The nurse pushing Steven’s gurney gestured for Greg to follow her and they moved away. Steven had looked so small, and Greg’s face had been ashen with worry. I reached out for Jasper’s hand.

“He’ll be alright” Jasper said confidently. “He’s a quartz”

“I really hope so…”

Evans indicated for us to go in and held open the doors. I got up and lay down on the tray, trying to control my breathing.

“You have to wait outside” Evans told Jasper, who bridled. I felt my stomach fill with ice, I didn’t want to do it alone again. I closed my eyes as tears began to trickle down my cheeks.

“I said I would _stay_ with her” Jasper growled menacingly.

“There is, um, radiation – it’s harmful, and we… we don’t have protective gear in-in-in your s-size”

“Radiation?! What is this – a torture chamber?!” Jasper’s voice was hard.

“ _Miss_ _Jasper_!” it was Doctor Maheswaran’s voice, she sounded indignant. “Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be! You, outside, right now!”

“But – !”

“The faster you get out, the faster we’ll be done”

“Just do what she says, darling…” I said quietly and then sniffed.

“Fine…” Jasper said disgruntledly and I heard heavy footsteps moving away, then the click-click of Doctor Maheswaran walking past me.

“The procedure will take a little over fifteen minutes, Miss Brooks. Just try to relax and don’t move” Doctor Maheswaran’s voice came over the intercom.

“Can I sing?”

“As long as you don’t move”

As the machine began to whirr, I started to sing my calm down song. I repeated it until the examination was over, keeping my eyes closed the entire time. As soon as it was done, Jasper threw open the doors and growled at Evans trying to help me down from the tray. Her hair fell around me as she wheeled me out of there. Evans nervously led the way to the recovery ward and then did a thorough, but quick examination of me under the weight of Jasper’s glare. I was given IV-fluids and I asked if I could eat something.

“If Doctor Maheswaran says so. She’ll be by with your CT results in a little while. Just… just try to rest in the meantime” she picked up my chart and slipped past Jasper out the door. When she was gone Jasper visibly relaxed, then pulled up a chair and sat down next to my bed.

“How are you feeling?” she asked softly.

“Better since the scan is over… Tired. And hungry, very hungry…”

“Why do you need that woman’s permission to eat?”

“I think it’s because some tests require your stomach to be empty…” I felt my eyelids grow heavy now that my body was free to relax.

“Miss Brooks?” I opened my eyes. Doctor Maheswaran was standing in front of me. “Your CT was clear; the only thing that concerns me is your blood pressure. It is very low. When you were here last I thought it was due to the blood loss, but it might be that you just have low blood pressure in general. Do you get dizzy, feel faint or nauseated often?”

“What defines as often?” I asked muzzily.

“Say more than once a week?”

“Yes”

“Does it happen when you stand up?”

“Yes”

“Does it happen if you’ve been standing up a long time or after you’ve eaten?”

“No, I don’t think so… H-how are Steven and Connie doing?”

“Steven has a concussion, but is otherwise in good health. He just needs to rest. Connie is dehydrated and has some cuts and bruises. They’ll both be just fine. I’d like to keep _you_ here for a few days, though, to keep an eye on your blood pressure and your burns; we need to watch carefully for any sing of infection since they are quite extensive”

“OK…” I really didn’t like the idea of staying here for that long. “Can I eat now?”

“Yes, just ask the duty nurse” she turned to go, but stopped with a hand on the door post. “Thank you, Miss Brooks…”

“For what, Doctor Maheswaran?”

“For bringing Connie back safe… And it’s… Priyanka” the click-click of her heels faded away into the distance and I kept looking at where she had stood. Feeling rather dazed, I lay back on the bed. Steven and Connie were both going to be OK. We were _all_ going to be OK… Finally, I could sleep.

* * *

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	34. Trouble sleeping

## Chapter 34: Trouble sleeping

  
I drifted in and out of sleep for a while, sometimes waking up from an uncomfortable dream involving blue light and roars, other times from a nurse taking my blood pressure. The sounds of a muffled conversation called me from my slumber now. My eyes felt like they had been taken out, rolled in flour and stuck back in, they were so dry. I rubbed them clumsily with my bandaged hands. Jasper was snoozing in a chair next to me and I smiled and smacked my lips to get some moisture going there too. There was a little teddy bear and some flowers on my bedside table, which made me smile. Man, I really needed to go to the bathroom… And I wanted to brush my teeth. And some coffee to drink, yes, _coffee_. And a cigarette. And a cheeseburger with extra pickles. And a _massage_ … They must have given me some really good painkillers. I sat up slowly, feeling stiff and angular in my body. I stood up carefully and walked unsteadily to toward a likely looking door, when a tug on my arm reminded me I had been hooked up to an IV at some point. I pulled at the tube to get the stand closer and grabbed it for support and went into the big bathroom. When I was done with my most urgent need I faced the problem of wiping. I settled for just shaking myself a little and then left the room. Now… where could I smoke and get a cup of coffee? And where were my cigarettes?

“Darling?” Jasper immediately opened her eyes. “Hi” I grinned muzzily.

“Hi… What are you doing up?”

“Had to pee, now I want a smoke and a coffee, wanna help? Do you know where my cigarettes are?” talking was kind of hard. Had they put me on morphine?

Jasper stood up and rolled the wheelchair out from behind her chair with a little flourish.

“They said it would be OK for you to move around, but you’d have to use the wheelchair. Have a seat” she patted it invitingly. “I named it Brego”

“Oh, that’s so sweet” I shuffled round and sat down awkwardly. “Hello Brego, meet my butt” I giggled at my own wit.

“They told me you might be a little bit strange when you woke up, but this” Jasper sniggered. “This is just too fucking adorable”

I clamped the IV stand between my legs to keep it steady, then raised my arm. “To the smoking area!” Jasper pushed me out of the room and we stopped by the nurses’ station.

“Where can she smoke?” Jasper asked.

“Take a left, right, left, then through the door at the back”

“Left, right, left, back” I said it to a little melody. “Left, right, left, back”

Jasper thanked them and we made our way there. We ended up on the roof of a lower part of the hospital and there was a huge ashtray. It was overcast and a little bit chilly. I wished I had brought a blanket. I had very limited hand and arm movements because of the bandages, how was I going to smoke?

“Darling, could you help me?” I held up my hands. Jasper fished out a cigarette from my holder, put it in my mouth and lit it for me. The nicotine hit me like a dominatrix. “Nk you” I said, my voice muffled. I could grab the cigarette with thumb and index finger if I lined them up carefully. My thumbs were quite free to move around, but my other fingers were more tightly bandaged. “How long was I asleep for?”

“About three hours maybe”

“Have you been here this whole time?”

“Yeah” she leaned against the wall with her arms crossed. “And good thing too, a lot of strange people keep walking in and out of your room, taking readings and poking you with stuff. Had to keep them on their toes” she smirked a little.

“I find it incredibly sexy when you get all protective” I said with a little giggle.

“Oh yeah?” she asked huskily. “You know what _I_ find incredibly sexy?”

“What?”

“You being able to take down a jasper. Two jaspers, in fact”

“What?” I looked up at her.

“The gems you poofed, they were jaspers. Two _corrupted_ jaspers in a fusion? No wonder Pearl was scared”

“Zap” I said and tried to make a finger gun, but couldn’t. “Yes, your Erica is quite the badass…”

“Yes, my Erica certainly is” she leant over to kiss me. “But we should see to it you get some proper armor. This is the second time in a week you ended up with burns”

“Badass armor?”

“It would be” she grinned at me crookedly. “When _you_ wear it”

“Kiss me, beastie” she leant down with a wider grin and kissed me a little more intensely than last time. When she stood up again, her gem glowed faintly. “Has Pearl come back yet?”

“No. Connie keeps carrying her around with her. She has been in to see you a few times”

“Oh… Has Steven woken up yet?”

“No, but Doctor Maheswaran said it was only a matter of time”

“OK, good, good…” I finished my cigarette, then we went back inside and headed to the hospital cafeteria. They didn’t have cheeseburgers but there were quite decent sandwiches. Their coffee however…

“Eugh! What _is_ this?!” I grimaced and glared at the cup with distaste. People in the cafeteria looked around at me and I blushed at my outburst.

“Coffee?” Jasper took the cup and sniffed at it. “Smells like coffee”

“No… just no” I said quietly and held up my hand when Jasper tried to hand it back to me. “ _Gudars skymning_ , I was really looking forward to a cup of coffee” I sighed. “Do you know where Steven’s room is? I want to go see him”

“No, but I think it’s on the same floor” we headed back up in the elevator. As Jasper pushed me back toward my room and the nurses’ station to ask where Steven was, Doctor Maheswaran stepped out of my room.

“Hello, you two” she said tiredly. “Erica” so we were on first name basis now then, I thought to myself. “Your blood work is back, I was just coming to give you the results” she gestured toward my room and we entered it. “Everything looks OK, except for your iron levels, which are verging on the problematic. That, in combination with your seemingly natural low blood pressure is more than likely why you’ve been experiencing dizziness and nausea. So I’m going to prescribe you a nutritional supplement and advise you to change your diet” the word ‘diet’ stung and I prepared myself for ‘the speech’. “Increase your intake of iron rich foods such as meat, seafood, leafy greens and beans. If you can find products that have been fortified with iron, for example bread and pasta, switch to them. The nurse will give you a leaflet with more detailed information”

“Oh, um OK” I said awkwardly. That was not the speech I had expected.

“I will send in Evans to change your bandages in a minute. Are you experiencing any pain?”

“No, whatever you gave me is great”

“Good”

“Um, can we go visit Steven?”

“Sure. I’ll tell Evans to take you to him after she’s redressed your wounds”

“Thanks, Doctor Mahe – I mean, Priyanka, thank you” she smiled and stepped outside.

“I wish they’d send someone other than Evans. She has this shifty look about her” Jasper said in a low voice.

“I think that’s because she’s terrified of you, darling, and you know it” Jasper smirked a little. “You _like_ that, don’t you?” I teased.

“Yeah, well…” she shrugged her shoulders, a little embarrassed. The door opened again and Jasper’s body language was instantly transformed from relaxed to intimidatingly fabulous and my heart skipped a beat. Evans entered, saw Jasper and changed direction to the other side of my bed.

“H-how’s the pain?” she asked apprehensively.

“Non-existent”

Evans removed my bandages and applied some sort of ointment to my arms – they looked worse than I remembered. But maybe that had been a self-defense mechanism, or even sleep deprivation. Evans didn’t seem surprised at the state of them, she even nodded at them, as if they were doing better.

“It looks a lot worse than it is” she said reassuringly after having looked up at my face.

“If you say so” that armor idea definitely needed to become reality. When she was done, Jasper helped me off the bed and Evans led us to a different room, not that far away from mine. Evans knocked on the door.

“Mister Universe? Steven has some more visitors…” we entered slowly. It looked just like mine, except that the curtains round the bed were white with ducks on them, rather than green. Greg, Garnet and Connie were all sitting around Steven’s bed, turning around as we came in.

“Hi” I greeted. “How’s everyone doing?” my eyes focused on Greg, who was sitting hunched over on the far side of the bed. He seemed to be fast asleep. There was a big teddy bear, a bunch of flowers and some balloons standing on Steven’s bedside table.

“We’re fine” Garnet said quietly. Connie got up from her chair where she had been reading and gave me a hug, I tried to hug her back properly, but it was hard.

“Hey, kid, how are you?” I asked softly as we broke the hug.

“I’m OK, I don’t even need the IV anymore” she said with a smile. “How are you?”

“Partially mummified” I smiled back and held up my arms. “He hasn’t woken up then?” I asked and reached out for Steven’s hand, stroking it clumsily with my thumb.

“No” Connie said with a frown.

“How’s Greg holding up?”

“He’s worried. But Doctor Maheswaran told us it’s just a matter of time before comes to” Garnet responded calmly.

“And how about Pearl?” Connie held up Pearl’s gem. It looked whole at least.

“She usually takes a long time to regenerate. Last time it was two weeks” Garnet frowned.

“Two _weeks_?” Jasper asked in surprise. She looked as if she wanted to say something more, but closed her mouth instead.

“Is that normal?” I asked curiously.

“It depends on the gem. Amethyst is usually very quick”

“Where is she, by the way?” I looked around.

“She’s feeding Cake” Jasper said with a little smile. This made me very happy to hear – Jasper had asked for help. It made me feel a little proud, and I touched her arm. “She should be back soon”

“We should let Greg rest” Garnet said and stood up.

“Want to play cards?” Connie asked. “I know where the nurses keep them”

“Sure, Connie. Hey… you wouldn’t happen to know where they keep their coffee?”

Connie laughed. “You tried the cafeteria coffee then?”

“Yes. It tasted like it had already been drunk” I shivered at the recollection. The others sniggered at my words and I smiled.

“I’ll see what I can do, I’ve got someone on the _inside_ ” Connie winked conspiratorially at me and Jasper, then led the way out of Steven’s room.

There was a little area with tables and chairs and Connie asked us to wait there while she went to go get the cards and the – significant pause – merchandize. The rest of us sat down at a table while we waited, a tense silence rising.

“So… what have you been up to Garnet?” I asked to try to ease it a little.

“Crystal gem business” she said shortly. Jasper crossed her arms with a little huff.

“Uh… so, yesterday was pretty fun, right? Um, I mean the day before yesterday I guess…”

“Yes” Garnet’s face was impassive. Jasper huffed again and turned her head away. I put my hand on her arm and she relaxed a little.

“That… throw you did. During kubb. It was… nice” Jasper said sulkily, not looking at either of us. Oh my fucking gods! She had given Garnet a _compliment_! Fucking _hell_ that must have taken such _enormous_ effort…

“ _Cormlle naa tanya tel'raa, Aratoamin_...” I said breathlessly, feeling myself tear up. Jasper looked down at me, then put her arm over the back of my wheelchair, her face softening slightly.

I glanced over at Garnet as I leaned my head against Jasper’s chest and saw her adjusting her shades.

“Thank you” she said stiffly. “Your throws were very… precise” now I thought I might just burst into tears. An _exchange of pleasantries_! Small talk! The smallest small talk of all time, but Jesus motherfucking Christ!

Footsteps approached and Connie appeared around the corner carrying a deck of cards and a mug. She put the mug on the edge of the table and pushed it toward me meaningfully.

“You didn’t get this from me” she said before sitting down next to Garnet. I picked the cup up with difficulty and drew in the smell of _actual_ coffee. I took a sip and sighed happily.

We played a few rounds of Go Fish, me and Jasper as a team since she didn’t know the rules and I couldn’t hold the cards. After a while my eyelids started to feel heavy and my arms and back began to hurt. I must have looked uncomfortable, because Jasper asked if I was OK.

“I think the medication is wearing off” I mumbled.

“I’ll go tell someone” Jasper said quickly and got up and hurried away, Connie following her closely.

“Erica. I have to ask something of you. It’s very important” Garnet leaned forward over the table as soon as they were out of sight.

“Huh?”

“When Steven offers to heal you, you must say no” she grabbed my shoulder.

“What? Why?” Garnet adjusted her shades with her free hand.

“He must _save_ his strength” she said emphatically. “Do you understand?” her grip tightened. “Promise me, _whatever happens_ , do _not_ accept” I stared at her, she was scaring me slightly now.

“I-I promise” she let my arm go immediately and stood up. My mouth had gone dry.

“Keep your word. And don’t tell anyone about this… talk” she walked off without another word, leaving me feeling quite stunned. I thought hard, or as hard as I could in my slightly befuddled state. Garnet had asked me to _not_ accept Steven’s offer to heal me, so he would suggest it at some point, right? Just say no, then. Not that hard. She could have been nicer about it…

Connie came round the corner with her mother in tow.

“Time for you to go back to your room” she said admonishingly and started to wheel me back. Jasper helped me into bed and Priyanka – man, it felt weird to call her that even in my head – injected something into my IV-tube. I began to feel better immediately and everything took on a hazy sheen.

“This stuff’s _great_ ” I mumbled before closing my eyes.

The next time I drifted awake I found Connie sitting next to me, nose buried in a book. She noticed I was up.

“Jasper said she’d be back soon” she closed her book on a colorful bookmark.

“What time is it?” I asked hoarsely.

“It’s a little after ten”

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” I sat up, feeling a little worried. “Where’s your mom?”

“I haven’t really been able to sleep since… Since we got back” she said quietly. I looked closer at her. She did look very tired. “Mom’s around here somewhere, want me to get her?”

“No, I’m fine. I could really use a cigarette though… Where did Jasper go?”

“I don’t know, she just said she’d be back soon”

“Could you help me outside? Or is that really inappropriate for me to ask?” she smiled at me slightly.

“I can take you. It’s not like it’s a secret that you smoke” I remembered to bring a blanket this time and Connie wheeled me outside. It was dark now and a little eerie on the roof.

I looked up at Connie’s tired face. “So… bad dreams?”

“Yeah…” Connie looked at the ground. “I nod off and then either I’m running through the forest or Steven’s lying on the ground not moving… Or there’s that roar it made and I just wake up again”

“I’m sorry sweetheart” I patted her shoulder clumsily. “The dreams will pass, I promise. And we’re safe now”

“I know that… I’d just feel a lot better if Steven and Pearl were awake” she looked so sad.

“They’ll be back with us soon” Connie sniffed and then started to cry. “Hey… it’s going to be alright” I wrapped my arms around her awkwardly and she hugged me back. “Do you want to go find your mom?” Connie shook her head against my shoulder. “No?”

“She’s working… she’s got actually hurt people to take care of…” this was the second time she had dismissed her own feelings since I got to know her.

“Hey…” she looked at me. “You _are_ hurt. We just went through something very frightening, even though you might be physically OK, you still hurt inside, right? You said you haven’t been able to sleep. That’s not good, Connie… Have you told your mom that?”

“No… But she’s so busy, I don’t think she has the time” she looked down and stepped away from me, holding her arm. Oh shit. She was probably thinking _I_ was rejecting her need for comfort. Balls. Fix it.

“Connie, listen carefully. You can come to me and talk about stuff, any kind of stuff. And I will listen, I promise” she looked up at me again, looking a little uncertain. “If you find a new book that’s great, if you’re having a bad day, if you are stuck in a video game, if someone’s being mean to you – I really mean anything” gods, how was I going to phrase this next bit. “I see you are a bit… _reluctant_ to ask for your mom’s time – but you can tell her that stuff too. And especially the thing about not being able to sleep. She loves you and wants to take care of you, I saw that on our way here, when she stopped the car and picked you up and held you. She stopped the car. For you. Didn’t even say a word, just pulled over…” it was amazing how much it _hurt_ saying that. “She could _see_ you were upset then, maybe it’s just harder for her to see it now. I am one thousand percent sure that if you tell her you’re not feeling good, she will take the time to listen”

“You… really think so?”

“Yes, absolutely” I put a hand on her shoulder and tried to squeeze it but couldn’t move my hand much. Connie gave a weak little smile, as if new possibilities were opening up for her in her mind. I kept a smile on my face, but inside I felt a twinge of… something. “Come on, let’s go back inside, it’s cold”

Priyanka was standing by the nurses’ station when we came back, reading a chart and talking to the nurse by the computer.

“… tell Stromberg Mister Brown in 104 is spiking a fever, but that the infection isn’t coming from the incision site, rather an infected tattoo that he conveniently _failed_ to mention before the procedure” she sighed and rubbed her temple with one hand. “Then tell Doctor Niemen Mrs. Lowenstein is back with _another_ gall stone. And that she still isn’t taking her ursodiol” she put down the chart on top of a large pile; apparently it was the last one. “Oh, and page me if Miss Olsen’s OC stats drop below ninety percent or the Universe boy wakes up”

“Yes, Doctor Maheswaran” she typed something into the computer and Priyanka turned to leave.

Connie had stopped a few feet away from them. I turned my head to look at her. “You can do it, kid”

“Um… Mom?” Connie’s voice was small, and Priyanka stopped in her tracks and turned around to face us.

“Honey? What are you still doing up?”

“I… um…” her mother walked up to her and put a hand on her forehead to check her temperature.  

“You don’t have a fever… Do you have a stomach ache or feel sick?” I really wanted to leave them alone so they could talk, but I couldn’t move my wheelchair with my hands. I could probably walk it along with my feet if I lifted the foot rests… I bent down to do so. When I got back up again I tried it out, but it wouldn’t move – then I realized Connie was holding on to the handles at the back, her knuckles pale.

“No, mom, I feel fine, it’s just…” she trailed off and looked away. Priyanka got a slightly worried frown on her face, then looked at me inquiringly. Should I say something? Felt like that would be betraying Connie’s confidence. I settled for meeting her gaze with a slightly serious look of my own face and then gave a tiny nod in Connie’s direction. Priyanka’s lips parted before she spoke.

“Connie… Tell me what’s wrong…” her voice was much softer now and I heard Connie let out a little sigh behind me.

“I can’t sleep” she said and tiredness was obvious in her voice. “I just keep having bad dreams and waking up…”

“Honey, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Priyanka squatted down in front of her daughter, essentially making all of us the same height.

“I don’t know… you were so busy with everything and… I didn’t want to bother you…” holy hell Connie, so many bravery points for you. _So_ many points…

Priyanka looked a bit lost for words for a moment and I felt like the third wheel in a big way.

“You can _always_ come to me, honey…” something in Priyanka’s voice plucked a string somewhere deep inside, making my breath hitch. I heard a sniff from behind me and she moved to pick up her daughter and hold her close. A slim fingered hand squeezed my shoulder for a brief moment and then I heard Connie start to cry, then the hum of soothing shushes and a slow click-click as they moved away. I started moving back to my room. I was hoping to find Jasper there, but she still wasn’t back from wherever she had gone. I really didn’t feel like being alone so I made my way back to Steven’s room. I peered in through the window and saw Greg sitting up in a chair and tuning a guitar. I knocked softly and a ‘come in’ came from inside.

“Hi Greg” I said as I shuffled in. “How are you holding up?”

“Hey… I’m fine” he looked haggard and there were dark bags under his eyes. He strummed an experimental chord, frowned and then twiddled one of the tuning screws. “I was thinking… Maybe hearing something familiar can get him to wake up faster. I used to play for him when he was sick when he was younger, not that it happened a lot, but…” I smiled at him.

“Can I stay and listen too?” I asked carefully.

“Sure” he nodded and gave me a weak smile. “Oh… and how are you?” he asked and rubbed his neck awkwardly.

“I’m OK, a little banged up, but OK”

“Good, good. Hey, listen, Erica… I really want to thank you. Connie told me more about the forest. I… I don’t want to think what could have happened if you hadn’t been there… I don’t know how I can ever repay you” he looked up at me with over bright eyes.

“D-don’t worry about it, Greg” I said and patted his shoulder a tad awkwardly. “I’m just glad we got out of there” he sniffed then wiped his eyes and cleared his throat.

“Well I’m definitely treating you to a beer when we get out of here…” he smiled weakly.

“I’ll hold you to that” I said with a grin.  “What are you going to play?”

“Well…” he sighed slightly. “I’ve always been a fan of Queen and used to play a lot of their music for him growing up… This is one of his favorites…” Greg began to play the intro to Best Friend. “Ooh you make me live, whatever this world can give to me; it's you you're all I see. Ooh you make me live now honey, ooh you make me live…” he sang the song tenderly and I could see it brought back both good and bad memories for him, maybe it had been a song Rose had loved too.

Greg cleared his throat and took a drink of water. “You’re welcome to sing along, it was fun singing with you at your party” he smiled at me, looking a little happier after playing that song.

“I had a great time singing with you too” I said and smiled back.

“Don’t stop me now?” I nodded and he began to play. “Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time, I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out – yeah. And floating around in ecstasy, so don't stop me now don't stop me, 'cause I'm having a good time, having a good time” a little while into the song some pale yellow butterflies joined and fluttered around the room.

“Hah… Long time since I played that one” Greg said and wiped his forehead. “You ever thought of going into the music business? You’ve got a great voice, big range”

“Oh thanks” I felt myself blush a little. “Yeah, no, up until recently the only ones who ever heard me sing was my grandmother, my best friend and a few exes. Since I came here though, it’s been different… When I was younger, sure I wanted to be a rock star, who didn’t? But then you’d have to actually sing in front of people so…” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m discovering how fun it is to sing _with_ people, feels like a big enough leap for me” I gave a little embarrassed smile.

“That’s what’s so great about music, it can bring people together… It’s great fun playing with my main man here” he looked at his son with a proud smile. “My biggest fan… And about the only one who’s ever heard my albums!” he laughed a little.

“Oh, can you play some of your songs?”

“You don’t want to hear those, come on…”

“Steven would though. Since he’s your biggest fan?” I gave him a sly smile.

“Well, I guess I could for _Steven_ ” Greg said in a mock-exasperated voice. He cleared his throat and began to play. “Some… [Say I have no direction, that I'm a light speed distraction](http://genius.com/Greg-universe-like-a-comet-lyrics#note-9997522), that's a knee-jerk reaction. Still… This is the final frontier, everything is so clear, to my destiny I steer. [This life in the stars is all I've ever known. Stars and stardust and infinite space is my only home](http://genius.com/Greg-universe-like-a-comet-lyrics#note-9997526). [But the moment that I hit the stage, thousands of voices are calling my name, and I know in my heart it's been worth it all of the while](http://genius.com/Greg-universe-like-a-comet-lyrics#note-9997579)...” by the end of the song Steven gave a little ‘mm’ noise and Greg and I exchanged an exited look.

“Son…?” Greg said carefully. “Steven?” but there was no response.

“Play some more of your songs maybe?” Greg sat back, looking determined.

“What can I do for you? What can I do, that no one else can do? What can I do for you? What can I do for you? Human man… You are so much fun. I hadn’t planned, on finding you quite this entertaining. I like your band, and I like your song. I like the way, human beings play. I like playing along. What can I do for you? What can I do, that no one else can do? What can I do for you? What can I do for you?” there was an amazing solo in the middle of the short song and by the end, Steven had moved his head a little and made another little mumbling noise. Greg immediately started another song.

“I know I’m not that tall, I know I’m not that smart, but let me drive my van into your heart, let me drive my van into your heart. I know I’m not that rich, I’m trying to get my start, so let me drive my van into your heart, let me drive my van into your – Steven!” the little boy’s eyes had fluttered open and he raised his hands to rub them. Greg put the guitar down hurriedly and stood up, I walked my wheelchair closer.

“Dad?” Steven’s voice was hoarse with disuse.

“Oh my gosh you’re awake! I’ve missed you so much!” Greg threw his arms around his son and hugged him tightly.

“Welcome back, Steven” I said happily, feeling myself tear up quickly.

“Dad? What’s going on? Where are we?” Steven sat up in bed and looked around.

“You’re in the hospital, son – there was an accident during your training session. You got hit on the head”

“Oh yeah… we were in the forest, there was this huge corrupted gem… Where’s Connie?!” he was suddenly agitated and tried to get out of bed, but Greg held him still.

“It’s alright, son, she’s fine, everyone’s fine. She’s around here somewhere, Erica, could you go get her?”

“Um, I think she might be sleeping finally, but I’ll go check” I scooted out of the room, giving the two of them some much needed time. As I closed the door awkwardly behind me I saw Amethyst, Garnet and Jasper coming towards me. Garnet was carrying a large stack of pizza boxes.

“So that’s where you’ve been” Jasper said, relieved. I nodded with a huge smile on my face.

“He’s awake” I said happily and both Amethyst and Garnet hurried to greet him. As the door fell shut I heard Amethyst give a joyous whoop and all four of them laughing. “Don’t you want to go say hi?”

“I will, in a while” she said and glanced through the window, then she leant down and kissed me. “Where are you off to?”

“To find Connie, Steven wants to see her. I’m not sure if she’s still awake though, I’m kind of hoping she isn’t. She hasn’t slept... She and her mom went off somewhere, maybe the nurses will know?” I started moving.

“Babe. Stop. Just… just no” Jasper sniggered.

“What?”

“Is that how you’ve been getting around?”

“For a little while, yeah, since Connie went with her mom”

“Well, no more. That is _not_ how someone who has just defeated a two-jasper fusion gets around. It’s undignified”

“Well I’m sorry, my unicorn is in the shop” I said sarcastically. Jasper walked behind me and I put the foot rests back to normal, then she wheeled me off back to the nurses’ station.

“Hi” I said cheerily. “We were wondering if you know where Doctor Maheswaran and her daughter went? Steven has just woken up and he’s asking for her”

“I’ll page her” the nurse by the computer reached for the phone. I turned to Jasper while we waited.

“Where did you go off to?”

“We went to get some pizzas. I got you one with fish and beans on it, like the doctor said” I smiled at her warmly. Beans on pizza? Well, it’s the thought that counts. And what a caring thought…  

“Thanks, darling, that’s so thoughtful” I kissed her hand and then turned around as I heard hurried footsteps.

“Connie, no running in the corridors” Priyanka said sternly. They both came round the corner and we followed after them, Connie walking as fast as humanly possible.

“Is she OK?” I asked Priyanka quietly. She let out a sigh and then smiled at me tiredly.

“She will be. I think she’ll be able to sleep after this” she put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Connie had already darted inside Steven’s room and we could hear her happy shout through the door. Priyanka opened it for me and Jasper and followed us inside.

“Steven, I’ve missed you so much!” Connie said and hugged him tightly. “Don’t _ever_ do that again!”

Steven laughed a little nervously. “I’ll do my best, Connie”

“Hello Steven, how are you feeling?” Priyanka stepped up to him and picked up her pen light.

“I feel fine” he answered and took a bite of pizza.

“Let me do a quick examination” she got to work asking Steven a bunch of questions to check his memory and speech. Jasper looked through the stack of pizzas and pulled out one with a sticker on it that said ‘special order’. She opened it for me with a smirk. It did indeed have fish and beans on it. I took a slice and bit into it – it tasted like just like you’d expect.

“Good?” she asked and I nodded. I felt my adoration for her soar when she gave me that special crooked smile that meant she felt extremely smug.

“All your vitals are normal, Steven” Priyanka said with a small smile. “You have sustained a mild concussion but you should make a full recovery. You need to take it easy for a while though – no strenuous activities for two weeks at least, and you will need to come back here for neurological examinations a few times. If you get any headaches, feel dizzy, loose feeling in any extremities, vomit or get slurred speech you need to get to an emergency room immediately, do you understand?” she looked around at all of us sternly. 

“Does that mean I can’t go in the bounce house?” he asked sadly.

“That would count as a strenuous activity, so no”

“Aww man… I was really looking forward to that” this was met with some laughter.

“Would you like some pizza, Doctor Maheswaran?” Greg offered.

“No thank you, Mister Universe” she turned to Connie. “You can stay for ten minutes and then you need to sleep. And the rest of you, half an hour maximum – Steven needs to rest”

“OK mom” Connie said happily and went back to talking to Steven.

“I can still stay the night, right?” Greg asked.

“Yes, Mister Universe, one family member may remain” Priyanka nodded at all of us and then left the room. We all chatted happily and ate a bunch of pizza, Connie fell asleep after about five minutes and after another five Priyanka appeared again. She picked up her daughter with a relieved smile and left the room quietly. Me and Jasper stayed another ten and then we went outside for a smoke.

“I’m so happy he’s OK” I said with a smile and a yawn.

“Me too. Looks like someone else needs to go to sleep too”

“I’ll be able to sleep much easier now, I think. I’m so glad Connie finally fell asleep too, she hadn’t been able to before…”

“Good” Jasper grinned and then stretched. “Do you know when you’ll be able to go home?”

“Not for a few days still, I think”

“Why don’t you ask Steven to heal you?”

“Um… I don’t think I should… I think that would qualify as a strenuous activity… And anyway I’m sure I won’t have to stay here _that_ long. I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed again…” Jasper looked at me with warm eyes.

“Me neither…”

I threw the cigarette butt into the ashtray and we went back to my room. Jasper helped me into bed and then she sat down in the chair she had occupied before. I lay back on the pillow with a tired sigh.

* * *

Please review :)


	35. Fault

## Chapter 35: Fault

A scintillating smell woke me. I looked around and saw a tray on a fold out table. I sat up to have a closer look. It had a plate with some mildly suspicious looking ham and cheese sandwiches and… coffee. I sniffed the air again – _Samir’s_ coffee-mix. There was a _thermos_ standing next to the tray and I felt I could weep with joy. Coffee… _my coffee_. I reached out for it and nearly knocked the cup over in my eagerness. It was wonderfully warm… Jasper exited the bathroom and stopped when she saw I was awake.

“Morning babe” she said and grinned.  

“Mmmornin’ beastie… Did you do this?” I held up the cup in both hands – fumbled and dropped it on the bed. Thankfully it was nearly empty. “Oops. Maybe I should have a zippy cup” I mumbled and sniggered. My head was feeling… a little cloudy. They must have given me more pain medicine during the night. I wasn’t complaining; I felt like a slice of _butter_ melting on top of a big ol' pile of _flapjacks_ _._  

“Yeah, I went home and fed Cake. Thought I’d bring you some things”

“Come lie down with me” I wanted her arms around me.

“I don’t think I’ll fit on that tiny bed” she said with a chuckle.

“Aww… I wanted to snuggle” she looked at me with a crooked smile.

“If you scoot down I could sit behind you?” she suggested and I did so, but it took great effort. Jasper sat down with her legs on either side of the bed and I leaned back on her chest and sighed. She put her arms around me and let out a sigh of her own.

“It’s weird not sleeping in the same bed…” she murmured and I felt her chest vibrating.

“Aww darling, they’ll let me go home soon…” she squeezed me slightly and I felt like an idiot – of course this was hard for her too. Gods damn it… She put her cheek against the top of my head. “Beastie, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine” she said a hoarsely. She was not fine.

“It’s OK, sweetheart… You can tell me, even if I’m a little loopy”

She was silent for a long moment, then sniffed. I felt her breath hitch. “I was terrified when you didn’t come home… Pearl hadn’t told anyone where you were going. When I got to the rebel base again, when the others were there… Everyone was so scared and no one had any answers. Not even Garnet – she warped away to look for you, and Amethyst tried to tell Greg and Connie’s parents that she’d be bound to find you fast, but… the hours went by and we tried calling you a bunch of times. Greg and the others wanted to get law enforcement involved, but you could literally be anywhere on earth… I told myself that you couldn’t be dead. You just couldn’t. But my mind kept showing me pictures of what could have happened… Storms, rocks destroying the warp pad, the rubies coming back, a home world invasion force, animals, corrupted gems, earthquakes… it just kept coming and coming. Then when the warp pad finally activated, I felt so relieved, _so_ relieved… And then I saw you… covered in dirt and your arms…. I don’t understand how you managed to carry Steven with them like that…” I stared in front of me, seeing this play out on my internal screen. It must have been awful for them all, not knowing, just waiting…

“I did it because I had to” I said quietly. “There was no other choice. I thought about you and how you must be worried… When I get into a situation like that it’s like part of me turns off… All the feelings get sort of muted except for fear and anger, and there’s this strange calm. I get into problem solving mode… At some points it felt like I was going to panic, but… I knew we had to make a shelter, find water and get a fire going. And that I had to keep watch… But I fell asleep. Oh my gods I fell asleep!” I sat up quickly. I had completely forgotten! I twisted round to look at Jasper. “We could have gotten away without a fight…”

“Babe, no. Don’t do this. The thing about jaspers is… we never give up. She wouldn’t have stopped until she got what she wanted. I don’t know if she was after Steven or you or all of you. She would have found you eventually – I’m actually surprised it took her so long, Pearl must really have given it all she had… If you would have heard her a little earlier, you might have moved away from your shelter and then you’d all be dead… Or if you managed to get away somehow, Pearl would have been lost” it was hard to argue with her logic, so I decided not to. I had tried to get Connie not to blame herself, I should try to follow my own advice. Damn it was hard though… “It could have gone so much worse”

“Yeah… you’re right…” I sighed. “I’m sorry this all happened…”

“Me too, but I have to say… It makes me proud of you…”

“Huh?”

“Yeah. You took charge. Got home with all souls safe. Even if it cost you” she lifted my bandaged arm. “You could have just run”

“Then I wouldn’t have been me” I said quietly. “There’s no way I could leave two kids like that. Oh, Connie was so brave… She helped me build the shelter and she was so tired, she tried to sleep but couldn’t, then she asked me to tell her a story… I doubt I remembered all the details, but I think she just needed to hear calm words”

“You want to take care of everyone, babe. I felt that from you so strongly when we were Echo”

“Oh! Steven took a picture of her” I looked around for my phone, saw it on the bedside table and tried to pick it up.

“I’ll get it” Jasper said and did so. She used her pinky finger to tap at it – it was larger than my thumb but it worked. “Oh” she said when she found the picture. “Would you look at that…” her voice was awed.

“Isn’t she enchanting?” I asked dreamily.

“Yeah, she is…” Jasper hugged me with her free arm and kissed the top of my head.

“I thought about her in the forest – do you think she would have been able to handle the corrupted jasper fusion?”

“Pretty sure she would” she said with a smile in her voice.

“I really want to try out those legs of hers, I bet she can jump really far… and her stride must be so long” I pulled my legs up and curled into a ball against Jasper. “Has anyone noticed your new freckles?”

“Not yet” she chuckled and I rocked against her stomach. “Anyone notice your stripe?”

“There wasn’t really time… I should start wearing more sleeveless shirts so I can show it off. Hey, what day is it today?”

“Saturday”

“Do you think Priyanka would let me go to Connie’s party?”

“Hah, you could always ask… But maybe she’d say yes. I haven’t heard anyone else call her that. Must be quite the honor” her words made me think of the Duke of Ankh, Sir Samuel Vimes, Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. If you fought by his side he might just let you call him ‘Mister Vimes’. Only his wife and the people who had been in the Watch since there was both a Day Watch and a Night Watch were allowed to call him Sam. Or even Vimesy. Granny Weatherwax was much the same. ‘Mistress Weatherwax’ to most, Granny to a select few and Esme to just one. Doctor Maheswaran. Mistress Weatherwax. Priyanka…

“I really hope so; I’d hate to miss it… Do you think Steven could go too? I think Connie would be devastated if _he_ couldn’t be there” I remembered how tenderly she had stroked his forehead in the forest, when she thought I wasn’t looking. “Maybe she’d consent to let both of us go for a few hours and then come back here” I lifted my arm to check my level of stink – it was quite bad. “I wonder when they’d let me shower? I get it’s because of the bandages, but come on”

“I like it when you are a bit whiffy” Jasper purred and stuck her gem in my hair and drew in a long sniff. “Smells… feral. I _like_ feral”

I started laughing and pink and gold butterflies appeared. “Maybe I could get a _sponge bath_ ”

“A what?” Jasper looked down at me.

“It’s when they wash you while you’re in bed, with sponges. I don’t know if I qualify for that though”

“You mean someone would come in here, undress you and then clean you… everywhere?” Jasper sounded shocked.

“Yes” I smirked at her reaction. “I don’t think that’s necessary though, I’m sure someone could just help me in the… shower…” my smile faded. One of the things that had been terrible after the surgery was that I wasn’t allowed to shower for a few days. Then when I was allowed, a nurse had to wash me. It had been so awkward. I didn’t want her there, but I wasn’t allowed to be in there by myself. It is hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t had a major surgery exactly how _much_ it takes out of you. I had been so… _helpless_.

“Babe? Where’d you go?” Jasper jostled me slightly.

“Huh?”

“You drifted off”

“If they let me shower could… could you help me?”

“Sure, babe… You OK?”

“Yeah, I just remembered…” I let out a sigh, a little puff of purple and green coming with it. Jasper pulled me closer. “I just remembered how helpless I was after the surgery. I had to have help with everything. I wasn’t allowed to shower for a while, then I could and a nurse had to help me. I’d rather that not happen again” she kissed the side of my neck.

“Then it won’t” she said simply.

“Can we go for a smoke?”

“Sure, let me get Brego”

We went outside, me wrapped in a blanket. It was still overcast and rain seemed imminent. Jasper helped me light my cigarette after I almost set myself on fire.

“I don’t like being helpless” I said a little embarrassed.

“You aren’t” Jasper leaned against the wall. “Just a little in need of assistance just now”

I wrapped the blanket tighter around me. Maybe it was because I had spent a night in the woods, cold and wet that made me feel extra chilly now. Or maybe autumn was coming on. Or maybe I was getting a fever. Let’s hope it wasn’t option number three. When I was done we went back inside.

“I should ask someone to take my temperature” I said to Jasper as we approached my room.

“Temperature?”

“Yeah… If it’s elevated it means I might have an infection – that would be bad” maybe very bad. I had fallen in the creek after I had sustained the burns, carried Steven around and lain down on the ground…

Jasper looked at me worriedly. “You” she spotted Evans coming round the corner. “Take her temperature. _Now_ ” poor Evans looked cornered.

“Miss Brooks, a-are you feeling feverish?”

“I don’t know… Just worried I might be”

“Let’s have a look, shall we?” we went into my room and Jasper helped me back into bed. Evans took my temperature with one of those fancy new ear-thingies. She frowned a little.

“It’s slightly elevated, but only by one degree. I’ll go get Doctor Maheswaran” she hurried off. Jasper sat down on the chair and held my hand as we waited. A few minutes later a slightly harassed looking Priyanka strode in, followed by Connie.

“Good morning Erica, Miss Jasper” she nodded curtly at both of us.

“Good morning” we echoed.

“It’s just Jasper, by the way” Jasper said.

Priyanka picked up the ear-thing and clicked it. After a few seconds it beeped and she looked at the readout and frowned.

“Hmm… It is a little higher then I’d like. Connie, you should go wait outside” this made me a little worried.

“OK, mom” Connie sounded a little disappointed. When the door shut, Priyanka spoke.

“I asked her to leave so I could examine you, Erica. No need to worry just yet. This slight rise in temperature might mean you have an infection, but it might also be something as simple as you ovulating. Where are you in your menstrual cycle?” I felt myself blush a little, caught off guard by the sudden very personal question.

“Uh…” a little puff of green escaped me as I reached for my phone, and knocked it off the table – Jasper caught it. “Shit. Thanks darling.  I have an app that keeps track but I don’t know how accurate it is now… I was very early last time…”

Priyanka relaxed a little when she saw how flustered I got. “When was your last period?”

“First day was… last Monday” I said after consulting the app.

“Then it’s likely you’d be ovulating now“

“But I haven’t felt it yet…” I put my hand on my stomach. “It usually hurts for a few days”

“You experience Mittelschmerz?” Priyanka unhooked my chart from the end of my bed and began flipping through it.

“What now?”

“Painful ovulation, in essence” she took out a pen and scribbled something down.

“I guess…” was it weird that I suddenly wanted that pain? I wanted the temperature increase to be because of ovulation, not infection. Please, ovaries, give me just a little stab?

Priyanka hummed. “Just to be safe we’ll up your antibiotics and take a blood sample to check your white count. And I’ll do a manual inspection”

“Oh, OK” I said a little worriedly, green and purple leaving my mouth. I reached out for Jasper and she stood up, I leaned against her, feeling a knot tighten in my solar plexus. Priyanka put on some gloves and began to unravel my bandages. It felt good to be able to move my fingers. She inspected me very thoroughly, turning on a very bright light to see properly. She poked and prodded me for a good twenty minutes before starting to redress my arms.

“I can’t see any signs of infection, so that’s good _if_ there turns out to be one – means we caught it early. I’ll draw some blood and send it off to the lab”

“Can I shower today?” I asked as she filled three little vials.

“Yes. I’ll send Evans in to help you – “

“ _I’ll_ do it” Jasper said forcefully. Priyanka crooked an eyebrow.

“That’s… fine. Evans will need to put protective sleeves on you though, to protect your arms” she looked at me.

“That’s OK, I just really, really want a shower…” Priyanka finished up and said she’d send Evans in a little later. I tried to eat a sandwich, but I didn’t really have an appetite. I felt worried. What if there was an infection? Tiny bacteria floating through my bloodstream, taking hold, multiplying… My bandages reached half way up my upper arms. Could I lose them if it got bad? Gangrene? Erica the stump. Double stump. No-arms Erica, the toothless hooker down at the docks.

“Babe?” Jasper’s hand was on my knee.

“Huh?”

“Evans is here to get you ready for the shower” I looked up. Evans was smiling nervously. I held out one arm and she threaded a long plastic tube over it and taped it shut with surgical tape, then did the same to the other arm. I moved to the wheelchair and Evans piled towels and some shampoo on my legs, then led us to a different room. I froze. Did hospital designers have no imagination? The room was huge and had a tricky looking shower chair half hidden behind a curtain. There were several sinks but no mirrors. It smelled of disinfectant soap. The memory hit me like a slap.

_“This shampoo is horrible” my mother’s voice behind me, her fingers rubbing my scalp. “Would it be so bad if it was scented?” I felt numb._

_“It doesn’t need to be scented, it needs to be sterile” the nurse said, sounding irritated. Her hands became rougher._

_“And no conditioner? Getting the tangles out is going to be **such** a pain”_

_“It won’t make a difference; we need to wash it again tomorrow morning”_

_“I won’t have my daughter looking like some savage!” ‘My daughter’? I let out a little hiss of pain as a nail grazed my skin._

_“You’re being too rough with her, Mrs. Brooks, here, you shouldn’t be doing it anywa - ”_

_“Don’t you tell me how to wash my daughter’s hair!”_

“Miss Brooks?” a hand on my shoulder. I flinched slightly and the hand was immediately removed.

“What did you do?” Jasper’s voice was a low growl. I felt myself shivering, the sensation of my mother’s hands on my head still clinging to me.

“Jasper” it came out as a whisper, but the cloud of darkness that followed _hissed_ like the static on a TV-screen.

“Leave” her voice was more than menacing. There was gasp, a rustling of cloth, some hurried footsteps and then the sound of a door shutting. “Babe, what’s happening?” her voice was much softer.

“Bad. Memory… Sometimes, some crimes, go slipping through the cracks, but these two, gumshoes, are picking up the slack” I sang the song two times and then it felt a little better.

Jasper was squatting in front of me. “Tell me”

“I had to wash my hair before the surgery. With special shampoo. The nurse was supposed to do it but my mother took over. I didn’t want her to. I didn’t want her there at all… She just barged in” I let out a sigh. “Now I could really use that shower…” I tried to unbutton my hospital gown, but with both bandages and plastic bags I might as well have been wearing boxing gloves. I felt tears of frustration and past pain well up.

“Let me…” Jasper undressed me carefully and then herself, then helped me to the shower chair. I was shivering and she hurried to turn on the water.

“Warmer please” I said as it started to flow. “Much warmer…” I felt such affection for her mix in with my… grief? Sadness? Both? And began to relax a little. “If I close my eyes I can pretend we’re home” I mumbled.

“Then we are home” she said softly. “Who are you, the proud Lord said. That I must bow so low. Only a cat of a different coat, that’s all the truth I know…” her beautiful voice reverberated around the room filling up with vapor. It sent a pleasant little shiver down my spine. She looked down at me, waiting for me to continue the song. Our song…

“A coat of gold, a coat of red. A lion still has claws, and mine are long and sharp my lord, as long and sharp as yours…”

“And so he spoke, and so he spoke, the Lord of Castamere. And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but no one’s there to hear. And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but not a soul to hear…” we sang the last part together. I felt more relaxed now and Jasper poured out some shampoo onto her palm.

“Can I wash your hair, my little monster?” she asked softly.

“Yes, please, beastie” her touch was slow and gentle. Such big strong hands, capable of such destruction and yet… so warm and tender and full of… love. Tears of relief mixed in with the water and I didn’t think she’d notice, but then she lifted my chin, bent down and kissed me softly.

“ _Vanimle sila tiri, Lirimaer_...” I smiled weakly as she stood up again, then leaned my head on her muscular stomach and sighed.

We finished up and dried ourselves as best we could in the damp air, then put our clothes back on. When Jasper opened the door the much cooler air made me feel refreshed. We went back to my room and changed into new clothes. My stomach reminded me I hadn’t really had breakfast and we headed down to the cafeteria. Jasper found me a sandwich with tuna salad and grabbed a couple for herself too.

When we came back to the room to pick up a blanket before going outside for a smoke, Connie was waiting for us.

“Hi” she greeted. “Mom said the lab will be done with your tests soon. They’re a bit backed up today”

“Hey Connie” Jasper said.

“Hey, and thanks”

“Are you going out?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m dying for a smoke. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. I was thinking of playing some games with Steven later when he wakes up, do you guys want to join?”

“Sure” Jasper said with a smile. Connie headed into Steven’s room to sit with him and read and Jasper and I headed outside. The sky was still grey.

“I should get one of those cigarette holders the villains in old movies use” I said in a muffled voice as Jasper lit my smoke for me. “It’s like a little tube, you put the cigarette in one end and then suck on the other”

Jasper chuckled. “That sounds ridiculous”

“It’s actually quite sexy” I said with a little smirk. “I’m sure the tobacco store in town has some. Hah, maybe I’ll even get a pipe… Now that would be badass. Then I could finally give people directions properly…”

Jasper looked at me, confused. “What?”

“No, it’s this old thing… Like, before a lot more people used to smoke, and cigarettes were a luxury, so many smoked with pipes. It’s like a tube attached to a little cup thing that you fill with tobacco. When someone asked for directions, you could use the mouth piece to point…” Jasper still looked confused. “Now that I say it aloud it sounds pretty silly”

We went back inside and I crawled into bed, feeling like a nap would be nice.

“Can we watch some Battlestar Galactica?” Jasper asked and held up my laptop.

“Sure, I might fall asleep though” she smiled and sat down behind me again. We started where we left off and after fifteen minutes or so I felt my eyelids grow heavy.

***

Someone gently stroked my cheek and I drifted awake. “Hmm?”

“Doctor Maheswaran is here with the results” Jasper murmured softly. I looked around blearily. Priyanka was standing next to the bed.

“Do I hav’nfecshn?” I slurred muzzily.

“No you do not” Priyanka said with a smile.

“Gd” I smiled and lay my head back down on Jasper’s chest, then I felt my arms sear icily. I hissed and moved them a little, a tiny puff of red coming with my breath.

“Do they hurt?” she asked me and I nodded. She frowned and picked up my chart, presumably to check when I last received pain medication. “Jasper, is this normal speech for Erica after she wakes up?” she asked in an undertone.

Jasper chuckled a little. “Yes it is”

“I mek pfct sns” I mumbled and yawned Wookie style. Relief flooded me as the pain ebbed away into nothing. “Nk you…” I raised my head again. “Hey cn we go t party tmrw?”

“What did she say?” Priyanka asked politely.

“I think she just asked if we can go to Connie’s party tomorrow” Jasper said helpfully and I nodded.

“If you rest up and your stats still look good tomorrow morning I would say it would be OK for you to attend for a while, but then you’d have to come back here. And you would have to sign a release”

I smiled broadly and held up my thumb. Jasper and Priyanka kept on talking for a while and I let my mind drift.

Steven and Connie came to visit us later and we went to the common area to play some games. A very intense game of scrabble was won by Connie with a triple word score on ‘Axolotl’. Jasper kicked everyone’s ass in ‘Non-Invasive Operation’, _especially_ mine.

To my amazement the hospital had a ‘Labyrinth’ game.

“Oh-ho-hoo, _now_ you’re in trouble! This was my _game_ back in pre-school, used to kick so much butt with it, they might as well have called me Minotaur” the little gaming session had put me in a much better mood.

“Oh, it is _on_!” Connie giggled.

We began to play the sliding puzzle game; the three of them helping me use the pieces. It was so much fun, Steven narrating our moves.

“The Red Guy is heading down the corridor, a left, a right, straight down and _bam –_ claims the owl! What’s Blue Guy gonna do? He’s blocked in, but here it goes again, the labyrinth changes, opening up a way for him, but will he get to his treasure? No! Dead end!” we were all laughing and messing around, Jasper trying to steal my cards when I felt a sudden tightening in my lower left abdomen. Well, there it was. I had gotten what I asked for. Jasper looked at me with slight surprise when I moved my hand down to rub my stomach.

“Is it the mittel-thing?” she asked worriedly. I nodded. “Do you want to go lie down?”

“No, it’s not so bad” I could feel my arms get a little uncomfortable. “But maybe it’s time for another round of pain medicine soon”

“Want me to get someone?” Connie offered.

“No, but thanks, sweetheart. I think this game is going to have to be my last for now. But I’d be up for some more later” I smiled at them all. “Was it my turn?”

We finished the game and Jasper and I headed out for a cigarette before going back to my room. Turned out that was pushing it a bit too far. As I tried to get out of my chair my arms seared and stung suddenly and my lower left abdomen felt like someone was poking a big bruise with an icy needle.

“Jasper – get somoneeaghk!” without a word she turned around and dashed through the door. My breath left a plume of dark red in the air and I felt sweat break out on my forehead. The door opened again and hurried footsteps approached from behind me.

“Arms?” it was Priyanka’s voice. I nodded and grunted out a red pulsating cloud of light.

“Don’t touch that!” Jasper hissed and there was a sudden scream of pain from someone. I shoved a handful of my shirt into my mouth and leaned my dripping forehead against the cool metal of the bed.

Black spots floated across my field of vision and there was a high pitched noise in my right ear. Where was the relief? Let it come now… please… please I can’t stand it… I closed my eyes as hard as I could, biting down on my shirt not to scream. Then, suddenly, _wonderfully_ the pain started to fade and I panted through the fabric. My shoulders relaxed and I sagged back in my chair, totally spent. Big warm hands picked me up and put me on the soft bed. Sound was coming back to me now and I heard a woman talking loudly and angrily.

“ – kind of irresponsible, incompetent _imbecile_ can’t read a simple _chart_?!”

“But, Doctor Maheswaran I – “

“Do you _want_ the hospital to be sued, Evans?! Because that is the sort of thing that happens when you _fuck up_ a patient’s pain medication schedule! Two to four hours, Evans! _Two to four hours_! I’m reporting you for this!”

“But _they weren’t he_ – !”

“I don’t _care_ , Evans! Get _out_!”

“You heard her…” Jasper’s voice was menacing and low. I turned my head around slowly and opened my eyes. Jasper was holding open the door and Evans was striding out of it, red in the face. Priyanka was sitting… in my wheelchair? What the hell? There were a bunch of people standing out in the hallway. “Leave” Jasper growled at them and they scampered off.

“What’s happening?” I croaked. Priyanka had her head in her hands and Jasper paced back and forth near the door like a trapped animal. The tension in the room was ebbing, but it was far from gone. “Darling?”

“Sorry, babe, I’m too angry… I can’t think straight. I need to go punch something before I punch _someone_ ” she stopped and turned to me and I could see the barely held back rage in her eyes. “I’ll be back soon, I’m sorry” she ducked out the door before I could do anything but gape. I watched her leave, not understanding at the same time as I understood completely. I turned back to Priyanka. Her shoulders were shaking. Was she crying?

“Priyanka?” it took an enormous effort to sit up.  “What _happened_? A-are you OK?”

“G-give me a moment…” she ran her hands through her hair slowly and took a deep breath, then wiped her eyes quickly. “It is not hospital practice to admit fault, but… Evans _was_ at fault. She has been in charge of your pain management and she’s let it take longer and longer between doses. That’s why you got in such… _agony_ oh my god” she rubbed her arms and stomach and seemed quite distressed. “That’s why you didn’t want me to touch the black ones before your CT – they _affect_ people?”

My mouth went suddenly dry. “Uh… Yes… they can um, transmit feelings… or-or-or-or memories… That was you, screaming before?” I felt horrified. “Holy fuck balls… I’m – I’m so sorry”

“Not your fault… If Evans had been doing _her job_ this wouldn’t have happened…” she seemed to realize she was touching herself, froze up, seemed to think ‘screw it’ and went back to doing so.

“You… you seem oddly calm about this” I said carefully. “You’re not gonna lock me up for study are you?”

“No. No, then I’d have to give up my daughter as well and there’s no way in hell that’s gonna happen” her words made my cheeks burn and my heart twinge. “And your girlfriend would more than likely kill me. Honestly I’m surprised she let Evans go…” she slid down in the chair a little and rubbed her temples. “Please don’t sue the hospital”

“Sue?” I felt confused, then I let out a little nervous laugh. “Oh, sue as in ‘I’ll sue you for this’. That’s such an American thing… I’m not gonna sue. _Parker_ might want to, but I don’t. And I think… Evans might have avoided me because of Jasper. She’s very um… protective…”

“Well, that doesn’t matter. _Shouldn’t_ matter. It’s our job to take care of people no matter _how_ ‘protective’ their families get. I’m going to put two residents on your case from now on. If this place disappoints again, _I’ll_ sue them…” there was silence for a moment and I remembered how much it had hurt before.

“Is that how much pain I would be in if it weren’t for the medication?”

“Yes” she sighed and grimaced.

“But why didn’t it hurt… in the forest? Well it did hurt but… not like _that_ ” I’d prefer never to have to feel that way again.

“Adrenaline, I’m guessing…” she rubbed her arms again.

“It… it must have been awful, waiting around like that, not knowing…” I said quietly and Priyanka looked up at me. “I can’t imagine… your _kid_ out there somewhere, lost or hurt or alone or all of it together, or _worse_ …”

“It’s my worst nightmare, losing her. Sometimes…” she glanced up at me as if unsure if she should say whatever was on her mind. It hit me that a lot of people seemed to be confiding in me lately. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. It felt… mostly good. “Sometimes it feels like she doesn’t know that… We have a lot of rules, for _her_ protection. I _know_ what happens if you ride your bike without a helmet, or if you eat a lot of junk food, or spend time with people who have weapons in the house… I see it every day; careless drivers, clueless parents feeding their children nothing but sugar, sad people doing their very best to kill themselves without actually knowing that they are… It’s a dangerous world out there and I just want her to be… _safe_ ” I reached out a hand and patted her shoulder gingerly.

“You’re a good mom” I said a little croakily. It was surprising how hard it was to say those words, and I felt my breath hitch as my heart twinged. Suddenly I wanted to be alone. And to have Jasper back. It was strange – most people drained me of energy, but spending time with Jasper was so effortless. She let me be me, good or bad. Whatever mood I was in…

“Thank you for saying that, Erica” she dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. There was a tentative knock at the door. Priyanka stood up hastily and straightened her clothes. I was impressed how she could go from emotional to professional so quickly.

“Uh… come in?” the door opened and Connie and Steven came in.

“Oh, hi Doctor Maheswaran, hi Erica… Is everything OK? We heard there was a fight in here or something” Steven asked worriedly.

“Everything is under control” Priyanka said confidently. “We should leave Erica to rest for a while, though”

Steven exchanged a look with Connie and she closed the door. He looked determined. “Erica, if I healed you, you could go home” oh, Steven, you have no idea how much I’d want that… Get out of this place smelling of disinfectant, with spring loaded memory traps around every corner… But I promised Garnet that I wouldn’t accept your offer, didn’t I?

“Thank you, Steven, but no… It’s OK. I’m healing just fine as it is” I tried to give him a genuine smile, but wasn’t sure how well I was succeeding. He frowned at me slightly.

“Why won’t you let me help you?” he said and it wrenched at my heart to see his eyes fill with tears. “You don’t believe I can, do you? Because I couldn’t after the Kindergarten, right? Because I _can_!”

“I know you can, Steven…” I wracked my brain trying to think of a way to spare his feelings. “Remember how I said scars were lessons? Maybe these teach me something too… I don’t know what yet, but it’s probably important. It feels important. But thank you. For offering” I meant it, I was grateful for the offer… I felt resentment toward Garnet flare inside me. Why was she denying me this way out? “I… I’m feeling a little tired… I think I should try to have a nap”

“Yes, Erica should rest” Priyanka said and turned to me. “I’ll send Anderson in here in a while to change your bandages. You should rest too, Steven”

They all left, Steven and Connie looking a little miffed. I lay back in the pillows and stared into the ceiling for a while before drifting off.

A while later a young man woke me and introduced himself as Anderson. He changed my bandages carefully and then told me to call if I needed anything. I went back to sleep after he left. When I next opened my eyes, Jasper was sitting in the chair.

“Beastie?”

“Babe, I’m sorry about before” she said quickly and walked over to me and then squatted down. She had leaves and twigs in her hair.

“It’s OK… I think I get it” she took my hand in hers and rubbed the back of it with her thumb.

“I was afraid I would hurt someone if I stayed… So I just ran through the forest out back for a while”

“I can see that” I said with a little smile and picked a twig out of her hair.

“Are you OK? What happened after I left?”

“I’m alright. Priyanka and I talked a little and then I’ve just slept. A new guy changed my bandages. He seemed nice”

“Good” she breathed out a sigh of relief and smiled.

“I could really use a smoke and something to eat, I think. And then I’d really like to see a movie and just… snuggle”

“Sounds like a plan, babe. Let me just get rid of this tree stuff” she rose to her feet and shook her mane, sending leaves and bits of wood flying and making me laugh.

When we came back to my room again, we cuddled up on the bed and started to watch the Adams Family movie. It always put me in a better mood. My arms and stomach were just getting a bit uncomfortable when the young man appeared and administered some more pain medication. When he left, Jasper put her hand on my stomach and rubbed it slowly. A naughty little idea entered my mind.

“Darling… maybe you could rub a little… lower down?” she chuckled sweetly and let her hand slide under the blanket and down to my mound. She caressed me slowly, gently guiding me to a wonderfully soft orgasm. I breathed out a cloud of orange and pink mist and she waved her free hand through it, then trembled against me and let out a little moan of pleasure.

“Damn, I’m good…” she whispered huskily in my ear. “Want me to continue? It’s very” she cupped my breast cheekily “gratifying… to touch you like this”

“You may… proceed” I panted with a smile. “Go inside this time… softly”

“As my queen commands…”

* * *

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	36. Make a wish

## Chapter 36: Make a wish

  
In my opinion, Sunday mornings were for sleeping in, late breakfasts and long luxurious showers. Waking up in a hospital bed and having dead skin removed from your blistered arms was _not_ a proper substitution. A perky looking young doctor named Cordelia Brown was chit chatting with me about pickling vegetables of all things as she saw to my wounds. Jasper looked a little green and excused herself to go get some fresh clothes, feed Cake and get our presents for Connie.

“Oh shit, I put the book in a high place in the kitchen somewhere, darling”

“Little-monster-high-place or beastie-high-place?” Jasper asked with a smile.

“Little-monster-high-place” I grinned back.

“I’ll bring some proper breakfast, babe. See you in a bit” she pressed two fingers to her lips in what might be some gem way of blowing a kiss.

“See you”

Brown finished up and was kind enough to wheel me outside. The late summer morning was a little damp and chilly, but the sun was breaking through the clouds. It had rained heavily during the night and there were puddles on the roof. My hands were a bit more mobile today and I managed to light my cigarette by myself on the tenth try. It was a small but important victory on my way back to autonomy. I sat back in my chair and relaxed. I really hoped Connie would have a great birthday and that she’d like the gifts Jasper and I would give her. I realized I still hadn’t read what Myers had written to Connie in the book and decided to check as soon as Jasper came back.

Back in my room I brushed my teeth clumsily and then lay down in bed again to watch some cartoons.

Jasper woke me up with breakfast and coffee and we spent a lovely hour or so watching the first few episodes of Gravity Falls and a quick tubetube video with the Happy Birthday song.

In the early afternoon we got ready to go to Connie’s party. Jasper was getting a little nervous and kept raking her hands through her hair.

“What is going on darling?” I asked as I struggled into a clean t-shirt.

“What if Connie doesn’t like my present?” she stopped fussing with her hair and looked at me with knitted eyebrows. 

“Sweetheart, she’ll like it, don’t worry. The little lady in the candy shop said she’d love them, remember?”

“But what if she doesn’t?”

“Then we blame the candy shop lady” I said simply and Jasper looked at me uncertainly. “Sorry, that was in poor taste. Connie will like your present, I’m one hundred percent sure of it”

“Really?” oh my gods she was being so adorable right now.

“Yes, darling” I said with a smile. Brown came in and gave me slow release pain medication that would last a little longer than the intravenous version and we went to meet up with Greg and Steven outside.

“Don’t you look fancy” I said to Steven. He was wearing a pink shirt and a bowtie with his jeans today. “And you too, Greg”

Greg was wearing whole jeans and a new looking Hawaii shirt over a Queen t-shirt. “Thanks, so do you” he said with a smile.

“Thanks Erica” Steven seemed a little nervous. He was clutching his ukulele tightly in one hand and sweating slightly.

“Are you going to play at the party?” Jasper asked.

“M-yeah” Steven’s voice cracked a little.

“Look at my boy, getting the pre-show nerves” Greg said happily.

“Dad…” Steven whined at him. “You’re embarrassing me…”

“Sorry son, it’s just… I can remember the first song I wrote for your mom, boy I didn’t half sweat through my cardigan that day” he chuckled happily at the memory.

“It’s supposed to be a surprise, dad! Shhh!”

“OK, OK” Greg held up his hands in surrender. “Are we ready to go?”

We headed to the van and left the wheelchair at the hospital entrance. I hadn’t walked around a lot in the last few days so I felt a bit unsteady. Jasper offered me her arm and I accepted it with slightly pink cheeks. We climbed into the van, Jasper sitting very uncomfortably in the back.

“It’s not that far” Steven said with an apologetic smile.

“It’s fine” Jasper grumbled in a slightly strangulated voice.

Around ten minutes later we pulled up to a terrace house. We all got out of the van and Jasper stretched out for a minute. I couldn’t help but stare at her then. Gods, she was so gorgeous. I let out a happy sigh, producing a few pink and orange butterflies. Jasper saw them and grinned at me crookedly, then did an extraordinarily extravagant stretch which somehow involved the flexing of a massive bicep.

“Show off!” Amethyst’s voice came from behind us.

“Hello everyone” Garnet greeted and we said hello back. Jasper straightened up a little rosy cheeked and strode over to offer me her arm again. We went to ring the doorbell. After a few seconds Connie opened the door.

“Hi guys!” she said happily.

“Happy birthday Connie!” we said more or less together and walked inside, both Jasper and Garnet had to stoop to get through the door.

“We’re set up in the garden, come on!” she waved at us to follow her and we walked slowly through the house. It was spotless and cozy with lots of pictures on the wall.

“Welcome everyone” Mister Maheswaran greeted us with a slightly strained smile. Priyanka was over in the corner of the garden, on the phone.

“Thank you for having us” Garnet said calmly.

“You have a lovely home” I smiled as I shook Mister Maheswaran’s hand. “Where should we put the presents?”

“On the table please” he gestured toward a beautifully decorated table where there was an area with a little note that said ‘presents here please’. “Please help yourselves to punch”

The garden was small but well kept, the lawn was perfectly manicured and the flowers planted in neat rows. There was a bright red and yellow bounce house in the shape of a castle behind the table. Steven and Connie were over there with Garnet. Amethyst was standing by the punch bowl, looking slightly uncomfortable. Me and Jasper put our presents on the designated spot and headed toward Amethyst as Greg struck up an awkward sounding conversation with Mister Maheswaran.

“Sheesh” the purple gem said as we drew closer to her. “I don’t think this even has sugar in it” she put down the cup she had been drinking from. “This place is a little too… perfect, isn’t it?” she gestured around to indicate, well, everything.

“Not everyone is as messy as you, Amethyst” Jasper said with a snigger and grabbed two cups and filled them with punch. She handed one to me and I took a sip.

“Oh my gods” I said after I had swallowed. This drink definitely _didn’t_ have any sugar in it.

“Bet Pearl would love it…” Amethyst leaned against the fence with a little sigh.

“You doing OK?” I asked her with slightly raised eyebrows. It really didn’t sound like her.

“Yeah, fine. The temple just feels a bit empty is all, with Steven at the hospital and Pearl, you know, poofed”

“She’s still not back then?” I asked.

“You see her around here?” Amethyst said, shrugging her shoulders sarcastically. “She would be ecstatic to be in a perfect place like this, walking around on her stupid legs, all giggly and… Pearly”

“You _miss_ her!” Jasper said and punched her on the shoulder. “Isn’t that _cute_ ” Amethyst blushed and rubbed her arm.

“Pff! As _if_! I’ve finally been able to get my stereo back now! And no one’s been nagging me to clean up after myself, it’s been great!” she crossed her arms and flipped her hair. Obviously she was missing Pearl quite a bit.

“I hope she’ll come back soon” I said and put my hand on Jasper’s arm. “Do you think she’ll take two weeks to reform this time too?”

“No idea” Amethyst said sulkily. I remembered Echo saying Amethyst needed a kiss and a cuddle and it seemed even more accurate today. But maybe the one she needed a kiss and a cuddle _from_ was currently regenerating in her gem… Where was Pearl’s gem? Did Connie still have it?

I saw Priyanka hang up the phone and rub her temple with one hand before going over to greet Garnet and Steven. It made me both happy and sad to see Connie leaning on her mother’s hip as she did so. Connie pointed to the little pile of presents and she and Steven started to head over there at a run, but both Garnet and Priyanka called out to them to slow down.

“Hello Erica, Jasper, Amethyst” Priyanka greeted as she put a hand on my shoulder and shook my hand carefully. “Anderson and Brown working out for you?”

“Yes, they’re really nice” I smiled. Priyanka nodded with a pleased and relieved look on her face and then shook Jasper’s and Amethyst’s hands as well.

“Mom, can we start with the cupcakes now?” Connie asked Priyanka excitedly.

“Sure, honey. We’ll go get it set up” the Maheswarans stepped into the kitchen and came out one by one carrying cupcake supplies. They set it all up neatly on a side table.

“Everyone, look! Take a cupcake, put some frosting on it and then choose a topping” Connie pointed at the little bowls of sprinkles and berries. She and Steven threw themselves into making them as flamboyant as possible. I tried my hand at it too, making a vanilla one with blue frosting and topping it with rainbow sprinkles. I bit into it, expecting to be overwhelmed with sugar, but it was only subtly sweet. Once I got used to it I found it very tasty.

“You’ve got frosting on your cheek” Garnet said as she sat down next to me. I wiped my face with a napkin.

“Nksh” I swallowed. “Thanks” I looked at her a little apprehensively and then glanced around. No one else was close by. Our last interaction still confused me, but this was Connie’s party. I hitched a smile on my face and said; “They are so cute, the two of them” Garnet smiled at me. “What’s their fusion like… Stevonnie, wasn’t it?”

“They are wonderful. I was so happy Steven could fuse with Connie”

“Do Connie’s parents or Greg know about that? I wouldn’t want to… reveal something accidentally”

“Greg has met Stevonnie, but I don’t think Doctor or Mister Maheswaran know about them. I have a feeling they would have a hard time understanding fusion”

“Shouldn’t they be happy? Steven and Connie are such great kids and so sweet toward each other”

Garnet let out breath through her nose. “They might not see it as quite so innocent”

I raised my eyebrows at her. Then I realized what she meant. “But… they’re just kids?”

“I know. But soon they won’t be”

A picture of a slightly taller Steven and Connie entered my mind and I sighed happily. “They’ve got so many supportive people around them” I said quietly. That made me glad to know. “I’m sure both of them will grow up to _stay_ great people” Garnet smiled at me.

“Yes. Yes they will” she said softly, looking over at the two of them still by the cupcake table.

“Do you think it’d be OK for me to smoke here?”

Garnet adjusted her shades. “Yes. But ask for an ashtray”

“Oh, right. Thanks Garnet” she stood up when I did and headed over to Amethyst and Greg. I approached the Maheswarans who had joined Steven and Connie. I decided it’d probably be better to ask for permission rather than just go ‘Hey, gimme an ashtray’.

“Priyanka? Would it be alright if I smoked here?” Mister Maheswaran looked at me with slightly widened eyes, but Priyanka put a hand on his arm. Had he reacted to my request or the fact that I had used his wife’s first name?

“Sure. Let me get you an ashtray” she said and I followed her into the neat kitchen.

“Your house is lovely” I pointed to the pictures hanging everywhere. “Are these all of your family?”

Priyanka handed me a little pot with a lid. “Thank you and yes. I have two sisters and a brother and Doug has two brothers. My youngest sister just had a baby” she smiled and pointed to a new looking frame.

“Ah, yes. Benjamin, right? Connie showed me a picture on her phone. He’s adorable, just look at those eyes…” the baby in the picture was lying on his arms and looking quizzically into the camera. The image of Jasper caressing my big belly flashed across my mind again and I put my hand there unconsciously.

“Yes, it’s Benjamin... Are your pain killers wearing off already?” she frowned and looked at her watch.

“What? Oh, no it’s fine, I just…” my eyes were drawn back to Benjamin’s. They were big and brown and full of curiosity, like he was saying ‘what’s that thing pointing at me?’

“Oh, I _see_ ” Priyanka said with a knowing smile. I felt my cheeks flush a little and I shoved my hand in my pocket instead. “Are you and Jasper…?”

“M-maybe in the future…” I said with a little nervous laugh. “I would appreciate if you kept that to yourself, if-if-if you don’t mind” she patted me on the shoulder and gave me a big smile. I took that as a yes and we went outside again. I sat down on a chair by the fence and fished out a cigarette and lit it on the seventh try – progress! There were thuds and laughter coming from the bounce house now, Steven was standing outside it with Jasper. By process of elimination I concluded that Connie and Amethyst must be in there. I smiled to myself. Now Connie had someone to bounce with and Amethyst might be a bit cheered up by the fun activity. I really wanted to get in there too if I were to be completely honest. But that probably wasn’t a good idea. My phone started to ring and I took it out of my pocket with difficulty. It was the unknown number again. I stared at the screen and then pressed ignore. I had forgotten to ask Parker to look into it, hadn’t I? I told myself I’d email her after the party. Just as I was about to put it away it started to ring again. I hit ignore again and then turned it off.

“I think it’s about time we get the cake!” Mister Maheswaran said as he walked up to stand next to his wife. They both went into the kitchen and came out about a minute later carrying a beautifully made chocolate cake with thirteen candles on top.

“Haaaappy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Connie, Happy Birthday to you” we all sang together as Connie stood and twisted on the spot, a little embarrassed but also pleased.

“And many moooore” Amethyst and Steven added, posing and doing jazz hands. Mister Maheswaran put the cake down on the table in front of her.

“Make a wish!” Steven reminded her and she closed her eyes for a second, smiled and then blew them all out in one go. The cake was cut up into pieces and we all sat down and began to eat. I felt I made rather a mess of myself and Jasper smiled at me fondly before wiping my cheek with her thumb and put it in her mouth with a sultry look. I felt my ears heat up and Amethyst grinned and shook her head at us.

“This first present is from me and your mother” Mister Maheswaran said when everyone’s plates were relatively empty. He held out a large square package. Connie opened it slowly and carefully not to damage the paper and I thought that both Priyanka and Pearl would be proud of her performance.

“A new bicycle helmet!” Connie said excitedly and held it up. It was pale blue and had reflective bands around the rim.

“This one is from your aunt Aisha” Priyanka held out another package which when opened was revealed to contain a yellow hand knitted sweater with a white flower on the front.

“It’s so soft…” Connie rubbed her cheek against it and then held it out to Steven so he could touch it too.

“It’s so pretty! Man, that must have taken a long time to make” he said, sounding impressed.

“Aisha is very good at knitting, she gives me a sweater like this every year and they’re always amazing” Connie smiled and put it on over her dress. She opened a few smaller gifts; some new notepads and pens, drawing supplies, a CD, a book on violins and a pair of pink bunny slippers.

“This one is from Pearl, Amethyst and me” Garnet handed Connie a beautifully wrapped gift with an extravagant bow on top. “We hope you’ll like it” Connie smiled broadly as she unwrapped the sunhat and put it on immediately. It was a little too big on her, but Garnet smiled and said; “You’ll grow into it before you know it”

“Pearl picked it out” Amethyst said with a little smile. “She said it’d look great with your hair… and it does”

“Oh it’s beautiful, _thank_ you!” Connie smiled back happily. Jasper handed her the little brown package she had brought.

“Here” she blushed a little and stepped back, clasping her hands behind her. I leaned my head on her arm. Connie opened the paper and looked down at the shiny red and green boxes. “The lady said to have the red box first, and to keep them in the fridge until you want to eat them and if there’s onions, to put them in a sealed plastic bag” Jasper rambled a little nervously.

“Oh, it’s from that candy store by the square isn’t it?” Steven said excitedly. “It’s _so_ good!”

“Wow, thanks Jasper!” Connie smiled up at her and Jasper grinned back, her shoulders relaxing.

“This one’s from me” Greg said and held out a present wrapped in rainbow wrapping paper. It was a box of water colors and Connie thanked him cheerily.

I held out my gift to her with a smile, feeling a bit nervous myself. Connie opened it and gave a little gasp.

“Is this a _first edition_?!” she asked me, sounding amazed.

I nodded, my smile broadening. “How did you even _get_ this? I thought they stopped making them?”

“I have my ways” I said mysteriously and sent a yet another mental thank you to Parker. Connie opened the book reverentially and folded out the map. Then she let it drop as she read the first page. She looked from it to me and then back at the book. Steven leaned over her shoulder and read aloud;

“’Dear Connie, I was so sad to hear about how you lost your book, so here is a new one. I hope you have a magical birthday, your friend… Evelyn… Myers’… Oh my gosh” Connie handed the book to Steven and gave me a very tight hug.

“Thank you so much!” she said breathlessly. “I don’t know how you did it but thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Y-you’re welcome, sweetheart” I said a little flustered and patted her back. She let me go and beamed up at me and I couldn’t help but smile – the look of happiness on her face was so innocent. Jasper’s hand found mine and I felt my blush deepen. Connie got the book back from Steven and went to show her parents. After a minute Steven cleared his throat and everyone turned to look at him.

“Connie, I thought a lot about what to get you, and I couldn’t think of anything good enough, so I wrote you a song…” he strummed his ukulele and smiled a little nervously. I thought I might just explode with the cuteness and Connie’s cheeks flushed as he began to sing. “What’s the definition of friendship? It is caring and sweetness and joy. All of those words describe you, and with you I’m the world’s happiest boy. Battle bots and gems and swords, books and cheeky guitar chords, with you it’s all so much better, when we share it all together. Because when I’m sad you’re there, and when you are down I am here, right here next to you, my friend, my very best friend in the world. Monsters, donuts, sand and sun, jam and biscuits, so much fun, with you it’s all so much better, when we share it all together. Take my hand we’ll make a stand, united in this friendship band. Ukulele, violin, harmony when we both sing. Gems and crying breakfast friends, this thrilling ride will never end, with you it’s all so much better, when we share it all together. When we share it all together, you and me…”*

The first one to start clapping was Greg, followed closely by Garnet and then the rest of us. My cheeks were hurting from smiling so much – holy crap that was the cutest thing I’d ever heard.

“Wow, Steven…” Connie said, looking flushed and stunned. Steven put the ukulele down and smiled, his face bright red too.

“Did… did you like it?” he asked nervously.

“Like it? I _loved_ it, Steven, oh my gosh!” Connie threw her arms around his neck and hugged him for a long time. “I can’t believe you wrote me a _song_!” they both started laughing and I felt distinctly teary eyed and started to dig around in my pocket for my handkerchief. I wiped my eyes and looked around at the others. Greg was blowing his nose, Garnet brushed away a tear, Amethyst was smiling broadly and Jasper looked like she had been hit over the head with a hammer. Priyanka and Mister Maheswaran looked a little uncomfortable, Mister Maheswaran more so than his wife.

“You OK darling?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah, fine… Wow. That Steven has carats…” she looked down at me with a dazed smile. “Singing like that in front of so many people”

“That’s just Steven being Steven” Amethyst said nonchalantly and put her hands behind her head.

“It was fantastic” I said with a broad smile. The afternoon wore on and after a while we were served coffee – which was wonderful. As the sun began to set I started to feel very tired. We had only been there three or so hours, but I felt it was right to go now – if we stayed any longer we would run into the Maheswarans dinner-time and that hadn’t been included in the invitation. I walked up to Greg.

“Hey… Would you guys be OK with leaving soon?”

“Oh, sure. Jeez, look at the time! Steven, we should start getting back to the hospital – Doctor Maheswaran said a few hours would be OK, but I think we’re stretching it now”

“Aww, what? Already?” Steven said disappointedly.

“Yeah, son. Remember you need your rest” Greg said with a firm nod.

“I could come by tomorrow and we could play some more games” Connie said sweetly, to soften the blow.

“Yeah, that’d be fun” Steven smiled at her.

“We should be getting home too” Garnet said and stood up.

“Thank you so much for inviting us” I said as I gave Connie a hug.

“Yeah thanks, kid” Jasper said and received a hug too, to her great pleasure.

“Thank you for the wonderful gifts, you guys” Connie smiled broadly and then hugged Garnet and Amethyst goodbye too.

We waved to Garnet and Amethyst as they started walking toward the temple in the setting sun. Jasper clambered in the back of the van and the rest of us in the front. I yawned hugely as I buckled myself in.

“Wasn’t that nice?” Steven turned around in his seat.

“Yeah, it was. And holy donkey ba- buckets your song, Steven! It was amazing” I smiled at him tiredly.

He laughed and blushed slightly.

“Yeah, it was great. Very brave” Jasper nodded from the back.

“Told you she’d like it” Greg ruffled his son’s hair affectionately.

“And your gifts were great too!” Steven said happily. “It made me so happy to see Connie enjoying herself so much. Erica, how did you pull that book signing off?! Evelyn freaking Myers!” I chuckled lightly and waved a bandaged hand.

“We’re signed by the same publisher, so Parker just contacted her executive assistant and there you are. It was lucky she was in Londinium though, otherwise I would have had to come up with something else”

“’Publisher’?” Greg asked. “Are you a journalist?”

“Journalist? Me? Hah, no!” I snorted with laughter. “I’d be the world’s _worst_ journalist!”

“Dad, she’s an author!” Steven said excitedly. “She writes books!”

“ _One_ book” I said automatically.

“Oh, really? Which book? Maybe I’ve read it?” Greg asked politely.

“You _have_ , dad! It’s ‘Relentless’!”

“You’re _that_ Erica Brooks?!” Greg looked in the rear view mirror at me.

“Yes?” I said a little wearily.

“But you’re really famous!” Greg exclaimed. “What on _earth_ are you doing in Beach City hanging around with us?!”

“She’s here because of me” Jasper said a little smugly from the back. I turned around to smile at her and she scooted closer to the front.

“Yes, I am” I said with a smile and kissed her. I drew in a breath, hoping to inhale Jasper’s wonderful scent, but got a lungful of stink instead and broke the kiss just as Steven shouted;

“Dad! Stop the car! Stop the car!” Greg slammed on the breaks and Jasper braced herself on the walls of the van not to smash into the seats.

“What? What?” Greg asked in a panic. “Did I hit something?!”

“No, dad, look!” Steven pointed out the window. I ducked my head to see and gasped – on the right side of the road was a small field with a few trees and wrapped around one of them – an overturned and smoking car.

“Oh my gosh! I’ll call an ambulance!” Greg fumbled with his phone and Steven unbuckled himself and opened the van door. “No, Steven, wait! Stop him!” I stared for a moment and then unbuckled my own seatbelt and followed him, heart suddenly racing. I heard Jasper clamber out of the back of the van too. Steven had a head start and screamed over his shoulder;

“There’s someone in there!” he put on a burst of speed and sprinted over the grassy field. There was a woosh and Jasper sped past me, hair streaming out behind her.

“Hello! Do you need help!?” Steven shouted as he reached the wreck. Jasper arrived half a second later and bent down to check the interior. There was a cry from inside and my blood turned to ice.

“There’s a baby in there!” I said as I reached them.

“And a grown up!” Steven said and tried to wrench the driver door open.

“There’s three that I can see” Jasper said. “Stand back, Steven” she grabbed the door he had tried to open and ripped it off with a squeal of metal. She began to reach inside but I grabbed her arm.

“Wait, Jasper, let me check – it might not be a good idea to move them” I kneeled down and stuck my head in the door. A man was buckled to the driver’s seat, hanging upside down and apparently unconscious – he had a head laceration that was covered in glass and several jagged shards stuck in his torso. I swallowed before reaching out to check his pulse. It was faint, but it was there.

“OK, pull him out _very_ carefully! He’s got a lot of glass in him!” I moved to the back window and looked inside. There was an overturned baby carrier – that’s where the crying was coming from. And behind that… A pair of terrified eyes met mine and for a moment I thought it was Charlie staring back at me – but it couldn’t be… I blinked hard – it was a girl, maybe six or seven – my eyes slid over her quickly and I felt my breath catch in my throat. Her hands were clamped over her stomach and I could see blood _pulse_ out of a deep wound there. She was very pale and her mouth was opening and shutting soundlessly. A piece of glass was in her hand. She must have pulled it out of herself… She’s bleeding out. Holy fuck she’s bleeding out!

“Steven, get in there _right now_ and heal that girl! Don’t look at anything else, just get in there _now_!” I shouted forcefully, purple sparks flying out of me. I grabbed the baby carrier and dragged it out, then moved hurriedly aside so he could get in. I looked down at the wailing baby – they had a scrape across the cheek and were covered in splintered glass. Their arms and legs were waving all over the place, so they weren’t broken. Looked like the baby carrier had done its job. I fumbled with the straps and unbuckled the baby carefully, looking for cuts or any other wounds, but found none.

“How’s it going in there?!” I shouted at Steven as Greg skidded to a halt next to me.

“Steven’s in there!?” Greg gasped and looked at me with panic in his eyes.

“There was a little girl! She was bleeding a lot!” Jasper was extracting the man from the front seat very gently and carried him a little way away from the car.

“Steven! What’s happening!?” Greg shouted through the window as I picked up the squalling baby carefully to check their back.

“Quiet!” Steven shouted from inside and both me and Greg fell silent, looking at each other with apprehension. Then from inside came a soothing voice. “It’s OK, I’m Steven. I’m going to help you. Just hold still… Mwah… Please work, please, please, _please_ work!” there was a burst of white light from inside and a whoop of triumph from Steven, then he started moving backwards out of the car. Greg and I exchanged a relieved look and moved back so he could get out. Steven was leading the little girl out by her hand and Greg reached down to pick her up immediately.

“Hey, sweetie, I’m Greg. Tell me quickly – were there any more of you in the car?” the little girl shook her head slightly from side to side. “Good, OK! We should move” Greg said quickly and we jogged toward Jasper and the man, Steven picking up the baby carrier.

“How’s he doing?” I asked Jasper as we reached her.

“I don’t know, he tried to say something and then he went quiet” I knelt down with the baby clutched to me tightly and took his pulse but couldn’t find it.

“I can’t feel a pulse!” I said with mounting panic, spraying the air with purple sparks. I looked at his chest – if you tried to do CPR on him you might as well call it right now – he had more holes than a Swiss cheese! Steven knelt down beside him and licked his palm and put it on the man’s shoulder.

“Daddy!” the little girl in Greg’s arms called out to the man and Greg turned hastily so she wouldn’t see him. She began to cry just as I heard sirens approaching in the distance.

“It’s not working” Steven said with fear in his voice.

“Try again!” Greg hissed.

“You can do it, Steven… Come on, try again” I rocked the baby and held them close to me, supporting their little head. The sounds the children made were heart wrenching.

“I want my daddy!” the little girl wailed and Greg received a kick to the stomach.

“I can’t concentrate!” Steven shouted, panic in his voice. Jasper knelt down by him and started to whisper to him in her low voice.

“Hey, little girl, hi… I know you’re scared, but I’m gonna need you to be quiet for just a little while, OK?” Greg said soothingly to the child in his arms. “Just a little while, so we can help your dad, alright? Can you do that for your dad? Can you calm down? What’s your name, sweetie?”

“K-katie! I want – I want my daddy!”

“I know, kiddo, I know, he’s right there and my son is going to help him, but he needs to concentrate for a moment, so can we be quiet as little mice? There you go, there you go, such a good girl, Katie…”

At the same time as Greg was soothing Katie, I rocked the baby slowly, trying to calm them just as much as myself. I started to sing and closed my eyes and rubbed their little back trying to quiet them. I sang the first two verses of the wolf song before a flare of light caught my eye. 

“It worked!” Steven shouted with relief evident in his voice, then fell to his knees and panted hard. Greg ran over to him and handed the girl to Jasper who was just getting up.

“Son?” Greg said quietly. Steven rolled over onto his side in the grass and threw an arm up and let out a little whoop.

I walked up to them and was astonished to see the shards of glass in the man’s torso be pushed out as his skin knitted together. I could see his chest rise and fall steadily. I breathed out a sigh of relief and looked up at Jasper with a smile. Jasper was holding the crying girl to her chest with one arm, then lowered herself to the ground and murmured something to her. Katie quieted a little and began to suck her thumb. The ambulances were getting close now and the sound was agitating the baby again and I continued the wolf song, rocking back and forth. Some people came running toward us with gurneys and red and white bags.

“You got them all out?” the first man to arrive asked breathlessly.

“Yes” Greg panted and patted Steven’s shoulder. “They’re OK now, I think”

More ambulance people arrived and they moved the man onto a gurney and carried him off quickly, and we followed them back to the road. A middle aged man who looked to be in charge reached out for the baby and I handed them over reluctantly. A woman held her arms out for the girl and Jasper looked uncertain about giving her up.

“We have to check her out” the woman said sternly and Jasper frowned and transferred Katie to her. The little family was split up into two ambulances and they peeled out with lights and sirens blaring. I leaned forward on my knees and felt a wave of nausea grip me. Jasper’s hand came to steady me as I swayed and I splattered the ground with semi-digested birthday cake.

“I-is everyone OK?” Greg asked and looked around at us. Steven was sitting with his back against the road rail, looking pale and sweaty. I vomited again but held up a thumb.

“Fine” Jasper said and rubbed my back.

“I think I have some water in the van” Greg said and hurried round to the back. He returned seconds later and handed us a bottle of water each. I rinsed out my mouth and then drank deeply.

“Holy shit” I breathed. “Holy shit!” then I began to laugh. Steven joined in and then Jasper and lastly Greg.

“We just saved three people’s lives!” Greg snorted and held his stomach.

“Yeah we did!” Steven got to his feet and high fived his dad. “Woo!”

“Well done everyone” I sniggered. I was feeling pretty light headed and looked at my arms – they were covered in dirt and maybe a bit of vomit too. “Oh fuck me sideways… Priyanka’s not gonna be happy with me”

“Oh! We should get you two back to the hospital pronto!” Greg said quickly and headed to the van. We all piled in and just as we were about to drive off, a lone car sped past us – it was the Maheswaran’s sedan.

“Do you have a plastic bag somewhere, if I need to barf again?” I asked as Greg started driving. Steven handed me one from the front seat and I held it at the ready. We arrived at the hospital a few minutes later, Jasper went to get the wheelchair and I sat down in it gratefully.

“Should we maybe swing by the emergency room and get checked out?” Greg pondered aloud as we entered the lobby.

“I think it’d be quicker if we just went upstairs” Steven said a little hoarsely. He looked pale and unsteady on his feet and I looked around for a second wheelchair, but saw none.

“Come sit in my lap, Steven, you look as if you’re gonna fall over” he came over and plopped down with a sigh. We made our way up to the ward and were immediately swarmed with nurses and both Brown and Andersen. They fussed over us for a long time, taking all sorts of readings and tests as Greg described what had happened. When we were done being poked and prodded I had new crisp bandages on my arms and Steven had had his scrapes cleaned. We were told everything was fine, except that Steven was running a low grade fever and should go to bed.

“Hey, would it be possible to get updated about how they’re doing?” Greg asked as the last nurse was just about to leave.

“I’m sure that could be arranged” she said with a smile and a little wink that left Greg’s cheeks glowing.

“Is it just me that’s feeling exhausted and starving?” I asked, looking around at them all.

“I could eat” Steven said with a weak smile.

“I’ll run down to the cafeteria and get us something” Jasper said and kissed me on the cheek before striding off. Greg pushed me into my room and I brushed my teeth to get rid of the unpleasant taste in my mouth. Jasper returned shortly with a mountain of sandwiches of varying degrees of freshness and we ate our fill. Afterwards Steven and Greg bade us goodnight and headed off to Steven’s room. Jasper and I went outside for a smoke. The air outside was chilly, but I felt warm and snug in my blanket. I remembered holding the baby in my arms… so tiny, yet so heavy. Not heavy weight wise, but in importance. In responsibility. The feel of their little chest expanding and contracting against mine, and their cry, so heart wrenchingly sad. But they had responded to me, calmed a little as I sang… It made my chest fill with some sort of fierce pride – I had calmed a crying baby. Well, for a little while before the ambulances showed up and scared them again. And that little girl… Katie. I shivered as the image of her terrified eyes flashed across my inner vision. The _fear_ I had felt then, seeing life slipping away from her right in front of me, one treacherous heartbeat at a time. And then Steven, talking to her so softly and leading her out… And Greg soothing her and then _Jasper_ – that image would forever be etched in my mind – of Jasper holding Katie, her head bent low to whisper to the crying girl, and how Katie had calmed and begun to suck her thumb. It had been hard for the both of us to hand the children over to the ambulance people, I knew for my sake it was because I wanted to keep the baby in my arms, to protect them – and also, even though it was a little hard to admit to myself – the baby was also comforting _me_. Why had Jasper hesitated?

“What did you tell Steven to help him calm down?” I asked her. She was leaning against the wall and looking straight ahead.

“What?” she said distractedly and I repeated my question. “Oh… I told him to breathe… And then I remembered what you said about Connie in the forest, when she couldn’t sleep – that all she needed were to hear calm words. So I just told him the first thing that popped into my mind; how I wanted to experiment with making my own waffle mix. Try powdered sugar on top instead of syrup and stuff…”

I looked up at her, my heart swelling with affection. “Really?”

“Yeah” Jasper grinned a little and scratched her neck. “I told Katie the same thing, basically. And that everything was going to be OK, because Steven had fixed her dad”

“Beastie…” I reached out for her hand. “That’s so kind of you” she squatted down next to me.

“We made a nice team, didn’t we? You, me, Greg and Steven” she smiled crookedly.

“Mmm” I hummed happily. “And the way you ripped that door off… _very_ impressive”

Jasper snorted and shook her head slightly. “Oh, honey you have no idea…”

“Honey? I like it…” I smiled and blushed, a little puff of orange and pink leaving me. Jasper smirked cheekily.

“When you get out of here you should come see what me and Amethyst can do. You wanted to see, right?”

“Oh, yes! I’d love to!”

“Good” she leant in and kissed me softly.

When we came back inside we went by Steven’s room and Jasper threw an eye in there and stopped suddenly. I looked over too and gasped. There were a bunch of people in there, Greg stood against the wall, holding Steven’s ukulele and looking terrified.

“Wh-what’s going on?” Jasper said in a strangled voice. I stood up with difficulty and stumbled in through the door.

“Greg?!” I called out and he turned his head to look at me. “What’s going –“ I glanced over at Steven and stopped dead. He was having a seizure! “Oh my fucking gods…”

There was a doctor I didn’t know and three nurses all talking over each other, the doctor was studying the readout of a machine that beeped and whined rapidly. Greg reached out for my hand and I took it, feeling him trembling. Jasper came up behind me and stared at Steven too. We stood in silence as the seconds crawled by. Jaspers hand found my free one. After an eternity Steven stopped shaking and the nurses descended to check on him.

“What happened?” Greg asked hoarsely.

“Mister Universe, your son had a seizure. We will take him for an MRI in a moment to see if there is a physical reason why” I felt a lance of ice pierce my heart.

“Wh… what?” the color drained from Greg’s face.

“We will know more after that, excuse us” they started rolling Steven’s bed out of the room. One nurse remained behind.

“Mister Universe, come with me and I’ll take you to the waiting room” Greg looked beseechingly at me and Jasper.

“We’ll come too” Jasper said reassuringly and Greg followed the nurse out of the room. I felt my knees want to buckle and grabbed Jasper’s arm tightly.

“An MRI… “ I mumbled as we walked slowly to the wheelchair.

“Shit. I forgot – I’m sorry” Jasper grimaced and shook her head. “We don’t have to go”

“Of course we do…” I said quietly. “Greg shouldn’t be alone” Jasper pushed me toward the elevator. As the doors closed there was a little metallic grinding noise.

_As the elevator doors closed there was a little metallic grinding noise. We walked toward the same waiting area as I had been in yesterday. A nurse came to meet us and told us we’d have to wait, because an ambulance had just come in with a patient that needed to go in the machine before me. I was holding on so tight not to break down. So tight. I didn’t want them to see. I didn’t want them here. **I** didn’t want to be here. I couldn’t sit still. I had to do something to keep the screaming in my head down. I started to walk in a figure eight around the room. Round and round, endlessly. Maybe it was an infinity symbol, not an eight. It felt as if I was balancing on the edge of a ravine full of screams and darkness. Round and round. My parents didn’t speak. I didn’t speak. I just walked. Then finally the nurse came back and I changed into a hospital gown again and removed my earrings. My father wanted to come with me, but the nurse told him he couldn’t and I felt relieved. She took me into the big room. A tray was in front of the big white tunnel. I lay down and the nurse said it would be very loud and gave me some earplugs. They put a grey plastic cage over my head and told me to keep still, absolutely still. I asked how long it would take and they said forty five minutes at least. The screaming inside rose to a peak but I remained silent. The tray slid into the machine. The roof was barely five inches from my face. I stared at the pattern on the surface of the tunnel, trying and failing to keep my eyes focused. They told me over the intercom that they would begin and the machine started up. The noise was deafening and I could finally cry. But I had to keep still. The screams and the whirring, clicking, thunderous pounding echoed in my head. My **infested** head. The tears spilled down my cheeks and ran into my ears and wet my collar but I couldn’t wipe them away, there was no space. No space for me. _

My head snapped up as the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. I breathed out a flickering black cloud that buzzed like a swarm of flies and I heard Jasper gasp behind me. My chest rose and fell quickly and I clamped both hands across my scar as it seared and twitched. I hissed out black and red in a swirling stream.

“Another bad memory?” Jasper asked worriedly as she steered around the clouds out of the elevator. They hung in the air and remained for much longer than usual. She knelt in front of me and pulled me into a hug. “Babe…” she murmured soothingly as I began to shake with suppressed sobs. I clung to her shirt, my hands seizing up. “Sometimes, some crimes, go slipping through the cracks, but these two, gumshoes, are picking up the slack…” her chest vibrated as she sang me the calm down song without missing one word. I felt such warmth coming from her, such caring… “Want me to sing it again?” she asked softly and I nodded against her, and she started over, this time I sang along shakily. When we were done I leaned back in the chair and wiped my eyes on my handkerchief. Jasper had sat down on the floor and had put her hands on my knees. “Tell me what happened” she said. I took a deep breath.

“It was the day after I had found out about the tumor… I came to the hospital with my parents for an MRI and I didn’t want to cry in front of them so I forced myself to wait and when I was in the machine and…”

“You could finally let go” Jasper nodded slowly. “I remember… That moment in Echo…”

I was about to apologize when I remembered that they had both told me not to. I dabbed at my eyes instead. The memory of being Echo made me feel better and my shoulders sagged.

“We should go to Greg” I said hoarsely.

“Are you sure?” Jasper asked with a concerned look on her face.

“Yes… He must be so afraid… Oh, man” I felt a stab of guilt. How long had he been sitting there alone? “Let’s hurry” Jasper got up and dusted herself off before she pushed my chair through the corridors to the waiting area. When we arrived Greg was sitting on a chair in the otherwise empty waiting room, head leaning against the wall and looking into the ceiling.

“Sorry we took so long” I said with an apologetic half smile. “Have you heard anything?”

“Only that it’d be a while…” Greg said in a hollow voice.

“Do you want us to call someone? Do you need anything?”

“Garnet and Amethyst would want to know…” he said slowly and reached into his pocket and handed his phone to me. “Would you mind…? I… I can’t… can’t…” he trailed off. I exchanged a worried look with Jasper, then scrolled through Greg’s contacts and pressed the one named STEVEN HOME. Several signals went through before it connected.

“Hello” Garnet’s calm voice answered.

“Garnet? Hi, it’s Erica. Um” I had no idea how to phrase myself. “You… you should come to the hospital, Steven’s… Steven had a seizure and now he’s getting an MRI. We found a car wreck on the way to the hospital – he healed a little girl and her father, saved their lives…”

“We’ll be right there” she said shortly and hung up. I stared at the phone.

“They’re on their way” I said and gave it back to Greg, then took him by the hand. “Steven will be OK, Greg, I’m absolutely sure” he looked at me worriedly.

“You really think so?” he asked in a very small voice. I nodded silently and he began to cry, squeezing my hand fiercely.

“He’s a quartz” Jasper said reassuringly. “It takes more than a bump on the head to take us down”

It was agonizing to wait. I had never been on this end of the equation before. I knew I had reassured Greg that Steven would be OK, but the worry gnawed at me as I thought about all the things that could be wrong with him. Had he hit his head again when we helped the people out of the car? Had it all just been too strenuous and this was a reaction to the concussion? Did he have a brain bleed? Would he be in a coma? What if he never woke up again?

After what felt like half a century the door opened and Steven was rolled out on his bed by one of the nurses from upstairs. Greg was on his feet in an instant.

“How’s he doing? What did the MRI tell you? Is he going to be OK?” he rambled as he stroked his son’s head nervously.

“The doctors are looking at the images as we speak. We have the best neurologist in Delmarva visiting us for a conference, Doctor Johansen. She’ll be by to give you the result in just a few minutes time. We’ll take him back to his room” we followed the nurse back to the elevator, Greg walking next to the gurney to hold Steven’s little hand. When we arrived back on our floor we found a distraught looking Amethyst pacing back and forth behind a fuming Garnet arguing with a harassed looking nurse.

“Garnet!” Amethyst shouted as she saw us approaching. “There they are!”

The two of them came to meet us, the nurse looking very relieved to be left alone.

“How’s he doing? What happened?” Amethyst asked worriedly.

“We don’t really know” Greg said weakly. “The doctor is looking at the MRI pictures right now”

The nurse pushed Steven’s bed back into his room and hooked him up to a heart monitor and took a blood pressure measurement and his temperature, scribbled the results down on his chart and then left without saying anything.

Garnet sat down with her head in her hands and removed her shades and started to rub her eyes.

“Can’t you tell how he’s doing?” I asked her worriedly. “See what’s gonna happen?”

“I can’t concentrate” she said weakly. “Tell me what happened after you drove off from the Maheswarans” to my surprise, Jasper took the initiative and retold the events in detail, as if she was giving a report.

“He healed _two_ people?” Amethyst asked, looking at Garnet worriedly.

“Is… is that why it happened? Was it too much for him?” my eyebrows knit together. Is that why she asked me to refuse his offer to heal me? She knew it could hurt him after the concussion? Garnet met my gaze and I knew it was true before she opened her mouth.

“Most likely” she said slowly.

There was a knock at the door and a tall woman came inside, accompanied by a nurse.

“Good evening” she said in a business like voice and swept over our group with a steely gaze.

“H-hello” Greg said as he stood up to shake her hand. “Are you Doctor Johansen?”

“Yes, I am. And I have good news” it felt like two metric tons of pressure had been lifted from the room and suddenly it was so much easier to breathe.

“Yes?” Greg asked hopefully.

“Your son’s MRI was clear – no bleeding, no swelling, no fractures. In my opinion, the seizure was the result of him over extending himself too soon after sustaining a concussion, and the fever helped things along as well”

“So he’s OK?” Greg asked.

“He will be. He will need to remain in the hospital for observation for at least a week and he needs a lot of rest. And when I say rest I mean bed rest.  Minimal cognitive activity, which means little to no technological interaction and no homework. And not too many people visiting him at once” she looked around at all of us sternly.

Greg sat down in a chair with a relieved sigh. “He’s going to be OK… Thank you Doctor Johansen, thank you so much”

Doctor Johansen signed Steven’s chart, gave it to the nurse, nodded at us and then left.

“Thank the gods…” I said, feeling the air go out of me. Amethyst went over to Greg and hugged him and Garnet patted him on the shoulder.

 “He’s going to be fine” Garnet said softly to him and then smiled.

“Oh, my heart can’t take much more of this…” Greg mumbled and put his hand on his chest.

Amethyst sat down by Steven’s feet and patted him on the leg. “You’ve _got_ to stop scaring us like this, little man. I’m getting worry wrinkles…”

“They look good on you though” Garnet said with a grin and Amethyst blew a raspberry at her. The conversation became lighter and after a few minutes Greg had fallen asleep in his chair. Garnet draped a blanket over him, then went to kiss Steven on the forehead.

“We should let both of them rest” she said quietly and all of us moved out into the hallway. I felt absolutely exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep in my own bed, wrapped up in Jasper’s wonderful scent. It wasn’t even nine in the evening.

“We’ll come by tomorrow around lunch; will you tell Greg if you see him before then?” Garnet asked me and Jasper and we both nodded.

“Hey Amethyst” Jasper said tiredly. “Could you feed Cake again? I’m gonna stay here”

“Sure thing, Jayster…” we waved goodbye.

Back in my room Jasper sat down on my bed with her legs either side of it and I smiled as she patted her belly for me to come lay down. I climbed up and leaned against her with a sigh.

“Do you think the people from the car are OK?” she asked me softly.

“They’d better be after all this” I yawned hugely and Jasper chuckled and put her hand on my stomach and rubbed it slightly. “Mmm, that feels nice” I mumbled and patted her thigh sleepily. “Are you OK?”

“Me? Yeah… How are you?”

“Tired”

“You should sleep then, honey” she whispered with a smile in her voice.

“You have _such_ good ideas, beastie” I snuggled into her shirt and closed my eyes.

* * *

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	37. Blue and green

## Chapter 37: Blue and green

  
The next few days passed in a bit of a blur. I spent most of the time sleeping, waking up for meals and updates about Steven and the people we had pulled from the car. The little family was doing alright and had asked to come and see us to say thank you, but the doctors had told them to wait a day or two, since both Steven and I were under strict orders to – as Amethyst put it –  ‘chill the fuck out’. They came by as soon as they could and Katie had run up to Jasper yelling ‘Big waffle lady!’ and hugged her massive calf, and I got to hold the baby again. He was called Brian. Their father, Carl, thanked us and had even brought us flowers and Katie had drawn a picture.

I had visited Steven a few times, mostly just ending up saying hi to Greg since Steven spent a lot of time sleeping too. I had spotted Pearl’s gem lying on a pillow next to Steven’s head and thought it was a really sweet gesture. Priyanka and Connie dropped in several times and even Sadie came to visit after a few days, bringing a huge box of donuts with her that she refused all payment for. My wounds were healing well and I was told there would be some scarring, but that didn’t bother me much. I had talked to Parker finally and received an earful from her – both about me ending up in the hospital again and about the hang-up calls. Parker was sending me a new SIM-card, two top-of-the-line satellite phones and a very sturdy tablet for Jasper. It was either that or she’d come over to live with us and accompany me everywhere I went.

I spent one rainy afternoon ordering some stuff off the internet to make a very compact EDC, or every day carry. We would most likely go out to different places in the wild at some point or other and I didn’t want a repeat of the forest to happen. I mean everything _had_ turned out alright. We’d made a shelter and were able to boil water to keep from being too dehydrated but maybe the next time we wouldn’t be so lucky. I found a large tin cup that came in a canvas container that you could strap to your belt and decided to use that as a base. I bought a high quality multi-tool with a fire steel, a thick leather belt, a compass, water purification tablets, storm matches, a miniature first-aid kit, an emergency blanket, a very lightweight rain poncho, a collapsible water bottle you could roll up, a large bandana and a box of 3600 kcal emergency food rations. It would probably end up weighing a lot, but I figured I’d rather carry around some extra weight that to spend another night like that in the wild. Jasper agreed when I told her. She also suggested we should try to find me some sort of armor thing and I delegated that task to Parker who set to it immediately. She reported back that she had found a manufacturer of stunt clothes that could make me a custom made set of overalls, gloves and face protection if I sent her my measurements. Jasper helped me take them and I sent an email to Parker on the seventh day of my hospital stay. I would find out if I could go home today and I felt so very ready to leave.

I was alone in my room, reading a book when there was a knock at the door and Priyanka stepped inside.

“Good morning, Erica. After conferring with Brown and Anderson I’ve decided you can go home this afternoon” she said with a smile.

“OhthanksyousweetJesus” I breathed out a few golden sparks. 

“We’ll change your bandages one more time before you leave and give you some prescriptions for pain management and antibiotics. There’s still a chance for infection so you need to keep track of your temperature. You’ll need to have your wounds redressed once per day, so you’ll have to come back tomorrow. And of course, you must take it easy. No heavy lifting and no exercise apart from your physical therapy”

“I think I can do that” I said, feeling happy. “Can I drive? I’ve been thinking of renting a car for a while now. Or just buying one maybe”

“I wouldn’t recommend it while you are on these painkillers. We will wean you off them slowly over the next few days and switch you to some different ones. Those are fine to drive on”

“OK, good to know” I smiled at her. “Oh I can’t _wait_ to see Cake!”

“Cake?”

“She’s our cat; I haven’t seen her for more than a week now. She must have grown so much”

I spent my remaining time in the hospital packing up the things Jasper had brought over and going to see Steven. He and Connie invited me and Jasper to play some games in his room while Greg ran a few quick errands. A nurse came in to get me and Andersen cleaned and redressed my arms. We made an appointment for tomorrow after lunch. Afterwards I went back to say goodbye to Steven and Connie and Jasper and I headed down to the lobby where Greg was waiting for us.

“Goodbye Brego” I said to the wheelchair as I got up out of it. “I hope you’ll never feel my butt again” Jasper snickered and clambered into the back of the van and I sat in the front, next to Greg. I could barely contain myself. I was going home!

When we pulled up to the house I thanked Greg profusely and we made arrangements for us to go to the hospital together tomorrow. When I opened the door I called out for Cake.

“Caaake!” there was an answering meep and the sound of little paws cantering toward us. Jasper chuckled as Cake skidded out of the living room and positively charged at me, meowing loudly. The white kitten wound around my ankles, rubbing herself against me intensely.

“Looks like someone missed their mommy” Jasper said affectionately as I bent down to pick her up.

“Oh, precious” Cake purred and rubbed her little face all over mine, making me giggle with pleasure. “I missed you too! Oh my gods she’s gotten so _big_! Haven’t you, sweetie?” I cooed and stroked her gently. “Oh, it feels so good to be home”

I kicked off my shoes and went directly to the living room and lay down on the bed.

“Oh… my… gods…” I moaned happily and wiggled around, burrowing into the soft pillows and blankets. Cake jumped around me excitedly. “I missed you too, bed!” my voice was muffled by the bedding. I heard Jasper laughing from behind me and then the mattress moved as she lay down next to me.

“You are so fucking adorable, you know that?” she said with a broad smile. I giggled and wiggled around some more, hugging the pillows and letting out a dozen bright gold butterflies. Cake immediately jumped after them. I threw my arms around Jasper and kissed her. She responded by putting her hand on the small of my back and pulled me closer. “It feels so good to be able to lay beside you again, my little monster” she purred with slightly pink cheeks. I grinned at her and kissed her again, deeper this time.

“Oh, darling, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do this…” my hand wandered over her chest slowly and she gave me an amused look.

“Do what exactly?” she smirked as I gave her breast a squeeze, then my hand traveled down over her stomach. Her eyebrows raised as my hand slid further down. I could feel her stem under her pants and I stroked it through the cloth. It squirmed happily and I grabbed it firmly, making Jasper let out a surprised little gasp. “Stars, Erica” she grinned crookedly and I could see her pupils dilating before I leaned forward to kiss those luscious lips of hers.

“This is mine now” I whispered in her ear and nibbled her earlobe, making her let out a little appreciative moan. I rubbed her up and down slowly and felt the fabric of her pants grow damp. I kissed down her neck and moved downward quickly, pausing at her breast to suckle her nipple through her shirt. She hissed out a breath and trembled underneath my lips. “Pull your pants down” I mumbled, my mouth full. I looked up at her flushed face and let my teeth slide over her puffy nipple. “Now” she fumbled with the buckle and lifted her butt slightly to push them down, then lay back, looking at me with such sweet surrender. I abandoned her nipple and looked down at her stem – Kara was caressing her stomach eagerly, visibly throbbing. I smiled and kissed down her belly. “Hello Kara…” I whispered when I was half an inch away from her. Jasper moaned and I could feel her stomach rise up and down faster. I gave Kara a little lick and she squirmed against my tongue, so eager to touch. Usually I would love to tease and drag things out, but not today. I had been fantasizing about this for days now. I took the tip in my mouth and gave a moan of my own as the familiar taste of her flooded my tongue. Jasper gasped and trembled so sweetly and I grabbed her thigh. I started to move my head, licking and sucking as the tip twirled, caressing the roof of my mouth and sending shivers down my spine. Jasper let out a growling groan and began to move her hips seductively. I gloried in the pleasure I was giving her and started to go at it a little quicker and rougher. This made her move faster in turn and her breath became more rapid.

“Erica, oh my stars, _yes_!” she growled. Kara squirmed and I pressed her against the roof of my mouth with my tongue hard and massaged her forcefully. “Oh _fuck_!” Jasper panted and I felt her tremble underneath me and Kara throbbed powerfully. A lustful growling scream left her and my mouth filled with her sweet juices. I didn’t stop sucking immediately, rather I slowed down, going gently, now soothing her with my tongue. Kara pulsated and caressed me back feebly, as if tired now. I was very pleased with myself as I let her go and she dropped down on Jasper’s stomach, squirming with tiny happy twitches. I raised my head to look at Jasper’s shining face. Her chest was moving rapidly as she panted, her gem glowing. She met my gaze and I raised one eyebrow at her and smiled and bit my lower lip.

“Oh my fucking stars, Erica…” she purred. “Oh. My. Fucking. _Stars_!”

“Do you need a moment?” I asked her huskily and she started to laugh and moved one big hand to slide my shorts off, making me giggle too.

“Why don’t you come up here…” she said sultrily and touched my wetness briefly and then brought her hand up to her mouth, wiggling her eyebrows at me suggestively. I giggled some more and got up and placed my knees on either side of her head, hovering above her mouth. She put her hands on my thighs and pushed them apart, bringing me closer. She licked her lips and looked me straight in the eye before reaching out with her long tongue and flicking my clitoris cheekily. I let out a slightly indignant gasp and she grinned mischievously before starting to lick me with slow, elaborate passion. She moaned into me and the vibration made my body tingle. I began to grind against her. She sucked my clit hungrily, fluttering at it with her tongue at the same time. The wave inside was building up fast. She switched between licking and sucking every so often, but I wanted more.

“Stick your tongue inside me…” I moaned and saw her grin a moment, then she slid her tongue to my opening, circling it and dipping in teasingly. She went deeper and I let out a gasp as I felt my walls contracting around it and I began to move up and down. I could feel her pulse as it slid in and out and I was lost in pleasure. I groaned and whined as I rocked back and forth and she snorted lustfully.

“Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, oh my goooohhhddsss!” the wave broke so suddenly and so powerfully I felt my insides spasm wildly and Jasper’s eyes flew open. She pulled her tongue out and suckled my clitoris, extending my blinding orgasm for a good twenty seconds before I fell forward on my hands and then rolling to the side, panting hard – a stream of pink and orange sparks and vapor flowing out of me. Jasper grinned and followed my movement, laying her head on my thigh and licking me ever so softly. My hips bucked as an aftershock peaked into a smaller orgasm and I let out a little wailing moan. I could feel Jaspers breath come in bursts and heard her chuckling huskily.

“I think you gave me a fat lip*” she purred and licked at it – it did look a little swollen. She kissed my mound cheekily, making me giggle and twitch, butterflies joining the fading sparks and clouds. She moved up to lie beside me and I grabbed her chin and kissed her deeply. “Ow” she said with a grin as we broke a part. I kissed her swollen lip a lot more tenderly and then her gem.

“Aww… Did Galadriel hurt you, darling?” I said in a slightly mocking tone. Jasper let out a happy and indignant little noise and hit me with a pillow. We both burst out laughing and more butterflies appeared. When we stopped I wiped my eyes and snuggled up to her, stroking her cheek gently.

“That was some welcome home celebration” I murmured into her lips before kissing her softly.

“Mhmm” she hummed and pulled me closer. “I’ve never had anyone _claim_ my stem before… It was very exciting…” she stroked my back slowly.

I chuckled evilly. “Myeah… I really enjoyed how you responded to my… slightly rougher approach” I looked up into her eyes. She sniggered and shook her head at me slowly.

“Ah, Erica, the things you do to me…” she gazed back at me. “I’m usually the one who… leads… But with you… I can follow too” I felt the hair at the back of my neck stand on end.

“I enjoy both those things, and the middle too” she smiled and leaned in to kiss me. “I sway, and you sway with me… You pull, I follow… I give, you give… It’s a dance of equals” she looked at me with a slight wrinkle between her eyes.

“Equals?”

“Isn’t that what we are?” a change came over her face… I saw a light come into her eyes and a smile spread across her face slowly, ponderously, like the dawn over Discworld. Her eyelids fluttered closed as she leaned in to kiss me. I felt her pulse beating in her lips and the soft caress of her tongue as it bad entry into my mouth. There was something _more_ in this kiss… Something she had held back and was now giving, _sharing_ with me. I didn’t know what it was exactly, but I welcomed it. Accepted it. Accepted her… _invitation_. Something inside me sang out, something small and bright and warm, and I felt a song come from her too, a little tentative, but _brave_ , like someone walking onto a stage for the first time to sing in front of people. A clear note, crisp, clean, _innocent_ , and then a _swell_ of freedom that it brought. As our lips parted a band of light connected us, and it faded slowly with the whisper of two little laughs. She leaned her forehead against mine and closed her eyes again, looking completely contented. I felt a bubbling happiness inside my chest and I put my nose to the tip of her gem and let out a breath of pure peace. I was so comfortable, our bodies entwined on the bed that I had missed so much.

I was walking down a long corridor. The walls were bright, but not white. More like a creamy pinkish yellow. There was music and I stopped to listen, trying to figure out where it came from. It seemed to be emanating from the walls themselves. I sat down on my haunches and closed my eyes, just simply enjoying the beauty of the melody. There was a soft ba-da-da-dum, ba-da-da-dum as if a cat running across a wooden floor and I looked up. Cake was the size of Lion and her usual meep of greeting was more of a ‘BREOWRR’, but she head-butted me gently and purred like the engine of a fine old Harley Davidson. I laughed and patted her huge head.

“Do you want to play?” I asked her, and I was surprised to hear… my voice. It sounded like a child. I looked down at my grey arms and white nightshirt. This was my body, but I felt… different. Cake responded by rubbing her head against my chest and lowering her body to the ground. I climbed onto her back and she stood up and began to walk, then trot and then canter. She let out a bellowing roar and a portal appeared in front of us. We leapt through it and sped through a tunnel of light before exiting the other side. This was a different place. A jungle. Palm trees waved in a wind I couldn’t feel and there was a woman, kneeling by a big, sparkling geode. She had a stack of papers under one arm and put it down on the ground and rested her back against the dark purple rock. There was a flash of light from behind me and a snippet of sound – me and Cake turned around to see a brilliant flare engulf the sky and everything went white for a moment.

I opened my eyes slowly. My vision was partially obscured by beige hair, but I could see three orange spheres floating near the ceiling, the gems inside sparkling in the dull light from the street lamps. I turned my head and buried my nose in Jasper’s hair. There was an appreciative little grunting noise and a warm hand slid down my back and soft lips pressed against my forehead.

“Mmh” I mumbled happily.

“Hello…” Jasper’s voice was hoarse and warm. “I think we… fell asleep” she wiggled against me.

“Mah bts co-old” I complained muzzily and heard her chuckle and felt big warm hands slide down to rest on my bum. “Mmmh” I sighed as the uncomfortable chill left me. Then I realized I needed the bathroom. “Noooo” I whined and forced myself to sit up.

“What is it?” Jasper asked.

“Gots ta pee” I got up reluctantly and went to the bathroom, but then smiled as I sat down. I was home. When I returned to the bed, Jasper lay curled up and looked so warm and cozy. Neither of us was wearing anything on our bottom halves. I grabbed my phone and pulled a blanket over us as I snuggled up to her chest, then handed it to her.

“You, make pizza hapn” I mumbled into her shirt and she chuckled softly.

“Alright, little monster” she lifted the phone to her lips and said; “Call pizza place” she ordered four and then let her arm fall to her side. “It’s almost nine in the evening”

“Oh shit” I started to giggle against her chest. “We didn’t have to do anything today, right?”

“No” she smiled down at me. “Just get you home”

When Jenny arrived with the pizza I got up and wrapped a towel around my waist before opening the door. She grinned at me knowingly and I blushed slightly as I paid her. Jasper and I headed out onto the patio to eat – she hadn’t put on anything and it was terribly sexy to see her walk around in just a t-shirt. As we sat down to eat I kept looking at her naked lower half, when she noticed she relaxed back into the cushions a bit more, smirked and spread her legs further apart. I giggled at her.

“You’re such a show off… Don’t you dare change” she reached out for a slice of pizza and raised it to her mouth, flexing her arm and looking at me at the same time to see my reaction. I felt my cheeks flush at the sheer _cockiness_ of her display and bit down slowly on my pizza.

“How could I? When you keep looking at me like that…” she chuckled in a satisfied way and lay back against the cushions again, Kara caressing the inside of her thigh slowly. I leaned against her chest with a happy little sigh. We finished the pizzas and I lay down on my back and lit a cigarette. I felt comfortably tired.

“Do you want to watch some Battlestar Galactica?” Jasper asked me softly.

“Mmm, sure… I’ll probably fall asleep though”

We went into the living room and set up the computer. I managed to stay awake for a little while, petting a purring cake.

***

I was sitting on the front step of the house and having a cup of coffee and a cigarette when Greg pulled up in the van. I stood up and walked over, getting into the front passenger seat.

“Hey” he greeted brightly.

“Hi Greg, how’s it going?”

“I’m good, how’re you?” he started driving out of town.

“I’m good too. Man, it felt so nice to sleep in my own bed tonight” I said with a smile and rubbed my neck a little. Jasper had left a sizable bite mark on the right side earlier this morning. Thankfully it was mostly covered by the collar of my polo-shirt. “Do you know when they’ll let Steven out yet?”

“In a few days I think. He’s doing so much better now” Greg said happily. There was a plinky-plonk sound from his pocket. “Ah, speak of the devil” he grinned and took out his phone. “It’s from Steven – oh” his smile stiffened a little.

“What?” I asked curiously.

“He’s got some more friends visiting him now. Have you met Peridot and Lapis yet?” I felt my eyes widen and an ice cold hand seemed to squeeze my heart. Lapis? _Lapis_?! “They are quite the pair, those two” Greg said a little nervously. I looked at him, wanting him to go on. “Did you know, Peridot once pushed me off a roof! That’s when she was still getting used to this place, but now she’s… Well, she’s still Peridot, but sort of… toned down. More relaxed. I really think she likes having a roommate”

“Roommate?” I felt confused.

“Yeah, she and Lapis are sharing my aunt and uncle’s old barn” anger flared in me at the mention of her name. “And Lapis…” _flare “_ She’s different now too. Mostly sad, I would say… Me and Steven took her on a boat trip once, to try to cheer her up. I offered to let her steer and wear the captain’s hat, but she got strangely upset about it, said I shouldn’t trust her with the boat… I had to work really hard to keep positive that day, she was so down on herself all the time^“ despite myself, I raised my eyebrows. Greg got a little concerned look on his face. “It worries me, sometimes… Steven makes friends with everyone and he’s usually right about them. He always wants to help, but I’m not sure if he can do that this time… I don’t know if I’ve ever met anyone so… _damaged…_ ” he sighed. “Maybe she just needs some more time to adjust to this place. Maybe it’s good that they’re visiting Steven, I don’t think the two of them have gone anywhere together outside the barn before” he perked up at this. “It _is_ good, right?” he turned to me with a tentative smile. I panicked slightly. What should I say?

“R-right…” I looked out through the windshield. I was feeling so conflicted… Steven said Lapis was great, Greg called a miserable person, Pearl… she had urged me to forgive her, I guess… And Jasper… She hadn’t said much about Lapis at all. An image of my big, beautiful, warm, caring Jasper locked in chains, a shadowy figure lashing at her with a whip blazed across my mind. Jasper’s agonized face, twisted in pain followed and I could hear screaming, screaming, _screaming_ , fighting against the ice cold shackles binding her to that _Lapis_ … Anger burned in me and I clicked my jaw.

“You… OK?” Greg asked carefully. I blinked rapidly to try to rid my mind of the terrible images. “Do your arms hurt?” thank you for giving me an easy out, I thought.

“Yeah” I looked down at them. My hands were trembling, but not from pain.

“We’ll be there in two minutes” he said and sped up slightly. We parked close to the entrance and went inside. It was a 12:57 as I approached the nurses’ station and they greeted me politely and told me to sit and wait for Andersen to show up.

“Will you come by Steven’s room when you’re done?” Greg asked and I nodded distractedly. He walked off down the corridor and I sat down and pulled out my phone, remembered Jasper still didn’t have one and shoved it back in my pocket with a huff. _Shit_. Jasper and Amethyst were off somewhere today, training or exploring. So she wouldn’t be back until this evening, most likely. Shit, shit, shit. What would I do if I saw Lapis? Maybe I’d just… snap?

“Miss Brooks?” Andersen was standing in front of me.

“Oh, hi” I said. He led me to a room and began unravelling my bandages and debriding my arms. He worked slowly and carefully and talked continuously. I wasn’t really paying attention, but he didn’t seem to notice, he was so concentrated on doing his job.

I wanted to talk to Jasper. I hadn’t told her how I felt about Lapis – did my feelings even _matter_ in this situation? Lapis was _Jasper’s_ … Jasper’s… abuser? Torturer? _Rapist_? A chill went down my spine. Cold… dead… inside… No, nope. Not gonna go _there_ today. I gave my head a little shake. My heart was pounding fast in frustration. I shouldn’t do anything until I had talked to Jasper. But if she _wanted_ me to do something after that… Oh, _please_ let her want me to do something… The anger was so seductive in how it drew me in, luring me with images of sweet, sweet revenge and… domination. That ancient feeling, that _need_ to be the alpha, to crush my enemies and defend my mate – it bloomed in me like righteous, primal wildfire, consuming everything in its path. I wanted to pound my chest and roar and – no. That thought was accompanied by _too_ much excitement and I forced myself to take a mental step back. That was the danger with me and anger; it could feel so _good_ , so _right_. Anger was a tool _I_ wielded. A tame beast that would come when _I_ called. _I_ was the master now, _not it_. I took deep, calming breaths. Talk to Jasper. Talk to Jasper _first_ and _then_ we could – _shut up_!

“There we are, all done!” Anderson said as he taped the end of the bandage down with a flourish. “Same time tomorrow? It’ll be Cordelia then, I think”

“Yeah, OK, thanks” I mumbled as I got up. I needed a cigarette, _badly_. I hurried through the corridors to head out onto the roof, when I remembered I’d have to walk past Steven’s room. What if they were still in there? I forced myself not to look as I sped past, but heard several voices and laughter so they must be. I felt the acid rising in my stomach and I kicked the door to the roof open, then paced around, trying to burn off some energy. _How_ could they be _laughing_ together?! Didn’t Steven _know_ what she had done to Jasper?!

“Graah!” I growled, and blue lighting crackled through the air with a loud thunderclap. It struck the ground and left a scorched looking little crater, the concrete smoking. Fuck! I shoved my hand in my pocket and wrenched out a cigarette, then tried to light it but my lighter seemed to be running low on fluid. I threw it away from me on a sudden impulse and regretted it immediately as I saw it bounce off the safety rail and drop out of sight. I ripped the cigarette out of my mouth and hissed “Son of a _bitch_!” a smaller tendril earthed itself about halfway up the little white cylinder and I stared, completely dumbstruck, as it began to smoke. I put it back in my mouth and took a deep drag. Holy fuck balls. This was the second time I had set something on fire, apart from myself. Did this mean I’d never have to buy another lighter again? I finished that cigarette, but since it had only been _half_ of one, I didn’t feel satisfied, so I took out another. I held it by the filter and… what had I done? Been angry, yes and then I had said son of a bitch in a hiss, while I looked at it… _Lapis,_ I thought and felt the anger come, then focused my eyes on the end of the cigarette and hissed;

“Son of a bitch” a thin pale blue arc leapt from my mouth to my thumb and I cried out as it burned fiercely. This made me angrier and I pinched the filter hard. “You little _cunt_!” I growled – a _thicker_ lash of lightning struck the cigarette this time and it flashed into flame and I dropped it immediately. OK, that had been… too much anger? Too loud? I pulled out a third cigarette, glared at it and hissed;  
“Fuck you!” and this time the end lit as a thin blue streak leapt through the air. “Hah!” I said triumphantly and put it in my mouth. A scraggly blue and gold butterfly thrashed sickeningly in front of me before winking out. I stared at where it had been. A _blue_ butterfly? Well, blue and gold, but still – _blue_. There was the noise of the door opening and I heard voices.

“… be so sure about that. He said this is a place where humans go to get _better_ ” whoever was speaking sounded tired. Wait… had they said ‘humans’?

“Pfah! Ancient tech, not even fit for garbage disposal!” a different, grumpy sounding nasal voice. “Using _radiation_ to penetrate their carbon based bodies to see inside! It’s _barbaric_! Not to mention _inefficient_ ” I froze up. It was _them_! I turned around slowly. A very short green clad person with a triangle of yellow hair and a taller one, slim and with blue skin in a dress were walking away from me to the other side of the roof. “If he’s so ‘ _damaged’_ , why doesn’t he just retreat into his gem?!”

“He’s only half gem…” the blue one said worriedly.

“ _So_!? He’s still _got_ one! Got more powers than me without even _trying_ ” the tiny green gem ended in a mumbling grumble and her shoulders sagged. The blue one reached out to put a hand on the green ones shoulder, but hesitated and grabbed her own wrist behind her back instead. “I don’t get to see him for weeks because of Ja – _her_ ‘needing time’” she did sarcastic air quotes. “Bah! Why does _she_ get to see Amethyst all the time too?! Just because she’s a _quartz_ …”

The blue gem remained silent and had tensed up when the green one had begun to say what I assumed had meant to be Jasper’s name.

“You know she’s shacked up with a _human_ now, right? Amethyst told me the other day. I couldn’t believe my flipping ears. _Her_! And a fucking _organic_!”

“What?” the blue one said, stopping in her tracks and looking at the green one.

“I know right! Some human called ‘Kerida’ or something, pff…” she was talking about _me_! Please don’t turn around…

“The one who… brought her here?” the blue one sounded strange.

“ _Apparently_ ” the green one began sarcastically. “They’re ‘disgustingly _cute_ ’ together” she made more air quotes. “Bleh! It’s disgraceful! The Kindergarten Quartz That Could – with one of _them_ ” she waved a small arm to indicate all of humanity. “I mean she’s the _worst_ , but _come on_ , show some self-respect…”

“… Cute…” the blue one said faintly. Something hard came over her features and she looked up into the sky. “Let’s go home” she mumbled and there was a weird sound and pale blue _wings_ expanded from the tear drop shaped gem on her back. That must be her. _That must be Lapis_ … ‘ _We could fly_ …’ echoed in my head. She bent down so the green one could climb onto her back – so that must be Peridot then… Lapis beat her wings with a wooshing sound and they took off _fast_ , Peridot letting out a mewling whine that faded as they moved further away. I felt my knees give way and I sagged to the ground. They hadn’t seen me, hadn’t thought to turn around… My heart was beating so fast! I clutched at it as I felt a wave of nausea threaten to overwhelm me. I breathed deeply and began to sing my calm down song. I had to repeat it four times, because the anxiety kept spiking. Finally calm I went inside to say a quick hi to Steven, and if Greg wasn’t ready to go yet I’d take a cab home.

I was moving fast through the corridor and nearly ran into Greg as he rounded a corner.

“Oh! Hi, I’ve been looking for you – Doctor Andersen said you were probably having a smoke. Steven’s pretty beat now so we should let him rest, would you mind seeing him tomorrow instead?”

“No, no, that’s fine” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. Perfect. Let’s get the fuck out of here. As we passed Steven’s room I threw an eye in there – Steven was lying on his side, one hand on the pillow with Pearl’s gem on it. The sweetness of the moment wasn’t enough to distract me from the thoughts rolling around in my head. Greg and I walked out of the hospital and sat down in the van.

“What’s up Erica, you seem… upset?” he asked carefully. Shit. Could I use the ‘I’m in pain’ excuse again? No, that wouldn’t work. I desperately wanted to talk to someone about what I had overheard, but not with Greg…

“I… don’t want to talk about it” with you, I added in the privacy of my own head.

“Oh, OK. No worries” he started the van and turned on the radio. We sat in awkward silence for a while. Was I being rude? He was giving me a ride after all. I swallowed hard and tried to think of something to talk about.

“So… how’s the car wash going?” I asked stiffly.

“Fine, fine…” more awkward silence. Well, fuck. At least I had tried. Thankfully the ride wasn’t that long. I thanked him and he said he’d be by tomorrow at the same time. When he drove off I looked at the time; it was only half past two. Jasper probably wouldn’t be home for hours yet. I went into the house to check, but it was empty. Shit. Could I call my best friend? No, it was the middle of the night where she was… Fuck! Parker then? No… same situation essentially. Maybe Garnet was in the temple? Maybe she knew where Jasper and Amethyst had gone. And I could pick up a new lighter on the way there. I set off at a brisk pace, plugging in my headphones and putting on some calming music. It didn’t help much. I bought a lighter in the grocery store and headed toward the beach, lighting a cigarette as I walked.

When I reached the temple I was sweating slightly. A lot. I was sweating a lot. I pounded on the door and waited for a long time, but no one came.

“Shit!” I cursed, green and blue sparks coming with it. There was a heavy creak of the stairs behind me and I turned around hopefully. “Gar- huh? _Lion_?!” 

* * *

 

*The last part of the scene was inspired by ‘Side-step’ by [airandangels](http://archiveofourown.org/users/airandangels/pseuds/airandangels). Check out their work – it’s excellent! And so very, _very_ NSFW ;)

^This is of course referring to the episode ‘Alone at sea’. In this fanfic, they still went on the boat trip, but didn’t meet Jasper, obviously. They drove the boat back to shore safely. Since Lapis didn’t meet Jasper, her character development is somewhere around ‘Hit the Diamond’.

* * *

Please review :)


	38. Sacred place

## Chapter 38: Sacred place  


The great pink animal padded up the steps and stared at me in surprise for a moment before he put his forehead in the middle of my chest.

“Where have you _been_?” I asked him distractedly, forgetting how upset I was for a second. He made a rumbling noise in his throat and rubbed his head against my torso. “Steven has missed you!” at the mention of Steven’s name his ears perked up and he made a ‘MROW’ sound. “Steven’s in the hospital, he got injured…” Lion stood up straighter and stared me in the eye. “I don’t think they allow… lions there” I said slowly. “But he’ll be home soon, in a few days I think” Lion’s head drooped a little. “He’s going to be just fine, though” I patted Lion’s fluffy mane and then sat down on a chair and lit a cigarette. He put his heavy head on my knees. I picked up my phone and turned on the camera. “I think that Steven would really like a picture. Say cheese” I sent Steven the photo with the caption ‘Look who found his way home :)’

I sighed and started to walk down the stairs. Lion made a noise and then followed me. What the hell was I going to do now? I kicked at the sand as I made my way back to the boardwalk. Lion ran up to the Big Donut and looked back at me expectantly. Maybe Sadie could lend an ear? The bell tinkled as I opened the door and then I got pushed aside as Lion dashed in and immediately pressed his head against the fridge that held the Lion Lickers.

“Oof, Jesus Lion, come on… Sorry Sadie, I’ll get him out”

“Hey Erica, hi Lion – and don’t worry, he comes in here all the time” Sadie said brightly then her eyes slid over my sweaty face. “Is… everything OK?”

“Honestly?” please say yes.

“Of course”

“No, stuff is pretty far from OK… I know you’re working, but… I could _really_ use someone to talk to right now”

Her forehead creased in a worried frown. The place was completely empty. “Sure” she stepped out from the counter and grabbed a couple of cups and poured us some coffee. We sat down at a table and she pushed one cup toward me.

“Thanks” I said gratefully

 “So what’s going on?” she asked kindly. I wracked my brain, not really sure how to put it. Truth-ish was probably safest.

“I guess you could say I ran into one of Jasper’s exes today. _The_ ex…”

“Oh… well, that’s never easy”

“This person was _very_ abusive…”

“Against… Jasper? But she’s so like...” Sadie flexed her arms.  

“It doesn’t matter what _size_ you are…” I said a little reproachfully.

“Yeah, sorry you’re right. Please go on” she sipped her coffee.

“I’ve been thinking about this ex from time to time and they make me so angry I hardly know what to _do_ with myself. I get all… primal about it. Like, pound my chest and _roar_ kind of rage. I will fight for my mate or offspring or _clan_ or whatever till the death, kind of rage” I let out a breath. “But I have people around me that know the ex and they’re saying the ex is actually a nice person, that they’re _sad_ and _lost_ and that I should let it go, or forgive them. Jasper doesn’t know how I feel about the ex, or I don’t _think_ she knows at least. I’m afraid to bring it up because they really, really, _really_ messed her up _and…_ they’re also the reason we met in the first place…”

“Whoa…” Sadie said and leaned back a little.

“I saw them today, for the first time – they didn’t see me – they _did_ seem sad and kind of meek, but then their friend was talking shit about Jasper and me and how disgraceful it was for a gem to be with a human… I don’t know what to do… I’m sure we’ll run into the ex sooner or later so we should talk about it but… I don’t know how to bring it up… I’m _pretty damn sure_ I would assault them given the slightest provocation and that scares me. Both because they’re _more_ than capable of killing me and because I’m not sure I’d be able to stop until they were dust…” I shook my head at the last thing I said. Was it true? Maybe. Oh, fuck me sideways. I rubbed my face and groaned. “And I can’t _not_ talk about this with her _today_ , because she’ll know something’s up and” I sighed. “I’m sorry I’m just dumping all this on you”

Sadie looked a little stunned. “That’s certainly a lot… to take in” she thought for a moment. “Can’t you call the police?”

If it had really been an ex, and you know, _human_ , I probably would have got the police involved as soon as I found out about it. But Jasper and Lapis were aliens, so getting the earth police involved could only complicate things. “I don’t think that’d help in this situation…” I said with a sigh. “And Jasper isn’t… wasn’t some innocent maiden taken in by an evil person or anything – they’ve both done some pretty messed up stuff in the past, but, you know, Jasper’s my… my… _beastie_. I get irrational”

Sadie smiled slightly and patted my hand. “When it comes to protecting the people we love, it’s natural to get a little irrational…”

Love? We had barely known each other two months – I knew I was _in_ love with her, but did I _love_ her? Was this why I got so angry about Lapis? I tried to picture Sadie being in Jasper’s place with Malachite and that still made me want to hurt Lapis, but somehow less intensely – there wasn’t that desperate, urgent _need_ to do something about it right fucking now… _Shit_. I loved Jasper.

“What would you do in my situation?” I asked her.

“Me? Oh, I don’t know… I’d probably avoid them at all costs. I’m pretty sure I’d lose it if I saw the person who had hurt the person I love. Guess that’s not much help, is it?”

I smiled at her. “Makes me feel less of a savage, at least… Gods… If I hadn’t heard the others, saying the ex is nice and stuff – it’d be _so_ much easier – then I could just go on hating her” oh fuck me. This is what Pearl was talking about. This exact thing. Shit fuck! Oh… I was going to have to do the same thing she had done, wasn’t I? Forgive Lapis. But I wasn’t ready to do that. Guh! It left a bitter taste in my mouth. Heroes and Monsters…

“I know, right? If and when you meet them, if you can avoid throwing the first punch I think it’d be OK. Because then if _they_ start a fight, you’ve got a right to defend yourself. And if they don’t pick a fight, maybe you can find out what kind of person they are and I don’t know, learn to be OK around them”

“That makes sense” oh my gods it felt good to have some sort of plan. “But what do I tell Jasper?”

“If it were me and someone I was with told me that they’d fight to the death to defend me, honestly I think I would feel very flattered. And protected” I remembered Jasper saying that whenever I talked about my family it made her angry. That had made me feel better, so maybe she’d feel the same way? “Ask her what she would want you to do, if you met the ex together. I think that’d be good, because, then you’d know how to behave, right? The most important thing is making her feel safe, right?”

“Yes, definitely” I nodded. “OK, so… Ask what Jasper wants, tell her how I feel and don’t throw the first punch…”

“Yeah” Sadie smiled at me.

“Thanks Sadie, I really needed to hash that out” I sat back in my chair and took a drink. “Fuck… I love her” I felt myself smiling like an idiot.

“Yeah, I knew that already” she giggled a little.

“You did?” I raised my eyebrows at her.

“It’s kind of obvious, the way you look at her…” I felt my cheeks grow hot.

“Oh… I don’t have that vapid, dreamy look do I?”

“Hah, no. You just look very happy and your eyes go like… soft and warm. It’s really cute. What I wouldn’t give to have someone look at _me_ that way…” she let out a little sigh and took another sip of coffee.

“It’ll come when you _least_ expect it, trust me on that” I said with a smile. I felt a lot better now. Having a plan always helped me calm down. We continued to chat about this and that for a few minutes, then an old couple came in and Sadie had to go back to work. I insisted on paying for the coffee and bought some donuts and a Lion Licker for Lion – he had kept his nose pressed against the fridge the entire time we’d been talking – and then left to go home after giving Sadie a big hug. Lion devoured the ice cream and then started to follow me home. When we got there I opened the door and he barged past me.

“Hey! No! CAKE!!!” I shouted in sudden panic and Lion stopped and reversed out, almost bawling me over. A _furious_ , hissing, spitting Cake side-stepped towards the door, hackles raised. Lion retreated away from her, looking terrified. I instantly thought of Granny Weatherwax’s cat You who put the infamous Greebo in his place. “Yeah, you tell him Cake” I said and moved up the step. “He can come in, _if_ he behaves” Cake settled and wound around my ankle and Lion took a tentative step toward the door. Cake turned to glare at him and he sat down, almost like a soldier being called to attention. Cake strutted up to him and sniffed at his paws, then hissed as he tried to move and he froze, one giant pink foot lifted in the air. Then she turned her back on him, washed herself nonchalantly and then traipsed back inside. Lion followed very carefully and walked through to the garden. I went after them to see what would happen next. Cake lay in her favorite sunbathing area and Lion went to lie down half in the shade, keeping a respectful distance to her.  He looked up at me with widened eyes and then lay his head down and gazed at Cake, mesmerized. It made me smile, despite everything and I took a picture.

“You behave yourselves or I’m getting the spray bottle” I went into the kitchen to make myself some coffee, then sat down on the couch with my sketchpad. I tried to draw Lion and Cake, but it didn’t turn out very well. After a while I gave up and just lay down and listened to some music. I set an alarm if I should fall asleep. I closed my eyes for a moment.

I woke to the sound of the alarm and found Cake lying curled up on my stomach and Lion’s big head on my legs.

“Mmh cats” I slurred and Cake opened her eyes and stretched her legs in the air and Lion licked his nose. I lay in the cozy warmth for a little while, scratching Cake’s ears. The cicadas sang, and the air smelled of the coming autumn. It put me in the mood to make a stew and I put Cake down so I could get up.

“Lion, come on, get off” I said and wiggled my legs. He opened one eye and lifted his chin a little so I could drag my legs out. “You’re too kind” I said sarcastically and patted his mane. He gave a little huff and lay back down. I went into the kitchen and got vegetables and meat out of the fridge and started to cook. I didn’t follow a particular recipe, letting my taste buds guide me. I turned on some music as I worked, deciding I’d make some buns too, to dip in the stew. It was really hard to knead the dough with plastic gloves on, but I persevered. Just as I put them in the oven, the front door opened and Jasper strode in.

“Mmmm oh my stars…” she walked up and gave me a hug from behind, sniffing the air appreciatively. “Hello, little monster” she purred in my ear. “What’s that you’re making? It smells wonderful…”

“Hello, beastie” I said with a smile. “It’s improvised stew. It should be done in a little while, and the buns too”

“Excellent… I’m hungry” she kissed me sweetly on the cheek. “How did things go at the hospital?” I stiffened slightly at her question. She drew back a little. “Is something wrong?”

I sighed and turned around to face her. “Beastie… I really want to talk to you about something, but I don’t want to scare you or push you, so please stop me if… if you want or need to, OK? Can we sit down?”

“Sit?” she looked apprehensive. “Did… did I do something?”

“You? No, no” I smiled a little. “No, you haven’t done anything” we sat down opposite each other at the kitchen table and I held out my hands for her. She grabbed them uncertainly. “I want to talk about… Lapis – and Peridot” a few blue and purple sparks leapt out of me at the name. Jasper’s hands tightened around mine as she stiffened up. I rubbed my thumbs over hers. “Would that be OK?”

She stared at me, her lips parting in surprise. After a few seconds she nodded slightly.

“When we were on the way to the hospital today, Greg received a text from Steven that said Lapis and Peridot were visiting him. I overheard them talking on the roof when I was out for a smoke. They didn’t know I was there… I just froze up and listened. Peridot said some really nasty things about you, and me too… I don’t know. I was so stunned by them appearing that I couldn’t do anything – I didn’t think they’d come out onto the roof, I was trying to avoid them because I didn’t know how you wanted to… deal with them…”

Jasper looked at me with wide eyes, then swallowed hard. “I haven’t… thought about them much lately, to be honest… I don’t really know how or even _if_ I want to deal with them at all…”

“I think Steven asked them to stay away from you, so you could have time to adjust or something. That makes me think he wants you to meet at some point… I’m pretty sure you can’t avoid them forever. I’m not saying that to be mean or anything”

“I know that, babe… So many things have happened lately that I kind of forgot that they were there…” she gave a strange little half smile. “I don’t really know how to feel about Lapis” she said slowly. “ _I_ feel so different now; it’s almost like what happened… happened to a different person…” she ran her fingers through her hair. “There’s still… fear… and anger inside, but _less_ somehow… I don’t know if I’d want to fight her or run from her. And there’s a part of me that wants to _talk_ to her” she grimaced and shook her head slowly. “But I have no idea about what…How do you feel about all… this?” she asked me carefully.

 “To tell the whole truth… My first instinct is to destroy her… Whenever her name comes up, I get so angry I hardly know what to do with myself…” my nostrils flared and I looked down onto the table. “It both scares and excites me how _much_ I want to hurt her, for what she did to you…” little tendrils of blue light twisted through the air and there was a rumble as of a very far away thunderstorm. “But it’s your decision – anything you want to do, fight, run, talk – I’ve got your back, darling” I said emphatically and squeezed her hands.  I looked up at Jasper’s face and was astonished to find her staring at me with intensity.

“Darling?”

“You would fight her… with me?”

“Of course” blue sparks and thunder accompanied me. “I would run with you too. Or be by your side when you talk. Or leave you to do it alone, if that’s how you want it… Whatever makes you comfortable”

“Thank you, honey… I don’t think I’ll know what I want to do until I’m there, though”

“That’s OK too” I said reassuringly.

She stroked my knuckles with her thumbs and breathed out a long breath, her shoulders relaxing. “I know one thing though”

“What’s that?”

“I want you with me” she looked me in the eye and I nodded at her decisively.

“Good” it made her smile and I felt ten stories tall. My phone began to ring. “Just ignore it” it was lying on the table and Jasper glanced at it.

“It’s… Steven” she looked back up at me worriedly. “Answer it” I hastened to do so, putting it on speaker.

“Hello, Steven? Is everything OK?” I asked quickly.

“LION!” he shouted so loud both Jasper and I leaned away from the phone. “Wohoo!” Jasper looked at me, confused.

“Oh yeah” I said, remembering he had come home with me.

“I’m so happy he’s back! Thank you so much for the picture! Is he OK? Did he leave?”

“Hi, Steven – he seemed OK. He followed me home, he was in the garden a little while ago, I think he’s still there” Jasper looked at me with raised eyebrows and whispered; “Lion’s _here_?” I nodded and stood up to go check.

“Ohh! Can I talk to him??” I stuck my head outside - Cake was lying in the spot where I had left her and Lion lifted his head off the sofa at the sound of Steven’s voice.

“Sure, Steven, I think he just heard you” Lion got to his feet and walked up to me, looking around for Steven.

“Hey you big goof-ball!” Steven cooed from the phone, Lion looked at it and said ‘Mrawrrdh’. “Aww I missed you too!” I heard the ding of the egg timer and the opening and closing of the oven door. The buns must be done. Jasper joined me outside. “Where have you been all this time?” Steven asked and Lion made a rumbling noise. “You were a very naughty boy, you know that? Leaving me and Erica in the Kindergarten just like that!” Lion huffed indignantly and I couldn’t help but snigger. Jasper went to sit down on the sofa, Cake climbing onto her lap. “But you know I can’t stay mad at you” Steven said in a sing-song voice. “Erica, can you bring him by the hospital tomorrow? I really want to see him!” Jasper smiled at this.

“Um, I don’t think lions are allowed at the hospital” I said, trying not to laugh.

“Please? I can go outside; the doctor’s said I should move around a bit every day”

“Hmm… If both the doctors _and_ your dad say it’s OK I might be able to purr-suade Lion to meet you” Lion looked at me hopefully and Steven laughed at my terrible pun. Jasper grimaced and I smirked.

“I’ll ask them right now! I’ll call you back!” he said excitedly and hung up. I started to laugh.

“Oh my gods…” Lion had a comically confused look on his feline face. I went to sit down next to Jasper and he put his head in my lap, staring at me with his big black eyes. “It’s not my decision, Lion” I said and patted his head.

“What exactly did they say?” Jasper asked out of the blue. “When you overheard them”

“Oh… Um” I tried to remember. “Hmm… They talked about the hospital, and Peridot complained that it was using really old technology or something. Then she wondered why Steven didn’t just retreat into his gem if he was so damaged. Then she complained she hadn’t got to see Steven in weeks because you” I looked up at Jasper “’needed time’” I mimicked Peridot making the sarcastic air quotes. “Then she moaned about not being able to see Amethyst either and then she” I scoffed. “Then she told Lapis that you had shacked up with a ‘fucking organic’, that it was disgraceful and that you should have some self-respect. Honestly I don’t know if I should laugh or cry about it”

Jasper huffed indignantly. “Peridot’s a little shit”

“She described us as ‘disgustingly cute’ and that seemed to upset Lapis, because they left straight after”

“’Disgustingly cute’?”

“Yeah, Amethyst’s words I think” I said with a little smirk.

Jasper huffed again. “Amethyst needs to get her head out her ass…”

The phone rang once more.

“They said it was OK for a little while!” Steven said excitedly.

“Alright then, we’ll see you tomorrow”

“Bye guys!” he hung up.

I shook my head slowly. “Guess we’re gonna have to bring you in the van then” I said with a little laugh and scratched Lion behind the ear.

“Why not use his portal things?” Jasper asked.

“Well…” I glanced at Lion. “I don’t know exactly where he’d take me” Lion’s eyes widened and he looked at me intently. “But you want to see Steven, right? Maybe you could just go there by yourself?” Lion turned his head to the side and rubbed it against my legs, making a pitiful little noise.

“Hah, stars…” Jasper snorted. “I think he wants you to go with him, babe” Lion’s eyes flicked up to look at Jasper and then back at me, letting out a “Mrrrwwhhmm”.

“Do you promise to take me take me to the hospital directly, no funny business?” Lion dipped his head once. “Alright, fine” I sighed with a little smile. Lion snuggled into my lap and made a pleased sound. Jasper chuckled and looked at me.

“He’s not sleeping with us”

When we went to bed later that evening, Lion was laying spread eagled on the sheets. Jasper handled the situation by simply lifting him by the scruff of the neck and carrying him outside. I have never seen an animal look so surprised.

“Holy crap” I said as she came back into the living room. “One armed Lion lift…” Jasper chuckled appreciatively and undressed to put on her pajamas. I did the same and soon we lay down, Jasper’s head on my chest.

“Could you rub my belly?” she looked up at me with a crease between her eyebrows.

“Is it celebration time already?”

“No” I smiled down at her. “It just feels nice” Jasper laughed.

“Sure, babe” she began stroking my stomach and I let out a happy sigh. After a moment’s silence Jasper asked; “Could you… stroke my hair?” she sounded vulnerable and my heart melted.

“Of course, darling” I said softly and began to do so, very gently. I smiled to myself. When we met, that first confusing day on the island, I would never have been able to picture us lying like this. I felt incredibly lucky. It could have gone wrong in so many ways. This big, beautiful gem, so powerful in many ways, yet so vulnerable in others. She trusted me. She wanted me. I must be the luckiest daughter of a bitch there ever was.

***

In the middle of breakfast next morning someone knocked on our door. Jasper went to open, and I could hear a girl stammering faintly;

“Oh my g – I mean good morning! We-we-we’ve got a p-package for an E-Erica Brooks?”

“Honey? You’ve got a package” Jasper called over her shoulder. I joined them by the door.

“Hello” I said with a smirk. I was quite starting to enjoy Jasper’s effect on strangers. It was both funny and a little flattering, because she was with me of all people. The delivery girl handed me three boxes and held out an electronic clip board for me to sign.

“Sign here please” she said and I did so. “Thank you and have a wonder woman day – wonderful! Wonderful day!” she blushed scarlet and retreated quickly. I had to fight really hard not to burst out laughing.

“Wonder woman?” Jasper asked as she closed the door.

“Hah, oh my gods, talk about Freudian slip… Wonder woman is a superhero. A very _sexy_ super hero”

The grin on Jasper’s face was _incredibly_ smug and she strutted cockily back into the kitchen. I sniggered at her and then grabbed a knife to open the packages. The first one contained the new satellite phones, sim-card and tablet and the second one was my fire-resistant jumpsuit, gloves and face protection. The third one held all the different pieces of the EDC kit.

“Nice!” I said and pulled on the gloves carefully. It was a bit snug with the bandages. I tried on the balaclava-like object as well – Jasper turned around and burst out laughing, almost dropping the bowl of waffle batter. I hurried into the bathroom to check what I looked like – it had one hole for each eye. I looked like a ridiculous, demented ninja and sniggered at myself in the mirror.

“Sorry, babe, I _so_ was not prepared for _that_!” Jasper pointed at my face and held her stomach.

“Hah, it’s meant to keep me safe, not look pretty” I giggled and pulled it off.

“Oh my stars, if you wear that around Amethyst you’ll never live it down!” she laughed some more.

“Well, I’d rather be ridiculous and alive than pretty and dead” I stuck my tongue out at her.

I put all the devices to charge and changed my sim-card.

“I think they need to charge for a long time now, so we can probably use them starting tomorrow”

“Alright” Jasper looked a little excited and held up the compact tablet carefully. It was the size of a regular smart phone in her hands and I knew there were some apps out there to make all the icons bigger. I put on the jumpsuit over my pajamas and stretched and walked around in it to test it out. It was a dark gray color and quite roomy – it didn’t hinder my movements at all. It had deep pockets, too.

“How do I look?” I asked Jasper and she looked me up and down.

“You look good. Comfy” she said and nodded.

“It is pretty comfy yeah. Bespoke tailoring is the shit, I really have to say” still wearing the jumpsuit, I began to assemble the EDC-kit. To my extreme delight, I managed to cram all the things into the oversized tin cup. It held two liters or around half a gallon and was slightly curved. In its green and black canvas case it looked like a slightly oversized fanny pack. I strapped it around my waist and tried to find a comfortable spot for it. The back of my right hip, I decided. Then it was out of the way and I could still reach it easily. It was quite heavy, but if I tightened the belt another notch it felt better.

After breakfast Jasper went off with Amethyst and I loafed around the house, doing some laundry and other little chores. It was a little chilly today so I put on a black hoodie carefully. When it was almost time to go to the hospital again I went out into the garden to find Cake and Lion lying in the sunlight together.

“Aww… have you guys become friends now?” they raised their heads to look at me, Cake yawning. “We should get going, Lion” he rose to his feet and stretched out, then shook himself and smacked his lips. We went through the house to the front and I picked up my EDC on the way. On the lawn outside Lion lay down and I straddled him awkwardly.

“Let’s take it nice and easy, OK?” Lion huffed and stood up, then began walking slowly out of town. I fell into the rhythm of his gait and wound my hands in his mane carefully so not to pull at it. When we reached the fields he began to trot and then canter sedately. “This is wonderful!” I said over the rushing wind and Lion growled happily and put on a burst of speed. I started to laugh and butterflies streamed behind me. After the fields came a forest and Lion’s paws thundered across the soft ground. The trees zipped past in a blur and I was thoroughly enjoying myself, whooping and laughing. Lion seemed to be having fun too. A river was approaching fast and I could feel his muscles bunch up and then stretch as he cleared the water in one graceful leap. Too soon, we reached the first buildings of the hospital and Lion slowed to a trot and then a walk. He was panting slightly and I hugged his mane. “Oh, Lion that was awesome!”

Steven was sitting with Greg on a bench right outside the hospital entrance and Lion sped up again.

“Lion!” Steven shouted when he saw us. “Come here, you!” Lion rubbed his head on Steven in greeting and I slid off his back.

“That was so much fun” I said breathlessly and smiled, pulling a twig out of my hair. “Hi Steven, hi Greg. How’s it going?”

“Mfhuahhahaha Lion, oh my gosh I missed you sooo much!” Steven gushed – completely distracted by the big pink animal.

“We’re fine” Greg smiled at me. “The doctors are saying Steven can go home in a few days, barring any complications”

“That’s great news!” a bright golden butterfly appeared. “I think I should head upstairs so I won’t be late. I’d love to come by afterwards though, if that’d be OK?”

“Sure, sure. We’ll be up in _ten minutes_ ” he said emphatically, turning to Steven. “And not a minute more” I smiled at them and headed inside. Brown cleaned my arms and redressed them neatly. She told me they were healing fine and that I should start weaning myself off the morphine while keeping the other pain management at full force. She warned me of the symptoms of morphine withdrawal and that I should ask for help sooner rather than later, if any problems arose. It made me feel a bit uneasy – the pain I had felt when Evans had messed up my medication schedule had been motherfucking terrible. I had zero interest in reliving it. Brown reassured me it would be OK and that I had healed quite a bit since that day. I thanked her and we made an appointment for the same time tomorrow. She accompanied me to the nurses’ station and we said goodbye, she turned right and I left toward Steven’s room. I knocked and Steven waved me inside.

“Thank you so much for bringing Lion” he said with a huge grin. “My dad just went to get us some snacks”

“How are you doing, kiddo? Greg said you might get to go home soon” I zipped up my hoodie.

“I feel OK mostly, just get really tired really fast. This place is great though, everyone is so nice. And I think one of the nurses has a crush on my dad” he said and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh really?” I said conspiratorially. “Who?” Steven looked over his shoulder to make sure there was no one to overhear us.

“It’s Janet! The head nurse!

“Oh, she’s so kind” I felt really touched – Janet was a lovely lady in her late forties. “Do you want to play a game? I think I saw a chess board out in the oh my fucking gods” Pearl’s gem had started glowing and rose slowly into the air. I stared in awe as a sketchy white mannequin appeared, it grew features, clothes and hair and then dropped lightly to the floor.

“Pearl’s back!” Steven shouted gleefully and threw himself at her waist and she grunted and nearly fell over.

“S-Steven?!” she wrapped her arms around him tightly and picked him up. “Ohh, thank the _stars_! You’re _alive_!” Steven laughed happily and Pearl began to cry. “I’m so sorry! I should never have taken you to that place! I didn’t know that _thing_ was there, I swear... Oh, Steven, my Steven...”

“Aww, Pearl it’s OK… We made it out. Well, Connie and Erica did all the work; I was asleep for all of it”

“What? Where are they? How long was I – ” Pearl stared around, wild eyed “Are we in a _hospital_?!”   Then she spotted me and froze. “Erica? Erica!” she waved at me to come and hug her as well. I stood up with a smile and joined them, receiving a slightly damp and rib cracking hug. “I’m _so_ sorry” she wailed into my shoulder.

“It’s alright, Pearl, just like Steven said, we got home and everyone’s going to be fine” I tried to sound reassuring through my relieved laughter. “I’m so happy you’re back! We’ve missed you! What happened to you?”

“I led the creature off, made it follow me for hours. I wanted to get it as far away from you as I possibly could… Then it cornered me and… The last thing I can remember is its mouth coming toward me fast…” she released us from the hug and she looked from Steven to me and then back again. “Tell me what happened to _you_ ” she said seriously “Tell me _everything_ ”

Steven looked at me. “OK, so when you led it away, I ran to the kids – Steven had a bump on his head so I picked him up and we ran, but we got lost and couldn’t find the path. It was getting dark, so we decided to make camp. Connie and I built a shelter and a fire and were just going to wait for the dawn, but the creature found us in the middle of the night and attacked us” Pearl gasped loudly. “It got its head stuck between the two huge rocks we built the shelter on and then I could attack it and it poofed – we found _three_ gems inside, yours included. When it got light Connie found the path to the warp pad and we went home, then we came here”

“It was a _fusion_?!” Pearl said, sounding dumbstruck. “I knew something was off about it but… Oh my stars…”

“We think it was a fusion… Jasper said the gems were two other kinds of jaspers”

“Jaspers, really?” Steven asked in surprise.

“That’s what Jasper said” Pearl looked me up and down.

“How did you poof… _that_?” she asked, looking stunned.

“Lightning and a stick” I said and Pearl’s eyes roved my body, fixating on my hands.

“Erica, your hands… Steven, why haven’t you healed her?!” Pearl almost sounded angry now.

“I offered, but – “ Steven began.

“Steven didn’t come out of there unharmed, remember? He used his healing powers on two people who were _way_ worse off than me and it _hurt_ him…” I said quietly.

“What?” Pearl squawked, staring at Steven.

“Garnet said I shouldn’t because I’ve got a concussion… but I’m much better now!” Steven said reassuringly. “I get to go home soon, too”

Pearl looked distraught. “How’s Connie? Oh _no_ did I miss her birthday?!”

“Connie’s fine, she was just a little dehydrated when we got back. And yeah, sorry, you missed it” Steven’s tone was apologetic.

“How long have I been gone?” she asked in a quiet voice.

“A week and a day, I think” I said.

Pearl sank down on a chair. “I was _trying_ to hurry up, but I never know how _long_ it’s going to take to regenerate – I don’t understand how Amethyst can be so quick about it…” she rubbed her face. “Did I miss something else?”

“Lion’s back!” Steven said happily. “Erica found him yesterday”

“I didn’t find him, he found _me_. I’m pretty sure he was looking for _you_ , kid” I ruffled Steven’s hair gently.

“Pearl, look!” Steven held up his phone and showed her the picture I had sent him yesterday. “Oh, but why were you at the house, Erica?”

“Uh, I was looking for Garnet, well Jasper really, thought she might know where Jasper and Amethyst had gone yesterday… I wanted to talk to her about… something…” Pearl looked up at me worriedly. “Maybe it would be good to tell someone where we are _going_ from now on? Like, everyone. So we can find each other in an emergency? Me and Jasper have just got some satellite phones for that purpose, but those can break…” the sound of the satellite phone case being crushed echoed in my head.

“I think that sounds like a _fantastic_ idea!” Greg’s voice came from behind us. His arms were full of snacks that he dumped out on Steven’s bed. “Hey, Pearl, welcome back!”

“Hello Greg” she said a little sheepishly. “I’m sorry about – “

“No need to be sorry, Pearl – it wasn’t your fault that thing was there, and Steven’s concussion’s loads better, and so is Erica’s arms”

“Arms?” Pearl turned to me. “Show me” she commanded and I slipped one arm out of my hoodie – her voice brooked no disobeying. My heart broke a little when I saw her eyes brimming with tears at the sight of it.

“They’re healing fine, Pearl, please don’t be sad…” I was almost begging her. They were hard enough to deal with without having someone else crying over them. She wiped her eyes and grabbed my hand carefully.

“I’m _so_ – “ she began, but the door opened and a nurse strode in, stopped in her tracks and glared at us.

“ _Mister_ Universe! I’ve _told_ you, _no more_ than two visitors at a time, _including_ you!” her voice was steely.

“Um… I’ll go, I need to get home anyway”

“I’ll go too, I want to get to the temple and… talk to Amethyst and Garnet. Excuse me, miss? When can I come back and visit?” Pearl asked the nurse politely.

“Tomorrow!” she said angrily.

“See you tomorrow then” Pearl said and hugged him tightly. I leant in for a hug too and then the nurse glared us out of the room. We went downstairs together, Pearl seemed deep in thought.

“I’ll call a cab” I said and did so. “They’ll be here in five minutes” I went to the smoking area and lit a cigarette.

“Erica. Come with me to the temple” Pearl said, looking at me intently. It wasn’t a question.

“Um, OK, but… why? Don’t you want to talk to Amethyst and Garnet?”

“I do, but before that… I’m going to take you to Rose’s fountain…” she said it as if it had some sort of religious significance.

“The what now?” I asked with raised eyebrows.

“Rose’s fountain… It’s in a remote sanctuary… It’s full of Rose’s healing _tears_ ”

“Oh” I said in complete surprise.

“I’ve never brought anyone who isn’t a crystal gem there… I think the others would be OK with me bringing _you_ there, but… It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission” her eyes were determined. “I just can’t let you go around like that, Erica… Not after what you did for Steven and Connie…”

I felt my cheeks flush. I didn’t know what to say to this.

“I could tell that there’s more to the story than what you told me upstairs… Would you please tell me all of it?”

“Are you sure you want to know?” I asked carefully.

“I have to know… So I can make amends… Starting with you, Erica”

“OK…” I began to tell her everything. All of it, including what happened at the hospital with the CTs, Evans, Connie’s party and the car wreck. It took quite some time and we were half way up the stairs to Steven’s house when I finally finished. Pearl hadn’t said a word and had spent most of the time getting here looking at the ground.

“Pearl, it’s OK. I’ve been thinking about it and… This really was the best outcome it could have gotten, given the circumstances. I’ve had to convince both Connie and myself not to blame ourselves for what happened. You shouldn’t either” she looked up at me with a sad smile.

“You’re so kind, Erica, but I was responsible for all of you”

“And you led it away from us, even though you were terrified and that gave us time to find that spot, so it could get stuck – if _that_ hadn’t happened, we’d _all_ be dead”

She sighed deeply. “Logically, your arguments make sense. But still… I feel so guilty” we had reached the warp pad now. “And I think I need to, for now. I must do better in future” she said decisively. “Are you ready?” I nodded at her and the warp pad activated with a ping. When the blue and white light faded I looked out over a flat area surrounded by jagged mountain peaks. In the distance was a statue of a woman standing in the middle of a pool of some sort, and behind her a set of stairs leading up to a wall with a star shape cut out of it. The floor was painstakingly carved and I stepped off the warp pad to look around at the mountains. The air was a little thin, so we must be quite high up. Pearl walked toward the statue determinately and I followed her, feeling in awe. This was the first gem related place that I’d seen that _didn’t_ look like it had taken a beating.

“It’s beautiful here…” I said quietly.

“This is Rose’s healing spring…” Pearl spoke with reverence. “It’s where we would take injured soldiers during the war. A dip in the fountain and all their wounds would heal…” she sighed wistfully as we neared the edge of the fountain. The statue was of a voluptuous woman with her arms spread wide and her eyes closed, from them ran a steady stream which made it look like she was crying. There was one statue of the same woman in a sitting position for each side of the pool. Her facial expression was sad and serene. Pearl walked up and placed her hand on the stone equivalent of the closest statue.

“What do I do?” I asked in a hushed voice. This didn’t seem the place for loud noises.

“Just touching is enough. It is… very potent” she smiled ruefully. I leaned forward over the edge and brushed my fingertips over the surface. A warm feeling spread up my arms and a pain I had gotten used to left me. I let out a sigh and sat down on the edge of the fountain. I looked down at my hands and started to unravel the bandages – there was nothing but smooth skin.

“Oh… that feels so much better…” I sighed happily. A bright butterfly drifted through the air lazily. Pearl sat down next to me and smiled.

“You must promise not to tell anyone about this place, Erica. It is very important it remains a secret, do you understand?”

“I’m going to have to tell Jasper, Pearl, she’s going to notice…” I said uncertainly. “But she won’t tell anyone else, I can guarantee you that”

“Ah, yes… I suppose so…” she looked a little uncomfortable.

I smiled at her reassuringly, and then looked up at the statue in the middle of the fountain. "Thank you, Rose…” I figured I would call the hospital tomorrow and say I’d have my bandages changed at the clinic in Beach City from now on and then just not go there. “Priyanka knows Steven can heal, right?” I asked Pearl.

“Oh. I think so, yes” her face fell. “Stars, how am I going to face Connie’s parents?”

“If it makes you feel any better, no one has mentioned Connie not being allowed to train under you anymore, or anything like that”

“Oh, that’s a relief” Pearl smiled and her shoulders relaxed. “Erica, I’m dying to know… How did it feel for you to fuse?”

I smiled at her broadly. “It was amazing… It felt so good to be Echo with Jasper. She was so secure and warm and caring…”

Pearl smiled at me and touched my hand. “I’m so happy it was a good first experience for you. Honestly I was so surprised you _could_ fuse with Jasper. Greg tried to fuse with Rose several times, but they couldn’t manage it”

“Oh, so _that’s_ why he looked so sad…” shit, that must have been hard for him to see. “So it must be because of the dust then?” I asked her.

“I believe so” she nodded.

“So… technically I could fuse with… any of you?” I hadn’t thought about that before. It made me feel a little uncomfortable.

“Yes, I think so” she smiled.

“Whoa… But, wouldn’t that be… like, cheating?” I said uncertainly.

“Cheating?”

“Yeah, in the sense of being unfaithful, I guess” I felt my cheeks flush faintly.

“Oh… No, I don’t think so. Fusion is not a relationship, it’s a partnership. Well, _Garnet_ is a relationship, but I’ve never met anyone else that works that way”

“Partnership?” somehow it made me think of doing projects in school. I would always want to work with Robyn if it was in a class we shared, but we didn’t have to be on the same team for the project to _get done_. But of course, it was so much _easier_ and way more _fun_ when she and I were together. “I think I get it” Malachite popped into my mind unbidden and Lapis followed. “Pearl… did you guys ask Peridot and… Lapis” anger flared up inside me and there were a few blue sparks. “Did you ask them to leave Jasper be?”

Pearl looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Um, yes, as a matter of fact we did. We wanted her – and you too, to get time to get settled in. See if you even wanted to stay in town. To be honest, in the beginning I was really hoping you would just leave the country” she gave an apologetic smile. “How did you know that?”

“I overheard Lapis and Peridot talking yesterday” Pearl stared at me. “They came to visit Steven, I wanted to avoid them, so I went out for a smoke to wait for them to go, but they came out on the roof and talked for a bit before flying away. They didn’t know I was there – I didn’t spy on them or anything” I said hastily. “I just froze up and listened”

“What did they say?” Pearl asked breathlessly. 

“Peridot was angry because she hadn’t been able to see Steven and Amethyst and she said some nasty things about Jasper and me, and humanity in general… Apparently Lapis didn’t know about Jasper and me and she got this look on her face and then they left… I talked to Jasper about it later in the evening” I should probably leave it there, where it concerned Jasper.

“Maybe it’s time we had a controlled meet… See if we can work some things out” Pearl suggested carefully. I felt uneasy about the idea of Lapis and Jasper in the same place – especially since I didn’t know how Jasper was planning on dealing with it. She had said she wouldn’t know until they came face to face and I had promised to support her, no matter what she decided to do. Going into a sensitive situation like this with _too_ many options was just as unsettling to me as not having a plan at all. But I had promised Jasper. This was about her, not me. That made it a little easier to cope with, but I was sure I would still be nervous as hell. Facing your abuser head on… damn, Jasper. So incredibly brave... My heart swelled with pride. “Could you suggest that to Jasper? It… It needs to be _her_ decision”

“I will…” I suddenly felt a need to be near her. Would she be home already? “Not today though. I just… just want some time where we can just _be_ right now. Such a lot has happened lately…”

“I get what you mean” Pearl sighed with a rueful smile. “There’s no rush”

We got up and I shoved the discarded bandages in my pockets, it felt sacrilegious to just leave them in this place. Then we walked back to the warp pad and I took a last look at the statue of Rose Quartz, sending a mental thank you to her.  

“Will you warp us back?” Pearl asked kindly and I smiled and did so.

***

When I got back to the house the lights were on. I smiled and opened the door. As I stepped inside I was hit by the smell of baking.

“Darling?” I called happily and Jasper stepped into view. “Hi!”

“Hey honey” she greeted with a smile. I kicked off my shoes and went to hug her tightly. She chuckled sweetly and kissed me.

“Mmm, it smells really good in here – what are you making?”

“Cupcakes” she said with a smirk.

“Really? Oh my gods…” an image of Jasper sitting behind a table at a school bake sale flashed across my mind.

“How’d it go at the hospital today?” she asked.

“It went well, I’d have to say – Pearl reformed!” I said with a smile and Jasper raised her eyebrows.

“That’s good”

“And look” I rolled up the sleeves to my hoodie. Jasper grabbed at my arms and let out a gasp.

“Steven healed you?!”

“No – Pearl took me to Rose’s healing spring”

“Healing spring?”

“Yeah, it was really beautiful there… I just touched the water or whatever it was, and it worked just like Steven’s thing” I flexed my fingers and smiled. “It’s a secret though, so don’t tell anyone about it”

“I won’t” she smiled broadly and stroked my arms with her big warm hands. “Oh, it’s so nice to see your arms again… I… really should… thank Pearl, for this” she said slowly.

“I think she’d really appreciate that, beastie” I felt all warm and tingly inside. Cake trotted in through the door to the garden and meeped at me. I picked her up and gave her a cuddle. “Look, Cake, I’ve got my arms back to normal!” she rubbed her face in my palm and purred. Jasper chuckled and kissed my forehead.

“We should do something to celebrate” she said cheerfully.

“Oh, I know _exactly_ what I want to do right now”

“What’s that?”

“Take a long, warm _shower_ …” I said wistfully, making Jasper laugh. “And then, oh, _yes_ , sushi for dinner! I really want to show you the sushi and ice cream place!”

“That sounds wonderful, honey”

“I’ll make a reservation, oh and I should call the hospital to tell them I won’t be coming in tomorrow. Hmm, or maybe I should call Priyanka, she knows about gem stuff, so that’d probably be less of a hassle”

I made the phone calls and then threw my clothes off, Jasper raising her eyebrows at me and grinned.

“Heh… I like when you do that”

“What, strip randomly?” I giggled as I headed up the stairs.

“Yep” she said, twisting her head to look after me and I was extremely satisfied to see her with slightly pink cheeks.

I had a very long and relaxing shower, not coming out of it until my fingers were all wrinkly.

We left the sushi restaurant later that evening; our bellies full of delicious fish and ice cream. Jasper belched mightily as we strolled slowly down one of the side streets on our way back home.

“Phwoar…” I said and patted my stomach. “Now I don’t need to eat for a week at least. But man, that was _good_ …”

“Yeah” Jasper chuckled. “Who would have guessed it? Raw fish… You humans and your crazy ideas”

“Crazy _genius_ ideas” I corrected her.

***

Something soft rubbed against my arm and I drifted awake. It was the middle of the night. I turned over and found Jasper’s arm and snuggled up to it. She let out a sigh and I looked up at her face. Her eyes were open and reflecting the light of the street lamp outside.

“Bstee?” I mumbled and yawned.

“Mmm?” she hummed. She seemed deep in thought.

“Whatsch up?” she was silent for a while and I was about to fall asleep again when she spoke;

“I need to know _why_ …” her voice was a little hoarse and she sounded very serious.

“Why wht?”

“I need to know why Lapis agreed to fuse with me… Did she decide to torture me _before_ or _after_ we made Malachite?” I rose onto my elbow and put my hand on her chest, suddenly wide awake.

“Are you OK?” I asked worriedly. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“Yeah… An old memory I think” she looked down at me and put her hand over mine on the chest. Cake was lying on Jasper’s stomach.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She sighed. “I dreamt about the war… it was just after the order to return to home world came through. My troop was assigned to keeping gems in line at the galaxy warp, everyone was panicking. The warp stream was so crowded; I saw gems being pushed out of it by simply not being able to _fit_. And some were pushed out intentionally…”

“What?” I gaped. “They pushed people _out_? To where?” was there even an ‘outside’ to speak of?

“Warp space. It’s very cold there… I’ve never heard of anyone coming back from going outside the stream” she sighed. “Then I woke up just as I returned to home world. It was full of screams and people running around. There were no orders, no _order_ , period. Just… chaos”

“That sounds fucking _awful_ ” I said and kissed her on the shoulder, my mind painting pictures of terrible scenes.

“It was… That got me thinking about intentions… Did the aristocrats that pushed other gems out into the cold do it because they _had_ to? Or because they _wanted_ to?” she looked up into the ceiling where the three bubbled gems shone dully. “Or just because they _could_...”

Should I tell her my suspicions about Lapis? That she had taken an opportunity for revenge?

“Pearl suggested having a ‘controlled meet up’ with Peridot and Lapis… then you could ask her…” I clicked my jaw.

“Would she answer me?” she pondered aloud.

“I don’t know beastie, you – “I barely had time to stop myself from continuing ‘you know her best’. Jasper let out a long sigh. “How are you feeling, darling?”

“Conflicted… What would I do if she said she decided to turn on me _after_ we made Malachite because… because she saw how terrible it was to be me?” I felt an icy chill in the pit of my stomach and I was dumbstruck by the self-doubt in her voice. She was blaming herself for being tortured, for _that_ reason? “She must have been _revolted_ …”

“You think she decided to punish you for how you _felt_?” I sniffed as the tears came. “Oh, beastie, no…”

“How do you know?” she turned to me with over bright eyes.

“Because no one could be that… cruel…” I trailed off. What the hell had I just said?! Lapis had taken advantage of how much Jasper had hated herself… that had certainly been cruel but… I thought that had come, well, later in the timeline. Jasper looked at me with confusion and a hint of hurt. “I-I-I just m-meant that I’m sure _that’s not_ the reason, darling…”

“Then _why_ …” she almost wailed, her features contorting and she began to cry.

“I don’t know, sweetheart…” I moved up so I could cradle her head and stroke her hair. She buried her face in my shirt and hugged me round the middle. She remained there for a long time, shoulders shaking with sobs. I could think of many reasons why Lapis had done what she did, but I decided not to mention them. The only one who truly knew was Lapis herself… I doubted whether she would reveal the real reason, even if _Steven_ asked her… What if there _wasn’t_ any reason at all – maybe she had done it simply because she _could_ … What was that expression on her face just before they flew away from the hospital? It couldn’t have been… jealousy… right? Right? Oh what a cluster fuck this whole thing was… My poor Jasper, this must be such _agony_ for her, not knowing… I knew from experience that finding _no reason_ behind a terrible, life-altering event was devastating… Gods, what if I had found out that it was something I _was_ or _had done_ that caused the tumor? Jesus motherfucking Christ. Would Lapis have done the same thing if it was _Peridot_ that had asked her to fuse? Now _that_ was a question I wanted an answer to. I stroked Jasper’s hair slowly, making soothing noises as she gave voice to her distress. When she eventually calmed my shirt was soaked through.

“My darling Jasper…” I said softly as she wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.

“I guess I’ve reached my decision then…” she said hoarsely. “I want to talk to Lapis…”

* * *

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	39. Sliding back

## Chapter 39: Sliding back

  
We scheduled the meet up for Thursday – four days from today. That would make sure Steven was home from the hospital and his presence would keep everything civil. Or at least that was my hope. I felt nervous about it all, but Jasper seemed determined. She had become more and more quiet since our midnight talk and I was worried about her. I knew she must be facing some pretty significant inner turmoil about all this, but I wasn’t going to push her to talk. It felt like she was putting up the mental storm windows, not leaving anything to chance. There was a lot of tension in our house now, my soft cuddly Jasper replaced by this… shut down version of herself. I know she was doing this to try to protect herself from what may turn out to be a really uncomfortable and potentially devastating truth, but I wished she wouldn’t shut me out. That evening she didn’t go to bed when I did and I felt very lonely, even though Cake curled up with me. The night after that I don’t think she slept at all. I kept on thinking about the upcoming meeting; there was little else to occupy myself with to be honest. It kept me in a constant state of tension, which only served to drive Jasper further away… On Tuesday morning I found her in the kitchen, scraping a burnt waffle into the garbage. This, if anything, made me even more worried.

“Darling?” she looked up at me. “How… how are you doing?”

“Fine” she said tonelessly, it made my heart sink.

“OK… um, I’m going to see Pearl after breakfast and then I’ll go by the store on my way home… Do you want anything special? I was thinking maybe we could try to make our own… pizza…” I was trying to keep my voice positive, but I saw the expression on her face go from detached gloom, flicker briefly into sadness and then harden as I spoke.

“No, I don’t need anything” she said and turned around, presumably to make more waffles. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and I wanted to throw myself around her waist and find comfort in her soothing voice and warm embrace, but I knew that wouldn’t be possible right now. I couldn’t stay in this oppressive, wordless atmosphere and decided to leave.

“See you… later” I said as I picked up my backpack and put my shoes on. I heard her turn around again but I couldn’t bear looking at her, afraid of what I would see… and what I would not see.

My stomach growled and I decided to get a donut for breakfast, maybe I would run into Sadie. When I entered the little café Lars stood behind the counter.

“Hey” he greeted sulkily. What a fucking delight.

“Hi... Is Sadie here?” I asked, trying not to snap.

“Nah, she made me do the early shift, cuz she’s got a ‘doctor’s appointment’” he made sarcastic air quotes that instantly reminded me of Peridot. “What do you want?” he looked me up and down, grinned slightly and said; “Chocolate donuts, right?” I felt anger rising in me – what was he implying exactly?

“Yes. Chocolate. Six of them” I said suspiciously.

“My, quite the appetite you got there, Erica” his grin widened as he put the pastries in a paper bag. He obviously thought he was in control of this situation and was going to have some fun with me. “Is it your t-“

“Listen up you little cunt” I put my hands on the counter and leant forward, a few blue green sparks fizzing in the air. “I don’t know what your fucking problem is, but sort – it – out” I slammed exact change down, snatched the bag out of his unresisting hand and turned around to leave.

“Opf!” he sputtered from behind me. “You can’t talk to me that way!”

“Doesn’t feel nice, does it? Why don’t you think about how _you_ talk to others during your _nap-time_?” I said in a flat voice, feeling my insides churning. There was more spluttering behind me as I walked through the door. I kicked the sand on my way to the temple. I was quite early, maybe I could join in on their breakfast – Amethyst had joined us for meals before, dropping in randomly and demanding to be fed. A delicious smell of bacon and eggs wafted through the screen door as I knocked. I could see Steven and Pearl in the kitchen and Amethyst was lying on the counter, eating a raw onion.

“Mornin’ E” the purple gem said with her mouth full.

“Oh, hello” Pearl said a little uncertainly. She glanced up at the clock on the wall. “You’re… early this morning”

“Do you want some breakfast?” Steven offered with a smile.

“Hi… yeah, Steven I would love some. I brought donuts” I tried to smile back at him.

“Excellent!” Amethyst threw the onion over her shoulder and jumped down to let me in.

“Amethyst! You pick that up this instant!” Pearl scolded.

“It’s fine Pearl” Amethyst said nonchalantly. I stepped inside, trying to make my shoulders go down.

Pearl grumbled and went to pick up the onion herself.

“Thank you, Steven” I said as he handed me a plate of bacon, eggs and toast. “H-how does it feel to be home?”

“It feels great! Can I have a donut?”

“Of course, here” I opened the bag and put it on the table for everyone. Amethyst grabbed two and shoved both of them in her mouth at the same time.

“Steven, eat your breakfast first, then you can have a donut” Pearl said firmly. Steven nodded and began to eat.

“Don’t you usually eat breakfast with Jasper?” he asked me, munching on a slice of bacon. I felt my cheeks flush and ice fill my stomach.

“Yes, usually” I said quietly, looking down at my plate.

“What were you planning to do with Connie today, Steven?” Pearl said in a slightly forced voice.

“Oh, we’re going mini-golfing at first and then we’re gonna have a picnic in the forest with Lion” he said enthusiastically. “It’s gonna be awesome to be outside all day”

“Just don’t overdo it, Ste-man” Amethyst said and ruffled his hair.

“I won’t, I’m done with being in the hospital!”

He finished his breakfast and then grabbed a donut and his picnic basket before hugging us all goodbye. As soon as he was out of earshot Pearl spoke;

“Is everything alright, Erica?” she sounded worried.

“No” I said quietly, putting my fork down carefully. “I’m really worried about Jasper…”

“Oh yeah, the meet up” Amethyst said, picking up another donut. “It’ll be fine” she waved a lazy hand at me and I looked at her, wanting that to be true so very, very much.

“She’s been really quiet…” I felt my eyes tearing up again and blinked fast to clear them. I saw Pearl and Amethyst exchange an uneasy look.

“Hey, E, don’t worry about it, OK? Jazzy-Pee just needs to clear her head with some training and then she’ll be back to her cocky self” she took a bite of the donut and nodded sagely.

“I really hope you’re right, Amethyst…” I tried to smile.

“I’m _always_ right” she said and waggled her eyebrow at me. She finished chewing, grabbed another donut and headed out the door with a; “See ya later, dweebs”

“She burned a waffle this morning” I said quietly to Pearl, who was sitting opposite me with a cup of tea in front of her. The pale gem’s eyebrows drew together at this.

“Oh… That’s not… like her, is it?” she asked worriedly.

“No” my voice sounded so small in the big open house. “She knows she can talk to me… Well, I hope she knows that by now anyway… But she hasn’t. And – and it feels like she’s… just shutting down…”

Pearl reached out for my hand and covered it with her slightly cool fingers.

“She’s just nervous about the meet up, I’m sure she’ll be back to… normal… afterwards”

“I can’t stand the tension at home… It’s like she’s a different person…” I felt tears slide down my cheeks as a puff of purple left me. “We always sleep together, but the last days… We’ve barely even touched… It feels so _wrong_ ” I started to sob, covering my mouth with my hand. Pearl got up from her seat and walked round the counter to give me a hug. I welcomed the embrace – it was almost indecent how much I needed it and I had to tell myself not to cling to her.

“Erica… It’s going to be alright” she said soothingly. “They are both… reasonable gems nowadays. I’m sure that they’ll be able to work it out. I don’t think it’s going to be easy, for either of them, but… We’ll find a way to coexist… Just like with Jasper and I, it’s a gradual process…” suddenly I felt a wave of anger and I broke the hug. I couldn’t believe what she was saying – _just like with Jasper and her_?!

“Is no one going to acknowledge the fact that Lapis _tortured_ her?” blue sparks came with the question.

Pearl looked at me with shock in her eyes.

“T-tortured?” she stammered. “What are you talking about?”

I gaped at her in disbelief. “You don’t _know_?!”

“Don’t know what?” she said quietly, an apprehensive look on her face.

“Lapis… tortured Jasper. For months. At the bottom of the ocean. Restrained her. _Toyed_ with her. Drowned her. _Burned_ her” my voice was low and menacing and I watched Pearl’s eyes widen in shock, as tendrils of blue light snaked through the air. “You didn’t know… did you?” Pearl shook her head vigorously. I could feel the anger building to a dangerous level. I needed to get out of the house. I needed to scream. I picked up my backpack and strode to the warp pad without turning around. Desert, I thought, and whistled. When the lights disappeared I pulled out my jumpsuit and put that and the gloves on. It was too hot to wear in this place but I needed to release my feelings without hurting anyone, including myself. Heat stroke was better than being burned alive and it certainly felt like that was a possibility right now. I started pacing back and forth.

“You didn’t tell them!?” I bellowed out over the dunes. Lightning crackled through the air with a deep roll of thunder. “You fucking _COWARD_!” the blue light struck the ground, making a blackened crater in the sand. “You’ve been here all this time, playing nice, pretending it didn’t happen?! What kind of piece of shit, lying fuck-wad of a person are you, Lapis Laszuli?! Huh?! You got _all_ the sympathy! Everyone’s afraid of Jasper because of her beautiful size and what she used to be! But you, you innocent looking _twig bitch_ , you stole the ocean, and it was _nooo_ problem! Broke Greg’s leg, _nooo_ problem! Tried to kill Steven and Connie, _no fucking problem_! How many _other_ people drowned when you played with the sea? Hundreds? _Thousands_?! How many times did you drown Jasper?! How many times did you _burn_ her with your rage?!” the thunder roared around me, and endless, thrumming symphony and lightning danced as I stomped over the blackening sand. “You had _no_ right, you selfish cunt! You rabid, child choking, fucking sack of pus! I’ll snap your neck and gouge out your eyes, rip that lying tongue from your mouth and shit down your throat, you evil, malignant, sorry excuse for a sentient motherfucking space rock!” I could barely hear myself over the echoing thunder. “You broke into her mind! You took everything that she hated about herself and you used it to destroy her! _You_! _Fucking_! **_RAPIST_**!!!” I pounded the ground, lightning bending around my arms and sending the sand flying in a cone ahead of me. My mind was swimming with images of Jasper’s contorted face, heard her scream as Lapis lashed at her with whips and fire. I roared wordlessly, the lightning becoming red as agony gripped my heart. I screamed and screamed and _screamed_ until there was no air left in my lungs. I gasped for breath, my chest heaving from exertion. My face was covered in sweat and I was trembling all over. Then an overwhelming sadness gripped me and I began to cry, vast clouds of flickering, buzzing darkness left me in bursts, hanging in the hot air like mist. There were no thoughts left in my head. Just a shapeless, dull, drudging river of sadness flowing out of me. Eventually even that dried up and my mind was blank and numb. Everything was quiet around me. There was just the hot black sand, the blinding light of the sun and the azure blue sky above.

A shadow fell over me.

“Erica” Pearl’s voice was soft. I tried to push myself off the ground, but my arms and legs were like lead jelly. A cool hand stroked my cheek. “You’re burning up…” slim arms slid underneath me and I was muzzily surprised to be lifted off the ground. My head swung with her steps and soon we were surrounded by blue and white light. “I’m taking you home” she said reassuringly. I couldn’t think. The lights faded and we were in Steven’s house.

There was a crash and a familiar roar. “ _What did you do to her_?!”

“ _Me_?!” I could feel Pearl’s thin chest expand in sudden indignant rage. “This is your work, Jasper!”

“ ** _What_**?!”

“You heard me! Erica’s been nothing but supportive of you this entire time! She’s always defended you! Always stuck up for you! I get that _you_ wouldn’t want to talk about the upcoming meeting, but did you ever consider that _she_ _needed to talk about it_?!” there was an echoing silence and then Pearl moved across the floor quickly. “Amethyst, open the door” her voice was icy and commanding. Footsteps approached, then a door creaked open. More movement and then I was propped up against a wall. “Turn on the shower, cold as it gets” thin fingers fumbled for the zipper at the collar of my jump suit and pulled it down, then removed my gloves, shoes and socks. My shirt was lifted over my head and I felt the cooler air on my skin. There was a creak of wood and then Jasper gasped.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Pearl?!”

“Saving her life, you idiot! Amethyst, grab her legs” I was lifted under my arms and by my legs and placed in a sitting position in a hard cool place, with what I assumed was Pearl’s thin body holding me up. The jumpsuit was pulled off my legs and water cascaded over me and I let out a groan of both shock and relief – it was gloriously cold against my burning skin. I could feel Pearl’s chest heaving behind me, more out of emotion than physical exertion. I wished she would calm down. I tried to speak but I could barely keep my head up. “Get her some water, quickly. She’s got heat exhaustion” her voice was softer, so she must be talking to Amethyst.

“What does that mean?!” Jasper’s voice was almost panicked.

A plastic bottle was pressed against my lips and I drank greedily, trying to lift my arm to hold it but couldn’t manage it.

“It means she’s overheating!” Pearl snapped. “We need to get her temperature down and she needs to drink lots of water, get some more, Amethyst, keep it coming”

“What… did she do?” Jasper’s voice sounded much closer.

“She came here this morning, more worried than I’ve ever seen her…” Pearl growled from behind me. “Worried about you! She said you stopped talking to her, that you barely touched her, that you burned a fucking waffle!” there was shocked silence from where Jasper was. “I said everything was going to be OK after the meeting, that you were just nervous. That it would work out like it had between you and me and she got so _angry_! Then she told me… what Lapis really did to you…” Pearl’s voice sounded both angry and upset now. “She warped away and I was afraid she’d gone after Lapis… but she wasn’t at the barn and not in the forest… when I got to the desert… She was screaming and ranting in a thunderstorm of blue lightning and she couldn’t hear me calling for her. The ground was _black_ around her! The things she _said_ , oh my stars… Then she just screamed and the lights turned red and then she cried and it _all_ turned black and sputtered and buzzed like static. I didn’t dare approach her until it had cleared… It took _minutes_ when it usually just takes a few seconds for it to dissipate… ”

“ _Lirimaer_?” Jasper’s voice was raspy and full of fear and I wanted to stroke her cheek and tried to lift an arm but only got about half way. Her hand found mine instead and I tried to squeeze it.

“I’ve never seen her make so much light… For so long…” Pearl whispered worriedly. “It must have been building up… Why on earth did you stop talking to her?!” her voice rose suddenly and I could feel Jasper wincing.

“I… couldn’t…” Jasper said stiffly.

“What was so terrible you couldn’t tell _her_?!” Amethyst piped up, anger in her voice too. “You said you’d never been so open with anyone before!”

“You wouldn’t understand” Jasper forced it out, and I could hear the lump in her throat. She wouldn’t want to cry in front of Amethyst and Pearl. Her grip tightened on my hand and I tried to say something, but nothing happened.

“Oh, stop being such an emo fucking pussy, Jasper!” Amethyst snapped and I felt like I wanted to hit her for speaking to my beastie that way. I ran my thumb over Jasper’s knuckles and heard her let out a little strangled sob – silence fell like a lead sheet. I felt Pearl draw in a breath of astonishment and I felt Jasper shaking through her hand. I wanted to open my eyes, wanted to embrace her, hold her, comfort her…

“I couldn’t tell her… I’m afraid the temptation will be too much… Malachite had so much… _power_ …” I heard Pearl and Amethyst gasp. My thumb pressed down harder on her knuckles, still stroking. Oh, beastie why didn’t you tell me that’s what it was?

“You mean you’d want to _reform_ _Malachite_?! Are you fucking insane?!” Amethyst burst out, Jasper flinched at the tone in her voice.

“Amethyst…” Pearl said with forced calm. She drew in a deep breath. “You aren’t the first… or the last… to want to fuse with someone to feel… something more than just… yourself” she swallowed. “Amethyst, you and I both know how great it feels to fuse with Garnet, the power that resides in both Sardonyx and Sugalite is… intoxicating”

“But – “Amethyst tried to interrupt.

“ _And at least I_ know how overwhelming the… desire for that power can be…” Pearl’s voice bore more than a hint of shame now. I felt Jasper’s suppressed sobs in the little motions her hand made. I tried to force my eyes open, or make some sort of noise. My body was starting to feel numb from the cold water. “It’s not wrong to think about it, Jasper… But you simply can’t act on the impulse…”

“I d-don’t _want_ to, I’m afraid I will _anyway_ … It feels like it’s… inevitable” Jasper’s voice sounded hollow. Never in a million fucking years!

“Mmh” I managed to make a sound, finally.

“Babe?” Jasper’s voice sounded much, much closer now, like she was just by my cheek.

“ _Uuma… dela_... _Melamin_...”

Jasper gasped and let out a stuttering breath against my skin then gathered me up in her arms as if I was made of the most fragile of elements, her hot tears falling onto my skin. Pearl must have moved out of the shower, because I felt Jasper lowering herself and the cold water falling over me again like soothing rain.

“What… did she say?” Amethyst asked, sounding stunned. Jasper’s chest shook with renewed sobs and it took several breaths for her to be able to speak;

“Don’t worry… my love”

* * *

Please review :)


	40. Real talk

## Chapter 40: Real talk   


“I’m so sorry… so very, very sorry” Jasper whispered in my ear as she carried me home. Her breath tickled my skin.

“It’s OK, beastie… I think I get it…” I said weakly.

“I thought you’d… leave if I told you…” her voice was timid.

“I couldn’t if I tried, you big dummy” I teased and patted her chest. She chuckled a little and I relished the sound of her mirth, however small it was. It had only been two days or so since I last heard it, but it had felt like a life time.

“I promise I’ll do better…” her lips brushed my forehead softly as we approached the house.

“Neither of us is perfect, darling. We can’t be. There will be things we disagree on or might even fight about in the future, but that’s OK…” she stopped for a moment and kissed me on the lips. Oh, how I had missed them… Despite my tiredness I felt desire stir in me.

“My imperfect little monster” she hummed affectionately.

Jasper carried me all the way through the house and put me down on the sofa outside. I lit a cigarette and leaned back on the cushions.

“Can… can I lie in your lap?” Jasper asked a little tentatively. I looked up at her with a broadening smile on my face.

“I would love that, beastie” she swept her hair to one side and lay down carefully, looking up at me with slightly pink cheeks. I stroked some stray hairs away from her face and then ran my fingers languidly through her mane.

“Oh…” she closed her eyes. To my delight I could see her nipples slowly stiffen under her shirt and felt my own respond in the same way. I clamped the cigarette between my teeth and put my now free right hand on her upper chest and let my fingers gently caress her collarbone. Her breathing calmed and became deeper.

After a few minutes of studying her relaxing face and the soft changes in color that played over her cheeks I asked;

“Can I touch your breasts?”

“Yes, please” she responded huskily. I gently caressed the curve of her massive right boob through the shirt, eventually letting my thumb tenderly graze her now soft nipple. She let out a breathy moan and I smiled. Glancing down at her hips, I could see her stem squirming and straining against her pants. I bit my lip and moved my left hand to stroke her lower lip with my index finger. Soon she opened her mouth and began sucking on it, her tongue moving tenderly over it. Her nipple stiffened at this and her hips moved sensually, a little moan escaping her full lips. I rubbed her breast slowly, her nipple sliding between my index and middle fingers. First I calmed her peaked bud down to a velvety softness, then teased it erect again. She gave me little needy moans as I played and I felt myself getting wetter and wetter. I moved to her other breast and repeated the maneuver, going from soft to hard, to soft again. Her gem glowed, the intensity increasing every time I enticed another moan from her throat. I removed my finger from her mouth and began to massage her ear instead. Her hips moved and she bit her lower lip. Her left hand started to stroke her stem lightly and soon she unbuckled her pants and slid them down a bit so her stem could move freely, it waved around for a little before starting to caress her stomach lazily. I looked on with fascination and mounting lust as her left hand cupped her base and rubbed it sensually. I responded by releasing her ear and lifting her shirt over one breast. As my hand touched her bare skin she let out a growling moan and started stroking along the length of her stem. Kara squirmed and wrapped herself around Jasper’s thick fingers, covering them in her slick juices. I could smell her from where I was sitting and I wished I could touch myself. Jasper nudged the underside of my breasts with her lips and I looked down into dilated predatory pupils. She smiled up at me and let the very tip of her tongue dart out and lick the center of her upper lip. It was a maddeningly sexy gesture and I felt my lips part in anticipation. I lifted my shirt and sports bra over one breast and one corner of her mouth went up. I went back to playing with her nipples as she breathed on my puffy exposed one. It made me shiver with pleasure and then gasp as her soft lips closed on it tenderly with a teasing chuckle. She suckled slowly and luxuriously as she continued to caress herself. Her breathing deepened and her hips moved rhythmically. She was building steadily to what I was expecting to be one hell of an orgasm. She nudged my other breast needily and I set it free too and there was an urgent little slurp as she took it wholly in her mouth. It made me throw my head back and she moaned into my soft tanned skin. I began to get a little rougher with her nipples and her breathing increased in frequency. I looked down at her dancing left hand and stem. Thick strands of clear liquid clung and dripped from them both and I licked my lips, wanting to taste her juices. Her hand moved faster and her moaning was now continuous, tongue twirling around my breast. I heard the ramp up breaths and locked my eyes on her face as her back arched and she let out a growling, lustful scream, partially muffled by my breast. Her gem gave a brilliant flash and her stem oozed out more thick liquid over her stomach and she continued to stroke herself, soothing herself down from her pleasure peak. I brushed some damp hair out of her eyes and leant down to kiss her puffy lips hungrily. Our tongues intertwined.

“How about we remove your shorts?” she asked huskily and lifted her head so I could slide them off. She turned to lie on her side and I draped one leg over her shoulder and she chuckled at how spread open I suddenly was. She rested her head on my other thigh, lifting her left arm to play with my breasts. Her breath was hot on my naked lower half and she leaned in to softly kiss my belly and then began to move downward. Her wet tongue slid in between my lips and I moaned my delight. She was essentially going down on me sideways. She licked me slowly, tenderly, with care and consideration. Her lips closed over my clit and she suckled it gently with more little slurping sounds. It felt like my entire being was focused on it and the pleasure radiated from it in soft, lapping pulses. I could feel every millimeter of incline in the wave that was building inside me. My hips began to move and she moved with me, skillfully navigating my wet folds even from this angle. As the wave crested it was as if it was it flowed over me like a slow tide rather than a crash. My breath was relatively calm but deep as I came softly, continuously over a number of minutes, my legs shaking and my hands trembling in her hair and on her breast. Puffs of honey gold, pink and orange appeared and melted away around me. Her kisses and suckling became lighter and lighter until only her softer-than-silk lower lip was rubbing gently against my still hard clit.

“S-stop – I-I – ah – I can’t take it anymore _ohh_ …” I tilted my head back as a final soft peak of pleasure melted over me. Jasper chuckled and kissed my mound and then rested her head more firmly on my trembling thigh, her hot breath coming rapidly against my stomach. I looked down at her rosy cheeks and saw that quite a lot of her lower face was covered in my juices. I began to giggle and she looked up at me with a dazed grin.

“I think I might have a tongue cramp” she said with a snicker of her own.

“Oh, really? Beastie… you should have stopped earlier then” I panted, my eyebrows drawing together in concern.

“No…” she kissed my inner thigh. “That was… wonderful… I could feel every little shudder of pleasure you were having… It was almost like going down on myself…” I felt my ears and cheeks flush as a _very_ vivid image of Jasper doing just that flashed across my mind.

“Can… can you actually do that?” I asked quietly and she grinned up at me like she knew exactly what I had been thinking.

“A gem’s gotta be able to keep a few little secrets” she said teasingly. I groaned at her, now incredibly curious. She wiped her mouth with her hand and snuggled in closer to my body and kissed my stomach with a little sigh. I lit a cigarette with trembling hands. Seemed like the last few days hadn’t happened. Or maybe we were a little closer than before.

***

I drew my sword, grabbed the reins and yelled; “To me! To me!” I knew it was fruitless; the dragons were tearing through the ranks. Why had our second regiment not come on the sound of the horn? The mages had scattered as soon as they heard the roaring of the beasts. Bleeding cowards! The battle was lost already, and the wyrms were blocking our escape. But if we could just get past the rear guard, we might still be able to kill the king. My comrades, wounded and exhausted, but fierce fighters all, rallied behind me and my steed. The hooves thundered on the muddy ground, trampling stray bowmen and corpses. My lieutenant fell to a throwing spear, but his mount carried on, born on wings of terror or training, I didn’t know.

“Hold the line!” I screamed as we streamed over the top of the hill. With the added bonus of going downhill we might just punch a hole in their defensive lines. “CHARGE!” my voice rang out over the valley. My comrades bellowed wordless defiance as we picked up speed. “ARROW FORMATION!” I urged my steed forward and he obeyed, like the loyal beast he was. I was the point in the spear that pierced the enemy. On and on, my steed pushed further in, egged on by my cries of rage and battle lust. And there he was, fat and pompous in pretty gilded armor, trying to turn his mount to flee like a weakling. His guards scattered as the onslaught reached them. I swung my blade and knocked the bastard to the ground. He tumbled in the filth he had never before tasted and I turned my steed, giving the command to attack. His hooves slammed into the king’s chest and dented his armor, a soundless scream on his red face. I dismounted and hacked at the fleshy throat, blood as red as mine spraying my face. And then I held the head aloft, roaring like the animal that I had always been in the eyes of his kind. An axe thudded into my stomach – I felt my armor buckle and I lost the ability to breathe. But it was all as it should be. I had done my duty. As I fell into darkness, I could hear the cry of victory go up around me.

I jolted awake, breathing hard and looking around in a panic. Was this the afterlife? What was this place?

I opened my eyes. Oh. I hated those dreams where I thought I had woken up, but it was only another dream. I groaned and turned over and felt unpleasantly wet in my nether regions. Fuck. I barely had time to drag in a breath before the searing cannonball of absolute suck hit me in the stomach and I let out an involuntary whimper. I felt sweat break out on my forehead and back as the icy hot pain locked my mind in a loop.

“Honey?” Jasper’s voice was drowsy with sleep. My breath stuck in my throat as I tried to speak, and nothing came out. I felt a hand on my back. “Has the celebration started?” I nodded and tried to breathe through the cramp twisting my insides. Jasper’s hand warmed and some of the pain left me. I dragged in a lungful of air and felt tears mingle with the sweat on my face. My body relaxed enough for Jasper to move her hand from my back to my stomach.

“Ahnngh” I grunted pitifully, a plume of dense red smoke leaving me.

“Hey, it’s OK, it’s gonna be alright… Just breathe” I felt her body press against my back and the heat in her hand intensified. I welcomed it, and after I don’t know how long, my uterus unclenched and I started to sob in relief. I knew I had to act fast now and I started to raise myself into a sitting position. I looked down at the sheets.

“Shit” I groaned. “I need to get to the shower…” the white linen was stained with dark red blood. When I threw the blankets off I saw my pajama bottoms were soaked and I felt shocked at the amount. Usually I got the cramps first and _then_ the bleeding started. But every once in a while there was a cluster fuck like this. “I’m sorry” I whispered as I tried to get up. Jasper was in front of me, holding out a hand to pull me to my feet.

“It’s fine, they’re just sheets” she said softly as she helped me up the stairs to the bathroom. I swallowed some painkillers with difficulty, then reached for the box of tampons – there was only one left. Another cramp hit and I doubled over, fighting the nausea it brought.

“Mothershitfuck!” I hissed out puffs of sparkly red mist. It felt like my midsection was being squeezed in an ice cold vice. Jasper looked at me with concern.

“Babe, what can I do?” she asked worriedly. After a minute of panting hard and the help of Jasper’s caring hands, the pain settled down to a deep throbbing ache.

“C-could you go get me some tampons and pads?” I asked hoarsely against her chest. I turned my head and looked myself in the mirror – my face was pale and sweaty and I was visibly trembling.

“Sure, honey. I will go to the store, I just don’t know what to get” she said softly and stroked my back.

“Just… bring the boxes and get the same ones… and some more pain killers please”

“OK” she said and nodded. “Do you want me to go now?”

I nodded and gave her a tight hug. “Hurry back, please” she kissed the top of my head.

“I will” she said huskily, then she left, closing the door quietly behind her.

A wave of loneliness washed over me and felt my eyes brimming with tears. I felt pathetic – she had _literally_ just left. I sniffed as the tears started rolling down my cheeks. I began to remove my soiled clothes and put them in the sink to soak in cold water, then unwrapped the last tampon. The water in the shower was almost scalding, but I treasured the heat. I cleaned myself quickly and then just stood with my eyes closed, leaning against the wall. This was going to be a bad one. Well, it was already pretty bad… The pain intensified and I slid down to a sitting position, breathing hard.

“Son of a cunt” I growled and red light bloomed from me, illuminating the stall as it refracted in the cascading water. I always forgot how much it could hurt. Maybe it was some sort of defense mechanism so I would go around being scared of it of this time… Please let the painkillers kick in soon…

I stepped out of the shower once the amount of pain had dropped. Figuring I’d only have a few minutes, if that, before it would start hurting like crazy again, I scrubbed my pajamas with soap and rinsed them out as best I could, then hung them to dry. I went downstairs slowly, wrapped in a large soft towel. In the kitchen I put some water to boil and then pulled on one of Jasper’s hoodies, some soft cotton panties and shorts. I felt miserable and decided to have a smoke – some nicotine could possibly help me feel better. I filled the hot water bottle and sat down in the sofa. When I was done I stripped the sheets off the bed, threw a blanket over the mattress and lay down. What was taking Jasper so long?

I had no idea if Victoria had the same experience every month. Some people did say that it could get better after you had had a baby, so maybe she had it easier, at least nowadays. Thinking of Victoria brought my mother to mind and I felt a twinging, burning sensation somewhere in my chest – like a more intense version of the thing I had felt when Priyanka had been so sweet with Connie. My feeling of loneliness intensified.

There was a knock at the door and my eyes flew open. I got unsteadily to my feet and grumbled a string of curses, leaving a faintly sparkling trail of blue and red lights behind me as I walked to the door. I opened it roughly.

“What?”

“Well good morning to you too, sunshine” Amethyst said, raising a sassy eyebrow at me. “You two made up right?”

“Yes… Jasper’s gone to the store, but she’ll be back soon” I mumbled.

“Great, then I can have second breakfast” the purple gem strode past me and I didn’t have the energy to stop her. I slouched back into the living room and curled up on the bed. Soon another cramp twisted my insides and I tried not to whimper aloud as I folded myself into child’s position. I could hear Amethyst clanging around in the kitchen and I winced at the louder noises. My nerves were frayed and I just wanted Jasper to come back.

“You look like shit, man” Amethyst said casually as she sat down on the black leather sofa next to the bed, holding a pot by the handle.

Insults, casual or not, was _not_ something I had been prepared for and I felt my eyes tearing up as her words slashed at me. I whimpered and turned over so she wouldn’t see me cry. I felt really vulnerable and small and so very, _very_ alone and I began to sob into my pillow.

“Uh…” Amethyst said uncertainly. “I was only joking, E, come on”

“Not today, Amethyst, please…” I groaned and tensed up as the pain peaked again, red mist hissing out of me.

“What’s up with you?” she sounded a little annoyed.

“My uterus is – trying to commit – seppuku” I panted.

“Ooh” she said, realization dawning on her. “Sorry, dude…” her voice sounded a little sad. “Vidalia always tokes up when she’s on the rag; want me to get you some?”

I considered it for a moment. I had smoked a lot, well not a _lot_ a lot, of weed in my early twenties. Sometimes I missed it. I knew it helped me deal with the pain back then, or well… it made me care less about it. I would love not to care about _this_ pain… “Mhmm” I grunted.

“Aight I’ll pop over. You got a bong?”

“Nnnh”

“Joint it is then. Be right back”

The front door opened and heavy footsteps could be heard from the hallway.

“Sorry it took so long babe, I couldn’t find the right kind so I asked a guy and he got all weird about it but then there was this woman who – uh...” Jasper had been talking fast but stopped suddenly.

“Hey Jazzy-Pee, I’ll be right back – hope you got some snacks in there” the front door slammed.

“Babe? How’re you doing?” Jasper asked worriedly. The mattress dipped as she stepped onto it, and then shifted slightly as she lay down to spoon me. Her hand slipped under my shirt and heated up as she placed it on my stomach. She kissed my neck and shoulder tenderly. I felt the pain ebb away and I breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Much better now” I said softly.

“I couldn’t find the exact pads you wanted, but the lady in the store said that the ones I got are pretty much the same… She was very helpful, suggested I should get you some other things too”

“Like what?” I asked curiously.

“I can’t even remember” Jasper sounded a bit stressed. “I just kept thinking that I was taking too long”

“Beastie…” I said, feeling very touched and stroked her hand. “Thank you for going to the store for me, it really means a lot…” she relaxed against me at my words.

“My pleasure, babe… Anything you need” her voice was full of caring. “I feel so helpless when you’re in pain, honey… I really wish I could do something about it”

“You _are_ , sweetheart” I said, feeling a lump in my throat. “Holding me like this it’s – ah!“ my breath hitched as my insides twisted into a knot and I curled in on myself. I knew there was no point in tensing up and tried to just accept it, forcing myself to breathe. The pain hitched up another notch and my tears were making the pillow quite wet. That wasn’t the only thing feeling wet and I cursed internally as I felt a trickle of warmth run down my upper thigh. “Fffffuck-k-k…” I groaned and pushed feebly at Jasper’s hip.

“What?” her voice sounded a little hurt but mostly confused.

“Your pants” I croaked and felt her lift her head.

“Oh” she lay back down and snuggled up to me again. “I don’t care, honey…” I felt my heart fill with affection for her. She really didn’t mind it… How could I _not_ love this gem? I squeezed her hand tightly and she kissed my neck. After a little while the pain seemed to find a steady level at around a six and a half and I made a move to get up. Jasper followed my movement.

“The painkillers are working, finally…” I said hoarsely and wiped my eyes. “I need to change…” Jasper helped me to my feet and I walked unsteadily to the downstairs bathroom. I pulled off my stained shorts and felt a little scared when I saw how much blood had gotten on them and my underwear. It was a long time since I had had a flow as heavy as this. Jasper came in with a new set of clothes for me. I noticed a small blood stain on her thigh and she followed my gaze.

“Don’t worry about it, honey” she said reassuringly as she handed me the clothes.

“Could you get me the tampons… and the pads?” I asked in a thin voice. She nodded and returned after a few seconds, handing me a bag. The pads she had gotten were a bit bigger than the ones I usually got, but that could only help the situation.

“Do you want some privacy?” she asked me softly as I unwrapped the purple package. I thought it over a moment before shaking my head. She gave me a little smile and bent down to wash her hands before taking her pants off to scrub them in the sink. “Have you had anything to eat?” she asked.

“No. I don’t have any appetite right now… But I’d love a cup of coffee”

“I’ll make some, babe. What was Amethyst getting by the way?” she turned and leaned on the sink as I flushed the toilet.

“Some weed” I said as I soaked the clothes.

“What’s that?” she asked curiously.

“It’s a herb. It’ll help with the pain, make me care less about it. And probably help with my appetite too…” I looked myself in the mirror and sighed. I looked like I hadn’t slept in days. I grimaced and finished cleaning the clothes before hanging them to dry, then I washed my hands thoroughly and then my face. That made me feel a little better. When I exited the bathroom, Jasper held out a cup of steaming hot coffee for me. “Oh, thanks, darling” I said with a little smile.

“Time for a smoke?” she asked kindly and I nodded. We sat down outside, me sitting down awkwardly, trying to spare my aching stomach muscles. There was a knock at the front door and Jasper got up to answer it. I sipped the coffee gingerly and heard Jasper and Amethyst talking as they came closer.

“… I get it, Jazzy-Pee, I mean I can’t say I’m not disappointed but, I get it… Shit, at least your squeeze is _nice_ during this time, Vidalia used to get _so pissed_ at me for everything even when I hadn’t done anything” Amethyst said in a subtly gloomy voice.

“What do you mean pissed?” Jasper looked at her questioningly.

“Yah, some ladies can get super mad when they’re riding the cotton pony, or just before” the purple gem explained.

“What has ponies got to do with anything?” Jasper looked at me and Amethyst sniggered.

“It’s just slang for having your period, darling” I said with a tired smile. “Haven’t heard that one in forever though… You need to update your vocabulary, Amethyst” 

“Hey man, how ya holding up?” she sat down in the sofa and handed me a little joint. Jasper sat down on my other side, placing her hand on my belly and warming it. I felt my cheeks go a little red.

“B-bit better”

“Sorry, was I supposed to wait?” Jasper asked quietly. Amethyst’s eyebrow rose further at the softness in Jasper’s voice.

“Um… It’s fine with Amethyst but… please ask if… if we have company, OK?”

Amethyst snickered. “Oh, Jay-Dog, you have _so_ much to learn… But hey, E, so this is supposed to be real good and powerful so take it easy, alright?” she pointed at the joint. “Vidalia said to come by her shop if you run out”

“Thanks, Amethyst, that’s really nice of you… And Vidalia, too”

“No worries, dude” she said with a smile. “Imma head out. Oh yeah, Pearl’s coming by later I think – said something about… Uh… I can’t remember. You’ll find out. Peace” she got up and left by jumping over the garden wall.

I pulled up my legs and leaned against Jasper’s shoulder and she relaxed and rubbed my belly softly.

“Sorry if I embarrassed you, babe” she said quietly.

“It’s OK, beastie” I sighed. “I’m trying to be more open about this”

“I know… Is there more I should know, like Amethyst said?”

“Maybe… some things, can’t really think of anything right now though… I really just want to have some of this” I held up the joint. “and then watch something cute… like Babe…”

“Babe?” she laughed a little. “I’m assuming you’re not talking about yourself”

“No, it’s a family movie about a talking pig… It’s really sweet and I don’t know… It makes me feel better…”

“Then we will watch Babe… babe” I sniggered at her terrible pun.

“Oh… this has a rather distinct smell and it’ll make me a bit slow and perhaps giggly”

“Alright… do I need to do something?”

“No, just… just stay with me please”

“OK” she said softly. I lit the joint and took a careful drag – I really didn’t want to cough – held it for a while and then breathed out. Jasper sniffed the air. “Hmm… It smells kind of sweet”

We remained in the garden for a while and slowly I could feel it taking effect. I relaxed more and more and I was still in quite a bit of pain, but it seemed less important.

“Hey… what else did you get in the store?”

“Let me go check” she got up quickly and went to get the bag. “Let’s see… I just grabbed everything the woman said, I don’t even know if you like any of this stuff…” she said apologetically. There was a bag of dark chocolate kisses, some Twizzlers, a bag of Reese’s pieces, some flaming hot Cheetos, a bag of Funions, some skin lotion and a six pack of ginger ale. I felt my eyes tearing up.

“Whoever this woman is, they should be sainted…” I said as I hugged Jasper tightly around the middle. “Thank you, darling…”

We made ourselves comfortable on the bed, me sitting between Jasper’s legs like I had done at the Horror Club. I didn’t want to take any risks with… leaking again.

“I had this dream just before I woke up” I said slowly. “I was in a battle with dragons and mages and things… We were losing and the retreat was cut off… So I called my squad or whatever and we made a break for the king’s rear guard – I yelled charge! And me and my horse killed him and I cut off his head before someone hit me in the gut with a sword, no an axe…” Jasper chuckled appreciatively. “Ohh… I always have death dreams before I get really fucked up cramps… Like I’m a psychic or some shit…” I giggled to myself a little, making my uterus sear icily. “Oww…”

“Easy, honey” Jasper soothed and rubbed my stomach slowly. “I really like this…” she said with a little sigh. “Not the part where you’re in pain, of course. But this” she put her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms more snugly around me.

“Cuddling?” I rubbed my cheek against hers like a cat.

“Yes” she put her gem in my hair and drew in a deep breath. “I didn’t use to like being touched. At all. Not that there was a lot of touching going on back in the Empire but… I would see companion gems walking hand in hand sometimes and I wondered what that was like… Hands are so many things – tools, weapons… but mine were not made for caressing…”

“And yet they are so good at it” I lifted one of her large hands and kissed her palm. “There was a time I didn’t like being touched either. It would scare me, it was almost like it hurt”

“I felt the same way” she said a little surprised. “But with you it’s wonderful…”

“Mmm” I hummed and then hissed some red mist as another cramp seared and twisted my insides. “Hands, please…” they found their way back under my shirt and warmed me up. “Oh… thanks, beastie… I get uncomfortable with new people still, though… I don’t want to hug everyone for instance. Sadie is great at hugging, and so is Pearl. And it’s OK to hug Steven and Connie, but I’d feel weird hugging Priyanka or Garnet I think. Have I hugged them? I can’t remember now… Shit. And how many times have I said the word ‘hug’ or ‘hugging’ in the last twenty seconds?” I started to giggle and Jasper joined in. “I’m a bit hesitant with Steven and Connie though… because they’re kids, you know?”

“Why does that matter?”

“Uhh… Because you can’t just hug a kid randomly… People would think you’d be trying to kidnap them or something…” I breathed out more red mist as the pain swelled. “Did you know? Priyanka touched the red stuff in the hospital? She looked so _sad_ afterwards…”

“I know, babe, I was there. Well, for a little while”

“She talked about Connie… and how it was her biggest fear that she’d lose her and stuff… They’re both so _tough_ you know? Mother and daughter… And Connie was so tired, but she couldn’t tell her mom, because she was afraid it would _bother_ her and take time away from her patients… It made me so sad… And then it made me even more sad when she talked to her mom and then… and then they hugged, again…”

“Why did that make you sad? Wasn’t that a good thing?” Jasper asked, sounding confused.

“It was good, it was fucking great, Connie is so fucking _brave_ … I got sad because I could never have it. And I’m afraid that if _we_ have a kid that I won’t… won’t be able to love them…”

“’If’? I thought you really wanted to have a baby” Jasper said in surprise.

“I do… but do you? I don’t want you to feel like we _have to_ just because we _could_ … or that we have to just because _I_ want to” Jasper was quiet for a while.

“I’ve been thinking about kids a lot… It makes me really afraid, but it also makes me feel like it would be something amazing… A little you-and-me fusion that could never be separated, walking around in this world and learning and growing and seeing it in a way I never could… Made here, raised here… with you. I could teach them to cook and stuff… And you would teach them to paint and swear and sing… And there would be birthday presents for them and cake and wishes…” I turned around to look at her. Her cheeks were pink and she was grinning a little embarrassedly. I hugged her as tightly as I could and she let out a little gasp and then she chuckled sweetly and wrapped her arms around me gently. “You don’t have to worry about not being able to love them. The way you look at Steven and Connie, the way you took care of them in the forest, carried Steven with your arms like that, the way you held Brian and soothed him… If _you_ are incapable of loving a child, then I’m Yellow Diamond’s saggy left tit” tears trickled down my cheeks at her words, and a little snort of laughter left me.

“You really mean it?” I asked with a puff of honey gold and pink.

“I do” she lifted my chin so she could look me in the eye. “I want to have a baby with you, Erica Katheryn Brooks… _Mela en' coiamin_ ” I thought I might _burst_ with happiness and leaned in to kiss her, my lips tingling with electricity.

“Love of my life…” I whispered back as I took a breath and she grinned and chuckled. It meant so much to hear; it lifted my spirits and gave me so much hope. Not just because she loved me – she did she really fucking _did_! – but it also meant that she was seeing _beyond_ the meeting with Lapis tomorrow, to our _future_. And that future now had a child in it. That we _both_ wanted.

***

A little while after we had finished watching the movie – to which I had cried like a baby on multiple occasions – Jasper was standing in the kitchen and making us some lunch. I was sitting at the table with the hot water bottle and looking at cars to lease or buy. I wanted one where Jasper could sit comfortably in and, if possible, drive. Some kind of Jeep I thought. I liked a practical vehicle. It looked like the closest Jeep dealership was in Empire City. I could feel the effect of the weed fading and I went outside to remedy this. Cake meowed at me and I picked her up, she lay down in my lap and snuggled up to the warmth from the hot water bottle, purring contentedly. It made me smile as I lit the joint. I had eaten some snacks during the movie, but not a lot. I had hoped my appetite would have been more affected by the weed, but maybe this strain was specialized on dealing with pain only. Back in my early twenties I had smoked some really crappy shit – the various dealers I had to deal with only ever had one kind at a time. Smoke it or leave it.

It was much easier to accept the pain with the help of the weed, and I didn’t tense up as the next big wave of cramps hit me. Instead I tried to breathe calmly and deeply, closing my eyes to help myself concentrate.

“Lunch is ready” Jasper stuck her head out into the garden.

“Be there in a minute…” I mumbled.

Jasper had made chicken quesadillas – the smell of them was mouth-wateringly enticing. Of course, it was delicious and I chewed happily. Jasper’s face lit up when she looked at me.

“Good?” she asked with a smile. I nodded and touched her hand, then swallowed.

“Thank you, beastie, it’s fantastic…” I felt myself tear up a little. “You’re so kind for doing all this today…”

“My pleasure, honey” she said sweetly. “I think I needed this too – some time with just you and me… before tomorrow”

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m… nervous. I’m trying to think that whatever she says, it won’t take you away from me” my eyebrows drew together and I squeezed her hand.

“It won’t, darling”

“It’s hard… to try to change the way I think” she looked down at the table and squeezed my hand back.

“I know… Is that what you’re most afraid of would happen?”

“Yeah…” I saw her cheeks flush a little and felt my heart beat faster. She really did love me. “I’m afraid she might say something terrible that would make you want to leave. She knows so much about me… Or about the me that I used… to be. It sort of feels like I had a dirty visor on my entire life and now I’ve taken it off and I can see clearly” she looked up at me. “I’m truly sorry about the last few days, honey… I think I was… preparing for you to want to leave. So the things we normally do together, I couldn’t do them because it hurt too much. It would remind of how much I didn’t… deserve them… I began to feel like before, when the visor was still on and… it scares me how _easy_ it was to fall back into that…”

My eyes were streaming now, and I wiped my cheeks hurriedly. She was opening up like a flower in front of me and the things she said were heart wrenching to hear, but also beautiful.

“Slipping into old patterns is easy. They are familiar and have a sort of twisted sense of safety, because you know them and you’ve been there before. And somewhere in the back of your head there’s a nagging sensation that that’s where you belong… Or maybe that’s just me…” Jasper looked up at me. “The point is; we all slip up sometimes… slide back… Felt like I was doing that too, at least a little bit, over the last few days. I’m sorry too, darling”

“It is getting… easier to talk about things… with you, _Melamin_ ” she said with a little smile. My heart leapt at hearing her call me her love.

“It is hard to trust, I know, sweetheart… I appreciate it so much when you open up” I wiped my eyes again. “I’m so proud of you for saying that thing about Malachite to Amethyst and Pearl and me…”

“I was so surprised at your reaction, theirs too… I had no idea anyone else could feel that way…” she shook her head slightly. “Especially Pearl of all people. She always seems so… proper. Like she never had an impure thought or put a toe out of line”

“Except for the fact that she’s a rebel, you mean?” I said with a smile.

“Oh yeah, that…” she grinned. I put my fork down on my empty plate, feeling a little sleepy.

“I’m thinking of having a nap after doing the dishes… care to join me?”

“I don’t know if I’ll sleep but I’d love to cuddle some more” she said with rosy cheeks, as if saying it out loud was somehow taboo. “Maybe we could watch something?”

“Sure, darling” I smiled at her and picked up our plates.

When I was done with the dishes I went to join Jasper in the living room. I could feel the pain ramping up and I grabbed the door post for support.

“Mother… fucker…” I panted and felt my knees want to buckle. I heard rustling and some hurried steps and then Jasper was by my side. Sparkly red puffs left me.

“Babe, breathe…” she said as she carefully led me onto the bed. I tried to breathe through it but it turned into sobs instead. Jasper held me tenderly and massaged my belly softly. She hummed soothingly in my ear, her powerful chest vibrating against my back. After a while my uterus unclenched and I panted in relief. Jasper kissed my neck. “What do you need?” she asked me softly.

“Could you get me the pain killers?”

“Sure, anything else?”

“Soda?” she gave my neck anther kiss and got up. I rolled over onto my back and put my own hands on my stomach. “Stop… being… a jerk” I groaned quietly. Was my uterus reacting to the tension of the last few days? Jasper rejoined me on the bed and handed me the pill bottles and a can of Mega Porp. I swallowed the pills with a swig of soda and leaned on Jasper.

“Will you be able to come tomorrow?” she asked me worriedly.

“What? Of course I will” I patted her arm weakly. “I would go today if I had to” she embraced me and kissed me on the cheek.

“Thanks for saying that, babe, but this seems worse than the last times…”

“It is” I rubbed my eyes with my knuckles. “But tomorrow will be better” please, let it be better than this. She put her hand on my stomach again and I let out a little sigh as the heat soothed the pain level down another notch. There was a knock at the door and I groaned.

“Must be Pearl” Jasper said and turned her head toward it. “Should I ask her to leave?”

“No” I said tiredly. “It might be about tomorrow…” Jasper got up and opened the door.

“Oh. H-hello, Jasper” Pearl said a little nervously. “Is… uh, is Erica in?”

“Yes…” I head Jasper give a deep sigh. “Pearl. Thank you for yesterday. For… all of it. Please come in” there was a long moment of silence before Pearl responded.

“You’re… welcome, Jasper” footsteps approached and the pale gem came into the living room and stopped. Suddenly I realized how messy it was in here. “Hello, Erica” Jasper came in too and went to sit down behind me.

“Hi Pearl, you’ll have to excuse the mess… please have a seat” Pearl sat down on the mattress, looking a little uncomfortable.

“Do you want my hands?” Jasper asked in my ear. I smiled, glad she remembered what I said earlier.

“Please” I said back and she slid her hand under my shirt. Pearl raised her eyebrows and her cheeks went a pale blue.

“Is everything OK?”

“Erica’s got really bad cramps” Jasper said and I felt myself go bright red and let out a little exasperated noise. OK, yes so there were some things she needed to know. Pearl’s face was as bright blue as mine was red. “What?” Jasper asked uncertainly.

“Darling… thank you for asking about the hands… but you don’t have to announce the fact that I’m on my period to the world… that’s private…”

“Sorry, I don’t know all the rules” she said, sounding embarrassed.

“It’s… OK, we can talk about it later. Sorry Pearl…”

“It’s fine, fine” she waved a dainty hand and gave a little nervous laugh. “I came over here because I found this, finally” her hem activated and something floated out of it and grew in size. “It’s a gem made shirt, I thought you might find it useful” I heard Jasper gasp from behind me. “It used to belong to another Crystal Gem, Jade… It’s essentially like your jumpsuit but less, well, warm. It can withstand high temperatures and will stand up against any material weapon” it fell into her hands and she held it out to me. I took it hesitantly and held it up to look at it. It was about my size, maybe a little bigger. It felt very light and cool to the touch and shifted from a dark moss green to the color of new beech leaves. It had black stars on the cuffs. “She didn’t get an opportunity to use it, so it’s essentially brand new, but a little over four thousand six hundred years old” Pearl said with a sad smile. Jasper reached out her free hand and touched the material.

“Wow, Pearl… thank you so much…” I felt my eyes tearing up.

“This is Beryllium made, isn’t it?” Jasper asked fascinatedly. “I haven’t seen any since… “ she looked up at Pearl and stiffened slightly, took a breath and then relaxed. “The quality is excellent”

Pearl looked a little taken aback by Jasper’s reaction. “Actually… It is Bismuth made”

Jasper raised her eyebrows in surprise.

I pulled it on over my t-shirt. It was a little loose on me and the arms were a bit long, but I only had to fold them over once. “It’s so soft” I said wonderingly. Jasper leaned back a little and smiled.

“It looks good on you, babe. And it’ll keep you safe” she gave my stomach a very gentle squeeze.

Pearl smiled at the both of us. “I’m so glad it fits…” she cleared her throat a little awkwardly and then continued. “I was wondering… What is your plan for tomorrow? It will be you two, Steven and I and then of course Peridot and Lapis…”

“Amethyst and Garnet aren’t coming?” I asked, not sure how I felt about that.

“They are on an urgent mission. Garnet really wanted me along as well but, I thought it’d be best if I stayed and… helped out here”

“Will they be alright without you?” I asked, now feeling a bit worried about them instead.

“Oh yes, they’ll be fine” Pearl said reassuringly. “So… what is your plan?”

I looked up at Jasper and put my hand on hers.

“I don’t know about plan exactly… I need to talk to her, get some answers…” Jasper said in a strained sounding voice.

“Just… talk?” Pearl asked hesitantly, glancing at me.

“I’m not planning on attacking her, Pearl…” I said a little defensively. I wasn’t going to throw the first punch, I had promised myself that. “I’ll be there to support Jasper”

“OK, good” Pearl’s slim shoulders dropped a notch. I felt the pain starting to build up again and I leaned back on Jasper’s chest, trying to take deep breaths.

“Darling, can you – nh – make it a little warmer?” I asked quietly.

“Sure, babe… how’s that?” she murmured and rubbed my belly slowly.

“Bit… bit more” the increased heat and massage helped.

Pearl looked both worried and uncomfortable, her eyes focused on Jasper’s hand moving under my shirt. I breathed out red sparkling clouds and her eyes focused on them instead. “What… does red mean?”

“Pain” Jasper said sadly.

“Oh, dear... Do you want me to go find Steven?”

I let out a little laugh. “It doesn’t wor-work on cramps-s, but tha-ah, thanks”

“It’ll pass soon, honey, just hold on…” Jasper soothed and kissed my cheek. After a minute or so, the pain settled down to the dull ache stage again and I breathed easier. “Maybe you should have some more of that joint thing?” she asked me quietly.

“Maybe, yeah…” I looked up at Pearl and wiped my eyes. “Was there anything more you wanted to discuss, Pearl?” she gave me a little apprehensive look.

“Not really, no… Are you going to be OK, Erica?” she asked worriedly.

“Yes… this is just a bad one, I’ll be fine” I tried to sound reassuring.

“Alright” she looked doubtful. “Meet us by the temple tomorrow morning at nine and we’ll warp to the barn together. I think Steven is going to make a cake for afterwards” she smiled a little at this. “Oh, maybe that was supposed to be a surprise”

“Oh, that’s so sweet of him” I said with a smile and Jasper nodded.

“I promised I’d go get the ingredients after I had come here. So, see you tomorrow?” Pearl stood up and stepped off the mattress.

“See you tomorrow” me and Jasper said together and Pearl let herself out. I breathed out a long sigh after the door closed.

“Is anyone else going to drop by today, do you think?” I said and looked up at Jasper.

“I hope not” she chuckled. Cake meeped from the kitchen. “We’re in here, Cake” the white kitten jumped onto the bed and snuggled down with her head on my thigh, purring loudly. “How about that nap?”

“Yes, please” I sighed tiredly. “But first, a cigarette”

I went outside, taking Cake with me. Jasper busied herself in the kitchen, pouring snacks into bowls. The weed helped me relax once again and I went back inside.

“Do you want to lie down?” she asked me with a soft smile.

“I don’t want to risk it; these are my last clean shorts…”

“OK, honey” Jasper kissed the top of my head, then pulled the laptop closer and then leaned back against the sofa.

“What do you want to watch?”

“Battlestar Galactica, it’s getting so exciting with the Pegasus turning up” I found the episode and relaxed back into Jasper’s embrace.

***

“Babe… I feel… anxious” Jasper’s voice was hesitant and she put down the knife she was using to chop the onions. I got up from the table where I had been buttering a pie dish. I put a hand on the small of her back where I knew she liked it.

“What are you thinking about, darling?”

“What if Lapis won’t answer me? What if she lies?” I thought for a moment.

“Well… she’s going to have to answer. They know we want to talk. As for lies… I think it’d be in everyone’s best interest to keep to the truth. If she’s smart, she’ll do what’s right. Steven will be there, I’m kind of hoping he will provide some good vibes and well, keep her in line. If it’s one thing we all have in common it’s that we all like that kid”

“But what if she starts telling my secrets… I know you won’t leave but… what about Steven? Do you think he will hate me? Or Pearl?” I wrapped my arms around her waist and hugged her, stroking her back.

“I’m pretty sure Steven won’t mind, to be honest… He likes you too much, and he’s seen the person you really are now. He was the first one to believe me when I said you had changed. He healed you without the other gems’ blessing…”

“He did?” she sounded surprised.

“Yes. Pearl was very upset with him. And about Pearl – I know she’s been trying really hard to be friendly – both of you have – I don’t think knowing more about you will change that. If Lapis says anything, the worst thing that could happen is that it might take a bit longer for you to be comfortable around each other… And you know something about her too now, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I suppose I do… It makes me feel better, knowing I’m not alone in feeling that way…”

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	41. Confrontation

## Chapter 41: Confrontation

  
The night hadn’t been particularly restful. Jasper had dozed off quite early but kept waking up from nightmares. I would comfort her every time it happened and she would soothe my cramps every time they escalated. By the morning we were both pretty ragged. I decided I’d take a shower to try to help wake up.

“I’m going to go take a shower” I croaked as Jasper sat up in bed with a muffled groan.

“I’ll make some breakfast”

I took some pain killers and fought the urge to sit down in the shower. The cramps _were_ better than yesterday, but they were still pretty sucky. When I was done I went downstairs and put on some clothes, choosing the shirt Pearl had given me. It was so wonderfully soft. I hugged Jasper from behind as she stood by the stove, making grilled cheese sandwiches. The morning was hazy but sunny.

“Want to have breakfast outside?” I asked, burying my head in her soft hair.

“Sure, honey” she said with a yawn.

When we were done it was twenty to nine and we decided to get going a bit early. If we walked slow, we’d be there on the dot. I felt my heart beat rising the closer we got to Steven’s house, but I forced myself to relax. We were walking hand in hand, me taking two steps for every one of Jasper’s long strides. It had a nice rhythm and I tried to focus on that. When we reached the house Jasper knocked on the door and Steven came to open with a broad grin on his face.

“Hi guys!” he said happily. “Are you excited?”

“Uh… nervous rather than excited” I said to him and looked up at Jasper. She looked a bit pale and I squeezed her hand.

“Yeah, nervous” she said gruffly.

“Good morning” Pearl greeted as we stepped inside. She looked a bit nervous too. “It’s almost time, um… Shall we go?” she and Steven moved toward the warp pad and I followed them for a step, then I realized Jasper wasn’t moving. I stepped back and slid my hand on the inside of her arm and then interlocked my fingers with hers.

“Who are you, the proud Lord said. That I must bow so low? Only a cat of a different coat, that’s all the truth I know” I sang softly.

“A coat of gold, a coat of red… A lion still has claws… And mine are long and sharp, my Lord, as long and sharp as yours…” Jasper’s voice was hoarse with tension, but loosened as she sang back. We started moving forwards and sang the last bit together; “And so he spoke, and so he spoke, that Lord of Castamere. And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but no one’s there to hear. And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but not a soul to hear…” Steven beamed at us and Pearl smiled with a soft expression on her face. Jasper flushed a little, but at least she wasn’t pale anymore.

“Are we ready?” Pearl asked and everyone turned to look up at Jasper. She took a deep breath and then nodded. The warp pad activated with a ping and the blue and white light rushed around us for a moment. When it cleared, I looked out over a field of grass surrounded by forests. Up a little hill was a big red barn that had a… silo? Sticking out of it at an angle. It looked extremely unstable and I wondered briefly how it was being supported, when a small green gem came hurrying towards us.

“Steven! Pearl!” she glanced over me and Jasper quickly and her face froze up a little. “I um, hi, this probably isn’t such a good idea!” I felt a thrill run down my spine and Jasper’s hand tightened around mine.

“What do you mean, Peridot?” Steven asked, not seeming worried at all. Peridot grabbed Steven by the arm and dragged him away, Pearl following them after giving us a worried and apologetic smile.

“I don’t know where she is!” Peridot was probably thinking we couldn’t hear her. Jasper and I stepped off the warp pad into the wet grass. My heart was pounding rather fast. “She’s been so… weird lately! Then this morning she was just gone! I don’t know where she went”

“Didn’t she leave a note or anything?” Steven asked, sounding worried now.

“No, Steven, she didn’t leave a note! If she left a note I would know where she had gone and I would have dragged her back here! I hate it when she just goes off somewhere for no flipping reason!”

Jasper looked round suddenly as if she had heard something – I could feel her pulse racing through her palm.

“Oh, there she is, thank the stars!” Peridot’s whine of a voice sounded relieved. “Let’s just get this over with, I want to get back to building that tractor!” I followed Jasper’s gaze – there was a slim blue figure hovering over the barn on the hill. Peridot cleared her throat and strutted up to me and Jasper with a superior expression on her face. “Greetings. I am Peridot” she held out two fingers to me and I shook them awkwardly.

“Uh, hello. I’m Erica. N-nice to meet you?”

“Yes, it is” she stated matter-of-factly. “And hello. Jasper” she looked Jasper up and down critically. Jasper’s eyes were still on Lapis. “So you _have_ gone native then” she mumbled under her breath. I could feel my cheeks flush at this brash comment. ‘ _Gone native’_?

“Peridot” she said distractedly and giving a curt nod.

“It is _customary_ to greet the hostess of a gathering by looking her in the _eye_ , you clod” Peridot hissed, visibly stung at Jasper’s rudeness.

“Darling?” I asked Jasper softly.

“As a _proper_ hostess I will now invite you to the barn for beverages and pastries – the ones you like, Steven” Peridot babbled and led Steven and Pearl up the hill. “As you can see, we have put the barn to good use since you were last here, Pearl. Do note our collection of _meep-morps_ has grown – I like to call _this_ piece… ‘Canned surprise’”

“It’s… just a bunch of canned goods with the labels removed…” Pearl said a little tiredly.

“Oh, haha, I get it! Because you don’t know what’s in it, it’ll be a surprise!”

“Correct, Steven! Ha!” Peridot stopped and pointed up at Lapis. “ _Told_ you he’d get it! Now give me back my bowtie, Lazsuli!” the green gem shouted shrilly. The three of them moved further away and their voices shrank to a distant buzz, with the occasional loud snort or laugh from Peridot or Steven.

“Should… we follow them?” I asked tentatively. Jasper was still looking straight at Lapis, and Lapis hadn’t moved. I could see beads of sweat on Jasper’s forehead and she looked pale again. “It’s OK, darling… Me, Steven and Pearl are right here. You’re OK…” I patted her hand with my free one.

“R-right” she shook her head slightly and looked down at me. “Let’s get it over with…” we started to walk up the little hill. The barn was surrounded by little piles of mostly metal junk (some of them probably installations of some kind), a few old cars and what looked like half a tractor under a blue tarp. It looked like the entrance to quite an interesting modern sculptor’s place and I felt more at ease. Robyn was a sculptor. It was almost… cozy.

“Come on you guys!” Steven called for us before following Peridot and Pearl into the barn.

“We’ll be right there” I called back then looked up at Jasper again. “Is Peridot an artist?” I asked with a hesitant smile.

“No?” she said, looking around in astonishment. “Oh, it’s so… weird to see her without her limb enhancers… It’s like she’s naked or something”

“’Limb enhancers’?” there was a loud scraping sound and a thud, then what sounded like a rushing river. Jasper’s face blanched and her mouth opened in fear, my head turned toward the barn in slow motion and saw something blue speed toward me, I didn’t have time to react before water closed around my head and shoulders and I was lifted off the ground, my hand ripped out of Jasper’s grasp. What the fuck! I couldn’t breathe! The water clanged in my ears and there was such pressure on my head and eyes, something grabbed my leg and _pulled_ hard. Shark! No, no more sharks! I screamed and kicked out in panic, my vision filling with an explosion of dark purple light – and release! I dragged in a breath as I fell through the air, landing hard on my feet and tumbling forward. I stared around and gasped. Lapis was floating silently in the air a little in front of the barn, giant snakes of water twisting around her, Jasper was some way off to my left, running further away from me.

“Lapis I came here to talk!” Jasper screamed, fear evident in her voice. There were muffled shouts coming from the barn and I looked over at it – most of the junk had been piled in front of the huge door – the others were trapped inside! Shit! What should I do?!

“I have no interest in talking” Lapis said tonelessly. I scrabbled behind a wheelbarrow off to my right, hoping she wouldn’t see me. I heard a loud splash and the sound of heavy footsteps running further away still.

“Leave Erica out of it!” Jasper bellowed and I shrank into a ball, covering my mouth with my hands.

“No” Lapis said, her voice devoid of all emotion. My heart seemed to stop a moment.

“No?! It’s me you want, you fucking brat!” a loud grunt, a woosh of something heavy flying through the air and then an earth shaking crash followed by the sound of an angry river and the wheelbarrow was pushed into my back hard, I scrabbled with my sodden shoes against the ground, but was powerless to stop it – I was bawled over the edge of the hill and the barrow fell on top of me before being tipped over by a cascade of water that soaked me. I crawled to the nearest thing that could provide shelter – the covered tractor. Think! I screamed at myself internally. Think you fucker! Can I get the others out? No, there’s no way I could move that pile of junk. Could I run to the warp pad? Too far away. Fuck!

“You got away from me once, I’m not… going to let that happen again” why was her voice so dead? Had she fucking lost her mind?

“Erica!” Jasper screamed and my heart flipped over – her voice was so full of fear – but not for herself, for _me_! I had to let her know I was alright!

“Wha…” my voice was barely a whisper. Come on, get it out, then run like hell behind the barn – maybe there’s another door? “What do you hear, Starbuck?!” I forced out and sprinted as fast as I could, throwing myself behind the corner and skidding to a halt behind the barn.

“Ha! Nothing but the rain!” Jasper roared and there was a ‘thoom’ and my heart lifted slightly – helmet – good – yes – OK. Crashes and thuds came from the other side. Find door, find door. I raked the wall – no door – but surely they could kick a hole or something? They were super strong, weren’t they?

“Steven! Pearl!” I hissed as loudly as I dared.

“Erica!? What’s happening?!” Pearl’s voice was panicked.

“They’re fighting! Get out here! Kick the fucking boards out, it looks rickety as hell come on!”

“There is a perfectly good door near the roof!” Peridot’s sneering voice protested loudly, I looked up – there was an opening there – I had been standing too close to the wall to see it.

“Just get out here!” I hissed. There was scrabbling from inside and then a solid wall of ice shot out of the ground, missing me by inches – it blocked the entire barn, all the way to the roof.

“There you are” Lapis’ voice came from above me – I let out a shrill yelp of thick purple sparkly mist and fear moved my body for me, straight in between the trees. Serpentine, serpentine I thought and darted from side to side. Dodge, evade, dodge, evade, run, run, run! There was the sound of splintering wood from behind me and _terror_ gripped me. In the distance I heard someone calling my name and there was another earth shaking crash, a roar and another crash. I kept on running, weaving from tree to tree and barging through thickets that tore at my clothes. I stumbled into a muddy patch and slipped, falling forward and sliding painfully on my stomach a few yards. I scrabbled to my feet and turned around – no one was there? Had I shaken her off? A scream of agony came from my left – Jasper! I started running back, you leave her alone you fucking water sprite! I slowed down as the trees thinned, trying to see what was going on – the barn was encased in ice – loud thumps came from inside. A pained grunt came from above me and I looked up – Jasper broke free from a giant hand made of water by spinning into a white Sonic like thing and it sprayed the water around like horizontal rain – she dropped into the mud, lifted a car halfway off the ground and then flipped it into the air, missing Lapis by a foot. She launched herself after the blue gem, but was swatted aside by another giant hand of water. Jasper flew backwards and landed on all fours, shapeshifted into some sort of beast and charged with a deep roar, leapt up and grabbed Lapis round the leg with her jaws. Lapis made no noise what so ever, just waved her arms and two more water hands grabbed Jasper around the middle and tried to rip her apart! Jasper howled and Lapis fell to the ground.

“You psycho bitch!” I screamed and Lapis’ expressionless face turned to me as thunder rolled and lightning struck the ground in front of me. Her attention on me, Jasper spun round again and launched herself towards Lapis, pinning her to the ground.

“Why?! Why did you imprison me?! Why did you torture me?!” Jasper screamed at her, one enormous fist raised to strike. As the silence dragged out I ran in closer and saw Lapis’ face go from blank and detached to fury. Why had Lapis waited so long to do something? What the hell was going on?

“You… coward…” she hissed and water rose from the ground and gripped Jasper in a fist the size of Greg’s van, I stared for a split second then threw myself behind a tree, a jet missing me by a shoelace. Jasper grunted in pain and I peeped out behind the tree – no more jets were heading for me. In fact, all the water was being sucked toward the fist holding Jasper – it expanded as Lapis rose to her feet, her hands swirling round, her hair and dress billowing in the breeze. I stared in horror as Jasper was pulled into the middle of it, bubbles leaving her in a stream as she flailed in panic, drowning. “Do you remember this game?” Lapis voice was deadpan. “Oh, I’m sorry… It’s not complete without the _shackles_ …” she waved one hand and made a fist and the water around Jasper’s struggling wrists changed into dark blue, from the edges sprouted chain links that shot down into the ground, making two big spikes of ice – Jasper was _tethered_! My Melamin was trapped! Drowning! Lapis made her hands into a circle and started to press it inward, like she was squeezing a ball and in disbelief I witnessed the now house sized sphere of water _shrinking_. She… she was _crushing_ Jasper! Something inside me snapped and I darted out from the tree, made a half circle around so I was in shelter the entire time – ending up behind Lapis – then I charged. Time seemed to slow down as I sped toward her, arms pumping like mad and sneakers thundering across the muddy ground, I threw myself forward to grab her round the middle when my eyes caught my reflection in the water in front of Lapis – _she had seen me coming_! The blue gem stepped smartly aside and water billowed out – instantly my head felt like it was being screwed in a vice and the air was squeezed from my lungs. I was being pushed toward the middle of the bubble, toward my big, beautiful Jasper. At least when I died, it would be close to her… Close to her – my brain felt like it was running on half capacity and falling, everything was slow and bright and confusing, but, closeness, I wanted it, needed it. My arms moved like lead through treacle but I managed to raise them – as I was pushed towards Jasper her eyes shot open and widened to see me. She strained to reach me, kicking with her powerful legs to embrace me, one… final… time…

* * *

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	42. Lapis' lament

## Chapter 42: Lapis’ Lament

  
My vision was blurry and everything hurt like mad. Wait… Jasper… Erica… fading, fading away from me? No, stop. Come back. Don’t go. I… don’t want you to go. _Don’t get afraid_ … Erica’s mantra came from her like the whisper from a ghost… Don’t get afraid, but how could I not be afraid? _Help us_! Jasper’s pleading tore at my heart. They were slipping away from me… My Erica, my Jasper, the ones I had promised to keep safe, always. A searing, twisting internal spasm made me curl in on myself and something snapped – I opened my eyes in shock – my hands were free. I struck for the surface, kicked with my legs, the muscles were seizing up! But then – _air_! Glorious, glorious air sucked into my lungs and I saw the little blue gem staring up at me in astonishment. Lapis… _LAPIS LASZULI_! Erica’s rage _exploded_ into me and _I_ was rocked in the wake of the intensity of the feeling. _Don’t get afraid, get angry_! Yes. Share it with me, all of you, let me feel it… Jasper and Erica’s different furies flowed into me – Jasper’s honed and focused and Erica’s wild and hot like fire.  

“How _dare_ you” I rumbled – the water holding me vibrated and a look of shock took over Lapis’ face. “How dare you attack them when they came in _peace_!” the bubble lost cohesion and crashed to the ground, flooding the grass and mud and pushing the remaining junk aside. “Do you know how much it took for them to come here?!” a billowing mass of blue black left me as I spoke, a roll of thunder like buildings collapsing made a shockwave flow over the ground, pushing Lapis off her feet. Lightning saturated the cloud like maddened skittering spiders.

“You… you fused!” she gasped in disbelief, then extended her wings and took off, trailing mud. “You fused – with _her_?!” she raised her arms and two jets of water wrapped around my wrists.

“No – more – chains!” I bellowed, lightning crackling around both my arms and flowing into the restraints, causing them to _evaporate_ with the heat of my fury. “I will not be your prisoner, Laszuli!”

Her face contorted in rage and she threw her arms out – water rose out of the ground and formed icy spikes – they shot forward and I danced out of the way, my legs carrying me easily and I smiled. Snakes of water sped toward me and I spun round with a roar, my hands moving in a blur, lightning and darkness bending around them – the water splashed harmlessly on the ground after I had severed the heads. The curve of dark arched toward Lapis and she beat her wings to avoid it. I struck out again and again sending wave after wave into the air and for a moment the sky was obscured. Then something hit me from behind and my head was encased in water. I forced out a wordless scream and the bubble exploded out from me.

“Enough!” I roared and the thunderclap I produced echoed over the forest – the shockwave making the trees shake and the ground tremble. “No – more – games!” red lightning and flames gushed from my mouth and I saw Laszuli dive out of the way, a red tendril caught her a blow on the back – making her water wings fizzle out – she smacked into the ground with a scream. I stooped and snatched her up. “Answer me now… Why did you fuse with Jasper?!” Lapis gasped for breath, the air knocked out of her. “Truth, _now_ , Laszuli _or I will never let you **die**_!” Lapis’ eyes widened and I knew I had struck the right chord: she had expected for _Jasper_ to attack _her_ , waiting by the barn… Lapis had held back when she first attacked, Jasper knew she could do so much more. Then after Jasper pinned her – she did nothing, waiting for Jasper to… end her. My blood boiled. _Coward_ , Jasper seethed as she understood. She shared the knowledge with us and Erica felt so sickened I felt my stomach roil.

“Reh-revenge…” she panted. “I… wanted revenge” I walked forward to the barn and pushed the pile of junk aside – the door flew open immediately and Steven, Pearl and Peridot rushed outside.

“Tell them! Tell them all of it!” I roared, my chest heaving with barely restrained fury. Lapis’ cheeks went a dark blue.

“Please…” she begged. “Not in front of… _him_ …” Steven looked from me to Lapis, then at Pearl and Peridot.

“Tell us what?! Who the frick are you?!” Peridot raged, pointing at me.

“Why did you lock us in the barn?!” Pearl demanded fiercely.

“ _Now_ , Laszuli. Take this chance and confess” I hissed out blue and black, the thunder rolled and Lapis winced and the rest of them fell quiet. _It must come from her,_ Erica knew. Jasper needed to see it all play out, needed to see Lapis fall on her own sword. It tore at her, but she knew it had to hurt, she knew it would be excruciating.  Erica accepted it too and stillness reigned inside me.

“I… didn’t _need_ to fuse with Jasper to s-save you, S-Steven…” Laszuli began quietly. “I wanted to, so I could take my anger out on her… She was just there! Invited me _in_ , gave me the chance… I _needed_ it! _Needed_ someone to stand trial for everything that’s happened to me! Everyone used me! _Everyone_! I was so tired of being the _victim_!” her shoulders hunched. Erica prompted me to ask, needed to know so badly, Jasper shook under the intensity and the shock of the question.

“If Peridot had offered to fuse instead, would you have dragged her under the sea, would you have tortured her with endless cycles of drowning and resuscitation, would you have burned her back with ice as hot as the sun, would you have delved into her mind and used her deepest fears as weapons?” my voice was steel, my eyes never leaving her face. She looked away and I heard the little green gem gasp. “ _Speak_ ” I commanded.

“Yes! I would have taken Peridot! I would have taken any of them!” she wailed, agony drawn clearly on her face.

“Would you have taken me too?” Steven’s voice was breathless. Lapis’ expression changed into one of terrible regret and sorrow. Disgust made my hand tighten around her thin body.

“No, Steven, never you! Never, _ever_ you! I – “

“Why did you attack Jasper and Erica today?” I demanded, the thunder as strong as ever. Lapis looked up at me with _hatred_ in her eyes. Silence fell and everyone waited for her to speak.

“Why does _she_ … get to be happy…” she whispered, her voice full of contempt. “After all I put her through… after _months_ of being in the crushing depths – she escapes and gets back here with some _human_ and is _happy_!” her voice rose uncontrollably. “Where is _my_ happiness?! Why can’t _I_ ever be happy?!” tears ran down her cheeks as she shouted, but I knew there was more.

“Why did you _hold back_ , Laszuli? Why did you let Jasper _pin you down_?” there was a gasp from Steven, Pearl and Peridot.

“Please… don’t make me say it!” she wailed and squirmed in my grasp.

“Truth!” I bellowed, eyes boring into hers. Blue black lightning leapt from my mouth, crackling through the air, the thunderclap an assault on the eardrums. As the sound dissipated Lapis shook her head and squirmed. Then her body relaxed suddenly and she hung limply in my hand.  

“I wanted her… to kill me…” she said in a barely audible whisper.

“Louder” I hissed.

“ _I wanted her to kill me_!” she screeched, a maddened look in her eye. “I needed to prove to you all how bad she really is! If you knew what I knew you wouldn’t want to be on the same planet as her!” she rambled quickly. “ _I needed to destroy her in your eyes, Steven_! If she killed me in front of you… there would be no forgiveness… no redemption… no _happiness_ for her…” I was appalled and I heard the others gasp in disgust. There was a bitter taste in my mouth and I felt contaminated from touching her.

“I should have listened to Garnet… when she wanted to bubble you, years ago…” Steven spoke in a bitter voice. “I stood up for you… gave you a home…” now he sounded sad and disappointed. “You could have asked for help, for someone to talk to… But you chose this instead… I don’t understand, Lapis, after all you’ve been through… how could you do this?” Lapis stared at him with streaming eyes.

“I don’t know!” she wailed and tried to free herself again.  

“It doesn’t matter _why_ , Steven! It matters that she did it! She would have taken _me_ into the ocean! The great and lovable Peridot! She’s _insane_! You, whatever your name is, destabilize her right now!” Peridot’s angry face turned to me.

“Let her go” he said, looking at Lapis sadly.

“ _What_?!” Peridot burst out. “Are _you_ insane now, too?!”

“Steven, no, we can’t _possibly_ let her roam free after all this!” Pearl said indignantly.

“She doesn’t deserve mercy…” I hissed menacingly.

“She won’t learn… if she’s in a bubble” he said quietly. “She won’t bother us, will you… Lapis… Laszuli?” Lapis gasped, and I wasn’t sure if it was because he was letting her go, that he trusted her to keep away… or that he had used her full name. Maybe it was all three.

“Steven… Please… just bubble me… put me somewhere safe, don’t… don’t send me away… we’re beach summer fun buddies, remember? Steven? Please…” Lapis’ voice was pleading and shaking with emotion. Steven shook his head disappointedly, crossed his arms and turned his back on her. Huffing spitefully, Peridot did the same. Pearl turned more slowly, giving her a wuthering glare.

“Can’t you see what she is?!” she screamed suddenly, spittle flying from her mouth. “Don’t you remember she wanted to take you to Yellow Diamond – do you know what would have happened then?!”

I was the only one looking at Lapis now. I opened my fingers and she dropped to the ground with a grunt. She straightened up and looked at their backs.

“Can’t you see _she’s_ the monster – not me!” no one moved or spoke. Lapis’ face crumpled. “Steven, _please_!” she took a hesitant step toward them, then stopped when neither of them stirred. Without a word, she spread her wings and took off, splattering the ground with what might have been tears and might just have been cast off from her wings. I watched her go inland and disappear among the clouds. There was a moment of ringing silence, and then I heard someone sniff. There was the scraping of gravel and I saw Steven collapse to his knees and begin to cry, Pearl was at his side immediately. He lay down on his side and put his head in his hands and sobbed so heart wrenchingly sadly… This little boy had just had his heart broken… To my surprise Peridot burst into tears as well, her little body rocking from side to side. Pearl cried too, but silently, one hand covering her mouth, the other stroking Steven’s back.

Everyone was shocked and grieving. My ears picked up a low creak and I looked up at the thick sheets of ice covering the rickety barn. With Lapis gone it might collapse. I stepped outside and began pushing the ice walls over, they shattered on the ground with a hissing wet crackling sound. Soon the barn was clear and I looked out over the ground in front of it. It was muddy and all the piles of metal were jumbled up. A whisper of sadness flowed from Erica at this – the sculptures were smashed… I turned back to the three gems. Steven was curled into a ball, shaking with sobs. Pearl sat next to him, an empty expression on her face and a hand on his back, stroking listlessly. Peridot had picked up a coat hanger that had a baseball, glove and bat hanging from it and was twisting it in her hands with an agonizingly sad expression on her face. Jasper felt surprised at her willingness to show this amount of emotion and a stab of guilt made her consciousness tremble _. They were_ … _friends_. Erica was shocked at the sympathy I felt for the small green gem, but then her heart melted when I saw Peridot’s little hands rip the hanger apart with a forlorn whimper. She stomped off into the barn and I could her grumbling and hissing accompanied by crashes and clangs. Steven and Pearl barely reacted to the noise; this sent a thrill of unease through me. They had all lost something today. Someone… A friend… I wanted to sing to them. But what would help them in this moment? Melody rather than words. A warm, steady hand at their backs. Something to lean on. I sat down on my knees behind Steven and Pearl, close but not touching them. I drew in a deep breath and my chest vibrated as I began to sing ‘Aniron’ by Enya.

“ _O mor henion i dhu_...” my voice was deep and thrumming, the overtones coming easy to me – not one extra note, but three. One each for Jasper, Erica and… Turquoise Tourmaline. All three of them shone inside me then – so pleased at how seamlessly our voices flowed together. ” _Ely siriar, el sila. Ai! Aniron Undomiel. Tiro! el eria e mor. I 'lir en el luitha 'uren_ ” my song was all colors of the rainbow, weaving through the air like the northern lights. ” _Ai!_ _Aniron. O mor henion i dhu, Ely siriar, el sila. Ai! Aniron Undomiel. Tiro! el eria e mor. I 'lir en el luitha 'uren._ _Ai! Aniron..._ ”

As I sang I reached out for both Steven and Pearl – Steven took my thumb and held it to his forehead and continued to cry. Pearl leaned against the palm of my hand, looking up at me, apparently lost for words, then her eyes closed and I could feel her shoulders shaking. Even Peridot came up and sat down next to Steven. Jasper felt astonished at the way I could feel compassion for this little gem she had only seen as a nuisance. As the song ended I started ‘Only Time’ immediately. Pearl joined in, still with her eyes closed. Her voice was beautiful and matched our pitch perfectly. Her hand stroked Steven’s shaking back and gradually she stopped leaning on my palm. I moved my free hand to Steven’s back too, trying to soothe him just like Pearl. As our song finished Pearl began another one I didn’t know and I fell silent and just listened. It must have been an old rebel song. Steven sat up eventually and wiped his eyes on his arm.

“I didn’t know…” he said croakily. “She didn’t tell me…”

“She didn’t tell me either…” Peridot said sadly. “I didn’t know she was capable of… _that_ ”

“We’re… so sorry, Jasper” Pearl said shakily and looked up at me. I felt Jasper stir uncomfortably inside. _They all know now…_ Yes, dear heart, they do. And see how they’re still here? _Yes…_ uncertainty blossomed from her, not daring to trust that they would stay friendly. _It’s alright, beastie_ , came Erica’s soft, warm caring whisper. It _is_ alright, my Jasper-love. Be brave, dare to trust.

Steven stood up and climbed into my lap to hug me around the middle, resting his head on my stomach. Jasper quaked inside, overwhelmed.

“I’m so sorry you guys…” he said in a muffled voice. “This is not how I thought this day would go at all…”

“Neither did they, sweetheart” I said and stroked his back softly.

“I knew something was up with her, I just didn’t know what…” Peridot said tonelessly. “Ugh… It makes me feel… dirty… having shared this place with someone who would have done what she did to Jasper _to me_ …” Erica twitched angrily at Peridot’s disregard for Jasper’s suffering. _Peridot… doesn’t have filters,_ Jasper shared, bitter amusement coming with the knowledge.

Pearl stood up and dusted herself off. “She would have taken any of us…” she said in a hollow voice. “I’m afraid what she’ll do now…” she turned to look up at the sky.

 “I don’t know…” Steven said and looked over at Pearl. “But she will stay away”

“How can you be so sure?” Peridot asked him in a frustrated voice.

“I just know” he said quietly.                                                 

“Thank you for getting us out, Echo” Pearl said and patted my arm. “I… think we should leave this place”

Peridot flinched and stood up. “What am I going to do now?!” she looked around at the destruction outside and inside the barn. “We… we made this place a _home_ and now it’s destroyed!” she looked distraught.

“You can stay with us, Peridot” Steven said softly.

“I’m _not_ staying in that bathroom again!” she waved her hands in the air and started pacing around.

“We can share my room, OK?” Steven walked up to her and hugged her. She fought him for a moment before giving in and letting him hold her. “Then we can fix this place up”

“Oh… OK…” Peridot surrendered. They started to head toward the warp pad; I got up to follow them. “Um… you two can defuse now” she said uncomfortably and glanced up at me with a slight grimace.

“Peridot!” Pearl snapped.

“What?! There’s no more fighting to be done – and she’s _not_ Percy and Pierre! _And_ she’ll go straight through the roof!”

‘Percy and Pierre’ – who? I felt very confused.

“It’ll be fine” Steven said tiredly. “She’ll fit, just hunch down, Echo”

I stepped up behind them on the warp pad and did as he said. The blue and white light streamed around us for a moment and then the cozy smell of Steven’s house filled my nostrils. It looked so different from my new vantage point and I felt a little claustrophobic. Maybe I should go somewhere else… A need from Jasper to be alone now flowed from her and Erica felt something similar. An idea from Erica – _We could go to the forest and get the weapons, it could help cheer Steven up… and I want my spear back too…_ Jasper and I – and even the Tourmaline agreed.

“I will say goodbye here” I said softly and Steven and Pearl turned to look at me. “I want some time to think, but I’ll be back in a while”

“Great” Peridot mumbled and strode off to sit on the couch.

“Are… you alright?” Pearl asked tentatively. I knew she was asking more about Erica then Jasper, and Jasper didn’t feel bad about that.

“ _We_ ’ll be fine, Pearl” I said reassuringly.

“Come back soon, OK?” Steven said sadly and gave me a hug.

“Yes” I said softly, stroking his back.

* * *

Please review :)


	43. Explanation not excuse

**_This fanfic contains a lot of swearing, smoking, violence and various other mature themes._ **

**_All characters are the property of Rebecca Sugar and Cartoon Network, except for Erica and Parker._ **

**_This fanfic is written from the perspective of E. K. Brooks._ **

## Chapter 43: Explanation not excuse

Steven and Pearl stepped off the pad and I closed my eyes. Erica knew where we were going and shared the location, Jasper guided me how to activate our gem to trigger the pad. New smells came to me now – ancient trees, dirt and wet grass. I found the path Erica had walked with Pearl, Steven and Connie. The earth was soft under my bare feet and I moved silently through the forest, following the little path. After a while we came to the place where Erica and Connie had found it again, after having spent the night here. I felt both apprehension and a hint of pride from Erica now, should we go and see the place she defeated the jasper fusion? Jasper and I wanted to see. Soon I came to the little creek and saw the two enormous boulders and the remnants of a big fire. Erica shared the memories of sitting in the darkness, afraid for herself and Steven and Connie, then how the creature had attacked them – Jasper positively thrummed with pride at her display of strength and rage and Erica felt very pleased, although somewhere she thought she shouldn’t be. You did what you had to, Erica-love and I’m very proud of you too. Erica felt very touched at all the affection aimed towards her and she shone inside me, doubling it. A glint of light caught my eye and I walked over to inspect it – it was the little bucket Connie had found. I dug it out and picked it up by the handle. Jasper insisted we keep it. I padded back to the path and then followed it to the glade. The floor still bore the footprints of the jasper fusion. I put my foot in one to compare – the fusion one was more than five times the size. I found Rose’s sword and the spear where they had been dropped, and Erica’s little backpack too. It had been torn open and the contents scattered. When I saw this Erica trembled with fear – what about the beanie? A quick search found it dirty but whole and there was such relief inside. I picked up the sword – my hand was a little too big to grip the hilt. Suddenly Jasper… wobbled. A wave of grief and confusion came from her and I stumbled and dropped the sword, Erica shook in fear at the unexpected eruption. What’s the matter, Jasper-love? _She used me… Like a punching bag… then… then I was to be her… her –_ Jasper couldn’t find the words, but Erica knew the one she was looking for. _Razorblade_. The pain was too much, springing from both of them as their feelings flowed together in a torrent – from Erica the memories of what it felt like to want to end, to die – from Jasper the knowledge that she had meant absolutely nothing to Lapis; that she had just been the means to an end, a _tool_ – a _weapon_. Razor and wrist. Wrist and razor. Erica had not cared what the razor wanted. Jasper had no control over what she was being used for. _Just a trinket, just an accessory_. **Just a soldier**. _Not important_. **Not important**. _No one to turn to, no one cared_. **No one knew what was truly going on inside**. _Forced behind a mask_ , **into a box** , _into a shape_ , **into a slave**. They were spinning, tumbling inside me and the images of all their worst moments intermingled sickeningly. _The sound of the bone saw as it cut into my skull_ – **Red Beryl’s last breath** – _cold, dead, inside_ – **the chains of ice ripping the skin off my back** – _my mother’s eyes as she hit me_ – **the empty throne room with a floor covered in gem shards** – Stop! Steady, steady, my loves! My sweet, lovely ones, calm… calm now… I’ve got you… I was on my knees, my head swimming. Tears spilled down my cheeks and I gasped for breath.

“Who… are you… the proud Lord said…” I panted into the silence of the forest, my voice was black and red and _alone_. “That I must bow… so low…” now a second tone joined me – but it wasn’t Erica or Jasper. “Only a cat… of a different coat… that’s all the truth I know…” come now, darlings… Sing with me, sing your song. _Your_ song. No one else’s. Not your mother’s, or your Diamond’s, nor Lapis’ for that matter. Yours. It means calm down, listen, come back; it means I’m here… You are safe with me. “A coat of gold… a coat of red, a lion still has claws…” hesitantly they joined me. “And mine are long and sharp my lord… as long and sharp as yours…” my vision cleared and I felt the song settle them. “And so he spoke, and so he spoke, that Lord of Castamere… And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but no one’s there to hear. And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but not a soul to hear…” there, my sweethearts, there we go… Calm…

I sat down on my behind and stretched out my legs in front of me. Yes, Jasper-love, Lapis used you. Jasper trembled at my words, but she knew she needed to hear them. She took you because she could, because she wanted to, because you… gave her an opportunity. Erica knew that I wasn’t putting blame on her love, I was just stating the facts. Today, she tried to use you again – so she could die a martyr and you would be proven to be a heartless brutal savage. Two birds, one stone… But her plan failed. She wanted you to attack first – you didn’t. Then she tried to provoke you by trying to kill Erica and still you didn’t. It was only when she said she wouldn’t leave Erica out of it that you changed your mind. Then, when you had her pinned, you surprised her again by wanting to talk. You had every opportunity to be the heartless savage she thought you to be… But when she realized you weren’t she decided to torture you again – maybe she figured since the others were in the barn they wouldn’t see and she could say you attacked her and she had to defend herself. But she wanted to punish you one last time, I’m assuming, for not doing what you were supposed to do. Or, for not being what she thought you to be… She hadn’t counted on you fighting alongside Jasper, Erica – or you being able to form me – she would have killed both of you in that bubble. She had so many chances to stop, and yet she chose to go through with it all… It is clear who the heartless one is… Relief flowed from Jasper and with it came tears, so many, many tears. Erica reached out for her, not to soothe, not to interrupt, just to let her know she was there. I let Jasper’s tears fall from my eyes. I felt how raw she was and I wanted to shelter her, heal her, but I knew she needed to _be_ raw and vulnerable. This had been a very tough day for her, well, for both of them. They had come so close to losing each other. Erica felt quite angry over everything – all the time she had spent going back and forth – forgive Lapis, fight Lapis, kill her, don’t kill her – it seemed like such a waste. But I told her it wasn’t. It had all been necessary to get to this point and she had done her very best to be supportive of Jasper – Jasper piped in that this wouldn’t have been possible without her – _without you I would **be** that heartless savage Lapis thought I was…_ Gratitude flowed from Jasper then and Erica felt quite overwhelmed, as did I. I felt so proud of them both. I lay back on the leaves and stretched, feeling exhausted, both of them shared this feeling. I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling my heart lighten as I let go of my form…

I lay with my head resting on Jasper’s chest, staring up into the canopy. The sunlight played through the leaves, casting a golden green light over us. I felt oddly calm after everything that had happened today, but my body ached. Echo had helped us both so much, had saved our lives even. My heart filled with love for her, our wonderful, wonderful fusion. Jasper kissed my forehead and I turned my head to look at her.

“Hello, little monster” she said hoarsely.

“Hello, beastie” I answered with a little smile. She stroked my back lovingly and I ran my hand over her beautiful stomach. We were still here… I thought it would end in that bubble, had _accepted_ it… What did that mean for me?

“I was nothing to her… She didn’t hate me for _me_ , she hated me for everything I represented; home world, all those who oppressed her, used her. She needed an outlet and I… gave her a chance at revenge… But why did she want me to kill her? _Why_ did she need me to be destroyed in Steven’s eyes?”

I thought for a long moment, caressing her belly softly.

“I think… because she needed to be better than you… If you would have killed her, she would be ‘brave Lapis’ who sacrificed herself to save Steven. ‘Poor Lapis’, who was recovering so well, killed before she could be all that she was destined to be. She would be ‘Lapis the martyr’, just like Echo said…” Jasper was silent and I just lay there, listening to her breath.

“She must have been so lonely” she said quietly and I looked up at her in surprise. Was she really feeling sorry for her? “Being alone for so long… trapped in that mirror…”

“That… might be an explanation, but it’s not an excuse for what she did” I said firmly.

“I know that, babe, I know…” she took a deep breath. “It makes me wonder… what if it had been her gem you had found on the island…” the thought sent a shiver down my spine. I thought back to when we first met. What was it about her that had caught my attention, what had driven me to defend her and care for her in the first place? The memory of her serene face in the firelight under the star lit sky and the way it had made my cheeks burn and my heart race – was it as simple as that? Had I saved her… because I had been attracted to her? Had her beauty made her my beastie? But there was more to it… When her mask slipped – I saw that she was hurting – maybe I had recognized myself in her, seen another soul lost in anger and pain and… empathized with her. I couldn’t _not_ have helped her, or I wouldn’t have been… me.

“It wouldn’t have gone the same way, darling… You were so beautiful in the firelight…” I said slowly.

“What?” she asked in surprise and looked down at me.

“That first night… when you appeared out of your gem. I watched you sleep… Your face was so… different when it was relaxed, your jawline enticed me… And then after the spider – you asked _why_ I defended you and I saw through your anger… you intrigued me” Jasper let out a little perplexed laugh.

“You confused the hell out of me” she said with a grin.

“Hah, what?”

“Yeah… I couldn’t figure out what you were or what you wanted with me. You just… did things and didn’t seem to mind helping me. You didn’t demand anything of me, well, except for me to call you Erica instead of ‘human’” she let out a little chuckle. “No one had ever treated me like that before. You gave me space to just… be or whatever. The first time I heard you singing” she grinned reminiscently. “I thought I must be dreaming… I’d heard people sing before, of course, but then it was always as part of an official performance or something. You just sang for yourself – and for me…” she rubbed my back and I snuggled in closer, feeling touched.

“It made me so happy when you sang along when you had that burdock stuck in your hair… oh, and earlier that day you brought me a rock to help with my cramps… Why did you do that?”

“Oh… I thought it might be some weird human custom maybe, to give each other rocks as celebration and then I found one so… I figured, why not? You had been so… nice to me. I wanted to try to do something nice in return, show I wasn’t just… a taker. And as far as the singing went, honestly I didn’t realize I was doing it… it felt so good when you touched my hair and you were being so careful,  it just kind of… slipped out” she blushed a little.

“I really love it when you sing, beastie… You really do have such a beautiful voice…” I moved up to kiss her. Her lips were silky soft and she made a little pleased noise in the back of her throat.

I felt my smile falter a little as the ache in my belly mounted. I rubbed at it and Jasper’s warm hands joined mine.

“How’s the pain today?” she asked softly.

“Much better than yesterday, but the fight… my body feels like one big bruise” I said as warmth flowed into me. “Oh, darling it’s so wonderful that you can do that – soothe me so…”

“I’m glad I can do something… I feel beat too” she murmured. A light breeze swept through the glade, making the leaves rustle and I let out a sigh as the sharp pain dulled. I looked up at the trees – the signs of autumn were obvious now.

“I love it when the trees change color… it’s so vibrant”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Look” I pointed to the canopy. “When autumn comes the leaves change from green to yellow, red or brown, then they fall off”

“Why?” she sounded fascinated.

“It helps the trees survive the winter” I shivered a little.

“Do you want to head back? I’m getting really hungry”

“Oh, yes, me too” I sat up slowly and winced, then got to my feet and gathered up the remnants of my little backpack and my spear. Jasper picked up Rose’s sword and looked at it closely.

“This blade…” she swung it through the air. “I never thought _I’d_ be holding it… Yellow Diamond has a place ready for it, in her throne room”

“She does?” I spun the spear slowly, listening to the wonderful sound it made. I had missed it.

“Yes” she sheathed the sword, then looked at me. “Ready to go?” I nodded and we started walking along the path, holding hands. I lit a cigarette and blew out a plume of smoke.

“How do you feel now?” I asked Jasper, squeezing her hand.

“Lighter” she said with a little smile. “So much lighter…”

“That’s excellent” I breathed. She leant down to kiss me softly as we stepped onto the warp pad.

“Oh… will you show me how you warp?” Jasper asked me with a broader grin. I nodded with a smile and lifted my fingers to my mouth and whistled. As the blue and white lights flew around us, she pulled me in for a kiss. “Extraordinary…” she whispered as we stood, once again, in Steven’s house. A split second later Amethyst cannoned into Jasper, who nearly over balanced and the two of us let out little noises of surprise and pain.

“You fought Lapis?!” the purple gem demanded, looking both upset and impressed. Then she looked over at me and slapped me on the shoulder. “As Echo! I’m so mad I missed it!”

“Amethyst!” Pearl sounded nearly incandescent with rage. “This was _not_ a good thing! We were supposed to _talk_ to Lapis! And now she’s off somewhere doing stars know what!” then she gasped when she saw what me and Jasper were carrying. Jasper shook Amethyst off and walked over to Steven who was sitting hunched over on the sofa by the window. Peridot and Garnet were sitting next to him. It was raining hard outside.

“Here” she held out Rose’s sword to him, hilt first, her voice soft and calm. Pearl looked so tense – wait – she hadn’t been thinking – oh, come on, Pearl… “Echo went to the forest, and we thought… maybe this would cheer you up a little…” Steven looked at her with red rimmed eyes, then stood up on the sofa. He pushed the sword aside and hugged Jasper round the middle. She let out another surprised little grunt and then patted him on the back awkwardly, looking round at Garnet, Pearl and Peridot. Garnet was wearing a little smile and leaned back against the cushions, Pearl seemed to relax when the sword was no longer involved – but Peridot glared daggers at Jasper.

“Why couldn’t you just have stayed away?” she said in a low hiss.

“Excuse you?” I huffed, a little tendril of lightning slithered through the air as my anger reignited.

“Now, let’s not make this wor – “ Pearl began, but Peridot interrupted her.

“If you had just stayed away none of this would have happened! And everything would have been fine!”

I was stunned. Had she really just said that? What the actual fuck.

“Peridot, you can’t _possibly_ – “ Pearl tried to interject, but was cut short by a snort from the little green gem.

“Oh yes I can!” Peridot shrieked and stood up, pointing an accusing finger at Jasper. “This is all your fault, Jasp - !”

“No, Peridot” Steven said quietly. “This is on Lapis… Jasper…” he looked up at her face with tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry for what she did to you…” Jasper looked down at him with a stunned expression on her face.

“Um…” she floundered for a moment. “It’s… alright… Echo and Erica helped me understand” she smiled and held out a hand to me and I took it. The tension in the room seemed to lift a little.

“How are you doing, Steven?” I asked carefully.

“I don’t really know…” he said a little distantly. “I made a cake to celebrate you guys making up but now I don’t know what to do with it…” he pointed to a cake with blue and orange frosting standing on the kitchen counter. Sadness seemed to settle over the room now. It was such a big contrast from the forest – where everything had seemed so light. Echo had helped Jasper understand, and me too, I suppose. Such a big burden of guilt had been lifted from Jasper’s shoulders and heart. Steven and Peridot were dealing with a different kind of hurt – I wanted to help him feel better, but, today, right now, I just wanted to enjoy the relief Echo’s words had brought both me and Jasper. I felt a little guilty but… It didn’t feel appropriate somehow to try to comfort him more than this now. He needed another angle of understanding Lapis. And neither of us could provide that perspective. The pain in my lower abdomen started to mount and my hand squeezed Jasper’s slowly. She looked at me as I leant forward slightly and put a hand on my hip.

“ _Melamin_?” she asked me softly. I let out a little puff of red. It seemed to draw everyone’s eyes.

“What’s with the lights?” Peridot asked sulkily. “You didn’t tell me humans could do that” she turned to Steven.

“It’s unique to Erica” Garnet said in a calm voice. Her tone didn’t invite follow up questions.

Jasper leant down to whisper in my ear; “Do you want to leave?” I thought for a moment – what did I want right now? To be alone with Jasper and do nothing of importance at all. Just take a while and let my mind adjust to what had happened today. Talk about it some more – later on. But for now… lying in bed with her strong arms around me was all I could think of. Peace and warmth and comfort. And something to eat. And some painkillers…. I nodded slowly and then the pain peaked and I let out a little gasp – gods! Another puff of red left me and I felt my legs go weak. Jasper grabbed me before I could fall over and guided me to the other sofa. I wished they would all look somewhere else.

“Are you OK, Erica?” Steven asked worriedly.

“I just – need a moment” I hissed as I sat down. Jasper sat too, shielding me slightly from the others gazes.

“Do you want my hands?” she asked me quietly and I nodded and leaned my head on her chest. Her hand slipped under my shirt and warmed my angry belly, rubbing it softly and kissing the top of my head.

“What are they doing?” I heard Peridot ask suspiciously.

“I don’t know” Steven said slowly. “Pearl?”

“Oh. Um… Well… Erica has a… stomach ache, and Jasper is… helping her”

“Pff” Peridot huffed indignantly.

“Peridot” Garnet said with a hint of warning in her voice. “You are upset – and you have every right to be. But it’s not Jasper or Erica’s fault. So leave them be” Jasper turned her head to look at Garnet with a surprised look on her face, I felt a wave of gratitude toward Garnet.

“Yeah, Perry, leave ‘em alone” Amethyst’s voice sounded a bit annoyed.

“We’re all upset, Peridot…” Pearl said slowly, then came to sit next to me. “Jasper, Erica… could you tell us what happened outside the barn? We’ve been trying to piece it together – but we only heard noises – before Echo let us out” Jasper stiffened up against me and her hand stopped moving. It came rushing back to me in a wave – from the first moment of inexplicable fear when the water closed around my head to the split second of blinding light that was us forming Echo. I let out a thick plume of blue, black, and purple.

It drifted lazily through the air and buzzed slightly, but didn’t dissipate. Pearl looked at me and seemed to steel herself. “Can I see?” she asked carefully. I hesitated a moment – if I let her touch it I wouldn’t have to talk about it, she would just… _know_ what it felt like… I heard footsteps approaching and Garnet appeared next to Pearl.

“Can I see too?” she asked softly. I looked up at Jasper who met my gaze with a determined look.

“I want to see as well” she said decisively. “I want to see exactly what she did to you…”

“What’s going on?” Amethyst asked and stepped carefully around the undulating cloud.

“If we touch that vapor – we’ll see and feel what Erica experienced today… we can live her memory” Pearl said quietly.

“Oh hells yeah” Amethyst said and stomped her foot.

“Peridot” Garnet held out a hand to her and the little green gem got to her feet reluctantly. “This will make it easier to understand”

“I… need to see too…” Steven said and walked over slowly. All of them then. I felt a thrill of nerves, then nodded briefly.

“On three” Pearl said determinedly. “One… two… three” their hands or fingers entered the cloud. I looked around at all of them and it was… creepy how they all tensed up at the same time. Their breaths came in simultaneous gasps and they moved their limps feebly as if they were dogs dreaming. They all mumbled underneath their breaths and I couldn’t make out what anyone said – then I leaned closer to Jasper.

“… what could I do? Get to the warp pad? Too far away… Wha- what do you hear Starbuck? Door… door… Get out here! There you are… Serpentine, serpentine…” they all winced and touched their chests or bellies and I figured that was when I fell and slid on my stomach. “Psycho bitch! … she saw me coming!” they all drew in a desperate breath and then grabbed at their heads. Then they reached out in front of them like their limbs were heavy and hard to move. “One… last… time…” they opened their eyes at the same time and panted as if they really had lived through it just like I had. I stared around at them apprehensively. Jasper pulled me into such a tight hug I nearly couldn’t breathe and she put her gem in my hair and hid her face – I could feel her trembling. Pearl lay back against the pillows and stared into the ceiling, her eyes wide. Garnet stood still as a rock, her fists opening and closing slowly. Amethyst sat down on the ground and covered her mouth with her hand and closed her eyes. Peridot leaned against the wall and then slid down it – staring ahead of her without a word. Steven sagged and sat down on the floor too, looking very pale. Pearl was the first to speak.

“She attacked without provocation…” she mumbled and blinked hard.

“Oh my gosh, her _face_ ” Amethyst said fearfully.

“You were so scared…” Steven whispered and Garnet bent to pick him up and hold him in her arms.

“I…” Peridot began, but then fell silent again.

I felt a more than a little wretched, especially about sharing the memory with Steven. But it would have been more cruel to leave him out of it. Jasper sniffed in my ear and expelled a shaking breath, I kissed her cheeks and forehead, trying to soothe some of the damage.

“How could she do it?” Steven asked Garnet in the clinging silence.

Garnet sighed and stroked his back in a very motherly way. “Sometimes… people can get so lost inside their own minds that right and wrong get mixed up…”

“But how… how could she want to die?” Steven asked with a sob.

“You can get so sad that you can’t see how it’s ever going to get better… Then it seems like the only way for it to stop… is for you to die” Pearl said quietly. Jasper held me closer and I felt my eyes tear up. Did Pearl know what that felt like, too? “But what Lapis did… She wanted Jasper to be the one to do it so we’d destroy her too… Oh, what a mess this is…” she rubbed her face.

“But it was over…” Peridot said in a toneless voice. “It was all in the past… I don’t get it… Why couldn’t she just forget about it?”

“There are some things you can’t forget, no matter how hard you try. And they affect you, even if you don’t want them to” Garnet spoke calmly. “The past makes us and shapes us. But there is always a choice – but if you’re as lost as Lapis was, it might not seem like there is a choice at all”

“Is that why she didn’t tell anyone?” Steven asked croakily.

“Maybe” Garnet responded. “Maybe she was ashamed for what she did”

“If she’s smart she’ll stay away from us” Amethyst said aggressively. “I knew she wasn’t the life of the party or anything, but _shit_ …” she looked over at me. “Dude… I get why you flipped out the other day…” she shook her head and got up. The feeling of relief I had felt in the forest was gone now and I felt exhausted and hungry and everything hurt. I just wanted to go home. I drew my legs up onto the sofa to ease the throbbing ache in my belly and Jasper pulled me into her lap more securely. It felt safe and warm in her embrace, but I was still anxious. How must she be feeling now? I reached up to touch her chin and she met my gaze – her beautiful yellow eyes were tired and sad. I felt my eyebrows draw together and I stroked her cheek softly.

“How’re you doing, _Melamin_?”

“I’m… drained” she said quietly and leaned her forehead on mine.

“Let’s go home...” I whispered and made to stand up. Jasper stood up with difficulty – if she was showing the other gems this she really must be pushed beyond her limits. “We’ll be going” I said a little louder.

“But it’s raining so hard” Pearl said and sat up quickly.

“You can borrow my umbrella” Steven said and Garnet put him down. He handed a tall black one to me and I smiled at him.

“Thanks, Steven… I’ll get it back to you soon”

When we walked through the door to our house we were soaked and shivering. Steven’s umbrella would have been more helpful if the rain hadn’t come down sideways. A sopping wet Cake sat on the step outside and darted in as soon as Jasper opened the door. I ran after her and picked her up before she could jump onto the bed. I dried her with a towel quickly and kissed her little head.

“That’s one down” I said tiredly as I took off all my clothes and hung them on chairs to dry. Jasper had already gone upstairs to warm up in the shower. When I entered the bathroom it was full of steam. “Beastie? Can I join you?”

“Mh” came from the shower and I rushed over, both because I was cold and because it sounded like Jasper was crying. She was sitting on the floor of the shower with shaking shoulders.

“Darling…” I said and hugged her head to my stomach. She leaned on me heavily. “My big, beautiful beastie…” I soothed and stroked her hair lovingly. I stood like that for a long, long time, just holding her and letting her cry it out. The warm water soothed my aching body. When she quieted I stepped behind her and poured out a large amount of shampoo in my hands and then started to massage it into her silky hair. She sighed and tilted her head back, closing her eyes.

“You spoil me…” she said quietly.

“Not at all, darling…” when her hair was clean I lifted it to one side and began massaging her massive shoulders. Oh, she was so tense. I broke into a sweat and my hands started to hurt, but I kept going anyway. After a while her muscles loosened and her shoulders sagged.

“That feels so good…” she said slowly as I began to work up her neck, finding huge knots there too. The heat from the water helped me work them out and soon she was breathing a lot easier. I sat down in her lap and washed my own hair, feeling like I had had another workout. She kissed me softly and stroked my back. “Thanks, honey… I feel better”

“Good… that was the point” I said with a little smile and kissed her on the chest. When we got out of the shower I started to make something for us to eat, while she went to lie down and cuddle with Cake. I wasn’t as good at making waffles as she was, but I was pretty good at making pancakes – not the puffy American version – the bigger, flatter Sowegian kind. After a while she came out into the kitchen and hugged me from behind.

“That smells lovely, honey” she said with her gem in my damp hair.

“Let’s see if I can flip one” I grinned and tossed a pancake into the air. It landed awkwardly, folding itself in half and I let out a disappointed little laugh. “I’ll take that one” I put it onto the smaller pile. When I ran out of batter I carried the plates over to the table and we sat down to eat.

“My grandmother would always make pancakes when I’d had a bad day” I said and held out the blueberry jam to Jasper. “And chocolate cake too, but I ran out of eggs. I’ll go get some after we’ve eaten and you can take a nap” she smiled at me tiredly.

“Thanks, babe…” she took a bite and smiled wider. “Your grandmother seems like such a smart lady...”

“Oh, she is. And she would absolutely love you, darling”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… Both because you make me so happy and because you have such a good appetite” she let out a breath of mirth at this and I smiled warmly at her. “She would call you ‘ _en stor grann tös_ ’ I think”

“What does that mean?”

“It doesn’t translate super well, but something like ‘a big lovely girl’, but in a more affectionate way” Jasper grinned and took a huge bite.

When we were done eating, I broke the ‘if you cook, I’ll do the dishes’ rule and insisted she go lie down. She didn’t protest and I put the softest blanket over her.

“I’m going to run to the store, but I’ll be back very soon, darling” I said as I kissed her cheek. She looked up at me tiredly.

“I’ll be here” she kissed the palm of my hand and then stroked Cake’s little head with a warm sigh.

The rain was still coming down hard outside and I put on a raincoat and boots before heading out, a tote bag in my pocket. I had a smoke on the way to the store and made a quick round in there, getting the eggs and some other things that might help cheer Jasper up, as well as some more pads and tampons. When I went to the checkout, Vidalia and Onion stood in line just ahead of me.

“Hi” I said and Vidalia turned around.

“Oh, hey – how’re the cramps?” she asked casually. I felt my cheeks flush a little.

“Uh… better, thanks” no, she really didn’t have any boundaries, but it was charming in a blunt sort of way. “And thank you, for the help. What do I owe you?”

“Don’t worry about it” she flicked her wrist at me. “I grow my own, so there’s lots to go around. If you want some more I’ll trade ya some cupcakes or something – I’m mad for baked stuff”  

When I got back home I went to check on Jasper. She was fast asleep on her side with Cake curled under her chin. I made myself some coffee and filled the hot water bottle and stuck it in the front pocket of one of Jasper’s hoodies before making the chocolate cake. As it was baking I checked my emails. There was one from Parker. Apparently Victoria would be arriving in Empire City in two days and Charlie was coming with her… I felt my heart beat a little faster. Was there a way I could get to hang out with my niece? Oh… I _missed_ that little girl. I pulled out my phone and looked at the few pictures I had of her there. She must have grown so much in the last two and a half years. The egg timer dinged and I took the sweet smelling cake out of the oven. I did the dishes quietly and then went for a smoke. It was still raining hard and I shivered slightly when I got back inside. Maybe it was time to buy some actual pants. And warmer socks. I went into the living room and lay down next to Jasper. Her face was so relaxed when she was sleeping… The band of freckles over her cheeks seemed more vivid than before, but maybe that was because she was a little pale, even in slumber. I pulled the blanket up around her massive shoulders and she made a soft little noise which made me smile. Cake got up and climbed on top of my stomach to lie down on the hot water bottle.

“You’re such a heat lover, aren’t you, sweetie?” I whispered to her as she began to purr. I looked into the ceiling and saw the three bubbled gems. Who had they been, before they got corrupted? I closed my eyes.

***

“Babe…” Jasper’s soft voice roused me from my doze.

“Wzt?” I slurred as Jasper snuggled up to me.

“The cake smells really good… I was thinking of getting some – do you want any?” it made me smile and I placed a kiss on her cheek.

“Mmm ys plz” she got up carefully and walked out into the kitchen. Soon she returned with half the cake on a plate and two forks. This made me smile broader. Jasper lay down on her stomach and handed me a fork and I rolled over to my side. I watched her take the first bite.

“Oh, honey…” she sighed and took another bite. “This is fantastic…”

I kissed her arm. “Just what the doctor ordered” Jasper grinned slightly and looked at me with brighter eyes than before.

“I had a nice dream” she said with her mouth full.

“Yeah, what about?” I took a forkful of cake.

“I was in a forest and there was this big animal… At first I was scared, but it was friendly and very soft. It gave me a nut to eat and then we climbed a huge tree and I got to meet its babies… they crawled all over me and then fell asleep on top of me in a big pile. I couldn’t move, but I didn’t want to move either… It was cozy”

“Oh, darling that sounds wonderful” I smiled at her and kissed her arm again. “I’m so glad you had a good dream”

“Me too…” she leant down to kiss my forehead. “Thanks for making me a cake, babe… I feel so spoiled”

I looked up at her with warmth. “Feels good though, right?”

“I could get used to it” she said in a jovial tone and I smiled broadly at her. “Do you think Cake would like some cake?” the little kitten was sniffing the plate interestedly.

“Oh… animals shouldn’t eat chocolate – it’s really bad for them” I reached out and picked her up, holding her close to my chest. Cake didn’t seem to mind and began to rub her cheeks on me instead, purring loudly.

“Oh… why is that?”

“There’s an ingredient in chocolate that is poisonous to them. I can’t remember what it’s called”

Jasper looked at me. “Poisonous?”

“Yeah… Cats are pretty smart though, you’d basically have to force it down their throats but dogs eat just about anything”

“Hah… just like Amethyst…” Jasper sniggered softly.

“Mmm… you know what goes great with chocolate cake?” I asked with a grin.

“What?”

“Spirited Away” I grabbed the laptop. I loved seeing Jasper reacting to movies – and Spirited away was just the kind of movie you’d want to watch after a day like today. Jasper’s eyes were locked on the screen as soon as the music started to play and she completely forgot about the cake about five minutes in. She cried silently through a lot of it and I held her hand and leaned on her arm. When it was over she kissed me deeply.

“Darling… are you alright?” I asked her quietly, my eyebrows drawing together.

“You… you are Chihiro” she said weakly. “And I’m… I’m Haku”

“What?” I was a little astonished.

“Haku went on a mission but got in trouble and Yubaba didn’t care about what happened to him… the only one who would help him, who believed he was good… was Chihiro… She had to travel so far… Do so much…” she pulled me into her arms and held me tightly. “Did I ever even say thank you? For what you did for me on the island? For all you’ve done for me since?” she whispered desperately into my ear.  

“Yes of course you have, darling…” I was so surprised by her reaction.

“Thank you, babe… thank you, thank you, thank you… for everything…” she dissolved into tears and I held her a little hesitantly. Then my brain kicked into gear and I went from shock to empathy and hugged her tighter and stroked her hair.

“It was my pleasure, darling… my absolute pleasure…” I said softly, knowing it was one hundred percent true.

 

* * *

 

Please review! I so love to read them =)


	44. Plushies

## Chapter 44: Plushies

  
The two following days me and Jasper mostly lay in bed and rested up. The confrontation with Lapis had taken a lot out of both of us, but I tried to do my best to be there for her in any way I could. And she did the same for me. There were many moments of sadness and pain and I don’t know how many tears fell from the both of us during this time. But it was necessary. The rebels seemed to know to leave us alone for a while – even Amethyst stayed away. Maybe they were doing the same thing. Midway through the third day though, there was a knock at the door. Jasper was in the shower and I was lying on the bed trying to wish my cramps away. I got up reluctantly, my body felt like one big bruise. The place was a mess. I went into the hallway, rubbing my belly and wincing with every other step. I opened the door slowly, blinking in the sunlight.

“Oh… hello” I said hoarsely. It was… Priyanka and Connie?

“Good afternoon” Priyanka said in a slightly stiff manner.

“Hi. We brought you a casserole” Connie said and held up a dish covered in a kitchen towel.

I stared at it and felt my eyes tear up. “Oh goodness” I whimpered and wiped my eyes on the sleeve of Jasper’s hoodie. “That’s very sweet of you… thank you so much, please… come in. It’s a mess though… big mess”

“Shoes on or off?” Priyanka asked as they stepped inside.

“Off, mom” Connie said and bent down to untie hers. I went and closed the door to the living room and then followed them into the kitchen – which was at least tidier. There were some dishes in the sink but not a horrendous amount.

“Would” I cleared my throat “Would you like some tea? Or coffee?”

“I would love a cup of coffee” Priyanka said with a small smile. “Are you sure we’re not imposing?”

“Not at all” I said and waved my hand. It was very nice for them to come all this way to give us a casserole, I assumed they had been told what had happened and wanted to show that they cared. It really was sweet – and maybe it would help me and Jasper cheer up a little. “Connie, would you like some juice or a soda? There’s lots in the fridge, feel free to browse... And please have a seat” I gestured toward the kitchen table which was clear of dirty dishes. I started to boil some water for coffee and the hot water bottle.

“Steven told us what happened” Connie said carefully. “How are you and Jasper?”

“It’s been… hard” I said quietly, rubbing my stomach as the pain intensified. I was too tired to care if they saw. “Jasper’s up in the shower right now. We haven’t spoken to Steven or the other gems since it happened… Do you know how they’re doing?”

“Steven’s very upset…” Connie said sadly and Priyanka put a hand on her arm.

“This Lapis person sounds like they should be arrested” Priyanka said with an intense look. I felt my jaw clench at the mention of that name. I couldn’t decide whether I hated her or pitied her more. “Connie told me you… fought them with Jasper. Did you sustain any injuries?”

“No” I said a little harder than I had meant and gave them an apologetic look. I poured the coffee and filled the water bottle, then sat down at the table, cradling the warm bottle to my stomach – the heat relaxed me a little. “No, Echo kept me and Jasper safe”

“Yeah, Steven said… It must have been terrible” Connie said with an empathic look on her face. “I’d never actually _met_ Lapis – just seen what she can do…” she looked down at the table and Priyanka put an arm across her shoulders, making my heart twinge painfully. “Steven always made her sound so… sad? But nice to him, if not anyone else…”

“Emotionally unstable people can make some really inappropriate decisions” Priyanka stated.

“You don’t have to tell me…” I said bitterly, letting out a puff of dark purple, then I sighed. “Echo went to get Rose’s sword from the forest, did Steven tell you?”

“Oh, no he didn’t. He must have forgotten… Thank you… Pearl said we’ll train on the beach for the time being” Connie glanced at her mom and Priyanka nodded decisively. “Will you join us the day after tomorrow?” she asked me tentatively.

“I… don’t know…” I had no idea if I would feel up for it. The fun seemed to have gone out of it a bit – now that I had actually _been_ in a couple of fights for my actual _life_ it felt a lot different. More serious, more well, _life and death_ … I guess that was the main purpose of learning how to fight – to keep myself alive but… maybe I’d take it more seriously now. Not that I hadn’t been serious before, maybe the level of seriousness had gone from ‘keep myself from getting humiliated’ to ‘keep myself from getting killed’. That made a huge difference to me. Maybe the reason the gems were able to keep a light atmosphere was because they could just poof and come back later, but me and Connie – we had no extra lives. I _had_ to learn. Home world would come eventually and Lapis was still out there somewhere. And who knew how many times I would stumble in on a situation where I had to defend myself? “No. I’ll be there for sure” I corrected myself.

“That’s great” Connie said with a small smile. “It would feel weird if you weren’t there…” her words touched me more than I would have expected and I felt myself tear up again.

“That’s… so nice of you to say, Connie” I hugged the hot water bottle closer to myself as the pain mounted and I breathed out a puff of red with a few dull sparkles. Priyanka leaned back in her chair with slightly widened eyes.

“I thought you said you weren’t injured?” she asked with a frown. Connie looked worriedly from her mom to me.

“Are you hurt?” her voice was timid.

“I’m not. I just have cramps” I said and felt my cheeks flush. Priyanka glanced down at the hot water bottle and her face softened.

“I see…” she said slowly and then studied my face. “Bad ones?” I nodded and sighed.

“It’s better than it was”

Connie looked from her mom to me again and then let out a little “Oh” of realization and her cheeks went bright pink. 

“Babe?” Jasper’s voice came from upstairs. “Is there someone down there with you?”

“Yes, Connie and Priyanka came for a visit” I called up to her, relieved to hear her voice.

“Could you uh… bring me some clothes?” Jasper’s voice was a little hesitant.

“Oh, um… sure, just give me a second” I turned back to Priyanka and Connie and gave them an apologetic smile and said “Excuse me” I got up laboriously and went into the living room to get Jasper a pair of shorts and a shirt, then I climbed the stairs to find her waiting on the landing.

“Hey darling… how was the shower?” I asked her as I handed the soft garments to her.

“It was good. I didn’t expect us to have guests – did you invite them?” she asked quietly.

“No, they just showed up. It was really sweet of them to think of us – they even brought us a casserole” I said with a tired smile.  “Steven told them what happened apparently”

“Oh” Jasper said with her head halfway through her shirt. She pulled it down and adjusted her hair. “How’s Connie doing?”

“Oh!” I clapped my hand over my mouth. “I haven’t even _asked_!” Jasper gave me a very gentle hug and kissed my cheek.

“You can’t think of everyone else’s emotions all the time, honey…”

“But it’s _Connie_ …” I said wretchedly. “She must have been so upset to hear about it from Steven…” I winced and rubbed my belly.

“Is it hurting again?” I nodded against her chest.

“It just doesn’t go away…” I said and felt my eyes tear up for the five billionth time in the last few days.

“Maybe you should ask Doctor Maheswaran about it…?”

“No… she came here for a visit, not to work…” I know Christina used to hate it when people just randomly asked her for medical advice.

“Alright, babe” she kissed the top of my head. “Let’s go downstairs. I’m so in the mood for a soda after the shower” she led the way with a little smile. “Hello” she greeted and sat down at the table once I had joined too, then she put an arm around my shoulders and whispered “Do you want my hands?” I nodded and her hand slipped under my shirt under the table.

“Hello Jasper” Priyanka said in response and took a sip of coffee. I noticed her eyes were a little over bright.

“Hi, Jasper” Connie said shyly. Oh… had they overheard us?

“H-how are you doing, Connie?” I asked tremulously.

“I’m OK!” she said a little too quickly. So they _had_ overheard us… I felt my ears heat up. “How are you, Jasper?”

“Better than before” Jasper said and I squeezed her hand, feeling proud of her, despite feeling like crap myself. There was a meep from outside and Connie turned around.

“Oh, is Cake outside? Can I let her in?”

“Sure, go right ahead” Jasper said with a little smile. Cake darted in as soon as the door opened and ran to her empty food bowl, stopped and looked up at me and Jasper and meowed disappointedly.

“So this is Cake?” Priyanka asked and turned to look at the white kitten.  Cake faced her and meowed again beseechingly.

“I think she’s hungry” Jasper said with a chuckle. Oh it felt so good to hear her laugh…

“Can I feed her?” Connie asked excitedly.

“Sure, there’s an open can in the fridge” Connie fed Cake and the kitten threw herself over the food, purring as she ate. When she was done – which took no time at all – she wound herself around Connie’s legs. “She likes being on the table with us” Jasper supplied and Connie lifted the kitten up onto the wooden surface. Cake immediately walked up to Priyanka and sniffed her hand and rubbed her cheek on it. Priyanka smiled and tickled her chin, making Cake purr.

“Aww mom, she likes you” Connie said happily.

“I’ve always been more of a dog person, but this one certainly is cute” Priyanka said slowly, concentrating on scratching Cake. “That’s an interesting collar for a little cat” she looked up at me and Jasper.

“It suits her – nobody messes with Cake, do they, sweetie?” Cake meowed at my tired voice. “You should have seen her put Lion in his place a while back… It was hilarious”

“What happened?” Connie asked with wide eyes.

“Lion barged passed me in the door and I shouted at him – then he stopped and backed out really fast, nearly knocking me over. Cake was hissing and spitting at him with rage – can’t just barge into _our_ house like that, can he Cake?” the kitten meowed again. “No, he had to show respect, didn’t he? Then she begrudgingly let him back in when I gave my permission” Connie and Jasper sniggered and Priyanka smiled. “They became friends once the hierarchy had been established, I think. Though he hasn’t been back to visit. Maybe Cake goes to see him when she’s out and about?”

“Oh, that would be so sweet… The two of them just walking around doing cat things all day” Connie said with a dreamy look on her face.

“How on earth did Steven find Lion by the way?” I asked her curiously.

“Hmm… I think they found him in the desert and then he just sort of stuck around I guess”

“The desert?” the same desert I went to with Pearl?

“Yeah, I think there was a corrupted gem out there they called the desert glass. Lion was trying to destroy it if I can remember correctly”

“Really?” Jasper asked interestedly. “Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know to be honest. Maybe the desert glass was messing with his home?” Connie and Jasper went into a speculative discussion on where Lion had come from and why he was pink of all colors and I leant against Jasper’s side. Their soft voices faded into the distance and I drifted off...

“Honey?” Jasper’s voice was close and I jerked up and winced as my stomach protested.

“Helvette” I hissed out some red sparks.

“Oh, sorry babe”

“It’s fine…” I noticed my face was wet and wiped my mouth. “Sorry for um… drooling on you, darling” Jasper let out a little chuckle and kissed the top of my head.

“Connie and Priyanka are leaving… Thought you might want to say goodbye”

“Oh! I’m so sorry for falling asleep it was just so nice… hearing you all… talking” I felt my cheeks flush – I hadn’t meant to say that last part aloud. All of them grinned at me and Connie and Priyanka stood up. “Th-thank you again for the casserole”

“I hope you guys like it” Connie said with a smile and gave me a very gentle hug. “See you the day after tomorrow” I nodded at her, feeling a lump in my throat. Connie hugged Jasper next and to my surprise Priyanka held out her arms for me too. We shared a slightly awkward embrace and then she held out a hand to Jasper, who shook it very carefully.

“Drive safe” I said as we waved goodbye at the door. As it closed I leaned against it with a sigh. “Oh, I’m so done with these hormones” I mumbled as I wiped my eyes on my sleeve.

“What kind of moans?” Jasper asked looking slightly alarmed.

“Hormones… I have more of them at this time. They make me more prone to cry, for one…”

“I don’t know if it helps, but… You’re beautiful when you do” I looked up at her with my eyebrows drawn together.

“What? I’m a mess…”

“A beautiful mess, then. _My_ beautiful mess…” she grinned crookedly and leant down to kiss me, I felt my heart melt. “I’m amazed you feel so much… That’s one of the things I love about being Echo with you – everything is so much more… intense” she stroked my cheek and wiped away a tear as they began falling from my eyes. “And it makes me feel… strong to know that I can make you feel better… whether it is talking… listening… holding you close… or this…” she put her hand on my stomach and sent a soft pulse of heat into me. I looked up into her warm yellow eyes and pulled her face down to kiss her smiling lips.

“I love you, beastie…” I whispered against them as we paused for breath.

“I love you too, little monster…” she whispered back, then took my hand and guided me to the living room. As we lay down I could feel her stem straining against her pants and I felt a little uneasy. Jasper began to kiss down my neck and I tried to get in the mood but… no… This rarely happened to me – I was always up for some quality love making, or if I wasn’t when the kissing started it would always kick into gear after a minute or so. But apparently… not today. I could feel how tender I was and the thought of being touched in a sexual way right now just felt it was going to… hurt, no matter how soft and gentle she would undoubtedly be.

“Darling?” I said tentatively. Would she be angry with me when I said I wasn’t in the mood? Her kisses stopped.

“Yes, honey?” her voice sounded husky. It made a lump appear in my throat again, I really didn’t want to disappoint her…

“I’m… I don’t think… um…” gods damn it. I hated how I couldn’t speak sometimes when I was about to or had just started to cry. It made me feel like such a drama queen. After a few seconds I regained my voice. “Not today…” I said faintly and sniffed and pulled my legs up to my stomach. “I’m sorry” Jasper raised herself on her elbow and tried to catch my eye, but I couldn’t face her just now.

“Babe, don’t be sorry…” she said in a voice that seemed to reach inside and pluck a string I didn’t know I had. She took my unresisting hand and kissed my knuckles. “Hurting you is the very last thing I want to do…” I forced myself to look up at her – her eyes were the same warm and caring they had been a minute ago.

“You’re not mad?” I asked timidly.

“I’m not mad, honey… A little surprised, but not mad. It’s… it’s not something I did, is it?” she asked me with a worried look.

“No, sweetheart, of course not” I rubbed my aching belly and thighs. “You’re always so careful with me, darling. But I’m just too tender right now, even your soft touch would be… painful…” I said as reassuringly as I could and she looked quite relieved. Then she said something I never thought I’d hear anyone say;

“Could you… show me what it feels like?”

“What?” I felt stunned.

“I want to understand” she said softly and lay back down, then gently slid her hand to rest on my stomach. The heat soothed me and some of the internal tension went away. She… wanted to feel what it was like? Was this something I even wanted to share? I didn’t want to hurt her just as much as she didn’t want to hurt me.

“You don’t want to feel this way” I said quietly. To my surprise, she let out a little huff.

“My body… my choice…” she kissed my shoulder and I remembered we had both said this on the island, but about cigarettes. The memory made me smile weakly. “And it would only be for a few seconds…”

“OK…” I said uncertainly and lifted her hand away from my tummy – the pain mounted immediately and the image of King John in Disney’s Robin Hood being deprived of his thumb flashed across my mind. I closed my eyes and concentrated… I let out a breath or two before filling my lungs and exhaling – there was a strange tingling in my throat I hadn’t felt before and I opened my eyes in surprise – they went even wider when I saw the amount of red mist I had produced and how _concentrated_ it was. It hung in the air like something sinister and I got the feeling it was _lurking_ – but it was _mist_ – how could it _intend_ anything?

“Whoa…” Jasper said and leaned on her elbow again. She swallowed before reaching out a hand toward it. The mist responded by pulling in on itself as though it was… protecting itself? And Jasper paused.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked her uncertainly.

“Yes…” she said slowly but determinately. Her hand moved forward again – and I had to be mistaken – the mist reached out for her… Jasper’s fingers seemed to meet some resistance as she made contact and then she let out a pitiful noise and curled in on herself suddenly, tensing up. I turned around to see her face contorted in both pain and… sadness? I felt instantly worried. Had I somehow made it more… effective? Like that time Pearl had touched the doubled purple cloud?

“Darling?” I whispered and put a hand on her shoulder – this made her wince. “Oh” I let out a little puff of purple and clutched my hands to my chest. Jasper’s eyes were closed tight and she barely breathed as she curled into a tighter and tighter ball in front of me, hands clamped over her stomach. Then it seemed to pass and her body relaxed and she panted heavily and opened her eyes.

“Fuuuck meeee” she groaned and looked at me with eyes full of pain tears.

“A-are you alright?” I asked with concern and touched her face.

“I’m OK, I’m OK” she shook her head as if to clear it. “Oh my stars, Erica… how are you not screaming constantly?” I was taken aback by her question… So I must have intensified it then. Shit.

“I’m sorry, darling – maybe I boosted the effect of it or something…”

“It felt like… someone was twisting my insides with cold hands. Ugh… And it hurt just to _lie down_ – like there was a layer of gravel or something under my skin… and I felt so _small_ ” or maybe I _hadn’t_ intensified it? “Babe” she said exasperatedly. “Is this really how you feel right now?!” I nodded silently, feeling unsettled. Jasper’s eyebrows knit together and she pulled me into a very gentle hug. “I’m so, _so_ sorry…” she whispered in my ear. “I get why you wouldn’t want to be intimate, oh my stars…” she sniffed. One of her hands found its way to my stomach and rubbed it tenderly. “I’ll make you _anything_ you want for dinner” this last of her little comments made me laugh slightly. Gods, when was the last time I had actually laughed. The butterflies that appeared were quite small and yellow and faded fast, but they were _there_ …  I had missed them… I snuggled up to Jasper as close as I could and felt some unknown tension I had been carrying leave me.

“Cheeseburgers… and potato wedges… with garlic sauce” I said and felt my mouth watering. Jasper stroked my cheek and smiled crookedly.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

“As my queen commands…”

“Can we watch ‘Practical Magic’ too?”

“Anything you like, Melamin…”

***

The next morning I woke up feeling better and leaned over to kiss Jasper on the cheek. She made an appreciative noise and I stroked her hair. She opened her eyes a slit and grinned dazedly at me.

“Hello little monster…” she whispered and placed a dry lipped kiss on my forehead.

“Gud mornin” I snuggled in under her chin and she smacked her lips and put her arm around me.

“How’s the pain today?” she asked softly and stroked my back.

“Better” I said with a sigh. She relaxed further against me and let out a breath of relief.

“That’s great honey”

“Mmm…” I stretched out my legs and spread my toes and buried my face between her soft breasts, making her chuckle softly. “Good morning ladies…” I said in a muffled voice and then leaned back to give them each a kiss. “I think I’ll name you… Anastasia and you… Gwendolyn” this made Jasper laugh hoarsely.

“Anastasia and Gwendolyn?”

“Yes… Royal names, for a royal pair” I cupped them both gently and pushed them slightly upwards, then rubbed my cheeks over them with a happy little sigh. Jasper let out a little sound of pleasure and I gave her breasts a tiny squeeze. Her stem squirmed against my leg.

“Sorry” she said a little sadly.

“Don’t be… I take it as a compliment, beastie” I whispered as I adjusted my position. “Can I touch Kara?” I asked, sliding my hand onto her stomach and looking up at her from between her boobs with a smirk. She raised her eyebrows and a grin spread slowly across her face.

“I’d… really like that, yes” she said and bit her lip. My hand found the lining of her pajama bottoms and traced the outline of her suddenly a lot more active stem. I sniggered appreciatively at her enthusiasm and located her right nipple with my mouth. I breathed warm air over it and then blew cold and saw it stiffening under her shirt. I pushed her bottoms down a little and helped Kara wiggle free, then grabbed her gently by the base and her tip wound around my wrist. Jasper let out a little moan. Her stem was moistening up fast and as I began rubbing her she was slick with juices within seconds. I raised my head and rested it on my elbow – I was lying comfortably positioned on my side now, Jasper’s massive right breast, Anastasia, within nuzzling distance. I leaned forward and wrapped my lips around it softly, letting the hardening bud shape them.

“Mmm stars…” Jasper sighed and lifted her shirt, exposing her breasts to me. I smiled up at her pink cheeks and was both surprised and turned on when she grabbed her right boob and directed it to my lips. I welcomed her soft skin with kisses and warm breaths, delighting in the way her nipple softened before my eyes. My hand was sliding along the length of Kara slowly, following her movements rather than steering myself. Jasper’s breath was getting heavier already and I smiled as I took her nipple gently in my mouth, she let out a little whimper of pleasure and Kara trembled pleasantly in my hand. I suckled her nipple tenderly, making it go hard and soft, hard and soft. “Y-you really like playing that game, don’t you?” Jasper asked me huskily, looking down at me.

“Mmhmm” I hummed with my mouth full. “Your nipples are so lovely and responsive…” I blew cold air over it and watched it harden again. “I can stop if you want” I said mischievously.

“Ohh… don’t you dare” she mumbled and then gasped as I enveloped it with my mouth again. She began moving her hips, helping my hand slide up and down the pulsating length of Kara. My tongue caressed her gently and I couldn’t get enough of the taste of her skin. Her moans came faster and soon she was trembling. “Fuck, this feels so good” she panted and pushed her breast a little deeper into my mouth. I responded by suckling a little harder and she gasped sharply and chuckled lustfully, rolling her hips. “Ohh… Erica” she moaned and I felt her breath ramp up - I slowed my movements to extend the crest of her orgasm and she groaned throatily. As she came her back arched and she threw her head back and growled passionately, her gem blazing. Kara twitched and spasmed for a long time, oozing thick clear liquid over my hand and both out bellies. She growled and moaned and there was another flash of light as what must be a second orgasm claimed her a few seconds later. When her body relaxed I soothed her stem and breast with gentle strokes and kisses, humming lovingly into her skin. Kara stirred feebly.

“Mmmelamin… “ Jasper panted and looked down at me with rosy cheeks. “Twice…” I released her puffy nipple from my mouth and grinned up at her. I brought my hand up and licked my fingers, the taste of her sweet release making me giggle. “Damn… it’s so fucking sexy when you do that…” she said huskily and I swear if she had had nostrils, they would be flaring. She grabbed my wrist and scooted down so she could lick my palm and _my_ nostrils flared. “Can I touch you too?” there was a hint of hesitancy in her voice and I nodded with a warm smile. She grinned broadly and kissed me deeply, our tongues twining together. Her hand lifted my shirt and I giggled in surprise. I felt so aroused I think I might climax from her just touching my naked skin. She kissed down my neck and wasted no time at all – her silken lips closed around my left nipple with care and looked up at me to see my reaction. I made an animalistic sound and she snorted, encouraged. Her hand grabbed my bum and squeezed it sensually.

“Beastie…” she switched to my other breast and made an indecent yet somehow enticing slurping noise as she took the nipple sweetly in her mouth. She moaned into me and I saw her forehead crease with pleasure as she suckled me tenderly. Her hand moved over my thigh and caressed the inside, working its way slowly up to my crotch.

“May I?” she asked me huskily. I nodded with a smile. She slipped in under my pajama bottoms and panties, pausing for a moment to run her fingers through my pubes – I could hear her hum happily. She looked up at me and smiled with her mouth full before she dipped down into my wetness and brought her fingers up to circle my clit lovingly.

“Is that OK?” she asked me and I nodded and moaned, my body full of pleasant shivers. Her touch was very light and I began to roll my hips immediately. It already felt like I was close and my breathing came faster. Jasper hummed and switched to my other breast. I hit that wonderful plateau of almost orgasmic pleasure and grabbed at the blankets fiercely and let out a happy and lustful giggle, making two bright pink and golden orange butterflies appear. Jasper looked very satisfied at my reaction. Her lips and tongue were so hot and soft on my skin and I gave in to the pleasure with a small giggling scream, my back arching and my breath making clouds of pink and orange. Jasper soothed me down from my peak by softening her loving caresses and soon my breath calmed.

“Mmm beastie…” I moaned into her hair. “It’s weird how _softness_ can sometimes be even more… effect full than force…” she let my nipple go with a little wet sound and snuggled into my chest with a pleased chuckle.

“Yeah, hah, I remember when we were on the couch outside… that was incredible”

“Not that forceful things can’t be nice” I said with a smirk, thinking of how I had claimed her stem a while back.

“Also true” Jasper said huskily and met my gaze. “I really like it when you use your teeth too…”

“Good” I said and kissed her forehead. “Because I really like to bite sometimes”

“Oh really? I would _never_ have guessed” she quipped and gave my clit a mischievous little flick – this made me twitch and gasp.

***

A little while later my phone started to ring and I reached out for it – it was an unknown number, but it wasn’t _the_ unknown number.

“I don’t know this number, do you?” I held it up to Jasper.

“No?”

“Should I answer?” but before I could, it hung up. I started to type it into google to see if I could find out who it was, then I received a text message saying I had a new voice mail. I clicked it and put it on speaker.

“ _Men det var då helvette_ … Could you answer your goddamn phone, Easy? Call me back immediately!” then there was a scrape and a click. My stomach filled with lead and my ears rang. Jasper looked at me and her face drew into a frown.

“Who was that?” she asked.

“V-Victoria…”  
  
“What?” Jasper’s voice was incredulous.

I stared down at my phone, feeling stunned. “Victoria… called me?” had I had a stroke? How would I be able to tell?

“I don’t know? Was it her?” I clicked the replay button and the message played again.

“Yes… that’s Victoria” I ran my fingers through my hair distractedly. “Oh my gods… I haven’t heard her voice in over two years…”

“Are you alright babe?” she asked me worriedly.

“Fffffffuuuuuck” I groaned. “I don’t want to talk to her…”

“So… don’t?” I looked at Jasper. She was right… I didn’t have to talk to her… I had no obligation whatsoever. But… she had sounded… strange. Maybe something was wrong? Curiosity, worry and experience battled within me. She wouldn’t have called me unless it was an emergency… Shit.

“Something’s not right…” I mumbled and sat up, my stomach protesting a little. “What if something’s wrong with Charlie?” I looked at Jasper.

“So… call her back?” she stared at me uncertainly.

“I guess… Fuck” I stood up and started to pace around, my heart rate rising quickly. Anxiety gripped me and I left a little trail of purple smoke and sparks. My phone started to ring again and I nearly dropped it out of surprise, stopping dead. I accepted the call and put it on speaker again.  “H-hello?”

“Easy!” Victoria’s voice rang out in the room and I felt my mouth go dry. “I don’t have time for pleasantries – the incompetent fools I work for have messed everything up! I’ve got to go to Aqua Mexico in two days to sort it out and I can’t bring Charlotte to that wretched place. So, I need you to watch her”

“Uh…” I said uncertainly caught completely off guard, my anxiety temporarily being shoved aside by shock. The silence stretched out awkwardly. My mind seemed incapable of thought.

“Well?!” Victoria snapped in an irritated voice. I could hear her walking around on a stone floor and a hubbub of people in the background. Jasper looked at me with concern and raised her eyebrows inquiringly. I looked back at her in slight panic and she put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and nodded. Then my brain finally kicked into gear.

“Uh-huh” I said weakly and then cleared my throat. “Yes… We could - ”

“Great – Melissa has all the details. And for goodness sake, wear something nice when you pick her up” – click. I stared at the phone and my knees gave way suddenly.

“W-what just happened?” I asked aloud. Jasper lowered herself to the ground and tried to catch my eye.

“Babe?” she said uncertainly. “You alright?”

“I’m going to get to see Charlie… I’m going to get to see Charlie!” I smiled broadly and several bright butterflies appeared. I threw my arms around Jasper’s neck and kissed her on the lips. She made a surprised little ‘mmf’ noise. Then I stared at her, suddenly afraid. “Oh, it’s OK, right? That she comes here?”

“O-of course, honey” she said with a tentative smile. “So… this is good?”

“Yes, I hope so… Oh my gods… We’re gonna have to get guest towels…” I raised my hand to my mouth slowly and stared into the distance. Jasper chuckled and rubbed my back.

“Probably a mattress too” she said with a little grin.

“Oh yeah!” I placed my hands on her chest and looked up at her. “Maybe we should get an actual bed for ourselves too – it’s going to be cold to sleep on the floor when winter comes”

“Do humans even have beds in my size?” Jasper asked ponderously.

“I’m sure it could be arranged – I think there is a Bed, bath and beyond store on the outskirts of town – you want to go have a look?” I asked her excitedly.

“Breakfast first” she chuckled and stroked my cheek. “Mmm… It’s so nice to see you excited about something, honey…” I smiled warmly at her.

“I never thought I’d be after talking to Victoria… Oh my gods… We’re going to have to get a car as well”

“One of those Jeepy things?”

“Yeah. They can be customized pretty well and I think you’ll be comfortable – I think you can move the back seat so your legs would be able to fit, and the roof comes off so you wouldn’t have to hunch down so much. And… I think the driver’s seat is even more adjustable, so you could drive too”

“Hah! Me piloting a car? Those wheel things… We didn’t have them on home world”

“What? Really?” then I remembered. “Oh yeah… The gem war was before humans discovered the wheel… Wow. A civilization _without_ wheels… That’s so weird”

I called Greg and asked if we could borrow the van for an hour or two and he was kind enough to say yes. We made breakfast and had a shower before heading out.

“Thank you so much for letting us borrow your van, Greg” I said as I buckled myself in.

“No probs, Erica. Just easy on second gear, it tends to stick and you have to sort of wiggle it from side to side to get it into third”

“OK, good to know. You alright back there, darling?” I asked over my shoulder.

“It’s better when I lie down” she said in a slightly muffled voice. I started the engine and drove carefully to the warehouse, trying to minimize bumps and such for Jasper’s sake. I parked the van in the almost completely abandoned parking lot and had a smoke before we went into the store. Jasper spent a few minutes stretching – well it started off as stretching, but soon turned into a display. I looked at her showing off with appreciation. Right as we entered the sliding doors a young man popped out of nowhere.

“Good morning! How can I help you?” he asked brightly.

“Good morning” I greeted. “We’re looking for a really big bed – eight and a half feet long at least” the young man looked Jasper up and down with a calculating expression on his face.

“Hmm… I think we have something that will suit you, please follow me” he grabbed a cart and guided us toward the back of the store. We had to walk past quite a lot of merchandize before finding what we were looking for. “Here we are” the young man said and gestured toward six enormous beds.

“You want to try them out?” I asked Jasper. She leaned in close and whispered;

“When you say ‘try them out’… what exactly do you mean?”

“I mean, go lay down and see if they’re comfortable to _sleep_ on” I whispered back with a giggle.

“Oh, I see” she said with a slightly embarrassed grin. She tested them out in turn – two of them were too short, one was quite narrow and one creaked ominously when she lay down on it. We tried the last two out together and settled on one with a simple wooden headboard.

“We’ll take this one – you deliver right? Good, OK. We’ll need sheets, duvets and covers as well” the man took us to the isle with appropriately sized sheets and we piled what we needed on the cart. I found a duvet cover and pillow case that were wonderfully soft and had flowers on them and decided to get those for Charlie’s bed. As we headed to the checkout we stopped in the towel isle as well and picked some out – Jasper even found one with Gandalf on it. Then I found the stuffed animal section and I couldn’t help myself. Jasper was stunned at this strange human custom, but warmed up to it quickly when she found a raccoon.

“What is this animal?” she asked in an awestruck voice.

“It’s a raccoon” I said with a smile. “Or, my preferred term – ‘trash panda’”

“’Trash panda’?”

“They are considered vermin I think… they are smart and have learned to live in urban areas – they are infamous for getting into the trash to find food. Hence ‘trash panda’”

“OK, but what’s a ‘panda’ then?” I looked around for a while and found one.

“This is a panda” I held it up – it was wonderfully soft. “It’s a kind of bear”

“Is a raccoon a bear?”

“No, I think it’s a rodent. They’re really cute, aren’t they?” I smiled to see Jasper’s cheeks go a little pink. I could see she wanted to get the raccoon, but maybe she thought it was not something big buff warriors should do? Lead by example, I thought. “Well… I want this one” I picked up a fluffy unicorn.  “And I think Charlie would like this…” I took a zebra off a shelf. “And maybe Cake would like a little friend? Aww… This one” a small lemur joined the two others on the cart. Jasper hesitated a moment before putting the raccoon on the cart as well. She glanced at me and then smiled a little embarrassedly.

I paid for everything and we scheduled the bed delivery for the afternoon, then put the rest in the van and drove home. This little adventure had put quite the edge on my appetite and we had the casserole Connie and Priyanka had made for us for lunch. It was ham and spinach and very tasty. I had never been a big fan of spinach but they must have added vinegar to it or something – or maybe it was pickled? It was wonderfully sour and not bitter at all. After lunch we put the mattresses back upstairs and made up the beds there. I spent some time choosing books to put on the shelves in the single bed bedroom – I wanted it to feel welcoming. Even if it was just for a little while, I wanted Charlie to feel at home.

A few hours later the bed arrived and we were faced with the task of putting it together. It was a pretty simple frame, so it didn’t take us very long. I was a champion IKËA-furniture assembler, as all Sowegians naturally are. Jasper put the heavy mattress on top with ease and we made the bed.

“Phew” I said as I placed the last pillow. “Now to try it out” I lay down on top of the duvet and snuggled into the softness of it all, letting out a happy sigh. The mattress dipped as Jasper got on it as well and she lay face down in a pile of pillows. She started to mumble something. “What was that?” I asked. She lifted her head.

“I said, if the other jasper’s back home could see me now…” she snickered and grinned at me. “They wouldn’t believe it… ‘Jasper Facet-2A6K – in a _bed_?’ Hah! I’d probably get demoted just for there being a _rumor_ about anything like that…” she sighed and scratched her belly. “And with this little guy” she held up the raccoon “I’d probably be sent in for harvesting for being defective…”

“Home world sounds so awful…” I said and snuggled up to her.

“I guess it is…” she said with another sigh. “It’s weird how I used to believe that’s how it was supposed to be. That it was _right_ to shatter or harvest gems that strayed from what was normal… Every so often, someone was arrested for the tiniest things – not reciting the Diamond oath, failing in their duties or just... talking about forbidden things”

“Forbidden things?”

“Yeah… The subject of cross-gem fusion for instance. Or criticizing the Diamonds. There were so many rules…”

“Pearl said that too” I remembered us talking after she had hear me sing with overtones in the echo canyon. “What were the other pearls like?”

“Them? Just waifs drifting around after their mistresses, holding their stuff and just… being status symbols I guess” she let out a little chuckle. “They offered me a pearl once…”

“What?”

“I turned them down. I had no need for a servant. No self-respecting warrior under the rank of general ever had a servant… But I can’t deny I wasn’t tempted. Have a pretty little thing ready at your beck and call, for _anything_ you’d want… I didn’t even see them as proper gems, they were just… accessories” her words made me shiver and she looked down at me. “That was before I met this pearl here – I fought her once, during the war… Well, I fought Rose Quartz – had her gem in my actual hand – but then Pearl struck me from behind and managed to chop my hands off and I retreated into my own gem. I thought I was a goner, but… They didn’t shatter me. That always seemed like such a miscalculation on their part”

“She… chopped your hands off?” I stared at her with knit eyebrows.

“I barely had a second of agony before I vanished” she said quietly. “But I think it was more painful that a _pearl_ made me retreat. I’ve… never told anyone this before…”

“Pearl told me… before I ended up in the hospital the first time – she told me she didn’t want to leave Steven alone with you, because you almost shattered Rose… That’s why she was so mad – she really loved Rose”

“So it was true then… There were stories, rumors about the two of them. That was part of what was so… so indecent and wrong about the rebellion – I thought back then, but I know better now” she said hurriedly. “They engaged in rank and status defying relationships _and_ cross-gem fusions. A rose quartz with a _pearl_ … People were disgusted – but I learned since then that many who owned pearls took them to bed as well, so it wasn’t _that_ uncommon but, propaganda you know… Stars… The further I get away from home world, the more fucked up it seems”

“So… what would happen if someone say, had an… _organic_ lover?” I asked with both fascination and worry.

“I don’t even know… I mean, it might have happened during the war… I heard a rumor about that too – that there were some who… took humans and…” her voice trailed off. Incredibly unpleasant images flashed across my mind and I felt both disgusted and angry.

“Raped them…” I finished her sentence for her. She looked down at me with anguish in her eyes.

“Fuck, we really were just… huge piles of shit. The entire Empire, a huge pile of shit”

“The Diamonds made it so…” I said forcefully. “It was their decision to come here”

“Yeah… Stars…” she drew in a breath. “Is that what they felt like, the rebels? So disgusted they had to do something about it?”

“I think that’s how all rebellions start…” I said slowly.

“ _All_ rebellions?”

“There have been many in human history. Rebellions, revolutions… When the people realize if they band together, they can fight the oppressive government or ruling class. If the entire population would rise up against them, the rulers wouldn’t stand a chance. But they have to overcome the fear of punishment… People are easy to scare into submission. That’s how they control you, with fear and lies…” Jasper made a disgusted sound.

“Why does it make me feel so… stupid? It’s so obvious to me now… Home world… was _wrong_ … _Is_ wrong” she gave a little start then looked down at me. “Does that… make me a rebel?”

“The definition of rebel is someone who rejects, opposes or rises up against their rulers. So… yes. But, there can be many rebellious factions. You don’t have to be… a crystal gem if you don’t want to”

“I doubt they’d have me anyway” she huffed with a hint of… regret?

“I wouldn’t be too sure, darling…” I thought about how much Jasper and the reb – the crystal gems – had grown – well, not exactly _close_ but at least _closer_ since we both came to Beach City. She and Steven and Amethyst were friends now, and Pearl… they were still dancing around each other a bit suspiciously – that was mostly from Pearl though, Jasper has softened towards her and actually _thanked_ her a while ago. But Pearl’s reaction to Jasper holding Rose’s sword convinced me that there was still some ways to go before they could call each other ‘friend’. Garnet though – that had been so surprising a few days ago… Garnet had told Peridot to step off and had relaxed into the cushions on the sofa – even when Jasper was still holding Rose’s sword…

“Me, a rebel…” Jasper said thoughtfully. “Now _that’s_ not something I’d _ever_ thought I’d hear myself say…” I stroked her chest and snuggled closer to her. The reality of our situation was dawning on me more and more. We… really were in danger. Not just from whatever Lapis was planning, _if_ she was planning something, but from home world itself. Oh, what an uncomfortable mind space that was. I didn’t want to be in there – where I felt so small and weak and where not only _me_ but my entire planet was in danger. It felt like I could only be in that mind space for so long – it was exhausting and just too scary – too _big_. It took some quite complex mental maneuvering to get myself back to… well, myself.  

“My rebel…” I whispered against her chest and felt a surging twinge in my abdomen. “Oww… Could you…?” Jasper smiled compassionately and began to rub my tummy with her warm hand. Since she had touched the strange red cloud I had made yesterday, she had become, if possible, even more caring whenever I made a sound of pain. I hadn’t told her that fourth or fifth day cramps were nothing compared to first day ones – she had been so overwhelmed by what she had felt. My phone made the ‘you have new email’- noise and I opened the message. It was from a Melissa – Victoria’s personal assistant. It was very long… “Oh my gods” I said as I scrolled downwards.

“What?” Jasper asked.

“Victoria’s personal assistant just sent me this long ass email with instructions about picking up Charlie – and all the rules I have to follow with her – Jesus! Victoria has her on a special _diet_?” I read on in mounting horror. “No sugar, no soda, no fast food, no _gluten_?” I gave a little huff. Charlie wasn’t allergic to gluten. “Oh, fuck, she’s got a day schedule? Studying… practicing her flute… Since when does she play the flute? Bedtime eight o’clock?! But this is summer vacation!” I felt myself getting angry and breathed out some blue sparks. “For the love of fuck, Victoria’s got every moment of her life planned – when does Charlie get to just be a kid? That’s _not_ on the schedule apparently…” this all made me quite worried as well. Even our mother hadn’t been _this_ controlling… “This is _bad_ ” I said with a puff of purple. Jasper kissed my forehead. “Victoria was never going to win mother of the year but _this_ … She didn’t use to do _this_ before… Shit… Something must be going on…”

“Like what?”

“I… don’t know. I suppose I’ll find out…” I thought for a moment. “If I go by myself to Empire City I could pick up a car before I pick up Charlie and then we’d have a long drive by ourselves to get here… then maybe she’d tell me what the hell is going on… Would that be OK, do you mind if I go by myself?”

“I don’t mind babe…” she said with a slightly uncertain smile. “What’s she like, Charlie?”

“Oh, she’s the sweetest kid” I said with a sigh. “A little shy and quiet… Very smart and helpful and interested in learning new things… She always wants to know things work, like how the toaster makes toast or why it rains or why the sky is blue” I smiled a little. “And she loves flowers, absolutely adores them. She’s got such a green thumb”

“A green thumb?”

“Yeah… It means she’s very good at growing plants and keeping them healthy. Hah, she will be horrified to see the garden… I’m hopeless at keeping plants alive, all I can manage are cacti…” I thought for a moment. “Maybe there’s a botanical garden somewhere near here, I’m sure she’d love to go see it. I don’t even know how long she’s staying for…” I checked the email again. It said three days, but that it might need to be extended depending on how Victoria did in Aqua Mexico. “Three days, at least. Oh thank goodness… Look” I pointed to a line in the text. “It says Victoria has to leave before I get there. That’s a load off my mind…” to my surprise Jasper gave a sigh of relief and I looked up at her.

“I’m just glad you won’t have to actually _meet_ Victoria” she said with a soft smile.

“Me too… But we probably will, when she picks Charlie up, or we drop her off” I felt anxiety flare inside me.

“Oh” Jasper frowned.

“I know she makes you angry…” I said tentatively. Jasper glared into the ceiling for a moment before looking down at me again with a steely look in her eye that faded when she met my gaze.

“I don’t want her to hurt you” she said with a hint of a growl in her voice.

“I know, and it makes me feel so much better to know you’ll be with me”

“Good” she said a little gruffly and pulled me closer to her. There was a slightly confused meow from the floor, then Cake jumped onto the bed and then stopped and raised her hackles when she saw the stuffed animals.

“Oh-ho aaw, Cake, don’t worry” I giggled when I saw this. I reached behind me to grab the little lemur and held it out to her. “Look at me” I said in a funny voice. “I’m Larry the lemur and I want to be your friend” Cake looked at me and relaxed a little, then approached cautiously. She sniffed the toy and batted it with her paw. I play attacked her with it and she bit and scratched at it like cats do. It made both Jasper and me laugh and soon Cake was rolling around on the bed, wrestling the lemur with delight.

“Charlie’s going to love Cake” I said with a happy sigh, making a pale yellow butterfly appear.

“Do you think she’ll like me?” Jasper asked a little awkwardly.

“Why wouldn’t she? You’re awesome” I kissed her lips and stroked her hair.

“How can I disagree when you make such a convincing argument?” she chuckled and kissed me back.

 

* * *

 

Please review!


	45. Bridges

## Chapter 45: Bridges  


The next morning I was lacing up my sneakers and getting ready to go to the temple after a wonderful breakfast in bed. I was feeling so much better today – the cramps were down to a dull and steady four, although I bled quite a lot still. The first night sleep in the new bed had been wonderful and I felt more well-rested than I had done in ages. Jasper had been very hard to wake up, she had slept so heavily in its soft embrace. Just as I stood up to grab my gear, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to reveal a slightly tousle haired Amethyst.

“Hey Amethyst” I said and stepped back so she could go inside.

“Sup, E” she greeted, sounding tired.

“How’s it going?”

“Oh, you know” she answered evasively. This made me a bit worried – I’d never seen Amethyst looking this… messy. She walked past me and grabbed a cup from the cupboard and poured herself some coffee just as Jasper came downstairs. “Hey Jagger” she said.

“Morning Amethyst” Jasper greeted with a slight frown, then looked over at me and I shrugged.

“See you later, darling” I walked up to my beautiful Jasper and gave her a quick kiss and a cuddle. She hugged me tenderly.

“No injuries today” she said with a slight grin.

“I promise nothing” I quipped and smiled back.

As I strolled down toward the beach I sent an email to Parker about the jeep I wanted to look at tomorrow. She replied immediately that she would set it up. I lit a cigarette and adjusted my EDC a little as I reached the sand. It was quite a fine day, but a bit windy. When I reached the temple, I got a bit unsettled. The air felt heavy. Maybe I should have called ahead? I knocked at the door.

A slightly haggard looking Pearl opened after a minute.

“Hi Pearl” I said slowly. “Is… everything OK?”

“Hello Erica…” her voice sounded tired. “Things… aren’t exactly perfect” she yawned – which astounded me.

“What’s going on? Amethyst wasn’t her cheery self this morning either…” I felt my worry mounting.

“We’ve been up all night with Steven – either it’s nightmares, or he can’t sleep at all or he wants to talk about what happened and why and he wants all of us to be around him and I don’t know if I can do this today…” she yawned again and stretched.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Pearl” I felt disappointed. “Is there… something I can do?”

“Could you… keep Steven company while I try to wake up? I think I need a black tea _bath_. Hmm…”

“Sure… Where is he?” she pointed up to his little loft. I climbed the stairs and Pearl headed to the kitchen to make herself some tea. Steven was lying hunched up on his bed with Lion.

“Hey kiddo” I said slowly, and was mildly surprised how soft and… _motherly_ my voice sounded. “How’re you doing?” Steven rolled over to look at me with red-rimmed eyes that had black half circles underneath them. It broke my heart to see him so _sad_. “Oh, _sweetheart_ ” I moved over to him and sat down.

“Could you hold me?” he asked in a tiny voice and my heart positively melted.

“Sure, kid…” I lay down and enveloped him in my arms. If I removed myself and my feelings completely from the situation… Objectivity… For Steven’s sake, think about Lapis _without_ hate and try to see it from her point of view… “We can talk about it, if you want Steven…” I said softly. He obviously needed to.

“A-are you sure?” he asked in a voice that said he was close to tears.

“Yes, sweet boy…” I whispered.

“I know Lapis did very bad things, but I miss her…” he all but whimpered and then started to cry.

“Oh, hey… hey” I soothed and rubbed his back. I had a feeling I knew what he wanted to hear right now. “It’s OK to miss her… she’s your friend…” I thought for a moment. “I think she wanted to be better… Maybe she thought she could start over, here on earth and just be… the new Lapis, who was your friend… And Peridot’s friend and maybe, eventually Garnet’s, Amethyst’s and Pearl’s friend too… I’m pretty sure that’s what she wanted, Steven darling…”

“But why did she do it then… why did she attack you guys?” he whispered through his sobs.

“I think… she panicked. All the stuff she wanted to forget, the things she had done and that had been done to her – it all came rushing back when she saw Jasper. And she slipped back into the way she used to be, because that part of her had a solution to all the problems and… she let that part take over…”

“But why couldn’t she stay the new Lapis and then we could have been friends now, all of us…”

“Because it’s _very_ easy to fall back into old patterns… It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t spent well… years being sad and angry. Depression seeps into your soul and you can’t tell where it ends and you begin. It twists the way you think and tells you that you are worthless and stupid and that everyone hates you… and that they’d be better off… without you. I think Lapis was starting to feel better, but she hadn’t come far enough when this… situation arose, the old patterns of thinking took over. I think she saw me and Jasper as standing in the way of her one chance at happiness – so she needed us out of the way…”

“But Jasper has been sad and angry too… why did she choose to try to talk to her?”

“Maybe because… Jasper had me. We spent some time talking about how she felt and what she wanted to do if and when we ever ran into Lapis. I helped her sort out her thoughts, but she slipped back too, then something happened and… she chose to do things differently. Jasper and I have helped each other to sort out a lot of emotions and talk about really hard things, because we both need to. It took a long time for that trust to build up and maybe that’s what Lapis needed too – someone she felt like she could talk to”

“I told her a bunch of times that she could talk to _me_ ” Steven said a little indignantly.

“That’s very nice of you Steven, but… You’re so young. And happy. I think she would have thought that she would hurt or scare you with the things in her past. I think she didn’t talk to you to _spare_ you… When it comes to talking about bad stuff, you need to find someone who you can relate to and who understands, because they’ve been through things too… That’s why there are support groups for all sorts of things, like people who’ve got the same kind of disease and stuff like that…”

“So why didn’t she try to do that then?”

“Because I don’t think she knew about them for one, and for the other… For some people, it’s really hard to reach out and ask for help with stuff like that, because they try to deny their feelings and keep telling themselves they’re fine. Or you just get so used to being depressed it becomes normal… With her being trapped in the mirror, then trapped by Jasper and Peridot and then inside Malachite, even though that was her plan, she has _a lot_ of stuff to work through, many things to face and feel and accept. For her to be able to do that, she needs help but she has to _want_ to get help too… Sometimes you don’t realize you do until you’ve hit rock bottom… Maybe the fight a few days ago was _her_ rock bottom…”

“So I couldn’t have helped her…?” Steven asked timidly.

“I’m sure you _did_ , kiddo… That’s why she shut you guys in the barn… She treasured you and didn’t want you to get hurt…” Steven snuggled in closer to me and I hugged him tighter. “This isn’t your _fault_ , Steven...” I felt him give a little gasp and then he began to sob again. There we go… That’s what he had needed to hear… “It’s not your fault…” I repeated in a whisper. “Not your fault…”

Steven cried long and hard and I began to sing to him softly and stroked his back. “ _Vargen ylar i nattens skog, han vill men kan inte sova. Hungern river hans vargabuk, och det är kallt i hans stova. Du varg, du varg, kom inte hit. Ungen min får du aldrig. Vargen ylar I nattens skog, ylar av hunger och klagan. Men jag ska gen han en grisasvans, sånt passar i vargamagar. Du varg, du varg, kom inte hit. Ungen min får du aldrig. Vargen ylar i nattens skog, och hittar sig inget byte. Men jag ska ge’n en tuppakam, att stoppa ner i sitt knyte. Du varg, du varg, kom inte hit. Ungen min får du aldrig…_ _Sov mitt barn i bädden hos mor, låt varhen yla i natten. Men jag ska ge han en hönsaskank, om ingen annan har ta’tt den._ _Du varg, du varg, kom inte hit. Ungen min får du aldrig._ _Ungen min får du aldrig..._ ” by the end of the song, little lights of silvery white fell around us like snow. Steven had stopped sobbing so hard about half way through and had just listened, though tears still ran down his cheeks.

“How do you feel, kiddo?” I asked him softly and handed him my handkerchief. He wiped his face and then blew his nose on it.

“TIred… I like that song…” he said quietly. “What’s  it” he yawned hugely “about?”

“It’s a mother singing to her child to not worry about the hungry wolf that howls in the night, because the mother would never let the wolf take the child away. But the mother pities the wolf too, and gives it leftovers so it won’t starve”

“That’s nice… wolves are super… cool…” Steven’s eyes closed and his last words were mumbled – had he fallen asleep? After a minute there was the tiniest snore. I smiled and broke out embrace carefully and put a blanket over him, tucking him in inexpertly.

There was a sniff from behind me and I turned my head slightly. Garnet, Peridot and Pearl were standing on the stairs, Pearl’s eyes streaming and I was sure I could see a tear sliding down Garnet’s otherwise stoic face too. Peridot just stared at me, her eyes red rimmed. Strangely enough, I didn’t feel particularly embarrassed. My ears heated up a little, but that was it. I moved over to them quietly and we headed downstairs and outside.

“He’s asleep!” Pearl said with a brittle laugh. “You got him to sleep… Oh my stars, I’m so _tired_ …” she slumped into a chair and held her head and groaned. Garnet patted her on the shoulder.

“How have you guys been?” I asked a little uncertainly.

“It’s been hard” Garnet said in a hoarse voice. “Steven and Peridot have been very sad and upset”

“She doesn’t need to hear that!” Peridot snapped and crossed her arms, her cheeks going a darker green.

I rubbed my temples… Gods, now I had another perspective on Lapis in my head. Ugh.

“Is that what you think of Lapis now?” Garnet asked me bluntly.

“I don’t know anymore… I started off trying to just… make him feel better, so I tried to look at the situation without hate and remove what had happened to me personally… tried to see it from _her_ point of view… Gods… I’m so confused” I shook my head a little. She had _literally_ tried to kill me and Jasper several times during our fight. Not injure, not contain, not humiliate – _kill_. Did it matter what her motivation had been? Yes, a part of me said. No! another part screamed. Fuck, I had thought I had settled on somewhere between hate and pity, leaning more toward hate. But now… Lapis was a victim who had turned abuser. Who is to blame then? “Is this some sort of… ‘Not guilty, by reason of mental disease or defect’-situation? Where do you draw the line?” I asked aloud. “Is Lapis to blame, or the people who abused her? Or the people who abused them? Or the people who abused the people who abused Lapis?” I lit a cigarette.

“It was Lapis’ decision to attack” Garnet stated. “Whether she was happy or sad, she is responsible for creating this situation” the tall gem grabbed me by the shoulder. “But thank you. For talking to Steven… I know it took a lot of love for him to bend your mind like that” I felt my cheeks flush a little as Garnet gave me a small smile.

“I don’t understand any of this…” Peridot said petulantly. “But… Steven’s not woken up with a scream yet, so it must be good… right?”

“Has it been that bad?” I asked with my eyebrows drawn together.

“Yes” Pearl said, head still in her hands. “He’s barely slept a wink. Gems don’t really need to sleep, but I’m seriously considering it at the moment… But Connie is coming over soon, too”

“You should go rest, Pearl” Garnet said firmly. “And we should let Steven sleep. I’ll handle the training session today”

“Are you sure, Garnet?” Pearl asked hopefully.

Garnet adjusted her shades. “Yes”

“Oh thank the stars…” Pearl mumbled and leaned back against the wall. “I’m just going to rest my eyes a little bit… out… here…”

I looked over at Garnet a little curiously. What kind of teacher was she?

“Peridot, would you like to join in as well?” Garnet asked the green gem.

“ _Me_? Oh, no I don’t think so” Peridot huffed.

“Alright” Garnet said and stood up. “Connie will arrive in a minute” I followed her down the stairs and unsheathed my spear from its protective bag and began to warm up. It was hard work, running in the sand. After a few minutes Connie came running up to us.

“Hi!” she greeted cheerfully.

“Hello Connie” me and Garnet said back.

“Where’s Steven and Pearl?”

“They’re resting” Garnet said calmly. “I will lead your training today”

“Oh” Connie looked very surprised. “Are Steven and Pearl OK?”

“Yes” Garnet answered shortly. Connie looked over at me and I gave her a nod and a smile. “Now… Have you fought each other before?” I felt my smile vanish.

“No, we haven’t” Connie said a little uncertainly.

“Alright. Here” she held out her arms and her gems started to glow. One gem produced a wooden sword and the other a wooden spear. She handed us the weapons and Connie and I glanced at each other apprehensively.

“Um… I’ve only fought Holo-Pearls before” I said self-consciously. “Never a person”

“And I’ve never fought anyone with a spear” Connie said tentatively.

“Spears are a very common weapon on home world. Or at least, it used to be, so knowing how to fight a bigger enemy with a big reach will be great practice for you Connie. And Erica, swords are the _most_ common weapon and many gems will be shorter than you, so this will be great practice for you, too” she adjusted her shades and turned to me. “You’ve been working on your defense primarily” then she turned to Connie. “And you’ve been working on your attack. So. Let’s see if you can get through Erica’s defenses. When you’re fighting someone with a spear you want to get in close to them – the spear is not a great close combat weapon” get through my defenses? Oh goodness, I’m going to be so sore after this, I thought. Connie’s _so_ much better than me.

“OK” Connie said, looking more determined now.

“Alright…” I said, feeling uncertain.

“Ready yourselves” Garnet instructed and stepped back. I grabbed the spear in an over arm grip and took up my position and Connie started in a very aggressive pose – facing me with her side and both hands on the hilt. Shit, I wasn’t ready for this. “Begin” Garnet called.

Connie launched toward me faster than I had anticipated and I barely knocked her blade away. The hits kept on coming – Connie was relentless in her assault. I parried as best I could and she kept pushing me backwards – her blows were coming from a much lower angle than the Holo-Pearls so I had to concentrate very hard on how I met her strikes. She was quick and nimble and after only about thirty seconds she smacked me on the hand with the broadside of her sword, which made me drop the spear with a hiss and a puff of red.

“Good work, both of you” Garnet said calmly. “Connie, don’t be afraid to press forward – disarming your enemy is a great tactic, but try focus on getting body blows – your goal is to make your enemy retreat into their gems and then we can bubble them. Go again” focus on getting body blows? Fuck.

Connie and I faced each other again and at a nod from Garnet Connie attacked. The blows rained down on me and I was surprised I was holding up so well against her, but then she fainted and spun in under my arm and whacked a stinging blow on my hip.

“Sonofabitch!” I hissed out a red sparkly cloud and rubbed at the hip to ease the pain.

“A-are you OK?” Connie asked with concern.

“Yeah, yeah, but fuck me that hurt… That was a great feint, ow”  I tried to sound encouraging – after all, we were on the same team and if and when we ended up fighting together, she would be able to do to the enemy what she was learning to do to me – so I told myself to suck it up.

“Yes, well done” Garnet said calmly. “Anything you can do to distract or unbalance your opponent will give you an opening. Erica – you have a tendency to relax your grip after each exchange – don’t. Now you’re only fighting one person, but in a real battle there might be more. You _don’t_ want to get disarmed” did I relax my grip? Damn, how did she see that anyway? “Get ready”

We squared up again. At a nod from Garnet Connie sprang forward and I matched her, moving backwards. Evasion was the best defense, right Pearl?

“Good, Erica, keep it up” I head Garnet say. We danced around each other for a while until I realized Connie was herding me toward the cliff wall – she was trying to corner me. I began to press back, whacking at the sand by her feet. I saw her grinning at this – this was getting to be fun. Her feints were excellent and I received many blows to my shoulders, hips and thighs but I managed to keep her stinging blade away from my torso at least. Garnet gave us pointers during and after the exchanges and after about twenty or thirty minutes I felt quite bruised up, but also pretty good about myself. I was holding my own, well… sort of. At least I wasn’t doing as bad as I thought I would.

“Time for a break” Garnet called and both Connie and I stopped immediately.

“Thank the gods – you were so close to hitting me in the face just then” I panted and wiped my brow.

“I was going for your shoulder” she said with a bright smile.

“Man, I wish I had your energy – you’re barely even winded”

“The advantages of youth” she stuck her tongue out at me.

“Hey” I said in a mock-hurt voice as I picked up my water bottle.

“Great work out there, you two” Garnet sounded pleased. “Erica, keep dodging and evading. And Connie – take advantage of your speed and small stature, you are much faster than Erica – don’t be afraid to use it”

After a few minutes break and a bit of stretching, we squared up to one another again. As the exchange began I could feel how much slower my body was reacting now – gods I needed to get in better shape than this. I managed to fend her off for about fifteen minutes, but after Connie delivered three consecutive successful strikes to my left hip, Garnet called for another break.

“Erica, you’re turning your arms to face Connie, but you must turn your entire body, at the moment you’re leaving your back completely unprotected”

“Yeah, I know… She keeps running in circles – I’m not good with spinning around”

“Yeah… that’s why I did it” Connie said apologetically. “I remember you saying your balance isn’t the best” I raised my eyebrows at her.

“I see” Garnet said.

“It’s not really something I can do anything about… Pearl said everyone’s got their strengths and weaknesses and that we’d just have to find a way to compensate or work around it, but we haven’t got to that yet” I said in a slightly hollow voice.

“Alright. So for now, Connie – use a different tactic” I felt relieved at this.

“OK, I will” Connie said with a smile. After some water and a bit more stretching we faced each other again. I felt as if I was reaching my limit soon and hoped this exchange was going to be our last. I felt as if I had learned a lot today, both about myself and how I fought and about Connie and how she fought. At first I figured she came up with a plan on the spot, but she seemed to plan several moves ahead – like she was playing chess. I was more reactive, well, since I was defending only, it was only natural. But if I had been attacking, I think I’d wait for the other to begin and take it as it comes – hmm… maybe that was a bad tactic? I should talk to Pearl about that during our next private session. Garnet nodded for us to begin and I was astounded at Connie’s stamina. She darted forward quickly and I barely had time to parry her first blow. I didn’t have the energy to dance out of the way anymore, so parrying was the name of the game now. I managed to keep it up for almost ten minutes, then Connie did something I just wasn’t expecting. She approached me from the front, thrust straight for my face – I raised the spear to counter – but then she let go of the hilt with her right hand and her blade slammed into my stomach with a loud *THWACK*.

“Mother _ffffffuck_ ” I hissed and dropped the spear and doubled over.

“Oh my gosh” Connie gasped as my knees gave way and I fell to the ground and curled into a ball. “Sorry Erica I got too carried away! Are you OK?!”

The pain was astounding. The blow itself was a lash of stinging fire across my stomach and my uterus and ovaries seemed to have been triggered into a cramp like the ones I had had on the first day. I tried to breathe through it, but I had no idea how long this was going to take, and there was no Jasper to help me this time. I hissed out a buzzing, sparkling red cloud. Connie got out of the way and I panted out more while holding my belly and shaking as the pain peaked.

“Garnet!” Connie called, sounding panicked. Footsteps approached and a shadow fell across me.

“It’ll pass, just hold on” Garnet’s voice was soft and reassuring and I clutched at the comfort it gave me. The pain would end – it wasn’t going to last forever, even though it felt like it. It would end… It _would_ end. Can’t it end now? Please let it end now… More red spilled from me as the agony faded and came back in waves.

“What’s happening to her?” Connie asked breathlessly.

“You… hit her in a very sensitive area” Garnet said calmly.

“Oh man…” Connie groaned and I could hear her start to pace. I wished she would just be still.

“But she will be just fine, Connie. Don’t worry” this made the girl stop moving about.

“Can I do something?” she asked hesitantly.

“Mmm… Go inside and boil some water for tea. We’ll be right there” Connie sprinted off without another word and _finally_ the pain started to go down.

“Jesus motherfucking Christ…” I groaned as I relaxed a smidge. After half a minute I could sit up. “Gods, she packs such a powerful punch…”Garnet smiled at me. “I was so not expecting that blow”

“She is very good, yes” the tall gem said as she stood up and held out a hand to me. I grabbed it and she pulled me to my feet with ease. I winced slightly as I took a step.

“Gods damn it” I said after I had lifted my shirt a bit to inspect my belly – there was a long bright red mark with hints of blue and purple already forming. “Ugh… At least it took her more than an hour to get me on my knees” I groaned.

“You are better than you think, Erica. You blocked many blows that would have hurt you more than this” Garnet said with a smile. “You did very well today, you should be proud”

“T-thanks, Garnet” I said, feeling quite touched. We walked back to the temple – Pearl was still sitting in the chair, asleep. Peridot was nowhere to be seen though. When we entered the house, Connie was standing by the stove with the little green gem.

“How are you doing?” the girl asked me carefully, handing me a cup of steaming tea.

“I’m OK. Bit bruised, but OK” Connie relaxed visibly. “That was some move, kid. Jesus” I gave her a tired smile. “I’m so glad we’re on the same team – I would _not_ want to fight you with actual _sharp_ weapons” I put my hand on Connie’s slim shoulder. “You. Are. Fucking. Dangerous” Connie smiled back uncertainly.

“You both did very well today” Garnet nodded and smiled.

“Well, it was certainly entertaining, especially when you fell over” Peridot said to me with a little chuckle. Her comment stung and Connie frowned at her.

“Glad I could be of service” I said sarcastically and raised an eyebrow at her. “Gods, I need a cigarette…” I headed back outside. Maybe I should try lighting it without a lighter again? That would be one cool party trick if nothing else. I held the smoke up and concentrated, thinking of Peridot’s words. “Fuck you” I said aloud and a pale blue tendril of lightning struck the tip perfectly. That made me feel _incredibly_ smug and I inhaled deeply.

“You did not just do that!” Connie gasped from my right. She hurried over and I blew a self-satisfied smoke ring. “That is so _cool_!” she sat down next to me with a cup of tea in her hands.

“Thanks, kid… Man… I had fun today”

“Really? Even with me hitting you in the stomach?” she asked a little self-consciously.

“Yeah… I mean, next time I’ll watch out for that sick feint – I did _not_ see that one coming. Was it planned or?”

“Heat of the moment. I saw an opening and just… went for it” Connie’s cheeks had gone a little pink. “It’s not a patch on your stuff though… In the forest, with the lightning and thunder… gosh” her face fell. “I’m… I’m the only one without any kind of power…”

“So?” I asked her simply. “You’re really good with the sword, like, _insanely_ good”

“I’m not that good… And I’ve never fought a gem on my own, or a corrupted gem…”

“But don’t you fight Steven all the time? He’s a gem”

“Yeah, but that’s _training_. And he would never actually attack me full force… He doesn’t really use his gem powers to attack me – and neither did you. If you did that I would have been toast”

“Well, that’s kind of the point, at least for me – I can’t control it. Well, a little, but I don’t trust it. And I promised Pearl I’d keep my mouth shut during joint training sessions to keep all of us safe. I mean, I’ve only managed to hurt _myself_ with the lights – I don’t know what I’d do if I hurt you or Steven with them” I shivered, suddenly feeling cold.

“But when you _can_ control them, you’ll be such a valuable team member, but I’ll still just be… a normal everyday human”

“Who is really good with the sword”

“Kind of, but – “

“Who fights aliens”

“Yes, but – “

“And who is brave enough to face those aliens, despite being ‘a normal everyday human’”

“Well, I guess so, but – “

“Have you ever seen the anime ‘Naruto’?” I interrupted her again.

Connie looked taken aback by my sudden subject change. “Uh… no, I don’t think so? Why?”

“It’s about ninjas fighting other ninjas. There are lots of styles and techniques; I guess you could call it magic – almost like gem powers. Everyone is really good and has their own specialty like cloning themselves or using the shadows, or even a kind of future vision, and the best of the best are called ‘a genius at’ the something-something technique. There’s a character there – Rock Lee –that _can’t_ use the ninja magic at all, but he’s still one of the strongest fighters in the show. You know why?”

“No?”

“Because _he’s_ a genius at _hard work_. He trains harder, longer and more intensely than anyone else and he is able to defeat the most elite magic using ninjas” Connie looked at me with reddening cheeks. “Don’t sell yourself short, kid”

“I’ll… try” she said quietly. Seemed she was still struggling with her own self-worth. It would come to her, eventually. I patted her shoulder.

“Oh, by the way – the casserole was delicious. I should have remembered to bring the dish with me. Sorry”

“That’s OK” she said quickly, looking relieved we were changing the subject. “I’ll tell mom, she’ll be pleased”

“When is she picking you up? I could go get the dish and come back” I suggested.

Connie looked at the time on her phone. “She’ll be here in a few hours”

“Plenty of time then” I said and got to my feet. “Do you… want to hang out in the mean time? I’m assuming Steven is still asleep”

“I brought a book to read but I’d rather do something else – the characters are stuck in a very bad place and I’m kind of dreading reading the next part. I don’t want anything bad to happen to them” she gave me a little embarrassed smile.

“I know what you mean…” I smiled back at her broadly. “You want to go to the arcade or something? I think I saw a ‘Turtles in Time’ game in there somewhere…”

“Sure. I can watch you play, I’m more of an RTS person” Connie said a little shyly.

“Oh, come on, the Turtles game is cooperative – I mean, you _can_ play it alone, but what’s the fun in that?”

“Well… alright”

We said goodbye to Garnet and Peridot and walked through the sand toward the boardwalk.

“Hey, do you know if there are any botanical gardens or similar around here?” I asked Connie.

“I think there is one close to Ocean Town. Do you like flowers?”

“Not really, but my niece does” I smiled. “She’s coming to stay for a few days while her mom’s working”

“I didn’t know you had a niece, or a sister” Connie looked at me with raised eyebrows. “What are they called?”

“My niece is named Charlotte, but she lets me call her Charlie. My sister is Victoria. Maybe you and Steven would like to meet her? She’s a year younger than you and quite bright, but a little shy”

“Sure, that’d be fun” Connie smiled. “Does she like books?”

“She loves stories, especially if they have horses in them. I don’t know if you’ve heard about ‘Windy’? It’s about a wild stallion”

“No I don’t think so. Hmm. Is it from the horse’s point of view?”

“I don’t know if it’s first person, but yeah”

“Sounds interesting… Is it any good?”

“I never read more than the back, but I think Charlie would recommend it”

We arrived at the arcade and found the Turtles game pretty quickly.

“You’ve heard about the Turtles right?” I asked Connie with a sideways glance.

“Yeah, I have”

“OK, good” I let out a breath of relief and put some coins in the slots. “Pick a Turtle and we can kick this pig! I always play Donatello, but he and Leonardo are pretty much the same”

“Leonardo is the blue one right?”

“Yes”

“OK, I’ll be Leonardo”

“So… this is a beat ‘em up, so just walk around and hit everything” I felt a little shiver of excitement. I hadn’t played this game for more than fifteen years – would we be able to beat it? The familiar music started and I smiled broadly. It took a little while and a few quarters for us to get into it, but soon we were both laughing and hitting the buttons frantically. As time wore on though we became very focused and I thoroughly enjoyed how easy it was to play with Connie. I called out the tactics for everything. When we cleared the last enemy before the last boss, Shredder, I found myself quite sweaty.

“Alright, Leo, you ready for this?” I said and cracked my knuckles.

“Yeah, Don, let’s kick his butt!” Connie’s face was determined. The fight began and we smashed the buttons in a frenzy. Soon Shredder fell off the platform and Connie and I whooped and high fived. We watched the end clip and then entered out initials. Connie wrote ‘CVM’ and I ‘EKB’.

“What does the ‘V’ stand for?” I asked Connie as we saw where we ended up on the list – we managed to sneak twelfth place. This was a very long game.

“Vritika, what’s the ’K’?”

”Oh” I thought Steven might have told her my name. Crap. She was the one who had showed Steven my book… Well, I couldn’t lie to her. I just hoped it wouldn’t change anything between us.

“Katheryn” I looked at her apprehensively.

“So, Erica… Katheryn… Brooks…” she paused a moment. “As in… the author?” Connie’s voice sounded stunned. “Are you serious?”  

 “Yes” I smiled nervously.

“Oh man…” Connie groaned – this was not the reaction I had expected. “I’ve just spent a few hours whacking Erica Katheryn flipping Brooks with a wooden sword! I hit you in the - ohh gooosh…” she swayed and grabbed at the game console for support, breathing rapidly. Was she about to faint? “Ah – hh – I can’t b-breathe” she clutched at her chest. She was hyperventilating. A strange calm came over me and I squatted down in front of her so our eyes were level.

“Connie” I said steadily. “I think you’re having an anxiety attack. It is scary, yes, but you will be fine. I need you to focus on me, OK? Look at me” her darting eyes met mine. “Good, OK. Now, breathe in deeply through your nose and then exhale through your mouth, like this” I demonstrated, using my hand to emphasize the rhythm. “Do it with me. In through your nose… and out through your mouth…” Connie tried to follow along as best she could, but her breath was very shaky. “We are right here in the arcade. We’ve just kicked some serious Shredder ass. Feel how sticky the floor is, remember to breathe – _just_ like that, good girl. Can you tell me, one word per breath, the names of all the books in the Spirit Morph saga?”

“Unf – “ she tried and closed her eyes tightly.

“It’s OK, keep breathing and try again, you can do it” I tried to sound encouraging but not too positive – this was serious and should be treated with respect. I kept up the deep breathing on my own, matching her rhythm to make it easier.

“Unfamiliar… Familiar…”

“Great, Connie, keep going” I gave her an encouraging nod. 

“Welcome… to… the… Wizard… Wilds… Overneath… the… Underworld… Destiny’s… end…”

Her breath was calming down, but it wasn’t over yet. “Good job, Connie. Now, can you tell me about the first book? This Lisa person… She’s a kid, right?”

“Y-yeah… She doesn’t know she’s… a witch and she… and her f-falcon familiar Archimicarus… try to find her father… who has been k-kidnapped by a one-eyed man…”

“What’s a familiar?” I knew what a it was, but Connie needed something good to lead her out of her anxiety – talking about something she liked a lot would be very good for distracting her.

“It’s a spirit companion who… takes on an animal form…”

“Spirit as in ghost? See-through and stuff?”

“No, they have corporeal… bodies but can take on spirit form and travel… through the spirit world if-if-if they like”

“Why did Lisa have a falcon familiar? Are they based on some characteristic of your personality?”

“When you’re born, they appear to you… immediately and then grow with you. As you grow up they can change… their form a lot, depending on how you or they feel but then they settle… into one shape and keep… that for the rest of both your lives” Connie was much calmer now.

“Can they be anything? Like, could you have a bumblebee familiar or an elephant familiar?”

“I think you _could…_ but most familiars are smaller, like a little dog, or a ferret… I think so they can come with you without taking up so much space… they can’t be separated from you… it hurts terribly if you get too far away from them… So having an elephant would limit the things that you can do”

“I see… What kind of familiar do you have?” I asked with a smile, knowing she would have given this some thought.

“His name is Bion, he’s a starling” she gave a thin smile now and her shoulders relaxed a notch. Good, I thought.

“Why a starling?”

“I like birds and it’s very useful for your familiar… to be able to move fast and scout ahead and such” I smiled broader at her at this. She was a very practical girl, this one. “What… what kind of familiar would you have?” she asked me shyly, her breathing normal now.

“Hmm… Something small-ish… With clever hands… Like a rat … Or a squirrel maybe?” I smiled at her. “Then they could climb up high and get through small spaces and things. And they could ride on my shoulder or, oh my gods, they could fit in a pocket, just like Ron used to carry Scabbers around” I stood up and stretched my legs. “Let’s get some air, OK?”

We went outside and sat down on a bench.

“Connie” I said softly. “Has that ever happened to you before?” she looked down on the ground sadly.

“Never that bad, no…” her voice was very quiet.

“First of all… it’s nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart” she looked up at me uncertainly. “Secondly, it’s not something that you should just ignore. This is one of those things that you should tell your mom about” Connie cringed a little at this and I felt a wave of sympathy. She had been so brave with telling her mom she couldn’t sleep, so maybe telling her this would be a little easier… But daring to trust someone or take up their time takes a few goes before it sinks in that you actually _can_. So I wasn’t surprised Priyanka didn’t know. “And of course, I’m here if you want to talk about it with me too” to my great relief, Connie scooted a little closer to me.

“Is it… is it weakness? Am I weak?” she looked at the ground, hands gripping the edge of the bench.

“What? No. No, no, no. It’s not weakness. Anyone can have an anxiety attack. Police officers, soldiers, doctors, school teachers… It can happen when you get overwhelmed – your brain panics and thinks you are under threat, even when there is not physical danger. Your heart can race and it can get hard to breathe, your body might shake… You get put into fight, flight, freeze mode but your brain can’t make up its mind and it all just happens at once” Connie looked up at me.

“My mind was racing so fast…” she said quietly. I wanted to hug her, but I should ask her permission.

“Do you want a hug?” Connie nodded slightly and I wrapped her in my arms. She leaned her head on my chest and let out a little sigh.

“It calmed me down when you talked to me…”

“That was the point, sweetheart. I’ve had many anxiety and/or panic attacks and I’ve learned how to deal with them. I didn’t know what would work for you, but controlling your breathing and getting you to focus on something else usually helps, especially if you catch it early” I stroked her back. “I have a song that I sing every time I feel an attack coming. It always works for me, because I know it so well. It combines both controlling my breathing and doing something easy and repetitive – it has a familiar pattern”

“Which song is it?” she asked as we broke the hug.

“It’s the Rescue Rangers theme song” I smiled at her and she raised her eyebrows. “It’s got really good lyrics, actually – it says things like ‘it never fails’ and ‘somehow whatever’s wrong gets solved’”

There was a little chiptune melody coming from Connie’s pocket and she tensed up visibly.

“That’s my mom” she said fearfully. “She’s calling to check in…” her breathing started to speed up again and my eyebrows knit in sympathy.

“It’s alright Connie…”

“What if she gets mad?” she asked as the melody played.

“Oh, sweetheart, she’s not going to get mad…” I said reassuringly. The phone stopped ringing.

“Oh gosh! She doesn’t like it when I don’t answer…” Connie got up and started to pace around, rubbing her hands. The melody sounded again and she stopped and took the phone out of her pocket. “Can… can you talk to her?” she asked me with eyes brimming with tears. My heart broke to see her like this and I probably shouldn’t get between them but… Oh my gods, her eyes were so scared and sad… I held out my hand for the phone and took a deep breath before flipping it open.

“Connie! Our deal is for you to answer the first time we call” Priyanka’s voice sounded annoyed and I could hear her walking, her click-click gait coming clearly over the phone.

“Hello Priyanka, this is Erica” there was a gasp from Priyanka and she must have stopped, because I couldn’t hear her footsteps anymore.

“Is Connie alright?!”

“Yes, Connie is alright” I said, trying to remain calm.

“I want to talk to her” Priyanka said firmly. Oh dear. I walked a little way away from Connie so I could concentrate better.

“Maybe in a little while, Priyanka… Oh, there’s no easy way to say this. I think Connie just had an anxiety attack…”

“Anxiety attack?” Priyanka’s voice was stunned.

“Yes. She’s fine though, we did some breathing exercises and stuff and she calmed down. She said it hasn’t gotten to that stage before, but it’s not the first time she’s felt this way” there was silence on the other end.

“Why did it happen?” Priyanka asked quietly, sounding very worried.

“Nothing horrible or anything – she found out my full name and… well I don’t know exactly what went on in her mind but she got overwhelmed and started to hyperventilate”

“Your… name?”

“Yes. I wrote a book she’s read” I said shortly.

“Oh” silence followed. “Can you… stay with her? I’m coming to pick her up right now”

“Sure thing, meet us by my house?”

“OK, see you soon… Oh, and Erica?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. Again” there was a click and I folded the phone shut.

“What did she say? Was she mad?” Connie asked nervously as I walked back to her.

“She’s coming to pick you up and I said we’ll meet her at my house” Connie stared at me.

“She’s coming to pick me up?”

“Yes” I started heading home, waving for her to follow.

“She’s coming to pick me up _right now_?”

“Yes? That’s what she said” I looked at Connie, my eyebrows wrinkling. She started walking slowly toward me, looking dazed.

“She’s in the middle of her shift… And she’s coming to pick me up…” oh. Now the penny dropped. Connie hadn’t expected Priyanka to leave work for her sake. Oh, Connie darling… If you could only understand how much she loves you…

“Come on sweetheart” I said softly and held out my hand to her. She grabbed it and we walked slowly back to mine and Jasper’s home.

I unlocked the door and we stepped inside, I glanced at the time. It was well past lunch time and I hadn’t had any.

“Are you hungry?” I asked her as I took off my shoes.

“I don’t know… maybe” she said a little distractedly.

“I think there is lasagna left over from last night we could share” I took it out of the fridge and turned the oven on to heat it. Connie sat down at the kitchen table. “Hey…” I said as I put a soda in front of her and sat down myself. “Don’t worry, Connie. Your mom wasn’t mad… she was worried”

“She was?”

“Yes, sweetheart… Just like she was in the hospital…”oh, how I wish I could reassure her everything was going to be alright and that she didn’t have to worry at all… Priyanka was a _good_ mom – strict, yes, but a good mom nonetheless. I could see how this situation might have come up though… A strong, strict mother who is very dedicated to her job, raising a bright, talented girl. An emphasis on rules and duty and putting others before your own needs. Connie might have made the conclusion that the rules were to limit her, not protect her, and also that her mom’s job was more important than she was… Maybe Priyanka had even complained at home over scared patients…

“It’s… hard… talking to her sometimes…” Connie said sadly. Cake meowed at me and I bent down to pick her up and put her on the table. The kitten greeted me with a purr and then walked over to Connie. “I get scared she’ll… just lecture me and not… not listen…” I reached out to pat her hand.

“She _will_ listen, kiddo… Sometimes parents… don’t understand that they do stuff like that – lecture, when they should be listening”

“What are your parents like?” she asked me and I gave a little involuntary twitch.

“They were… different from yours” I said evasively.

“Oh, a-are they gone?”

“Yes”

“I’m sorry… Did they lecture you too?” she asked me timidly and I let out a little huff of blue, black and purple. “Oh…” Connie stared at the vapor.

“No… My dad was working mostly, but he was nice enough. My mother was more of the… yelling type”

“I’m sorry…” she said again and looked down at Cake. Gods, how did we get so gloomy? I shook my head slightly to clear it.

“I think the lasagna is ready” I took the oven dish out and put some lasagna  on two plates, then placed them on the table. “Do you want ketchup?”

“N-no thanks…” Connie sounded even more down now and I felt wretched.  

“Hey, don’t worry about asking about my folks, it’s just a bit hard to talk about them. My grandmother is great though. She would lecture me sometimes. Well, she still does” I gave her a little smile. “She calls me ‘fantasifulla flicka’ or ‘fina flickebarn’ when she’s happy, and ‘virrpotta’ or ‘tramsbyxa’ when she’s annoyed with me”

“What does that mean?”

“Imaginative girl, nice girl-child and… hmm… dazed chamber pot? And silly-pants” Connie snorted with laughter and I grinned. “She’s great with nicknames, my granny”

We started to eat and got about half way before there was a knock at the front door. Connie froze up.

“It’s going to be OK” I said softly as I got to my feet. I patted her shoulder as I went to let Priyanka in. The tall woman strode inside as soon as she could, an anxious look on her face. I held up a hand quickly and she met my gaze. I took a demonstrative deep breath. She paused a moment, gave me a wan smile and took a breath before moving into the hall. I closed the door, wondering what I was going to do next. It would be supremely awkward for me to go back to the table and finish my lunch while they talked. I decided to go have a smoke.

I sat down on the sofa outside and lit a cigarette. I could hear Connie and Priyanka’s soft voices from the kitchen.

“Honey… are you alright?” Priyanka sounded so worried.

“I’m OK now, mom…” Connie’s tone was a little stiff and reluctant.

“This… wasn’t the first time you’ve felt that way… was it?”

There was a long pause before Connie spoke. “No…”

“How long?”

“I… don’t know… it started a few years ago… But it got worse… after the forest”

“Oh, honey… Why didn’t you tell me or your father?”

An even longer pause stretched now. “I didn’t want… didn’t want to disappoint you, mom…” Connie, sweetheart… you should get a medal.

“Why would we be disappointed in you for being anxious?”

“I don’t know… you’re always so on top of things mom… you never get scared…”

“Of _course_ I get scared, honey. Everyone gets scared. Could you tell me what happened… today?”

“Um… Pearl didn’t train us, both her and Steven were resting. Garnet did it instead, me and Erica fought each other with wooden weapons – she only defended because that’s what she’s been working on with Pearl. I hit her in the stomach and it looked like it hurt so much, she made the red clouds and they buzzed and flickered… She said she was fine and she tried to cheer me up about it and said some really nice things, she even took me to the arcade because Steven was sleeping and we played this game and it was really fun and then… mom did you know who she is?” Connie had almost been rambling, but her last sentence sounded as if she was close to tears.

“I didn’t know she was an author, no”

“She’s a really _famous_ author, mom! And I hit her in the stomach like that! I thought what if she’d sue our family? It would take ages and we’d lose the house and stuff because it was true, I _had_ hit her in the stomach and my thoughts just raced so fast, we’d have to move and what would I do with all my books and would we have to move far away and what about Steven and – “ Connie was really rambling now, but her mother interrupted her gently.

“Connie” Priyanka said calmingly. “Erica won’t sue us”

“I _know_ that... But it seemed so real, like it was really going to happen. And then I couldn’t breathe properly and she talked to me so kindly and asked me all these things about The Spirit Morph Saga and it helped me calm down… Then she told me she thought I had had an anxiety attack and stuff and what it meant and that she’s had them too – then you called and I got… scared… I thought you’d be… mad at me…”

“Oh, honey…” Priyanka’s voice was soft and caring. “I’m not mad… I’m _worried_ about you, _pyaari beti*_ … There’s such a lot of things happening in your life that I would just never have imagined were even possible, with Steven and his… family and your training and all that… I told you, after the gem experiments were at the hospital, that I need to step in when you’re in over your head. Maybe it’s time to take a break from –“

“No, mom! Please don’t say I can’t see Steven anymore or that I should stop my training, I… I won’t!”

“But honey, if it’s making you have _anxiety attacks_ – “

“No! I won’t anymore! I’m fine!” there was the scraping of a chair and hurried footsteps running up the stairs. Priyanka called out for her and the door to the bathroom slammed. There was an audible sigh from the kitchen and I could hear crying coming from upstairs – the window to the bathroom must be open from Jasper’s shower this morning. Fuck, I thought. This is not how I expected it to end. Shit. I didn’t want Priyanka to stop Connie seeing Steven. That wasn’t the solution to this problem… I forced my shoulders down – I really hated this kind of tension. Gods… Maybe I should just have stayed out of this situation… Had I made it worse? No… they needed to talk. Priyanka _needed_ to know – _I’d_ want to know if it was my kid... How would I have reacted? I’d be worried too, but maybe I’d look for a different solution. Taking away the thing that was scary wasn’t the… right way to do it. And Connie wasn’t scared of the gem stuff per se – what had happened in the forest would have scared _anyone_. But Priyanka probably thought of it a ‘if she hadn’t been doing all this it would never have happened’ kind of thing. Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck. I relit my cigarette which had gone out. After a minute the door to the garden creaked open and the crying upstairs stopped suddenly – maybe Connie had realized the window was ajar. Priyanka stepped outside, looking upset. Oh dear, I thought and my shoulders shot up again.

“I guess you heard…” she said slowly, sounding embarrassed. I nodded silently at her. She started to pace around on the patio, just like Connie had done in the sand. “I… I don’t know what to do here…” I felt a thrill of unease. ”All I want is for her to be safe, and I know how much it means to her to be with that boy but… how can I still permit it if it makes her feel that way?” she looked at me imploringly. Oh shit. She wanted my opinion.

“It… wasn’t Steven that made her feel that way, Priyanka. She didn’t get to see him today, he was asleep. And… are you even sure it started with meeting him at all?” I asked uncertainly. “I’ve never seen her be unhappy around him, not that I’ve known either of them very long…” Priyanka stared at me.

“I… don’t know… Connie said she’s felt that for a few… years…” her shoulders sagged. “That’s _before_ she met the boy…” she groaned and rubbed her temples. “Oh, it’s just like me to assume!” now she sounded angry, but at herself. “I just don’t want my Connie, _my_ daughter to have some… diagnosis!” she threw her arms up and I could feel my cheeks flush with anger.

“Well of course you don’t _want_ that. Nobody wants that for their kid – but you don’t even know if that’s what it is” I said rather harshly and folded my arms. This was hitting so close to home, I’d have to be really careful. She wasn’t my mother, she was Priyanka. She was a good mom. But right now she was a scared mom…

“How could it not be? If she’s felt this way for years…  I did my psych rotation; I know what an anxiety disorder looks like…” her voice sounded less angry and more disheartened now.

“So what if she has anxiety? It doesn’t change who she is. It just makes things… a little more complicated”

She was silent for a long time, then looked at me with tears in her eyes. “Did… did I cause it? Have I been too hard on her? All the rules, the studying… I just wanted to put her on the right path and keep her _safe_ …” she put her head in her hands and began to cry silently, her shoulders shaking. I was pretty sure she _had_ influenced Connie in this, but… I couldn’t say that, could I? And how much of my own experiences was I putting into that thought? I dug around in my pocket for my handkerchief but remembered Steven still had it. I went into the kitchen quickly and got the roll of paper towels instead. I tore off a generous length and held it out to her with a sympathetic smile, then sat down on a chair in front of her.

“Connie _is_ safe. She can take care of herself in many respects. She can certainly hold her own in a fight. Have you ever seen her with a sword? It’s really impressive. And she’s got all these great friends in Steven and the gems and they all care for her and look out for her. She’s smart and learns really fast – she nearly out-scored me at the game we played earlier and she’s never even tried it before. She plans ahead and is very respectful – you’ve done a _great_ job raising her, Priyanka…” I took a deep breath. “Having an anxiety disorder, _if_ that’s what the root of this is – it’s not the end of the world. It’s a thing that sucks, sure, but it can be dealt with and handled. And it might just be a temporary thing. I know you know this. And I also know that you know that she needs your support in this… Your _complete_ support… Because _being_ safe is not the same as _feeling_ safe…” I felt my own heart aching now.

“I know…” she said hoarsely. “I just didn’t want – “

“Let that go” I said firmly and took her free hand. “Accept the situation for what it is. Take it all in even though it sucks. Be sad about it, right now. Then collect yourself and _talk to her_ but most of all _listen_ to what she has to say. _Be_ her safe space” had I meant to say that last thing? It left my tongue tingling. “Make her believe and trust that she can come to you when she needs you, because she _will_ and she _does_ ” I could feel myself tearing up too and I didn’t know which mom I was talking to now… Connie’s or my own. That’s what a mother is supposed to be… Your safe harbor. Where you could take shelter from the storm and then, when you were ready, you could leave, knowing that it’d always be there, solid, warm and _safe_.

Priyanka stared at me silently, her face setting into a determined look. I narrowed my eyes.

“No, don’t do that” I said quickly and she got a confused look in her eye instead. “Don’t just compartmentalize and push it away. _Feel it_. This isn’t a patient or a problem that needs to be solved. Be sad. Be angry at the fact that your daughter isn’t feeling as well as you’d want her to, but don’t blame her or yourself for it. If your heart is breaking, _let it break_ … I’m not going anywhere”

Her eyes darted between mine for a few seconds, then she looked down on the ground and began to sob – the quietest, most dignified sobs I had ever heard. But she squeezed my hand so hard, like she was holding on for dear life. I squeezed back. As the minutes wore on her grip slackened and soon she was crying in relief more than anything. She had stopped holding back. It was still the most… controlled break down I had seen. Eventually she calmed and sat up and blew her nose before clearing her throat.

“I should go up there…” she said hoarsely. I nodded and gave her an encouraging smile. She stood up and brushed herself off and took a deep breath before walking inside. I let out a sigh of relief and stood up to stretch and light another smoke. I could hear her walk upstairs and knock at the bathroom door. Their voices were a soft and indistinct buzz. I really hoped they would work it out now… I felt kind of exhausted, having dealt with, oh my gods, _three_ people breaking down today. That must be a new personal best, I thought to myself and smiled. After I finished my smoke I went to the bathroom and read a few emails – one was from Parker about the Jeep. She had found a dealer that had a car that fit my specifications. Perfect. That would make it so much easier. She had set up an appointment for tomorrow and also checked the bus schedule and planned out a route for me to take from the bus stop in Empire City to the car dealership. Gods, Parker, you do think of everything, don’t you? I wrote a short email back, thanking her for her usual above and beyond work. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down to finish my lunch. There was enough lasagna for Priyanka too, if she wanted some. I put Connie’s plate in the oven to heat it up again, since it had gone cold. I also took out the dish the casserole had come in, and the kitchen towel and put it on the table so I wouldn’t forget. I was just thinking about having a bit more lasagna when I heard them slowly coming down the stairs. I looked up – they were holding hands – oh thank the gods. I let out a sigh of relief and smiled warmly at them. Both of them were sporting rather red rimmed eyes, but looked quite relaxed.  

\---

“I put your plate in the oven, Connie” I said, trying my best to sound casual. “There’s enough for you too, Priyanka”

Connie looked up at her mom. “It’s really tasty, mom”

“I would love some, if it’s no trouble?” Priyanka wore a slightly tired smile.

“Of course not” I got up and pulled out another plate and cutlery. “What would you like to drink?”

“Water is fine”

We sat down to eat and Priyanka asked about our training sessions and Connie told her shyly that it was going well. I insisted that she was doing better than just ‘well’ and Priyanka asked if she could watch sometime. This made Connie smile broadly and hug her tightly. I felt myself tearing up. Seemed like they had worked things out.

After we had finished the lunch, Connie and Priyanka said goodbye at the door. Both of them hugged me long and hard and thanked me for the day. Now I actually started crying. They smiled at me and then got into Priyanka’s car. I waved them off and then went back to the kitchen to do the dishes. I thought about the day. It was barely three o’clock in the afternoon, but I felt as if I was ready to go to sleep. I decided to have a shower first and went upstairs. I cleaned myself quickly, noting that the bruising on my body wasn’t as bad as it could have been. When I was done I went to lie down on the bed. I set the alarm for two hours later and snuggled into the pillows. Cake joined me and curled up against my chest, purring loudly.

“Hello, sweetie” I kissed her cute little head. “Your mommy’s been busy today… Yes she has…” I yawned before pulling the blanket over myself.

***

I drifted awake to the sound of humming coming from the kitchen. I smiled and stretched luxuriously. I had just had a very pleasant dream and there was a wonderful smell in the air. I got out of bed and tip toed into the kitchen where Jasper was standing by the stove and embraced her from behind.

“Mmm” I sighed as my face was enveloped in her silky hair. She chuckled softly.

“Hello, little monster”

“Hello beastie…” my voice was muffled. “Did you have a nice day with Amethyst?”

“Yeah, I’d say so. She was really tired so we cut it a bit short. Then I went by the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner”

I smiled to myself as my hands slid further down on her stomach. “Thank you, darling…”

“Hey… what are you up to?” she asked huskily, turning her head and grinning down at me.

“Just… shamelessly fondling you, you know…” I smirked.

“Oh-ho?” she sniggered.

“I don’t know… maybe I’ll step it up to a light groping, if you’re lucky” I stopped just above her belt buckle. Jasper made a move as if to turn around, but I put a hand on her hip. “No…” I said slowly and slid my hand down over her crotch. She twitched and gasped at my boldness and then chuckled sultrily.

“I think you’ll find me a willing participant, honey…”

“Good… good” I kissed her back and traced the outline of her stem with my index finger, smiling as it awakened. Jasper let out a little grunt as I found the tip and gave it a gentle squeeze. My hand made its way back to the base of her stem and caressed it for a moment before I unbuckled her pants and pulled down the zipper slowly. Kara squirmed free eagerly and I giggled as she grasped my pinky in greeting. My hand slid along her full length in a gentle stroking motion, Kara wrapping around my fingers and tickling my palm. She was already slick with that lovely sweet secretion of hers and the smell it made my nostrils flare.

“Stars, Erica…” she grunted and put both her hands on either side of the stove.

“I love how she feels in my hand, beastie” I said huskily, pressing my chest into Jasper’s back – she arched slightly in response and Kara gave a little shudder. That’s right… she liked it when I talked about her stem… “I love the way she squirms when I touch her…” Jasper let out a little moan. “The way she twitches and pulsates when I play with her…” Kara gripped me tighter and I grinned. “Sit on the counter, darling…” I turned the stove off as the turned around and we both moved a little to the left. I stepped in between Jasper’s powerful thighs and continued to stroke her, looking up into her face with a wicked smile. Her cheeks were flushed and her mouth slightly open, her pupils dilated. “I love the way she smells…” I put my other hand on her as well, moving steadily up and down.

“Mmf” Jasper moaned as I gripped her a tad tighter.

“And I love… the way she tastes…” I leaned down and kissed the tip and it squirmed happily against my lips. Jasper let out a lustful hiss and leant back on her hands and arched her back.

“Stars, you’re so fucking sexy” she panted and bit her lip. I chuckled and took the tip in my mouth, making her gasp. I wrapped my tongue around Kara and she responded in kind and I moaned with pleasure. I loved this so much… The interaction, the intimacy… Kara caressed the roof of my mouth and I shuddered pleasantly. I sucked at her slowly, gently, rubbing the base of her stem with one hand and the other massaging her upper thigh. My own arousal mounted and I wanted her inside me, wanted that feeling of fullness and warmth and the deep, deep pleasure I knew she would undoubtedly give me. My motions quickened and Jasper’s breath came faster in response. A husky growl and a flash of light preceded a gush of warm sweet liquid spilling into my mouth. I swallowed it greedily and sucked the tip softly as it squirmed and settled. “Fuck, Erica…” Jasper chuckled and stroked my cheek lovingly.

“Mmm” I hummed as I licked her clean. “I want more”

Jasper grinned crookedly at me. “Of course you do, little monster” 

“Mhmm” I took her in my mouth again, making her gasp and shudder with pleasure.

“L-let’s go to the bed” she panted. I sucked her sweetly and slowly let her tip go with a wicked smile.

“Bring some towels” I said and wiped my mouth on my hand. Jasper grabbed some from the hallway closet and I strutted into the living room, feeling terribly smug. Jasper entered and threw some towels onto the bed then cupped my bum before sliding her hands up and slipping off my shirt and sports bra. Then she lifted me up and hugged my stomach to her chest, making me squeal with delight, a few butterflies streaking through the air. She grinned at me before kissing me between my breasts. She left a trail of burning patches on my skin as she smooched her way over my boob and gently took my nipple in her mouth with a happy little moan. I hissed in pleasure as her hot wet tongue caressed me tenderly. She suckled me softly and I ran my hands through her hair. She switched to my other breast, grunting slightly and making me gasp as her teeth nibbled at me cheekily. She grinned up at me and licked me sweetly, as if making up for the rough treatment. Then she nipped me again and I groaned, grasping her head firmly.

“I want you inside me” I panted as she released my slightly smarting nipple and a delighted glint came into her eye and she lowered me a bit so she could kiss me passionately.

We spread the towels out on the bed and I slipped off my shorts and underwear and lay down. Jasper took off her clothes too, nearly ripping her shirt in eagerness. This was oddly arousing and I grinned up at her, spreading my legs invitingly.

“Can I lick you?” she asked me as she caressed my knees lovingly.

“It would be marvelous, but… I’m still bleeding a lot, darling…” I said with an apologetic smile.

“That wasn’t a ‘no’…” she grinned and crooked an eyebrow at me.

“Are you sure you want to… now?”

“Yes” she said simply and began kissing down my thigh toward my crotch.

“No one’s ever done that before…” I said affectionately and stroked her hair.

“Then let me be the first…” she kissed my mound sweetly and then bent slightly lower down.

“Oh my fucking gods” I gasped as her tongue made contact with the hood of my clitoris – I clutched the duvet in surprise. I was a lot more sensitive than usual. “Ohh…” I groaned as she lapped at me in slow soft strokes.

“Mmf” she hummed and spread my legs wider and massaged my thighs tenderly. She drew my clit into her mouth and suckled it with every sign of enjoyment.

“Oh, _gudars_ fucking _sky-y-ymning_ – ah!” little pink and orange gold puffs left me and my breathing came faster. She licked me lovingly, not leaving one fold untouched. It was so intimate, so powerful that she wanted to do that – that she _was_ going down on me at this time – it was both emotionally and physically rewarding and I felt so _safe_ with her… Faster than I had imagined the wave crested and I moaned loudly and arched my back as I came in a glorious rush – pink and golden orange butterflies, sparkles and ribbons dancing around me. She kept licking me, softer and softer until I could finally speak; “Beastie, I can’t stand it… I need you inside me…” she kissed my clit one last time before wiping her mouth on her hand and sitting up. There were some red streaks on her chin.

“As my queen commands” she said huskily and stroked her stem a few times before guiding it down to my wetness. She entered me gently, Kara squirming happily – making both of us gasp. My walls closed around her in welcome. “Ohh fuuuck…” Jasper panted with a grin. “You are _so_ wet, honey…”

She began to move in and out very slowly, and I could feel every inch of her – warm, pulsating, squirming.

“Jasper, oh my gods…” I whimpered with pleasure as she penetrated deeper inside me. Soon she picked up the speed a little, her hands planted on either side of me. It was amazing to see her body move like that – her muscles rippled under her skin, her breasts bouncing above me. I reached up and grabbed them, making her growl with delight. She reached my deep spot and my walls clenched down powerfully and I lifted my bum off the bed to grind against her hips, wringing every ounce of pleasure out of the sensation. She moaned and trembled in response and looked at me with her predatory eyes.

“You are so fucking sexy” she growled passionately and began to move a little faster. Her rhythm was strong but gentle, and I wanted more.

“Could you lie down on your back for me, darling?” I asked huskily.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, stopping for a moment.

“No” I panted and pulled at her nipple with a wicked grin. “I just feel like being on top… I think you’ll like it…”

She looked a little confused, then grinned and grabbed me, rolling us both over so I was lying on her stomach. I giggled, my legs spread over her hips.

“What are you going to do?” she asked me curiously, stroking my chest sultrily.

“Just lie back, darling…” I raised myself over her and guided Kara back to my opening and then lowered myself slowly, groaning as she went deeper inside me than she had ever been. It made Jasper gasp and I tilted my head back in near ecstasy. “Holy fuck balls” I whimpered as I began to ride her. She looked up at me in astonishment, and I held out my hands and she grasped them to help steady me. Then her eyes fluttered closed and she grunted with pleasure.

“Mrrrawwghhhd” she mumbled and squirmed. I had never ridden anyone before, but _fuck_ it was amazing! I picked up speed and before long, sweat was pouring down my back, but it was just sooo good. She was sliding in and out of me and I could feel _all_ her little motions and twitches inside me. My walls pulsated around her and the pleasure was so deep it was almost terrifying. I hit the plateau of almost orgasmic pleasure and moaned continuously, squeezing her hands tightly and arching my back. Then blinding light flooded the room as the wave broke over me – I screamed out in ecstasy, vast clouds of pink and golden orange issuing from my mouth. My walls spasmed and Jasper’s voice joined mine in climax. A warm fullness added its crescendo and I came again, white lightning now dancing around me as I trembled on top of Jasper. More warmth filled me and I collapsed forward onto her chest, completely spent and gasping for breath. Kara squirmed feebly inside me and I twitched and giggled. Jasper started to laugh too and my entire body shook with her mirth.

“Oh my stars, Erica…” she panted and raised herself on her elbows and looked down at me. “I have no words to describe this… wow…”

“Hah! ‘Wow’ is pretty good. I’ll take that” I panted and kissed her sweaty chest. “My second work out today” I raised one tired arm in celebration. “I think this position is called ‘Cow girl’” I said happily and rested on my elbows.

“’Cow girl’?” Jasper sniggered.

“Yeah… There’s a profession I guess you could call it – being a cowboy. You ride a horse and wrangle cattle and there’s this thing called a rodeo where they ride wild horses… I think that’s where the term comes from – _you’re_ my bucking bronco…” I patted her chest lovingly and she laughed again, making me rock back and forth.

“Are there more… positions?” she asked curiously.

“Lots and lots, darling…” I answered happily.  “I’d love to try a few different ones…”

“I’m so in” she said with a glint in her eye. “I really enjoyed this one… The way you looked, writhing like that… _stars_ …”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm” she hummed and I giggled.

“We need a shower…” I looked down at myself and tried not to wince at the sight. “Oh my gods…” we were both quite messy to say the least.

“Babe, don’t worry about it” Jasper said soothingly. “It’ll wash off”

We wobbled upstairs after resting a few more minutes, me jamming a towel between my legs to stop any accidental dripping. We cleaned ourselves up and then sat down in the shower and cuddled in the warm spray. Jasper leaned against the wall and let out a long and happy sigh.

“How was the training session? I saw the bruises… I thought we said no injuries?” she said jovially and stroked my cheek.

“Connie kicked my ass” I sniggered. “Steven and Pearl were too tired, so Garnet led instead. She had me and Connie face off with wooden weapons. I didn’t do too badly actually. I held my own, mostly” I felt quite proud to be honest. “Connie got a really good hit in the last moment and oh my fucking gods it hurt”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, fine. It passed after a while. Now I just got this magnificent bruise” I patted my stomach gingerly. “But that wasn’t what was exhausting about today… Before we started training I talked to Steven and tried to comfort him about what happened at the barn… He hasn’t been able to sleep and the others have been so worried. But he dozed off after we talked and Pearl too, poor thing looked run ragged”

“Yeah, Amethyst mentioned not getting any sleep…”

“Then after training me and Connie went to the arcade and we played a game – after you’re done you get to fill in your initials so others can see how you scored and she found out my middle name. I thought she knew already… And she freaked out, had an anxiety attack and then her mom called and she came over and they talked and got in a bit of a fight”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah… Priyanka thought the anxiety was somehow rooted in spending time with Steven and fighting monsters, but it wasn’t. Connie’s been feeling it for a few years, the sweetheart. I knew she’s struggled with like… self-worth issues and maybe confidence too… I hope it’s OK that I’m telling you this”

“Is it a secret?” Jasper asked curiously. I smiled up at her warmly.

“I think so. But I couldn’t _not_ tell _you_ , beastie…” Jasper blushed a little at this and smiled back at me. “And I know you care about Connie too. Priyanka suggested Connie take a break from being around Steven and Connie got upset and hid in this bathroom. I could hear her crying – the window was open and I was sitting outside, giving them some privacy – then Priyanka came out and had a bit of a freak out herself. She didn’t want her daughter to have anxiety, a diagnosis… I don’t know why it mattered so much to her – if it was because it would somehow tarnish the Maheswaran name, or if it was just concern about how Connie’s future, or how people would perceive her when they found out or any number of other reasons. It sounded like it was more about her than about Connie and that made me really mad”

“What, why?”

“Because that’s how my mom would react. Her first thought would always be of herself. ‘How is my daughter not feeling good going to affect _me_?’” I let out a sigh and slid down a little.

“That’s stupid” Jasper huffed. “Shouldn’t the first concern be making Connie feel better?”

I looked up at her fondly. “That’s the second step, the first one is to make Connie, or whoever, feel they’re being _heard_ … If you can’t listen, you can’t make them feel better…”

Jasper was quiet for a moment then grinned. “Oh, I see…” she said and relaxed further against the wall. “It’s like… emotional tactics. That’s how you always approach me, little monster. You get me to talk about it and you listen… and then it gets better…” she looked down at me with a warm and slightly smug expression. “I’m learning a whole new way of thinking from you, honey” I smiled up at her as she wrapped me in her arms. “So, what happened then?” she prompted.

“Um… I said nobody wants their kid to feel bad and so what if she does have anxiety – it doesn’t change who she is, it just makes it a little more complicated. Then she went quiet and got more upset, thinking _she_ caused it to happen, with all their rules and things. I think she did have a hand in it, but there are so many more things that play into it. She wanted Connie to be safe and I told her she was and that she could take care of herself in a fight. But being safe is not the same as feeling safe. I spoke to her rather harshly then, because she hadn’t accepted the situation for what it was. I told her to take it in, be sad about it and then get in there and talk and listen to her kid. Then she looked as if she was going to just compartmentalize and go in immediately, but I told her to let her heart break about it, if it was breaking – and it was” Jasper hugged me tighter at my last words. It was more or less what I had said to her on the island, I realized. “Then she cried for a bit and then they talked. I didn’t hear what they said, but we had lunch together after and they seemed OK. I really hope they are. If Connie could know and trust that her mom will be there and if Priyanka is, there’s nothing that’ll be able to stop them. Jesus – they would be _such_ a force of nature together”

Jasper chuckled and kissed the top of my head. “Yeah, they would”

“Having such a powerful woman as your mom and knowing she has your back… man…” my heart twinged painfully with that strange kind of loss. “That’s got to feel _so_ _good_ …”

“Well I don’t know about moms… but I know what it feels like to have a powerful woman in my corner” Jasper chuckled as I let out a little huff of surprise, feeling flattered.

“Aww, beastie… that’s so corny. I love it” I turned around and got up on my knees to kiss her.

We eventually got out of the shower and I headed out for a smoke. When I got back inside Jasper surprised me with a cup of coffee.

“Oh, thank you darling” I said happily and kissed her on the arm.

“My queen needs her fuel to stay… powered up” she glanced at me briefly before grinning widely.

“Oh-ho-ho my gods, that was _painful_ ” I groaned and two little butterflies fluttered through the air, betraying me. Jasper saw them and raised her eyebrows smugly. “ _Fine_ ” I sighed. “It was awesome, happy?”

“Very” she sniggered.

 

* * *

 

*Pyaari beti = sweet girl

 

Please review! :)


	46. Charlie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fluffy...

## Chapter 46: Charlie

  
I woke up at dawn, the sunlight shining through the curtain and falling right across my face. I turned over, wanting to get a few more hours of sleep before… picking Charlie up. That’s right… That was today. I smiled excitedly and stretched out under the duvet and yawned. There was no way I was going to be able to get back to sleep now. I looked over at Jasper. She was lying on her stomach, her head on her arm and snoring gently. Her hair was all over the place. The early morning light played across her skin, making her gem sparkle. I placed a kiss on her arm before I got up and made myself a cup of coffee and had a smoke, managing to light it on the third try with a hissed ‘douchebag’. It was the last day of August and the air outside carried the scent of the fast approaching autumn. I looked up at the pink morning sky. It had snowed the first day I met Charlie, I remembered. It had been the Christmas the year after my parents had died. My grandmother had insisted I come spend it with her and my aunts and cousins. I didn’t know Victoria and her husband Jonathan were also going to be there, since they often spent the holidays with Jonathan’s family. It was so like my grandmother – I knew it hurt her to know that Victoria and I didn’t get along. She valued family very highly and always wanted us to be together during the holidays at the very least.

My mother’s influence could clearly be seen in Victoria. She had taken on many of her mannerisms, but not all of them thankfully. She had graduated from hair pulling and shoving to more covert ways of humiliating me as we grew up – spreading rumors about me at school, for example. Humiliation was her goal, more than anything. Gods, it tore at me to think of how cruel she had been, not only toward me but to other kids at school as well. She had been part of a gang of girls who ruled the halls, but not in a very powerful position. She was on the outskirts, trying desperately to get further in. I was not popular at all and I think that held her back. Up until a point anyway… One day she had cornered me in the bathroom with two other girls and locked me in a stall and then dumped out a garbage can over the edge. I shuddered at the memory of unknown liquids running down my collar and soaking into my undershirt. I had been locked in there until the janitor found me… Looking back, she must have been asked to prove she wasn’t like me or something. It wouldn’t have taken much for the leader of the group, Madeleine, to convince Victoria to do it. And it wasn’t the last time something like that happened. I tried to avoid her and her friends as much as possible, which made the holidays all the more terrifying since she would often have one or two come and stay at our house. Sometimes she would go to stay at theirs and those had been the quietest times at home. My mother spent so much time at all her various charities and functions during the holidays that I had been mostly left alone. I remember how different it felt when the house was empty. I could do what I wanted, everything from raiding the fridge to sneaking cigarettes from my mother’s stash in her bedroom.

On that Christmas, I had arrived at my grandmother’s house around midday. When I entered I was greeted by several cousins and second cousins just heading out to play in the snow, a frazzled looking Heidi, my youngest aunt on my dad’s side, going with them to supervise. Grandma’s house was large and always seemed full of bustle. She liked it that way. I had just taken off my shoes when a very familiar huff had set the warning bells ringing in my head. Victoria was standing with Jonathan and our oldest aunt Ylva at the end of the long hallway. I had almost bolted, but my grandmother had come shuffling up to me with a big smile on her wrinkled face. “Merry Christmas my girl!” she had said in her hoarse old lady voice. “Merry Christmas, grandma” – I had said back and I bent down so she could kiss my cheek. Then the customary tour of the house had followed, where she showed me all that had changed since that last time I was there – especially all the pictures she had been given from her children, grandkids and great grandkids. It was an ever-expanding area on a wall in the big living room, every drawing signed and tacked up neatly. It was a ‘timeline of love’ as she called it and I always liked looking at it whenever I was there. Many new ones had been added in the year I had been absent. Then she had taken me to one of the guest rooms off the living room, telling me there was someone she wanted me to meet. She had begun to sing softly as she entered the room and approached a crib in the corner. I figured it was one of my older cousin’s new babies she was leading me to – seemed there was a new one almost every year. My grandmother had picked the baby up and it had cooed happily and waved its arms. She had handed it to me after a moment and I looked down at the little face, wrapped in a soft yellow blanket. A bubble of spit popped and the baby giggled. I couldn’t help but smile and took out my handkerchief to wipe the drool from their tiny chin.

“Her name is Charlotte” she had said and smiled.

“Hello Charlotte” the baby grabbed my pinkie as I wiped her face and stared me in the eye – she had a slightly paler version of my grandmother’s – and my – eyes. She held my finger steadily and just gazed up at me for a long moment then she let out a giggle and wriggled in my arms, as if I had passed some sort of test. It made me feel strangely warm inside.

“I think she thinks you’re her mom” my grandma had said then and had patted me on the arm.

“Is this Antonia’s daughter?”

“No, silly pants, she’s Victoria’s, can’t you tell?” I had looked up at her then, stunned. I hadn’t even known what sex Victoria’s baby had been. I knew she had given birth a few months after the funeral, but I hadn’t received an invitation to the christening or anything, not that I had cared. I felt strangely conflicted. Here was this happy little baby girl… And my sister, my tormentor, was her mother… I hadn’t really given the fact that Victoria was pregnant much thought, but… How could it be that a person like _her_ and her tool of a husband had been able to create this little bundle of joy? Shouldn’t the spawn of the two of them be… well… foul? But this kid was innocence personified, just like any other baby. Something inside me stirred. Something ancient and primal. At the time, having children of my own was completely unthinkable, but… This was my _kin_ … I wanted to… _protect_ this child. A tiny fist bumped against my chest and brought me back to earth. I looked down at her pink face and she snuggled up to me and yawned before closing her eyes. She… felt safe enough with me to fall asleep in my arms? My chest filled with warmth.

I had held many babies over the years, second cousins mostly, but I had never felt such a connection with one before. I had decided I wanted to be in her life in some way, shape or form. At first I could only see Charlie during the holidays, but after a few years, Victoria and Jonathan moved to Londinium for his work. I became their emergency babysitter one day and I’d never thought I could have had so much fun with a four year old. Interacting with Victoria became more tolerable, it was worth it to spend time with Charlie. Victoria would chide me and lecture and criticize, but she couldn’t deny that Charlie had fun with me. We would go to museums, or read books or play in the park. One time when she was six, I took her to the zoo and she had squealed shrilly when she saw the ‘stripy ponies’. I smiled at the memory. She had given me a drawing of a zebra the next time we met and I had framed it and hung it over my desk.

I still didn’t exactly know why Victoria had been so mean to me when we were growing up, but something was changing between us with the help of grandma and Charlie. That is, until Charlie’s tenth birthday… I was hit by a sudden lash of regret at how it had ended. Maybe I should have just given in to Victoria and changed my mind… No. Charlie had _loved_ the present. And it wasn’t as if she didn’t already _have_ secateurs… Maybe they weren’t technically hers, but they had them in their gardening shed. Gods, Victoria… I’d had a vague hope that I’d get to see Charlie at Christmas, but they had spent the last two with Jonathan’s parents in Scotland.

I sighed and lit another cigarette by saying ‘fucking asshole’. Seemed I was getting the hang of this little trick. When I was finished I went back inside and packed a bottle of water and an apple for the road in a tote bag. If I was lucky I would find a place to buy a new smallish backpack on the way from the bus stop to the car dealership or something. I liked having my arms free when walking. I went to the bathroom, hoping my period would finally be over. Aaaand it wasn’t. What was this… the eighth day? Jesus. My alarm wouldn’t ring for another hour or so, so I climbed back into bed and snuggled up against Jasper’s warm back, stroking my belly. Cake joined me and rubbed her face all over mine whilst purring loudly, then she began licking my hair. It was getting really long now.

“Just a trim, sweetie” I whispered with a little smile. After a few minutes Cake got bored and started to wash herself instead. I looked at her fondly. “My niece is coming to stay for a few days. I want you to be extra nice to her, OK?”

I lay and stared at the ceiling for a while and must have drifted off to sleep, because my alarm woke me up with a start. Jasper grunted and fumbled around for my phone. I picked it up and turned the alarm off and she sighed in relief. Then she opened one eye and looked blearily at me.

“Hey…” she rasped.

“Hi, b’stie” I yawned and stretched. A huge warm arm wrapped around my waist and Jasper pulled me closer.  

“Ohh… I had such a weird dream…”

“Yeh?”

“Mmm… I was sparring with this other jasper back in basic training, and everyone was watching. Then someone threw weapons into the ring and I picked up a hammer, and she got a flail… She disarmed me and I head butted her and she fell down. She kept… shrinking, like she was falling and then I realized we were both falling and I tried to grab a wall but it was made of mist or something… Then it went dark and then I was in a new place. Someone handed me the hammer again and told me to smash a ship console. All I could think was ‘Why? I might need to use it later’ and I put the hammer down. Then I opened a door and it led out into our garden and you and Cake were there but Cake was the size of Lion and you were wearing this crazy hat. You gave me one too and I asked why – you said we were celebrating some strange human holiday and held out a fish for me to put in my pocket. I had to empty them first and I pulled out handfuls of sand…”

I grinned at her with raised eyebrows. “Yeah, darling that does sound a bit weird. I had a dream where Cake was Lion sized too, a while back”

“Really?”

“Mhmm… I got to ride her and she made a portal like Lion, too, and took us back to the island. Then there was a light or something… I can’t remember”

Jasper looked around for Cake. “Cake? Come to mama” she patted her chest. The kitten appeared from behind a pillow and trotted over with a meow and jumped up onto Jasper’s chest, flopping down to cuddle her chin. Jasper chuckled appreciatively and scratched her behind the ear. I let out a happy sigh.

“You two are so cute” I smiled and pet Cake too. After a few minutes of cuddling I asked; “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Mmm… waffles would be great, honey” I got up and stretched before preparing breakfast, waffles for Jasper, fancy-feast for Cake and some iron-enriched sandwiches for myself. Jasper came into the kitchen just before it was ready and scratched herself lavishly.

“When will you be back later?” she asked me as she sat down at the table and poured herself some orange juice.

“In the afternoon I think, maybe around three or four?”

“Do you want me to be home then, to greet you?”

“Oh, that would be lovely, darling” I smiled at her, then a sudden thought struck me. “Hey… what do gems call the person they’re involved with?”

“Hmm? Oh. There are a few terms I guess…” Jasper blushed slightly. “But relationships back on home world are… different than ours. I don’t think any term I know can be applied to what we have” I felt my ears heat up pleasantly.

“Alright… how about… significant other?”

“What does that mean?”

“It means… someone you’re in a… serious relationship with” I held my breath. Jasper smiled and reached out for my hand.

“That sounds right, babe”

“Good, OK” I breathed out.

“I’ve been thinking of you as… ‘my woman’, I suppose. Or ‘my Erica’” Jasper said and kissed my hand. I giggled and put my head to the side.

“’Your woman’?”

“Yeah… In the sense of…” she blushed a deeper shade of pink now. “Not as in ‘my Diamond’ and not as in ‘my pearl’” she said quickly. “But sort of… well, my equal” she looked at me bashfully and warmth flooded my chest. “How have you been thinking about me?”

“Hmm… I think I’ve been using… ‘my Jasper’ and ‘my big, beautiful Jasper’ in my head mostly”

“Well, I _am_ both big and beautiful” she said smugly.

“Yes. You certainly are, darling” I smiled at her – her confidence was such a turn on.

We finished our breakfast and said goodbye at the door with a long kiss and a hug.

“See you later, beastie” I said excitedly.

“See you, little monster. Oh, and drive safe – that’s what you say right?”

“Yes it is, and thank you, I will. I’ll have precious cargo”

I lit a cigarette with my lighter, now that I was in public, and strolled down to the bus stop. It was by the square – the same one where I had arrived at… how long ago was it now? Almost three months... Holy shit. So much had happened since that day. So many wonderful things and… a few less than wonderful ones too. I had made so many new friends here. I looked around at the square fondly. Then bench where I had first met Connie was just over the street in the middle of the little park. It seemed so long ago somehow… The scars from the shark bite tingled at the memory of how the little shit heads had almost knocked me over. That’s the first time I met Greg too.

The bus arrived on time and I paid for my ticket and took a seat. I would get off at the last station so I didn’t need to worry about falling asleep – not that I thought that I would, but it was good to know. I spent the hours looking out the window and thinking about the time I had spent in Beach City. It felt like home now… I really hoped Charlie would like the place. I tried to think of things we could do together – I’d show her the town obviously, and introduce her to my friends. And have pastries at the Big Donut and take out from Fish Stew Pizza and the fry shop. And cuddle with Cake and watch movies and just… hang out. Talk. And maybe go to that botanical garden Connie told me about.

“Now approaching our final stop, Empire City Bus Terminal” the driver’s announcement roused me from my musings and I sat up eagerly. As I disembarked I was hit with the scents and sounds of a bustling mid-morning city. There were so many people rushing about and shouting, children screaming and cars honking – had cities always been this _loud_? This _smelly_? I hurried away from the crowded terminal and lit a cigarette when I found the street I was supposed to follow for a few blocks. I wandered rather slowly and looked at all the people and shops. After a few minutes I found a store that sold luggage and such and picked up a snazzy new backpack. It was black and had mollee on the outside. It made me feel a little like a secret agent and I shoved my tote bag in there before continuing toward the car dealership. When I arrived a middle aged man who must have bathed in cologne greeted me with a well-crafted smile. It creeped me out slightly so I decided to get out of there as quickly as possible. He showed me the car and I couldn’t help but grin. It was handsome – that was the only word to describe it. We took it for a quick test drive and it handled like a dream. The papers were ready for me to sign when we got back and I hesitated a moment. Although I had enough money to buy myself a fleet of cars, and probably a boat or two too, paying this amount of money for _one thing_ was a more than a little cringy. The salesman’s smile froze, then he sighed audibly once I put pen to paper. He handed me the keys and the registration, then waved me off. I drove a few blocks then parked the car so I could twiddle with the functions on the dash in peace. I set up the GPS and the radio to my liking and then played with the retractable roof for a while, then got out to slide the back seat as far back as it went. I sat down in it and stretched out my legs – Jasper would fit comfortably I decided. I programmed the address for the hotel into the GPS and restarted the engine. It spun into life and I smiled. She was purring like a kitten.

“Let’s go get Charlie… Hmm, you should have a name… Hah! Lorelai, of course” even though this car wasn’t green, jeeps would always be associated with Lorelai Gilmore to me.  “If you’re out on the road, feeling lonely and so cold, all you have to do is call my name, and I’ll be there on the next train… Where you lead, I will follow, anywhere that you tell me to. If you need! Need me to be with you, I will follow, where you lead” I sang as I started driving toward the hotel, little sparkling lights appearing around me. Oh yeah. I hadn’t thought about that. Crap! I shut my mouth quickly, looking around apprehensively to see if anyone in the busy street had noticed. No one seemed to care. Phew. I would have to tell Charlie about my lights, and all the other things as well. I sighed when I realized I would have to tell Victoria too. At least some things. She would be angry with me for not saying anything before I agreed to watch Charlie, but she hadn’t really given me the opportunity to speak. She didn’t even know I was living with someone, did she? I doubted Parker would have said so. How would she react to finding out that my new significant other was a genderless alien? Oh fuck… Well, that was going to suck. But before Victoria going nuclear I would at least get to spend some time with Charlie.

I pulled up to the hotel and parked Lorelai, taking a moment to gather myself and have a smoke. I was about ten minutes early anyway. When I was done, I headed inside the ornate doors into the lobby. My heart was pounding rather fast now. I approached the front desk.

“Hello. I’m Erica Brooks, here to pick up my niece, Charlotte McMillan-Brooks. I was told she’d be waiting in the lobby for me”

“Ah, yes. If I could just see some ID?” I handed over my driver’s license and it was inspected thoroughly before the male concierge gave it back to me. He looked me up and down and gave a little sniff. He obviously didn’t approve of my shorts and t-shirt that read ‘Don’t Panic’ in big, friendly letters. He stepped out from behind the counter. “Follow me, please”

He led me to a huge room with big chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. It must have cost Victoria’s company a pretty penny to have her and Charlie stay here, I thought. Appearance was everything to them, after all.

“Aunty?” I turned around at the sound of a very familiar voice – there she was, sitting in a big winged armchair with a tablet in her lap.

“Charlie!” I said happily and held out my arms. She stood up and stepped into my embrace with a shy smile. “You’re so _tall_! Oh, I’ve missed you so much!” I hugged her tightly and she made a little embarrassed noise.

“I’ve missed you too, aunty…” she said quietly as we broke the hug. I took in the state of her – she was _much_ taller than last I’d seen her, and her light brown hair was longer too. She looked so skinny – her cheeks a bit sunken in, no longer as rosy as they once had been. It made me worried, but the happiness at just seeing her again kept a smile on my face.

“How are you? How have you been?”

“I’m fine” she said with a brittle smile. This set off more warning bells. Something _definitely_ wasn’t right here. Her stance was off too. There was a polite cough from behind me and I remembered the concierge.

“Thank you” I said to him and handed him a tip and he walked away. I turned back to Charlie. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes. How… how have you been?”

“I’ve been OK” I said and grabbed her suitcase as she picked up her backpack. “How has your trip been so far? Have you seen any cool places in the city?”

“A few” she answered as we headed toward the car. This… wasn’t like her either. Maybe it was a bit awkward for her? She hadn’t seen me in just as long a time as I hadn’t seen her, after all.

“This is Lorelai” I said with a smile and gestured toward the jeep.

“It looks brand new”

“She is. Just picked her up today. Hey, it’s about lunch time, are you hungry?”

“A little”

“Do you know if there are any good places around here?” a light seemed to come on behind Charlie’s eyes now.

“I… think there’s a fish and chip shop a few blocks down, I could show you” she buckled herself in and sat up a little straighter.

“That’d be great, kiddo” I smiled warmly at her. We drove for about ten minutes in the heavily trafficated street and then Charlie pointed at a red and yellow sign. We parked the car and went inside.

“Welcome to the Fishy Glen, I’m Oscar – table for two?” a waiter snatched us up as soon as we entered the small restaurant.

“Yes please” I answered and he led us to an unoccupied booth. We ordered drinks, me asking for a Mega Porp with ice and Charlie wanted a diet Coke. The place was nearly empty and smelled as if my arteries were clogging up just from breathing in the fumes from the deep fryer.

“Mom would never take me to a place like this” Charlie said with shy excitement. “I must have asked her a hundred times if we could go in here”

“So the gluten free stuff – I take it that’s not your idea?”

“No, it’s mom all the way…” she let out a sigh and looked down on the table sadly.

“Charlie… what’s going on?” I asked softly. “I _know_ something’s up…”

She hesitated for a moment, then relaxed back into the worn leather of the seat.

“I think Mom and dad are getting a divorce…”

“What?” I felt stunned. “Sweetheart… I’m so sorry” I reached out for her hand – she retreated at first but then moved it back and touched my fingers.

“You can’t tell mom, I’m not supposed to know. They’ve been fighting forever and I couldn’t help overhearing”

“I won’t tell her, I promise” I said quickly, giving her a little squeeze. “But… why is it happening? What are they fighting about?”

“Money, mostly… And mom’s job. Dad’s angry because he has to stay home with me when she goes on her business trips and mom’s angry at dad because she says he’s holding her career back and stuff… Said he broke their deal or something…” I could hardly take this in. Victoria and Jonathan weren’t particularly nice people, but their marriage had always seemed so solid. “I heard mom talking on the phone with her boss… She’s waited for years for a promotion to partner but… I don’t think the others want her to be. They called her ‘too good in her current position to be taken off the floor’”

Victoria worked for an art dealer and had done so since she graduated from school. She had gotten in on our mother’s connections and had made quite the name for herself. She was ruthless in her dealings and always made sure the shows went off without a hitch, even if it meant firing half the staff at an event. She made them very successful, but I had found out from a friend that she was known as _the_ cut throat bitch in the business.  

“Well… she _is_ very… _effective_ ” I said slowly. I always kept a civil tongue when talking about Victoria in front of Charlie. I hadn’t told her just how much of an ass-hat her mother had been to me growing up. I think she thought of the two of us as bickering sisters maybe. I also knew Victoria regularly bad-mouthed me to Charlie, but Charlie didn’t seem too affected by it. She had learned to take what her mother said with a tablespoon of salt. Maybe a cup.

“I don’t want them to get a divorce…” Charlie said sadly and fumbled with the corner of a menu. “My friend Karen’s parents got divorced and now she lives with her mom and hardly gets to see her dad…”

“I know, sweetheart…” I squeezed her hand again. “Have they actually _said_ the word?”

“Yeah… And mom’s been getting calls she takes in her room. I think she’s talking to Olive – she’s a lawyer” oh man, this was really happening.

“How long has it been going on?”

“Like… two years or so, and – “

“Are we ready to order?” the waiter had walked up to us and stood ready with a little note pad.

“Do you know what you want, kiddo?”

“Fish and chips please, with hot curry sauce”

“And you, miss?” he turned to me.

“I’ll have a fish and chips too, with garlic sauce and lemon on the side please”

“Coming right up” he gave us a smile and then walked off.

“What were you saying, sweetie? Two years ago?” I asked Charlie.

“Yeah… It started small and now they’re hardly home at the same time. And mom’s been wigging out over my school a lot, wants me to take all these extra classes and stuff. I agreed because, I don’t know… I thought it would make her happy?”

“Sweetheart, it’s not your job to make her happy” I said seriously.

“I know, but… It makes her smile when I show her my grades… and she keeps telling me she wants me to get into a good university, but dad want me to go to business school. And I want to make them both happy, so I’m taking a junior business course too” she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Charlie… how are you, really?” I asked softly.

“I’m… tired” she said with a sigh.

“It all sounds, well… too much for someone your age. It sounds too much for someone _my_ age too, to be honest. When do you have time to see your friends, and how’s the gardening going?”

“I don’t really have the time to hang out with anyone and the greenhouse is just a mess now, and it had been going so well… The tomato seeds you sent me were really cool, I really like the yellow ones” I frowned at her sympathetically. She didn’t have the time to work her green thumb even? This was too much to put on a twelve year old. Let her be a kid, for fucks sake.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart… You always make the best vegetables. And your orchids, oh they smell so lovely… They _know_ that’s what you want to do, right? Work with growing things?”

“Mom says that I should be more than a flower shop owner or a green grocer” Charlie said with a frown of her own. I let out a little huff of indignation.

“Being a _business owner_ is really good!” I said, feeling vexed now. “You’ve got a wonderful talent for plants and stuff, it’s so clear that that’s what you should do! I remember the first flower you grew from a seed… I still have it pressed somewhere”

“Aunty…” she said a little embarrassedly, but smiled.

“Here we are, one fish and chips with hot curry sauce and one fish and chips with garlic sauce and lemon on the side” the waiter put our plates down in front of us. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call”

“Thank you” both me and Charlie said together. We began to eat.

“How’s school going – are the other courses interfering?” I asked through a mouthful of fish.

“I’m getting nines and tens mostly” she said modestly. “But it’s getting harder to concentrate… The other kids in class are so noisy. Before, when it was just normal school, it was fine, because I could do my work at home if it got too much, but now I’ve got school in the evenings too, most days…”

“Sweetheart… you’re doing too much – when do you have time to just, well, be a kid and run around and get into trouble?”

She smiled at me wanly. “I don’t”

“You need a break from all that... extra stuff. If you want to I mean” I gave her a smile. “How does playing hooky when you’re here sound?”

“Sounds like heaven” Charlie sighed and I could see her shoulders drop a notch or two.

“Great! Then we will do nothing educational at all” she let out a little giggle and I felt a knot of worry loosen.

“What have you been doing? I heard you were going on vacation somewhere, but I didn’t know you were here until mom told me a few days ago”

“Well, I _was_ on vacation. And then things… sort of happened and I ended up here”

“What things?”

“Mmm… I know you can keep a secret, but I want to make it very clear that this is a super-secret secret – aunty/niece confidentiality, alright?” I looked at her rather seriously and she gave me a very curious look.

“Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye” she said in a sing song voice, making a cross over her hear and then covering her eye with her hand. I smiled at the reference to Pinkie Pie – her favorite My Little Pony character.

“OK… This is going to sound a bit, well, maybe more than a _bit_ , insane” I looked around. There really wasn’t anyone to overhear us. “I went to a tropical island for my vacation, to be there alone, see if I could do it, sort of thing. After a week I found this… gemstone in the sea. After a few more days it flew up into the air and a person sort of grew out of it – “

“What?!” Charlie exclaimed and I shushed her.

“Yeah – it looked like a huge woman. I was like, fuck, I’ve gone crazy, but it was real. Anyway, she was really tall and super buff, with long beige hair and red stripes on her face and body. To make a very long story extremely short – she is an alien soldier that was sent here on a mission, which failed. We got to know each other on the island and a bunch of things happened there – she was quite severely injured and I fought a huge spider thing with a stick of bamboo and a machete to protect her, and some other aliens showed up and wanted to arrest her, but I sent them away. She told me some things about the place she came from and it sounded so horrible. She also said there were some alien rebels on earth, left over from a war a few thousand years ago and that they could probably heal her wounds. I wanted to help her get better and we spent some time looking for a teleporter that could take us to the rebel base, but we couldn’t find it. Then I got attacked by a shark and she saved me, but got even more injured, and she became the gemstone again – or, retreated into it. So I brought her to Beach City to see the rebels and we’ve been living there together since then. Turns out the rebels are really nice”

Charlie simply gaped at me.

“It’s all true, not making a single thing up, I swear”

“Aliens?”

“Yes. Space ships and everything”

“ _Aliens exist_? For _real_?”

“Yeah” I nodded.

“But not… the little green men?”

“Well, one of them is kind of small and green” I said and Charlie looked stunned.

“But… what… No way… Did you say you were living with her? What’s her name?”

“Her name is Jasper. And… we’re together”

“Whaaat? But what happened with Christina?”

“Oh, we broke up almost a year ago now” I waved a hand dismissively. “Jasper is wonderful, and quite excited to meet you, well, a little nervous I think”

“An alien is nervous to meet _me_?” she positively goggled at me.

“Yeah” I said with a snigger. “And you’ll get to meet our kitten too. Her name is Cake”

“A kitten? Oh… no… what happened to Sam?”

“He passed away a few months ago”

“Oh, I’m sorry, aunty…”

“It’s OK, kiddo… Speaking of cats though, I really want to introduce you to Lion”

“’Lion’?”

“He’s well, a lion. A pink one. He looks a little like Pinkie Pie, now that I think of it. He’s friends with Cake. Oh, and I want you to meet all the other friends I’ve made there – they’re really great! I’ve gotten to know two kids around your age – Steven and Connie, I really think you guys would hit it off” I smiled at her broadly.

“Does… does mom know about all this?”

“Um… well… no. I didn’t really have time to tell her”

“It’s probably for the best. I don’t think she would have let me stay with you otherwise”

“I know, right” I sniggered and Charlie joined in.

“But seriously, _aliens_ …” her eyes went out of focus as she thought intently. “What is their species called?”

“They’re called gems”

“Oh yeah, jasper is a gemstone, right?”

“Yes. Then there’s Peridot – the little green one, and Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet and Steven – he’s half gem, half human. His gem is a Rose Quartz”

“For real? A human alien hybrid? Wow…”

We finished our meal and I paid the check. Charlie was acting more like herself now. It almost felt like no time had passed at all. We got in the car and I had a smoke out the window as we drove out of the city.

“There’s one thing you should know, kiddo. Well, more than one really, but this is important” I pulled over at a rest stop. “That spider thing I fought on the island – it’s what’s known as a corrupted gem. It used to be like the other gems, looking almost human and able to talk and stuff. I don’t know how they got corrupted but they are very dangerous. When you damage a gem they can retreat into their gemstone to regenerate, then they make a new body for themselves. After I had fought the spider, Jasper told me to destroy its gem, and I did. And I breathed in some of its dust. And now I have… well… I guess you could call it magical powers”

“W-what do you mean?” Charlie asked, looking apprehensive.

“The dust settled in my vocal chords. So when I feel something intensely, like happiness or sadness, it can make lights appear. I’m not very good at controlling it, but the gems are helping me. I just didn’t want you to be scared”

Charlie stared at me in disbelief. “Can you show me?” she asked.

“I guess I could give it a go, I’ve been working on this little trick…” I got out of the car and Charlie followed. “Just stand back a bit, OK?”

“What’s the trick?” she asked.

“I’m going to try to light my cigarette by swearing at it” I said with a grin and Charlie looked at me with raised eyebrows. Alright, OK, show off for your niece… I thought about how much pressure Victoria was putting on Charlie and said; “Fuck wad”

A blue tendril arched through the air and struck the middle of the cigarette I was holding at arms-length. Charlie gasped and took a step back as I put the smoldering cigarette in my mouth.

“Ta-daa” I said with a smug grin.

“Whoa!” Charlie said excitedly. “You’re a Jedi!” I laughed, making gold and white butterflies and ribbons appear.

“No way…” Charlie whispered and stared around at them until they faded. “No freaking way…” I smiled broadly at the dumbstruck look on her face.  

“The shape and color changes depending on what I’m feeling. Lightning seems to be anger or… passion perhaps. And butterflies are happiness or joy. Warm colors are positive emotions and cold ones are negative ones”

“Who knows about this?”

“Oh um… Jasper and the other gems and a few people from Beach City, and Parker”

“You haven’t told Robyn?”

“No, not yet. I know she’ll keep it secret, though. It’s just… I don’t want the world to know, you know? It’s been so nice to be here where no one really knows who I am. Well, some of them know now but it’s so… amazing to just be Erica, and not Erica Katheryn Brooks. And if it got out that I can do the light things, I might have to be studied or something – the wonderful life I’ve been making here would be over. And it might bring trouble down on more than just _me_ … I don’t know if the gems even _care_ about being exposed, but I’d like to err on the side of caution”

“Yeah, you don’t want to E.T. the situation, got it” Charlie said seriously and nodded.

We got back into the car and continued on toward Beach City.

“What’s she like… this Jasper person?” Charlie asked a little timidly.

“Oh she’s awesome. She’s funny and sweet, and an _amazing_ cook. Gems don’t need to eat, or sleep for that matter, but she loves both. And she’s really tall. I mean, more than eight feet I think”

“ _Eight_?!”

“Yeah” I laughed at Charlie’s expression. “She’s so gorgeous, oh-ho” I fanned my face theatrically with my hand.

“Eww, gross” Charlie giggled.

“Oh, come on, kiddo – don’t be like that. We’re going to be kissing and hugging all the time”

“Bleurgh” she feigned vomiting. “Why do grownups have to do all that touching, I don’t get it”

“Oh, sweetheart you will” Charlie was really mature for her age in some respects, but she _was_ still a kid.

“No, never”

“Yah-huh, I promise”

“Nuh-uh”

“Yah-huh”

Charlie put her fingers in her ears and went ‘Lalalalalala’. I laughed and more butterflies appeared; golden, white and yellow.

“Oh, you’re gonna grow up, missy. You’re already so tall!”

“Ugh… I don’t like it”

“What, why not? It’s great to be tall”

“But I’m so much taller than any of my friends” she frowned slightly. I remembered being picked on for my size.

“Is… someone giving you trouble about it?”

“No… not really. It’s mostly that they want me to ride the horses instead of the ponies now”

“Oh…”

“Soon I won’t be able to ride Mickey anymore…” she looked sad.

“Mickey… he’s the Welsh Cob pony, right?”

“Yeah, the grey one. Did you know, he _whinnies_ at me when I come to the stable now”

“Aww… That’s so sweet” this really pulled at my heartstrings – having a pony greet you like that was such an honor, at least in my mind – and Mickey was a riding center pony.

“Mackenzie is _so_ envious; Jolly Jumper keeps nipping her, even though she brings him apples all the time”  

“So going to the stable is still a thing, then?”

“Yeah, mom wanted me to switch to ballet but great granny Jo gave her an earful about it”

“She’s got a way with words, that woman” I sniggered. “I’m glad you’re still doing horseback riding, sweetie. Oh, do you want to see if there’s a stable nearby? Maybe we could have a ride?”

“That’d be fun. I didn’t bring any gear though”

“I’m sure we could rent some or something – if it’s a tourist place they’re bound to have extra helmets and riding pants”

“Oh, do you think it’d be Western riding?” she asked excitedly.

“Might be? I don’t know if there _is_ a stable around here though, but there is a botanical garden, I’ve heard”

“Really? Oh, can we go? Please?”

“Sure, sweetie. I want to cram as much into these few days as possible, I don’t know when I’ll be able to see you again”

“I think mom said we were going to spend Christmas with great granny Jo – will you and Jasper come too?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead, to be honest” I really wanted for grandma and Jasper to meet, but I was pretty sure Jasper wouldn’t be particularly comfortable with how crowded the house was at Christmas. “I’ll bring it up with her, though”

As we reached Beach City Charlie started to look a little nervous.

“What’s up?” I asked her.

“You said she looks human… right?”   

“Mostly human, yeah. Her skin looks more orange though, and she’s got red streaks. And well, her nose is her gemstone”

“Whaaat?”

“All the gems have, well, gems on their bodies somewhere. Let’s see… Steven’s got his on his belly, Pearl’s is on her forehead and so is Peridot’s, Amethyst’s is on her chest and Garnet’s got one on each palm”

“How can she grab stuff then?” she asked, looking both curious and slightly mortified.

“Um… Just like normal I guess?”

“If Jasper has it as her nose, can she still smell stuff?”

“Yeah, she can” I said with a giggle, thinking about how she would sniff my hair.

We pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. Charlie grabbed her backpack and I took her suitcase. I opened the door and let her go first.

“We’re back” I called when I stepped inside and Cake trotted out from the living room with a happy meow.

“Ohh!” Charlie squealed and bent down immediately to say hi to the kitten. Cake sniffed at her hand and then rubbed her head against it, purring loudly. Charlie picked her up carefully.

“She doesn’t like to be carried around for too long, sweetie”

“Hey” Jasper said with a smile, having just stepped out of the living room too. Charlie let out a little gasp as she stood up with Cake in her arms. I put a steadying hand at her back.

“Charlie, this is Jasper” I said warmly. “Jasper, this is Charlie”

To my surprise and delight, Jasper squatted down and reached out her hand toward Charlie.

“Nice to meet you”

Charlie hugged Cake to her chest with one hand and held out the other to shake Jasper’s.  “H… hi” she squeaked. “Nice to meet you too”

“Hi darling” I said and leant in for a kiss.

“Hey babe” she smiled at me with slightly pink cheeks, then stood up straight again. “Everything go OK?”

“Yeah, everything went fine. Charlie, you want to go see your room?”

“Can I bring Cake?”

“Sure, sweetie” Charlie started climbing the stairs.

“Want some coffee?” Jasper asked me softly.

“Oh, I would love some, darling, thank you. We’ll be right down”   

I grabbed the suitcase again and followed Charlie upstairs.

“I hope you like it” I said as I put the heavy thing down on the floor. “We got you a little slumber companion”

“Oh, thanks aunty” she sat down on the bed and put Cake down on it too, then picked up the zebra plush. “Is that your bedroom next door?”

“No, me and Jasper sleep in the living room, the bed in the room next to this is too small for us”

“Oh, I see” she looked up at me with a smile.

“The bathroom is just across the hall, I’ll get you some clean towels if you want to put your toiletries in there”

“OK”

I headed downstairs to get the towels from the cupboard in the hallway.

“I was thinking of going to the grocery store, do you want something special tonight?” Jasper asked.

“Oh, can’t we go together?”

“Sure babe” she said with her eyebrows raised. “Just thought you might want a rest is all”

“I’m OK, darling” I said with a smile. “And I think Charlie would like it, too. We’re not going to follow the specified diet, so I’m expecting a lot of junk food requests”

“Hah, alright” Jasper grinned at me as I headed back upstairs.

“Hey, Charlie – you want to come with to the grocery store? They’ve got a snack isle two miles long” I said enticingly as I put the towels on her desk. She smiled shyly at me.

“Can we get snacks then? Even if it’s not a Saturday”

“Playing hooky, remember? We can get anything you like, within reason of course. And you know, no candy before dinner and all that”

“Can… can we get cereal too?” her eyes were shining.

“Sure, kiddo… but they have to contain more than just sugar, though” I giggled.

“Yay!” Charlie was grinning so widely the top of her head might fall off.   

 I went to the bathroom before we left, noticing I was running low on pads again. Oh, come on, I thought. Maybe I should start buying them in bulk... At least my cramps were practically non-existent now.

I downed my cup of coffee in one go and then the three of us headed out the door.

“Oh, that’s the jeep?” Jasper asked when she saw the car.

“Yeah – I named her Lorelai” I said with a giggle. “I pushed the backseat as far back as I could in the city and I think you’ll be comfy. I experimented with the driver’s seat too, but that might be a bit cramped”

“We’ll figure it out”

Charlie took my hand as we walked to the store. When she was younger that’s how we always walked. Jasper took my other hand and I felt supremely happy. Was this a glimpse into our future?

“Can I ask you a question?” Charlie looked past me to Jasper.

“Um… sure” Jasper said a little uncertainly.

“Why do you have stripes?”

“It’s how I was made”

“I like stripes” this made Jasper chuckle and I squeezed both their hands.

“Me too, Charlie” Jasper said and grinned at her. “You know, Erica has a stripe too”

“She _does_?!” Charlie gaped up at me.

“Yeah, show her, honey”

We stopped and I lifted my sleeve to show it off with a grin.

“When did you get a tattoo?” Charlie asked, awestruck.

“It’s not a tattoo… it was a gift, from Echo. She gave Jasper freckles too” Charlie inspected Jasper’s face.

“Huh? Who is Echo?”

“She’s our fusion” I said warmly.

“What’s a fusion?”

“You want to take this, darling? You’re better at explaining it” Jasper looked a little surprised, but rallied.

“A fusion is when two or more gems, or a gem and a human, combine and make a new and bigger person. When Erica and I fuse, we become Echo together” Charlie wrinkled her eyebrows.

“Combine?”

“Yeah, but you don’t end up with two heads and four arms and four legs – sometimes there are extra body parts. Echo, for example, has six fingers on each hand and sort of… cat feet?” Jasper scrunched up her face.

“Mmm, I think cat feet is pretty accurate” I nodded. “And she’s what… fifteen feet tall or something?”

“Are you serious?!” Charlie stared at us and mine and Jasper’s gazes met warmly and we exchanged a smile.

“Yeah” we both said at the same time.

“Echo is a really wonderful person” I turned back to Charlie.  Jasper nodded and said “Mhmm”

“How do you fuse?”

“Usually you dance” Jasper said softly and squeezed my hand. “But it’s not necessary if you’re really… in sync with each other”

“Can you show me?” Charlie asked curiously. Jasper and I exchanged another look.

“It’s kind of… personal for us, sweetie. It’s not a party trick. It’s OK to ask though, don’t worry” I added with a smile as Charlie looked about to apologize. We reached the grocery store and I grabbed a cart.

“What kind of fruit should we get?” I asked them as we entered the produce section.

“Can I pick anything, aunty?” Charlie asked.

“Yes, but we’re gonna have to be able to eat it before it goes bad, so don’t go too crazy, sweetie”

“OK” Charlie dashed off to explore. Jasper grinned down at me.

“’Aunty’?”

“I’m her aunt. It means, my mother’s sister”

“Ah, I see… Charlie’s super cute, babe”

“I know, darling… I know” I kissed her on the arm happily. “Oh, I’ve missed her so much…”

“Why haven’t you seen her?”

“Victoria and I had a fight about a present I gave Charlie on her tenth birthday, _things_ were said… and we haven’t met since”

“What could you have given her to make that happen?” Jasper asked, her eyebrows drawing together.

“A pair of our late grandfather’s secateurs – they’ a gardening tool. Victoria was upset because it was, well… sharp, and didn’t think it was appropriate for a ten year old. Charlie had always loved that tool, I used to have it on a bookshelf at home next to a picture of granddad. So I figured it would be a great gift for her tenth birthday. Her first decade on this earth deserved a special present, you know. And she _did_ love it and was so happy about it, but Victoria just… started complaining and then it escalated into a terrible argument… Charlie was _so_ upset…” Jasper looked at me with surprise.

“Over a tool?”

“I don’t think it was about the tool as much as it was about the fact that it was from _me_. At least, that’s what I figured. At the time, Victoria and my relationship was… getting _better_ , but it wasn’t _good_. The only reason we saw each other was because of Charlie. I used to babysit her all the time, since I didn’t work a lot... Then when my book took off I spent a long time travelling places, and I didn’t get to see her for almost a year, but I couldn’t miss her tenth birthday. Maybe Victoria was mad because she wasn’t getting a free babysitter anymore, I don’t know”

“Your sister…” Jasper frowned, her eyes becoming hard.

“Please don’t say anything bad about her in front of Charlie, I try really hard not to” I said, a hint of pleading in my voice.

“Why?” Jasper looked confused and a little vexed. “Shouldn’t she know the truth?”

“Victoria is the only mom she’s ever going to have... I don’t want mine and Victoria’s relationship to make her dislike her mom. They have a hard enough time communicating as it is. I don’t want to make her feel bad, or worse, for her to try to fix it – because she _would_ try. She always wants to make people feel better” Jasper frown changed into a thin smile.

“Sure she’s not _your_ daughter?” she asked me. I let out a little huff and gave her a dig in the ribs.

“I’d love for that to be true, darling” I would love that so, _so_ much. Charlie had been completely occupied with picking out the best possible box of blueberries during our muted conversation. Now she walked up to us, holding the little carton in her hands and wearing a satisfied smile.

“These are really good” she said and put it in the cart. “I saw some raspberries too – could we make a fruit salad for dessert tonight?”

“Fruit salad?” Jasper asked.

“It’s basically fruits and nuts and stuff in a bowl” I said in answer. “Sure, Charlie. What would the both of you like for dinner?”

“I’m good with anything” Jasper said generously.

“Hmm… Can we make hot dogs?” Charlie asked with a smile.

“It’s been _ages_ since I had a hot dog… I think there’s a grill in the garden shed, we could make it a barbeque?”

“Yes! Oh, oh – can we roast marshmallows too?”

“It wouldn’t be a barbeque without them, would it?” I grinned down at her, so happy to see her cheeks pinking up. She almost skipped to the raspberries.

We walked slowly through the store, picking up this and that. Charlie was having lots of fun asking Jasper to take stuff down from the highest shelf and Jasper seemed to be enjoying it too. We spent a long time in the cereal aisle – I’d had to put a limit on one box of cereal and three kinds of snacks and Charlie took to the task of deciding with one hundred percent focus. She picked up several boxes and discarded them in turn. I knew she wanted to get the best one. In the end she found one of those packs that had several smaller containers of different kinds of cereal.

“This one!” she took it down from the shelf and held it up. “Look, it’s got fruity loops and the crunch guy and the tiger ones too”

“Excellent choice, young padawan” I said solemnly.

I left Jasper and Charlie in the snack aisle to go get some more pads and tampons. When I returned I heard them talking.

“… but the salt and vinegar ones would clash with the marshmallows – which snack is your favorite?”

“Mine? I’d say the spicy Cheetos, but I haven’t tried all the different ones yet”

“OK, so… marshmallows, spicy Cheetos and one more…” Charlie said thoughtfully and wandered down the aisle. “Have you tried these?” she held up a bag of wasabi nuts. “They’re spicy too”

“No, I haven’t. Are they good?”

“They’re _so_ good” Charlie said with a smile. Jasper chuckled and pushed the cart forward so she could put the bag in. I walked up to them with a spring in my step, it made me so happy to see them getting along. I put my boxes in the cart too and we headed toward the register.

When we were done packing the groceries, Jasper lifted all the heavy bags with ease.

“Wow… you’re so strong” Charlie said, impressed.

“This is nothing” Jasper said with a slightly cocky grin.

“I’ve seen her rip a door off a car without trouble” I said proudly.

“No way!”

Jasper chuckled and shook her head. “That was nothing, too” I raised my eyebrows at her.

“Just how much can you lift, Jasper?” Charlie asked.

“Oh, I don’t know… a few tons maybe” Jasper said with the bare minimum of modesty.

“ _Tons_?” I said in disbelief. This made me feel distinctly hot around the collar.

“No freaking way” Charlie said with a laugh. “Could you lift that car?” she pointed at a mini Cooper.

“Yup”

“How about that one?” she pointed at a pickup truck.

“Yup” Jasper was grinning, enjoying the attention.

“How about _both_ at the same time?” Charlie asked a little smugly, trying to poke holes in her claim. I remembered the sound of a car whooshing through the air and my smile froze for a moment. Jasper had flung at least one car during the fight with Lapis…

“Not a problem”

“Prove it”

“Those are someone else’s cars” Jasper said teasingly.

“You could try lifting auntie’s jeep – I bet you the first hot dog you can’t”

“Oh, you’re on” Jasper sniggered.

We arrived home and put the groceries away, then returned outside to settle the bet. Jasper stretched out before cracking her knuckles theatrically. I smiled and shook my head at her.

“Be careful, darling – Lorelai is just a baby”

“Don’t worry babe, I’ll be gentle” Jasper said as she bent down and put her hands under the car. Charlie and I both gaped as she lifted off the ground with a slight grunt. It rose over her knees, then hips and finally she was standing with it over her head, the smuggest grin in the history of smug grins on her face. I felt my ears and cheeks burning… Holy shit, that was so sexy…

“You can put it down now, darling” my voice cracked like a teenage boy’s and I cleared my throat as Jasper chuckled and carefully lowered the jeep to the ground. She dusted her hands off and then stepped up to Charlie, whose mouth was still hanging open. 

“I believe you owe me a hot dog, _Aeir_ ” she said cockily.

“What did you call me?” Charlie asked, looking a little scared.

Jasper leaned back, an uncertain expression on her face. She glanced at me. “Um…”

“It means ‘short one’ in Elvish, sweetie. Sort of like munchkin” I smiled reassuringly. Oh gods, Jasper was speaking Elvish to my niece – my heart beat faster with joy. 

“Oh, OK” a smile found its way back onto her face. “That was pretty cool”

“Yes it was, but let’s not do it again – at least not with Lorelai, OK?” I patted Charlie on the shoulder and she headed inside to find Cake. “Darling, you alright?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah, yeah, fine. Just… panicked a little there” she rubbed the back of her neck a little embarrassedly. “How am I doing?”

“Excellent, _Melamin_ , just excellent” I stood on tip toe to kiss her. She relaxed her shoulders and let out a little sigh when we broke apart.

“Good… I hope I made a good first impression”

“Oh, more than just good, darling. She’s usually pretty shy around strangers” a smile spread slowly on Jasper’s face, _gods_ she was adorable. “Hey, you saw Amethyst today, right? Did she say how Steven was doing now?”

“Yeah, we sparred for a while. She didn’t say anything, but that’s good I think. If she’s not complaining, stuff’s fine”

“OK, good…” I put my hand on my belly as pain slowly bloomed deep inside. “Want to go start dinner?” Jasper nodded and smiled at me, holding the door open for me. I went into the backyard and opened the garden shed – there _was_ a grill in there. It looked a little rusty, but that was fine, right? As long as the grill rack was clean… I hummed as I dragged it out on squeaky wheels, opened the lid to check the interior – there was some rust in there too. The grill rack was coated with grime and black as soot. It would take some serious elbow grease to get it off. I sighed and went inside to boil some water to soak it and went hunting for steel wool in the lower kitchen cabinets. I found some hiding behind a stack of scrubby pads and pulled it out with a triumphant;

“Aha!”

Jasper chuckled at me as I rose to my feet slowly, to avoid getting dizzy. She put down the knife she had been using to cut up fruit and picked a sizable dust bunny out of my hair with a grin.

“How’s it going out there?” she asked.

“It’s pretty rusty, but I think it’ll be OK” the kettle flicked itself off and I grabbed it by the handle and poured it into the sink with the grill rack, adding some washing up liquid to it too. I went back outside and emptied out the ashes and inspected the bottom to make sure it wasn’t rusted through. Charlie and Cake joined me outside.

“Will it work?” she asked me as she put the kitten down on the grass.

“Yeah, just have to get the rack clean” I grinned at her and picked up the bag of charcoal and filled the grill, then soaked them in lighter fluid.

About half an hour and a whole bunch of scrubbing later, the coals were ready for firing and the rack was clean. I lit it my cigarette with a match and then threw it down on the grill. The flame caught and I rubbed my hands together and held them out to feel the heat. Jasper came over with a tray that had the sausages on it and put it down on a backless chair. She chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

“Want me to bring you a rock?” she asked softly. I smiled up at her.

“You big softie…” I said and kissed her on the arm and sighed happily. “This has been such a great day, beastie”

“It’s not over yet, babe”

A little later the embers were just right for sausages and we threw them on. I supervised the sizzling while Jasper and Charlie set the rickety coffee table on the patio. When they were done the sausages were also ready and I put them on a plate and threw on the second batch.

“I don’t know what it is about barbecuing sausages that makes them taste so much better than just frying them” I said after swallowing the first bite. Charlie nodded with her mouth full and mustard on her chin. Jasper grinned and ate her first bun in two bites, then tried a different combination of toppings. After about seven she settled on just putting everything on. When we were done with the main course we had some lovely fruit salad and then we all sat down around the grill with sticks and the bag of marshmallows.

“Roasting marshmallows is a true art form. When you get that perfect temperature and the result is a golden brown crust a fraction of an inch thick that it snaps as you bite into it – now _that’s_ summer in taste form…” I smiled at both of them as I waved my stick.

“I like it when they catch fire and get all black” Charlie said with a grin.

“How do you do this?” Jasper asked curiously, holding up a white cylinder between thumb and index finger, squeezing it slightly.

“Impale it, then roast it” Charlie smiled impishly. “’Oh no, please, I don’t want to die – arrrgh!’” she said in a falsetto voice as the shoved her stick through one. Jasper looked a little stunned, but joined in when both Charlie and I both started laughing.

“Ai well roust you slouwly, Meester Blound” I said in a terrible nonsense accent, I put a marshmallow on my stick and rested it on the edge of the grill, then held up two more and bumped them together, making a kissing sound. “Saiy goot-bai to miss Yolanta, shee well bee my waif, Mohohahahaha!”

“I will never marry you, Baron von Mustache!” Charlie wailed dramatically.

“No?! Zen Ai shall roust _both_ of you and feed you to my pet gij-ant _Fifi_ – schee laikes them exxxtra cu-rispy” I grinned stupidly and grunted. “Zat’s raight, my pet, zzzoon you well haf treats” I rubbed one marshmallow against my cheek.

Charlie picked up my stick and wiggled it.

“It’s me, super-secret agent Lames Blond, double-o-snieven and I can hypnotize giants – you – giant – you’re getting very sleepy… very sleepy _indeed_. Then you’re getting _hungry_ , so very, very hungry. You are hungry, aren’t you?” she said in a much better Scottish accent than I had ever managed.

“Uh-huh” I grunted and nodded.

“Then… eat your master!” Charlie jabbed the stick in the air.

“Nooo – argh – Ai haf been be-trayed by my loyal pet!” I said thickly as I chewed the Baron-marshmallow.

“Ughh…” Charlie groaned, making the Blond-marshmallow dip sadly. “Yolanta, my love… Although our foe is slain I am… dying”

“Lames! No!” I fluttered my eyelashes and moved the Yolanta-marshmallow closer to Charlie. “I can’t live without you! We will be married… in marshmallow-heaven”

“Then join me, and let’s expire together…” Charlie took Yolanta from my hand and shoved it onto the stick, me making a pained noise.

“We will always have Budapest, my prince” I panted and took the stick from Charlie’s unresisting hand.

“Yes, my sweet, we will always… have… Budapest… glurrrghhhh” she gurgled as I lowered the stick over the embers.

“And Fifi has… treatses” I grunted happily.

“Aaand – scene” Charlie said theatrically, closing her fist with a serious look, then burst out laughing. I laughed too, making butterflies glitter in the light of the dying fire. Jasper stared from me to Charlie and back.

“You two are mad” she said with a grin.

“Just a smidge” I giggled and turned my stick slowly so I could brown the other side.

“It’s better you find out now” Charlie said seriously. I lit a cigarette and sighed happily as Jasper carefully put a marshmallow on her stick and held it out over the embers.

We spent quite some time talking and joking around by the slowly cooling remnants of the fire, the bag of marshmallows emptying steadily. Jasper cottoned on fast (after she dropped the first one on the coals) and managed to produce nearly perfectly roasted marshmallows every time – which she ate with gusto. After about an hour Charlie’s eyes started to droop and I looked at my phone – it was half past nine.

“Oh, I think it’s bedtime for this young lady” I said warmly and patted Charlie on the shoulder.

“I’m not tired” she said and shook her head.

“Time to brush your teeth, sweetie” I smiled and got to my feet and stretched. “Up you get”

“Fine…” she yawned and stood up. “Good night, Jasper”

“Good night, Charlie. Sleep tight” Jasper said with a little grin.

I followed Charlie upstairs and made sure she didn’t cheat with brushing her teeth. She changed into her pajamas and got into bed, the zebra plush in her arms.

“Will you sing me the willow song?” she asked me and I smiled reminiscently. The first time she had spent the night at my place she had been five years old. She had been terribly homesick and I had sung her the willow song on her request to help her fall asleep. It was my grandma, Charlie’s great granny Jo, who had first introduced it to her. My grandma had an assortment of lullabies, and each of her descendants seemed to have their own favorite. Mine was the wolf song, because it made me feel protected. I think Charlie liked the willow song because of the hopefulness for the future it brought. And, well, it was about plants.     

“Sure, sweetie…” I cleared my throat a little. “ _Sov du lilla videung, än så är det vinter. Än så sover björk och ljung, ros och hyacinther. Än så är det långt till vår, innan rönn i blomma står. Sov du lilla vide, än så är det vinter. Solskensöga ser på dig, solskensfamn dig vaggar. Snart blir grönt på skogens stig, snart var blomma flaggar. Än en liten solskensbön, vide liten blir så grön. Solskensöga ser dig, solskensfamn dig vaggar_...”

Charlie was fast asleep and I bent down to kiss her forehead before tip toeing out of her room, leaving the door ajar and turning the light on the landing on. I walked downstairs and headed outside to rejoin Jasper, who had moved to the sofa. I sat down next to her and leaned against her side with a tired and happy sigh, a stream of golden mist floating up into the star strewn sky.

“I don’t know how you _ever_ thought you were incapable of loving a child, _Melamin_ …” Jasper said softly and gave me a squeeze. “You’ve just been… _shining_ all day”

“Yeah?” I asked sleepily. “Charlie just makes me so… happy” I yawned hugely.

“Maybe Charlie isn’t the only one who should have gone to bed” she chuckled.

“One more cigarette” I said stubbornly and took one out of my holder. “Oh, darling… watch this…” I concentrated hard. “Shit for brains” I spat, and a pale blue tendril of lightning struck the very tip of the cigarette, making it smoke faintly. I giggled triumphantly and put it in my mouth. Jasper burst out laughing and hugged me tightly.

“You’ve been holding out on me, babe” she said and looked at me fondly.

“You’re one to talk! Lifting cars, Jesus” I patted her massive bicep and gave it an appreciative squeeze. Jasper’s expression became very smug. “I’ve been practicing that trick a little. It feels like I’m learning how to control it better”

“That’s great, honey” Jasper chuckled. “Precision swearing… stars…”

I stubbed out my cigarette and went to brush my teeth, then I crept under the covers of our big bed and wiggled around a bit to warm it up.

“You coming to bed, darling?” I called softly.

“I’ll be right there” she said back. After a few minutes she came into the living room and changed into her pajamas. “I felt like a little snack” she said by way of explanation.

“Come here” I lifted the duvet so she could slide in next to me. We got into a comfy snuggling position with me resting my head on Jasper’s shoulder. My eyelids were so heavy.

“Did you have fun today, beastie?” I asked sleepily.

“Mhmm… I think the best bit was the impromptu marshmallow theatre. Do you two do that sort of stuff a lot?”

“Sometimes” I sniggered. “I think it started when I was trying to feed her something new when she was younger. She used to be _so_ picky. But if I could make it fun for her it became, well, a game” I yawned hugely. “I’m so glad she’s here…” I giggled and a few bright butterflies appeared.

“I know” she chuckled, letting one settle on her finger before it faded. I let out a happy sigh and closed my eyes.

 

* * *

 

**Please review!**

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The willow song: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVR08nW6igE> or youtube ‘Sov du lilla videung’

Here’s a literal translation:

Sleep little willow-young, it’s still winter time.  
Birch and heather are still asleep, as are the roses and the hyacinths.  
It’s still long ‘til spring, before the rowan blooms.  
Sleep little willow-young, it’s still winter time.  
The sunshine-eye sees you; the sunshine-embrace rocks you.  
Soon the forest path will turn green, soon every flower will flag.  
Another sunshine-prayer, willow-young becomes so green.  
The sunshine-eye sees you; the sunshine-embrace rocks you.


	47. Ready or not, here I come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: one picture has blood
> 
> BOOM! More than 300,000 words!

## Chapter 47: Ready or not, here I come

  
Me and Jasper woke with a start at the sound of porcelain crashing to the floor.

“Shit fuck!” Charlie hissed. We scrabbled out of bed quickly, a rush of adrenaline making my heart race – I burst into the kitchen ahead of Jasper to find Charlie on all fours, picking up the broken pieces of a bowl.

“Sorry aunty, I-I’ll get you a new one…” she said sadly.

“Sweetie, don’t touch that, it’s really – “

“Ah!” Charlie gasped and clutched at her left hand.

“ – sharp” I stepped quickly around the shards and looked at her hand in the light. There was a cut on her middle finger that was bleeding. “Oh, ouchie…” I drew in a breath through my teeth. “Let’s run it under the tap, sweetheart…” I turned the water on cold and held her wrist gently.

“I’m really sorry about the bowl” Charlie said in a small voice. “I just wanted to have some cereal…”

“I don’t care about the bowl, I care about you, sweetie” I said and kissed her on top of her head and then her cheek. The adrenaline was leaving me now and my pulse was slowing down. “Let’s take care of this cut” I heard clinking coming from behind me and turned my head to see Jasper sweeping up. “Oh, thank you, beastie”

“Don’t want you to step on it” she said and opened the garbage to throw the shards away. 

After a few minutes of cooling Charlie’s finger we washed it with soap and dried it on some paper towels.

“Put pressure on it and keep it up in the air, I’ll go get a band aid” I said as Charlie sat down at the kitchen table. I went to the upstairs bathroom and rummaged around in the cabinet under the sink for a minute before I found some. I went back down and unwrapped the band aid. “Here we are…” I put it on her finger and she winced slightly. Jasper looked on in fascination.

“Thanks, aunty…” Charlie said in a brittle voice.

“Hey, sweetie… It’s OK… It’s alright…” I scooted my chair closer to hers and kissed the top her head again, and put an arm around her. She sniffed and leaned her head on my shoulder. I stroked her back gently.

“It was so _loud_ ” she said quietly and closed her eyes.

“I know… I know…” I hummed softly, then looked up at Jasper. She was watching us with her head turned to the side, a mix of concern and confusion on her face. I raised my eyebrows at her and her eyes flicked from me, down to Charlie and then back up at me, as if she was unsure of what to do. “How about some feel-better coco?” I asked Charlie, still looking at Jasper. She nodded against me and Jasper perked up, then started bustling around the kitchen with a minimum of noise. I smiled encouragingly at her and she gave me a little grin in return. Soon a steaming cup stood in front of Charlie on the table and she wiped her nose on the sleeve of her pajamas. She blew on the coco before taking a sip.

“Thanks, Jasper…” she said and Jasper positively beamed.

“No problem, _Aeir_ ” Charlie smiled faintly at her new nickname and took another sip. Crisis averted, I thought to myself and leaned back in my chair, letting out a sigh. The cut hadn’t been very deep and would undoubtedly heal in a few days, but I was pretty sure it was more the noise of the bowl breaking that had frightened her – she had always had very sensitive hearing. Working in a garden she was quite accustomed to getting little cuts and stuff. I thought back to how my mother used to handle scrapes and bumps and shuddered internally. She didn’t like blood at all and it had always felt like she had been angry at me for getting injured.

“You feeling better, sweetie?” I asked Charlie as she drained the cup and put it down on the table with a soft bump.

“Yeah, it just stings a bit” she said with a little smile and looked at her finger.

“OK” I gave her another kiss on the forehead and stood up and stretched. “I’m going to go have a smoke” I brought my phone outside and casually lit my cigarette by saying “dick head”. I googled botanical gardens in the area and found the one Connie had mentioned near Ocean Town. When I got back inside, Charlie was digging into a bowl of cereal and Jasper was making waffles.

“Do you want waffles for breakfast honey?” Jasper asked me, pouring another ladle of batter onto the iron.

“Hmm… I think I’ll go with an omelet and some toast, beastie, but thank you” I grabbed the eggs and an onion from the fridge.

“Can I have a waffle?” Charlie asked a little shyly.

“Sure thing” Jasper took out another plate and put three warm waffles on it, then placed it on the table in front of Charlie.

“Oh, thank you” Charlie smiled brightly. “Is there any blueberry jam?”

“Yeah, check the fridge” I said as I chopped onions. I exchanged a happy look with Jasper and felt tingly and warm inside when I saw her cheeks slightly flushed.

Charlie was still working on her last waffle when Jasper and I sat down at the table too.

“So I was thinking about what we could do today” I said to both of them. “There is a botanical garden quite close by, and it’ll open in an hour or so. Would you like to go?”

“Mhmm!” Charlie hummed through a mouthful of waffles. “You’re coming too, right, Jasper?”

“Um, sure” Jasper looked a little surprised, but pleased. I smiled up at her. “We could train in the afternoon instead” she said easily. “Amethyst’s pretty flexible”

“Alright. Then after the garden we could have lunch somewhere and then I would really like to show you a little of the town, maybe meet some people?”

“Yeah, OK” Charlie said, taking a drink of milk.

“OK, good, then we have a plan. And then later tonight… how about pizza for dinner? Maybe watch some movies… sound good?” Charlie nodded enthusiastically and Jasper smiled her ascent.

After we were done with breakfast, Jasper used her tablet to call Steven’s house and made plans for the afternoon with Amethyst. When they were done I asked to talk to Steven.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Steven. How are you doing?”

“I’m OK, thanks for the other day… It really helped me out. I’ve been talking it over with the gems too and I think I understand a bit better now”

“That’s great, kiddo, I’m glad I could do something…”

“Oh yeah, and Peridot says she’s sorry for laughing at you – “ there was a muffled scuffle and I could hear Peridot grumbling something inaudible. “She _is_ sorry” Steven said admonishingly – he must be talking to her at the same time.

“Alright, thanks… Hey, um. I don’t know if Connie’s told you, but my niece is visiting for a few days. I was wondering if you’d like to meet her?”

“Yeah, she did… Me and Connie are going to hang out at my house later today and just take it easy. Do you guys want to come over too?”

“Yeah, that’d be awesome” I said happily. I was so excited for Charlie to meet the two of them. “We’ll bring some donuts or something, that sound OK?”

“Great! Oh! They have a new flavor – sour apple – it’s really good, you should try it!”

“I’ll get a couple of them, don’t worry” I said with a smile. “Around three alright  for you?”

“Yeah!”

“OK, see you then, bye”

“Bye”

I ended the call and leaned back in the sofa, stubbing out my cigarette. Then I went to the bathroom to discover that my period was finally over. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

When we were dressed and ready we went out to Lorelai. Jasper opened the door to the backseat and squeezed inside. I turned round from the driver’s seat to look at her.

“Does it work for you, darling?”

Jasper stretched out her legs wiggled about a little to get comfy. “This is _much_ better – I actually fit in here” she said with a smile and put her hands behind her head – which was less than an inch from the roof. It looked a little funny, her massive hair flattened down like that. “Well, sort of” she chuckled.

“It’s a nice day, do you guys wanna try it with the top down?”

“Um, _yeah_ ” Charlie said excitedly and buckled herself in. I pushed the button to retract the roof and it slid back smoothly. Jasper’s hair regained its shape and I grinned.

“Since I’m driving, I get to pick the first song, alright?” I picked up my phone and scrolled through my music list. The intro to ‘Slowride’ by Foghat started playing and Charlie groaned and laughed as I put on a pair of sunglasses with a goofy look on my face. I met Jasper’s gaze in the rear view mirror and shot her a grin, which made her laugh too. I reversed out of the driveway and soon we were on the open road.

Half an hour later we pulled into a rather empty parking lot at the front of the ‘Ocean Town Botanical Garden’. Charlie jumped out immediately and ran to look at the map of the place. Jasper stood up in the car and simply jumped out instead of using the door. I made sure to put the roof back on before we went to buy tickets.

Charlie was in her element and kept up a running commentary and Jasper and I strolled along holding hands, trying to keep up with her. I took every opportunity to sniff the wonderful flowers and Jasper followed my example. There was even a butterfly room, which Jasper got very excited about. I managed to get a good picture of a really big blue one sitting on a sort of feeder thing, and another of Jasper and Charlie looking at some red and yellow ones flitting around a patch of pink flowers.

We spent a couple of hours wandering around the place and Charlie took so many pictures her phone ran out of battery, then she asked if she could use mine instead. When we got to the gift shop she came over to me and held the phone out – it was ringing.

“Hello?” I said as I answered it without looking who it was.

“Is Charlotte with you?!” it was Victoria and she sounded pissed the hell off. My heart rate jumped and I cursed myself internally.

“Uh… yeah, she’s – “

“Why isn’t she answering her phone!? It’s going straight to voice mail!”

“It died, but – “

“Put her on, _right now_ ” I held out the phone to Charlie and she gave me a questioning look.

“It’s your mom” I said quietly. Charlie’s face took on a slightly guilty expression and she took the phone and held it up to her ear.

“Hi mom… yeah, my phone died. Mhm, I’m good. We’re at a botanical garden – yes. No, I haven’t finished it yet. Yes. Yes, mom. _Yes_ , mom, I’ll do it this evening – “ Charlie’s shoulders sagged. “ _Fine,_ I’ll do it when we get back… Yes, I’ll practice the flute too… Yeah, I’ve got my own room, aunty and Jasper sleep downstairs. No, they’re not together anymore – um… I don’t know?” she looked up at me and covered the microphone. “How long have you been together?”

Jasper and I exchanged a look. “Um…” I said uncertainly. How long had we officially been together, really?

Charlie turned back to the phone. “Yeah, she’s right here… She’s really nice and super tall and – ” a wrinkle formed between her eyebrows and she frowned slightly, then she handed the phone to me and I tensed up with foreboding.

“Hello?” I said, reaching out instinctively for Jasper’s hand. She grabbed it reassuringly.

“Let me get this straight” Victoria said angrily. “You’re together with someone new and you didn’t think to tell me about it?!” my mouth opened, but before I could speak, she went on. “Who is this person?”

“Jasper – “

“A _guy_?! You’re with a _man_?! There’s an unknown man around my daughter??” she snapped.

“No, she’s not a guy, there’s no guy – “ I tried to explain.

“Pff! What kind of name is ‘Jasper’ for a _woman_? How long have you been together?”

“Um… I’ve known her around four months I thi –“

“And you’re _living_ with her?”

“Yes, we – “

“Oh, could you be a _little_ more stereotypical, Easy?” Victoria sighed in frustration and I felt my ears heat up and my heart rate spike. There was some rustling and Victoria’s voice sounded muffled now. “What? No, put the _Picasso_ in the middle! I’m on the phone – can I get five minutes without your inane questions?! Jesus fucking Christ!” there was some more scraping and then her voice was perfectly audible again. “I need to stay here another day or two” she grumbled, then continued reluctantly, her voice forcibly calm. “Do I need to make other arrangements or can Charlotte keep staying with you?”

“It’s fine” I said.

“Make sure she keeps her phone charged from now on” Victoria snapped. “I want to speak to her again” I handed the phone back to Charlie without a word. Charlie took it and Jasper looked down at me. I met her gaze, feeling distinctly lightheaded.

“Hi mom… Yes, I’ll keep it charged. OK. _Ookaay_ , mooom. Bye” Charlie sighed, then gave the phone back to me.

“I need some air” I said quietly and we headed outside and sat down on a bench, Jasper on one side and Charlie on the other. I lit a cigarette. “Your mom needs to stay in Aqua Mexico for a bit longer, one or two days”

Charlie perked up at this. “I can stay with you, right?”

“Yeah, of course sweetie” I tried to hitch on a smile for her. “Hey, want to go back in the gift shop and see if you find a souvenir?”

“OK” she grinned and went back inside. When she was out of earshot I let out a long sigh that produced a gray green cloud and I rubbed my temples. Jasper put an arm around my shoulders.

“What did she say?” she asked as I leaned my head against her.

“Oh, nothing _too_ bad, really… Just chided me for not telling her about _you_ , mocked your name and called _me_ stereotypical” Jasper frowned at my sarcastic summary.

“Mocked my _name_?”

“Yeah, she didn’t think it was appropriate for a woman – but I didn’t get the opportunity to correct her there – just told her you weren’t a guy… Gods…”

“And what’s stereotypical about _you_?” she asked, sounding ticked off.

“Well, according to _this_ particular exchange it’s the fact that we live together after only knowing each other for a short time” Jasper looked at me with confusion.

“What has that got to do with anything?”

“There’s this prejudiced idea that lesbians are prone to move in together just after they met. It’s just as stupid as saying all gay men are feminine. And it doesn’t apply to you and me anyway, but because you go by ‘she’ that’s what she assumes. Gods, Victoria can be _such_ a _dick_. I’m usually able to just let it go, but I don’t know… It really made me angry today”

“Tch” Jasper huffed and stared off into the distance. I took a deep drag on my cigarette and forced myself to relax. “Why does she treat you this way?” Jasper looked down at me seriously.

“I don’t know darling... She’s always been a dick, well, almost always. When we were really, really little, like maybe two or three we were friends. We did everything together and cried when we were separated. Then I guess we just… grew apart, or sibling rivalry kicked in or something”

After a few minutes we went to rejoin Charlie in the gift shop. She had found a bunch of coffee mugs with flower prints on them.

“You know at great granny Jo’s place, everyone has their own special mug? Can we do the same at your house?” she asked timidly. I was taken rather off guard by the question, and the fond memories it summoned up. It was true; everyone _did_ have their own special cup or mug at grandma’s place. It was a tradition. My cup had a picture of a little girl with brown hair and a hat and my name printed in big bold letters. Victoria had a similar one with a blonde girl. Grandma seemed to get them in batches – every generation had a different theme or style. My dad’s cup was a smaller size, blue and had his name – ‘Theodor’ in brown letters. Charlie’s was red and had a happy looking white dog sitting under the arch of the ‘h’ in ‘Charlotte’.

“These ones don’t have our names on them though” I said with a smile.

“No, but now you can go by your favorite flower instead” she said enthusiastically. “Here’s a Calla Lily for you, aunty” she pointed to a mug with a picture of a lily on a green background. “Which is your favorite flower, Jasper?”

“Uh… I don’t know” Jasper said. “I’ve never really looked at them until today”

“Well… did you find one you liked?”

“There was one that smelled really good?” Jasper said uncertainly. “It was on a bush, by the bench in the butterfly room”

“Oh, Jasmine!” Charlie giggled and pointed to another cup, with a blue background and a jasmine flower on it. “This is my favorite – the Bluestar” she held it up. It was a blue flower with six petals and white in the middle. “And this is mom’s favorite” she held up another cup with a delicate orchid on a purple background. “Do you think she’ll like it for her birthday?”

“Um… I’m sure she would, sweetie” I said a little uncertainly. I didn’t really want to buy Victoria a present. Well, it’d be _from_ _Charlie_ , but I would pay for it. It wasn’t like I couldn’t afford it, it was just… uncomfortable.

“What do you want for your birthday, aunty? I’ll leave before then, but, I could get you something while I’m here” she looked up at me with those beautiful eyes, so like my own.

“Oh, I don’t know. Anything’s fine”

“Oh, come on, aunty, you always say that…” Charlie said with a hint of a whine in her voice.

“Yeah, and you always get me something cool and unexpected. Like last year – that lava lamp? It was really relaxing” I patted her shoulder and picked up the cups she had pointed out and went to pay for them at the register. The old man in thick glasses wrapped them up in brown paper and put them in a bag which Charlie carried carefully out to the car.

“I’m going to have to find something to beat a lava lamp then” she said as she buckled herself in and I did the same.

“Anything you get me automatically becomes awesome, you know that” I smiled at her.

We drove to a diner we had spotted on the way to the botanical garden. Charlie and I had a cheeseburger each and Jasper had five. We ate happily and talked about the garden and looked at all the pictures on Jasper’s tablet, since Charlie’s phone was still dead and mine was fading fast.

When we got back to the house Charlie went upstairs to her room for a while and I gave Cake some food while Jasper unpacked the cups. She looked at hers for a long time before putting it down on the table with a smile.

“Do you like it?” I asked her, knowing the answer.

“Yeah, I do” she said with a sigh and pulled me into a hug. “She sure knows a lot about flowers”

“Mhmm” I hummed and stood on tip toe to kiss her. “You guys were so cute in the butterfly room together. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, I did. I never knew there were so many different kinds… It was interesting that they all smelled different too” she stuck her gem in my hair and sniffed. “But I like your smell the best, little monster”

“Aww, you dork” I giggled and squeezed her tightly. “ I think I might have a little nap before we go to the temple in an hour and a half, care to join me?”

“Mmm… yes” she said with a crooked grin.

“Charlie?” I called up the stairs.

“Yeah, aunty?” she called back.

“Me and Jasper are gonna take a nap, you gonna be OK?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna study a little”

“Don’t forget to charge your phone”

“I won’t”

Jasper and I went to lie down on the bed and got into prime cuddling position. I set an alarm for forty five minutes later. I dozed more than I slept, but it had the desired effect. When the alarm sounded I felt muzzy, but refreshed. I decided to make myself a cup of coffee in the new mug and then went out to have a smoke. Jasper took the opportunity to do some stretching on the dry grass and I watched with a big dumb smile on my face, almost dropping the coffee in my lap when she suddenly dropped into a split. Jasper looked very pleased at this and chuckled smugly. She joined me on the sofa and we had just began what promised to be a very steamy make-out session when Charlie stepped out on the patio.

“Ugh, gross!” she said cheekily. I glanced over at her and kept kissing Jasper for a few seconds, not wanting to part with her soft, wet lips. Charlie grimaced as we broke apart.

“I told you there’d be kissing” I said and stroked Jasper’s flushed cheek, extremely pleased her gem was glowing faintly. Jasper grabbed my wrist gently and kissed my palm.

“Weren’t we going to go somewhere?” Charlie said and put her hands on her hips in a very Victoria-like way.

“Yes, just give us a moment” I giggled. Charlie let out a groan and stomped inside, muttering something like ‘gorram grown-ups’. Jasper met my gaze and we both sniggered.

“She doesn’t like when people kiss?” she inquired with a raised eyebrow.

“She doesn’t get why, I think… but she will” I tucked a stray lock of hair behind Jasper’s ear and rested my hand on her jaw. “We should get going though”

Jasper cleared her throat a little. “I’m… going to need a minute” I looked down at her lap and saw Kara squirming.

“Oh” I giggled, feeling flattered. “Should I… go?”

“You’d better – she won’t listen to me otherwise” Jasper said a little embarrassedly.

“OK, darling. Just tell me when you’re ready” I gave her a quick kiss and got to my feet. I couldn’t help but smile as I went inside. Charlie was sitting on the stairs, dangling a piece of string for Cake. “Did you finish your… homework or whatever?” I asked her.

“Yeah, it wasn’t that much. I’m going to have to practice the flute later too” she said with a slight frown.

“You don’t like the flute?”

“Not particularly. I’m not very good with it. But mom says that being able to play an instrument is something ‘I’ll treasure for a lifetime and it looks great on an application’…” Charlie spoke in a sarcastic sing-song voice.

“Well, she _does_ have a point there, kiddo…” I said with a sympathetic smile. “But I think a keen interest in gardening would look even better on an application to, well, anything. That shows a lot to me”

“Yeah, like what?” Charlie sighed.

“Well… that you’re patient, for one. And that you’re diligent, that you care and that you’re a hard worker. Those are admirable qualities anyone should strive for, and you already have them in abundance. Any school would be lucky to have you, sweetie”

“Aunty…” she whined, blushing slightly.

“What? I can’t compliment my favorite niece?” I gave her shoulder a little push.

“I’m your _only_ niece…” Charlie grinned.

“So? You’re – still – my – favorite” I kissed her cheeks and forehead, making her giggle. I heard Jasper’s heavy footsteps approaching from behind me.

“What’s going on here?” she said with a grin. “Thought you didn’t like kissing, _Aeir_?”

“This is _different_ ” Charlie said decisively. “It’s not _on the mouth_. On the mouth is gross!”

“Let’s agree to disagree” I said diplomatically. “You guys ready to go?”

“ _Finally_ ” Charlie rolled her eyes and got up to put on her shoes. Jasper and I exchanged a look of amusement.

“Gods, when did my little niece turn into a teenager?” I sighed and followed Charlie into the hall. 

We strolled sedately toward the boardwalk, holding hands, and Jasper and I pointed out points of interest along the way.

“The people that we’re meeting, are they the rebels?” Charlie asked as we neared the beach.

“Yep” Jasper said.

“They refer to themselves as the Crystal Gems, though. Steven and Connie, they’re the kids. Then there’s Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and Peridot. Something that you might need to know is – well it took me by surprise the first time at least. Amethyst’s skin is purple. And Peridot’s green – and they all have… interesting hair styles”

“Purple? For real?” Charlie goggled at me and Jasper gave me a crooked grin, tossing her mane.

“Yeah” I said with a smile. “But before we go to see them, we’ve got one important stop to make – the Big Donut”

We walked in through the door to the café, the bell tinkling merrily. The place was empty, as usual and Sadie was standing behind the counter, looking a little bored – but she perked up when she saw us.

“Hi Erica, hi Jasper… and who’s this?” she asked, coming round the counter to give me a hug.

“This is Charlie, my niece” I said with a hint of pride in my voice.

“I can see the family resemblance” Sadie said, looking from Charlie to me. “Hi, I’m Sadie” she held out a hand to Charlie who hesitated a moment before letting go of my hand to shake Sadie’s.

“H-hi” she said shyly.

“How’s it going?” I asked Sadie, Charlie took my hand again and I gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Oh, it’s a bit slow today, as you can see. But I’m fine. How are you?” she looked up at Jasper too.

“We’re good” Jasper said and approached the counter to look at the donuts. Charlie looked over at her.

“You want to go pick some out? We’re going to need lots” I asked and she followed Jasper.

“She’s adorable!” Sadie whispered with a broad smile.

“I know, right?” I said, grinning.

“So you’re home from the hospital then? All healed up?” she asked, looking over my arms.

“What? Oh, yeah. Been home for a while now, sorry I haven’t come by since…” That’s right, last time I had seen Sadie was before the incident at the barn. “A lot’s been going on” I said with a slight frown.

“Tell me over coffee some day?”

“Definitely” I grinned at her.

“So, what are you guys interested in today?” she said as she stepped behind the counter again. “We’ve got a new kind in a few days ago – with sour apple frosting”

“We’re gonna need a whole bunch of those I think” I said and stepped up to the display shelves too.

“And some with pink frosting” Jasper said thoughtfully. “And some jelly filled ones, Amethyst loves those”

“Ooh, cinnamon ones too!” Charlie said excitedly, pointing at a shelf.

“Oh dear” I said with a grin. “Better make it around twenty or so then, because I want chocolate”

Sadie filled a box and I paid for it, having to put my hand on the lid to stop both Jasper and Charlie diving in.

“Seriously? Can you wait five minutes?” I said with mock indignation.

“Fine” they both sighed.

“Bye, Sadie, thank you” I said warmly as I picked up the heavy box. We made our way through the sand, my right calf protesting a little. When we approached the door, Charlie started to look a little nervous.

“They’re nice, right?” she asked tentatively, twisting the hem of her skirt in her hands.

“Super nice” I said reassuringly. I knocked at the screen door, seeing Amethyst and Peridot in the kitchen. Steven came bounding in out of sight and opened the door with a big grin on his face.

“Hi!” he said happily – I was so glad to see him so upbeat. It was such a dramatic change from a few days ago. Steven gave me a big hug and then stepped aside so we could go in, then he hugged Jasper too. Charlie followed me through the door, holding onto the bottom of my t-shirt.

“Hi everyone” I greeted and put the box of donuts down on the kitchen counter.

“Nice!” Amethyst said and descended on the box immediately, grabbing three and shoving two in her mouth and putting the third one on her finger like an oversized ring.

“Hi, I’m Steven, and this is Connie” Steven said and pointed to Connie, who had been sitting in the sofa with Pearl, both of them waved. “And that’s Pearl, Amethyst and Peridot” he pointed to all the others in turn. Charlie looked a little overwhelmed at all the people and I put a hand on her shoulder.

“H-hello” she said quietly.

Connie came up to us and hugged me too, then turned to Charlie and said politely; “We’re playing ‘Non-invasive Operation’, would you like to join us?”

“Mmm OK” Charlie said after a moment.

“I’ll get some donuts, do you want a juice box? There’s grape, apple and durian” Steven said in a friendly voice.

“Um… Grape would be nice”

“OK, coming right up! Connie, durian for you?”

“Yeah, Steven, thanks!” Connie and Charlie went over to the sofa and Pearl said a quick hello before coming up to greet me with a hug.

Peridot had picked up a green frosted donut and sniffed at it gingerly. Steven grabbed about eight and put them on a plate and hurried over with it to the sofa, his other arm holding three juice boxes. Jasper was chewing a pink donut with sprinkles with every sign of enjoyment, seemingly immune to the bustle going on around her. Amethyst grabbed two more and jumped down from the counter.

“We ready to go, Jay-Z? I’ve got somewhere special I wanna show ya”

“Oh yeah?” Jasper said, an air of cockiness in her voice. I grinned at this. She swallowed and then bent down to kiss me goodbye. “See you at dinner?”

I wiped some sprinkles from her cheek with my thumb and put it in my mouth. “Yeah, see you at dinner, beastie”

Amethyst groaned and rolled her eye at us. “It’s _fine_ , we _get_ it – you’re in looove”

“And _you’re_ more full of jelly than that donut” Jasper said teasingly. Amethyst scoffed as Jasper grabbed another donut, a green frosted one this time. Then she walked over to the kids and held out her fist to Charlie, who pounded it with a grin. “See you later, _Aeir_ ” she joined a slightly sulky looking Amethyst on the warp pad, then turned to me and kissed two fingers in salute, completely ignoring Amethyst’s elbow to her thigh. As they warped away I heard Charlie gasp.

“It’s OK!” Steven said quickly. “That’s the just warp pad”

“… Is that the teleport thing you were looking for on the island, aunty?” Charlie asked me uncertainly. I nodded with a smile.

“You travel through another dimension – it’s really cool!” Connie said enthusiastically.

“No way…” Charlie breathed, picking up a donut and biting into it absentmindedly. Steven and Connie began to tell her about warping and I smiled, turning to Pearl and Peridot.

“Why is this one green?” Peridot asked suspiciously.

“It’s got sour apple frosting” I explained.

“They do come up with some rather interesting flavors, don’t they” Pearl sighed. “How are you, Erica?”

“I’m good, really good” I said happily, a few golden butterflies fluttering around me. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, so relieved Steven’s been able to sleep through the night again”

“Yeah, me too” Peridot said, dropping her air of superiority a little. “May I have one of these… donuts?”

“Feel free” I said, feeling a little surprised. Was she warming up to me? Peridot took an experimental bite and chewed thoughtfully, then picked up a tablet from the counter and began tapping at it, walking over to the sofa by the window and sitting down.

“Would you like a cup of tea?” Pearl asked politely.

“I’d love some” I said with a smile, then looked down at the box. There were five left in there – I shook my head and let out a little laugh. Fifteen gone in under five minutes. I picked up a chocolate one and bit into it as I sat down on one of the high bar chairs, half turning round so I could look at the kids. They were concentrating deeply over the game, each with a donut in hand. It was Charlie’s turn with the tweezers and she managed to pull out a piece without it making the error noise and Steven and Connie cheered, making her blush a little and smile. I was extremely happy to see Charlie join in the next cheer, when Connie succeeded as well. I let out a breath of joy and relief, several sparkling butterflies appearing. Pearl looked at me with a grin.

“Your niece, right?” I nodded. “You’re very much alike”

“Thanks” I said happily.

“Did you meet Victoria?” she asked quietly, her face growing a little worried.

“No, thankfully. But I’m sure I will when Charlie has to go home in a few days” I let out another sigh. “But I try not to think about that… I don’t want to ruin this time with Charlie. We went to a botanical garden earlier today – Charlie loves gardening and everything to do with plants. They had a butterfly room, too. Look” I pulled out my phone and swiped to the picture of Jasper and Charlie with the red and yellow butterflies by the pink flowers.

“Oh, Jasper went with you too?” Pearl asked in surprise.

“Yep” I said with a smile. To my slight discomfort, Pearl began to swipe sideways on my phone.

“Oh” she said and blushed slightly. My mind was immediately on fire – what kind of pictures did I have on there? I took the phone out of her hand and my mouth widened into a huge grin – it was a picture of Jasper leaning forward and putting her gem in a large white flower. Her eyes were closed and there was a serene and happy look on her face. It reminded me of how she looked when she was asleep – relaxed. Charlie must have taken the picture after I had given her my phone.

“I hadn’t seen that one yet…” I said quietly, unable to look away.

Pearl took a long thoughtful sip of her tea. “I keep… underestimating her, don’t I?”

I looked up at her with my lips pursed. “You kind of do, yeah…”

“I’m sorry” she said with a sigh. “I’m… trying”

“I know you are, Pearl. Jasper is too”

There was a loud whoop from behind us and Steven got up and did a victory lap around the coffee table. This made Peridot drop her donut and she grumbled as she picked it up and dusted it off. The kids set up the game again to have another go.

“They do seem to get along, don’t they?” Pearl said with a faint smile.

“Yeah, I’m so glad”

“Garnet told me about your training session – she said both you and Connie did very well”

“It was fun, well, _mostly_ fun. And I learned a lot – one important thing is that I really should get into better shape. Jesus Christ, Connie has _so_ much energy”

“That she does” Pearl said with a knowing smile. As if on cue, the kids whooped again and Peridot lost hold of her tablet this time. She grumbled a bit louder and threw dirty looks over at them in the other sofa. I frowned slightly at this, my hackles raising, ready to pounce if Peridot would say something nasty. “Do you have time for a private session soon?” Pearl asked.

“Mmm sure, Pearl” I said distractedly, keeping half my attention on the green gem. There was a sound of dismay from behind me – one of them must have failed. Peridot twitched, but didn’t drop anything. Instead she got up and walked toward the warp pad.

“Peridot? Where are you going?” Pearl asked in surprise.

“To the barn!” she huffed. “I need some peace and quiet to read my Camp Pining Hearts fanfiction!” she warped away and the kids giggled a little, then got back to their game.

“We really should get that place cleaned up” Pearl sighed. “Peridot and I are not… exactly the best of friends, and having her stay in Steven’s room is… not ideal” hearing that Pearl had issues with Peridot too and not just Jasper somehow made me feel better.

“Do you guys need some help?” I asked, a sting of guilt in my stomach. Echo had contributed greatly to the destruction over there after all.

“Some help would be great” Pearl said with a smile. “Maybe when Charlie has gone back home? It might not be the most fun activity in the world“

“I’ll ask her later, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. If it means spending some time with her new… dare-I-say… friends?” I looked over at the kids again with a grin. “Might be nice for her to blow off some steam…”

“Well, we’re not going to say no to two extra pair of hands” Pearl smiled at me and took another sip of tea. “I’m going to be _so_ glad to be rid of _that_ ” she gestured over to a pile of junk standing in the corner between the raised wall of Steven’s loft and the fireplace. “Peridot’s been scavenging things from a dump Amethyst showed her. I think she’s looking for parts for that tractor of hers, but she picks up all sorts of things. Yesterday I had to stop her bringing in a filthy oil drum!” Pearl looked both disturbed and amused at the same time and I sniggered.

“Is she an artist? I remember the sculptures and things from… before”

Pearl gave me a sympathetic look. “I think you could call her that, yes. But she calls her pieces ‘meep-morps’, and even though it’s not something I’d _personally_ want decorating my room, I do think they have a…” she waved her hand as she was looking for the right word. “ _Rustic_ kind of charm…”

“My best friend is a sculptor – the place reminded me of her workshop. She uses a lot of recycled materials too“

The warp pad activated again and I looked up, expecting to see Garnet, but it was Peridot again. Her hair was a mess, her clothes were torn and covered in mud and _something_ was on her back. She shrieked and clawed at it, a look of disgust and fear on her face.

Both Pearl and me gasped and ran over to her as she screamed;

“Get it off! Get it off!” she turned her back to us, dancing on the spot – at first I thought it was a spider, but then I saw it was a blue hand and a yellow hand joined at the wrist. It made my hair stand on end and I froze up, but Pearl reached out for it and yanked it off. Peridot sprang away with a yelp as Pearl drew her spear from her gem and skewered the thing after pinning it down with her foot. A small white cloud appeared and something tinkled onto the warp pad. Pearl bent down and picked up two little gem shards in the shape of a ‘V’ and bubbled them quickly.

“Was that a _fusion_ experiment?” Connie asked from behind us and we turned to see all three kids standing right there. Connie looked shocked, as did Steven. Charlie looked confused.

“Yes” Pearl said seriously. “Peridot what – …Peridot?” I turned to see the green gem cowering in a corner. Steven hurried over to her.

“Peridot?” he said softly. “It’s gone now, it’s OK”

“It’s _not_ OK!” Peridot spat. “They were crawling all over me!” she hugged herself and shivered.

“What… happened?” Pearl asked. “I thought you said you were going to the barn?”

“I _did_ go to the barn! The place is overrun with those… things!” Peridot said in a harsh but trembling voice.

“What do you mean, ‘overrun’?” Pearl asked intensely, taking a step closer to her.

A small warm hand touched my arm and I looked down at Charlie. “Are you OK, sweetie?” I asked quickly.

“I’m fine, aunty – but what’s happening? What was that thing? And where did that spear come from?”

“That was a fusion experiment… Do you remember what Jasper said about fusion?” she nodded. “Well… this fusion was made of two little shards of different gems and they didn’t choose to fuse, they were forced…” I looked at the bubble and remembered the huge hand monster that had held Steven by the neck, the day Lion had taken us to the Kindergarten. “And the spear… Pearl summoned it from her gem”

“Is a fusion experiment the same as a corrupted gem?” she asked tentatively as the others tried to calm Peridot down.

“No sweetie. I think corrupted gems are whole gems who _become_ monsters and fusion experiments… are a little like Frankenstein’s monster I suppose – they’re _made_ , and made up of dead parts”

“ _Gross_ ” Charlie frowned deeply. “Why would anyone do a thing like that?”

“To see what happens, I suppose… Steven told me about them a while ago. He said that by the end of the war, the home world gems were getting desperate and they started experimenting with forced fusion of gem shards”

“Home world?”

“It’s where the gems originally come from”

“Did the spider thing that attacked you and Jasper look like that?”

“No, it was much bigger” Charlie looked at me with slightly widened eyes.

“No, I’m not going back there!” Peridot shrieked indignantly and I turned around to see Pearl and Connie standing armed and ready on the warp pad, Steven trying to drag Peridot on to it too.

“We can’t just leave them there – the barn is much too close to other human settlements! We must contain this before anyone gets hurt” Pearl said decisively. “Come on Peridot, you are a self-proclaimed Crystal Gem, and this is what Crystal Gems _do_! Erica, come on” my head jerked back a little in surprise.

“But… what about Charlie?” I sputtered.

“Bring her” Pearl’s voice had gone steely.

I was torn – should I stay behind with Charlie? Should I leave her here and go with them to help? I _couldn’t_ bring her to that place if it was dangerous – but my train of thought was derailed when Charlie tugged me onto the warp pad.

“Come on, aunty!” she said excitedly.

“But - !” I protested.

“Steven, leave her!” Pearl commanded and Steven ran onto the pad, looking sadly at Peridot. Before I could get any more words out, the warp activated and Charlie floated upwards with a gasp of surprise. I pulled her down into my arms and prepared myself for a hard landing. “Bubble us as soon as we arrive” Pearl said to Steven, who nodded. The lights faded and immediately there was a ping and everything took on a pink hue. My knees flexed as gravity came back, but I managed to remain standing, holding onto Charlie tightly. I let her down carefully and she looked up at me with shining eyes, but before she could say anything, Pearl spoke;

“I count at least thirty. Here, Erica” she reached up and pulled another spear out of her gem and handed it to me as Connie unsheathed Rose’s sword and Steven summoned his shield. Charlie gasped again and leaned close to look at the spear. “Connie, Steven, go right, Erica and I will go left, bubble them as you go. Charlie” Pearl turned to her and Charlie swallowed. “Be our lookout, call out if any come near the warp pad, got it?”

“R-roger!” Charlie stood up straight.

“ _Pearl_!” I said angrily, blue and purple sparks flying from me.

“On my mark, Steven” Pearl said, ignoring my words and held up her hand. “Three, two, one, now!” the bubble popped and Steven and Connie darted away to the right and Pearl dashed left. I hesitated, gripping the spear tightly in my hands.

“What are you doing, aunty? Go!” Charlie pushed me with an almost angry look on her face. “I can’t be lookout if you’re in my way!” I stumbled off the raised white circle.

“If any of them even come _near_ you – !”

“I know what to do!” she put one hand on her hip and pointed to Pearl. “Now fuck off!” I turned around and ran to catch up with Pearl, an angry but slightly proud expression on my face – Charlie was most _definitely_ my niece.

Pearl was engaging two experiments, one of them a large leg with a hand on top and the other a single arm. She swiped through them both in one fluid movement and their gems splashed into the mud. Another was approaching from behind her and I called out;

“Six o’clock!” Pearl spun round and pierced the stumbling pair of legs. She bent down quickly and bubbled the three little clusters, then sent them off.

“On my left side, Erica, move with me” she said and I took my position as we moved forwards. There were so many of them, crawling, hopping, and limping. Four of them turned to us when they heard us approaching and we circled them warily. One of them, a double arm, sprang up and I swatted it down and stabbed it, then was almost knocked over by a legless torso. I regained my balance and thrust my spear into its stomach. It gurgled throatily before vanishing. Pearl had already dispatched the other two and dipped to encase mine in bubbles. She tapped the top of the spheres as we moved to the next group. I threw a quick eye over at Charlie – she was standing alone on the warp pad. I breathed out and shifted my grip to block a lumbering pair of legs with a torso attached – then muscle memory kicked in and I flicked the point of the spear into its rib cage. I could hear Steven and Connie shout to each other as they battled a group of their own.

“Heads up!” Pearl called and kicked out the legs of one, it slid on its back toward me and I stabbed down at it. She collected the shards and sent them away, then pointed to a group of six clustered around the tarp covered tractor. We approached cautiously – then a thick arm rose up out of the mud and grabbed me by the ankle, making me stumble.

“Let go!” I shouted and a bolt of lightning struck it on the wrist, making it writhe sickeningly before it disappeared in a puff of white smoke. Two more were coming toward me – another arm and a leg with a hand for a foot and another about half way up its calf. That made my skin tingle and I swiped at it, managing to slice it across the knee. The arm rose like a snake and grabbed at the spear stupidly and I just yanked the tip up. Pearl’s clear white bubble appeared around them and she gave me a quick smile before heading toward then next group. We were getting closer to Steven and Connie now – did that mean we were almost done? I threw another look over my shoulder and saw Charlie still standing on the pad. The faster we were rid of these wretched things, the faster I could go back to her. I gritted my teeth and kicked a red and white arm-foot combination, then ran it through. Pearl’s spear twirled and flashed through the air and three white clouds burst into life on my right. Then came a shrill cry from behind me and my heart froze. I whipped around – something was approaching the warp pad and Charlie was jumping up and down, waving her arms.

“ _Charlie_!” I yelled as I began to run. Blood pounded in my ears as I sprinted pell-mell toward the elongated thing crawling along the ground. Several hands were mounted on a long leg, making it look like a deformed centipede. I charged into it and ran it through – it screeched and wriggled disgustingly before vanishing. Charlie looked up at me with horror-mixed delight.

“Another one!” she shouted and pointed behind me.

“Son of a cock!” I spat as a mud-covered blue and green tangle of hands grabbed at my shorts. Lightning struck the ground just beside it as I scrambled out of the way. It waved its fingers in frustration, then it lunged at me with a terrible sound, like group of people cracking their knuckles at the same time – it hit me in the stomach and pushed me over, tearing at my clothes with sharp nails and knocking the breath out of me – the spear flew out of my hand. Charlie shrieked and I gasped for air as it bore down on my chest – how could it be so heavy?! Then a hand shifted and a huge eye blinked at me. _Absolute_ revulsion filled me and I forced it down between my legs and clamped it tightly with my knees, digging into my EDC and pulling out my multi-tool and flicking the knife blade out. I plunged it into the mass of waving fingers, disgust rising like bile in my throat as the squishy wetness of the eye closed in agony around my hand and I _twisted_ – it squealed like several pigs getting molested and I felt hot breath on my calf – somewhere in that mess was a _mouth_! The force of the thing losing its shape shoved my legs apart and my arm up into the air. I rolled over to make it easier to get up, grabbed the multicolored cluster of gem shards and staggered to my feet, trying to take deep breaths.

“Aunty! Are you OK?!” Charlie squeaked with both fear and astonishment. I looked around blearily, feeling dizzy and sick to my stomach. Pearl, Steven and Connie were fighting the remaining fusion experiments closer to the barn.

“I’m alright, Charlie. Are you hurt?” I panted, wiping some filth off my face with my sleeve.

“No, I’m fine” she shook her head and showed me her arms.

“Good… Where’s the other shard?”

“Here” she put the cold and muddy thing in my hand, her fingers lingered on mine. I heard a little sniff and looked into her rapidly filling eyes. “Aunty…” she whimpered. I knelt down and hugged her tightly. She was trembling from head to toe.

“It’s alright, sweetie… It’s over… It’s all over now…” I stroked her back slowly and she burrowed her head into my shoulder.

“They screamed… _so_ loudly” she mumbled through her tears.

“I know… I know…” I said soothingly. I was finding it a little hard to concentrate on her because anger was fighting to fill up my chest. I needed to have a sharp word with Pearl about this… After a little while in the embrace, I could hear voices and footsteps approaching and Charlie was about to wipe her eyes on her sleeve but I handed her my handkerchief instead. “It’s OK to cry, sweetie… Steven and Connie won’t mind a bit, and they won’t be mean about it, I promise”

Charlie gave me a rather doubtful look.

“Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye” I said and covered my eye with the hand I kept the shards in. This made her smile faintly.

Steven and Connie called out and came running up to us, and I stood up, taking Charlie’s hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

“Are you guys OK?” Steven asked as they reached us.

“We’re OK” Charlie said a little hoarsely.

“Good work, _everyone_!” Pearl called with a hint of pride in her voice. She let her spear go in midair and it vanished with a twing, as did the one she had given me. I squeezed the hand I was carrying the shards in, telling myself to wait. My fingers relaxed and I held out the gem pieces for Steven to bubble. He did so with a smile and we all stepped onto the warp pad.

“Hold on to me, sweetie” I said and Charlie hugged me around the middle as the warp activated. When the lights vanished I lifted her chin gently. “Drink something, will you? And have something to eat, even if it’s just a little” I said quietly to her as the others stepped onto the wooden floor.

“Are you going somewhere?” she asked me with wrinkled eyebrows.

“I just need to have a word with Pearl, sweetie. We’ll be right back” I patted her shoulder. “And I’ve got my phone, so just call if you need me, OK?”

“OK” she followed the others to the kitchen and Steven handed her a towel so she could clean up – I had transferred rather a lot of mud onto her clothes.

“Pearl” I said loudly, and she turned around.

“Yes?”

“Can I have a word?” she walked up to me with an inquiring look on her face. “In private?”

“Oh, um… sure. Let’s go in my room” she approached the door to the temple and her gem started to glow. A corresponding gem on the door activated and it slid aside. “Watch your step, it might be slippery”

I walked through the archway and into a big room full of huge bowl-like fountains. Pale gossamer drapes hung from a pillar in the ceiling. I would have liked to have a look around, but that would have to wait. The door slid closed with a strange sound.

“Pearl… I’m going to lose my temper with you now” I said quietly.

“What?” she said, her smile fading.

“You do _not_ , under _any_ circumstances _what-so-fucking- **EVER**_ put my one and only niece in harm’s way!” I shouted at her, blue and purple sparks flying out of my mouth along with spittle and a roll of thunder that left my ears ringing. Pearl’s eyes went wide in shock and she took several steps away from me.

“Wh – “

“You can’t make decisions like that just on the fly! Not when it concerns the most precious thing in my life – my actual flesh and blood, Pearl! _My_ blood! And you should be extremely thankful none of that blood was spilled today because if it had been, you would be _dust_ by now – do you hear me?! DUST!” my voice echoed around the chamber and lightning crackled wildly through the air.

“Nobody – messes – with – my – niece!” I growled, every word accompanied by flashes of flame and sparks. I was barely able to contain the primal beast inside me. It screamed at me to grab that spindly neck of hers and snap it, then crack open her ribcage and rip out her still beating heart.

Pearl sputtered, hands rising in a half-hearted calming gesture, looking absolutely terrified. The beast felt triumph nearing and moved my body for me, and I was so tempted to let it take over and get that glorious satisfaction that was righteous revenge. Pearl backed into a wall with a little gasp.

She was just a few feet away from me now and I raised a fist as I charged at her, lightning bending around it.

It seared my skin, but I did not care – revenge was at hand! Then I met her horrified gaze, her big oval eyes reflecting my expression and a thrill of disgust and fear pulsed through me. I twisted at the last second and my fist slammed into the wall by Pearl’s head. Pain shot through my hand and all the way up to my shoulder, the lightning singing some of Pearl’s hair and leaving the stone wall cracked and blackened.

Pearl and I stared at each other in shock and silence for a fraction of a second, then I stepped back from her, wincing as my hand came away from the wall. Fuck, it hurt!

“Jesus motherfucking Christ” I hissed out a sparkling red cloud, holding my wrist gingerly. The beast inside roared, confused as to why it was being chained again and dragged back to its cage. What I had seen in Pearl’s eyes was so… _awful_ it had knocked the anger to the side – I had displayed the _exact same_ expression my mother had worn _when_ _she had hit me_. My eyes had been the worst part – I knew that sometimes I did something that my best friend called ‘the look of Death’ but I had never seen it for myself – I couldn’t control it when it happened but Robyn had told me it was fucking terrifying. Had I just seen it? My eyes had been so… _dark_ and so _focused_ – they seemed to be saying ‘I will end you’ with one thousand percent certainty. Just… just like my mother’s. I felt queasy.

Blood dripped onto the ground from my busted knuckles, the little pitter patter the only sound in this huge room, apart from my ragged red breath.

What the fuck had I just done? Shit! _This_ is what happens when anger rules and logic and reasoning are forced to take a backseat, I told myself fiercely. _This_ is why we don’t let it take over. The anger grumbled and seethed – **_my kin in danger, blood of my blood – nothing is allowed to hurt her_! ** Yes, I _agree_ , I argued – but we don’t _hit_ our _friends_! I turned around to face Pearl, trying to come up with something to say, anything to fix this mess I had created.

“Pearl, I – “ but Pearl began at the same time, saying;

“Erica, listen – “

I gestured for her to go first, taking a few steps back to give her some space. She stopped leaning on the wall and stood up straight. 

“I… made a mistake” she said shakily. “I had no… authority over Charlie and I _ignored_ your protests… We needed a lookout, and… Peridot refused. I thought she would be _safe_ on the warp pad – it’s between the barn and the other people living in the area. There are families there, with… young children… Sometimes they play in the fields... I hadn’t accounted for the fusion experiments to be hiding in the mud – I made a grave miscalculation and I’m… _truly_ sorry, Erica…” she had walked up to me, her back straight and stiff. She was claiming responsibility for her actions – that was a relief.

“I shouldn’t have shouted – “

“Yes, you should have” Pearl nodded passionately. “Charlie isn’t a Crystal Gem, she doesn’t have training that I know of – if only Peridot had come with us, then she could have stayed at the house, but I needed both of you! I… I’ve _seen_ what happens to unsuspecting children who… get attacked by those things… I couldn’t let it happen this time, couldn’t let any of them get away…” it felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice down my back. Those things went after _humans_ too?

“What… happened last time?” I asked with a puff of purple laced with red.

Pearl looked up at me with tears in her eyes. “It was two hundred years or so ago, when Beach City was newly built. Garnet alerted us to a threat in this area and when we arrived we found a house –there was a gathering of humans around a little boy lying on the ground. Rose ran forward before I could stop her and she asked what had happened. A man pointed to a few gem shards that looked as if they had been smashed. He said the boy had found a possessed trinket and that a demon had come out of it and strangled him. The man looked to be the boy’s father and was holding a large hammer and panting. Rose had bent down to kiss the boy, to heal him… but it was too late…” Pearl wiped her eyes. “It was the first time we encountered something like that – we didn’t understand why there were several _different_ types of gem shards on the ground… It wasn’t until quite recently that more of the fusion experiments emerged and we found out what they truly were…” Pearl shivered and covered her eyes in shame.

“That’s… _horrible_ Pearl…” I let out a sigh. I understood why she had done it now. “I… get it, but _never_ do that again. Never put _her_ in danger, for _any_ reason – even if it is a good reason, do you hear me?”

Pearl let her hand fall and nodded solemnly. “I swear it”

There was silence for a moment. Then I remembered something else. “Why didn’t you follow me when she cried out?”

Pearl looked at me with a wrinkle between her eyes. “I _did_ follow you… you just… didn’t need me for the few closest to Charlie” she said quietly, a hint of pride in her voice. I looked at her, feeling confused.

“’Closest’? But… I didn’t see you?”

”There were three more that rose out of the mud… You were so focused, Erica… you didn’t hear me calling… Just like in the desert” she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Then Steven and Connie needed me, so I went back to them to help clear out the last ones by the barn…”  

“Oh” I said and felt my cheeks flush – I squeezed my wrist without thinking, then winced as both it and my hand seared with pain. “Motherfucker” I hissed out some red mist.

“Let me see that – Oh!” Pearl stepped forward and then recoiled a little. “Erica, oh my… We need to get you to the fountain right now!”

“But… won’t we have to warp there? I don’t… I don’t want the kids to see this” I felt a sting of shame at how I had acted.

“Just… hold it behind your back?” Pearl suggested.

“I’ll… give it a go” I grunted, and managed to do it by grabbing my injured arm behind my back with the other hand. We hurried through to the house and found the place deserted, but could see through the window that the kids were outside, playing volleyball. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw Garnet standing on the sidelines of the playing field. I let my arm go gingerly as we stepped onto the warp pad. Then Pearl gave a little cry of indignation and darted forward, picking up a struggling Peridot by the scruff of the neck. Peridot had just climbed out of a kitchen cabinet where she must have been hiding.

“ _You_ are coming with _us_ ” Pearl said menacingly and stepped back onto the warp pad.

“Unhand me you clod! Put me down right now!” Peridot raged and flailed around. Pearl grabbed her more securely and the warp pad pinged. “Where are you taking me?!” Peridot shrieked – her voice grated on my nerves.

“Shut up, Peridot!” I barked – a stream of blue and red sparks fizzled from me and streamed up and away. Peridot’s frantic gaze fell on my hand and her mouth snapped shut. When we arrived at Rose’s Sanctuary, Pearl set her down and grabbed her by the upper arm, dragging her with us so she wouldn’t warp away. I hurried toward the fountain, concentrating on the sound my feet made over the ground to try to drown out the sharp throbbing pain in my hand. I was pretty sure something had been fractured. I plunged my fingers into the pool and immediately felt warmth spreading up my arm and filling my entire body – the pain faded quickly, like it was being drained away by the water-like liquid. I flexed my fingers with a sigh of relief, then sat down on the step in front of the fountain, leaned my back on it and lit myself a well-earned cigarette by saying “cluster fuck”.

“Peridot!” Pearl said loudly, pushing the green gem in front of her – that left Pearl between Peridot and the warp pad. Peridot panted and grumbled worriedly.

“What are you going to do to me?!” she asked, looking both scared and angry.

“ _We_ are going to _talk_ ” Pearl said and crossed her arms. Peridot looked surprised and then pointed at me instead.

“What’s _she_ going to do to me then?!” I raised my eyebrow at her, not sure if I should feel insulted or not.

“Peridot, honestly!” Pearl huffed. “We needed your help earlier and you _refused_! That is _not_ how a Crystal Gem behaves!”

Oh, that’s right… Pearl had sort of insinuated that _I_ was a Crystal Gem… was that how she thought of me? Was that how the other Crystal Gems thought of me? Is that how _I_ think of me? A Crystal _Ally_ yes, _sure_ , but… Calling myself a _Crystal Gem_ would feel a bit, well… like I was betraying Jasper. It was her and I, together, first and foremost… _For us_ , echoed in my head.

“Opf! Well!” Peridot sputtered, her cheeks flushing a deep green. “It’s how _this_ Crystal Gem behaves when a bunch of disembodied limbs swarms her and _touches_ her _everywhere_ even when she b-begs them to s-s-stop!” her voice rose in pitch and ended in a squeak. A really unpleasant thrill shot down my spine.

“Wh-what?” Pearl blurted, taking half a step back and lifting her hand to her mouth.

“I barely got away from them and then you want me to go back there…?” Peridot said quietly, her whole face flushed now.

“But you didn’t say – “

“I _did_ say!” Peridot spat hotly. “You keep talking about feeling this and feeling that, _your_ feelings, _Steven’s_ feelings, _Jasper’s_ flipping feelings – what about _my_ feelings? When is someone going to listen to _me_?” she pointed to her own heaving chest. “I _used_ to have someone who listened to me, I used to have _two_ people even, but _big surprise_ – Jasper comes _waltzing_ _in_ and messes everything up – _again_! Everything is always about everybody else! In the last few months _I_ have lost _my empire_ –  _my home_ **_twice_** , one friend and a – a … _another friend_!” she was shaking with anger, tiny green hands balled into fists. “But _that_ doesn’t matter to anyone, _oh no_! ‘You’ve got to think of other _people_ , Peridot’” she said in a sarcastic sing-song voice and throwing her hands up into the air. “‘You can’t just say what you’re thinking _out loud_ , Peridot’, ‘Don’t bring filthy things _into the house_ , Peridot’, ‘Stop pestering me to _hang out_ , Peridot’, ‘Stop being such a needy little _pebble_ , Peridot’, ‘Nobody wants you _here_ , Peridot’, ‘SHUT _UP_ , PERIDOT!”

I stared at the fuming gem in front of me. Holy fuck balls… I swallowed hard and looked over at Pearl – she looked like she had been hit over the head with a hammer. What the fuck do you say to all that?

“Who… who said they didn’t want you here, Per – ah, um – Peridot?” Pearl said nervously.

“Nobody said it _out loud_ …” Peridot grumbled, turning her head away from Pearl.

“I… um…” Pearl sighed and took a deep breath, then ran her fingers over her gem and through her hair.

“You and I aren’t… close. And yes, you do things sometimes that are beyond me, but… _Steven loves you_ – and if anyone knows the true worth of a person, it is him…” Pearl looked up at the statue of Rose. “He sees through all our little faults and quirks to the person we are inside and I… can’t do that… I guess… I still have so much to learn about… how to love, from her… From _him_ , I mean… You _are_ a Crystal Gem Peridot, and I’m… sorry we haven’t… been paying attention to how all of… _this_ has affected you…” Peridot turned to look at Pearl.

“No, you haven’t” she said quietly.

“We… we will, though… From now on. We are a team, after all. I think we need to be reminded of that, from time to time… It’s… so easy to forget how _precious_ ” Pearl met my gaze. “We all are…”

Pearl walked up to me and held out her hand, palm up. I grasped it and she pulled me to my feet.

“Is that _her_ …? Is that Rose Quartz?” Peridot asked, pointing up at the statue in the middle of the pool. The tension had lessened considerably between the three of us. 

“Yes… that’s Rose” Pearl smiled sadly.

“I’ve never seen a Rose Quartz that looks like her…” Peridot muttered ponderously.

“She wasn’t like anyone else in the _entire_ universe” Pearl said slowly and sighed. I put my hand on her shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. The look on her face was one of longing and loss. “I wish you could have met her…” she let out a sad little laugh. “She would adore your… meep-morps, Peridot… She would call them ‘so splendidly you’… And she would just love to sing with you, Erica… And she could probably give you a run for your money when it comes to inventive swearing” she smiled wetly and wiped her cheek. “She was so fierce when roused, my Rose… Strong and beautiful and just so unapologetically, undeniably _herself_ …”

“She sounds like a very interesting gem to know… I’d like to have met her, too” I said slowly. “Then I could thank her, personally, for fixing me up how many times now? Pearl… I’m really sorry about before…” I glanced at the singed part in her hair and felt a lash of shame. She met my gaze.

“If the roles had been reversed and you would have taken Steven like that, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t just have punched the _wall_ ” she said with a faint smile.

“She doesn’t pull her punches, I know that for a fact” Peridot sighed and rubbed her cheek. I looked down at her, then back up at Pearl.

“It’s a long story” Pearl said and shook her head a little, her face wearing a slightly pained grimace of amusement.

My phone buzzed and I pulled it out, reading the text message and smiling broadly.

“Oh, I think I might just die… Charlie just asked if she could have a sleepover with Steven and Connie at our house tomorrow night” I held the phone to my chest, drawing in a slightly shaking breath. “How adorable is that? Oh my gods…” bright butterflies fluttered around me.

“Steven _is_ very good at making friends” Peridot said a little distractedly, looking at the butterflies as they faded.

“I need to head back, Charlie’s wondering where I am” I sighed happily as I read the rest of the message. We started walking slowly back to the warp pad.

“We’re… fine, right?” Pearl asked a little tentatively, looking at both me and Peridot in turn.

“…Yes” Peridot said after a moment, her cheeks sporting patches of darker green. I nodded and stood next to Pearl, taking her slim hand in the one I had almost punched her with. She held out her free hand to Peridot who grasped it after hesitating for a second. The warp activated with a ping and soon we stood in Steven’s house again. The kids were back inside now, sitting by the coffee table with Garnet and playing another game.

“Aunty!” Charlie called as soon as she heard the sound of the warp. She got up and rushed over to me. “Did you get my text? Can we have a sleepover?”

I smiled warmly at her, wrapping her in a tight hug. “I’m going to have to talk about it with Jasper first, but… I’m sure she won’t object. Are you OK, sweetie?”

“Yes, aunty I’m _fine_ ” she said quietly, glancing over at Steven and Connie – probably worried they’d think she was weird or something.

“If Jasper says it’s OK, can I go, Pearl? Garnet said I had to ask you and dad too” Steven came up and hugged Pearl, who gave me a soft look. Charlie relaxed into my hug and I kissed her cheek.

“If Jasper and Greg say it’s OK, then yes, Steven”

Steven whooped and turned to Connie. “What did your parents say?” he asked her excitedly.

“They haven’t responded yet, but my dad will pick me up soon, so I can just ask him then” Connie responded with a slightly uncertain smile. I looked at the time – it was a little before six. Jasper would be back soon then. We might as well stay here until she and Amethyst returned, then we could go by the pizza place on our way home. I felt my stomach rumble a bit and went to check if there were any donuts left.

“Anyone want to share this last donut with me?” I asked and held out the box. Charlie piped up and I broke it in half – it was a pink one with rainbow sprinkles. Peridot and Garnet headed outside and Pearl sat down in the sofa with Steven and Connie. I went to the bathroom and cleaned up as best I could – the mud was dry now, so it was easy to dust myself off. When I was done I joined the others on the sofa.

“What are you playing?” I asked as I surveyed a complicated board with lots of pieces and cards.

“Kitchen Calamity” Steven said and rolled a pair of dice. “Yes! Bacon bonus!”

I raised my eyebrows at him as he picked up several cards, moved three pieces and spun a wheel.

“Oh, no! You’ve totally messed up my strategy now!” Connie said and reorganized her cards. I glanced at Charlie who seemed totally absorbed, her cheeks bulging as she chewed, then met Pearl’s gaze. She gave me a little shrug and a grin. We watched them play for a while and I was astonished with the complexity of the rules. As the minutes wore on I felt my eyelids grow heavy…

There was the sound of children laughing and I turned my head to see where it was coming from. I put down the ball of yarn I was holding and walked down the hallway to look out into what might be a green and lush garden. Several indistinct shapes were dancing around – the window was old and distorted the outside. I looked around at the walls of the house – they had dark wooden panels, and the floor was dark too. This was a very old… pub? There were a lot of bottles on a wall behind a bar disk. I went to open the door and go outside, but then I heard something. A baby was crying? I turned around. There were stairs in front of me now, where there had been a wall before. I started to walk up them and reached the second floor after a very long time. I looked down at the staircase, it was only… one, two, three… eleven steps. A soft red carpet led off to my left and I followed it, the baby’s cry getting louder. Then I was standing in front of a door. I felt strangely nervous and my grey hands turned the handle carefully. The door opened up into a softly lit room. A window was open and translucent curtains were billowing in a non-existent breeze. There was a crib in the middle of the room. As I approached it, it got bigger and bigger, or maybe I was getting smaller? When I reached it, I couldn’t see over the top, but there was a rocking horse that I could climb. The baby had gone quiet now and I realized I was singing. I put my hands on the edge of the crib and pulled myself up and – something grabbed my shoulder.

My head snapped up and I opened my eyes. “Wzt?”

“Aunty” Charlie said reproachfully. “You were _snoring_ ” there were some giggles from Steven and Connie and Pearl covered her mouth to hide her grin. I looked around at them all.

“Xcus meh” I slurred and rubbed my face and stretched, yawning hugely and making a Wookie sound. Charlie started to yawn too, then Connie and Steven followed, and then Pearl did as well – that triggered me into another one and soon we were all laughing and yawning at the same time.

“Oh, it’s so contagious” Connie said and wiped her eyes. “But Charlie woke you just in time to see me win – here I go!” she rolled the dice.

“Oh ho ho!” Steven laughed and pointed to them. “ _Double X’s_! _And_ you’re standing on a green kitchen tile – you know what that means!”

“Nooo…” Connie groaned and held out her cards to Charlie, who picked one and then Steven took another, then she picked up two ominous looking black cards that were lying on top of a picture of a trash can. “Oh… _fffffudge_! ‘You forgot to wash your hands’ _and_ ‘Unannounced food critic’!” Connie wailed.

“You could avoid the food critic with the ‘Under the table’ card, if you have it” Steven said.

“Oh!” Connie exclaimed and sorted through her cards.

“Well, she could have – but that’s the one I got” Charlie said uncertainly. “You could have it back?”

“No exchanges, no substitutions” Connie and Steven said together firmly.

“I lose… _five_ turns!” Connie groaned and slumped back in the sofa.

“It’s not over yet!” Steven said bracingly and picked up the dice. I exchanged a befuddled look with Pearl and stood up to go have a cigarette. I looked at my phone – it was half past six now. Just as I had lit my cigarette with a hissed “food critic”, I heard the warp pad ping. I went to stand in front of the window and saw Jasper and Amethyst walk down from the warp pad to greet the others, Jasper and Charlie doing another fist bump. Their voices were muffled and after a half a minute Connie pointed out through the door and Jasper looked up and saw me. My stomach gave a little jolt to see a smile appearing on her lips. She strode toward the door and ducked out.

“Hey babe” she said in her raspy voice.

“Hi darling” I smiled as I stood on tip toe to kiss her hello. There was a loud ‘Gross!’ from inside and Amethyst burst out laughing, then I saw her giving Charlie a high five. It made me let out a little laugh. “Oh gods, I think they’re ganging up on us”

Jasper gave a huff, then grinned crookedly and arched an eyebrow at me.

“What?” I asked her. She kept grinning at me, then put a hand at the small of my back and the other between my shoulder blades, tossed her hair to one side and _dipped_ me, our lips meeting halfway through the movement and silencing my gasp of surprise. I relaxed into her embrace and wrapped my arms around her powerful neck as our kiss went from a five to an eleven in two seconds flat. Our tongues twined together and I was lost in the intimacy of her touch. When we finally surfaced for air my chest was rising and falling rapidly and her cheeks were flushed and her gem pulsated faintly. Multicolored lights and tendrils of white lightning were dancing around us and were reflected in her beautiful, predatory eyes.

“Jesus motherfucking… Christ” I said breathlessly, caressing her cheek. She chuckled softly and slowly straightened her back, gently putting me back on my feet. “I think I need another cigarette after that… holy fuck balls, darling” I pulled out another one, grinned and said “Beastie”. A white arc of light connected with the tip of my cigarette and I took a deep drag, breathing out smoke-filled golden mist. Jasper raised her eyebrows at me questioningly.

“I thought that only happened when you swore”

“Blue lightning is anger… but white lightning is passion” I said with a wicked grin.

Jasper chuckled again and closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly, muttering; “Oh my stars…”

Someone cleared their throat behind us. “Are you quite done embarrassing me?” Charlie said a tad reproachfully. I could see her cheeks were bright red and she was standing with her arms crossed on her chest.

“For now” I said with a giggle and squeezed Jasper’s hand.

“Did you at least ask her about the sleepover?” Charlie asked, looking a little apprehensive.

“Sorry, sweetie, we were a bit busy. I’ll ask right now. Darling, would you be OK with having Steven and Connie spending the night at our house tomorrow? It’s called a slumber party – you wear your pajamas, eat a lot of junk food, play games, bake things maybe, watch movies and stay up late and tell stories, then you sleep”

“Uh… where are they going to sleep exactly?” Jasper looked nervous.

“Upstairs” I said and she looked relieved.

“Oh, OK. Um… sure” she said and Charlie brightened up considerably and dashed inside to tell the others.

“Thanks, beastie” I hummed and squeezed her hand. “I have to warn you though, it might get a little rowdy”

“Rowdy?”

“Pillow fights are a definite possibility. And very late night giggling. And more than likely a very messy kitchen”

Jasper chuckled. “And do we get to be part of this, or is it tiny people only?”

“I think we can join in on a few of the things maybe, like the baking, if they want to do that. And maybe we can get in on the junk food a bit, but don’t expect them to want to include us in everything, even if that would be fun. We could have our own snacks and watch our own movies”

“And have our own pillow fights?” Jasper asked with a crooked grin.

“Mhmm” I hummed and tucked her hair behind her ear.

Charlie rejoined us outside and told us both Connie and Steven could come tomorrow. We set the time for them to show up at six and said our goodbyes at the door. We strolled slowly through the sand as Charlie told us about the kitchen calamity game Connie had managed to win – I was seriously impressed she had understood all the rules so quickly. But that was Charlie – she could focus like nobody’s business.

We ordered the pizza and Jasper carried the stack of five steaming boxes home.

“Let’s set up in our room” I said and we put everything on a coffee table by one of the sofas that we rarely used for anything other than folding laundry. Jasper and I sat on either side of Charlie as she scrolled through my extensive movie collection.

“Oh – do you remember when we went to see this in the theater?” Charlie asked excitedly. She had highlighted ‘The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe’.

“Yeah” I said with a reminiscent smile. It had been around Christmas when she was eight. A theater close to where I lived had done a reshowing of all the Narnia movies. Charlie’s eyes had gone wide with wonder. We had read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe together and she had loved it. But her favorite Narnia book was and would always be ‘The horse and his boy’.

“Narnia?” Jasper asked with a little frown, glancing at me uncertainly.

“It’s really good!” Charlie said emphatically, probably thinking Jasper thought it was a silly kid’s movie or something – but I remembered telling her about spending all my birthday cake wishes on finding the magic land.

“ _Uuma dela, Melamin_ ” I said with a smile and kissed her hand reassuringly, it was lying on the back rest of the sofa behind Charlie. “I think you’ll like it”

“Alright then” Jasper said and Charlie started it immediately. We got comfy during the intro and munched our pizza in silence as the movie started, all three of us totally absorbed. Around the time the children got to the Beaver Hut, my eyelids grew heavy again and I didn’t try to fight the warm embrace of sleep here on the sofa, sitting next to two of my most favorite people in the entire world. 

When I drifted awake again I was sitting alone. There was a light on in the kitchen and I could hear hushed voices coming from there. Someone had put a blanket over me and I wrapped it around myself as I shuffled toward the bathroom, rubbing my eyes and yawning.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” I asked as I closed the door behind me. A chair scraped as Jasper stood up.

“We just figured we’d let you sleep, aunty” Charlie said, looking up at Jasper with slight confusion. “Uh…. That’s the second time you fell asleep in like… two hours”

“Man… I must be needing some sleep, then” I sniggered muzzily and sat down at the table with them, Jasper sat down too. I looked up at the clock. “By the gods it’s half past ten! Charlie, what are you still doing up?”

“Uh we were just talking” she said rather nervously.

“Oh yeah? What about?” I asked.

“Just… stuff” she said in a forcibly nonchalant voice, not meeting my eye. I raised my eyebrows and looked at Jasper instead.

“We were talking about your birthday” Jasper said with a grin.

“Jasper!” Charlie whined. “That was supposed to be a _secret_!”

“Oh” Jasper blushed slightly and I felt my ears burn as well. How… how adorable…

“Well um… that’s very sweet of you” I smiled warmly at them. “But it’s way past your bedtime, kiddo. You can continue, you know, if you want – tomorrow” I rambled, feeling I’d lost the initiative. Charlie grinned at me.

“Ten more minutes?” she asked, her bargaining face on.

I cleared my throat. “If those ten minutes include brushing your teeth and putting on your pajamas, then _yes_ ”

“Ugh, fine” Charlie groaned, then grinned smartly. “But there’s no bedtime during a slumber party, right?”

“Hah, no. No there isn’t – _but_ – don’t go too crazy, I still want there to _be_ and upstairs the day after tomorrow”

“Aunty!” she got a pained look on her face. “When did you get so embarrassing?”

“Me? I’ve always been this way, yup. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you’re getting smarter and understanding just how silly I am” I said very seriously and Jasper burst out laughing and Charlie joined after a second.

I followed Charlie upstairs and we brushed our teeth together in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw a streak of mud at the roots of my hair.

“Charlie… What happened today – it shouldn’t have happened. Pearl should never have brought you along – that’s what I needed to talk to her about before. Or… Yell at her for. I should have warped us back immediately or stayed in the house with you. I never wanted you to have to see those things or to put you in danger”

“But I’m OK, aunty, I wasn’t hurt” Charlie looked at me uncertainly.

“I know, but… It terrifies me that you were there, sweetie. I’m responsible for you, I should have stopped it”

“Oh come on, aunty, it was really cool! I didn’t know you could fight with a spear”

“Pearl’s been teaching me” I said with a faint smile at the expression of awe on Charlie’s face.

“And Steven and Connie with their weapons – just dove right in! Wham! Swoosh!” she swung her toothbrush like a sword and spattered the floor with foam. “Oops”

“So… you are OK?”

“Yes, I keep telling you, aunty” she rolled her eyes at me as the wiped the floor with a rag. “Besides, Connie and Steven talked to me about it afterward. They said I did great…” she glanced at me and frowned slightly. Oh. I hadn’t said anything of the sort to her. Shit.

“Y-you did do great, sweetie” I said quickly. “You were a fantastic lookout! But you shouldn’t have _had_ to do it, that’s all I’m saying”

“I _get_ that” she said seriously, rinsing her toothbrush in the sink. “Mom and dad can _never_ find out”

A cold thrill went down my spine. “No. They would kill me”

Charlie nodded and then grinned at me. “You kicked those monsters’ asses, aunty”

“Yeah… kinda did, didn’t I?” we sniggered together. 

I kissed her goodnight as she headed to bed, then I went outside for a smoke. Jasper joined me on the sofa. I let out a long sigh.

“What a day…” I said slowly.

Jasper chuckled softly. “Yeah… Pretty great day, I’d have to say. Amethyst took me to this place” Jasper pulled out her tablet and showed me a picture. It was a huge cavern with many glittering bands running through its walls. Amethyst was leaning against a boulder and looking extremely smug.

“Oh shit, wow” I said, looking closer. “What’s that shiny stuff?”

“Diamonds” Jasper said with a rough grin.

“Whaaat? That many? Holy crap”

“She told me about how diamonds made here on earth come from _coal_ , and that coal is made up of dead plants. They come from _organic_ life. _Unintelligent_ organic life. She said it made her feel better about the Diamond Authority and fuck it if it doesn’t make me feel better too. I know the Diamonds weren’t made like that, or… no I don’t know that. No one knows how the Diamonds are made. But they must be made somehow. White Diamond is the oldest, then comes Blue Diamond and Yellow Diamond. And Pink Diamond… was the youngest” I put my hand on hers and gave it a squeeze. “It feels… different to talk about her now, now that I’m, well… free… It’s been hard to accept that I was her slave – that we were all _made_ to be slaves…” she gave me a small smile. “Knowing how earth diamonds are made sort of takes them down a peg, in my head. Makes them less… daunting I suppose”

“That’s great, darling” I said and stroked her arm with a worried smile.

“Amethyst said she likes to go there sometimes, to remind herself she was lucky to emerge from the Kindergarten late. She said Rose had showed her the place and told her how earth gems are made naturally” she let out a long breath, then chuckled faintly. “We spent most of the afternoon just punching walls” I let out a little snort, then covered my mouth with my hand. “Huh?”

“Sorry, it’s just…” I rubbed my forehead with my right hand. “I punched a wall today too”

“Oh? Why?” Jasper’s eyebrows drew together.

“Gods…” I sighed. “Maybe it’s better if I just showed you, if you’d be willing, that is…”

“See your memory, you mean?”

“Yes… It was quite… an eventful afternoon on our end too”

“Well, now I’m curious” she said with a grin.

“Would you like a summary, or just to dive right in?” I sniggered.

“Hah… no spoilers” she chuckled.

I closed my eyes and summoned the memories up – everything that had happened from the moment Peridot warped back with the fusion experiment on her back to the time when her, Pearl and myself had returned from Rose’s Sanctuary. I concentrated hard as the images and flashes of emotion rippled in my mind, then opened my mouth and exhaled. My throat tingled and the thing I produced seemed to suck all the air out of my lungs. I opened my eyes and saw the vast cloud drift slowly. It had so many hues this time – all the colors seemed to be in there. Jasper swallowed and then reached out for it. Her fingers brushed through it and then she slumped back in her seat. I moved away from her a little as she gave a twitch and began to mumble under her breath. Her eyes were closed and her face echoed my emotions. I watched her as she relived my memories, her limbs doing faint imitations of my movements. The moment when I had stabbed the ball of hands was unmistakable, as was the punch into the wall next to Pearl’s head. She cried out then, and bent low over her hand. She righted herself after a little, and I figured that’s when I had put my fingers in Rose’s fountain. Then her face looked stunned and she was quiet for a long time – then it relaxed and her eyelids fluttered open. She stared into the dark sky and blinked rapidly.

“You… tried to punch _Pearl_?” she said, sounding… impressed? “Shit… You were so _angry_ ”

I felt a sting of shame. “Yes…” I said slowly and rubbed my knuckles, remembering the sound they had made as my fist connected with the wall. Jasper sat up and reached out for my hands and I held them out a little hesitantly. She brought them up to her mouth and kissed my fingers, then met my gaze and drew her eyebrows together.

“Babe… Why do you always end up getting hurt?”

“I don’t know, darling… But I’m OK, thanks to Rose’s fountain”

“Oh yeah… That was some freak out Peridot had” she said with a little frown. “It’s a bit rich of her to be blaming me for _everything_ , though – _she_ was the one who was assigned this mission in the first place, not my fault she had to bring Lapis along in person…“

“I think she’s coming around, though… She needed to vent, I guess” Jasper huffed at my words, then shook her head and sighed.

“Pearl certainly apologized for a lot today, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, she did” I thought back to her singed hair and the way she’d had to… adjust to both me and Peridot. It must have taken a lot out of her to do that. “She’s a very strong person, Pearl…”

“I’m… really beginning to understand that” Jasper said quietly, then looked thoughtful. “Do you know where the fusion experiments came from?”

“Um… I have no idea. Pearl didn’t say…” I paused for a moment, my chest constricting a little.  “Oh, no… What if there are more?” I sat up quickly. “We should call them – is it too late to call them?!”

“This is important” Jasper said seriously and picked up her tablet, then called Steven’s house, turning on the speaker. A few signals went through, then Pearl answered.

“Hello?”

“Hello Pearl” Jasper said.

“Jasper? Um… Hi. It’s… pretty late, you know” Pearl responded, her voice a little forced.

“Pearl, it’s really important” I piped up.

“Erica?”

“Yes – Jasper and I were just talking – tell her, darling”

“Where did they come from, the fusion experiments?” there was a slight pause.

“Oh… um… I-I don’t know” Pearl said, a hint of worry creeping into her voice.

“We need to find out. There might be more heading to the barn” Jasper said fiercely.

“R-right – Garnet!” some scraping and muffled voices followed and Jasper and I looked at each other worriedly. Then Pearl spoke again; “We’ll go investigate right now”

“Do you need help?” Jasper and I asked at the same time, then exchanged a grin, despite the seriousness of the situation.

“No, it’s OK… we’ll handle it” Pearl sounded touched, her voice a lot softer. “But thank you for telling us. Thank you… Jasper”

“Tell us what you find, as soon as you do?” Jasper asked.

“Yes, we’ll call you”

“And be careful!” I said emphatically, grabbing Jasper’s hand.

“We will – talk to you soon, good bye”

“Bye” we said together and the call ended.

“What do we do now?” I asked, wringing my hands.

“We wait until they call back. I can stay awake if you want to sleep – you’ve had quite the day, honey”

“There’s no way I could sleep now”

Two and a half very tense hours went by before they called back.

“Hello? How did it go?” I asked worriedly, turning on the speaker on my phone.

“Hello. We found where they came from” it was Garnet’s voice. “When Steven and Peridot drilled down to the cluster, they left a hole. They sealed it and filled it with water, but since Lapis left the water ate away at the seal and it collapsed – the gem mutants were crawling out of the open tunnel. We cleared the area and then resealed it temporarily for tonight, but we’ll deal with it properly in the morning”

“Part of the cluster is emerging?!” Jasper asked in shock.

“No. The cluster is safely in a bubble. These were earlier experiments embedded at a much more shallow depth. There’s no need to worry, we have a plan. We can all rest easy now. Thank you for calling us. Good night”

“Good night” we said together and I hung up, then let out a long sigh of relief.

“Holy fuck balls…”

“You could say that again” Jasper said and yawned. “Stars… I’m so ready for bed…”

We went to lie down and Jasper fell asleep almost immediately, but I had trouble settling. My mind kept bringing back images of the day. It was almost a quarter past two before I finally felt sleep claim me.

 

* * *

 

  
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	48. Hero Quest

## Chapter 48: Hero Quest

  
“Baaabe…” Jasper’s voice called for me sweetly. Soft lips and hot breath were on my stomach… One… two… three kisses, then she called for me again; “Baaabe…”

“Mmmf” I mumbled, smiling and smacking my lips. I moved my hand down to stroke her hair. She chuckled as I found her lips, she kissed my palm lightly.

“There you are… _sleepy_ little monster today, aren’t we?” she moved up to nuzzle my neck and I squirmed, letting out a muzzy giggle.  “It’s almost half past ten, honey…”

“Ist?”

“Yeah, it is… I figured I’d let you sleep until you woke up, but Charlie’s been threatening to attack you with pillows for a while now. I thought you might prefer a gentler way of waking up…”

“Mhmm” I nodded and buried my head in her hair, drawing in her scent and making her chuckle appreciatively. “M’bstie”

“Stars, babe…” she said with a smile and stroked my shoulder. “Do you even know how… cute you are when you’ve just woken up?” I grinned into her mane and gave a happy sigh. “You’ll be happy to know… the rebels are finishing up the permanent seal to the drill tunnel as we speak”

“Mmm good” I hummed, letting out a long sigh.

It took me a good ten minutes to get out of bed, then Jasper headed out to see Amethyst. I gave her a long hug goodbye and she promised she would be home a while before Steven and Connie were set to arrive.

I went to brush my teeth. When I was in the bathroom I could hear faint flute music coming from upstairs. It didn’t sound half as bad as Charlie had made me think she’d sound and I smiled at myself in the mirror. I headed out for a smoke after grabbing a blanket.

The midmorning was rainy and windy and I hurried back inside, shivering slightly. I headed upstairs to say hi to Charlie and then have a shower.

“Hey, kiddo” I said as I popped my head into her room.

“Good ‘morning’, aunty” Charlie gave me an amused look.

“Hey, I was up late last night” I tossed a sock at her. “You sound good, sweetie” Charlie looked down at the silvery flute in her hands.

“Thanks…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’d just… rather be planting seeds”

“I know, sweetie” I took a deep breath. “Maybe tell your mom that?”

Charlie let out a sigh. “She likes it so much when I play. You should have seen her at my latest recital… It was so embarrassing. She _cried_ ”

My chin nearly hit the floor in surprise. “She _did_?” what the hell? Victoria _never_ cried.

“Yes. She didn’t even object when McKenzie’s mom took us out for ice cream afterwards. She plays the saxophone, she’s _so_ good. She always gets a solo in the school orchestra”

“I’d really like to see you play on stage” I said with a smile. “I’d probably cry too, though” Jesus, it was so hard to imagine Victoria crying.

“ _One_ of you blubbering is enough” she sniggered.

“Hey, for tonight – do you think you’ll want to bake something?”

“Oh, can we make cupcakes? Or cookies? Cupcakes _and_ cookies?”

“Pick one, sweetie”

“OK, cupcakes then. Have you tried making rainbow ones?” she asked excitedly.

“Rainbow?”

“Yeah, look” she picked up her tablet and tapped at it for a few seconds before showing me. It was a picture of a cupcake cut in half – it had seven layers of different colors.

“Oh, wow” I said in surprise.

“It’s not very complicated at all, you just have to divide the batter into bags and add food coloring, then squirt it into the shapes in the correct order”

“That sounds like a fun thing to do tonight” I smiled at her. “Do you know what else you want to do? And what do you want for dinner?”

“Connie’s bringing a game she talked about yesterday, so we’re going to play that. Then I don’t know, watch some movies maybe? It was ages ago since I had your ham and cheese pie… can we make that?”

“Sure, sweetie. We can go to the store in a bit, I just need to take a shower and have something to eat”

“OK, I’ll practice some more. Oh, um. I’m running out of clean clothes…”

I smiled and held out my hands and she threw a pile of clothes on them. I went into the bathroom and put a load of laundry on, then got into the shower. I sang quietly to myself, not wanting to interrupt Charlie’s practice. I couldn’t hear her playing over the sound of the running water, but she would undoubtedly hear me if I sang at my normal volume.

So… Victoria had more emotions than just anger and spite, I thought as I washed my hair. It was very hard to picture her crying, especially in public. When had I last seen her cry? I couldn’t even remember. It used to be such a thing for me – an important thing – to _not_ cry. Because crying meant punishment and that the other person had won, even if nothing else was said. It showed you had been affected by their words, that it had hurt. It was the ultimate sign of weakness… Gods, I had been so messed up. Crying _wasn’t_ weakness – it was a _release_. When you stopped holding back and let yourself feel and exist in the moment of pain or sadness. Or joy. Or happiness… What had Victoria felt, hearing Charlie playing the flute? Pride perhaps?

I toweled my hair as dry as I could, then raked my fingers through it. I really should get it cut. I wrapped myself in a towel and headed downstairs to get dressed and have something to eat. It was almost lunch time, so I decided to just have an apple before me and Charlie headed to the store, then we could make lunch afterwards.

“Charlie? You ready to go?” I called up the stairs.

“Yeah, coming” she responded.

We walked to the store hand in hand, hurrying slightly because it was raining quite hard. We walked around sedately inside, picking up the ingredients for the cupcakes and the pie, some snacks and a little of this and that. When we got back home we were greeted by a sad and sodden Cake.

“Oh, poor thing” I said as I opened the door. “We really should get a cat flap – could you grab her quick? I don’t want her jumping on the bed all wet like that” Charlie darted after the kitten and picked her up. I took off my raincoat and boots and then wrapped Cake in a fluffy towel, drying her off. When I was done she looked like a snowball with feet.

“Charlie, look” I smiled and pointed as Cake started washing herself.

“Aww… Tiny kitty poof”

I made us some grilled cheese and salad for lunch and then I hung the laundry in the bathroom, since it was still raining outside.

“It might take a while to dry in here” I said to Charlie. “Do you want to borrow something of mine, or are you good until tomorrow?”

“Oh, I was kind of hoping to change” she looked down at her damp skirt – it was the same one from yesterday. “And my pajamas are in there as well”

“I have a fine assortment of nerdy themed t-shirts and hoodies” I said with a lavish arm twirl, pointing toward the dresser in the living room. “And if we stick a belt in my other shorts they’ll be bound to at least not fall off you immediately” we spent a good ten minutes picking out the most ‘Charlie’ quote or print and settled on a black t-shirt with Totoro on it. It looked enormous on her and I smiled at this, thinking that that’s how I must look in Jasper’s clothes. She got to borrow a brown hoodie with Jake from Adventure Time on it as well.

“Don’t you have any other types of clothes? Just t-shirts, hoodies and shorts?” she asked me as she pulled the Jake hoodie over her head.

“Mhm. But I should get some pants now that it’s getting colder”

“It’s so _cozy_ when it rains” she said with a smile.

“Yeah, I think so too”

“You know what this calls for?”

“What?”

“My little Pony and hot coco – I’ve got _all_ the episodes on my tablet”

“You, young lady, have got yourself a deal. Wanna sit in the living room?”

“OK!” she ran up the stairs and returned shortly with her tablet and I put the newly acquired cups down on the coffee table. Vapor rose from them and filled the room with a sweet smell.  

“Which was the last episode you watched?” Charlie asked as we snuggled into the couch.

“Oh, I have no idea… I haven’t watched it for like two years or so”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I only watch it with you, sweetie. It’s _our_ thing” I gave her a squeeze.

“We’ve got some catching up to do then!” she said excitedly and started an episode. We both sang along to the intro, little golden butterflies appearing.

We watched a couple of episodes and then we took a break to clean up a little and prepare for the evening. We made the pie together so it could mature for a while and then settled down to watch two more episodes.

“Hey aunty” Charlie asked as the credits rolled. “What are those things in the ceiling?”

I followed her gaze. “Those are gems” I said with a little frown.

“Those spheres are orange, I thought they were white?”

“The colors change depending on the gem that makes them. Those were made by Jasper”

“Oh” she stood up on the sofa to have a closer look. “Can we take them out and look at them?” she reached out a hand.

“No!” I said rather forcefully and grabbed the sleeve of her hoodie, a puff of purple coming with my words. “No, sweetie…” my voice was softer. “They are safe in there – and we are safe from them. They might reform if the bubbles break and you _do not_ want that to happen”

“Would they be like the ones from yesterday?”

“No. Those were just… fragments, stuck together. These are whole but corrupted gems… They are violent and dangerous”

Charlie looked at them with curiosity. “Is corruption like a sickness, are they ill?”

“I don’t know, sweetie” I said with a sigh. The memory of pulsating purple light in the dark and Connie’s trembling hand in mine swept over me and I shuddered. “Promise me you won’t touch them, OK?”

“You really don’t want to put yourself in a situation like that, _Aeir_ ” Jasper said seriously, stepping into the living room, holding a purring Cake in her hand. Charlie tensed up a little, then stepped down from the sofa.

“I need you to promise you’ll leave them alone, Charlotte” my voice was deeper than usual. Charlie’s eyes darted to mine quickly – I never called her by her given name unless it was serious.

“I-I promise” she said slowly.

“Cross your heart…” I began.

“… And hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye” she finished and sat down, looking put upon. I put an arm around her shoulders and gave her a smile.

“Thanks, sweetie. Oh, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but it’s for your own good. And for the other people in Beach City. One of them could cause such a lot of damage if it was set free in town”

Jasper nodded and came to sit on the sofa with us, reaching over Charlie’s head to kiss me hello and letting Cake step over into her lap. “Most humans wouldn’t stand a chance against them. My little monster and Connie are the few that I met that I know would be able to have my back against one of them” Jasper said solemnly. I felt my heart swell with both warmth at her words and dread at the thought of a bubble getting popped.

“Do you mean Steven?”

Jasper let out a chuckle. “No, _Aeir_ , I mean Erica”

“’Little monster’?” Charlie turned to me with a frown.

“I’m her little monster, and she’s my beastie” I said with a smile. _Don’t_ ask how we came up with those nicknames, please.

“Would you really be able to fight those things, aunty?”

“She already did” Jasper said fondly. “Two of those are here by her hand”

“No fucking way” Charlie breathed, looking amazed – both Jasper and I burst out laughing. We kissed over her head and she groaned at us, but didn’t call it gross. “Just… how?”

“I got ridiculously lucky, kiddo. Those two” I pointed to the jaspers. “Were in a _huge_ fusion and chased Connie, Steven and me in a forest. When it found us it got its head stuck between two enormous boulders and I could damage it enough for it to lose its shape. If it hadn’t gotten stuck though… we wouldn’t be sitting here having this conversation”

Charlie goggled at me.

“Oh, I think you’d have found a way, babe. You’d never let Steven or Connie get hurt” Jasper said confidently.

“I really hope so…” the tension coming from Charlie was almost palpable and I looked down at her holding Cake rather tightly in her lap. “Hey, um… sweetie?”

“Y-yeah?”

“I’m fine. Steven and Connie are fine. And the bubbles are safe. They won’t break just randomly. _Jasper_ made them, remember?” I put a reassuring hand on her shoulder and squeezed it slightly. I felt Jasper give a little twitch and looked up at her face. A pink hue had appeared on her cheeks and her surprised expression was quickly replaced by a warm smile.

“Yeah, kid. I don’t do anything half-assed” she said, still looking at me. I felt Charlie relax and let out a breath of relief and for a moment all that could be heard was the sound of Cake purring softly.

I looked at the time on the tablet – it was a little after five. “I think everything’s ready for when Steven and Connie get here – do you want to watch a few more episodes?”

“Yeah… OK” Charlie said and leaned forward, new energy coming to her at the prospect of this. “Have you seen this show, Jasper?”

Jasper leaned forward too to look at the screen. “Is it that… Gravity Falls thing? I liked that one”

“No, this is My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic” Charlie said with a giggle, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Pony? As in ‘cotton pony’?” Jasper asked with wrinkled eyebrows. I let out a little snort of laughter and shook my head – Charlie looked confused.

“No, darling, no… _Actual_ ponies. Well, magical _cartoon_ ponies”

“Oh, um. No. I haven’t seen that”

“You’ll love it! It’s got a dragon, and _books_ and magic and singing and everything!” Charlie said excitedly, scrolling upwards to find the first episode.

“My little pony, my little pony – ah ah ah ah – my little pony, I used to wonder what friendship could be, until you all shared its magic with me! Big adventure, tons of fun, a beautiful heart, faithful and strong, sharing kindness, it’s an easy feat, and magic makes it all complete! My little pony, do you know you’re my very best friends” Charlie and I sang happily and Jasper looked at us with a smile, chuckling softly at how silly we were being. When the show started however, she was quickly absorbed.

We finished the first two episodes before there was a knock at the door and Charlie got up to answer it, me following her into the kitchen to put on some coffee.

“Hi guys” I said with a smile as Steven and Connie came up to hug me in turn.

“Hi Erica” they both greeted excitedly. They were both carrying rather bulging backpacks with unmistakable sleeping bags inside.

“You want to see my room?” Charlie asked them and the stampeded up the stairs giggling. I looked after them fondly. The act of running upstairs quickly with your friends – it made a special sound to me. I remembered making the same noise with Robyn.

Priyanka and Pearl were standing by the door and I waved for them to come in.

“Hello, Erica. I think you might have your work cut out for you tonight – Steven’s been very excited for this slumber party” Pearl said as she gave me a hug.

“Connie’s been talking of little else” Priyanka said with a happy little smile on her lips, giving me quite a long hug, my eyes widened in surprise. “And thank you, for last time. Connie and I have been… talking a lot more” she gave me an extra squeeze just before she broke the hug. My heart had given a twinge at her words and I felt a little overwhelmed by this level of affection from her. Pearl raised her eyebrows a little, glancing between us.

“Priyanka… that’s great, I’m so glad” I smiled at her, Pearl’s eyebrows threatened to disappear into her hair.

“Now, I’m assuming bedtimes will go out the window, but Connie might drop off around ten in any case” Priyanka said, straightening up with a smile. “What are you planning to feed them?”

“Oh, there’s ham and cheese pie with salad for dinner and then there’s some fruit and chips and things. And we’ll make cupcakes. For breakfast tomorrow there’s cereal, waffles, sandwiches and eggs”

“I’ve brought Connie’s little um… emergency bag” Priyanka handed me a small sized red backpack with a white flower on the pocket. “There’s one stashed at Steven’s house as well and since she’s been here a lot I figured… Do you mind?”

“Not at all, not at all” actually I felt more than a little honored. “What sort of… emergencies?”

“It has a change of clothes, a warm sweater, some wool socks, some money, a fold-up umbrella, a phone charger, some toiletries and a book she hasn’t read”

“Aww… a book she hasn’t read? For book emergencies? That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard…” it pulled at my heartstrings something fierce and I hugged the thing to my chest.

Priyanka smiled at me. “I’ve got to go, Doug and I are going to see Aisha and Benjamin” she gave me another, much quicker hug and then left, Pearl and I saying ‘Drive safe’.

I put the backpack in the cupboard next to the coat rack. There was a burst of giggles from upstairs and I smiled.

“Did everything go alright this morning?” I asked Pearl.

“Oh, yes. Everything’s sealed up with concrete and we set it up to be a nice little mini pool for Steven – this time with actual filters and things so it can be properly managed. Peridot was quite excited about it” I looked at her hair – seeing she still had a singed lock escaping her usually perfect do. She noticed me staring. “Erica – it’s fine. We’re fine. Don’t worry about – “

“I almost hit you Pearl... I’ve never raised my hand to a friend before, to anyone really – not like that, I’m so sorry”

Pearl’s cheeks flushed a slightly deeper blue. “I understand _why_ you did, Erica” Pearl said reassuringly. “And I do appreciate you waiting until we were alone… And that you’re apologizing. Again”

“I didn’t want to frighten the kids, I had no idea what I was going to say or do” I rubbed my neck self-consciously. “It’s just… Charlie… I lose my mind, you know?”

“You have very powerful protective instincts, Erica” Pearl said softly. “It’s – oh, um, hello Jasper”

Jasper had stuck her head out of the living room.

“Hello Pearl” she said with the tiniest hint of a smile. “Babe, can you come here when you’re done talking to Pearl?”

“Sure, darling” I responded and she moved back into the room.

“I should go” Pearl said. “Let’s talk more another day, OK? Just know that we’re fine, Erica”

“Oh, OK Pearl” she gave me a short but intense hug and then stepped outside. I walked into the living room to find Jasper sitting on the bed, holding her shoulder. “Darling?” she turned her head to face me.

“That was quick” she said with slightly raised eyebrows.

“Yeah, I guess…” I felt a little miffed to be honest. “What’s up?”

“I think I might have pulled something when I was out with Amethyst” she rolled her shoulder, wincing slightly.

“Darling, why didn’t you say earlier?” I walked up to her quickly and put my hands on her shoulder.

“It didn’t hurt then” she said simply. “Could you… massage it a little?”

“Of course, darling… Could you sit on the floor?” Jasper scooted down and I stood behind her, sweeping her beautiful hair to the side. I ran my hands over her shoulder, trying to get a feel for it and warm it up at the same time. After a moment I found a large knot. “Is this it?” I asked as I pushed at it slightly.

“Rrgghh” Jasper growled and winced. “Mhmm, fuck”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I’ll be gentle” I began working the muscle in long smooth movements.

“Nnh… Oh, that hurts so good” she yowled and shuddered. “Could you go a little harder – ah – that’s the spot – fuck…” soon she relaxed against my stomach and looked up at me. “You’ve got such strong hands, little monster” she said with a crooked grin.

“They come in handy” I smiled back at her. “Pun not intended” Jasper chuckled and rolled her shoulder.

“Thanks, babe, that feels so much better…”

“You’re welcome, darling” I said warmly, cracking my knuckles most impressively as she stood up and stretched. We went into the kitchen and I made myself a cup of coffee and Jasper sat down at the table. Cup in hand I walked over to her and sat down in her lap.

“Why, hello there” I said with a grin. “Is this seat taken?”

“It is now…” she leant down and kissed my cheek and then my mouth, her hair falling like curtains around us and I sniggered into her smiling lips. We were just getting into it when the sound of the kids running down the stairs distracted me. Charlie cleared her throat loudly and Jasper and I broke apart slowly.

“Mmyes, sweetie?” I said huskily and Jasper chuckled, raking her hair back.

“We’re hungry” she said and slouched down to the bottom of the stairs.

“Oh” I looked at the time – it was almost seven. “I’ll throw the pie in the oven to heat it – can you stand waiting another fifteen minutes or will you starve to death?”

“ _Probably_ starve” Charlie said with a reluctant smile.

“Did you set up upstairs?”

“Not yet” Connie said.

“If you do that time will just fly by” I waved a hand, leaning back and lifting a leg into the air dramatically. Steven and Connie sniggered, Charlie looking slightly mortified.

“Dibs on the place under the window!” Connie said and raced up the steps again.

“Whaaat? No fair!” Steven set off after her.

Charlie followed them back upstairs and I got to my feet, grinning. I was quite enjoying embarrassing her a little. I knew she liked it, really, but twelve year olds would be twelve year olds I guessed.

I put the pie in the oven and made the salad, Jasper set the table for five and got two more chairs from the garden, since there were only three in the kitchen.

“It’ll be a bit cramped, but we’ll squeeze in” I said as I put the salad bowl in the middle of the table. The egg timer dinged. “Kids, dinner’s ready!” I called up the stairs and then covered my mouth with my hand, realizing what I had just said. Jasper gave me an inquiring look as she opened the oven to take the pie out, without using oven mitts. I shook my head and smiled, a huge happy warm feeling in my chest. Steven, Connie and Charlie came downstairs and sat down at the table, talking intensely about a show I think I might have heard mentioned by name before – ‘Crying Breakfast Friends’.

The pie disappeared very quickly, as did the salad, not to mention the soda. When everyone was done I did the dishes while the others prepared for the cupcake making.

“So, first we make the batter, just like normal and _then_ we divide it up into frosting bags and add the food coloring. Then you can just spritz it out, nice and easy” Charlie instructed enthusiastically.

I turned the oven on again and joined them at the crowded table to watch and lean against Jasper. The three of them worked well in a team, each taking one ingredient and adding them diplomatically. When it came to the spritzing Jasper and I got to join in too – Charlie started with the purple, then Connie had the blue, Jasper the green, Steven the yellow and I had the orange. Everyone agreed Charlie would get to do the red one as well, since this was all her idea.

“It already looks so pretty” Steven said with shining eyes, looking over the sea of cupcake shapes. I had remembered Vidalia had said she was mad for baked stuff and had asked if it was OK we made some for her too. I _did_ owe her a big favor. And, if we were just a _little_ bit controlled in the devouring, there’d probably be some left over for Connie’s parents and Greg, Amethyst, Peridot, Pearl and Garnet too. Not that Pearl would eat hers, but I was sure Amethyst would be willing to sacrifice herself. Maybe it’d be safer if we just put some aside to begin with… Yes, that was more sensible.

“Should we add food coloring to the frosting too?” Connie suggested with a thoughtful expression. “Or would that take away from the presentation?”

“Hmm” Steven hummed, placing his hand on his chin. “I think… _pink_ , if any color” he said pompously, waving his hand in an elaborate way, twirling an imaginary moustache.

“Kind sir, kind lady – I do believe a _light cerise_ frosting is just what this pastry requires” Charlie put on a very posh Londinium accent and thrust her nose into the air.

“I do declare, this ma-dei-mwa-sell knows a thing or two about the art form that is… the cupped cake” Connie flicked her wrist at Charlie, speaking in a dramatic southern-belle dialect.

“Oh, lawks” I screeched in my best witch-voice – the one voice I could do that sounded at least a little bit convincing – thrusting my shoulders up high. Jasper was looking down at us all with an amused grin. “You’ll be playing with things you do not comprehend!” I said ominously. “The light cerise… is a _curs_ -ed color – combine it with frosting on said cupp-ed cakes and the taste will be _too_ delicious! You will not be able to… _stop_ eating them… Unless you top your pastries with _thisss_ ” I held up the little bottle of heart shaped sprinkles. Steven held out his hand for them. “Ah-ah-ah” I tutted and shook my head. “This magical pixie dust is not for _free_ …”

“Oh, wicked witch – what is it you desire for your magic pixie dust?” Charlie asked dramatically.

“I require… A unicorn!” I exclaimed, shaking the sprinkles for emphasis. Jasper perked up at this.

“I know where you can find one” she said with a chuckle.

“We beseech you! Tell us!” Steven wailed, clasping his hands together pleadingly.

“In a… cave?” she said uncertainly. I nodded at her to continue. “With three um… golden spheres”

“Oh!” Charlie said and gave me a smug look. “Friends! I have heard of this cave, I know where the magical beast resides!” she got up from her chair and darted into the living room, returning a few seconds later, pretend limping and holding my unicorn plush. “I have braved the stinky cave, it must surely belong to the foulest pox-ridden ogre! But I found what the witch sought!” she came up to Connie and handed the plush over and sat down on a chair.

“Witch, we have your unicorn” Connie said snootily. “Do be a dear and trade us that magical pixie dust”

“Yes, of course, of course” I said, holding out my hand for the unicorn. We traded items and I hugged the plush to my chest.

“And we have – the cure!” Connie held the sprinkles aloft triumphantly, then started to giggle, Steven and Charlie joining in. Soon we were all laughing. The kids started making the frosting and Jasper got up to put the first batch of cupcakes in the oven.

“Come with me for a smoke?” I asked Jasper and she followed me outside. I lit my cigarette with a hissed ‘dickhead’ and Jasper kissed the top of my head.

“The madness is catching” she said with a chuckle and I gave a happy little squirm.

“Good” I hummed, breathing out a puff of bright gold.

When the cupcakes were done we waited eagerly for them to cool. Everyone changed into their pajamas in the meantime – Charlie borrowing a set of mine, tying up the waist with a few hairbands. Connie brought out her game – ‘Hero Quest’ and she explained the rules as we put frosting and sprinkles on the cupcakes. I put eight away for Vidalia, and one each for Greg, Amethyst, Peridot, Pearl, Garnet and Connie’s parents. I had played this game with my cousins as a kid and was quite eager to give it another go – someone had always gotten bored half-way through and we had never managed to finish even the first quest.

Steven played the Wizard, Charlie the Barbarian, Jasper the Elf and I the Dwarf while Connie was Dungeon Master. Everyone expanded on their characters, making up personalities for them. Jasper struggled a bit with her Elf character – but she got into it after a while. She named him ‘Clonk the Elf’ which made all of us laugh so much Charlie actually squirted milk through her nose. I had given Jasper a really long kiss after she named her character – it was just too adorable and she was really trying. The others were ‘Sigmund the Wizard’, ‘Trogdor the Mighty’ and my dwarf was ‘Hrolf Thighbiter’.

Right as we were about to start, Connie cleared her throat and we all fell silent. “When I play this game, I like to make it more… alive. It’s a good game on its own, but I like to add a little more story to it. You are of course, the heroes in training as mentioned in the text, but the quests that you are on also bring the surrounding area great joy, since the dungeons and towers are full of monsters and evil things. So, before you enter the first dungeon – The Trial – you’ve passed through a village plagued by the rough creatures that reside in the cellar. The Mayor has pleaded with you to eradicate every last monster there and if you do, you will be rewarded with a purse of gold and a great feast. Will you accept his offer?”

“But of course, my man!” Steven said pompously. “I, Sigmund the wizard, swear we will not leave one foul creature alive! And my companions agree, don’t you?”

“Aye!” me and Charlie said as Hrolf and Trogdor. Jasper nodded.

We began to play the game and the hours just seemed to swoosh by. We laughed and joked and ate far too many cupcakes each, marveling at how well they turned out.

“Probably the pixie dust” Connie said to much amusement.

We battled our way through the dungeon and managed to defeat the Gargoyle at the end, with a spectacular triple attack roll from Trogdor the Mighty, assisted by a Ball of Flame from Sigmund.  

“And the Gargoyle goes down! His last words echo in the Throne Room; ‘Curse you… Trogdor…’” Connie croaked.

“Finally!” Charlie panted theatrically. “The beast is slain! Now, to loot that treasure chest!”

“It contains… A hundred and twenty gold!” Connie said. “But… the game is not over until you get to the stairs”

“Let us return to the light!” Steven said in Sigmund’s pompous voice. “My back aches from all this damp”

“You should have worn some proper armor then, mage” I said jovially as Hrolf, clapping Sigmund on the back.

“I will be a terrible day when a wizard stoops low enough to burden himself with iron like some common mercenary. The magic that flows in my veins is all the protection I need. Oh and my trusty wizard cloak of course” Steven huffed.

“Yeah, right…” Charlie grunted as Trogdor. “If it weren’t for Clonk that backside of yours would be roasting on a spit in the kitchen back there”

“Well… Yes. It was very gallant of you to use your last magic to save me, Clonk. I owe you my life” Steven turned to Jasper with a serious look on his face. “Here… It’s not much but… Thank you” Steven handed a card to Jasper.

“Your spell ring?” Jasper asked as Clonk. “But uh… Won’t you need it?”

“Yes, of course, but that’s why it’s so valuable. To repay you for you noble deed. Take it before I change my mind” Steven said a little testily.

“Thank you, Sigmund, most masterful of wizards” Jasper actually got up and knelt before Steven, which made him smile ostentatiously.

“Now to the surface, my belly is howling for a pint!” I said and rubbed my hands together.

“Yes, into the light! It’s hard to oil up your muscles in the dim torch light” Charlie said, flexing her arm and rubbing her little bicep.

“And potentially dangerous” I sniggered as Hrolf.

We moved our characters back to the stair tile.

“As you exit the cellar door, the sunlight blinds you for a moment” Connie said and we all held up an arm or hand to shield our eyes. “You move away from the building, a little tired, a little worse for wear, but alive. And considerably richer than you went it. Soon the distant cheering coming from the little town reaches your ears and as you walk into the village, the children sing and dance in your honor. The Mayor greets you with a broad smile and shakes you all by the hand in turn, thanking you profusely for your work. Then he hands Sigmund a purse containing fifty gold! Then he takes you to the village square where you feast and carouse late into the night… Game. End” she clapped the dungeon book closed and looked around at all of us. “So, what did you think, was it fun?”

“It was great, Connie!” Steven said happily.

“Yeah, so much fun” Charlie grinned and stood up on her chair and flexed her muscles. “Trogdor – the – Mighty!”

“I had fun too” Jasper said and picked up her elf piece.

I smiled at all of them. “I’m so happy to have finally finished the first mission! You all did such a good job – especially you Connie – you are a _great_ Dungeon Master”

The rest nodded in agreement and Steven exclaimed a ringing ‘Yeah!’. Connie blushed but smiled.

“Thanks guys… I’m glad you all had fun. Do you think you’d want to play again sometime?”

“Oh, yes – I’d love to be able to finish the whole game and become an Imperial Knight” I said with a smile. “ _Sir_ Hrolf Thighbiter, now doesn’t that sound fantastic?” a bright golden butterfly wafted through the air. 

“Me too, me too!” Steven said excitedly.

“I’d really want to” Charlie said a bit sadly. “But I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back here…”

“We could always video chat and you could join that way” Connie said kindly and I felt such a wave of affection for her.

“Yeah, sweetie, we’ll work it out, don’t worry” I gave her a reassuring smile, but felt a sting of sadness. I doubted whether Victoria would let Charlie come here again – this had been an emergency thing after all… I shuddered internally at the thought of seeing her face to face. The things she had said at Charlie’s tenth birthday party had been so… _harsh_. 

“Jasper, would you like to continue the game?” Connie asked Jasper.

“Yes” she said with a grin. “As long as I can play as Clonk again”

“Of course you can” Connie said happily. We began to pack the game away – it took a surprisingly short time for such a big game, but we _were_ five people.

“It’s getting pretty late you guys” I said when we were done. “I think I’m going to head to bed in a little while, but I assume you rascals are going to be up for hours yet – just keep it down a bit after midnight, alright?”

“We’ll do our best” Charlie said with a giggle. “Do you guys want to head upstairs and watch a movie? I’ve got a few on my tablet and Webflix as well”

“Oh, have you seen Dogcopter?” Steven asked.

“No, I haven’t. Is it good?”

“It’s _so_ good!” he exclaimed and he and Connie giggled together.

“OK, let’s see if we can find it! Hey aunty, if we get hungry later…?”

“Feel free to raid the fridge, _but_ leave the cupcakes on the top shelf alone, alright? They’re for Vidalia and your families. Oh and there’s chips in the cupboard”

We said good night and the kids went upstairs carrying a load of snacks and drinks. After brushing my teeth I went into the living room and closed the door before removing my clothes. Jasper was already in bed and looked at me searching for my pajamas.

“Darling, have you seen my PJs?” I said after a minute’s searching, then I heard a husky chuckle and looked up at her – she was holding my pajamas in one large hand. “Hey…” I said with a grin. “Did you have them this entire time?”

“Mhmm…” she nodded.

“And you didn’t say anything?”

“Well… that would make you not naked anymore… And I was kind of enjoying the view…”

“Darling!” I giggled and swatted at her foot under the covers. “The kids are upstairs!”

“We could be quiet…” she grinned at me, eyes travelling down my body. I felt a thrill at the way she looked at me – no one had ever looked at me with such desire as Jasper. It was an incredible turn on and I felt my nipples harden. She noticed this and bit her lower lip.

“We are pretty _bad_ at being quiet…” I said, climbing onto the bed and moving towards her on all fours.

“We’re just going to have to work on that, then” she purred. I knelt by her head and leant down to kiss her grinning mouth. She made an appreciative noise and I felt her warm hand on my thigh. It slid upwards until it cupped my bum and she gave it a little squeeze.

“Mmf” I giggled into our kiss and broke it. “You like to fondle my butt, don’t you?”

“It is very squeezable” she sniggered and gave the other cheek a pinch too. I moved up a little so I could stroke her hair and she breathed warm air on my breasts before giving one a lick. “That’s perfect, babe… stay riiiight there” she adjusted her head slightly and I looked down at her. Her lips were barely an inch from my left nipple and she met my gaze before opening her mouth and taking it into her soft, wet warmth.

“Ohh…” I gasped and smiled, a pleasant shiver running down my spine. She sucked and licked slowly, her eyes never leaving my face. I could see her pupils dilating… Gods, that was so sexy. After a few minutes she switched to my other breast and I shifted a little to accommodate her, feeling wetness between my legs as I did so. “You’re… _so…_ good at that, darling” I panted. She grinned into my skin and let her teeth graze my puffy nipple, making me tremble and let out a moan.

“Shhh” she hushed, then gave me another nibble, smiling wickedly up at me.

“ _Beast_ ” I growled passionately, pink and orange sparks leaving me. I put my hand on her right breast and caressed it slowly, making her hum pleasantly. “I want to play too…” I whispered. She released me and I lay down as she sat up and removed her shirt. She straddled me so her large breasts hung above me and I sighed happily. “What a wonderful sight…”

“I would have to agree” she said huskily and leaned further down. I grabbed one breast in each hand, kneading them gently before lavishing them with kisses. Jasper moaned throatily when I finally took her puffy left nipple in my mouth. I played with her gently, letting my lips and tongue slide along her succulent skin.

“I want to bite you…” I panted, looking up at her glowing gem.

“Please do” she said huskily, then growled as I bit down hungrily. Her gem emitted a powerful pulse and she arched her back. I kept looking at her face, feeling a thrill at seeing both pain and pleasure battle it out in her beautiful features. “Ahnn, OK, OK, release” she pleaded and I let it go. I blew cold air on it soothingly, then enveloped it with my mouth and suckled it as softly as I could. “Ffffuck, babe, ohh” she panted. “D-do the other one too?” I nodded and grabbed her other breast, sinking my teeth into her supple flesh until she begged me to stop, then soothed that too back to the puffy stage. “I can’t take it anymore” she moaned and sat back and pulled down her pants, releasing a positively dripping Kara from her restraints. Her hand was on her stem in half a second, running along the pulsating length quickly at first, then slowed.

“Oh, _darling_ … look at the state you’re in…” I said huskily and sat up too, my hand joining hers. Kara was warm and so slick with juices already. I could feel her pulse through her soft skin and gloried in the way she wrapped around my wrist in greeting. “I have to say… It’s incredibly arousing to see you touching yourself…” Jasper gave a little moan and Kara squeezed me tightly. I removed my hand and sat back, raising my hand to my mouth and licking my fingers. Jasper’s movements quickened when she saw this and I smiled. “Gods, you are so sexy… Your abs contracting and relaxing like that… I could just look at you _all day_ … My big, beautiful beastie… Will you cum for me, darling? Will you cum for your little monster?” Jasper grunted and her gem pulsated powerfully. My hand slid down my stomach and I spread my legs apart, circling my clit with my middle finger slowly.

“ _Fuck_ , that’s hot” she panted and then she gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. Her gem flashed as Kara spasmed and oozed her thick liquid over her thighs and my legs and stomach. After half a minute she calmed and sat back on her haunches, breathing hard and smiling at me crookedly.

“You made a mess, beastie” I purred, still rubbing myself slowly. “You’d better… clean it up”

She chuckled lustfully as she bent down low over me, snaking out her long tongue to lick up her release with every sign of enjoyment. Every once in a while she gave me a little nip with her teeth and I sped up with my hand in response, using my other to cover my mouth to stop any noise. She put her hands under my bum and lifted my lower half into the air so she could sit back up – I put my feet on her shoulders. She licked my thighs thoroughly, always keeping an eye either on my crotch or meeting my gaze. Soon my legs were clean and I spread myself open for her invitingly. She smiled down at me and licked her lips before lowering her sweet mouth onto my hand and sucking my fingers.

“Oh my fucking god” I said in a muffled voice as her tongue touched the hood of my clitoris. My back arched and I ground against her. She let out a lustful little snigger and dove in with passion, making those oddly enticing slurping noises. “I love it when you make those sounds” I panted and she looked down at my face and grinned.

“I was, mwah… trying to keep them down” she said into me – the vibration of her voice made me gasp. She chuckled again and hummed against my skin – I had to shove a pillow into my mouth not to cry out. “Mhmm?” I nodded forcefully and she kept going, the slurpy noises increasing in volume. Her gem pulsated as my breathing picked up and a wave of pleasure crashed over me, and then another and _another_ in rapid succession, my back arching and my body trembling in her strong hands. Soon I went completely limp, but she kept licking and kissing, helping my body calm down. She lowered me down to the bed again and moved up to kiss me. “Now _you_ made a mess…” she whispered and I smiled and bit my lip before licking her face. We could hear laughter and soft thumps coming from upstairs.

“Oh, I think they’re having a pillow fight” I giggled and stroked her cheek.

“Focus, babe” she chuckled and pressed herself against me. I could feel Kara squirm happily against my thigh. “I think Kara would like to spend some time with Galadriel…”

“And Galadriel would gladly welcome the esteemed Captain Kara Thrace…” I purred, reaching down to slide my hand along the length of her member. “But first…” I moved down to her belly and gave Kara a long, slow lick, tasting her wonderful juices and making Jasper moan. I sucked and licked her tenderly for a few minutes, feeling the need to take her inside me mount wonderfully. I gave the tip a slightly more intense suck before releasing her and looking up into her face. “How would you like to fuck me, darling?” I whispered against her skin, sending little arcs of lightning through the air – some of them struck Jasper and she shuddered pleasantly. I planted wet kisses along her squirming length and Jasper let out a lustful growl and bit her lip, Kara trembling against me powerfully.

“Ride me, little monster” I grinned and positioned myself above her, guiding Kara to my entrance. We both hissed as she slid into me. “Nngh, _fuck_ ” Jasper whimpered as I ground against her. We were both so excited I barely had two minutes of humping before my walls clamped down on her and I felt her shuddering and a wave of hot pressure filled me – I had to put both hands over my mouth to stop myself screaming out loud. Jasper’s gem flashed as her back arched and she lifted her butt off the bed, taking me with her. My vision was obscured by whiteness for a good ten seconds, then a smaller wave struck me and I whimpered in ecstasy, sending sparks and tendrils of light from my mouth in a shimmering cascade. I collapsed on top of her heaving chest, panting happily.

“T-talk about bucking bronco” I giggled, making Jasper gasp and tremble beneath me. I felt another wave of warmth inside me and looked down on her with surprise.

“S-sorry, babe – the _giggling_ you know…” she looked both embarrassed and a little smug.

“Well I never” I said in a mock-insulted voice, feeling Kara squirming happily inside me as Jasper laughed. I moved up slightly and felt her slide out of me wetly. “Oh, I’m still not used to that feeling” I winced slightly as her release trickled out of me and onto her abdomen.

“What feeling?”

“When you… cum inside me it sort of leaks out afterwards? And I can feel it”  

“Do you want me to… not do it anymore?” she asked, looking a little hurt.

“No, no, darling – keep doing so, please. It feels great when you _do_ ; I’m just not used to the aftermath. Hmm… There isn’t a word for that feeling… When something unexpectedly leaves your vagina…”

Jasper chuckled, looking relieved. “It feels amazing for me too… I mean I know what it’s like to cum in someone’s mouth or, you know, onto some part of the body, but… _this_ … The pleasure is so _complete_ …  And I’m not _alone_ in the feeling… Sex with other gems is well, fun and hot in its own way, and you could technically _make_ a thing like a vagina but… I had no idea there even was such a thing until you showed me…”

“What’s sex between gems like?” I asked her curiously.

“Like it is for you and me, minus the vagina, plus stem interlocking”

“’Stem interlocking’?”

“Yeah… your stems sort of wrap around each other and… squeeze and thrum”

“Do you miss it?”

“Not really… I didn’t spend much time with other gems on home world. And… being intimate with someone, at least that you would see more than once, it never really appealed to me. They always wanted for me to conquer them, I guess. Sometimes I couldn’t help myself, especially just after the war, when it was all chaotic and you had to take relief where it came, but… I learned to keep my stem in my pants. Mostly. If I was sent away to a remote colony I felt safe enough to take a starry eyed little something up on a whispered proposal, because I knew they would never interfere with my life…” she looked up into the ceiling as she spoke.

“That… sounds so lonely, darling… I know you _were_ lonely, I just didn’t think it extended into sex as well…” I stroked her cheek.

“What about you… do you miss having sex with women?”

“Honestly?”

“Of course”

I took a deep breath. “Sometimes I miss going down on a woman, but that’s about it. Sex with you is so… mind-blowingly _fantastic_ , beastie. No one has ever made me climax like you, or been so… _fun_ to have sex with” I kissed her chest lovingly.

Jasper chuckled sweetly. “I could say the same. And, knowing what a treat it is to go down on a woman now, I would say I get missing that… But you know I can shapeshift, right?”

“I know, darling. It’s not that it hasn’t crossed my mind, but… I love Kara and seeing you with a vagina, although enticing as that idea is… I’d feel incredibly insensitive to ask you to change such a wonderful part of yourself. I want _you_. And Kara is part of you…”

“It wouldn’t have to be permanent, well, it couldn’t be. I’ve… actually been thinking about asking you if you would want to… try it with me. Ever since you let me feel what it was like for you to have sex with me… stars… It keeps popping into my head at really weird moments and I’m really curious if I’d feel the same way…” she looked at me with slightly pink cheeks. “Would you want to… try it?”

I looked at her in surprise. I hadn’t thought of what _I’d_ say if _she_ had come with that suggestion. But holy crap… Jasper with a vagina – the _things_ I could do to her… I cleared my throat a little to stop my mind from overheating. “Yes, darling. If it’s what _you_ want, then I’m _all_ in” maybe literally all in… Oh my gods…

Jasper smiled broadly at me and pulled me in for a long kiss. “My adventurous little monster” she hummed.

“My curious beastie” I said back and nibbled her nipple playfully. “Gods… I feel as if I need about ten cigarettes after this” I giggled.

“Let’s head outside then” she chuckled and sat up, making me slide down into her lap with a little ‘oof’. “Or maybe…” she looked down at my open legs. “Maybe just one more…”

“I don’t think I have it in me, darling” I said with a snigger. She sighed wistfully.

“Let me say good bye?”

“What does that entail, exactly?”

“Just a kiss. Maybe a little lick?”

“A good bye kiss then” I said indulgently. Jasper readjusted herself on the bed and leant down and kissed my mound sweetly.

“See you later, Galadriel” she said softly. I chuckled at her silliness, but it was incredibly endearing all the same.

“Can I have my pajamas now?” I asked with a barely held back laugh.

“If you must” she grinned and handed them to me, then grabbed her shirt from the day and wiped her stomach before putting on her own pajamas again. We walked slightly unsteadily out into the kitchen. I looked up into the ceiling – I could hear faint conversation coming from upstairs. I glanced at the time – it was half past eleven.

“They are going to be tired tomorrow morning” I said happily.

“So am I, little monster. You demand so much of me in the bedroom, it’s almost indecent” she chuckled as I swatted at her.

“ _Beastie_ , they might hear you!” I giggled as I opened the door to the dark and windy night. I sat in Jasper’s lap with her warm arms around me and only shivered a little when we went back inside. We went to bed and snuggled up under the covers, Jasper’s head resting on my chest. I let out a slow and happy sigh, a thick plume of gold and pink leaving me. Jasper chuckled and kissed my neck, then closed her eyes. I did the same and was almost instantly asleep.

* * *

 

Please review!


	49. Manes

## Chapter 49: Manes

  
My bladder woke me the next morning and I hurried to the bathroom, almost tripping over a meowing Cake. I made it in one piece and relieved myself with a sigh, then brushed my teeth and washed my face before going back into the kitchen. I glanced up at the clock. It was almost nine. I sniggered to myself. The house was quiet – apart from very faint snoring coming from the living room. I had no idea when the kids had finally got to sleep. I stretched and yawned, then picked Cake up and gave her a cuddle before giving her some food and opening the door to the garden for her. The morning was overcast and windy and I went to put on one of Jasper’s hoodies before having a smoke. A few raindrops fell down my collar and I looked up into the sky – I caught the edge of a seagull wing and heard its indignant squawking in the distance. Maybe I had disturbed some birds sitting on the roof? Wait – it was _water_ right, not poop? I touched my neck and looked at my hand – no poop. I sniggered in relief and lit my smoke with a tendril of white light by saying “Kara”, then sighed as I relaxed into the cushions. What a wonderful day yesterday had been, and what a fan-fucking-tastic night it had turned into. _Gods_ … I put my free hand down my pants and gave Galadriel a friendly pat.

“Never thought you’d have to deal with anything quite like Kara, did you?” I said quietly, then cringed a little and sniggered at my own silliness. What did you do this morning, Erica? Oh, you know… had a conversation with my vagina about the awesomeness of my significant other’s alien sex organ. Regular stuff.

When I was finished with my cigarette I went back inside and retrieved my laptop from the dresser in the living room. I started playing some music, humming along quietly as I washed my hands and thought about what to make for breakfast. Parisian toast… _Yes_. Did we have eggs left? Yes, alright. The others would want some too. I took the entire egg carton and the milk out of the fridge with a smile. Crazy Town’s ‘Butterfly’ came on and I started to dance and sing along as I mixed all the ingredients together in a big bowl. I turned on the stove and brought out the biggest frying pan just as ‘Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger’ by Daft Punk started playing and I danced to the fridge to get the butter and the bread from the bread box. I threw some butter in the pan and watched it sizzle for a moment before starting to dip the bread in the mix. A wonderful sweet smell spread in the kitchen when I placed the first slice on the hot metal. A few pieces of bread later ‘All Star’ by Smash Mouth started and I sang into the spatula happily. I was reaching the volume level where the butterflies and ribbons started to appear. Then ‘Roar’ by Katy Perry began and I had to take a dramatic pose break when the crescendo hit. I put out cutlery and plates on the table as the song changed to ‘Geronimo’ by Sheppard. About half way through it another voice joined mine and I looked up to see Steven standing on the stairs wearing yellow pajamas and a big smile on his face. We sang together and he helped me dip more bread. It made me ridiculously happy to have someone to sing with – especially someone like Steven whose voice was so beautiful and clear. Butterflies flitted around us in time with the beat and as the song ended we were both pretty pink cheeked. There was a chuckle from behind us and Jasper stepped out from the living room, scratching her head.

“Good morning, Clonk” Steven said brightly.

“Mornin, Sigmund” she sniggered. “And good morning to you, hoodie thief” her large warm hands wrapped around my waist and she pulled me into a soft kiss. “Mmm… you taste sweeter than usual” she hummed before kissing me again.

“I’ve been making Parisian toast” I giggled. Steven grabbed the spatula out of my hand and flipped the current ones. “Thanks, Steven”

“No prob, Hrolf. Did you know Connie really likes these?” he asked happily.

“No I didn’t know that” I smiled at him, then kissed Jasper’s collarbone and hugged her tightly. “Did you sleep well, darling? And you Steven?”

“I slept very well” she hummed, then leant down to whisper. “I dreamt about last night…” I felt my ears heat up.

“I slept well too” Steven said and plated another batch of toast before putting more in the pan. “I think we stayed up until two in the morning”

“Did you have fun then?”

“Yeah, it was great!”

“We heard you having a pillow fight” Jasper said with a snigger, giving me a squeeze.

Steven laughed. “Yeah, we did – you should have seen Connie and Charlie battling it out, I thought the pillows were going to break!”

“Really, oh my gods” I sniggered. “Do you think they’re still asleep?”

“They were a little while ago”

“I’ll go drag them out of bed – I think they’ll prefer their breakfast warm and toasty rather than cold and soggy” I kissed Jasper one more time, then walked upstairs and knocked on Charlie’s door very quietly. “Girls? Are you awake?”

I opened the door – the room was a complete mess – books, cards, snacks and soda cans were all over the place. It looked more like a college party had taken place here rather than a slumber party. It brought a smile to my face and I tip toed inside. Charlie was lying on her stomach on the bed and Connie lay cocooned in her blue sleeping bag under the window. They looked so cozy it would almost be a shame to wake them.

“Charliiee… Conniieee” I called softly, stepping around the dross carefully. “It’s time to wake up now…” Charlie stirred feebly and Connie scrunched up her face before slowly opening her eyes. “Charlie, sweetie…” I patted her leg gently and she made a ‘Mmmgerroff’ noise. Connie looked over at me blearily and then yawned. “Morning sweetheart, did you sleep well? Sorry to wake you, but breakfast is just about ready”

“Wshht?” Connie lisped and then removed her retainer. “What is it? It smells really good”

“Parisian toast, Steven said you liked it” I said with a smile. Connie’s eyes went wide and then she giggled and sat up, unzipping her sleeping bag.

“I _love_ Parisian toast” she got up and put on a pair of yellow slippers, then moved past me out the door.

“Charlie…” I bent low over her and kissed her cheek. “It’s almost ten o’clock”

“Gohaway” she grunted into the pillow.

“Oh, come now… If you don’t get up there won’t be any _Parisian toast_ left over for you”

“Fiiine I’m coming, gods…” she rolled over with a grin.  We went downstairs to find Jasper filling up everyone’s plates, Steven and Connie already at the table. I kissed Jasper on the arm before sitting down myself and taking a huge bite. It was crunchy and sweet and I sighed happily, leaning on Jasper and chewing with my eyes closed. Steven, Connie and Charlie devoured slice after slice, as did Jasper and soon there were no more.

“I’m so happy I’m not doing the dishes after all this” I giggled.

“It’s my turn” Jasper said with a satisfied sigh as she leaned back in her chair. “That was great honey” she burped loudly and there was a round of laughter and the kids all tried to outdo her, but they didn’t even come close. After we were all done, Jasper did indeed do the dishes and the kids went upstairs to clean up a bit and probably watch cartoons. I went out for a smoke, cradling a cup of coffee in my hands. What an amazing start to the day, I thought to myself. I googled around for stables in the area and found several that had tours you could book. One of them advertised Western Riding on Quarter Horses and I gave them a call to check if they had any open spots for today or tomorrow. They did for both days and I said I’d call them back in a while. I heard a meow from in front of me and saw Cake look up at the high fence and pad around anxiously. What was this? Then I heard a familiar rumbling growling sound. Seconds later the pink lion had cleared the fence and skidded to a halt in the middle of the yard. He bent down low and Cake bumped her head against his nose in greeting.

“Aww, you guys. That’s adorable. Good morning Lion. Are you looking for Steven?” he turned to me and his ears perked up. I got up and stuck my head in the door and called; “Steven, Lion’s here!” Jasper looked into the garden and grinned. All three kids thundered down the stairs and Steven shot past me with a gleeful cheer.

“Lion!”

Connie dashed past as well but Charlie approached a little more cautiously.  

“No… fucking… _way_ …” she said breathlessly as she stepped out onto the patio, saying something under her breath that sounded an awful lot like ‘Aslan’. She goggled at Steven, Connie and Lion having a sort of snuggle wrestle match.

“Charlie, come say hello!” Steven called to her and she hurried over. “Charlie, this is Lion, Lion, this is Charlie”

“H-hi Lion” Charlie said, sounding both nervous and excited. He looked at her for a moment before putting his muzzle on her chest and closing his eyes. “Oh my…” Charlie sounded awed and petted his pink mane tentatively.

“He likes you!” Steven laughed and patted Lion’s mane as well. I took out my phone and snapped many pictures, getting a really good one of the kids smiling and Cake standing on top of Lion’s head, looking regal as all hell. The kids and cats played around in the garden and I couldn’t get enough of the view. They giggled and laughed, Cake meowing and Lion making little playful yowling sounds. It was such a wonderful sight! Jasper stepped out onto the patio as well and snapped a few shots with her tablet, chuckling softly.

“Isn’t this just… wonderful?” I said wistfully, leaning my head on Jasper’s chest as she sat down next to me in the sofa.

“Hah, yeah… It’s pretty great” she smiled and put an arm around me, resting her hand on my belly and rubbing it gently. I put my hand over hers. “How many?” she asked me quietly, putting her gem in my hair.

“How many… what?”

“How many kids do you want to have?” I felt my cheeks positively catch fire with joy.

“I don’t know” I giggled, several bright pink and white butterflies materializing and fluttering around us, settling on out laps before disappearing. “ _At least_ one… But _probably_ more. How many do you want?”

“I don’t really know either… But more than one, I think” she said slowly, looking fondly at the kids and cats playing. “Do you think Charlie would like that? Us having kids?”

“Oh, I’m sure – she’d love to have some first cousins” I sighed happily. “And my grandmother would just be thrilled to have more great grandkids”

“Can I meet her?” Jasper asked me a little shyly.

“Of course, darling, I really want you to! Charlie asked if we’re going to go to her place at Christmas – I completely forgot to ask you about that, I’m sorry”

“What is ‘Christmas’?”

“Oh, it’s a big holiday at the end of the year… you give and receive gifts and there’s a _lot_ of food and singing and decorations… My extended family almost always spends the holidays at my grandmother’s house back in Soweland. It gets crazy – I think we were twenty people, including two babies and a whole bunch of dogs, last time”

“Dogs? Like Frank?”

“Hah, no, not as big as him. Mostly smaller lap dogs like grandma’s pug Nisse, and aunt Ylva’s cocker spaniel Lotten. It’s… a really big party and it gets very loud, especially at dinner. I’m not super fond being around so many people all at once. I usually go to bed pretty early and put earplugs in. I sleep very well…” I sighed happily. “I always sleep in the same bed. It’s a broad bunkbed that’s built into the wall. It’s not uncommon to wake up to find more people in it than when I’d gone to sleep. When I was really small I would always go to my grandma’s bed and snuggle down next to her. Then when I was slightly older, my younger cousins started to join me in my bed. Later, Charlie would always sleep next to me, as would a bunch of much younger cousins and second cousins. My aunts and grandma always joke that the night before Christmas is the night you go to sleep and wake up with new kids as gifts. Significant others of members of the family are usually a bit floored by this tradition, but I like it a lot. It’s very cozy but you have to put up with a small risk of waking up in someone else’s pee. Or with an elbow in your face. You can, of course, request that no one join you randomly in the night – you put a strand of tinsel around your doorknob so it can be felt even in the dark. There are always a lot of whispers among the kids the next day who had had a tinsel-door. It means people were having sex, usually. Or that they have babies in the room or that they’re sick or just want to be left alone. But mostly it’s sex” Jasper looked down at me with astonishment.

“People just… randomly get into bed with you? What if you turn around, expecting your significant other and there’s just this stranger you’ve never seen before?”

“No, no. It’s just the kids that do that – the adults all stay in their own beds. Well, there was this one time my aunt Heidi had gone into the wrong room and went to sleep next to her sister Ylva and her husband, but I think she was a little tipsy at the time” I sniggered. “Does… does it sound like something you’d want to um… subject yourself to?” I asked tentatively. “I mean, spending Christmas at my grandmother’s house, not the bed thing”

“Would I have to get forty presents?” Jasper asked, looking a little overwhelmed.

I smiled warmly at her. “No, darling… We usually just exchange gifts with the members of our own families, or by arrangement otherwise. But everyone gives grandma a gift – the adults usually get together to get her something big, but the kids usually make her stuff like drawings or mittens or something. And… If it’s the first time you bring your significant other… they get their own mug from grandma” I looked up at her shyly.

“With your name on it?” Jasper asked with a smile.

“Yeah” I nodded, smiling back.

“And Charlie will be there?”

“Yes”

“And… Victoria?”

“Yes…” I nodded with a sigh and then continued quietly; “Charlie and Victoria come as a package deal I’m afraid”

Jasper looked over at the kids again, still playing on the grass. “Yeah, babe” she said with a smile, then looked back at me. “But I’d prefer it if we can sleep alone” a wave of happiness welled up inside me and I hugged her tightly.

“Darling that makes me so happy!” I all but squealed into her chest – a swarm of pink and gold butterflies and ribbons appearing around us. Jasper chuckled sweetly, her cheeks a bit flushed.

“Is there going to be gravlax?” she asked with a dreamy expression on her face.

“Yes, a _ridiculous_ amount” I giggled. “But it disappears very quickly, so you have to be fast. Oh I can’t wait to tell Charlie, she’ll be so happy” Jasper kissed the top of my head and gave me a one armed squeeze.

Her tablet started to buzz and she picked up the call. “Hey Amethyst… Yeah, we survived the slumber party…. Yeah. OK, hang on” she turned to me. “Do you mind if I go hang out with Amethyst? There’s this move I think she’s finally ready to start working on”

“Go, darling” I said with a smile. “I’ve got things from here” 

“I’ll be there in a few” she hung up with a slightly confused smile. “Uh… what does ‘pussy whipped’ mean?” I let out a snort of slightly insulted laughter – but this was Amethyst we were talking about. She was only teasing. Jasper certainly wasn’t pussy whipped. Pussy _entranced_ maybe, but not whipped.

“Hah, oh my gods – it means that I’m the dominant person, to put it nicely. To put it very rudely… It means that you’ll do anything I ask in order to keep having access to my… pussy” I said in a whisper.

“And pussy means…?”

“Vagina”

“Oh” she frowned. “But… that’s not what our relationship is like”

“No I know, darling. She was making fun of you asking if I’d be OK with you leaving, I think. She wasn’t being serious though, I’m sure. Just teasing you” Jasper pursed her lips and huffed.

“Tch… I’ll give her a piece of my mind about that” she said menacingly. “I’m not bothered if she comes after me – it’s quite fun, actually. She gets me and I get her back, but… I don’t like it when she makes fun of you or us…”

“Maybe she’s a bit… you know… envious?” I said cautiously.

“Hah… because she’s single?” she grinned and shook her head.

“Yeah…” I thought for a moment. “Do you think she and Pearl ever…?”

“Nah, not those two, no way. I actually asked her once and she was quite… emphatic that _that_ was never going to happen. But she did say there was someone she was interested in or used to be or something... I know she was with… Vidalia? That’s her name right?” I nodded at her. “Yeah, they were a thing for a while, but I don’t think she was talking about her”

I remembered the thing Peridot had said by the fountain, about how Jasper coming here had taken ‘a friend and a, a… _another friend_ ’ away from her. Could she have been talking about Amethyst? Or… was it Lapis? Who had been the friend, and who had been the _other friend_?

“You don’t think she could have meant Peridot, do you?” I asked thoughtfully. Jasper looked at me with wrinkled eyebrows.

“Amethyst and _Peridot_?” she said doubtfully.

“Why not? It’s not _impossible_ … When Peridot had her… little moment in Rose’s Sanctuary she said she’d lost two people. A friend and another friend. But I think she meant something more than friend. And when I was on the roof on the hospital and overheard her and Lapis, she complained that you and Amethyst were spending a lot of time together” Jasper looked at me with disbelief.

“We… don’t really talk about relationships, or um… We talk about sex sometimes, but not the other stuff”

“You talk about sex?” I raised my eyebrows at her.

“She wanted to know what having sex with other gems felt like and I asked about women a bit – before you and I did anything. Like… what you looked like and stuff, so I wouldn’t look like a total idiot. I mean, I had seen you naked already but, you know, only in passing…” I remembered being dangled upside down.

“Oh… that’s right, you saw me naked on the island…” I felt my cheeks heat up a little. “Do you talk about… us? Having sex?”

“Sometimes. Is that… not OK?” she looked at me uncertainly.

“I… don’t know” I thought about it for a moment. “I’ve talked to my best friend about my love life in, hah… in _great_ detail during my previous relationships, so… I’ve just never known the person my partner had those kinds of discussions with. Or maybe I have, I don’t know. I suppose I’ve never really thought about it…”

“So… Is it OK?”

“… Yes” I said after a while. If she wanted or needed to talk about our sex life with a friend, then she should. I didn’t want to limit her if she was finally opening up to someone.

“Don’t you talk about sex and stuff with Pearl?” she asked curiously.

“No” I said with a little laugh. “She’s seemed so squeamish about it – every time we’ve gotten close to the subject she’s just looked so uncomfortable. We’ve talked about… training mostly. And things that have happened since we got here, a bit about my family and about Rose… and a bit about Lapis. And you, of course”

“What do you tell her about me?”

“Mostly that she doesn’t know how great you are” I said with a smile and Jasper let out a surprised chuckle and kissed the top of my head.

“I am pretty great” she said and stroked my belly softly, then let out a sigh. “Hey… I should get going. You have to come see me and Amethyst soon, babe… Especially if she can nail this new move”

“What kind of move is it?”

“Hah, that’d ruin the surprise”

“Oh, not fair… Just tell me if it’s fusion, alright?”

“No, it’s not. She’s asked me to, but I don’t know… I don’t feel quite ready to. Being Echo with you is just so… incredible. And she’s very powerful, but I don’t _want_ that power like I wanted the power in Malachite. Echo is something you and I share that’s… beautiful. I don’t know if fusing with Amethyst would be… too tempting maybe” I looked up at her with concern.

“Did you tell Amethyst that?”

Jasper looked a bit uncomfortable. “No, I just brushed it off”

“Maybe you should. I mean, she was there… in the bathroom. She heard…”

“Yeah…” Jasper looked away, shame creeping into her eyes.

“I’m sorry, darling, I shouldn’t have asked” she looked back at me with a faint smile.

“It’s OK, babe. Just not used to being so… exposed in front of other people. I should tell her. Then maybe she’ll stop asking”

“Maybe if she knows that changes it? The fusion I mean, if and when you do fuse” I patted her hand. “I think it might be a bit difficult, but I think you can do it, darling. And if you do feel like… something is getting uncomfortable or too overwhelming then speak up. I want you to feel OK fusing with her… I think you two could be something spectacular together. Probably hella sexy” Jasper looked down at me and raised her eyebrows.

“’Hella sexy’?”

“I mean _you_ already are, and Amethyst is cute and sassy… I don’t know, it was the first thing that popped into my head” I sniggered, feeling my cheeks heat up. Jasper chuckled appreciatively. “I’m sure she’ll be a very interesting person and that I’d like her”

“Somehow that makes me feel better, babe… That you’d like her”

“Of course I would – she would be part _you_. And I love you” I kissed her shoulder.

“I love you too, little monster” she lifted my chin and kissed me softly, then stroked my cheek. Her tablet buzzed again and she gave it a quick glance and gave a huff of amusement. “Amethyst’s getting bored waiting. I’d better go – see you at dinner?”

“Alright, darling. Me and Charlie might go on a little adventure this afternoon, so we might be home late, but we’ll call”

“Adventure?”

“We might go horseback riding” 

“On… magical ponies?”

“Probably not” I giggled and stood up on the sofa as she got to her feet, then wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her gem and then her lips. She gave my bum a cheeky squeeze before breaking the embrace. I jumped down and went inside to refill my coffee cup and heard Jasper say goodbye to the kids. I walked back outside to see her give all three of them a fist bump and then she waved at me. She stepped back from them, bent her knees and jumped away.

“Whoa!” Charlie gasped, following Jasper with her gaze.

“Oh my word, how did you get so dirty?” I said with surprise as I looked at the kids.

“Oops” Steven said, blushing slightly.

“You’d better go wash before they come to pick you up” I said with a giggle. “I blame you for this, Lion” I walked over and brushed some grass from his mane and he looked at me nonchalantly, as if saying ‘They knew what they were getting into’.

“Sorry about your jammies, aunty” Charlie said with a grin.

“Your clothes should be dry now, sweetie. Why don’t you guys go change”

The kids headed inside and I stayed behind, still petting Lion. A jealous little meow came from the area of my feet and I bent down to pick up Cake.

“Oh, don’t worry, precious… He’s never going to replace you” I hummed and kissed her head.

***

Connie’s parents came to pick her up after a while and they accepted a bag of cupcakes. Steven and Lion left a few minutes after, also bringing a bag of cupcakes with them.

“Hey Charlie” I said as I closed the door. “Do you want to go for a ride this afternoon?”

“Really?” she beamed at me.

“Yeah, I found a place that has Western Riding and they’ve got a few open time slots later today” Charlie threw her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly. I giggled and hugged her back. “I’ll take that as a yes then?”

“Yes!”

“Alright, I’ll call them and set it up. I was planning on stopping by Vidalia’s shop to give her the cupcakes before we go, I could get some carrots for the horses at the grocery store on the way back. Do you want to come along?”

“Actually, would you mind if I stay here? I could work on your birthday present a bit when you can’t peek”

“Oh really?” I smiled at her. “OK, I won’t be long though. And you know, don’t set fire to anything and stuff”

“I’ll _try_ to contain my burning urge to incinerate things, aunty” she rolled her eyes with a grin.

“Good. We only need one Firestarter in the family”

I kissed her goodbye on her forehead and she headed upstairs to work on my gift. I felt a little thrill of joy. She was _making_ me something? What could it be? I pulled on a hoodie and picked up the bag of cupcakes for Vidalia then headed out the door. 

I called the stable back and made a booking as I sauntered toward ‘Color me impressed’. When I walked inside a wind chime tinkled. That hadn’t been there last time. The store was empty, so I called out;

“Hello?”

The pale boy named Sour Cream walked out and stood behind the register, greeting me with a lazy “Hey” and a nod.

“I was looking for Vidalia, is she here?”

The boy half turned and called to the back room; “Mom!”

‘Mom’? Ohh… I see.

“What is it, hon?” came from the back.

“Customer wants you”

“I’ll be right there!”

“She’ll be right here” he said unnecessarily and I smiled at him. An awkward minute later Vidalia appeared, wiping her hands on a stained rag. She was covered in paint and had a brush stuck behind her ear.

“Oh, hi” she said as she recognized me. “What can I do for ya?”

“I just wanted to come by and give you these” I held out the bag to her. “They’re rainbow cupcakes. We had a bit of a slumber party last night and made a bunch – I remembered you said you liked baked goods – I brought them as a thank you for… helping me out”

“Oh that’s very kind!” she opened the bag immediately and took one out. “Whoa… These are fantastic” she took a bite and chewed appreciatively. “I was just thinking of getting a snack, hah – oh my gosh, Sour Cream look” she held the cupcake up for him to see the inside.

“That’s rad, mom. Can I have one?”

“Sure, hon” she put the bag on the counter. “Mmm, these are great”

“I’m glad you like them” I said with a smile. “They were really fun to make”

We said goodbye and I left the little shop. I made a quick stop at the grocery store and then headed home.

***

It had been years since I had ridden a horse and I felt quite nervous as we approached the stable. Janice – the young lady that was going to be our guide led me and Charlie into the airy building and pointed to a white door with flaking paint.

“In there you’ll find helmets, boots and riding pants. I’ll go get the horses while you change” she smiled at us and Charlie dragged me forward.

“Come on, aunty!”

“Take it easy, sweetie, I’m coming” I giggled. We outfitted ourselves and reentered the stable. A soft clopping came from outside and a few seconds later Janice appeared with three horses in tow. I raised an impressed eyebrow. They must be really well trained if she could lead them all three of them at once without fuss.

“This is Otis, Melbourne and Polly” she pointed to each of them in turn. Otis was a tall roan with a broken stripe and four white socks, Melbourne a chestnut with a star and Polly was a black and white pinto. “Charlie was it?” she turned to Charlie, who nodded. “I think you and Melbourne will be suited to each other. Erica – Otis and you should get along, I think” she handed us their leads. “Otis has a very sensitive mouth so he gets a hackamore – have you used one?“

“Once, a long time ago” I said a little uncertainly.

“It’s just like any other tack, but it needs a very gentle hand. Have either of you done Western riding before?”

Charlie shook her head, but I nodded.

“Alright, so – there are many differences, starting with the biggest – the saddle. It’s designed for comfort and safety and is a lot harder to get bucked out of, not that either Otis or Melbourne tend to buck. When we ride, the reins are loose. You steer with your weight and by neck reining – if you want to go right, lift your hand to the right and shift your weight. To stop we say ‘Whoa’ and sit back, shifting our weight backwards. To go into a jog – a trot, we make a kissing noise and to lope – canter we click our tongues” she demonstrated. “We’ll take a few minutes in the arena and try things out, alright?” we both nodded. “Now, let’s give them a brush and tack up”

Janice led us to a fence where we could tie the horses up, then went to get a bucket of brushes. I patted Otis’ neck and stood by his head a little while to let him smell me. I blew into his muzzle and he blew back, his ears pricking up.

“Hello Otis” I said softly. “How about half a carrot before we start? Make sure this goes nice and smooth, yeah?” I held out the vegetable for him and he crunched it in his teeth, then sniffed me again hopefully, looking for more treats. “We’ve got an entire bag in the car for after – so be a good boy and don’t make me look like an idiot in front of my niece and half of that is yours – deal?” I smiled and patted his neck before picking up a whisp and starting to groom him and clean his feet. I heard Charlie talking softly to Melbourne too and looked up to see Janice nodding approvingly.

A few minutes later we mounted up inside the arena. Gods, I had almost forgot how to do that properly and had to have a few goes before I got in the saddle. But once I was up there I felt all the little rituals come back to me. I adjusted the stirrups and tightened the girdle a notch, then stretched and rolled my shoulders before picking up the reins and smiling over at Charlie.

“How does it feel?” I asked her.

“The saddle is so comfortable” she said with awe. “But are the stirrups really supposed to be so long? I don’t know if I can post in these”

“You don’t normally post” Janice said, mounting Polly deftly. “During a jog you just sit back. Alright, let’s begin with a walk and test out neck reining”

After about twenty minutes in the arena Janice deemed us ready to hit the trail and she let us out of the gate, then closed it behind us, promising that we would pass through a few and that we would both get several opportunities to try it out as well.  We walked away from the stable at a sedate pace and followed a dirt road for a few minutes before turning into a forest. The trail was broad and well used and the horses seemed to know the way. It was very enjoyable, just sitting in the saddle, being gently rocked with every step. It was such a natural, soothing rhythm and I felt myself relaxing. The leaves on the trees were turning from green to golden yellow and red – not yet the full, spectacular colors just before they fell, but getting closer. Janice and Polly were leading, then came Charlie and Melbourne while me and Otis brought up the rear. Birds sang and rustled in the canopy and the sunlight trickled down through the leaves.

Soon – too soon, really – we came out the other side of the forest and onto a huge field.

“Right, we’re gonna start jogging here and follow this fence on our right until we get to a gate. Remember the sound to make?” Charlie and I made the kissing noise and both Otis and Melbourne reacted immediately. Otis had a soft gait and it was easy just to sit back – though it didn’t come close to Lion in terms of smoothness. Charlie got to open the gate when we reached it and we continued through a few more pastures, seeing herds of cows or sheep in the distance. Charlie glanced back at me from time to time, smiling broadly. It filled my chest with warmth that she was enjoying herself so much.

After a while Janice called for a halt. “Do you guys want to try some loping? It’s the same as cantering. The next field has the best ground to do so, but we don’t have to – it’s up to you”

“I’d love to” I said with a grin, my stomach filling with butterflies. Charlie nodded enthusiastically. We turned onto the field and Janice began to trot before giving the command to canter. I hardly had to do anything – Otis followed his leader into a slow, controlled lope. I was prepared for him to bolt, since picking up speed outside sometimes triggered a horse to go a bit bananas, but this must be where they always did a bit of a canter. Horses have good memories, although most of them just seemed to remember where the scary things were. Otis barely moved faster at a canter than he did at a trot and I felt very safe on his back. I patted his neck as I grinned into the faintly rushing wind. The ba-da-bam, ba-da-bam rhythm was wonderful and I giggled, leaving a trail of little butterflies behind me in the air.

We loped down the length of the field then slowed to a trot as we reached another part of the forest. It seemed we had reached about half way through the ride now and I was beginning to feel a bit sore. I would have to remember to stretch properly afterward – I remembered how much the inside of my thighs used to hurt the next day if I failed to do so. It felt so good to be back on horseback… That was one of the few good things about my childhood – my mother thought that every girl should know how to handle a horse and both Victoria and I went riding at least once a week. Our mother would sometimes participate in hunts, and once we were old enough, so could Victoria and I. I hadn’t liked that part much, but it had involved horses, so at least then you could hide in the stable afterwards and avoid the other people. My mother would explain away my antisocial behavior as ‘being very devoted to the animals’ which was one of the few nice things she said about me. Of course, she didn’t bad mouth me in front of company – she had to appear to be a great mom to her friends. But when we got home she would complain about how I had snubbed the other guests and embarrassed her by not being social. It was much more pleasant to be in the stable. It smelled of warm horses and hay and the stable workers usually didn’t mind if I asked to groom one of the horses. I liked the subtlety of horse friendship. The way they’d sometimes groom you back if you managed to gain their trust.

When we dismounted back in the arena my legs were a bit rubbery. We led the horses back to the same fence and took off the saddles and bridles, then gave them a good grooming. I went to the car to get the carrots and Charlie and I took turns taking pictures. Otis and Melbourne didn’t seem to mind us goofing around and munched the carrots calmly. I did a bit of stretching while I waited for Charlie to finish saying goodbye to Melbourne – they seemed to have bonded very well. Janice waved us off as we drove away from the place. A little way down the road I lit a cigarette, not wanting to smoke around the stable.

“Man, that was fun” I said as I exhaled slowly.

“Yeah it was” Charlie grinned at me and pulled her phone out to look at the pictures. “They were so calm outside – not like Mickey at all. He always goes a bit bonkers when he’s not in the arena”

“Ohh yes… I remember back in my day at the Hilltop Riding Center, my favorite pony Pippin – he would buck like crazy the first time we rode outside every spring” I smiled reminiscently. “Oh, we should give Jasper a call to say we’re on our way home” I handed my phone to Charlie and she found Jasper’s number. “Could you put it on speaker?” she did so and after three signals Jasper picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey beastie, it’s me and Charlie – you’re on speaker”

“Hi, how was the horse thing?”

“It was great!” Charlie said excitedly.

“Yeah, it was” I agreed. “We’re on our way home now, so we’ll be there in about… forty minutes I think”

“Perfect, dinner will be ready by then. Amethyst’s staying round for it too. And hey – guess who’s got another bubble?” she sounded incredibly smug.

“Hmm… I’m guessing someone tall… with a lovely mane of hair and very kissable lips?” Charlie gagged theatrically.

“Ugh if you’re going to be all lovey-dovey I’m going to hang up” she sniggered and hovered over the end call button threateningly.

“No no, I’ll be good” I said with a laugh.

“Yep, babe” Jasper chuckled. “Now we’re tied”

“Hah – it’s not a competition is it?” I giggled.

“What’s for dinner?” Charlie asked, probably to stop us from getting into more banter.

“Lasagna” Jasper chuckled.

“Oh, you’re going to love it, sweetie – it’s _de_ -licious. We’ll see you in a bit, darling”

“Alright – drive safe, _Melamin_ ”

“Love you too, bye” I said with a grin.

Charlie hung up and handed my phone back to me.

“Hey, didn’t you and mom ride together when you were young?” she asked me and my smile faltered a bit.

“Yeah, we did”

“I’ve never seen her ride. She says we will and then something comes up” Charlie frowned a little. Oh crap. I was hoping we could remain in the happy tiredness after the ride a bit longer.

“I’m sure she really wants to, sweetie…” I said tentatively. I was pretty sure Victoria would actually want to go riding with Charlie. But with her work, Charlie’s school and… the upcoming divorce… I guessed there wasn’t exactly a lot of free time.

“Do you think… she would want to spend the night when she comes here to pick me up? She said she’d be arriving at around six tomorrow”

“She called?”

“Yeah, just before Lion showed up. I told her about the slumber party and she was a bit cross that I hadn’t asked her permission. She said that there was a storm warning so our flight might get delayed and we’d have to sleep in the airport. I really don’t want to do that, so… could we stay over until the day after tomorrow instead? I could ask mom to reschedule our flight” oh my fucking gods, _please_ no. I did not want that to happen. I had hoped that I could just hand Charlie over, say a quick goodbye and then they’d go. I had no interest in spending time with Victoria. If she spent the night, oh… I groaned internally. She would comment on the house, the décor (or lack thereof), my appearance, my car, Cake and Jasper. Oh fuck. How would Jasper react to Victoria laying into her? Would Victoria dare to treat her the way she treated me? Shit. I felt my pulse pick up. If Victoria considered you a friend or worthy of respect, she would be perfectly pleasant. If she didn’t know Jasper and I were together it would probably not be a problem, but since she did know… She had been _mostly_ polite to Christina, probably because she was a doctor (an _asset_ to her), but the odd passive aggressive comment had snuck in. It was like she couldn’t help herself. If she saw or heard something that she disapproved of, she just had to make it known somehow. It was a trait of our mother’s that I was most unhappy she had adopted. Victoria treated Charlie very differently compared to everyone else. She was strict, sure, but there was softness in her voice when she spoke to her daughter, and it took longer for her to get angry with Charlie – but it still  happened every once in a while. I knew Charlie didn’t get to see too much of how her mom treated other people – when the three of us had been together before Charlie’s tenth birthday, Victoria had mostly been stiffly polite to me, saving her criticisms for when she and I were alone. But I knew she badmouthed me to Charlie when the two of them were alone as well…

“Aunty?” Charlie’s voice roused me from my musings. Crap. What should I say? No, your mom is such a toxic person to be around that I’d rather have you sleep on an uncomfortable airport chair than have _her_ in my house for any time at all? Yeah, that would _not_ work. Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck. I had to let them stay over, didn’t I?

“Sure, sweetie” I said with a stiff smile. Hopefully there wouldn’t be a storm and they would just leave. I would be sad to see Charlie go of course, but I knew that I would get to see her at Christmas. “Oh, that’s right. Jasper and I are coming to grandmas for Christmas”

“You are?”

“Yes, we talked about it earlier. But we’d have to tinsel our door – Jasper felt a little uncomfortable with unannounced bed mates”

“Oh…” her face fell a little. “Who should I go sleep next to then?”

“How about… Pernilla?”

“She snores”

“Grandma?”

“She snores too”

“How about Elinor? You always seem to get along”

“Elinor could work… As long as I get there early. I know Clara and Peter always go to her” she furrowed her brow as she planned the nightly escapades and I smiled to myself and looked up into the sky. It was becoming darker, but that didn’t _have_ to mean flight delaying weather.

Around half an hour later we pulled into the driveway and I turned the engine off. When we entered the house a wonderful smell greeted us.

“Oh, that smells really good” Charlie said, sniffing the air and smiling.

“Phew, you guys just _smell_ ” Amethyst waved her hand in front of her face.

“We should probably have a shower before dinner, yeah. Charlie, you go first”

“OK, aunty” Charlie headed upstairs.

***

Later that night Jasper and I were lying in bed.

“You were a bit quiet at dinner… Is everything OK?” Jasper propped herself up on her elbow and put her hand on my belly, rubbing it gently.

“Yeah… I’m just worried about seeing Victoria tomorrow…” I put my hand on top of Jasper’s.

“How do you want me… to be around her?” she asked me tentatively.

“Huh?”

“I remember you saying you don’t want to say bad things about her in front of Charlie, so I’m guessing you don’t want me to be… aggressive”

“Oh… um… Gods” I closed my eyes and sighed. “I don’t want there to be a fight, like last time we were face to face. I really want to have Charlie back in my life – I don’t know what I’d do if she took her away again… So, fuck… I guess be polite? She _probably_ will be. To other people than me. At least at first… She’ll more than likely complain about stuff, comment on the house and me… She can be sneaky about it and sometimes she says something really hurtful in a very pleasant voice, especially if Charlie is nearby. And sometimes it’s _very_ evident, fuck…” I sighed again. “She’s not a nice person, but people tend to like her anyway? Or they want to please her or something…”

Jasper let out a huff. “She sounds more and more like the prissy gems at court. There was always so much intrigue there, plots and alliances and things going on in the shadows. It was more dangerous to be in those halls than out on the battlefield. I didn’t have to spend a lot of time guarding the elite, but I did my share. The _things_ I overheard… stars. They could completely destroy someone without ever touching a weapon. At first I didn’t get it, but it was all in the _way_ people spoke, like you said – saying something terrible in a nice sounding way. Not at all like in the barracks during the war” she smiled reminiscently. “We used to settle arguments with our fists. Sure there was name calling involved, but it was always just… superficial stuff”

I was fascinated. “Like what?”

“You know, just… ‘You are an insult to all other Jades’, or ‘Were you made yesterday’. Or just threats, ‘I’m gonna hand you back to your Diamond in a box’ and stuff like that. That was _fun_. And once a thing had been settled in the ring it was _done_. But at court everything lasted forever. They never forgot an insult”

“Sounds like Victoria and my mother would have fit right in…” I said bitterly. “It reminds me of the parties my mother used to drag us along to. One little step out of place and you could be ostracized” I smiled ruefully. “I hated it _so much_. When I was really little I used to take off all my clothes and run around naked” Jasper burst out laughing.

“I bet she didn’t like _that_ ”

“She _did not_ , but I don’t think she got any bad looks from anyone for _that_ … I don’t remember doing it, but I heard the stories and people just thought it was funny” I sighed and frowned.

“Is Victoria the kind of person to tell embarrassing stories about someone?”

“Very much so, yes” I rubbed my face. “You might get to hear how I wet myself at the zoo or how I smeared ink on the expensive table cloth at my other grandmother’s place… Or the time I lost the key to the house and tried to break in and a neighbor called the police…” Jasper sniggered and I smiled a little. “Actually the one where I almost got arrested is pretty funny, you know, twenty or so years later”

“My little burglar…” she pulled me closer and kissed my cheek. I let out a long sigh.

“I hate this… It makes me angry just thinking about what she might say about me and… you. She’s going to say _something_ that involves you, I’m sure... Oh I wish grandma was here – she never says anything nasty around her, she wouldn’t dare” Jasper huffed. “I know that it’s a lot to ask of anyone, especially you because I love how you want to protect me… But it would just be easier if… we don’t make a fuss…” I paused to groan loudly. “I _know_ I will be angry, I can feel it bubbling up already. Everything that’s going on with Charlie and her extra school stuff, and the insane diet and all that… It’s going to be really hard to keep my mouth shut about it all. And I’ll be anxious as hell too… Fuck tomorrow is going to suck _so much_ ” green puffs left me as I spoke. “And I don’t know how I’m going to keep these under wraps” I sighed and pointed at the little clouds. Jasper followed them with her gaze. “I suppose I’ll just have to keep my mouth shut”

“Maybe the weather won’t be so bad and they can just leave immediately?”

“Gods, I really hope so”

“But if they don’t… We have faced a few hairy situations together – we can do this too…” she leant down to kiss my cheek and then my temple. My chest filled with affection for her. “If you feel like you’re going to blow up on her, maybe we can go outside and you could have a smoke and just… take a break?”

“The old Brooks stand by – walk away and inhale poison…” I said under my breath and smiled tiredly at her. “That’s a really good idea, darling, thank you…”

“I think I might need to take breaks too, by the sound of it. I’ll do my best, because it’s you asking... But I’m pretty sure I will need something big to punch after they’ve gone”

“You and me both, darling” I sighed and kissed her cheek, drawing in the scent of her skin. “You know what would make me feel a lot better about tomorrow?”

“What’s that?”

“If I had something to look forward to, the day _after_ – something good to focus on”

Jasper thought for a moment. “We could go somewhere together? I’d love to just have some you and me time… away from people”

“Where would we go?”

“Mmm… I really want to show you the Beta Kindergarten. And some other places too. We could bring some food, make a day of it”

“Like a picnic?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s when you bring food and eat it outdoors on a blanket and just take it easy”

“Yeah, like a picnic then” she smiled at me. “Maybe we could even… be Echo for a while. See what her legs are really capable of”

“Oh, I’d love that…” I stroked her cheek. “I’ve wanted to do that since we first made her”

“I know” she chuckled and kissed my temple again.

“Mmm I feel better about it now… There’s a tomorrow _after_ tomorrow…”

* * *

 

  
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	50. Söstra Mi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Söstra mi means 'Sister of mine'. Other translations can be found at the end of the chapter

Chapter 50: Söstra mi

At around half past five the next day there was a knock at the door.

"Is it her already? I thought you said she'd come at six?" Jasper asked with a frown.

"It can't be her, she would have called" Charlie said, raising her eyebrows.

We were sitting in the couch, watching more My Little Pony. I got up and opened the door.

"Hi Erica! Charlie hasn't left yet, has she?" Steven asked with a smile. He, Connie, Greg and Pearl were standing outside. The weather was pretty bad already and they were all wearing raincoats, except for Pearl.

"Um, no, she hasn't left yet. Come in out of the rain, please" I stood back to let them in.

"We wanted to come play another game to say goodbye, like a little goodbye party" Connie said with rosy cheeks.

"Oh, that's so sweet" I smiled back at her, feeling incredibly touched. "Charlie! You've got visitors!"

Charlie stuck her head out of the living room and a look of surprise came over her features.

"Connie? Steven? What are you doing here?" she asked.

"We were hoping we could play another game before you left – and we brought homemade cookies" Steven said happily and Greg held up a Tupperware box. Charlie blushed and grinned.

After Charlie had been introduced to Greg, the kids went upstairs to play in her room. Pearl and Greg remained downstairs with me and Jasper. Soon we could hear giggles and Cake went to join them.

"I'm so glad they've become friends" I said with a sigh.

"Steven told me they had a really great time the other night" Greg said with a smile. "And those cupcakes were really amazing"

"They certainly were colorful" Pearl said approvingly.

"I know it made Charlie so happy that they thought of doing this for her, did you see the look on her face?"

"Yes, she seemed very pleased" Pearl grinned.

We spent a while just chit chatting about nothing in particular and I quite forgot what time it was. Then there was another knock at the door and I froze up. Fuck! Was it six already? I glanced at the clock. It was ten to. Jasper had gone up to the bathroom a little while ago. An unpleasant tingle went down my spine.

"E-excuse me" I said to the others as I went into the hall. I opened the door with trembling fingers.

And there she was. My sister. I was immediately tongue tied and the familiar feeling of impending doom flared up in my chest and a part of me went and hid somewhere, closing itself off.

Victoria's hair was long and expertly styled and her clothes probably the height of fashion – not that I'd know. She was taller than me in her high heels and much skinnier. It was always unsettling to see that – she looked exactly the way our mother wanted us both to look and it was such a terrible reminder of what I could never be. I had never been skinny, there had always been a bit of pudge on me – and then there had been _a lot_ of pudge… The way I looked now was the best my body had both looked and felt since as far back as I could remember, but muscular was never ever on my mother's list of attractive female traits. When I was a kid I had the impression she wanted me to look like one of the people who had been rescued from Auschwitz.

"Are you going to invite me in?" she asked intensely. I stepped back to let her pass and she strode inside, dragging her luggage across the threshold with a thump. She thrust her dripping umbrella into my hands and I nearly dropped it. She expelled air through her nose, making a derisive 'hmpf' sound and I barely stopped myself from cringing. She sounded _just_ like our mother. She looked around the narrow hallway disapprovingly. "How like you to not have any sort of welcoming decorations. It's like stepping into a trailer home" here we go. Insult count: one. "Charlotte?" she called loudly – her voice much softer now that she wasn't talking to me. The babble of conversation from above ceased and I could hear running feet coming down the stairs.

"Mom!" Charlie exclaimed happily, hurrying up to Victoria and throwing her arms around her waist. Victoria leaned down to kiss her cheeks.

" _Mitt hjärta_ _1_ …" she hummed. The other kids came down the stairs too and Charlie introduced Victoria to Steven, Connie, Pearl and Greg. Where was Jasper? Heavy footfalls from upstairs told me she was still up there… Steven, Connie and Greg greeted Victoria politely, but there was something icy in Pearl's tone when she said 'hello' that made me feel a little more secure. Is that why she had come with Steven? I wished Jasper would come down too. No – more than anything I wanted Victoria to leave. I forced myself to take a deep breath.

"Would… you like a cup of coffee?" I asked stiffly, indicating all of them really.

"I'd love some" Greg said pleasantly.

Thunder rolled outside and I looked out through the window to the garden – it was coming down in buckets. Shit fuck!

"Looks like we're staying the night then… You don't have Zoegas, do you?" Victoria said with a carefully toned sigh – to anyone but me it sounded perfectly ordinary, but it knocked my anxiety level up another notch. Pearl threw a glance at me and I tried not to grimace too openly.

"N-no" crap. Don't start stammering.

"Is that some kind of really fancy coffee?" Greg asked politely gesturing for Victoria to sit down at the kitchen table.

"Not really, no. It's just my favorite" she sat down elegantly after brushing off the seat of the chair. Charlie put a cup down in front of her mom and filled it to half capacity. "Could you get me some milk please, _hjärtat_ " Victoria said with a thin smile and Charlie went to get the milk from the fridge, added it and stirred the cup with a spoon. I knew it was how they did things, but it always made me want to scream. At least Victoria didn't ask Charlie to fix her a Martini.

Charlie handed Greg a mug too, then put the coffee pot on the table and sat down next to her mom.

"How was your trip, mom?"

"Oh, _älskling_ 2, it was awful – terrible food, seedy hotel, and subpar service. And don't get me started on the oafs the company had hired for transportation. Three hours late on the first day and a dead rat fell out of one of the crates!" she flicked her wrist dramatically and took a tentative sip on the coffee, made a face and put it down.

"What did they transport?" Steven asked interestedly, pulling up a chair and sitting down too, as did Connie. Pearl remained standing by the stove, putting the kettle on for a cup of tea – I assumed. Shit I had forgotten to ask if she wanted one. She met my gaze then nodded up at the ceiling with the barest hint of a smile. I let out a breath of thanks and moved stiffly up the stairs. Jasper was just closing the bathroom door behind her when I walked into her embrace without a word. I hugged her tightly.

"I'm sorry" she whispered urgently.

I breathed out a long breath before speaking, a few dull purple and green lights came with my words. "They're going to stay the night"

" _Fuck_ " she hissed. "Can't they just go to that hotel instead?"

"I already told Charlie they could stay here" I said tonelessly, leaning my head on Jasper's chest. "And I wouldn't want to send anyone out in this weather… Maybe the others will need to stay here as well?"

"Do we even have room for that many?" Jasper asked as she stroked my back.

"There's the couches and the king sized bed – I'm sure it would work out if need be. If they do stay it'll be less likely Victoria and I end up alone somewhere. I really don't want that to happen…"

"I'll be here. And… Pearl too"

"Thank you" I said emphatically and buried my face in her shirt for a moment and letting out a sigh. My anxiety level dropped slightly and I leaned back and looked up at Jasper's face. She was wearing an expression half way between worry and anger. We heard laughter coming from downstairs and Jasper raised her eyebrows. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. "I really hope she won't say anything nasty to the others"

"Would she?"

"She might… But hopefully Charlie being there will prevent her from doing so. Gods. I hate this so much" I steeled myself. "We'd better start making dinner…"

"Just one moment, babe" I looked up at her and she leant down to kiss me softly. "Picnic and breaks"

My shoulders dropped a little and I repeated her words. "Picnic and breaks, picnic and breaks…"

We headed downstairs and I tensed up again as Victoria looked round.

"Victoria, this is Jasper. Jasper, this is Victoria" I said stiffly, gesturing between them. Victoria stood up and held out her hand and her calculating gaze swept over Jasper. They shook hands carefully, sizing each other up.

"She does like them big, doesn't she" Victoria said to no one in particular, the barest hint of venom in her voice. Jasper's eyes narrowed slightly.

"It's a pleasure to finally… _meet_ you" Jasper said in a low voice. They released each other's hands and both wiped them on their clothes – Jasper seemed to be doing it subconsciously whereas Victoria did it on purpose.

"Christina wasn't _that_ tall" Charlie said casually. Please don't start talking about my ex in front of everyone.

"Who's hungry?" I asked a little louder than necessary.

"I am!" Steven said and Connie, Greg and Charlie all nodded. Victoria turned her back on Jasper and sat down again a bit more stiffly than last time.

"Would you like some help?" Pearl asked politely and I nodded gratefully.

We began to take food out of the fridge to make stew – since we were so many. Connie got up to help out as well while Charlie, Steven, Greg and Victoria chatted at the table. Victoria told them about her trip and her work and asked what Charlie had been doing here. It was sounding perfectly pleasant and Charlie was skillfully keeping away from all gem related things. Steven and Greg kept away from the subject as well and I was most grateful for that. Victoria hadn't told any embarrassing stories. Yet.

While the stew was simmering away, Jasper and I stepped out onto the patio so I could have a smoke. Her shoulders dropped and she let out a sigh.

"It's been a long time since I've been this kind of tense…" she said and rolled her shoulders. I sat down next to her and pulled my legs up. The weather was worsening steadily and I was glad for the bit of roof that protruded over the patio. It didn't stop the wind however and I shivered slightly.

"Tell me about it…" I sighed as I lit my cigarette using the lighter, cupping my hand around it. "Thank you for not punching her in the face right off the bat, darling…"

"You're welcome, babe" she snickered and put an arm around me and stroked my leg. "Stars, she could be one of those haughty Topazes from Yellow Diamond's court, no problem. Just add a yellow dress and a gem somewhere and no one would be able to tell them apart"

I sighed and rubbed my temples again. "Guh… This is giving me such a headache" I tried to click my jaw to get rid of some of the tension and it made a loud, wet snapping sound. A little of the pain went away. Think about the picnic tomorrow, I told myself.

When I was done we went back inside – I stopped in the doorway when I saw Victoria standing by the stove and stirring the large pot. She picked up a smaller spoon and had a taste, then picked up a spice and added some. I felt anger flaring in my chest – what the hell was she doing to Jasper's stew? Jasper had stopped just behind me and I heard her let out an angry huff – she wasn't happy either. I took a calming breath and forced my shoulders down. If it had been anyone but her I wouldn't be mad, so _let it go_ , I told myself.

"There we are" Victoria said after having tasted the stew again. As if a pinch of whatever it was she added could have made a difference in that large a pot, I grumbled internally. I took another breath.

"Is it done?" Charlie asked, stepping up to the stove as well.

" _Ja, älskling_ " Victoria nodded. "I don't see how we're all supposed to fit around that tiny table, though. Didn't you plan on ever having guests, Easy?" I hated when she called me that – I could feel my ears burning.

"Easy, ma'am?" Connie asked, looking confused.

"Oh, it's just my little nickname for Erica" she said with a smile. "How do you propose we arrange ourselves?" she turned to me with a condescending look in her eye.

"I'll stand" Jasper said gruffly, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Me too" I mumbled.

"And I'm not hungry" Pearl supplied.

"Mom, do you want to play a game with us after dinner?" Charlie asked, not seeming to notice the tension in the room, or possibly ignoring it. Greg was looking a little sweaty and Steven looked up at his dad with a slight frown.

"I'll need to do some work before bed, _älskling_. Maybe a little later" Charlie looked a bit disappointed, but rallied.

Everyone went to the stove in turn and filled a bowl, then returned to the table, me and Jasper leaning against the sink. I tasted the stew gingerly – I couldn't tell what Victoria had added to it. It tasted just like before. The kids chatted about the game they had just played and Greg glanced out of the window before clearing his throat.

"Would it be alright for us to stay for a few hours? Maybe the storm will drop a little" he asked me and Jasper.

"Feel free" I said with my mouth full. "I think there's space for you all to sleep here if it doesn't improve"

"I really appreciate it" he said with a smile. "I wouldn't want to spend the night in the van in this weather – it might get blown over. Connie, you should call your parents – I don't think I can drive you home as it is"

"OK, Mister Universe" Connie smiled. "Another sleepover!"

"Can we make cupcakes again?" Steven asked with a huge smile.

"Cupcakes?" Victoria asked acidly. My stomach seared with cold.

"Yeah we made some really awesome rainbow ones last time!" Steven grinned at her. "Charlie had this really cool rec-"Charlie blanched.

"Charlotte" Victoria interrupted him. I swallowed hard. "Her name is Charlotte, not Charlie"

Steven looked a little confused and Greg looked up at her with wrinkled eyebrows. "S-sorry, uh… Charlotte had this really cool recipe and we made lots of them. They turned out so pretty"

"I'm assuming they were _not_ sugar free" Victoria said icily, turning to face me and putting her spoon down on the table with a little clink of doom. I felt Jasper tensing up beside me. "I gave _very_ precise instructions on food, _sister_. Did you follow her diet at all?" her voice was hard.

"Mom, it was just a few days – " Charlie began in an urgent whisper, but Victoria held up a hand and she fell silent, looking down onto the table. Steven looked incredibly guilty and Connie had shrunk back in her chair a little, as had Greg. You could cut the tension with a knife.

Victoria wiped her mouth on a napkin and stood up. "Erica. A word" she said tensely, then walked into the living room. I swallowed hard again – everyone was looking at me, except for Charlie. She was still looking down at the table. Gods that made me angry.

Jasper let out a suppressed growl and took a step forward as if to follow Victoria but I put my hand on her arm. She half turned to look at me and I shook my head. She grimaced and stepped back. I gritted my teeth and put my bowl down on the kitchen counter rather forcefully, not sure if I was more angry or humiliated. I walked into the living room and closed the door. Victoria was pacing inside, her heels making a clip-clop sound on the hardwood floor. She took a deep breath, then turned to me.

"Did you follow any of the rules I sent you?!" she said in a hissed whisper. She didn't wait for my answer and threw her arms up into the air. "I _knew_ I should have taken her home! How can you be so irresponsible?!"

" _Me_?" I hissed back, stung into responding. "Charlie is a growing kid, she needs more than just _kale_. And she's _not_ allergic to gluten!" a few dull, blue sparks flew out of my mouth, but Victoria didn't seem to notice.

"I'm her mother and I decide what she eats! I'm assuming she hasn't done any of her homework either?!"

"She has, actually, even though it's _summer break_. What is up with that? What's with all the extra classes? She's doing too much!"

"It's for her future!" she snapped, voice going beyond a whisper now. "And she's doing so well, getting top marks – _thanks to the specialized diet and sleep schedule_ her study coach recommended!"

"Study coach?! She's _twelve_! It's too much for her!" more sparks came out. Victoria stared for a fraction of a second then raised her voice further.

"She's not your daughter, _I_ decide what's best for her!"

"I know she's not my dau – "

"Do you?!" she waved a finger under my nose. "Because you're acting like you have a say in how she is raised!"

"I'm very concerned for her! With all this extra school stuff when does she have time to just be a kid?!"

"She has much more important things to do than play around with those imbecilic dunces in her class – she's building her future!"

"And does that future involve having a nervous breakdown? Because that's where she's headed, Victoria! What happened to make you put her through this? It can't just be the divorce!"

Victoria's face flushed and she took half a step back from me. "How did you know about that?!"

"She told me. She said you and Jonathan have been fighting a lot!"

"Not that it's any of your business, but _yes Easy_ , we _are_ getting a divorce, call Robyn and celebrate!"

" _Why_ do you still call me that? I changed my name! Katheryn with a K, not a _C_!" a clap of thunder rolled overhead and I wasn't sure if it was me or the storm.

"It was never about your initials, you've always just had it _so_ … _easy_!"

I stared at her in disbelief. " _What_?"

"You arrogant, nose-in-the-air attitude all the time when we were growing up, hogging all of dad's time because you pretended you liked going outside and getting all dirty! Whenever he was home it was always Erica this and Erica that. Erica won the spelling bee, Erica can count to a hundred, Erica made me a picture! And then you went and _lied_ to him about how mom was when he wasn't around – _you_ were the problem – you never _listened_! It wasn't like it was hard to do! _I_ had to do the same things, but you just – just – _shit_ all over mom's dreams for us! I did _everything_ she asked of me, _everything_! Even when it hurt, even when it felt wrong, I did it because I loved her! Because that is what a daughter is supposed to do! She is supposed to obey and be grateful and polite!"

"No, that's so _not_ what a daughter is supposed to – gods! _Moms_ are not supposed to _hit_ you, or teach a fucking six year old how to make _Martinis_! Or tell you that no one will want you because you suddenly moved from a medium to a large! They shouldn't tell you you're _worthless_ , just because you don't want to wear a fucking dress!"

"What is so wrong with wearing a _dress_?! I never understood your fucking problem with them, it's just _clothes_!" we were both shouting now.

"It wasn't _me_ , Victoria! _I_ wanted to wear shorts, I wanted to climb trees, I wanted to play in the sand – I wanted to build tree houses and catch frogs and pet strange dogs and _explore_ and see things! I wanted to just be a kid and left the fuck _alone_ , alright! _Every_ – _single_ – _thing_ I liked to do was _wrong_ in her eyes! She didn't care how I felt, she just wanted me to be some accessory to make _her_ look good in front of her stupid friends!" dark blue sparks flew wildly around the room.

"Don't you dare get started about mom's friends – do you even know how many times you embarrassed her in front of them – in front of her colleagues?! In front of _dad's_ colleagues?!"

"You sabotaged me most of the time! Tripped me up, pushed me, smeared food on my clothes!"

"Because you _deserved_ it, you arrogant little shit! Everyone always lording it over me how clever you were and how well you did in school and you didn't even have to try! I worked my ass off and barely scraped sixes in most subjects!"

"You spent most of your time harassing the fuck out of people, of course you didn't have time to study! It was more important to be popular and hang with the cool kids! How _is_ Madeleine, by the way? Did she finally let you brown nose your way into her inner circle?"

"I was making connections! Do you even know how much Madeleine's mother helped dad out when he was slapped with that law suit when we were fourteen? Olivia's been a great asset to this family!"

"Asset? _Asset_?! Is _everything_ about business and making money with you?! Did you even _like_ Madeleine?!"

"I've built a _career_ , Erica! I wasn't handed everything on a silver platter like you! I had to work my way up!"

"Handed?! Are you fucking serious?! I had a fucking brain tumor!"

"Oh, would you just **_stop_** it with that thing?! Jesus motherfucking Christ! Tumor this and tumor that! 'Poor Erica, she's so fragile and so brave, and _still_ managed to graduate in the same year, what a genius!' – I am so _sick_ and _tired_ of hearing about it! It wasn't even _cancer_! You're not _brave_ , you tried to _kill yourself_ , _you fucking coward_!"

I gasped, so insulted I barely knew what to do with myself! I dragged in an angry breath. "You know _why_ I tried to kill myself, hmm? You _don't_! I bet you _all_ the money in my bank accounts that you don't know why!"

Victoria's face reddened even more.

"Go on. Guess" I hissed menacingly.

"You just wanted attention!" she huffed.

"Wrong! It's really simple actually. I wanted to _die_ , you callous idiot! Death seemed much better than spending another _minute_ in that _toxic_ house! Do you _know_ what she told me on Christmas Eve?! When I had been home all of three days? She told me to get over it! To just… get over it! Because it wasn't giving _her_ anything anymore! She was done fake-fawning over me – she had wrung _all_ the attention she could get out of it. _Textbook – fucking – NARCISSIST_! And you have been so blinded by her twisted words you can't understand just how fucked up you are, Victoria! It's so sad – I've seen you grow from my actual _sister_ to a tiny bully and into this… this _horrible_ person standing before me, so _lost_ in what society tells her she should be she can't even see the edge of sanity anymore! This – isn't – you! _You_ don't even _exist_ anymore! _Because our mother_ _ **DESTROYED you**_!" a clap of thunder of my own making rolled around the room and lightning arced through the air.

Victoria stared at me, mouth open in shock. Then she turned her heel, marched into the hall and left the house, slamming the door behind her.

My entire body tingled as I stood there, glaring after her, my chest heaving with exertion and a high pitched ringing in my ears. Sparkling dull blue and green clouds left me.

"A-aunty?" a squeak of a voice came from the kitchen. Charlie stepped into view – she was trembling from head to toe, tears rolling down her cheeks. "My mom… _isn't destroyed_ " she said quietly. "H-how could you say all those – those _things_?!" her voice rose and so did her temper – she was getting angry and I stepped back from the intensity in her gaze.

"Ch-Charlie, I – "

"Don't!" she threw her arms into the air and strode past the door to the living room, wrenched the front door open and vanished into the wind. I walked into the hall slowly. The tingling in my body had turned icy and my chest was constricting. Charlie had _never_ looked at me like that before – like she _hated_ me. My head spun with the last few minutes – everything Victoria had said, everything _I_ had said – Charlie must have heard it all. My throat was hurting from the shouting and my hands were trembling. Had I just lost her? Had I just gone too far? I had… Oh my gods… A wave of nausea hit me like a punch to the gut and I grabbed onto the doorframe to the bathroom.

"Babe?" Jasper was standing to my left, looking worried. I looked around at her and saw the others standing behind her, all of them wearing expressions of shock… and fear. Connie was actually holding her hands over her ears… Fuck! _Everyone_ had heard us! My stomach roiled and I darted into the bathroom and raised the toilet lid up just in time. My mind was in chaos – Victoria's words and my own echoed inside my head, flowing into one another until it was just an endless clanging cacophony of noise. My vision was obscured by black dots and I could barely see my shaking hands as they gripped the white porcelain. My body heaved with sobs and the forcefulness of my vomiting – it felt like my insides were tearing – and my heart was breaking into a million pieces. _Charlie_ …

Cool hands stroked my hair out of my face and gathered it at the back of my neck, carefully avoiding my searing scar. I could hear mumbled conversation somewhere far off, but the hateful words of a few minutes ago drowned it out. My vision was shrinking to a tunnel and even though there couldn't be anything left in my belly now, I kept dry heaving for a long time, my stomach muscles cramping and the back of my throat burning with bile.

Panting, I slumped against the wall and someone dabbed at my face with a damp cloth, then they handed me a bottle of water. Slowly my vision cleared and I saw Pearl kneeling in front of me. Her lips were moving but I could barely hear her over the ringing still going on in my ears. I clicked my jaw and it made a loud and painful snap, then sound came rushing back.

" – been gone more than ten minutes, they should be back by now, right? Or do you think they drove off?" it was Steven's voice. I could see him standing in the hall talking to Jasper and Greg. All of them looked worried.

"I don't think they could in this weather" Greg said quietly. "It's pretty gnarly out there…"

"I'm going to go find her" Jasper said intensely, moving past Greg and Connie to get to the door.

"Erica? Can you hear me now?" Pearl snapped her fingers close to my ear and I twitched. "Oh! She's back, she's back!" she turned around and Jasper stopped in her tracks.

"Babe?" she squeezed into the small bathroom, Pearl got out of the way quickly. "I'm going to go look for Charlie, are you going to be OK?"

"Hwk" I cleared my throat. "She's not here?" I asked hoarsely, my heart rate leaping up immediately.

"No, she's been gone more than ten minutes now… She's so small" Jasper's eyes showed fear and worry.

"I'll come with you – it's my fault. This is all my fault…"

"No, you should rest. And it's not your fault – _stars_ the things she said to you!" anger flared in her eyes now and she grabbed my hand fiercely. "I'll be back soon, she can't have gone far" she kissed my forehead quickly and got to her feet and was halfway through the bathroom door when Connie, Steven and Greg gasped.

"Charlie!" Jasper burst out and dashed to the front door. I got up unsteadily and grabbed a towel as I stumbled out into the hall. My head swam and Pearl grabbed me by the shoulder to stop me falling over. A sopping wet Charlie was standing on the carpet just inside the door. She was shivering visibly and looking absolutely devastated. Shame gripped my heart with searing fingers and I drew in a ragged breath as tears flooded down my cheeks.

"Charlie I'm so sorry" I whimpered as I walked toward her tentatively. "I was so out of line, I – " I knelt down in front of her, wrapping the towel around her shoulders carefully. She wasn't looking at me.

"I couldn't find her…" she sniffed. A cold knife went through my chest.

"What?" I said breathlessly.

"I couldn't… couldn't find her" she repeated, then she met my gaze. Her eyes were full of tears and her nose was running. "I couldn't find her, aunty" her voice broke and she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me fiercely. She was so _cold_ … For a moment I was shocked – then relieved that she was actually hugging me. I held her tightly, rubbing her back with the towel to try to get her warm and dry. "You have to find her…" I lifted my gaze to Jasper's and she closed her eyes for a moment and she took a deep breath, her fists opening and closing.

"I'll go look for Victoria" she said decisively.

"Y-you will?" Charlie asked, looking up at her.

"Yes, _Aeir_ …" Jasper's expression softened.

"Thank you, darling… Just… be careful" I looked at her worriedly.

"I'll come help you" Pearl said, stepping up on my other side. My heart swelled with love for the both of them.

"I'll help too" Steven said, but Pearl turned around and shook her head.

"No, Steven, you need to stay inside. We will be back soon"

"Bring your satellite phone, darling" I said to Jasper.

"I've always got it on me, honey" she leant down to kiss my forehead and then Pearl opened the door on the raging storm and they stepped out, closing it behind them with difficulty.

"Y-you didn't mean it, r-right?" Charlie sobbed in my ear. "My mom's not d-destroyed"

"I just… lost it, I'm so sorry, sweetie…"

"I d-don't want this to be l-like my b-birthday" shame squeezed my heart again. How on earth was I going to fix this mess?

"It won't be… We'll see each other at Christmas, remember?"

"You promise?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye" I whispered to her. Greg wrapped another towel around Charlie and I looked up at him gratefully.

"You have to find her, aunty…" Charlie began to sob again and I sat back on my haunches and gathered her up in my arms.

"I-I will, sweetie, I'll go look in a moment"

"Are you sure you should go out there?" Greg asked me uncertainly. I looked up at him again – I really didn't want to go out into that storm. But I had to, didn't I? If I had just kept my mouth shut… I nodded at him and stood up, still holding Charlie.

"Will you stay with the kids?"

"Of course" he said.

"Dad, can I go with her?" Steven asked.

"No son, it's too rough out there. Besides, when Victoria comes back she might need you"

"Oh, r-right" Steven looked determined.

I put Charlie down and began to put on my raincoat and shoes, fastening my EDC on the outside to help keep it closed. I was unsure how much it would help against a storm like this, but it was better than nothing.

"The number for my satellite phone is on the fridge – call me when they come back, alright?"

"Will do" Greg said. "Just come back in one piece, OK?"

"We all will" I said as reassuringly as I could, looking at the kids. "Charlie, I'll be back soon. You get warm, and have some more stew, OK?"

"OK, aunty" she said and gave me a faint smile.

I steeled myself and opened the door – a gust of wind nearly ripped it out of my hands and I jerked forward, then turned and forced it shut. Fuck it was bad out here! The wind was almost strong enough to blow me off my feet – how the hell had Charlie even walked in all this? I struggled to the edge of the street, sheltering my face with my arm. Visibility was absolute crap and I was pretty sure no one would hear me, even if I bellowed at the top of my lungs. But I had to try.

"Victoria! Pearl! Jasper!" I shouted as loudly as I could, but the wind whipped my words away, along with some green sparks. Victoria was much lighter than me, she wouldn't have been able to walk against the wind for very long… There was only one car in our driveway so she must have parked on the little parking lot down the street. It was a place to start. The wind roared in my ears and almost forced me into a jog as I started to head down the sidewalk. The street was flooded and I was so glad I had my raincoat. I had the backup rain poncho in my EDC too, for when I found Victoria – if I found her… No. I had to find her. Fear threatened to take over for a second, but I forced it down. I kept calling out every few yards, listening hard for any response. A terrible minute later I reached the parking lot – I ran toward the first car, calling out again. It was empty and didn't look like something Victoria would drive anyway. I checked the others, but they were all empty too. Fuck! Where else could she be? She might have tried to get to a hotel – or a bar. _Definitely_ bar. There was one closer to the square. I headed there, calling out more urgently. The wind pushed me forward and I dreaded having to turn back later. The bar came into view and I pressed my nose against the glass – it was dark. To the hotel, then. I decided if I couldn't find her there, I'd call Jasper and ask how she and Pearl were doing. Maybe they had already found her? A sudden gust of wind made me stumble and I fell on my front with a crash and a gasp. I struggled upright again, wincing as my scraped knees were pummeled by the horizontal rain. I kept on calling out, cupping my hands round my mouth. I knew the square must be just across the street from where I was, but I could barely make out the trees surrounding the little park. The shortest way to the hotel would be to cross the square – would Victoria know that? I stood irresolute for a moment, then started to head across the street. I had made it to the other side of the square before being blown into a tree with a wet smack. The wind came whistling down the alley to my right – if it had done that to me, Victoria would probably have been blown clean off her feet. I turned to look down wind – there was a side street that led to the board walk. It would take a little longer to reach the hotel that way, but I decided it was probably my best bet to finding her, if she had come this way, that is. I spotted movement ahead of me and broke into a run, slipping on wet leaves and calling out. A slim silhouette approached me against the wind – could it be her?

"Victoria!" I shouted. "Is that you?!"

Out of the rain stepped Lapis Laszuli and I skidded to a halt, suddenly paralyzed by fear. She walked toward me slowly, her hair and skirt whipped around by the wind. She stopped a few yards away from me, paused for a few month long seconds, then turned and pointed toward the boardwalk.

She looked back at me with an unreadable expression on her face, then she walked past me and disappeared back into the wind and rain without a word. I remembered to breathe again when I could no longer see her. What the fuck?! What had just happened?! What had she pointed at?! Why was I still alive?! I clutched at my chest, trying to calm my racing heart. I took deep, calming breaths. Had she seen Victoria or the others? I hurried down the alley, calling out as loudly as I could, thinking if she wanted to kill me, I'd already be dead. Not a very comforting thought.

When I reached the boardwalk the wind picked up again and I was knocked to the ground and slid along on the slippery wood on my side. I groaned as I came to a stop in front of the fence and saw that the boards had been smashed. I crawled to the edge and looked down, letting out a gasp as my eyes fell upon a pile of debris – and under it an unmoving Victoria. I scrabbled over the edge and dropped down on the sand clumsily, then started to pull at the planks.

"Victoria! _Victoria_!" I shouted and I saw her stir feebly, purple lightning and sparks whipped away in the cross wind. "Oh thank the gods you're not dead!" relief flooded my chest and I lifted some of the heavy boards off her, then I froze, my chest now constricting with fear. A thick jagged wooden splinter was protruding from her right shoulder and her clothes were stained with blood. "V-Vicky…" I breathed, kneeling down shakily next to her. I had been going at it too fast – I needed to be careful! What other injuries were hiding under the debris? On closer inspection I could see her face, chest and arms were covered in scrapes. I had no idea about her lower torso and legs since they were still hidden. I lay down on my stomach to try to look under her shoulder – the massive splinter seemed to be part of a split board, the rest of it was lying at an angle underneath her. It was still connected! Shit – I would have to cut it off to move her. I wrenched my satellite phone from my pocket and called Jasper. I pulled my hood down and pressed my finger into my other ear to drown out the howling wind and rain. I could barely hear the signal and then there was silence – I held the phone in front of my face – the display said the call had connected – yes! The little timer ticked upwards!

"Darling!" I shouted into it frantically. "I found her! Can you hear me?!" I waited with bated breath for a response – there might be someone talking on the other end? "I can't hear you!" but maybe she could hear me? "We're by the boardwalk! She fell through the fence! She's really hurt!" purple sparks were whipped away into the storm as I shouted. "Hello!?" I looked at the screen again – the timer was still counting upwards. "By the boardwalk! In the sand! I need your help! She's hurt! Come find us please!" there was a deafening thunderclap above and I cringed and closed my eyes as lightning struck somewhere close by. When I opened them again Victoria was looking at me, her makeup smeared and runny in the rain. She gasped for breath and tried to move, then opened her mouth in a wordless scream, her face contorting in agony. "Victoria, don't move! Your shoulder is _fucked_!" she breathed hard and looked around in a panic, then tried to speak, but she only managed to make a gurgling sound. Then she began to cough and I stared in horror as she began to vomit – she was going to choke! I had to turn her over! But the splinter was still connected to the board – fuck!

"This is going to hurt!" I shouted at her, then rammed my hands under the wood and lifted it with her still attached, turning her onto her left side. She screamed like I had never heard her scream before. "I'm sorry!"

Victoria suddenly went limp and the board snapped, making me stumble. I looked at the mess and saw there was still an inch of wood connecting the two pieces. I grabbed my multi tool and flicked out the saw blade – if I moved quickly maybe I could be done before she came to again, at least then she would be spared some pain. My cold hands were clumsy and slow and it must have taken me three frantic minutes of sawing before I got through. I knew I shouldn't pull the splinter out – she was bleeding as it was – if I removed it she would probably bleed much more. I pulled out my bandana and tied it under the splinter, hoping it was a good idea to try to minimize blood flow to the area. Where were Jasper and Pearl? Shouldn't they be here by now? I looked around, but the wind and rain barely gave me five yards visibility. Get her ready to be moved, I told myself and went to free her lower body from the debris. I moved carefully, lifting one board at a time. I was almost done when another thunderclap hit and I winced – and the board I was lifting caught on something. I looked down and gasped. An nail on the underside had left a long gash on Victoria's outer left thigh and a thick trickle of blood was already flowing from it.

"Fuck!" I hissed and scrabbled at my EDC to find the string. I wrapped it around her thigh, a few inches above the cut and tightened it as hard as I could. "JASPER!" I screamed into the wind. "PEARL!" Victoria needed a doctor! She needed Steven, _NOW_! I moved the remaining boards and looked down at her. Could I lift her? Probably. Could I carry her back to the house? Maybe – our combined weight would both help and hinder us getting there… But could I get her there before she bled out?! Would my improvised tourniquets hold?! Panic grabbed hold of my heart with ice cold fingers. "JASPER! PEARL! LAPIS!" I couldn't wait! I had to act! Fuck! I began to sing as I knelt down by her side and put her uninjured arm around my neck awkwardly and shoved my arms under her back and thighs. "Sometimes, some _crimes_ " I grunted as I forced my protesting back and legs upright. "Go slipping through the cracks! But! These two! Gumshoes!" I staggered against the wind, heading to the left and the only set of stairs down by the Big Donut. "Are picking up the slack!" the rain poured down my neck as the whipping wind tore at me. "There's no case to big! No case to small! W-when you need help just c-call! Ch-ch-ch-chip 'n Dale's! Rescue rangers!" I didn't know exactly where we were, but I forced the fear down and kept staggering forwards. Victoria was skinny as a rake, but she was still my height and I felt my body screaming at me that she was too heavy to carry in my arms. I knew it would be easier to do a fireman's lift, but with her injuries that was a _bad_ idea. Who cares?! An angry voice inside me growled. She's been an absolute _cunt_ to you your entire life! Yes, she has! I agreed – but I don't want her to _die_! She's Charlie's mother! She's my _sister_! My own thought made me almost lose my balance and I stumbled forward before righting myself. I looked down at her pale face – _my_ face… The same eyes, same nose, same freckles… The wind changed and gave me a push forward and I let it carry me. I growled as I trudged through the wet sand, panting like an animal. After what felt like an hour I saw the steps leading up to the street and I huffed in triumph. As I staggered up on the first step a powerful gust of wind threw me backward. I hissed angrily, barely remaining upright, then bent low to reduce wind resistance. I tried the stairs again, but was pushed back once more. I had to get up those stairs! I had to get to Steven! Had to get Victoria healed! …Healed… The Sanctuary! I turned my head toward the temple. The wind was pushing me in that direction – it was closer than the house! I turned around immediately and began walking there as fast as I could. Yes! The Sanctuary! I knew how to get there! A burst of adrenaline let me speed up further and by it and the wind's help I made it to the steep slope in front of the temple. I struggled up it, hissing and panting like a beast. Up those damned stairs too! Then there was the door – no lights were on inside. No one was home! I put Victoria down as carefully as I could, then pulled out my multi tool and rammed the knife blade into the screen door, ripping the thin filament from the frame and kicking the support boards away. I picked up Victoria again, feeling the adrenaline about to leave my system – I had to work quickly!

I staggered inside and made it onto the warp pad – did I have the energy to lift her up again if I put her down now? No… probably not. I opened my mouth and shouted;

" _Jump_!"

The warp burst into life and I let out a breath of relief as gravity vanished. I knew it wouldn't last for long and braced myself for the impact of landing. I staggered as my feet found solidity again. I paused for a second and readjusted my grip. Victoria groaned. She was still alive…

"Just… a little further" I hissed out red sparks and grimaced, shaking the hood of my rain jacket off. I stepped forward – why was the warp pad so far away from the fountain? I panted and forced myself to keep moving.

After an eternity I reached it and I put Victoria down on the edge of the pool, lowering her right leg into it unceremoniously with my shaking arms. I felt the now familiar warmth flow up my fingers and spread throughout my entire body. I sighed in relief as the pain was drained away. Then I stood back and watched as the splinter slowly rose up out of Victoria's shoulder as if it was being pushed out. The gash on her thigh knitted together and vanished and I removed the string from her leg and then the bandana round her shoulder, grabbing the jagged, bloodstained splinter as it came free. I leaned on the stone wall and tried to catch my breath. The pain may have gone, but I was still way beyond exhausted. I slumped down on the stone step just below the pool and struggled out of my jacket, needing to be free of the clinging fabric. I was soaked in sweat and half covered in sand. After a minute I took the satellite phone out of my pocket and tried calling Jasper again. Two signals went through, then there was a terrible whistling and rustling.

"Erica!" Jasper shouted in my ear.

"Darling!" I said back, a tired smile on my lips.

"Where are you?!"

"We are in Rose's Sanctuary"

"What?"

"Rose's Sanctuary!" I said much louder.

"Rose's what!"

"Sanctuary!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "We are safe! I found her!"

"Oh thank the stars! Pearl! They're in Rose's Sanctuary!" more whistling wind, then; "I couldn't hear you before, the wind was too loud!"

"I kind of figured!"

"We're almost at the house! Do you want us to come to you?"

"No, it's OK, darling – you should go home and get warm, we're good here! It's sunny!" Jasper chuckled in my ear and I felt myself relaxing at the sound.

"Come home when it's safe, _Melamin_!"

"We will, darling! I'm going to call Charlie to tell her too! Love you!"

"Love you too, little monster!"

I ended the call, then dialed the landline at the house. After five signals it connected.

"Uh… This is Erica and Jasper's house, Greg speaking"

"Greg!"

"E-Erica? Are you alright?! Did you find her?"

"Yes, I found her and we're safe" I said with an exhausted smile.

"Oh thank goodness! We were getting so worried!" there was chatter in the background and then a new voice came on.

"You found mom?!"

"Hi, sweetie, yes – she's OK!"

"Can I talk to her?"

"Uh… not right now, sweetheart, she's resting. But she'll call the moment she's awake, OK? I promise"

"OK aunty… No more fighting, OK?"

"No more fighting"

"OK" she sounded relieved.

"We'll stay where we are right now – we're both really tired. Will you be OK with staying with Jasper, Pearl and Greg tonight if need be? I just talked to Jasper, they're coming back to the house"

"Can't you come home? Where are you?"

"We are in Rose's Sanctuary – I don't exactly know where that is. We warped here to… get out of the storm – could you call when it calms down a bit? Then we'll have rested a while and could make it back"

"OK, I'll do that" she said a little uncertainly. "Aunty…?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Could you sing me the willow song?" she whispered quietly. I smiled to myself.

"Of course, sweetheart… Right now?"

"Yeah"

"OK" I cleared my throat and began to sing. Very faint white lights danced feebly through the air, reflecting my tiredness. When the song was over I heard her yawning on the other end and I smiled again.

"Thanks… Tell mom to call the second she wakes up"

"I will" we hung up and I leaned back against the cool stone with an exhausted sigh, then looked down at the splinter I was still holding. It was the length of my lower arm and as thick as my wrist at the base. Gods damn it, it must have hurt so much… I lit a cigarette and I leaned my head against the cool stone and looked up into the cloudless sky. The weather couldn't be any more different from Beach City. There wasn't even a breeze. It was all so… quiet.

"Uughh" I jumped at the sound of Victoria's voice.

I stood up and took a step away from her, still holding the splinter in my hands. "Uh… hi"

Victoria sat up slowly, lifting her leg out of the pool. "What the hell?" she looked around.

"This… Is Rose's Sanctuary"

"Sanctu-what?" she wrinkled her nose and stood up. "What the fuck – _where_ are my shoes?!"

"I uh… don't know"

"What?" she looked at me angrily.

I took a deep breath. "Victoria – do you remember the storm?"

"Storm…" she repeated, a faraway look in her eyes. She clutched at her shoulder and looked down on it and made a confused noise. Her shirt was ripped and bloody from where the splinter had been, but her skin bore no trace of a wound. "What…?" she looked at me with bewilderment. I held up the splinter.

"It was in there yes" I said carefully. "That's why I took you here… This pool is, um… I guess you can call it magic. It heals people"

"What?" she asked me with sarcastic disbelief.

"I know you don't believe me, well I don't care if you do. It fixed you up. I don't know how it works, but… It's sort of like the lights I make" Victoria stared at me.

"That was real?"

"Yes"

She shook her head. "No, I don't believe you – magic isn't real"

"It _is_ , Victoria… Look" I held out a cigarette and focused on it, then said; "Fuck off". A tiny blue bolt of lightning struck the tip and I lifted it to my lips. Victoria stared at me.

"That's a trick" she said dismissively.

"Fuck, Victoria, come on…" faint blue and green sparks flew from my mouth. "See, keeps happening – I'm not lying"

"You really expect me to believe there's _magic_ in the world?"

"When the evidence is staring you right in the face, yeah" I said, clenching my jaw.

"Last time you tried that on you had me look inside every cupboard in the house for a magical cat or something" she huffed and crossed her arms. I felt my cheeks flush.

"This isn't like that… Here, take this damned thing and test it for DNA or something" I held out the splinter to her.

"I'm not touching that, ugh!" she grimaced and stepped away from me. Then she got a strange look on her face then patted the pocket of her still damp shirt. "Where's my phone?!"

"Probably smashed. You must have gone through that fence really hard" she winced and closed her eyes.

" _Don't_ remind me" she hissed. "Where's Charlotte?"

"She's at home. She went out to try to find you…"

"What?! You let her go out in that storm?!"

"She left seconds after you did! I thought the two of you would have just driven off somewhere. She came back alone and Jasper and Pearl went out to find you" Victoria stared at me.

"Why the fuck would _they_ do that?"

"They did it for Charlie… And for me, I suppose" I sat down on the step again and took a long pull on my cigarette. "Then Charlie asked me to go look for you, too. So I did" Victoria seemed lost for words for a moment, then she sat down and dug around in her pocket and pulled out her own cigarettes. They were all wet. I took pity on her and lit one of mine, then held it out. I wouldn't want to be without one after all that happened tonight. She took it without saying thank you. A tense silence stretched between us.

"I can't understand why it was so hard for you to just do what you were told" she began in a grumpy voice. "The dresses weren't _that_ bad. Why did you have to make everything so… difficult? It made mom so unhappy" she flicked the ash of her cigarette and kept staring into the distance. Was she really trying to pick a fight again? Or… did she really not… understand?

I cleared my throat and spoke slowly. "The clothes made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, I felt trapped, restrained... I didn't understand why I couldn't just get to wear pants or a tux like dad. It would have been uncomfortable too, but I would have _felt_ better about it"

"Gods, we had to _match_ , Erica" she rolled her eyes exasperatedly. "We were a _set_. I know it was uncomfortable, but it was for the _family_. It was just for the parties, I don't get why you had to make such a fucking big deal about it…"

"But it wasn't _just_ for the parties… It was all the time. Not just the dresses – it was the hair, the jewelry, the other fancy clothes that you weren't allowed to get dirty. There was no space to breathe, you couldn't move properly… Well, when we went fishing with dad, _that_ was nice. We got to wear the outdoorsy clothes and there was so much _room_ in them. We got to sit on the ground and we had our little Swiss Army knives… It was so nice to be outside and able to just… breathe. Touch things and not having to worry about what mom would say – she never came along on those day trips. And you enjoyed it too, Victoria"

"I enjoyed spending time with _dad_ , not what we were actually doing…" she straightened her skirt fussily.

"You seemed like you were having fun?"

"A level of pretending went into it. I wanted _dad_ to be happy, just like I wanted _mom_ to be happy. You just wanted _your own_ happiness"

"So what, you thought I was being selfish or something?"

"Yes!" she glared at me.

"Victoria, that's not fair… You don't know how… _bad_ I felt! You and mom… ganged up on me! You made me feel like I was the worst person in the world and like I deserved all that you were throwing in my face"

"If you had just done what mom asked of you, it would have been so much better…"

"No, Victoria. Then it would just have been the way she wanted it"

"And then she would have been nice and everything would have been fine!"

"No, it wasn't fine! She wasn't nice even then!"

"She was nice to _me_ "

"Gods, Victoria… Can't you see how messed up it all was? Her outbursts, the drinking, the way she spoke to _both_ of us – the amount of stuff we had to do for her – it wasn't _normal_ … That's _not_ how a mother is supposed to be toward her children… I _know_ that's not how you are with Charlie…"

"Charlotte" she said firmly. "She was our _mother_... It was our duty to keep her happy and I did my best, but you just kept on ruining it…" her voice was dark.

"For fucks sake… It is _not_ the duty of a child to make their _parents_ happy. It's the parents that are supposed to raise and take care of _you_ , not the other way around. I didn't realize that until I met Robyn – her family is so different from ours. Her parents are warm and caring… They come to hug you when you scrape your knee, they don't _yell_ at you for falling over"

"If you'd just been more _careful_ , you wouldn't have fallen in the first place" she huffed. I stared at her. She wasn't going to give in, was she? Well… what would it mean to her if she did? Admitting that our mother had been wrong… Victoria had based her life on her words, built a career, got married, had a baby… So much of her own identity was linked directly to our mother. And if it turned out our mother had been… less than perfect – she might have to take a long hard look at herself and the choices she had made. Not everyone was prepared to do that. Hell, I had only done it because I had been forced to, years ago. She obviously wasn't ready to do that. I doubted she'd ever be… If you removed our mother from her there really wouldn't be much left… I had been right earlier, I realized. Even though I had never put the thought into words before – our mother _had_ destroyed her… and me… Another realization came to me – we had approached the situation from different directions. Our mother had been the problem and Victoria had tried to pacify her while I had tried to avoid her by shutting off. That's probably why she thought I had been arrogant… I had done my very best _not_ to feel… anything.

She had joined our mother because it was easier to be on her good side – that's how she had… survived. We had both survived our mother by different tactics. But maybe I was the lucky one, in the long run. The tumor might have ruined my life as I knew it, but maybe it had been more of a blessing in disguise than I had thought. It wasn't until after that whole mess that I basically gave up all contact with my parents, except for holidays and birthdays… I had freed myself from them. But she had remained.

I looked over at my twin sister. Her fashionable clothes, her fancy hair, her perfectly manicured nails… She had, or had at least at some point _had_ all the things our mother had wanted for the both of us – to be skinny and well dressed, have a husband and child or children and a good career that came with a high standing and a lot of prestige.

But was Victoria happy? No. She was getting divorced. And she wasn't going to get the promotion she had been working towards for years – because of the _person_ she was and how she treated others... She must be feeling so… shitty right now. And here I was, criticizing the person she had based so much of her life on. A new perspective was forming inside me. One where Victoria was a lot… smaller. And less dangerous. With less… power over me. What felt like a ton of emotional hurt and baggage seemed to just fall away from me and I let the feeling settle inside. There was still several more tons of hurt left in there, but it felt much, much lighter than before. I could breathe easier… We would never be close, her and I, but maybe I could think of us differently now. She wasn't my… enemy anymore. What we actually were I didn't really know and I didn't try to put words around it yet. Our past was always going to be exactly what it was, there was no changing it. But maybe the future didn't have to be like that…

"Don't call me Easy anymore" I said quietly and she looked at me with a frown.

"I'll call you whatever – "

"No" I said firmly and she raised her eyebrows in annoyance. "I promised Charlie we wouldn't fight"

"Charlotte! And you can't promise that, we always fight" she huffed and turned away.

"Well I don't want it to be like that anymore…" she wrinkled her eyebrows. "We're never going to be friends and braid each other's hair, Victoria, but for… Charlotte's sake, can't we just be… civil?"

She glared at me. "Civil?"

"Yes. Without the sniping and passive aggressive comments… I know you don't agree with… well, almost everything I do or wear or whatever, but it's _my_ life, not yours. I have to live in my house, not you"

"Hire a decorator then. And a tailor, you've got the money"

I sighed. "I like my clothes the way they are. And I like the house as it is. Even if I decorated it the way I wanted it to look, you still wouldn't like it and that's _fine_ just as long as I don't have to hear about it"

"It would be a nice place if you'd only – "

"Victoria, _please_ I'm really trying here!" I snapped.

"Fine!" she snapped back. "Give me – hah, _can I please have_ another cigarette?" I handed her one wordlessly. She sighed with feeling. "And could you light it?" I took it back.

"You're welcome" I said as the pale blue arc of light struck the tip.

She glared at me with her lips pursed. I lit one for myself and we fell silent for a while, both looking out over the stone plaza. A lone cloud drifted lazily behind a mountain and appeared on the other side. I remembered I had promised Charlie that I'd tell Victoria to call as soon as she was awake. I reached for my satellite phone, but then Victoria spoke;

"He broke our deal" she said bitterly. I looked at her. Her jaw was set.

"… Jonathan?" I looked at her with a frown. Charlie had said something about breaking a deal…

"Yes… It was that I would stay in Londinium when Charlotte was younger than ten years old. I could work from the office there, then Jonathan could travel for his work. Now that Charlotte is older, _he_ was supposed to come back and work from _his_ office in Londinium, but he's refusing. He claims that the company is relying on him too much and that it would be a significant step down for him to go back to working behind a desk… I know that's not the _only_ reason he doesn't want to – I know he's got other _women_ out there"

"What?!" I stared at her, feeling shocked. Blue and green sparks leapt from my mouth. "Why the fuck?!"

"Because he 'has needs' apparently…" Victoria took a deep drag on her cigarette.

"That is the _lamest_ excuse in history! How can he do that to you?! How can he do that to Charlie?!"

"Charlotte" Victoria said automatically. Then she gave me a suspicious look. "You care?"

"Of course I care, Victoria" I rolled my eyes at her. "What the hell is he even _thinking_?"

"He's thinking with his cock, just like always" she said with a sardonic snort and I grimaced. "I used to like that about him. He's got such… drive. He knows what he wants and he doesn't give up until he gets it. It's just too bad it's not _me_ he wants anymore… And I absolutely refuse to stay married to a lying cheating son of a bitch" she stubbed out her cigarette with force.

"You shouldn't"

"I won't. The papers are getting ready as we speak. By next month I'll be a single mother. At least he's not fighting me for custody"

"Fuck, Victoria… I'm sorry" it felt so weird to be saying those words to her.

"I'm not. I'll be glad to be rid of him, the selfish bastard"

"What are you going to tell Charlie?"

"Her name is Charlotte, Erica, please!" she closed her eyes and grimaced.

"What are you going to tell Charlotte, then?" I asked again, relenting.

"That me and her dad are splitting up because he's not willing to step back in his career even though he promised he would. She doesn't need to know that he's been sticking his dick where it doesn't belong"

"Yeah, maybe skip that part…" shit. I had no idea this had been going on. "What are you going to do about the house?"

"As of last June it's mine. I bought him out" oh, that's _cold_.

"Does grandma know?"

"Yes. I'll get to smash Jonathan's cup at Christmas" she gave a grim smile. It was a tradition. If you returned single to our grandmother's house you had the option of storing your ex's mug in the attic, or you could smash it with a hammer on the chopping block out in the garden shed. Then the pieces were picked up and ground to a powder that grandma mixed with the gravel she had on the path leading up to the front door. Then everyone that came to her house could step on the ones that weren't worthy to be part of our family. I had smashed a few in my time, but I had stored Christina's in the attic. It had been a mutual breakup after all.

"Good" I said menacingly. I was surprised at how angry it made me to hear about Jonathan's awful behavior. For the first time in forever Victoria and I were on the same side. It felt strangely uncomfortable. Silence fell between us for a few minutes, the both of us lost in thought.

I lit two more cigarettes and handed one to her. She took it without a word and the silence stretched further. I looked out over the mountain tops, seeing the cloud again. It reminded me about Charlie and I took out my satellite phone and held it out to her.

"Call Charlotte. It's the last number dialed. I promised you would as soon as you were awake" she took it and pushed the button. After a few seconds someone must have picked up the other end.

"Hello?... No, this is Victoria. Could you get my daughter?"

I stood up and stretched, walking a little way away to give her some privacy. I could still hear her voice though, but not her words. She was so much more soft spoken when she talked to Charlie. Just like our mother had been when she spoke to Victoria, I realized… Gods… What traits of our mother had _I_ picked up? I shivered at the thought. Hopefully it was just the smoking.

To my astonishment I heard Victoria _singing_ … I stopped myself from turning around and staring at her. I remembered the melody… It was the song our father had sung to us… It was the saddest lullaby I knew. It was about a child sheep or goat herd, I think. They only got cabbage to eat, even though there was milk, butter and cheese at home. It had been years since I had last heard it and even longer since I had heard Victoria sing. I waited for her to finish, then went over to sit down again.

"The storm is dying down, but she said the weather man on the radio advised everyone to remain indoors until the morning" her voice was back to her usual stiffness now. "The young man offered us to sleep in his house" the word 'sleep' seemed to act like a trigger and I suddenly felt like I could fall asleep where I was sitting.

"Great… let's go right now, then"

"Go…?"

"To Steven's house"

"How will we get there?" she looked around as if expecting to see a car.

"We have to use the warp. It's a teleporter. Unless you feel like climbing down this mountain" she frowned at me. I picked up my raincoat and flapped it a bit to get the worst of the rain off it. "I'll show you"

We headed back toward the warp pad and I noticed Victoria was looking at the ground with a mildly appalled expression on her face. I looked down too. There were droplets of blood leading from the fountain toward the warp. When we reached the pad she looked at me questioningly.

"What are you doing?"

"This is how we get home. I won't lie to you, it's pretty weird. It'll be better if you… hold on to me" she frowned.

"Why?"

"Because when you warp you travel through a dimension that doesn't have gravity. It takes some getting used to. Now come on, I still have to fix the door when we get there" I held out my hand to her. She took it with an extremely uncomfortable look on her face. I wasn't enjoying it particularly either, but it would be better this way. "It'll make a sound and there'll be lights. Bend your knees as you land. Ready?" she shrugged with an apprehensive look. I thought of Steven's house and said; " _Jump_!"

The blue and white lights appeared and Victoria gasped and redoubled her grip on my hand as she drifted upwards. I pulled her down to my side with ease.

"Be ready to plant your feet" I advised. The lights faded and she stumbled into me before finding her balance.

"Fuck…" she panted and stared around. The house was dark and the screen door was slamming against the frame in the howling wind.

"Help me keep the door shut!" I said loudly as I walked over there, pulling out the duct tape I kept in my EDC. The power was out, but I had a flashlight in there too. Ten minutes frantic work had the screen back in place for now but I would have to get them a new door, that thing was _wrecked_. I latched it shut and wiped my brow. "Fuck I could sleep for a week… Do you want the bed? It's upstairs… I'm sure Steven wouldn't mind"

"Where are the sheets?" she asked, looking down at her dirty hands. "And where's the bathroom?"

"Bathroom's over there, but are you really worried about _sheets_ right now?"

"Steven's a _boy_ , Eas- Erica" she gave me a look and it took me a moment to understand what she meant.

"Oh, gods, Victoria _please_ " I grimaced as some _really_ inappropriate images flashed across my inner vision. "I don't know where they keep the sheets – I don't want to go rooting around their things"

"Then I'll take the couch" she huffed, grabbed the flashlight and stalked off into the bathroom to clean up. I sighed out a puff of green and rubbed my arms. It was much colder in here than in Rose's Sanctuary. Surely it would be OK to light a fire in the grate? I went to do so and had a pretty good blaze going when Victoria exited the bathroom. I got up and went in there myself. I washed up a bit and rinsed my mouth with water and a bit of toothpaste. Maybe I should add a travel toothbrush to my EDC? When I exited the bathroom Victoria was already lying on between two towels on the couch. She must have taken them from the bathroom.

I walked up the stairs to Steven's bed, stopping in front of it for a moment, thinking about what Victoria had said a few minutes ago. Steven was a boy, yes. He was fourteen. Of course he masturbated. But up here? This wasn't exactly private. And even if he did, he seemed like the kind of boy to clean up after himself. This would be fine. My body needed sleep _now_. And besides, _I_ was the one about to make this very inviting looking bed dirty. I yawned and kicked off my shoes and my still damp shorts and lay down under the thick duvet. Oh, it was so soft… The storm raged on outside the window, the rain thrumming against the glass. It was strange to go to bed by myself and suddenly I missed Jasper something fierce. It would be so nice to snuggle up to her wonderful warmth right now… run my fingers through her hair and hear that pleased little chuckle she made whenever I did it just right… Lightning flashed and I closed my eyes at the sudden burst of light, then I turned away from the window and began rubbing my belly slowly. I would see her tomorrow, I told myself. Tomorrow we would have our picnic and it would just be the two of us. _Possibly_ the three of us…

* * *

1 Mitt hjärta = my heart. Roughly equivalent of 'my darling' or 'my precious'.

2 Älskling = darling

* * *

I am _very_ curious what you guys think about this chapter - please review!


	51. Answer me

## Chapter 51: Answer me

  
I drifted awake to someone talking agitatedly.

“No it needs to be a _window_ seat, you _know_ my daughter gets air sick!” a pause, some stomping around then; “That’ll do, just get us _home_ , Melissa – _today_ ” an angry sigh followed. “ _Att det ska vara så jävla svårt_! 1” a fan rumbled into life and there was the sound of a match being struck. A very familiar smell started to permeate the house and I lifted my head sharply.

“Victra oussiiide” I slurred.

“I can’t go _outside_ , I don’t have any _shoes_ ” she snapped. “And I’m using the kitchen fan” was she fucking serious? I sat up slowly and glared down at her blearily.

“Ousside!”

“No. Shoes”

I leaned down and picked up my damp sneakers and threw them down the stairs. “Out!”

“They’re wet!”

“ _Men ansträng dig_! 2” I shouted as my patience snapped, then clapped my hand over my mouth in shock. Oh my _fucking_ gods… I hadn’t just said that… It was what our mother would shout at me, well, _both_ of us – anyone really – when she was getting annoyed someone wasn’t succeeding at a very simple task – such as obeying an order or tucking in your shirt.

“ _Jesus_ , fine” she gave me a grumpy and surprised look, then got up and put my shoes on with a grimace. She wrenched open the door and stalked squelchily outside. I lay back down and stared into the ceiling. There was an awful taste in my mouth and I wasn’t sure if that was because of the words that had just flown from it or the fact that I hadn’t brushed my teeth properly for twenty four hours. I reached down for my shorts – I knew I had some gum in my pocket. But I couldn’t find them. I sat up with a groan, then planted my feet on the floor. My shorts were… not where I left them. What the hell? I looked around, then spotted them downstairs on the floor, the contents of my pockets and my EDC were lined up neatly on the coffee table. I felt strangely violated and stood up angrily, grabbing onto the wall as the world went sideways for a few seconds. I grumbled a stream of blue sparks as I stomped downstairs in my underwear and picked up my shorts and put them on. Then I surveyed the damage. Everything seemed to be there except for the matches and about two thirds of my emergency energy bar. I checked my pockets and _didn’t_ find either of my phones _or_ my cigarettes.

“Of course, why would she ask permission…” I growled sarcastically and began ramming everything back into the EDC before strapping it to my waist. Gods it was just not _fair_ to have to deal with her this early in the morning. Without a cup of coffee in my system. Or any dinner to speak of last night. Less than that… Fuck, I was hungry. I pulled out the remnants of the energy bar and wolfed it down, then drank a big glass of water from the tap and took a deep breath. _Be civil_ , I told myself. Even though she doesn’t deserve it, Charlie _does_. Whatever kind of ground we might have gained toward some semblance of a relationship last night seemed to have vanished with the storm. I walked outside to find Victoria standing on the deck talking on my phone.

“… shipment arrives the day after tomorrow. Yes, sir. No, sir. It was appraised to two hundred thousand US dollars. I know, it was less than we expected but the Bremak piece did pull in more than three times the asking price, after the private bidding concluded. I will be flying out this afternoon. No, sir. There was a storm” I saw her hand curl into a fist. “I… can’t control the weather, sir”

I paused at the door. She was speaking in her talking-to-my-superior voice. I should probably… give her some privacy. I turned around and went back inside and went to the bathroom after glancing at the clock. It was barely seven in the morning. I had no idea how long we had slept. It felt like it wasn’t enough, however long it actually had been. I rubbed my temples, feeling another headache coming on. I took some of my emergency painkillers and rinsed my mouth with toothpaste again, then went to strip the sheets off Steven’s bed. I hadn’t exactly been clean when I fell asleep and quite a bit of sand and random dross fell on the floor as I carried the bundle downstairs. I grabbed the towels Victoria had slept on and put it all in the hamper I knew the gems kept in the bathroom. I grabbed a broom and swept up a little and wrote a very short apology note to stick on the door, just in case any of the gems got back here before I could tell them personally. It had taken me about fifteen minutes to do all this and I decided Victoria had had long enough. I went outside again and saw her just hang up the phone, then she looked at the other one and started tapping at it.

“You could have asked” I said gruffly and held out my hands for my stuff.

“You were asleep” she said shortly. Both phones were very warm against my skin and the battery was running low on them as well.

“Gods, what did you do? Call the entire family?”

“I made arrangements to fly home this afternoon. And some business calls”

“Don’t you ever switch off?” I huffed and she glared at me indignantly.

“Some of us have an actual _job_. Not everyone can just loaf around in their bathrobe all day”

“That’s _not_ what I do”

“Whatever. Charlotte and I will leave soon. I’m assuming we’ll see you and… _Jasper_ at Christmas”

“Yes”

“Are we exchanging gifts?”

“I’ll get Charlie something, like always. Now give me back my cigarettes”

She handed me my cigarette holder and I took one out and lit it by saying ‘thank you’ with a healthy amount of sarcasm. She looked at me for a long moment then turned to stare at the debris covered beach. There wasn’t a breath of wind now.

“Don’t tell anyone” I said quietly. “About me. Or the fountain”

“As if anyone would believe me…” she huffed and shifted her weight.

“I’m serious” I looked at her sternly. “I need you to promise”

“Fine”

“Say it”

“I promise I won’t tell anyone” she said quickly. I narrowed my eyes.

“Look at me when you say it” she glared at me.

“I cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye” she said it in an angry sing-song voice and I could see her cheeks flush. I don’t think she had actually meant to say _that_ version. “Satisfied?” she demanded.

“Yes”

She grimaced and went back inside. A few tense minutes passed and I stubbed out my cigarette with a sigh and a faint puff of green.  

“We should go” I said as I turned around. She saw me through the window and walked out the door without a word, starting to head down the stairs and away from the house. I picked up my rain jacket and followed her, realizing she was still wearing my shoes when I stepped onto the coarse wet grass. I gritted my teeth. There was no way she was going to walk outside without shoes, so I was going to have to go barefoot. Or carry her again. She hadn’t even said thank you, had she? Of _course_ not…

We made it to the boardwalk and I was shocked to see how much debris was scattered everywhere. There were planks sticking out of the windows of the Big Donut and some of the other store fronts. No one was around and it felt uncomfortably quiet. I realized there were no gulls circling above.

I was glad I had spent so much time walking barefoot on the island. It was really coming in handy today. Or footy, as it may be. We reached the parking lot and I held out my jacket to Victoria. She looked at me with a frown.

“Cover up” I pointed to her ripped and bloody shirt. “Unless you want Charlotte to see” she took the jacket begrudgingly and put it on. When we got to the front door I took a deep breath. “Civil?”

“Civil” Victoria said in a strained voice.

I opened the door quietly and Cake came running up to us, meowing loudly. I stooped to pick her up quickly and she purred and rubbed her face on mine. Pearl had been sitting at the kitchen table, apparently reading a book. She strode up to me quietly and gave me a long, intense hug.

“Could you _move_?” Victoria hissed, sounding annoyed. Pearl stiffened, then released me and stepped up to face Victoria.

“Do you have _any idea_ how – ” she began in a menacing whisper and I saw Victoria bristling, but I put my arm in between them.

“ _Don’t_ ” I said tiredly – I wasn’t sure who of them I was referring to, or who I was protecting from whom. Maybe both. Ruffled feathers settled down and Pearl took a step back, folding her arms.

“Mom? Aunty?” Charlie was walking slowly out of the living room, rubbing her eye and wearing one of my t-shirts over her pajama bottoms. “Mom! Aunty!” she dashed toward us and threw her arms around both our waists, pushing us together uncomfortably. She squeezed us very tightly and I had to put an arm around Victoria’s shoulder so we wouldn’t all fall over. Victoria reluctantly did the same and we both leaned down to give Charlie a one armed hug back, my face on Charlie’s left shoulder and Victoria’s on her right. “ _Don’t ever leave me like that again_ ” she mumbled intensely into our chests and mine and Victoria’s eyes met behind her head. Charlie hugged us even tighter and began to sob. I saw realization dawning on Victoria’s face. Had she just seen how close she had been to making this beautiful girl motherless? Or had she perhaps thought of her leaving as something I forced on her? _She_ had decided to leave. But it wasn’t entirely her fault, was it… I hadn’t exactly been… gentle.

“ _Förlåt, älskling… Förlåt mig, hjärtat_ …3” Victoria said in her soft voice and Charlie’s crying intensified. She leaned heavily on the both of us.

“I’m sorry too, sweetie” I soothed and rubbed her back slowly. “We’re here now, we’re OK”

“I don’t want you to fight anymore” she sobbed. “I don’t want _anyone_ to fight anymore!” I knew she was talking about her parents too, and so did Victoria if I could read her face correctly. Man, I had never felt luckier _not_ to be Victoria than in this moment. What on earth could she say in response?  

“Grownups… don’t always get along, _hjärtat_ …” she patted Charlie’s back.

“If _I_ had a sister I’d never want to fight with her! Why did you say all those horrible things?!” she leaned back from us and looked between our faces, wiping her nose on the sleeve of the shirt she had borrowed from me.

“ _Älskling_ , use a handkerchief” Victoria said admonishingly, momentarily slipping back into her stern voice.  

Charlie frowned and took a step back from us. “No!”

Victoria removed her arm from my back and put her hands on her hips. “Charlotte Ingrid Catheryn McMillan-Brooks, that is not how you talk to your mother!”

“Why doesn’t anyone want to tell me anything?! I’m not a little kid anymore, mom!”

“People are sleeping! Keep your voice down!”

“ _Tell me why you fight all the time_!”

“That’s between Erica and me!”

“Then tell me why you and dad are getting a divorce!”

“This is not the time or the place!”

“Yes it is!”

I stared between the two of them. I had never seen _them_ going at it like this before. Pearl was stepping back from them and shooing a bleary eyed Steven and an anxious looking Connie back upstairs. Fuck, couldn’t _anyone_ in my family keep their cool?

“Tell me!” Charlie demanded, her face red.

“I told you, I won’t!”

“Fine! Then _you_ tell me aunty!” she rounded on me instead and I was almost nailed to the wall by her stare.

“Uh…”

“Don’t you _dare_!” Victoria spat at me.

“I-I wasn’t going to!” I snapped back, my temper rising again.

“Oh yes you will!” Charlie darted into the living room and I heard a bunch of rustling and scrapes. What the hell was she – _No_ , she _wasn’t_ – I ran in after her and my stomach filled with ice.

“Charlie, leave that _alone_ …” I said with forced calm. “You promised you wouldn’t touch them, remember?” Charlie was standing on top of the armrest of the sofa and had managed to get a hold of a _bubble_. I heard Pearl gasp from behind me. Incredibly, Jasper was still asleep on the bed, but a terrified looking Greg was sitting up in the sofa closest to the door. I grabbed onto Jasper’s foot and squeezed. “Please wake up, darling…”

“What’s she doing? What is that?” Victoria demanded.

“Step back…” Pearl put her hand on Victoria’s shoulder and pulled her behind herself with ease.

“What are you doing?! Let go of me! Charlotte put that thing down!”

“Not until you tell me what I want to know!”

Jasper suddenly sat bolt upright and stared around at all of us, then her eyes met mine and I glanced hurriedly at Charlie. Jasper turned to look at her too and her jaw clenched when she saw what was going on.

“ _Aeir_ … what are you doing?” Jasper said quietly. Charlie’s chest was heaving with emotion.

“Nobody will tell me why all the grownups in my life hate each other!” Jasper lifted an inquiring eyebrow and turned back to me. She thought for a moment, then said;

“Why don’t you just… tell her, babe?” I looked at her with surprise. Really, darling? I felt a little betrayed.

“It’s not her business!” Victoria snapped and crossed her arms.

I kept looking at Jasper and felt… something drain away, or perhaps something was flowing into me. My mind cleared a bit. This entire situation… was _stupid_. I couldn’t believe I had been pulled back into the drama like this. I was supposed to have _changed_. I knew so much _better_ now, gods… Why _had_ I never told Charlie about her other grandmother? Well, I wanted to protect her I guess. She had told me Victoria didn’t like to talk about her either, which had sounded so strange to me, but… maybe somewhere Victoria had known how toxic it had been back then and also wanted to protect her from it, too. But look at the situation now, what had secrets and not-exactly-lies got us? Charlie was standing in front of us with what for all intents and purposes could be called a loaded gun. This had to end now. I squeezed Jasper’s foot gently and she nodded at me, as if saying it was going to be alright. I stood up straight and relaxed.

“Charlie…” I began and she looked at me, a light of hope springing up in her eyes. Victoria glared between us.

“What the hell do _you_ think you’re doing?!” she growled and pushed past Pearl to grab me by the wrist.

“Victoria, let go of me” I said calmly. “I’m so tired of tip-toeing around certain subjects with her. She’s older now, she’ll be able to understand. Can’t we just be _honest_ for once?” Victoria looked at me as if I had lost my mind. “Look at the situation we are in because of… _not talking_ about the past. You don’t know what that bubble is, but it’s not something she should be touching. Your daughter is desperate enough to point a _weapon_ at us, Victoria…”

Greg squirmed a little in the sofa and Jasper put a hand on his shoulder and he settled.

“I will not air my dirty laundry in _public_ ” she hissed, squeezing my wrist tightly. Charlie frowned at her mom.

“Tell me, mom. Or I’m dropping all my extra classes” Victoria gasped and let go of me in shock. That seemed to have really rattled her. “I don’t need your permission, they’re all voluntary. _I_ decide”

“That is _enough_! I should have just flown you home by myself! Look at what involving your aunt has caused!”

“Well I haven’t had this much _fun_ in forever!” Charlie snapped back.

“Fun? _Fun_?!” Victoria’s eye actually twitched. “You’re not supposed to have _fun_ , **you’re supposed to** **_obey, Victoria_**!” her lasts word was said with such force it made everyone take a step back from her. Silence slammed down like someone had just turned the sound off. I stared at her. She was looking at the floor, her shaking hand slowly rising to cover her mouth. She closed her eyes. The silence stretched on for about half a minute, no one dared to make a move.  

“Our mother…” she began quietly. “Was… _difficult_ to… deal with… She raised us to be a certain way but Erica was never… she didn’t… _do_ what our mother asked of her. It made our mother so mad that she treated both of us… badly. I learned to handle her and I _tried_ to make Erica do what our mother wanted, because it would be _easier_ for all of us if she just… obeyed” Charlie stared back at her mother, face locked in an expression of concentration.

“I tried to do what she wanted, but nothing I did was ever good enough” I found myself saying, realizing just how cheesy it sounded, but it was the truth. Sometimes the truth _is_ cheese... ”Everything I liked was wrong and I felt very sad, but I didn’t know why. Then I found out mothers aren’t supposed to _be_ like that…”

“But that’s how she was. And I loved her anyway” Victoria said and folded her arms, looking away from us.

“Yeah, that’s how she was. And I hated her because of it” I looked up at Charlie. “Our mother was… sick, sweetie” Victoria huffed, but to my great surprise, she didn’t disagree. “Now… will you let that bubble go, please… carefully?”

Charlie looked at her mother intently and licked her lips before speaking. “Why are you and dad getting a divorce?”

Victoria sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “He was supposed to go back to working from Londinium when you turned ten, so that I could travel for work. But as you know, he hasn’t done that”

“That’s _it_?” Charlie looked affronted. “Why can’t he just do that then?”

“ _Because_ … he likes his work and travelling _more_ than he likes being married to me”

“But that’s so… _stupid_ ”

“Don’t call your father stupid, _hjärtat_. Selfish is a much better word”

Charlie looked down at her mom and slowly her grip slackened on the bubble and it floated away from her. Victoria walked up to her and pulled my back up handkerchief from the pocket of my raincoat which she was still wearing. She held it up to her and Charlie took it and wiped her eyes and blew her nose. The tension in the room drained away as Charlie climbed down from the arm rest.

“Oh boy…” I heard Greg sigh and turned to see him slide down in the other sofa. Steven and Connie stepped out of the way as Charlie and Victoria headed upstairs, talking quietly to each other. I saw Charlie reach up and take her mother’s hand as they turned half way up the stairs. I let out a long sigh and rubbed my tingling scar. The bed creaked behind me and I assumed Jasper was getting up. I turned to face her as she stepped up and embraced me without saying a word. I leaned my head on her chest gratefully and felt something inside begin to emerge from wherever it had been hiding. With its presence came a surge of emotion and I began to cry silently into Jasper’s shirt. She rubbed my back and let out a long sigh of her own, sounding both relieved and tired, then she put her gem in my hair. I just let my tears flow. Everyone had already seen and heard much more about me and my family than I had imagined I’d ever share willingly. It felt strangely good to have said things aloud, but a part of me was terrified all of them would leave. But Jasper was still here, holding me so gently. After a long, long time my tears dried up and we broke the hug.

“Sorry about your shirt…” I mumbled with a faint smile.

“It’ll survive” Jasper said, chuckling softly. “That was some heavy stuff, honey… How are you feeling?”

“Bit exposed” I covered my scar with my hand again. “Did… the others leave?” my voice was small.

Jasper looked at me worriedly. “No? They’re making breakfast. Can’t you smell it?”

“Not without blowing my nose first” I sniffed apologetically, a relieved smile finding its way onto my lips. They were still here… Jasper bent down and picked up my black backpack and took out my striped beanie. I put it on gratefully. “Thank you, beastie…”

“It looks really good on you” she gave me a crooked grin and stroked my cheek. “As does this” she put one of her zip up hoodies around my shoulders. I closed it and put the hood up, feeling better as I did so.

“Armor on” I said quietly, then looked up at her. “I’m… really sorry, darling…”

“Babe…” she sat down on the bed in front of me and took my hands in hers. “I knew her coming here wasn’t going to be easy for you. I hadn’t thought anything like _this_ would happen but… It’s OK. You handled it”

I let out a little surprised laugh. “Handled it? Fucked up is more like… I was trying to _avoid_ a fight…”

Jasper chuckled faintly. “I know babe… But you did handle it, like I knew you would. And now it’s done, right?”

“I certainly hope so… Shit” I half covered my face with my hand. “How are you? And the others? Gods…”

“We were pretty worried” Jasper’s eyes went a little darker. “Pearl and I, fuck it sounds weird to say that – we looked all over the place for Victoria. Didn’t find her obviously. When you called the first time I thought I couldn’t hear you because of the wind on my end, but the second time I realized you’d gone out too. When we got back to the house the kids were just about to head to bed, they said you had just called. Charlie gave me a big hug, even though I was soaked”

“She did?” I smiled wetly.

“Yeah… She didn’t hug Pearl” she squared her shoulders a little smugly. “I took a shower and when I came back downstairs Charlie was sleeping on your side of the bed with Cake. I couldn’t sleep yet so I made some empanadas and things for the picnic, hoping you’d still want to go…”

“I really do, darling” I kissed her knuckles. “Can we go somewhere warm? I would really like to take a nap in the sunshine after all this” she smiled at me.

“Yeah. The places I’ve got in mind are warm”

“It felt so wrong to go to sleep without you… Oh fuck…” I remembered about the door to Steven’s house. “I um… broke their front door to get to the warp pad”

Jasper chuckled amusedly. “Really?”

“Yeah… I taped it together but I’ll have to get them a new one, or build one. I think there’s going to be quite a high demand for carpenters now, have you looked outside? It’s a mess”

“Couldn’t really see anything last night” she stood up and stretched. My stomach made a huge rumble and I put my hand on it, a small wave of nausea sweeping over me. I was far too hungry right now. I needed something to eat soon. Jasper put her hand over mine. “Does it hurt?”

“No, I’m just very hungry” I gave her a wan smile. “I haven’t really eaten anything”

“Let’s have some breakfast then” she stroked my cheek.

“Need to brush my teeth first”

I followed Jasper out into the hall and went into the bathroom. I blew my nose, brushed my teeth and washed my face, then looked myself in the mirror. Fuck, I looked so pale. I steeled myself before turning the handle and walking into the kitchen. A very sweet scene greeted me and I stopped and just stared for a moment. Steven, Connie and Greg were sitting at the table, tucking into scrambled eggs, toast and fruit. Jasper had just taken out the ingredients for making waffles and was about to start mixing them all together at the counter. Pearl stood by the stove, stirring a pan of more eggs and chatting with the others at a low volume. She looked up as I closed the door to the bathroom, wiped her hands hurriedly on an apron I had no idea where she had found and walked up and hugged me, giving my cheek a brief kiss. I felt so surprised I forgot to hug her back for a few seconds, then lifted my arms to embrace her too. I met Jasper’s slightly amused gaze before she turned back to stirring the waffle batter. Greg, Steven and Connie looked over at us too.

“Are you alright?” Pearl asked in a concerned whisper. I nodded silently against her.

“I’m sorry for dragging you all into this…” I whispered back. “And… um I kind of… broke into your house… I’ll fix the door, I promise” to my surprise Pearl let out a little laugh.

“You’re not the first to kick that door in”

“Really?”

“Yes. We have backups stored in Amethyst’s room. She’s usually the one who breaks them” she leaned back from me and smiled kindly. “Don’t worry about that…”

“I made Victoria promise not to tell anyone about Rose’s fountain – I know I promised not to tell anyone about it… I tried making it back here at first but the wind was too strong…”

“It’s… alright, Erica. You are safe and whole. That’s what matters…” she gave me a squeeze, then broke the hug with a smile. “Come, eat. You must be starving”

“Kind of am, yeah” I smiled back and walked toward the table. Greg pulled out the chair for me with a pleasant grin and I sat down. Pearl put a plate of eggs in front of me and I smiled gratefully up at her, then looked around at Greg, Steven and Connie.

“I’m sorry everyone… I’m so sorry you all had to see… and _hear_ ” I waved my hands vaguely. “All the… Everything” Steven and Connie exchanged a look.

“We’re sorry it was like that for you, growing up…” Steven said with wrinkled eyebrows.

“Yeah…” Connie nodded, putting her fork down. “I understand why you didn’t want to talk about them before, your parents… It must have been so hard for you”

“It wasn’t easy for either of us…” ‘obey, Victoria!’ echoed in my head. “But… I didn’t know that, until now”

“All families have problems” Greg said kindly, then took a bite of toast. “My grandparents used to break stuff when they got into an argument”

I looked around at all of them with a smile. I was so relieved they had all stayed. Jasper stepped up behind me and kissed the top of my head, then put four waffles on my plate, next to the eggs.

“Eat something, babe”

I picked up my fork and scooped up some eggs and put them in my mouth. Then I took the top waffle in my hand and bit into it with gusto. The perfectly seasoned eggs mixed well with the crispy sweet waffle and I closed my eyes as I chewed, tilting my head back and letting out a little sigh. Jasper chuckled and kissed my forehead.

The breakfast disappeared pretty quickly and Steven, Connie, Greg and Pearl said goodbye at the door. The kids asked me to say farewell to Charlie and I promised I’d do so. Jasper and I said we would come by the temple and warp out a little later, after Victoria and Charlie had left.

“I… should go check on them” I told Jasper as she closed the door.

“I’ll go pack for later, no peeking” she gave me a crooked smile. “Mind if I use your backpack?”

“Not at all, darling” I stood on tiptoe to kiss her, then walked up the stairs slowly.

I stepped onto the landing and saw Charlie’s door was closed. I approached it carefully and gave it a knock.

“Come” Victoria said from inside and I turned the knob. The room was barely recognizable. It was so… tidy. Charlie’s and Victoria’s bags were standing just by the door and they were both wearing clean clothes. Charlie was sitting on the bed and Victoria on the little desk chair in front of her. They looked as if they had been deep in conversation. Victoria straightened her crisp blue skirt and stood up.

“We’ll be leaving in a few minutes” she told me stiffly. “Go to the bathroom if you need, _hjärtat_. I don’t want to stop along the way”

“Mom I don’t need to” Charlie said, rolling her eyes.

“Go anyway. Please” Charlie got up and I moved out of the way for her to pass. I heard the bathroom door close behind me. “I’ve left you some money on the desk, for food and things” I raised my eyebrows.

“You didn’t have to do that”

“It’s the… civil thing to do”

Silence stretched between us and we looked away from each other.

“I put your shoes on the heater in the bathroom” Victoria said quietly.

“Oh… thanks”

More silence.

“Don’t you, um… want some breakfast?” I asked awkwardly.

“I’m not hungry” she said shortly. “But Charlotte would probably want to eat”

“I could go make her a sandwich?”

“No butter, no mayo, no cheese” Victoria said automatically.

“Fine” I turned around and went downstairs, letting out a breath I hadn’t known I had been holding. I made Charlie a cream cheese, hot sauce and cucumber sandwich – her favorite – and put it and an apple and an orange in a paper bag for her. I took out a can of diet cola from the fridge and put it next to the bag on the table, then I made some coffee. After a few minutes they came downstairs, both putting on summer jackets.

“I packed you some breakfast, sweetie” I said as I handed her the bag and the drink. She took the bag but hesitated about the can, glancing up at her mom. Victoria rolled her eyes impressively, then nodded.

“Thanks mom! Thanks aunty!” Charlie grabbed the can too and hugged me tightly around the waist. She put the food in her backpack and went to pet Cake goodbye. I pushed a cup of coffee toward Victoria on the kitchen counter and she looked at me with a raised eyebrow. She picked it up and took a hesitant sip, paused, then she drained it in one and put it back down. Jasper stepped out of the living room and put my backpack against the hallway wall, then looked up at us.

“Which blanket should we bring?” she asked a little gruffly, pink patches appearing on her cheeks.

“Take the uh… red one” Jasper went to the cupboard in the hall and took it out, then strapped it to the backpack.

Victoria and Charlie put on their shoes and I spent a long time hugging Charlie. Victoria had apparently brought more than one pair of high heels.

“Take care, sweetie… Steven and Connie asked me to say farewell from them. Call me when you land?” I asked, not trying very hard to hold back my tears.

“OK aunty, I will. Don’t cry… We’ll see each other at Christmas” she sounded a little choked up too.

“Yeah, you’re right…” I kissed her on the forehead and then stood up to face Victoria as Charlie went to hug Jasper too.

“See you at Christmas” she said stiffly.

“Right. And happy birthday in advance”

She cleared her throat a little. “Happy birthday in advance” she turned to look up at Jasper. “Goodbye”

“Bye” Jasper responded curtly and stepped back so they could open the door and leave. I looked at them walk across the lawn to the sidewalk and disappear behind Lorelai. I let out a long sigh and leaned against the door frame.

“Fucking hell, I need a cigarette” I said with feeling as my shoulders dropped down a level.

 

* * *

 

1 _Att det ska vara så jävla svårt_! = an exclamation of frustration, sort of like ’why does everything have to be so fucking difficult!’

2 _Men ansträng dig_! = approximately ‘put your back into it!’ or ‘try harder!’

3 _Förlåt, älskling… Förlåt mig, hjärtat_ … = ’I’m sorry, darling... Forgive me, my precious’

* * *

 

Please review!


	52. Roller coaster

 

## Chapter 52: Roller coaster

We approached the temple and climbed the stairs. I was feeling quite tired and there was a strange ache in my solar plexus, but Jasper looked so excited – I didn’t want to bring down the mood.

Pearl and Peridot were working together, putting a new door onto the hinges. I felt a pang of shame at the sight.

“I’m really sorry about that” I said quietly and the two of them turned around.

“Oh, hello. I told you not to worry, Erica” Pearl said with a smile.

“What was that adhesive fabric you had used to put it back together?” Peridot asked me.

“Uh… duct tape”

“Pearl, I insist we acquire some immediately!”

“There’s some in the tool box under the sta-“ she hadn’t finished the sentence before Peridot scampered off. There was the sound of enthusiastic rummaging and Pearl shook her head with an apologetic smile. Jasper sniggered and put a hand on my shoulder.

“We should get going, babe. Thanks for letting us use the warp”

I looked between the two of them, smiling faintly in surprise.

“You’re welcome” Pearl said kindly. “I dare say you need a little break…”

We walked through the door and across the floor to the warp pad, saying hi to Garnet in passing. Jasper reached down for my hand and held it securely.

“Ready?” she asked and I nodded. The warp activated and soon our feet found purchase again. The sunlight was blinding and I raised my free hand to shelter my eyes from its glare. “Ah, I should have said” she mumbled apologetically.

“It’s alright, just give me a moment” I blinked rapidly and soon the world came into focus. We were standing on a raised dais surrounded by walls of rock in shifting hues of orange and red. I looked around interestedly. “It’s so… red. I thought it would be dark, like the other one”

“Nah, this is sandstone babe” she led the way down some stairs and I followed. There were holes in the rock similar to the Prime Kindergarten, but somehow these looked a bit less… organized. There was a huge difference in the feel of this place, too. I didn’t feel like I was being watched, for one. And it was much warmer here. And it felt… safer. But that was probably Jasper’s presence. “Stars, it has been so long since I was here…” she said quietly.

I went up to the right wall and touched the stone. It was warm and coarse against my skin. I ran my palm along it until I reached one of the holes. It was a little taller than me and I took a peep inside. It was… just a hole. A few feet deep and cooler than the outside air because of the shade.

“What kind of gem was in here?” I asked, turning to look at Jasper. She came up to me and squatted down with a smirk.

“Hah… this one must have come out after I did… Carnelian most likely. Good size” she said appreciatively. “Come on, mine’s further in” we walked slowly, and I looked around at all the different holes. Some were big, like the one I had first seen, but most of them were smaller. A few looked… crooked and wonky. One was very tall, but very slim and one was much, much shorter than me.

“Are they all different kinds of gems?” I asked curiously, then pointed to the tall slim one. “What was she?”

“This place made jaspers and carnelians. That one was a jasper” she chuckled. “Skinniest jasper I ever saw. Actually surprised they kept her”

“Did you know her?”

“Not really. She didn’t exactly excel in battle. I got promoted quickly… There weren’t a lot of Betas higher up the ranks” she frowned. “The home world jaspers I ended up with were not happy to have a Beta in their squad. They learned to see sense once they saw me fight, though”

“This place is huge” I said a few minutes later. “How far does it go on?”

“A few clicks south, then it veers southwest for a few more”

“Wow… how many gems were made here?” I kept looking around at the different sized holes. There were so many…

“Around a thousand” she sped up a little as we approached a wider area. Then she stopped and looked up, putting her hands on her hips. I followed her gaze and my chin dropped. A little up the wall was a _huge_ hole. The other ones looked like simple silhouettes – like blocks with a rounded head on top, but this one looked like they had come out of the stone flexing their muscles. Jasper gave me a crooked grin and raised her arms into the same pose.

“This is yours?” I asked and she nodded cockily. “Darling… wow…” I walked closer and tried to look inside, but the lip of the hole was just too high up for me to see, even if I stood on tiptoe. I felt Jasper’s hands close around my upper thighs, her thumbs under my bum and she lifted me up carefully. I gasped as I saw the interior and the tiny puff of sparkly white made the entire inside glitter. “ _Darling_ …” I breathed as I blinked at the brightness. “It’s _beautiful_ …” Jasper chuckled and put me down so I sat with my legs over the edge. “It’s so _deep_ ” I said in amazement as I looked further in. I got to my feet and ran my hands over the smooth, glassy surface of the walls. “The others weren’t like this…”

“Hah, no” she grinned crookedly up at me, her cheeks a bit flushed. “I came out of the rock wearing my helmet, burning like the sun” I let out a little laugh and the pale orange butterfly lit the space all the way to the back, making the walls shimmer as it fluttered its wings. I walked to the back wall and ran my hands over the cool stone. It was all smooth except for one small patch about the size of my thumb. It looked to be… somewhere around her lower back area, assuming she had been facing forward. She had a spot on her back that hurt her sometimes… could this be why? I patted it gently and then turned around and looked out. So this was the first thing she saw… A red landscape, high walls and war… What a way to be born. I walked slowly to the entrance, running my hands along the walls again.

“Wait, wait, stay right there” she said and pulled out her tablet.

“You want me to pose?” I smiled at her with a bit of effort and she nodded. I flexed my arms, then did a couple more body building poses and she laughed heartily. Her enjoyment lifted my spirits slightly.

“Show off the stripe, babe – yeah, just like that” she bit her lip and I saw her gem glow faintly. After a while she put the tablet back in her pocket and beamed up at me. “Never thought someone prettier than me would be coming out of that hole”

“Beastie…” I said slowly and a butterfly appeared, it was brighter than the one before. I sat down with my legs over the edge and she picked me up by the hips again, lifting me down so out faces were level. “You dork” I giggled as I stroked her cheek. “Thank you for showing me this place…”

“I was hoping you’d be impressed” she hummed and held me closer.

“I’m _very_ ” I kissed her glowing gem. “impressed…”

“Good” I wrapped my arms around her neck and leaned in to kiss her soft lips.

Jasper chuckled and started to walk away from the cliff wall, still carrying me.

“Hold on tight” she said with a grin and bent her knees slightly.

“What are you going to – oooh!” Jasper had launched us into the air and I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach and I clutched at her shirt in surprise. When we reached the apex of the jump I looked out over the desert landscape – it stretched from horizon to horizon in a flat, red expanse. I gasped at the beauty of it all, then we began to fall and I felt my stomach rise into my ribcage instead. Jasper landed with a loud thud, then put me down carefully. “Oh my fucking gods… that was…” I looked up at her, smiling more genuinely. “It was like the best parts of a roller coaster”

Jasper sniggered and looked incredibly pleased with herself. “I bet Echo could go farther though. And higher”

“You think so?”

“Why don’t we… find out?” she held out her hand to me and I smiled and took it gently. I _so_ wanted to be Echo again… Her other hand had barely touched my back when everything suddenly went white.

I spun on the spot and opened my eyes on the red, red desert. I looked around, feeling my heart filling with joy to _be_ again. I stretched out my long limbs and felt Jasper and Erica stir within me. They felt a little different this time and I paused to hold my hand over my chest. Jasper was full of pride and happiness and shared it so _willingly_ and I felt so proud of her for it. Erica’s consciousness was _heavier_ somehow, which was understandable with everything that had happened lately. She didn’t feel quite ready to share everything, but that was alright, I reassured her, and Jasper agreed. We both knew she would tell us eventually. I felt a strong need from Jasper to cheer her up and I wanted that too. What do you need, Erica-love? A shy response; _can we just run… and jump_? Certainly we can, my dear, I smiled and began to walk, then jog and finally run. My claws dug into the dirt and tentative joy came from Erica at the familiar feeling. I gathered myself to leap and pushed off the ground – the wind rushed through my hair and I laughed as my stomach filled with tingles – the feeling was quite new to Jasper and she thoroughly enjoyed it. I landed lightly and set off faster, arms pumping and the ground blurred beneath my feet. Again I leapt and again the joyful feeling filled me. Multicolored butterflies streamed behind me as I ran. I felt the memory of a rhythm from Erica that I wasn’t quite keeping, and I slowed. Erica carefully shared the memory of the dream where she had run with Steven in the shape of a tiger. I realized what was missing and smiled as Jasper helped me change my form. How _easy_ it was for her… My hands fell on the ground as paws. _This_ was it, _this_ was what she wanted. What she needed… Erica was so stunned at the moment of physical uncertainty but now she marveled at the feel of the new shape. _This is it_? Jasper asked excitedly. _This is from your favorite dream_? She felt so touched, as did I and I began to pick up speed slowly, getting the hang of the sequence of movement quickly. How… natural it felt to move on all fours. Soon I stretched out my stride and it felt _so good_! I dug all four sets of claws into the dirt and pushed off powerfully with each loping step. I gathered myself to leap again and sprang into the air and the wonderful tingly feeling in my belly came back and I sped up. My breath came out in shimmering golden mist and Erica was so, _so_ pleased. I ran on for a long time, loving the feeling of being so free. The open landscape was an endless playground to me. I felt so happy they had brought me here. The sun began to set on this place and I decided to turn around and go back to where my Jasper-love had been born. I knew Jasper had spent quite some time in similar shapes and she tentatively shared a _very_ private memory of having run with six legged beasts on a planet far, far from here and a long time ago – after the war was over. She had stumbled upon a herd of them during one of her rare free periods and had shapeshifted to join them out of curiosity. They had accepted her without question and she had roamed the vast fields of purplish green grass with them all day. It had been amazing to just… turn herself off for a while and just… exist. No thoughts but those of keeping all her feet in line and retaining her shape. No orders to give or obey, no shouting, no other _gems_. Just her… and them… As the two suns had set over the horizon the herd had stopped for the night and she had lain down to rest, not planning to fall asleep. But she _had_ slept – and slept better among them than she had in decades. But when she woke she was back in her normal body and the herd had gone, not leaving even so much as a hair behind. She had felt so incredibly… _abandoned_ … Oh, how her loneliness moved me, and Erica too. We both reached for her – I slowed to a halt and the dust settled around me as I focused inwards. My Jasper-love… _My beastie_ … Jasper felt the softness of our concern and opened up more, letting us see further. When she had returned to base she had been punished severely for being gone too long. Her superior had lashed her with her whip in front of her squad and they had looked on in silence. It had taken a long time to recover her status – ‘the time the Beta ran away’ became a joke at the base. Until one day when she’d had enough and took on her entire squad, one by one. The memory of that fight was a blur of humiliation and rage – mostly at herself for letting her guard down in the first place. By the end, three of the seven soldiers had retreated into their gems and she stood panting over the rest with her helmet dripping with sweat and mud. As were the rules of the barracks, the subject was dropped and the matter considered settled, but she never forgot how much it had hurt to be abandoned, or how humiliated she had been because of it. _You just wanted to… belong somewhere, darling…_ Jasper’s exposed core trembled and she fought hard to keep herself open for us. It’s alright, my Jasper-love… We are still here… Slowly she settled and our calm and care surrounded her and she glowed with relief. To myself I thought now – I knew there were things – things Jasper had done that she kept from Erica still, but I knew them – or at least the shape of them. They rung with shame, rage and sadness but I left them be, not wanting to unbalance her. I knew Erica kept some things very closely guarded too, they also surrounded by sadness, shame and rage. As far as they had come, they still had such a hard time trusting – even though they wanted to, they were afraid. Both of them afraid the other would… leave… Oh, how I _loved_ them, my lost ones… A surge of affection from me rocked them and they shone out in response, Erica a little duller than Jasper. My loves, I told them gently, you have had quite the exhausting time lately, haven’t you? They both agreed that yes, that was certainly true. Why don’t you have a rest now? Just a little one, and I’ll carry you to where you need to go. Take a moment and just… exist. Just be, within me. And don’t worry about a thing, I’ve got you… Relief came from them in a wave. I started to walk back to the Kindergarten and I felt them both fade slightly inside me as they went into a sort of slumber. I sighed out a deep breath, a stream of multicolored mist leaving me now. The desert was quiet around me, now that I turned my attention back to the outside world. I padded lightly along the path of my own footprints. The stars were bright overhead and my breath came out as vapor as the air around me cooled. I knew I hadn’t been here very long, so this must be far from Beach City. I had only seen the backyard of their house with my own eyes and would quite like to explore the little town at some point. It would be nice to see the other gems again. And Sadie too. Oh, Sadie… She had been so shocked to see me when I first appeared. As had the others. I remembered Steven’s broad smile and Connie’s sparkling eyes. What did their fusion look like? Wouldn’t it be fun to go somewhere together and get to know each other. I should make it known to Erica and Jasper a little later, when they had had a rest, that I would quite like to meet other fusions. Did they all work like me? I hadn’t thought to ask Garnet, oh my – she had looked so happy to see me! What a wonderful… birth it had been. Under the starlit sky, just like the heavens above me now. But I could see so many more stars here, from the dark. Wasn’t it a little bit funny? The darker the night, the brighter the starlight. I stopped and looked up a moment. They painted such a pretty picture, high above. A million different shapes and patterns, endlessly stretching far beyond my field of vision. Into the forever of space. And somewhere out there – home world. With its Diamonds… It was strange to know that they hated everything that I was even though they had never met me. I let out a long sigh and stretched out my back and shook myself so that my fur rustled. I wondered what I looked like. Was there a mirror big enough to see myself in somewhere? Maybe I could ask someone to take a picture? But maybe I should change back before doing so, I might look really frightening. I looked down at my front paws. I couldn’t make out the color in the dark. There was a definite ‘cat’ feel to my shape. Was I a tiger? Or a lion perhaps?

I reached the edge of the cleft that was the Kindergarten. It stretched like a scar across the desert, right now merely a slightly darker jagged line under the stars. I blew out a stream of sparks that fell like rain across the ravine and they winked out before they reached the bottom. I found where Jasper and Erica had formed me and picked up the little backpack with the red blanket in my teeth. I was sure it must have been an hour or more since they left this place and Erica at least must be needing to eat soon. It was a curious feeling, hunger. An emptiness inside somewhere, aching to be filled. I could smell the food inside the bag and felt very curious about what it might feel like to eat. I had a stomach, I knew. Just like I knew I had a heart and lungs. I took a deep breath and concentrated, then blew out a stream of soft light that spun itself into a ball. It faded ever so slowly but shone brighter with my next breath. I batted it with my paw and it wafted down into the deep cleft and landed on the bottom. I leapt down, feeling my stomach tingle pleasantly as I fell, then landed lightly next to the light. I flicked it into the air and padded back toward the warp pad, nudging the light along like a balloon.

As I neared the end of the Kindergarten the warp pad shone out eerily, reflecting the starlight from above. It was getting a little strenuous to keep this shape and I reverted back to my original form before stepping onto the warp. I reached inside and felt Jasper and Erica stir, coming into focus again. Where do you want to go? _I know the way_ – Jasper shared the location and I let the knowledge fill me and the warp activated. I closed my eyes at the brightness of its light and soon new smells came to me. Trees, grass, water, earth… The air was warm. I opened my eyes again and looked out over a lush forest. It was dense and old, but not as old as the one I had been in previously. This was a different one. I sniffed the air some more. The scent of the musty earth filled my nose, the mineral rich soil almost a taste in my mouth. I strode off the pad and sank a little into the soft ground, then made my way through the trees. Birds sang around me and I let out a breath of pleasure. It was nice to be in a place like this… It was still, yet so teeming with life. Insects buzzed in the air and I saw a large beetle scamper up a tree trunk and vanish into a crack in the bark. Erica was quite adamant that she did not want to go look in there and I smiled reassuringly. I won’t go look if you don’t want me to, Erica-love. I continued on, Jasper guiding my steps. I felt a mounting excitement from her and but she was keeping our destination from me. _I want you to be surprised_ she told us. Twenty or so minutes later I began to hear a rushing, splashing sound. I saw the trees open up ahead of me and came out into a glade with a little waterfall that fell into a roughly circular pool. Rainbows hovered in the water saturated air and I stopped to take in the view. The grass was short and shifted into a soft dark earthen bank around the left side of the spring. Large rocks surrounded the rest and tall palm trees wafted slowly in the breeze. It was quite the breathtaking sight and I smiled broadly. Erica was astounded at the beauty of the place and I felt her shine with pleasure. I approached the edge of the water and looked down into it – I could see my very blurry reflection in it. I was a little disappointed, I would quite like to know what I looked like. _Why not take a selfie_? Erica asked me. Oh. That little phone thing had a camera, didn’t it? I took it out of my pocket – it was so small in my hand. _Try the tablet, it’s a little bigger_ Jasper suggested and I took that one out instead. This gave me a brilliant idea. Can we make a video? Then I could see what the cat thing looks like… And… I would like to meet some other fusions, do you think the others would agree to that? I could ask them myself in the video, maybe you could show it to them later? I would really like to see who Steven and Connie make together. Erica felt very positively towards the idea but Jasper was a little more hesitant. _You don’t mean… fusing with another fusion, do you – just to be clear_? No, no Jasper dear. I just want to meet them. Others like me. I have so many questions. Jasper relented, relief flowing from her. I set up the tablet against a handy rock and pushed the record button with difficulty, it was so small, then stepped back and changed into the animal again, careful not to do anything different. I padded around the glade for a little, then reverted to my normal shape and spun slowly so the tablet could get all angles. I felt a little silly, but maybe that was coming more from Erica than from myself. Jasper found the whole situation funny and I chortled, making some butterflies appear. I approached the tablet and picked it up.

“Hello everyone” I said in my deep, thrumming voice. Oh, how Erica adored it… “I have a request… I would quite like to meet other fusions, to talk – Garnet, I would love if you and I could have a conversation… And I’m so curious to meet Opal and what was it… Stevonnie? And the others too. Is that something you would be interested in? Please let Jasper and Erica know. Hope to see you soon” I finished with a smile and pressed the button again, then sat back on my haunches and let out a sigh. The image on the screen… That was my face. I stared at it. So that is what I looked like… I turned on the camera again and looked at myself in real time, blinking my big light green eyes and smiling. The stripes across my face were fractured, almost looking tattered. My canines were very pointy. I giggled to myself, feeling Jasper and Erica’s fondness for me glow. I touched my gem carefully. Oh, what a strange sensation. It was hard, but warm, like any other part of my body. How peculiar… Erica was fascinated by the feeling. It almost felt like touching a tooth… I looked at my hair. There were braids in it held together by metal rings.

Erica approved highly of this arrangement. _Very Viking inspired_. _They were ancient Sowegian warriors, fierce and feared across the world_ , she informed us. Jasper was very curious about this and Erica promised she would tell her more if she wanted, later. I felt hunger emanating from Erica and held a hand over my strangely vibrating belly. It made a little gurgling noise and I chortled at the sensation. Maybe it’s time you came back, my darlings… I felt immediate agreement from Jasper but Erica was hesitant. _It’s so nice to be you, Echo_ … I know. But it’s nice to be Erica too, isn’t it? _Yes, but_ … _Something disappears from me when you go_. Jasper agreed that it did and insisted it was time to let that wonderful part go for now, even though it was hard. Erica felt embarrassed and guilty about holding on and she apologized – she knew fusion was a difficult subject for Jasper and here she was, making it more complicated. Both me and Jasper reassured her that it was alright. It’s OK to want to stay. Erica’s mind relaxed a little and I closed my eyes and let go of my form.

I felt a warm breeze play across my back and buried my face in Jasper’s shirt for a moment, drawing in her scent as I hugged her tightly.

“I’m sorry” I said quietly. Jasper chuckled slightly and stroked my back.

“It’s OK, little monster. I miss that feeling too, when she goes… You’ll feel better when you’ve had something to eat, babe” she lifted my chin and kissed me, a warm look in her yellow eyes. I felt myself relaxing and I nodded. We broke the hug and Jasper picked up the backpack and untied the blanket and placed it on the ground with a flourish. “Sit” she instructed with a smile and I sat down. She began to unpack the contents. A large Tupperware box of empanadas was joined by a little carton of blueberries and a few apples. Lastly she took out some cans of Mega Porp, some napkins and two towels.

“Towels?” I asked curiously.

“If you wanted a swim” she said with a grin. I smiled at her faintly and ran my fingers over the soft fabric.

“I haven’t been swimming since… you know…” the scar on my leg tingled and I rubbed at it.

“I know…” she looked at me with a concerned smile. “I just remembered you being in the water on the island. You looked so… at home in there”

“I’ve thought about it. Going swimming I mean… Actually wondered if there was a lake near Beach City I could splash around in but it must have slipped my mind…”

“You don’t have to, babe. I brought them… just in case”

“Do you want to swim?”

“Thinking about it at least. Water, you know…”

“I know, darling” we looked at each other with warmth and worry. “I don’t want to be afraid of it. Maybe we could try it… together?”

“Yeah…” Jasper sat down next to me. “I’d like that…” she stroked my cheek with her knuckles. “But first…” she picked up the box of empanadas and opened the lid. A wonderful meaty cheesy smell filled my nostrils and I felt my mouth watering. I took one and bit into it.

“Omph” I mumbled as I closed my eyes, reaching out for Jasper’s arm and squeezing it gently. I heard her chuckle smugly. It was wonderfully spicy and so very, very tasty. I tried to chew slowly, to enjoy every scrumptious mouthful, but I was so hungry. I devoured two of them before pausing, looking up at her crookedly grinning face and feeling my cheeks flush a little.

“I take it they passed inspection then?” she smirked at me and I nodded with my mouth full, picking up a third. Jasper took one too and put it whole in her mouth and chewed it thoughtfully, then nodded to herself. “They taste better the second day”

After we had had our fill of food I lay down on my back and lit myself a cigarette with a faint blue white tendril.

“Thank you darling, that really hit the spot…” I let out a burp and Jasper sniggered appreciatively and lay down next to me, putting her hands behind her head.

“I am a _fantastic_ cook” she said smugly.

“Yes you are” I giggled softly and patted my belly, yawning hugely. “I could really go for that nap now…”

“I think I might join you” I scooted closer to her and put my head on her arm. “Oh, but first – you want to see the video Echo made?”

“Oh, yes, I’d love to” I said with a little smile and Jasper took out her tablet. The video clip started with a close up of Echo’s mouth, then she moved back. She was wearing different clothes this time. It was so strange to see her from the outside… She smiled before she shifted into the animal shape and I gasped. She had turned into a huge cat like thing – she looked like a mix between a lion, a leopard and a tiger. She had pale orange fur with red stripes and black spots. Around the neck was a white and brown speckled mane. She looked sleek yet powerful and when she padded around the glade I saw the muscles play under her fur… It was a magnificent sight… Then she regained her normal shape and picked up the tablet. When she began to speak a pleasant shiver passed through me – her voice really was so incredibly beautiful and I grabbed at Jasper’s shirt, making her chuckle.

“She’s pretty, isn’t she?” I said dreamily as the video ended.

“How could she not be? _We_ made her” Jasper moved her arm down to cover my back. “Do you think… our kid might look like her?” I hugged her tightly as a vivid image of a white and brown haired toddler walked toward me with their arms raised.

“That would be wonderful…” a wave of sadness followed the picture, but I tried to just let it flow over me and away. Some of it clung on and I knew I’d need some time to process everything that had happened yesterday and today. But this place was so beautiful… And Jasper was trying so hard to cheer me up. And we were talking about the future… _Our_ future. “I hope I dream about them now…” I said quietly as I closed my eyes, feeling sleep claim me almost immediately.

I woke to a rustling of cloth and opened my eyes slowly, letting them get accustomed to the bright sunlight. I felt a bit better than before. I was lying on my side, but there was no beastie next to me. I turned over and saw her drop her pants. Well, that was a nice sight to wake up to – I smiled and cleared my throat a little and she looked at me.

“Oh, hey babe” she said casually, picking up her clothes and throwing them onto the blanket with a grin.

“You going swimming? Or did you just want to be naked?”

“Maybe both” she began to stretch and my eyes travelled up and down her body, taking in her beauty slowly. My spine tingled and I felt a tightening of internal muscles and I let out a sigh and rested my head on my arm. Jasper chuckled and flexed her muscles cockily, changing from pose to pose.

“Darling…” I said sultrily. “Are you trying to seduce me? Because it’s working”

“Good…” she smirked and I saw Kara twitch. I got slowly to my feet and began to undress and Jasper paused to look at me. When I was naked too I approached her and she smiled – then I turned quickly and walked toward the pool. “Hey…” she said with a chuckle.

“Come on, darling…” I stepped carefully into the water. There couldn’t be any sharks in here, I told myself firmly. Relax. The temperature was warmer than I expected. The pool deepened quickly and soon I stretched out and took a long breast stroke. Gods, it felt so wonderful… The water carried me and I felt almost oily as I glided through it. I took a deep breath and dove under the surface for a moment. When I came up for air, Jasper was standing at the edge of the pool, looking at me a little apprehensively. I smiled at her and her shoulders dropped slightly.

“How is it?” she asked.

“It’s great…” I flipped over onto my back and began to float. After a moment I heard splashing and turned my head to see Jasper standing knee deep in the water. I smiled and swam over to her. “How does it feel, darling?”

“Wet” she said with a slightly uncertain smile. She lowered herself down slowly to sit on the bottom, paused for a few seconds to take a breath, then leaned her back against a rock. The water reached half way up her chest now. I floated closer to her and she met my gaze a little nervously. I reached out to stroke her cheek and she put her hand on mine. I could feel her trembling slightly.

“Darling…” I said softly and moved to sit in her lap. She hugged me close.

“This is more… uncomfortable than I thought” she said quietly.

“It’s alright to be afraid, sweetheart…” I stiffened slightly as I remembered Lapis in the storm. This… was not the time to bring it up. I forced myself to relax and kissed her cheek and stroked her hair. “I’m right here”

Jasper closed her eyes and took a deep breath and I felt her chest expand and contract powerfully. “Could you tell me something good… about being in the water?” I raised my eyebrows slightly.

“Sure…” I wracked my brain for a moment, then smiled. “Sometimes, when it was warm outside, Robyn and I snuck out in the evenings, when we were at school. There was a lake on the school grounds, but it was off limits to students. We used to go there and sit on the little wooden dock, dangling our feet in the water and just talk for hours… Sometimes we would swim too” I let out a little chuckle. “She would always do a running jump and then turn in midair and dive – it took me _ages_ to figure out how she did it, I kept on making belly flops and she would just laugh and laugh… But it wasn’t nasty laughter” Jasper grinned faintly, her eyes still closed. “Her family has a summer house near a river and the first holiday I spent with them, we were barely dry five minutes. There was a rope swing that we used to fling each other out into the deep part, but you had to let go at just the right moment or you ended up in the reeds… There were lots of crayfish there and when it was the season we would set traps and have a feast… Man, it was so much fun…” I breathed out several pale gold butterflies. “My dad taught himself how to sail when he was a boy… by stealing a dingy from the boat club and sailing it around the island he used to spend his summers on… He got into _so_ much trouble” I let out a little laugh and the silvery fish appeared, skittering across the surface of the water, like they were swimming. “I have a lot of good memories of water, when I think about it…” Jasper opened her eyes and kissed my cheek. “Now I kind of want to try that running jump-dive…” I squirmed as a little tingle of happiness sparked in my belly.

“I want to see it” Jasper grinned down at me. She seemed a lot more relaxed now.

“I should make sure it’s deep enough first, just to be safe” I said with a smile and she unwound her arm from around me. I kissed her quickly, then pushed off the rock and paddled out into the middle, took a breath and then dove down. I opened my eyes under the surface and swam to the bottom – it must be around seven feet deep I decided. I drew in a gasping breath as I resurfaced and swam back to Jasper.

“Is it safe?” she asked and I nodded. I climbed out of the water then walked squelchily onto the grass and lined myself up with a sturdy rock. _Please_ let me look cool when I do this, I thought to myself. I started to run, noticing how uncomfortably my breasts bounced without a bra or bathing suit on – I reached the rock and jumped – realizing in midair that I wasn’t raising my legs as I should and smacked into the water. Holy fuck balls – the entire front side of my body stung! When I resurfaced I could hear Jasper nearly laughing herself silly. _Wait_ – this was better than if I had done it gracefully! It was hard to be afraid when something was _funny_. ‘Giggle at the ghosty’, as Pinkie Pie would say. Jell-oooo!

“Uh… Ta-daa?” I said, wincing slightly as I tread water in the middle of the pool.

“Babe” Jasper shook her head a continued to laugh for a few seconds. “That was the best thing I’ve ever seen – are you OK?” she moved out into the deeper water and I smiled at her, though my skin tingled painfully. Soon she reached me and my smile broadened.

“Darling… you’re swimming…” Jasper froze up and I saw fear streak across her features. “It’s OK, you’re fine – it’s alright... Just put your feet down” I said quickly and she looked at me, swallowed, then rose out of the water slightly.

“Oh” she blushed. I swam up to hug her.

“How does it feel, beastie?”

“It’s… OK…” she said uncertainly, then she let out a little laugh, rocking me slightly. “It’s OK!” she beamed at me, then she gave me a knowing look. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“I swear I didn’t – I was hoping to impress you with my skills, but I prefer this outcome, even if it hurt a bit. A lot. Hurt a lot” Jasper chuckled and bounced up and down. I unwrapped myself from her and swam in a circle around her and she turned to follow me, pirouetting on the bottom. Then she took a stroke – it carried her to the other side of the pool. She pushed off the rock there and rocketed through the water with a happy grunt. The water splashed over her head then she turned to me again with a huge grin on her face.

“This is kind of fun” she sniggered.

“I know, right?” I dove under the surface and emerged a few seconds later, throwing my hair dramatically. Jasper copied me and when _she_ resurfaced she threw up a lot of water with her long mane. It looked… _magnificent_ … She grinned at the stunned look that must surely be on my face, then splashed some water at me with a large hand. I splashed her back and soon we were both laughing. She dove again and grabbed me by the hips, then threw me a few feet into the air and I splashed down with a giggling squeal of delight, trailing a few butterflies behind me.

“Could you do that again?” I asked happily and Jasper smiled broadly. She threw me higher and I whooped, tucking into a cannon ball as I fell, making a huge splash. “Again!”

After a few more flights through the air I swam up to her and leaned in to kiss her.

“Have I told you how amazing you are lately?” I asked as we broke the kiss. She chuckled and wrapped her arms around me.

“It’s been a while I think”

“Well, you are. Continuously”

“Likewise, little monster” she stroked my cheek, then her hand kept moving down my throat, over my collar bone and coming to a stop around my breast. She smiled and looked down. “They feel softer in the water…” she said huskily, then leaned in to kiss my neck. I let out a little gasp as she gave me a nibble and moved up to take my earlobe between her teeth. Her hands found my bum, as I knew they would, and she squeezed it, lifting me slightly into the air. I grinned down at her and lifted both my hands to cup my breasts, pushing them together in front of her face. She wasted no time and took my right nipple in her mouth.

“Ohh, softly, softly” I gasped as she nipped me playfully. “Extra s-sensitive because of the water”

“Oh, really?” she hummed and began to lick me instead.

“Yes… oh just like that, ah…” I grabbed her by the shoulders to steady myself as pleasure radiated from my breast. Her head moved rhythmically as her tongue caressed me ever so softly. I felt a different kind of wetness than just the water grace my nether region and I wrapped my legs around her chest. One of her hands began to move up and down my back slowly, sending thrills through my spine. She began to suck my nipple gently and I moaned appreciatively. “Fuck, darling, oh” she moved to my other breast and I reached down into the water and found hers bobbing slightly against my thighs. She gasped as I ran my fingers lightly over them.

“Oh, I see what you mean…” she sniggered, then began to move us slowly closer to shore. I put my feet down and stopped her when her breasts rose over the surface and she whined slightly as my nipple disappeared from her mouth. I lifted her heavy breasts and licked the over side before letting my tongue slide over her softer-than-usual buds. She hissed out a breath between her teeth. “Careful, babe” I made my tongue as soft as it could go and licked and suckled her gently, making her moan and arch her back. I felt Kara wriggle against my stomach and I lowered a hand to stroke her. “Ah, that’s – oh” she shuddered pleasantly as I touched her. She ran her fingers lovingly through my wet hair and looked down on what I was doing. “Stars it’s so hot to see you do that…” I grinned and gave Kara a squeeze, making her let out a low growl of pleasure. I moved my other hand down to Kara as well and Jasper took over at her breasts, pushing them together so I could suck both her nipples as the same time. I slurped at her happily. After a minute a tantalizing idea hit me.

“Beastie… can you actually go down on yourself?” I asked, looking up at her. She grinned and hummed her ascent. “Will you show me…?” we moved up to the bank and she sat down.

“I’ve never done it in front of someone…” she said a little shyly, taking a happily squirming Kara in her hand.

“Will you feel less self-conscious if we do it… together?” I asked sultrily and knelt down. She spread her legs for me and I moved in closer. She held her tip out to me and I kissed it, still looking up at her.

“Why don’t you start?” she hummed and adjusted her position a little, then pulled Kara up to her belly, extending her to her full length. I leaned in and licked her from the base all the way to the tip, then took it in my mouth with a little moan. Gods, she tasted so good… I sucked at her softly, feeling Kara explore my mouth eagerly. She grinned and I saw her cheeks flush, her hand moving up and down as my head bobbed. After a few minutes wonderful suckling she pulled out of my mouth and I looked up at her, biting my lip. She smiled as she met my gaze, then flipped her hair to one side and lowered her head toward her stem. My eyes widened at how flexible she was. I helped guide Kara to her lips and she gave the tip a long, slow lick, making herself shudder – she was still holding my gaze.

“Gods, darling…” I let out a stream of golden orange sparks and bright white tendrils. She chuckled cockily and leaned down further, taking more of herself into her mouth than I had ever been able to do. “Jesus… ah, motherfucking Christ” I breathed. She made a slurping sound as she raised her head again and Kara trembled as she was released.

“Mmm… your turn” I leant forward eagerly and took the now throbbing tip into my mouth, massaging her thighs at the same time. Jasper shuddered as I pressed Kara against the roof of my mouth. “Oh, babe… mmm, keep doing that…” I obliged for a few more seconds then leaned back, grabbing the base to steady her.

“Now… you” I panted as I felt my own pleasure mounting. She lowered her head again and sucked herself into her mouth deftly. I stroked her slick member around the base with both hands, holy fucking shit, this was one of the hottest things I had ever seen… I felt a miniature orgasm unfold inside me – I hadn’t even touched myself. Jasper looked at me as I moaned and somehow managed to take even more inside her mouth. “ _Fuck_ …” I panted and sped up my hand movements. She gasped around her stem and her gem pulsated faster and faster until – ohhh! She had just cum inside her own mouth… I felt my face flush pleasantly and a full body tingle raced through me. I kept stroking her as she moaned into her stem, trembling. I leaned in to lick Kara as she moved upwards and soon we had the tip between both our lips. Another tremble went through her and another flash of light came from her gem – blinding me because it was so close. More liquid spilled from her and neither of us could get enough of it. We ended up kissing passionately and I moved into her lap, pressing Kara firmly between our bellies. One of her hands moved to squeeze my butt and the other reached in from behind and found my swollen clit. I moaned into our kiss, so close already. I had to break the kiss to breathe and panted huskily.

“I need you…” I moaned into her neck. “Ins-side too, q-quickly” she moved her hand in between us with a lustful growl and pressed a thick finger inside, using her thumb to rub my clit. “All the way, all the – ah – _way_ ” I begged, almost losing my mind! She thrust deep inside me and my walls were so slick and already pulsating. I sank my teeth into her shoulder and bit down _hard_ as everything happened at once – the wave hit me like a runaway train and something _gushed_ out of me as I completely lost control. I screamed out in ecstasy, blinded by white light, raking my nails across her back mercilessly. I bit down on something else and felt Kara spasm against my vibrating stomach and Jasper let out a feral roar, her finger still pumping in and out. Another peak, another gush, another blinding flash of light and then I slumped against her, my entire body trembling, my chest heaving as I gasped for breath. Jaspers finger slid out of me, but she kept caressing my pulsating clit and a smaller wave crested and peaked, but I had no breath in my body to scream, so I moaned instead, my lips pressed against Jasper’s throat. Slowly, slowly I regained control over myself. Jasper held me gently, her chest heaving with exertion too. I raised my head and looked into her eyes – there was barely a hint of a yellow rim around her pupils.

“Erica… Catheryn… _Brooks_ …” she panted and bit her lip. “You… _you_ …” she seemed lost for words.

“ _You_ …” I panted, grinning and lifting a trembling hand to wipe my forehead of sweat. “ _Fuck_ … That was quick” I started to giggle. “Gods, darling… I can’t… Holy. Fucking. Shit, that was _so sexy_ …” Jasper chuckled, her cheeks becoming pinker and her gem glowing dully.

“If I knew you’d like it that much I might have done it sooner…” she grinned crookedly and leaned back on one hand. I remained upright and looked down at a feebly stirring Kara.

“ _She_ certainly enjoyed it too” I ran my finger along her length lightly. “You are so… _flexible_ … You took so much of her in your mouth…”

“Babe” she laughed, closing her eyes – I’ll be damned if she didn’t look a bit embarrassed. “I had to find some way to get off alone… Hands get boring after a few… thousand tugs” she opened one eye and grimaced slightly. “Am I weird?”

“If I could go down on myself I would” I said seriously.

“Yeah?”

“ _Yes_ ” I sniggered. “I mean… I’ve never had any complaints about my… oral proficiency. I’d like to be able to judge for myself, but I can’t… bend that way”

“You certainly know how to use that mouth for more than just saying sweet things, babe…” she looked at me fondly, then her gaze dropped to my crotch for a moment before returning. Kara squirmed slightly. “You came without touching yourself… how is that even possible?”

“I don’t know… It just happened. Gods, I am now officially a no pump chump…” Jasper sat up again.

“And when I touched you… you…?”

“Squirted?” I raised my hand to my mouth. “Fuck, darling… This is a day of firsts”

Jasper looked at her hand, then licked her palm. “Tastes different… sweeter” she said ponderously. I looked at her shoulder – I had bit her, hadn’t I? There was a _deep_ bite mark there, and one on the side of her neck too.

“Sorry for biting without permission… And scratching… Are you OK?” I touched her shoulder gingerly. She chuckled and looked over at the marks.

“I’m fine, babe. I like it when you bite…” she grinned at me and Kara squirmed again. “Scratching was nice too, if a bit surprising”

“I’ll try to warn you next time” I grinned apologetically. “Fuck I need a cigarette after that…” Jasper glanced down at my crotch again.

“I didn’t get to say hello to Galadriel… How about you have that cigarette and she and I can have a… conversation?”

“Hmm…” I said, sultrily. “I think a cunning linguist such as yourself would be able to handle that sort of verbal sparring… Lips against lips… But let’s go lay down on the blanket” Jasper smiled and nodded. We got up unsteadily and meandered over to the blanket. I dried myself off slightly, then lay down, propping myself up on the towel. Jasper lay down between my legs as I lit a cigarette by saying ‘Beastie’. I took a long drag and breathed out a plume of smoke as she began to kiss and lick my belly. She spread my legs wider and sighed happily.

“Hello Galadriel…” she said softly. “There’s something _really_ important I want to say to you, are you listening?” I giggled and wiggled my hips up and down. “Good” she said and met my gaze before giving me a long, luxurious lick. She reached up with both arms to rub her thumbs over my stiffening nipples. She licked and sucked my clitoris softly and I lay back in bliss. She was thorough and very, very gentle, her long tongue a marvel in its own right. I had to put out my cigarette not to set the blanket on fire. Slowly, almost agonizingly slowly, the new wave built inside me and her touch lightened as time wore on. After a while she was doing that wonderful thing where it was just her lower lip rubbing against my clit. The first orgasm melted over me like a meringue on a hot plate – then she moved down to my opening and let her tongue explore my inside. Little twitches ran through my body as I panted and whined, lost in the pleasure she was giving me. She shifted her position and began stroking herself in time with her gentle thrusts in and out of me. The second orgasm claimed me with more force and I trembled as my internal muscles squeezed around her tongue. The third came as a bit of a surprise when she moved up to suck my clit again and I whimpered, feeling like cloud nine was about six or so clouds below me. She panted into my skin, gem pulsating quickly, her hot breath all over my overstimulated elven queen. With a grunt and a flash she finished herself off, then lay her head on my thigh and closed her eyes, a wide grin on her sweating face.

“Hgst kff” I slurred, completely spent. Jasper chuckled huskily and kissed the inside of my thigh, then she moved up to envelop me in her arms. I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her tiredly. “Bstie gohhds…”

“Have I just made you lose the ability to speak coherently?” she asked me sultrily.

“Mhmmf” I nodded with my eyes closed.

“I am a _very_ cunning linguist…” I held up ten fingers, twice and she pulled me closer with a happy sigh. “And I think someone might just need another nap” I nodded against her emphatically. “Go ahead babe, take all the time you need…” I breathed out a long, sparkly golden orange and pink sigh and snuggled into the crook of her neck.

When I drifted into consciousness next, I found myself lying in Jasper’s still naked lap. The light was different now. It might be getting close to sunset. I yawned and stretched and Jasper looked down at me with a smile.

“Did you know you talk in your sleep sometimes?” she asked me.

“I d-doh?” I yawned again, rubbing my slightly chilly arms. “What d I shay?”

“Random things like ‘cheese’ and ‘forty four and a bucket’” I frowned amusedly.

“Frty fr n a bkt?”

“You were the one dreaming, babe” she chuckled lightly. I reached out for my cigarettes and lit one by saying ‘frty bkts’. “I saved you the last two empanadas”

“Oh, thks” I patted her abs and kissed her hip. When I had finished my cigarette I sat up and stretched some more, shivering slightly. I put on my clothes and then had the empanadas and a soda.

“We should probably start heading back, it’ll be dark soon” she said as she put on her clothes too. “It’s not that late, but when the sun goes below the trees it gets _really_ dark in here”

We packed up our stuff and then started moving back toward the warp pad. It managed to get pretty dark before we got there and I took out my flashlight, but stopped before clicking it on. Instead I concentrated and blew out a breath of light and it spun itself into a little sphere. I touched it gently and it bobbed and glowed. Jasper looked at me in slight astonishment.

“That’s what Echo did… isn’t it?”

“Yeah…” I said with a smile. “Suddenly I just… knew how to do it. The memory was there” the brightness increased as I spoke and faded when I fell silent or drew in a breath. Jasper took the sphere in her large hand and held it up so we could see better and I hummed as we walked – that seemed to keep it ‘fueled’ best.

We reached the warp pad and stepped onto it, joining hands.

“Will you take us home?” she asked and I nodded, then cleared my throat.

“Jump” I said and the lights streamed around us – she looked at me with a crooked grin.

“The Hybrid, that’s what she says…”

“Yes… When I was carrying Victoria I couldn’t whistle so… It just felt… appropriate” my smile faltered and Jasper pulled me a little closer.

“Do you… want to talk about it, honey?” she asked me softly as the lights faded and Steven’s house formed around us.

“Not… yet, darling… I need a little more time” she gave my hand a squeeze, then looked out into the house. I shook myself mentally. Don’t lose the wonderful feeling the picnic left you with, let it fill you just… a little longer.

“Sup love birds” Amethyst greeted from the couch near the stairs. She was lying with her feet up against the wall.

“Hey Amethyst” Jasper said as we stepped off the warp pad. I gave her a smile and a wave.

“Did you have a… good time?” she waggled her eyebrows at us and Jasper grinned.

“Excessively so” I sniggered and Jasper beamed down at me.

“Oh yeah? Jungle setting a turn on for you, E?” she flipped right side up and fluttered her eyelids innocently. “That whole ‘Me Tarzan, you Jane’ thing?”

“More like Sheeta and Sabor…” Amethyst burst out laughing. “Jungle cats” I said by way of explanation to Jasper and she grinned with half lidded eyes.

“Biting and scratching jungle cats…” she hummed quietly. There was a clang from the right and Peridot emerged from her pile of junk. I felt myself blush slightly. I hadn’t known anyone else was there.

“Did you waste the _entire_ day copulating in the dirt?” Peridot asked with a disapprovingly raised eyebrow. “Because we could have used some help at the barn”

“Fuck, Peri, would you give them a break?” Amethyst groaned.

“I was just saying they could have tried to be a bit considerate. They did help _make_ the mess”

Jasper was just about to say something then Garnet’s voice rang out;

“ _Peridot_ ” she said warningly from the kitchen. Fuck, I hadn’t seen her either. I felt my blush deepen.

“I… told Pearl we would help, but… she didn’t say you were going there _today_ …” I said quietly. Jasper squeezed my hand.

“Because she wanted you to have some time to yourselves” Garnet stated, her voice kind.

“We could come tomorrow, if you’re going back?” I looked up at Jasper.

“If that’s what you want, babe” she smiled at me with a warm look in her eye. 

“That would be very welcome, but it’s no rush” Garnet put down the bowl she had been stirring.

Peridot huffed. “Well I’d _quite_ like to be able to go home”

“Back to your little love nest, you mean?” Amethyst grumbled. Peridot stared at her, then put down the piece of metal she had been tinkering with and went into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I winced slightly at the sound.

“Amethyst, that was unnecessary” Garnet said admonishingly and Jasper and I exchanged a look. I glanced at the front door, feeling like I had had enough of drama for the time being.

“ _I’m_ not the one with the problem” Amethyst said sulkily and crossed her arms. Seemed all was not well in the House of Steven. What had the three of them been up to yesterday?

“We should get home to Cake” Jasper said and I nodded.

“Call us tomorrow?” I asked Garnet and she gave me a nod and a smile. We left the house and walked slowly hand in hand back to the boardwalk. There was less debris strewn about the place now – all the damaged front windows were patched up in some way.

“Do you think Fish Stew Pizza is still open for business? I don’t feel like cooking tonight” I said as we approached it.

“Let’s go check”

They were open and we ordered four pizzas to go. Jasper carried the stack home. When we got to the house Cake was waiting for us on the step.

“My little Cake” I said softly as I picked her up. “We _really_ need to get that cat flap…”

“Tomorrow, babe” Jasper said with a smile and gave Cake a kiss. When we got inside I put some food in Cake’s bowl and she threw herself over it hungrily.

“I think… I’m going to go take a shower” I said as I glanced at the clock. It was almost six in the evening now. Twenty four hours ago, Victoria had walked through the door… I went upstairs and turned on the water, letting it heat up before getting in. I sat down tiredly and rubbed my temples. She and Charlie must be on the plane by now…

I really hoped Charlie would be alright – I mean she _would_ be alright, I wouldn’t stop trying until she was, but maybe what had happened yesterday had not only given me a new perspective on things – maybe Victoria had gained some as well… It was so, so weird to know that Victoria had suffered under our mother, just like I had done… Up until yesterday I had thought they had ganged up on me, well, they _had_ but… I hadn’t known _why_ … It was how she had survived it… Fuck it was disturbing to think of our mother as someone or something that needed to be _survived_ …

Victoria must have seen it as a better option to _join_ our mother rather than to be targeted herself – not that she always avoided trouble... I gave a little twitch as I realized that might be what she had done with Madeleine too – joined her to get out of the bully’s line of fire…

I washed myself and got out of the shower. As I toweled myself dry I looked at my scarred arms. A sudden need to add to them flared within me and I shook my head, looking up at my reflection in the mirror.

“We don’t do that anymore…” I said quietly. _But you want to_ , a little voice inside whispered. _Don’t you remember how good it felt… to see yourself bleed? The way your skin burned… Everything else disappeared… And there was just silence inside_ … I do remember, I told the voice. But that was a long time ago, I’m not… there anymore. _But you want it_. No, I don’t. _Yes, you do, look_ … I looked down at my hands – I had picked up a pair of nail clippers. I grimaced and took a step back hurriedly. I hadn’t realized I had done that… Fuck…

“Stop messing with my head” I hissed and slammed the little scissors onto the sink with a clink. I left the bathroom feeling sick and walked downstairs, leaving a trail of sparkling darkness behind me. Jasper stood up from the kitchen table when she saw me, but the smile she had been wearing vanished when she noticed my dark tail.

“Honey?” I looked at her as she approached me carefully, feeling my shoulders lowering. The little voice inside stopped sniping at me as something else took over. Sadness bloomed inside me, filling me up like cold, wet fog. I felt my eyes fill with tears and saw Jasper speed up, then her warm arms were around me and I leaned on her chest, letting out a little sniff. “Let’s… go lay down” she said softly. I nodded into her shirt, my breath dark. She stroked my back slowly, then we moved into the living room. I put on my pajamas and the beanie, then joined Jasper on the bed. She looked at me with concern as I lay down, tears sliding down my cheeks silently and my breath coming out in little gasps of purple and black. “Babe…” she stroked my cheek worriedly and I trembled at the softness in her voice. She pulled me close so my head was nestled under her chin. My tears came faster and I shook with sobs as her arms folded around my back. I couldn’t stop myself, even if I wanted to. The sadness was so overwhelming; I had no breath to spare for words. For a long time I just cried, clouds of buzzing darkness leaving me and floating up into the ceiling, fading very slowly. Jasper kept stroking my back, her movements and calm breath a safe, soothing rhythm – letting me know she was just… there.

This… wasn’t sadness. It was _grief_ … I was grieving the loss of… us. What we could have been. Memories broke free from their cages and came rushing out of the darkness, sharp and vivid... I whimpered and Jasper froze for a moment before continuing to stroke my back.

The dress store where you had to stand still for hours as the woman with the big glasses pinned the cloth, every time there was a chance she would prick the skin… The place by the attic stairs I used to hide when my mother was in one of her rages, the little pattern of scratches I had left there on the floor – _if I disappear someone will find them_ … How the alcohol on her breath had made my eyes water… The mouse I had kept hidden in a shoe box – she had thrown it right into the trash… And when I had snuck out at night to take him back inside he had just been a frozen little ball of fur, unmoving… The endless walks through museums of large naked statues, or sometimes just pictures too high up for me to see, the clip clop of her heels and her rigid grip on my wrist. Too tight… The musty smell of the bunker – no… no, please… I don’t want to go in there. A push, falling… Then Victoria landed beside me and – no… _please_ … I clutched at Jasper’s shirt and she held me tighter.

“Talk to me… Tell me what’s going on…” she whispered softly.

“S-she locked us i-in the bunk-ker…” I gasped. “It was s-so cold and dark and V-Vicky she – she was so _scared_ … We had been p-playing and b-broke a v-vase” my voice didn’t sound like my own. “She got so… _mad_ … She left us in there for _so long_ …“ I choked on the darkness and dissolved into tears again, curling in on myself. Jasper shushed and rocked me.

What felt like eons later I found my voice again. “When I went looking for her… I found… Lapis…”

“What?” Jasper froze mid stroke.

“She… didn’t do anything, just… pointed toward the boardwalk and then walked away… I thought she might have seen you or Pearl or… Victoria… Then I found her, under a heap of broken planks, she wasn’t moving – a thick splinter had gone through her shoulder…” I sniffed. “Then I called you”

“And I couldn’t hear you…”

“She began to vomit so I had to – had to” Victoria’s scream echoed in my head. “Had to turn her over, but the splinter was still… still attached to another bit of wood… She _screamed_ … Then she passed out and I got rid of the planks – there was a nail and she started to bleed – I took some string and trussed her thigh – I called for you, for Pearl, for… Lapis, but no one came…”

“I’m sorry, babe, so sorry…”

“I carried her, but I couldn’t make it up the stairs, the wind was too strong… I took her to the sanctuary… when she woke up she was still angry – she didn’t – didn’t _understand_ and I didn’t understand either, but now I think I do… Victoria wasn’t the problem, she was just as affected by our mother as I was, just in a different way… _I_ was the lucky one, I’d got away from her, but Victoria… She was with her until the end…” I sniffed again. “Then she told me about her husband, he’s been _cheating_ on her, the bastard” blue sparks mingled with the darkness. “We went to Steven’s house and slept… When I woke up she was _smoking_ inside the house and I yelled at her but she wouldn’t go outside without shoes and hers were gone… So I threw mine at her and… I said something our mother used to say and she put them on and went outside… She had taken my shorts, my phones and my EDC without asking… I had to walk home barefoot… Then when we got here… Charlie said she didn’t want anyone to fight anymore, she wanted to know why we did, and then… well, you saw…” Jasper let out a long sigh.

“Yes, I saw…” she said quietly, then kissed my forehead. “I saw you handle it…”

“You keep saying that…”

“Because it’s true. It could have ended _very_ differently…” a thrill of fear leapt through me – if the bubble had popped… I didn’t want to think about that at all. “Pearl and I talked last night… when everyone had gone to bed…”

“You did?” I was so surprised I looked up at her.

“Yeah… We talked about you, mostly…”

“Me?”

“Mmm… She was so worried about you, having gone out in the storm alone, I told her you were safe, but she kept… worrying. Wondering why you had to go to the sanctuary… I told her one or both of you must have been hurt but that you were fine now, so there wasn’t anything to worry _about_ ” I was impressed with her ability to be in the moment like that, don’t worry if you have no reason to do so. I was a lot more like Pearl in that respect – I always worried… “She calmed down eventually, but _stars_ …” she let out a sigh. “She really cares about you” I sniffed again, feeling very touched. Jasper resumed stroking my back as I lapsed into more tears. “Hey… it’s OK…”

The part of me that had hidden away when Victoria had arrived was coming back fully to me now. I felt like I was becoming me again, the real me.

“Do you think…” Jasper began slowly, her strokes slowing down. “Do you think Lapis did it?”

“Did what?”

“Hurt Victoria…” I froze a moment.

“I don’t… think so… I was knocked off my feet by the wind and slid to the edge of the boardwalk. Victoria is like half my weight or something, I think she was just… flung into the fence by the storm” I looked up at Jasper. “If she had wanted to kill… me… She could have, I froze up, couldn’t move…” Jasper pulled me closer. “Did you know she was still… here?”

“No, I haven’t… felt her” she said quietly. “I thought she was gone”

“Me too… Do you think she could have made the storm?”

“No, Lapis Laszulis have control over water, not wind…” we fell silent for a moment.

“Darling… Are you OK?”

“Me?” Jasper asked in surprise.

“Yeah, about talking about Lapis I mean…” Jasper thought for a few seconds.

“I… think so. She’s different… in my mind now. Not as… big…”

“She helped me” I mumbled. “She helped me find Victoria… I might not have gone down that street if I hadn’t seen her, if she hadn’t pointed… How did she know it was her I was looking for? You don’t think… you don’t think she’s been _spying_ on us?” I felt a surge of unease.

“I have no idea…” her stomach muscles contracted and she held me closer protectively.

“We should tell the others – I think they would have said if they had seen her”

“Tomorrow” she said quietly, then relaxed around me. “How are you feeling?”

“Better…” I wiped my eyes. “Thanks, beastie… I really needed… all of today… Your hole was so beautiful, and then Echo’s cat beast thingy” I fumbled with her shirt. “The memory you shared with us… And the mind blowing sex in the glade… then… this” I snuggled in under her chin again. “Just… thank you, darling…”

“You’re very welcome, babe…” she kissed the top of my head. “I was really hoping to make you feel better…”

“You did, you do… But I needed to feel it, even though it took some time to process… I don’t think it’s quite done, but it’s… better…”

“I’m here for you, babe, anytime, anyplace…” her words moved me.

“Darling, you’re going to make me cry again” I sniffed.

“Then cry, honey…” she resumed stroking my back. “I’m not going anywhere…” I let out a long, long sigh and felt my body relax against her. We just lay there silently for a long time, her arms protectively around my back. Cake jumped onto the bed with a purring meow and plopped down under my chin. I kissed her head and she licked some tears away from my cheek. I felt drained and… hungry. My stomach rumbled and Jasper let out a warm chuckle.

“How about I go warm up that pizza and you can have a smoke?” she asked me with a slight smile. I nodded against her chest and we unwound ourselves from the embrace. I felt a little dizzy when I sat up. I probably needed to drink something. I poured myself a big glass of water and drank it at the sink, then grabbed my cigarettes and went outside. I pulled one out, stared at it for a moment, then said;

“Victoria…” a purplish black tendril left me along with some sparks of red. But no blue… Was I really not… angry at her? I tried to feel around inside to figure it out but I was just too _tired_ … More tears came to me and I let them fall quietly. They were taking some of the… heaviness of my heart with them. After a few minutes I walked inside and blew my nose.

***

I was standing by a road at night. There was an ache across my chest from the snap of the seatbelt as the car had slammed into the tree. Red and blue light flashed and a much bigger hand let go of mine… Another child cried from fear – that was the reason she had left me there, by the roadside, in the dark. I watched as the ambulance drove away, paralyzed. The man in blue picked me up but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. The car ride was so long… I fell asleep and woke up on a bed in a big room, alone. It smelled of other people’s cigarettes… Much later my dad came. He was so angry, but not at _me_ – at the blue man and his friends. I had to cover my ears because he was shouting and it didn’t feel nice at all to be held by someone who shouted. It was scary. And I didn’t dare tell him about the bottle my mother had dropped in the front seat… He carried me out the door and then I was back in the car again, the radio blaring. I knew what was coming and saw my mother’s hand knock the bottle into the passenger seat, then she reached for it and the car turned -

I woke with a start at the moment of impact and sat up, my heart racing and my breath shallow and fast, little puffs of purple sparkly clouds issuing from me. 

“Sssometimes… ssome c-crimes…” I began to sing hoarsely. “Go slipping th-through the cra-acks-ss” Jasper stirred beside me. “B-b-but thessse two g-gumsh-sh-shoes are p-pick-p-p-ick-ING up the sss—hhh—sssss—hhh—hh—hh—hh-“ I patted Jasper’s arm in a panic as my throat began closing up and she grunted, then sat up sharply.

“Babe?!”

“I c-can’t hh—hh—hh—hh—hh _breathe_!”

“What – uh – what do I do??!” she stared at me with wide eyes, her face lit by my lights.

“Hh—hh—hh-sss—hh— _sssing_ —hh—hh—hh!”

“Oh, uh, um… Oh! Sometimes... some crimes, go slipping through the cracks – right? That’s the one?” she asked me frantically and I nodded, holding my chest. “But these two, gumshoes are picking up the slack. There’s no case to big, no case to small, when you need help just call, Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale’s, rescue rangers, Ch-ch-ch-chip ‘n Dale, when there’s danger –  No, no it never fails once they’re involved; somehow whatever’s wrong gets solved…” I mouthed along as she sang, trying to calm myself, closing my eyes on the flickering light. Half way through the song it was getting a little easier and I managed to pant out a few syllables. With great effort I forced myself to sing the last words, then immediately began the song anew. Jasper sang it again, and then a third time. By the fourth I could sing every word and my grip slackened on my shirt and leaned on Jasper’s arm, panting hard and trembling.

“Th-thank you…” I said hoarsely and Jasper stroked my back, then turned on the bedside lamp as my lights faded. She looked at me worriedly.

“Babe… what happened? What was that?”

“I had a n-nightmare, started to…” I swallowed. “Started to panic…”

“What… did you dream about?” she asked me tentatively. I closed my eyes and put my shaking hand on her chest, she took it in her big warm one and squeezed it carefully.

“C-car accident… when I was three… We had just moved to Great Breton, mom was driving us home from something… She had been drinking, she sang along to the radio, then she dropped the bottle… and we hit a tree… Victoria wouldn’t stop crying, her arm was all… messed up… The ambulance and the police came and my mom... She went in the ambulance with Victoria… and just… _left_ me there”

“What?” Jasper looked at me with a concerned frown. “She just… abandoned you?” I nodded as tears began rolling down my cheeks.

“The p-police man t-took me in his car and I fell asleep… When I woke up I was in a bed in a big room… Later my dad showed up and he shouted at them, he was so angry, but he spoke English – I didn’t know the language back then… I just remember being so scared, and then relieved when he came, but he scared me again when he shouted and it wasn’t… wasn’t _safe_ … anymore…” Jasper hugged me tightly, her gem in my hair and her lips pressed against my forehead. She rocked me slowly as I sobbed.

“I’m so sorry, babe…” she whispered. “So sorry…”

After a long, long time my tears dried up and I took deep breaths.

“Honey…” Jasper raised my chin and I looked up into her red rimmed eyes. “I love you”

“I love you too, beastie…” I smiled wetly. “I’m sorry for waking you…”

“Hey, none of that…” she stroked my cheek with her thumb. “I told you… I’m here for you” she leaned down to kiss the area just under my eyes very softly, then my swollen lips.

“Will you come with me out-outside?” I asked.

“Sure, babe… Let’s bring a blanket” we got up and I felt very unsteady on my feet. I stopped by the bathroom to blow my nose and take a long drink from the tap. Jasper was already sitting on the sofa outside and she patted the area between her legs. I leaned gratefully against her stomach and she put the blanket over us, tucking it in behind her bum. I used my lighter to light my cigarette this time, not trusting my still shaking hands to hold steady.

“It’s been a long time since it got that bad…” I said quietly into the darkness.

“The… panic thing?”

“Yeah… Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, with everything that happened yesterday and today…”

Jasper let out a deep sigh and put her hand on my belly. “Your mother really did a number on you… Is that OK for me to say?”

“It’s OK…”

“What would you say to her… if she was here now?” the question took me completely by surprise.

“Um… I don’t know?” I took a drag on my cigarette. “Probably ask her why…”

“What would she say?” I thought for a longer time now.

“Even if she answered truthfully, which in itself would be extremely unlikely, I… I don’t think she would know… I’m not sure if she was aware she was doing something… wrong…”

 

* * *

  
Please review!


	53. Clean up

 

## Chapter 53: Clean up

  
As we walked to the temple the next morning, Jasper leaned down to take my hand in hers, bringing us to a stop just as we reached the sand.

“You sure you want to do this today?” she asked.

“Yes, darling… I think it would be good for me to… get out of my own head for a bit, just do something physical”

“Alright” she looked at me and smiled. “Just tell me if you need to talk, or a break or… like a hug or something”

I gave her hand a squeeze. “Thanks, beastie, I will…”

“I’m making cheeseburgers for dinner afterwards. With potato wedges. And garlic sauce. No arguing” she gave me a warm grin and my heart swelled with affection for her.

“Darling…” I said, feeling my cheeks heat up. I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles in thanks.

We reached the stairs and climbed them, then knocked at the door. 

“Greetings!” a perky looking Peridot appeared and opened the door for us. It squeaked a little differently than the old one. Somehow I had imagined Peridot would be in the same mood as I had last seen her – so her being enthusiastic to see us was a little unsettling.

“Uh, hi” I said. “How… how’s it going, P-peridot?”

“It’s going marvelously, thank you for asking! According to my calculations, your extra pairs of hands will provide enough help to clear the barn and make it fit to be inhabited – today! Well, _technically_ tomorrow – the estimated work time is about seventeen hours, but as an earth day is a whole twenty four hours – “ she clapped her hands and grinned at us. “Come on in, let’s get started! Oh I can’t wait to redecorate!” she hurried off with a squeak. Jasper and I exchanged a look.

“Did she just say seventeen hours?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yes” Jasper shook her head and scoffed. “We’re not working that long”

“Good morning!” Steven greeted cheerily from the kitchen as we stepped inside. He was just putting some dishes in the sink.

“Morning Steven” Jasper said and I waved at him.

“Everybody on the warp pad!” Peridot shouted from the temple door. “We’re losing daylight, people!”

“Coming!” Steven dashed over to Peridot, looking excited. Pearl and Garnet exited the temple from what looked like a purple tinted room, talking in low voices. Jasper and I approached the others.

“Where is Amethyst?” Peridot asked with a hint of annoyance.

“She… needs a moment. To um. Get ready” Pearl said with an unconvincing smile.

“She’ll come later. Let’s go” Garnet stepped up onto the warp pad.

“’Later’?” Peridot frowned at Pearl as if she was horribly offended. “This is the agreed upon time, she can’t just… _not_ show up! My whole flow chart goes out the window if she’s not here!” the little green gem stomped over to the temple door and pounded on it with a tiny fist. “Amethyst, get your butt out here this instant!”

“Come on Peridot, we can start without her, it’ll just take a little longer, that’s all” Steven wheedled.

“She is seventeen percent of our carrying capacity!” Peridot gestured toward the door angrily. “Now I’m going to have to recalculate everything!” she pulled out her tablet and began tapping at it, grumbling.

“We won’t all fit” Garnet said as Jasper and I stopped in front of the raised white circle. I instantly remembered Jasper telling me about gems being pushed out of the warp stream during the last evacuation of the war.

“We’ll uh… take the next one?” I suggested, looking up at Jasper. She nodded and Steven waved goodbye as the lights flashed into life. “How long do we have to wait, do you think?”

“Not very long…” she said distractedly, her eyes on the temple door. I followed her gaze. “What’s up with Amethyst…” she wondered aloud and walked over the pad to knock on the door. “Hey Amethyst, what’s going on?” she turned her head to listen and I walked up to her.

“Is she in there?” the words had barely left me when the door made a noise and split down the middle – the two halves opened like they had a bunch of purple bubblegum stuck between them. We waited a moment for her to come out, but she didn’t. Jasper raised an eyebrow, then ducked inside.

“Come on babe” she called and I followed her.

“Are you sure it’s OK I come too – oh” the huge purple tinted room was full of large crystals and junk arranged in tottering piles. There was the sound of a waterfall somewhere close by, too. I looked up – I couldn’t see the ceiling. “Whoa…” I breathed, stopping a moment.

“Amethyst, where are you?” Jasper walked on ahead, apparently knowing how to navigate the maze of – not to put too fine a point on it – garbage. I followed her slowly, looking around at all the different kinds of things. The word ‘hoarder’ came to mind…

There was a rumbling crash and I froze, thinking one of the piles must have collapsed.

“So this is what Amethyst does to get ready, is it?” I heard Jasper’s voice coming from behind a large stack of broken TVs and other electronics.

“What should I be getting ready for, exactly?” Amethyst answered grumpily.

“The barn. Clean up”

“Pff… as if…”

I stepped carefully around a precarious heap of newspapers and the two gems came into view.

“Uh… hi” I said a tad awkwardly. “Hope it was OK I came in”

“Oh. Hey, E…” Amethyst stopped in the middle of ripping the seat off a toilet. “Yeah. ‘s fine”

I glanced over at Jasper. This… didn’t sound like the usual cheery Amethyst.

“What’s up with you?” Jasper inquired rather brusquely. I knew she always slipped into a… cockier? Version of herself around Amethyst, but the purple gem seemed almost sad.

“Nothing. I’m fine” well. That was obviously a lie.

“Should I… maybe go?” I asked tentatively.

“We should all go” Jasper said, taking the toilet seat from Amethyst, tore it off its hinges without effort and threw it over her shoulder. “Come on” she started walking toward me.

“I’m not going” Amethyst said sulkily, kicking the remnants of the toilet over with a thump.

“Why not?” Jasper stopped and half turned.

“I’m just not going, OK. So if you’re gonna go, just go already!” Amethyst turned away with a swish of her mane. Jasper looked at me with pursed lips, then smirked and gave me a reassuring smile. I raised an inquiring eyebrow at her. 

“Why’d you let us in here?” Jasper asked, turning back to look at Amethyst.

“Fuck, I don’t know. Figured you’d want to hang out” she kicked an old can into a puddle. It made a ‘plunk’ sound as it hit the surface.

“So let’s hang out”

“Fine. What you wanna do?”

“I want to go to the barn” Jasper stated firmly.

“Fuck, Jay-tard I said I’m not going!”

“Why not?”

“Cuz I don’t _want_ to”

“Why don’t you want to?”

“Just leave it, Jasper…” Amethyst’s shoulders sagged.

“No, tell me. Why don’t you want to go to the barn?” Jasper took a step closer.

“Just leave it…”

“Tell me” another step.

“No”

“Amethyst” Jasper was standing just behind her now.

“ _No_ , Jasper!”

“Come on, tell me”

“It’s none of your fucking _business_!” Amethyst shouted, her words echoed around the room. Then she turned around and pushed Jasper away from her. Or tried to. The purple gem gave a growl of frustration and kicked at her shins instead.

“Are you done?” Jasper asked and Amethyst glared up at her.

“Go fuck yourself!”

“Did that yesterday” Jasper shrugged nonchalantly. I felt my ears heat up.

“Then go do it again!”

“Might, later. But not until you tell me why you won’t go to the b-“

“Because _Peridot’s_ there, you asshole!”

Jasper looked at her. Then nodded, and said; “Well, OK then” then turned her heel and started to walk toward me. She was smirking and holding out a hand to me. I looked at her, feeling very confused. I took her proffered hand and fell into step next to her, glancing back worriedly at the fuming Amethyst.

“Darling, what the h-“

“Wait for it…” she said in a low whisper as we walked away quickly. There was an almighty crash and an angry scream.

“ ** _Jasper_**! You can’t just – ” the sound of running feet came from behind us. “You can’t just come in here and piss me the hell off and then walk _away_!”

“Duck” Jasper said with a grin.

“What?” her hand pushed me down gently as something wooshed over both our heads and crashed into a pile of junk, making it fall over with a loud clanging. Jasper stood up quickly and stepped behind me. I got to my feet, wincing slightly. “Darling?”

“One second, babe” then she grunted as she caught something in her arms and put it down next to her with a thump. It was an _engine_. I stared at it, horrified.

“Is Amethyst _throwing_ things?!”

“Yep. Do you trust me?”

“Of course, darling, but – “

“Just stay behind me. It’ll be over soon” she gave me a crooked grin over her shoulder. I… guess I’ll just stand here then, I thought dazedly, the situation completely lost on me. This is the weirdest trust exercise in the world. “Is that all you got, runt?” Jasper called mockingly. Um. Not what I’d do here, but… OK. Trust. Fuck this was hard.

“Fuck you, Beta bitch!” whip cracks and light came from in front of Jasper and then she grunted as she caught and discarded a washing machine, half a piano and a refrigerator door in turn. I couldn’t see around her and winced as the fridge door clanged on the engine. I covered my ears.

“That’s Beta _sir_ to you, you deformed little mongrel!” Jasper roared gleefully.

“You’re a steaming pile of shit!” more heavy objects sailed toward us and were caught deftly by Jasper.

“You are the tiniest, most miniscule Amethyst I have ever seen!”

“Limp stem!”

“Why don’t you come over here and say that, fuck head?!”

“Eat shit, you cunt!”

“Make me!” a whole plane wing thudded into Jasper’s arms and she threw it to the side with a crash, then she stood there, heaving with breath. I could hear Amethyst panting from in front of her. Were they done? I drew in a breath to speak, but Jasper shook her head slightly and I remained quiet. After a few more seconds of relative silence, Jasper straightened up and cricked her neck, then let out a pleased chuckle. “Is precious getting tired?”

There was a scoff and then a growling Amethyst landed on Jasper’s shoulders as Purple Puma. Jasper grunted and they fell to the ground, rolling over and over, trying to pin each other. I looked on in stunned silence, then I realized what she was doing. I let out a sigh and my shoulders dropped. They growled and scratched at each other, knocking over piles of junk as they wrestled. I leaned against the broken piano and looked on with a grin on my face. After a minute’s struggle, Amethyst caught Jasper in a leg lock and laughed triumphantly as Jasper patted the ground in surrender.

“And Purple Puma is the winner!” Amethyst whooped and returned to her normal shape. Jasper chuckled and got to her feet, dusting herself off.

“Feel better?” she asked with a smirk and Amethyst stopped in the middle of her victory dance.

“You _dick_!” she exclaimed and punched Jasper on the thigh. “Fuck you!”

“Fuck you too” Jasper ruffled Amethyst’s hair with a laugh.

“Hey, not the hair!” Amethyst readjusted her mane fussily. I looked at the two of them with a smile. Rough and tumble gems… It was quite sweet really. Jasper had seen Amethyst was upset about something and needed to… vent, I guess.

“Let’s go” Jasper nodded in the direction of the warp pad.

“Fine… Just give me a sec” Amethyst trotted off down one of the narrow aisles and disappeared from view. Jasper walked up to me with a hugely satisfied grin on her face.

“Darling, that was…” I began with a little laugh.

“Impressive? Amazing? Sexy?” she smirked.

“Sweet…” I said quietly, then stood on tip toe to kiss her cheek. “Very sweet” her face flushed slightly and I giggled. “And impressive. And amazing. And…” I leaned in closer and slid my hand over her bum, giving it a squeeze. “Sexy…”

“ _Guh_! I leave for five seconds and you’re already groping each other?” Amethyst groaned theatrically at us.

“Just a little” I sniggered and gave Jasper’s taught rump another squeeze. She chuckled appreciatively.

We made our way back through the maze of junk, Jasper and Amethyst continuing to call each other names in a casual sort of way. I burst out laughing when Amethyst called Jasper ‘a pussy binging pony lover’ and ten or so bright butterflies joined us on the warp pad. It wasn’t only Amethyst that was in a better mood now and I grinned up at Jasper fondly, taking her hand in mine.

“Will you warp us, babe?”

“Sure darling… Jump!” the lights sprang into life around us with a ping and soon the barn appeared in front of us. We made it up the hill and I stopped for a moment to take in the scene. Pearl, Steven, Garnet and Peridot were hard at work, picking apart a huge tangle of what looked like random metal parts and wooden debris. The area in front of the barn was less muddy now, but there was even more stuff spread around it then last time I was there. The storm must have come through here as well. Yes, definitely I decided after seeing some planks sticking out of the barn wall and uprooted trees near the edge of the forest.

“Holy fuck balls…” I breathed, thinking that there must be much more than just seventeen hours work to do here.

“About time you showed up!” Peridot griped at us as we approached the gems. Amethyst tensed up noticeably and looked away from her. What was going on here?

“What are we doing?” Jasper asked loudly.

“ _We_ are sorting this collection of scrap metal. _You_ three can start by clearing sector twelve”

“Sector twelve?” I asked confusedly.

Peridot frowned at me like I was being deliberately dense. “The area _behind_ the barn? Oh! Does no one read their emails?!” she grumbled and stomped back to the metal pile.

“How would she have my email?” I asked aloud, then checked my phone. I found an email marked urgent in my spam folder from a peridot5XG@geemail.com.

“Don’t even bother adding her to your contacts” Amethyst huffed. “She’ll fill your inbox with anything she finds funny. Which could be absolutely anything. Heh, this one time she sent me…” she trailed off and her eyes darkened. “Let’s just get this over with…” she started to walk toward the other end of the barn. I exchanged a look with Jasper, who shrugged.

Amethyst, Jasper and I worked together to rid our assigned area of debris. Jasper and Amethyst taking the really heavy stuff, naturally. I had to stop and fan my face a little after I saw Jasper pick up an entire fallen tree and carry it off to one side with no apparent effort. Amethyst sniggered at me when she noticed.

“You’re _balls_ deep into that aren’t you?” she smirked at me as she kicked the dirt off a tire before throwing it onto a pile. I let out a surprised little laugh.

“Jesus, Amethyst”

“Hey, no judgement here” she held up her hands and closed her eyes.

“What is the ‘that’ that I’m supposed to be balls deep into, exactly?” I asked with a grin.

“You know, that whole ‘I can lift a house’-deal. Big, buff… stuff”

“Yes. Most definitely” I said seriously. “Didn’t know how much, to be honest. I’ve always liked tall girls, but I’m quite tall as it is. Hard to find you know, ladies taller than me. Not that short women were a deal breaker, but there’s just something… And Jasper’s got more of the something than I’ve ever seen. Confidence. Mhm… confidence…”

“Confidence, eh? What’s the _size_ of her confidence exactly?” she waggled her eyebrow at me and I let out another laugh.

“If _she_ hasn’t told you, I’m not going to” I shook my head at her with a grin. “And _that_ wasn’t what I was talking about, just fyi”

“ _Riiiight_ ” she said sarcastically.

“So what floats you boat then?” I asked curiously.

“Oh you know” she said nonchalantly. “Women, men… everything in between, tall, short, wide, skinny… Amethyst welcomes all”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s all just… bodies with minds in, right?”

“That’s really beautiful, Amethyst” I said with a smile. “Are you… seeing anyone right now?”

“Nah…” she picked up a couple of branches as I dug out a tricycle. “Used to be with Vidalia, back in the day, before she met Marty, Sour Cream’s dad, then a bit on and off. Then Yellow Tail came along and there was little Onion… Had the odd little yummy treat at a concert, a couple of one night stands… Been a bit of a dry spell lately, though”

“Oh, that sucks”

“No, that’s the problem” she sniggered. Jesus, she had a filthy mind. Awesome.

“Is that what you’re looking for, just a little… roll in the hay?”

“I’m not planning on pulling a Rose or anything” she said with a sigh. “But I wouldn’t mind, you know… a bit more than just hello hot stuff, let’s fuck, see you never…”

“Bit more of the hello hot stuff, let’s fuck, see you at dinner?”

“Yeah, more like that” she snickered. “But that stuff’s kinda scary, you know?”

“How so?”

“All the little things, like remembering important dates and… exactly what lies you told them and such…”

“Lies?” Amethyst blushed a bit.

“Well, it’s a bit… difficult with humans, me being purple and all. I’ve had all sorts of lines prepared, like it’s just body paint or a full body tattoo or, like, I have a genetic abnormality or whatevs… Not everyone’s down with purple. And I’m not keen on telling every single person I boink that hey, guess what, I’m the result of a failed alien invasion to your planet thousands of years ago, and also I’m older than the Reman Empire” she kicked a clod of earth with a frown. “Freaks people out, that stuff. Well, except for Vidalia. And Greg. And you. But Vi wanted that whole… family thing”

“That not something you want?”

“Nah… I mean kids are cool and all, but I feel like I’m still a kid, in a way. Not that I ever was a kid, but… I don’t know…” she rubbed her arm.

“Amethyst… Is everything… OK?”

“Pff, yeah – why wouldn’t it be?” she put on a smile and shrugged her shoulders. “Besides, you’re the one with all the drama going on lately. Pearl told me about the epic fight you and your sister had” I was taken a little aback with the sudden subject change.

“Y-yeah…” she looked at me as she threw the branches onto the combustible pile.

“Not something you wanna talk about?”

“Not… really no” I felt a surge of sadness flood my chest.

“Sorry man. Fighting like that’s… hard”

“Yes… Um. Would you excuse me a moment?”

“Uh, sure” she gave me an uncertain look. I walked over to Jasper who was just picking up a rusted car door.

“Hey babe, how’s it going?”

“Hug break?” I asked and Jasper’s eyebrows wrinkled, then she put the door down and wiped her hands on her pants.

“Something happen?” she glanced over at Amethyst who stiffened and then hurried off to pick up more junk.

“Amethyst asked about the fight a bit” Jasper frowned for a moment, then held out her arms. “I think she was just changing the subject because we got close to something she didn’t want to talk about” I said quietly as I leaned gratefully on Jasper’s chest. She huffed slightly and stroked my back. “Please don’t be mad at her… I was just taken a little off guard is all”

She sighed and put her gem in my hair. “I’ll try not to”

After a minute or so in her embrace I felt better. “Thanks darling” I said as I broke the hug. “Hug breaks were a great idea”

“I have lots of great ideas” she said with a smile.

“Yes you do” I pulled out a cigarette and lit it by saying ‘genius beastie’ and Jasper snickered as the pale orange lightning arced through the air. “Hey, darling?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you and Amethyst ever… hug?” she looked at me with an amused grin.

“No, babe, we don’t”

“Why not?”

“I don’t really… hug – well, I hug _you_. And Steven, Connie and Charlie, but not other people. I _wrestle_ Amethyst instead I guess”

“Do you remember… the first time we made Echo… she had a thought about Amethyst, that she needed a kiss and a cuddle?”

“Oh yeah” Jasper smiled reminiscently. “Didn’t she say it out loud?”

“That’s right, she did… What I mean is, do you think she ever got it? The kiss and cuddle?”

“Uh… no idea”

“Maybe she needs one? She looked so sad before…” I looked over at Amethyst pulling a large root out of the ground. “When we talked she sounded like she was lonely too”

“Something’s bothering her, sure. Don’t know what, but… that was what the stuff in her room was for. So she wouldn’t have to talk about it, she could just… get it out of her system anyway”

“Darling…” I looked up at her fondly. “You are such a good friend to her” Jasper blushed slightly. “You _are_ …” now she smiled at me a little embarrassedly.

“She’s fun to be around”

“I like her too” I looked over at her again. “And I really want to go over there and hug her, but I don’t think it’s me she needs a hug _from_ ”

“Maybe she just needs _a_ hug?”

“But does she _want_ one?” I pondered aloud. Jasper chuckled at me.

“Go find out” she stroked my back slowly. “I think… I should go pick up that mess over there” she pointed to a half buried car under a bunch of fallen saplings. I gave her a grin, knowing she was removing herself slightly out of respect for Amethyst. I stubbed out my cigarette and walked over to the purple gem. She looked up at me apprehensively, but relaxed a bit when she saw I was smiling at her.

“You… ok there, E?” she asked tentatively.

“I’m OK… Do you want to… hug?”

“Uh…” she glanced over at Jasper. Then in a voice that sounded both a little uncertain and amused, she said; “Sure, E, I’ll hug ya”

We embraced each other. The top of her head was on a level with my collarbones, so her massive amount of hair was in my face. It felt different from Jaspers, a little less dense maybe, but still impossibly soft. She smelled nice too, a kind of subtle sweet and earthy, like an unripened melon.

“I have a big mouth sometimes… sorry” she said as she relaxed.

“It’s OK, I was just taken a little off guard…” I decided she was the one who had to choose to break the hug and just stood there, breathing deeply. It was a nice hug… After a long moment, she drew in a breath to say something, but before she could get it out there was an indignant little noise from over to my left.

“Opff! You should be working, not _hugging_!” Peridot’s voice was petulant. Amethyst stiffened and I felt her swallow before she stepped back from me slowly, her lips pursed in disapproval. Her arms folded protectively across her chest and she half turned away from the green gem.

“Peridot, take it easy” I said with a frown. “We were just taking a little break”

“Break? You’ve hardly even cleared half this sector!” she pointed to the different piles.

“That’s stuff that’s been sorted, see – that’s compost, that’s plastic, that’s metal, and that’s the random shit pile. We thought maybe you’d want to use something we found…”

Peridot frowned at me, then her face relaxed slightly and she cleared her throat. “Well. Carry on then” she glanced at Amethyst’s back and her little fist clenched. “I like your organizational pattern, keep doing that!” she screeched and then spun on her heel and stomped off. My eyes had widened at her sudden outburst – the words she had said and the way it had been delivered clashed in my mind.

“ _Gudars skymning_ … is she always so… um” what word would best describe this? “T-tightly wound?” I tried. Amethyst huffed.

“Yeah… Right little powder keg, our Peri…” she grumbled, then stooped to pick up half a coffee mug and threw it onto the random pile. “Better get back to it…”

I looked after the green gem. Something must have happened between them, and neither of them seemed the kind of people to talk openly about their feelings – well, willingly. Peridot’s little moment at Rose’s sanctuary was the result of being pushed, or at least that’s what I figured.  And Jasper had told me she had provoked Amethyst to get her to vent _without_ having to talk about it. I decided I’d just say one thing and then leave it.

“Hey, Amethyst…”

“What?”

“If you ever want to talk…” I smiled at her faintly and her face relaxed a bit, then she looked away from me.

“Yeah, thanks…” she said quietly. I wasn’t sure if she believed me. A part of me ached to go hug her again, but I had decided that that was it. If she wanted to talk, she knew, or had at least heard, that she could talk to me. I started walking over to a patch we hadn’t yet covered and bent down to pick up a water damaged book. If it got to dry, maybe it could still be read? I brushed the wet mud off the cover. It was called ‘Pretty Hairstylist’. Maybe not something to keep then. I put it down as the start of my new random pile. After about twenty minutes or so I felt the need to go to the bathroom. I was pretty sure the barn didn’t have one, so I headed into the trees and squatted down behind a thick patch of brambles. A blackbird hopped out of a hole in a tree and settled on a nearby branch to look at me with a beady eye.

“Perv” I sniggered as I pulled my shorts up – the bird flew off with a tweet. I made my way back to the back of the barn and found Jasper and Amethyst as Purple Puma having a bit of a wrestle. I smiled at the sight. Maybe Jasper had seen Amethyst needed some TLC. It really was cute that that’s how they expressed their affection.

“Who’s winning?” I asked with a smile as they rolled past me in a cloud of dust. Amethyst let out a laugh and caught Jasper in a headlock.

“I am” Jasper said and gave me a crooked grin.

“Who’s got who in a headlock, huh?” Amethyst huffed.

“Not for long” Jasper growled, then threw Amethyst over her shoulder and pinned her with her arm behind her back. “Hah, what do you say, runt?” Amethyst panted a moment and strained to get free, then gave up.

“Prime’s got nothing on this Beta” she grunted in a sing-song voice and Jasper released her arm immediately. Amethyst stood up and returned to her normal shape, brushing herself off with a grin.

“Where’d you go, babe?” Jasper asked as she brushed herself down too.

“Just needed to pee” I giggled and stood on tip toe to remove a twig from her hair.

“How about a kiss for the winner?” she grinned crookedly at me. Our lips met and Amethyst groaned beside us. Jasper glanced at her and then back at me as we broke apart, then gave me a wink. “Think we’re about ready to move on to the next section now. Race you!” she stepped away from me and turned into a large spinning Sonic like thing, then shot off. Amethyst laughed and copied her, dashing after her and knocking her to the side. I smiled to myself. If I didn’t know any better I’d say they were like siblings. But maybe they were, in a way. Same mother planet, different Kindergartens. Sisters… I let out a sigh that had a bit of dark in it, but it was mostly pale yellow.

As I went to follow them I felt a cold burning sensation in my lower right abdomen. Fuck… Was it time for ovulation already? I pulled out my phone as I rubbed the aching spot and the pain subsided. Yep. Bout time… Crap. I reached into my EDC and took a few painkillers, then patted the bag as I buckled it shut. It had been a very good investment. But… with ovulation came something else, didn’t it? I knew you could get pregnant at any time of the month, but the likelihood of conceiving was better at ovulation. I felt a tiny tingle of happiness inside and the image of the little white and brown haired toddler flashed across my mind. Was it too early in the relationship to start trying? I should bring it up with Jasper later, when we were alone.

At around midday Steven warped back to the house and returned a few minutes later with a large stack of steaming pizza boxes.

“Lunch break!” he called happily and we all gathered at the front of the barn. They had set up an improvised eating area by dragging two logs close together and put a door on two wooden crates as a table. I was ravenous and found my garlic tuna pizza quickly. I sat nestled between Jasper and Amethyst who both ate with gusto. Garnet had a slice, as did Peridot. Pearl sat next to Steven and politely declined when he offered her some.

“Mmph!” I hummed as I remembered Echo’s request, I waved my hand in front of my face as I chewed. This was a great opportunity to show them, since they were all here. “Darling, Echo’s video” I looked up at her.

“Oh yeah” she said with her mouth full. She wiped her hand on her pants before reaching into her pocket and taking out her tablet. She tapped at it, then paused. “Should we show the whole thing or just the last bit?”

“Skip to the end, please”

“What are you talking about?” Steven asked with a broadening grin, leaning forwards playfully. Jasper smiled at him.

“Echo has a message for you. All of you”

“Really?” Steven asked excitedly.

“Echo has a message… for us?” Pearl’s eyebrows rose in surprise and Garnet grinned widely. Peridot looked a bit doubtful. Jasper nodded and held out the tablet to Steven. He took it and the other gems crowded around him. Echo’s beautiful voice started to flow from the speaker.

_“Hello everyone. I have a request… I would quite like to meet other fusions, to talk – Garnet, I would love if you and I could have a conversation… And I’m so curious to meet Opal and what was it… Stevonnie? And the others too. Is that something you would be interested in? Please let Jasper and Erica know. Hope to see you soon”_

“A fusion playdate!” Steven said with stars in his eyes. Pearl’s hand had risen to her mouth, her cheeks a bit flushed, but she was smiling faintly. Garnet grinned even broader than before. Amethyst gave Pearl a dig in the ribs.

“How ‘bout it, P? Wanna take Opal for a spin?” as Pearl sputtered slightly my eyes were drawn to Peridot. She had taken a step away from the others and looked quite forlorn. When she noticed me looking she blushed, then pursed her lips and sat down next to Garnet.

“Stevonnie would love to meet Echo!” Steven exclaimed happily. “When was she thinking??”

“She didn’t give us a date” Jasper chuckled. “She wanted to know if you were interested in meeting”

“Yes, oh, I’m gonna text Connie right now!” Steven handed the tablet back to Jasper and took out his phone.

“Ahem, uh, well, _forming_ Opal…” Pearl began, but Amethyst interrupted her.

“I wonder who’s taller, Opal or Echo? Oh, what’s Echo´s weapon like?”

“Weapon?” I turned to look at Amethyst.

“Yeah, like your gem weapon. My whip and Pearl’s spear becomes a bow. But, you don’t have a gem weapon, do you?”

“Uh… don’t think so?” I said uncertainly.

“Echo’s got Erica’s vocal powers, but amplified” Jasper said proudly. “She hasn’t summoned my helmet yet. Hasn’t needed to” she leaned back cockily.

“Pff… I bet Opal could take Echo in a fight” Amethyst said with a smirk.

“Noo, not _fighting_ ” Steven pleaded. “Echo wanted to talk”

“I’d gladly have a conversation with her” Garnet said with a nod. I felt my ears burn with happiness. “And I’m sure she and Sardonyx could have all sorts of fun together” she patted Pearl on the shoulder and the pale gem smiled hesitantly.

“Hey, what about Sugilite? Don’t forget the big purple boss! She’s _definitely_ taller than Echo”

“Mmm…” Garnet hummed uncertainly. “She _did_ behave last time…”

“Aww yissss!” Amethyst pumped her arm in celebration. “Bigger, better!”

“Hmhm” Pearl trilled and made a twirling hand gesture. “I’m sure Sardonyx would very much like to pick Echo´s brain – she’s _very_ inquisitive”

“And a bit of a show off” Amethyst sniggered and gave Pearl’s shoulder a playful push. I looked around at all of them with a broad smile.

“Echo’s going to be so happy” I said excitedly, grabbing Jasper’s arm. A few bright butterflies appeared and Jasper watched them for a moment before meeting my gaze with a warm, crooked smile.

“Yeah, she is” she said quietly.

“This is going to be so much fun!” Steven cheered.

“Yes, I’m sure you’ll _all_ have a _marvelous_ time” Peridot said sarcastically. “Now can we get back to _work_?”

“Peridot, we’re not done eating yet” Steven smiled at her. “Would you like another slice of pizza?”

“ _No_ thank you” she huffed and stood up. “ _I’m_ going to go keep working” she stalked off into the barn. Steven watched her go with a concerned look on his face.

“Is… Peridot alright?”

“I think she’s anxious to move back in” Pearl said and patted him on the shoulder.

Amethyst huffed and flicked her hair. “More like she can’t stand it when other people have fun” her voice was uncharacteristically cold.

“Amethyst…” Garnet said warningly.

“We agreed we were going to make more of an effort with her” Pearl looked at Amethyst disapprovingly.

“Whatever…” Amethyst said sulkily, sitting down next to me again and crossing both her arms and legs. Tense silence stretched for a moment.

“So um… What’s Sugilite, that’s her name right? What’s she like?” I asked Amethyst as casually as I could. She didn’t answer.

“She’s really cool” Steven said, filling the silence. “Like, super tall, _huge_! And she’s got four arms, and five eyes!”

“Five?” unbidden an image of Shelob from Lord of the Rings appeared in my mind. Out of all his many monsters, I had always found her the most disgusting. I’d much rather face Sauron himself, given the choice.

“Yeah, and _fangs_!”

“Fangs?” Jasper smirked down at me and rubbed her shoulder where I had bitten her yesterday – that summoned a _much_ better mental picture than Shelob. I felt my ears heat up.

“And a flail” Amethyst supplied a bit reluctantly.

“Branched or single?” I asked interestedly.

“Single” she said, unfolding her arms. “But it’s huge”

“Like the Lich King’s flail?” Jasper asked.

“’Lich King’?” Pearl’s eyebrows creased.

“It’s from Lord of the Rings” Jasper explained with a smile.

“Oh you are such a _nerd_!” Amethyst burst out. “You’ve _completely_ ruined her, E”

“ _Auta miqula orqu_ , you little shit” Jasper chuckled and pushed Amethyst off the log behind my back.

“You wanna go again, limp stem?” Amethyst said as she got to her feet.

“ _Language_ , please!” Pearl gasped and put her hands over Steven’s ears. Her cheeks had gone bright blue.

“After lunch, _Ai' atar_ ” Jasper smirked and took another slice of pizza as I burst out laughing.

“What did she call me?” Amethyst looked at me.

“First she told you to go kiss an orc. And, hah – _Ai’ atar_ means ‘little father’ – it’s a sweet thing to call an adult male dwarf!” I laughed some more.

“Adult male…?” then the penny dropped for Amethyst. “Oh, _fuck_ you!” she said with a huge smile.

“Amethyst!” Pearl barked.

The purple gem leant in close and asked me in a whisper; “Hey, E, what’s the word for huge nerd?”

I cleared my throat and threw a glance at Jasper before saying; “ _Beleger*_ ”

“Hey, Ass-per, you’re a _Beleger_ ” Amethyst said cockily and it was Jasper’s turn to laugh. She looked at me fondly, then responded;

“Yup, sure am”

“If you’re _quite_ done with the insults” Pearl glared between the two of them before uncovering Steven’s ears.

“For now” Amethyst sniggered and helped herself to more pizza.

When I was finished eating I leaned back and lit a smoke with a giggled ‘ _Beleger_ ’. Pearl stared at me with raised eyebrows, as did Steven.

“Whoa!” he breathed. “I didn’t know you could do that!”

“Me neither” Pearl said, sounding pleasantly surprised. “You and I need to have a private session soon, Erica”

“Oh, yes, I’d love to” I said with a bright smile. It had been a while now. Pearl’s eyes lingered on mine for a moment. I got the feeling there was something she wanted to talk to me about. A little spasm of dread twisted in my chest.  

When we were done with lunch Jasper and Amethyst sauntered over to our next area. Their boisterous laughs floated toward me on the wind. I got to my feet slowly and helped Pearl clean up a bit as Steven and Garnet went to join Peridot in the barn. My stomach seared icily again and I rubbed at it with a grimace, a few red sparks left me.

“Too much pizza?” Pearl asked with a half worried smile.

“No, just… um… things” I said uncertainly.

“Oh” she stopped folding the pizza boxes and her cheeks went blue. “Um… Erica?”

“Yes, Pearl?”

“H-how… are you?” she looked at me with slightly concerned eyes. I felt a surge of sadness well up inside.

“Um, I – “ I stopped when I saw the puff of dark purple, red and black leave me. Pearl’s eyes focused on it.

“Oh…” then her gaze met mine.

“Pearl, I don’t… really want to talk about it… today. I was kind of hoping to get out of my own head for a while. Sort of… let it settle a little” the image of Victoria’s unmoving body under the planks flashed across my mind.

“Oh, I’m sorry…”

“But there is one thing” I steeled myself. “One thing you guys should know… Maybe it’s better if I show you…” I mumbled.

“What’s that?”

“If I show you a memory… can we _not_ talk too much about it afterwards? I really don’t know more than it shows, but you… should know”

“O-of course, Erica…” she stepped closer to me, looking both curious and worried. I closed my eyes a moment and the memory leapt onto my internal screen immediately. The howling wind, the cold rain… and out of it walked… Lapis… And then I was running, then slipping and then I looked down on Victoria – I breathed out and my throat tingled – that curious feeling as if the air was being sucked from my lungs filled me and I opened my eyes in surprise. A small but very dense looking cloud of purple, green and black surged and rolled as it drifted slowly toward the ground. It looked… agitated.

“This is new” Pearl said fascinatedly. “I must remember to write it down later – may I?”

“Brace yourself, I don’t know where it ends…” Pearl sat down on the ground and let the cloud fall into her hands – for a moment she held it as if it was a solid thing, but then it floated through her fingers. Her eyes snapped shut for almost a minute and I could hear her mumbling. Then she opened her eyes again and stared at the ground for a moment, taking calming breaths.

“Oh my stars…” she said slowly.

“Are you OK?”

“Yes… I’m fine”

“Did… you guys know she was here?”

“We had no idea… Why did she…” she met my gaze and fell silent.

“I don’t know why… But without her… help… Victoria might have um… died” I looked down on the ground. The little voice inside snickered. _You used to want her to die… You wished and wished so much that they **all** would just… cease to be… _ Yes… I did, I admitted. There was no point in lying to the voice, it knew the truth. _If she **had** died… Maybe Charlie could be **yours** _ – a spasm of rage surged through me. “No! That’s not what I want!” a burst of blue sparks flew from me, then my eyes widened and I clapped my hand across my mouth. Fuck, it had made me so mad I said it aloud! I glanced at Pearl – she looked spooked. My knees went suddenly weak and I sat down rather hard on to the log. I felt my chest begin to constrict.

“A-are you OK?” she asked worriedly.

“Sometimes… some crimes” I began to sing to myself, rubbing my chest. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at Pearl’s anxious face. What the voice had said, _oh_! It made me feel so disgusted. I heard Pearl take a step toward me and then she sat down on the log next to me. She put a tentative hand between my shoulder blades. Just like she had done in the desert… I finished the song quietly, then opened my eyes again and tried to calm my breath further.

“What… happened there?”

“Unpleasant… thought…” I said quietly.

“I see…” Pearl let out a sad sigh.

“Could you tell the others? About… _her_? I feel like a heel for asking, just don’t think I could deal with… everyone’s questions and or reactions. But they need to know… Gods…” I put my head in my hands and rubbed my temples.

“I’ll tell them” she said reassuringly and patted my back gently. “And I’ll ask them not to bother you with questions. I saw what happened…”

“Thanks Pearl” we fell silent for a while. Pearl’s hand moved in little circles on my back and I was very grateful for it. I tried to rid my mind of the awful feeling the voice had given me.

Quick footsteps approached and Peridot strode into view. She looked at us sternly at first, but then her expression softened.

“This is one of the times where I shouldn’t… raise my voice, right?” she asked Pearl.

“That is correct” Pearl said carefully, putting her other hand on my shoulder a little protectively.

“Alright” she cleared her throat. “Please get back to work” she put her hands behind her back and marched away. Somehow it was both touching, annoying and hilarious at the same time and I let out a slightly confused breath of mirth.

Pearl relaxed beside me. “I really thought she was going to yell at us” she said with a relieved smile.

“Yeah me too…” I rubbed my knees, wondering if they would carry me. “Maybe we should get back to it?”

“Are you OK?”

“OK enough” I gave her a thin smile, then stood up slowly. Pearl rose to her feet too and gave my shoulder a little pat.

“That word – _beleger_? It doesn’t mean huge nerd, does it?” she asked curiously.

“No, it means ‘Mighty one’” Pearl smiled appreciatively.

I walked toward Jasper and Amethyst, rubbing my smarting belly and trying not to think about what the voice had said. I knew it was just another part of me that had spoken, not like a different being or anything. A part I did not like... But it was still me. My thought. Which meant that somewhere I had had it, somewhere I wanted it. I would _give_ anything to be a bigger part of Charlie’s life, but I wouldn’t take anything from someone else to make it so. Especially not someone’s actual life… _Gods_ I felt so disgusted… Jasper appeared in my field of vision suddenly and I stopped in my tracks.

“ - you hear me?” her face looked worried.

“Sorry?”

“I was talking to you, babe” her eyebrows furrowed. “Didn’t you hear me?”

“Uh, no… sorry I was um… thinking” the cold burning sensation came back and I drew in a breath through my teeth. Jasper looked down at my hand rubbing the aching spot. “What… um, what did you say?”

“I was asking if you could take a picture of me and Amethyst on that” she pointed over her shoulder to a huge uprooted tree – Amethyst was swinging from one of the long roots and whooping. “But that can wait…” she lifted my chin and looked me in the eye. “Tell me what’s wrong”

I hesitated for a moment before answering. I didn’t want to tell her about the little voice.

“I…  just told Pearl about Lapis, to get it out of the way… I asked her not to ask me a lot of questions about it and if she could tell the others, so I wouldn’t have to… Don’t think I could um… deal with their reactions. Not today”

“Good thinking, babe. Did… she ask you questions?”

“She started to, but stopped” Jasper glanced down at my stomach again. “I’m um… ovulating…”

“That’s the thing… without the bleeding, that still hurts?” I nodded at her.

“But it’s not that bad…” she gave me a doubtful look, then put her hand on my belly, heating it slowly. I let out a sigh as the pain ebbed. I gave myself a little mental shake. I accept that I have a part that thinks the bad thoughts, I told myself. I am a good person, I treat people well – unless they’re complete bastards. And that’s OK, I’m not a saint. I am – mostly – human and there is no such thing as perfect. Except for Jasper. She is fucking perfect, isn’t she? Or as close as can be achieved. I looked up at her fondly. My caring, wonderful beastie… So thoughtful, so kind…

Jasper smiled at me warmly. “Does that feel better?”

“Much better, _Melamin_ …” I put my hand on hers and caressed her knuckles.

“Are we taking a picture or what!?” Amethyst shouted from the tree.

“Hang on a minute” Jasper said over her shoulder.

“It’s OK, beastie” I smiled at her. “Give me your tablet?”

“You sure? How’s the pain?”

“It’s gone for now” I patted her hand. “Now get up there and look pretty for your little monster” Jasper gave me an amused smirk and kissed my forehead before she handed me her tablet. Then she turned around and jumped up on the huge trunk. I took a few pictures of them posing impressively, then flipped over into video mode and recorded them messing around for a minute or so. It was really endearing.

“How are we going to move this thing?” I asked as they both jumped down a little while later. “Can you lift it darling?”

“Hmm…” we all looked at the tree. It was enormous. Probably more than a yard and a half in diameter and around forty feet long. “Might be stretching it”

“Pff… this little thing?” Amethyst said and laughed. “Come on, _Beleger_ … Give it a go!”

Jasper rubbed her hands together and cricked her neck.

“Careful, darling” I said a little worriedly.

Jasper walked up to the middle of the tree and squatted down, then rammed her hands under it and Amethyst started to chant.

“Jas-per, Jas-per, Jas-per! Woop! Woop! Oh, shit, oh _shit_!”

Jasper grunted and growled and slowly, slowly the enormous trunk started to lift off the ground. I stared in amazement, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. Sweat ran down Jasper’s face and with a ‘Thoom!’ her helmet appeared. The trunk was level with her knees and it creaked and groaned loudly. I looked down on Jasper’s shaking legs, then noticed cracks in the ground radiating from her feet. _She_ might be able to lift the tree, but could the ground support them both?

“Darliiing…” I said slowly. “I think you should put it down…” Amethyst turned to me with an affronted look on her face.

“Dude! She can do it, she _is_ doing it!”

“Yeah, I know, but the _ground_ ” I pointed at the rapidly expanding cracks.

“Oh shit! Jazzy-pee put it down!”

“What?!” Jasper grunted, red in the face.

“Put! It! Down!” Amethyst and I both shouted at her. With a grunt she let the tree go and it thudded down on the ground with an almighty crash that was far louder than I had expected. Jasper panted and leaned against the trunk with both hands, sweat dripping onto the ground.

“Are you OK, darling?” I asked as I hurried up to her, putting a hand on her trembling back.

“Give me a” she paused to draw in a huge breath. “Minute…”

“Boosh!” Amethyst danced up next to her. “That was bad _ass_ , Jayster! Too bad the ground couldn’t take it”

Jasper looked down at the cracked earth and chuckled exhaustedly. With another ‘Thoom!’ her helmet vanished.

“That was _incredible_ , darling…” I said, feeling terribly impressed.

Jasper panted hard for a while, then stood up and stretched her back with a grunt.

“Stars… that fucker’s heavy…” she said with a crooked grin. I noticed she was rubbing the part of her lower back that pained her sometimes.

“Darling, how’s your back?”

“’s fine” she grimaced and straightened up, looking over my shoulder. I turned around. 

“You should be careful, Jasper” Pearl said reproachfully. “Let’s work smart, not hard. Amethyst? Could you saw through this thing with your spin dash?”

“Yeah, probably” the purple gem said with a shrug.

“Good, alright, let’s get it into six pieces to begin with” the two of them walked off.

“How’s your back, really?” I asked worriedly.

“Hurts” Jasper grunted and sagged now that no one else was looking.

“Can I help? Where does it hurt?” Jasper pointed to her lower back. “Is it like… burning? Tension? Does it feel like something… needs to snap back into place?”

“Third option, fuck”

“Alright, um… try this” I sat down and put one leg over the other. Jasper copied me, wincing. “Then you just – twist” I felt my back crack slightly and some tension I hadn’t realized I had been carrying vanished. “Oh… that’s _sooo_ much better…” I breathed. Jasper looked at my dazed face with a slightly pained grin, then twisted herself. There was a loud series of cracks and she yowled feraly. 

“Fuuuck meeee…” she panted as her body relaxed. “ _Don’t_ let me do something like that again…”

“I’ll do my best, beastie” I smiled and patted her thigh. “It _was_ very impressive, though”

“Yeah, I know” she grinned cockily at me, then got to her feet and stretched. “Mmh! Better to keep to the little things, like cars”

Garnet and Steven joined Amethyst and Pearl by the big tree. Peridot was still over in front of the barn, tapping on her tablet. She bent to pick something up and seemed to struggle with it.

“I’ll go help Peridot” I said to Jasper as Amethyst jogged by, rolling a five foot long and three feet wide piece of the trunk like it was nothing. “More my speed over there” I pointed to Peridot.

“OK, babe” she gave me a kiss on the cheek, then cracked her knuckles impressively.

I walked over to the little green gem. She was huffing and puffing dragging what looked like a cast iron ladder through the dirt.

“Need some help?” I asked and she looked up at me.

“Yes”

We carried the heavy ladder into the barn and put it against the far back wall. I looked around in there, realizing I hadn’t actually set foot in there before. Barns, in my experience, were always full of hay or straw and I was kind of disappointed to not be enveloped by the wonderful smell they produced. There were all sorts of things in here, everything from paint cans to what looked like a propeller in a corner. Most of the stuff seemed to be mechanical or electrical in various stages of repair. The half-finished tractor stood in the center, a tool box open next to it.

“You are… were? a technician, right?” I asked as I wiped my hands on my shorts.

“Yes. And I am a certified Kindergartner” she said, patting the ladder thoughtfully, perhaps wondering if it’d look better somewhere else.

“What does that… entail?”

“We managed the Kindergartens. Made sure the injectors were functioning correctly, greeted newly emerged gems, maintained the integrity of the surrounding rock…” she let out a sigh and for a moment she looked sadly into the distance. “I was made for making gems and now I make… nothing”

I felt a little uncomfortable. Peridot and I had barely talked before and when we had it had been mostly… not very pleasant.

“Don’t you um… make merp derps?” I asked carefully.

“Meep morps”

“Sorry”

“Steven calls it ‘art’ but I like Lapis’ term better” I stiffened at the mention of the name. Shit. How would she react to Pearl telling her about Lapis helping me in the storm? She had been so upset with our fight… Finding out that your roommate might have taken you prisoner… She must have felt so betrayed… Crap. Change the subject or you’re going to have to tell her, and then she’ll get angry or worse and you can’t deal with that right now. Let Pearl do it. Pearl’s got your back in this. I took a calming breath. 

“How’s the um… tractor coming along?”

“It’s still missing some parts. Do you happen to have a three inch camshaft sprocket in your possession?”

“Uh… don’t think so, sorry”

“Hmm” she hummed as she picked up a cardboard box full of screws. “Could you hand me that leverage optimizer?”

“The what now?”

“Oh, what did Ameth…” her voice trailed off and she got a grumpy look on her face. “ _Screwdriver_ ” she growled and thrust out a hand to me. I picked up the tool and gave it to her gingerly. Jesus she switched gears quickly. Powder keg was an apt description. Peridot stomped over to the tractor and threw the box on the ground. I walked past her carefully – she was picking up some screws that had fallen out of the box and grumbling menacingly under her breath. She seemed completely absorbed in what she was doing and didn’t notice me leaving.

I let out a breath of relief as I stepped around the corner. Gods, my feelings were just all over the place today… I lit a smoke and walked slowly round the barn to the back where we had started the clean up this morning. It looked… neat now. The piles nicely organized. Maybe Peridot would find a use for some of the stuff we had found. She certainly had a lot of firewood now, even if she didn’t need it. I had no idea if she did. A mental image of the little green gem sitting by a campfire appeared in my head. Was that how it had been? She and… Lapis just… living out here, sitting by the fire at night, telling stories of the good ol’ time six thousand years ago, before the war? Or perhaps they were talking about newer things… It was so strange and oddly disturbing to think that Lapis could do something as normal as that – just sit and talk… Fuck… How did I feel about her now? It was so confusing… She had tried to kill me and Jasper – then she helped me save my sister. Would she have attacked if it had been me _and_ Jasper out in the storm? I winced as my ovary twinged and seared suddenly.

“Sonofabitch” I hissed, some red sparks leaping from my mouth. As I rubbed the area I realized I needed another bathroom break. I walked into the forest and hunkered down behind a large tree with a sigh. When I was on my way back I spied Amethyst over by the metal pile and I was about to say hello when I saw her look around apprehensively. I stopped in my tracks. She took something out of her pocket, then grabbed a handful of dirt and rubbed it on the object before placing it on the pile and walking away hurriedly. What the hell? Immensely curious I slunk over to the pile and picked up the thing she had just put down. It was a toothed wheel, like a spiky cogwheel, about three inches in diameter. Oh. _Ooh_ … I put it back down and smiled, shaking my head and looking after Amethyst. Gods, what must be going on between them? They were both mad at each other and they bickered and sulked, but then Amethyst still does something like this? It was the part Peridot had mentioned to me a little while ago. A cam sprocket or whatever. I think they were for putting chains on, like a bike chain, to drive something forward. Amethyst obviously wanted her to have it, but didn’t want to give it to her in person… I decided to leave it alone, even though I was very curious to find out what had happened. Instead I went to a new sector and began to sort the not so heavy stuff.

When they were done with the huge tree Amethyst and Jasper joined me and we cleared the sector and moved on to the next.

At around five I took a water break and had an apple to hold me over until dinner. There was a handy log around the corner of the barn. My belly was troubling me quite a bit and I took some more painkillers. For a few hours my mind had been clear as I focused on sorting and carrying. As I sat on the log however a memory came floating back to me. It had been one of those little daytrips we took with dad sometimes. We had gone fishing by a lake and me and Victoria had had our little collapsible fishing poles. It had been so nice to just sit on a log, just like where I was now, and stare out onto the lake in silence. I remembered imagining what sort of creatures lived in there – everything from mermaids to water dragons. I don’t think we actually caught any fish that day. It was just… _nice_ … And peaceful. When we were getting into the car to drive home I had felt so _sad_. Because I knew it would be months until we would be able to do this again. Months of not being able to wear comfortable clothes, of sniping and nasty words, pushing and pinching, noise and clamor and so many, many hidden tears… That’s when I decided I would tell dad how it was when he was away. ‘ _–  you went and **lied** to him about how mom was when he wasn’t around – **you** were the problem – _ ’, Victoria’s words echoed in my head. The hateful tone sparked a wave of anguish and I quite lost my breath for a moment. The tears came fast and I put my head in my hands to steady myself. Oh, it _hurt_ … Even so many years later my father’s betrayal still _ached_ … It would have been way less painful to have been hit for some other reason – for breaking some crazy rule – sure the blow would still be a blow, but the emotional part of it was so much bigger and heavier than that… He went to my mother and told her what I had said. Then she hit me. And nothing changed. Dad still didn’t see… He could have stopped it… He could have done something… He could have _trusted_ me…

After a while the wave passed and the memories crept back into the cracks in my soul. I wiped my cheeks and blew my nose on my handkerchief, feeling a bit silly now that it was over. I told myself I wasn’t and that it was OK to cry. I didn’t have to be ashamed of it anymore, no one was going to punish me for it. Or laugh. Feel the things, feel it all – let it wash over you, you will not drown… You always come back. You always resurface – now _breathe_ …

“Breathe…” I sighed hoarsely, then took deep breaths until the world came into focus again. I lit a cigarette with slightly shaking hands, then wrung them together to try to get rid of the trembling. I accept the fact that this is happening, I told myself. I accept that the fight with Victoria dredged up a lot of old stuff. It is the past and it will remain the past. It’s not like that now. You don’t ever have to go back to that house. Now, you get to go home with the most beautiful person you’ve ever met. And she’s making cheese burgers and potato wedges with garlic sauce for dinner. You are very lucky. _Extremely_ lucky. But it’s still OK to be sad. And you can be sad around her. She holds you. Hugs you. Kisses you. She loves you, despite… or maybe because of your past. It made you _you_. The person worthy of _her_ love. That is more than enough… I sat up straighter, wincing only slightly as my ovaries protested. I finished my cigarette and then stood up slowly to avoid a head rush, then dusted myself off. I walked back around the corner to find Jasper and Amethyst had moved on to the next sector. As I approached them, Jasper looked up with a grin that faltered a little when she saw me. Crap.

“Honey?” she put down the trunk she was carrying and walked up to me.

“I’m OK” I said hoarsely. Amethyst looked up from what she was doing, then sauntered away. “But I wouldn’t mind a hug” I smiled up at her weakly. Jasper enveloped me in her arms quickly, looking worried.

“What happened?”

“Just… memories” I mumbled against her chest. “Had a bit of a cry”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“There wasn’t time, it just… pounced on me. But it’s OK, I’m OK…” I let out a long sigh and relaxed against her. I felt her shoulders drop when her tension disappeared and she stroked my back slowly. After a minute I broke the hug and looked up into her slightly less worried face. “Thank you, darling”

“You’re welcome, babe” she smiled a little uncertainly. “How’s the pain?” her eyes flicked down to my stomach and then back up.

“Annoying more than anything” I said but she didn’t look convinced. “It’s not as bad as the one I let you feel…”

“Well thank the stars for that” she let out a faint chuckle. “Still…” her hand moved onto my belly and warmed me. The pain fled and I let out a little sigh of relief – this made her smile more confidently. “We should be getting home soon”

“Yes, that’d be nice… I’m so looking forward to a shower… And _dinner_ ” I patted her arm. “How’s your back?”

She threw an eye over her shoulder – Amethyst was out of earshot. “Bit sore”

“I could give you a massage when we get home” Jasper’s face lit up.

“Babe, that’d be _great_ ” she leant down to kiss my lips and then my forehead. “Fuck I can’t be arsed to do anymore heavy lifting today” she said and rolled her shoulders. “We’ve been at it since this morning – let’s just call it a day”

“I’d love that”

We strode over to Amethyst hand in hand.

“We’re calling it” Jasper said to her.

“Alright! I’m so done with this biz” she dropped the tire she was holding and dusted her hands off. We walked to the others and said goodbye. Peridot grumbled at first, but Garnet said this was good enough for today. We warped back to Steven’s house and Jasper and I headed home. As we walked through the sand I took out my phone and called the landlord to ask about the cat flap. She said there was an old garden door with a flap in it in storage and she would be by tomorrow morning to replace it.

When we got home we went upstairs and had a long shower together.

“Oh my gods…” I sighed as I stepped into the warm spray. Jasper joined me in the shower stall and sat down with her back against the wall, but I remained standing for now.

“Stars…” she groaned and rubbed her shoulders. “I think I might have overdone it a bit…”

“Your shoulders hurt too?” I asked with concern.

“ _Most_ of me hurts…” she gave me a little embarrassed grin.

“Darling…” I put my hands on her shoulders and she looked up at me. When she was sitting down her gem was just above my belly button. “You should have said something… Now I’m going to have to rub you all over – oh, how terrible for me” I smiled at her and she grinned back. I moved behind her and started to rub her shoulders. They were quite tense but loosened up rather quickly. When we had washed ourselves clean we exited the shower and went downstairs and made dinner together which we ate at the kitchen table. It was divine, as always and I burped very happily afterwards. After I had done the dishes I went into the living room.

“Want to watch something while I massage your back?” I asked and Jasper raised an eyebrow.

“Sure, honey”

I put the laptop on the bed and she lay down on her stomach.

“Is it OK if I sit on your tush?” I patted her bum with a smile, making her chuckle.

“Go for it babe” I climbed on top of her as she started the next episode of Battlestar Galactica. I began to warm up her muscles and locate the problem areas. “Ohh, fuck, right there” Jasper hissed as I found a very tense knot.

“Want me to go soft or hard?”

“Soft, definitely soft” she said quickly.

“Alright… how’s this?”

“Oh, bit slower… Mmmf…”

I massaged her for a good twenty minutes before the muscle relaxed. As it did she let out a huge sigh of relief.

“Babe… I fucking _love_ you…” she said in a muffled voice. I sniggered and let my hands rest a moment.

“Love you too, beastie…” I had been wiggling around on her butt and was feeling quite aroused. “Hey darling?”

“Mhmm?”

“Can I… play with Kara?”

Jasper lifted her head and half turned to face me with a huge grin. “I have no objections whatsoever to that” she chuckled and paused the episode, then rolled onto her back.

“No, don’t pause it… Let it play in the background…” I smiled at her and felt myself blush. “I just want to… play around with her, no pressure kind of thing…”

Jasper raised an amused eyebrow. “Alright” she resumed the episode and propped herself up on some pillows so she could see.

I began to caress her on the outside of her pants, trailing Kara’s outline with my fingers. Just slowly, lightly. She squirmed under the cloth. After a few minutes I unzipped her pants and Kara wriggled free. I looked at her, took in the beauty of how she curved on her own, caressing Jasper’s belly. I held out my finger and she wrapped around it eagerly, then moved up past my knuckle and into my palm. I folded my fingers around her and squeezed gently, pulling her out to her full extent. She didn’t stay that way for very long and after a few seconds she started caressing Jasper’s abs again. I lay down with my head on Jasper’s belly so I could see better. I ran a finger from the base all the way to the tip and back down again very, very slowly. I could feel her pulse and saw her swell slightly as my warm breath flowed over her. Jasper let out a little grunt of pleasure.

“Having fun?” she asked huskily.

“Mhmm…” I hummed. I ran my hand through her pubes and pulled at them slightly, then let my hand push Kara upright. There was such a heaviness to her, I thought to myself. I ran my hand up and down her lower half slowly for a while, the tip waving and squirming happily. “She’s so flexible…” I mused. I pulled her gently in all different directions, watching her move back to her starting position. I moved a little closer and she responded by trying to reach my lips. I moved closer still and her very tip brushed my lower lip. I saw a tremble run through her then and smiled. “Hello gorgeous…” I whispered, then I was rocked slightly as Jasper chuckled. I moved back a smidge and could see her skin begin to glisten – did the liquid emanate from the skin itself? The secretion built up slowly as I breathed on her and she seemed to swell further. Soon I could see the pulse beating through the soft skin. I leaned in half an inch and Kara reached for my mouth again. I felt Jaspers stomach muscles contract and she gave a little grunt – then Kara stroked my lips almost like she was applying lipstick. It was incredibly sensual – I took a quick breath and she trembled against my skin. I moved in another half inch, parting my lips to give her the tiniest kiss, she responded with a happy twitch. My nostrils almost burned with her scent, _gods_ it was arousing… I parted my lips further and timidly licked her tip – Jasper gasped. She slid onto my tongue slowly, then looped down and caressed the underside. I felt my cheeks burning with heat as she went a little deeper, now sweeping over my tongue in a lazy, warm wave. Before I had met Jasper I had no idea that my mouth was so sensitive, but _oh_ how I was learning now… I made quiet humming noises, enjoying her little trembling responses. I heard the episode end and the credits rolled to the outro. Then there was only Jasper’s heavy breath and occasional moan.  

“Babe…” Jasper panted from behind me.

“Mmmh?”

“I don’t know how much longer I can… ah… hold on…” a thrill of excitement leapt in my belly, as did a cold pinch. I released Kara slowly, not wanting to break the slow rhythm.

“Don’t hold back, darling…” I whispered, my hand caressing her upper thigh softly. She shuddered under my touch and I parted my lips again, welcoming Kara back inside with a gentle press up against the roof of my mouth. She was throbbing now and I heard Jasper’s ramp up breaths – long and slow and utterly relaxed this time. I didn’t change a thing, just kept on caressing her lovingly. After a sensual stuttering gasp from Jasper Kara stiffened momentarily and then trembled and writhed in ecstasy against my tongue. My mouth was flooded with her sweet release and I swallowed it slowly, still suckling her gently. I let out little moans of my own pleasure as Jasper’s stomach tensed and shook. Another wave of liquid spilled into my mouth and I swallowed again, breathing heavily through my nose and digging my nails into Jasper’s thigh. This made her hiss out a breath through her teeth and a large warm and trembling hand landed carefully on my shoulder.

“Nnngh” she grunted and Kara spasmed again, producing a third wave of sweetness. Then her body relaxed and her chest rose up and down quickly. I lifted my head slightly, still with the tip between my lips, so that my neck was spared the jostling. After a few seconds I let her go and she fell onto Jasper’s stomach, stirring rather feebly. I smiled at this and turned to look up at Jasper’s face. She looked dazed and her gem was glowing dully.

“B-babe…” she panted happily.

“Mmmyes?” I hummed sultrily, wiping a stray droplet of her juice from the corner of my mouth with my index finger.

“Ssssa-h nghat…”

I sniggered and lay down on her chest. “Have I just made you lose the ability to speak coherently?” she nodded with a huge grin on her face. “Bad, _bad_ little monster” I shook my head and smiled before moving up further to kiss her wonderful lips. Her tongue caressed mine and her hands slid up my back. Our kiss went on for a long time, and when we finally broke it I looked down into her beautiful, predatory eyes.

“Wonderful, _wonderful_ little curious monster…” she said croakily, then carefully tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

“Mhm… Oh… I so need a cigarette” I sniggered, a few bright butterflies appearing. Jasper raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t want me to…?”

“I’d love it if you did, but you don’t have to”

“I want to, babe, _stars_ you have no idea how much” she said with a lustful growl.

“Cigarette first – it’ll give me a moment to calm down… Otherwise I’ll come too fast”

Jasper groaned impatiently, then bit her lip. “Hurry, will you?”

“I’ll be quick” I said with a smile, then got up. When I returned inside Jasper was lying naked on the bed. She got up when she saw me and smiled seductively.

“Why are you still wearing pants?” she asked with a purr in her voice.

“No idea” I breathed and began undressing. When they were gone I sat down on the edge of the bed. She knelt in front of me and spread my legs gently and kissed her way from my knee to my mound. As the first lick landed I let out a gasp of pleasure and lay back on the bed, letting my arms fall wherever. She chuckled into me and lifted my legs up and continued to lick me slowly, lightly …

“Stars, you’re so wet…” she growled passionately, then began to suckle my clit greedily. Her tongue flicked it from time to time but mostly it was just gloriously slow, gentle, loving sucking. She moaned and slurped and soon I hit that plateau of pleasure, complete putty in her hands.

“Mmmmnnhh – beastie – ohh – !” I whined as I began to tremble, this made her snort lustfully and speed up. An icy pinch in the middle of all this pleasure made me twitch and gasp. “Ah! Ow!”

Jasper stopped and looked up, panting. “Wha-huh?”

“Hands, hands” I groaned and patted my lower abdomen. She put both her hands there, then looked at me again. “W-warm”

“Oh” she breathed and heat spread through me.

“K-keep… keep going” I begged.

“You sure?”

“Mhmm” I nodded emphatically and she leaned forward again, resuming her wonderful caresses. A minute later the wave struck and I growled out streams of gold and pink, with a hint of red. She soothed me down form my peak, gently rubbing my belly at the same time. My legs trembled against her arms and I panted heavily. Jasper kept her eyes on my face and softened her licks further.

She paused for a moment to ask; “Are you OK, honey?”

“Yeah… fuck… I was so not expecting that… oh, ow, ow gods, come _on_ …” I winced and groaned as the pain returned sharply. Jasper’s heat intensified and it was quite strange to see her look up from my vagina with a concerned expression on her face. Slowly she stopped licking and kissed my mound before resting her chin on it.

“Babe…” she sounded worried.

“I’m OK, darling” I panted and stroked her knuckles. “It’s going away again…” she got up, but still kept one hand on my belly, then lay down next to me, Kara curling around my right leg that was still upright. She kissed my shoulder, neck, cheek and then my lips.

“You scared me” she whispered.

“What? I’m sorry, darling – how?”

“I thought I must have hurt you”

“Oh, sweetheart, no, no, no…” I lifted her chin so she’d look at me. “My ovaries just have really bad timing is all” I tried to sound as reassuring as I could in my post-orgasm state. Jasper relaxed against me and let out a long sigh and Kara slid down to rest on my mound. I snuggled in closer to her and she wrapped her other arm around me. “You are so wonderful, beastie…” I whispered against her chest.

“So are you, little monster…” she chuckled and Kara squirmed and slipped down between my lips, making me let out a little noise of surprise. “Oops” Jasper said apologetically and moved her hand from my belly to relocate her, but I grabbed her thumb before she could do so.

“Leave her there…” I said with a little smile, feeling my cheeks flush.

“Alright” she grinned. “She um… might go exploring”

“Then let her… explore…” I murmured and kissed her chest. “Just… keep your hand where it is, just in case?”

“Sure, babe…” she looked down at me. “It won’t… hurt, right? If she goes… inside now?”

“ _She_ won’t cause me any pain, darling… Sometimes it even feels better than usual to… be penetrated during ovulation. I think it’s some evolutionary thing. Make it more pleasant to mate at a time when it’s more likely to get pregnant – oh” Kara had just slid up over my clit for a moment before lowering to my opening.

“More likely to get pregnant?”

“Mhmm” I mumbled as she circled my entrance carefully. “Fertilization happens as the egg travels to the uterus, and then… then… oh…” the tip hand just slipped inside me.

“And then…?” she asked me huskily, kissing my neck.

“Then… the fertilized egg attaches to the wall of the… the… uterus… and grows – grows into a – ah – a baby” Jaspers hips started to move slowly. “I may be a little sore… all the way in… so be gentle – _ahn_ ” 

“Do you want me to – nnf – try?”

“Try… what?” I closed my lips around her right nipple.

“To make the – ah, _stars_ – the miss-missing ingred-ient?”

“We probably… should decide that when – when we’re not… not horny as fuck – oh!”

“Y-yeah – sounds good!” she grunted as Kara squirmed inside me. “Ah, honey, you’re holding me so tightly”

“You’re s-so _thick_ – oh my gohhds…” the sensation was more intense than usual and I panted into her skin. “D-darling, I’m not sore – could you go a little – fuck – little deeper?” she grunted lustfully in response and I gasped as she grazed my deep spot. “Oh my fucking gods – _yes_ “

“I love being inside you like this” she panted. Over the next ten or fifteen minutes we kept the speed and intensity low. It was incredibly sensual and I felt so _close_ to her. My voice rose in ecstasy, then a few seconds later Jasper joined me as my insides thrummed with the force of my orgasm. She trembled inside me as she flooded me with warmth. I ground against her some more, not willing to relinquish the feeling of fullness and pleasure and a second wave broke over me, quite taking my breath away. When my vision returned a dense cloud of pink and golden orange hung in the air in front of me.

“D-darling – you _have_ to try that…” I panted, pointing at it with a grin. “While you’re still inside?” she panted too and smiled before reaching up and brushing her fingers through it. A deep, lustful moan left her and to my delight she began to thrust with passion.

“Oh fuck – oh fuck – _oh fuuuck_!” a growling roar left her and her gem flashed brightly. It didn’t quite bring me a third orgasm, but holy crap if it wasn’t enjoyable anyway. She panted against me, trembling all over. “Erica… Katheryn… _Brooks_ … You are _evil_ ” she chuckled and kissed my neck passionately.

“Never said I was nice” I giggled. She shuddered further and I remembered about the laughing while she was still inside me.

“Eeeeeviilll” she groaned exhaustedly, but didn’t pull out of me. I snuggled up against her, panting against her sweating chest.

“I think we need another shower, darling” I smiled.

“In… in a minute… Let me… catch my… _breath_ …”

“There’s no rush…”

“Oh my stars…” she chuckled, I felt her chest vibrating. “It felt like I was fucking _myself_ …”

“What?”

“Your… cloud thing… your orgasm when I was… inside you – on my end I _was_ and I felt yours at the same time – oh my fucking stars…”

“Oh, shit, really?”

“ _Yes_ …”

“Oh my gods”

“ _Yes_ …”

“Fuuuuuck” I felt a bit impressed with both Jasper and myself.

“ _I_ feel like I need a cigarette now...” she sniggered and pulled me closer. “Stars… the things you do to me, little monster…”

“You wouldn’t have me any other way” I hummed and kissed her collar bone.

“True… true” she nodded. I felt a cold twisting pinch in my lower left abdomen and twitched, hissing out some red sparks. “Oaah!” Jasper yipped.

“S-sorry did they hit you? Ah… Hands please… fuck!”

“No, you just squeezed me rather um… hard” her hand was on my stomach now and she warmed it up nice and toasty. “Stars, was not expecting that… Oh… wow…”

“I’m sorry darling” I sighed as the sharp pain dulled.

“It’s OK… It didn’t hurt me, I was just surprised. And now… I can feel you… relaxing… Does it help more if I…”

I let out a little gasp as _Kara_ warmed slightly. “Oh, _darling_ … that’s _wonderful_ …” I looked up into her grinning face. We lay quite still, regaining our breath slowly. After a little while the pain vanished and I patted her hand. She gave a little grunt as she slid out of me. Her essence began to trickle out and I shivered slightly. It felt like there was… _more_ leaving me than usual and I shivered again. Jasper looked at me with a slightly raised eyebrow.

“Bit uncomfortable still?” I scooted up further on the bed so that our faces were level (and to get away from the wet spot). I leaned in to kiss her smiling lips.

“A bit. The sensation is about the same as when um… blood comes out? Out of my control, sort of thing, so my body gets a little… confused? My brain’s going ‘aaah, you’re bleeding all over the place’, but I know that’s not what’s happening” I sniggered and met her gaze, feeling my ears heat up. Jasper chuckled with surprise.

“That does sound a tad weird yes” she kissed my forehead. “I feel as if I lose control over Kara when I climax, she goes a little… crazy”

“I’ve noticed” I tittered and kissed her gem. “Mmm… I had so much fun, playing with her earlier...”

“You seemed like you were enjoying yourself” she sniggered, blushing slightly. “I certainly did…” I felt Kara twitch against my thigh. “Gonna have to re-watch that episode though, I completely lost track after a minute”

“I take that as a compliment” I smiled at her, feeling a naughty sort of pride.

“Can I ask you stuff like that, too? If I can just… play a while with Galadriel? With no pressure?”

“Of course you can, might not always say ‘yes’ but…” an image of myself lying on my stomach and reading a book swam into my mind. Jasper was in between my legs, hands on my bum and licking me from behind... I shivered pleasantly.

“What did you think of now?” she asked me with an amused and curious look.

“Mmm… just a very pleasant scenario…” I hummed.

“Oh really?” she purred. “Care to share?”

“Me on my belly, reading… You playing with me from behind, massaging my butt…” I stroked her collarbone softly. Jasper smiled and pulled me closer.

“I like that idea…” she said huskily.

“For some reason I picture myself with really red hair”

“You’ve got a very interesting hair style at the moment” she sniggered and tucked a lock behind my ear again.

“Oh I bet” I giggled. ”I really should get it cut, it’s getting so long”

“Mmm, I like it like this” she snuffled into my bed head. “Wild”

“I prefer it a bit shorter – charmingly scruffy. Short enough to never need to brush it. Not that I’m brushing it _now_ …” she grinned at me.

“Could you brush my hair after we’ve showered?” she asked a little shyly.

“Yes” I said and nodded.

We got unsteadily to our feet and meandered into the garden, me putting on one of Jasper’s hoodies and a pair of shorts and she her pants from the day and a sweatshirt. I lit a smoke by saying ‘bad little monster’, making Jasper chuckle amusedly.

When I was finished we went upstairs and got in the shower again.

“Sweet baby Jesus” I sighed as I turned the water on. “I thought I was exhausted _last_ time we were in here…” Jasper sniggered.

“Yeah, what _were_ we thinking…”

We made it quite a quick affair this time and then headed downstairs again for a bit of a snack. We had worked up a bit of an appetite after all. As we sat at the kitchen table I remembered what she had said during our extended love making session.

“Darling – the thing we agreed we should talk about when we weren’t…”

“Horny as hell?” she grinned at me crookedly.

“Yeah, that” I looked up at her tentatively. “Can we talk about it now?”

“Sure, babe”

I took a deep breath. “We both want kids, right?”

“Yes” she nodded.

“But do we want kids… now? Or, you know… at the earliest about ten months from now”

“Mmm… why not?” she gave me a warm smile and took my hand in hers. I smiled back at her, feeling a burst of happiness inside me.

“I certainly wouldn’t mind that… But there are factors we have to consider”

“Like what?”

“Like… do we need to get a bigger place? The kid is going to need a nursery and the kitchen might be a bit… small. And… I would have to quit smoking…”

“Oh?” she raised her eyebrows.

“Yeah, I mean it _is_ poison… It would hurt the baby”

“Shit, OK” she looked at me a little nervously. “There is a lot I don’t know”

“Me too… But there are loads of books and I would have to get a regular OBGYN, they’d be able to answer a bunch of questions… And there’s like… classes you can take and stuff”

“What’s an ‘o-bee-Y-N’?”

“It’s a doctor for your vagina”

“Can’t you ask Doctor Maheswaran?” I raised my eyebrows at her.

“Sure I could ask her _questions_ , but I don’t want her… all up in my lady business. We’re friends, it would be super awkward… Don’t think _she’d_ be willing to do that either” I thought for a moment. “Do you know um… _how_ to make sperm?”

“Um. No.” she admitted with a pained smile. “But I’ve made myself a digestive system, that’s pretty advanced… I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem, making the stuff. As long as I know, you know… How it all fits together. Stars… this making babies thing is complicated.”

“You have no idea, darling…” I sighed. “Maybe we should get the information first, then decide…”

“Recon, yes. It’s better to know what is coming than to be ambushed or arrive in an environment you’ve not prepared for” she nodded assertively.

I remembered something. “Maybe we should talk to Greg, like you said a while back? He’s done the whole gem human baby making thing, well, in reverse. Rose had to make a womb, she had to have learned how from somewhere…”

“So… what do we do first?”

“I think there’s a book called… ‘What to expect when you’re expecting’…” I pulled out my phone and googled it. “Ah, yes. Parker would be such a help, if you wouldn’t mind involving her, she’s great at getting stuff – even stuff you don’t know you needed, but it turns out that you really did”

“That’s fine. I like her”

“She likes you too” I smiled warmly at her. “But… the rest of the people we know, maybe we can keep it under wraps for a while, when we succeed... My grandma says it’s good to keep the news until you’re sure that the pregnancy will… go to term. Like three months I think”

“What… does that mean?” she furrowed her brow.

“There’s a thing called… miscarriage, when your body decides that it can’t or won’t keep the baby for some reason”

“So the baby… dies?”

“Yes…”

“Does the mom die too?”

“No, not unless they’re really, really unlucky – that has never happened in my family, I know that. If I’m anything like my… mother and sister” I felt a sting of sadness. “I’m sure it’ll go fine, but… I might have to get a C-section during delivery – both me and my sister were born that way, same with Charlie”

“A ‘see-section’?”

“It’s… sometimes necessary. It’s an operation. If your baby is in distress or facing the wrong way for instance – like me, Victoria and Charlie – it’s a lot safer for both the mom and baby. You um, open up the stomach from the outside and sort of… take the baby out that way” Jasper looked horrified. “This does sound rather scary, doesn’t it?” I said with an apologetic smile.

“Yep” she nodded, eyes wide.

“There are lots of things that can go wrong, but let’s not worry… Garnet told me something, when I asked if it was possible for us to have a baby together – that they would be healthy and that everything else would be fine – as long as I didn’t smoke during the pregnancy. And since she can see the future…”

“That’s a load off my mind” Jasper let out a breath and shook her head.

“I don’t mind if people know we want or are trying to have a baby – Garnet and Priyanka already know that. But for when we _do_ get pregnant – can we wait with telling them? It would just make me feel… safer”

“I’m OK with that. I can keep a secret – at least when I _know_ it’s supposed to be one” she smiled at me reassuringly.  “So – we ask Parker to get the information, get you a vagina doctor, talk to Greg and see if there are any bigger houses available?”

“Yes”

“And after that?”

“I suppose that’s when we _make_ the baby” two bright gold butterflies appeared as I giggled. Jasper leaned over the table to kiss me sweetly.

“At least we know _one_ thing we’re good at” she chuckled.  
  


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Please review!


	54. One kicked, one made up, one beheaded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some notes on updates and reasons for why there hasn't been one in a while at the end of the chapter :) Enjoy /Evilsnotbag

 

Chapter 54: One kicked, one made up, one beheaded

The next day we spent part of the morning clearing up at the barn. The tension between Amethyst and Peridot seemed to have increased over night and as soon as the last piece of garbage in our sector was sorted, Amethyst went to the warp pad. There was still work to be done, and Peridot glared after Amethyst, but Garnet told us to go with her and that they would handle the rest. Jasper and I followed Amethyst and she took us to a new place. I was finally going to see how the two of them trained 'for realsies', as Amethyst put it. We had brought a bunch of sandwiches for lunch in my backpack which Jasper was carrying over one shoulder. When the warp lights faded I looked out on a rocky landscape. The air was kind of thin, so we must be quite high up.

"Where are we?" I asked curiously.

"Dunno really. Some mountain range in Asia?" Amethyst shrugged testily and started walking along a little path. "Are we gonna go the whole way on foot? Cuz that's gonna take _hours_ …"

"Oh, right" Jasper said and scratched her head a little, looking at me thoughtfully. "I keep forgetting you can't move like we do. Would you mind… if I carried you?"

"Carry me?"

"The terrain in pretty rough ahead, we just usually jump it" I remembered the wonderful feeling of flying through the air.

"I wouldn't mind that at all, darling" I said with a smile.

"Alright, let's _go_ guys" Amethyst said impatiently and jumped away.

"Come here babe" Jasper sniggered and picked me up easily. My bum was resting in the crook of her right arm and her left was secured about my waist. I had one arm around her neck and the other held onto her shirt. "Feeling secure?"

"You'd never drop me" I said with a smile.

"No I would not" she turned her head to kiss me. "Here we go"

She bent her legs and shot off from the ground. The wind whistled in my ears and my stomach filled with happy tingles. I looked around eagerly, seeing mountain peaks and cloud filled valleys stretch out endlessly.

"Oh my gods…" I breathed out a stream of white sparks. "It's beautiful…" Jasper chuckled and looked around briefly, then focused her gaze downward as we began to fall. I let out a little squeal as my stomach did a sort of flip. The ground rushed toward us and my grip on her shirt went taut – her arm tightened around my waist in response. Jasper's feet thudded into the ground and immediately pushed off again.

"You doing OK, babe?" she asked as the wind whipped our hair. I nodded with a huge smile. "Alright, let's make a real jump next then!"

"What?" I breathed and stared at her – this wasn't a real jump?

The next time we shot off from the ground I was pressed into her shoulder from the combined speed and force of the wind. My breath was quite taken away. We were flying through the air so fast!

" _Gudars skymning_!" I giggled, giving us a tail of white and gold sparks. Jasper chuckled and gave me a little squeeze. After a few more jumps we had caught up to Amethyst. She laughed when she saw my expression.

"Fuck, E, don't waste your breath on being impressed by _this_! This isn't even our warm up!"

"Holy shit, really?" I turned to look at Jasper.

"Nah, babe… The real show starts in a minute" she said with an excited growl in her voice. After a dozen or more jumps we reached what looked like an enormous crater strewn with giant rocks. Jasper's feet landed heavily in the gray dirt and she put me down carefully on the edge of the bowl. The walls were very steep. My legs were a little bit wobbly to say the least and I grabbed onto her arm to steady myself. "You OK there, honey?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine" I sniggered, righting myself.

"You've got _the_ best hair style right now" she chuckled as she brushed my bangs away from my forehead gently. "Very dashing"

"Yeah I bet" I smiled.

"Aight, E, you should probably sit up here somewhere" Amethyst gestured to the rim of the crater. "Jazzy-pee and me usually keep down in the middle but sometimes shit goes flying"

"You mean those?" I pointed at the big hunks of rock. When I looked a bit closer at the ground I could see skid marks and cracks. A few of them were large as cars, but most were around the size of oil barrels.

"Yup" Jasper nodded. "But Amethyst's aim has improved loads, so don't worry"

"Aww shucks, Jayster" Amethyst flicked her wrist in feigned embarrassment. "Been great seeing what a big ass quartz warrior can do, lemme tell ya" she gave me a wink and leaned companionably on Jasper's thigh.

"Turns out this little shit still got what it takes, even though she's a runt" Jasper chuckled and ruffled Amethyst's hair in an affectionate sort of way. Gods, they were so _cute_ together, I thought to myself, grinning at them broadly.

"Keep your sausage fingers out of my hair, I don't know where they've been!" Amethyst half laughed and half scoffed.

"Wouldn't waste _that_ on your hair, tiny" Jasper sniggered and I felt my cheeks heat up, but couldn't help but giggle a little. But it was getting a bit too much for me.

"Heavenly ambrosia*, is it?" the purple gem griped, straightening her mane.

"Pretty much" Jasper gave me a soppy look. I didn't know if I should be flattered or embarrassed and just settled on blushing furiously.

" _Ohooo_!" Amethyst guffawed. "Guess who's just got a new _nicknaaame_?"

"Come on Amethyst, don't call me that" I said with a few multicolored sparks.

"Just kidding, E" Amethyst gave me a reassuring nudge. "It's just what we do, poke fun at each other. Let's start warming up – last one to ten laps is a shit covered maggot!" Amethyst shouted gleefully as she spun into the Sonic like thing and shot away.

"You gonna be alright here?" Jasper asked me softly.

"Yeah, darling" I smiled at her and sat down on a rock. She gave me a quick kiss on the lips and then she spun away too. Amethyst was already a quarter of the way around the crater, but Jasper was gaining on her steadily. They shot by behind me in quick succession and my hair billowed around me from their wind wake.

Heavenly ambrosia, really? I thought to myself and allowed myself a smug smirk. Would I really mind if that became my nickname? Not if Jasper used it, in private, that might be kind of fun… Then an image of Steven, Connie or Charlie – not to mention Pearl or Garnet – anyone really – asking the _reason_ for it… 'It's because her lips taste so good. _Which_ lips? Now _that_ you'll never know…' – no. Let's not.

Jasper and Amethyst zoomed past me again and again, and the race was pretty close. I whooped and cheered them on as they came within hearing distance and took a short video of one lap. On the final two they both started to play really dirty – the sound they made as they ground against each other was that of screeching metal and rending nylon. It made me wince and cover my ears as they sped past. In the end they both crossed the finish line together in a whirl of noise and dust. They reappeared in their normal shapes laughing and trying to trip each other up.

"Good warm up?" I asked with a smile.

"Yeah, pretty good" Jasper sniggered as she casually pressed Amethyst's face into the dirt. The purple gem spluttered and kicked out wildly, hitting Jasper in the groin – Jasper went a little cross-eyed and let her go, a hoarse whimper leaving her lips. She sagged to one knee.

"Darling, are you OK?" I hurried over to her – she was clutching herself with her eyes closed.

"Oops" Amethyst grimaced as she got to her feet. "Sorry Jayster"

"Darling? Oh… what can I do?" I put my hand on her shoulder. She looked like she was in a lot of pain. Was a stem as sensitive to… attacks? Like a dick? That'd be good to know, I thought to myself. A weak spot to take advantage of. Not to take advantage of _Jasper_ of course, but against home world gems perhaps…

"You could always kiss it better?" Amethyst suggested, fluttering her eyelashes innocently at me. I glared at her. "Gee, lighten up, she'll be _fine_ "

Jasper grunted and took deep breaths. "Oh, you little _shit_ … I'll get you for that" her voice was a hoarse whisper. She stood up laboriously.

"Maybe you should take a minute, darling?" I asked uncertainly, stroking her arm. She took a deep breath and removed her hand from between her legs.

"I'm OK babe" she said after a few seconds.

"Great, then let's go, shall we?"

"Tch! Get the rocks"

Amethyst jumped away with a shrug and began kicking the large rocks into the crater. I put my hand on Jasper's thigh carefully.

"Are you really OK?" I asked with concern. She let her pain show in her face. "Sweetheart…"

"Fuck, she really got me good…" she hissed and hunched over slightly. "I will be fine, just… oh my stars"

" _Is_ there something I can do?"

"No, it'll go away on its own soon…" she put her hand on my shoulder and leaned on me slightly. She had never really put any weight on me before – intentionally – but now I could feel the difference in our size. For a fraction of a second I thought my knees might buckle, but thankfully they did not. Let her lean on _you_ for once, I told myself. After ten seconds or so she let out a sigh of relief and rubbed herself a little. "Thank the stars…" she breathed.

"Better?" I asked tentatively, putting my hand on her thigh.

"Yeah, loads" she smiled down at me, then let out a little embarrassed laugh. " _Not_ how I wanted this to begin… Wanted to impress you…"

"I _am_ impressed" I said reassuringly. "The jumping, that spinning thing you did – that was great. You don't lose any points with me for getting kicked in the stem accidentally"

"No?"

"No" I shook my head and kissed her arm. "I love that you trust me to tell me when it hurts, darling"

"You coming or what?" Amethyst shouted from the middle of the crater. Jasper leant down to kiss me, then gave me a warm look.

"Thanks, babe…" she began walking into the crater and I sat down on the rock again, keeping my camera at the ready. Jasper and Amethyst seemed to have a brief conversation, then Jasper rolled her shoulders and picked up one of the huge rocks. Amethyst moved backward, then took her whip out of her gem and held up a thumb. Jasper threw the first stone in a high arch and Amethyst snatched it out of the air with a lash from her whip and flung it away. It thudded into the dirt with a deep dull sound.

"Whoa…" I breathed. The next rock came at a lower angle and Amethyst threw her whip quicker, grabbing the rock and letting it go in mid-air so that it landed neatly next to the first one. She did a little victory dance at this. The third rock spun through the air, faster than the other two. Amethyst flung that too, making it land on top of the first ones.

"Show off!" Jasper shouted gleefully.

"Bring it!" Amethyst put her hair up in a ponytail and cricked her neck. Ooh, now we're getting serious, I thought and sat up straighter. Jasper threw a rock straight at her this time, Amethyst stepped out of the way smartly, threw her whip out, caught the rock and let it use its own momentum to swing around and roll along the ground toward the stone pile. I whooped and clapped enthusiastically. Amethyst grinned at this and struck a pose.

"Let's step it up!" Jasper called, balancing a rock in either hand.

"Now we're talking!" Jasper threw the stones straight again, one after the other. Amethyst yanked the first one high into the air, stopped the second by giving the bottom a kick so that it spun in the opposite direction and half buried itself into the ground, then she jumped and pulled her whip so the first one swung down in a circle and hit the second, letting both of them roll to the pile with a mighty crash, like a giant game of croquet. "Aww yeah! How you like me now?!" Amethyst did another little dance as I clapped and whooped again. I picked up my phone to record the next throw.

"Toss 'em back this time!" Jasper called and Amethyst pulled a second whip out of her gem. Two more big rocks flew toward the purple gem and she jumped to the side and threw out both whips at the same time, catching the rocks. Using the stones' momentum again she dug her heels in and spun round and lobbed them both back at Jasper at a higher speed. Jasper caught them deftly. "Yeah, that's right, use my strength against me" she chuckled and threw them at her again. I was too busy holding the camera to clap, but I cheered them on as they began a sort of double juggling act. The two rocks flew between them and soon Jasper picked up a third, stepping up the difficulty – I have to be honest, I was sitting on tenterhooks, holding the camera tightly in slightly sweaty hands. They were _amazing_ … Amethyst leapt and twisted using her whips to their full extent – how could she have so much _control_ over a weapon like _that_? She was laughing as she spun, her wild hair streaming out behind her. Sometimes she would wrap herself in them to build up tension and then she released it all at once, making purple flames appear along the lengths of her whips. The cracking and snapping was loud and rhythmic – they had found their flow now – it was like a delicate, deadly dance – one wrong step and they would get a face full of granite. Jasper spun too, gracefully, using the same technique of letting the rocks momentum do most of the work, but with her massive arms instead of whips. They were both grunting and laughing, as if it was a game. Gods, how could they keep track of all those rocks and each other at the same time?

"Alright – finish it!" Jasper called after a few minutes. Amethyst let out a growl and a third arm grew out of her shoulder, pulling a third whip from her gem. I stared in awe as she caught all three rocks and spun them over and around, then let them all go – the giant three part bola she had created scythed through the air and caught Jasper around the middle. The kinetic force was so great it spun her on the spot as the whips wrapped themselves about her body tightly. Oh, fuck! The rocks still circled Jasper – she would be _crushed_! Then suddenly the whips vanished with a twinkle and the rocks shot off in three different directions. Jasper stumbled in a little circle before finding her balance. I looked on in silence, my hands raised to my mouth in shock.

"Good!" Jasper panted as she planted her feet.

" _Good_?! I think you mean fucking _excellent_!" Amethyst said confidently, strolling nonchalantly toward the middle of the crater. I could see her breathing hard too.

"Fine. Pretty good, then" Jasper chuckled. Amethyst burst out laughing as she turned to look at me.

"Oh-ho-ho, _shit_ – I think _she'd_ agree with me!" the purple gem pointed at me and held her stomach. Jasper looked around at me too and grinned.

"Babe… your face" she began laughing too and I realized my mouth was open. I closed it and jumped down from the rock, preparing to climb down in the crater to meet them. "Hey, babe, no – we'll come to you, stay up there" the two of them jumped over to me.

"That was – oh my _gods_!" I beamed at Amethyst. " _More_ than just _excellent_! That was _awesome_! Shit!" a stream of white and gold sparks and butterflies came with my words. I couldn't stand still and sort of vibrated on the spot. "Three whips – are you serious! Fuck, what a _finish_!"

Amethyst laughed and flicked her hair cockily. "Why thank you, Cheery-Eri. At least one of you knows how to appreciate me appropriately" Jasper chuckled and gave her shoulder a push.

"And _you_ , darling – wow – _wow_ …" I turned to Jasper, a huge grin on my face. She grinned as I put my hands on her stomach. "So just – _wow_ … Aghpffl-kuh"

"Have I made you lose the ability to speak coherently again?" she sniggered and I nodded. "Just wait until you see what _I_ can do, babe…" she grinned confidently and leant down to kiss me.

"Pff" Amethyst huffed. "There's no way you'll beat my bola – it's a _game changer_!"

"Had to let you hit me, didn't I?" Jasper smirked.

"Nah, that was a good hit, Jayster!" Amethyst argued.

"I dare say it'd be a devastating move against a lot of… less skilled fighters, but _me_ … No. At least – not at that speed. You should have spun another round – better if you'd have gone into a dash spin – now _that_ _ **would**_ have caught me"

"Fine, I'll do that next time, Ass-per" the purple gem snapped, then grinned.

"I'm thankful you didn't smash her" I piped up, looking at Amethyst.

"I knew she wouldn't" Jasper sniggered. "She loves me too much"

"Pff! I do _not_!" Amethyst huffed, blushing a dark purple.

"You do" Jasper said with a grin.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah, you do"

"No I don't!"

"You do, Amethyst" Jasper teased, giving her shoulder another push.

"Yeah OK so I do, _whatever_!" Amethyst threw up her hands before folding them across her chest. I let out a happy little squeal that made Jasper laugh heartily.

"Amethyst, I'm going to hug you now" I said and wrapped her in my arms before she could protest too much.

"Hey, get off!" she griped and squirmed, then gave up. " _Fine_ , hug me then…" she sighed.

"It's OK to hug back too" I said quietly and her arms rose to embrace me back. "You were so _amazing_ out there, oh my gods!" I let out and excited squeal as I hugged her tighter.

"Yeah… I am pretty great aren't I? And also ow, my ears" Amethyst said with a sigh.

"Don't praise her too much, babe – her head's gonna explode" Jasper chuckled.

"Hey, fuck off, can't you see we're having a moment here?" Amethyst said in a mock-angry voice.

We spent a few minutes laughing and joking around, then Jasper cracked her knuckles.

"So, what's the plan here?" Amethyst asked.

"Was thinking of working on my aerial maneuvers" Jasper answered with a smirk.

"Oh-ho, trying to impress your girl there, Jay-Z?"

"Yup" she nodded and gave me a crooked grin. I felt my ears heat up pleasantly.

"Don't hurt yourself with that – ahem – inflated _confidence_ of yours" Amethyst gave me a wink.

"Not planning to hurt myself. Going to try for five again"

Amethyst raised an eyebrow. "You sure, miss ambitious?"

"Well now I'm really curious" I said excitedly. "Aerial maneuvers?"

"Basically I just throw rocks up in the air for her and she dashes from one to the other" Amethyst waved a hand.

"It's a _bit_ more than just that – you'll see. Kiss for luck?" I stood on tip toe to kiss her and she and Amethyst headed down into the crater again. I took out my phone, holding it at the ready.

They began slowly, Amethyst throwing just one rock into the air with her whip. Jasper jumped up, spun into her Sonic thing – the dash spin I guess it was called – and launched herself off the rock at a steep angle, going much faster than before – the rock shot off in the other direction and thudded into the wall of the crater. She dropped to the ground and ran back to Amethyst.

"Let's do two" she grinned. Two rocks flew up and Jasper shot from one to the other, going faster still.

"Two again" Amethyst said warningly.

"Come on, three"

"No, let's take it _slow_ "

I frowned – if _Amethyst_ was telling her to keep the tempo down, that must mean this was something _really_ dangerous.

"Oh dear…" I breathed as I felt myself tensing up.

The rocks went flying and so did Jasper. How can she even see where she's going when she's spinning like that? For a brief and hilarious yet gross moment I imagined myself doing the same, throwing up like a pin wheel firework. _Vomit powered_ …

"Alright, three now" Amethyst said as Jasper dropped to the ground again.

"Good, give me a bit of a delay on the third"

"OK"

Woosh, woosh…. _woosh_ went the stones and Jasper set off after them. When she rocketed off the third piece of granite there was a blinding light and she left a trail of fire as she shot onto the wall of the crater. She zoomed below me at _beyond_ breakneck speed, sending off a wave of heat that made me feel like I was breathing in a sauna. She returned to her normal shape, skidding to a halt next to Amethyst, looking as smug as I'd ever seen her.

"Fine, I'll admit it. That was pretty cool – but let's keep it at three"

"For now" she threw her hair back and stretched her shoulders and neck. "Alright, same again"

One, two… three rocks flew up again and this time I was recording. As the third stone smashed into the crater wall Jasper zoomed off around the rim, giving me a wide birth, thankfully. How fast was she going? Amethyst threw the three rocks a few more times and then called for a break.

"What, I'm not tired" Jasper panted, wiping her brow.

"Well, I am" Amethyst rubbed her arms. "Gotta lift them all by myself, Jayster" she kicked a stone so that it slid a foot. "No Big J to mooch off of now"

"Fine, let's take a break" they both came up to me.

"Darling! You were fantastic!" I stood up on my rock to kiss her. "You were going so _fast_!"

Jasper chuckled, grinning smugly. "That's the point… I am a close combat fighter – I need to get in quick to take out airborne targets – especially if they have ranged weapons"

"Oh, I was wondering why"

"With this strategy I might be able to take out a whole squad of fliers in one go"

"Whoa… Like breaking in pool?" I asked in awe.

"Huh?" Jasper looked confused.

Amethyst let out a laugh. "More like a pinball machine, but yeah"

"The faster I am, the more targets I can hit before they get too far away. And home world is a stickler for routine – they'll be flying in hexagonal formation when scouting, and arrow formation when they charge. A normal squad is six gems, so I'm working my way up to six rocks. I'm at four at the moment"

"Can't you do the thing Pearl does, like Holo-Pearls? Holo-Amethysts?" I asked, turning to Amethyst.

"Nah, that's Pearl's specialty" she shrugged.

"Maybe ask Pearl to… you know… help?" I looked at both of them. Amethyst glanced at Jasper a little uncomfortably. Oh, right… They hadn't been on friendly terms before, but _now_ maybe…

"It's an idea" Jasper said thoughtfully. "It _would_ be more accurate with Holo-gems…"

"Does that mean we move on to something else?" Amethyst asked eagerly. Seemed she wasn't a big fan of the aerial maneuvers.

"No, I want to get to four _at least_ – you owe me" she pointed to her crotch.

"Guh! What's the point of throwing yourself up there like that, we've got Opal and _light cannons_ to take out flying things"

"Element of surprise. No one expects a flying _jasper_ " Jasper cracked her knuckles loudly. "And we have to be able to go beyond what we're _made_ to do, right? Isn't that the rebel way?" she nudged Amethyst with the toe of her boot.

"Yeah, I guess, but – uuugh, it's so _boring_ for me… Can't we do hand to hand instead?"

"Amethyst – we can't slack off. You don't know what the home world army is _like_ – it's nothing _but_ training. Sure you and I train almost every day, but _they_ do so all day – _every_ day. Fusing into Sugilite or Opal or whoever isn't going to be _enough_. We need versatility. Everyone needs to be able to fight on their own as well, and do so against all sorts of enemies in all sorts of situations" Jasper looked very seriously at Amethyst, her jovial tone replaced by a much harder one. "Improvising on the spot is a great thing to be able to do, but there will come a time when you need _more_ "

"Uugh, get off the soap box, I get it… But after lunch we do hand to hand, alright?"

"That's fine" Jasper relaxed. Suddenly I felt guilty I hadn't touched my spear in… how long? A week? Jesus. Every day, I told myself. Practice every day. Yes. And ask Pearl for that private session. "Let's go get the rocks so we can start again" Amethyst strolled off counter clockwise around the crater, kicking or rolling the rocks over the edge so they ended up in the middle. Jasper gave me a kiss and a reassuring warm look before setting off in the other direction.

After a few more goes at three rocks, Amethyst began throwing up four at once. The speed increase between the third and fourth stones was staggering and more often than not the fourth stone shattered as it hit the ground, throwing up great big clouds of splinters. Jasper had to make several laps to slow down after each go, carefully avoiding me as she went. I had no idea how she could steer at that speed – how could either of them see _anything_ if they were spinning around like that anyway? I recorded it all – I'm sure Jasper would like to see it later – maybe it would help her? Like a football player watching their own game. Hmm… maybe I should set up the camera to record myself when I was training too? Keep track of improvements… And Pearl could probably help me see the tiny things, like weight imbalance and such. My ovaries began to ache and I took some painkillers, leaning back on the rock and rubbing my belly slightly. Every time Jasper shot past me she seemed to be going faster – it was both frightening and exciting. I felt both proud and in awe of her. I knew she was a magical alien warrior – but _this_ … _This_ was astounding. Not to mention the sheer _stamina_ both of them possessed. Amethyst was wilting now after almost forty five minutes of throwing the rocks non-stop, but Jasper still seemed almost at full power. After another five minutes Amethyst declared lunch by just leaning back and letting herself sprawl in the dirt.

"Need… sandwiiiiicheees…" she whined. Jasper sniggered and wiped her forehead before grabbing Amethyst by the legs and jumping up to land a bit unsteadily next to me. "Gee, thanks for the lift…" Amethyst grumbled.

"You're welcome" Jasper sniggered again and we began to set up lunch. We had brought a blanket to sit on and I threw it out with a flourish. Amethyst rolled onto it with a groan.

"Can't feel my arms…"

"Too bad, no sandwiches for you then" Jasper sat down cross legged and drained a soda can in one go.

"I'm tired, not _dying_ " Amethyst sat up too and unwrapped a tin foil covered ham, cheese and pickle sandwich. "Mmm – oh – you should try ham and motor oil – they go _great_ together" she said as she bit into it. I raised my eyebrows and let out a little giggle.

"I'll take your word for it" I sat down too and poured myself a cup of coffee from the thermos. "Oh, darling – I recorded a few of your maneuvers if you want to see them later"

"That'd be great, honey. It'd be fun to see – and maybe I can work out the right trajectory with – "

"Guhh!" Amethyst interrupted with a groan. "No training talk while we're eating – it's break time"

"Fine, fine" Jasper shrugged easily and leant down to kiss my cheek. "Thanks babe"

"No problems, darling" I said with a smile. "Hey, um…" a little puff of red left me and Jasper looked at me with slight concern, then grinned and patted the blanket between her legs.

"Come here, honey…" I sat down and leaned my back against her sweaty chest, becoming enveloped in her rich musk – oh, she stank so wonderfully. One of her hands went under my hoodie and shirt and warmed my belly. I let out a grateful sigh.

"Thanks, beastie…" Amethyst gave me a rather strange look – almost sad – it was gone in half a second, then she took a soda and another sandwich, not bothering to unwrap this one.

"Hey, babe?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you want to do for your birthday?"

"Oh… right. Um… Don't know really" I felt a little surge of sadness, remembering the last time Victoria and I had shared a birthday. We had been twenty… Dad had joked that we were turning forty. "Go out to eat somewhere?"

"The sushi place?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice"

"Right, presents – fuck I was supposed to ask you yesterday" Amethyst said apologetically. "What do you want?" crap. Time for the old stand-by answer;

"Oh, you don't have to get me anything" wait for it… three, two, one –

"Of course we do, it's your birthday" I took a little pleasure in having known that was coming. "Pff, if I didn't get Steven something on _his_ birthday he'd kill me with those big puppy dog eyes of his – guilt me to death. Well, he'd have to dig me up, because both Pearl and Garnet would have killed me first. So, help a gem out here…"

"Um… I don't know… cat toys?"

"But that's for _Cake_ " Jasper said, patting my belly gently. "What do _you_ want?"

"Ugh, I'm really bad at this stuff" I said with a small frown. "Anything is fine, really"

"Come on, E" Amethyst rolled her eye. "That's such an emo thing to say. Fuck, what are you getting her, Jayster?"

"It's a secret" I looked up at Jasper's smugly grinning face.

"You got me a gift?" I asked with surprise.

"Of course, babe" she raised her eyebrows at me. I was immediately curious as to what it might be. I knew Charlie had made me something… When had Jasper had the time to get me a gift? Oh, she's _sneaky_.

"Aww… thank you, darling…" I kissed her chin, not able to reach any higher at the moment.

"Come on, E, you've got to have _some_ idea" Amethyst poked my foot with her foot.

"Um… a hoodie?" Amethyst and Jasper both sniggered. "What? I _like_ hoodies"

"Oh, everyone knows _that_ " Jasper pulled my hood up carefully, then kissed me on the top of my head.

"But clothes are good gifts – need any new panties? I know Pearl has a great eye for you know, _frills_ and things" Amethyst waggled her eyebrow at me.

"Do I really look like someone who wears _frilly_ underpants?" I asked with mild indignation.

"Mostly you don't wear any at all" Jasper sniggered and Amethyst burst out laughing.

"You going commando, E?"

"So what if I am?" I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling my cheeks heat up.

"Well if you are you just gained ten Amethyst points" she sniggered, looking slightly impressed.

"Oh yeah? And what do I get for ten Amethyst points?"

"Mmm… a donut?"

"Alright, then you owe me a donut" I said, relaxing a little. I could feel Jasper's stomach vibrate with suppressed sniggers.

"OK – so not under-panties, how about… I don't know – socks?"

"Socks are always good" I nodded, then in a burst of inspiration I added; "Nice big soft scarves too"

"OK, finally she speaks!" Amethyst toppled over backwards. "Mission accomplished!" we all laughed as she saluted horizontally.

After devouring all the sandwiches Jasper and Amethyst rested for a few minutes, then they got up again and headed back into the crater. I moved the blanket to the edge and lay down on my belly and had a cigarette. Amethyst shapeshifted into the same size and shape as Jasper and my eyes widened. Damn… Then I shook my head. They started warming up again, then began the hand to hand combat. I was impressed by how fast they both were, they ducked and leapt, blocked and feinted – mixing all sorts of martial arts with boxing and a sprinkling of wrestling thrown in for good measure. They laughed and threw the occasional insult in a good-spirited sort of way. As time wore on they became less agile and more about trying to overpower each other using raw power. Jasper was the one dominating in that game, but Amethyst was not too far behind her. I wondered briefly if Jasper was sort of faking to build Amethyst's confidence, just like she had let herself be hit by that bola thing Amethyst had thrown earlier. I told myself to ask her that later.

When they were done with their less extravagant – but none the less impressive – training, they clambered back up to the edge, both panting and sweating profusely.

"Hey, you wanna try out those hot springs we found?" Amethyst asked.

After a moment's hesitation Jasper nodded.

"What now?" I asked, assuming this meant we were going somewhere.

"There's some hot springs closer to the warp pad. We found them a few days ago but were in a bit of a hurry" I glanced at Jasper as Amethyst spoke. Had Jasper told Amethyst about being… uncomfortable in water? How was she feeling after our picnic? Jasper met my worried gaze and gave me a reassuring smile.

"Oh, that sounds wonderful" I said, relaxing.

Jasper picked me up again and we jumped away from the crater. Even though I hadn't done anything physical a dip in a nice hot spring sounded divine… Jasper stumbled a little when she landed.

"You OK darling?"

"Yeah, just tired now" she said with a slightly dazed smile.

We had stepped into a beautiful little scene – there was a big hot spring full of slightly pungent water and two smaller ones off to one side. The area was green and lush with big ferns protruding over the springs. Amethyst was ahead of us and as she walked her clothes just faded away – I stopped in my tracks, Jasper almost walking into me.

"Babe?"

"Sorry, just… suddenly she was naked" I knew the other gems went for their magic clothes, whereas Jasper seemed to prefer the human made ones of actual fabric.

"Not gonna go for a dip with clothes on, you numb skull" Amethyst half turned and gave me an amused look. Then she stepped down into the spring, sloshing water over the side. "Ohhh… that's just what this gem needs… Yeah… ohh…"

Jasper began undressing unashamedly and hung her clothes on a handy rock, then turned to look at me. "Coming?"

Being naked around Jasper was one thing – being naked when there were other people around – completely different. This is not a locker room, I told myself. You are not fourteen and chubby anymore. This is OK. They aren't going to laugh. Remember what Amethyst said – she accepts all lovers – just minds in bodies – she won't care what you look like. And you _know_ Jasper loves you and your body.

"Yeah, coming" I undressed as well, fighting the urge to shield myself as I tip toed over to Jasper.

"Careful, it's really hot" she said with a smile, holding out a hand to me. I took it and we both moved down into the spring slowly, me stepping where Jasper stepped. The water was almost scalding at first, but I got used to it quite quickly. The spring wasn't super deep – maybe five feet tops, barely reaching over Jasper's butt. She solved this problem by sitting down in a shallower part so her head was just above the surface. Vapor rose out of the water in great big see-through clouds. I found a good place to sit too.

"Ohhhmahgoohhhdssss" I mumbled as I lowered myself into the water up to my neck. A stream of little white lights, and a few red ones, left me and wafted over the surface, mixing with the vapor. Amethyst sniggered.

"I know right? Been ages since I last took a dip in one of these. Pearl is usually up for a swim, but she never liked the smell of rotten eggs. Well, she didn't mind it at all when Rose was around – yeah that's the last time we were in a hot spring, when Rose was still around… _She_ used to love it. Great big tits bobbing all over the place – hah! Maybe that's why Pearl put up with it!" she burst out laughing.

"Well, great big tits is a proven motivator" Jasper stated with a pleasant sigh. "Oh, this feels good…"

"Mhmm" I hummed in agreement. "All that's missing is a nice cool drink"

"How about a luke warm soda? Might be cool by comparison" Amethyst asked, reaching for the backpack. "Here, catch" she threw one to me and I caught it, then cracked it open and took a sip.

"Oh, that's lovely, thanks" I sighed after I had swallowed. Gods, it was so relaxing… I wiggled around on the sandy bottom, creating a more me-shaped place to sit in and leaned back against the rough stone wall. "You guys…" I began slowly. "This has been such a great day – you were so amazing, the both of you. I knew you would be but _fuck_ … The bola thing? Awesome. The aerial maneuvers? Fantastic. Your hand to hand stuff? Fucking brilliant…" Jasper and Amethyst sniggered appreciatively.

"We should bring her more often" Amethyst said, her cheeks a little darker purple. "She's got a good eye and I quite like being admired, hmmmyes _quite_ " she put her arms behind her head and grinned.

"It was really nice to have someone cheering" Jasper said with a crooked grin, moving closer to me. "My little cheer leader" she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah, that's me" I sniggered. "Rah rah sis boom rah yaaaaay quartz gems!" I waved imaginary pompoms and Amethyst burst out laughing again.

"Talking about cheering" she said when she'd calmed down. "The Beach City Underground Wrestling thing is having a tournament soon. You should join, Jayster"

"Yeah, think I might. Still have to decide on a character though" she looked at me fondly. "You said you'd help, right?"

"Of course, darling" I smiled at her.

"Got any ideas?" Amethyst asked curiously.

"She's got lots" Jasper said and bumped her shoulder against mine. "Think 'Beast master' was the last one"

"Oh yeah – Steven really liked that idea" I smiled. "He suggested them be like Purple Puma's old nemesis and is there to settle the score, or something"

"Oh, I like iiiit" Amethyst grinned. "What kind of costume you going for?"

"We haven't got that far yet" I said with a smile.

"I think I remember something about… leather armor" Jasper gave me a smug little smirk. An image of Jasper in a gladiator style outfit, complete with shoulder pads and a trident flashed across my mind.

"Gladiator…" I said breathlessly, a few orange and pink sparks flying from me and hissing out on the water.

"What?" Amethyst asked.

"Gladiator, oh-oh, _gladiator_! They had animal tamers and and and animal _fights_ in the arena – nasty brutal _horrible_ thing to do, honestly, but – such a _great_ costume…" I babbled excitedly.

"Uh, I think she's broken" Amethyst raised her eyebrow and leaned away from me.

"She's not broken, you idiot, she's just had an idea" Jasper said with a smile. "What did you think of, babe?"

"Gladiators, they were arena fighters during the Reman Empire – it was all really bloody and terrible and I think they were all sl – " I stopped myself half way through the word. "Oh, never mind"

"What?" Jasper asked, wrinkling her eyebrows.

"I'll think of something else" I said hurriedly.

"Babe, what?" she looked me straight in the eye.

"No, I was wrong I'll think of something better"

"Why are you being all weird?" Amethyst glared at me, then her eyes went unfocused. "Oh… right…" Jasper turned to look at her instead.

"What?" she inquired.

"Just tell her" Amethyst sighed, her shoulders sagging. "She's not gonna let it go, trust me, I _know_ " Jasper turned back to me.

"Um… I'm sorry, darling, I didn't think it through…" I began tentatively. "The gladiators were… slaves, forced to fight… for the entertainment of their emperor – I'm really, really sorry, I was being really careless – I wasn't trying to be mean or anything like that – that's not how I think of you – their armor is… just really cool…" I looked up at her uncertainly. She raised her eyebrows.

"Babe, calm down" she said with a tiny smile. "I know that's not how you think of me, come on. And I _have_ fought in an arena. Several arenas. For the entertainment of the Diamonds and their courts"

"Whoa, really?" Amethyst asked interestedly.

"Yeah, so it's not so far from the truth" Jasper gave me a reassuring smile. "But yeah… Maybe not the character I want to play"

"I completely understand, darling I'm so s-" I blurted wretchedly.

"Stop it" Jasper interrupted me gently. "I'm fine. It's _fine_. Let's just make another character"

"Oh, OK um… what uh… what would you like to um… play?"

"Something badass" she said and nodded decisively. "Dashing… Kind of dangerous, but… you know, in an interesting way that's… approachable but like, you have to be _cautious_ , because you have no idea what she might do" I looked at her in surprise, then a grin spread across my face. Amethyst started to laugh.

"Fuck, Jayster, where've you been hiding that idea?"

"Don't know, just came to me" she sniggered.

"Oh! How about a _bounty hunter_?" I asked excitedly. "Outside the law, stops at nothing til she gets her guy, fiercely intimidating and rugged… Sitting in a smoky bar, leather jacket, drinking scotch – no ice, playing with a switch blade…" I lifted a hand out of the water and made a sweeping motion as the picture unfolded in my mind. "A good person with a checkered past, a greedy ex left her stripped bare and now she's got nothing but her mustang, her shotgun and the open road…"

" _Fuck_ , E…" Amethyst stared at me. "Just… damn…"

"That's my bard..." Jasper hummed affectionately and placed a kiss on my cheek. "What would be her name?"

"Oh… Something that doesn't suit her, but with a _great_ nickname. Like… Imogen, or… Nigella or something for a first name, and Dawson or… Davidson, no not Davidson, uh… Carter? And for a nickname, something snappy like Rattler or Scorpio no wait, wait… Jet maybe… oh, how about _Viper_ – it's a snake – unpredictable, dangerous, powerful, _intimidating_ …"

"I like the sound of that last one" Jasper said and nodded. "Viper…"

"What'd her costume be?" Amethyst asked enthusiastically.

"Mmm… Leather jacket for sure – because then she could throw it off when it got serious. Jeans! Cowboy boots, a must… As for a shirt… oh, it should be something sentimental like an old band shirt or… Like one of those weird low quality t-shirts you get for free at places. Or maybe – oh! The logo from the company her ex used to work for! They won them at the annual picnic, years ago – she still has it to remind herself that nothing in her life is for certain, especially love…" I closed my hand dramatically and let it drop below the surface.

"Nigella _Viper_ Dawson…" Jasper said thoughtfully.

"Catch phrase!" Amethyst burst out. "What would be her catch phrase?"

"Hmm… Kiss my grits? You gonna get bit? Or just… you're coming with me, scum! Oh, money in the bank… Time to take out the trash? Time's up? Playtime's over, you're coming with me?"

"Last one, last one!" Amethyst sniggered. "Come on, Jayster, say it, and like, _glare_!"

"Playtime's over, you're coming with _me_ …" Jasper said in a deep, raspy voice that sent thrills down my spine and I shivered pleasantly, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. It made both Jasper and Amethyst laugh. "Oh, babe, mhm, yup, that's the one…" she said and wiped her eye, still chuckling.

"Nice!" Amethyst cheered, smiling broadly. "Fuck, whole backstory too"

"What's Purple Puma's backstory?" I asked interestedly.

"Well, at first he didn't have one except for like, puma's are cool. But Steven made one up for him… Let's see… He was the wildest cat in the jungle, so wild the other cats couldn't take it. So he went looking for somewhere he fit in, for other people who felt misunderstood. Puma's a Heel, but Viper sounds more like a Face"

"A what now?"

"Heels are like bad guys and Faces are good guys. Bounty hunter, that's good right? Or it could be bad too I guess. What do you say, Viper?"

"Hah, I think she sounds like a good guy" Jasper chuckled, putting her arm around me and leaning back against the wall.

"Yeah, complicated, but essentially good. Oh… I know it won't be possible in reality but… She could have a huge dog that looks really fierce and scary but is actually super cuddly and nice – he just drools a lot. Like big enough to take up the entire back seat when he's lying down. And super well trained obviously – a tracker and a guard dog, but not an attack dog. Let's Viper concentrate on driving when she's got a perp in the back seat. If the dog – oh, _Sid_ , he should be called Sid – lies down in the perp's lap she could say something like 'Don't wake him up. He gets… cranky. Just sit quietly and don't… move'" I tried to do the same voice as Jasper, but didn't come close.

"A Rottweiler, like Frank" Jasper nodded and smiled at me. "And he'd be really nice to kids"

"Oh, of course" I nodded too.

"Viper and Sid… together against the world" she slid a little further down the wall with a big contented sigh. "Mmmm, sounds good…"

"Do the other gems come to watch when you wrestle?" I asked Amethyst curiously.

"They have a few times – Steven joins me as Tiger Millionaire on occasion" she sniggered, closing her eyes. "He's _such_ a goofball!"

"Yeah?"

"He's got all these mad props he made himself, like a big cell phone out of cardboard and stuff like that – he's so _method_ about it – it's hilarious"

"Do you use any props?"

"Nah… Don't need to. I just need to kick ass" she smirked.

"What's Purple Puma's catchphrase?"

"He doesn't have one – he doesn't speak. I might be able to shapeshift to look like a guy, but I can't change my voice. It'd be a dead giveaway, so I just keep my trap shut and let my _guns_ do the talking" she kissed her biceps. "Oh fuck I'm sore"

"Me too" Jasper sighed and rolled her shoulders. "Would you feel up for rubbing my back later, babe?"

"Sure, darling, no problem"

"Ugh… What I wouldn't give for a bit of a rub down myself" Amethyst sighed, closing her eyes and leaning her head back. "Nice little nimble hands just… rubbing places"

"Whose little nimble hands? You been holding out on me?" Jasper chuckled.

Amethyst opened her eyes while her head was still leaned back. "Or big hands" she said quickly. "Medium sized hands. More than one pair – whatever's available" I exchanged a raised-eyebrow look with Jasper. Was she talking about little nimble _green_ hands perhaps? I formed a triangle with my hands when Amethyst wasn't looking, then tapped my forehead and gave Jasper a questioning look. Jasper's eyebrows rose further. "What you guys doing tonight?" Amethyst asked, raising her head again. "You know, apart from rubbing oil into each other's glistening muscles…" she added in an undertone.

"Well, that about covers it" Jasper said jovially. "And a shower. And dinner, was thinking of making a roast chicken"

"Ooh yes, with roast potatoes?" I asked, my mouth watering at the thought.

"Sure, babe" she grinned at me. "And roasted pumpkin seeds, since we'll be using the oven anyways"

I kissed her twice of the cheek and hummed; "Thank you, darling…" – pumpkin seeds was one of the top foods when it came to iron content. Wouldn't have to eat a lot of them to get my daily need – which was really too bad because they were tasty as hell, especially the way Jasper made them.

"That sounds delish, can I join?" Amethyst asked and both Jasper and I exchanged a look – she didn't seem opposed to her coming with us. I, on the other hand, was kind of looking forward to just being the two of us this evening. But… it was unusual for Amethyst to _ask_ if she could join us… She usually just assumed she could. Maybe she didn't want to go home?

"Uh… sure, Amethyst" I said with a slightly forced smile. "Oh, I should do some spear practice too, I've been neglecting it" I looked down on my hands. "Maybe we should start heading home? My fingers have gone all pruny"

"Sounds good, yeah" Amethyst nodded, looking at her hands too.

"Alright babe" Jasper gave my cheek another kiss.

I got out of the spring and then stood irresolute for a moment. No towels… Crap. I could use my t-shirt to dry myself and then put that in the backpack, yeah that'd work. I started to do so and got quite dry, but not completely. When we were all dressed Jasper picked me up again and we jumped to the warp pad. As we stepped onto it I could see Amethyst's shoulders rise. When we appeared back in Steven's house it was empty and Amethyst let out a relieved breath. Jasper and I exchanged a look over her head. She looked a little worried now. We walked home, stopping by the Big Donut to pick up some dessert and Sadie and I made plans for lunch tomorrow. When we got home we found Cake sitting on the kitchen table. She jumped down when she saw us and wound between all our legs as we removed our shoes.

"Hey there Cake-cat" Amethyst greeted Cake. "So what you been up to, eh?" she pointed to a red streak across her cheek and left ear. Jasper bent down hurriedly and picked her up.

"That's blood!" she gasped and held Cake out for me to see too. I looked at her closely, running my fingers through her fur, not finding any wounds.

"I think it's just spatter, she's probably just killed something" I said reassuringly and patted Jasper's arm as Cake head butted me affectionately.

"Um, yeah" Amethyst sniggered as she walked into the kitchen. "Look" I turned around to see what she meant and grimaced slightly as my eyes fell on the kitchen table. There was a little brown snake there.

"Well, thank you sweetie, but we don't need a snake for dinner, we were planning chicken" I scratched her chin as she stepped over to my shoulder. "Cats do this sometimes. It's sort of like a gift for us"

"But _we_ feed _her_ … Doesn't she get enough or something?" Jasper asked a little worriedly.

"She gets plenty" I smiled. "It's just what cats do. It's also how they teach their kittens to hunt. Sam used to bring me all sorts of stuff… mice mostly. Once he brought in a _sea gull_. I don't know how he managed that, but he was a big boyyyyAAAAH!" I had reached down to pick up the snake by the tail and throw it in the garbage but then it _moved_! I froze up and Cake hissed, then jumped off my shoulder to sink her teeth into the snake's neck. It writhed a second before going limp.

"Who-ho-hoa!" Amethyst said, sounding impressed. "Killer-Cake!"

"You OK babe?" Jasper put a hand on the small of my back. I stared as Cake slowly chewed the head off the snake, letting the body fall onto the table with a small 'thwp'-sound. Blood started leaking out from the severed neck.

"I'm… OK" I panted, trying to calm my racing heart. "G-good girl, Cake… Holy fuck balls that scared me… I think I need to… to sit down" I slumped down onto a chair. Jasper picked up the dead snake and threw it away, then wiped up the blood with a rag. Cake looked at her disapprovingly and began to wash herself.

"Maybe the cat flap wasn't such a good idea" Jasper mumbled.

"No, I want her to have free reign. She won't do this _every_ day… It means she considers us family, darling" I reached out for her large hand and kissed her knuckles. She looked at me and her face softened.

"OK, fine… just don't like it when you get scared" she said quietly, leaning down to kiss my forehead. "Let's go take a shower, yeah?"

"Maybe we should let Amethyst go first?" I turned to the purple gem who was rummaging in a cupboard unashamedly, emerging with a box of crackers.

"Oh thanks. I mean I usually stink, just not like _this_ " she said jokingly and sniffed her armpit. "That dip sure was nice though"

"Yeah it was" Jasper sighed. "Alright, there's clean towels on the washing machine" Amethyst went upstairs, bringing the box of crackers.

I went to get my spear and headed into the garden. Jasper came out and watched me after a minute. At first that made me very self-conscious, but she smiled at me warmly.

"Go on, little monster" she hummed. I worked up quite a sweat in the half hour or so I spent repeating the few moves and combos I knew.

"Maybe I should get like a target dummy or something, to have something to aim at" I panted as I put the butt of the spear on the ground and wiped my forehead.

"Or you could spar with me" Jasper suggested, standing up.

"You'd… You'd do that?" I asked, surprised.

"Sure, babe" she gave me a crooked grin. "But let's get you a blunt spear first. A heavier one too, then it'll be easier to use the real one and it'd build up your strength too" I looked at her with a broadening grin, feeling a rush of gratitude toward her.

"Thank you, darling – I'd really, really love that. What you said earlier made me think – about how we can't slack off… And I haven't been practicing at all in a while"

"Well, a lot's been going on" Jasper said reassuringly. "I think I saw a few likely looking metal poles at the barn this morning, maybe Peridot would be willing to give one up?"

"Don't count on it" a grumpy sounding Amethyst had appeared in the door to the kitchen. I exchanged another look with Jasper. "Shower's free" she went to sit down on the couch with her arms folded.

"You done for now, or do you want to practice some more?" Jasper asked me.

I thought about it for a moment. I had run through all the moves I knew and I was getting a bit hungry – making the chicken would take some time. "Yeah, I'm done" I put the hood back on the spear and leant it against the wall. Just as Jasper and I headed inside I heard Amethyst let out a long sigh. We went upstairs and undressed in the already humid bathroom. Jasper went to open the window, but I put a hand on her arm.

"She'll hear us" I said quietly.

"She'll hear what… exactly?" Jasper asked with a grin. I gave her a smile back, then looked her up and down.

"Well I was thinking of our conversation, but now I'm not sure" I giggled as I stepped inside the shower stall. Jasper followed me with a little growl. As I turned on the water Jasper began to kiss her way down my neck, her hands sliding down my body to rest on my hips. I felt Kara squirm against my lower back and then suddenly Jasper hissed in my ear. "What's wrong, darling?" I asked as I turned around.

"Ow, fuck" she panted, clutching at herself. I looked down – there was a red angular mark along Kara's left side – it must be from when she got kicked by Amethyst. I hadn't seen it before, when we were at the hot spring, but I hadn't exactly been staring at Jasper's crotch then.

"Oh, _darling_ …" I said sympathetically, then leant down for a better look. "Oh, that looks like it hurts, ohhh – are you OK?"

"It was fine until she started getting excited" she hissed through her teeth.

"What can I do? Do you need like an ice-pack or something?"

"That'd be good, yeah – but – ah – could you get up please?" I stood up, like she asked. "Bit hard to… concentrate on making her behave if your face is… so close" she grunted.

"I'm sorry, darling" I wrung my hands together. "We could turn the shower to cold, would that help?"

"Try, please, quickly" she panted and I reached up for the shower head and turned the temperature down, aiming it at Kara, lowering the intensity too. "Oh, that feels so much better…" Jasper sighed, reaching down to angle the stream a little differently. I watched Kara settle slowly.

"She really hurt you, didn't she?" I looked up at Jasper's face with concern, putting my free hand on her stomach. "Should… should I call Steven? Do you need to go to the sanctuary?"

"Hah, no, babe, I'll be just fine – Kara's been through worse – a _lot_ worse. She just needs a day or so to recover… sorry"

"It's OK, darling. I just want you to get better" I patted her belly reassuringly. "I think we have a cooling block in the freezer, and ice too. I'll make the chicken and you can have a rest"

"Thanks, babe" she looked at me fondly. "It's… _so_ strange… being able to tell someone when it hurts…"

"But nice, though, right?"

"Yeah, it's nice…" she smiled warmly at me and stroked my cheek. "Makes me feel… better, just by being able to say it aloud…" some pink ribbons twirled through the air as I breathed out a long sigh.

"It makes me feel… special and included when you tell me, _Melamin_ " I smiled at her.

"You get so very… care-taky of me" she blushed slightly.

"Of course, darling" I patted her belly again. "And so do you, when I'm the one in pain – I really appreciate that"

"I know" she leant down to kiss me softly, then turned the shower to warm again and put the shower head back in the holder.

"Do you want me to rub your shoulders in here? We can do the back downstairs"

"That'd be great honey, yeah" she smiled gratefully, then turned around and sat down, lifting her hair to the side. I began massaging her and her muscles relaxed after a short while. That's much better than last time, I thought to myself. Either I'm getting better at it or she's more relaxed. Maybe both. Let's say both. I worked on her neck too and up into her scalp. She leaned her head on my belly. "Mmm, that's the spot…" she purred as I reached the top of her head.

"Want me to wash your hair while I'm at it?" I hummed.

"Mmhmm…"

After quite a long pampering Jasper and I got out of the shower and dried ourselves off. My arms were quite tired and I rubbed them a little extra with the towel. When we went downstairs we found Amethyst in the kitchen. She had taken out the ingredients for the dinner and was peeling potatoes by the sink.

"Oh, thank you Amethyst, you didn't have to do that" I said with a smile.

"Meh" she shrugged and kept going. Jasper and I went to put on clean clothes and then returned to the kitchen. I took out a soda and wrapped a cooling block in a kitchen towel and handed them both to Jasper after she had sat down a little awkwardly at the table.

"Babe, if you bring me the pumpkin seeds I could prep them from here" Jasper suggested as she opened the soda.

"Sure, darling" I gave her the things she needed and she pulled me gently into her lap.

"You spoil me" she whispered happily and kissed my cheek.

"Not at all, _Melamin_ …" I whispered back with a smile. She grinned and gave me a squeeze, then released me. I set about preparing the chicken.

My bladder woke me up in the middle of the night and I slouched to the bathroom, grumbling slightly. Cake came with me and wound around my legs and sat down inside my pajama bottoms.

"N mor live snkes in the hous pls" I mumbled tiredly. She meowed at me wanting me to pet her. I did so for a minute, then I washed my hands and smacked my lips. Mmm… I felt a little peckish. Did we have any pickles left? Yes, nice cool pickle… crunchy, fresh… I walked slowly into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Ugh, bright… But yay, nice big pickle jar… I grabbed one and munched it happily in the light of the moon outside, spilling in from the kitchen door window. I looked up at the clear sky. Cigarette, yes… I grabbed Jasper's discarded hoodie from a kitchen chair and took my cigarette holder with me outside. I lit one by saying 'pickl' then froze. Something was lying on the couch, asleep, snoring slightly. I saw a mass of pale hair in the moonlight. Was it… Amethyst? What the huh?

"Amthysst?" I slurred quietly. She opened her eye and sat bolt upright. "Whut ar you…? I tht you wen home?" I slumped down on the couch and yawned hugely. She looked at me like she was terrified.

"Are you mad?" she asked in a very tense voice.

"Wht? No… Just srprsd… Why didn you ask to stay ovr befor? We hav guest rms…" I pointed up. "s cold out here"

"You'd have let me stay?"

"Yah, of crs… But why don you wan go hom?" I yawned again, shivering slightly and making the Wookie noise.

"I _did_ go home… They were all in there, celebrating" she said quietly, looking away from me.

"Celebrt?"

"Steven had made a green cake just for Peridot. Must have been done with the cleanup… Didn't want to go in there and… ruin it" I looked at her in surprise, then cleared my throat.

"What? Why would you ruin it?"

"Peridot wouldn't want me there…" she let out a long sigh and pulled her knees up to her chest. There was silence for a few moments.

"What… is going on with the two of you?" I asked carefully.

"Fuck if I know… Everything was going fine, then Steven thought it was a good idea to have Lapis stay at the barn. And suddenly… I wasn't her favorite anymore… Suddenly there was this tall, skinny, _perfectly_ made gem living with her… She didn't have time to just pal around with ol' Amethyst anymore. It was all about _her_ … 'Can't hang out today, Lapis isn't feeling good', or 'no, Amethyst Lapis doesn't want to spend the day at the dump' or 'can't go do the thing with you, Lapis just discovered TV and we're gonna watch all five billion seasons of Camp Pining _Farts'_ …" she tossed her hair agitatedly. "And then when you and Jasper show up and _I_ get serious about _training_ , she's suddenly begging me to hang out, and I was like… No, I'm _busy_. Then she started to ask me all these questions about Jasper and you and stuff and I was like, _no_ dude, that's none of your bee's wax and then _she_ got really pissed!? Then there was the fight with Lapis and she had to _move in_ and was all up in my face, wanting to hang out again. Had to tell her to fuck off before she got the hint…" she spoke very fast, like she'd been keeping it in for a long time and her dams had just… burst.

"Oh… I'm sorry, Amethyst" I looked at her with a furrowed brow. She sounded so angry… But if she was _just_ angry, she wouldn't have left Peridot the sprocket yesterday…

"Pff…" she huffed. "They're all the same! Soon as something more interesting comes along it's 'bye Amethyst, I'm off to do _sophisticated_ la-di-daa stuff with this… whatever'!" she threw up a hand in frustration and I raised my eyebrows. This was about more than just friendship then. "Second new gem I get to meet and she's weird as fuck but funny as hell, and _cute_ and she just gets swept off her feet by that blue emo stem blocker… It's – it's just not _fair_!"

"It's never easy… when someone we like falls for someone else… It doesn't feel fair at all, no…" I said softly. Amethyst's shoulders dropped and she let out a long sigh.

"I thought we… had something" she muttered quietly. "Our weirdness sort of fit together… And now she hates me…"

"I don't think she hates you, Amethyst…"

" _I'd_ hate me…" she said wretchedly. "Fuck… She was the first one who wasn't Rose, Garnet or Pearl. Or crazy-pants Lapis. Rose and the others all knew each other for so long before they found me. Ruby and Sapphire, always together, Rose and Pearl on and off, but mostly on… Couldn't be with any of them, so I did what Rose did sometimes, played around with humans instead… And sure, it was fun – it _is_ fun, but it never lasts… Longest was with Vidalia and that was barely like two years or so. So when Peridot came along and actually _joined_ us… I thought 'hey, she's a scrumptious little something, mad as a spoon but maybe once she gets _used_ to this place…' she started to chill out and calm down… Wasn't so uptight anymore. I got to show her around and it was _fun_ , seeing her explore and try to figure shit out – I got to be the _big_ gem for once. For once _I_ knew more than someone and… it felt good when she turned to me for answers… Then the drill was finished and we fought Malachite, then the ground cracked and I grabbed Lapis, Pearl tried to grab Jasper, but she was too late… And we brought Lapis here… Garnet told me to leave them alone for a while, so they could get used to each other and the living arrangement and the next time I came over… Peridot was like… _throwing_ herself in front of her feet going 'love me, love me' and Lapis was all sulky and depressed, going 'I don't belong anywhere, boo hoo' and Peridot was like 'I'll do whatever you want me to do, trample all over me'. Then the rubies came looking for Jasper – but we didn't know that at the time, we thought they were after Peridot. Steven challenged them to a baseball game and Sapphire, Pearl, Lapis and me pretended we were humans. We won, but the rubies found out we were gems, because Sapphire can't keep it in her pants and fused with Ruby in front of them – then Steven was like 'Jasper is on Neptune!' and they fucked off in their ship. And all Peridot could see was how _Lapis_ had saved her – never mind how she didn't even _try_ during the game, she just fucking sulked! You should have seen the stupid face she made afterwards, so happy Lapis 'had stood up for her' and shit like that…" she trailed off. I looked at her with slightly widened eyes. She was… jealous?

"So Peridot and Lapis… were… _together_?" I thought back to how the little green gem had reacted after the fight – she hadn't said anything about them being _a couple_ … Felt like she'd have mentioned it – I certainly would have.

"No one said anything _aloud_ … But they were always together, watching stuff, living in the same place…"

"But… so do you and Pearl? And Garnet and Steven too"

"That's different – we're _friends_ " she said as if it was obvious – well, it was.

"I meant, are you _sure_ they were a couple? When I saw them on the roof of the hospital it didn't look like it… Peridot was complaining loudly on how she hadn't been able to see you or Steven for weeks because of Jasper and I coming here… Lapis reached out for her, but didn't touch her. If you're together, you touch. You help. You soothe or explain. Lapis seemed almost… jealous when Peridot described Jasper and I as 'disgustingly cute'" that was probably fine to tell her – but I should leave Peridot's little moment in the Sanctuary out of this conversation.

"Really?" Amethyst looked at me intensely.

"Well, I don't know – just what I interpreted at the time. Have you asked her? If they were together?"

She was quiet for a moment. "No… not really"

"Then… how do you know for certain?" I asked quietly.

"Well, because…" she trailed off. "Because she…" she started again and then fell silent, then looked thoughtful. I lit a cigarette by saying 'water sprite'. To my surprise the little bolt of lightning was green, not blue. Now that I thought of it, Amethyst had mentioned Lapis multiple times and I hadn't got that same surge of anger that I used to… What was happening… I got lost in my own thoughts for a moment, then realized Amethyst had said something.

"Sorry, could you repeat that?" I asked, then hissed out a few red sparks as my stomach seared icily. I rubbed at the aching spot.

"I said do you think I was wrong?" she asked me, sounding both annoyed and insecure.

"I don't know – you may be, and you may not be – only way to find out is to… talk to her"

"Ugh…" she groaned, leaning back in the sofa. "Why do you have to be such an _adult_ about this?"

"Well… I _am_ an adult. Technically" I gave her a faint smile, still rubbing my belly. Damn, this one was sticking around… "Wouldn't be very helpful if I just said what you _wanted_ to hear, would it?"

"It'd make me feel less like an insane idiot…" she mumbled.

"Either you are an insane idiot who assumed something was something it wasn't, or you're a sane idiot that saw things how they really were… Which one would you rather be in this scenario?"

"Either case I'm an idiot…" she grumbled, then let out a long sigh. "But I'd rather be wrong then right here… Fuck… how do you start a conversation like that – 'hey um, so yeah, were you shtupping Lapis or what?'"

"Hah, well… that's getting straight to the point… I don't know Peridot very well – how do you think she'd react to that?"

"She would ask what shtupping means" she sniggered and raked her fingers through her hair tiredly. "Gotta be very clear with her, sort of thing. So maybe something like 'hey Peridot, were you having a romantic and or sexual relationship with Lapis?', something she could answer yes or not to and then I'd just… know…"

"Yep, that's how questions and answers work" I sniggered, then yawned hugely. "Maybe ask her if you can have a conversation before just… springing that question on her, though. Set yourself up to succeed in not making this situation… worse"

"If she says no… what do I do?" she asked tentatively.

"Well… then you could tell her how you feel, and or tell her how this whole Lapis thing has made you feel or… whatever you want. Just… be honest and then the ball is in her court"

"What do I do if she says yes?"

"Same answer"

"Thanks, that's _so_ helpful…" she said sarcastically.

"Didn't say it'd be _easy_ … But just because something's hard to do doesn't mean you _shouldn't_ do them"

"Alright, calm down Yoda…" she sighed.

I let out a sigh of my own and rubbed my belly. "The beds are all made up upstairs, if you want to stay the rest of the night"

"Yeah… sure you don't mind?"

"Come on, Amethyst… We're friends. This is what friends do, they let you spend the night when they're having a rough time…" she put her on my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her back.

"Thanks, E…" she said quietly. "I wasn't sure you were serious… yesterday, when you said we could talk…"

"I know… You've been looking so sad, I was worried about you" I gave her a little squeeze.

"Hah, but you're the one who's really been going through shit"

"Your stuff isn't easy to deal with either, Amethyst…"

"You… feeling alright?"

"It's getting… better. Haven't cried today, so that's… progress"

"Sorry your family's fucked up"

"Thanks?" I let out a sigh, then smiled. "Was really nice seeing what you and Jasper could do today, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much"

"I had a good time too…" she yawned hugely. "I'm gonna go sleep it up in an actual bed for once. I usually just sleep where I drop in my room. It is _not_ very comfy to wake up on a pile of LEGOS, let me tell ya"

"I'll take your word for it" I sniggered as we both stood up. "Good night, Amethyst"

"Night, E" she walked upstairs, stretching and I went into the living room and got back into bed with Jasper. She was lying on her side, her hair all over the place. I snuggled up against her, putting my head on her outstretched arm, then brushed her hair away from her face. She made a sleepy grunt and opened one eye.

"You're cold" she mumbled and pulled the duvet up.

"I've been outside, talking with Amethyst… She's sleeping upstairs tonight" I whispered softly.

"Mmm…" Jasper mumbled, then closed her eye again, sliding a warm hand onto my belly and letting out a pleased little sound. After a minute she started snoring gently.

I lay for a while, looking up into the ceiling. The bubbled gems gave of a faint light and I wondered, not for the first time, who and what these gems had been before they got corrupted. What had been their names…? Names… Names were important. What would we name our kid? Charlotte for a middle name, easily. I had always liked the name Astrid – it was the name of Soweland's most famous children's author – Astrid Lindgren. The wolf song was her work, as was Mio min Mio… Astrid was a _strong_ name. Christopher was a nice name for a boy. Maybe even… Theodor… A silvery little fish left me and swam through the air lazily. I smiled a little sadly as I closed my eyes.

* * *

 Please review! :)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This is where the idea of Heavenly Ambrosia started - a NSFW AU side story to Stay that will not be part of Stay's canon. I have been really busy writing that one and feel as if I have to finish it before I can get back to working on Stay. But not to worry! Finished this chapter (only some minor editing) today and hope you'll enjoy it. More chapters are coming soon - just need to piece them together. Once Heavenly Ambrosia is finished (working on the last few chapters now - 105k words plus in total atm) I will be able to focus back on Stay :)


	55. Recon(naissance)

## Chapter 55: Recon(naissance)

  
I woke up to the sound of laughing coming from the kitchen. I stretched under the covers and scratched myself lazily, smacking my lips. It smelled like waffles and coffee. I lay for a moment, almost drifting back to sleep, then my eyes flew open as something clanged on the floor.

“Oops”

“Stars, Amethyst, you’re gonna wake Erica” Jasper chuckled.

“Well sorry for waking her from her beauty sleep”

“She doesn’t _need_ beauty sleep” Jasper stated confidently and I covered my mouth to keep from giggling, my cheeks heating up pleasantly.

“Oh-ho, I see what you did there” Amethyst sniggered. “Hey where’s the ketchup?”

“I think we’re out”

“Aww, what! Now what’ll I have on my waffles?”

“Apart from syrup, jam and whipped cream you mean?”

“Yeah, ketchup completes it”

“There’s mustard” Jasper suggested.

“ _Eww_ – not mustard, are you crazy? It’s gross!” now I couldn’t help but giggle aloud – a second later Jasper stuck her head in the room.

“Hey, you’re awake” she grinned at me, then stepped inside and got on to the bed on all fours and moved up to kiss me. Her hair fell all around me like a shroud as she leant down and pressed her soft lush lips against mine. “Good morning” she purred and I looked up into her beautiful face.

“Mrn, bstie” I smiled and stroked both her cheeks. “D you slp wll?”

“Mhmm, slept very well, especially after your awesome back rub last night” she grinned and kissed my nose and then my neck sweetly, making me giggle and squirm.

“Ngh, bthrm!” I yipped, feeling the pressure in my bladder rise alarmingly. If she tickled me now I was sure to wet myself. I patted her biceps and she kissed the other side of my neck before letting me go, sniggering. I hurried into the downstairs bathroom and made it onto the toilet, giving a loud sigh as I relieved myself. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, then went into the kitchen. I threw my arms around Jasper’s waist and hugged her tightly. “Mmmmh” I hummed. “Sorry, just had to pee so bad”

“That’s OK, little monster” Jasper chuckled and put her gem in my hair. “How’d you sleep?”

“Like a baby” I sighed, snuggling into her shirt. “Speaking of babies… Should I go talk to Greg today? I have a feeling it might be better if just one of us goes – so he feels comfortable too” I looked up at her with a slightly uncertain smile. “I just have lunch with Sadie planned today, so I thought I might pop over to the car wash and just… ask”

Jasper looked at me with slightly raised eyebrows, then thought for a moment. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Greg seems… a little intimidated by me, doesn’t he?” she smirked.

“Yeah, kind of…”

“What was that about Greg?” Amethyst asked curiously, peeling a finished waffle out of the waffle maker. Jasper looked over at her, then down at me again.

“Can I tell her?” she asked with a smile. I nodded at her, smiling too. It felt good that Amethyst would be one of the first to know. “We want to have a baby” she stated, giving me a squeeze. Amethyst dropped the waffle and her visible eye went wide.

“You what?” she squeaked, making Jasper chuckle.

“I’ll be the one being pregnant” I said with a smile and Amethyst’s shoulders relaxed in relief.

“Oh thank fuck!” she breathed, leaning on the counter top. Then she smiled and squealed, rushing over and hugging us both tightly. “That’s awesome you guys! Your own little Erica Jasper Junior!” we all laughed as she jumped up and down and butterflies burst into life around all three of us. Then suddenly she stopped. “But, wait… how… how’re you gonna you know… knock her up?”

“That’s what she’s going to ask Greg about. See how he and Rose did it. Or, do you know?” Jasper asked her.

“Me? I don’t think I asked to be honest. It was all so… confusing and Pearl breaking into tears all over the place – but let’s not think about that sad biz! Yeah, go ask Greg! He’ll know!” she stepped back and Jasper put her hand over my tummy. “Oh, _you guys_ … that kid of yours is going to be _so_ tall!”

“Probably” I smiled up at Jasper. “Taller than me – oh, that’d be so weird, looking _up_ at our kid… Aww…” I felt my eyes tear up a little. “When they’re all grown up… Oh, I wonder what they’ll be like…”

“They’ll be fantastic” Jasper said confidently.

“Have you told anyone else?” Amethyst asked excitedly.

“Not really – I asked Garnet if it would be _possible_ for me and Jasper to have a baby, and Priyanka asked if we wanted kids or were trying or something. So you’re the first, officially”

Amethyst beamed at us. “Do me a favor and let me be there when you tell Steven, OK? He’s going to absolutely _lose_ his _shit_!”

“You think so?” I sniggered, blushing slightly.

“Uh – yeah!” Amethyst said with feeling. “Another half gem, half human in the world – he’s going to _love_ that!”

***

Jasper and Amethyst had gone off after breakfast, heading out for another day of training. I spent the morning cleaning up a little and doing some laundry, then sitting down by the kitchen table and ordered some clothes online – actual pants. Then I sketched and listened to music, Cake asleep in my lap. As it neared lunchtime I got dressed properly – I’d been loafing around in my PJs and a hoodie. I lit a cigarette with my lighter as I walked toward the Big Donut, feeling very relaxed and happy. When I saw Sadie I gave her a big hug.

“My, you’re in a good mood?” she said with a smile.

“Yup” I hummed, grinning back.

“Something good happen?”

“Well… Sort of – me and Jasper are going to have a baby together”

“Are you pregnant?!” she gasped, looking at my stomach.

“No, no! We’re trying? Preparing to try? Baby will happen, but hasn’t happened yet” I giggled, several bright butterflies fluttered around me. Sadie stared at me, a huge grin spreading across her face.

“Oh, I’m so happy for you!” she said and hugged me tightly – lifting me off the ground. She put me down hurriedly. “Sorry! It’s just _such_ good news!”

“Thank you, Sadie, I’m happy too! And excited… Like _stupidly_ excited”

“Of course you are! Aww… They are going to be so _cute_!” she clasped her hands in front of her chest and bobbed up and down on her heels. “Have you thought of names?”

“We haven’t really got that far yet, but I have a few I like”

“Oh, tell me, tell me!” she touched my arm.

“Astrid for a girl with Charlie as a middle name, then Michael or maybe Theodor if it’s a boy”

“Aww, you’re naming her after your niece – oh my gosh! Have you told her that?”

“No, not yet – I haven’t even brought up names with Jasper, but since you asked” we walked to the fry shop together and Sadie insisted it was her turn to pay for lunch.

“Order anything you like” she said generously. We both decided on a large order of fries each, with garlic sauce and Mega Porp for me and ranch dip with a Zeppo Orange for Sadie. We chatted about this and that and it was nice to have a happy everyday sort of conversation. Not that I didn’t trust Sadie with all the things that had happened lately, but… It just felt good to turn the serious dial _down_ for a little. She told me there was going to be a Comic Con in Empire City in a few months and shyly asked if I’d like to go with her. I told her I’d really like to, but that I’d have to check the dates to make sure – and also find out if I was invited as a guest there. I could always show up and hope no one recognized me, but the nerd community was meticulous. If the con organizers found out I had declined and then shown up just to attend, that might mean big problems for my publishers. I really didn’t like the politics involved in these matters – Parker however was an expert. I decided to email her about it later. Or maybe Jasper and I should call her and tell her the baby news first, then talk about the con. Oh, fuck… I might have to travel for other cons or engagements in the upcoming future. Yeah, I should really call Parker. Like, tonight.

Sadie paid for our meal and gave me a big hug before going back to work. I sauntered to the grocery store, thinking about the future in a muzzy sort of way. I picked up a side of salmon, wanting to make some gravlax to have for my birthday, just as a little treat for myself and Jasper (and probably Amethyst). On my way to the checkout there was a big, friendly looking chocolate bar that practically jumped into my basket of its own accord. After a minute a bag of spicy Cheetos joined it – it too so eager to come with me it threw itself into the basket with the determination of a kamikaze pilot. I decided I’d give both these snacks a good home, if a temporary one. When I got home I prepared the fish, giving Cake the scraps. She ate them hungrily and I was happy to note there were no more of her gifts on the kitchen table. I had some improvised sashimi, because why not, then went to lie down to read for a while. I woke up a few hours later, my face stuck to the page with some drool and I peeled it off carefully not to damage the book. I looked at the time – it was half past five. If I wanted to talk to Greg today I should probably get going. I cleaned up a little and then headed out the door, having a smoke on the way.

“Greg? Are you in here?” I asked uncertainly as I stepped into the office of ‘It’s a wash!’

“Be right there!” came from the back.

I bounced on my heels as I waited nervously.

“Oh, hello Erica” Greg said as he appeared from behind a door. “What can I do for you?”

“Um… Well…” I felt myself blush a bit. “I was wondering if I could ask you about… Rose”

“Rose?” he looked very surprised.

“Yes, um… specifically about how you um… made Steven”

 “Uh… Why do you want to… know?” he asked uncertainly.

I took a deep breath. “Me and Jasper want to have kids” I smiled timidly. “And… well… we are in a similar situation – a gem and a human. I’ll be… the one to carry the baby, though. Sorry to just spring this on you on a Tuesday afternoon, but… I don’t know, I’ve been trying to think on how to bring it up and… Well, I couldn’t think of a good Segway…”

“Sounds great… That you want to have kids, I mean. And it’s good… That you’ll be two…” his eyes dropped to the floor for a second, but then he looked up at me and smiled warmly. I felt compassion toward him – I couldn’t imagine – and I really didn’t even _want to try_ to picture – what it must have been like for him, raising Steven on his own – the love of his life just… _gone_. “It’s almost closing time… How about a beer?” he said kindly.

“Oh, sure”

We went outside to sit on some rickety lawn chairs in the sun behind the car wash. The bottles fizzed as we cracked them open.

“Oh, they have a _screw top_ ” I said in surprise. “I’ve always wondered why the people in the movies could just… twist the caps off so easily”

“Really? That’s right… you Europeans go for the ones you have to snap off, don’t you?”

“Yeah”

The silence stretched as we each took a sip. I lit a cigarette by saying ‘ _pinsam tystnad_ ’ – awkward silence. Greg raised an eyebrow at the little bolt of green lightning.

“I don’t know if I should feel jealous or lucky I can’t do that” he said with a grin.

“Hah, me neither… Taken me a while to be able to do that little trick. Very useful, though”

“You’re your own spark plug, sort of thing”

“Yeah…”

Another moment of silence, then Greg took a deep breath.

“She said… ‘I’ll take care of my part and you do yours…’” he began quietly and gave me an uncertain smile. “It um… took some trying I think. To make the changes she needed. I think she um… retreated into her gem to do it? Said she couldn’t shapeshift continuously, that it would be harmful to her. So she had to remake herself from scratch…” I looked at him. That was a load of information all at once.

“She _remade_ herself?”

“Yes. With a human female reproductive system so she could… make him part human too…”

“How did she know um… what do make?”

“I think she spent some time in the library and then she asked Vidalia a _lot_ of questions. Vidalia sent her on to a doctor she knew, to get all the answers she didn’t know”

“When she came back… Did it take long? For you to… succeed?”

“A few months” he sighed reminiscently. “She said human women have a lot to deal with and that it took a while to get used to the um… rhythm of things… She was so excited about it, being ‘almost human’, as she put it…” he let out another sigh. “She was so beautiful when she was pregnant – I mean, she was beautiful before – the most gorgeous person I had ever met – but she _glowed_ … I know they say that about pregnant women all the time, but I hadn’t understood what they meant until she told me she was carrying our child…” I smiled at the expression on his face.

“Were you… scared?”

“Terrified!” he laughed. “It’s what we both wanted, to have our Steven… We read books and talked about it _a lot_ , but I wasn’t prepared for just how much work it was, raising a baby… Especially on my own. Well, in the beginning, it was just me and Steven, but then the gems got involved after a while. They… really didn’t understand what he was or why Rose wanted to have him so much, but they came around when they got to know him” he chuckled to himself. “It was hilarious seeing Amethyst and baby Steven play together – _and_ terrifying! She would throw him high in the air – Steven loved it, but I nearly had a heart attack the first time I saw it”

“Jesus!” I sniggered. “I believe you!”

“She always caught him – or Garnet did anyway. And she was so great with him too. She read him stories… That’s one of the few times I’ve heard her vary her monotone voice, when she read to him. He absolutely adored it… She would make the characters leap out of the page – literally! Little people and animals made of sand or paper or whatever, walking around and everything”

“Wow, really?”

“Yeah, it was great”

“Did Pearl sing to him?” I asked with a smile. He glanced at me briefly and his happy expression faltered a bit.

“Not at first, no. She was the one that took the longest to come around. She missed Rose so much… Didn’t want to have anything to do with Steven at _all_ at first. I think she got more comfortable with him when he started being able to talk. She didn’t understand that he didn’t understand her, though and would talk to him like an adult” he gave a wan smile. “But eventually it dawned on her and then she became _such_ a mother hen” he sniggered.

“I think it’s adorable, the way she fusses over him” I smiled at him.

“I’m happy she does – means I won’t have to worry so much. He’s a sturdy little guy, was never really seriously sick or anything, but you know… They have to get to explore the world, learn where the dangerous things are and such. Amethyst and even Garnet seem to forget he’s not a full gem sometimes, but Pearl always remembers. Well there was this _one_ time she sort of forgot but... She learned from it and I know he’s safe with her”

“Gods… He’s so young but already doing so much with the gems. I don’t know if I could be as relaxed about it as you are”

“I still worry! But I try not to think about it… He always turns out OK, my little Ste-man. As a parent, the hardest thing to learn is how to let go. One second they’re infants, dependent on you for everything, then you blink and they’re a teenager with a life and interests of their own. If I had any real say in the matter I’d like to have him go to school and work with me here in the car wash, you know, regular human stuff. But that’s not what Steven is. And he loves the gems and all the adventures he gets to go on. Steven’s gotta be himself… And he’s growing up into such a good person – that’s really all I want for him. For him to be happy. He is _so_ good at being happy, that boy of mine” he sighed proudly.

“He is a wonderful person…” I said a little thickly. It was really touching to hear Greg talk about Steven with so much love.

“I’m so proud of him. I don’t think I tell him that enough”

“I’m sure he knows” I patted his shoulder. “You’re such a great dad, Greg…” he looked at me warmly.

“You and Jasper are going to be amazing parents… You’re great with Steven and Connie. And Charlie, too”

“Yeah? I… worry about that a lot…” I felt my chest constrict slightly and Greg looked at me with a hint of concern.

“Because of your… parents?”

“Yes…” I looked at his honest face and decided I could tell him. “I’m afraid that whatever it was that made my mother the way she was is just… lurking inside me somewhere… waiting” Greg furrowed his brow at me.

“We may not know each other super well yet, Erica, but there is just _no_ way… We… heard your fight and the things you both said – I can’t see you doing any of that to a kid. At all. Ever” he looked at me rather seriously. “It just isn’t… _you_ ”

“Thanks for saying that…” I felt myself tear up and blinked rapidly.

“I’m only saying what’s true here” he smiled and bumped his shoulder against mine. “Man…” he sighed. “It’s going to be nice to see some new faces in this town… You’re staying here, right?”

“Yes, we are. Might have to get a bigger place though”

“If you can – yes – a van definitely is _not_ big enough for a baby and all the things they need. Trust me on that. I think there are some houses on the outskirts of town that are empty”

“I really don’t like the idea of moving, though. I like the house we have now. When we moved in… I don’t know, I had no idea what would happen. We just needed four walls and a roof, with high enough ceilings so that Jasper wouldn’t have to hunch down all the time”

“You could build your own house? Make it just like you want it? That’s what we did with Steven’s place”

“You built it?”

“Yeah, me and the gems. Steven needed a non-magical place to live, since it’d be very dangerous for him in the temple. So we just… added a house”

“Build our own house…” I said thoughtfully. “Is there land you can buy in town?”

“I’m sure there is. I think Barry is the guy to talk to, he’s Beach City’s one and only real estate agent. Here, he keeps giving out his cards to everyone he meets. The housing market isn’t super busy here” he handed me a rather crisp looking business card that read ‘Barry Davis – houses, flats, shacks – we’ve got it all!!!’.

“Thanks, Greg” I smiled at him. “For everything”

“No problem, Erica. I’m real happy for you, starting a family”

“Me too” I sighed, a couple of bright golden sparkly butterflies appearing. “I… can’t wait”

***

When I was walking home my phone rang. I didn’t know the number – but it wasn’t the unknown number that had been bugging me before Parker gave me a new sim-card.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hello, this is Priyanka” I stopped in my tracks.

“Hi” I said, completely surprised. “Is… everything alright?”

“What? Oh, yes – well – I seem to have stumbled onto a bit of a scheduling problem – this is really embarrassing if I’m completely honest, I always have everything planned but – no, Brown, put that back, it’s not a toy” she seemed to be speaking to someone else. “Sorry, let me just – “ there was the sound of heels against a hard floor, then a door opened and shut. “There, OK” she took a breath. “I know this is very last minute, but could you and Jasper watch Connie for us tomorrow night? And  could you drop her off at school the morning after, and pick her up in the afternoon? Doug’s going on night shift for the next week and I am going on an overnight trip to Empire City to hold a lecture – Connie was going to stay with my sister, but she’s got the flu”

“Um… sure?”

“Oh, thank goodness!” she let out a sigh of relief. “We’ll come by tomorrow afternoon, around five – that alright with you?”

“Yeah, no problem”

“Thank you, Erica, seriously!”

“It’ll be fun – another sleepover” I smiled – sure Charlie wouldn’t be there, but we were sure to have fun anyway.

***

“ _What_?!” Parker squeaked over the speaker on my phone. “ _Are you fucking serious_?!”

“Yes” Jasper and I giggled, holding the phone away from us as her next noise rose to a happy squeal.

“Strictest confidence, of course, Parky-park” I smiled.

“Of course, Brooksie – holy shit – you’re going to be – _mothers_!” her last word was an excited whisper. 

“Mhmm” Jasper hummed contentedly and kissed me on the cheek, making me shiver with happiness.

“Have you thought about names?? Because _Parker_ is a _very_ nice name. _And_ works for both boys and girls!”

“We haven’t got quite that far yet” I giggled, making more butterflies appear.

“We’re in the recon phase” Jasper stated with a grin.

“Well consider it _done_ , you two! I’ll get you the best of everything! And I’ll check on the Empire City Comic con and get back to you!”

“Thank you, Parker” we said together and hung up the phone.

“I _have_ thought of names actually…” Jasper said with slightly rosy cheeks. I raised my eyebrows and smiled broadly at her.

“Me too! What names?”

Jasper chuckled and put her arm around me. “If it’s a boy… Andúril… If it’s a girl… Calliope… Or Eowen” I beamed up at her.

“Oh… Andúril, darling… Then we could call him Andy for short. And _Calliope_ – I love it!” I kissed her knuckles. She chuckled and smiled, looking extremely pleased.

“What names have you thought of?”

“Astrid and Charlie if it’s a girl and… Michael and Theodor if it’s a boy. Charlie works for a boy too, come to think of it”

“But your niece is named Charlie. Well, Charlotte”

I smiled up at her. “It’s sort of traditional to name your kids after important people in your life. I’m named after my grandmother on my mother’s side – Catheryn, although I changed the spelling of it so it’s with a ‘K’ instead of a ‘C’. And Erica is after my father’s great aunt. Oh, if it’s a girl they could have all four names! Calliope Astrid Charlie Eowen. That’s a bit of a mouthful though. Maybe just… Calliope Charlie. Charlie Calliope Jasper Brooks…”

“ _’Jasper_ Brooks’?” Jasper looked at me with raised eyebrows, smiling broadly.

“Yeah, I mean… Do you have a _last_ name? If a kid has two parents they can… well, get all the last names, if it’s not the same one”

“My full designation is Jasper Facet-2A6K, Cut-1GT, but somehow I don’t think that’s going to work”

“Yeah, maybe not – would it be weird if the name was Jasper-Brooks? Maybe… Quartz-Brooks? Jaspers are quartzes right?”

“Yeah, that’s true… But I kind of like Jasper-Brooks to be honest. Sounds… strong” she grinned at me warmly and stroked my hair. “Hey, what did Greg say earlier?”

“Oh, right. He said… that Rose reshaped herself? After getting all the information she needed from books and Vidalia and a doctor friend… then Rose needed some time to get used to the changes? It took a few months for them to succeed”

“Stars, that is clever…” Jasper looked impressed. “But I won’t have to do that, right? Since you’ll be the one being pregnant”

“I guess that depends on um… how sperm production works? Maybe it’s super easy? I really have no idea”

Jasper let out a little laugh. “But you know so much about periods and stuff. And vaginas”

“Well, yeah, because I have one. Never needed to know stuff about… penises and junk” I felt myself blush a little. “Gods, I suppose now is the time to find out – if we have a boy that’s stuff we’d have to know so we could you know… know if something’s wrong with his? Or for when he has questions…” a thought struck me. “Hey, how’s Kara doing?” I looked down at her crotch with wrinkled eyebrows. She let out a little laugh.

“Getting better, but… Honestly I could use another ice pack I think”

“Oh, darling, why didn’t you say?”

“Well I wasn’t thinking about it until now” she kissed my cheek and went to get one, then came back and sat down. “Do you think… Could I talk to Doctor Maheswaran about… making sperm?” I raised my eyebrows at her question.

“Maybe she’s the only one who could answer them” I said thoughtfully. “I mean, she knows you’re a gem and I suppose Connie has told her about shapeshifting and stuff? I don’t know if another doctor would understand why we needed to know about the details – unless we told them about you being a gem”

“Would that be a problem?” she looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Telling people I’m a gem?”

“Mmm… I don’t know? I just don’t want anyone to… you know… go all like ‘oh my gods, an alien! Let’s get the government involved and do a shitload of horrible experiments’ and stuff like that…”

Jasper blanched a little. “Would that happen?”

“I don’t know – it does in _movies_ but… Probably not? I try to keep my lights a bit… secret for that reason too and… Well… if it got out that I could make the lights or that you were an alien I’m pretty sure we would be swarmed with paparazzi and _that’s_ something I _really_ don’t want…”

“’Paparazzi’?”

“It’s people taking pictures and asking you a bunch of questions, to sell to newspapers – really annoying and so… creepy…” I shivered slightly. “I don’t want our lives to be on display to the world. I just want it to stay like this – where people just treat us like we’re _us_ and not some sort of… spectacle… One of the drawbacks of being famous – people want to know more about you than you might want to share…”

“Yeah, I know…” Jasper said with a sigh.  

“Let’s ask Priyanka if it’d be OK to ask her – I don’t want her to be uncomfortable either. Doctors get asked a lot of medical questions when people find out that’s their profession, going like ‘oh, if I ask this doctor about this weird problem I’ve been having with my whatever, that means I won’t have to go to another doctor and have it checked out properly’-sort-of-thing. I know that gets really annoying so that’s why I avoid it. But if we ask her if it’d be OK, then I’m sure she’d want to help us out”

“OK, so that’s the next step, right? Find out how sperm production works and then see if I’ll need to reshape myself”

“Would you be OK with that – reshaping yourself?”

“Of course, babe” she looked at me with a smile. “I usually don’t take too long regenerating in my gem. A few days tops. But I’d have to get destabilized to do that, hmm…”

“Oh…” I looked at her worriedly. “Can’t you… decide to do that? Like… Echo does?”

“Well, no. And when Echo lets go of her form it’s her defusing, it’s not the same as being destabilized”

“Sorry”

“It’s OK, babe” she kissed my cheek reassuringly. “It’s not a big deal, I’ll just ask Amethyst to do it”

“Do you think she’d be OK with that?”

“Oh, pretty sure” she laughed. “Get a free hit on me? She’s gonna love it” 

* * *

 

Please review!  



	56. Perspective

## Chapter 56: Perspective  


Priyanka and Connie arrived the following afternoon. Jasper was out with Amethyst and I had just finished putting away a load of laundry when they knocked on the door.

“Hi!” Connie greeted me with a big hug and a smile.

“Hey” I giggled, pleased at the warm hello. “I put new sheets in Charlie’s bed for you – it’s all ready upstairs”

“Thanks, Erica! I really need to use your bathroom, excuse me” she kicked off her shoes and ran into the downstairs one, locking the door with a click.

“Hi, thank you again for doing this – I know it was so last minute” Priyanka smiled at me before giving me a tight hug.

“It’s OK, it’s our pleasure” I said reassuringly, a few bright butterflies appearing around me. Priyanka looked at them and then at me and smiled warmly. “When does school start and end tomorrow?”

“It starts at nine and ends at three thirty” I moved into the kitchen to brew some coffee. There was the sound of the bathroom door opening and I saw Connie dart out and approach her mom, leaning in close so she could whisper in her ear. Priyanka’s eyes went wide and she looked down at her daughter for a moment. She began to root through her handbag, then held it open to Connie with an apologetic look on her face. Connie shook her head frantically, looking quite distressed. Priyanka kissed Connie’s cheeks and forehead before taking off her shoes and approaching me.

“Erica, do you have any pads?” she asked urgently.

My cheeks went red. “Um… y-yes, they’re in the upstairs bathroom, under the sink. Feel um… free”

“Thank you” she said, looking extremely relieved. She turned back to her daughter and they both hurried upstairs. I followed them with my eyes. Had Connie just… got her period? My heart twinged painfully. Priyanka had asked me… for her daughter’s sake… I drew in a ragged breath and felt the corners of my eyes burn. Suddenly I wanted to be alone. I went out into the garden and walked around for a while, trying to calm the anxiety in my chest. Come on, not today… Not today… I sat down on the couch and lit a cigarette with trembling hands. Such a simple thing, such a wonderful thing… To ask me for a pad for her daughter… Oh, why did it _hurt_ so _much_? An old, heavy memory seeped unpleasantly into my consciousness.

I had gone to my mother in her room. She had been sitting in her favorite chair with a cigarette in her hand and reading one of her thick fashion magazines.

“M-mom?” I had said nervously.

“Can’t you see I’m reading?” she hadn’t looked up.

“Mom… I’m a… a w-woman now” this had made her lower her magazine. I had thought, ‘This is it’ and had smiled expectantly. I don’t know where I had gotten it from, the hope that was tentatively springing in my chest. Somewhere I had thought, when I get my period, that’ll show I’m a woman for sure and maybe she’ll let me wear pants. I had figured that she didn’t want me wearing them or shorts because that would somehow turn me into a boy. And also… there was the tiniest sliver of hope that it would somehow unite us. Maybe bridge the gap between us and she would want to be nicer to me…

“Then you’ll do your own laundry from now on. I don’t want to have to deal with _that_ ” she had flicked her eyes down to my lower belly and then back up into my eyes. My smile had vanished and my brain had stopped working. This wasn’t… how it was supposed to go… “Don’t just stand there, Erica. Go deal with it. I don’t want to hear about it again”

After a moment I had said; “Y-yes, mom” and then turned to leave. As I closed the door behind me I had heard her say ‘ _Disgusting…’_ under her breath. I felt so stunned. And so… _disappointed_ and _betrayed_ … All my expectations had just… crashed and burned inside me and had left me feeling so incredibly empty and _alone_. I had moved upstairs into my room and crept into bed. How could I have been so… _stupid_?

The memory faded and I found myself back on the couch in the garden. The old feelings of sadness, and disappointment welled up inside me and I closed my eyes and began to cry the tears that I had denied myself that day. I leaned my face in my hands to steady myself. Gods, it was suddenly so _overwhelming_ … My chest heaved with silent sobs, or as silent as I could make them.

“Erica, are you out he –  oh“ Connie’s voice came from my right and I stiffened up.

“Honey?” Priyanka’s slightly more quiet voice came from the kitchen.

“Mom… she’s crying?” Connie whispered, sounding alarmed. I tried to stop, but it was like trying to derail a train. I felt my face burn hot – gods, I was so embarrassed! I could hear them having a hurried whispered conversation in the kitchen. Then tentative footsteps approached and someone sat down on the couch next to me. I winced slightly as a warm, slim-fingered hand was placed on my shaking back.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to startle you” it was Priyanka’s voice. Somehow it hurt that it was her. And it made me feel quite pathetic… Her hand began to stroke me across the back and that seemed to unleash another wave of deep sadness. “Connie… could you give us a while?”

“Sure, mom…” fuck, was Connie out here too?

Then in a much softer voice, Priyanka said; “Take your time”

I don’t honestly know how long I cried. Priyanka kept stroking my back slowly. When I eventually calmed down she handed me some paper towels.

“Thanks…” I said indistinctly. There was a long awkward pause.

“What… happened?” she asked me cautiously.

“Nothing” I shrugged.

“You don’t… cry like that for no reason” she looked at me with a worried frown. I swallowed and glanced at her.

“It was just… um… very touching. The way you um… helped Connie…” I wiped my eyes which had begun to run again. “Oh for the love of the gods…” I mumbled, feeling myself flush. Priyanka looked at me with surprise.

“Of course I did? She’s not very comfortable about this all yet…” it felt like a cold knife had been thrust into my chest and I let out a gasp and a little sparkly puff of dark, dark red. Priyanka froze mid stroke and stared at the tiny, writhing cloud, then she looked at me again. I couldn’t bear meeting her gaze. “I take it… Your mother wouldn’t have done the same for you…” I shook my head silently, wiping my eyes again.  She took a deep breath. “Connie told me about the fight you and your sister had…” she said very slowly. “For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry… Abusive parents are such a heavy burden for children to carry…”

Abusive? I had never thought to use the term. But it was _true_ … wasn’t it? Somehow it felt… freeing to think of it like that. I knew it wasn’t my fault – or at least I told myself that I knew that now… But it was so clear cut if I thought about it as my mother being _abusive_ instead of just… _sick_. Abuser and victim. And I knew it was _never_ the victim’s fault, no matter what the abuser said, no matter the excuses or how compelling the justifications… It was never, ever the victim’s fault… I let out a breath of dark, dark red and black as a ton of internal coagulated guilt dropped away from my soul.

“Thanks for saying that…” I croaked, more tears leaking out of my eyes. “I’ve never used the word ‘abusive’ but you’re right… She was…”

Priyanka resumed stroking my back. “I don’t see a lot of victims of familial abuse, but when I do it’s always terrible... Their bodies will heal, most likely. But their minds…” her gaze dropped to my right arm and I put my hand over the scars on my wrist protectively. Her long fingers brushed it away gently so she could see, then she took my hand in hers. “I noticed them before” she said quietly. “We’re… _very_ lucky you’re still here, Erica…” then her arm was around my shoulder in a sort of half hug. Her words were very touching and I dissolved into more tears, some of them out of relief.

Eventually I calmed and sat up straighter, blowing my nose noisily. “Thanks, Priyanka…” I said hoarsely.

“No thanks necessary, Erica” she said in a softer version of her normal no-nonsense manner. “Just glad I was able to help a little. It’s what friends do. Heaven knows we owe you”

“You owe me nothing” I croaked with a weak smile.

“Let’s agree to disagree” she patted my shoulder in a reassuring sort of way. “Are you going to be OK if I leave? It’s a three hour drive and I need to prepare for tomorrows lecture”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine” we both stood up, me a bit unsteadily.

“You need to rehydrate” Priyanka said in her serious voice.

“I will” we went into the kitchen and she watched me fill a big glass of water and drink it down. Connie looked at me a little apprehensively.

“A-are you OK?” she asked.

“Yes, Connie. Um… how are you?”

“I’m alright” she blushed slightly. “Thanks for the um… thing”

“Not at all, sweetheart” I paused a moment to think, then continued. “Any time you need one, just go for it” I gave her a tired smile and she returned a slightly embarrassed one to me.

“That’s very generous of you, Erica” Priyanka said approvingly.

We said goodbye in the hall and she hugged Connie and kissed her cheeks, then she gave me a long hug too. When I closed the door behind her I leaned my head against the frame and let out a long sigh. Gods, I felt exhausted... I wanted to go lie down for a while, let all this just… sink in a little. My mother… had been abusive… And now I knew why talking about periods and the like were so hard… It all came back to her.

“Fucking bitch…” I said under my breath, blue, red, purple and black sparks coming with my words.

“What?!” Connie asked, looking shocked.

“Not you – or your mom” I said hurriedly, turning around to look at her. Crap, I should pay more attention to my surroundings. “My mom. My mom’s the fucking bitch”

“Oh… OK?” her shoulders rose slightly.

“Sorry Connie…” I said with a sigh, rubbing my face. “I fear this day has got away from me a little…” she looked at me with wrinkled eyebrows, then walked up and hugged me around the middle.

“I’m sorry…” she said indistinctly. “I couldn’t help overhearing before…”

I let out a little breath of laughter. “It’s kind of hard not to in this house…”

“And I’m sorry to have… caused it…” her voice was very quiet now. l lifted her chin gently so I could look her in the eye.

“Hey…” I said seriously. “It’s not your fault I’ve got… spring-loaded memory traps set up around in my mind. Sometimes things just… trip one and… well…”

“’Memory traps’?”

I let out a sigh. “Yeah… seeing your mom be… so sweet and caring toward you and… asking me for a pad – it triggered something in me. A memory I had… not exactly forgotten, but… suppressed maybe?”

“Oh…” she looked up at me with pink cheeks. “Was… was it bad?” I frowned slightly.

“I remembered when I got my first period… And it was… _not_ what I expected. I mean I knew what it _was_ and… actually I… was kind of _excited_ to get it because… I thought somehow it’d help my situation with my mom…” Connie looked at me with raised eyebrows and I sighed. “Somehow I’d got the idea in my head that when I told my mom I’d gotten it, she’d let me wear pants and shorts because now it was proven that I was a woman. I thought she didn’t want me wearing boys’ clothes because it’d turn me into a boy… And… I thought that maybe it’d make her want to be nicer toward me… because now we were… women together?” Connie looked up at me worriedly. “But when I told her… she said I should do my own laundry from then on and that she didn’t want to hear about it again. And that it was disgusting… Which I’ve just realized is _why_ I’ve been so… awkward about the subject… Because of that one time…” I let out another sigh. “Hence the ‘fucking bitch’…”

“Oh…” her cheeks were flushing darker now.

“Fuck, I really need a cigarette… And some coffee… Are you hungry, thirsty? Could make some hot chocolate while I’m making coffee”

“I’d like that, thanks” she smiled faintly. We went into the kitchen together. After a few minutes we stepped out onto the patio with a steaming cup each. I let out a long sigh and took a sip.

“I’m really sorry your mom was like that…” Connie said slowly.

“Thanks, kiddo…”

“You… you must have been so… disappointed…”

“Yeah, I was…” it felt strange to talk to Connie about this, but… maybe she was the right person? She knew what it was like to have an… overbearing mother. Although our mothers were _lightyears_ apart, I felt kinship with Connie over this.

“I kind of wish I had known you back then…” she looked down into her cup and spoke slowly. I turned to her with raised eyebrows, affection for her blooming in my chest.

“Yeah?”

“Maybe we could have been friends?” she looked up at me tentatively.

“That means so much to hear, sweetheart…” I smiled at her broadly, a few black and red butterflies appearing. I looked at them in surprise.

“Red and black butterflies?”

“Maybe because it makes me both happy and sad… and you know… kind of regretting that it could never happen. I would love to have had a friend like you when I was a kid. I love it now too, don’t get me wrong. I did have my best friend, but… she was like my only one” to my surprise Connie smiled.

“That sounds a lot like me. Steven was my only friend for a while, then I got to know the gems and Greg through him. And now you and Jasper too… I just feel really lucky, you know?” I nodded at her, feeling my eyes tearing up again.

“I feel lucky too…” I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

“It’s OK to cry, Erica” Connie said and patted my knee kindly.

I let out a little laugh. “I know it is”

***

Connie had gone upstairs to do some homework and practice her violin and I took the opportunity to do some spear exercises in the garden. When I was done I took a shower, keeping my singing down so Connie could concentrate on her studies. I felt somehow cleaner than normal when I stepped out of the humid bathroom wrapped in a towel. It was a relief to be able to think about my mom as abusive, as strange as it may sound. Things were sort of… cracking up inside – not in a bad way. I felt _freer_ in my mind, like there was more... space to move. Maybe it meant that there were other ways of thinking that my mother had put in me that were also... _wrong_. I went to get dressed, putting on a freshly laundered shorts. I also stole one of Jasper’s hoodies and put on thick socks. It was a little cold for my liking. Maybe I should raise the temperature in the house a little? Where was the thermostat? Cake came in and wound around my legs until I picked her up. She purred and stepped onto my shoulder. Seemed she liked to do that now. Maybe she liked being high up? Or maybe she just liked it because she had unrestricted cheek access. She rubbed her head against the side of my face, purring.

“My not so little Cake…” I hummed at her, turning my head to kiss her nose. “Let’s go see what Connie wants for dinner, yeah?” we went upstairs. Connie had taken up station in Charlie’s room, a bunch of books spread out across the desk. She was wearing an expression of deep concentration, scribbling on a notepad. I smiled and knocked on the door frame and she looked up. “Hey, just wanted to check what you’d like for dinner? We’ve got ingredients for lasagna, but I could whip up some pesto or like soup or something if you’d prefer”

“Um… lasagna sounds great…” there was a little wrinkle between her eyebrows.

“You OK there?”

“I think I’m getting… um… c-cramps…” she said the last word quietly and her cheeks burned suddenly scarlet. I gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Painkillers and a hot water bottle coming right up, sweetheart…” she smiled embarrassedly up at me.

“Th-thanks, Erica…”

“No problem whatsoever, kiddo” I went downstairs to boil some water and get the pills. I brought a ginger ale for good measure. “Here we are” I said as I handed her the things, starting with the water bottle. She put it on her belly gratefully and let out a little breath of relief and relaxed. “Why not take a little break?”

“It’s OK, I’m done soon. And the heat is helping loads… My mom’s got one of those wheat bags you can warm in the microwave. She said we should go get one for me too, so we can each have one if… if we get it at the same time…” she blushed a little and I felt a twinge in my heart at her words – but not a very big one.

“That’s very sensible” I said warmly. The idea of doing the same with my future kid – if we had a girl, that is – entered my mind and I was suddenly full of longing for that moment. For _every_ moment, big and small… First steps… First bike ride… First swim… Just sitting at home when it was raining, playing made up games or maybe finger painting, Jasper’s big hands covering the entire paper in one go… I had completely forgot to ask Priyanka if she’d be OK with talking to me and Jasper about sperm production – I’d have to remember to do that tomorrow when she came to pick up Connie. The front door opened and closed downstairs and I felt myself smile. “Come down when you’re done? I’ll start making dinner in a minute” Connie nodded at me and returned to her books. I walked down the stairs and straight into Jasper’s arms. “Mmm… I’m _so_ happy to see you, darling…” I said indistinctly, my voice muffled by her shirt.

“ _Cormamin lindua ele lle_ …” she hummed as she hugged me back. My heart sings to see you, I translated in my head. “Hey, me and Amethyst went to the dump again – saw Frank. I took a bunch of pictures and… I found this” she picked up a metal pole that was leaning against the wall. “If I give it a few tweaks it’ll make a great practice spear for you” I smiled and hugged her tighter.

“My birthday is not for three more days, darling!” I giggled, making a few golden orange butterflies appear. Jasper chuckled and kissed me.

“Doesn’t have to be your birthday for me to want to give you something. _You_ get _me_ stuff all the time” she said with a smirk. “You wanna go test it out?”

“Yes!” I took it excitedly – it was a lot heavier than Songbird. “Oof, oh fuck balls, I’m going to get so _ripped_ ” I giggled, leaving a trail of pink and golden sparkles as I went out into the garden. Jasper followed and watched me swing it around for a few minutes, grinning all the while. I leaned it against the wall next to Songbird and Jasper looked at the both of them.

“Hmm… I’ll shorten it a little” she said and grabbed the practice spear, bent the tip and snapped it off without trouble. “There, now they’re the same length”

“Thanks darling” I said with a wide grin, kissing her on the arm.

“Connie’s here, right?”

“Yeah, she’s upstairs” I gave a little sigh, making a puff of black, red, pink and orange appear.

“That’s… a new combination?” she said as she got out of the way slightly.

“Fuck… yup… that’s…” I trailed off. I felt… oddly relaxed, but the memory of my first period was still a painful one – even if a lot less so now. “I had a bit of a breakdown earlier…” Jasper’s eyes went wide.

“W-what happened?”

“Priyanka asked me for a pad for Connie and it triggered a memory… Of when I told my mom I got my period. I had such high hopes, that it’d somehow fix everything that was wrong between us? Of course it _didn’t_ and I got really upset – both back then and earlier today, then Connie and Priyanka found me crying and… Priyanka comforted me… It was so very nice of her…” dark and scraggly butterflies flitted through the air. They looked a bit like… bats maybe. Jasper looked at them apprehensively.

“That’s new too” she said, looking worriedly at me now. “Are you… alright, babe?” she stroked my cheek lovingly.

“Yeah, I’m OK… Priyanka made me realize some things that’s made my mind feel… less… tight? It’s weird… She used the word ‘abusive’ to describe my mother and… it was true and I felt so relieved? I’d never thought to use the word – thinking of her as ‘sick’ you know? But she might have been sick too… Sick and that’s _why_ she was abusive… And I found the root to why I’ve never been comfortable talking about periods and stuff… My mother said they were disgusting and that she didn’t want me to speak to her about it again, do my own laundry and stuff… That makes me feel better about it? Like… my mind might still be embarrassed or… ashamed but I know it’s just… something she put there, because… _she_ must have been uncomfortable about it all… Gods, she messed me up so much!” I sighed out a dark red black puff. Jasper looked at it and then at me with wrinkled eyebrows, then she pulled me into a hug.

“Sounds like it was both good and bad” she said quietly.

“Yeah… but I feel OK now… A little freer?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… And Connie said such a sweet thing earlier too – she said if we had met when I was a kid that we could have been friends… That meant _so much_ to hear…”

“Well of course she’d want that, babe” Jasper chuckled a little, stroking my back and kissing the top of my head.

“I just hope she’ll feel comfortable talking about period stuff and not be ashamed… I don’t want anyone to feel as alone and miserable as I did about it… And the poor thing’s got cramps…”

“Connie?”

“Oh, shit-fuck, could you please pretend you didn’t hear that – oh, well done Erica…” I grumbled to myself. Just because _I_ was feeling like it was easier to talk about didn’t mean Connie would.

“What did you say?” Jasper said with a smile.

“I said let’s make some lasagna?” I sighed and looked up at her gratefully. “I love you, beastie”

“Love you too, little monster…” she leant down to kiss me softly.

“Thank you for bringing me the spear, darling, it’s great”

“You’re welcome” she smiled at me broadly. We went inside and started making dinner and Jasper told me about her day with Amethyst and Frank, then showed me the pictures she had taken. There was one _super_ cute one with Jasper holding Frank in her arms – it made him look like a puppy! Then there was another with Amethyst standing next to a sitting Frank, making him look huge – the top of his head was level with Amethyst’s shoulders. When we were done preparing the sauce and minced meat, Connie came slowly downstairs.

“Hi, sweetheart” I said with a smile. “How’s… everything?”

“Better than before” her cheeks flushed a little. “C-could I boil some more water?”

“Of course!” I put the kettle on and Connie went to sit down at the kitchen table.

“You… want to pick a movie for later?” Jasper asked her tentatively. “We could watch while we’re having dinner”

“R-really?” Connie brightened up at this.

“Yeah, we usually sit in the couch in the living room”

“I never get to eat in front of the TV at home” Connie said with a little smile.

“This is a house of crazy ideas” I giggled, remembering Charlie saying the same thing.

“Crazy _genius_ ideas” Jasper added.

***

I woke to Jasper shaking me slightly.

“Babe…” she complained. “The thing… it’s making noise…” I rolled over and scrabbled at the night stand for my phone and turned the alarm off. “Thank the stars…” she mumbled as she pulled me into a one armed hug.

“Gots ta get up…” I slurred. “Con-nie skul – schhhkl… _school_ …”

“Do I have to get up too?”

“Nah…” I kissed her neck and chest as she chuckled.

“Then I’ll just… go… back to…” she trailed off and I let out a little ‘aw’-sound – she had fallen asleep in the middle of the sentence. I kissed her arm softly before getting up. Honestly it wasn’t _that_ much earlier than we usually got up. It was seven thirty in the morning. I went to go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, then went to put on some coffee. As I pottered around the kitchen I could hear Connie walk around upstairs. She must be up then. Cake trotted in through the cat flap with a ‘mrarw’.

“Mornin Cake” I hummed, picking her up and letting her ride my shoulder. I found she did that very well and after a while I got used to the sensation. I was nice. Like I was a pirate and she was my furry parrot. “Does Cakie want a cracker?” I asked her, sniggering at my own amazing wit. I didn’t have crackers but she settled for a piece of salami. Hmm… What would Connie want for breakfast? And… Was I supposed to pack her a lunch? This _was_ the US after all… I checked the fridge. There was some lasagna left over – more than enough for a Connie-sized lunch portion. And we had apples and bananas in the fruit bowl – that was a perfectly acceptable lunch for a growing girl, right? Just as I closed the fridge door, Connie came down the stairs a little timidly.

“Morning” I said with a smile.

“Good morning” she sounded a bit… off. I turned my head to the side and looked at her.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“It’s hurting again…” she said tiredly, her cheeks going red. “I was hoping it’d be over by today…”

“I’ll put on the kettle” I did so as she walked down the stairs. “Does it usually only hurt on the first day?” I felt a strange surge of jealousy inside, but beat it down.

“Um… I don’t know… This is like… the second time it happens” she slumped onto a kitchen chair.

“Oh” I was honestly surprised and felt my own cheeks and ears heat up a little. “Did you take more pain killers? You could bring some to school to take later too”

“Yes I did and thanks, that’d be helpful…” her eyes were a little glazed over. I knew that look. That was the ‘I’m in quite a bit of pain but I’m trying my best to function anyway’-look. I refilled the water bottle and handed it to her – her body language changed immediately and she let out a relieved sound.

“What would you like for breakfast? We’ve got eggs, toast, waffles, cereal… Could make some Parisian toast if you like? And do you need me to make you lunch to bring?” I asked softly.

“Regular toast would be great and no, mom gave me some money for the cafeteria”

“Do you usually bring lunch? I’m kind of curious – is it like I’ve seen on American TV-shows and all that” I smiled and put Cake down on the table as I went to grab the bread.

“Mom or dad make lunch for me most days, they don’t like me eating too much junk food. And the cafeteria is mostly fries and chicken nuggets”

“Could pack you some lasagna if you want?”

“Yeah?” she looked up at me with a little smile. “Won’t you want that though?”

“There’s plenty left over, don’t worry. And there’s fruit too – and ginger ale and…” I opened the fridge to look at drinks. “A cola, oh is that a juice box? No, sorry, that was juice concentrate”

“I’d like a ginger ale if that’s OK”

I smiled and took the can out of the fridge, as well as all the fixings for toast. I made some waffle batter for Jasper and put it under a kitchen towel, then put a portion of lasagna in a Tupperware container. To my delight I found a paper bag in a drawer and put the food, fruits and drink in it, then rolled the top down. An actual American school lunch thingy. Made by me. How many would I end up making in the end? It made me feel a little excited.

“Do you need cutlery too? Napkins?” I asked with a smile, a bright butterfly flitting through the air.

“No” Connie giggled through a mouthful of toast. “They’ve got that in the cafeteria” 

At around a quarter past eight I went into the living room to find Jasper sitting up in bed and yawning hugely.

“Morning…” she said hoarsely. I went over to hug and kiss her, taking a huge sniff of her wonderful sleepy scent.

“We’ll be going soon, don’t know when I will be back exactly – I’m going to the temple later to have a private session with Pearl – maybe I’ll see you there?”

“Mmm… Amethyst said something about her room yesterday… Moving some shit around… So yeah, probably. Otherwise I’ll see you at dinner – and…” she leaned in close to whisper in my ear. “Kara’s feeling _much_ better today…” I giggled and blushed as she gave my neck a kiss and a teeny tiny nibble.

“That’s certainly something appetizing to look forward to for tonight…” I said in a low purr.

“Yeah, so absolutely no injuries today” she chuckled and kissed my cheek, then she gave me a slightly admonishing smirk.

“I make no promises, as per usual” I turned my nose up at her and patted her chest with a broad smile. She got out of bed and put on some pants and a hoodie.

“Morning Connie, sleep well?” Jasper asked, stretching her arms and letting out another huge yawn.

“Yes, how about you?” she looked at us with a little smile. I giggled and headed upstairs to put together a little kit for Connie as they chatted and Jasper started making waffles. I put some pain killers and a few pads in a little draw string bag some soaps had come in and went back down into the kitchen.

A few minutes later I kissed Jasper goodbye and Connie and I buckled ourselves into Lorelai.

“Let’s see… what’s the address to your school?” I asked.

“455 Drew Street” I tapped it into the GPS. Connie began to look increasingly bothered as we neared the place.

“What’s up kiddo?”

“I’ve… never been to school… like this” she squirmed slightly in her seat. I looked at the time. We were ten minutes early.

“Hang on…” I pulled into the parking lot and turned the engine off, then turned to face Connie. “Going to school when you’re on your period is… a little bit weird, yes. Frankly it’s… sucky” she gave me a worried look.

“Will the others… know?” she asked in a tiny voice.

“Not unless you tell them, sweetheart. And to answer your next question – no they won’t be able to like… _smell_ you” that’s something I had been mortally afraid of at least.

“Really?” she looked as if that actually had been her next question. “What do I do if I need to… change during class?”

“Ask to go to the bathroom”

“But what if the teacher won’t let me?”

“Do they usually keep students from using the facilities?”

“No, not really…” she still looked uncertain. “What if it starts hurting again before I can take more pills?” I looked at her with wrinkled eyebrows, remembering _all_ the times I had been without a much needed pain reliever.

“Well… probably advisable to wait for the allotted time but… if it gets super bad it’s OK to take them a _little_ earlier. Breathing deep and massaging yourself could help too, even getting up and moving a bit – that always helps my best friend at least. And…” I had to take a deep breath myself here. “You could try telling your teacher, maybe you could go to the nurse’s office? Have a little rest or something?” Connie grimaced.

“This is so embarrassing… And so much to just… _deal_ with…” she said quietly. I smiled at her with sympathy.

“Yeah, I know… If it helps – _almost_ every single woman goes through it and understand that it’s… painful and inconvenient and… messy. It’s… better if you can talk about it and dare to ask for help if you need it. Better then to just… hide and bear it…” she looked a little ashamed now.

“Sorry, I’m just…” she trailed off, not looking me in the eye.

“Sweetheart – don’t be sorry! It’s OK _not_ to be comfortable – it _is_ uncomfortable”

“Yeah but here I am complaining about stuff and you had it so much… _worse_ , being all alone and – “

“Stop” I shook my head then looked at her seriously. “Connie, listen… Just because it was… _different_ for me doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid here. It’s _OK_ to be embarrassed – it’s only your second time – it takes some getting used to. And if… _when_ you have questions it’s OK to ask them, no matter how silly they seem or how… _intimate_ they are”

“D-does Steven know about… this stuff?” she blushed deeply.

“I don’t know, but probably a little bit. I think he knows cramps _exist_ at least”

“Do you think he’d be… grossed out by it all?” her voice was barely a whisper and it felt like this question was _important_ to her…

“Have you _met_ Steven?” I grinned at her. “If you told him that you weren’t feeling well – for _whatever_ reason – he’d walk over hot coals to make you feel better” she gave me a tentative smile. “The most important question is… are you grossed out by it?“ Connie hesitated. “It’s OK to be grossed out” I said reassuringly.

“A bit…” she blushed.

“I was for a long, _long_ time…” I sighed. “Jasper has helped me feel so much better about it. She’s definitely _not_ grossed out by it. I explained it to her as something my body naturally does and she’s like ‘OK, cool’. Accepted it without question, but was really surprised when I didn’t. Then I had to try to explain that too and… she’s been _extremely_ supportive” I smiled to myself a little. “As for today – and I realize how stupid it sounds, believe me – but try not to worry about it. I know your parents are busy today, so if there’s a crisis, don’t hesitate give me a call, OK? Or text or whatever. We’ve all got your back. And when school’s done I’ll come pick you up and then you can have yourself a nice long shower and read a good book…” I smiled at her warmly, then added; “Everything’s going to be alright, sweetheart” she looked at me with slightly over bright eyes.

“Thanks…”

“No problem whatsoever, kiddo” a few bright butterflies appeared and settled on the dashboard, beating their wings slowly for a few seconds before fading. Connie looked at them fondly, then glanced at the clock.

“Oh gosh! It’s three minutes to nine!” she unbuckled herself and grabbed her backpack quickly.

“See you at three thirty and have a good day!” I said as she bolted from the car.

“Yes, you too!” she called over her shoulder as she ran inside. I watched her vanish behind the door and sat back in my seat, letting out a huge breath. There was some black in it, but mostly it was white and yellow. I really hoped Connie would have a good day without any kind of period related incident. I took a moment to think about our conversation… Had I said the right things? Try to be open, ask for help, we’ve got your back, call me if anything comes up… I hadn’t added to her… being uncomfortable, had I? I really hoped I hadn’t. I looked at myself in the rear view mirror. My cheeks were a bit flushed, but I hadn’t felt that rush of heat that I usually got. A part of me wanted to go and hide, another wanted a big cup of coffee and a cigarette, a third craved Jasper’s embrace and a fourth… wanted something… else… wanted to be… the one being comforted. Reassured that it would be OK. That want – that _need_ … it was _old_ … But it was somehow _appeased_ by just being part of the conversation – even if _I_ hadn’t been the one to be comforted… I rolled down the window and lit a cigarette, adjusting myself a little in my seat.

As I was driving back home I spotted a hair dresser and decided it was time. I parked my car and walked inside. The front door advertised drop-ins to be alright.

“Hi” I said to the young man behind the counter.

“Oh hello miss”

“Got time to give me a little touch up? Just want to shorten this mess a bit”

“Yup! Karen!” he called over his shoulder. “You’ve got a customer!”

After my usual ‘be careful with my head, I have a big scar’-thing Karen washed and cut my hair deftly. She managed to get it to _just_ that length that was charmingly scruffy and I thanked her profusely for doing such a good job. She looked very pleased with my praise and I made a mental note to return to this place the next time I needed my hair cut. She had given me a professional looking scruffiness and I felt quite dashing as I strode back to my car. Just as I was about to click my keys to open it I noticed another store down the street. A _coffee shop_. Myes please. Just as I stepped outside again, giant cookie in hand, my phone started ringing. The display said ‘Steven’s house’.

“Hello?” I said as I picked up.

“Hello!” it was Pearl’s voice – she sounded upbeat and it made me smile.

“Hey Pearl, I was just going to start heading back home – what’s up?”

“Could you bring your gem shirt today? And your protective gloves?”

“Oh um… sure” I felt a little surprised. “Are we going to do something that requires that?” I knew I always joked with Jasper about getting injured – knowing that Steven or Rose’s sanctuary could fix me up in seconds – that didn’t stop it from _hurting_ though…

“It’s just for safety” she said in a reassuring and pleased sort of way. “When do you think you’ll arrive?”

“I could be there in about half an hour I think”

“Alright, see you soon then”

“Bye” I hung up, feeling both a little excited and apprehensive. I got into the car and ate the cookie as I drove home.

When I arrived at the temple Pearl greeted me with a smile and a hug, her clip board ready in her hands. It looked almost brick thick now and I let out a breath of surprised laughter as I saw it.

“Really?” I asked, feeling myself flush a little.

“Well” Pearl grinned a tad self-consciously. “It has been quite some time since we last had time to… have a private session”

“It has, hasn’t it…” I said slowly, a slightly guilty feeling creeping up on me. “Sorry”

“Oh, Erica it’s not _your_ fault” she said quickly. “With all that’s happened – it’s… it’s OK…” she patted my arm and gave me a warm smile. “Do you feel ready to get going?”

“Is Jasper here? She said she and Amethyst might be doing stuff in her room”

“I think they _were_ , but they went to the dump a little while ago – I’m not sure if they’re taking things _out_ of her room or putting more stuff _in_ – but they were making a lot of noise. I was quite relieved when they left” I looked at her with raised eyebrows. “Because of the noise – nothing else” she said hurriedly. “How – how does going to the desert sound?”

“Are you going to film me again?” I asked with a little smirk.

“No, today… I’d like us to see how much control you have – I’m terribly curious how you managed to summon a specific memory to show me, when we were at the barn?”

“Oh, OK” did that count as control? It had felt very spur of the moment.

“It is a significant step! During our first visit to the desert you told me it had to be spontaneous – but now you’re able to _choose_ when and what to share”

“I’ve only done it a few times…” I said, feeling a little pressured. “And… it was still kind of spontaneous” Pearl gave me a look.

“Erica, I don’t expect you to be a _master_ at this” she said with a kind smile. “For heaven’s sake, we’ve only just started exploring your powers… Forgive me if I get a little excited – it’s just so _fascinating_ …” she moved toward the warp pad. “Will you take us to the desert?”

“Sure…” I said, following her and clearing my throat. I thought of the feel of the sand moving under my feet and said “Jump!” clearly. The lights began to stream around us and Pearl looked at me with wide eyes.

“You didn’t whistle!” she said excitedly.

“Oh, right” I gave her a faint smile.

“When did you… change it?” she asked as we found our feet again.

“When I took Vicky” ‘ _Vicky’_? I hadn’t referred to her like that since… wait I _had_ called her that during the storm. But she had been unconscious then. It made me feel a little uncomfortable. “ _Victoria_ to the sanctuary” a puff of dark grey and a few dark sparks came with my words. Pearl stopped in the middle of stepping off the warp pad. “I… wouldn’t have been able to pick her up again if I put her down so… I just said it aloud – it’s what the hybrid says in Battlestar Galactica – it’s a TV-show. She steers a massive ship, she’s like hooked up to it and when they need to use their faster than light travel she just says ‘jump’ in a sort of… desperate way and…” I let out a sigh of dark. “It just popped into my mind and it worked, so… kept doing it” Pearl looked at me with wrinkled eyebrows and put the clipboard behind her back.

“Erica” she looked me in the eye. “Do you want to just… talk?”

“I thought we were going to train” I said, suddenly feeling a little cornered. There was a puff of green.

“Yes… That’s the plan” she said slowly. “But… Oh… Just… Are you OK?” she looked at me worriedly. I got the impression she’d been holding the question in for quite some time.

“It’s getting… better” I responded cautiously. Why was I being so defensive? This was _Pearl_ I was talking to. I let out another sigh and forced my shoulders down. “It _is_ better… It’s just… my mind is sort of rearranging itself and I’ve got a different perspective on things. It makes me feel a little… wobbly, I guess. Old stuff… keeps popping up. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised – and everyone has been _so_ supportive…” I looked at her apologetically. “I can’t tell you how much it meant to me that you guys _stayed_ … afterwards…”

“Of course we stayed” Pearl said with a both happy and sad expression. “I’ve been… _quite_ worried about you if I were to be completely honest”

“R-really?” I felt my cheeks heat up a little. It meant a lot to hear that too.

“Certainly I have” she reached out to take my hand. “If you want to talk about it, I’m more than willing to listen” I looked at her, feeling incredibly touched.

“Thanks Pearl” I said, my voice a little hoarse. I took a deep breath. “It’s… I don’t think… I don’t think I’m mad at her anymore – Victoria I mean. Our mother was… abusive” I looked down on the ground. It was somehow hard to say it and look someone in the eye, even though it made me feel better, saying it aloud again. “Priyanka used the word – yesterday when I…” I took another deep breath. “Had a bit of a meltdown… A necessary one? I felt loads better afterwards – she was so… so kind…”

“What happened?” Pearl asked quietly, giving my hand a squeeze.

“It’s… um…” I felt my cheeks flush a little now. Why? Because Pearl was uncomfortable about the subject? “I’m not sure if you want to hear it?”

“What? Why wouldn’t I?” she looked a little hurt at this.

“It’s… period related…”

“Oh” she said, her cheeks flushing a deep blue. She stiffened slightly, then got a determined look on her face. “Please tell me” I looked at her, feeling a wave of affection for her rise in my chest.

We sat down in the sand I told her what had happened – she looked at me with a sympathetic expression.

“I had no idea _that_ could hold so much… emotional meaning” she said, sounding a little stunned.

“I don’t think it does to everyone. I really don’t know how I got the idea into my head in the first place. But it feels easier now” I smiled a little. “My mind feels lighter and… it’s easier to talk about. Jasper had already made me feel… a lot better about the whole thing but this… explained so much to me. I found the reason behind it and honestly it makes me feel a little… silly…” had I meant to say that?

“How so?” Pearl looked at me with wrinkled eyebrows.

“It was literally _one_ word. ‘Disgusting’. And it affected me so much”

Pearl got a sad look in her eyes. “It was an important moment to you… and she… she _should_ have _known_ that” her cheeks flushed darker and she gave my hand a squeeze. “It was… _cruel_ ” I looked at her with raised eyebrows, feeling a deep twinge in my heart – not the same as I had done whenever Priyanka and Connie shared a moment, but… a different kind of pain. She _understood_ – and it _hurt_ that she understood. Because if she could understand, that meant she knew the feeling herself – not the period part of it obviously – but the disappointment, loneliness and utter devastation that came with being so exposed and then _hurt_ in that state… and that was incredibly sad. I felt my eyes tearing up, a deep sense of kinship blooming inside my chest. It wasn’t the first time she had made me feel like she knew exactly what I was talking about. “I hope it’s alright for me to say that” she said a little worriedly when she saw my expression.

“It’s fine, fine” I said, wiping my eyes. “It makes me feel… understood. Heard” I put my hand over my heart. A single, sparkly red butterfly appeared in the air and flapped its ragged wings a few times before vanishing.

“Red butterfly… What does that mean?”

“I… I’m not entirely sure… something very good that also hurts?” she looked back at me.

“Would you… let me see?” she asked me tentatively and I gasped, feeling the tears fall from my eyes.

“Are you a-asking because… you want to _see_ … or as part of the training?” I responded, feeling my heart tremble. She drew her eyebrows together, then took a deep breath.

“I don’t… like to talk about the time before I met Rose, but let’s just say I know what it’s like… to be treated badly by the person who… made you…” I looked at her, and she met my gaze with a sad smile. “I didn’t know it _wasn’t supposed to be that way_ , just like you… Then Rose showed me a _different_ life and I… broke free, with her help. Taking that first step away from… who used to own me was the hardest thing I ever did…” a look of pain flowed over her features as she looked into my eyes. “Somehow it helps me to see through your eyes – a lot of the things you have shared with me I have felt in some way, shape or form. It’s… _comforting_ … to know someone else has similar experiences” I let out a breath. “I’m… just not quite ready to share my own. I’m asking you for my own sake, as weird as it might sound, because if _you_ can, then maybe _I_ can too… It was what I was going to ask you to do today, share some of your memories… I understand if you don’t want to share _this_ one – I know it’s a… very personal one”

I looked at her, stunned. Then I inhaled deeply and felt my throat tingle as the air was sucked from my lungs. The dark cloud buzzed and writhed pitifully, like a twisted, deformed little creature. Pearl took a breath, then reached out for it. Her hand was still on mine, and at the moment she touched the dark vapor I was catapulted back into my mother’s room, and the memory played – sharp as if I had been sent back in time to relive the moment in person.

As I pulled the blanket over myself in my room, my eyes snapped open and I panted at the change in scenery. For a moment we both breathed heavily, then Pearl spoke in a slow, quiet voice;

“It’s horrible, isn’t it…? Knowing how they were and what they did, remembering it all and… _loathing them_ … but still, somewhere deep inside all you want is their love, their touch, their… approval…” she trailed off and I squeezed her hand tightly, her words resonating with me powerfully. I had never put words around that particular feeling, but it rang with painful truth.  

“Y-yes” I said, wiping my eyes.

“Thank you” she said firmly, looking at me determinately. I saw tear tracks down her cheeks too. “Thank you for being so… so _brave_ … and sharing that with me…”

“I… trust you with it…” I croaked, knowing it was true. Pearl’s drew in a sharp, ragged breath.

“That – that means a lot to hear” she panted, smiling through her tears. We both gathered ourselves a little, still holding hands. It felt… good to be close to her. Pearl summoned a box of tissues from her gem and we both took a few.

“Maybe… maybe I should try for a happy one” I said slowly.

“Excuse me?” she wiped her eyes with her free hand.

“A happy memory. I could see it so clearly when you touched the cloud and held my hand. Feel what I felt again. I could do with some happiness” I let out a little breath of laughter. “It’s funny… the reason I told you I needed things to be spontaneous – I thought about Patronuses… It’s from the Harry Potter books, a very advanced protection spell. To cast it you need to summon a very happy memory and when I read that I couldn’t understand how Harry did it in the middle of feeling awful and afraid. But I _have_ summoned memories now… Maybe not super-duper on purpose but… that’s what we were going to do today, right?” Pearl looked at me, a smile appearing on her face.

“That’s right” she nodded. “If you feel up for it, of course”

“I think I do”

“OK” Pearl wiped her eyes some more and sat up straighter. “Could you talk me through what happens?”

I thought a moment. “It’s like… the memory comes forward into the center? Of my mind. Or the front. And then I just… breathe out and the air gets like… dragged out of me and my throat tingles”

“Your throat _tingles_?” she wiped her cheeks again, a look of surprise on her face.

“Yeah” I nodded.

“Some gems… Some gems’ _gems_ tingle when they activate – one of the crystal gems – Snowflake – she used to make this little shiver whenever she summoned her weapon or used the warp” Pearl smiled reminiscently.

“Really? Jasper’s gem doesn’t do that. How does it feel for you?”

“I don’t really feel anything” she said. “Does something else happen?”

“No – well…” I remembered how the clouds had _behaved_. “The first one I made… it _moved_ by itself – didn’t just _drift_ … it sort of pulled in on itself?”

“What happened _exactly_?”

“Um… it was a few days after the fight with Lapis. Jasper asked… asked what it felt like to have cramps, because I didn’t want to be… _intimate_ because of how crappy I felt. She said she wanted to understand… I wasn’t too sure I _should_ show her, but then I just… concentrated and breathed out – the cloud was so _dense_ … It felt like it was _lurking_ , then Jasper reached for it and it pulled in on itself – I think it was… protecting itself? I asked if she really wanted to touch it and when she said yes the mist reached out _for her_ and…” I remembered how agonized her face had been.

“And?” Pearl’s cheeks had gone blue, but she was leaning forward interestedly.

“Then she… felt it” I said quietly. “I thought I must have intensified it somehow at first, like what happened with you after the first time here. But when she described it… it was accurate. I was… kind of surprised at her reaction. Didn’t have the heart to tell her fourth or fifth day cramps aren’t even a patch on first day ones…” I frowned slightly.

“Do you mean to say… that the cloud… reacted to your state of mind _after_ it had left you?” Pearl asked fascinatedly.

“What?” I felt confused.

“Sounded like you were uncertain at first and the cloud contracted, but when Jasper insisted she _wanted_ to feel it – that’s when it reached for her, right?”  

“Yes?”

“So… when you were unsure, it pulled away… When you got reassured, it reached out – has it done that since then?”

“Not… that I can remember, no”

“Oh, this is incredible… What if that is something you could learn to do – _move_ the clouds, maybe all your lights – I mean you can _aim_ right? I saw you hit the tip of your cigarette – that’s a very small target. Especially when you consider it’s with something as… as _wild_ as lightning” I looked at her, feeling my cheeks heat up at the intensity in her expression. Let her… be excited about this, a part of me said. It’s OK to feel… _good_ about this – you know you didn’t ask for these abilities – well… you’ve _begged_ all the gods in the world for magical powers – but you didn’t think that it’d come at the cost of someone’s _life_ , this just… _happened_ to you. You were in a fight for the right reasons, and you _won_. This is your – for lack of a better word – _reward_ for doing the right thing. For defending someone unable to defend themselves. And look at what that… _unselfish_ action has given you. An entirely new life. And love… _So much love_. It’s OK for you to feel excited too – don’t feel embarrassed she’s giving you so much attention. You _like_ it. _A lot_. And that’s OK. Now, take a deep breath and _be honest_. I drew in a long breath and felt myself relaxing as I exhaled.

“How _do_ you aim it?” Pearl looked at me.

“Um… I think I just really… want it to happen? And then it does” I said, trying to wrap my head around something I’d never really thought about.

“You ‘want it to happen’?”

“Yeah, like… I want my cigarette to light so I can have a smoke. And I just look at it and sort of concentrate… It has a job to do? A task. And then it’s done” Pearl wore a thoughtful expression. “It’s not something I _aim_ … or steer like I’d aim a sling shot or steer a car”

“That makes… a strange sort of sense, when I think about it. It’s all relating back to your emotions, how you feel in the moment – or in the past as it may be. It’s not a separate thing from you… it’s an extension of you – it’s _you_ touching the tip of the cigarette”

I let out a breath of laughter. “There is no spoon…”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s from a movie… The Matrix – humanity has been enslaved by an artificial intelligence of their own making, and the AI is using the electricity generated by their hearts to power itself – I know it’s not scientifically accurate or anything, but it’s a great movie anyway”

“Hah, yes, your human entertainment rarely makes sense” Pearl smiled.

“All the humans are hooked up to this virtual reality called The Matrix, and some humans know it’s all fake, they recruit this guy called Neo and he’s the chosen one – he learns how to manipulate the virtual world around him. One of my favorite scenes is him being in an apartment with The Oracle, and there’s all these children there – prodigies and enlightened little kids… One of them is playing with a spoon and it bends in all sorts of ways, then they hold it out to Neo and say; do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself” Pearl stared at me in surprise.

“That’s very philosophical for a movie…” she said slowly. “The Matrix you say? Maybe I should see it…” I beamed at her.

“You should, it’s really good! But stay away from the sequels” she smiled at me.

“So… you want the cigarette to light, then it happens, OK, so… Could that… approach be applied to all your abilities? If I think about it, that’s what happens with your memory clouds too, isn’t it? You _want_ to share a specific memory… and it happens”

“Yeah, I guess. I wonder… I mean it doesn’t seem likely that it’d be _that_ easy, does it? I’m thinking of bigger things than just… lighting a cigarette now. The times I’ve burned myself, it’s been like… an _overload_ … out of control thing, an eruption or something”

“Or maybe a release?” Pearl looked at me a little worriedly. “I’m thinking of the time you came here before the confrontation with Lapis. When you passed out from heat exhaustion… There was _so much_ of everything”

I recalled the… _storm_ of emotions I had felt then. The conflict going on inside, the rage at Lapis’… Lapis’ _cowardice_ in not telling the other gems about what really happened inside Malachite.  And how Jasper had just… pulled away from me. I breathed out a stream of black and red.

“I remember… needing to scream. That’s why I left you so abruptly – I was _too_ angry. Yeah, I needed to release it without hurting anyone, including myself… Didn’t end up doing that exactly but… It all worked out for the best… Did I ever thank you for finding me?”

“Uh, no, I don’t think so – but I know you are. Thankful, I mean” she smiled at me warmly. “Honestly you… you _frightened_ me”

“I did?” I felt surprised, then a little ashamed.

“Yes” she put her hand on mine again. “I didn’t know you could make so _much_ light – and that it could stay around for so long. But that wasn’t what scared me the most…” I looked at her worriedly. “It was that you couldn’t _hear_ me…”

“Oh…”

“I know that happens to you, sometimes… When you’re… too focused? Too… overwhelmed?” I felt my ears heat up.

“Y-yeah I guess I do… sort of get… locked in?” I furrowed my brow, feeling my cheeks burning too now. I was hoping no one would notice that…

“It’s a… great skill to have – to be able to focus all your attention on a task, but…”

“It means there’s no attention left for other things that might be happening around me…” I said with a puff of green vapor.

“Y-yes” Pearl admitted with a consoling smile. “If you could learn to harness that focus – that would be an enormously powerful tool to you”

“The sound turns off” I said quietly. “The noises in my head or whatever drowns everything else out. And sometimes the thing I’m focused on is all I can see”

“Like with Charlie, when I made her be our lookout…” Pearl said, a look of shame flowing over her features. I remembered almost hitting Pearl afterwards and my knuckles twinged. I opened and closed my hand a few times.

“I get… consumed” I said slowly. “Sometimes I do _really_ stupid things… I thought I had the anger under control now, and mostly I _do_ , but… There’s like a beast in my chest that wants to get out and it can take over – sometimes I _let_ it take over, sometimes it… overpowers me…”

“Like when you… punched the wall?” Pearl asked tentatively. I nodded, feeling very guilty.

“I’m so dreadfully sorry about that” I said, forcing myself to look her in the eye.

“I know you are. And I’m sorry to have pushed you to the point where that happened” she squeezed my hand, the shame now etched clearly in the faint lines of her face too. “I saw how much it frightened you to have… lost control like that. And how much effort it must have taken to change direction mid-swing… And the state of your hand afterward…” she put her other hand on top of mine. “But you were ultimately in control there, you decided to _not_ hit me – I didn’t… didn’t _dare_ ask you why or how then, but maybe you could tell me now?” I swallowed, my mouth going suddenly dry.

“It…” a _deeply_ green and purplish red cloud issued from my mouth. Pearl looked at it with a pained expression. “It was your eyes…”

“My eyes?”

“I could see my face reflected in them – I… I looked _just_ like my mother when she... when she _hit_ me… I got so _disgusted_ and _afraid_. I couldn’t do that… Couldn’t be like… like _her_ …” blue black smoke left me now and the cloud was so dense it drifted _down_ instead of up. I felt a little sick.

“Oh stars” Pearl gasped and raised one hand to cover her mouth. “ _Erica_ …” I drew in a sharp breath myself, then decided not to fight the tears that burned my eyes. Don’t run from this, I told myself. Be sad. “You’re _nothing_ like her!” Pearl said with feeling, squeezing my hand tightly, then moved the hand she had raised and grabbed my shoulder rather forcefully. “Do you hear me?” she looked at me intensely and honestly I was a little frightened by the sudden shift in emotion in her voice. She sounded almost angry. “You’re _not_ like her. You couldn’t be _less_ like her!” she squeezed my shoulder so tightly it hurt and my fingers were feeling cold from lack of blood flow. After half a moment she realized she was being too intense and let me go suddenly. “Forgive me – I – oh” I looked at her and felt… strangely reassured. It was odd to feel that way, but… the intensity with which she had reacted made me feel like she truly _meant_ what she said – that I really wasn’t like my mother. I smiled at her faintly, wiping my face. She looked at me with worry.

“Th-anks… for saying that”

“I… really?” she looked surprised and worried now.

“Yeah, yes…” she was now the second person in a few days that had been very adamant that there was a huge difference between me and my mother. Instead of something dropping away from me, I felt something being _added_ this time. Something small and _bright_ was growing. It felt… good… “It feels good to hear, makes me… less afraid of… how I’d be as a mom…” that’s right… I hadn’t told her yet.

“That’s… that’s _great_ ” she said breathlessly, looking very relieved.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for… quite a while now” I began and she raised her eyebrows. “Something good – something very good”

“Oh?”

“Yes… Do you remember before our… second private session I think it was, that Garnet and I were having tea?”

“Oh, uh… yes?”

“And I said we talked about something I couldn’t tell you about?”

“Yes?”

“I asked her… if it was possible for Jasper to make me pregnant” Pearl’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock. “She said yes… so… we’re going to start trying to m-make one – well, that is when we’ve gathered all the information and stuff but, yeah… We’re going to have a baby…” a couple of iridescent butterflies fluttered through the air – they settled over my heart and on my belly. I looked down at them and smiled, feeling touched at the intensity of my own emotion, if there even was such a thing.

“Buh-baby?” Pearl said in a strangled voice, looking suddenly terrified. I remembered Greg had told me Pearl had been _devastated_ – and _understandably_ so – at Rose giving up her form to make Steven.

“I’ll… I’ll be just fine…” I said quietly, smiling at her.

“You… you will?”

“Yes, Garnet said it’d be OK”

“ _Ohthankthestars_ ” she blurted, then she sagged, clutching her gem. She took a few breaths and blinked rapidly. “Do forgive me – that – oh – I wasn’t expecting that at _all_ ” she swallowed and looked at me. “That’s – that’s – _oh_ …” she said with a shaking voice. A multitude of emotions rippled over her face and I drew my eyebrows together as I saw tears slide down her cheeks again. “You’ll be… you’ll be such an _excellent_ mother, Erica!” she wailed and threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. “And – and Jasper too!” she added quickly. “Oh, I’m so – so _happy_ for you!” she proceeded to sob wetly in my ear for a few seconds before my brain kicked my body into reacting. I embraced her back and let out a long sigh of contentment, the tension of the last few minutes of conversation leaving my body. After a little while Pearl sat back on her knees and wiped her face, having to use quite a lot of tissues to do so. “That baby of yours is going to be simply _adorable_ ” she said a little indistinctly. “Jasper’s hair with your eyes? Oh, _stars_ …” she put her hand over her heart. “Oh, have you told Steven yet?” she looked at me with a happy smile.

“No, not yet. Amethyst was the first to officially get to know, then Greg because I needed to ask him some questions. But I wanted to tell _you_ since Garnet told me it was possible, but… I had to talk to Jasper first”

“Of course, I understand” she patted my knee. “Will you need baby clothes? I know Greg saved all of Steven’s things – Amethyst has it all stored in her room!”

“Oh, that’s so sweet of you…” a puff of gold left me. “That would be very much appreciated, yes. I know they grow like weeds… I can’t believe how _big_ Charlie had gotten when I saw her… She’s turning thirteen in March… Guh, suddenly I feel so _old_ ” I giggled.

“ _You’re_ old?” Pearl said with a little sparkling laugh. “Thirty two is barely a third of a _century_ – I would say just wait until you pass ten thousand, but that would be quite impossible for you, I’m sad to say” I looked at her with wide eyes.

“Are you more than ten _thousand_ years old?” I asked in surprise.

“I’m… twelve thousand, six hundred and forty nine. No fifty nine”

“ _Whoa_ …” I breathed, feeling impressed.

“Soon I’ll actually be able to say that I’ve spent more than half my life _free_ …” she said, looking sadly satisfied. “Now _that_ is a day _I’m_ going to celebrate”

“When is that?”

“In five years…” she smiled in a happier way now.

“How will you celebrate it?”

“I have no clue” she sighed, leaning back on her hands and looking more relaxed than I had ever seen her. “Steven will be nineteen then”

“And mine and Jasper’s kid might be… four years old…” I breathed out a long breath of golden orange and pink. I smiled as the memory of the brown and beige haired toddler swept across my mind, making my heart beat faster. “Would you like to see?”

“See what?”

“What I think they’d look like?” Pearl’s cheeks took on a pale blue tinge and nodded slowly, her eyes becoming over bright. I concentrated, bringing the image back to the center of me and breathed out a long breath of golden orange and pink. The tingling in my throat now was more powerful than before. The cloud in front of us was _big_ … and it wafted _elegantly_ in the barely existent breeze. Pearl reached up and touched it, then her eyes fell closed and she gasped, raising both her hands to her chest.

“Oh, _stars_ …” she panted, reaching out to grab my hand. “They’re _beautiful_ …”

***

I was sitting in the car in the parking lot outside of Connie’s school and having a cigarette with a cup of coffee from my thermos. The time I had spent with Pearl in the desert was rolling around in my mind and I felt _tired_ but good… The radio was tuned to a soft jazz station so that was probably helping it along a bit. After a few minutes I saw the doors to the brick building open and a whole bunch of kids came dashing out. I put out my cigarette as I saw Connie approaching. She opened the door and slumped into the seat with a sigh.

“Hi” I said brightly. “How was your day?”

“Exhausting…” she groaned, buckling herself in.

 “Did everything go OK?”

“Yeah… Nothing bad has happened and it hasn’t hurt so badly, it’s just…”

“So draining?” I suggested.

“Yeah…” she closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the chair. “Steven’s been texting me all day asking to hang out this afternoon and I don’t know what to tell him…”

“Do you _want_ to hang out with him?”

“Normally yeah, but… I’m just so t-tired” she yawned out the last word. “And I’ve got a bunch of homework due tomorrow…”

“It’s OK to tell him no” I said softly.

“He’ll want to know why…”

“If you don’t want to tell him what’s up, you don’t have to. You could just say you’re tired, because you are” I supplied.  There was a little chip tune from her pocket and she pulled out her phone and flicked it open.

“Sorry, Erica – hi mom” she said wearily. “It went alright. A bit, yeah… Yeah, we’re in the car right now… Mhm, math, but not a lot. And English too… Yeah, we got the book reports back. I got an A” she smiled faintly now. “Yeah, mom. OK, love you too” she hung up, then began to tap out a message. “I’m just telling Steven now… is ‘Sorry, I’m just too tired, maybe later in the week?’ OK to send?”

“Sure, sweetheart” I said, giving her a soft look. “Hey, you want to… stop for ice cream or something on the way home?” Connie turned to look at me.

“Did you cut your hair?” she asked, her eyes opening a little wider in surprise.

“Yeah I did” I smiled at her warmly.

“It looks really n-nice” she yawned. “Sorry”

“It’s OK”

“I think… I’d just like to go home, if you don’t mind…”

“That’s fine” I said, looking at her and feeling a bit worried. “Maybe have a bit of a nap when we get there?”

“Nap?” she said, wrinkling her eyebrows. “I haven’t had a nap in the afternoon since kindergarten…”

“Afternoon naps are the best… I think I might have one. Or a bit of a lie down before dinner at least”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… Cake usually joins me around this time, but I’m sure she’d accompany you if you decide to have a rest”

“Mmm… maybe…” her eyes fell closed and she shook her head slightly. I smiled at her.

“Well, give it a bit of a think and decide when we get home”

“OK…”

I started the engine and after about a minute Connie was fast asleep. I turned the volume on the radio down and drove extra carefully the fifteen minutes to our house. When I pulled the parking brake her head snapped up.

“We’re there already?” she asked drowsily.

“Yup” I said with a smile and grabbed her surprisingly heavy backpack and got out of the car.  She followed me inside and took her shoes off, letting out a stifled groan as she moved to stand up again. “Right. Upstairs and into bed, kiddo” I said in a soft but firm voice.

“But I’ve got – ” she yawned again. “Homework…”

“That can wait an hour, sweetheart. You have twenty seconds and then I’m carrying you up there and tucking you in myself” I gave her a mock-serious look.

“Alright, I’m going…” she smiled a little embarrassedly.

“I’ll put the kettle on and be right up”

“OK…” she walked slowly upstairs and Cake darted up after her, meowing in greeting.

I boiled some water and filled the water bottle, then went up. Connie had fallen asleep again, Cake laying under her chin – it was such an adorable scene – I wanted to take a picture to keep forever, but that would be _hella_ creepy.

“Connie…” I said softly.

“Mmm…”

“I’ve got the hot water bottle right here, do you want me to just… put it on your tummy?”

“Mmm…” she nodded faintly and I did so, being careful not to touch her actual body. I pulled a blanket over her and smiled as she and Cake snuggled up together. I left the room quietly and half closed the door in case Cake wanted to get out later, then went downstairs and out into the garden to have a smoke before going to lay down myself.

I woke up about an hour later and went back upstairs to find Connie sitting up in bed and doing her homework.

“Hey” I yawned, stretching slightly. “Slp well?”

“Yeah, I feel loads better” she smiled at me. “Maybe naps aren’t just for babies…”

“Naps are fr _every-wone_ ” I grinned back muzzily. “You wan a snck?”

“Sorry, what?”

I cleared my throat. “Would you like a snack?” I asked, articulating every word exaggeratedly.

“Yes please”

“Fruit or sandwiches?”

“Fruit please”

“I was planning on making salmon file with potatoes and sugar snaps for dinner, any objections to that?”

“None whatsoever” she smiled at me. “Mom said she’d be over to pick me up around eight”

“OK”

I went to get Connie some fruit, then started to prepare dinner. It was twenty past five in the afternoon. Or was that technically evening? Jasper came home at a little past six, stinking to high heaven.

“Sorry babe, I’ll greet you properly when I’ve had a wash” she said apologetically and headed upstairs to shower. I felt a bit miffed, not getting a kiss and a hug, but that would have meant getting into the shower _with_ her and I don’t think I’d be able to keep my hands off her. I was very much looking forward to after Connie had gone home.

The three of us ate dinner while watching a few episodes of Under the Knife, a ridiculous medical drama that Connie seemed very excited about. Priyanka arrived at eight ten and Connie went to pick up her stuff.

“Again, can’t thank you enough for doing this” Priyanka said, looking both grateful and kind of exhausted. “Did… everything go alright?” she asked quietly.

“Yes, fine, fine” I said, waving my hand at her reassuringly.

“I’m glad to see you’re… doing better” she smiled at me.

“Thanks, Priyanka. What you said really helped and I’ve been able to figure some things out, so really, thank _you_ … Um, if you don’t mind… there was something we wanted to ask you…”

“Oh?”

“Yes” Jasper said, putting her hand on my right hip and giving it a squeeze. “We want to have a baby, and to make that happen, I’ll need to change my body to make the missing ingredient and… I don’t know how to do that. It would be… extremely helpful, and very _nice_ of you if… If you’d consent to talking about that with me – with us” Priyanka stared up at Jasper, completely surprised.

“Feel free to say no if it makes you uncomfortable“ I added, feeling nervous. Priyanka looked at me too and her expression softened.

“I’ll… gladly talk to you about that” she said, sounding a little stunned, but a smile spread across her face slowly – then she held up a finger. “You weren’t thinking about right now though, right?” she added in her no-nonsense tone.

“No, no! Some other day. With… more time” I nodded, grinning broadly – a few bright sparkly butterflies appeared. Priyanka nodded and Jasper’s back straightened proudly.

“Excellent” she said and beamed.

“Just tell us a time you’re free and we’ll be there” I hugged Jasper’s side tightly, feeling ridiculously happy.

* * *

Please review!  



	57. A golden day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Fluffy.

Chapter 57: A golden day

My phone was ringing. Why the fuck was my phone ringing? I grumbled and picked it up to turn it off, then looked at the bright screen. It was two minutes past midnight – the display read: Robyn calling… My best friend was calling me? I swiped the screen to answer as Jasper turned over with a sleepy sound.

"Mmff?" I grunted.

"'Mmff' to you too, sugar cube! Prepare yourself…" Robyn cleared her throat. "La la la" she sang a few experimental notes, gloriously off key and I smiled. "Haaaappy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!"

"Oh mah gaws…" I sniggered muzzily. "'S bar-ly midniite…"

"Still counts as your birthday" she laughed her bright laugh, with that little snort at the end that I loved so dearly. "The clan sends their congratulations too and there is a mysterious and wonderful gift on the way. From your favorite Scottish island…" I smiled in the darkness.

"Oof… you di'nt…"

"Oh _yes_ I did"

"Whn wr you in Scotlnd?"

"Last month, had a show" she said airily. "Too good an opportunity to miss and I know how you love that swill"

"Pfft… fuck you…" I sniggered, sitting up.

"Hey, is that any way to talk to your bestest friend forever? Calling you so very precisely at midnight in a country I'm not even in – sheesh, so ungrateful in your old age" she huffed theatrically and I burst out laughing, covering my mouth with my hand after a moment.

"Hmm… babe…?" Jasper turned over again.

"Sry, bstie… I'm – " I cleared my throat. "I'm talking to my best friend"

"Now?" she yawned and snuggled up against me.

"It's after midnight, so it's _technically_ my birthday" she chuckled and kissed the small of my back, making me giggle and squirm.

"Oh – is that the new lady-love?" Robyn asked.

"Yeah, that's my beastie…" I said fondly, stroking her shoulder tenderly. "I'm putting you on speaker"

"OK, but 'beastie'?" she laughed. "What is the origin of that nickname, huh?"

"Well… she's a beast between the sheets" I said smugly.

" _Really_ now?" Robyn sniggered, as did Jasper. "Well, I'll take your word for it, sugar cube! Hello by the way – what do I call you? Not beastie, I assume"

"Jasper" Jasper said huskily, putting her head in my lap instead.

"Glad to make your acquaintance – now, sugar cube – how are you? Tell me _everything_ …" I let out a little laugh, making a few bright butterflies appear.

"Oh, sweetie-darling, where do I _begin_ …"

I spent quite some time recounting everything that had happened since we last met around six months ago. Jasper chimed in with sniggers and added little details to the stuff about her.

"Well fuck me sideways" Robyn said hoarsely, sounding stunned. I had just finished telling her about our plans for a new house and a baby. "You sound really happy – and a _baby_? Hun, if you don't make me godmother I'm going to sick _my_ _mother_ on you"

"We're going to have to discuss that" I giggled. Jasper raised an inquiring eyebrow. "Godparents are like back-up parents – if we both die, they'll raise the kid"

"Yeah, that's _technically_ it – but you know, don't want that to _happen_ – mostly it's just bragging rights and an excuse to spoil the little nipper to bits with expensive gifts, taking them to cool places, buying them beer and being generally awesome"

Robyn told me what she had been up to since last time, which took about as long – her sculpture shows were drawing a lot of attention and I felt so very proud of her. When we hung up I looked down at Jasper with a broad smile.

"She seems nice" she said with a tired one on her face. "Guessing the birthday girl wants to go have a cigarette now?" I nodded and she came with me outside. She sat down on the sofa and patted the area between her legs. "Come here…" I went to sit down too, lighting a cigarette by saying 'sweetie-darling'. The golden bolt of lightning illuminated the garden. Jasper chuckled croakily. "Mmm… I hope you're going to like the rest of today too"

"'The rest of today'?" I looked up at her with raised eyebrows.

"Mhmm… Got a little something planned for the evening…"

"What? Really? I thought we were going to have sushi?"

"We are" she said mysteriously. "But there's a bit more"

"What?"

"You'll see" I couldn't see her face with my back turned against her, but I knew it must be _smug_.

"Nooo… tell me!" I whined theatrically. I was _really_ curious.

"That'd ruin the surprise" she chuckled, rocking me slightly. "But… since we're up…" she began kissing down my neck. "How about a little… royal treatment for my queen, hmm?" her warm hands stroked my thighs slowly. I felt a surge of arousal that made me shiver and she chuckled.

"Oh this is going to be a _great_ day…" I giggled.

My phone rang again – this time the screen read 'Granny calling…'

"Oh! It's my grandma!" I said happily. Jasper, Amethyst and I were standing in the kitchen making a sort of fancy buffet brunch – there was an emphasis on gravlax and I had just piled a plate high with the succulent delicacy and bread. I answered the call and stepped out into the garden. "Hej farmor!*" I said happily.

"Heeej födelsedagsgrisen!^" she cooed, then cleared her throat. "Ja må hon leva, ja må hon leva, ja må hon leva uti hundrade år! Jasvisst ska hon leva, javisst ska hon leva, javisst ska hon leva uti hundrade år! Ett trefaldigt leve för min fina Erica! Hurra, hurra, hurra!+" she sang in her beautifully hoarse voice. I giggled and blushed.

"Thanks, grandma" I said warmly.

"You're very welcome, my dear – has my gift arrived for you yet?"

"Mmm, no, I don't think so?"

"Oh bother! I was assured it would be there at noon! I'm going to call and complain to the company"

"Come on, grandma, I bet it'll be here soon"

"I wanted to be there when you opened it!"

"Well… what is it?" I asked mischievously.

"Now, _silly pants_ , you know I can't tell you that…" she chided me with a happy tone. "So, Charlotte has been telling me about this new lady in your life – en stor grann tös!" I smiled to myself, feeling a little smug I'd known how she would describe Jasper – a big lovely girl. "How she manages that hair I have no idea"

"She showed you pictures?" I asked in surprise.

"She sent me an e-mail!" for someone over ninety, she was pretty technologically advanced – having an e-mail account was essential to her – so she could get a steady stream of pictures of the kids, grandkids and great grandkids. "And that little cat is so _charming_ – did you see the one where Charlotte has put a _sock_ on her head?" I let out a laugh.

" _No_ , she forgot to show me that one, _somehow_ …"

"Hey babe – there's a package for you" Jasper came out into the garden and smiled broadly when she saw the little swarm of butterflies flitting around me.

"Oh, farmor, it's here"

"Well, open it! I want to hear rustling!" I sniggered excitedly and went inside.

"I'm going to put you on speaker – Jasper and Amethyst – a good friend is here"

"Ah, hej hej" grandma said happily. "Nice to meet you, I'm Josefina, but call me Jo, or granny Jo. Don't call me Jojo, or I might have to come over there and pinch your ears" Amethyst burst out laughing and Jasper looked at me amusedly.

"Inte skrämmas, farmor!" I said in a mock-stern voice. Jasper raised her eyebrows at me. "Told her not to scare you" I added in a whisper.

"Hey granny Jo" Amethyst said with a smile.

"Hello! Are you the one who has stolen my granddaughter's heart?" grandma inquired.

"Nah, that's Jassy-pants, I'm the _good friend_ , wink wink" Amethyst joked.

"I'm Jasper" Jasper said, her cheeks a little flushed.

"Oj, vilken _röst_!" grandma laughed hoarsely. "Hon sjunger väl, Erica? _Säg_ att hon sjunger"

"Ibland, och ja... det är väldans vackert..." I looked up at her fondly and the two gems exchanged a slightly confused look. "She really likes your voice and wondered if you sing at all, I said you do sometimes and that it's really beautiful" I translated in a quick whisper. Jasper's cheeks went a deep red now and Amethyst sniggered.

"Th-thanks, babe" she smiled. "And nice to meet you uh… granny Jo"

"Pleasure making your acquaintance, Jasper. Och nu - presentdags!" grandma insisted – present time!

"Amethyst could you hand me the scissors?"

"Here you go"

I opened the package to find a smaller, softer package. I unwrapped this one too to find a black t-shirt with Twilight Sparkle on it. The slogan 'Friendship is Magic' plastered across the chest.

" _Grandma_!" I squeaked happily, a burst of butterflies and ribbons appearing around me. Jasper and Amethyst sniggered at my reaction. "It's _perfect_ , _thank you_!" I got so excited I took off the shirt I was wearing and put it on immediately. "And it's a good size too!"

"Oh, it was the right one wasn't it? The Sparkle Princess pony?"

"Yes – how did you know?"

"Charlotte helped me pick it out – she said she was your favorite"

"She _is_ , oh my gods, thank you – I _love_ it!"

"Good! Send me a picture!"

"I will, I will" I laughed, smiling hugely. "I'll call you tomorrow – I hope your gift arrives in time so you can open it then"

"It's already arrived" she said, sounding very pleased. "Call me at… two thirty in the afternoon, your time – I've got a ten minute window then"

"OK, I will"

"Have a good day, födelsedagsgrisen! And don't party too hard, I want to hear you sing nice and clear for me tomorrow"

"Don't worry, grandma" I sniggered. "Take care and talk to you tomorrow"

"Bye, silly pants, love you lots and lots and more. Kisses!"

"Love you too, kisses" I picked up the phone and we hung up. "Oh my gods" I giggled. "She got me a pony shirt…" I beamed at Jasper and Amethyst.

"Looks good on you" Jasper said and smoothed it out over my shoulders, smiling crookedly. "Twilight, huh?"

"She _is_ best pony" I said seriously.

" _Luna_ is best pony" she insisted and kissed me.

"Neeeeerds" Amethyst snorted with laughter. "We gonna chow down or what? Got any chili sauce?"

"We _do_ but don't you dare put it on the gravlax" Jasper said. "Fucking sacrilege"

"Aw, beastie… But yeah, if you put chili sauce on that I'm going to have to hurt you" I giggled.

"Pff, _weak_ " the purple gem huffed, but smiled.

A little later Charlie called and sang Happy Birthday to me too. She said she and Victoria were getting along fine and that she had planted some new seeds in the greenhouse. It made me so incredibly happy to hear that she was getting back to gardening – and she sounded so much more relaxed now.

Jasper spoke to her for a few minutes too, taking my phone out onto the front lawn so I wouldn't overhear. They were _scheming_! It made me even more happy to see that. Amethyst looked at me with a smirk.

"If you keep smiling like that you're gonna hurt yourself"

"Don't care, too happy" I let out a sparkly golden sigh.

Amethyst had left around two and Jasper had held a whispered conversation with _her too_. What was going on here? Jasper and I spent a few hours just watching movies and relaxing in bed, me asking what she was planning this evening every so often.

"Is the only way to get you to stop asking to kiss you continuously?" Jasper inquired with a smug grin.

" _Maybe_ …" I said with a sly smile. "Or you could, you know, _tell me_ …"

"Kissing it is then…" she chuckled, pulling me close and sliding her hand onto my bum.

"Mmmf" I giggled as she gave it a squeeze. "Again?" she looked at me with predatory eyes.

"Oh, yes please…" she purred.

A few sparkly golden pink orgasms later Jasper and I lay panting on the bed.

" _Beastie_ …" I moaned. "You're _spoiling_ me too much…"

"No" she sniggered and rolled over onto her side. "Just taking my queen for a ride on the Jasper Express…"

"First stop single orgasm, second stop double?"

"Third stop _quadruple_ "

"Wait, are we _doubling_ or _squaring_ here?"

"Hmm…"

"Even if we're doubling then it'd be _eight_ on the fourth stop – a feat I don't think Galadriel is capable of…"

"Hah!" Jasper let out a loud bark of a laugh. "A _challenge_ worthy of _me_!" she flexed her free arm and I shivered and giggled.

"Darling… think we reached a point seven _at least_ right there…" I hummed, leaning in to kiss her swollen lips. "Oh my gods… I don't know if you'd feel silly about this but… next time you fuck me missionary, could you just like… sit up and flex both your arms? And keep thrusting…" I saw Jasper's pupils dilate again and a roguish grin spreading across her face.

" _Babe_ … I love it when you use your imagination for sexy stuff…"

"I have a _filthy_ mind sometimes…" I giggled.

"Mhmm? How filthy exactly?"

"Probably a little _too_ filthy for your innocent ears, darling" I teased and she let out a mock-hurt gasp.

"Oh yeah? Why don't you _try_ me?" Jasper gave me a cocky little poke in the chest.

"Mmm… where to _begin_ …" I mused.

It was close to dinner time now and we got dressed and headed out toward the restaurant. I had a smoke on the way, and Jasper took my hand in her big one, walking with quite a spring in her step.

"Could almost think it's _your_ birthday, the way you're smiling" I said with a grin.

"Just happy" she said, giving my hand a squeeze. "And… hope you're hungry, babe"

"Mhmm… I'm going to _gorge_ myself on sushi; you might have to carry me home afterward"

"Can do" she smirked, flexing her free arm.

"Oh… darling… damn…" despite the amount of time we had spent naked today, my nether regions still tingled at her cocky little display. I was a bit sore though, in an 'I've had a serious workout today' kind of way. We approached the restaurant, but then Jasper went past where we needed to turn. "Darling, it's this way" I said with a little giggle.

"We're not going there" she smiled at me crookedly and pulled me along.

"But we made a reservation" I sniggered.

"I know. I cancelled it"

"What?" I felt really confused now.

"Do you trust me?" she asked, looking down at me with warmth.

"Y-yes of course, but what – "

"Just hold on" she bit her lower lip as we walked toward the boardwalk. I followed her, feeling confused. She led me down into the sand.

"Are we going to Steven's house?"

"Mhmm" she hummed.

"Why are we going to St-" I stopped in the middle of the sentence, stunned at what I saw on the beach in front of us.

"Happy birthday!" Steven called as he raced toward me. He threw his arms around me and lifted me off my feet.

"Oof! H-hello Steven" I stammered, completely stumped. "Um, thank you"

"Come on!" he grabbed me by the hand and dragged me with him while Jasper chuckled. On the beach in front of the temple were two tables and a bunch of chairs. Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, Connie, Sadie, Greg, Priyanka and Doug were sitting or standing around it, talking and having drinks. Behind them was… a bounce house?

"There she is, the birthday girl!" Greg called happily as Steven let me go and I skidded to a halt a few feet from them all. Amethyst burst into laughter and fell onto the ground.

"Oh shit your _face_!" she snorted.

"Happy birthday!" the rest chorused, smiling at me warmly.

"Huh?" I croaked, feeling stunned.

"Honey, this is your birthday party" Jasper said, coming up behind me and putting her arm around my shoulders. "Gifts, food, cake, people and… bounce house"

"She's shell shocked!" Amethyst sniggered, getting up and punching me on the hip playfully. "Snap out of it, E" I shook my head and blinked at them all.

"Amethyst" Pearl griped at her. "Don't _punch_ Erica!"

"'s fine…" I said quietly, then looked up at Jasper. "You… did this?"

"Not _just_ me" she smiled, blushing slightly.

"It's been so hard to keep it secret!" Amethyst sniggered.

"Yeah!" Steven and Connie agreed.

"I would have to agree" Pearl nodded.

"I had no trouble" Garnet added in a completely serious tone and that seemed to break the spell I was under – I just started laughing, great big butterflies in yellow and sparkly white bursting into life around me.

"Oh my fucking gods sorry for swearing I can't believe you've done this holy shit I'm so flattered thank you I love it I love you I'm going to start crying" I babbled and clung to Jasper's hip, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. Tears of joy trickled down my cheeks and I hugged Jasper tightly, then Amethyst, then everyone else in turn, even Doug! They all hugged me back happily, laughing and joking and patting my back.

"So, you like it then?" Jasper asked as I hugged her again.

"Mhmm, darling, I _love it_!" I sniffed, not able to stop crying. "You sneaky sneak sneak! I had no idea!"

"Well, I _can_ keep a secret" she sniggered. "But it's been hard. Wanted to tell you about it every day, especially when you've been so down…" she stroked my cheek, wiping away some of my tears.

"Aw… darling… I'm so _touched_ , _thank_ you… Thank you everyone!" I turned to smile at the rest.

"Our pleasure" Pearl said warmly.

"Pff, and you haven't even tried the cake yet" Amethyst flicked her wrist at me.

"Or opened your presents!" Steven said excitedly.

"Or had any of the food" Greg added.

"Or been in the bounce house" Connie giggled.

How could I describe to them just how incredibly touched and happy I felt about them doing all this… for _me_ …? Robyn had thrown me a party a few times, but mostly it had just been the two of us. On one memorable occasion her family had been there too and I had never had so much fun on my actual birthday. Like now, I had been astounded at the fact that someone _wanted_ to throw me a party. And that the party was about _me_ and not an opportunity to brag about the new painting that had been put up in the living room, or the new car parked in the driveway…

"I just really… _really_ appreciate the thought" I said hoarsely, feeling more tears slide down my face. A few dark red and black butterflies joined in with the white and yellow ones now and Jasper stroked my back, leaning down to whisper;

"Do you need a minute?" I shook my head and smiled, wiping my eyes hurriedly.

"No, darling, but thanks" I patted her chest gratefully.

"Come look at all the food!" Steven grabbed my hand again and pulled me over to the smaller table.

"Oh my gods" I breathed. The surface was covered in dishes – there was sushi, garlic bread, garlic _knots_ , blueberries, strawberries, Cheetos, Mega Porp and tuna pizza. "All my favorites…"

"There's a cake too, but that's in the fridge" Jasper said, stepping up next to me. "Want to dig in?" I nodded silently, sniffing. I dabbed my eyes with my handkerchief and then picked up a plate and piled it high with food.

"Sit here" Steven pulled out the chair at the head of the table and bowed. "My lady"

"Oh, what a gentleman" I giggled and sat down. The rest collected food as well and sat down around the table, laughing and joking. Jasper sat on my left and Sadie on my right and I just looked at them all, feeling as if I'd been hit over the head with a happiness-sledgehammer. I ate slowly, savoring every bite.

After a while people seemed to be satisfied with the food and the clink of cutlery quietened.

"Erica, do you want gifts or cake first?" Connie asked from further down the table.

"Hmm gifts!" I said with a broad smile.

"Alright" Jasper chuckled, clearing a spot on the table. The gifts were passed along to me and I beamed, my cheeks hurting from smiling so much already.

"This one is from me" Sadie said shyly and held a rectangular present out to me. I opened it to find a DVD – 'Vampire Rodents in Outer Space IV – the return of Dangerous Beans'. "It's really funny"

"Aw, thanks Sadie!" I gave her a hug.

"You're welcome" she giggled, blushing slightly.

"Here's our gift" Doug said with a smile, holding out a bottle to me. It had a fine red bow on it.

"Oh la la" I said when I read the label – Châteauneuf-du-Pape. "Thank you so much!"

"It is fantastic paired with red meat" Priyanka added with a smile.

"Really?" Jasper asked. "What kind?"

"I have a recipe for a stew that's just perfect for this vintage, I can send it to you?" Doug suggested to Jasper.

"Please" she grinned at him and he picked up his phone to do so.

"Open mine next!" Connie called excitedly. "It's the red one with the yellow bow" I reached for it and unwrapped a book. It was 'Coraline' by Neil Gaiman. "Have you read it?"

"Yeah, but it was ages ago! Thanks Connie – Gaiman is one of my favorite authors" I smiled warmly at her. In fact, I had a signed copy of Coraline locked away in storage, but she didn't need to know that.

"Here's one from me" Greg held out a soft package. It was a very long and soft scarf. I smiled broadly up at him.

"Aw, thanks Greg, it's so _soft_ …"

He leant down to whisper in my ear. "Long enough to wrap a baby to your body"

"Oh my gods…" I breathed, feeling myself tearing up. " _Greg_ …" he patted my shoulder and smiled happily. I put it on, having to wrap it five loops around my neck. Oh it felt so good against my skin…

"Here's one from Pearl, Garnet and me" Amethyst said with a grin, holding out a large bundle. At first I thought it was a pillow, but when I unwrapped it I gasped.

"A hoodie? You knitted me a _hoodie_?!" I gaped at Amethyst, then looked round at Pearl and Garnet. They were both smiling, Pearl looking delighted at my reaction.

"Well, mostly it was Pearl. I helped getting the yarn and stuff. Once I was a knitting needle when Pearl lost one of them" Amethyst said with a snigger.

"I did the one of the sleeves" Garnet said stoically. I held up the garment in front of me – it was a mishmash of colors, but mostly black. I threw off my own hoodie and put the new one on.

"Oh, it's so _cozy_ " I hummed, touching it all over and putting the hood up. "You guys, this is so wonderful, thank you so much, I can't believe you knitted this whole thing!" butterflies were flitting around me steadily. Pearl's face was glowing with pleasure.

"Oh, good, I was really hoping you'd like it" she said and drew in a shaky breath. I rewrapped the scarf around my shoulders – coziness levels were reaching high numbers now.

"Here's my gift!" Steven said happily, holding out a scroll to me.

"A scroll?" I said, untying the pink ribbon around it. I unrolled it carefully on the table, Jasper and Sadie leaning in interestedly. It revealed five people in cloaks and armor and under each one was their names; Sigmund the Wizard, Clonk the Elf, Trogdor the Mighty, Hrolf Thighbiter and Dungeon Master. "These are our characters… from Hero Quest… Oh, look you drew all of us holding hands, even the Dungeon Master…" I lifted the scroll and drank in the picture happily, the lights around me intensifying. "Steven… Thank you, this means such a lot – I'm going to frame this – oh where can I buy a frame?" I babbled excitedly

"Everything's closed now" Steven giggled.

"Oh, but I don't want to damage it!" I squeaked, feeling so very touched. I wanted to keep the drawing safe from harm.

"Tell you what" Jasper said, giving me a smile. "How about I bubble it and – " as soon as she said the word 'bubble' something very… strange happened. A tingling feeling appeared in my throat, then it spread rapidly down into my arms and seemed to fill my hands with warmth. And then, suddenly… I was holding a transparent pale blue sphere with the rolled up scroll suspended in mid-air inside it.

There was stunned silence around me and I stared with wide eyes at the ball in front of me.

"I thought you couldn't do that?" Connie whispered breathlessly after a few seconds.

"I… can't…" I said, feeling completely stunned. A fraction of a second after I had said the words, there was a small pop and bubble vanished and the scroll fell onto the table. "What… what the… what…?" I looked at my hands and then at Jasper – she met my gaze with an astounded look.

"You can bubble things!" Steven whooped.

"Babe… you OK?" Jasper took my hand gently.

"Yeah, fine…" I shook my head slightly.

"Erica, oh I'm so _proud_!" Pearl looked at me with a big smile. I smiled back uncertainly at first, then a fierce kind of joy bloomed inside me.

"I did it, just for a moment, but I did it…" I raised my hand to my mouth.

" _Yeah_ you did!" Amethyst punched me on the shoulder companionably. "Dang girl, you get special powers on your birthday or what?"

"No" Garnet stated. "She can bubble things. With practice" I beamed at Garnet.

"Little monster" Jasper hummed affectionately. "Then we can really keep score"

"Score?" Connie asked.

"Yeah, of how many corrupted gems we've defeated. We're tied two against two at the moment"

"Pff – I think E's in the lead, Jazzy-pants. You and I never took on a jasper fusion thing single handed. That's like triple word score right there" I exchanged a look with Connie and saw a brief expression of fear pass over her face. Priyanka noticed too and put her arm around her daughter, and Connie took a deep breath and relaxed. I was prepared when the twinge came, this time it was accompanied with a flare of warmth as well.

"Yeah, you're right" Jasper chuckled. "Two gems each, but Erica ahead on points. But I'll catch up" she gave me a crooked smile. "Hey babe, still got two more presents left to open. One from Charlie and one from me"

"Oh!" I was super curious at what Charlie had come up with this time.

"This one's from her" Jasper handed me a little brightly wrapped package. I opened it eagerly.

"Ooh! Look, it's a leather bracelet with… one, two, three, four, five braids, _wow_ "

"She had to remake it a couple of times" Connie said with a smile.

"Yeah, she kept dropping one of the braids" Steven added.

"Aw you guys knew?" I asked, feeling so full of joy that Charlie had confided in them.

"Helped her get the clasp on" Jasper said, her cheeks flushing slightly. "Here…" she took the bracelet and fastened it around my wrist. It fit me _perfectly_ and didn't chafe.

"Whoa… Thanks darling!" I kissed her cheek and held my arm up for everyone to see. "I feel like calling her right now and saying thank you, but it's in the middle of the night over there" I giggled, admiring the way the braid flowed together so neatly.

"And… here's my gift… Hope you like it, babe" Jasper handed me a big soft package wrapped in green shiny paper. Inside was a large green hoodie.

"Hoodie!" I said happily. "Thank you, darling!"

"There's a bit more to it" she chuckled as I kissed her cheek many times.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, put it on" I took off the knitted one and the scarf, then put on the green one. "Stand up and put the hood up, and spin round" Jasper instructed and I did as she asked.

"Is it going to grow wings or something?" I giggled as I raised the hood. Sadie, Steven and Connie let out little gasps or surprise, then all three of them chorused 'Aaww…'. "What?"

"It… it has little ears on the hood" Sadie said, looking as if she was about to cry.

"Ears?" I reached up to find that there indeed were pointy ears.

"And on the back it says 'Little Monster' just under the hood" Connie giggled.

"It does?" I turned on the spot, trying to see, and all of them burst out laughing. My head spun a little and I felt a bit stupid trying to see my own neck, but joined in on the merriment. It must have looked like I was trying to chase my own tail or something.

"I was thinking of these things" Jasper stood up and grabbed my green ears with her hands. "As horns rather than ears…"

"So I'd be a _real_ little monster…" I said, looking up at her. The butterflies danced around us. "Darling, I love it so, _so_ much, thank you, thank you, _thank_ you…" I hugged her tightly and sniffed, feeling the tears coming back.

"You're welcome, honey" she chuckled, stroking my back tenderly. "Green really _is_ your color… Hey… you want to tell Steven and Connie?"

"Tell Steven and Connie what?"

"About…" she ran her large thumb over my belly. _Instantly_ the image of Jasper stroking my distended, pregnant belly flashed across my mind again, followed by the brown and white haired toddler. "They're the only ones who still don't know, right? Oh and Peridot I suppose"

"Oh, yes… let's tell them" I smiled up at her warmly. "You or me?"

"You, babe" Jasper grinned and leant down to kiss my lips, then my cheeks. I felt a thrill of nerves as I turned to face the others.

"Thank you everyone for your fantastic gifts! They're all wonderful and I love them to bits, this entire thing means so much to me… And speaking about really good things. _Most_ of you know already" I saw Amethyst surreptitiously step up next to us so that she had both Steven and Connie in view. "But to those of you who don't… Jasper and I are going to start trying to have a baby. I'll be the one being pregnant and –" that's how far I got before Steven's whoop and Connie's squeal of celebration drowned out my voice. They both cannoned into us, hugging us fiercely.

"OHMYGOSH!" Connie said loudly. "I'll teach them to fight with swords!"

"And I'll teach them about video games and how to make really good sandwiches and I want to _babysit_ all the _time_!" Steven laughed into my belly and I felt _so_ touched. "And I'll be like their big brother and I'll never let anyone hurt them and I'll always treat them to donuts and sing to them!"

"And I'll read them stories – age appropriate of course – and I want to babysit too! What are their names going to be? When will they be born? Are you pregnant _now_?" Connie drew back from my belly, looking a little alarmed, maybe thinking she'd just been squishing the baby and not just my tummy. Both Jasper and I chuckled and I saw her gemstone glowing faintly.

"No, Erica's not pregnant yet. And as for names, we have a few lined up… If it's a girl there's, let's see… Charlie, Astrid, Calliope and Eowen and for a boy… Charlie, Theodor, Michael and Andúril. And their _last_ name would be… Jasper-Brooks"

"Oh my gosh! Tolkien names!" Connie squealed.

"And _Charlie_ too – oh have you told her?" Steven gasped.

"No, not yet. Was kind of thinking of telling them all at Christmas, maybe by then we _can_ actually announce if I'm pregnant…" I hugged both Connie and Steven tightly. "Makes me _so_ happy to see you guys so enthusiastic"

"Me too" Jasper added, putting her arms around all three of us and lifting us off the ground a little, making everyone giggle.

"Of course we are!" Steven said, stars in his eyes. "How could we not be, this is like, the best news!"

"Yeah, I agree!" Connie nodded.

"It is lovely news, yeah" Greg agreed, looking at us with a _mostly_ happy smile. To my surprise, Pearl walked up next to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, wonderful to hear" Doug said, striding over and shaking me and Jasper by the hand emphatically. Priyanka followed him and gave me a long hug.

"I have some time tomorrow if you wanted to talk" she said quietly.

"Oh, yes, that would be great" I said back, hugging her a little more intensely. "And thank you so much for the wine"

"You're very welcome"

Sadie came up to hug me too, and then Jasper as well – making Jasper beam with joy. Pearl and Greg followed, both Pearl and Greg hugging me, then shaking Jasper's hand. Jasper clasped both her hands around Greg's.

"Thank you, Greg. For being so open, really, thank you"

"N-no problem" he blushed and then scampered off to take out his guitar.

"Can we go in the bounce house now?" Steven asked Jasper.

"Sure, Steven" she said with a grin. Steven sped off and Connie followed him. "Babe, want to go join them? I know you didn't get the opportunity at Connie's party"

"Yeah I know and hell yes I'm gonna bounce" I said, giggling slightly, my ears heating up. I moved to follow Steven and Connie, squeals and laughter already coming from the inflated building. "Got room for one more in here?" I asked.

"The more the merrier!" Steven said.

"Alright!" Amethyst scrabbled in ahead of me and started to jump around. "Oh man, wanna make this like a mosh pit bounce house?"

"Let's not" Garnet said from behind me.

"Seconded" I said with a smile. I took off my shoes and joined them, feeling completely silly and wonderfully happy at the same time. The rubber construction filled with bright butterflies and ribbons and fireflies.

A good fifteen minutes later I was all bounced out and headed for the exit.

"What, you done already?" Steven asked.

"Not as young as I was" I puffed, wiping my sweaty forehead. "But now I've made some room for cake – there was cake right?"

"Aw yiss!" Amethyst said. "Hey! Get the cake!" she called to Pearl over by the tables. Pearl and Jasper went up to the house together. After a little while they came back out, Jasper sheltering the cake from view with one giant hand.

"And a one and a two, and a one two three four" Pearl counted in and then they all begin to sing Happy Birthday. I stood in the sand with a big goofy smile as Pearl and Jasper approached me with an enormous chocolate cake topped with strawberries and a multitude of candles.

"Make a wish!" Steven said after the last ringing hurrah.

I thought back to all the times I had wished to escape to Narnia, wished for it so hard I'd given myself a headache concentrating on getting all the candles to go out in one go. My life now was _better_ than Narnia. I drew in a huge breath and blew out all the candles at the same time – the golden cloud I produced flowing over both Jasper and Pearl as they held the cake. "Oh, sorry" I said as I straightened up.

"Don't be sorry" Pearl said, sounding as if she was about to cry. They put the cake down and Jasper enveloped me in a tight hug.

"Better than Narnia…" she said quietly. "You have no idea how happy that makes me to feel, babe…"

"And you know exactly how happy _I_ am right at this moment" I said quietly, snuggling in closer.

"Yes, yes I do…" she kissed me tenderly, the light of her gem shining through my closed eyelids.

"So, pretty great day, huh?" Jasper said while we stepped into the shower a few hours later.

"Let's see… I've had my best friend, then grandma _and_ Charlie call and sing to me, I've had nothing but my favorite foods to eat, spent time with some of the greatest people alive, been sung to by said people and received a whole butt load of amazing and thoughtful gifts _and_! I have one, two, three, four, _five_ bite marks on my body… So yeah, I think this has been the best day of my life..."

"Really?" Jasper looked extremely pleased and smug.

"Yeah… Oh and I can't forget about the promise of oh... _Iona_ _whiskey_ … Mmmh" butterflies fluttered lazily around me.

"What's that?"

"It's this whiskey – a type of alcohol – that you can only buy at the distillery on the isle of Mull in Scotland. Some people love it, like me, because it doesn't quite taste like other whiskeys. Other people hate it for the same reason. It's really special to me because that's what Robyn and I bought to celebrate our graduation from school. We drank almost an entire bottle in one night, which was _stupid_ but we had so much fun. She hates the stuff, but she buys it for me sometimes, because I love it. Makes me remember one of the very few _completely_ good days from that time… So it's special for that reason too" Jasper stroked my back as I spoke.

"Can I meet her some day?"

"Oh, yes of course!" I said with a smile. "We don't get to see each other face to face very often nowadays, but the next time you're coming with me, no question. She'll _love_ you, and she already approves of you"

"Heh, yeah?"

"Oh, darling – yes" I smiled up at her. "You're funny and smart and she's funny and smart. Just don't go falling in love with her instead of me"

"Pff" Jasper made _such_ a disbelieving noise it made my heart skip a beat. "Couldn't pry you out of my heart with the help of twenty era one amethysts and a _shadow agate_ whipping them on" I raised my eyebrows at her. "Means it's fucking impossible" she added with a crooked grin.

"Oh darling, I love you too" I said with a broad smile. "You're going to make me cry"

"You're beautiful when you do…" she hummed, taking a step closer to me. "You're beautiful when you're waking up in the morning, all slow and warm and slurring your words… took me a while to understand what you were saying but now… I feel as if I speak 'Erica'… And when you get so lost in painting or drawing that you can't hear me and I have to wait for you to come back from that big old fantasy world in your head – you're beautiful then too. And when you sing, especially when you think you're alone, your face and body find like… an extra level of… _oomph_ and you just _shine_ …" my mouth had fallen open and I stood and stared at her.

"I… I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me…" I said with a puff of brilliant gold sparkles.

"All true…" Jasper hummed, stroking my cheek. "And, the fact that you have this… innocent and calm air about you and then I kiss you and there is such _fire_ inside – passion and rage and happiness in quantities I just could not believe your little body could contain. Hah… When I saw you fighting that corrupted gem on the island I was so… surprised… Never seen a human stand up against a gem _anything_ before. And _win_... And when I asked you _why_ you had defended me, it wasn't because you knew who I was, didn't do it for _fame_ or _glory_ or because someone had _ordered_ you to. You did it because you couldn't _not_ do it. And all you wanted in return was for me to call you by your name…"

" _Darling_ …" I was crying now, holding her large warm hand over my pounding heart, feeling her pulse race through her fingertips.

"Erica…" she leaned down and my spine tingled. "Erica…" she was inches away. " _Erica…_ _Mela en' coiamin~_ " and then her lips were on mine.

* * *

 

*Hej farmor = Hello grandmother on my father's side.

^Hej födelsedagsgrisen = Hello birthday pig

+Ja må hon leva, Ja må hon leva, Ja må hon leva uti hundrade år, jasvisst ska hon leva, javisst ska hon leva, javisst ska hon leva uti hundrade år! Ett trefaldigt leve för Erica! Hurra, hurra, hurra! = Yes may she live, yes may she live, yes may she live for hundreds of years! Of course she will live, of course she will live, of course she will live for hundreds of years! Three cheers for Erica! Hooray, hooray, hooray!

~ _Mela en' coiamin_ = Love of my life (in Elvish)

* * *

 

Please review :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit. I broke 400k published words. And I didn't even realize.   
> I should make a cake! Celebrate my madness, sort of thing XD


	58. Her part

## Chapter 58: Her part

  
I was fussing around in the kitchen, feeling anxious. Priyanka would arrive in a few minutes.

“Honey? Why don’t you come lie down” Jasper said from the living room.

“I’m really nervous” I said, adjusting the coffee cups I had lined up on the counter.

“Why? It’s just Priyanka – I mean, Doctor Maheswaran” Jasper corrected herself.

“I don’t know darling…” I made myself step away from the cups and take a deep breath.

“Hey…” Jasper’s warm arms folded around my waist from behind. “It’s going to be fine”

“What if you’re gone for _weeks_?” I said wretchedly.

“You mean if I have to reform?”

“Yeah… Greg said he didn’t get to see Rose for a really long time – he didn’t specify _how_ long it was, but…”

“Babe… I told you, I usually just need a few days and we don’t even know if I _need_ to”

“But what if it’s really complicated stuff you have to… make…” I looked up at her and sighed. “I mean I know it’d be a _huge_ sacrifice reshaping yourself from the get go and I shouldn’t complain about _maybe_ being alone for a while – I’m sorry”

“It’s OK, honey. I wouldn’t want to be alone either. And I like it that you’d miss me” she smirked and kissed my forehead.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… I’d miss you too in a sense, but time doesn’t really exist when you’re regenerating”

“What does it feel like?”

“Mmm… It’s hard to explain… Darkness and a need to be. That’s what it used to be like, before – not that I spent a lot of time in my gem state or anything – “ she said this quickly, as if it was something shameful. “But the last time, it was different… I guess I knew I was safe… with you” she trailed off. “Yeah, I think that’s it. Your gem is you so… just being this” she pointed to her gem. “Leaves you with no defenses. If you dissipate your form on the battlefield you’re pretty much fucked… We were taught to leave those weak enough to lose their shape behind – recovering gems had the lowest priority and was only to be done after all the fighting was over, unless other orders came through”

An image of a battlefield flashed across my mind – it was glittering with gems and eerily silent.

“Last time it was… less _urgent_ I remade myself, and I _couldn’t_ do it in any case – not without risking breaking myself into pieces. It was… _hard_ not to push myself to do it _anyway_ – and then there was a change and all the… incomplete bits sort of fell into place or got… reconnected and I could think more clearly and it didn’t _hurt_ anymore. And then I was standing behind you, Pearl and Amethyst pulling their weapons on you – and then you began to _sing_ …” she let out a sigh and put her gem in my hair.

I was just about to ask her something when there was a knock at the door. Jasper gave me a squeeze and kissed the top of my head, then went to open.

“Good afternoon” Priyanka said.

“Hey, come on in. There’s coffee brewing. And left over birthday cake”

“I’d like some coffee” she said with a smile, then bit her lip. “It _was_ a very tasty cake…” Jasper smiled down at her.

“I’ll get you a piece”

***

“So… It might take up to three months for the little swimmers to mature?” Jasper asked.

“Yes, for a human male that is. I don’t know if it’d be quicker or slower for you, Jasper” Priyanka drained her third cup of coffee.

“The structures are so _delicate_ …” Jasper narrowed her eyes as she scrolled through the pictures on the screen, concentrating hard as if she was committing it all to memory.

I had leaned back in my chair a few minutes into the conversation, feeling quite overwhelmed with all the new information. I felt like a bit of an idiot not really having any idea about this stuff. Penises and everything related to them had never been a part of my life in more that the sense that I knew my male friends _possessed_ them. Male genitalia had always seemed so _simple_ , but it turned out there was a lot going on there. More than I could have imagined. And Jasper asked such detailed questions, down to the actual shape the finished sperm would need to have to succeed at its task.

“If you do not become pregnant within six months I would advise to do some testing. Honestly I am fascinated. I knew gems could change their shape and do that fusing thing, but… This whole reshaping yourself idea is _intriguing_ – and you say your digestive system works just like it would for a human, only you can literally eat _anything_?”

“Yeah, but I prefer actual _food_ food – Amethyst says she’s had so much of it she wants to see what the other things taste like too…” Jasper said a little distractedly. “Can you send me these documents?”

“Yes, of course” Priyanka began tapping at the keyboard.

***

“Aw, man…” Amethyst groaned and scratched the back of her neck. “I don’t know if I could do that” Jasper looked at her a bit disappointedly. “I mean, even if we were in a fight I’d never like, just _poof_ you unless I was really mad at you or something”

“But it’s to _help_ me” Jasper argued. “Help _us_ ” she put an arm around my shoulders.

We had come to the conclusion that Jasper would have to retreat into her gem to make the changes. I had thought that sperm was just sort of created and ready to go, but it had to mature, just like an egg. So just shapeshifting was out. So now we were facing the problem of making Jasper retreat into her gem. I understood that her physical form had to be quite damaged for her to be poofed, and a lot of uncomfortable scenarios were rolling around in my head. I couldn’t get away from the idea that this was somehow like a suicide. And being part of planning how to make that happen for the one I loved was extremely unsettling. Jasper had asked Amethyst to do it, quick and easy, expecting Amethyst to jump at the chance for a ‘freebie’, but Amethyst was not reacting like anticipated.

“I _get_ that” Amethyst said, looking troubled. “’s just… I don’t know… feels _weird_! I _know_ you – you’re not just some corrupted gem trying to eat my face”

“If we had a destabilizer it’d just be zap – done…” Jasper mumbled.

“Have you ever _been_ destabilized with one of those?” Amethyst asked her, frowning. “Cause Garnet said it sucked in a _big_ way – not just because you fucking ripped her _mind_ apart, she said it _hurt_. Like _a lot_ ”

“I _do_ know what it feels like and I don’t care that it’ll hurt, and it’ll just be for a second anyway”

“Can’t you like, do it yourself? Like throw yourself off a cliff or something?” I winced at the thought, red and purple sparks leaving me.

“Amethyst!” Jasper scolded, giving my shoulders a squeeze. “It needs to be controlled so my gem remains _whole_ – and so I don’t hurt someone else doing it too. Fuck, I was really counting on you!”

“Well I didn’t know that!” Amethyst held up her hands in a ‘don’t blame me’ kind of way. “Why don’t you ask Garnet to do it? You kinda owe her one” Jasper sighed deeply.

“I don’t want to ask _her_ …” she grumbled. “I wanted it to be _you_ ”

“Tough shit, I’m not doing it” Amethyst shook her head and lifted her chin. “Doesn’t feel right at all”

“It doesn’t have to be all violent and stuff, you just grab my gem and pry it off” Jasper wheedled. I grimaced uncomfortably.

“Dude _no_!” Amethyst got a disgusted look on her face.

“Darling…” I put a hand on her arm. “She doesn’t want to…” Jasper looked down at my face and her frustrated expression softened.

“Sorry, Amethyst…” she said in a calmer voice. “And sorry to you too, babe… I know this is hard…” I stood on tiptoe to kiss her cheek.

“I know it has to be done…” I said quietly. When we had reached the decision I had cried for a very long time. “But isn’t there some other way? One that doesn’t hurt?”

“It always hurts” Jasper and Amethyst said together, then looked at each other.

“You could try asking Pearl I guess?” Amethyst suggested. “She’d probably be more precise than anything _I’d_ be able to do anyway” I squirmed anxiously now. That felt like it could reawaken something…

“There’s not exactly a neutral party, unless you count Steven and Connie – and there is just _no way_ I’m asking either of them” Jasper said forcefully.

“What about Peridot?” I asked, suddenly remembering the little green gem. It was Amethyst’s turn to grimace now. Ah... So she hadn’t talked to her yet. That explained her not being at my birthday party then. I felt really guilty about that, not even thinking about her until this very moment. It had been three days since that wondrous, golden twenty four hours had taken place and its glow was keeping my spirits from making a ninety degree nosedive. Currently it was swinging downwards – none of the options were without complications. But this was ultimately Jasper’s decision – her body, her choice.

“Even if she could make a destabilizer, who’d use it?” Amethyst asked.

“ _Not_ Peridot” Jasper said firmly. “I don’t like the idea of that at all” I shivered at the thought. I had a feeling she would get a lot of pleasure out of it.

“That leaves Greg… and me…” I said quietly.

“No way, honey. _No_ ” Jasper looked at me very seriously. “I _know_ you might think that’s a good idea but just – _no_ – you’d feel _terrible_ about it”

“And I’m just supposed to be some emotionless hunk of junk?” Amethyst scoffed and folded her arms.

“No” Jasper closed her eyes. “I was hoping you’d be able to see it as… a favor. Like a show of trust or something _fun_ or _whatever_ but I understand – it’s a shit load to ask of someone and I’m _sorry_ I didn’t think it through, OK?” she raked her hand through her hair frustratedly.

“How did Rose do it?” I asked, realizing she must have found a way. Jasper looked at Amethyst hopefully.

“Uh… I don’t know… Pearl would know but” she frowned uncomfortably. “I really don’t want to drag that whole thing up again”

Jasper sighed dejectedly. “And I suppose Garnet would know, right?”

“I guess” Amethyst shrugged. “Honestly? I think she’d be the only one like, _willing_ to do it… She hasn’t really _said_ anything about you, like ever. Apart from saying that you and Lapis were bad for each other. But last week I was talking to her about our training and the flying-Jasper-surprise-biz and she like nodded and _smiled_ – and that’s like a standing ovation, coming from her”

Jasper rubbed her face with her hands roughly. “Fine” she said, her face still covered. “I’ll ask her to do it…”

“Are you sure, darling?” I looked at her with concern. Personally, I trusted Garnet to do it without taking pleasure in it. But I hadn’t seen the fight between the two of them. I just knew it had been a humiliating defeat for Jasper. For her to even _consider_ asking Garnet for help with something like _this_ was such an enormous step for her it made me want to cry.

“It’s… probably the best option” she said reluctantly.

***

I lay awake long after Jasper had fallen asleep that night. My stomach was churning uncomfortably and I tried to calm myself down enough to at least get a few hours of shut eye. I needed a _plan_ …

Why not… think of it as _her_ part of the labor? You know she will see you in immense pain – even if it’s ‘just’ before you go in for a C-section – it’s is going to make her afraid and worried and you _know_ how powerless that makes her feel. But she will _be there_. Either in the waiting room or right next to you. She will _hold your hand_. If vaginal delivery is an option she will tell you to push and get you ice chips and growl and snarl at the doctors and nurses and be as protective as the lioness _you know she is_. _She will not abandon you_. **_She is coming back_**. And as she must witness your suffering in bringing your child into the world, you _cannot_ look away when she is destabilized. You must know her sacrifice. She’s doing this for the both of you. For the _three_ of you. _For us_ …

That settled me a little. One decision down. _OK_. I will watch. And cry a lot. And be sad. And lonely. But I have _my friends_ and I have _Cake_. I’ll… just have to fill my days with activities. I can train a lot, that’ll make me tired and then I can sleep. I can ask Pearl for more techniques to learn with the spear and maybe even some… cloud exercises. Target practice, try to get some more control… And I could look into housing and get that OBGYN appointment taken care of. And Amethyst will probably have some free time and you can hang out with her. And maybe there’ll be another meeting of the Horror Club and things like that. And Steven and Connie might want to play some games?

You are good at being alone. You’ve been alone for so much of your life. You _like_ to be alone.

But being with Jasper _was_ like being alone , but _better_ – it didn’t take any energy away from me. I turned to look at her softly lit face. Her chest moved slowly up and down. I would miss her something _terrible_ … Her warmth, her voice, her touch… Her _presence_ …

I thought back to just after the shark attack. The scars on my calf tingled faintly. The memories from that… week? How long had it _been_ from the attack to when Fernandez came to pick me up? Around a week surely… The images were blurry and I remembered being in a lot of pain and not really being able to think about anything else. I had been locked into that state – that thought-free space where immense pain was in control and just my basic needs could be heard through the oppressive _silence_ the pain brought with it. I hadn’t been _able_ to miss her then, not like I’d be able to now… My mind had been so _empty_ … But so full of… _pressure_. The thoughts I _did_ have – they had moved like oil tankers through a mist covered sea. Slow and hard to turn…

 _What kind of gem would I be if I just let some random monster kill you_ … And then that _sound_ like glass being dropped on a stone floor, then the shock of seeing her body just… _vanish_ …

I shook my head.

She would be alright. She wasn’t cracked now. She would take a few days – maybe a week even. And I _could be alone for a fucking week_ , I told myself fiercely. I’ll keep busy. I’ll prepare for when she comes back. And I’ll keep her with me all the time – or was that a bad idea? What if she reformed when we were out among people?

Then they get to see a fucking miracle, a proud voice said inside me.

But I shouldn’t just carry her in a pocket this time. I didn’t have any other way of keeping her safe back then. I sat up in bed. I could make a little pouch for her and carry her around my neck. Yes. Something to do. I got up and dug out my sewing kit and the tattered remnants of my old backpack that I hadn’t been able to throw away. I sat down in the kitchen and Cake came to join me and tried to eat the string as I worked. After a while I had a sturdy little draw string pouch.

Then the idea hit me.

Maybe she wouldn’t want me to carry her around. Maybe it’d be safer if she was just in one place. Maybe it was an incredibly insulting thing to do, putting her in a _bag_...

And then suddenly I was crying. And I couldn’t stop. My shoulders shook as I sobbed and I squeezed the pouch as hard as I could, trying in vain to keep the noise down.

“Honey…?” Jasper’s voice came from the living room. “Honey? Where – “ rustling and hurried footsteps, then a warm hand was on my back. “What’s wrong? What happened?” she asked me worriedly, her voice raspy. She squatted down next to me and I threw my arms around her neck and hugged her as tightly as I physically could. She wrapped me in her arms and gathered me into her lap, sitting down on the floor awkwardly. “Did you have a bad dream?” I couldn’t speak, but shook my head and tried to breathe properly.

After a few minutes her steady breathing calmed me and I swallowed hard.

“I couldn’t sleep… I tried to figure out a plan for when you’re g-gone and – and I sort of _did_ and then I had this idea that I wanted to keep you with me so I made this little bag to carry you in and then I thought what – what if that’s really fucking _insulting_ and – “ my chest constricted and I lost my voice again.

“Aw, babe…” she soothed. “Why didn’t you wake me?” I shrugged and sniffed. “It’s _not_ insulting… Can I see the bag?” I held it out to her and she got a little smile on her face, then took it from my hand and put it over her gem. “It’s a good size” she looked so indescribably cute and silly like that and I let out a little burst of laughter, then hugged her tight. “I wanted to ask if you _would_ take me with you, like you did on the island. Or as I imagined you did on the island. So that when I reform you’d be there just like last time… I don’t want to be away from you longer than I have to. And if you’re out with Pearl somewhere and something like the forest happens again and I don’t know where you are…” she looked down at me worriedly. “Please take me with you”

“I will” I sniffed again, smiling through my tears, feeling so incredibly relieved.

“How _did_ you carry me around last time?” she asked and stroked my cheek.

“In my pocket… Or in my hand… Or in my hand _in_ my pocket…” she smiled at me warmly.

“And now you’ll carry me next to your heart, _Melamin_ …”

***

The morning after I forced myself to eat a sandwich before we headed to Steven’s house. Jasper had about twice as many waffles as usual to compensate.

“The power of waffles will help me come back faster, I’m sure” she said with a confident smile. We walked over there hand in hand, me wearing the pouch around my neck. We had spoken to Amethyst and she had promised to gather everyone at the house. All three of us felt it was best no one be left out of this. Well… Peridot wasn’t going to be invited.

When we arrived Pearl, Garnet, Steven and Amethyst were in the kitchen. Steven and Amethyst were having breakfast.

“Hi guys!” Steven greeted happily. “You want some eggs?”

“Hey Steven” I said hoarsely. “No thanks, we’ve eaten”

“Is… everything alright? You look pale” Pearl asked, looking at me worriedly.

“Let’s just get this over with” Amethyst said quietly, putting down her half eaten sandwich. Pearl looked over at her with a crease between her eyebrows.

“Garnet” Jasper spoke clearly. “I need to ask you… a favor” she _almost_ managed _not_ to wince as she spoke. Everyone looked at her and I gripped her hand tighter. “To make it possible for me and Erica to get pregnant I need to reshape myself” Pearl let out a strangled little noise at this and Garnet put a calming hand on her shoulder. “And to do that… I need to be destabilized” now Steven gasped. “Garnet… Would you… be willing to do that? Destabilize… me?”

Garnet stood stock still and silent for a moment, then adjusted her shades.

“I would” she said shortly, standing up straighter. I felt both relieved and terrified at her words. Jasper’s hand tightened around mine.

“Wait – what? No!” Steven exclaimed. “You can’t!” he looked so incredibly distressed it made my heart ache more than it already did. Pearl had raised a hand to cover her mouth, using the other to lean on the counter.

“Everyone, calm down…” Garnet said softly, turning to Steven. “What Jasper is asking me to do is for a good purpose. She won’t be harmed”

“R-really?” he asked, rubbing his arm.

“You know that, Steven. She won’t be bubbled. Erica will keep her with her” Garnet turned her head to me now. I nodded a little jerkily.

“Is that… is that how my mom did it?” he asked tentatively. “Did she have to remake herself too?”

“Yes” Garnet stated.

“Why have you never told me that?” Steven asked, his brows furrowed.

“You’ve never asked” Garnet replied with a little smile. She turned to Jasper. “Are you ready?”

“Now?” I asked with a squeak, feeling my stomach twist into knots.

“Give us… a few minutes” Jasper said stiffly. She led me over to the couch and we sat down. I saw Garnet bend down to talk quietly to Pearl and Amethyst. “Honey” I looked up at Jasper. Her yellow eyes were so warm and I drank in the details of her face. Her red stripes across her eyes and cheek, the little band of freckles exactly like my own. Her beige silken hair framed her face beautifully and her soft, thick lips parted to say; “I love you…”

“I love you too” I whispered back.

“I’ll be as quick as I can” she said quietly.

“I’d… I’d rather you take extra time _now_ … so you don’t have to do this twice” I forced myself to look her in the eye even though all I wanted to do was to snuggle up against her chest and never let her go. I knew she was coming back, I _knew_ that but this was still _agony_ …

“OK, little monster” she said with a little smile. “I’ll do my very best”

“I know you will, beastie…”

“Will you do one thing for me?”

“Anything…”

“Can you sing… as I go?” I drew in a ragged breath and nodded, my vision going blurry with tears. She rose to her feet and I stood up too, not sure how I managed it. We walked out onto the middle of the floor and Garnet joined us. She removed her visor and looked at both of us with her three eyes. It brought me a little comfort that her face was so relaxed. Jasper turned to the other gems. “You’ll keep her company?”

“Of course we will, you idiot” Amethyst said, her voice sounding choked up.

“You have our collective word” Pearl said breathlessly.

“Yeah” Steven nodded, looking solemn. My heart burned with both love and sadness. Jasper looked down at me and put her gem in my hair.

She leaned down to kiss me softly.

“When I come back I’m going to make us that stew Doug showed me. And we’ll drink that fancy wine and watch the final season of Battlestar Galactica” I nodded at her, trying to control my breathing. She took my hand in both of hers and kissed my knuckles. “Garnet…”

“Jasper…” they exchanged a nod.

“When the song is over” Jasper said and kissed my forehead too.

“Who – “ my breath caught in my throat and I swallowed, closing my eyes a moment. Do it for her, I told myself. _You can feel her trembling_. She doesn’t want to leave you as much as you don’t want her to leave. This is hard for her too. But she is putting on a brave face. _For your sake_ … I took a deep breath. “Who are you, who are you? That I must bow so low. Only a cat of a different coat, that’s all the truth I know…” my voice was clear and the overtones flowed from me easily. My throat was tingling and I opened my eyes to find little lights swirl slowly around us like snow. There were all colors of the rainbow, and black too, but Jasper just looked at my face and smiled. “A coat of gold, a coat of red. A lion still has claws, and mine are long and sharp my lord, as long and sharp as yours. And so he spoke, and so he spoke, that lord of Castamere. And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but no one’s there to hear. And now the rains weep o’er his halls, but not a soul to hear…”

“Extraordinary…” Jasper said huskily and then… with barely a flicker of pain in her expression, she vanished in an explosion of white smoke that blew the tears away from my cheeks. Garnet’s giant red and black gauntlet appeared in front of me and caught Jasper’s pendant shaped gem out of the air. I stared at it being gripped between her thick fingers. For a moment everything was still and silent, then she reached forward and placed it in my palm. I felt its heat against my skin – the exact same temperature as Jasper’s hands had been a few seconds ago when they had held _my_ now trembling hand in a delicate, loving grip. My resolve _broke_ and my knees buckled slowly. I sagged to the floor and began to cry in earnest. I clutched her gem to my chest and shook with sobs. I knew she would come back, I _knew_ it somewhere deep down – but in this moment she was _gone_ and she couldn’t hold me, couldn’t kiss me, couldn’t hum soothing words in my ear or stroke my cheek or back with big warm hands. 

Instead, Steven’s much smaller arms closed around my shoulders, hugging me tightly. For a fraction of a second I wanted to push him off me, for him to leave me to grieve in peace. But – his presence and warmth were soothing and even though it was all still too fresh, too painful, too _much_ I felt something inside unravel and I knew trusted him with my tears. Trusted that he would not judge me. Here was a _friend_ and _ally_ who _understood_ …

“You’re st-staying with u-us tonight!” he cried and I nodded, managing to feel grateful in the middle of all this staggering anguish.

* * *

  
Please review!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried so much when I wrote this...


	59. In her absence

## Chapter 59: In her absence   


The next few hours were a blur. Somehow someone had coaxed me over to the sofa again, and I was lying with my face toward the wall, still crying, but not as hard. My head and body ached and I felt completely wretched, the grief peaking and then settling, then peaking again in waves. Countless clouds and vapors of dark colors had left me and drifted into the sofa cushions. That’s why I was facing the wall. Every so often I’d pull a new tissue from the box lying on its side near my head and discard the crumpled one onto the pile by my pulled up knees. I needed to go to the bathroom and very reluctantly began to unravel myself from the position I had kept for the last hour or so. It took ages to sit up and it made my head pound something awful. I knew I should eat something. And drink something. And get some caffeine and nicotine into my system. A large part of me just wanted to lie there and cry and not do anything about anything, but a small yet significant bit insisted on filling at least a few of my needs. I knew it would make me feel better, and at the argument that a less painful body left more space for mental anguish, the largest part of me got on board and I got to my feet unsteadily and went into the bathroom. I took a few painkillers and drank from the tap for a good while, my stomach seeming bottomless. I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was pale but my eyes, nose and lips were red and puffy. I grimaced at my reflection, thinking not even Jasper would be able to call _that_ beautiful. I had time to sit down on the toilet before another wave of tears came over me. I felt incredibly pathetic and lonely and leaned my head against the side of the cool sink stand for some kind of support.

When I managed to collect myself a bit my legs had fallen asleep and I jiggled them to get the blood flowing again. I stood up very slowly, then washed up a little and walked unsteadily outside to have a much needed smoke.

“Hey…” Amethyst was sitting out there with a deflated football in her lap.

“Hi…” I croaked. She came to sit next to me and leaned her head on my arm.

“Dumb question but… how you doing, E?”

“Awful” I said as I lit a cigarette with trembling fingers.

“Yeah… kinda figured” she let out a long sigh and put her arm around my waist. “Sorry you guys had to go through this biz…” I grunted in response. “She’ll be back soon”

“I know, I know…”

Silence stretched for an awkward moment, then my stomach rumbled loudly.

“You eaten anything today?”

“A sandwich…”

“That’s like… not enough, right?”

“No” I sighed, rubbing my aching temples and clicking my jaw – some of the headache went away.

“Pizza?”

“Sure, why not…” Amethyst looked at me worriedly.

“Could get something else?” she suggested.

“N-no p-pizza is fuh-fine” I had just thought; I wonder which three Jasper wants today? And another wave of tears swept over me, making the muscle ache in my shoulders echo up into my neck and making my scar tingle unpleasantly. Dense sparkly puffs of black and red left me in ragged bursts and Amethyst hugged my waist tighter.

“Aw, dude…” she said soothingly.

After a while I calmed, my mind slipping into numbness. I went back inside and lay down on the couch again. Someone had tidied away all the crumpled tissues.

Seconds later, or maybe it was minutes, Amethyst patted my shoulder.

“E, wanna sit up and have a slice? Got you some garlic knots too, you like those, right?”

My stomach demanded filling and I rolled over and sat up with difficulty, my head pounding again. The pouch around my neck fell into sight and I looked down at it before clutching it in my hand. I could feel heat through the rough fabric and that was somehow incredibly reassuring. I let out a sigh and felt some tension leave me. Garnet came to sit next to me. Close enough for our hips to touch.

“She’s working very hard” she said and I knew she was talking about Jasper. “I can’t tell you exactly when she’ll be back, but when she does reform… She won’t have to repeat the process” I looked up at her face. She was smiling at me kindly. It was very comforting to hear and I leaned my head on her shoulder in thanks and let out a breath of relief. Now I could finally eat.

***

I spent the remainder of the afternoon resting, crying less and less. Steven offered me use of the shower and I accepted gratefully. I brought the pouch with me. After a long, long time under the warm spray the pain in my body finally settled down. When I exited I had a smoke and then lay down for an extended nap.

When I woke again Lion had his head snuggled up against mine and his warmth eased the tension in my head further. I gave his soft cheek a kiss in greeting and he made a little rumbling noise. There was a patter of paws and a meep then Cake appeared and rubbed her face on my chin, purring urgently.

“Cake?” I said hoarsely. Where was I?

“She comes here sometimes”

I turned over to see Pearl sitting on the other end of the couch, knitting needles in hand and working on a long red and yellow scarf. She looked… tired.

“S-she ds?” I asked muzzily.

“Yes” Pearl smiled faintly, putting the knitting down. Cake snuggled in against my chest, rubbing her cheeks against the pouch now. She knows that’s where her mama is, I thought and a lump appeared in my throat. Cake meowed sadly and pawed at my cheek.

“Sorry s-sweetie, mama’s… mama’s b-busy…” I drew in a shaky breath, feeling how sore my chest muscles were from earlier. “But she’s – she’s coming back soon, so don’t worry…” I kissed her head and began to cry softly. There was a little sound from Pearl somewhere between a sniffle and a sigh and she came and sat down on the coffee table by my chest. She held out the box of tissues and I took one. She looked at me with her eyebrows drawn together.

“I always hated having to wait for Rose to reform” she said quietly. “It only happened a few times during the war… and then when she remade herself to… be able to make Steven…” I looked up at her.

“Are you… OK?” I asked tentatively, wiping my cheeks. For a moment they were dry.

“Me?” she sat up straighter in surprise. She looked as if she was just going to play it off and say she was fine but then her shoulders sagged. “Honestly… no, not really. I wasn’t expecting… _this_ … today” she shook her head slightly. “I wish Amethyst would have warned me beforehand… Then I could have been prepared – I’m sorry I didn’t come sit with you sooner, I just… had to collect myself” I hadn’t noticed she wasn’t here, having been too lost in my own grief. And I hadn’t thought a second about how _she_ would react to all this… Suddenly I felt extremely guilty. Of course this must be bringing up so many memories for her…

“I’m sorry, I didn’t take your feelings into account – “ I blurted. “Pearl… Oh, fuck, we haven’t handled this situation well _at all_ …” Jasper’s assumption Amethyst would just be OK with destabilizing her, me not considering the other gems’ feelings about any of this, underestimating the sheer complexity of human male reproductive organs – it made me feel selfish and _stupid_. Pearl looked at me worriedly.

“Erica, it’s… You couldn’t have…” she sounded like she wanted to have said ‘Erica, it’s alright’ and ‘You couldn’t have known’ but it wasn’t alright and I _had_ known…

“I’m _really_ sorry…” I whimpered. “I should have thought things through more, we should have _waited_!”

“Erica, _no_ … I know you didn’t do this _to hurt me_ or… anything like that. I didn’t know Jasper would have to remake herself or I would have… _said_ something about it… Could have helped you more…” her eyes were filling with tears now too. “It’s… _awful_ … having to wait for the one you love to come back… The final time Rose… remade herself it took her more than a month” my eyes widened.

“A _month_?!” purple sparks leapt out of my mouth. Was Jasper really going to be gone for that long?!

“Yes – but the time she normally took to reform was about three weeks, so it wasn’t that much _longer_ – I’m – I’m _sure_ Jasper will be _a lot_ quicker, oh, please don’t worry!” she looked agonized, her hands raising to clasp over her knees.

“She said _d-days_ … I f-figured a _week_ , _tops_ …”

“Then it’ll _be_ a week, tops” she said reassuringly. “Everyone is different when it comes to reforming – Amethyst can be back within _minutes_ , _I_ take ages apparently and Garnet… Well, Ruby and Sapphire are usually pretty quick – only took them a few hours last time… Oh, Erica please don’t feel bad on my account…” she looked so earnest it eased my guilty mind and my body relaxed. She reached out and stroked my arm. It felt good to be touched… even if I felt quite tender all over. I let out a long sigh and Cake snuggled in under my chin more securely. “Have you… eaten anything?”

“I had some pizza earlier…” I hadn’t been able to finish more than a few slices but I didn’t know if someone else had.

“Are you hungry?”

“I don’t… know…” I wiped my cheeks again and Cake batted the tissue, making me smile faintly. Lion huffed, ruffling my hair with his warm breath. Pearl smiled a little worriedly.

“How about some tea?”

“That would be nice, yeah” it would give me some much needed caffeine. “Thanks for letting me stay and just… occupy the couch…” Pearl’s face showed both concern and compassion.

“You’re welcome to it for as long as you need, Erica” she patted my arm again, then stood up to go to the kitchen. I sat up stiffly, rubbing my neck and clicking my jaw. Cake plopped down in my lap and sprawled with all four legs in the air. Lion made a noise and got up onto the couch and lay down behind me. I leaned back a bit tentatively and he let out a feline sigh. His warm belly was against my back and I relaxed at the heat coming from him. I looked at his giant paws as I scratched Cake’s ears, getting lost in their size and the pattern of the ridges on his paw pads.

“Here we are” Pearl said and held out a cup and saucer to me. I reached out, noticing my hands were shaking.

“You’d… better put it down” I said and flexed my fingers. “What… time is it?” I glanced outside. It was getting dark.

“It’s almost seven” Pearl put the tea down on the table.

“I probably should… try to eat something. Sometimes my hands shake when my blood sugar is low”

“Let me see what we have” Pearl walked over to the kitchen again and opened the fridge. “Ah! Here is some pizza with… fish on it? And hah, a note in Steven’s hand writing saying ‘Hands off Amethyst’” I let out a little breath of laughter.

“That’s probably mine then”

Pearl came over with the box and a roll of paper towels. Both Cake and Lion perked up when they smelled it. I began to eat slowly and pretty clumsily, my hands not quite obeying me.

“When you feel up for it, would you like… would you like to see more of the temple?” Pearl asked me tentatively. I raised my eyebrows at her.

“Really?”

“Yes. I would quite like to show you around”

“Isn’t it… dangerous? For me?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Greg told me you built this house for Steven because he needed a non-magical place to be, since the temple would be dangerous for him”

“Oh! That was for when he was younger” she waved a dainty hand. “He can use his gem powers now. And you’d be quite safe with me” she smiled warmly.

“I’d… like to see your room again, if that’d be OK… It looked so pretty with the fountains”

“Oh, thank you. And absolutely, we could start there. I would really like to show you the chamber with the fantastic acoustics. It would be… nice to sing together again” she gave me another warm smile. I knew she was trying to cheer me up and she was succeeding. A little.

***

Steven, Amethyst and Garnet walked in through the door after a while. They were carrying bags of groceries. Pearl was showing me how to knit – an activity I had never tried before. It gave me something to concentrate on, which was a relief. Cake had stolen a ball of yarn and was batting it around the floor, blissfully ignorant of the stereotype she was perpetuating. Lion had his head in my lap now and I was leaning one arm on his fluffy mane to steady my hands since they were still shaking.

“Oh my _gosh_!” Steven gushed when he saw Cake playing. “That’s so _cute_! Garnet, Garnet, take the bags I have to film this!” he handed Garnet the bags he was carrying and pulled out his phone and lay down flat on his belly on the floor. Cake seemed delighted to be given so much attention and stepped up her antics.

“Do thirty cast on stitches on this one and tell me when you’re done. Then I’ll show you how to do the first row” Pearl said softly as she stood up. She went into the kitchen and helped Garnet put away the groceries. Amethyst came to sit down next to me instead.

“Hey dude. Ugh, she trying to teach you to knit, huh? I’ll create a distraction and you can escape” she winked at me conspiratorially and nudged my arm with her elbow.

“No need” I said with a faint smile. “It’s… helpful”

“Aight man, whatever floats your boat. Hey, Steven and I are gonna play video games after dinner, you wanna join?”

“Sure… What game?”

“I don’t know, he’s got a bunch of weird ones. Some fighting games, racing games… And like, Bomberman and stuff. Hey, if Garnet joins too we could go four player on one of the racers – Pearl isn’t a big gamer. It’d be nice to have a use for that fourth little bit of the screen for once”

“Oh, could we maybe… play F-Zero X?”

“Yeah – you know it?”

“I’ve played the SNES version, long ago. Actually promised Steven I’d play it with him a while back but haven’t… gotten around to it”

“Hey little man, F-Zero X after dinner yeah? I’ll kick your ass” Amethyst teased at Steven.

“Oh, you’re on! I call Santa guy!”

“Nah, it’s my turn to play Santa guy”

“Aw man… Hey, Erica we got Cake some food, hope that was OK”

“Oh, that’s very nice of you, thanks” good, now I wouldn’t have to go home to the empty house to feed her… A twinge of loss bloomed in my chest and I put the knitting needles down to clutch Jasper’s warm gem to my chest. Amethyst saw me do it and frowned slightly. “I… need some air…” I got up unsteadily and went outside, pulling the hood of my green monster hoodie up before lighting a smoke. I kept one hand on Jasper’s gem and sat down on a chair and looked out over the beach. I remembered the time she had dip-kissed me out here on the deck and the tears rolled down my cheeks without fuss. The smoke I exhaled was dark grey and black with hints of red mixed in.

***

Playing video games with Amethyst, Steven and Garnet was a good activity and managed to distract me for a while. Then Steven wanted to watch a movie and that was less effective. It wasn’t particularly interesting and my mind drifted as I stared at the bright screen. I knew it was better to just feel the loss and sadness, but I was so worn out from crying all day. Maybe I should try to get some sleep? Would I be able to sleep? It was only nine in the evening and we usually… ‘ _we_ ’… I drew in a shaking breath. Steven leaned on my shoulder and put his hand on my arm.

“We could watch something else” he said quietly.

I shook my head. “It’s f-fine, sorry”

“Don’t apologize…” he looked up at me. “I know you’re sad. I miss her too”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… When she comes back I want to show her F-Zero X. I think she’d be really good at it”

His words brought a sad smile to my lips. “Yeah, she would…” something nudged my other arm. Amethyst was holding out the tissues to me. I took one gratefully.

After the movie was over Steven helped me turn the sofa into a bed and gave me a lot of pillows and blankets.

“It can get cold down here, do you want to make a fire?”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, but thanks” I said as I stuffed a pillow into a clean pillow case. I just wanted to sleep now.

“Good night you guys” Amethyst said as she and Garnet headed toward the temple door.

“Good night” Steven and I said back.

I headed into the bathroom and found the extra toothbrush Steven had told me about. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before going to lie down.

“I’m going to read a bit before I turn the lights off – do you want to borrow a book?”

“No thanks, I think I’m just going to try to sleep”

“OK. Tell me if there’s anything, alright?” he looked at me worriedly. I smiled at him wanly.

“Yeah, I will. Thanks, kiddo…”

“No problem, Erica. Good night”

“Good night”

***

The next day I went home. It was hard to turn the key and step inside. It felt so empty… I dissolved into tears in the living room, lying down in our bed and hugging the pillow that smelled the most like her until I couldn’t cry anymore. I took a long shower and then I started to tick things off my mental list. I called Parker and told her what was going on, crying some more and receiving one of her fantastic pep talks, which made me feel if not better, then at least a little more _stable_. She would set up a time with an OBGYN for me and help me look into properties in and around Beach City that either fit our specifications or find sites for building a new house.

Two days later I drove to the hospital and had my nether regions thoroughly prodded by a Doctor Eloise Madison. She came highly recommended both by Parker and Priyanka. Doctor Madison told me everything looked in order – no signs of endometriosis or fibroids. She asked me if heavy periods and severe cramping also occurred in my immediate family and I said I had no idea. She advised me to ask my sister about it and get back to her. For the moment she drew some blood to send off for testing, to see if I possibly had a hormone imbalance, and prescribed me with some more heavy duty pain medication. She recommended some adjustments to my diet – less pizza more veggies essentially.  

I told her about our plans for a family and she said that from what she could see today, we would not have any trouble conceiving. Again, she advised me to check with my sister. I reluctantly informed her we weren’t close and Doctor Madison told me that ‘just one awkward conversation’ could answer a lot of expensive questions.

Money wasn’t the issue but… maybe talking to (or preferably e-mailing) Victoria would settle my mind a bit. But if I did that I’d have to tell her about the baby making plans, and that meant telling Charlie _first_. And… what about grandma? What about the rest of my family? Maybe I could say that… Jasper and I were having a baby through a sperm donor? I really didn’t like the idea of lying about something so important – and what would _that_ do to our kid? No. I’d have to tell them all… And swear them to secrecy. Maybe even draw up a contract… Ugh. I don’t think anyone would _say_ anything to anyone but… I needed to keep our child _safe_ from even the remotest possibility of governmental testing… Gods this was getting complicated. Should I wait with telling anyone until Jasper had come back? I kind of needed to get the information from Victoria pronto, since I had a follow up visit with Doctor Madison scheduled for next week.

Maybe I could phrase the e-mail to Victoria in a way that _avoided_ pregnancy completely? If my aunts were anything to go by… I knew none of them had had to go through any fertility treatments or things like that. But none of them had had to have a C-section…

I sat in my car and stared at my phone, trying to think of how to put things. After twenty minutes I had managed to write; Hello Victoria. I sighed and rubbed my thumb over the back of Jasper’s gem. I had taken it out of the pouch to feel closer to her. What would she say if she was here?

Why don’t you just ask her?

“Yes… Why don’t I just… _ask_ her…” I sighed out a puff of green.

‘Hello Victoria. This is awkward for me to ask. And surely awkward for you to answer as well. Do/did you have heavy, very painful periods? Doctor asked for close family medical history on the subject. Hope you and Charlotte are well. Erica’

Straight and to the point. I hesitated a moment, my thumb hovering over the send button. Should I ask… about our mother as well? Would she know? Would our mother have… spoken to her about it differently than she did to me? A startling amount of _jealousy_ flared in me at the thought. And I decided that, at least at this moment, I didn’t want to know. I hit the send button. 

“There” I said aloud, shaking my head to clear it slightly. “Two extremely awkward things done today”

* * *

 

Please review!  



	60. Inside Lion's mane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make this chapter as canon as possible – and so it is.

## Chapter 60: Inside Lion’s mane

I had just arrived at the temple and was about to knock on the door when Lion jumped into view, playing with a t-shirt.

“Lion! Drop _it_!” Steven appeared and started tugging at the shirt. “You can’t chew this up! How else am I going to remember the time I rode the Thunder Bird at Funland?” he wrestled the shirt from Lion’s mouth and then looked up to see me. Lion looked miffed. “Oh, hi Erica! Come on in”

“Ah, right on time” Pearl said from the loft. She came down the stairs with a pleased smile on her face. “Good, you’re wearing the gem shirt”

“Thought… it might be a good idea” I had put the pouch in my sports bra as an extra layer of protection for Jasper’s gem. There was a warm spot between my breasts. It had made me smile to think that Jasper would quite like the idea of being carried around between them. Close to my heart, as it were… I was wearing my beanie as well, since my scar had started tingling from time to time. I knew that was happening because of how low I felt and wasn’t because of the weather (which admittedly was a bit chilly). I was trying to keep busy and fill my days with things to do and today Pearl had invited me to see the temple. I _was_ looking forward to exploring it. I had spent so much time sleeping since Jasper retreated into her gem. But it didn’t really feel like I _had_ slept when I woke up again – I was beginning to worry I might be slipping into a depression. But I told myself it was because I missed Jasper and not because the chemicals in my brain were out of whack. I was more affected by her absence then I thought I would be. Or maybe it was more accurate to say I hadn’t wanted to picture what life would be like without her. And I was _late_ … Which had surprised me at first – and then for a moment I was confused, thinking I might be pregnant – but that was impossible. Maybe I _had_ a hormone imbalance… Early one month, late the next… I was roused from my thoughts by Steven’s voice.

“Since you can’t play nice I’m gonna have to put it where you can’t get it – in your mane” Lion huffed and lay down on the floor. “Thank you, boo!” Steven said and jumped _into Lion’s mane_ and disappeared.

“Oh!” I gasped in surprise.

“It’s alright!” Pearl said quickly. “Lion’s mane is a pocket dimension – Rose stored things in him and Steven does too, now”

“Oh, r-right…” I remembered him pulling Rose’s sword out of Lion’s mane in the Kindergarten.

“Feel ready to go?” Pearl asked me brightly.

“Yes…” I said slowly and nodded. Lion’s mane glowed again and Steven came tumbling out of it, gasping for breath.

“I’ve made a horrible mistake!” he shouted.

“What?!” Pearl squawked.

“Hold on! I can fix it!” Steven dove back inside.

“What in the world?” the pale gem said with a crease between her eyebrows. I had stopped and was looking at Lion who didn’t seem bothered at all at Steven diving in and out of his… head? Garnet and Amethyst came down the stairs too now.

“What’s going on?” Amethyst asked.

“I don’t really know” Pearl said worriedly. Steven appeared again and drew in a huge breath.

“There’s a gem inside of Lion’s mane!” he said loudly.

“A _gem_?!” Pearl sounded astounded.

“Describe her” Garnet instructed.

“Uhh... hang on a sec” Steven held up a finger and stuck his head in the mane again. “She’s big!” he reported. “With rainbow hair and tattoos”

“Rainbow hair…? What does her gem look like?” Pearl asked intensely, her hands clasped together.

“It’s… an innie?” Steven said uncertainly.

“It can’t be…” Pearl breathed, her and Garnet exchanging a confused look.

“Steven, bring her out” Garnet urged, raising her fists. 

“OK”

Everyone stood in tense silence as Steven disappeared into Lion’s mane up to his waist. After a moment he reemerged, pulling a very large blue grey hand with him. Out of Lion’s mane came a very tall and broad gem – she did indeed have rainbow hair and was wearing some sort of apron or something. I stared in disbelief.

“Wow a total stranger” Amethyst said in an attempt at her normal nonchalant tone. Pearl and Garnet couldn’t tear their eyes away from the new gem – Pearl had put her hands over her mouth and tears were evident in her large eyes. Garnet reached up and removed her shades in stunned silence.

“Pearl…  Garnet?” the blue grey gem said uncertainly.

“ _Biiisssmuuuthhh_!” Pearl wailed and ran up to – apparently Bismuth – threw her arms around her neck and _laughed_ like I’d never heard her laugh before. “You’re back!”

“Whoa!” Bismuth said with a grin and gathered Pearl up into her massive arms. “The pearl I know _never_ jumps into my arms – did somebody lose a Pearl? Who do you belong to?”

“Nobody!” Pearl said with a confident huff. Bismuth laughed loudly.

“Alright, alright settle down” Garnet said, walking over to them.

“Oh _you’re_ one to talk, oh, oh excuse me, you’re _two_ to talk!” Bismuth quipped. Garnet let out a mock-insulted little noise and punched Bismuth on the shoulder with her gauntlet while Pearl laughed. “Heeey - cool it your ruby is showing!”

“Where have you _been_? We thought you’d been captured! Or worse… _shattered_!” Pearl asked breathlessly.

“Shatter _me_? Pssh! Home world couldn’t lay a _scratch_ on _this_ gem” Bismuth said confidently.

“AHEM!” Amethyst cleared her throat very loudly. “Who is this?”

“Guys… _this_ is Bismuth. She’s one of the original Crystal Gems” Garnet explained, leaning on Bismuth’s shoulder companionably. I’d never seen _Garnet_ lean on anyone before.

“OH hey, new recruits!” Bismuth said, looking over at Amethyst, Steven and me standing next to a perplexed Lion. “Welcome aboard, we could always use more amethysts… And who are these meatballs?” she looked interestedly at Steven and me.

“Hi I’m Steven! You were in my Lion and now you’re in my house” Steven said in his friendly way.

“Well thanks for having me!” Bismuth squatted down in front of him and shook his hand. Then she turned to me.

“Uhh... I’m Erica. H-hello” I said hoarsely.

“Hi, _oof_ , you’re a tall one” she said, looking me up and down. “When did humans get so tall?” I shrugged, completely lost.

“I can’t believe it!” Pearl exclaimed happily. “Rose said she lost track of you at the battle for the Ziggurat! She was worried sick!” a trickle of ice slipped down my spine. _Ziggurat_ … That’s when… That’s when Pink Diamond was shattered… Or had there been more than one battle for the Ziggurat, whatever that was?

Bismuth’s face went through a kaleidoscope of emotion, settling on apprehension. “Wait… Where is Rose?” she inquired.

“Hi um.. actually… I’m Rose’s son, she kinda turned into me – w-well I have her gem, the rest is from my dad…” Steven raised his shirt to show his gem. Bismuth squatted down in front of him again.

“Oh there she is… you… do you know me?” she looked up at him uncertainly.

“No, I’m so sorry” Steven said sadly.

“It’s not always easy to understand Rose’s choices… But we have to stand behind them…” Pearl said, sounding suddenly somber.

“Rose really is something else… I mean… look at this! She really is something _else_!” Bismuth laughed. “ _Wow_ everything’s changing! And we’re building bases out of _wood_ now?” she ripped up a floor board without apparent effort. “Who’s terrible idea was this? And _where_ is everybody else?”

“Everybody else?” Steven asked.

“Yeah, the rest of the Crystal Gems! Old Crazy Lace, Biggs, Snowflake”

Pearl and Garnet exchanged a sad look.

“It’ll be easier to understand if we just show you…” Garnet said slowly. “Come on, everyone” she stepped onto the warp pad and everyone followed. I hesitated by Lion, then Garnet smiled. “You too, Erica”

I walked over there and Steven took my hand, a slight frown on his face. The warp activated and after a moment of flashing blue and white light we were standing in a vast field. Bismuth gasped.

“ _No_! No way! We were just here? How long was I out?” she stepped off the warp pad and walked into the field. There were humongous strawberries growing everywhere. I looked up into the sky and saw… islands… _floating_?!

“It’s been about 5300 years…” Pearl answered slowly.“ _We_ the Crystal Gems were able to save the earth…”

“And we’re all that’s left of the rebellion, huh?” Bismuth turned to the pale gem. “Oh come on Pearl, you know I can’t take it when you cry like that”

“I’m sorry…” Pearl said tearfully.

“No… no need to apologize…” the big blue grey gem’s voice was softer now.

“Home world’s final attack on earth… wiped out all the Crystal Gems” Garnet said as she walked up to them.

“Rose was able to protect Garnet and myself. By the looks of it she was able to protect you as well” Pearl added.

Bismuth walked away from them and dug around on the ground, then pulled up a big axe. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. There were weapons here?

“I knew those home world elites were _twisted_... How many of us did they shatter? Crazy Lace? _Biggs_? **_Snowflake_**?! If I was there I – I could have _stopped it_!” Bismuth shouted ferociously.

“It’s not like they have stopped trying” Garnet said.

“What’s that?”

“Home world still has its eyes on this planet”

“We continue to thwart their plans over and over” Pearl said, clasping her hands.

“But they just keep coming back!” Steven said intensely.

“Yup, they want us bad” Amethyst added, sliding up next to Steven.

“Good… I thought I wouldn’t get another chance to show those upper crusts who’s **_boss_**! Let’s show ‘em what happens when they mess with the Crystal _Gems_ ” she roared and swung the axe into the ground powerfully.

“Yeah!” Steven said emphatically.

“Bismuth. The gems on home world outnumber us by a _huge_ amount” Garnet stated as she walked over to stand next to her.

“And their technology far surpasses anything we have available on earth” Pearl followed Garnets path through the strawberries. Bismuth laughed raucously.

“What _else_ is new?” she put her arms around both of them. “Garnet – remember when you and I took on a battalion of quartz soldiers – we walked out with our stones shining brighter than when we went _in_!”

“As I recall, it was _three_ battalions” Garnet said with a smile.  

“And Pearl, remember when we stopped that drop ship? I’ll _never_ forget the look on that nephrite’s face when you pulled her out of the _cockpit_!”

“I _know_!” Pearl chuckled. “How embarrassing for _her_ ”

“So let’s pick up where we left off!” Bismuth laughed. “To the forge!”

“Yaaay! To the forge!” Steven whooped, running over and hugging Garnet’s leg.

“Yo… what’s a forge?” Amethyst asked.

“A _forge_?” I said interestedly. “I’ve never been in a real forge before” 

“Oh, you’re going to love it!” Pearl said excitedly. We all trooped back onto the warp pad. When the lights faded we were in a much darker place.

“I-is that… is that a _volcano_?” I asked in disbelief. The mountain ahead of us was smoking from the top.

“Holy shit, it is” Amethyst said.

“That is so _cool_!” Steven laughed.

We walked along a narrow path next to a cliff wall. I hung back with Steven and Amethyst, not wanting to interrupt what was so obviously a reunion of old friends.

“Is this the forge?” Steven asked, wide eyed.

“Ugh, don’t ask me. I’ve never been here before” Amethyst said a tad sulkily.

“Well, since Bismuth was gone, we’ve had no reason to come back here” Pearl explained.

“Let’s just say this place ain’t the same without me” Bismuth looked over her shoulder, grinning smugly.

“What does that mean? Amethyst, Erica! What do you think that means?!” Steven asked excitedly.

“I don’t know dude, I’ve never even _seen_ this gem before today” she gave me an uncertain look. She seemed almost worried.

“No idea, kiddo. But seems we’re about to find out” I supplied.

“We took a huge blow from home world. But now we’re back in _Bismuth_!” Bismuth said confidently. Steven burst out laughing.

“She’s got jokes!”

The broad blue grey gem led us to a square metal surface in the side of the mountain. She stopped and concentrated, her gem beginning to glow. With a series of loud clunks, the metal square sunk in in sections, revealing a long, dark tunnel. We all walked in and the temperature rose to the point where Steven and I were both sweating.

“Oh, it’s just how I remember it!” Pearl said as we stepped through an ornate door. Now _this_ … was a _forge_. Enormous weapons hung from chains in the ceiling and stood against the wall and on stands, anvils and barrels strewn around the room. But no tools. I looked around eagerly. It was like it was taken straight out of Realm of Warlords. But some of the weapons were _huge_ – were they for _fusions_?

“It’s like an oven in here” Steven said, wiping his brow.

“You think it’s hot _now_?” Bismuth asked with a snigger.

“Yeah, like an oven”

“Well it’s about to get _way_ hotter!” Bismuth changed her arm into a… thing? Then shoved it into a recess and turned it, there was a series of glooping goops and then a wave of damp heat filled the room – _red hot lava flowed out of the ceiling and straight over Bismuth_! I gasped and took a step back, bumping into a very solid Garnet, purple green sparks leaving me.

“It’s OK, Erica, Bismuth can take it” she said with a half-smile. I relaxed, feeling a little silly. Amethyst sniggered and elbowed me on the thigh.

“Nothing like a hot lava bath to get into a working mood” Bismuth said as she emerged, then stretched. She went over to some barrels and picked up something from each.

“Uh… what exactly do you do here?” Steven asked, peering into one.

“Home world used us bismuths to erect spires and temples for the gem _elites_ to enjoy” Bismuth stuck her hand back into the lava. ”But Rose taught me that my life was my _own_ ” she changed her hands into large hammers and began pummeling what I assumed was some kind of metal on an anvil. “That I could choose to do whatever I wanted. So I chose this…” she shoved the rough blade she had made into a barrel of tempering oil, then blew out the flames. Didn’t it usually take _hours_ , _days_ to get a finished blade?

“Bismuth… you make… _weapons_?!”

“That’s right! I outfitted the _entire_ Rebellion. Every material weapon used by the Crystal Gems was made right here in this forge. Wait… Is it still here? Aha! Yes!” she had found a box and opened it, then handed something to Garnet, who summoned her gauntlets. This time around it looked like she had some spiky looking knuckle dusters added to them. “Something to pack a little extra punch” she handed something else to Pearl. “And why don’t _you_ try a trident?”

“Oh Bismuth, you shouldn’t have!” Pearl said excitedly, summoning her spear and attaching the extra prongs she had been given.

“You made _every_ weapon used by the Rebellion?” I asked, feeling deeply impressed.

“Yup, Edrica, was it?”

“It’s Erica” a sudden idea hit me. “Um. Did you make a spear… About this long? With a hook, named Songbird?”

“’Songbird’? I didn’t give any of the things I made names, no. But some gems liked to name their weapons, sure. Hmm… Songbird… Songbird… No, not one I recognize. But I _have_ made lots of spears”

“Oh, OK” I felt a little disappointed.

“Oh, you simply _must_ show her later!” Pearl came up to me with a big smile.

“Yeah, alright” I smiled back, feeling my face flush from more that just the heat now. In fact, I was starting to feel a bit dizzy from the temperature. “I think I’m going to go outside again, it’s a bit too warm for me in here”

“Hah, humans” Bismuth snickered, patting me on the shoulder in a friendly sort of way. “Just don’t go falling into the lava, you hear?”

“I’ll do my very… best” it was what Jasper had said just before she vanished. I felt a lump in my throat and decided that going outside was a very good idea indeed. I sat down on a rock and lit a cigarette, wishing I’d have thought to bring something to drink. I wondered briefly if I should maybe go back to the temple and just go home – the gems obviously needed some time to get reacquainted with their old friend. New friend to Steven and Amethyst apparently. Out of all the things I had envisioned for today, a new gem hadn’t been one of them. But she seemed nice. And it made me really curious to what other things were inside Lion’s mane. Were there more gems there? Had she lived in there? She had been in there for 5300 years… in a bubble? Since she didn’t think any time had passed… But she wasn’t corrupted… What had happened to her? Why was she bubbled?

Amethyst’s laugh sounded from the tunnel and she came running out, brandishing her whip.

“E! Check it! _Upgrade_!” she held it out to me excitedly.

“Oh, spikes” I said, seeing the end having been split into three and now had spiky balls.

“Aw _yisss_!” she whooped. “Oh I can’t wait to show J-“ she stopped herself from saying Jasper’s name. “Fuck. Sorry”

“It’s… OK… She should be back soon, right?” I asked, hoping she’d know somehow.

“Yeah” she said, her face softening. “It’s been like four days now?” I nodded. “Yeah, then she should pop out before long” her voice was encouraging and I smiled at her. I didn’t want to sit out here and cry and bring the mood down.

“Hey… spiky bola” I said and a huge grin stretched Amethyst’s face.

“Oh-ho _yeah_!” she laughed. “Spiky bola of _doom_ , motherfucker!”

***

We were back on the beach and Steven and I were sitting in the sand with a cooler full of drinks on ice. Both of us had been very thirsty when we got back, but Bismuth had insisted it was sparring time. I realized I had never seen them do that – well I had seen Pearl demonstrate spear techniques and I’d seen Amethyst during her training session with… my big, beautiful Jasper. You’ll see her soon, I told myself. But if you need to cry, go ahead. The others are busy and Steven won’t mind. A few tears wet my cheeks but they dried quickly on my too warm skin. I had taken off my hoodie and beanie for a while, sitting in just my t-shirt.

The gems exchanged quip-like insults as they sparred, a nicer version of what Jasper and Amethyst usually did. No actual swear words. Overly stretched puns mostly. Bismuth and Garnet had just shared a fist bump.

“We are powerful! We are important! We – are – the – Crystal – GEMS!” she brought her hammer hands down on a rock, smashing it into tiny bits. Steven, Erica! Come down and show me what you’re made of!”

“Uh, I would, but this is a little intense for me”

“Same” I said, feeling relieved I wasn’t the only one feeling intimidated. Pearl and Garnet walked over to Bismuth and the blue grey gem put her arms around both of them companionably.

“But it’s a ritual for the Crystal Gems to spar before battle!” she called loudly.

“Mmm, actually, I have some rituals I like a little better”

“Oh yeah? Let me see em”

Steven and the gems showed Bismuth some of the things they liked to do. This included a game of badminton that I sat out on, a game of cards Garnet (obviously) won and some lunch consisting of homemade pizza. I had stepped outside as the pizzas were cooking and Pearl came to join me.

“Erica, I’m sorry” she said and put a hand on my shoulder.

“For what?” I asked, feeling confused.

“I was supposed to show you the temple today! And we got all carried away…”

I smiled at her. “Come on Pearl, this is way more important. It must be great to have her back after so long”

“Oh it _is_!” she said happily, leaning on the railing. “I really thought I’d never see her again, it’s a _miracle_ she wasn’t corrupted! Oh, it’s going to be fantastic to have her back with us! And starting up the forge again – Erica she could make you a full set of armor! Not just this shirt, marvelous as it is. I don’t think she’s done anything for a human before, but… Oh and for Connie too! I could just imagine the two of you” she made a sweeping motion with her hand. “In full battle regalia, standing side by side… And Steven too! Stars on your chests, weapons in hand… She could make armor for Stevonnie too! And Echo I’m sure!” the image of Echo in armor was a tantalizing one and it made my heart both swell and ache to think of.  

“Stars on our chests…” I said slowly and Pearl looked at me.

“Yes of course” she nodded and smiled. “You are a Crystal Gem, Erica. And so is Connie. And… Jasper too… At least, that’s how I see it” she looked at me a little uncertainly.

“I’m extremely flattered, Pearl. Jasper and I have talked a little about that…”

“Yes?”

“I don’t know if she’s changed her mind now, it was a while ago. But what does being a Crystal Gem _mean_ …? Is it necessary to want to follow Rose Quartz? Or is it… is it enough _not_ to want home world to come and destroy the earth?” Pearl looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“Well… Peridot is a Crystal Gem and she most definitely does not follow Rose. To her I suppose it is… just the name for the rebels. And she’s a rebel” she let out a little giggle. “How strange it sounds to say that. A rebel _peridot_ … But I suppose it’s not much different from a rebel _pearl_ …” she let out a happy sigh. “I suppose a Crystal Gem in my eyes is someone who would fight alongside us. And you do. As does Jasper. But if that’s not a term you both are comfortable with…”

“We will talk about it again” I said and put my hand on hers. “Just know that it means a lot to hear you think of us that way. To Jasper too…” Pearl smiled at me.

“The food’s done!” Amethyst called and we went back inside to eat.

Steven put on a movie and we ate on the floor in front of his TV. It was an anime about a guy called Lonely Blade. After we were done eating I felt as if a nap was called for and I stood up to go home.

“Will you come by _tomorrow_ morning and we can take the tour then?” Pearl asked with an apologetic smile.

“Sure, Pearl” I said as I stretched. “Was nice meeting you Bismuth”

“You too, stretch!” she called from upstairs. “Bring that spear and I’ll have a look at it, yeah?”

“Alright” I smiled up at them and waved before hugging Pearl, Amethyst and Steven goodbye.

* * *

Please review!


	61. Symbiosis

## Chapter 61: Symbiosis   


I headed into the grocery store before going home. When I had got up this morning I had discovered the fridge mostly empty. I bought some fruit and vegetables, bread and eggs. I really didn’t feel like making any extravagant food now. Instead I doubled up on snacks, feeling a little guilty about it. I knew I was getting comfort foods. I argued that I’d spent so much time on spear training lately that I could afford the extra calories. There was a tightening in my lower belly and I tried to remember if I had any pads left at home. Better get some more. As I stood in the feminine hygiene aisle it struck me that this may be one of the last times, if not _the_ last time, I had to buy pads for… months… I paid for all the things and stopped by the pharmacy to pick up my new pain meds, then carried the bags home with a lump in my throat. Getting my period _without_ having Jasper there was not going to be fun… I told myself that I had gone most of my life without Jasper, but that didn’t make me feel better. I put all the groceries away, then filled the hot water bottle, took a pill, put in a preemptive pad and lay down to sleep.

When I woke up a few hours later Cake was lying curled up against the fading warmth of the water bottle.

“Hey swtie…” I mumbled, stroking her head. She purred in greeting. I lay for a while just staring at the wall, trying to judge the cramps I was now feeling. They were at around a five and a half maybe, which was higher than I had expected with all the praises Doctor Madison had given the medication, but it was still manageable. The meds were doing _something_. Certainly worked better than the over the counter stuff. I felt a little stupid thinking they’d just somehow not come at all. I got up to go to the bathroom, noticing my head was foggy and my balance a little off, then I boiled some more water, and went back to bed. I picked up my phone and found an e-mail from Victoria.

‘Hello Erica. Yes I do. And we are well. Charlotte says hello. Victoria’

I sighed out a green and red stream of vapor. So I wasn’t alone in feeling this way every month… It made me feel strangely connected to my twin sister and I wondered if that was what was in store for Charlie when she got a little older. Maybe not that much older… I had no idea when Victoria had started. But Charlie was approaching thirteen, so it wasn’t that far off, surely. I hoped she would tell me when it happened. We had never spoken about it. If I had spent time with her during my period I had pretended I was fine, not wanting to worry her – or something. Maybe I should text her and say she could talk to me about it, just so she would know… I brought up her contact and tapped in a quick message.

‘Hey sweetie. Know this is a bit out of the blue, but just wanted to say that when you get your monthly visitor I’m here to answer any questions. Or before that. Or anything else. Love you lots <3’

***

The next morning I woke to the sound of the front door being knocked on. I groaned as I sat up, my belly full of dull icy hot knives and my head feeling muddled and cloudy. There were a few missed calls from Steven’s house, _and_ Steven’s phone. Why had it not woken me up? I looked at the time. It was nearly _noon_. I had… overslept. By _a lot_. 

There was another knock at the door and I scooted off the bed slowly, wincing as I did so. I didn’t feel like moving at all, but whoever was knocking seemed rather urgent. I made my way over there carefully. I left a trail of little red sparkly puffs as I moved, feeling I’d quite like to go to the bathroom, have a shower, breakfast, painkillers and a few more hours of sleep before I met anyone today. I opened the door a crack.

“ _Dude_!” Amethyst said agitatedly. “Would you pick up your damned phone? Jeez!”

Outside stood Amethyst and Pearl. Amethyst looked annoyed and Pearl rather worried. I frowned at them.

“I ws _ashleep_ …” I said a little reproachfully, feeling a bit attacked.  

“Yeah well, we were fucking _worried_ about you!” Amethyst snapped, crossing her arms.

“May… we come in?” Pearl asked. Her voice sounded frail.

“I’m…” I cleared my throat. “Not great company right now…” I really just wanted to go take a pill and then lie down.

“Tough shit” Amethyst said, then stepped inside. I looked at her with confusion. Pearl stepped up to me and raised her arms to embrace me, but I held up a hand.

“Please don’t… not right now…” I said wretchedly.

“Is everything alright?” Pearl asked anxiously. I put a hand on my belly as the pain increased, a puff of buzzing red leaving me. “Oh…”

I sighed, thinking about how I wanted to be more open. “I’ve… got pretty bad cramps… And things are a bit messy inside, but… come in I guess” I went into the bathroom and took a pill, brushed my teeth and washed my face. When I came back out they were in the kitchen, sitting around the table dejectedly. Someone had put on the kettle. I filled the water bottle and joined them.

“We’ve got some bad news…” Pearl said quietly. I felt a thrill of unease.

“What’s… up?” I asked worriedly.

“It’s _Bismuth_ ” Amethyst huffed.

“Amethyst…” Pearl sighed. “She… took Steven back to the forge last night, saying she’d give him a new and better weapon than Rose’s sword” she said the last words with a mingle of distaste and sadness. “She had made one called the Breaking Point, which could _shatter_ gems in one strike… Steven told her that he didn’t want it and that _she_ shouldn’t use it and… they had a fight”

“I-is Steven OK!?” I burst out, purple, red and blue sparks leaping from my mouth.

“He’s _fine_ … Just fucking _dandy_!” Amethyst grumbled, crossing her arms.   

“He wasn’t hurt physically but… He’s very upset. Garnet is with him… Bismuth said Rose refused the weapon when she offered it to her during the war – that’s how she ended up in Lion’s mane… Rose poofed her and put her there… She didn’t tell us, not even _me_ …” Pearl rubbed her gem with a frown.

“Pff” Amethyst huffed again, turning her head away. “Is every new gem I meet always gonna be _crazy_?”

“Bismuth wasn’t crazy, Amethyst, she was just… just… so focused on winning the war…” Pearl said quietly. “She worked _tirelessly_ making weapons, making improvements on designs…”

“Wait, wait… She made a weapon that Rose didn’t like and what, she bubbled her just for _that_?” I asked in disbelief. I had never met Rose but that sounded… extreme. “Where is she now?”

“Bubbled, with the others…” Pearl sighed again. “Stars, I can’t believe this…” she closed her eyes and her shoulders began to shake. “Bismuth was my _friend_ … And she attacked _Steven_ … _and Rose_! I never thought she could _do_ something like that…” I handed her a paper towel and put my hand on her shoulder.

“Well shows how fucked up she was” Amethyst said angrily.  

“Amethyst _please_ …” Pearl said, her voice thick with tears.

“Well she _was_!” Amethyst tossed her hair. “Taking Steven out at night, trying to _kill him_!”

“I’m not denying that…” Pearl responded, tears trickling down her cheeks.

“How are you not _angry_ , Pearl? Why didn’t Rose tell me about her at _all_? Why didn’t _you_?! Why didn’t _she_ tell _you_ and _Garnet_ she had to poof her?!”

I was feeling quite uncomfortable sitting in on this argument, or whatever to call it. My nerves were frayed as it was, I didn’t need _shouting_ as well.

Pearl was hugging herself and looking away from Amethyst. I would have thought that would calm the purple gem down, but she only seemed to get angrier.

“ _Pearl_!” she burst out, making both me and Pearl wince.

“Amethyst, take it down a notch” I said reproachfully, a buzzing puff of red with hints of purple appearing. She gave me a dirty look.

“What, _you’re_ against me too?!”

“A-Amethyst come on, could you stop shouting? No one is _against_ you just - ” I felt small and vulnerable, grabbing Jasper’s gem for comfort.

“Ugh!” she huffed frustratedly and stood up. “If _Jasper_ was here _she’d_ understand!”

“ _Amethyst_!” Pearl hissed quickly, looking up at her in shock. I felt my ears and face burn with sudden shame and guilt. There was tense silence for a moment, then I found breath to speak.

“Get out…” I said quietly, feeling the tears fill my eyes. I looked away from the purple gem, my fists clenching under the table and around the pouch. How could she _say_ that, _now_ of all times?!

“Come _on_ , E!” she closed her eyes and grimaced. “I didn’t mean – “

“I said _get out_!” a small thunderclap echoed around the narrow kitchen and red lightning struck the floor tiles. Amethyst stepped back in alarm.

“ _Seriously_?!” she yipped. “You know what? _Fuck_ this!” she turned her heel and left through the front door, slamming it hard behind her.

I immediately regretted having raised my voice.

“Shit…” I groaned, then clutched at my stomach as a sharp cramp seized me. I doubled over.

“Oh! Ohh, what’s happening?!” Pearl asked worriedly.

“Nnnh” I grunted pitifully, pressing the water bottle to my belly in a vain attempt to make it work better. Every one of my breaths was red now. “Give m – give me a moment, Pearl – nh”

“Oh stars…” she breathed. “I-is there something I can do?” I shook my head. After a minute it settled down to the dull ache stage.

“Would… you mind if we go into the l-living room? I need to lie down…”

“That’s perfectly fine” Pearl said, looking worried. We got up and moved into the other room. I lay down on my side and pulled my legs up. Pearl sat down on the sofa in front of me.

“I shouldn’t have raised my voice…” I said after a few seconds.

“Oh… well… Amethyst shouldn’t have said what she said either…” Pearl responded quietly.

“I know she didn’t mean it in the way it felt, I know she’s just frustrated and angry and wanted to talk to her friend …” I let out a groan. “I’m – not – very s-stable right now, she made me feel so guilty… I just lashed out…”

“She was lashing out too…” Pearl moved a little closer to me on the sofa and let out a sigh. “Why can’t it ever just be… _easy_?” I looked at her sympathetically.

“I hear you…” I thought about how _happy_ Pearl had been yesterday – that laugh she had made as Bismuth held her in her big arms. I’d never heard her laugh like that before. “I’m really sorry this is how things turned out, Pearl… I saw how glad it made you to find your old friend”

Pearl looked up at me with a wan smile. “I was _delighted_ to see her. Really thought she was gone for good…” her face fell. “Why didn’t Rose tell us…?”

“Maybe she wanted to protect you from Bismuth’s… betrayal? Is that the right word?”

“I think it might be yes… It… wouldn’t be the first time Rose kept something from us…” she looked sad. “At the time Bismuth disappeared, we were struggling, losing gems left and right… Maybe Rose thought it would discourage us to find out Bismuth’s plans…”

“Maybe knowing would have caused a divide in the rebels? One side for using the weapon, one against it?”

“That’s what Garnet said…” Pearl sighed. “I’m just so… _disappointed_ – I really thought I could have my old friend back, reminisce about all the wonderful times we had, and the bad ones too… And she would have made _such_ a powerful ally…” I reached out for her hand. She took it and squeezed my fingers.

“Do you want to talk about her? What you did during the war?” I asked tentatively.

Pearl smiled sadly. “She was… so fierce. So intimidating, rushing toward the home world forces on the battlefield. She never gave up… I don’t know _how_ many times she managed to get us out of really dangerous situations… There was one time – Bismuth, myself, Iolite, Jade and Biggs had snuck up on a supply ship and it seemed abandoned, but it was a trap. But Bismuth didn’t lose hope, she pushed us forward and we made it out, tearing through the _hull_ of the ship… I owe her my life _many_ times over…” she let out a long breath and closed her eyes. “She was always so great with the newcomers… a great example of what their lives _could_ be like. She was a builder who changed her fate, decided to use her skills in a _different_ way, learned not only to fight but dedicated nearly all her time to improving our chances of victory… Without her we wouldn’t have stood a _chance_ against home world”

“Huh? But… don’t you have your gem weapons?”

“We do _now_ but… We didn’t know we were capable of that back then. And not every gem could figure it out… It took _me_ **_ages_** … So we needed material weapons. I used to fight with two swords…”

“Really? What kind – o-off _ff_ – ” another cramp twisted my insides and my fingers closed tightly around Pearl’s hand, making her gasp.

“Oh! E-Erica what – what can I _do_?” she asked anxiously. “D-do you need the hospital?” I shook my head, closing my eyes to concentrate. “Forgive me, here I am just babbling on about things and you’re in so much pain!”

 “Helps to be dis-distracted… The medication should start working s-soon and then it – it won’t be s-so bad” I forced out, feeling tears mingle with the sweat on my face. After half a minute my uterus unclenched and I panted for breath.

“Jasper… holds you when it hurts…” she said slowly. “Does… does whatever she does help? What _is_ it she does? If you don’t mind me asking”  

“She heats up her hands and massages my belly. It’s wonder-f-ful…” I grunted, wishing she was here with me.

“Would you um… like me to try?” her question took me completely by surprise.

“Huh?”

“I mean… I can do that too, warm my hands… Thought it might… help?” I looked at her uncertainly.

“You’d… do that? It’s very um… _intimate_ …” she gave me a warm but worried smile.

“I know… but you seem in such _discomfort_ , Erica…” I thought her offer over in my mind. Were there any drawbacks? I’d get physical closeness and warm belly rubs from a good friend – sure I’d never done that even with my _best_ friend but… at this moment did I care? The pain peaked again and my body made the decision for me.

“Mnff… Please” I grunted. To my surprise she got to her feet, then and lay down behind me on the bed. I removed the hot water bottle and guided her hand to below my belly button. Oh, yep. Very intimate indeed. Her cool hand warmed slowly.

“Tell me when” she said and a light from behind me told me her gem was glowing.

“When” I said as the pain _finally_ dulled. “Oh thank the gods…” I groaned, feeling tears of relief slide down my cheeks now. “ _Thank you_ , Pearl…” I sobbed, putting my hand on hers.

“You’re welcome” she said softly. Her belly was against my lower back and behind and her head somewhere between my shoulder blades.

“Could you um… rub in little circles?” she began to do so. “Ohh… thank you, thank you, thank you…” I was relaxing as her slim hand stroked the pain down two extra levels, reaching a completely manageable level of four.

“Is it really helping that much?” Pearl sounded surprised.

“Gods, you have _no idea_ …” I mumbled, closing my eyes as tension left my body. “I really appreciate this, Pearl…” her hand was moving in gentle circles, her fingers pressing down a little – I could feel the taught sensation inside lessen with every stroke.  Even though she was _very_ close to my cotch I felt extremely relaxed. There was nothing sexual about this as all.

“Stars… I’m glad I could do something – you looked to be in so much pain”

“I was…”

“Oh dear…” she sighed. “I’m sorry. Maybe you should talk to Doctor Maheswaran about it?”

“I’ve been to see a gynecologist a few days ago, she said it might be a hormone imbalance… waiting for test results now… She gave me new pain medication, I took one earlier, so it should start working soon. And I asked Victoria what it was like for her and she said she had heavy, painful periods too… So maybe it’s just like this for women in our family. L-lucky us…” I let out a yawn.

“Are you feeling tired?” she asked, sounding surprised. I gave it a bit of a think.

“Yeah, kind of am… It’s like it’s not working properly now. I sleep for much longer than usual but I still wake up feeling exhausted, making me want to sleep even more…”

“You said you were asleep earlier, that’s why you didn’t hear us calling… Erica… I’m worried about you”

“ _That_ usually doesn’t happen, think that might be a side effect of the new medication… If it was a different situation I might be worried I was heading into another depression but I’m pretty sure this is because I’m missing Jasper so very much…” I hugged her gem to my chest, wishing that she could somehow hear me and decide to reform right now.

“She will come back soon…” Pearl said reassuringly.

“I know that… It’s just… _hard_ …” I felt more tears slide down my cheeks now. “Gods, I don’t even know _how_ _much_ of an overreaction this is…”

“You’re not overreacting. You’re _reacting_. You’re _allowed_ to miss her…”

“I’m… trying to keep busy and do things…” I said quietly. “Preparing for her to come back… Been training a lot too… well, up until yesterday…”

“That’s very sensible, Erica” Pearl said warmly. My insides twisted into a hard knot and I curled in on myself. “Oh my stars!” she gasped and I groaned.

“C-could you make it w-warmerrr?” I forced out.

“Y-yes of c-course” her hand heated further and the increased temperature soothed the sharpness of the peak.

“P-please kick in soon…” I cried, praying the pain killers would do so before the next wave struck. I tried to just let my tears fall and not sob, and it took a lot of concentration to breathe normally. My exhalations were red and sparkly, drifting away in vast, writhing clouds.

“Stars… Is this how you feel every month?”

“Been – more – intense… the last few t-times” I panted, then sighed as the increased tension suddenly went away. Pearl let out a little surprised noise.

“I could… _feel_ it, the tension in your abdomen build up and now it’s gone again” she said in an astonished voice. “What exactly is happening?”

“M-my uterus is – contracting, losing oxygen, hurts…” I said quietly. “It _sucks_ …”

“I have understood as much… How do you put _up_ with this?” she asked worriedly.

“Don’t have… a choice…”

“I’m _so_ sorry…”

“Well, when I’m pregnant I get to skip it” I sighed. “Other uncomfortable things happen then but it won’t hurt as much as this… I hope…”

***

A day later I was standing on a stone garden path outside a house that Parker had found online. The real estate agent exited with a big grin and held out his hand.

“Welcome! Come on in and I’ll give you the tour!”

“Thank you”

We stepped inside and I looked around. The hall was wide and the ceilings high.

“High ceilings, hard wood floors, of course it’s going to need some TLC, especially the upstairs master bathroom, but this baby has _great_ potential! The view from the top floor is _fantastic_ , the back garden is large enough to put a pool in and the attic and basements are large and roomy and could be renovated to make a very nice home theatre, an office, art studio or whatever takes your fancy. Would you like to start from the bottom and we can work our way up?”

“Sure”

“Alright!”

He showed me the house, pointing out features and flaws. It had four bedrooms, three bathrooms, a large kitchen and two balconies on the second floor. The garden was large and had a few sturdy trees in it, one of which look like a fantastic swing tree. I took many pictures.

“One important question… could you increase the height of the doorways or are the walls all load bearing?”

“I would have to look that up and get back to you, Miss Brooks”

“OK, thanks. We’ll have a bit of a think and be in touch in a while”

“Sounds great, looking forward to hearing from you!”

I shook Barry’s hand goodbye and started heading home. It was a nice house and I could picture myself sitting on the upstairs balcony in the morning, having a cigarette. Of course I might not start smoking again after the pregnancy was over, but you never knew… The good thing about the house was that it was big, but not _too_ big. The available space inside was ample, the attic and basement were indeed roomy and I could see the attic turning into a fantastic place to paint or play games in. The basement could be used for storage and had two large washing machines in it next to the heating unit. On the top floor were three bedrooms. We could probably knock down the wall or put a door up between the two smaller ones to make the nursery nice and big. The master bedroom had a very cozy feel and was large enough to house mine and Jasper’s bed with plenty of room left over. I knew I shouldn’t go for the first house shown, but it felt sort of right. Jasper would give her opinion when she came back. She might not like it at all and prefer we build our own. But her only demand was that the kitchen should be bigger and that she didn’t want to hit her head on anything.

I had been playing around with the idea of getting custom made furniture, in Jasper’s size. I really wanted for her to feel comfortable being her big, beautiful self in this world was adapted to smaller people. I was too big for most things, even after having lost all the weight. That was mainly about seats in general – bus seats and air plane seats. And chairs. Not that I’d _break_ a chair or anything but the ones with arms on sometimes (still) pinched my waist or thighs uncomfortably. The worst thing was sitting down, being uncomfortable and then _stadning up discovering it was not stuck to your ass_ … So. I wanted Jasper to be able to _fit_. That would mean chairs, arm chairs perhaps, sofas and tables being raised. And the stove and sink too. I know I hated when those things were juuuust a little bit too low down so that it made my lower back hurt working at them. Jasper might not have _that_ back problem, but surely it’d be loads easier for her not having to _bend_ down so much. I could picture us sitting at the dinner table, me on a raised chair and her sitting normally, _comfortably_ with her knees _under_ the table.

I had a light lunch before heading toward the temple. Today Pearl was going to show me around finally. I had taken a few days to just do nothing but watch movies with the hot water bottle and sleep. I was starting to feel better. My cramps were just a dull ache in the background at the moment. I would have to talk to Doctor Madison about the new meds she had put me on – they worked better than the over the counter stuff, but they did make me sleep a lot and my head feel cloudy.

As I approached the temple I was starting to feel a little nervous. I hadn’t seen Amethyst since I had kicked her out of the house when she and Pearl came to visit a few days ago. I really wanted to apologize to her. I had bought some donuts at the Big Donut to help drive the message home.

I knocked on the door and Steven opened.

“Hey Erica” he said, not sounding his normal happy self.

“Hey Steven… How are you doing?”

“I’m OK I guess… How are you?”

“I’m alright” I gave him a little smile. It was easier to smile now. I bent down to give him a hug and he hugged me back tentatively at first, then relaxed into it. When I moved to break the embrace he didn’t follow and I settled back. “Steven…” I said softly. “How are you… really?”

He let out a sigh. “I don’t know… I’ve been trying to figure it out, but… I don’t know…”

I looked around the house. I was a bit early and no one else seemed to be there.

“You want to go sit down and have a chat?” I asked.

“Sure” we went to sit down on the sofa by the window.

“So… what have you been thinking?”

“Mmm… Bismuth was so _angry_ at my mom, it was like she didn’t understand that we _can’t_ shatter gems, even if they _are_ our enemies. Mom would _never_ do that… I don’t get how Bismuth could have even thought of it as a solution…” he rubbed his belly over his gem.

“Desperate times calls for desperate measures…” I said with a sigh, surprised at how small the guilt I felt now was. “Pearl said they were losing comrades quickly, so I figure… Bismuth wanted to maybe even the playing field a bit”

“But _shattering gems_ …”

“Not saying she was right, Steven, just trying to think how she might have seen it”

“It makes me so sad… That one of the gems who fought alongside mom would turn on her…”

“I’m sorry kiddo… It sounds like they both wanted the same thing, an end to the war, to keep their friends safe, but they wanted to go about it in different ways. Maybe Bismuth thought that the ends justify the means, whereas Rose thought the means justify the end or however to put it”

“Mom just wanted home world to leave the earth _alone_ , Bismuth wanted to… to shatter the diamonds too and free all of home world from their rule…”

“Ah, I see…” Pearl hadn’t said that. “So… how does that make you feel?”

“I don’t know…” Steven sighed and leaned back on a pillow. “I wish… I really wish I could talk to my mom… I have so many questions for her…” I looked at him with wrinkled eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, kiddo…”

“Thanks…”

“I’m here if you want to talk, I hope you know that” I said softly. To my surprise he lay down in my lap with a sigh.

“I know that, Erica…” he let out a little sniff.

“Hey…” I said quietly, putting my hand on his shoulder.

“Could you… could you sing me that song? The one about the wolf?” he asked tentatively.

I looked down at him with raised eyebrows. “Sure, Steven…” I cleared my throat and began to sing, stroking his back in time with the music. When the song was over he looked at me, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

“The mom in the song…” he began slowly. “She reminds me of you” my head jerked back in surprise.

“R-really?”

“Yeah… you said, she would never let the wolf take her baby but that she felt sympathy for the wolf too, giving it leftovers” he fumbled with the hem of his shirt. “Just seems like something you’d do… Tell someone not to be afraid of the creature in the woods, because they only make the scary sound because they’re hungry… And then try to help the creature… I… I like to think that’s what my mom would do too…”

“Steven…” I felt extremely touched. “That… means a fuck load, excuse my Klatchian”

“Excuse your what?”

“It’s from a book – it’s like saying ‘excuse my Parisian’ – but, kiddo, wow, seriously… That really means a lot to hear” I opened my arms, offering another hug. He smiled a little wetly, then embraced me again. “My grandma used to sing that song to me to help me fall asleep, or to calm me down when I was upset… It’s very special to me. And I only sing it to special people…”

“You sang it to me?”

“Of course I sang it to you, silly pants” I let out a little laugh, a scraggly but bright butterfly appearing behind Steven’s back. I looked up to see Pearl standing over by the warp pad, her hand over her heart. How long had she been standing there? She noticed me noticing her and began walking toward us.

“You saying I’m special?” he asked a tad indistinctly.

“Yes” I gave him an extra squeeze. He was very huggable, like a big warm teddy bear. “Pearl’s here” I whispered to him, but he didn’t move from the hug.

“Hello you two” Pearl said with a slightly damp smile.

“Hi Pearl” Steven and I both greeted her. He still wasn’t letting go – he obviously needed a long one today. Pearl sat down next to us and patted Steven’s back.

“Steven… Are you feeling alright?” she asked carefully.

“Yeah…” he sighed. I exchanged a look with Pearl, glanced at the temple door, then to Steven and raised my eyebrows, silently asking if he could come along on the tour. Pearl smiled and nodded.

“Hey Steven… Pearl was going to show me around the temple today, would you come with too? Show me your favorite place maybe?” I asked softly. Now he sat back a little.

“I thought you wanted to be just the two of you” he looked at Pearl.

“Oh, why would you think that, Steven?” she asked with a surprised look.

“I don’t know…” he looked away. “You guys do stuff together sometimes”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t want you along” I said with a smile. Pearl nodded in agreement. “Let me just put the donuts in the fridge. They’re for Amethyst. But I did get an extra one for you, in case you were here. Want to eat it now?”

“Can I?” he turned to Pearl.

“Have you had a proper lunch?” she asked in such a mom-voice I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah, had sandwiches a little while ago”

“Alright then” Pearl said with a smile.

“Take the one without writing on” I said as he jumped off the couch to lift the lid.

“They spell out ‘SORRY, A’” he said and looked up at me.

“’A’ since she calls me ‘E’… I said something… and _did_ something that wasn’t very nice and was hoping to give them to her and apologize – is she here?”

“She and Garnet went out this morning, they haven’t come back yet” Steven said, picking up a pink frosted donut with sprinkles.

“Oh, maybe they’ll be back when we’re done with the tour” Pearl suggested. “Let’s put them in the fridge for now”

“OK”

I did so and Steven ate his donut, looking happier as it disappeared.  

“You wanted to start in my room, yes?” Pearl turned to me as we walked to the temple door.

“Yes” I said with a smile. Pearl took a step forward and the gem on her forehead lit up. The corresponding gem on the door glowed too and slid aside with a pleasant noise. I followed Pearl and Steven inside. The memory of the last time in this place squirmed inside me unpleasantly, but I told myself that it was sorted out and had been properly dealt with. I accept that I did something really fucking stupid, I stated internally. And I am lucky I have such a great friend in Pearl that she was able to forgive me for it. I glanced over at the wall where I had almost punched her and was startled to see the black mark and cracks still there. I would have thought Pearl would have fixed it, knowing how she liked to keep things in a neat and orderly fashion. Perfectly centered underneath the scorched crater… a little plaque? I wanted to go over there and have a look, suddenly regretting asking Steven to come along. I pulled my eyes away from there and looked around instead. The sound of running water was soothing and to my surprise Pearl was standing on the surface a few feet away.

“You… can walk on water?” I asked, completely dumb struck.

“Ah, yes – when I wish to” she smiled and spun away slowly.

“Can you do that too, Steven?”

“Yeah, but it’s tricky…”

“It’s something you can _master_ , Steven” Pearl said, having rounded the middle fountain.

“Yeah?” he asked, excitement rising in his voice.

“Why yes of course! All gems can, we have a greater or lesser aptitude for it – quartzes and other more bulky gems have a slightly harder time grasping the idea, generally. Well, not _all_ quartzes have trouble. Rose acquired the ability easily, Amethyst on the other hand still struggles with it sometimes”

Steven put his foot into the water and almost lost his balance.

“Careful!” Pearl exclaimed. “We do not want a repeat of last time!”

“What happened last time?” I asked curiously.

“It was ages ago now” Steven began. “I wanted everyone to have breakfast together like best buds, and I came in here, got into the water and got sucked into the temple – it was weird! The water doesn’t behave like normal here, and there are like… short cuts between places – which is really cool! And very confusing”

“Short cuts?”

“Yeah! There are puddles in Amethyst’s room that lead to the Burning Room and stuff like that”

“Burning Room?”

“It’s where we keep the bubbled gems”

“Do you guys have… a lot of them?”

“I’ve lost count” Pearl said a little sadly. “I _do_ keep records; just don’t have the exact number in my mind. It’s hard to know what _kind_ of gems the gems are, but some are easily recognizable. I like to organize them by color hue and shape if not by type”

“I want to find a way to heal them” Steven said seriously. “There was one gem, Centi – that’s not her real name but I don’t know what kind of gem she is – I tried healing her and it… _sort of_ worked, but… then she reverted to her corrupted state” Pearl smiled a little stiffly.

“Oh” I said, blinking in astonishment. “What… _is_ corruption? I’ve been thinking about it from time to time when I look up at the bubbles over our bed…” I closed my fingers around Jasper’s gem, feeling her reassuring warmth. Pearl drew in a deep breath.

“The Diamonds… they unleashed a weapon on Earth at the end of the war – as a last, horrible blow to us. Rose was able to protect me and Garnet, but every other gem on the entire planet turned into monsters…” Pearl said sadly.

“Wait… what? The diamonds did… what…” I stared at her. “Jasper said… it was the rebels that used a devastating… weapon…”

“No… But I’m not surprised the Diamonds told their subjects it was us. Even their own people were affected… Those who didn’t manage to warp away…” the image of gems being pushed out of the warp stream flashed before my eyes. Jasper had been one of the gems who had tried to keep the others in line… How close had she gotten to being corrupted? I shivered at the thought. And… had some of the aristocrats _known_ what was going to happen if they got left on earth? “There was a blinding light and a noise…” Pearl said quietly, her eyes glazed over as if she was seeing into the past. Her words made my throat tingle and I remembered something.

“A Diamond’s song… a Diamond’s light… madness… treachery… must fight…” I said slowly. I had read that somewhere… Had I heard it said? Weeks ago, maybe months… But where? Pearl looked around at me sharply and Steven glanced between the two of us.

“What did you say?” she asked hoarsely.

“A Diamond’s song, a Diamond’s light, madness, treachery, must fight” I said a little louder, my throat tingling strangely again. I touched it and cleared it and it seemed to fade away. My phone buzzed in my pocket, making the ‘you’ve-got-mail’ noise – then I remembered something else. I had taken a picture… I pulled out my phone and started to look through my photos. “Here” I held out the phone so they could both see. It was the picture of the gem writing I had drawn in the dirt in the garden, after I had had that dream… with a library? And a book… That’s right – the book had filled itself with the signs until the page had gone completely black.

“How… how on earth…?” Pearl stared at me with wide eyes.

“I saw it in a dream and drew it on the ground, then Jasper translated it for me… It was the same day Lion brought me the spear…”

“What?” she said breathlessly. “You _dreamed_ this?”

“Yeah?” I said slowly. That’s how Jasper had reacted when I had told her, too.

“Whoa…” Steven said, looking at me with wide eyes. “Is that gem writing? Like Centi did?”

“Yes… that’s… yes…” Pearl said, sounding stunned. Suddenly she dropped into the water down to her waist. “Whoopsie daisy!” she spluttered and climbed out of the pool, her cheeks bright blue.

“You… OK there, Pearl?” I asked, suppressing a smile with difficulty.

“Yes, fine, fine…”

“Oh!” Steven gasped, patting my arm excitedly. “You remember when we saw the gem spider’s memory? What if it was _her_? Trying to tell you what had happened to her?”

“What? But I thought she was… gone?” but that wasn’t quite true… Inside Echo Turquoise Tourmaline had _spoken_ to us. Just a few words… And her voice had been part of the songs Echo had sung. A warm pulse radiated out from my throat, like a tickling heartbeat. I raised my hand to my Adam’s apple. “She’s… still there…” I said quietly. It made me feel rather strange. Like I had a stowaway. The little voice in my head sniggered. _Stowaway? No… More like **parasite** … A spider alien in your throat… Do you remember – of course you do – **hah**! An alien entity invading your body… _ Stop, don’t, no don’t make the comparison, don’t do it – _like the **tumor**! **Jusssst** like the tumor – out of your control, because you **can’t** control it. And it hurts you, it has burned you, exposes how you feel _ –

“I said _don’t_!” I barked, closing my eyes tight, my hands balling into fists.

“Erica?” Steven put his hand on my arm and I flinched, my eyes flying open. I panted out purple and green sparkly mist. “Pearl?” his voice sounded so uncertain. I grimaced to myself. I had said it out loud. And they were both looking at me with… apprehension.

“Sorry” I said shortly, biting my lip and feeling my cheeks flush.

“Was… was it something I said?” Steven asked quietly.

I took a deep breath, decided to _trust_. “No, it was something I – a _part of me_ thought. Made a comparison between… Turquoise Tourmaline and… my tumor – I told it not to but it did anyway. And I know that’s not what the dust is, or she is or however to put it. I hadn’t really thought about it or her as _alive_ but she has spoken to me. To us. To Echo. She’s still in there… to some degree… Symbiosis!” I said it so forcefully both Steven and Pearl jumped. “Sorry – but it feels _a lot_ better to think of it that way – a symbiotic relationship instead of… a parasitic one” I shivered at the thought.

“Wait – let’s… let’s talk about this” Pearl said, blinking rapidly as if she was trying to sort things out in her head. She raised her hand and an elegant white stone bench rose out of the ground. After a second a large pale pink cushion appeared on top. Steven jumped up immediately but I sat down a little uncertainly. Pearl remained standing, pacing in an oval pattern. “From the top… you _know_ what kind of gem’s… dust has fused with you?”

“Yes… She spoke to us inside Echo. She only said a few words, that she was a Turquoise Tourmaline and that she was an Historian by… trade or gem type or however you put it. When Steven went into my dreams… We saw her last memory before she died, we think…” Steven nodded at me and then at Pearl. “And after that… I had a dream I was in a library? And there was a book and it scribbled those signs over and over until the pages turned black” I paused for a moment. “When you said the thing about the blinding light and the noise my throat… tingled” then I remembered something else. “I had another dream… I was… riding Cake, but she was the size of Lion and she took me to the island, I think, because there were those big geodes… And there was a woman – a gem, sorry – she had a stack of papers and… then there was a blinding light and a… song? A noise?”

“Whoa…” Steven said, sounding very impressed. “If she showed you that it must be because she wanted you to know, like her last memory…”

“It’s… not unheard of, for a fusion to _share_ dreams…” Pearl said slowly. “As Rainbow Quartz – “

“Wait, wait, wait… Are you saying _I’m_ a _fusion_?!” my eyes went wide.

“ _Physically…_? Technically… yes?” Pearl said a little uncomfortably. “You… combine in one body two minds, in _some_ way – and you have… enhanced abilities you didn’t possess before. I’ve never _heard_ of a gem with vocal powers like you possess – and fusions always get a little something… _extra_ … Not just the combined weapons and size – not that size comes into it in this situation – but _something_ … Alexandrite has fire breath – I’ve seen _you_ breathe fire…” she paused a moment to think. “Personality wise though…? I have no idea. You’re the same person as you were before – I’m assuming?”

“Yes?” I said uncertainly. That was… true right? How would I know?

“That is so _cool_ ” Steven said breathlessly, looking up at me with shining eyes. Somehow that calmed me down an incredible amount. “You’re like a whole new thing! A – what did you say? A human gem symbisis?” he gasped suddenly. “Is that why Echo is so big? Because you’re _three_?”

“Maybe… two and a bit?” I said hesitantly.

“How big… was the gem?” Pearl asked slowly. I thought back, then drew a rough circle on my palm. “Then I’d say Echo is a… _approximately_ two and two thirds person fusion, given the density and volume of a gem that size”

“’Two thirds’? I thought…” what _had_ I thought? How was it even possible to have crammed that much dust into my vocal chords? Weren’t they pretty _small_? “When you said my vocal chords had been infused I thought you meant like… just a _little_ … Well at first I thought you meant the _whole gem_ , but then you said… _part_ of a gem”

“Oh” Pearl looked surprised. “Right, _you_ didn’t _see_ it… Sorry, I should have been more clear. I’m sure Doctor Maheswaran could use an actual _laryngoscope_ and give you a more detailed view if you like. I said vocal chords because… well, that was the part of your throat that… reflected the light from my gem the _most_ ”

“Does that mean… do you have enough of a gem to… like… _shapeshift_?” Steven wondered, wide eyed. “Or – or – or summon _a weapon_?” he turned to Pearl expectantly.

“I… really have no idea” she said, cupping her elbow in her hand. “I suppose we just have to see” she gave me a little smile.

“But you can bubble stuff! Oh – when I bubbled the cluster, the pieces _helped_ , so gem shards can still use their powers, at least a little, so maybe you can?” Steven was almost vibrating on the spot.

“I _have_ shapeshifted… As Echo, but maybe that doesn’t count” I said slowly.

“You have?! Into what?” Steven asked, jumping out of his seat with excitement.

“Into… a cat thing… wait, here” I pulled out my phone and started the video Echo had taken of herself.

“Oh, so _pretty_ …” Steven breathed, holding the phone right up to his face. “My first shapeshifting was with cats too! But nothing even close to that! It got a bit out of control, but I’m better at it now”

“And then there’s… this…” I wriggled my left arm out of my hoodie and showed them my stripe. “I’m not sure if that counts either, since it wasn’t… really me deciding to give it… to me…” I trailed off, feeling confused about which words to use.

“Oh my _stars_!” Pearl gasped.

“That’s just like Jasper’s stripe!” Steven beamed and pointed, almost dropping my phone into the pool.

“Echo wanted to leave me and Jasper something… to remember her by… So she gave me this and gave Jasper… my freckles…” I felt my cheeks heat up.

“Oh my gosh I thought she’d got those from the sun or something!” Steven burst out. “But they’re _love spots_! And you have a _love stripe_! Aww!” he clapped his hands over his cheeks.

“That doesn’t happen with other fusions?” I asked. “Neither of us knew”

“No, that… that’s new” Pearl said, looking stunned.

“Nothing like that happened with me or Connie” Steven supplied, tracing the stripe with his finger. “Wow… Did you get anything new the other times you fused?”

“Uh… I don’t think so?”

“May I?” Pearl asked and I held out my arm to her. The tips of her fingers were cool against my skin. Steven looked under my arm.

“You have so much _hair_ ” he said fascinatedly.

“Steven!” Pearl squawked indignantly. I realized he was talking about my armpit hair and burst out laughing. White butterflies appeared and skittered around us and I had to wipe my eyes as I settled. Oh it was such a relief to laugh. And sort of reassuring that with stripes and gem dust I had something as normal, as _human_ as armpit hair. Steven beamed at me.

“It was just an observation, Pearl” he said with a snigger.

“Commenting on body hair is not polite, even if Erica doesn’t seem to mind”

“I don’t, no” I giggled.

“I just never a _woman’s_ armpit up close like that. On TV they don’t have hair” he said wonderingly.

“Many people shave, I did too, for a while. Then I thought, why bother? It’s just an extra thing to worry about that doesn’t matter in the end”

“ _You_ don’t have hair there” Steven observed and pointed at Pearl’s armpit. Pearl sort of slammed her arms to her body to hide them.

“I prefer things smooth” she said, cheeks going blue. “Personal preference, now let’s not get side tracked into… _that_ area – _yes_ , the diamonds corrupted all the gems that couldn’t evacuate the earth. Amethyst escaped corruption because she was still in the ground. As did the forced fusions, including the cluster. And yes, Erica a symbiotic perma-fusion is what you are in a sense – that is the best term I can think of for now. But what you _truly_ are is _you_. As you said, you haven’t become a new person since the island”

“No that’s true… But I don’t think I’m the _exact_ same… That is more to do with… thoughts though. Not personality. I think” I scratched my head thoughtfully. “This is complicated”

“If it helps I thought you were really cool _before_ you called that gem mutant a cun – “

“Steven Quartz Universe I ought to wash your mouth out with _soap_!” Pearl almost shrieked, making both me and Steven jump – I had to quickly raise my hand to cover my snort of laughter, but couldn’t stop the butterflies from forming. They flitted around my head and I felt my cheeks go bright red – Pearl’s expression was _priceless_.  With _great_ effort I swallowed my laugh.

“There’s – “ my voice cracked like a teenage boy’s and I cleared my throat. “You have to be over eighteen to use that one” I invented wildly.

“At the very _least_!” Pearl straightened up, apparently mollified by my support. As she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose I gave Steven a wink and he smiled, then adopted a sad puppy dog eyed expression.

“Sorry Pearl” he said meekly. Well done, kiddo, I thought to myself. He turned to me again. “You were cool and you still are. Maybe a bit more cool now, but I think that’s because I know you better now”

“Aw, thanks, kiddo… I think you’re pretty darn spectacular yourself, Sigmund” I bumped his shoulder with my own. “Oh, I framed your picture – it’s hanging in the hallway so everyone can see it when they walk in, and when we move it’s going to get the best spot in the house”

“ _Move_?!” Steven stared at me. “You’re moving away?!”

“What? No, no, no! Move to a bigger house – still in Beach City, don’t worry. We’re going to need a bigger place with the baby and all”

“Oh, phew…” he sagged in relief.

“That is very sensible” Pearl nodded in agreement. “We should ask Amethyst to show you all of Steven’s old baby things at some point, heaven knows if she’s got it all in one place – she likes to move things around”

“You’re going to use my old stuff?” Steven looked at me in surprise. “But… isn’t it like, super old now?”

“You’re not _that_ old, kiddo” I said with a smile. “We _could_ buy all new things but… getting to borrow baby stuff is sort of like a tradition. Passing it on to the next generation, sort of thing. Probably get _some_ new stuff, Parker has got a list she keeps adding things to, half of which I’m not sure we’ll _ever_ have a use for but, you know. I think she’s having a blast”

“When is the baby shower?” he asked with a smile. “That’s what it’s called right?”

“Yes, and not for quite a few months. Actually have to have a baby in there to count, I think” I put my hand on my belly. What would it feel like when they kicked? Would I be super lucky and have them _not_ pummel my bladder every time? “Knitting will come in handy” I smiled up at Pearl.

“Oh, I’m so glad!” she beamed at me. “Once you get really into it there’s all _sorts_ of patterns to do! Your hoodie was a fun little challenge. What do you two think, shall we move on to another room?”

“But you haven’t really told me anything about your room yet” I protested with a smile.

“Ah, right. We got a little… side tracked I suppose” Pearl straightened her back. “It hasn’t always looked like this. In its first version it was just big and white and _clean_ but… that got _boring_. I’ve always enjoyed water features, and it has such a soothing sound”

“And you keep all sorts of stuff in there, don’t you?” Steven added.

“Ah yes”

“Can you show us the swords?”

“Your swords from the war?” I asked interestedly.

“I have quite the collection” Pearl said with a hint of pride in her smile. She lifted her hand and a set of stairs grew out of the ground, connecting the area we were on to the middle fountain. Steven ran up them quickly and I followed. Pearl leapt gracefully to land on the surface of the water, then waved her other hand in a sweeping motion. Out of the water rose a circle of swords – I gasped – there were so _many_!

“Oh, _wow_ …” I said, feeling impressed. They were all light blades – no broad swords or Claymores here. Sabers and rapiers, falchions and scimitars – even some long daggers, as far as I could tell. “Oh is that one of those… what are they called… Shammy… Shamstick?”

“Shamshir? And _yes_ it _is_ ” Pearl beamed and the swords spun so that the one I had pointed at came up to us. “I didn’t know you knew about swords?”

“Well, I don’t _know_ know about swords. I’ve just played a lot of games with swords in them. Though I usually play a rogue, so more often than not it’s _daggers_ , but yeah, I can _name drop_ some sword names” I smiled at her.

“Would you like to see it?”

“Oh, yes please” Pearl grabbed the scabbard out of the air and unsheathed the curved blade, then handed it to me hilt first. I took it reverentially. “This is beautiful…” I said in awe. It was _heavy_ , not at all like Rose’s sword, the only other sword I’d actually held. “Where did you get all these?”

“Found them, mostly. Some were gifts, some I bought or traded for other things” she said with a smirk. “In the time when swords were the preferred weapon for humans. Most of them are manmade”

“Really?”

“Yes. Of course, the quality varies, but… _These two_ …” Pearl drew two identical swords from her gem. “I never go without… These are the blades I used before I learned how to summon my spear. They have served me _very_ well” I re-sheathed the shamshir, surprised the scabbard remained air borne even when I touched it.

“Were they made by Bismuth?” Steven asked quietly.

“No, but they are gem made… actually they were… stolen, I guess you could say”

“ _Stolen_?” Steven gaped. Pearl giggled at his expression.

“I had spotted them on the wall of a high ranking gem, _long_ before the rebellion started. We needed weapons so… one day I disguised myself as one of the palace pearls and just… went in and took them off the wall, put them on a cushion and walked out. And _no one_ tried to stop me. I was just a pearl – and a _pearl_ would _only_ carry weapons if they needed to be _cleaned_. A pearl would never intend to _use_ them. Thank the stars home world was so stuck in its ways!”

“Arrogance is always useful in an enemy” I said with a grin. Steven was gazing at Pearl open mouthed.

“That was _stone cold_ , Pearl! Just walk in, take them and then just, off into the sunset!”

Pearl giggled and blushed a tad. “Yes, well, it was only the beginning then. We had no idea just how far… it was going to go…” she let out a sigh. “This was before I got known as the ‘terrifying, renegade pearl’” Steven sniggered at this.

“That’s a title, right there” I said with a grin. The words were a _little_ hard to associate with someone who _knitted_ but, knitting didn’t mean you weren’t a kick ass master swordsman. It just meant you could fight in the cold too. With mittens. Although they would probably mess up your grip.

Pearl put the swords back into her gem very carefully. _That_ looked quite disturbing and she smiled at the look on my face.

“I have a pocket dimension in my gem, as you know, but not everyone does, so don’t go poking people’s gems with things”

“I have Lion instead!” Steven said happily. “I keep my bike there, and my scooter. _And_ my helmet” he added when Pearl gave him a Look. It made me smile. She really was a mother hen. A mother hen with a mobile _arsenal_.  

“And I… have an EDC” I said with pomp, patting the little pack with my right hand. Steven grinned at me.

“I’ve been meaning to ask – what do you keep in there? Connie and I have been guessing. _She’s_ betting there’s a book in there. Or maybe she’s hoping there is. Honestly I think she’s hoping you’re _writing_ another book – but _I_ think it’s _snacks_!”

“Do you want to see?” I asked him with a grin.

“Can I?” he gaped at me.

“Sure, kiddo” I unbuckled the thick belt and handed him the pack.

“Be careful, Steven” Pearl cautioned him.

“Don’t worry, nothing in there is very fragile” I reassured her. “Just don’t get the matches wet”

“Matches??” Steven gasped.

“Here, let me make a table for you” Pearl conjured a table in front of the bench down the stairs and Steven ran down to explore the EDC.

“Hey, Pearl…” I said in a low whisper. “What’s with the… plaque?” I jerked my thumb over at the wall.

“Oh. You should go… look” she said, her eyes falling to the floor a moment. I raised my eyebrows.

“Alright…” I went down the stairs and around the edge of the fountain. I looked closely at the bronzed metal. It was in gem writing. “Oh great, what does this say?” I said in a disappointed undertone to myself. As soon as the words had left my lips, my throat tingled and… something like a whisper appeared _inside_ my head, saying; It’s never too late to change your mind… I blinked. “Wh-what?” Pearl jumped down behind me.

“What was that?” she asked politely.

“Huh? Does this… does this say… ‘It’s never too late to change your mind’?” Pearl stared at me.

“Uhh… _yes_ … yes it does, how on _earth_ …”

“Tiffany… Aching…” I mumbled, wrinkling my eyebrows.

“E-excuse me?”

“There’s a story… about a girl… and she meets this powerful ancient monster that takes over her mind. It has taken over many minds before hers, but she beats it, by showing it how to die… and it leaves traces in her mind… echoes of other people… One of them was a professor of magic and he can… translate… words… for her… words she couldn’t possibly know…” I raised my hand to my throat. “Pearl I think Turquoise Tourmaline just spoke to me” I said in a rapid whisper, absurdly trying to not make _my throat_ hear me.

“Wuh-what?” Pearl squeaked.

“I looked at the plaque, saw it was gem writing, said ‘oh great, what does this say?’ and… and-and-and the answer just appeared in my head like a whisper or something – my throat _tingled_!”

Pearl gaped. “She _spoke_ to you?” I nodded uncertainly, feeling stunned. Pearl stared into the distance for a moment, then pulled her sizable clipboard from her gem, along with a pen. “Can you read this?” she asked and pointed to the top line.

“What does it say?” I said aloud and there it was again! The tingle! And then… “’May it in these pages be recorded that – ‘”

“Oh my stars!” she interrupted the whisper in my mind and it faded. She grabbed my arm tightly. “Erica – oh – _oh_ this is – this is – “ she let out a little giggle. “This is so _exciting_!”

“I-is it?”

“Isn’t it? You can read _gem writing_!”

I blinked again. “That’s… really cool…” I said quietly, reminding myself that Garnet had said the dust couldn’t harm me.

“Pearl? Erica? Where did you go?” Steven’s voice called us from the other side of the middle pool.

“We’re right here” Pearl called back.

“What _are_ all these things?” he asked loudly. Pearl smiled at me and I found myself smiling back. _Another_ new thing to think about.

“Let’s talk about all this at our next private session?” she suggested and I nodded. We walked over to Steven again. He had put all the different things out on the table in a row.

“You can fit a lot of stuff in there!” he said with a smile. “But what _are_ they?”

“The term is EDC, and it stands for ‘every day carry’, meaning… well, stuff you carry every day. Like a mini survival kit. This multi-tool” I picked up the unsheathed Leatherman. “Has been _very_ handy. Then there’s a compass, water purification tablets, a collapsible water bottle, storm matches, a little first aid kit, a flashlight, an emergency blanket, a rain poncho, a bandana, a very calorie dense meal bar, some emergency cigarettes, gum, pads and such and of course the container itself that you can boil water in. I’ve been thinking of putting a toothbrush in there too. I put it together in case we ended up in a situation like the forest again. I don’t like how unprepared I was for that. Luckily I had my lighter, otherwise it would have been a very cold night. And oh, I still owe you two bucks” both of them looked at me. “I used the bill to help light the fire, I completely forgot about it, sorry”

“No worries” Steven said with a smile. “Your EDC is like my cheese burger backpack! But – like a very serious _adult_ version”

“’Adult version’?” I asked with a slightly confused smile. Pearl giggled, looking at him fondly. I suppose _her_ mind hadn’t immediately jumped to dildos.

“Yeah, like – you’ve got rugged _survival_ stuff – I’ve mostly got things like board games and snacks. And a warm sweater because you never know” he added the last sentence with I’m sure he thought was a very _adult_ nod.

“That is very practical” Pearl nodded sagely. “A warm sweater is always good to have”

“But wouldn’t something like a multi-tool be better?” he picked it up and unfolded one of the attachments. “Look, this is a _file_ – you can use that to escape from jail and things!”

“Why would you _ever_ be in jail?” Pearl asked, sounding scandalized.

“If you were – “ I began.

“Stars _forbid_ ” Pearl interjected.

“If you _were_ , they’d take things like that away from you. You’d have to settle for just knocking down the wall with your super strength or something like that” I said with a smirk.

“Nooo, you don’t _get iiiit_ … You _have to_ escape from jail by filing down the bars very slowly, and then run with your best friend in those stripy pajamas, like in all the cartoons!”

“Ah, well, if we’re talking about doing it _properly_ …” I said seriously. “Then yes, a tool like that is essential. But it’s better if it’s a _big_ file and it gets smuggled into jail inside a cake”

“ _Exactly_ ” Steven said, nodding, then the two of us burst into laughter. Pearl looked at us confusedly.

“Is this some sort of human entertainment trope?” she asked uncertainly.

“Yes it is” Steven said with a snigger.

“Ah” she said curtly, looking as if it was beyond her and she wasn’t even going to try to understand.

“Look, it’s even got a pair of little _tweezers_ ” Steven said excitedly, folding in the file and taking out a teeny weeny pair of metal tweezers of the end of the tool.

“Please don’t lose those – I _always_ lose them and I never need them until I’ve lost them” I said with a troubled grin. “Maybe it’s a curse”

“Hah – oh! You should tell that one to Connie! The curse of losing small but occasionally useful things” Steven giggled and put the tweezers back carefully, then lay it down on the table. “Oh! What’s this?” he picked up a tampon in its wrapper.

“That’s… a tampon” I said, trying not to blush too hard.

“What is it for?” he wrinkled his eyebrows at it, then looked up at me.

“Um…” I took a breath. “That’s for when you’re on your period”

“Oh… oh!” his cheeks went pink. “C-Connie said she’d… g-gotten hers” he put it down carefully as if not wanting to damage it. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “S-should I get her… like a _gift_ or something?”

“A gift?” I asked, feeling lost.

“Yeah, I mean… is it like a whole thing? Like graduating from being a girl?” my knees went a little weak at his words, and the _way_ that he said them – he sounded so _sincere_.

“Oh, _Steven_ … That is sweetest thing I’ve ever _heard_ ” I said, feeling so very touched on Connie’s behalf. Jesus, if she didn’t marry him _I_ might just have to. “No, there’s no real tradition of gift giving on getting your period, but honestly there should be. If you _want_ to give her something I’m sure she’d love it” I exchanged a look with Pearl and saw to my delight that she looked incredibly proud. Steven perked up.

“What would be a good gift?”

“Hmm… what would you like it to say?”

“Something like, congratulations and I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable? That’s… as far as I’ve understood it. I mean… Garnet and dad explained things a bit when I asked them, but they’re not… you know… _women_ ” he said this in a whisper and I got the impression he was trying not to hurt their feelings. I smiled at him.

“Maybe… make her a cozy for a hot water bottle? And let her use the one you have when she’s here” I suggested. “To me at least, that would say; here, I care that you’re in pain and I want to help make it better. Because, pro tip, heat is _the_ best when you’ve got cramps” I looked gratefully at Pearl and she smiled, her back straightening up.

“I could do that!” he said brightly. “Can you get Dogcopter water bottle cozies?” he turned to Pearl.

“I don’t know, Steven. Oh, maybe you could _embroider_ one!” she said enthusiastically.

“But I want it to look _nice_ , I’m not very good at sewing” he said with a wrinkle between his eyes.

“It would probably be more special if you did do it by yourself” I hinted with a little smirk. Pearl nodded in agreement.

“OK” he said, looking determined. “Pearl, you can teach me, right?”

“Why yes of course!” Pearl beamed down at him.

“Great! Can you show me after the tour?”

“Ah, yes, certainly” she nodded. “Talking about the tour, should we move on to the next room?”

“Alright” I said, smiling at both of them. Steven watched me put everything back in the EDC and then Pearl took us to a door set in the wall, on the opposite end from where I had left the black mark.

It was very strange to walk through the temple. The laws of nature didn’t seem to apply to anything, unless it wanted to. Things floated in the air unsupported – there was a room full of floating rocks that made me stop and stare. Both Pearl and Steven looked very pleased at my reaction. Pearl solved the problem of getting me to the other side by conjuring little bridges and ladders between them. We walked through tunnels and climbed long staircases and I barely had breath to spare to gasp at all the fantastic sights I got to see. There were crystals large as cars, endless waterfalls, enormous murals and geometric shapes carved onto the walls. It was all so beautiful and I couldn’t stop taking pictures. We entered a new room, tinted orange and pink. It was pleasantly warm in there. In the center was a huge structure and there was a sound almost like… a heartbeat?

“What is _that_?” I asked in awe, pointing at the thing.

“That is the Crystal Heart” Pearl said proudly. “It’s what powers this whole place”

“’Powers’?”

“Yes. The temple is essentially… a virtual world – ah yes! Like the _Matrix_ , in the sense that I can manipulate it as I please – though I’m not supposed to change anything permanently that’s not in my room”

“Wow…” I breathed as I walked up to it. “Can I touch?”

“Yes, but be mindful of the hole” Pearl said with a smile. I reached out a hand and touched the root that disappeared into the floor. It was warm and yes, I could feel a powerful pulse inside it.

“This is extraordinary…” I whispered. “Hello Big Heart…”

“You can’t really see it from up here, but below this place is my mom’s room, and below that is the burning room” Steven said, leaning over the edge of the hole to peer down into it.

“What’s your mom’s room like?” I asked interestedly.

“It’s pretty! Full of fluffy clouds… I can make anything I want in there, except for food. And like, real people. And things I don’t already know”

“Can I see it?”

“Sure! Pearl, can we go there next?”

“Certainly, Steven” Pearl said with a very motherly smile. “But let’s take a short cut that’s safer than sliding down into that hole”

“I didn’t know there was another way in except through the front door!” Steven gasped.

“I’ll show you” Pearl led the way through two more impossible rooms. One had a ceiling covered in stars and a floor so dark you’d think you were actually floating in space, the other was full of ancient looking carved stones, like rune stones and the like. Pearl stepped behind one of them and vanished, then called for us to follow. I stepped through what looked like a shadow and then…

“ _Gudars skymning_ …” I breathed. The place I had come in to was… _beautiful_ … Nothing but slowly drifting pale pink clouds. It was like… being in cotton candy heaven.

“You like it?” Steven asked with a wide smile on his face. I nodded in stunned silence. “What’s your favorite animal?”

“Uh… Unicorn…” I said without thinking.

“I want a big friendly unicorn for Erica!” he said loudly and then… in front of me stood a unicorn. An… actual unicorn. With big warm horse eyes and long flowing mane. They were a dark bay, their coat a dark brown, their mane and tail black. Their horn was a mottled beige and tan.  

“Oh my fucking gods…” I said in a whisper. “Steven… you… you _didn’t_ …” I gasped and turned to look at Steven. He beamed at me and nodded. The unicorn looked at me and whinnied, then walked up to me and bumped their nose against mine in greeting.

I giggled, my eyes filling with tears of pure joy. Bright white and golden butterflies appeared around me and the unicorn let out a lower whinny and nuzzled my cheek.

“Mmm…” Steven hummed from behind me, and then the unicorn _spoke_.

“Hello… Jenny…” _she_ said in a voice that sounded like a summer’s breeze. “I’m Of the sky the lark” my heart leapt in my chest.

“’Jenny’?” Pearl asked, sounding confused.

“It’s from her book!” Steven said in a stage whisper. “You should read it – it’s very sad but so, _so_ good!”

“’But you were a bird…’” I quoted, blinking away the tears.

“Yes. Thanks to you… I have returned to my real body. Now we can finally go home…”

“’Home?’”

“Yes… But not the place you know. A different place. That I’d never thought I’d see again… Quickly, we must away. They are coming”

“’But – ‘”

“There is no time, Jenny… You know I am not lying. Come with me, come _home_ with me”

“’To your home?’”

“To _our_ home…” Of the sky the lark shook her mane. “I can hear them, hurry, climb onto my back and hold on tight” I took a standing leap and swung my leg over her back, then sat up straight, completely lost in the scene I had imagined a thousand times. I braced myself and then we were off at a speed that made the wind whistle in my ears and my eyes water more than they already were. Of the sky the lark galloped in a long curve and looped back to where Steven and Pearl were standing. Steven was beaming and clapping his hands and Pearl was staring, completely astounded. Of the sky the lark slowed to a trot, then to a walk and circled the two on the ground. “This is a good place to rest. I am sorry, but my body is not as strong as it was… I thought I could take you there in one… in one…” I leaned back, preparing for what came next. She collapsed onto her front knees and I got off her back quickly.

“’You – you don’t have to. We got away right?’” I asked. “’That’s… that’s what’s important…’”

“I need to… rest” her breathing was labored and her neck lathery with sweat.

“’OK… I will… I will keep watch’” I sat down and hugged my knees and saw Of the sky the lark drift away into sleep.

“I don’t want to alarm you, but she’s going to turn back into clouds now” Steven said softly.

“Oh, Steven…” I said and wiped my eyes as the unicorn vanished. “That was amazing…” he came to sit down next to me.

“It’s one of my favorite scenes” he said quietly. “I’ve only read the book once, but I re-read that chapter many times, it was so _dark_ and then it got better, and then dark again, leaving Jenny alone, sitting on the cold ground, listening to all those unfamiliar night time noises…”

“I thought you said unicorns were white, Steven?” Pearl wondered aloud.

“Traditionally, but traditional is _boring_ ” I said with a smirk. I felt invigorated by the ride, and by the scene. It was a bittersweet moment of the story, but oh so important.

“Oh! Do you want me to make Children?” he asked excitedly.

“No! Dear gods, please _don’t_!” I said quickly and Steven looked quite disappointed. “Sorry, but they creep me out like crazy”

“But… what, are you _afraid_ of them?”

“No, not _afraid_ exactly… It’s just like looking into a very _ugly_ mirror”

“ _Mirror_?! But they’re a _dragon_?” Steven looked completely dumbstruck. As did Pearl, but for different reasons.

“I’m… lost” she said politely.

“Children is a nightmare creature. A dragon, as Steven said. Three minds in one body that were supposed to be three, or possibly one mind that split _into_ three. Jenny dreams about them, but they’re not _her_ nightmare, it’s Stella’s. Stella is Jenny’s friend”

“Jenny can walk into Stella’s dream! Just like I can!” Steven said, reversing out of confusion and disappointment and got onto the excitement high way.

“Children… sort of sees beyond all your walls and uses your fears against you, takes good memories and poisons them, makes you doubt… everything. I don’t want to _meet_ them in person” my mind strayed to Lapis.

“Maybe you’re right” Steven said, calling me back. “I wouldn’t want those eyes looking _at_ me…” the two of us shivered at the same time and then sniggered.

“What happens if you try to make food?” I asked curiously, also wanting to get the subject away from Children.

“It just turns into clouds when I try to eat it”

“Have you _tasted_ the clouds? Because they look like cotton candy”

“There’s no taste to them” he said with a frown. “Dang it, now I want cotton candy. Oh, have you been to Funland yet?”

“The little amusement park?”

“Yeah!”

“No, not yet”

“Oh, you should! It’s great! They have a roller coaster and a Ferris wheel and _bumper cars_ ”

“Ooh… I _love_ roller coasters… And bumper cars… I used to go with my best friend and her family to this amusement park close to where their summer house was – it was always a blast” I smiled reminiscently. 

“We should go!” Steven said excitedly, standing up and raising his arms in the air. “You want to go now?”

“Steven, we’re in the middle of the tour” Pearl said with a little laugh. “Well, nearing the end. It’s just the Burning Room left now”

“Can I see Centi? Or is that… like a terribly rude thing to ask?” I asked tentatively.

“She’s not there anymore. She lives in an old ship with other centipeetles”

“She what?”

“Yeah, they’re her old crew – they didn’t want to leave without her during the evacuation, so they got corrupted too…”

“’Other centipeetles’?”

“Yeah, corrupted gems of the same type look the same. As far as I’ve noticed” he looked up at Pearl.

“Yes, that is my conclusion too. But I have seen the same basic shape with different colors as well”

I got to my feet.

“Room, I’d like a door to the Burning Room please” Steven said aloud. “The _real_ Burning Room” he looked at me. “I need to be specific about some things, otherwise things get very weird”

A door appeared out of nowhere and through it I could see a reddish room with a round pool in the middle. We stepped through it and I gasped when I looked up. The ceiling was _full_ of bubbled gems!

“There are so many!” I said, awestruck.

“We _have_ been doing this for a few thousand years” Pearl said, sounding a little proud and sad at the same time. I grabbed the pouch around my neck and gave it a squeeze. If things had gone differently, would she be up there somewhere? Steven had stopped and looked at one hanging just over the pool in the middle. Pride of place, I thought. It was Bismuth’s gem, inside a pink bubble.

“She’s not corrupted… Not like the others” he said slowly. “Maybe there’s a way I can still help her…”

“Steven…” Pearl walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “I know you want to, but maybe it’s not possible to help _everyone_ …”

“I don’t believe that” he said firmly. “If I could just make her understand I’m sure she’d realize what she did was wrong and then – and then we could all be friends again… It made me so happy to see you and Garnet with her”

“It was good while it lasted” Pearl sighed. “I hope one day it will come true, don’t get me wrong… But for now… let’s just let her rest. Then when we’ve got a better idea about what to actually _say_ to her, we can try to reason with her… I _want_ to have her back. I want to have _all_ of them back… I would love to introduce you to everyone… but I don’t know who most of these gems are anymore”

“I will find a way” Steven said solemnly. “But the first one I help out _has_ to be Centi…”

“Nephrite…” Garnet said from behind us.

“Huh?” Steven turned around and looked up at her.

“Nephrite” Garnet repeated a little louder. “That’s… Centipeetle’s real name…”

“Garnet…” Pearl said slowly. I noticed her hands had clenched. The tall fusion jumped down from the high ledge she had been standing on, holding a bubble suspended above her hand. She walked up to us and I saw Amethyst appear sulkily behind her.

“Amethyst” I said, straightening my back.

“What?” she said, turning away from me.

“I’m really sorry about throwing you out. And… lightning-ing at you – I know you didn’t mean anything by what you said – I realized that the second after I had opened my big mouth, I’m really, really sorry… I didn’t hit you, did I?” she peered down at me, looking surprised.

“No, you didn’t hit me” she said after a moment. Pearl, Garnet and Steven were talking distractingly behind me, so I approached the ledge where Amethyst stood and began to climb the strange crystalline pipes.

“I’m really sorry, Ah-hamethyst” I panted as I reached the top. “I brought you – apology donuts - the jelly filled ones you like” she looked up at me with a stunned little smile.

“Aw, really?” I nodded in response, my shoulders relaxing a bit. “For the record… I’m sorry too, I could have phrased it better. Or you know… Tried to keep my temper under wraps for once…” she sighed and leaned against the wall. “Just didn’t get how Pearl wasn’t furious… Talked to Garnet about it today so… I think I get it, but… The whole situation is so fucked up”

“Yeah… Really sorry it turned out that way”

“Just one gem who started off nice would be great” she sighed. “And you know, _stayed_ nice”

“Have you… talked to Peridot yet?”

“I _tried_ to… but I couldn’t think of a good way to begin so I just stood there like an idiot. Still don’t know if I’m a sane or _in_ sane idiot…” she dragged her fingers through her hair. “You said jelly donuts, right?”

“Yeah, different kinds of jelly, too. I didn’t know which one was your favorite” she looked up at me with a smile.

“At least you were nice and stayed nice”

“Apart from a few days ago”

“Meh” she shrugged. “Been in worse fights with friends. _Much_ worse”

“Me too, kind of” I thought about almost punching Pearl again. I looked down at the gems by the center pool. Garnet was a fusion… Garnet was a fusion, _too_ , I corrected myself. It felt weird to think of myself that way. “Hey… how do you summon a gem weapon?”

“Uh… you just kinda do. Pearl’s got her way, Garnet’s got hers, and Steven does it differently too. For me it just comes when I need it. Why you asking?”

“I’d like to find out if I _can_ … If there is enough of the gem left to do that… And, how do you shapeshift?”

“You just gotta feel it” she smiled at me. “I’m all _about_ shapeshifting. Taught Steven how, hah, maybe I could teach you too. Taught Jasper a bit” she smirked now. “Yup, I mean she’s _good_ , just not as good as me”

“So how do you mean… _feel_ it?”

“You know… Just feel like a cat and” her body shone brightly and she changed herself into the fluffy pale purple cat she had been at the Sowegian evening. “Then you’re a cat”

“’Feel like a cat’? How do you feel like a cat?”

“I dunno, just _catty_ I guess. Claws, fur, _whiskers_ … Pouncing!” she leapt onto a little rock. “Cat stuff”

“Like… when you warp? Think of the place you want to go and then… use your gem or whatever”

“Yeah, sort of like that, but with your whole body – don’t change the _place_ , change your body”

“So… feel like the thing, think like the thing, change into the thing?”

“Yeah, pretty much. Everyone’s different about that too. Gotta find your own way”

“Shit… Feels like my head is full… Seen a lot of really neat stuff in here today, Pearl and Steven told me about corruption and things… And Steven showed me his room – I got to ride a unicorn…” I let out a happy sigh. A few butterflies wafted through the air.

“Oh, you are _such_ a nerd” Amethyst sniggered.

“Mhmm… and this nerd wants a _nap_ …”

***

As I strolled home a while later, I thought about all the things I would be able to tell Jasper when she came back. It had almost been a week now, so it couldn’t be much longer, right?

“Darling, I know I said take your time but… can’t you be done soon?” I had taken her gem out and was holding it in my hand. I lifted it to my lips and gave it a kiss. “I _miss_ you… and there’s so much I want to tell you…”

When I arrived home Cake was sitting on the kitchen table proudly. A mouse was lying next to her.

“Thank you sweetie” I said absentmindedly and kissed her head. I picked up the still warm little body and went out into the garden to bury it. My cramps were starting to come back, so I took a pill and lay down for a nap. Cake joined me, snuggling up to the hot water bottle against my belly.

When I woke I felt a little better than I had expected. It had gone dark outside, but I decided to do some spear exercises and that raised my appetite nicely. I made myself some sandwiches before jumping in the shower. I sat there for a long time, thinking about what Pearl and Amethyst had said. It would be _really_ cool if I could shapeshift. Or summon a gem weapon. Or _both_. Would the weapon be the same as Turquoise Tourmaline’s? _Had_ she been able to summon it? She had been a historian after all… Maybe… maybe I could just _ask_ her? I got out of the shower and dried myself off, then wiped the mirror off with the towel. I looked myself in the eye and cleared my throat.

“Um… Turquoise Tourmaline?” I said aloud, feeling very awkward. “Could you… summon a weapon?” I waited for a few seconds, and just as disappointment flowed over my features, my throat tingled – there was a very faint greenish glow around my Adam’s apple – a whispered ‘… Yes…’ appeared in my mind. I stood up straighter, suddenly feeling excited. “What – what kind was it?” my throat tingled again and she said ‘… A sharp one…’. Was that a _joke_? Had she just _joked_? I giggled to myself as I got dressed in my pajamas. “But what kind of – “ there was a noise from downstairs and I froze up. The bathroom door was open as well as the window. Had Cake knocked something over? I thought she had gone out? Oh, please don’t let it be one of the coffee mugs from when Charlie was here, I thought with a groan. Then my heart stopped in my chest as someone _spoke_ ;

“Are you _sure_ this is the right dwelling, 5XG?” a vaguely familiar voice asked harshly.

“I-I am certain!” was that… Peridot?! What the hell was she and – wait what? It couldn’t be _Lapis_ -

“Rubies, search the place!”

* * *

 

Please review!  



	62. The boys are back in town

## Chapter 62: The boys are back in town

   
I heard several people start walking around downstairs. My brain felt waterlogged. There was the sound of plates crashing to the floor and muttered swearing.

 _Rubies_.

There were rubies in my house.

I shook my head to clear it. I clutched Jasper’s gem in my hand as I tried not to breathe loudly. They must be here to arrest her! Purple vapor left me as my heart began to race. I _couldn’t_ let them get her! I needed to escape – but how the fuck was I supposed to get out of here?! Couldn’t go downstairs – my head snapped round to the window. Could I fit through there? I climbed up onto the dryer as quietly as I could, tucking the pouch into my shirt. It was a very tight squeeze and my shirt tore at the back, but I managed to wiggle through and out onto the slanting roof. Now what?! I looked around in a panic and saw a seagull staring back at me – it was sitting in a nest and looked _mean_. It began to flap its wings and squawk loudly.

“Shush!” I hissed at it, getting to my feet and tip toeing away unsteadily.

“What was that!?” came from inside and a rumble of running feet and crashes followed. I didn’t wait. I didn’t turn around – I began to run across the roof, not caring how much noise I made. The neighbors’ roof was connected to ours and I sped across it, slipping on the mossy tiles. My heart was pounding like mad and the only thought I had in my mind was: GET TO THE TEMPLE! The next roof was also connected and from behind me I could hear yells and thumps. I skidded to a halt at the edge, looking down. It was _way_ too high, I’d break my legs if I jumped from that height! I looked around in a panic and saw an above ground pool in the garden. There was a crash from behind me and I took a step back, then leapt, tucking my legs and head in, _hoping_ I wouldn’t die. I splashed into the water and sank to the bottom, hitting the rough ground with my hip _hard_ , a sharp jolt of pain making me expel a red and purple breath – but nothing seemed to be broken. I pushed for the surface and clambered out, soaking wet, then dashed through the garden gate and took an immediate right, sprinting down the little gravel path leading toward the center of town. I had to hold on to the waistline of my pajama bottoms so they wouldn’t fall down as I ran. There was a deep roar from behind me and the sudden fear spike gave me an extra burst of speed. I stumbled around a corner, reaching the bar by the square, then sped along the pavement, my bare feet slapping painfully against the stone. Red sparks joined my purple breath. I ran past astounded looking people I didn’t know by name, then ahead of me I saw three people I _did_ know!

“JENNY!” I screamed – the three teenagers ahead of me twisted around in surprise. “CALL STEVEN TELL HIM RUBIES!” a shower of sparks burst from me as I yelled.

“Huh?!”

“RUBIES!” I rushed past them and onto the boardwalk, leapt down into the sand, stumbled, then ran on. Screams and crashes were coming from behind me but I didn’t stop, _couldn’t stop_! The sand slowed me down and my legs were numb and heavy and hard to move. I forced myself to keep going, knowing it was my only chance to keep Jasper safe. My chest ached and it was hard to breathe but finally the rightmost arm of the temple came into view in the moonlight. Somewhere I found another gear and sped up. I reached the slope and scrambled up it. “RUBIES! HELP!” I screamed. I could hear something _big_ moving down the beach, approaching _fast_! I climbed the stairs, slipping and almost falling off them. “RUBIES!”

“E what the hell!?” Amethyst demanded, standing in the doorway with a sandwich in her hand. Steven appeared behind her. He seemed to just have gotten out of the shower and was only wearing his jeans.

“The rubies – they’re here! They want – Jasper!”

“GARNET!” Amethyst yelled, pulling me inside.

“Erica oh my gosh!” Steven gasped, looking at my bloody feet. He quickly licked his hand and put it on my damp arm. The pain in my hip, legs and feet faded. “You’re soaked!”

“Th-thanks, Steven” I wheezed. Garnet and Pearl appeared from the temple and ran up to us. “Had to – jump into – a _pool_!” I clutched Jasper’s gem to my chest.

“What in the world is going on!?” Pearl demanded.

“Rubies!” I panted and pointed outside. “Broke into – my house – they had – _Peridot_!”

“ ** _What_**?!” Amethyst shrieked, then dashed out the door.

“Let’s go” Garnet said, following the purple gem. Steven grabbed my hand, then we stepped outside. A _huge_ ruby was at the bottom of the slope and Amethyst was in front of her, snarling and brandishing her whips.

“ _Let her go you **dicks**_!” she yelled fiercely. As we drew closer I could see the ruby had Peridot clutched in one enormous hand.

“Aamethyyyyst!” Peridot mewled, sounding terrified.

“WHERE IS JASPER!?” the big red gem bellowed, holding up Peridot threateningly. “ONE MORE STEP AND I’LL SHATTER HER!”

“No! Don’t!” Steven wailed, gripping my hand tighter.

“Put. Her. Down” Garnet said menacingly.

“IT’S THE _FUSION_!” the ruby roared. “GIVE US JASPER!”

“She’s _not_ here!” Garnet stated firmly.

“THEN YOU ARE _ALL_ UNDER ARRESST FOR HARBORING A FUGITIVE AND CRIMES AGAINST GEM KIND! SURRENDER OR YOUR LEADER IS **_HISTORY_**!” ‘your leader’? Did she think _Peridot_ was the leader of the Crustal Gems?! What?!

“Garnet!” Pearl gasped.

“ _Amethyst_!” Peridot shrieked, eyes popping with fear. “I’m – “ and then the ruby _squeezed_ her hand – there was an explosion of white smoke and then she held up Peridot’s gem between thumb and forefinger.

“You… _assholes_!” Amethyst growled, baring her teeth.

“SURRENDER!”

“Fuck! You!” Amethyst was deeply purple in the face, her chest heaving like mad.

“Amethyst…” Garnet put her hand on her shoulder.

“Garnet, _no_! We can _beat_ this pile of shit!”

“Not without losing Peridot…”

Pearl hugged Steven’s head to her chest.

“STAND DOWN!”

Garnet took a breath, then raised both hands to her temples, apparently concentrating hard for a second. “Fine” she said, holding her hands out in surrender. What?! She was giving up?!

“ _Garnet_!” Pearl hissed.

“We _can’t_ let them shatter Peridot. And they _will_ … if we don’t comply…” Garnet whispered out of the corner of her mouth.

“But what about _Steven_?!”

“I have a plan – Erica – _keep your mouth **shut**_ ” I stared at Garnet, then nodded slowly, hoping like mad she knew what she was doing. “Amethyst, weapons down”

“ _Uuugh_!” Amethyst growled in frustration, then threw her whips away into nonexistence. The ruby let out a booming laugh.

“THAT’S RIGHT! LINE UP, YOU WEAKLINGS!” the big ruby began to glow – there was a flash of light, then five much smaller rubies appeared.

“Ruby, call the ship! Ruby, Ruby and Ruby, restrain the prisoners!”

“Yes Ruby!”

The little red gems approached us and I looked at Pearl apprehensively and was just about to speak when Garnet shushed at me. Right, keep my mouth shut. Oh! She didn’t want them to see my _lights_! Of _course_ , I should have understood that immediately. But sometimes my _breath_ was light and vapor, too! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, I thought in a panic. Turquoise Tourmaline, please, no lights, no lights _at all_ – can you hear me? Please tell me you can hear me!

“Turn around, hands behind your back!” the ruby with her gem on her shoulder demanded of Garnet. She complied and the ruby pulled something like handcuffs from her gem and put them around Garnet’s wrists, then there was a click and a hum and Garnet gasped in surprise, her knees almost buckling. The other rubies approached Pearl and Amethyst, fastening their hands behind their backs as well – both made little noises of shock and I wondered what the hell was going on. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest. ‘… I will… desist…’ came as a whisper inside my head, barely audible, or whatever to call it, over the rush of blood in my ears.

“Hey, this one has a gem!?” the ruby who had just cuffed Amethyst said loudly, pointing at Steven’s bare belly. His free hand flew up to cover it.

“Why didn’t I put on a shirt?!” he grimaced.

“What?” the leader ruby with the visor inquired. “Cuff that one too!”

“What about the other one?”

“Does _it_ have a gem?” one ruby approached me and I looked at Garnet and Pearl for help.

“Look away Steven” Garnet said quietly – her voice sounded weak. “Sorry Erica…” Steven closed his eyes hurriedly as the ruby lifted my shirt and pulled down my wet pajama bottoms unceremoniously. My arms shot up to cover my intimate areas.

“For heaven’s sake!” Pearl said indignantly. “ _Have you no shame_?!”

The ruby walked around me, looking all over my body and ignoring Pearl’s protests.

“No gem on this one!” she reported and I pulled my clothes up, red in the face but enormously relieved the ruby hadn’t thought to look inside the pouch. It was the one with the ruby on her arm. I swore internally that I’d kick the living shit out of her when the chance arose.  

“Then just tie it up – I’m sure it’s the same one we saw on the island – there was a picture in the dwelling of Jasper and that one! _And_ the little one too! Yellow Diamond was right – I didn’t want to believe it but… Jasper _is_ a traitor”

Next second Steven was cuffed – he made a confused sound and I saw the gem on his belly somehow go darker, like a dull light had just turned off inside it.

“Garnet…” he said weakly.

“It’s going to be alright, Steven…” she said softly. What was happening? What were the cuffs doing to them? Arm-gem ruby tied my hands behind my back with rope, then herded all of us down into the sand. Amethyst, Steven, Pearl and Garnet walked unsteadily, like they were drunk or something. Did the cuffs affect their _gems_?! My heart beat faster still. The ruby with her gem over her eye glared at me menacingly.

There was a hum overhead and the egg-shaped red space ship appeared and landed in front of us. A hatch popped open and a gangplank extended.

“Get them in the ship, put them against the back wall” the leader ordered and we were all shoved inside.

“Sit your asses down…” eye-patch growled at us and the gems slumped down against the wall of the ship as if exhausted.

“Garnet I don’t feel well…” Steven groaned.

“Hah! You rebels didn’t think we were just gonna let you run around in the ship, did you? These suppressing cuffs weren’t around during the war… Very handy for restraining rogue elements such as yourselves…” she let out a little triumphant huff and turned her back on us.

I looked around the ship – it seemed much bigger on the inside. We were on some sort of command bridge, a bunch of advanced panels lining a semicircle of view screens.

“Are we leaving?” one ruby asked.

“We are going to the Moon Base to report” the leader ruby said curtly. “Yellow Diamond will be so pleased we’ve caught _rebels_! The last remaining Crystal Gems in existence – and we have their leader destabilized already… Hah, I can already _smell_ the pearl they’re gonna give me as a reward for this!”

“It might be the pearl over th – “

“That’s not what I mean, Ruby!”

“But what about Jasper?” another ruby asked.

“We’ll hand these over, then come back for her. She’ll keep!”

“Uhh…”

“Stop slouching and get ready to launch!”

“Y-yes Ruby!”

The rubies milled about, pushing at panels, then settled into big red seats and the ship began to move, the hum of the engine reverberating through the bridge for a moment before settling. The rubies congratulated themselves on a job well done and the leader put Peridot’s gem on the panel in front of her. Amethyst was wriggling around, trying to get the cuffs off. I tensed up, thinking that would provoke some kind of response from our captors, but they effectively ignored us. Apparently they thought of us as not presenting any kind of threat right now…

“I c-can’t – _shapeshift_!” the purple gem grunted, sweat evident on her face.

“Save your strength” Garnet advised in a low voice. Steven leaned heavily against my wet arm.

“Nngh…” he groaned. I looked up at Garnet worriedly.

“It’s the cuffs…” she seemed to have trouble talking. “Erica, use… use _beastie_ … cut yourself loose…” my eyes widened at her. “It won’t… hurt her…” her visor vanished. Her three eyes focused on my face – she looked to be in a lot of pain. “Please…” I nodded and bent my head to grab the string around my neck. It was an awkward angle, but after a while I managed to get it.

I pulled the pouch up, keeping it hidden inside my shirt. Garnet leaned over, shielding me from view with her hair. I pulled up the pouch, then spat it over my shoulder. I wiggled my knees to indicate I was done so she could get up, but instead she slumped into my lap with a grunt. “S-sorry… I can’t… sit up…” worry gripped my heart and squeezed, then I glanced over at Pearl and Amethyst. They were both collapsed against the wall, Pearl’s face tense and her eyes half lidded as if she was concentrating deeply and Amethyst looked as if she was about to be sick. This was too much! No, no, no _don’t panic_ – _think_! Close your eyes, OK. Shut everything else out. Focus. Focus on your hands. The pouch. Take out Jasper’s gem… I fumbled the pouch open with cold, numb fingers and grabbed it, feeling the warmth of her and hoping she would be OK with me using her as a tool. That thought brought a lot of guilt, but there was no _time_ for guilt now. I began to rub the edge of her gem against the rope, pressing down as hard as I could. It went slow, but I could feel rather than hear the fibers of the rope parting. The angle I was keeping meant that sometimes I would poke the side of my wrist with the point of the gemstone and I knew I was bleeding a little, but I had to keep going. I kept my eyes closed and focused hard, leaning my head against the surprising solidity of Garnet’s hair. I was sweating heavily from nerves and from the effort, and shivering from my damp clothes. The air around us became gradually cooler and soon my teeth were chattering from the combined strain this was all putting on my body. I could feel Steven’s chest vibrate against my arm, then Garnet’s against my thighs. They were talking? I let myself hear them.

“ – be alright, Ste-ven…”

“I’m… scared… What are they… going to do… to us…?” he sounded as if he was about to cry. I shut my mind to it, hating myself a little for dismissing his fear, but it was distracting me from my task. Get my hands free, figure out how to turn those fucking cuffs off, get Peridot’s gem and then… _Kill them all_ , the anger growled within me. Yes, I agreed for now, needing the strength of will I knew the anger would give me. My nostrils flared and my hand gripped the gemstone tighter, digging deeper into the rope and into my wrist, but I couldn’t feel it anymore. My breath became heavy, but calm. And then the pressure was off my wrists – the rope had snapped! I made a little grunt and opened my eyes. Garnet was laying in my lap still, her weight heavy on my legs. She was still shielding me from view. I moved my hands quickly to my front, putting Jasper’s blood covered gem back in the pouch and under my shirt, then turned to look at the cuffs on Garnet’s wrists. They were hexagonal and joined on one side so that they formed an eight. There was a little hatch and I moved my hand to it, touching her arm on the way to tell her I was free.

“Steven… Steven first…” she whispered, her voice barely audible. I ignored her. If this was booby trapped somehow I didn’t want to cause _him_ any harm. Garnet would have to be the guinea pig. I slid the hatch up and found a switch – it would have been impossible for anyone wearing the cuffs to do that by themselves. Clever engineering, I thought, then I flicked it to the off-setting – I hoped. Garnet reacted immediately, drawing in a deep breath and then taking huge gulps of air as if she had been deprived of oxygen for a long time. She moved to sit up, but I put my hand on her back and she stilled. I moved one hand to Steven and wiggled it in between the wall and his back, locating the hatch on his cuffs too and turning them off. His reaction was also immediate and he looked up at me, his eyes clearing and the muscles in his face relaxing as if a great pain had just left him. I kissed him on the forehead and he smiled faintly, but didn’t move from my shoulder. Instead he turned his head and kissed my arm a little sloppily – the pain I was trying to ignore in my wrist remained. Did the cuffs make their gem powers inert even when it was deactivated? At least both Steven and Garnet seemed a lot more alert now.

“Garnet… my healing spit isn’t working…” Steven whispered, a disappointed look on his little face.

“Mmmh – I can’t summon my gauntlets” Garnet grunted quietly. I could feel her breath on my leg.

Pearl was sitting a bit out of reach and I tried to catch her eye. Garnet nudged her with her foot and she looked up blearily. I wriggled my fingers down by the floor and Pearl’s eyes widened, then she began to scoot over slowly. It looked like it took great effort. I was feeling very cold now, despite Steven and Garnet’s body heat warming parts of my body. My scar was beginning to tingle and that sent unpleasant shivers up and down my spine. After a minute Pearl’s cuffs were within reach and I deactivated them – she let out a sigh of relief and I looked past her to see Amethyst. There was no way I could reach her.

“Wait for my signal. Pretend you are all still bound and weak” Garnet whispered – Pearl and Steven made little noises of ascent and I patted Garnet’s back to show I understood as well. I put my arms behind my back, wiping the worst of the blood off on my pajama bottoms before wrapping the cut rope around my wrists again, hiding the loose ends under my shirt. Wait… wait for her signal and… then what? I looked out through the view screens for the first time and bit back a gasp. The moon – the _actual_ _moon_ was growing bigger and bigger in front of us. Suddenly it hit me that we were actually _in space_. A large spire like structure was coming into view now and soon we were inside it. The ship shuddered before going silent.

“Bring the rebels, I want Yellow Diamond to see them with her own eyes” the leader ruby said, pushing away from the panel at the front and picking up Peridot’s gem.

“Yes Ruby!” the others got out of their seats and pulled us roughly to our feet. The hatch opened and the leader stepped past us and out, the gem on her chest lighting up.

“All clear” she called.

“Walk carefully” Steven advised me in a whisper. “You and I will bounce around” as soon as I stepped out of the ship it felt like a lot of weight just lifted from me. I overbalanced and _floated_ down to the floor, then rebounded off it. It was all I could do not to scream in surprise and move my hands to break my fall. My breath came out as a cloud – but it was just _breath_ – no colors. The air was _frigid_.

“Ruby, grab that one” the leader said. The arm-ruby stepped up and lifted me by the shirt and set me on my feet. I swallowed hard, then my eyes went wide and I looked around. This room was _huge_!

“Look at this place… frozen in time. An Era One base” eye-patch said hoarsely. Her gem eye was lit too, and the light fell on a mural on the wall. “ _Her_ Era One base. It was a tragedy, what happened to her…”

“Who is that anyway?” the ruby with her gem on her leg asked squeakily.

“Were you made _yesterday_?! That is _Pink Diamond_!”

Steven gasped out a big cloud of breath and gazed up at the tall, pink person in the mural. She was striking a dramatic pose, one arm lifted to an orb above her head. I stared up at her, my mouth falling open. So this… _this_ was Pink Diamond… The one who had made Jasper, who had made _Amethyst_ … Without delay we were herded over to a set of stairs that spiraled upwards. As we climbed them the leader ran ahead and eye-patch began to speak.

“Earth was Pink Diamond’s colony. Everything was going smoothly at first. Kindergartens were incubating their first soldiers. Big, warm pieces of Quartz, not like that Crystal Gem runt over there – big like the traitor Jasper! They were being created from its rich minerals with great success” the other rubies were listening raptly to eye-patch. Wait, they didn’t know about Pink Diamond? She was a _diamond_ … “Then _bam_! One of Pink Diamond’s very own Quartz soldiers started a rebellion and took it too far… I was there… I saw it with my own eye! I watched the leader of the Crystal Gems, Rose Quartz, _shatter – Pink – Diamond_!” everyone stopped in their tracks. Silence fell in this vast structure and a cold thrill ran down my spine. _Rose_ had shattered Pink Diamond?! What the _fuck_?!

“N-no!” Steven said into the void, his eyes brimming with tears. “Rose Quartz would never do that!” Pearl blinked at him, then turned away, shivering. Garnet stared at Steven, her face a mask of fear. I looked between all of them. _They had known_! “A-and sure, she had to fight but… but she would _never shatter someone_!” all the rubies and a very strained looking Amethyst turned to stare at Steven now too, all of them wearing expressions of surprise.

“Hey, we’ve got a problem” the leader ruby said from the top of the stairs. We moved to her and I looked around a big room with transparent, faceted walls. I could see the surface of the moon! And in the distance – impossibly far away – was the earth… A blue and green globe with white clouds drifting across its surface, it’s lower half hidden in the darkness of space. It was a breathtaking sight. “The panel is broken! The communicator is _gone_! There’s no wat to contact Yellow Diamond from this hub!”

“ _Crystal Geeeems_!” eye-patch roared.

“Unbelievable! Rude! No respect!” the other rubies chorused.

“See!? They’ll stoop to anything!” eye-patch grumbled.

“No point crying over a ruined console – back to the ship! We’ll just have to go to the next star system for another hub”

“But that’ll take a _week_!” Pearl blurted suddenly. I stared at her and then at Garnet – her face was impassive. I swallowed hard. Would Jasper be able to stay in her gem state until we were safely alone somewhere? She was healed now, not cracked – she had said she’d be able to take out this group of rubies on her own – would they be able to overpower her in her confusion after just having reformed? She would expect to be on _earth_ – not a _space ship_! I tried to calm my racing heart. The stone floor had numbed my feet with cold long ago and now they were tingling painfully.

“Oh, listen to that Era One pearl” one ruby said, waving a hand dismissively as the other rubies shunted us down the stairs again.

“Bah! Like even an _Era Two_ pearl would be able to understand how the _Roaming Eye_ works” eye-patch said cockily and the other rubies sniggered. Pearl’s cheeks went blue. We made it down to the ground floor again. What was Garnet’s plan? I thought to myself as I shivered in the cold, dry air.

“It’s disappointing to not be able to report immediately, but… I think I will send the leader ahead to home world. They can begin interrogating her immediately then!”

“S-send Peridot to _home world_?” Steven asked, looking terrified. “No!”

“Ugh, shut your trap, you… _whatever_ you are!” the leader snapped. Garnet bumped my shoulder and I looked up at her. She mouthed the word ‘bubble’ at me and jerked her head toward the leader ruby who was glaring at Steven indignantly. She was holding out Peridot’s gem defiantly – the other rubies were looking at Steven in shock. My heart rate leapt into triple digits – Garnet wanted _me_ to bubble Peridot?!

“Yellow Diamond is a cracked old bitch” Garnet said loudly and all the rubies gasped in shock. I knew it was supposed to be a distraction and moved a little closer to the leader – I _had_ to try – maybe if it didn’t work I could just grab it and bounce away – OK, OK, it’s going to be _OK_! Fuck I wish I had a _wand_ – like Harry… Potter… Turquoise Tourmaline, please help me!

“Excuse me?! How dare you speak of Yellow Diamond that way, you _disgusting_ _creature_!” the leader huffed. I summoned all the concentration I could muster, strode forward and let go of the rope behind my back then snatched the green gem from the leader ruby’s hand. _I want to protect you_! I thought fiercely. I felt the tingle spread to my hands and then -

“ _P-protego_!” my voice was a dry croak but a pale blue sphere appeared around the green gem! “Go _home_!” I tapped the top like I had seen Pearl and Garnet do before – it winked out with a twinkle and a strange sound and then all hell broke out behind me.

“ _Get her_!” a ruby shouted and I pushed off the ground clumsily, getting out of the reach of three sets of grabbing red hands – at least for the moment.

“Pearl!” Garnet called loudly. Pearl jumped over her hands from a standstill – now the cuffs were in front of her instead! Eye-patch growled and pulled a short chisel blade from her gem and charged at her – the pale gem parried the ruby’s wild slash with the cuffs, the sharp blade cleaving them in two and sending Pearl staggering back. She shook the remnants of the restraints off, then smiled grimly and pulled her spear from her gem. She darted past the ruby, raising her weapon to slash at Garnet’s back. The ruby tore after Pearl – then there was a clunk and Garnet’s arms swung round with lighting speed, her gauntlets appearing – punching the charging ruby in the gut and sending her flying into her comrades.

“NO! _Leave_ the human, rubies – _combine_!” the rubies gathered on the floor and formed a pyramid, then their bodies began to glow – they were fusing into the giant ruby again! I slammed into the wall and began to fall with a gasp and a shower of blue, red and purple sparks. Amethyst limped up and caught me on her shoulder with a grunt.

“Get these off me…” she hissed exhaustedly. She looked about ready to collapse. How she was still standing I didn’t know.

“O-of course!” I panted, and bent down to do so. Steven dashed past behind me. I flicked the switch and looked for the release mechanism frantically.

“Come on, E! They need me!”

“I’m trying! How do they open?!”

There was a roar from the big ruby.

“REBEL SCUM!” she bellowed, pointing one large threatening finger at Pearl and Garnet. Steven rammed his cuffs over the blade of Pearl’s spear, then sped over to the air lock.

“Hey rubies! If you’re gonna fight – take it outside!” he shouted. What was he going to – _oh fuck_! I sucked in a big breath and grabbed onto Amethyst’s arm as tightly as I could. Steven’s hand slammed down on a large blue, yellow, pink and white button and the hatch slid open! Air began to be sucked outside, and it was pulling me with it!

“ _Whoa_!” Amethyst gasped as I almost pulled her off her feet. She braced herself against the sucking vacuum. The big ruby was thrown against the opening, catching onto the edges with arms and legs.

“YOU WON’T GET RID OF US THAT EASY!” she roared defiantly, fighting to get back inside. A bright light and a sound akin to fireworks came from over to our left and I gasped out a stream of multicolored sparks as Pearl and Garnet disappeared in a pale pink light – from their shapes grew an _enormous_ person with six arms, four eyes and a huge hammer.

“I bet _she_ can!” Steven shouted.

“Oh shit about to get _real_ up in here!” Amethyst cackled gleefully. The humungous fusion gem swung her weapon into the stomach of the giant ruby.

“OOF!” the red fusion grunted, then she vanished in a burst of bright light – four little voices screamed as the rubies were sucked out into space – and then my blood froze to ice – eye-patch grabbed at Steven, pulled him off his feet and they _both_ disappeared out of the door without a sound!

“STEEEVEEEEEN!” Amethyst screamed in shock. She ran forward and I held on to her for dear life! The six armed fusion slammed one large fist onto the control panel by the air lock and it shut – making me fall to the ground.  

“Oh goodness, that didn’t quite go as planned!” the fusion stated, wringing her many hands together. There was another light and then two grunts as Pearl and Garnet flew apart with a pop.

“S-Steven” I croaked, gasping for breath in the _very_ thin air.

Amethyst turned around and stared at Garnet in a panic. “He’s going to _die_!”

“Oh no! Oh no, no, no!” Pearl wailed. “What did we _do_ , Garnet!?”

“Get… get into the ship – we’ll find him!” the tall gem stood up unsteadily. “Pearl, grab Erica, hurry!”

“Oh, oh my stars!” Pearl rushed over to me and picked me up, then bundled me aboard. Garnet and Amethyst followed quickly.

“Close the hatch – get the oxygen levels up” Garnet said sharply.

“Oh, OK, yes, oxygen, right, um” Pearl babbled, letting me go. I slumped in a heap, wheezing. My vision was shrinking to a tunnel and black spots were in front of my eyes.

“Aw shit, aw fuck, aw hell!” Amethyst walked in a worried circle. “Do you guys know how to fly this thing?!”

“Everyone calm down!” Garnet said loudly. “First, oxygen – Pearl. You can do it”

“Aha – there!” Pearl said triumphantly – there was a hissing sound and I dragged in a huge breath – _air_! I panted rapidly, trying to take long deep breaths.

“Good work! Now, open the air lock, let’s go after him!”

“Right! Uh… Yes, OK, alright, um…” Pearl fretted over by the main control panel as I got my breath under control. The engine roared into life. “Ah, here’s the voice command setting! They can’t have changed the basic query system right? Let’s um – let’s just try it – Computer, locate all rose quartz gems within a six thousand kilometer radius!” there was a beeping sound, then a pleasant and metallic female voice responded;

“Calculating…”

“Oh thank goodness! Computer – report!”

“Result One: Rose Quartz Gem, heading 327-mark-215”

“Computer, lock on and track on result one, set course to intercept, engage at top speed!” a double beep this time, then the floor began to shake ever so slightly and the view screens showed the ship turn around and exit the structure. “Computer – display time to intercept” another beep and a screen started counting down – I assumed, since it was in gem writing. Could Steven even be _alive_ now? How long could he survive in space? He hadn’t seemed bothered by the lack of oxygen when he opened the air lock. Maybe he could be OK? Garnet wasn’t freaking out – she was tense, but not _devastated_.

“Steven has his bubble” the tall gem said reassuringly and Pearl and Amethyst breathed out in relief. “He’ll be safe. We just need to find him” with the immediate danger temporarily dampened I was able to focus on myself. I was shivering, my teeth chattering continuously. I got up from the floor and began to walk around in a circle to try to warm up, rubbing my still damp arms with numb hands.

“Garnet, get these fucking thigs off me” Amethyst turned around to show the cuffs still around her wrists.  Garnet summoned her gauntlets and broke the restraints as if they were made of cardboard.

“S-sorry, Amethyst I-I couldn’t find the release” I said, my voice shaking as much as my limbs.

“Oh my fuck that feels so much _better_ …” Amethyst groaned, rubbing her wrists. She had wide purple-grey marks around them. “Sheesh! What kind of sadistic asshat comes up with shit like _that_?!” she kicked the pieces into the wall with an indignant huff.

“Home world is _not_ a nice place” Garnet said darkly.

“I-is there a way to turn the temperature up? I’m r-really cold” I asked the gems.

“You should get out of those wet clothes” Garnet suggested. My cheeks flushed beet root red. “Just for a minute – I can dry them and give them back. It might keep you from getting sick” she adjusted her shades.

“Sick?” I asked, my eyebrows drawing together.

“Yes”

“Hey, I gotcha covered. Literally” Amethyst walked up behind me and turned herself into a large fluffy thing with lots of arms. I stepped into her embrace, drawn in by her warmth. “Oh shit, you’re like turning blue!”

“Clothes” Garnet prompted, holding out a hand.

“Hey E, I don’t mind if you’re in the nude” Amethyst said with a little reassuring grin. “Seen you naked already. You got _nothing_ to be embarrassed about”

“Um… thanks?” it felt extremely weird to get compliments on my body while six or so furry arms we hugging me. They released me a little and I wiggled out of my clothes, trying to think of this as something good and not something mortifying. I held out my shirt first, then my pajama bottoms. Amethyst’s soft arms closed gently around me again and Garnet wrung out my clothes – a lot of dirty water splattered onto the floor. Then she held them between her hands. After a second they began to steam. Half a minute later she handed them back to me – they were completely dry and nice and toasty.

“Oh my gods, _thank you_!” I struggled into them, feeling the warmth almost searing my cold, goose pimple covered skin.

“Keep warming her up, Amethyst” Garnet advised.

“Right” Amethyst nodded, hugging me a bit tighter. I relaxed against her as Garnet went to stand by Pearl.

“Sorry I couldn’t deactivate the cuffs sooner…” I said quietly.

“It’s alright, it would have given us away… Shit… what a cluster fuck…”

After a minute we went to sit down in a chair together, watching the timer count down nervously.

“Approaching target” the computer said after what felt like an eternity.

“Slow to impulse speed, show target on the main screen” Pearl said breathlessly. “There he is!” she gasped. “He _is_ in his bubble oh thank the stars! Computer – engage tractor beam!”

A beam of light shot toward the pink bubble and after a few seconds it appeared out of a hatch in the wall. It popped and a limp but breathing Steven fell onto the floor with a grunt. Everyone gathered around him and Garnet grabbed him by the shoulders.

“Steven…?” her voice was soft.

“Huh?” he said in a quiet voice. Tears of relief cascaded down my cheeks and Amethyst let out a huge breath.

“STEVEN!” Pearl screeched and she and Amethyst threw themselves over him. “We’re so sorry! We didn’t – oh, that ruby grabbed you and we thought – we thought – “

“I’m… OK…” he said indistinctly, sandwiched between Pearl and Amethyst hugging him so hard he looked as if he might pop.  

“Of course you’re OK, little man!” Amethyst cried. “Thanks to Pearl! Shoudda seen her – boss ass bitch all up in this home world junk!” Amethyst wiped her eyes on her sleeve and clapped Pearl on the shoulder.

“Yes, very well done Pearl” Garnet said in a trembling voice, patting her other shoulder gingerly.

“We’re so glad you’re _safe_!” I said hoarsely, pale white butterflies flitting through the air.

A few minutes were spent hugging and crying. There was even some laughter in between sniffs and words of comfort. Steven told us about what happened after he had been expelled into space – about how the ruby he had named Eyeball (the one I called eye-patch) had stopped him from shooting off too far.

Pearl went back to the helm to steer us home and Amethyst and I took up position in the chair next to her. I felt so indescribably tired after everything and Amethyst yawned hugely beside me.

“Man… space really takes it out of you, huh?” she said sleepily.

“Yeah…” I nodded slowly. “Feel as if… I’m ‘bout to… fall asleep…” I mumbled, adjusting my position slightly.

“How come nobody told me about Pink Diamond?” Steven said from behind us and we both stiffened up.

“We all did what we had to during the war. Everything’s different now…” Garnet said in a slightly strained voice.

“But did mom really do it? Did she really shatter her?” Amethyst looked at Pearl, then over at Garnet. Her warm pudgy hand found mine. Had she known before? Had… had she told Jasper?

“Yes… Steven – she had to” Garnet answered slowly. “The earth _belonged_ to Pink Diamond. Destroying her was the only way to save the planet. For Amethyst to be herself, for Pearl to be free, for me to be together. For you to exist. And for Erica and Jasper to become parents”

“But I thought… A-at least she’d never…” Steven sounded as if he was about to cry. Amethyst’s hand tightened around mine.

“She didn’t always do what was best for _her_ … But she always did what was best for _earth_ …”

“Even if it meant shattering someone…?”

“Yes”

Steven let out a long, sad sigh. “Thanks for telling me…”

 

* * *

 

Please review!


	63. Ship shape

## Chapter 63: Ship shape

  
Pearl brought the ship down at the beach and Amethyst, Steven, Garnet and I stepped out.

“I’m going to put it by the barn, out of the way”

“Good idea” Garnet said. The hatch closed and the ship took off.

“Come on” Amethyst said, setting off toward town.

“Huh? But the temple is that way?” I pointed down the moonlit beach.

“Peridot” Garnet said.

“Ohh… right”

“Get her and then come to the temple. All three of you” the tall gem patted my shoulder. “We’ll help you clean up tomorrow”

“Oh, thanks…” I looked at her with an uncertain smile.

“Come on, E!” Amethyst tugged at my arm.

“Coming, coming"

We made it home and I gasped as I opened the front door – I hadn’t had time to lock it when I left – not having left through it. What a fucking _mess_! Dirt, leaves, bits of plates and bent cutlery were strewn across the floor, the kitchen table was smashed and the fridge door stood open, the light inside flickering. Luckily there hadn’t been much food in there to be spoiled…

“Oh _shit_!” Amethyst said, stepping up behind me.

“Cake?!” I called, a puff of purple coming with my words. A meep sounded from the garden and she trotted inside, apparently unhurt. “ _Oh thank fuck_ ” I breathed, clutching at Jasper’s gem.

“Peridot should be in there right?” Amethyst asked, pointing at the living room.

“I _hope_ so…” she walked past me, slipping on the mess on the floor a little. I put on some shoes, then followed her.

“Come here, Perry…” Amethyst said tenderly, stretching her arms up and taking the pale blue bubble from the ceiling. I noticed it was a lot smaller than the orange ones. There was a tiny pop and then Amethyst was holding Peridot’s gem in her palm. “As soon as she reforms I’m going to tell her _everything_ ” she said in a small voice. “Thanks, E… for sending her home safe” I looked at her, feeling a mix of sympathy and distress at the state our house was in. She gave me a sudden fierce hug, then wiped her eyes on her arm.

“You’re… welcome” I said quietly. I was relieved Peridot was safe but… felt a bit unsure how this all had begun. Peridot had led the rubies to our house, but not used the warp pad to do so… Had they come through the forest and fields that lay between our house and the barn? Hopefully she’d be able to explain once she reformed. There was no doubt in my mind that it hadn’t been _her_ idea to come here. The rubies must have made her… Had they put those horrible cuffs on her too?

I changed into a new set of pajamas and put one of Jasper’s hoodies on over it, grabbed my little backpack and stuffed some clothes in there, took out my beanie and put it on. Then I went to the kitchen and added two cans of cat food to the pack, then I darted upstairs to change my tampon and put on a pad. Then I put the rest, painkillers and my toothbrush in the bag before washing Jasper’s gem clean of blood in the sink.

“I never thought I’d say this, but thank the _gods_ you didn’t reform yet, darling…” I said aloud as I wiped her gem dry with a towel. “But now we’re safe so feel free… Right now would be great…”

The destruction upstairs was less extensive than below, but I could see feathers and fluff all over the floor in Charlie’s room and the carpets were covered in dried mud and tiny footprints. You can clean tomorrow, be glad everyone’s safe and _alive_ , I told myself. I let out a long sigh and rejoined Amethyst downstairs.

“Cake, come to mommy” I called and Cake came up to me. I bent to pick her up. “I’m going to spend the night at the temple, please come with me sweetie” Cake stepped onto my shoulder and rubbed her face over my cheek with a purr.

“That’s freaking adorable” Amethyst sniggered. I smiled at her tiredly. “Got everything?”

“Yeah”

“Sorry about the mess, really”

“Not your fault, but thanks… Let’s go” she held out her hand and I took it gratefully.

***

When we arrived at the temple all the lights were on. Garnet and Pearl were in the kitchen making food and Steven was putting a clean sheet over the sofa by the stairs.

“Hob’s Peribot?” he asked urgently as we walked in through the screen door. He sounded as if he had a stuffy nose. Cake ran inside and up the stairs to the loft. I heard Lion make a sound of greeting and a deep purring from Cake. Somehow that was incredibly reassuring. Something _normal_ – as normal as a cat being friends with a magical pink lion _could_ be – but for me it was.

“She’s fine, no cracks” Amethyst reported, holding out the triangular green gem for Steven to see.

“Well donn, Erica!“ he threw his arms around my waist and I let out a surprised grunt.

“Told you she could do it” Garnet said in a confident voice. I felt my cheeks heat up and I smiled a little uncertainly. Steven released me and I put my backpack down and went over to the kitchen.

“Can I help? I could really do with something nice and… _normal_ right now…” I asked a little hesitantly.

“Help me peel these carrots? We’re making chicken soup – Steven’s been a little sniffly since we got back. Are you feeling alright?” Pearl asked me with a subtly worried expression.

“I… haven’t really had a chance to feel anything yet” I said apologetically. “But chicken soup sounds _divine_ …” I took the proffered peeler from Pearl’s hand and set to peeling the carrots, then went on to do the potatoes, reveling in this mundane task. I felt myself relaxing and began to hum.

When the soup was done Steven, Amethyst and I sat down around the kitchen counter and began to eat. Garnet made herself a bowl too, but stood with her back against the fridge and drank it, much like Jasper would. I wished she would come back now. I could barely stand it any longer. I wanted to hear her chuckle. And run my fingers through her hair, feel her chest rising and falling against my own… I lifted the sleeve of her hoodie to my nose and drew in her scent – or tried to. My nose was a little clogged. Ugh… was I getting sick? No… I had things to do… The house was a mess, I had an appointment with Doctor Madison in a few days, I was going to see three potential building sites with the realtor _tomorrow_ …

“Amethyst could you pass me de chili saus?” I asked stuffily. Spicing things up always helped with a clogged nose.

“Ha, you’re soundin’ like bee” Steven sniggered a little dazedly. He looked a bit pale. Without really thinking about it, I leaned over and kissed his forehead. Amethyst sniggered and Pearl raised her eyebrows a little.

“Think _you_ haff a feber, younk man” I said by way of explanation. “’S how I tage Charlie’s tembradure”

“Oh dear…” Pearl said apprehensively. “I’ll get the thermometer”

“Not the butt one!” Steven said in alarm. Amethyst dropped her spoon in the soup and snorted with laughter at the expression on his face. It was kind of hilarious and I smiled.

“Don’t worry, I’ve purchased a tympanic thermometer” Steven’s face was a blank. “That means it goes in your ear” she said reassuringly.

“Oh, phew” Steven puffed, his shoulders sagging. Pearl went into the bathroom and returned with a white wand like thing that she put in Steven’s ear. It made a soft little beep.

“Oh my stars!” Pearl gasped. “ _A hundred and one_! After you’ve eaten it’s straight to bed for you!”

“I was goin’ to bed _abbyway_ ” Steven said a little defiantly and I smiled. There was a tickle in my nose and I raised my hands in front of my face just in time.

“ _Atchoo_!” I sneezed – almost blinding myself with green light.

“Bless you!” Steven said.

“Eugh…” I groaned, moving my fingers and feeling how _wet_ they were. I did _not_ want to look at them and hurried into the bathroom to wash up, the sound of Amethyst’s laughter following me in there. I returned a few seconds later and Pearl looked at me with pursed lips, the ear thermometer still in her hands.

“Stand still” she said and put it in my ear. “Oh, stars! A hundred and one for you too!”

“Shit” I groaned. “I don wan to be sick, I have sduff do do dis week…”

“Well, seems we have _two_ little invalids on our hands” Pearl said with a tired smile. “You should finish your soup and go to bed too”

“I wouddn’t mind _thad_ ” I felt another tickle in my nose and drew in a sharp breath.

“Into your fossa!” Pearl said intensely. I raised my arm not to sneeze _at_ her.

“ _Atchoo_!” there was a burst of green light and sparks flew all over the place. Luckily my arm didn’t get wet. Pearl looked at me approvingly.

“That’s better – I _always_ have to keep reminding Steven about it”

“Hnuh?”

“It prevents the spreading of viruses and bacteria between humans by an incredible amount, sneezing and coughing into your antecubital fossa” I stared at Pearl, not understanding. “This thing” she smiled and pointed to the crook of her elbow.

“Oh. Right, yeah…” I remembered being told that by Christina, but she hadn’t used the Latin term. I rejoined Steven and Amethyst at the kitchen counter, then finished my soup. I began to feel a little lightheaded, and yes, _feverish_ as my body relaxed. Going to bed indeed sounded nice. I gave Cake some food, then went to brush my teeth.

“Fina-fucking-lee!” Amethyst’s voice came from the kitchen and I heard Steven gasp. For half a second I thought the rubies might be back, but then Steven called out happily;

“Peridod’s comin’ back!” I left the bathroom to see – the green gem was hovering in midair, then a sketch of a person grew out of it. They filled with color and dropped to the ground.

“Perry!” Amethyst rushed over and pulled her to her feet.

“Amethyst!” Peridot squeaked, then threw her arms around the purple gem’s neck. Amethyst let out a little grunt of surprise, then hugged the green gem back tightly. “They said they’d shatter me! I didn’t have a choice! But I didn’t take them to the warp pad, I said it didn’t work, they wanted Jasper and she would have – she would have – “ Peridot babbled, then quite suddenly burst into tears. Amethyst’s arms squeezed her more intensely.

“’s alright… we’re OK” Amethyst said quietly. “Know you didn’t bring them to Jasper and Erica’s house cause you _wanted_ to…”

“I _didn’t_!” Peridot wailed. “I took them the long way round, tried to think of a plan, but they restrained me with suppressing cuffs! I could barely walk and then she wasn’t _there_! I had counted on her to be there! But Erica was – oh!” Peridot suddenly jerked back and stared around, eyes and nose streaming. “Is she OK?! She was on _the roof_ and – “ she saw me and I raised a hand slowly. “I – I swear I didn’t _intend_ for any property damage – I thought Jasper would just – wait – where _is_ Jasper?!” she spun on the spot.

“She’ph ri’ ‘ere” I said thickly through the toothpaste foam, holding up her gem.

“They _destabilized_ **_her_**!?” the green gem squeaked, looking frantic. “Oh stars, oh my gosh she’s going to _kill_ me!” she began to pace in a panicked circle.

“Let’s calm down” Garnet said softly, stepping into Peridot’s path. The green gem looked up at her worriedly. “Jasper is remaking herself _by choice_ , she is fine. Why don’t we sit down and you can tell us what happened”

“OK…” Peridot said uncertainly. Garnet led her over to the couch by the window. Amethyst put her arm around Peridot’s shoulders and Steven took her hand. I went to rinse my mouth, then sat down next to Steven. Peridot leaned her head on Amethyst’s shoulder and drew in a deep breath. “I was reading on my tablet when I heard the ship land… I ran to hide but they came rushing into the barn and found me… They _hit_ me until I told them Jasper was here in Beach City – then they put the cuffs on me and made me show them where… I figured Jasper would be able to handle them, and if they fused then she and Erica could fuse too! And it’d be OK…” she glanced at me and blushed. “I never thought Jasper _wouldn’t_ be there… When we got to their house the rubies started tearing it apart, looking for _clues_ , then a seagull squawked and they all went outside, saw Erica run across the roof and they fused, grabbed me and ran after her! I – I was terrified! Wh-what happened after they destabilized me?! Did you defeat them?! Where are they?!”

“They’re… drifting through space…” Pearl said quietly.

“They’re _what_?!”

“After they poofed you, they threatened to shatter you unless we surrendered… They cuffed us and took us to the moon in their ship – they wanted to make a report at the Diamond Base. They only tied Erica up so she used Jasper’s gem to get lose, then she deactivated the cuffs, well… all except Amethyst’s. We pretended we were still affected until we could get our hands on your gem – then Erica bubbled you and sent you home and we broke free. There was a fight and… The rubies and Steven got sucked out into space – we went after them and found Steven, safe and sound in his bubble! Then we went home…”

“I’b OK!” Steven said with a sniff, patting Peridot’s hand as the green gem’s eyes snapped to him.

“But your speech is impaired! Did your gem get cracked?!” Peridot asked in a panic.

“No, no, I’b just a liddle sick” Steven reassured her. “I got too cold I think, an Erica too”

“We’ll be fide” I added when Peridot looked about to break into tears with worry. “Judt a feber ad sobe sduffy noses”

“It is how the human body mends itself, Peridot” Pearl said quickly. “As far as I can tell, they both have a cold which isn’t _serious_ , just uncomfortable and a little messy”

“OK, but what about the rubies?!”

“What about ‘em?” Amethyst said aggressively.

“Are you just going to leave them in space?! What if they get away? What if they come back to earth? What if they somehow get to home world and tell them the rumors about Crystal Gems still on earth is actually _true_?!”

“It’ll be fine” Garnet said calmly. “The important thing is that we’re all safe and sound” Pearl glanced at Garnet and Garnet gave her the tiniest shake of the head – only I and Pearl saw this, the others were too focused on Peridot’s receding distress.

“So… everyone is OK?” the green gem asked tentatively. “Apart from… Steven and Erica being… sick?”

“Yes” Garnet said reassuringly. There was a pause and Amethyst drew in a breath to speak, then Peridot asked;

“Wait, why is Jasper remaking herself?” she looked up at Garnet, who gestured at me.

“We’re going to haf a baby…” Peridot looked confused. “She’sh changing herself so she can make me pregnant”

“ _What_?!” Peridot burst out, looking scandalized. “How d - !“

“Hey, take it easy!” Amethyst said quickly. “I’ll explain” she got to her feet and pulled a sputtering Peridot with her. They disappeared into the temple together, Peridot firing questions at her in rapid succession.

“Oh dear…” Pearl sighed. Steven looked after them, then began to cough. “Oh _dear_! _Straight_ to bed with you!” Garnet patted Steven on the back until he settled. “And you too” Pearl turned to me with a stern look, then her expression softened at the sight of my furrowed brow.

“Why did she seem _mad_?” I asked, feeling insulted at her reaction to our _great_ news.

“She just doesn’t understand” Garnet said calmingly. “But Amethyst will explain it to her, don’t worry” she gave me a smile. “Peridot will be _quite_ on board” my shoulders sagged as the tension that had appeared in them vanished.

“OK…”

“Bed, now” Pearl insisted and we all got up. She and Steven climbed the stairs and I crept under the blankets on the other sofa, so ready to go to sleep. Cake lay down under my chin and I petted her softly, raising the pouch so the three of us could be together.

“Good night” Garnet said with a little wave.

“Goob night” I yawned back and she walked slowly to the temple door. There was a fire in the grate and I watched the light play across the floor boards before my eyes shut.

***

I was running across a slanting roof, panting hard. Just one more, I thought in my panicked mind, _one more_ and then I can jump off! I ran on, slipping and sliding on the mossy tiles, crashes and roars coming from behind me. I counted the roofs as I moved, one, two – five – _nine_?! There was no edge in sight! Just more roofs! The sound of pursuit drew closer and then finally I looked down into a raging sea, hundreds of feet below. I knew I would never survive a drop that great, but the alternative was torture, seeing my beastie shattered our child never being born – and I decided in that moment that if I was going to die, it was going to be on my own fucking terms. And then I leapt.

I awoke with a jolt just as I was about to hit the surface of the water, panting and sweating as if I had _really_ _been_ running across endless, slippery roofs. My rapid breaths were little gusts of green black sparkly vapor and they lit up my surroundings in pulses. It was just a dream, I told myself, clutching the blankets to my chest. A soft rumble came from above me and I looked up at a demon! I gasped, my heart rate spiking – then realized it was just Lion, his wide pupils reflecting my green light.

“Jesus modderfuggin Chrisd” I slurred, lying back against my pillows. Lion climbed down the stairs and gave my face a long lick with his rough tongue. “Eugh, OK, OK, I’m _fide_ , Lion” I grunted, pushing him away. He rumbled at me and lay down, his nose pressed against my cheek. I rolled over to look at him, realizing I needed the bathroom quite urgently. With a groan I sat up, then got unsteadily to my feet. My head swam and as soon as the blankets were off me I started to shiver. My fever must be higher, I figured. I grabbed my backpack and went into the bathroom to pee, blow my nose and change my pad, then I went to go back to bed. Lion was lying spread-eagled on it, all four paws in the air. “Ged off” I told him exhaustedly, but he just huffed and closed his eyes. What the hell? “I said, gerroff” I pushed at him feebly but he completely ignored me. “Come on… I need to _slee-eep_ …” I whined. I tried to pull the blankets from under him, but they didn’t budge. I was shivering quite badly now and decided I’d had enough, the climbed the stairs to the loft. “Steben…” I whispered softly. He turned his head to look at me in the half light. “Lion took by bed, c-can I sleep here?” he nodded faintly and lifted a corner of the duvet. I got into the bed, not caring if it was inappropriate – I was too tired, too cold and just too fed up. “Thanks” I said as I curled into a ball, trying to warm up.

“’s oday” Steven mumbled. I closed my eyes, my fevered brain deciding that it needed sleep instantly.

***

I was running along the roof again, my legs pumping frantically, my feet slipping – it felt like I was going to fall at any moment. A roar came from behind me and I nearly swallowed my tongue. I had to hurry! I had to get away! Suddenly Steven was in front of me, looking extremely surprised.

“ _Run_!” I screamed at him. He looked over my shoulder, blanched, then began to move. We ran and slid, stumbled and panted, the sounds of pursuit growing closer behind us. We reached the edge and I prepared to jump.

“Why don’t we just fly away?” he asked, panting for breath.

“ _Fly_?!”

“This is a dream!” I stared at him. He jumped into the air, little flames coming out of the soles of his feet like rockets. “Take my hand!” I reached up – this was better than jumping to my death! He pulled me off my feet and we soared away, the roar behind us fading fast.

“Oh thank fuck” I wheezed, looking back and seeing the giant, monstrous ruby fusion pound the roof in frustration. We flew in silence for a moment, then he spoke;

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure” we were soaring through the clouds now, the sea underneath us still raging.

“Why do you look like this in your dreams?”

“Look like what?”

“Hang on…” he screwed up his face a moment, then a fluffy pink cloud appeared underneath us and he set me down on it – it felt like sitting on a giant cotton ball.

“Oh – this is really soft” I bounced appreciatively.

“I’m getting better at controlling my dreams now. Connie’s told me lots about lucid dreaming. But it’s a lot easier when I’m dreaming with someone else, because then I _know_ it’s a dream. Here” he pulled a mirror out of his pocket and handed it to me. I took it hesitantly – suddenly getting very nervous. “Have a look”

“I… don’t want to…” I said, putting the mirror down carefully. I looked down at my long-fingered grey hands. The black nails were curled like claws.

“Why not? You don’t look scary or anything” Steven said reassuringly.

“I don’t?”

“No… you look… sort of like a kid I guess?”

“My _voice_ sounds like a kid…” I said slowly. “Then… how did you know it was… well… me?”

“It _feels_ like you” he said simply. “Most people look like their real selves in their dreams, but some look different”

“Can’t you just… tell me what I look like?”

“Sure…” he studied my face. “Your skin is grey and your eyes are big and black… like all black. Your hair is black too. And you’ve got pointy teeth”

“Pointy teeth?” I ran my tongue around in my mouth – I _did_ have pointy teeth. “Big black eyes…” I closed them. It sounded like he was describing a _demon_ …

“And you’re very thin, like skinnier than Pearl… And you’re wearing… a night dress?” I looked down. It was a night dress, yes. It was white. I nodded slowly. My arms and legs _were_ very skinny. “You… look kinda… starved” he said carefully.

“I don’t know why I look like a scary demon…” I said quietly.  

“You _don’t_ look scary, Erica” he said kindly.

“Maybe because you know me but – “

“It doesn’t matter what you _look_ like!” he added quickly. “What does it _feel_ like?”

I thought a moment. “Like _me_ … but sort of… long ago…” he frowned at me. “I’ve always looked like this in my dreams, as far as I can remember. Well… I can only see my arms and legs, not my face”

“Maybe… it’s what you used to feel like? When you were a kid?”

“That’s… a disturbing thought” I said and frowned uncomfortably. Then another thought hit me. “Last time you were in my dreams, what did you see!?” I asked him urgently. Had Steven seen… _him_?

“Um… there was a lot of mist? And purple skies. I kept losing you in the fog, like I was being dragged or pushed away”

“But you didn’t see anything… anyone else?”

“No, it was just you and me” oh thank the gods, I let out a breath of relief. He was quiet for a moment and I looked around at the sky. It was purple, but the clouds we were floating through were white. “Hey… you said we could talk, right?” I looked at him.

“Yeah, of course”

“OK, um…” he sat down on the cloud next to me. “I… really don’t know what to think about mom now…” my heart went soft. Oh, sweet boy… With Bismuth and now the rubies telling him such conflicting things, he must be feeling really confused. “I never thought she could shatter someone…” I put my arm around his shoulders and hugged him close. “All my life the gems and dad have been telling me how _good_ she was and how concerned she was with everyone else’s wellbeing – she felt real sorrow when they were hurt and stuff… She wanted to preserve life at all costs – it – it just doesn’t make _sense_ that she’d… bubble Bismuth away for making a weapon like the Breaking Point and then go and shatter someone”

“Our… perception of people can change when we find out more about them, but… you know some people that have done some messed up stuff, but you still like them… I know Jasper’s shattered gems… And so have I”

“ _Yeah_ , but… _you’re_ not…” he trailed off.

“We’re not your mom, the kind hearted magnificent leader of the rebellion?” I smiled at him and stroked his hair.

“Well… no…” he smiled a little embarrassedly.

“I think I understand, Steven”

“I’ve had… this picture in my mind of what my mom was like and… It’s _changing_ now and I’m not sure if I like it. It makes me feel afraid… What other things have the gems hidden from me? What happened to _make_ my mom decide to shatter someone? How could she go from someone who loved everything that lived to someone who… thought _killing_ someone was a solution?”

I thought for a moment. “Just as a general disclaimer kid, I’m just me and can only say what I think, and I know less about this than you, but – I’ll try to help”

“I’ll take any help I can get” he said quietly and took my hand in his.

“First… parents are complicated. They are _people_ and… they can be both good and bad. And by that I mean, the same person can do good things and be generally nice and stuff, but then they can do some bad things too. _No one_ is all good or all bad is what I’m trying to say. We’re all on the grey scale… Secondly, there might be a bunch of stuff the gems _aren’t_ telling you, yes. And that could be because… maybe they don’t think you’re ready to hear them. You are very mature for your age, sure, but I can see where they’re coming from. I wouldn’t want my very happy kid be hit with the dark truths of the world all in one go. I’d want to keep them happy for as long as possible… But that’s seeing it from the point of view of an _adult_ – and if I were the _kid_ I’d want to know _everything_ all in one go, no matter _how_ bad it was. But… the _best_ way is probably a slower process. A gradual introduction of… information. Like fighting in a game. You don’t _start_ with the final boss, you level up and get good gear and learn to fight different kinds of enemies and _then_ you can fight the last boss. When you’re as ready as you can be…” Steven was looking ahead, listening raptly. “It’s like… in Harry Potter. You’ve read those books, right?” he nodded. “Then you know Dumbledore doesn’t tell Harry everything when he arrived at Hogwarts because he wanted to protect him _and_ because… Dumbledore knew the eventual decision Harry was going to face. And when Harry had to decide which path to follow, he made the right choice because he had made the _journey_ … He had made mistakes and learned from them, he had grown up… He knew what he was choosing to do. He knew the consequences that might come from it. If Harry had been told from the very beginning that he in a sense had been kept alive only to be sacrificed at the perfect moment… No eleven-year-old can handle that. And the story would have ended very differently… I’m not saying that that’s what’s going to happen in your life” I added quickly and Steven grinned.

“I know that”

“OK, good… Thirdly, about what can make someone choose to kill… Rose might not have had a _choice_ , to be honest. There might have been a fight, feelings got too high and… the end result was a broken Pink Diamond. It could have been an accident? A mistake. Or, Rose could have, after a few hundred years of fighting in the war for earth, realized that the only way to end it, to stop the loss of life that a war _is_ , was to eliminate not the soldiers, but the one _in charge_ … The one telling the others to fight… She may have come to the conclusion that shattering _one_ gem was the quickest, cleanest, more life preserving option?” Steven’s hands tightened into fists. “From what I know of Rose, which honestly isn’t much… For her to have to decide to do something like that… it must have cost her _a lot_. And I don’t think she was excited about it or anything… One life taken to keep countless other lives from being lost… One life versus an entire planet?” ’Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one’, I thought to myself.

“Like Garnet said… She didn’t do what was best for her… but she did do what was best for earth…” he let out a long sigh.  

“I can’t imagine the rebellion _started_ with violence” I said after a moment. “It was something Jasper said a while back… ‘if words were enough there wouldn’t have been a war’. That makes me think that they must have exhausted every other possible solution, Steven…”

“I think I get it? What you’re trying to say… But I still can’t be OK with shattering… There is _always_ a way – people change, just look at Jasper! She wanted to kill… like _everyone_ and now she’s not like that, because… because you showed her it was OK to be herself… She didn’t have to be a killing machine anymore…” I looked at him with fondness. There was such _innocence_ in him, such beautiful, pure _hope_ that there really was a peaceful solution to this whole thing. It hurt to think that he might be hoping in vain. From what I knew of the diamonds, they didn’t shy away from sacrificing their own people, using weapons of mass destruction or performing horrible experiments on their enemies, and perhaps even their own subjects… But, if someone _could_ convince a person to rethink their actions, then it was _him_ … He had this power about him. He _believed_ in _people_. And he didn’t give up on them… He gave them a second chance. _More_ than just one… Because he truly believed that with the right information… they would make the right choice… He had let Lapis go so that she would _learn_ …

“I really hope there is a peaceful solution” I said and gave him a squeeze. “That home world can realize that earth belongs to _us_ , but… Wouldn’t it be great if more gems came here… Or like you said before, you could heal the corrupted gems – I’m so _curious_ about them… And you know, the potential for a whole new species is kind of astounding…”

“New species?”

“Yeah! I mean… I don’t know exactly what our baby is going to _be_ … A half human, half gem like you, _with_ an actual gem and powers and all that. Or a half human, half gem without a gem but with maybe some sort of… super human abilities? Maybe they will get Jasper’s stripes? My eyes? I have no idea and I can’t wait to see them…” I smiled. “And if there were _more_ gems around I’m sure there’d be _others_ who fall in love with humans… and if _they_ want to have babies… Boom. New species…”

“I hadn’t even _thought_ about that!” he beamed up at me. “That’s _another_ reason to find a way to heal them”

“I don’t mean to put any extra pressure on you by saying that, just so you know” I added quickly.

“I know” he said softly, leaning against my side and letting out a long sigh. “And I feel better, thanks…”

“You’re very welcome, kid… Glad I could help. And thank you for getting me away from the roof!”

“You’re very welcome, adult!” Steven sniggered. “Man, you must have been so scared”

“Yeah… but it feels better now, I think… because the dream has a different ending. Another _choice_ of ending. I could fly away. I hope I remember that if I have that dream again”

“And I hope I can remember what you said about my mom”

“Sucks that we’re going to be snivelling bags of snot when we wake up”

“Yep… Maybe we’ll feel better faster if we feel better – I mean, get well faster if we’re not worried and afraid of stuff”

“I think so, yeah”

“Hah, maybe that’s why Lion took your bed… So we could have this talk…”

“Well, then he deserves a Lion Licker or two” I said with a smile.

***

I drifted awake – it was _not_ a pleasant experience. My head felt like it was full of fluff and my vision was blurry. I groaned and tried to roll over; wanting to go back to sleep, but someone was lying on my chest and snoring. For a moment my heart leapt, thinking it was Jasper – but it wasn’t her snore. I moved my aching head to see dark brown curls – it was Steven. He mumbled something and sniffed, then stilled. I was both sweating and cold at the same time and it felt like all my joints were sore and heavy. And my lower belly was not happy. Not happy _at all_ …

“Sudduva bidch…” I slurred.

“Good morning” Pearl said from the foot of the bed. She was sitting on a chair with her knitting in her lap. “How are you feeling?”

“Sick” I sniffed, looking around hopefully for a tissue. There was a box on the nightstand. I grabbed one and blew my nose with a terrible sound. “Ugh…” Pearl got up and came to sit on the bed next to me.

”Let me take your temperature” she held out the wand and I turned my head so she could have access to my ear. “Oh dear, a hundred and two point six…”

“No-o-o…” I whined. “I haf sduff do do…”

“That’s right. They consist of _resting_ , drinking plenty of fluids and _getting better_ ” she said firmly, spraying the ear piece of the thermometer with disinfectant before taking Steven’s reading. “A hundred and three…” she said with a heavy sigh.

“Ngf” I grunted as my stomach twisted into a ball of suck. Sickly dull red sparks drifted from my mouth and I tensed up and closed my watering eyes.

“Are you feeling nauseated?” Pearl asked softly.

“Crambs… hn-t”

“Oh dear… I’ll go put the kettle on and make some tea”

“Nks” I grunted, feeling her move off the bed and then heard her walk down the stairs. As the cramp subsided into a dull, throbbing ache I relocated Steven’s head onto a pillow, then I sat up. I was wearing a t-shirt, pajama bottoms and Jasper’s hoodie but I was shivering from the moment I emerged from the soft duvet. I needed to pee and was dying for a cigarette. I made my way downstairs very slowly.

“Erica, you should be in bed!” Pearl said sharply when she saw me.

“Bathroom” I mumbled.

“But then straight back, you hear?” I let out a breath of mirth. Mother hen was an apt description for Pearl. I took care of my bathroom needs, then tried to find energy to go outside for a smoke, but I was spent. I lay down on the unoccupied couch with a groan, pulling the blankets over me and shivering. “I _hade_ bein sick...”

”Here we are” Pearl said softly setting a mug down on the coffee table and holding out the rubber bottle wrapped in a tea towel. “It’s ginger tea with honey”

“Thanks, P-ah-P-ah AH! _Atchoo_!” there was a burst of green and red sparks. “Sorry” I grabbed a tissue, sat up a little shakily, then blew my nose. I took the proffered source of warmth and hugged it to my belly, wrapping the blankets around me. “Oh gods… It’s been such a lon time since I was las sick – forgod how awful id really is…”

“I do not envy you one bit” Pearl said with a little smile, her eyebrows wrinkled in sympathy. “Amethyst, Peridot and Garnet are going to your house a little later to clean up, is there something you would like them to bring back? More clothes? A book perhaps?” I looked at her blearily.

“They don haf do do that” I felt very touched they wanted to deal with the mess the rubies left, but _I_ should be the one to clean. It was our house. Our mess…

“Don’t be silly, Erica” Pearl smiled reassuringly. “You are _ill_ … And Amethyst told me the rubies left the place in _complete_ disarray. I’d go and assist them, but both you and Steven are in need of supervision – if your temperature goes any higher you might need to be hospitalized” she made a little pause and wrung her hands. “Peridot felt very guilty about the damage she caused, not that it was _her_ fault – the rubies are to blame for this. But she insisted she’d replace all the damaged furniture and plates and things, and repair the fridge”

“The mugs… Were the mugs alright?” I asked, suddenly anxious.

“Mugs?”

“Wid flowers on dem… There’s supposed to be three…”

“I don’t know, but I could ask them to look” she patted my blanket covered shoulder. “Anything else?”

“By labtob… and sob clothes and food for Cake – _socks_ … I compledly forgod aboud socks”

“Check on the flower mugs, bring the laptop, some clothes including socks and cat food, got it” Pearl counted off the things. “You should drink your tea before it gets too cold, then rest”

“Oday” I nodded, picking up the cup carefully. My hands were very cold and the hot porcelain almost burned them. I sipped it slowly, then Steven called for Pearl. She went up to check on him and I lay down, rolling over to one side and texted Bobby, telling him I had to cancel today’s showing, then sent a quick e-mail to Parker, asking her to reschedule my appointment with Doctor Madison before closing my weary eyes.

***

In the late afternoon Garnet walked up to me and set down a stack of items on the coffee table – all the things I had requested.

“Nk you” I mumbled, sitting up and gratefully pulling on a pair of socks. “Oh _socks_ …”

“You’re welcome. Happy to report the mess has been handled”

“Yes indeed! And the refrigerator is barking like a cat” Peridot added, stepping into view. Amethyst followed with a snigger.

“That’s ‘purring like a kitten’, Perry-dork” I perked up a little, glancing blearily between them.

“Regardless – it is fully functional. And I would also like to apologize again for the reason for which it had to _be_ repaired. And… to congratulate you on the good news” she said this last bit with a smile. “As you know, I _am_ a certified Kindergartner and even though _this_ way of adding more to the ranks of the Crystal Gems is new to me, I support the idea fully! We will need more soldiers in the future! How many can you make at once?” I stared at her a moment, not sure whether to laugh.

“Perry, seriously?” Amethyst sniggered, giving the little green gem a push on the shoulder. “They’re not making _soldiers_ … they’re making _babies_ ”

“But the combination of Jasper and Erica would _surely_ make some sort of quartz hybrid. And quartzes _are_ soldiers” Peridot argued. “From what you’ve told me, Erica has been a strange but useful addition to the team and her offspring would – “

“Peridot” Garnet interrupted with a strained sort of smile on her lips. “They are reproducing for _love_. Not for _war_ ”

“Oh – um… Then I… misunderstood” she blushed a little. “What is… the purpose then?”

“Love” Garnet said simply. Peridot looked at her and then at me. I nodded muzzily, giving her a slightly confused smile.

“And their baby is goin to be so _cude_ ” Steven said hoarsely, coming down the stairs one slow step at a time.

“You should be in bed, Steven” Garnet said warmly.

“Need do bee” he grinned. “An brush by teeth. Hey, Erica?”

“Mmm?”

“You wanna wadch a movie?”

“Sure. These guys brought me my labtob”

“Oh dice!”

When Steven returned he sat down in the sofa next to me and Garnet brought down his duvet to wrap around him.

“You look like two burritos” Amethyst sniggered.

“Might I… recommend Camp Pining Hearts?” Peridot said a little shyly, as if trying to make up for her faux-pas. She really seemed… eager to be in my good graces. I wasn’t complaining. This was much nicer than the ‘Have you spent the entire day copulating in the dirt?’-Peridot.

“That’s a cardoon, right?” I asked, grinning faintly.

“Yes, it’s _oh_ so very good!” her voice was suddenly excited.

“I don have that but… hab you seen Grabity Falls?”

“No?”

“Oh, be neither!” Steven said with a dazed smile. I grinned at the both of them, patting the sofa cushion next to me.

“Then you’re both in for a treat”

“Count me in too” Amethyst threw herself onto the couch. “Jasper said she liked the show. And that there were no ponies” Peridot climbed onto the couch next to Amethyst. “Hey Garnet, wanna join in on this?”

“I have business to attend to in the temple. But you four enjoy. We did a good job today” both Amethyst and Peridot smiled. I started the first episode and was delighted to see and hear the others laugh and gasp in the right places. I think Amethyst was enjoying the company more than the actual show, but I’d take it. Cake came to join us too and Peridot got quite excited about her, calling her a ‘little Lion’. I smiled at her words – it was almost how Jasper had described the kitten just after she had found her in the garden. I took her gem out of the pouch and kissed it, wishing I could snuggle up to her chest.

Peridot and Steven got absolutely absorbed by the show. Peridot wanted to take a few minutes and discuss things after each episode ended, making predictions and asking me a lot of detailed questions. She was extremely perceptive, picking up on tiny things in the background that I hadn’t noticed until much later. One thing I _did_ notice though was that Amethyst and Peridot were holding hands. I felt _very_ good about that – they must have talked, finally. I was curious about what had been said and decided to ask Amethyst about it later.

Greg showed up as it got dark, huge bags of groceries in his arms and promising to make a chili so _good_ and spicy that no nose in the _world_ would be able to stay clogged afterwards. He and Pearl made it together, talking quietly and pleasantly in the kitchen as we consumed episode after episode. When the food was finished the two of them joined us and the chili was as fiery as advertised. Finally my nose was unblocked and I relished being able to breathe properly. When Steven conked out it was decided that our impromptu Gravity Falls marathon was over and Pearl shooed Amethyst and Peridot out so we could get some rest. The two of them warped away, to the barn I assumed, and Greg left through the front door after he had tucked Steven into bed upstairs. The chili had invigorated me and I slouched outside, still wrapped in blankets, and had my first cigarette of the day. The nicotine hit my system and I let out a sigh of contentment. I went to bed feeling a lot better than this morning. Hopefully the fever would break now.

The next day I was feeling less awful. Well enough to have my appetite back, but still sick enough to feel dizzy and spend a disturbing amount of time blowing my nose.

“Would you mind if I had a shower?” I asked Pearl. She was sitting on the other sofa, reading a book with a purring Cake in her lap. I had been delighted to find out that the two of them got along well. Cake was a very social cat compared to Sam. He had only really liked me, Charlie, my neighbor Mrs. Lowenstein, Robyn and Christina. He would hiss at strangers and hide in the pantry when I had other people over – not that that happened a lot but still. He had _hated_ Victoria. And Jonathan too. How much of my personality had he picked up? _That_ was a thought I had never had before…

“Hm? Oh yes, go ahead. There are clean towels in the cupboard”

I turned on the shower, letting it warm up as I brushed my teeth. I was still shivering without blankets, but it wasn’t as bad as yesterday. Hopefully a hot shower would help me sweat it out. I stepped into the warm spray and sat down, letting the heat work its magic on my body. After a while my nose and throat felt wonderfully devoid of phlegm and I began to hum and then sing softly.

“If you ever get close to a human… and human behavior – by ready, by ready to get confused, and me and my hereafter… There’s definitely, definitely, definitely no logic… to human behavior. But yet so, yet so irresistible – and me and my fear can – and there is no map – uncertain…” my voice cracked a little on the very high note and I cleared my throat. Maybe a Björk song wasn’t the best option to sing when you were sick. I thought a moment, closing my eyes. The rushing water sounded almost like rain… The memory of lying on my belly on my sleeping bag, looking out at the beach as the rain pounded the sea and sand swept over me. “ _Historien. Har du hört historien? Om ett frö som vägrade, som bara gror och gror igen. Om det sker att trampas ner, så växer det mer och mer och mer. Om man krossar det, delas det i fler. Och fler, och fler, och fler. Om det möter våld och tvång, så växer ur fröet fram en sång, som kan höras i jorden gång på gång. På gång, på gång, på gång. För där, i jorden, där spelar en dröm. Där porlar ständigt visor om frihet, ström efter ström. Och med vindens hjälp, förs markens musik ut över havet. Den styr mot land och når till en strand! Melonia. Melonia! Där en hög med frusna frön, kan bli pelargonia. Där finns liv och sol och frid, istället för död och stål och skrik. Där kan man slå rot och växa fri, för evig evig tid. Kanske är det dit vi ska en dag? Kanske blir det du?_ _Kanske blir det jag?_ ” as the echoes of the song faded a weight seemed to lift from my chest and I let out a long sigh. Then something tickled my neck and pulled my head slightly forward. “What the – “ I opened my eyes – the pouch was rising into the air, light emanating from it. My heart almost _exploded_ with joy! _Jasper was reforming_!

The pouch ripped and fell into the bathtub with a little splash – I stared up at the gem as it glowed and Jasper’s shape emerged from it. Her hair billowed in a nonexistent breeze, then there was a flash of light and –

“Ow! _Oah_ – !“ she had bumped her head on the ceiling, winced, then slipped in the bathtub, landing with a resounding SPONG-G-G – one leg over the side and pulling the shower curtain off the rod with a loud clatter, the other ending up wedged between the faucet and my shoulder. It all happened so fast I didn’t have time to do anything more than gasp. We stared at each other for a moment, then she began to laugh – oh it was the _sweetest_ music to my ears! I scrabbled up and threw my arms around her neck.  

“ _Darling_!” I squealed happily, pink and golden butterflies bursting out in a swarm around me as I joined in her amusement. “I’ve missed you so much!” she didn’t have time to answer before there was an urgent knock at the bathroom door.

“Erica?! Is everything alright in there?!” it was Pearl’s voice.

“It’s fine!” I giggled. “Jasper reformed!”

“Oh thank the stars” Pearl sighed. “Welcome back Jasper… Don’t uh… Please keep it down – Steven’s sleeping upstairs”

“We promise nothing” Jasper sniggered as she grabbed my wet bum gently with both hands.

“ _Beastie_!” I gasped with a huge smile. “We _will_ be quiet, Pearl, don’t worry”

“Uh… good. I’ll… I’ll put on a pot of tea, shall I? It should be ready _in a few minutes_ ” Pearl said pointedly – I took that to mean she didn’t want us having sex in the bathroom. Jasper chuckled – she must have thought the same thing.

“Oh my fucking stars” she murmured huskily. “That was _not_ the entrance I had planned…”

“No? I would have thought cramped bathtub was _ideal_ ” I giggled, leaning in to kiss her soft, warm lips. She hummed into me, stroking my back and adjusting her position so that she was sitting up. I kissed her cheeks and gem, holding onto her beautiful jaw as I did so, unable to get enough of her. “Beastie, oh my gods, how I’ve _missed_ you...”

“Yeah? How long have I been gone?” she asked huskily, stroking some wet hair away from my forehead.

“More than a week…” I responded.

“ _Fuck_ , really?”

“Yeah…” she looked at me with concern.

“Shit… I thought it’d only be a few days…”

“I know” I felt the tears coming now and let them fall. They mingled with the water still cascading over us.

“Honey, I’m sorry – “

“Please don’t apologize! This was the perfect timing, really, I… Are you OK? Is everything… alright?”

“I’m fine, babe – everything’s done. Can’t wait to show you” Jasper grinned down at me. “Anything interesting happen when I was gone?”

 

* * *

 

Please review!


	64. While you were gone

## Chapter 64: While you were gone

 

“Oh dear, where do I begin?” I sniggered and wiped my eyes. Jasper phased away the clothes she had reformed in. I relished the feel of her warm, bare skin against mine and kissed her chest. She chuckled and raised the temperature of the water a smidge. I let out a long, heartfelt sigh and rested my head on her chest.

“Tell me everything” she sniggered and I thought about this for a moment – there was _a lot_ to tell her and most of it was... not great. I just wanted to enjoy this for a little, the feeling of relief and warmth, her arms around me, the _safety_ of her embrace…

“I will, but – can we just stay like this for a while? I… I need this…” I did. I really did.

”Sure, babe” she leaned back a bit so that I rested more on her chest than on my hips.

“Mmm… thank you…”

After a while I washed my hair and we got out of the shower. I got dressed and she shapeshifted on some simple clothes. When we got out of the bathroom Pearl greeted us with a smile and welcomed Jasper back with a handshake. Steven was still fast asleep and snoring, so we packed up my things and then headed home. Pearl promised to tell him Jasper was back the moment he woke up. I was so energized and happy Jasper was back I barely felt any discomfort. When we stepped in through our front door I was delighted to find the place spotless. Jasper went into the kitchen.

“Hey… what’s this? A new table?”

“Yeah…” I stepped up behind her and hugged her waist. “Come lie down with me and I’ll tell you?” she nodded, then grabbed a soda. We got into prime cuddling position, then I drew in a deep breath. “I was very upset after you went back into your gem, darling… Spent a lot of time crying” Jasper’s eyebrows drew together.

“Babe…” she said softly and stroked my cheek.

“I knew you would be back, but… I wasn’t prepared for just how much it was going to hurt – but the others have been so very supportive, they let me stay over a few nights and stuff like that – kept me company. They’ve been really great. Some… _things_ have happened while you were gone – I’ve looked at a house that was nice and been to see the gynecologist – I’m going back in a few days, but so far things look OK, the doctor did some testing and will have the results soon”

“What sort of testing?”

“Hormone levels, they might be off”

“Would that be bad?” she looked worried.

“I don’t think so? If they are it’s something that could explain why my periods have been so awful. I found out Victoria’s have been the same. Or, well, I don’t know the details but hers have been heavy and painful too, so it might just be the way it is in my family. If the levels _are_ off there’s medication I can take, I think. The doctor said she didn’t see any physical problems with us getting pregnant” she smiled in a relieved way and kissed me sweetly.

“That’s great news! I mean, about the pregnancy bit, not the… awful periods. Oh, did I miss it?”

“Huh?”

“Your period. It’s been…” she closed one eye to concentrate. “Almost a month now, hasn’t it? Since last time” a warm feeling spread in my chest. She kept track?

“I’m on the last days of it now” I said softly, stroking her cheek. “I got some new painkillers that work a little better than my usual ones, but they make me sleep very deeply and stuff, so I might have to change them”

“Is it hurting now?” she moved one of her hands down to my belly.

“Not very much” I smiled warmly at her, then took a breath to steady myself for the next part. Jasper’s hand heated up. “There have been… a few _big_ things that happened when you were gone” she raised her eyebrows inquiringly. “First… Steven found a gem inside Lion’s mane”

“A gem?” Jasper’s eyebrows rose further. “There’s a new gem? Who?”

“There _was_ – I mean, she’s still _alive_ but… she’s bubbled. She’s called Bismuth – she’s a Crystal Gem and… it turns out Rose bubbled her during the war because she made a weapon called the Breaking Point. It could shatter a gem in one strike…” Jasper’s brow furrowed momentarily.

“I’ve… never heard of it”

“No, Rose never used it as far as I know – she sealed Bismuth away in Lion’s mane and didn’t tell the others about what had happened between the two of them, the others thought Bismuth had been _captured_ or _killed_ … They were _so_ happy to see her and she was _nice_ , or _seemed_ nice… But she wanted Steven to have the weapon – he refused it, just like Rose had and… Bismuth attacked him – “

“What?! Is he OK?!” she looked alarmed, almost getting up.

“Yes, he’s fine” I said reassuringly “She’s in the temple now… bubbled again. Steven’s been very upset about it, finding out there was a gem in his mother’s army that turned on her…” Jasper looked astonished.

“Never imagined _Rose_ had to deal with something like that…” she said quietly.

“I think Steven is feeling _better_ about it now, but…” I was worried how Jasper was going to take the news about Pink Diamond. “Something else happened, not long after… And I need you to know that everyone is _fine_ but…”

“Tell me” she said intensely.

“A few days ago… the rubies showed up again”

“ _What_?!”

“They captured Peridot and _beat_ her until she took them to find you… She led them to our house – I was home, but I escaped out the window and ran across the roof, made it to the temple. The rubies had fused, and threatened to shatter Peridot unless we surrendered. Garnet said she had a plan, so we played along and the rubies put Amethyst, Pearl, Garnet and Steven in suppressing cuffs” Jasper blanched. “But they only tied _me_ up with rope. I… used your gem to cut myself free – I’m really sorry about that darling – and they took us to the moon base in the Roaming Eye. On the way there I turned all the cuffs off, except for Amethyst’s. The rubies wanted to make a report to Yellow Diamond – but the console was destroyed, so they decided to take us to a _different_ hub, but then Garnet distracted the leader, I bubbled Peridot’s gem, sent it home and then there was a fight – Steven and the rubies got sucked into space – we took the Roaming Eye and found him – he’s OK and then we came back here. He and I got a bit sick, fevers and colds but we’re getting better”

“You bubbled Peridot? You’re _sick_?” Jasper hugged me tighter, a mix of pride and worry on her face.

“Yes, and yes, but the fever is breaking – I feel so much better with you just being here” I smiled at her. “We’ll be just fine… But there’s one thing… A pretty big thing that I found out about and… I just want you to prepare yourself, OK?” I looked at her worriedly. She stiffened up at my words, looking at me with troubled eyes.  

“Something _bigger_ than the rubies arresting you?” she asked, looking frightened.

“One of them said… that she had witnessed who um… who shattered Pink Diamond” Jasper’s face froze up, her eyes wide. I had stopped myself from saying it was Rose – Jasper might not even _want_ to know anymore.

“What…” she breathed, her face flickering between fear, anger, sorrow and… just blankness. “I…” she trailed off and closed her eyes and took a deep breath, lowering her head slightly. “Tell me who…” her voice had a brittle edge to it.

“It was Rose” Jasper tensed up and her face contorted in pain for a moment, one hand gripping my back tightly. “I’m sorry darling… Anything you need, _Melamin_ , I’m here” I whispered, holding perfectly still. Let her react, let it happen, just be there for her, I told myself.

“I don’t know how to feel” she panted after almost a full minute of silence, she sounded confused and terribly upset. She drew in a ragged breath and expelled it forcefully.

“It’s OK” I said soothingly. “There’s no rush…” I stroked her cheeks gently. “Just… let it come…” she started trembling and I felt wretched for telling her this upsetting news… But she needed to know and at least with me she could have a reaction without being hampered by other’s eyes. For a long time she was silent – I could see her eyes moving rapidly underneath her closed eyelids, like she was going through REM sleep. “Talk to me…” I implored, wanting to help.

“I… it’s…” she expelled a quick breath, then inhaled sharply. “H-how… how can it make me so upset _now_? I _know_ I was her s-slave but – ah…” she raised a hand to her chest. “It feels like I’m _there_ again… in the throne room and… her _shards_ …” tears began to trickle down her cheeks. It wasn’t black and white, I told myself. She might be relieved she’s free now, that she knows more, that she has a new life, a different _perspective_ but – needing to find out what happened to her diamond, it was the thing that drove her for _thousands_ of years, Pink Diamond’s death changed _everything_ for her…

“ _Melamin_ …” I soothed, stroking her hair. “You might be having a flashback… It can happen when you’ve been through something really bad… The best advice I can give is to tell you that it’s not happening right now. That day was long ago. You are in bed with me… You are _here_ and this is _now_ , and you are _safe_ …” her shoulders shook with sobs.

“I failed her…” she whispered. I moved up a little and cradled her head to my chest. Even if what she said was painful for me to hear, this was her process – and I knew that in the end she would be the Jasper I knew and loved. But she had to go through it. And talk about it. And I would accept it. “It was my duty and I couldn’t – I was too late – I – “ words failed her and she gave in to the guilt and sorrow.

“It wasn’t your fault, darling…” I whispered, knowing she wouldn’t be able to take it in, but it needed to be said anyway. I held her as she cried, as she surely relived one of the worst, if not _the_ worst moment of her life again and again. My body told me the fever was coming back, but I couldn’t have cared less. I stopped being able to breathe through my nose, but it didn’t matter. What felt like hours later she stilled, hiccoughing – which was on its own adorable and it made me smile faintly, my mouth hidden in her soft locks.

“Did S-Steven know?” she asked croakily.

“No”

“Did… did _Amethyst_ know?”

“I… hab no idea, darlin”

“We’ve _talked_ about the diamonds… she cheered me up about it, making them smaller, less powerful in my mind at least… I can’t believe she didn’t tell me Rose sh-shattered… _her_ …”

“Maybe she didn’t dow” I said soothingly. “I don’t think she would have kept it from you if she dew how much it meant to you, darlin… Or maybe she didn’t want to bring up the past bore than she needed do”

“I… didn’t tell her Yellow Diamond wasn’t my original diamond. I… I don’t know if she even _knows_ **_she_** was made for Pink Diamond…” I hadn’t thought about that. Maybe she didn’t know… “Did the ruby say… how it happened?”

“No. I didn’t think to ask afterward, eider… Sorry, sweedheard” I sniffed and she looked up at me with red rimmed eyes, paused for a second, then said;

“I’m… sorry…”

“Huh?” I looked at her in confusion.

“You’ve… you’ve been through so much when I’ve been gone and the first thing I do is _lean on **you**_ with stuff that happened _thousands_ of years ago…” she frowned and began to pull away. She looked disappointed… in herself. 

“Don you _dare_ ” I said fiercely, feeling my eyes tearing up. “Ged back here” she hesitated a moment, then put her head back where it had been. “Doesn’d madder _when_ something hurd you, if you’re hurd, you’re _hurd_ … I lob you, an I always wan do lisn” she actually let out a little breath of laughter and relaxed a smidge.

“You ‘lob’ me?”

“Yes I lob you” I smiled and hugged her close and kissed the top of her head, then sniffed, trying not to dribble snot in her hair.

“I lob you too…”

“I dow”

“You sound funny…” she sniffed.

“Happy to enderdain, darlin. By dose is clogged. Ugh, I think I need dome tissues”

“I’ll get some” she sat up a little dazedly. “Stars…” she mumbled, holding her head. “Do you… ever get a headache after crying?”

“Sobetimes” she got to her feet and went into the kitchen, then returned with the entire roll of paper towels. “Thanks, darlin” she picked up a hoodie before laying down again.

“Here… I’m… sorry about your shirt…”

“It’ll lib” I smiled at her faintly, then blew my nose. I put on the new hoodie – it was the one Pearl had made for me. It was an excellent choice – it was very warm and cozy. I lay down with my forehead against hers.

“This really isn’t how I pictured coming back…” she said quietly.

“Hob had you picdured id?”

“A lot less crying, more…” she trailed off.

“Celebradory fuckin?”

“Well… yeah”

“There’s always toborrow” I said softly, stroking her cheek. “Maybe my feber and period will be ober by then doo”

“You know I don’t mind the blood, babe”

“I dow” I kissed her gem and ran my fingers through her hair, then began to rub her neck one handed. “Bud id’s less messy widdoud id”

“Feels great though – mmm, oh, babe…” she closed her eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Mmm… more lubrication” she smiled a little as I let out a snort.

“Thad’s _dever_ a broblem wid _you_ , darling” I sniggered. “You drive me idsade, you dow thad”

“Yeah, I know…” her voice sounded more like her own now. A tad cocky and husky.

“ _There’s_ by beasdie…” I kissed her forehead, then let out a yawn.

“Are you tired?”

“I could do wid a nap, yeah… bein sick really takes id oud of you”

“I feel kind of beat too…” she pulled a blanket over the both of us and cuddled up to my chest. “Lob you, little monster”

“Lob you doo…” she closed her eyes and I followed suit, then she let out a long sigh.

“ _This_ … I’ve missed… just… _this_ …”

“ _Me_ doo…”

***

I woke to Cake rubbing her face on my cheek and purring contentedly.

“Mmf… cad…” I mumbled. She meowed at me and I opened my eyes. I was alone in the bed – wait – I hadn’t _dreamed_ Jasper had reformed, right? _Right_? “Darlin?” I called.

“Yeah, babe?” Jasper stuck her head in the room. I let out a sigh of relief, then smiled and patted the pillow next to me. Jasper chuckled and came to lie down, wrapping one arm around me. “Can’t stay long, I’m cooking”

“Hmm?”

“The stew” I looked at her blearily. “The stew? I promised I’d make it. To go with the fancy wine you got from the Maheswarans?”

“Oh” I smiled broadly at her. “Darlin… Wht time ist?”

“It’s almost six”

“Mmf…” I sat up and the room swayed a little. “Need t’g t pharmax”

“Huh?” 

I cleared my throat. “I need do go do the pharmacy. Ged node sdray”

“’Node sdray’?” Jasper smiled and sat up too, then got to her feet.

“Pssh pssh” I mimed using a nose spray – Jasper looked at me with a slightly confused smile now. “Oh, right… Medicine for my node” I pointed to my nose. “I cand dasde widdoud smell”

“’Dasde’?” I sniggered and stuck out my tongue. “Oh, _taste_ ”

I scooted off the bed and tried to stand up, but got very dizzy. “Oh shid”

“Babe, careful” Jasper chided, grabbing me gently by the waist and lowering me to the bed to sit again. “ _You_ are not going anywhere, you’re sick”

“Bud I need – “

“I’ll go” she said simply.

“Bud the food?”

“I’ll just do the vegetables, they need a while to soak up the good stuff before I add the rest”

“Thanks darling” I patted her arm a little clumsily, trying to focus my eyes. Maybe I had overdone it a bit today. Jasper stepped out into the kitchen and stirred a pan – there was a nice sizzling sound.

“Do you need anything else from the pharmacy apart from nose medicine?”

“No, don think so – jus ged ode widdoud cordisode”

“What?”

“I’ll wride id down” I picked up my phone and sent a message to her tablet with a picture of a nose spray bottle and the text ‘Get one without cortisone that has menthol or eucalyptus in it’.

After a few minutes Jasper left – _after_ she had tucked me into bed so tightly I could barely move. I dozed until she returned.

“Here we are” she said with a grin and handed me a bag.

“Thanks, darling” I said gratefully, then unwrapped the little bottle and used it. She looked at me doing so with curiosity.

“Medicine comes in all sorts of different forms then? Not just pills and syringes?”

“Mmhmm” I nodded. “Dow I just haf to waid a liddle an my I’ll be able to breade properly. How’s your head feelin?”

“Better – the fresh air helped” she leaned in to kiss my forehead. “But your massages are the best cure. For like, everything”

“Aww, darling…”

“They are” she smiled.

“An your _cookin_ is simply the _best_ ”

Jasper and I moved into the kitchen after a few minutes and she went back to making the stew. Gradually my nose cleared and I hummed appreciatively at the wonderful smell permeating the kitchen. It was so indescribably wonderful to have her back, to be able to do something as simple as this together – not that I was allowed to help.

“I said I’d do it” she chuckled when I offered to stir the pot for a while. “And you need to rest, little monster”

When the stew was done we snuggled down in the sofa and began to watch the last season of Battlestar Galactica, as promised. The stew was superb and having a little wine with it proved to improve the taste even further.  

“Oh _good_ , it doesn’t taste like the drink we had during the Sowegian evening” Jasper said in relief after having taken a sip. Then she tried it again after having taken a spoonful of stew. “Mmm, yeah, that’s oh – that’s _great_ – shit I have to thank the Maheswarans next time I see them”

“Maybe we should have them over for dinner? Then we could thank Priyanka for her help too. Oh, and we could have this stew again? With this wine – if there’s any left later”

“That’s a good idea – then I can ask Doug about more recipes” she smiled at me, then stood up to get another bowl.

I kept glancing up at the bubbled gems, not sure how I felt about them now. Had they been home world gems? Rebel gems? Had there even been some unaligned gems? Oh, I hadn’t told her about that… About it being the diamonds that caused the corruption. Did she know already?

“Hey darling… Do you know how these gems got corrupted?”

“Um… no”

“Pearl and Steven told me”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… It’s… pretty gruesome” she looked at me, nodding for me to continue. “You know that weapon you said the rebels used at the end of the war – the one to destroy all gems on earth?”

“Yeah?”

“It wasn’t the rebels... It was the diamonds. They used… _something_ to make a light and… a sort of song that… drove all the gems not able to get away… _mad_ …” I felt Tourmaline somehow agree with me. Jasper stared at me wide eyed.

“Wh-what?” she asked weakly. “The _diamonds?_ Oh my fucking stars… Are you sure?”

“Yes” I patted her massive shoulder gently.

“Fuck…”

“I know…”

“The diamonds said – they said it was the _rebels_ …” she looked up at the gems in the ceiling. “Not all of us made it out of there in… in time…”

“I’m sorry to be the bearer of _more_ bad news, darling” I said softly.

“No one on home world knows… More secrets – more _secrets and lies_ … Oh my fucking starts – did they tell us _anything_ that was actually true? Or was it all… just… _propaganda_ …” she shook her head slowly.

“Rulers lie to their people – it happens everywhere…” I said, trying to soothe. “That’s not very reassuring, I know…”

“If the gems on home world _knew_ … _knew_ they used a weapon like _that_ … on their _own_ **_people_** … Oh my stars – they can’t – ugh – how – _how **could** they_? **_Why_** – “ then her head snapped up. “Oh… Oh, _shit_ … It was just after… just after I made the report to my superior – after I found P-Pink Diamonds’ shards I ran – ran as fast as I could – I couldn’t… couldn’t be in the same place as the… _pieces_ of her…” she gritted her teeth. Is that why she had wanted to bring back Pink Diamonds’ remains so badly? Because she had run away? Suddenly her rage at her comrades joking about ‘the day the Beta ran away’ made so much more sense.

“Darling, it’s OK – “

“It’s not OK – I just _ran_ like a – a _coward_ … If I’d just p-picked her shards up…” she had tears in her eyes now, looking ashamed and guilty. “W-when I reached the command station, my superior wouldn’t believe me, said it was impossible for a _diamond_ to be destabilized, let alone _shattered_ – I pushed her out of the way and was about to contact the High Command when… when the orders to retreat came… My superior commanded me to gather a squad and supervise the evacuation – some rebels might try to cut off our escape route…”

“It happened _that_ quickly?” I asked, my eyebrows rising.

“I don’t… know how much time had passed…” she said, looking at the floor. “It _must_ have been a few hours at least, but not a whole day…” she covered her face with her hand. “The losses from that day were the greatest in the _whole_ war… And it was the _diamonds_ that caused it…” a chill went down my spine.

“Sounds almost like… it wasn’t planned” I said, an idea hitting me. I looked at Jasper with concern and she met my gaze.

“H-how do you mean?”

“Did… you say that you had time to make the report? To High Command?”

“No, I was just about to, then the retreat was called”

“Maybe they _lashed out_ ” I said slowly. “They didn’t need to be _told_ Pink Diamond had been shattered – they _knew_ somehow and then… They turned their anger and… sorrow? On earth and… lashed out” Jasper stared at me.

“Are you saying the diamonds were… _upset_ and that’s why it happened?”

“It makes sense? If… something terrible happens to someone you… _care_ about – I’m assuming the diamonds _did_ care for each other – then… you can do some really stupid things… But this is on a _whole_ other _level_ … This isn’t punching a wall, or – or – or screaming hurtful _words_ at someone – that’s – that’s fucking _global mutilation_ …”

“But why didn’t they _say_ anything? Why didn’t they say, get out of there, we’re going to avenge the death of our fellow diamond?” Jasper asked, looking distressed and confused.

“Maybe they were… so consumed with the loss that… they just didn’t care about casualties?” I felt a little sick – I knew what that felt like, not caring about the consequences but _needing_ to take it out on someone… or something. “They just wanted to _hurt_ something… Punish the entire earth? If they told home world _that’s_ how and why it happened – how could the diamonds tell you that and still _remain in control_?”

“It… could have caused _another_ rebellion… Oh my _fucking **stars**_...” she rubbed her face wearily. “There was a time… just after the evacuation, when no orders came from the diamonds… It was chaos and our immediate superiors tried to reclaim order…” that sounded almost like the diamonds had been… out of commission for a while. Perhaps consumed by grief? Or recovering from the use of the weapon? “Then… then White Diamond appeared and restored order” she shuddered.

“How… did she do that?”

“By commanding us to shatter anyone who disobeyed the order to settle down…” Jasper’s face darkened with guilt. “You were right… they _did_ control us with fear… I followed the orders, _I_ didn’t want to get shattered… or harvested…”

“What _is_ harvesting? I’ve heard you say it before…”

“It’s when… They destabilize you, then take away what makes you _you_ and… then you’re repurposed”

“’Repurposed’?”

“A gem is a powerful source of energy… gems are used to power things – ships, machines, _weapons_ … It’s a punishment for not being what you were supposed to be… Or doing what you’re supposed to do…”

“Darling, I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry about all of it” I hugged her waist tightly. “I know it’s not much but…”

“It’s plenty” she said, hugging me back. “Without you I… I would never have known this…” she looked up at the bubbled gems, lapsing into silence for a while. “Is there a cure? For corruption?”

“I don’t think so – not _yet_. Steven said he wants to find a way to heal them all…”

“Good” she said firmly. “Then they could have a second chance… Maybe when they find out what happened, they’d want to join the rebels… Is that Steven’s plan? To build an army?”

“I don’t know. That doesn’t _sound_ like him. I think he just wants to help them because… they need _help_. He said he tried to heal one already… Nefrite, I think her name was. He said his healing powers helped a little, but then she reverted…”

“At least that’s a start… From what Amethyst had told me, Steven keeps on discovering new things about what he can do all the time. Maybe he’ll find a way to get them back… Maybe… Maybe there’ll even be some… Betas among the corrupted ones…” her face looked sad.

“From the Beta Kindergarten you mean?”

“Yeah…”

“What… were they like?” I asked carefully.

“Misshapen and mad, some of them… Many of them were shattered just after they emerged, not fit for any kind of duty, some were broken in the fights, being too fragile to even survive being destabilized… But some made the cut – even if they had defects. We needed soldiers… Anyone functional, even if they looked _off_ , were accepted into the ranks but… I moved up so quickly I hardly got to know them… The only reason _I_ was allowed anywhere near Pink Diamond was because” she let out a huff. “Was because I was ‘ _perfect’_ ”

“Did you know her… Pink Diamond?”

“I don’t know if anyone truly _knows_ a diamond… But I was put into her private regiment…” she let out a long sigh and rubbed her neck.

“Is your headache coming back?”

“Yeah…” she said slowly.

“We don’t have to talk about her if you don’t want to, darling” I said soothingly, moving up to sit on the back of the sofa so I could massage her neck. “And sorry for the lack of hand strength today…”

“Any massage is a good massage” she let out another sigh and rolled her shoulders to loosen them. “They removed almost anything to do with Pink Diamond” she said after a moment. “They took down her portraits… Replaced all the Diamond Authority insignias with the new, three diamond design… It was like they were trying to erase everyone’s memories… Make us forget that she even existed…” I rubbed her neck slowly, not wanting to interrupt. “But I couldn’t forget… One of my first memories is of her looking down at me, after my first battle right after I emerged. She… she _smiled_ at me and said; ‘Stand tall, Jasper. Victory is ours today because of your actions’ then she turned to the rest of the survivors; ‘This is the Kindergartner who could do the impossible. Let her be an example to you all’… She never really _spoke_ to me directly after that but… It made me feel so proud… So proud to be of use to her… It gave me courage and pride and I gave every battle my all – for _her_ sake. I fought as hard as I possibly could, never backed down even when all hope seemed to be lost, because… because _she_ had told me I _could_ do the impossible...” she let out a sigh. “I _was_ perfection, I _was_ the Kindergartner Who Could and I relished the glory, the looks and whispers – the _awe_ I saw in my fellow gems’ faces…” she sniffed and I wondered if she had ever said these things aloud before. “I got promoted quickly, was put into her private regiment – the greatest honor that could be bestowed on a gem… To serve at the side of her diamond… No other Beta was promoted beyond foot soldier as far as I know… Not that I bothered to find out…”

“Were there… gems from the Prime Kindergarten too? In the honor guard?”

“One squad, yeah…” she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “They stuck together in their little group – not that I cared – I was better than all of them… At least that’s what I told myself… Pink Diamond would always put her hand on my shoulder if I was close to her. And she would smile. She didn’t do that to any other gem in regiment, just me…”

“Sounds like she liked you, darling” I said softly.

“I guess…” she sniffed. “But it feels so _different_ to think of that now… Now that I know I was just a slave soldier… Whenever someone got captured or lost, there was always someone new to take their place. An endless supply of gems… Laying down their lives in her service…” she sounded conflicted. “Still I… I wish I could tell her I’m sorry…” she let out a huff. “How fucked up is that…”

“It’s _not_ , darling… She was _kind_ to you… _Praised_ you… It was all you knew back then. And the guilt and sorrow of losing her has been with you for a very long time… If it were me… I’d want her to know I was sorry too…” Jasper turned around to look at me.

“You would?”

“If I was a gem and had been made here, if I had been her perfect soldier and she had encouraged me, treated me a little special then yeah, of course, darling” Jasper drew her eyebrows together. “Did you ever… get to _grieve_ her? Was there like… a memorial or… a funeral or something?”

“What are those things?”

“A funeral?” Jasper had said that they had taken away Pink Diamond’s portraits and things… like they wanted everyone to just forget – but still I was surprised she didn’t know what a funeral was.

“Yeah”

“Um… it’s… a ceremony. Where the family and friends of the deceased get to… say goodbye” I swallowed. “There’s singing and… people can hold speeches, tell everyone about their favorite memories and… really great stuff the person did, like they did a lot of charity work or… invented something wonderful. Or that they were a great friend or brother or something”

“Gems don’t do that… If a common gem dies the other gems in their squad are sad, sure, but… there’s _tons_ more of them. If a _rare_ gem passes…” she frowned. “Well… people say it’s a great loss to the Empire because of the _service_ that has been lost and then we sort of… move on… There have only been four diamonds – we had never _lost_ one before… There was no precedent…”

“We could hold a memorial for her? If you want?”

“You’d… do that?” she looked up at me uncertainly. “She wasn’t _your_ diamond… She wanted to destroy the earth”

“Yeah, I know” I said softly. “But she was important to _you_. And your feelings are important to _me_. Saying goodbye to her could be… good. Good as in… cathartic. Then you could tell her you’re sorry”

Jasper thought for a long moment. “Maybe…” she sniffed.

“I think… it’d be a good thing, darling… I don’t want to pressure you into doing something you don’t want, obviously, but… I think it might help”

“I’d like not to feel so guilty about it” Jasper said quietly. “I know it wasn’t me who… actually did it but… I should have _been_ there”

“Then maybe _you_ wouldn’t be here _now_ …” I hugged her tightly and she stiffened a little.

“And… then there wouldn’t be… then we couldn’t… be parents…” she looked at me and her face fell. “Sorry babe, I’m just – just – losing myself in all this again”

“It’s _OK_ , darling” I said reassuringly. “You _need_ to talk about it. I _know_ you want us to be together, I know you want us to have a kid and raise them here… But it’s OK to _not_ want the worst thing that happened in your life to have happened – _it’s OK_ to wonder how things might have been otherwise, it’s OK to be upset about it all – it’s how you _feel_ …” I stroked her cheek. “You’re _allowed_ to grieve her _and_ be happy with me…”

“It’s so confusing” she shook her head sadly.

“I know… but you _will_ be OK”

“L-let my heart break…” she sighed, sounding tired.

“That’s right… And then we’ll stick it back together” I kissed her cheek tenderly. The quiet ache in my belly increased at a slow pace. I made a little uncomfortable sound. 

“Honey?” Jasper turned her head to look at me, her eyes worried.

“Just… getting some cramps” I mumbled.

“Come here…” she patted her thick thigh and I got off the back of the sofa and sat down in her lap instead. She put one hand on my belly and the wonderful and familiar warmth flowed into me. I let out a little relieved sound and she put her gem in my hair and drew in a long breath. “Babe… I fucking adore you, you know that right?” I let out a breath of laughter.

“I know, darling… I fucking adore you too”

“Are there… any more big things I’ve missed?” she asked carefully.

“Not big like the diamond things, no…”

“But there _is_ more?”

“Well… yeah…” I took a deep breath. “Pearl said I’m technically a fusion… that might mean I could possibly, maybe be able to summon Tourmaline’s gem weapon. Or shapeshift”

“At least those are _good_ things” she let out a long sigh. “And impressive ones”

“I suppose they are… It just feels weird to refer to myself as a fusion. A symbiotic perma-fusion… I can communicate with Tourmaline, do you remember in Echo? Almost like that… She can tell me what gem writing means and I think she told me a joke once. And I can ask her _not_ to make the lights appear”

“That’s… wow, OK” Jasper leaned back in the sofa a little, thinking hard. After a moment she asked; “What was the joke?” I let out a little laugh – I hadn’t expected _that_ question.

“I asked her if she had been able to summon her gem weapon and she answered yes, then I asked what kind of weapon it was and she said ‘a sharp one’” Jasper let out a little huff of laughter. “It was just after that the rubies appeared…” her warm arms wrapped around me tighter.

“I’m proud of you” she said huskily.

“Huh?” I turned to look up at her, completely surprised.

“Again you were put into a dangerous situation and _again_ you handled it – you were outnumbered and couldn’t take them all out so you made a tactical retreat to get reinforcements. Then when you were captured – hah, they underestimated you – _big_ mistake… You deactivated those damn suppressing cuffs and you fucking _bubbled_ Peridot and sent her all the way to earth… to this room?”

“Yeah…”

“ _You_ are a capable, resourceful and brave fighter, babe… You use your head, you _think_ …”

“I don’t know about _that_ … I mostly just reacted… I was so scared…” I mumbled, remembering the terror of running through town.

“You think _and_ have good instincts” she said softly. “Badass little monster… And you can’t be brave without first being afraid”

“T-thanks, darling…” I felt my cheeks burn with both pride and embarrassment. “Hey… how are you feeling? How’s your head?”

“I feel… a bit better. It’s not so stormy in my mind anymore… I’m trying to think that I _can_ feel both things, feel sad about Pink Diamond and love you and want to be here, at the same time. I don’t have to choose one way to feel, I can have… layers. Greyscale” I patted her large hand gently, feeling proud of her, too. “It’s hard, but I can _do_ hard things”

“Yeah you can”

“We both can” she kissed me tenderly. “I think… I want to have a funeral for Pink Diamond… I hesitated because… well… it’d be hard and I’d be sad and cry. But… tears _take away_ hurt, don’t they?”

“Yeah they do” I smiled up at her. “And show joy… happiness… It’s a release” Jasper let out a long sigh.

“I’d like to release the guilt and the sadness. But I can keep the good parts?”

“Of course you can, darling… That’s the _best_ thing you can do – feel the sadness, set it free… and then remember the good things about the one you lost… Then you can smile when you think about them… When my grandfather died it was awful. I was so young, I barely understood what was going on but… I missed him. His rough hands when he pinched my ears. The way he would laugh when me and Victoria would help him pull up carrots out of the ground – he’d tell us to put our backs into it, be good soldiers…”

“Soldiers?”

“It was his little joke. He used to be an officer in the navy… That was long before we were born, but he showed us pictures and his medals and things. He was a good man… Kind and sweet. And he had _the_ biggest sweet tooth! He would always have hard candy or boiled sweets in his pockets. If you did a good job in the garden you’d get one…” I smiled as I remembered the milky minty taste.

“Are you saying… that I can be like this? Like you – when thinking of Pink Diamond? So relaxed… and happy?”

“In your own way, yes” I looked up at her with a warm smile. “I miss him sometimes still, I’ve wished he could be part of the big moments in my life and things like that, what I mean is… there will still _be_ sadness, but it’s a _sting_ , not an… aching emptiness”

“I’ll take a sting” she said quietly. “Oh my stars… this _really_ isn’t how I pictured coming back…”

“I know darling…” I stroked her cheek.

“But I know more now… Some things have been answered that… I never thought I needed answers to. Like the source of the corruption… I thought it was just something that happened on earth, I guess. I hadn’t thought about it much” she looked up at the bubbled gems. “I wonder who they used to be…”

“I’ve thought about that too, sometimes”

“Maybe I knew them”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve met jaspers whose gems looked like that but many gems’ gems look identical. I wouldn’t know unless they reformed in their normal way… Maybe I could ask the others if I can see their bubbled gems? Maybe I can recognize someone…”

“A Beta?”

“Yeah” she smiled faintly. “At least then I’d know there was someone _left_ …”

“It sounds as if you… regret not getting to know them?”

“I think I do… Getting to know Amethyst – a _runt_ – I’ve learned you don’t need to _look_ like me to _fight_ like me. She’s a person… with feelings and hopes and dreams and a terrible sense of humor” she chuckled lightly and I felt her relax. “If it doesn’t matter what you look like, if you’re a person no matter what… I have to peel that old home world way of thinking away… Um… I… Do you remember what I said, about the Prime Kindergarten amethysts being in a group to themselves?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s how it usually goes – gems _made_ together, _fight_ together – or tinker or think or whatever your role is. If it’s a group activity I mean. I was _supposed_ to be with the other Betas… Not stuck in a group of other jaspers… I was the odd one out. Of course, I pretended that it didn’t bother me. And even now that’s hard to admit” I gave her arm a squeeze. “But if I’m honest… If I could have a Beta _back_ … if the rebels have just _one_ in a bubble… I… I want to meet them…”

“That sounds wonderful, darling…” I felt my eyes tear up. “Would she be… like your sister?”

“Not technically… but sort of? Gems don’t have families, like you do…”

“I know, darling… If I’m honest, I already think of you and _Amethyst_ as sisters”

“You do?”

“Yeah… you squabble like siblings, in a loving way… the way it’s supposed to be with siblings…” I let out a sigh. “I love how you two just _get_ each other… and you teach each other things and share things you love… You’re her big sister. And she’s your little sister… You want to protect her and you won’t let anyone hurt her, but _you_ can make fun of her and tease her – and you’re encouraging and sweet and… wonderful…”

“Babe” she chuckled. “You’re making me feel all embarrassed”

“Sorry – no I’m _not_ sorry, not one bit” I smiled at her. “I think it’s amazing – and you’re like a big sister to _Steven_ too – a big sister quartz – oh, do you think you could teach him stuff too? Like you’re doing with Amethyst?”

“Uh… sure I could, I guess. But he’s doing training with Pearl already”

“Yeah, so? I bet there’s _loads_ you could teach him that Pearl can’t” Jasper chuckled appreciatively. “Are there quartz specific battle moves?”

“A few… the spin dash is one”

“How do you steer that thing? I’ve wondered about that before”

“Instinct, I think. You just got to feel where you are, use your other senses and stuff… Hah, it’d look funny, all three of us spin dashing along, big orange one, little purple one and… little pink one I guess?”

“Oh – aww, that’s so cute…”

“Cute and deadly. Yup… that’s me” she sniggered and rubbed my belly gently, then let out a sigh. “Babe… you’re amazing…”

“Hmm?”

“Since I came back you’ve told me _a lot_ of stuff… I’ve felt so much – so _bad_ and now I feel _good_ again… That’s such a – such a weird thing to be able to do! Making someone feel better just by talking… By listening…” she kissed the top of my head. “Steven isn’t the only healer I know”

My heart almost snapped. “ _Darling_ …” I put both hands over my chest, tendrils of pink and honey gold leaping from my mouth. I blinked away some tears and smiled up at her, feeling so incredibly touched and happy and motherfucking _honored_. She smiled back.

“Extraordinary little monster…” she murmured, then she lifted my chin and kissed me. Her lips were swollen and dry from all the crying she had done today, but they were soft as ever.

“I love you” I whispered into them, my heart beating faster as I relished the caress of her skin on mine – _oh_ how I had _missed_ her… her touch, her scent, her presence… The way she made me feel _so_ safe just by _being_ there… Her breath hitched and I opened my eyes to see a little wisp of bright golden light disappear into her mouth. For a fraction of a second I was terrified, but then her arms wrapped more tightly around me.

“I knew you loved me, but – oh _how_ you love me” Jasper’s eyes were over bright and she kissed my cheeks and forehead, then tucked a lock behind my ear, smiling broadly. “I’d say I don’t deserve you, but…”

“Now you know that can’t be the truth…” I filled in the rest of the sentence. “I’m sorry for the accidental… sharing… I didn’t know it was going to happen”

“Don’t be sorry… Babe, I wish I could show you exactly how I feel about you the same way you can…” she kissed my forehead again, sniffing.

“I know you love me” I giggled.

“I do, I do, I do” she said intensely, her gem glowing. I reached up to touch it gently, feeling its warmth.

“You shine for me…” I whispered.

“I shine for you” she blinked at me slowly and smiled, her light intensifying.

***

We were in the kitchen, making a late night snack. I was sitting wrapped up in a blanket with a cup of coffee in front of me. Jasper’s tablet started to buzz and I looked at the screen with a little frown. It was after ten – who could be calling at this hour? The display said Steven and I smiled.

“Darling, Steven’s calling – think he might want to say hi” I held out the device and she grinned, wiping her hands on her pants before taking it.

“Hey Steven” she said as she answered.

“Jasber!” Steven’s voice came from the speaker and Jasper sat down on the chair next to me, showing me his pale but rosy cheeked face and slightly runny nose. “Id’s so good to see you – I’ve missed you!” Jasper chuckled and I grinned, leaning my head on her shoulder and taking a sip of my coffee.

“It’s good to be back” she kissed the top of my head and I wrinkled my nose happily as I smiled. “How are you doing? Erica told me you were both sick”

In the background we could clearly hear Pearl say;

“OK, Steven, you’ve seen her and said hello, now it’s back to bed – “

“Aw come od, Bearl…” Steven begged.

Pearl sighed deeply. “Fine, _two minutes_ , then bedtime and no more arguing”

Steven’s smiling face returned in front of the camera.

“Yeah I’b a bit sick bud id’s gedding bedder” he sniffed loudly. “By feber’s _admost_ godd dow – hey did Edica tell you? She rescued us frob the rudies! She bubbled Peridod!”

Jasper chuckled sweetly. “Yeah, she told me – didn’t say she _rescued_ you” she looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“She turned off the cuffs, they were so _bad_ – and she was so _cold_ and wet the endire dime”

“’Cold and wet’?”

“I uh… had to jump off the roof… landed in the neighbors pool” I said with a half-smile.

“Hah! _Resourceful_!” Jasper let out a bark of laughter and gave me a squeeze. “And _sneaky_ … she excluded that little fact. What other things did you leave out, honey?”

“I can show you later” I patted her thigh.

“Oh, and Edica showed us Grabity Falls – id was gread! I _really_ like Soos! And Dipper! And Grenda is _so_ funny!”

“Yeah, Gravity Falls is pretty awesome” Jasper sniggered.

“That’s two minutes up, young man” Pearl’s voice came from one side.

“Aw… I’d lob to see bore wid you guys sobtibe? It’d be really fun!”

“Sure” Jasper smiled. “Better go to bed, Steven. Get better soon, OK?”

“Yeah I will” he smiled. “Take care you guys, I’b _do_ happy you’re back. Good night”

“Good night” Jasper and I said together. She put the tablet down and kissed my forehead.

“Seems a lot of people have missed me” she sniggered, her cheeks going a bit pink.

“Of course, darling” I patted her belly softly.

We had the snack and then went outside for a smoke. I was nice and toasty warm wrapped in two blankets and Jasper’s arms. She turned her head to the side.

“Do you hear that?” she asked.

“Hear what?” I listened, but heard nothing more than the wind in the trees and grass. Then something… someone screaming? Jasper looked up and I followed her gaze. A familiar laugh and a mewling scream approached from above and out of the darkness came a big purple owl and an extremely frazzled looking Peridot.

“Put me dooooown!” the green gem whined and Amethyst released her – she fell in a swearing heap and both Jasper and I had to fight hard no to burst into laughter.

“Heeey Jazzy pants!” Amethyst called gleefully, appearing in her normal shape. Jasper kissed my cheek then stood up.

“What’s up, runt?” she grinned broadly. “Missed me?”

“As if!” Amethyst punched Jasper’s thigh.

“Pff… you missed me” Jasper reached out to tousle her hair, but Amethyst took a step closer and grabbed her arm, shapeshifted into Purple Puma and threw Jasper over her shoulder, making her land on the dry grass with a loud thump and an ‘OOF!’.

“Oh- _ho_! Got the drop on ya! What, did you reform into a _sissy_ or something?” Amethyst teased and Jasper chuckled.

“You get _one_ free” then she reached out and pulled Amethyst’s leg from under her so that she fell to the ground too with a squeak. Peridot scrambled out of the way, muttering and brushing herself down.

“Hi” I said with a giggle. “Are you OK?” Amethyst and Jasper were rolling around on the ground, laughing and growling. I smiled at how cute they were.

“Flipping fantastic” she grumbled, then plopped down in the sofa next to me with a sigh. “Happy to have my gravity connectors on the _ground_ …”

“’Gravity connectors’?”

“You call them feet”

“Oh, OK” what? “You’re… not a big fan of flying?” I remembered her wailing when she and Lapis took off from the roof of the hospital.

“Flying is _fine_ but _I_ prefer to be the one doing the steering – and I can’t since my limb enhancers have gone”

“Jasper mentioned those things, but she didn’t explain what they were”

“They enhance my limbs” she said a little sulkily, looking at the two quartzes rolling around in the dirt. They were raising a cloud of dust.

“ _Atchoo_!” I sneezed – a burst of green light issued from me and Peridot jumped away in alarm. Amethyst started to laugh so hard she let Jasper go and rolled onto her back.

“You OK, babe?” Jasper asked, panting.

“I’m fine” I giggled.

“E – oh my fucking wowzers!” Amethyst hooted. “That’s still so _hilarious_!”

“ _Shocking_ , more like” Peridot said, looking at me with wide eyes, one little hand over her chest.

“Sorry, Peridot?” I said uncertainly. The green gem flushed and she fiddled with her hands nervously. 

“N-no don’t um apologize – you are unwell – right?”

“Uh… yes” I glanced at Amethyst for help here.

“Pear-bear, you can _relax_ … Jasper isn’t gonna smash you to bits, are you Jay-dog?” she nudged Jasper with her elbow.

“Why would I?” Jasper asked, pushing Amethyst’s head into the dirt.

“You didn’t tell her what I did?!” Peridot blanched now.

“I _know_ you took the rubies here” Jasper said slowly, as if talking to the hard of understanding. Peridot cowered and I wrinkled my eyebrows. She was obviously terrified.

“Peridot, it’s… OK” I said quietly.

“I’m not going to _hurt_ you, Peridot” Jasper grinned confusedly, letting Amethyst sit up – the purple gem shook the worst of the dirt off and spat out some grass happily. “You followed a sound tactic. Get the enemy to a person that’d eliminate them. You couldn’t have known I was out of commission”

“You’re not _mad_?! I endangered your – your – I don’t even know what to call her”

“Significant other” Jasper said a little proudly.

“ _Ohohooo_ ” Amethyst hooted, pushing Jasper’s shoulder. “Schmancy terms there, Jay-dog”

“And no, Peridot, I’m not mad”

“Are you _sure_?” Peridot apparently needed a lot of reassurance.

“Yeah, stop asking” Jasper gave her a slightly irritated look.

“Huh…” Peridot relaxed a little. “I… hadn’t prepared for _that_ answer…”

“You _want_ me to be mad?” Jasper asked, her eyebrows rising.

“No – no! I just wasn’t expecting… you not to be”

“Nobody’s mad – great!” Amethyst sniggered, then pounced on Jasper again, pulling her into a grapple. “This is a new hold – you like it?”

I sat back in the sofa a little and lit a cigarette by saying ‘sisters’. Peridot watched the pink little tendril apprehensively.

“ _I_ have metal powers” she said a tad defensively and I looked up at her.

“Oh? Like Toph?”

“Like who?”

“I take it you haven’t seen Avatar the last Airbender then”

“No – oh is it like Gravity Falls?”

“No, it’s… more fantasy? It’s a _fantastic_ cartoon, you should see it”

“Your knowledge of animated entertainment certainly is impressive… as is your taste. I shall add it to my list of shows to watch” this was said with such sincerity it made me blush a little. I really couldn’t figure this gem out.

“Think you might like it… So um… how’s it going?” I asked a little awkwardly.

“It is going well. I’ve got the tractor working and I’ve begun to grow things”

“Oh?”

“Yes! Corn, mostly. There is an episode of Camp Pining Hearts where the campers are tasked with cultivating a plant in teams. And with my extensive knowledge on growing gems I thought hey, why not? It has… given me something to do… when I’ve been alone” her voice faded to nothing.

“You and Amethyst are… on good terms again?” I asked carefully.

“We are uh… courting” she said, blushing furiously.

“Oh, that’s – that’s great” I smiled at her. Insane idiot it was, then. Good for you, Amethyst.

“It _is_!” she nodded rapidly. “I thought she’d _never_ pick up on my hints…” I pressed my lips together not to giggle.

Amethyst and Jasper continued to wrestle for a while, then Amethyst proudly showed off her newly updated whip – which Jasper positively _cooed_ over – making Amethyst beam. The purple gem promised she’d be by tomorrow and then both she and Peridot left through the front door. I yawned and stretched, feeling the bed call my name. I went to brush my teeth, then snuggled down under the heavy duvet. Jasper put on her pajamas and joined me, putting her head on my shoulder. She actually beat me falling asleep. I looked at her relaxed face and smiled. She was _back_. 

 

* * *

Please review!  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 450k words published! Woo!
> 
> There is a lot going on in my life at the moment - as you might have noticed my uploads have been a bit... irregular for the last few... months or so lol.   
> I'm trying to find time to write, but energy reserves are low. The total word count (minus the notes and things is currently 462,413) - so I'm still writing, it's just taking a long time to edit and things like that.


	65. Petals

## Chapter 65: Petals  


“H-honey…” a warm but trembling hand was on my shoulder and I opened my eyes.

“Wzt?” I turned over to see Jasper’s face lit by the light from the kitchen.

“I’m sorry for waking you but…” she sniffed and drew in a ragged breath. I grew instantly worried.

“Whs wron’ darln?”

“I had a bad dream”

I let out a little consoling sound and lifted my arm so she could snuggle up to me. I kissed her slightly sweaty forehead and stroked her hair. “You wan talk bout it?”

“I was in a room… there were gem shards on the floor… I tried to pick them up and put them back together but… they began to glow and formed into limbs while I was still holding them and they attacked me…” my eyes opened wide, my mind painting a very vivid image. “I destabilized them and tried to reassemble the gem, but the parts just kept reforming again and again and I yelled at them to stop so I could _help_ her but it just happened faster and _faster_ and there was this part with a _mouth_  and it kept – kept _whispering_ things I couldn’t hear properly – then they all overwhelmed me and _grew_ and I was being crushed against the floor and the piece that was a mouth was pressed up against me and it said… it said _‘why did you leave me on the floor_ …?’” a cold thrill went down my spine. “Then I woke up…”

“ _Darling_ …” I hugged her close – her breath hitched and she began to cry, her massive chest heaving. She rocked me with every breath. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart… I’m sorry you had a bad dream… But you’re safe now, I’m _right here_ …” I said soothingly, stroking her hair. “I’ve got you… I’ve got you…”

After a while she calmed and I wiped her cheeks gently.

“ _Melamin_ … Come with me to the kitchen…”

“Wh- _ick_ -y?” she hiccoughed in the middle of the word and blushed.

“Because I’m going to make you a cup of cocoa” I said with a soft smile.

We got up slowly and I wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, then took her hand and led her into the kitchen.

“Sit” I said and she sat down on a chair. I got the milk, cocoa powder and sugar, then put a pot on the stove. After a few minutes I put her jasmine mug in front of her. “Oh, wait a second” I topped the drink with some whipped cream and picked up an orange and scraped a bit of the skin off with a knife, chopped it up fine, then sprinkled it on top. “There we go” she smiled tiredly and lifted the mug to take a long sip.

“Mmmh… Thanks, honey…” she said hoarsely. I sat down on the table in front of her and put my feet on her thighs. “I made Charlie hot cocoa when she was upset… after she broke the bowl…”

“Yeah, I remember” I said softly. “Hot cocoa is soothing for the soul…”

“Soul…” she frowned slightly.

“Darling?” she was quiet for a moment, then;

“I… barely remember what she looked like…”

“What… who looked like?” I had a pretty good idea who she was talking about.

“Pink Diamond…”

“Oh… well… it was a long time ago…” I said uncertainly.

“Yeah but… shouldn’t I remember?” she looked at me with guilt evident in her eyes.

“Darling…” I stroked her cheek. “Memories _fade_ … I’m sure I’d forget what my grandfather looked like after five thousand years, especially without a picture…”

“A picture…” she repeated sadly. “I wish I had one of her…” she looked at me and swallowed. “I-I mean…”

“I know what you mean, darling, don’t worry” I gave her a reassuring smile and her shoulders relaxed. “There was… a mural of the diamonds… all four of them… at the moon base”

“There was?”

“Yeah…” there was silence for a while.

“There… should be murals on earth too… I haven’t gone looking for them. I’ve _avoided_ them – I don’t even know if they still exist… Maybe the rebels destroyed them…”

“Do you… want to go see?” she looked at me and her eyes filled slowly with tears, then she nodded. “Then we will” I said firmly. “Maybe… we could have her memorial by one? Would you like that?”

“The f-funeral thing?”

“Yeah…” I nodded. “We could bring… flowers and… candles and things…”

“She liked flowers…”

“She did?”

“Yeah… all sorts… but her favorite were some pink ones” Jasper let out a sad little breath of laughter. “They had five petals… It was her symbol, but I don’t know what they’re called… Maybe they don’t exist anymore…”

“We could check?” I put my hand on the laptop on the table. “Maybe we could find the same ones and bring them?” Jasper nodded slowly and I opened the laptop. “OK, so five petals… and pink…” I scrolled down the resulting images on google.

“There. That one” she pointed to the screen.

“’China rose’…” I read the description. “Hibiscus… they grow in the wild”

“So we could bring some?”

“Yeah, no problem” I smiled reassuringly at her and she leaned her head on my shoulder and let out a sigh. I kissed her forehead softly. “Do you want to ask Amethyst to come with?” I asked carefully.

“I… don’t think she’d want to” she said slowly. “Maybe I could bring her… later… After I tell her about Pink Diamond… But I’d like it just to be the two of us first” I stroked her arm.

“OK, darling, anything you want…”

“Do you… could you…” Jasper bit her lip. “I don’t think I’d be able to go looking at all the places I know there _used_ to be murals of the diamonds and then find them destroyed… If I ask Amethyst… Could you ask… Pearl? Or Garnet?”

“Of course darling… Can I tell them why?”

“I… suppose…” she swallowed. “I don’t know if Amethyst would know about Pink Diamond’s shards but… I’ll ask her about that too”

“Do you want me to check with Pearl and Garnet too?”

“Do you think they’d tell you?”

“There’s only one way to find out”

***

In the morning Jasper went off with Amethyst after breakfast and I promised her I’d talk to Pearl. I approached the temple rather nervously and knocked on the door. Luckily, Pearl was in the kitchen and greeted me with a smile.

“Oh, Erica, hello” she said brightly as she let me in.

“Hey Pearl, um… could we talk? About something… important?”

“Why, yes of course” she looked at me a bit worriedly, then lit up. “Oh! Are you… _expecting_?”

“What? Oh, no. No, this is… something else… Could we maybe… talk in your room?”

“Certainly we can” she said, looking worried again. We walked to the temple door and into her room. She summoned the same bench with a cushion on it that had appeared last time. We sat down and I took a deep breath.

“OK, this might… sound strange… but I would like you to hear me out, OK?”

“Um… OK?” Pearl leaned back a little, looking curious but cautious.

“OK, so… Jasper – _we’d_ like to know if there is a… Pink Diamond mural – an intact one – somewhere on earth” Pearl goggled at me.

“Whaaat? Why?”

I took a deep breath. “We are going to have a memorial for Pink Diamond”

“You’re going to _what_!?” she recoiled from me as if I had suggested roasting Steven over an open flame.

“Please hear me out, Pearl…” I said quietly. “She was Jasper’s original diamond and… she feels really guilty about her death – “

“ _She_ feels guilty?”

“ _Yes_ – she blames herself, even though she shouldn’t” Pearl stared at me, shocked. “I – I can’t _really_ have an opinion in this matter – about diamonds and who did what to whom and when and all that – but she needs _closure_ … She hasn’t been allowed to grieve her… She _needs_ to say goodbye… Really she would like to… see her shards again … Do you know what happened to them?”

Pearl was silent for a solid minute before she blinked and then sighed. “Erica… I…” she rubbed her neck. “I don’t like talking about this…”

“I’m sorry, Pearl… I really don’t want to hurt you, but for Jasper to be able to move on she needs to be able to face Pink Diamond, as much of her as she can…” Pearl took a deep breath and clasped her hands in her lap.

“I don’t know what happened to her shards…” she said quietly. She fell silent for a long moment and I was just about to speak when she continued in a slightly strained voice. “Garnet and I had gotten separated from Rose during the fighting – we had snuck into the ziggurat to free some Crystal gems that had been taken prisoner – three other groups infiltrated from different entry points so that the guards would be distracted… Garnet and I kept one squad busy while Rose went ahead – I called for her to wait, but… The alarm had gone up and more guards kept coming, roused from the barracks outside. There was this – this _sound_ – like a scream and then the entire castle _shook_ – it distracted the guards and Garnet and I poofed them, finally. Then we ran to find Rose and… we found her in the throne room… there were so many shards – she was holding someone and _weeping_ … It was a little human girl… And she wasn’t moving…” I stared at Pearl, my skin covered in goosebumps. “Garnet had to pull Rose along so we could get out of there – I offered to take the child, but Rose wouldn’t let her go, kept trying to heal her… But it was too late… We went to the rendezvous point and waited for the wailing stone to sound the all clear… Then suddenly the mountain began to shake and Rose summoned her shield to protect us and then… she began to _scream_ – she screamed until her gem _c-cracked_!” Pearl’s voice was full of pain. “Garnet and I took her to the Sanctuary, even though we hadn’t heard the signal… Rose… she… was almost split in _two_ … We didn’t know why – she was glitching and _delirious_ with grief – once she was healed she just… kept crying – she was _inconsolable_ … And she _still_ wouldn’t let go of the little girl… We waited for the others, for _anyone_ to come… but… No one did... Garnet warped out and was gone for a long time and I… dug a grave for the girl and convinced Rose to lay her to rest… Then Garnet returned and told us… what she had found…” Pearl wiped her streaming eyes and drew in a shaking breath. “It was _worse_ … worse than the war… finding out that everyone we _knew_ and _loved_ , had fought alongside of and _cherished_ – that some were still _alive_ , still _whole_ but **_gone_** – and Rose tried so hard, worked endlessly, _tirelessly_ , trying to reason with them, to _heal_ them, but… Not even her tears were enough… And so we decided we would keep them safe… We didn’t know who they were – if they were on our side or theirs, but Rose said it didn’t matter – we would keep _all_ of them safe until… until she found a way to bring them _back_ …”

“P-Pearl…” I said, my voice hoarse. What on earth could I say after all that… Pearl sniffed loudly and I could see she was shaking.

“It was the diamond’s revenge… for us taking Pink Diamond from them… If they had only _listened_ to us… If they could just have _understood_ … Instead, the war happened and so many gems died… and countless humans too… They didn’t _have_ to use the earth… That’s what’s so confusing!” she let out a strange little laugh, almost sounding mad. “There are hundreds of thousands of planets out there – _this_ one didn’t _have to be_ a colony! But our sources on the inside said… that the recourses lost trying to take it, even with the rebellion going on – would still be _less_ than abandoning the project all together… It was all such a _waste_ … And the damage done to the earth nearly made it uninhabitable… and Jasper wants to… wants to have a memorial for the one that _started it all_?” she turned on me with darkness in her eyes. I drew back from her, feeling cold. For a moment I felt afraid, then I got angry.

“She _knows_ the diamonds were wrong. The memorial is for _Jasper’s_ sake, not Pink Diamond. I told her the reason for the corruption – she had no idea! No one on home world knows! And as soon as she knew she questioned _everything_ she’d ever been told by them! But Pink Diamond was _kind_ to her and Jasper is allowed to miss her and feel whatever _else_ she feels without needing your gods damned permission, Pearl!” flickering blue and red sparks flew out of my mouth. “Jasper didn’t start the war – she didn’t corrupt anyone – she’s as much a – a _victim_ of the diamonds as you are! She didn’t _know_ before – no one but _you_ and the others here on earth knows what really happened! But you didn’t start off being a rebel, did you?!”

“ _No_ , but – “

“ _Exactly_! It’s never too late to change your mind – so stop acting like she’s so fucking horrible and see her for what she is _now_! You’ve both done things that you regret, I’m sure – and _she is trying so **fucking** hard_! You don’t see it because she doesn’t – _trust_ you with her emotions yet! You’ve seen her cry _once_ – you haven’t held her beautiful head and heard her _sob_ and _wail_ and _tremble_ because of nightmares and flashbacks! She’s not some emotionless killing machine – _and she never was_! She did what she was _taught_! She did what she had to do to survive – and she took pride in it – just like _you_!” I panted a moment, then closed my eyes, trying to control my anger. “And now… she’s trying to accept the past for what it was – find a way to live with it that makes her feel _better_ and less guilty and ashamed… She wants a _future_. Here. On earth. With me. With _you_. She wants the corrupted gems to get help. She spends _every day_ training with Amethyst preparing to defend this planet. Her _home_. _You’ve_ even called her a Crystal Gem – was that a lie, Pearl? Was that just something to… make _me_ feel better when she was gone?”

“What? I – _no_!” Pearl’s cheeks were deeply blue and she stared at me, wide eyed. “It’s – oh – _stars above_!” she put her head in her hands. I was not prepared for this at all and deflated a bit. For a moment there was relative silence – just the sound of the fountains and our settling breaths. “You’re right… I don’t have the right to tell her who to grieve…” she said quietly. “And I _do_ think of you both as Crystal Gems… It’s just… Talking about that day is… _so hard_ …” she sniffed and let one hand fall. Her eyes were still closed, but tears were evident on her face.

“ _I_ keep thinking – what if we had gotten to Rose sooner, what if we hadn’t split up – what if we hadn’t gone to the ziggurat _at all_ … Pink Diamond _wasn’t supposed to be there_ … We were supposed to just… get our friends out and then go home…”

“The shattering wasn’t planned?”

“No! Rose didn’t want – she _never_ – “ Pearl’s voice vanished and her shoulders sagged. “I don’t know exactly what happened… Rose never said… And I didn’t _ask_ …”

“So… none of it was planned… It was just… in the heat of the moment…?”

“That’s simplifying it to the extreme” Pearl said in a huff and wiped her eyes. “But yes… The Crystal Gems had no plans to shatter a _diamond_ … we just wanted them to _leave_ …” we both fell silent.

“Did… you ever go back? To the… ziggurat?” I asked after a while.

“Not for a long time… When we did it was overrun with corrupted gems… It took us ages to clear them all out…”

“So… Her shards could be… bubbled? In the burning room?”

“I don’t know… Since she was broken, her… pieces would just be… _parts_ , I suppose…” I remembered the nightmare Jasper had told me about last night and shivered. “We looked for them, of course but… I didn’t find them, and neither did Garnet – and if Rose had I don’t know if she… would even have told us… I’ve catalogued all the gems we have in the burning room, but shards are just that – _shards_ … We _have_ pink ones, but no way to tell from _whom_ …”

“So… it’s impossible to know…”

“Unless you unleash all the shards, destabilize them again and then compare the shards to all the others like some macabre puzzle game before they all reform again – but that’s an impossible task… And a _pointless_ one too…” I felt disappointed on Jasper’s behalf. So there was no way to know. A puzzle that couldn’t be solved…

“Oh my gods…” I let out a long, sparkly green breath, then pinched the bridge of my nose.

“There is one place…” Pearl said quietly.

“Huh?”

“I know of _one_ mural of the diamonds that’s wholly intact…” I looked at her. “I…” she sighed. “I could take you there, by warp, then give you directions…”

“That’s… thank you, Pearl…” I put my hand on hers and she inhaled and exhaled quickly, then turned it over and squeezed my fingers.

“I’m… sorry…” she said in a barely audible whisper.

“I’m sorry too…” I scooted closer to her and interlaced my fingers with hers, then put my other hand on top. We sat like that for a while, then Pearl leaned her head on my shoulder and I rested my cheek on the top of her head.

“The past is… such an _ugly_ place…” she said after a few minutes of silence.

“Yeah…” I sighed out a cloud of green with hints of black. “Making peace with it is… awfully hard”

“That is very true…” she sighed and sat up. “Jasper is… incredibly brave…” I looked at her in surprise and smiled.

“She really is… Hey, Pearl?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for burying that little girl” Pearl put her hand on mine.

“It was the right thing to do… Can I ask you a favor, Erica?” I nodded at her. “I know you will tell Jasper about this, but… please don’t tell Steven… He _will_ know, eventually… But it has to come from us… Please?”

“Of course, Pearl” I put my free hand over hers and nodded solemnly. It wasn’t my place to tell him a thing like this. “Can I ask that you don’t speak about the memorial to the others, for now? Jasper will tell them, I think. When she’s ready”

“I promise… Would you like me to show you the place? I can give you the directions and then… just come over and use the warp…”

“That’d be great…” we got up and exited Pearl’s room, then stepped onto the warp pad.

“Ready?” she asked and I nodded. The lights streamed around us for a moment, then faded. We were standing in a narrow valley, high, roughly hewn stone walls surrounding us. “It’s just straight down here and to the left” she said a little sadly.

“Thanks, Pearl” I looked around, memorizing the place so that I could take Jasper here later. We warped back to the house and I glanced at Pearl. “Are you alright?”

“I… will be” she gave me a brief, faint smile. I felt a little guilty, maybe more than a little… We said goodbye at the door and I think she was quite relieved I was leaving. That didn’t feel great, exactly… I hoped this wouldn’t change anything between us – maybe she just needed time for it all to settle.

I went home and took a long shower, thinking about what Pearl had told me. War… It must have been so awful. That constant fear… Is this the last time I’ll see my friends? My comrades? Will _I_ see tomorrow?

When Jasper returned she told me Amethyst hadn’t known of a whole diamond mural. She looked sad and disappointed and I hugged her for a long time. We sat down in the sofa and I told her everything Pearl had told me. There were tears, as I knew there would be – and from me too. We decided that we would go tomorrow and I set to the task of finding everything we needed. I ordered flowers and grave candles for overnight delivery and made pie to bring if we got hungry.

As we were lying in bed that evening, Jasper made a long, mournful sigh.

“I don’t know what to say to her” she said quietly, looking up into the ceiling.  I put my book down and turned my head to the side.

“Well… you don’t _have_ to say _anything_ … You can just… go there and think”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” I nodded. “Whenever I go to Soweland I visit my grandfather’s tomb stone and just sit there for a while. Sometimes I talk to him. Sometimes I just sit quietly. I always light a candle and bring some sort of bonbon for him. I know the birds take them, but… It feels like it’s _him_ somehow… You just do what feels right”

“What does the candle do?”

“It’s a comforting tradition. In many religions they light candles for the dead and give them things, presents or flowers or food… It’s to honor their memories” Jasper kept on looking into the ceiling, thinking deeply. “My grandfather was cremated… that means they burned his body after he died. Then my grandmother spread his ashes at sea. So he’s not buried where the tomb stone is, it’s just where we go to remember him” now Jasper looked at me, her expression shocked.

“You… destroyed him and… spread him out? On purpose?”

“Yes” I said a little uncomfortably. “But he wasn’t _in_ his body anymore. It was just a shell. And he loved the sea so much. He requested having his ashes given to the ocean in his will, that’s a document that tells people what the deceased want to happen after they died. They can give things away after death, like money or things or custody of children or pets…”

“What a strange custom…” she said quietly.

“I suppose it is…”

“What do you talk about… when you go to his… his…?”

“Tomb stone” I filled in for her. “I tell him news… Big things that have happened in my life. And small things too. Sometimes I tell him actual _news_ news, for example that there is a new peace accord between Russia and the Ukraine, or that scientists discovered the Higgs-Boson particle. Things that he’d like to know. Oh, and how his sports teams are doing” Jasper actually smiled a little now and that lifted some of the weight on my shoulders. I knew tomorrow was going to be hard for her, but the fact that she could smile now was a great sign.

“You speak as if he’s still here”

“In a way he is” I said slowly. “I keep his memory with me. I think of him. He’s no longer in this world _physically_ , but as long as people remember him, he’s still… _part_ of this world. Of our lives”

“That’s a nice thought…” she let out a huge yawn. “It’s weird to _let_ myself think of Pink Diamond. I tried so hard not to. And I didn’t speak about her. Not that I had anyone to talk to about it… The gems made after she died barely know who she was…”

“That sounds so strange to me… Royalty or emperors and things are recorded in history, all of them, whether they were good or bad rulers. I would have thought she’d be… immortalized in statues and things, songs sung about her and stuff like that…” Jasper turned over to her side and put her head on my chest.

“I wish they would have done that… it would have made things easier, maybe…” I could feel her chest vibrate against my ribs as she spoke.

“I’m pretty sure it would have helped. Avoiding everything to do with someone who passed away is… not _healthy_ … You need to grieve to be able to move on. You need to feel the sadness…”

“Let your heart break…”

“Exactly…” I kissed her forehead and she let out a long sigh.

***

The next morning I was roused from sleep by the delivery person knocking on the door. I signed for the beautiful and fragrant flowers and packed my backpack before making breakfast. Jasper barely finished half her normal portion of waffles, and I put them away for later, telling her that cold waffles with ice cream and strawberry jam would be an excellent dessert for tonight.

We walked to the temple hand in hand and found Amethyst and Pearl in the kitchen, baking something that smelled wonderful. Amethyst looked up and came over to let us in, then stood up on the couch and held out her arms to Jasper.

“Come here, nerd” she said with a half-smile. Jasper looked at her in astonishment. I smiled at the purple gem, then at Jasper, pulling on her hand. Very awkwardly, Jasper moved into Amethyst’s embrace. I stepped away from them a little so they could have a much needed sister-moment, taking the bouquet of flowers from Jasper’s other hand. I approached Pearl a tad cautiously. She smiled wanly at me.

“Hi” I said.

“Hi… I’ve… got something for the two of you” she said quietly, taking out a roll of tinfoil from a drawer before giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I kissed and hugged her back, relieved she was offering me this level of affection after yesterday’s stormy talk. We broke apart and she bent to take out a baking tray of large cinnamon rolls from the oven, grabbed two and wrapped them up snugly in tinfoil. She handed me the warm package and I smiled.

“Oh, thank you. They smell wonderful”

“They’ll keep warm for a while – they’re best when they’ve had a while to settle and the tinfoil will keep them moist” I put the package into my backpack and put it back on, then hugged Pearl again.

“Are you OK?” I asked.

“Yes, I’m fine” she said, giving me a reassuring little squeeze. “And you?”

“I’m alright”

After a few minutes Jasper and I bad Pearl and Amethyst goodbye, then moved onto the warp pad. I concentrated on the narrow valley Pearl had showed me yesterday and said;

“Jump” when we arrived there, Jasper looked around.

“Oh” she said. “I’ve never been _here_ ”

“Really? I don’t know where we are. Sorry, I should have asked. It’s supposed to be to the left after the cliffs”

“OK” we started to walk hand in hand. The sky above us was bright blue and free of clouds, but it was a little colder than I had anticipated. We reached the end of the cleft in the rock and looked out on a tiered landscape. It almost looked like a Kindergarten, but in levels. There were no holes in the walls as far as I could see. To our left, carved out of the living rock and covered in dirty mosaic were four giant figures, standing next to each other. Jasper stopped in her tracks and gazed up at them, her eyes locked on the first one from the right. Pink Diamond. She was portrayed in a different stance compared to the moon base. There she had been in a dramatic dance-like pose, but here she looked serene, her head lowered and her arms held wide in a welcoming gesture. The other diamonds were in similar poses, the only change being the placement of their arms. From left to right it was White Diamond, depicted with spiky white hair and a stern expression, her hands held near her head – as if concentrating. Then came Yellow Diamond, her arms at chest height, palms pointing up, her pose stiffer, like she was standing at attention. Blue Diamond had her hands on her chest, pointing toward her gem, her long blue robe flowing around her like water. Her head was partially obscured by wilted vines. I looked up at Jasper’s face. Her expression was sad and her lower lip was trembling. “It’s been so _long_ …” she said quietly, then moved forward slowly. I followed by her side. We stopped in front of Pink Diamond. She was as tall as the cliff – maybe thirty or so feet high. Was she really that tall? On the moon base the pictures had been about the same scale – but this mural was more detailed. There were different hues on the gems’ skin compared to their hair and clothes. The fresco was weathered and blotchy where rain had run down the cliff face over the centuries. When it was new, the colors must have been very vibrant. The craftsmanship was extraordinary – this was a piece of _art_.

“Does she look like you remember her?” I asked softly.

“I… think so…” Jasper answered, her voice breathy and quite unlike her own. “In reality she wasn’t this tall… She was about two jaspers high” I smiled at her way of measuring things. That’d make her a bit taller than Echo, then. I raised the bouquet of flowers and saw that Pink Diamond had one just like it in her hair. Jasper stood very still, staring up at the fresco. After a while she let her gaze sweep over the other diamonds, then she looked down at me. “What do I do now?” she asked, eyes over bright with tears.

“You could give her the flowers” I suggested, holding them up to her. She took them carefully, then sniffed them, closing her eyes.

“We brought these for you…” she said in a whisper. “They were your favorites…” she let go of my hand and placed them a little awkwardly at the feet of Pink Diamond, then stepped back and crossed her arms in front of her chest in something like a salute. I took a step closer and saw that she had folded her arms so they and her hands made the shape of a diamond in between them. She glanced at me and her shoulders sagged a little and she let her arms fall to her sides, a deep sigh leaving her. She reached out for my hand again. I took it and gave it a squeeze.

“Could you tell me about her?” I asked softly.

“She was… a great leader… Fearless… fierce… There was ruthlessness in her, but… gentleness too… She… had a garden of sorts where she had gathered many different kinds of plants and flowers. The place we went to with Charlie reminded me of it…”

“The botanical garden?”

“Yeah” she nodded. “She would hold meetings there… War councils, I should say… I liked being there. It smelled nice… She cared about the plants in a way that was… _baffling_ to me… I didn’t understand why she wanted any sort of contact with organic matter – but I didn’t question it – she was my diamond… And it _did_ smell very nice… She would sit with her pearl and just talk there sometimes, too… Sometimes her pearl would sing and dance… My first barracks were downwind of the place and the scent would waft over our training grounds...” she let out a long breath. “It was all destroyed in a rebel raid, a few years after I emerged” she sniffed and I put my free hand on her arm. She looked up at the mural, silent tears running down her cheeks. “I left your shards on the floor…” she whispered. “I want to apologize for that… and for running away, I just couldn’t – couldn’t _look_ at them – and still remain _whole_ … I broke the day you died… Not my gem, but _me_ … My mind, my heart… My _soul_ … It was _impossible_ for you to die _and yet you did_ and I just couldn’t _understand_ … Did – did you _want_ to?” I looked at Jasper in astonishment. “Why? What did we _do_ – what did _I_ do for you to want to _leave_?!” she stared up at the mural with such _pain_ in her beautiful, streaming eyes and I could feel her shaking suddenly. Her words reached through whatever emotional armor I had put up and slashed me across the heart.

_She felt **abandoned** by Pink Diamond… _

In that moment I felt a torrent of feelings stirring up in me – remembering how Jasper had asked me to _stay_ after the rubies appeared on the island – and after having reformed in Beach City – and _more_ times… How devastated she had felt after the six-legged beasts had left her while she was asleep – and then, in that same split second, I realized that abandonment had played such a large role in my _own_ life. But whereas I had been rejected long before my parents’ deaths and had subsequently turned _my_ back on _them_ – Jasper’s feelings of abandonment were because of a _traumatic and_ **_sudden_** _loss_. She had never said it aloud, even during her most vulnerable moments – but maybe the sight of the one who she had lost finally removed her last defenses and the unarticulated thought was given voice. And she _blamed herself_ – it was almost child’s logic – like a kid blaming themselves somehow for parents getting a divorce, but also being _angry_ for being… **_left behind_** …

I was wrenched from my thoughts when her hand slipped out of my grasp. She had crumpled into a heap and was crying with heart-breaking loss of control, her entire body shaking with huge, wet sobs. For a moment I felt at a loss for what to do – feeling overwhelmed with my own realizations – but one look at the agony on her face slammed it all aside and I knelt down behind her. If the roles had been reversed she would spoon and hug me from behind and make me feel safe and _held_. Now I needed to do the same. I swept her hair aside and lay down on the cold, hard ground, wrapping one arm under hers and the other over her opposite shoulder, then hugged her as tightly as I could, pressing my body firmly against her back and let myself be rocked by her grief. She clutched at my arms and curled in on herself, making herself smaller. I in turn tried to hold and warm as much of her as I could, wishing I was big enough to envelop her like she was able to do me.

I held on – feeling like I was physically trying to keep her from breaking into pieces. I knew she needed this, needed to let it all out. I would be her safe place. I would be there. I wouldn’t leave. I wouldn’t abandon her. Ever. She was mine and I was hers and I’d tell her all that later, when she had set her feelings free – I knew she wouldn’t be able to hear or take it in now. I thought it fiercely though, over and over, closing my eyes to focus.

After a long, long time Jasper’s breathing slowed and steadied. I was feeling quite sore, the hip I was lying on stiff, aching and _cold_.

“Darling…” I said croakily.

“Y-yeah?” she answered, sniffing.

“ _I **love** you_” I squeezed her as I spoke and she drew in a ragged breath. “And I’ll never, _ever_ abandon you”

“You puh- _promise_?” her voice sounded so incredibly vulnerable and I wanted to reassure her with all my heart.

“Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye” I whispered fiercely, kissing her shoulder and neck. She hugged my arms closer still and her chest shook with renewed sobs. I murmured soft, soothing sounds to her and after a little while she calmed again. “I’m so sorry for your loss, darling…”

“Do you think she… let herself be killed?” she asked me croakily. I frowned sadly against her neck.

“I don’t know, _Melamin_ , I’m sorry… The ones who did are gone… and that _sucks so very much_ …”

“I’ll never know…” she said in a voice that cracked. “I’ll never see her shards, I’ll never know exactly _why_ or _how_ … I… Most of my life I’ve been running from this, and… running _toward_ this and… there’s _nothing_! There’s _no_ answer! I’ll never know for sure!” her voice was breaking and I hugged her tightly. Then I remembered something – the ruby. The ruby with the gem over one eye. She had said she had _seen_ Pink Diamond be shattered. But how could that be? Jasper had said she was the only one to come out of that battle the same shape she went in… But… she had _also_ said that it had been hours, but not a full day from when she found Pink Diamond’s shards to when the other diamonds used the corruption weapon… And Pearl had said Amethyst usually reformed very quickly, and Sapphire and _Ruby_ – _within_ a couple of hours. Could it be possible? Or had the eyepatch-ruby maybe _lied_?

“There… _might_ be one person that knows…” I said slowly. Jasper froze, then turned over to face me.

“Who?” she asked, looking frightened and expectant all in one go.

“One of the rubies that took us to the moon base. She said she had seen it happen…” Jasper stared at me. “But she’s out in _space_ somewhere…”

“But we have the _ship_ …” she said, closing her eyes. I grew a little afraid then, seeing a hint of… obsession(?) in Jasper’s expression.

“Darling… I _know_ you want to know, and I don’t want to… be in your way or anything but… Sometimes there _is_ no answer… Sometimes there isn’t a reason… Sometimes things just… _happen_ …” she opened her eyes and looked at me and blinked.

“I know there wasn’t a reason for your…”

“Tumor…”

“But this is _different_ … isn’t it?” there was hope in her eyes.

“Yes, but – darling – and I’m sorry to say this, I really am, but – what is it that you want to _hear_? I mean… It was war… And she’s gone… Rose killed her… What more is there _to_ know? I’m saying this to try to help, not to diminish your feelings or… be a dick, OK?”

Jasper eyes flicked between mine a moment, then she deflated a little. “I… don’t know what it is I want to hear… Stars, I just… _hate_ not having the whole story…”

“I know… But let’s think… what is the _best_ answer you could get from the ruby?”

Jasper frowned. “I… Maybe… that Rose defeated her… honorably? That her death was quick and clean…”

“And how would that make you feel?”

She thought a moment. “Bad… because she’d still be dead…”

“And what would be the worst possible answer?”

“I don’t know… That she’d… let herself die because I wasn’t good enough…” she mumbled, blushing.

“But darling, how could that _possibly_ be true?” I lifted her chin so she’d look at me.

“I don’t know… It just feels that way…”

“Sweetheart, that just _can’t_ be true… I think…” I swallowed now, steeling myself as another thought blazed across my mind. “Maybe Rose had… more _motivation_ to end her… Maybe she didn’t have any other choice, maybe it was the only way left to her to bring an end to the fighting? And Pearl said there was a _child_ involved… And if it’s true that Rose really cared for everything alive on earth, then maybe the threat of killing the little girl, or the actual _death_ of her gave her the strength, or perhaps made her so angry that she was able to defeat… a gem much more powerful than she was…” Jasper stared at me, tears filling her eyes again.

“Like you… in the forest, with the jasper fusion? When Steven and Connie were in danger?”

“Yes…” I nodded slowly.

“I… knew Pink Diamond sometimes… kept humans around her…” Jasper said, looking away from me. “But I never… really looked at _them_ …” she trailed off, wiping her eyes.

“I’m assuming she wasn’t above killing them… us…” I was feeling more uncomfortable now. I knew many humans had lost their lives back then. _Like vermin_ echoed in my head.

“I never saw her do it, but that doesn’t mean anything…” Jasper frowned. “We were… not aware, or… maybe we _did_ know you guys felt stuff and cared about things and _mattered_ , but it didn’t matter to _us_ because… our purpose was to take this planet and twist it so it’d be beneficial to gemkind… We didn’t care about _you_ … And I know how huge that mistake was now…”

“I know you do…”

“Stars…” she sighed, wiping her eyes. “This is such a mess… I’m such a mess…”

“You’re allowed to be” I said soothingly. “In war there really aren’t any winners, just… different degrees of losing”

She grunted and sat up slowly, grimacing and clutching her head. I sat up too, rubbing my hip. “Is it… has this all been a waste of time?” she asked tonelessly, looking up at the mural.

“Coming here?”

“Yeah…”

“No, darling, it hasn’t…” I took her hands in mine. “You have a lot of feelings about her and about her death that you are allowed to feel. It’s OK… This is complicated and painful…”

“More complicated than I thought it’d be… More painful too…” she looked at the ground. “She was… _bad_ … wasn’t she?”

“No one is all good or all bad, darling… It’s all about perspective… But from _my_ point of view… I’m glad this planet _didn’t_ become a gem colony”

“I’m glad about that too… I just wish…” she trailed off.

“That it hadn’t cost everyone so much?” I suggested.

“Yeah…”

“Me too, _Melamin_ … me too…” I stood up and hugged her head to my chest and she let out a long sigh.

“For what it’s worth, just from a single gem… I’m sorry for what we did to the earth…”

“For what it’s worth, just from a single human… I forgive you…”

More tears fell from Jasper’s eyes, and I cried a bit too – for every one of my fellow humans that had perished during the war – the only war I knew of that _we_ hadn’t started. After a while Jasper stood up.

“I don’t want to be here anymore” she said in a hoarse voice. “Every time I look at her face I get confused – I miss her and don’t want her to be dead, but then I look away and see the place I was made – by _her_ , **_because_** of the war, and I feel guilty about that _and_ grateful to even exist… And angry at her for leaving me behind…”

“We don’t have to be here” I said reassuringly. “We can go at _any_ time…”

“I… want to go to the Beta Kindergarten…” she mumbled.

“Oh?”

“Yeah… Yeah” she nodded, furrowing her brow. “Maybe those gems… Deserve my sorrow _more_ …” I stood on tip toe to kiss her cheek.

“Then let’s go to the Beta Kindergarten…”

***

We walked back to the warp pad slowly.

“Before we go there, how about we take a little break?” I suggested when I saw Jasper wince and rub her forehead and neck. “Maybe… have something to eat? And a neck massage?”

“Yeah, OK…” Jasper said quietly. “I know a place…”

We warped away and when the lights faded I looked out over a large, flat place. A field. The air was clear, but warm and the sky overhead was patchily cloudy. There was a pleasant little breeze flowing across the sea of grass before us and Jasper let out a sigh. We spread out the blanket we had brought and she sat down on it. I stood behind her and began to massage her neck and shoulders. She thanked me after I was done, then lay down on her back and looked up into the sky. I was feeling really hungry now, so I took out the pie and cinnamon buns.

“Pearl made these for us” I said as I unwrapped the foil and drew in the sweet scent. Jasper looked at me in surprise.

“She did?”

“Yes” I said softly. “I was worried she’d… be mad at me or something after how our talk went, but she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, so… I think we’re OK”

“That’s good” she sat up, then smiled faintly and took a large piece of pie, chewing it thoughtfully. “Thank you for saying the thing before…”

“What thing?”

“About not leaving…” I scooted closer to her and kissed her arm.

“It’s the truth. They’d have to _drag_ me away, darling…” she relaxed a little at my words and kissed the top of my head. “I don’t know if it’ll make you feel better, but… feeling abandoned by someone who died – it’s not that strange… Especially if it was someone you looked up to and… was your creator…”

“It’s not?”

“No, darling…” I said softly. “Did you know that’s how you felt?”

“No… it just… slipped out when I started talking…” she let out a sigh, then took another bite of pie.

“Sometimes that happens when you stop holding back… the words come tumbling out and thoughts you didn’t even know you had suddenly just… make sense…”

“The mind is a weird place…”

“Yes… and so _fascinating_ …”

Jasper let out a little breath of laughter and I relished the sound of that so much my eyes fell closed and I leaned on her side, a lot of tension leaving me suddenly.

We finished the food and then sat and looked out over the seemingly endless field of grass in comfortable silence. There were little flowers growing there too, yellow and red, blue and orange and even some purple ones. I got up and started to pick some.

“What are you doing, honey?” Jasper asked after a few minutes of watching me.

“It’s for the other Betas… They deserve flowers too, don’t they?”

Jasper thought a moment, then smiled and got to her feet. “Yes they do…”

After a while we each had a bouquet of wild flowers.

“They’re all so different…” Jasper said, raising hers to sniff them.

“Yes, and all beautiful in their own way” I picked a last little clover like flower and put it behind my ear. “I don’t know if this is enough for all of them, but…”

“It’s a start”

We warped to the Beta Kindergarten and walked to Jasper’s hole.

“These are the gems I fought with, right after I emerged. They were supposed to be my squad” she pointed to the silhouettes to the sides of her exit mark. “That’s… Jasper Facet-2A6K, Cut-1GP, Q, R… and that’s U and V… None of them made it through the first month as far as I know…” I looked at her and then to where she was pointing.

“That’s… I’m sorry, darling” I stroked her arm.

“They were decent, hardworking gems… Rumble blocked a blow that would have destabilized me for sure, in our very first battle”

“’Rumble’?”

“1GR. All jaspers are called ‘Jasper’, obviously but… when there’s more than one around, you go by designation, rank or… nickname… There was Rumble, because she had such a deep voice… And Cricket, that’s 1GQ, because she caught bugs and wanted to keep them in her hair – she was a bit mad… And then there was Pinkie who was _tiny_ , Ultra who was always one step away from having an accident and Vee… didn’t have enough brain power to think of a better nickname…”

“What was your nickname?” I asked softly.

“Triumph…” she said it very quietly.

“Triumph…” I echoed. “Do you like it?”

“No one has called me that in five thousand years… I liked it back then. Now… I prefer ‘beastie’…” she took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “Or one of Amethyst’s many nicknames for me. She keeps on making up new ones”

“I like that about her” I smiled. Jasper looked at the holes on the wall and sighed.

“I couldn’t wait to get away from them… They were my squad, the ones I was supposed to be with, but… They all had something wrong with them and I thought… and was _told_ that I was so much _better_ than them… And I’m _not_ … I was just… _lucky_ with my exit hole. With my placement on the wall. I didn’t do anything to earn that, it just happened…”

“We can’t help how we’re made, darling” I patted her arm again and she smiled faintly.

“That’s what Amethyst keeps saying… I took her here a little while ago and she had so much fun, trying to find an exit hole smaller than hers”

“Did she find one?”

“Yeah, it’s deeper inside” Jasper gestured toward the left. “She didn’t have time to earn a nickname… so Amethyst gave her one – Pip-Squeak… It’s hard to not know what happened to them… If there’s someone still alive somewhere out there… Maybe corrupted, maybe on home world…” she let out a derisive breath. “Home world corrupts gems, even if they don’t turn into monsters… Shit…” she sat down on the ground, almost as if she had lost her balance.

“You OK, darling?” I squatted down next to her.

“Yeah, just… It’s so overwhelming… Knowing all I know now, comparing it to who I was back then – so _new_ , so… _innocent_ … Everything was so _clear_. I knew what was right and what was wrong. There was no greyscale. It makes me feel like I was… _stupid_ … It was all in front of me and I didn’t think to question any of it”

“Why would you? As you said, you were… _young_ and people told you what to do, how to be and there was no one to contradict them”

“If someone _did_ question things they got swiftly and sometimes _permanently_ dealt with…”

I let out a long sigh. “Totalitarian leaders… Tyrants… Dictators… They need people to rule, people to do their bidding… They don’t want you to think, to question… That’s when rebellions happen, when people stop and go, hey… wait a minute… this is _wrong_ …”

“The rebels… I wonder if they managed to convert any Beta gems… I know some Primes got recruited…”

“We could ask them?”

“Yeah…” Jasper leaned over and kissed my cheek, then stood up and approached the cliff wall. She raised her hand and there was a strange noise. She was writing on the wall in gem language.

_Jasper Facet-2A6K, Cut-1GP, Pinkie_ … Tourmaline translated in my mind, not even having to be asked. Thank you, I thought. When Jasper was done, she stepped back.

“This way they’ll be remembered… It’s no mural, but… there’ll be a record of who they were...” I smiled up at her, then took a flower out of my bouquet and placed it at the entrance of the hole. Jasper bent to kiss the top of my head.

We walked to the next hole and Jasper marked it with the name and gave a flower to honor her too. We continued to do so, Jasper telling me about the gems, their names and nicknames, where and when they died, if she happened to know. She painted vivid images in my mind of people that I felt sorry I would never get to meet. She cried a little, but it seemed more like a release, like it was cathartic. She jumped onto the walls to reach the holes higher up and marked them too, hanging off ledges and once even upside down. When darkness began to fall we were out of flowers and I was feeling very tired and hungry. Jasper looked exhausted, but also relaxed. It was getting really hard to see now and I concentrated, then blew out a stream of light that spun into a ball. By its glow we made it back to the warp pad.

“How are you feeling, darling?” I asked as we stepped onto the raised white circle.

“Tired… but lighter” she let out a long sigh. “Lighter in a different way, like… before it was like a rock had been lifted from my stomach, but now… there used to be a tightness in the back of my head and now it’s just… gone… And that feels strange but good”

“That’s great, darling” I smiled up at her and stroked her arm.

“I want to come back here and fill in as many names as I can”

“Then we’ll do that” I nodded at her and she smiled faintly, her teeth and eyes glittering in the light from my pulsating little orb.

“Thanks so much for today babe… I’d never have thought to do any of this”

“You’re welcome, beastie… I’m so glad you’re feeling better…” I hugged her around the waist, snuggling into the warmth of her.

“Let’s go home…” I nodded against her and closed my eyes as the lights burst into life around us.

* * *

 

  
Please review!  



	66. I quit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! This is a really long one! Yikes. 18k words. Well. Enjoy!

## Chapter 66: I quit

  
“Honey…” Jasper purred in my ear.

“Mmffzzzh?” I mumbled, my eyes flickering open one at a time. I had been having such a wonderful erotic dream… H.G. from Warehouse 13 had just pushed me up against the wall of Artie’s office – she had torn open my shirt, buttons flying everywhere. I felt a little disappointed – I rarely had dreams like that, but when they did happen they were amazing. I looked over at Jasper, a sudden surge of apprehension racing through me – had she had another nightmare? “Bad drms?” I asked her urgently.

“No, no…” she chuckled I lay back on the pillow with a sigh of relief. “You’ve been… touching yourself in your sleep” she kissed my ear, making my spine tingle and I shivered pleasantly, the worry not having time to burden me. “Can I join in?”

“Mmmh…” I nodded, my brain muzzy from arousal and sleep. I looked down to see my hand inside my pajama bottoms, the top of my pubic hair visible over the dark blue waist line. I moved my fingers and let out a surprised little gasp. I was _very_ wet.

“You were making such _lovely_ little moans… Was a fantastic way of waking up…” she kissed my neck lightly all the way to my collarbone, then licked up the length of it, taking my earlobe in her mouth. Her hand travelled down, caressing my arm and then my wrist, then pushed my bottoms down and raised her head to see. “Oh stars…” she breathed. “That right there… that right there is too damn hot…” my hips rose at her words, a surge of pleasure arching through my  body – a nasal moan leaving me along with a tendril of pale pink light. “Oof” she chuckled and caressed my thigh. “Babe… _can_ I just… _watch_?” I bit my lip and smiled at her, feeling my cheeks flush. Her suggestion was gloriously naughty and amazingly arousing. I kept stroking myself, building on the pleasure that the dream had given me. My clit was already taut – a tense little bud between my slowly moving fingers. I looked down at what I was doing, but I’d seen that already – it was _much_ more enjoyable to watch Jasper’s face. Her eyes were half lidded and her pupils _huge_. Her mouth was slightly open and her breath came in little hot gusts.

“Mmmh” I moaned as I caught a delightful angle on my clit that send a tingling tightening sensation though my lower half. Jasper inhaled sharply and licked her lips, then trapped her bottom lip between her teeth and started to worry at it slowly. My pleasure built quickly and I let her hear it.

“Does it feel good, little monster?” she asked huskily, looking at my face and smiling, her warm hand slowly stroking my leg up and down.

“Mm-hmm” I panted, my hand speeding up. She leaned in close, nibbling the side of my neck carefully. “ _Nnh_!”

“I want to suck your fingers when you’re done” she whispered in my ear, her lips brushing my skin.

“ _Bea-hh-stie_ …” I panted, a shiver racing through me.

“Will you come for me, babe?” her voice was fantastically hoarse and I drew in a ragged breath, my climax so close – so close! “Come for me, my beautiful _E-ri-ca_ …”

“Oh my _gods_! _Ah_ – “ my hips bucked and my back arched and I made a sort of growling moan of pleasure – a stream of golden pink light issued from my mouth, then I fell onto the bed, my chest heaving. Jasper chuckled sultrily. “ _Darling_ …” I groaned with pleasure.

“Mmm?” she hummed.

“That whispering thing… mhm _yes_ …” I kissed her cheeks and mouth greedily.

“I’ll remember that… Now… your hand?” she crooked an eyebrow at me.

“You were serious?” I giggled.

“Of course, honey, now give it here” I smiled and blushed, then extracted my hand from my pajama bottoms. Jasper leaned forward eagerly, enveloping my fingers with her soft, thick lips.

“O-oh _dear_ ” I breathed in surprise – her agile tongue was swirling around and in between my fingers and she was _sucking_ – I’d had my fingers sucked before – but not like _that_. Jasper closed her eyes and slurped happily for a few moments, then looked at me with her eyes half lidded again. It was so indescribably sexy I didn’t know what to do with myself. “ _Gods_ , darling…” she smiled around my digits and kept on sucking them for another minute or so, then leaned her head back and let them go, then licked her lips and smirked.

“M-m-m-m- _mmm_ ” she hummed.

“Please tell me Kara wants to come out and play” I said in a rush. Jasper chuckled sweetly.

“Of course she does, babe. Been throbbing this entire time – could barely keep my hands off her – didn’t want to interrupt you…”

“Show me…”

Jasper pulled down her pajama bottoms with a crooked grin – she was lying on her side, so when Kara wiggled free she landed on the bed with a wet little thump – it made me let out a delighted giggle. She was practically dripping wet – I could see Jasper’s thighs and lower belly shining with juices. Kara was visibly throbbing too – little pulses and shivers interrupted her usually smooth squirming motions.

“Galadriel has missed her something _fierce_ ” I said with a hint of a whine in my voice.

“Then maybe we should get them… reacquainted?”

“Mhmm, yes” I wiggled out of my pants and threw them over my shoulder, pushing gently at Jasper’s hip to get her to roll over to her back. She sniggered and looked at me with a pleased grin.

“Someone’s _eager_ …”

“Darling, you have _no idea_ …” I mumbled as I straddled her. “Is this OK? I – “

“Don’t stop now” she said, biting her lip and putting her hands on my thighs, squeezing them gently and sliding them up to my hips. I smiled at her and began to rub myself against Kara – Jasper let out a little gasp. “Oh _yes_ … keep doing _that_ ” she purred. I could feel her pulse and little squirms as I slid over her on a film of slick, sweet smelling juices. “Babe that’s hella sexy – _fuck_ ” Jasper bared her teeth and grimaced with pleasure. I moved back and forth for a while, then settled by her base, rubbing up against it. I took Kara in both hands and began to caress her with long, slow strokes, following her movements. It looked like she was _mine_ and I bit my lip – now _that_ was something _very_ interesting. I slowed my strokes, enjoying the idea immensely.

“This is mine now…” I said in a purring moan. Light arched through the air at my words and I met Jasper’s gaze – her mouth was slightly open and her eyes were trained on mine, a deep flush adorning her cheeks.

“Holy fucking shit” she breathed, her body beginning to tremble. “Yeah, babe – all yours – _all_ yours – ohmyfuckingstars” I could feel Jasper’s pulse racing through her skin. I stroked her slowly in time with my little thrusts and grinds on her base. Her breath was deep and ragged and she drank in all my motions with her eyes, hungrily devouring every inch of me. My own exhalations were a rosy glittering mist as I ground my clit against her supple flesh. My entire body was tingling and my internal muscles screamed at me to give them something to work with. After another few minutes of humping I couldn’t resist anymore and raised Kara up, then guided her inside – both Jasper and I gasped.

“Jesus motherfucking Chriiiiist” I moaned as I lowered myself, raking my nails across Jasper’s hard stomach. She yowled lustfully and thrust upward into me. My slick walls hugged Kara tightly and she squirmed powerfully – driving noises of pleasure from both our throats. “Darling, _fuck me_ ” I moaned, arching my back to angle her a little differently. Jasper growled and plunged deep, grazing my sweet spot and making me almost lose my vision. “ _Just_ like that – **_ah_**!”

“Oh _fuck_ yes” Jasper panted, gripping my thighs harder to stabilize me. I could feel her entire length slide in and out of me, my walls tingling and twitching with every thrust. The sweet tension inside me was building quickly to the near-orgasmic plateau.

“I’m so close!” I panted, gripping handfuls of her shirt desperately.

“Me – _too_!” she picked up the pace further – her thighs were bouncing against my behind and I arched my back in anticipation – both our breaths ramped up and then an explosion of pleasure claimed me – I screamed out joyously, my vision going white and my inner walls thrumming around Kara. A huge wave of warmth flooded me– Jasper’s face was locked in a grimace of immense pleasure and she trembled powerfully, Kara stiffening up and pulsating several times – I felt myself _overflowing_. I collapsed onto her chest, completely spent and dizzy, shivering with aftershocks. Jasper’s chest heaved underneath me and I looked up at her shining, grinning face.

“This… more like you had in mind? For when you reformed?” I giggled, wiggling my butt a little.

“Oof – yeah” she sniggered and wiggled back, Kara stirring feebly inside me. “ _Babe_ – when you told me to fuck you – ohhh my stars I thought I was going to lose it there and then”

“Me too, you hit my deep spot _sooo_ perfectly…” I kissed her chest where I was laying.

“Just to make totally sure – I didn’t hurt you, right?” she asked me worriedly. “Got a bit… rough at the end”

“No darling it was fucking _a-ma-zing_ …” I smiled, kissing her chest again. She smiled back, looking relieved, then let out a happy sigh and moved her hands slowly down to my butt cheeks.

“OK, good... Mmmmh… stars your butt is so fantastic…” she kneaded it gently and I giggled.

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm… Fits so perfectly in my hands. It’s like they were made for each other”

“Speaking of made… Does it feel different for you now?”

“My stem? No, I didn’t change her. It’s… internal. The changes”

“Felt like there was _more_ today… More… of your…” I felt myself blush a little. Jasper grinned and sniggered at my expression.

“Yeah, bit more, I’d say… But I think that’s because I was pent up maybe… I wanted to come back ready to blast off, so to say” she began to pull out of me and I patted her chest.

“Wait… Not yet…” I said quietly. “I’ve missed this feeling…”

“Aw babe…” she pushed back in, making me shudder and gasp. She smiled up at me, looking touched. “I… love being inside you…” she stroked my cheek adoringly. I kissed her palm.

“I love it too… I feel so connected to you”

“Well… we _are_ interlocked” she grinned.

“You know what I mean…”

“Yeah, I know, babe” she stroked my hair, then down my neck and over my shoulder blades. “Do you think it worked?”

“Hmm?”

“The… _my_ sperm”

“Oh… I suppose we have to wait and see. Priyanka did say three months”

“For a human yeah… I worked very hard on it and I’d be surprised if it took _that_ long” I felt my cheeks heating up.

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it was happening right now?” I said softly.

“Mmmh…” Jasper nodded and smiled warmly. “Our baby… To think something like that could come out of an act such as this”

“Amazing, isn’t it?” I sighed. We cuddled for a while, then my bladder made itself known. I started to move up a bit and Kara began to slide out of me. She landed on Jasper’s stomach, squirming tiredly. I shivered as her juices followed and Jasper looked on in fascination. She reached out and used her thumb to move my left outer lip. “Darling, what are you doing?” I asked with a little laugh.

“Just wanted to see if it looked different” I looked down too. The liquid dripping out of me was clear, just like it had been before. That was kind of a relief, to be honest. Jasper rubbed her thumb over my tender opening gently, then raised it to her mouth. “Tastes the same… Or what do you think?” I grinned at her and ran my finger over Kara, then tasted it.

“Yeah, tastes the same” I felt relieved about that too. I lay back down on top of her and our wet nether regions made a little squelching sound, making us both burst out laughing.

We went upstairs to have a shower, then headed outside for a smoke.

“I’ll have to quit now” I said with a long sigh, looking down at the cigarette in my hand.

“Yup” Jasper said with a chuckle.

“I’ve smoked regularly since I was fifteen… Think I stole my first one when I was nine or something… It was _horrible_ …” I giggled, closing my eyes at the memory.

“Why did you start?”

“I don’t know… it was something that made me feel better – at first you get this rush when the nicotine hits your system, but over time it fades… I suppose I don’t get it very often anymore. And also… It filled some kind of _void_ in me… that’s the base of all addictions” I sighed. “You’re trying to replace one unfulfilled need with something else…”

“What were you trying to replace?”

I thought a moment. “Love, probably. Gods that sounds both super sad _and_ super cheesy”

“Well… You _were_ sad… and lonely” Jasper said slowly, stroking my back.

“How are you feeling, darling? Since yesterday…”

“Me?” she paused for a while. “Better than I thought” I snuggled up to her and kissed her chest. “Feels… easier to… breathe… think…” she sighed out a long breath. “Still hurts but… it’s good? A good kind of hurt?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m… not holding back anymore. And there are levels… like… Several things going on at once. All sorts of stuff. Right now I feel mostly relieved and relaxed – I mean, who could ask for a _better_ start to the day, hmm?”

“You are so good at being in the moment, darling…” I said with a sad little smile.

“You’ve got to take the good when it comes because… it usually doesn’t stay around… Not until _you_ , babe. And _Amethyst_ and Cake. And Steven… and Connie… and _Charlie_ , even though she’s on the other side of the world…” she smiled down at me. “I’ve got _people_ now. Friends”

“It makes me _so_ happy to hear that, beastie…” I hugged her waist tightly.

“I’ll remember the past… And try to honor those that fell… Will you come with me to the Kindergarten again?”

“Of course, darling”

“And… if I want to go back to the mural?”

“I’ll come with you” I nodded reassuringly.

“Even though… she was… bad for this world?”

“Yes. We don’t get to choose who to love or miss, we just _feel_ … And it’s OK…”

“Thanks babe” she kissed my forehead and let out another sigh. We sat in silence for a while and I relit my cigarette.

“Is this my last one?” I asked the world in general. “Should this be my last? Maybe if I don’t make it a big deal it’ll… be _less_ of a big deal… I mean… this _is_ the right decision, obviously. Quitting. It’s all good stuff and a longer, healthier life… And maybe it’d be easier now, since I haven’t smoked so much when I was sick…”

“So let’s make it the last one, then” Jasper smiled down at me.

“Just the thought of that is so scary. No more. Ever… It almost feels like I’m saying goodbye to an old friend. A friend that constantly makes my body worse… A sick friend” that was an uncomfortable thought. “A _bad_ friend…” I looked at the three quarter finished cigarette. “When the withdrawal starts… I’ll feel really shitty. Headaches… nausea maybe… and I’ll probably be… a bit snappy”

“The books say you might get a bit ‘moody’ with the hormonal changes anyway, once we get pregnant…”

“Oh, darling, I’m sure I will get more than a little _moody_ … Ugh… Can’t have much caffeine either then” I groaned theatrically. “But at least there’s _decaf_ so I’ll still get to _taste_ coffee… And, hah… My sex drive might get knocked up a notch”

“Mmm… I like the sound of _that_ …” she put her gem in my hair and drew in a long breath. I sighed contentedly, then stubbed out the cigarette.

***

Amethyst showed up a little later and dragged Jasper away to train, saying something about wanting to try out her _spiky_ three piece bola. Jasper promised not to stay away too long and that she’d pick up some groceries on her way home.

I gathered up all my smoking supplies and threw them into the trash unceremoniously (pouring vinegar into the same bag to deter myself further) then I settled down to watch some Warehouse 13 with Cake in my lap. I was quite drained from our excursion yesterday, but after a while I grew a little restless – withdrawal couldn’t have kicked in yet, right? At least not a _physical_ one… After a moment I decided to try to bubble things. That was something _constructive_. I thought about it for a while, the fourth episode of Warehouse playing in the background. How had I done it? Both times I had thought of… protecting things. I had _wanted_ to protect the drawing Steven had made… And Peridot too. _Protego_ … That was how my… powers worked, wasn’t it? I had said that myself. When I wanted something to happen… I had to be _convinced_ that’s what I wanted to _do_. So… how convinced did I have to be? When I had bubbled Steven’s scroll at my wonderful birthday party it had vanished when I had said I couldn’t do it. When I lost faith… And what about the jasper fusion gems in the forest? I had tried to bubble them for a long time, but nothing had happened. Maybe because I hadn’t _wanted_ to _protect_ them. I had been afraid…

“Hmm…” I said aloud, then picked up a crumpled up tissue, looking at it closely. That’s not something I’d want to keep safe exactly. Maybe it’d be better if I tried it with something I actually _wanted_ to _protect_. I glanced down at Cake. No. No, no, no. Nope. Something _not alive_. An object… Maybe something… fragile? I stood up and went into the kitchen and opened the cupboard where we kept the cups. I considered the flower mugs carefully, then decided on a different one. Still fragile, but not… irreplaceable. I went to sit on the bed with the mug in my hands. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. OK… I’ve got a mug. I want to put it in a bubble… Last time I had said ‘Protego’, but did the words really matter? Whenever I had lit my cigarettes I had used _different_ words… Then it must be the feeling behind it that mattered.

So… why would I want to safeguard this mug? It wasn’t very precious to me. But if it was about the _feeling_ … What _would_ I want to protect? A flower mug, for sure. Or… Steven’s drawing. Charlie’s bracelet. Jasper’s gem. _Any_ of the gems’ gems… Any of the _gems_ , for sure. People. Robyn. My grandmother. _Charlie_ … I felt a surge of fear run up my spine as I remembered the scream she had made when Pearl made her be look out.

“Bubble” I said aloud and opened my eyes. There was no bubble, but a few purple sparks whirled in front of me. “OK…? So, I can’t be afraid?” maybe that was because of the memory… that was a… _fear_ memory. I needed a different one. Maybe another Charlie memory? Or… just Charlie. Her little face… Her big pale, blue brown eyes looking up at me, her little mouth smiling. The memory of holding her as a baby appeared – the way she had stared me straight in the eye and then giggled. And I had known I wanted to protect her, forever. I breathed out through my nose, that primal part of my mind or heart making my ears and cheeks burn with the intensity. “ _Charlie_ ” I said aloud and – _there it was_ – the tingle ran down my arms and into my palms. There was a little sound and I smiled. I could feel the strangely warm surface of the bubble against my fingertips. I held it for a little while and it cooled. I opened my eyes and looked down at the pale blue sphere. “Hello there” I said with a smile. “I figured you _out_ … Now go home” I tapped the top and it vanished, instantly appearing near the roof and drifting a little before stopping. I let out a laugh and lay back on the bed, smiling widely. I felt like having a smoke to celebrate but… I took a deep breath instead. Do it for your baby, I told myself. The delivery is going to be a lot harder than quitting smoking. Come on. Focus on something else. Bubble some more things. Yes.

After about two hours the ceiling in the living room was full of blue bubbles and I looked up at them proudly. They contained an assortment of little things. Cutlery, socks, a shoe, a book, several more mugs and a can of cat food.  

“Yup… I can bubble shit” I said to Cake, pointing up at them, then wiping my sweaty, slightly aching head. Maybe laying off smoking _and_ cutting back on caffeine was a _little_ bit too much to do at the same time. I remembered when Robyn quit smoking. She had not had an easy time of it… But maybe it wouldn’t be like that for me? She had quit to save money, back in the days before her sculptures had begun to sell. I hadn’t had any coffee at breakfast so… I could use a cup. I went to make some.

***

When Jasper returned home she was carrying several large grocery bags.

“Darling, did you clean out the whole store?” I asked with a snigger.

“Nope, just parts of it” she grinned at me, bending down slightly to kiss me. “How’s your day been?”

“Pretty good… Not had a smoke since this morning” I grimaced slightly. Jasper raised her eyebrows and then glanced up at the clock, then smiled.

“That was like… six hours ago, babe”

“I know, trust me” I was having trouble standing still. “I have gone _longer_ without having a smoke but now that I’m trying _not_ to want one it’s like my brain is going ‘Argh what are you doing?! Give me the nicotine you stupid bastard’” I bent to unpack a bag, glad for something to do with my hands. ”I googled around some more, read some of the books Parker sent and… that deterred me from going out and buying a pack” I stood up a little too fast and my aching head swam. I grabbed the sink for support.

“Take it easy, babe” Jasper said worriedly. “Have a seat, I’ll put the food away” I thought about objecting, but my head pounded nastily.

“OK… Guh, I have such a _headache_ …” I said, sitting down on a chair.

“Because of… not smoking?”

“I guess. Could also be because I’ve been concentrating a lot today… I figured out how to summon bubbles consistently, to distract myself with _something constructive_ ” I said the last words with a lot of sarcasm.

“Really?” Jasper stopped half-way to the fridge.

“Living room” I pointed, rubbing my temple. Jasper put the peas in the freezer, then went to have a look.

“ _Shit_ ” she said, sounding impressed. “Wait – is that – is that a _shoe_?” she started to laugh heartily. “And those are _socks_!”

“Well, didn’t exactly have a lot of _gems_ to bubble, did I?” I said with a half-smile. Jasper came over and kissed my head and neck.

“I love you, my crazy clever little monster” she sniggered in my ear.

“Mmmh… could you give me a neck rub?”

“Sure, let me just put this stuff away”

“Ugh, _fine_ ” I grimaced. “Sorry”

“This some of that ‘snappy’ business?” she asked, sounding a bit amused.

“Maybe” I raised my other hand to rub both my temples and click my jaw. Jasper chuckled faintly and put away the rest of the groceries. It made so much noise I got up with a huff of green vapor and threw myself on the bed, immediately regretting it as my head began to pound mercilessly. I groaned and put a pillow over my face. After a few minutes the mattress moved and a warm hand slid gently up my leg.

“How you doing, babe?” Jasper asked softly.

“I hate having headaches…” I said with a sigh. Jasper’s hand moved up my back, then two fingers slid along my neck, one on each side of my spine. “Mnff…”

“Shit, you’re stiff as a board” she said in surprise. “Babe… come here, turn over” I did as she asked with a groan, pain shooting up my neck and spreading across my scalp in pulses. My face was level with her breasts and a gentle push at my back brought it in between them. I let out a little sigh and relaxed a smidge, then grunted as Jasper began to massage my neck in slow, careful strokes. After a few minutes the intensity of the pain was lowered considerably and I kissed her chest gratefully.

“Thanks, darling…” I mumbled.

“You’re welcome, babe” she chuckled and kissed my forehead.

“How was your day with Amethyst? Fuck, I didn’t even ask…”

“It’s OK – the spiky bola was _fantastic_. Completely disintegrated a huge rock”

“I’m so glad she didn’t use you for target practice!” I said with relief.

“ _Me_ too”

***

For the next one and a half weeks I spent most of my time either frantically burning off anxious energy or lying in bed with monster headaches. But I didn’t smoke. I didn’t give in to my nicotine starved brain, even though it was rebelling terribly against my decision to quit. I had informed my friends of my decision and they were all very supportive – Pearl was especially pleased, even more so than Priyanka. She said she’d give me a Pearl Point for every day I didn’t smoke and that when I got to fourteen there was going to be a big reward.

Jasper’s support was nothing short of _spectacular_ … Everything from neck rubs to listening to me rant about something inconsequential that had annoyed me no end – like the grocery store being out of one gallon zip-lock bags or that someone had looked at me funny. Her sorrow about the loss of her diamond seemed to be more and more replaced by the sorrow for the loss of her fellow Beta gems. We returned to the Beta Kindergarten several times, bringing flowers and spending hours writing names over and around the exit marks. Every time we left, Jasper looked tired but relieved. Amethyst came along after a while and after that small addition, Jasper seemed much happier. She told us both stories about battles and reenacted a few choice moments with Amethyst – both ones Jasper had won and times she had been defeated.

“You’ve got to respect an enemy that can take you down” she had said sagely. “I mean, someone who can take _me_ down… It takes _effort_. If I didn’t learn from my battle mistakes I’d be dust by now”

I was feeling all sorts of cravings and I had read that that could happen – my body was trying to fill the void by pushing me in the direction of other things to drive up my dopamine – like chocolate and other sweet things. I allowed myself to indulge because I spent at least an hour every day training with the heavy practice spear. I _needed_ the extra calories – I was dropping in weight alarmingly fast.

 _Taste_ was beginning to come back to me, I noticed to my surprise. Everything tasted so much _more_. Jasper was delighted at my increased appreciation for her fantastic cooking and tried out new recipes almost every day. Another thing that was different was my pants – apart from almost falling off me, the absence of my cigarette holder was making me feel a little unbalanced. I started carrying other things in that pocket to compensate.

I lost track of how many times I snapped at people and then immediately apologized. But as the days went by – agonizingly slowly at first, but then faster, my mood began to stabilize. I didn’t smoke, but when I ran into a situation in which I would I felt so fucking tempted I almost gave into it. And I _thought_ about smoking _constantly_. The mornings especially were hard to deal with. And after sex. And there had been so. Much. _Sex_. It was an excellent distraction ( _having sex_ was the goal, the distraction was a bonus). Jasper was extremely eager to help ease my discomfort in this way and encouraged me to take out any irritation or anger on her – in the sense of using the energy those feelings inspired in me to fuck her a bit more aggressively, not actually cause her _harm_.

Apart from my senses coming back to me, I had discovered just how much smoking had held me back. Breathing was so much easier now and I was gaining more and more stamina. I even started going for little jogs – just because I could! At first I was wheezing after half a block, but soon I could go for minutes without stopping. I thought about how I had run carrying Steven through the forest and thanked all the gods for adrenaline. Otherwise we could all have been dead… That reinforced my decision. _No more cigarettes_. All my self-imposed delusions and excuses were falling away and I realized just how _many_ there had been. I was trying not to feel too stupid about it all.

Jasper and I looked at a few houses – I hadn’t told her which one it was that I liked so much, so that my opinion wouldn’t influence hers. Luckily, she seemed to like the same one – the first one the real estate agent had showed me, while she was still in her gem. The man told us that the doorways could indeed be raised without issue. Then came a bunch of visits from a building inspector and a contractor and blueprints and renovation plans were made. And then… we owned a house. Just like that… It would take a while to get renovated, but… we could move in in a few weeks!

And Jasper loved the idea of adapting the house to her size. We got in contact with a person that made over-sized furniture for very tall and wide people over the internet – they were delighted to oblige and we exchanged many e-mails and phone calls before settling on the order. I was quite looking forward to being able to cuddle up in the huge armchairs and sofas.

We went to see Doctor Madison and got the results of my tests. I did have a slight hormone imbalance. The treatment turned out to be birth control pills. But since that was out of the question for two reasons – us wanting to get pregnant and my family history of deep vein thrombosis – I could try regular exercise, changing my diet etcetera. We received several pamphlets on generic dietary instructions. So… no real help there. Doctor Madison was a little concerned about my sudden weight loss, but happy that I was giving up cigarettes. She prescribed me a different pain medication as well and told me to contact her office if I felt any adverse side effects.

When the fourteenth day came I awoke feeling as close to normal as I had been since giving up the cancer sticks. I had had a very long dream – one of those continuous story ones that carry over from dream to dream. I opened my eyes to discover I had my nose pressed into the side of Jasper’s left boob.

“Mmmmh…” I hummed and drew in the scent of her. That was another good thing about quitting smoking – I could _smell_ everything so much better now. Jasper’s smell was more vivid and had hints of things I couldn’t quite place – that cemented it firmly as my most favorite smell ever. Mysterious and warm… sweet and a tad animalistic, yet _fancy_ … A sophisticated tiger relaxing in a field of flowers on a warm summer day. That was the description that came to me, over and over again. Jasper very much appreciated my wording.

“Morning, little monster” Jasper said with a chuckle that made her breast rock against me slightly. I let out an appreciative grunt and snuggled in closer. “You know what day it is?”

“Brst dyy?” I mumbled hopefully, raising a hand to cup her other breast gently.

“ _Every_ day is breast day” she sniggered and stroked my back. “But today is the fourteenth day without cigarettes”

“Rly?”

“Mhmm… So, you and I are going to the temple after breakfast” she smiled down at me playfully. I knew that _she_ _knew_ what the promised reward was going to be. I had been extremely curious and tried to wiggle any kind of information out of her, and Pearl too, but they had both shut me down every time. I lifted my head to look at her face blearily.

“Ws t’ rewrrd?” I asked for the five hundredth time.

“You’ll see _after_ breakfast” she chuckled and gave me a crooked grin, then put down the book she had been reading – it was called ‘Your first pregnancy – what you need to know’. It must be the third time she reread it now, I thought. I smiled and gave her a hug.

“Yay… rwrd day…” I mumbled into her boob. We snuggled for a while, then got up to eat breakfast. When we were done we got dressed – I put on dark green pants and the hoodie the gems had made for me.

“I said we’d pick up donuts on the way. We’ll need a few” she grinned at me as we strolled along to the beach.

“Mmmh yes… donuts” I said with an enthusiastic smile.

We reached the Big Donut and entered it, the bell tinkling merrily.

“Hey Sadie, you got my text?” Jasper greeted the blonde behind the counter. I looked between them. I didn’t know they were texting each other. When had that happened?

“Yeah, got your order ready to go” she said brightly. “And hi, Erica”

“Hi Sadie” I said a little dazedly. Jasper approached the counter and paid for a _huge_ box.

“Happy fourteenth day smoke free!” Sadie giggled and gave me a hug.

“Th-thanks” I felt a _little_ proud of myself for making it. But I hadn’t exactly been graceful about it. “Sorry again for the other day”

“It’s _OK_ , I keep telling you” she said warmly. A few days ago I had snapped at her. I had apologized straight after, feeling extremely guilty and ashamed. “We’re _fine_ ” she smiled at me as we broke apart.

We left the little café and Jasper and I walked across the damp sand, holding hands.

“The ocean breeze smells so salty…” I said, taking a deep breath. “I had forgotten…” Jasper chuckled and looked out to sea.

“It doesn’t feel so scary anymore. The water”

“Mmm… Maybe next summer we can even go swimming…”

“If it’s as nice as it was in the jungle, I’m game” she grinned down at me.

“That was such a wonderful day, darling” I smiled and kissed her arm.

“Yes it was”

We reached Steven’s house and an excited Amethyst opened the door.

“Hey guys!” she greeted cheerfully. “This is gonna be so much fun!” she turned around. “They’re here, let’s get going!” Pearl, Garnet, Steven and Connie were standing in the kitchen, packing a big picnic basket.

“Are we all going somewhere?” I asked curiously.

“You’ll see, babe” Jasper smirked down at me, then went over to put the box of donuts in the basket too. Pearl, Steven and Connie came over to hug me in greeting. Steven was practically vibrating on the spot.

“What is going on you guys? I’m so gods damn curious!” I asked in a whisper.

“It’s - !” Steven began but Connie put her hand over his mouth.

“ _Steven_! Shush!” she hissed at him.

“Now, now, Erica, be _patient_ ” Pearl said with a smile. “Just hold on a little longer”

“ _Fiiiiine_ ” I groaned theatrically, rolling my eyes and making both Steven and Connie giggle.

“Amethyst, Pearl” Garnet said, picking up the large basket with ease. “We’ll go first. The rest of you, wait a few seconds, then follow”

“Yes, ma’am!” Connie said, straightening her back like a soldier. Jasper looked at her with an approving smile.

Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet warped away and after half a minute the rest of us stepped onto the warp pad. I resisted the urge to ask where we were going and Jasper took my hand in hers.

“Ready?” Steven asked and we all nodded. The warp activated with a ping and after a few seconds the blue and white light faded. Steven and Connie immediately ran off, giggling. I looked around curiously. We seemed to have teleported to a rocky place. There were high cliffs and boulders, but also grass and trees.

“Where are we?” I asked Jasper.

“I think Pearl said… Row-mania”

“Oh! That’s in Europe!” I said excitedly.

“It is?” Jasper raised her eyebrows and smiled.

“I think I might explode with curiosity” I giggled. We walked along a little path leading in among the trees, following Steven and Connie. After a few minutes we reached a big open field strewn with big rocks, a high cliff hemming it in on the right side. The others were standing by a big smooth boulder, Steven was pulling Connie up onto it.

“In honor of your efforts to quit smoking, we thought a special picnic was in order” Pearl said with a broad smile.

“Can we start now?” Steven asked excitedly. “Can we?”

“Yes” Garnet grinned. I looked at the gems and smiled, feeling very touched.

“Aw, thanks you guys, that’s so – “ my sentence ended in a gasp. Steven and Connie had begun to dance on top of the rock, they laughed and jumped, then there was a burst of brilliant pink light and a _new_ giggle could be heard. I blinked rapidly and then stared up at a new person, gasping again. They were tall and beautiful, with long dark brown curly hair, their face was a mix of both Steven and Connie but – the expression in their eyes… This was someone completely _new_ …

“Hi, I’m Stevonnie” they said, vaulting off the rock and landing perfectly on the ground in front of me. I was lost for words, my brain completely frozen in awe. Amethyst burst out laughing.

“BAHAHAHA! Look at her _face_!” she pointed at me and the others smiled or giggled, Pearl raising a hand to cover her mouth, her cheeks flushed with joy. “And look at _Jasper_!” I tore my eyes away from Stevonnie, who was giggling again, holding their stomach. Jasper looked stunned, her mouth hanging open.

“I… knew they were going to do that but…” she said breathlessly.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you guys!” Stevonnie said, wiping the corner of their eyes and taking a step closer. They held out their hand first to me, then to Jasper and we shook it in turn. Their hand was bigger than mine, and soft and warm and _strong_.

“You’re so _tall_ ” I said, my brain sputtering back into life. Stevonnie looked at me and sniggered.

“Yup” they said, putting their hands on their hips.

“And _strong_ ” Jasper added, grinning a little uncertainly.

“Mm- _hmm_ ” Stevonnie hummed, looking very pleased.

“They look great together, don’t they?” Amethyst said, elbowing me on the thigh.

“Yeah… you’re so _cute_ ” I said with feeling. They _were_! “Aw, oh my gods” they had just blushed scarlet.

“A-haah!” Amethyst laughed. “Never seen Stevonnie _blush_ before”

“Come on Amethyst” Stevonnie scratched their neck embarrassedly. “And uh… thanks, ma’am”

“’ _Ma’am_ ’?” I said, goggle eyed. “Please call me Erica, for the love of the gods” I giggled, feeling my cheeks heat up too. A few butterflies drifted away on the breeze.

“Oh, um, sure…” they seemed to have lost their up-beat and forward attitude a little at me complimenting their looks.

“C-can you summon Steven’s shield?” I asked in an effort to bring it back.

“Yeah!” they said enthusiastically – their face lit up just like both Steven’s and Connie’s would and I wanted to call them cute again – because oh my fucking gods – they were so adorable! But I contained my squeal. They held out their arm and the pink shield appeared, slightly larger than Steven’s normally was.

“Awesome…” I said quietly, making Stevonnie beam.

“We’re very proud of them” Garnet said in a pleased tone. Stevonnie’s cheeks flushed again, but their chest inflated as well. Amethyst patted their thigh.

“You _gotta_ show off a little, dude – and you guys” she turned to me and Jasper. “Time to pony up”

“Huh?” I asked, lost in the way Stevonnie’s curls wafted gently in the breeze.

“Mash it up!” the purple gem urged, giving my hip a push. “ _Fuse_ , nerds! Echo’s the one who wanted to meet everyone, so bring her out already” I turned to Jasper, who met my gaze with a rosy cheeked smile.

“Come on babe” she said, holding out a hand to me. I took it slowly. We had never fused like this before, with so many people watching and _knowing_ it was going to happen. Jasper slid her hand onto the small of my back. “Hey…” she said softly. “It’s just you and me…” she smiled down at me. I returned the smile, then closed my eyes and let the _desire_ to be Echo that was always in the back of my mind, fill me to the brim. I took a deep breath and stood on tip toe to kiss Jasper, knowing she was bending down to meet my lips. A bright light consumed my vision and I –

 _Smiled_ broadly as I straightened up, stretching my long arms and flexing my fingers. I looked around eagerly.

“Hello again, my lovelies!” I said happily, large butterflies appearing around me. I squatted down to look at them all.

“Boosh, you’re so _huge_ ” Amethyst walked around me, sizing me up.

“Good to see you again” Garnet smiled up at me.

“Yes, v-very good” Pearl said with a slightly nervous smile.

“And you said _I’m_ tall” Stevonnie sniggered, holding out a hand to me in greeting.

“I don’t know about you guys but _I_ wanna see those funky legs in action” Amethyst pointed to my feet.

“Oh! You want to _race_?” Stevonnie asked me excitedly, their shoulders rising and their mouth stretching into a wide grin.

“A race?” I asked, feeling a little taken aback.

“Yeah, race!” Amethyst prompted.

“You don’t have to” Garnet said calmly. I looked at the expression on Stevonnie’s face, feeling Jasper eager to show off and Erica… Erica wanted to make everyone happy, feeling awful about how nasty she had been to everyone during the last few weeks.

“One… one moment…” I said, then closed my eyes and focused inward. My loves… I thought, and they both reached out for me, sending affection out in pulses, both to me and to each other. First of all, thank you for letting me meet the other fusions… Jasper glowed with pride and Erica was happy to be me again, and relieved to be rid of the ever present craving for a while – but at the same time ashamed for how she had acted. Jasper insisted that it really hadn’t been that bad and that she _had_ apologized for everything. **No one is mad at you, babe** … _They’re not_? Erica was hoping this was true and Jasper filled me with certainty. More relief came from Erica now and I felt myself relax. I let the world come back into focus. “Yes, Stevonnie, I’ll race you” I said with a smile, feeling Jasper’s desire to impress light a spark of the same in Erica.

“Alright!” Stevonnie cheered. “To the end of the field and back?” I stood up and looked over the grassland. It wasn’t very far, maybe a couple of hundred yards.

“OK” I stretched out a bit, spreading my toes. “Just for fun, right?”

“Of course!” Stevonnie got into their starting position.

“I want a good clean race” Pearl said, looking from Stevonnie to me. “Get ready… get set… go!” Stevonnie set off like a thoroughbred out the starting boxes and I giggled, then sprang after them, my claws digging into the dirt and propelling me forward rapidly. Stevonnie was fast, reaching the end of the field two seconds before me and stuck out their tongue as they sped past in the other direction. I laughed and shifted up a gear, catching up to them rather easily – their expression went from triumphant to dismayed and Erica urged me to let them win. Jasper relented after a few seconds and I slowed a tad, letting them get a few yards ahead of me before crossing the finish line.

“Oh _yeah_ – who da fusion!” Amethyst cheered, clapping a panting Stevonnie on the back.

“She let me win!” Stevonnie grinned.

“Whaa-aat? N-no…” I said, shrugging and holding up my hands innocently.

“You’re an even worse liar than Erica!” Amethyst laughed. Erica felt a little stung but controlled herself, keeping the surge of anger from leaping to me and Jasper.

“One more time” Stevonnie said, a fierce light coming on in their eyes. “This time, don’t let me win unless I earn it!”

I laughed a little nervously, Jasper feeling very smug inside. “Alright”

We got into the starting position again and as Pearl’s hand fell I sped off, Erica was almost alarmed at the speed and Jasper shone out brightly, loving the feel of my arms and legs pumping. I reached the end of the field in a few breaths, then dashed back to the finish line. Stevonnie crossed it a good five seconds after I did, panting hard.

“Good race” they said, holding out a hand to me. I smiled and shook it, then they lay down flat on their back and laughed in a bubbly sort of way.

“Pff, Opal’d beat you” Amethyst said, flicking her hair at me.

“Really now?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh – _yeah_ ” the purple gem said as if it was obvious. “Come on P, let’s show this tall drink of _slow_ how it’s done”

“Amethyst” Pearl said with a little frown.

“Aw, P…” Amethyst went over to her and whispered something in her ear, then glanced                                                                                                                                                                               up at me. Pearl smiled a little, then nodded. They began to dance and I felt a thrill of excitement and anticipation from Erica and a slight spark of apprehension from Jasper. I felt quite enthusiastic myself and gasped as the two gems disappeared in a burst of pale purple light. A fusion only a little shorter than myself appeared with her eyes closed, two sets of arms relaxed against her sides.

“Oh my…” I breathed. “You have four arms!” if Erica had had a mouth, it’d be gaping.

“That she does” Garnet smiled, looking up at Opal. “Hello, old friend”

“Hello” Opal said in a deep and hoarse voice. It sent a shiver down my spine and I smiled. “It hasn’t been that long, has it?” she stretched her arms over her head, then looked at me. “It is strange to see another fusion… _two_ fusions…” she looked at Stevonnie too. “Usually it’s only me and Garnet. But seems our family is growing…” I felt a wave of affection for her that surprised Jasper thoroughly.

“Giant woman…” Stevonnie said breathlessly. “H-hi – um… I’m Stevonnie”

”I know” Opal chuckled and held out one set of hands to them, pulling them to their feet. “Oh, look at you…” she smiled warmly, exuding calm and pride. “Such a lovely fusion” Stevonnie laughed a little nervously, blushing slightly.

“Aw, come on…”

“And you” Opal turned to me and I felt Jasper recoil a little at those double sets of arms, then catching herself and forcing herself to relax, not wanting to ruin things for me or Erica. “You are…” she paused a moment, her eyelids flickering a little. “You are Echo”

“Yes” I said nervously. “Hello”

“Amethyst _very_ much wants to race you” she said with a smile, as if telling me a secret. I chortled at this.

“Maybe we should, then? To stop her fretting” Opal smiled broader at me, her eyes sparkling just like Amethyst’s did sometimes.

“Right” she nodded. “Around the field?”

“OK” I nodded back. We got into position and I felt Jasper’s mind focus, the competitive part of her flaring up and glowing, sending tingling tendrils along my arms and legs. It resonated with something old inside Erica.

“Get ready, get set… Go!” Stevonnie said excitedly and we both set off. This was fun! We were neck and neck, glancing at each other every once in a while, then suddenly Opal put on a burst of speed.

_ _

_A chase_ … Erica lit up like a Christmas tree inside me and Jasper glowed with pleasure. My eyes narrowed and I lengthened my stride, catching up to Opal. As we rounded the last corner of the field we were both panting hard and sprinting side by side. Ahead of us, Garnet and Stevonnie were clapping and cheering. We crossed the finish line at the same time and I had no idea who had won.

“Wow!” Stevonnie applauded and jumped from foot to foot. “You guys were so _fast_! Who won?”

“No idea” I panted, grinning.

“Mmm… Too close to call” Garnet said, nodding firmly. “It was a tie”

“Good race” I said, turning to Opal.

“Yes, very good race!” she said with a pink cheeked smile. She looked a tad embarrassed and I couldn’t help but feel a little smug.

“Hey would you mind… Could I ask you all some questions?” I inquired after a few seconds of catching my breath.

“Shoot” Garnet said, grinning slightly.

“What does it feel like… to be you?”

“Fabulous” Garnet’s grin widened.

“Pretty great” Stevonnie said, putting their hands in their pockets a little shyly.

“It’s lovely” Opal smiled more genuinely now. “What does it feel like for you?”

“It’s _wonderful_!” I said warmly, putting a hand on my belly and stroking it softly – it was a reassuring gesture and quite unconscious, but both Jasper and Erica enjoyed it very much. Erica’s mind relaxed enormously and I knew she would have let out a great big sigh if she had been in her own body. “When you think… is it like you are alone in your head? Or are the parts of you there too, weighing in?”

“Mmm…” Garnet hummed, touching her chin and thinking a few seconds. “Mostly it’s me… But Ruby and Sapphire are there too, sometimes close, sometimes far away”

“That sounds about right” Stevonnie said thoughtfully, scratching their head. “But sometimes they can take over – like… they just _need_ to do something or… something’s scared them and that makes them act through me?”

“Sometimes it feels like I’m more of a mediator…” Opal trailed off and looked at the ground. “But when both Pearl and Amethyst are united it’s _sublime_ ”

“When your individual parts are at odds – if there is a disagreement or overwhelming emotions of one kind or other, you might come undone. I have, at times” Garnet said.

“That’s… usually how I go” Opal blushed a tad. I looked at her with raised eyebrows. That didn’t sound very nice at all… Jasper and Erica sort of… huddled together closer at that piece of information.

“Once I got quite… dizzy. And images sort of… leaked into my mind without my loves really wanting to” I said carefully, knowing Jasper wouldn’t want more details shared.

“An overwhelming emotion preceded this?” Garnet asked and I nodded slowly. “Did you separate?”

“No” I responded. Opal glanced at me and put her head to the side, her eyebrows drawing together. “I… We… managed to calm down, and _then_ I let go of my form…”

“Well done” Garnet said and crossed her arms, leaning back and smiling up at me. I raised my eyebrows in surprise at the praise and Jasper squirmed a little uncomfortably, Erica sent a wave of reassuring warmth towards the both of us.

“Do your loves – I mean… your individual parts ever… fade? Like they go into a sleep?” I asked curiously. “Or… fade?”

“Never” Opal said, looking at me with a confused expression. “Pearl and Amethyst are always alert and… part of the conversation”

“When they rest – that’s when it’s mostly a me feeling in my head, not an _us_.” Garnet said slowly. “It can also happen if one of your… loves as you say… are injured or… wants to be alone without being by themselves – mmm… that one is a bit hard to explain”

“I can say for certain I’ve never experienced that last one” Opal said with a little laugh.

“Me neither” Stevonnie piped up.

“I’ve never felt _that_ way… but when my loves formed me in… Lapis’ prison I felt them slipping away from me” all three fusions looked at me now and I straightened my back. Stevonnie wore a slightly pained expression, Opal looked a tad worried, but Garnet smiled up at me encouragingly.

“ _That_ … is when you matter the most” she said solemnly. “When you as a fusion have to be strong for your loves. You are stronger than them and it’s up to you to decide what to do to keep them from getting hurt” I felt Jasper’s heart tremble and raised my free hand to cover mine to soothe hers. **Malachite didn’t care about me** , Jasper thought, a feeling of shame and sorrow coming from her. But _I_ do, I told her fiercely. _And I do too_ , Erica added _._ Jasper’s mind stilled and we could both feel her trying hard to be calm. I knew she would be a lot more comfortable doing something more physical – I knew the subject of Malachite was very hard for her. You are doing such a great job, my Jasper-love. Erica agreed emphatically, a surge of warmth coming from her that made Jasper unwind more. I let out a breath.

“I haven’t really been in a situation like that” Stevonnie said quietly, scraping one bare foot through the tall grass. “I’m not sure what I’d do”

“You will do fine” Garnet said reassuringly. “Facing challenges, whether they are internal or external will strengthen the bond between those who fuse. Or break it, perhaps. Sometimes… like with Sugilite – she can get a bit… carried away. And she forgets about me and Amethyst” Jasper’s attention sharpened and I looked at Garnet. The feeling emanating from Jasper now was… pain and a desire to know more, but also fear with a sprinkling of cautious hope.

“What do you mean… forget?” I asked quietly, a few indistinct green shapes appearing like ghosts around me. Stevonnie gazed up at them in fascination.

“Sugilite is a very powerful fusion, but she is willful and stubborn and sometimes she overrules me and Amethyst. And that can be an incredibly dangerous thing”

“Yes” Opal agreed, nodding slowly. “But Amethyst wishes to inform you that Sugilite is also a lot of _fun_ ”

“That she is” Garnet smiled. “Every fusion has good sides and bad sides, just like everyone else. We are people, and because we are people we are also flawed. And that’s OK” her voice was soft and reassuring. “Stevonnie – you are so young, and I see so much potential in you. I know you and Steven and Connie will do great things together, more than you can imagine” Stevonnie blushed again, but stood up straighter too. “And Opal, old friend. You have _already_ done great things. When you are in harmony there is such undivided, powerful focus and any task you put your mind to is easily completed” Opal bowed her head at this, looking flattered and pleased. “And you, Echo…” Garnet turned to me. “We do not know each other very well yet… But I have a feeling you and I – and the rest of the Crystal Gems – will have a long, wonderful friendship” she smiled up at me. I felt very touched, and Erica too. Jasper was trying very hard to be open to our positive response, but cautiousness emanated from her at the same time.

“I certainly would like a rematch at some point” Opal said.

“Oh!” Stevonnie exclaimed suddenly. “Opal, you have to show your _bow_!”

Opal giggled softly, raising one hand to her mouth in much the same way Pearl would. “But there is nothing for me to _shoot_ ”

“Hmmm…” Stevonnie hummed. “Oh! I know!” they summoned Steven’s shield. “If I throw this you could shoot it like a clay pigeon!” they grabbed the pink shield by the edge and held it like a discus.

“Oh… oh, go on then” Opal said, rolling her eyes, but smiling all the same. She _wanted_ to show off and I grinned at her. **Now _this_ is more like it** , Jasper thought, enthusiasm rising from her. Opal stepped back, then used one right hand to pull Amethyst’s whip from the gem on her chest, the other one rising to grasp Pearl’s spear from her forehead – there was a flash of light and then she was holding an ornate bow.

“Whoa…” I said, feeling deeply impressed. Erica trembled excitedly, images of elves flooding my mind. Jasper was paying attention to the details on the weapon, adding that the draw strength on that thing must be _massive_.

“Ready?” Stevonnie asked eagerly. Opal nodded and raised the bow. Stevonnie threw the shield high into the air and Opal drew the string back quickly, a blue arrow made of light appearing out of nowhere and making me gasp. She followed the arc of the pink shield a moment, then twitched ahead of its path and loosed the arrow. It whispered through the air and hit the shield with a resounding ‘BONG’! Both weapons splintered into pieces and vanished.

“Awesome!” Stevonnie whooped, jumping high into the air.

“That was fantastic” I said with a broad smile. “I was going to ask where you kept the arrows”

“I never run out of ammo” Opal giggled, her cheeks flushed with pleasure. “It’s _very_ handy” she winked at Stevonnie who burst out laughing. They had such an enchanting laugh!

“Again!” the smallest fusion said with sparkling eyes. Opal nodded and readied her bow again. She fired two more shots, making Stevonnie cheer loudly and bounce around.

“Alright, alright” Garnet said, holding up her hands and summoning her gauntlets. “Can’t let you have all the fun, Opal”

“Ohhh!” Stevonnie gasped.

“Will you throw one for me too?” Garnet asked and Stevonnie nodded, smiling broadly. They threw another shield and Garnet raised her arms, took aim and then – I couldn’t believe my eyes – her gauntlets _shot off_ her wrists like they were propelled by rockets, tore through the air and collided with the shield in a loud explosion.

“ _Garnet_!” Stevonnie grabbed onto the larger fusion’s arm and jumped up and down. “That was so _cool_! Boom!” Garnet put one hand on her hip and smiled in a very satisfied way. Then all three fusions turned to me.

“Think you’re up, Echo” Opal said with a giggle.

“Me?” I looked at them all in surprise. I felt Jasper extremely eager to show off to the others and impress the pants right off them. I smiled to myself. Alright, my Jasper-love, just how do we do that then? **We could be our cat, jump up and _bite_ it**. That’s an idea, certainly. Erica? _Um… We could… swear at it?_ That’s another idea. _Hah, if we become the cat and roar it might look like Lion opening a portal_ … **Now _that’s_ impressive** – amusement filled me and I laughed softly to myself.

“Better watch out” Garnet grinned and took a step back.

“Throw it high?” I asked Stevonnie – they nodded and readied themselves. The shield flew up into the sky and I concentrated hard, remembering the feel of the shape, the rhythm of the movement as I had run through the desert. I took a step forward and the change flowed over me. I shook my mane, pleased at the loud gasps from Opal and Stevonnie. I followed the shield with my eyes and drew in a deep breath, my front paws rising off the ground – I felt my ribs straining and my throat tingle, then I let out a roar like a thunderclap – a twisting, crackling ball of pale orange light shot out of my mouth and I was pushed back by the force of it, my claws digging into the ground. The grass billowed in the wake, as did my mane and Stevonnie’s and Opal’s long hair. The ball of light rocketed into the shield and there was a strange sound – as if a large chandelier had just crashed to the marble floor of a church. I felt joy course through me and leapt away laughing, butterflies bursting into life around me. Jasper and Erica shone within me and I turned to see the reaction of the three fusions. Opal was staring up into the sky, looking amazed, Stevonnie had their mouth wide open in a huge smile and Garnet grinned at me, nodding approvingly.

“Oh my _gooosh_!” Stevonnie burst out, jumping toward me. I sprang away and they began to chase me, laughing their bubbly, wonderful laugh. After a minute or two I let them catch me and they flung their arms around my neck and buried their head in my mane. “Oh, you’re so _soft_!” they giggled. “That was really cool!”

I chortled and gave them a huge grin. “Worked out well, didn’t it?”

“Yeah it did!”

“I’d say” it was Pearl’s voice. “A long way from flinging Erica half way across the Sky Arena”

“Oh, did you defuse?” Stevonnie asked, turning around. “Well, of course you did” they giggled, looking a little embarrassed. “ _Doi~_ ”

“Yup, we know when we’re being out-cooled” Amethyst appeared behind Pearl and put her arms behind her head. “You haven’t seen Sugi yet, though, so the best is yet to come” she gave me a wink.

“I don’t know about _best_ ” Pearl said, rolling her eyes but smiling. “ _Biggest_ without a doubt”

“Big, bad, _bawesome_ ” Amethyst joked. “Look at you _go_ , Echo, kitty cat’s got moxy” she shapeshifted into a _beautifully_ detailed purple lion and leaned against me. “Still got nothing on _me_ , but I’ll give ya credit for that meow”

“ _’Meow’_? More like _RAWR_!” Stevonnie laughed, throwing themselves over Amethyst and starting to wrestle her.

“Oh _dude_ , you just messed with the wrong pus – “

“ _Amethyst_!” Pearl snapped, blue in the face. Amethyst just sniggered and grappled Stevonnie easily.

“Chillaaax, P – Stevonnie is of age – sort of”

“Yeah, I can swear” Stevonnie grunted. “If I – _wanted_ – to!” they wiggled out of Amethyst’s grip. “But I don’t really see a need” they grinned, their hair a mess now.

“ _Very_ good decision” Pearl said approvingly, walking over to them and adjusting their hair with a pleased look in her eye.

“Pff” Amethyst huffed, turning back into her normal shape and plopping down on the grass. “Swearing’s great. Let’s you blow off steam and hah! You should have heard the string of naughty words coming from Pearl inside Opal when Echo made the shield go bye-bye” Pearl froze and flushed, hands still smoothing down Stevonnie’s curls.

“What I say in my _mind_ – is no one else’s business” Pearl said with flustered dignity.

“ _Kinda_ my biz if you say it when we’re _Opal_ ” Amethyst sniggered. “But no worries, I won’t _befoul_ the air with your hilarious reactions, which is too bad really. It was great”

“I-it was?” Pearl turned to Amethyst, sounding surprised.

“ _Hells_ yeah!” Amethyst sat up. “I _love_ it when you swear, P! It makes it _extra_ expressive, ya know?”

“Well” Pearl looked a little _more_ flustered at Amethyst’s enthusiasm. “I – I quite _enjoy_ when we’re Opal. It’s… nice”

“Aw, shucks, P, gonna make me cry and stuff” Amethyst punched Pearl playfully on the knee.

“I really like it when you get along” Stevonnie said in a voice that sounded a bit more like Steven.

“Yeah, it’s _fantabu-lous_ ” Amethyst sang and sprang to her feet. “But I wanna get along with Garnet a bit, bring Sugi out to play – waddaya say G? Wanna mash it up?” everyone turned to look at her. She held up a thumb and smiled.

“Oh dear… just be _careful_ , alright?” Pearl said a tad worriedly.

“Don’t _worry_ so much, P” Amethyst laughed, then danced her way over to Garnet. The way the two of _them_ moved together was a lot more provocative than what Amethyst and Pearl had done. I sat back on my haunches and just stared. _I could never dance like that_ , Erica thought, sharing that she would really like to be able to. **I’ve never seen anyone move like Amethyst does** , Jasper supplied, a sense of awe emanating from her. I’m quite sure you both could pull those moves off, I reassured them – and then there was an explosion of light, a loud primal roar and then my field of vision was taken up by a massive pair of legs. I _gasped_ and looked up, and then _up_ –

“Oh my _gods_ …” I breathed. “She’s _huge_!”

“Sup, tiny peeps” Sugilite said in a booming voice, then grinned down at us, lowering her shades with one humongous hand and revealing _five_ eyes.

“Whoa…” Stevonnie stared up at her, stunned.

“H-hello” Pearl said, waving and smiling a little awkwardly.

“Hey there Pearl – aw look at this, little man’s got his own fusion now, huh? Stevonnie right?” Stevonnie nodded. “Put it there” Sugilite lowered herself into a squat and held out a hand the size of a mini Cooper. Stevonnie shook one finger and Sugilite laughed. “And _you_ ” she turned her multi-eyed gaze on me. Both Erica and Jasper were so stunned by the sheer size of her I felt nothing but disbelief from them.

“Hello” I said, returning to my normal shape and holding out my hand to hers.

“Hey, scrawny” she smirked at me. “Nice to see some new faces, even if none of y’all’s big enough to compete with all this” she stood up and swept one hand over her body while the others were on her hips. “Shame, really”

“Well! Now you’ve met we can – “ Pearl began.

“Pssh, Pearl, why you gotta be such a spoil sport? Haven’t even showed you my improved toy” Sugilite sniggered. She held out one set of hands and summoned Garnet’s gauntlets with a resounding Thoom – but they didn’t appear on her hands – they formed above them, then rose into the air, fingers clasping together. Her smaller right hand pulled Amethyst’s whip from the gem on her chest and threw the split end up to wrap around a handle that had appeared at the bottom of the free floating gauntlets. There was a flash of light, then the now spiky gauntlets fell to the ground with a resounding crash, making the earth shake and a cloud of dust rise. Pearl coughed and waved her hand in front of her face.

“Oh, _please_ ” she huffed, crossing her arms. “Like you need _more_ wrecking power”

“I _like_ it” Sugilite said and lifted the minibus sized, spiked flail head off the ground with one hand. “Now, what can I test it out on?” she looked around. “Hey, scrawny, toss me a boulder, would ya?”

“Me?” I asked, stunned.

“Yeah you” I looked over at the closest rock. It was about the same size as Sugilite’s flail. Could I lift that? **Easily** , Jasper scoffed. Erica felt amazed. I padded over to it, reached down and… lifted it. And that was very weird… It felt like it weighed around ten or so pounds to Erica’s mind. I balanced the rock in one hand. _This shouldn’t be possible_ , she thought slowly. _Yet there it is… in our hand_ …

“How… do you want it?” I asked, grinning to myself.

“Nice and high” Sugilite responded, cracking all her knuckles. I lobbed the giant rock into the sky – it turned slowly around its own axis and Jasper felt a little proud of that. Sugilite lifted the flail and began to spin it in her hands – it blurred and made a loud whirring sound – the wind it created almost blew Pearl off her feet! Then she let it go and it screamed through the air and hit the massive rock with an earsplitting CRUNCH – gravel began raining down – the boulder had been _pulverized_. I raised an arm to protect my head and eyes, then almost lost my balance as the flail came crashing to the ground. As the dust settled, Stevonnie, Pearl and I all coughed. Sugilite waved one enormous hand to clear the air, her cackle of a laugh booming loudly over our heads. “Did I scare you? Aww…”

“We’re not scared!” Stevonnie said hoarsely, then began to cough again.

“Definitely not” Pearl crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. She obviously didn’t care for Sugilite.

“That was _impressive_ ” I said, smiling up at the huge purple face. Jasper’s awe at the sheer enormity of Sugilite was settling now. **It would take… six or seven amethysts to make a fusion as big as _that_ – at the very _least_**... _Really?_ Wow…

“Pssh – that was _nothin’_ ” Sugilite said, shifting her weight over to one foot. “Wish I had something _real_ to fight for once. Come on, Pearl, join in on one of the others and we can have an actual – “

“No! Are you _cracked_?!” Pearl exploded. “Listen here, you big _oaf_! _First of all_ – that would destroy this beautiful place and draw a lot of unwanted attention, _secondly_ – I’m not going to fuse with either of these two to entertain _you_! Stevonnie and Echo are here to meet and have fun and _talk_ and _play_ – fighting was _not_ in the plan!” she threw her hands into the air angrily. “Garnet, Amethyst – that’s _enough_!” Stevonnie and I exchanged a look. Was this… about to get dangerous? Sugilite frowned.

“So why the hell am I still here? Forget this” she shrugged her shoulders and grimaced, then a blinding light engulfed her and her shape shrank and split into Amethyst and Garnet. I felt relief from Erica and Jasper – but there was a _hint_ of disappointment from my Jasper-love.

“ _Finally_ ” Pearl said exasperatedly.

“Take a chill pill, P, we had her under control” Amethyst said rather testily.

“So you _wanted_ me to intrude on Stevonnie and Echo?!” Pearl’s face was blotchily blue now, indignant and embarrassed. “ _How could you ask that of either of us_?!” this last question came out as a hiss.

“That was Sugilite’s idea” Garnet said calmly, holding up her hands. “Let’s settle down”

Pearl’s lips moved and she frowned as if she was going to say something more, then she closed her eyes and took a breath, lifting her hands to her chest, then pushing them down as she exhaled.

“Gee” Amethyst rolled her visible eye.

“How could Sugilite be so _huge_?” I asked Garnet, wanting to give Pearl a minute.

“We’re not really sure, but – any fusion Amethyst is part of seems to be a bit bigger than you’d think”

“Yuuup” Amethyst sniggered. “Cuz I’m bigger on the inside”

“That’s really interesting!” I said, both me and Erica feeling fascinated. “And fusions get bigger the more people make them up, right?”

“Yes, that’s right. With cross gem fusions the result is always a little uncertain, and fusing a fusion with one or more people…”

“That’s how we get _Alexandrite_ ” Amethyst said waving her arms mysteriously. “Fire breathing, bad _ass_ , six arms, _two faces_ – “ Garnet put a hand on her shoulder. I felt Jasper’s mind freeze up. She didn’t want to think about the fight with Malachite.

“There’s one more fusion neither of you have officially met yet” Garnet said with a smile. “Pearl…” she held out a hand to the pale gem, who seemed much calmer now.

“Yeah, yeah, Sardonyx woo…” Amethyst shrugged, rolling her eye again.

Pearl and Garnet began to dance – this was very different from how Garnet and Amethyst had gone about it. It was much more like ballroom dancing, Garnet being a lot more passive. With a burst of orange-pink light and something like dragon flies made of light Sardonyx appeared, spinning on the spot, her coat tails flying out around her.

“Ah! What a lovely day!” she said. “Stevonnie! So very pleased to meet you, finally!” she reached out all four of her hands and shook both of Stevonnie’s. “Oh, and Steven, I’m so dreadfully sorry for how things ended up last time”

“I-It’s OK” Stevonnie stammered, looking a little overwhelmed.

“Sup, Sar-diiiiines” Amethyst waved lazily.

“Amethyst, you’re looking well” Sardonyx said in a school-mistressy type voice. I couldn’t help but smile a little at this.

“Good to see ya, yada-yada, I’m gonna get myself a bear claw” the purple gem walked off toward the picnic basket.

“Ah, and the newest fusion, Echo!” Sardonyx turned to me and I noticed she had a gap between her front teeth. “Very pleased to meet you!” she reached out to take my hands like she had taken Stevonnie’s. Her grip was gentle but firm and I smiled up at her.

“Nice to meet you too” I said happily. “You’re super tall as well!”

“Why, _yes_! I am!” she took a step away from me in a very balletic manner, then her lower set of arms spun around as if they were an individual moving part of her. “I’m ever so curious about _you_!” she said with a very dignified laugh. “Pearl and Garnet tell me you are good at shapeshifting – but I’m curious as to what your other abilities are!”

“’Other abilities’?”

“Yes, _indeed_!” she nodded, closing one pair of eyes and smiling.  “And your weapon, of course – I wonder – will you be able to summon the one which used to belong to the tourmaline?”

Stevonnie gasped and looked up at me.

“That’s the gem dust gem?” they asked. I nodded at them, feeling a little exited.

“She has told Erica she used to have one – a sharp one” I giggled at the memory Erica shared.

“I would suggest starting with Jasper’s helmet” Sardonyx said, cupping her chin. “Why not give it a try?”

“Yeah! Try!” Stevonnie nodded encouragingly.

“I think… Do excuse me…” I focused inward. How do I do that… summon your helmet, my Jasper-love? **Let me show you!** A sudden wave of battle lust burst from Jasper – enthralling and powerful – images of victories she had had, of arenas and battle fields – my body tensed and then – **_WIN_**! My gem glowed and the Thoom of Jasper’s helmet appearing was extremely loud so close to my ears. There was a slight moment of panic from Erica at the feeling of having our skull suddenly incased in something hard – but she fought hard to regain control. I wobbled before I found my balance and felt Jasper’s surprise, then concern and shame at our reactions. **Oh shit, I’m sorry. I thought it’d be better to just show you**. _It’s… OK_. Took me by surprise, my love… **Damn it** … It’s alright, it’s alright, calm… Let’s be calm… I took a breath and felt them both settle. I opened my eyes and the world came back into focus.

“You OK there, Echo?” Stevonnie asked, looking up at me with big shining eyes. Everything was tinted orange. “You were just standing there and then boom! Helmet! You almost fell over”

“Yes… got a little surprised” I could see the front of the helmet protrude from my forehead.

“Excellent!” Sardonyx clapped both sets of hands. “What a marvelous thing, _very_ bold” she flicked her wrist at me. “How does it feel?”

“Strange” I said quietly, running my fingers over the smooth, cold surface of the helmet. “It’s so _snug_ …” I turned my head this way and that – expecting the thing to move around, but it remained perfectly in place.

“It looks good on you” Stevonnie said, beaming up at me. I smiled down at them, feeling flattered.

“Thanks, sweetheart” I responded warmly.

“Now, what about _Tourmaline_ , hmm?” Sardonyx took a step closer. “I’m assuming you’re holding council when you go quiet”

“’Holding council?’” I asked.

“Yes, well – that’s how _I_ like to refer to it – when Garnet, Pearl and myself confer – but, much like Erica you seem to be able to shut everything else out when you concentrate – how very interesting”

“Oh, yeah, everything else fades”

“My, my… Take a moment, then – and see if you can’t bring Tourmaline into the conversation, hmm?”

“I’ll try” I nodded, then closed my eyes again. All the sounds around me faded into nothing. Tourmaline? I paused, Erica and Jasper expectant and curious. ‘Yes?’ came the little voice, like a ghostly whisper on the wind. I felt her glow faintly, then dwindle, but I knew she was still there. How do you summon _your_ weapon? I waited for a few heartbeats, then – a need for sharpness and a desire to make _other_ things sharp flowed from her and – oh! **Ah!** _Ugh!_ Something was _in my throat_ – I raised a hand to my mouth, not able to breathe, something was – was _growing into_ my mouth _from_ the back of my throat, pressing my tongue aside – I opened my jaws wide and scrabbled with my fingers – they found something hard and I grabbed it and _pulled_ –

“ _Whaaaat_!?” Stevonnie gasped, staring up at me. I blinked and panted, looking at the thing in my hand – it was a long blue… _dagger_?

“Oh my!” Sardonyx exclaimed, all her arms raising in alarm.

“Shiiiiiit!” Amethyst hooted with laughter. “Did you just _barf up your weapon_?! I’m _dying_!” she rolled on the ground, _crying_ with mirth. The two fusions stared at me.

“ _That’s_ new” Sardonyx blinked, then leaned in closer to look at it. I kept staring at the blade. It hadn’t… _hurt_ exactly but… Oh, how _uncomfortable_! There was a tickling little giggle from Tourmaline – oh, she was laughing – **Stars, she’s a _sadist_ ** – _Oh my fucking gods I thought we were going to choke_. I rubbed my neck and swallowed.

“Are you _OK_?” Stevonnie asked, patting my knee.

“Yes, I think so…” I said a bit hoarsely.

“Oh _maaan_ – you should have seen your _face_!” Amethyst snorted with laughter and wiped her eyes. “Best thing today _by far_!”

“Now, now, Amethyst” Sardonyx said, sounding like a school-mistress again. “Let’s be nice. Summoning your weapon for the first time can be strange – though I’ve never in my life seen someone _regurgitate_ one before”

“Tourmaline thought it was funny…” I said, my eyebrows wrinkling a little.

“My kind of humor!” Amethyst laughed.

“Why would a historian have a _knife_?” I wondered aloud.

“What kind of weapon a gem gets is a mystery we have yet to solve. Sometimes, as you have seen, it can be for defense – like Steven’s shield, or Jasper’s helmet, even if both of them – and Stevonnie too – have found ways of using them for offense” amusement came from Jasper at this and Stevonnie sniggered.

“So what do you get when you cross a knife and a helmet?” Amethyst asked.

“Hmm… A spiky helmet?” Stevonnie suggested. “Oh, a _horned_ helmet?”

“Pff, _laaaame_ ” Amethyst groaned. “Gotta be something more awesome that that, right?” she nudged my knee. “Go on, put em together”

“Together?” I asked.

“Ah, yes – _combining_ weapons – a fusion perk!” Sardonyx waved her hands and a _huge_ hammer appeared. “This is the combination of Pearl’s spear and Garnet’s gauntlets. An extremely effective weapon, even _if_ it is a bit on the large side”

“She can play Whack-a-mole _anytime_ ” Amethyst smirked.

“Try combining them, Echo” Sardonyx said encouragingly.

“How?”

“Take one in each hand, bring them together, then let them decide”

“Let them decide?”

“Yes – it’s a weapon fusion! They’ll find a way to work together”

“OK, well… here goes” I reached up and took my helmet off, shaking out my hair. Erica felt relieved when it was gone. I held both weapons together in front of me and thought of what they might become together. Erica and Jasper were both very curious and we all focused on the things in my hands. They began to glow and melted into each other – I could still feel the handle of the knife – then it grew somehow and there was a flash of light and a strange crackling sound – when I could see clearly again I was holding something _new_ in my hands.

“Oh, _nice_!” Amethyst said excitedly. It was… _a Warhammer_ , Erica thought, a stunned feeling coming from her. It had a long dark handle and a square-ish, orange hammer on one end, the back of it had a sharp blue spike. _One side to crush, the other to pierce_. **Oh, I _like_ it. **

“Marvelous!” Sardonyx said, sounding very pleased. “Go on, test it out!”

I hefted the weapon in my hand, feeling the balance of it, then padded over to a large rock. I raised it high then let it fall – when it connected with the stone there was a ringing thunderclap, a burst of light and then the rock split into two perfect halves. Amethyst and Stevonnie cheered.

“Mmm” I hummed approvingly. Jasper glowed with pleasure and Erica vibrated with excitement. I tossed the Warhammer into the air and caught it by the handle, then nodded, feeling very satisfied.

“Echo _smash_!” Amethyst flexed her arms, then burst out laughing. “ _Nice_ one, but not a _patch_ on Sugi’s flail”

“ _I_ think it’s really cool” Stevonnie said supportively.

“Thanks, sweetheart” I said warmly.

“It’s a beautiful piece of work, well done” Sardonyx said approvingly. I smiled at all three of them, feeling very good about this whole day, even though summoning Tourmaline’s weapon had been a bit of an uncomfortable experience.

“Heeey – Echo, have you eaten anything?” Amethyst asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

“Oh, no, I haven’t tried that yet”

“Then how about some _lunch_?”

“I could eat!” Stevonnie said.

“Ah, food. Yes” Sardonyx gave a slightly strained smile. “If that’s what’s on the menu, I think I’m going to let Pearl and Garnet decide for themselves. It was _very_ nice meeting you all! We’ll see each other again, before long, I’m sure” she winked both sets of eyes at me and Stevonnie, then her shape began to glow and Pearl and Garnet appeared, holding hands. We walked over to the picnic basket and put the blanket on the ground, then everyone sat down and Amethyst unpacked the food. There were all sorts of things – donuts, sandwiches, fruit, juice boxes, chips and peanuts.

“You’ve _gotta_ try a donut first” Amethyst said with a smile and held up the large box. I looked at the glistening pastries and chose one with white and brown glaze. Everyone looked at me as I raised it to my mouth.

“Mmmh…” I moaned, my eyes falling closed as I bit into the thing. It was wonderfully sweet and soft and pleasant tingles went through my mind as I chewed. “Oh _dear_ …” Jasper and Erica found my reactions very amusing and filled me with joy.

“Try some of these next” Stevonnie said, their eyes shining. They were holding up the box of sandwiches. I took one and put it in my mouth – it was barely a mouthful to me – but _oh_ , so _different_ from the donut – but still so _good_! Creamy and salty, and something was wonderfully crunchy and sour, making the other flavors change into a very pleasant combination. Erica informed me I had just eaten a ham, cheese and pickle sandwich.

“Mmmh, oh my _stars_ …” I said with my mouth full. “This is fantastic!”

I tried a little bit of everything and Amethyst and Stevonnie were possibly having more fun than me, laughing and joking at my reactions. Pearl and Garnet were talking quietly together, looking happy and relaxed. I felt extremely good and after a while I lay back on the blanket and let out a contented sigh.

“I’ve had a _wonderful_ day, everyone, _thank you so much_ ” I said, turning onto my side and looking at them all fondly. They smiled back at me.

“I’ve had a great time too” Stevonnie said, smiling a little dazedly. They looked as if they were ready for bed – which was _adorable_.

“Yup, loads of fun times” Amethyst sniggered, putting a donut sprinkled with chips and peanuts into her mouth and chewing happily.

“Oh, yes, indeed” Pearl nodded, lowering her tea cup and smiling more genuinely than I’d seen her do since I appeared. “Garnet and I have been thinking – since we now have _two_ new fusions it might be time to add fusion training to our schedule”

“Oh what?” Stevonnie beamed. “That’s awesome!” Garnet grinned broadly.

“Since fusion is such a powerful thing and one of our best weapons against home world it is very important we have separate training for that”

“Fusion training…” I said slowly, feeling happiness bloom inside me. I’d get to be around some more, then. _Of course, oh, sweet, sweet Echo_ … _I so love being you_ , Erica’s emotions echoed in Jasper. **I love being you as well, it’s so different from being myself. Everything is so… _vibrant_ … **Oh, my loves, I adore you, I thought to them, a deep feeling of contentment and love filling me to my fingertips. And I’ll do my very best during training, I promise! Mirth came from them then and reassurance that they already knew that. I chortled to myself, several large butterflies appearing around me. I let out a long sigh and closed my eyes, letting my form dissipate.

I opened my eyes and drew in the scent of Jasper. Her hair was draped around me and her face was just above mine – she was lying on her side, half covering my body, but not putting any weight on me.

“Hello little monster…” she said softly.

“Hi beastie…” I sighed happily, a few bright pink butterflies lit up the little cave of hair. She smiled and kissed me tenderly, stroking my cheek. “I love you so much… what a wonderful idea… Oh, I’m so happy…”

“I’m glad it turned out so well…” she let out a very light chuckle, her warm breath flowing across my forehead. “Damn it if you don’t look even more beautiful than this morning…”

“Darling…” I giggled, more butterflies appearing. “You’re one to talk…” I pulled at her chin and lifted my leg a little to put it on her thigh, then leaned in and kissed her soft lips. Her tongue caressed mine and our kiss deepened. She put her hand on my hip and stroked it slowly, humming appreciatively as her fingers slid over to cup my butt.

“Ahem!” Jasper and I froze mid kiss. That was a very _Pearl_ ‘ahem’. Oh, right. We weren’t _alone_. Amethyst burst into laughter somewhere behind me and Jasper swept her hair aside.

“Uh… hi” Stevonnie said, their face beet red. Amethyst was crying with laughter, rolling around on the ground and knocking over a few juice boxes. Garnet lifted the box of sandwiches away to keep them from getting crushed. I felt my cheeks heat up and heard Jasper chuckle.

“I’m happy you’re… _enjoying_ yourselves – “ Pearl began, her cheeks blue and a little sweaty. “But let’s keep it… _age-appropriate_ , alright?”

“We’ve still got our clothes on, Pearl” Jasper said, sounding amused. I giggled a little embarrassedly and sat up, kissing Jasper’s hand.

“Any coffee in there?” I asked Garnet, trying to change the subject.

“Yes” she said, smiling. She handed me a little thermos and I poured myself a cup. I took a long sip, then sighed contentedly and leaned on Jasper’s chest.

“You guys… This was so much fun…” I said softly, blinking slowly at all of them. “Thank you…” I put my free hand on Jasper’s belly and stroked it lovingly. I felt as if I was ready to _melt_.

“Yeah, thanks” Jasper said, taking a pink frosted donut from the box. “Echo had loads of fun”

“Mhmm” I hummed.

“It was sooo cool when you shapeshifted into that lion thing!” Stevonnie gushed.

“Yeah, pretty cool” Amethyst said, sitting up finally. “You should try it now, E – _then_ I’ll be _really_ impressed”

“I don’t want to move from here…” I said, three bright butterflies appearing and flitting away merrily.

“You know what – you should have a private sesh with _me_ about shapeshifting” Amethyst said, sitting up straighter. “Learn from the best and all that” she flicked her hair dramatically.

We all laughed and I smiled at her. “I’d love that, Amethyst”

“Look at _you_ ” Pearl said proudly, grinning down at Amethyst. “Wanting to _teach_ – tell me if you need help with _scheduling_ or _lesson plans_ or – “

“Whoa, pump the breaks, P” Amethyst waved her hands. “You know me – no plans, they just get in the way – we’ll just hang out and mess around and see what happens”

“Um…” Stevonnie looked a bit uncomfortable. “Maybe… go easy, yeah? Steven’s first experiences with shapeshifting were kinda frightening. It got out of control, because… he _felt_ out of control? So um… be careful? And try to stay calm”

“That’s very good advice” Garnet said, nodding at Stevonnie with a small smile.

“It is” Jasper agreed. “With practice you can do all sorts of… interesting things” a purr entered her voice and my mind was immediately set on fire with naughty thoughts and my cheeks burned.

“Stars a- _bove_ …” Pearl rolled her eyes impressively.

“That’s _advanced_ stuff” Amethyst sniggered. “Maybe Jazzy-pants should hold _that_ particular lesson”

“Yup” Jasper chuckled and kissed the top of my head. “I’ll teach you a thing or two, hmm?”

“I’m sure you _would, Rwalaer…_ ” I looked up at her with a wicked little smile. “ _Amin harmuva onalle e'…_ ” I paused a moment to wet my lips. “…  C _ormamin_ …” a little puff of honey gold and pink left me and I giggled at how Jasper’s eyes and smile widened. I had just called her _Lustful one_ and that _I shall treasure your gift in my… heart_.

“Shit you guys are sooo neeeerdyyyy” Amethyst groaned.

“I think it’s cute” both Jasper and I looked up in surprise. _Garnet_ had just called our banter _cute_. I felt Jasper stiffening up for half a second, then relax.

“We’re freaking adorable” she chuckled and took a couple of sandwiches, offering one to me.

“Thanks, _Melamin_ ”

We kept talking and laughing and eating for a long time and I felt so good. Stevonnie separated into Steven and Connie after a while and Steven decided to take a little nap, resting his head in Garnet’s ample lap. Connie and Amethyst started running around in the long grass, pouncing on each other and laughing merrily. Pearl kept an eye on them while talking softly to Garnet. I lay down across Jasper’s thick thighs, my head resting on one and my legs draped lazily over the other.

“Mmm… You’re so _comfy_ ” I sniggered and Jasper let out a surprised but pleased little chuckle.

“That’s a new one for me…”

“Nice big, thick thighs…” I sighed, wiggling my shoulders and bum to get extra comfortable. “Strong and warm…” I closed my eyes and drifted off with a smile on my face.

I woke up to the sound of laughter, Jasper’s legs shaking underneath me. I looked up muzzily, seeing Jasper’s face alight with joy. I turned my head slightly to see Connie holding Amethyst in a headlock, the purple gem grinning. I smiled and closed my eyes to go back to sleep, but then my lower belly seared icily. I let out a quiet groan.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you, babe” Jasper smiled down at me. I put my hand on my tummy and rubbed the aching spot, grimacing slightly. Oof… I shouldn’t have drunk so much coffee, now I really had to take a leak. Jasper’s brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“Mmmf… thnk ‘m ovultn” I mumbled, then inhaled sharply through my teeth and expelled some red sparks as the pain sharpened.

“Oh – but that’s good right? I mean… For baby making purposes” Jasper gave me a tentatively excited grin. “Sorry it hurts though… Here…” she put her large warm hand over my belly and soothing heat flowed into me. I relaxed with a sigh.

“’nk you, darln…” I cleared my throat a little and smiled up at her. “Yeah, it’s good… If it’s not too uncomfortable later we could… get some more practice…”

“I like the sound of that…” she purred, massaging my belly gently.

“Oh, don’t – _press_ ” I tensed up and let out an embarrassed laugh. “I’ve got to _pee_ ” Jasper’s hand stilled and she bit her lip and chuckled.

“Sorry babe”

“Ugh, could you help me up?” I sniggered, then hissed. Jasper stood up, then helped me to my feet. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry – oh it fucking hurt! But I had to pee! “Da-arling, could you – help me get behind a rock or something?” I was standing knock-kneed and trembling slightly.

“What’s going on?” Pearl asked from behind us.

“Hahaaahh, quickly please” I said in a strangled sort of way, a sparkly red and green puff coming with my words.

“Hang on babe” Jasper sniggered, then took me by the arm and led me behind a large boulder. I yanked down my pants and squatted down with a groan, my searing belly protesting loudly. I had to steady myself with one hand on the rock at my back.

“ _Oh_ myfuckinggoohds” I sighed as I relieved myself. “Agh – I thought I was going to have an accident, Jesus…” Jasper chuckled some more and looked down at me fondly, then unzipped her own pants and hunkered down next to me. I raised my eyebrows at her.

“Have to go too” she said easily. “Been holding it for a while, didn’t want to wake you”

“Aw, _darling_ ” I laughed. “You should have woken me up – ow, OK” I hissed out some more red sparks, then stood up at an awkward angle and pulled my pants back up. I rubbed my belly and tried to take deep breaths, waiting for Jasper to finish. I heard the rustling of cloth behind me and then felt her hand at my back.

“Let’s step away from here, shall we?” she said with a chuckle. We moved back to the blanket and I sat down with a groan. Pearl and Garnet looked at us.

“Sorry, bathroom emergency” I said through clenched teeth.

“Oh, I see” Pearl’s cheeks flushed a little. Garnet grinned and shook her head slightly.

“Come here babe” Jasper sat down behind me and put both her hands on my tummy.

“Mmggh – shit” I sighed as the cold pinching pain subsided.

“Better?” Jasper asked.

“ _So much bet-ter_ ” I let out a breath and patted her strong thighs. “Thought I was going to explode there for a moment” I opened my EDC and took some painkillers, swallowing them with a swig of tepid coffee.

“Napping is a dangerous game” Jasper said amusedly and kissed my cheek.

“Oh, extremely so. Mhm, yup. Should wear a – “ I yawned hugely. “ – helmet at the very least”

***

When the light started to fail we packed away the picnic, then trooped back to the warp pad, laughing and joking. When we were all safely back in Steven’s house, Jasper and I said goodbye and thanked all of them again for a lovely day. Outside, the sun was setting on Beach City and we walked slowly through the sand.

“Hey… why wasn’t Peridot there today?” I asked, suddenly realizing the little green gem had been absent.

“She didn’t want to come” Jasper said simply. “Amethyst tried convincing her, but she got pissed off and said there was no point”

“’No point’?”

“Peridot is an Era Two gem… and they were made without powers”

“But, she’s got those metal bending abilities?”

“Yeah, that’s a bit confusing… Never seen that before…” Jasper scratched her neck. “To be honest… I’m not sure she _can_ fuse”

“What? But she’s a _gem_ ”

“I know” Jasper chuckled. “A tiny screechy, tin can throwing, angry little gem. Nearly knocked me out with one of them when Amethyst told her about the picnic plan”

“ _What_?”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. She only grazed me” Jasper sniggered at my expression. “No need to go pulverize Peridot”

“Hmph” I huffed out a green blue sparkly cloud.

“Think she’s envious of Amethyst and you and me because we _can_ fuse. Amethyst told me Peridot tried once with Garnet, but lost her nerve”

“Oh” I still felt a little angry at her, but my shoulders lowered. “So… she didn’t want to come watch everyone else do something she couldn’t… join in on…” I wrinkled my eyebrows and frowned.

“Yeah, think that was it”

“Aw… that’s _sad_ …” both because that almost made her sound handicapped and because she didn’t want to see her friends having fun – not that it’d feel like that to her. Damn…

“Amethyst wants to try it with her, but Peridot’s been kind of sulky”

“Are they OK? Their… courtship?”

“Oh yeah, fine. Peridot is… well, a peridot. Don’t see what Amethyst sees in her, but you know, to each their own. And they are kind of cute together. Strange, but cute”

I hadn’t really seen much of the little green gem over the last few weeks. Maybe that was because of the picnic? Maybe it had been a good thing, me not being able to keep a civil tongue in my mouth at all times.

We arrived home and were greeted by a purring Cake.

“Do you think she’ll like our new house?” I asked as I kissed her head. “Will you like the new house, sweetie?” she meowed at me, then wiggled around to be let down.

“Think she’ll love it”

“If you’re lucky there might even be mice in the attic. Or the basement”

Jasper chuckled and looked at me with a crooked grin. “Speaking of small and… _furry_ things…” she stepped in close and put a large finger directly on my mound. I looked up at her face, my ears burning with the boldness of her move.

“What… what about them?”

“I want to spend some time kissing yours” she slid her finger up and hooked the waistline of my pants, pulling me closer. My nipples tightened underneath my sports bra and I expelled a pink puff that dissipated against her chest.

“My small furry thing would very much like that…” I whispered.

“I _know_ …” she lifted my chin with her free hand and planted a kiss on my lips.

“These also like being kissed…” I lifted my shirt over my head and Jasper’s eyes fell on my exposed breasts.

“I know that too” she smirked, then lowered herself on her knees. We were almost equal height now and I bit my lip. She leaned down and took my right nipple in her mouth and I gasped at the sensation of her wet tongue against my sensitive areola. “Mmmmh” she hummed. “I’ve been wanting to do this all day…” her hands rose and began to gently massage my breasts, her lush mouth switching between them and licking my cleavage sensually.

“Darling, oh… nh!” I hissed out a pink sparkly mist as she nibbled me cheekily. She chuckled as she kissed and licked the spot, looking up at my face with her big, predatory pupils. One of her hands moved down and unbuckled my belt and pants, then let them drop to the floor. I was standing naked in front of her while she was still fully clothed – the thought of that sent a thrill down my spine and I shivered.

“I know I’m doing well when you get that little shiver…” she purred, sucking my right nipple rather hard while her hands slid down over my belly. I spread my legs in anticipation, feeling my wet lips parting – a bead of my arousal dropped onto my crumpled pants with a ‘tlp’. Jasper sniffed the air appreciatively then gave me a wink before her grip on my hips tightened and she lifted me off my feet. I gasped in surprise and then giggled.

“Beastie! A little warning next time”

“Put your legs over my shoulders – yeah, that’s it” she chuckled, steadying me by my butt and lower back. “I’m going to stand up now – better hold on to the ceiling, babe” we rose upward and I giggled some more as Jasper’s hot breath flowed over my mound. I raised my arms to grip the beam above me and groaned as the first lick landed. My thighs trembled around her neck and my toes curled, my body arching to meet her tongue.

“Ohhh my fucking gooods…” I whimpered. Jasper licked and kissed me slowly, sucking my lips into her mouth one by one before focusing in on my clit. I twitched and let out a sparkly, stuttering gasp as her soft, thick lips closed around it gently. She slurped and hummed, sending tendrils of pleasure pulsating through my lower half. A powerful wave crested after no time at all and I tensed up, my legs locking behind her head and my hips rocking against her mouth as I came, a joyful moan and golden pink bolts of lightning illuminating the hall. She kept licking, panting eagerly and squeezing my butt, her tongue slipping down and then _inside_. “ _Ah_!”

I was lost in the pleasure, my back arching and my hands seizing up around the beam. My walls quaked around her long, wet tongue and she made panting, open mouthed moans of her own, pressing in as far as she could and _rolling_ against my convulsing insides. My second peak obscured my vision and I growled out a stream of Sowegian curses, the lights dancing around me.

“Darli-ing, slow – slow down – ah – “ I panted after a minute, my sweating back leaning against the cool stone wall. Jasper’s tongue slipped out of me gradually and she lapped soothingly at my clit instead. Her gem was glowing and I ran my fingers through her thick locks and smiled dazedly. “Oh my… oh my _stars_ …”

“’Stars’?” she chuckled, smiling and kissing my clit softly.

“Gods are not… not _enough_ …” I moaned. She lifted me away from the wall and carried me into the living room, sniggering cheekily.

“I take that as a huge compliment, babe” she purred, laying me down on the bed carefully. I sprawled onto it, my body still twitching in the aftershocks. I giggled and closed my eyes, my cheeks pleasantly warm and my insides tingling.

“Mm-mm” I shivered. “Take your clothes o-ach-! Oh _come_ on…” a sudden cold pinching pain echoed in my belly. Jasper looked at me, her shirt halfway off. She took it off hurriedly, then knelt on the bed and put a hand on my tummy, warming it. “Oh, thank you, darling…” she chuckled softly.

“Need a little break?” she asked, her eyebrows creasing.

“No, no… just keep your hand there? And… lean forward…” I reached for her breasts, stroking one nipple playfully.

“Oof, alright” she grinned. She leaned forward, resting her weight on her right arm which was positioned by my left side. Her breasts swayed above me and she arched her back a little and smirked down at me. I grabbed her nipples between thumb and index fingers and pulled them in a downward direction.

“Down…” I whispered. Jasper bit her lower lip and followed my motion. “Kiss me…” our lips met and I sighed contentedly into hers. At the same time I pinched slightly and Jasper’s mouth tensed against mine.

“Mmh” escaped from deep in her throat. I felt wonderfully naughty. I played with her big, sensitive nipples, rolling them between my fingers to make them stiff, then bringing them back to their soft state by stroking them with the backs of my hands and cupping them in the warmth of my palms. Soon her breath became heavy and I could feel her thighs trembling against my hips. She moved her head and her mane tumbled over me, enveloping me in its sweet smelling softness.

“Would you like me to touch your stem?” I asked with a purr in my voice.

“Mhm, yes” she panted, resting her damp forehead against mine. I reached down with one hand and unzipped her pants. When Kara emerged she snaked around my hand and squeezed powerfully – she was so _warm_.

“Darling” I giggled.

“Nnnh…” Jasper whimpered as I stroked along her length. Kara was throbbing against my fingers and palm and she began to move her hips slowly. She was… thrusting into my grip. A surge of arousal raced through me and I looked up at her – her eyes we closed and her lower lip trapped under her teeth. I moved my other hand down too, creating a… tunnel for her to fuck, then scooted down a little so I could take her erect right nipple into my mouth. Jasper _moaned_ , making my spine and vaginal walls tingle. I squeezed with my hands and Jasper’s thrusts sped up in response. This was wildly arousing to me – her thick member sliding between my fingers, caressing my palms – oh dear lord. I let her feel a touch of teeth and her hips stuttered a moment as she gasped.

“Bite?” I asked huskily.

“ _Bite_ ” she panted and I smiled before biting down slowly. “ _Fuck_ ” she whined in a much higher pitched voice than usual. Her hips moved faster and I felt Kara pulsate and tremble – I knew her climax was nearing. I switched to her other nipple and nipped it sharply before sucking it powerfully. I bit down hard and flicked my tongue over without mercy and that tipped her over the edge. A burst of light and a growling moan preceded a spurt of hot liquid from her stem. It landed on my chest and belly as she shook, Kara stiff and warm in my hands. Another spurt followed soon and I played more gently with her nipple, Jasper’s warm juices trickling over my ribs and flowing onto the bed. I kept massaging Kara and Jasper panted hard, her left hand amazingly still on my belly. I released her nipple and looked up at her smiling face and glowing gem.

“Someone made a _big_ mess…” I said huskily.

“Yeah you did” she chuckled. “Oh, babe…” Kara squirmed happily in my hands. “Mmmf… That was interesting… How’s your belly?”

“Better…”

“Good” she sat up, flicking her massive amount of hair back so that it tumbled over her shoulders magnificently. “Now why don’t you come sit on my lap…” I smiled at her and bit my lip, then sat up and straddled her. She guided Kara inside and my wetness welcomed her with a trembling squeeze.

“Oh _shit_ ” I gasped as she slid inside.

“Fu-u-uck” she hissed, looking down at my face. She put her hands on my butt to help steady me as I began to hump her. My insides were aching for her to fill me and to my dismay I discovered they were also a little sore. But in the heat of the moment I didn’t care. I needed Kara’s full girth and length inside me and panted and moaned as moved up and down, driving my pleasure and pain meter up almost simultaneously. I knew I would probably regret it after, but it felt so good! I ground and writhed against her, my breath pink and gold and sparkly. “Babe – I’m about to – _ah_!” a wave of warmth filled me and it nearly tipped my scales.

“I’m not – there yet – can you – take it?” I panted, still moving. She nodded dazedly and I sped up a little, my moans rising. Half a minute later my vision disappeared and I screamed out, my pleasure overwhelming me. I trembled against her body and felt another wave of warmth spill out around her throbbing stem.

“Oh-o-hoo, _babe_ …” she purred, stroking my quaking back. I panted and smiled, my thighs burning and my insides now quite well pummeled and sore, but _oh_ so satisfied. “You are such a horny little monster”

“Rawr…” I breathed. I closed my eyes and leaned back – Jasper lowered me to the bed, her stem still inside me. She lay down on top of me, her powerful thighs spreading my legs further apart and her smiling face just above mine.

“Hi…”

“Hi, beautiful beastie…” I stroked her cheek and pulled her in for a kiss. “Mmm…”

We had to wait quite some time for our legs to be able to carry us and cuddled with soft words and gentle caresses. When we were finally able to stand we went upstairs to take a shower. My legs were extremely wobbly and I sat down on the floor of the shower with a giggle.

“I think… I might have overdone it a bit…”

“Yeah?” Jasper sat down on the floor too, her feet either side of my hips.

“Mhmm… my thighs are so _tired_ … and Galadriel is a little sore – my own fault” I giggled ruefully. “It was just too good… Couldn’t help myself…” Jasper laughed and put her hands on my thighs and rubbed them gently.

“I love you” she smiled broadly, a twinkle in her eye. She looked so _happy_ in that moment.

“I love you too, darling” I grinned back. “Oh, that feels nice…”

“After that little adventure I’m starving – how about… some paella tonight, hmm?”

“Ohhh yes _please_ ”

 

* * *

 

  
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	67. Spa day

## Chapter 67: Spa day    

  
My phone started to ring as I was making breakfast. I picked it up – it was Priyanka calling? Why would she call me this early? Had… had something happened?

“Hello, is everything OK?” I answered, feeling worried.

“Good morning? Um, yes, everything is fine…” Priyanka let out a long sigh. “Do I only call you when something is wrong?” I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

“Um… You’ve only called me once, I think?” right? Suddenly I couldn’t remember.

“Well I…” she let out another, deeper sigh. “Oh I don’t even remember how to do this sort of thing anymore…” she mumbled to herself. “So I’m just going to say it! I was recently given a spa day for two from work and I would like it very much if you would come with me” my mouth fell open.

Was she really asking me to go on a _spa day_ with her? I felt a mix or surprise, flattery, anxiety and just sheer bafflement. I stared into the sink, completely lost for words.

“Uh…” Priyanka said hesitantly after quite a long moment of silence – which in itself was so strange – this was _Priyanka_. ”I see, right, OK, well never mind”

“Priyanka, wait, wait, wait” I shook my head to clear it, then smiled. This was a thing people did. In my head it was something my _mother_ and Victoria had done together – something that I had never been invited to. “Sorry, just took me a bit by surprise…” I said by way of explanation.

“Oh” Priyanka said, sounding cautiously hopeful.

“I’ve… never done a spa day” I admitted.

“They are quite nice” she said, sounding a tad _more_ hopeful. “It would be nicer… to have a friend along” I felt myself blush, feeling very touched.

“Aw, _Priyanka_ … Yes, of course I’ll go with you” I smiled, my hand rising to cover my chest filling with warmth.

“Great!” she sounded enormously relieved. “Pick you up tomorrow at ten?”

“OK, should I… like bring anything? Cucumber slices?”

“No, cucumber slices _will_ be provided” Priyanka let out a little laugh, sounding a lot more relaxed. “I would recommend bringing a set of comfortable clothes for afterwards”

“I don’t have any other kind!”

“OK, well – see you tomorrow then”

“Yeah, take care – and say hi to Connie and Doug”

“You too, and the same to Jasper, goodbye”

“Bye” I hung up the phone and stared down at it, a strange happiness blooming in my chest. Then a hint of dread flared. _What_ had I just agreed to?

“Morning babe” Jasper said from the living room. She was scratching herself lazily.

“Oh, did I wake you?”

“Yeah… but it’s fine. Had to get up at some point” she came over and hugged me.

“Mmm… I absolutely _love_ Jasper-just-out-of-bed-smell…” I said quietly, drawing in a huge breath and then snuggled into her shirt, needing her warm reassuring presence. She chuckled softly, putting her gem in my hair and snuffling around.

“Who was that on the phone?”

“Priyanka – she invited me to a spa day…” I looked at the phone again.

“What’s that?”

“It’s… Well, from what I’ve seen on TV it’s a place you’re supposed to go to relax, get massages, manicures… and um… mud baths?”

“’Mud baths’? Sounds a bit counterintuitive” Jasper chuckled.

“I _think_ it’s supposed to be really good for your skin? I don’t really know, I’ve never _been_ to a spa…” I let out a nervous giggle. “It’s _very_ nice of her to invite me… Hah, I think the spa people might have a bit of a challenge with _these_ nails…” I held up my hand and then a foot, wiggling my fingers and toes.

“What’s wrong with your nails?” Jasper asked, sounding both a bit amused and confused.

“They’re not exactly _immaculate_ ” I used my thumb nail to dig under the other one, removing some trapped dirt. “Well, I suppose that’s what you get manicures and pedicures _for_ …” Jasper glanced down at her own nails. They were always so neat and tidy.

“I just keep mine short” she said simply.

“That’s my general idea too…” I looked down at the floor. Jasper put a hand on the small of my back.

“Babe?”

“It’s… OK for me to want to do this, right?” I asked quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“Like… it’s OK for me to want to… be made superficially pretty?” Jasper stared at me, confused.

“You lost me” she gave me an uncertain smile. “I thought you said it was about relaxing?”

“It is… but it’s also about… well, making you pretty… At least, that’s the way my mother and sister always made it out to be…” I said uncertainly. “They would come home all… rosy cheeked and smelling nice, their hair and nails perfect and… talking to each other like they’d shared a lot of secrets and things… And dad would tell them they looked _extra_ pretty… He never said that to _me_ …” my fingers tightened around Jasper’s shirt.

“Honey” she bent down to catch my eye. “Don’t you know you’re beautiful?”

“I…” my words failed me and I blushed, feeling embarrassed and silly. “I can’t say that about myself…”

“Why not? I think _I’m_ beautiful”

“It’s not like I think I’m _ugly_ … anymore… I’m… _cute_ , maybe. I mean, I _like_ the way I look – but that’s a _long_ way from where I started…” I felt as if I wanted to go hide under a blanket. Jasper looked at me as if I was crazy.

“But babe – how can you not – I don’t get this at all”

A whole bunch of memories flashed across my inner vision. Locker rooms… Changing rooms in clothes stores… Standing and waiting for my mother and sister who were trying out make-up and feeling left out and bored at the same time… And the stomach pinching…

Maybe it was time to tell her… I swallowed hard.

“I used to be… fat…” I said quietly.

“’Fat’?”

“Yeah. The worst thing a girl could ever be, according to… _everyone_ … Especially my mother”

“You mean you… had a bigger belly or something?” Jasper asked, looking totally confused.

“Belly, thighs, arms, cheeks, _neck_ … ass…” I looked down at the floor, my toes curling up.

“So? How is that the worst thing you could be?” I glanced up at her, confused.

“Gems don’t… that’s right… you don’t need to eat… you don’t gain weight… or lose it… you’re just… _you_ …” Jasper wrinkled her eyebrows.

“Do you mean… you thought you were _malformed_? Defective?”

“In gem terms, I suppose, maybe… It’s what I was _told_ again and again until… I realized I _was_. I remember looking in the mirror one day and just thinking ‘they’re right… I’m fat…’”

“They convinced you?” Jasper’s eyes darted between mine. “They… brainwashed you?”

“What? No – I _was_ overweight, I just never _cared_ when I was little. I didn’t mind what my body looked like, I just wanted it to be able to climb trees and run around. And I liked to eat. Eating was something that… gave me comfort… Everyone kept commenting on how I looked, comparing me to Victoria and my mother… My body seemed to belong to everyone _but_ me… They were allowed to say whatever they wanted about it, and no one ever said it was just OK the way it was. It was always… ‘you could stand to lose a few pounds, missy – have you been sneaking cookies?’ or ‘you won’t fit into your sister’s clothes’ or ‘are you _sure_ you should be eating that?’… Well, those comments were from my mother’s friends or… doctors or teachers and stuff. My mother was a lot _blunter_ ” my cheeks burned with shame as I remembered her complaining loudly about my need for bigger sizes in clothes stores. And how Victoria had walked past me with an armful of skirts in size ‘S’ and giving me that self-satisfied little smirk of hers. “After the surgery it got really bad… I just kept gaining weight… Until… Until I decided I wanted to go to the island” Jasper looked at me in confusion. “To be _allowed_ to do it the way I wanted, to go there _alone_ , I had to get the skills I needed for island survival and lose the extra weight I was carrying around… So that I would be as safe as I could, if anything were to happen while I was there…”

“I still don’t get how you being bigger was ever _bad_ …” Jasper said uncertainly.

“It’s not the best thing, health wise… And in human culture it’s… undesirable. _Ugly._ Here…” I took out my phone and opened an image of me and Parker outside a restaurant from one and a half years ago. I took a deep breath, then showed it to her. She looked down at the screen, then back up at me.

“Your hair is longer. And your face is a bit fuller?” Jasper stated.

“ _Fat_ …” I said quietly and Jasper frowned at me.

“I don’t get this. You’re _not_ undesirable in this picture. Or ugly”

“You… don’t think so?”

“No, babe” she shook her head.

“So, what – you wouldn’t have treated me different if I looked like this when we met?”

“No?” Jasper raised her eyebrows, then smiled. “Would you have treated _me_ different if you had looked like that when we met?”

“What?” my eyebrows rose in surprise. “No, of course not” Jasper’s smile broadened.  

“I didn’t fall for you because of your _looks_ – well… it didn’t _hurt_ that you’re tiny and gorgeous. And that you _smell_ really good – I fell in love with you because… you treated me like… I was _worth_ something without having to _do_ anything. You didn’t ask anything of me, apart from calling you by your name” she took my hands in hers. “If there had been a bit more of you you’d still be tiny to me, my little monster” she smiled warmly, then chuckled. “Though… the idea of you with a bigger ass to grab is making Kara want to come out to play – not that there’s anything wrong with your ass as it _is_ ” she added hastily. “I love your ass. Because it’s _your_ ass…” I looked at her and swallowed.

“You’d love me… even if I was fat?”

“I’d love you in any configuration, babe. As long as you’re _you_ ” I stared into her eyes, trying to find any hint of deception, but… I saw nothing but honesty.

“Darling…” my eyes welled up with tears and I sniffed, overwhelmed by this incredible statement. Pink and gold butterflies flitted around me. Jasper lowered herself to one knee so our eyes were almost level.

“Would _you_ love _me_ if I was shorter than you?” she asked and I nodded emphatically. She let out a little sound of relief and tilted her head _up_ to kiss me. “What brought this on, honey?” she asked me after a while. I let out a long sigh.

“The spa thing… It brought up a lot of memories… I agreed to it so fast, because – well, because she sounded so… _nervous_ about it. I wanted to reassure her – I mean a spa day is an intimate thing, as far as I know. It’s not something you do with just anyone… I was flattered”

“You don’t _have_ to do it” she said softly.

“I know…”

“But you kind of want to, don’t you?” she gave me a sly grin.

“I want to know what the fuss is all about…” I said quietly, blushing.

“Then you should go”

### ***  


At exactly ten o’clock the next day I heard a car pull up outside. I was in the living room, just putting my painting supplies away. It had felt like a good pre-spa thing to do. It had helped me relax a little. I was still nervous, though.

“Good morning” Priyanka said as I opened the door.

“Hi” I smiled at her. She was wearing quite different clothes from what she usually had on – her crisp khakis and blouse today replaced by a loose-fitting long dress and an open cardigan. Her hair was _up_ , too. A neat bun at the back of her head. “Come in for a minute” she stepped inside and we shared a hug. Jasper came down the stairs and smiled at us.

“You leaving now?” she asked.

“Yes, just going to get my hoodie” I said and darted into the living room. As I kissed Jasper goodbye, she whispered:

“You look _extra_ pretty today, babe”

“ _Melamin_ , thank you” I said and kissed her again, my cheeks and chest filling with warmth.

Priyanka and I headed out to her car and Jasper waved to us as we drove away.

“How are you?” she asked, looking me up and down.

“Oh, fine, fine” I said with a slightly tense smile. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Honestly I’m… _tired_ … This year’s batch of interns seems to be denser than the last… Yesterday someone stuck a patient _seven times_ to get a blood sample – preposterous… Luckily the patient was out of it at the time” she muttered a little, then leaned back and took a deep breath. “Sorry, didn’t mean to bore you with work details – the spa – the one we’re going to – I’ve been there before. It’s a good place, highest possible hygienic standard”

“That’s… good… And the people are nice?”

“Oh, very. Polite and punctual”

“Great…” a little green puff left my lips and I closed my mouth and swallowed. We would be among strangers… I closed my eyes and thought; Tourmaline?

… Yes?

Can we not make lights… for a while?

… Understood…

Thank you.

“ – mean?” Priyanka was looking at me. The car was stopped at a red light. She raised her eyebrows inquiringly.

“Sorry? Could you repeat that?” I blinked rapidly. Priyanka frowned slightly.

“I asked; if purple is fear and red is pain – what does green mean?”

“Oh” my cheeks heated up and I fiddled with my hands a little. “Uh… It means… I’m a bit… uncomfortable? I-I really appreciate the invite!” I said hurriedly. ”And I’m looking forward to it, this is all just so… _new_ and I don’t really know what to expect?” Priyanka’s eyebrows went higher, then she turned back to the road and let out a sigh.

“Are we… not close enough friends to do this…?” she asked quietly.

“What?” now _my_ eyebrows rose. Priyanka pressed her lips together and swallowed before inhaling sharply.

“If I have overstepped I apologize – you have no obligation to go through with this – “ she shook her head and her cheeks flushed. I looked at her, feeling stunned.

“We _are_ close friends” I said slowly, feeling like I wasn’t getting the whole story here. Priyanka’s face looked strained. “Can we… pull over and… talk?”

She nodded and pulled into a side street when the lights turned green. She killed the engine, but kept her hands on the wheel.

“I don’t have a problem with you, or our friendship” I said as calmly as I could. “You’ve seen me… lose control. And you were there for me. And you… trusted me to look after Connie overnight. I _know_ how much she means to you and it meant _such_ a lot to both me and Jasper that you felt safe enough to leave her with us…”

“Of course I trust you with Connie. You saved her life” she gripped the wheel so that her knuckles whitened. “You helped her when she had that panic attack. You helped _me_ with the aftermath… And thanks to that I have a better relationship with her…” her hands relaxed and she leaned back in her seat. “I… don’t have many friends…” she said quietly. “At work I’m Doctor Maheswaran, at home I’m Mom or _Dear_ , at my sisters’ I’m _Didi_ , the oldest sister that takes care of everyone…” she let out another sigh. “I _always_ take care of everyone…” I looked at her with surprise – she sounded almost overwhelmed. _Priyanka_ – overwhelmed? Then I thought about what she had actually said… She always took care of everyone else… I could relate – but I had support. People took care of me too. Did she not have someone like that? And then I realized with a surge of guilt that _this_ – her asking me to the spa – where _she_ would be the one who was going to be taken care of… This was a huge thing for her – surely it must be. She wanted to share being… _vulnerable_ with me. Because we were _friends_ …

“You _do_ take care of everyone…” I said softly. “So this is how you… unwind?”

“Mostly I just go for walks if I need to think and figure out a problem. I… can’t really _justify_ spending money on things like this…” she shook her head slightly. “But a couple of times per year I get a gift basket from the hospital and something like this is included. Last year I received skydiving lessons. I traded with Doctor Madison, she loves those sorts of things…”

“Do you usually go with someone else?” I asked quietly.

“Doug came with me once but he didn’t like it very much. Connie is too young and my sisters are too… chatty” she frowned a little guiltily. “And we’re _three_ so someone would have to pay… So mostly I just go alone. And it’s nice but… it feels like such a waste – I asked if I could turn the voucher into two one day passes for one person, but they don’t do that sort of thing. And it made the man in reception look at me as if I was some sad, lonely old cat lady” I looked at the woman sitting next to me. When I first met her she had been so intimidating. Straight to the point, almost cold. Now… I saw my friend. _Still_ a little intimidating, but I knew she was warm and caring underneath that professional surface.

“Priyanka” she looked over at me a little uncertainly. “This sounds like a very special thing for you, going to the spa. Your special relaxing time. I’m super honored you want to share that with me” I smiled at her.

“But…” her shoulders sagged and she put her hand on the ignition key. I looked at her in confusion.

“’But’?”

“Sounded as if you were working your way to a ‘but’ there”

“No, no” I put my hand on her shoulder. “ _And_ I’m glad my first time at one of these things is with _you_ ” Priyanka blinked at me. “And for the record there’s _nothing_ wrong with being a cat lady”

“So… this is fine? You and I… can do things like these?”

“Yes” I nodded firmly. Her shoulders lowered and she blinked slowly, looking relieved. After a moment of silence she asked;

“So if you’re not nervous about spending time with _me_ … then what are you nervous about?”

“Oh, um… Spa days and… going to the nail salon and stuff like that is something my mother did with my sister. I… never got invited. And I was relieved about that, because that meant I could be home alone instead. The idea of getting a massage from a stranger was super scary to me, back then. And the whole… locker room thing. Being naked around people. Being naked around my _mother and sister_ ” I shivered slightly. “And the whole… indulging in… making yourself pretty seemed kind of silly. At least, that’s what I told myself it was. I think that somewhere I was… _envious_ of the bond they had… Doing that stuff together, makeovers and shopping and… being pretty – it was never something I was really interested in… maybe because they made me feel that no amount of make-up, clothes or nail polish could _make_ me… pretty…” I trailed off, frowning. Was that really how I felt? I had never put it into so many words. I shook my head slightly. “But that was when I was younger. It’s _different_ now, but I still have… insecurities like that? But I want to do this. To see what it’s like. And maybe I’ll get to explore _that_ side of me a bit? The more… feminine side. I know guys go to spas and things too, obviously” I added hurriedly. “But I… can’t help but associate things like this with femininity because my mother and sister were _so_ feminine in their appearance. And to get to do this with someone I actually _trust_ … makes it feel less… intimidating”

Priyanka looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Intimidating?”

“Well, you know how all this works and I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself. I don’t know the rules? Like is it OK to _eat_ the cucumber slices?” I let out a nervous little laugh. “I hope you don’t find what I’ve just told you… um… _silly_ ”

“Oh, no, no” Priyanka shook her head quickly. “What you say makes sense – I’m just very much relieved you weren’t nervous about being alone with me without Connie or anyone else” we both looked at each other and smiled, our cheeks rosy. “And for the record, no, don’t eat the cucumber slices”

“It feels good that I can tell you things like that” I said quietly, smiling.  

“And I appreciate your candor, Erica. It’s so refreshing to be with someone who is so… _open_ ” she let out a little sigh. “Makes me feel as if _I_ can be open and honest too” I smiled, remembering that Pearl had said that as well. “That’s why I invited you, actually… Because you… have seen _me_ in a vulnerable state and didn’t take advantage”

“Why would I take… advantage?” my eyebrows drew together. And… _how_? She had only been crying a little when we talked about Connie and the anxiety.

“There could be all sorts of reasons” Priyanka said, shrugging a little uncomfortably. “The important thing is that you didn’t” she took a controlled breath and let her shoulders settle again. “We’re quite close to the facility now, I like to arrive a little early so I don’t have to stress”

“Then should we go?” she nodded and started the engine again.

When we arrived a young slender man greeted us in reception and we were both given a robe, some slippers, a towel and a form to fill out. I took the clipboard in surprise.

“It’s to let us know whether you have any allergies, prefer male or female therapists and if there are any medical issues we need to be aware of” the receptionist said in a calm voice.

“Thank you, Cecil” Priyanka said and crossed some boxes, then signed the bottom. I filled in the form too, crossing the box to let them know I wanted a female therapist and wrote a quick note about my scars.

“Now, for this voucher you are eligible for use of the steam room, the hot bath, a couple’s massage and manicure and pedicure. Any other treatments will be extra. You also have access to our gym, but I would recommend using that before any other treatments” ‘ _couple_ ’s massage’?

“I usually do a steam, then massage, a mani pedi and then get something to eat in the restaurant” Priyanka said to me. “Does that sound good to you?”

“Uh… yes?”

“Is this your first time at a spa?” Cecil (apparently) asked me.

“Mhm” I nodded. He smiled in a reassuring sort of way. “Um… what is a couple’s massage?”

“It’s the two of you getting a massage in the same room. Don’t worry about a thing… This is a temple of relaxation. All our therapists are experienced and kind. Everyone will explain what they are doing before they start. If anything is uncomfortable, just speak up”

“OK” I smiled a little nervously and Priyanka put a hand between my shoulder blades. Being touched there had become something both Pearl and she did and it was a very comforting, soothing gesture. I took a deep breath and relaxed a smidge.

“The dressing room is just through that door over there. We recommend a maximum of fifteen minutes in the steam room – there will be a signal. Then take a few minutes in the waiting room and someone will come and call for you when the massage therapists are ready” Cecil said with a serene smile. “Please enjoy your stay”

“Thank you” Priyanka said and then headed toward the door. I nodded at Cecil, then picked up my robe, towel and slippers. I took a deep breath before walking into the dressing room. It was pleasantly warm and a wall was just behind the door – thank goodness for that. If it was one thing to make any locker room anxiety worse it was a door that opened _directly_ into the changing area. I forced my shoulders down. Yes, this was a locker room. With lockers. But there didn’t seem to be any other people there. Breathe. Remember Priyanka is a doctor – she has seen countless naked people. And you _know_ you have nothing to be ashamed about anymore. Maybe you never had anything to be ashamed about at all… That thought made me pause in the middle of untying my shoes. Could that have been true? When I had stripped down to my underwear and sports bra I hesitated a moment, keeping my back against the room.

“Priyanka?”

“Yes?” she answered from somewhere behind me.

“How um… naked should we be?” I asked quietly.

“Completely”

“Oh, OK” I pulled off my undergarments and then put the robe on, feeling myself blushing. Remember to _breathe_ … Everything is fine. No one is laughing. And you’re not _technically_ naked right now.

“Are you ready?” Priyanka asked me in a soft voice. I straightened my back a moment, my heart racing suddenly. “Don’t forget your towel”

“R-right” towel. OK. I had a towel. I turned around and there was Priyanka, looking relaxed in her own robe, her towel over her shoulder like she did this every day.

“The steam room is just through here” she led the way down a little corridor and through another door marked ‘Sauna’. The air was damp and very warm in there. Priyanka let out a deep breath and stepped out of her slippers, then disrobed and walked through the wooden door in front of us, a waft of vapor escaping before it shut behind her.

“Ooo-kaay…” I told myself aloud. “You’re an adult. You can do this. Relax. It’s fine. No one is laughing” I looked around to make sure I was alone, then took of my robe and wrapped my towel around my body, making a short temporary dress out of it. Emphasis on _short_. I stepped into the sauna, tugging at the hem of the towel, trying to make it cover more of my thighs that suddenly seemed huge and very jiggly.

Priyanka was sitting on the top step of a two tiered wooden structure, naked and looking perfectly at ease. I never knew where to look at times like these and cast my eyes down on the floor, then hurried over to sit on the bottom step. After a moment I heard a deep sigh from behind me.  

“I love a good steam…” she said slowly. “It’s so relaxing…”

Come _on_. Relax. You’re with a friend. You managed to relax with Amethyst at the hot springs. But Jasper was there then… What would she do in a place like this? She would sit down, legs spread wide and lean back and let out a throaty sigh… The thought made me smile and I felt a knot of tension in my shoulders unravel. If she were here she would pat the bench next to her and want me to come sit by her side. And she would be _sweating_ , just like I was now, her face flushed from the heat, beads of perspiration rolling down her beautiful body. And she would chuckle at me that I was wearing a towel… If she asked, I would take it off… And she would look at me in a satisfied way and then kiss my cheek… And I would feel safe and desired and _calm_ … I let out a long breath and sagged a little. That made the towel unwrap from around my chest area and I let it fall to the wooden surface of the bench. If I kept my eyes closed, I could pretend that she was sitting next to me. The future mother to my child… How sweet she would be, holding our baby… Huge warm hands wrapped around their little body – maybe she would be able to hold them in just _one_ hand when they were a newborn… And she would sing to them, or just _hum_ … Soothing, deep and rumbling, like a tiger purring… Would her gem glow then? When she kissed their little forehead goodnight… What would our Christmases be like? Would we go to grandma’s house every year? Oh, what would Charlie say when she saw our baby? Their picture would go up on the wall of our ever expanding family, they would take their place in our history… And they would get to grow up with all these wonderful people around them… Steven, Connie, Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, Priyanka, Sadie and Greg… And Peridot too. Would they get along? Who would they like the most? I shivered with pleasure at the thought. Would they be introverted like me? Or an extrovert like Steven? Would they love to paint? Would they be a wonderful cook? I stroked my belly, wanting for them to be in there right now. I pictured Jasper doing the same when my tummy was huge and full of _endless_ potential…

Soft music began to play and I heard Priyanka sit up slowly, breathing out a long contented breath.

“That’s the signal…” she said quietly. “Our fifteen minutes are up…”

“Mmm…” I hummed, opening my eyes to look at the hazy air. After a little while I stood up carefully and followed Priyanka outside. She went into a shower stall without a word and I stepped into the one next to it, my head still full of pleasant pictures of Jasper and our baby playing around and being goofy. As the cool water hit my skin I let out a little sound of contentment and didn’t mind so much when my left lower abdomen seared icily. That’s right… I was ovulating… I hadn’t taken any pain medication since last night… Maybe I should…

“It’s important… to rehydrate after a steam…” Priyanka said after a while. “There will be water… in the waiting room before the massage…”

“Mmm OK… I’ll be right back” I meandered back to the locker room in my robe and dug out some painkillers muzzily, then returned to the shower area to find Priyanka just putting her own robe on. We walked slowly through another corridor and entered a softly lit room. Two large glasses of water stood waiting for us and I smiled to see it had cucumber slices in it.

“ _These_ you are allowed eat” Priyanka said with a grin, pointing to the thin green slivers.

The water was lovely and cool and our hands left steamy fingerprints on the glasses as we put them down. I slumped into a chair and put my hands on my tummy, massaging it to soothe the ache on my left side.

“Are you alright?” Priyanka asked me softly, sitting down next to me.

“Just a bit of… what did you call it? Mittelschmerz?”

“Oh” she gave me a sympathetic smile. “There is a resting area if you want to just lie down for a while”

“I wouldn’t want to miss a massage by an actual professional” I smiled back at her. “And it’s not too bad”

“They give _great_ massages here…” she said with a sigh.

“Yeah?”

“Simply divine… Sometimes I fall _asleep_ – and I’m not a person to nap during the day. But here…” she leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. “I _might_ snore…”

“Jasper does when she sleeps… It’s adorable…” I smiled to myself, thinking of how her hair would tumble over her face when she moved during slumber.

Priyanka let out a little laugh. “According to Doug I’m _not_ so adorable… Apparently I sound like a ‘wounded tractor’”

“Really?” I giggled.

“Yes”

“I talk in my sleep sometimes. Jasper told me I had said ‘forty four and a bucket’ once”

“What on earth were you dreaming about?” Priyanka asked, sounding amused.

“I have _no_ idea…” I sighed, remembering the feel of the sun on my bare skin in the glade. We kept talking softly for a few minutes, then two women came to get us and led us to a different room. It smelled very nice in there.

“We will give you a few minutes to undress and lie down on the benches” the taller woman said. She was named Desiree. The other one had introduced herself as Janet.

“Ah, yes, thank you” Priyanka responded politely.

“Oh, it’s that kind of table that has a hole for the head” I said with a smile, pointing at it when we were alone.

“They are excessively comfortable” Priyanka said as she stepped up to hers and undid her robe again and put her hair up. I turned my back to give her some privacy – not that she seemed to need it. A hint of anxiety flared in me as I undid my own belt. “Put the towel over your back and behind and the masseuse will move it as needed” she said from behind me. “I tend not to talk too much during these, just so you know. It’s OK if you do, just keep it low”

I let out a slightly uncomfortable snigger. “I might slur my words… And possibly drool if it’s really good” Priyanka giggled amusedly, then sighed out a contented breath. I got under the towel and adjusted myself to lie as comfortably as possible. I noticed my breasts were quite sore and tried to find a way to lie on my belly that didn’t put too much pressure on them. “How do I – ow – um” I glanced over at Priyanka, covering myself with one arm. She lifted her head from the cradle.

“Oh” she frowned sympathetically. “Let’s ask the girls when they return, I think there is a special pillow”

“’Pillow’?” there was a soft knock on the door before the ladies reentered the room.

“Are you comfortable?” Janet asked.

“Um… my uh… chest is a bit… tender?” I said, feeling my cheeks flush.

“Ah, not to worry. We have a breast support bolster” Desiree said with a pleasant smile. She went to a cupboard and took out a strange looking foam pad clad in blue fabric. “If you just sit up I can skootch this under the sheet and then you can lie down and adjust yourself” I did as she asked, wrapping the towel around me again. “There we are. When you are comfortable I’ll raise the face cradle a little as well” I lay down – oh this was _so_ much better… Desiree adjusted the thing that held my head and suddenly it was extremely comfy. Janet and Priyanka we talking softly a few feet away. “I read on your form that you have some scars?” Desiree asked in a gentle voice.

“Yes, the one on my head is very sensitive so please be very careful around my neck. The ones on my calf are not so bad”

“I understand. Is there any particular area that is troubling you at the moment?”

“My lower back gets a bit stiff sometimes. And I tend to tense my shoulders a lot”

“OK. How about I start on your shoulders and then work my way down. We have plenty of time…” I hummed my ascent and heard the sound of a bottle opening and then hands rubbing together. “I’m going to move your towel down so that I can access your torso, then I’ll put my hands on your back, that OK?”

“Yes, fine” I tried not to tense up.

“Now, take a deep breath and relax…” I did as she asked and then her hands were on me. They were warm and strong and much, much smaller than Jasper’s. Oh – and they _certainly_ knew what they were doing – oh my gods…

“Ngf – holy shit…” I mumbled. I heard a pleased exhalation from Desiree and quite suddenly, as if it had been waiting to do this all day, my body relaxed. Completely. I closed my eyes and just let myself feel the skill residing in the hands sliding over my body. It was wonderful – _why_ had I never done this before? Oh, I never wanted it to _end_ – even the bits that hurt were nice – it hurt in a good way and then, after the pain came such warm _relief_ … Desiree mostly kept quiet, listening to my breath and how my muscles reacted to her hands. It was amazing – I barely had to say a word, she just knew when she reached a sore spot and adjusted the pressure until she felt me relax into her touch. Jasper gave _great_ neck and back rubs but _Desiree_ … _oh_ my fucking gods…

When it was over I felt like my body had gone through a transformation. All the little aches that I usually ignored were gone and I felt loose and free.

“Take a few minutes, relax and enjoy the effect, then sit up slowly and get dressed” Janet informed us.

“Mmmf” I mumbled and Priyanka made a similar grunt in response. I didn’t really want to move, I was so comfortable. After a while I sat up, moving slowly and sighing at the feeling Desiree’s skilled hands had left me with. I didn’t even mind being _naked_ now and stretched luxuriously, yawning and scratching my head. “Oh my gods, I feel so good right now…” I said quietly. Priyanka was still sitting up, but turned to smile at me a little dazedly.

“The flood of endorphins is exquisite…” she sighed, running her hands up her throat and neck and then turning her head – there was a little crack. “Oh, _finally_ …” she sat with her eyes closed for a while, rubbing her neck and smiling. “I’ve been having a little headache for _days_ and it’s finally gone”

We both got dressed and I had to use the wall as support as we walked back into the waiting area. My legs were rubbery, not to the point of after sex with Jasper, but still.

“Thank you _so much_ for inviting meee…” I groaned as I sat down in a soft chair.

“You are very welcome…” Priyanka sat down in the seat next to me and leaned her head back on the head rest. “I wish I could do this sort of thing more often…”

“Mmm… I might just _start_ … At least the massage bit, oh-o-ho my gooodddssss…”

“Better than sex…” she said with a breath of laughter.

“Well, I don’t know about _that_ but… A close second…” I giggled, my cheeks heating up a tad. Oh, it would feel absolutely _divine_ to have Jasper go down on me now... Slow and gentle and I’d just lie back and enjoy myself… Maybe she could do the thing where she just let her lower lip play over my clit and I could have one of those continuous, slow burn orgasms that stretched out for _minutes_ … I let out a long sigh.

“Oh, you young people…” Priyanka laughed tiredly.

“Aren’t we of a similar age?” I asked, my eyes falling closed.

“I’m forty one”

“Really? You don’t look it”

“Why thank you” we shared a relaxed giggle.

“How old were you when you had Connie? Twenty eight?”

“That’s right… Just as my residency was up. It was _hell_ on my ankles, those last few months, standing at the operating table and assisting Doctor Connor…”

“Oh shit…” my eyes opened wide. “H-how was it? Being pregnant?”

“Wonderful. Awful. Tiring. Amazing… As far as my experience goes I think I had it comparatively easy. No complications, just average things like swollen ankles and stretchmarks. And _Doug_ … he was fantastic… Maybe that’s why it all went so smoothly? He was an absolute rock” we both smiled.

“He seems like a great guy”

“Oh, he is… He can always make me laugh. We’re a team… Team Maheswaran. He worked full time to put me through medical school. We actually met in an emergency room”

“Really?”

“Yes. I was twenty three at the time. He was twenty two. He had been out with his friends and playing around. I think he said they had been going downhill in a shopping cart? It overturned on a curb and his friend had landed badly and fractured his tibia. Doug only had scrapes and bruises and he and his other friends were sitting in the waiting area, joking around. It made me so angry – they were being so _loud_. I was there with a dislocated shoulder and in a lot of pain. I had tried to set it myself but nearly passed out doing so…”

“What? What had happened?”

“I had been riding my bike and ran over a branch – it stuck in my front wheel. Luckily I was wearing a helmet, otherwise my shoulder would have been the _least_ of my problems… I walked to the closest hospital and there he was. I snapped at them all to keep it down and he came over to talk to me after a while. At first I just wanted him to leave but he was nice. He… kept me company until it was my turn and when I came back out he was waiting for me. He had had his wounds tended to, but his friends had left. I was… surprised to see him again. He asked for my number and I gave it to him – I’d never done that in my life and didn’t expect him to call, but he did. And then… oh it was lovely. He took me places I’d never been. Showed me movies I had never seen. He was… gentle. And extremely handsome. I didn’t understand what he saw in a lanky mess like myself. When I was studying I forgot about everything else and he said he liked that about me. That I gave myself entirely to a task and didn’t waver no matter how impossible it seemed. He helped me see that there was _more_ to life than just a career and work. He… taught me how to have fun” Priyanka’s eyes were closed and she was wearing a little smile. “When he asked me to marry me I told him no, the first five times”

“What? Why?” five times? Goodness.

“Because… well… My family didn’t approve of him. Said he had no ambition. And being a dutiful daughter I obeyed… Up to a point. One night I sat down with my parents and laid it all out for them. Then they… said they’d give him a chance. We had them over for dinner at my apartment and Doug made a _beautiful_ meal… And that was that. They gave us their blessing the very next day. My father called him a ‘steady lad’ and asked for his recipe for his lintel soup.  We had a summer wedding… It was a beautiful ceremony. Neither of us is religious, so it was mostly for our families, but… It was a magnificent day. And the wedding night – “ she let out a little laugh and sighed.

“Good?” I inquired with a smile.

“I hadn’t had a serious boyfriend before Doug, but I wasn’t a virgin. And neither was _he_ , but we had abstained from being _fully_ intimate with each other until then. And it was simply _wonderful_ … I never knew it could _be_ so wonderful”

“All romantic on the wedding night… It’s like out of a fairy tale” I giggled.

“Have you ever been with a man? Oh, no that’s a really insensitive thing to ask, isn’t it? I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that” she looked worriedly at me.

“It’s not the most politically correct thing to ask, no. But it’s OK, I know you don’t mean anything by it. I’ve _kissed_ a boy or two, but meh…” I shrugged. “I knew pretty early I was into girls”

“But Jasper?”

“Not a girl, no. I’m strictly Jasper-sexual nowadays” we both laughed. “I assumed she was female until she told me gems don’t _have_ genders. They’re just gems. Which is kind of cool”

“Did everything turn out well after she… remade herself?”

“Oh, yes” I smirked. “Not pregnant yet as far as I know, but she’s confident her sperm will be mature before three months are up. And… we have certainly had a lot of opportunities to test it out…” I felt myself blush a little. “Really helped keep me distracted when the nicotine abstinence was at its worst…”

“I’m proud of you for quitting” she said warmly and her words took me completely by surprise.

“Y-you are?”

“Yes. I know it can’t have been easy. Not that I’ve ever had to give something up like that…”

“That… really means a lot, Priyanka” my chest and cheeks felt warm. She smiled at me. “Hey… how did you know when you were pregnant?”

“I was late. I can usually set the calendar after my cycle so I just took a pregnancy test at work and… voila” she waved a hand lazily.

“Were you happy?”

“Very… I called Doug at his work and he rushed over with flowers and took me out to lunch to celebrate. I called my family that evening and told them the good news. They were thrilled to have their first grandchild on the way” with a pang of sadness I pictured a call like that with _my_ parents. My dad would probably have been excited but my _mother_ … ‘Pregnant out of wedlock, for _shame_ , Erica’. I forced those awful thoughts away and tried to think how my grandmother would react instead. _She_ would be happy, I was sure of that. How would… Victoria take it?

My thoughts were interrupted by a young lady entering the waiting room.

“Doctor Maheswaran? Miss Brooks? If you would follow me I’ll take you to have your nails done”

The woman led us to an open area with advanced looking armchairs. It smelled very clean in this place. We sat down and two women came up and introduced themselves as Mariska and Dana. We had our hands and feet soaked before they set to the task of taming our nails. Dana, who was working on me, complimented me on my nail beds and I smiled and said that no one had told me that before. The atmosphere was light and the four of us chit chatted pleasantly. When we were done Priyanka had dark red nails. I had opted for a clear coat, feeling the other choices were a bit too bold for my first try. After the technicians left, I sat and admired Dana’s work. My nails had never looked quite so fancy. Or _shiny._ And my feet felt fresh and very clean. We had to wait a while for the paint to set and I relaxed back in my extremely comfy chair and closed my eyes.

For a late lunch we had some very nice salads at the restaurant. This wasn’t quite enough for my liking and when we headed outside I spotted an ice cream shop.

“Oh man… how about some ice cream?” I asked Priyanka. “I don’t know about you but salad doesn’t quite fill me up. It was very good though” she pursed her lips. “My treat” I added, coaxing her along.

“Oh, go on then” she said, her stern expression breaking up into a smile. “I haven’t had actual ice cream in I don’t know how long…”

“About time then”

To my surprise, Priyanka ordered an extravagant little number – three scoops of white chocolate, melon and strawberry, topped with hot fudge, whipped cream, tiny marshmallows and nuts. I had two scoops of chocolate so dark it was almost black and rainbow sprinkles on top, wafer on the side. We sat down in a plastic booth and grinned at each other before we dug in. Priyanka actually let out a little moan as she took the first bite and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Good?” I asked.

“Oh my goodness, _yes_ …” she said as she chewed. “It’s so bad for you, but is so _seductively_ delicious…”

“Sugar, eggs and milk… you can do so much with them”

“Marvelous things…” she hummed. “I allow myself a few treats per month, usually milkshakes. Oh, I love a good milkshake on a bad day…”

“I usually go for chocolate, but I try not to comfort myself with food so much anymore… But now that I’m actually working out and sticking to it, I need the extra energy” I patted my belly. “There’s a place in Beach City that does _sushi_ and ice cream. Want to have lunch there sometime? It’s really great”

“That’s a wonderful idea” she smiled at me. “But _before_ you get pregnant – sushi is off limits to expectant mothers”

“Oh, right. Aw, man… That includes gravlax too, doesn’t it?”

“If you make it yourself it’s no problem. The issue is with the packaging”

“Oh thank fuck” I breathed out a sigh of relief. “If I go to my grandmother’s at Christmas and _don’t_ have her gravlax I might get lynched. And rightly so, it’s ridiculously good”

“Connie told me the one you made for your dinner party was very tasty. I think I have tried gravlax at some point, but it was years ago”

“Would you like some the next time I make it?”

“Oh, that would be very nice of you, thank you” she smiled warmly. “Doug is very keen on cooking, he has a sense for it that I don’t. I cook fine, but he’s really talented”

“So is Jasper – and oh, I really have to thank you again for the wine – we – and by we I mean Jasper – made the stew from the recipe Doug gave her. It was incredible! _Even better_ with the wine”

“That makes me very happy to hear, I’ll be sure to pass on your compliments to him” she smiled broadly.

“Actually, we were thinking… How would you, Doug and Connie like to come over for dinner? Might have to wait until we’ve moved to the new house and things, but yeah. To thank you for all your help with the baby”

“Oh, that’s another lovely idea” she smiled even wider now. “But no thanks necessary for that”

“Yes there is” I nodded seriously. “Garnet said Jasper wouldn’t have to remake herself again for us to succeed – which means that it will work, eventually. So you most definitely helped and we’re both very grateful”

“Happy _to_ help” she said warmly. “You might not thank me so much when you’re in labor, though” she laughed airily.

“I’m sure I’ll cuss worse than a bunch of drunken sailors” I giggled. “People might need ear plugs. And a priest”

“I’ll be sure to pass that along to the OBGYNs” she said, wiping her mouth with a napkin and grinning. “They’re quite used to that sort of thing, though. And marriage proposals, especially the anesthesiology technicians”

“Really?”

“Yes – I proposed to the woman twice – Doug still teases me about it sometimes”

“Well, as long as I can come out of it with a healthy little bundle of screams I won’t mind if I wet, poop or puke myself” I sniggered, blushing slightly. “But I really hope I can avoid that. Marriage proposals seems rather tame on the embarrassment scale by comparison”

“There’s a saying at the hospital – what happens in the delivery room, _stays_ in the delivery room”

### ***

A little later Priyanka dropped me off at home and we shared a long hug before she drove away. I waved her off and then walked inside, finding the kitchen a complete mess and a mildly confused and flour covered Peridot standing by the sink. She was wearing an apron too large for her. Where had she _found_ that? Was there a secret apron stash somewhere I didn’t know about?

“Uh… hi?” I said, feeling utterly confused.

“Ah, Erica, good” she said, looking at her tablet with her brows furrowed. “ _Where_ do you keep your measuring cup?”

“Uh… second drawer from the top, in the back – but wait – what? What are you doing here?”

“What does it _look_ like I’m doing?”

“Um… destroying our kitchen?” I suggested. She glanced around at the mess.

“Incorrect. I am _baking_ ”

“Baking” I said flatly.

“Yes”

“In mine and Jasper’s kitchen?”

“Yes. The barn doesn’t have one and Jasper gave me her permission”

“She did?” I felt very surprised.

“Yes. I have to admit this _baking_ business is more complicated than I thought. These instructions are _very_ vague… No schematics for this… oven machine. I had to find the blueprints online”

“Why?”

“It may be a very simple machine but I do not wish to _break_ it”

“No, I meant _why_ are you baking? And why not at Steven’s house?”

“I am making…” she consulted her tablet. “‘Brownies’ for Amethyst. Paulette makes cookies for Pierre in episode sixteen of Camp Pining Hearts, to show her affection for him. Amethyst may not be human, but she likes to eat so I thought I’d give it a try. And I’m doing it here so it will be a surprise. Spontaneous romantic gestures are important in a developing relationship. I have one planned for every two weeks for the next year” I stared at her, not sure if she was joking.

“Um…”

Peridot looked up at me and her face fell a little.

“I’m doing it wrong, aren’t I?” she asked, lowering her tablet.

“Well… when you bake you kind of need to keep all the ingredients in the mixing bowl, not all over the floor” I smiled uncertainly.

“I do apologize” she said hastily. “I will make sure to leave this place spotless once I am done!”

“OK… good…” I said slowly.

“Might I… enlist your help in this matter? The baking, not the cleaning up”

I looked down at the floor covered in little dusty white footprints. “What… happened with the flour?”

“The packaging was being deliberately difficult. I got frustrated” she said with pursed lips.

“Oh, OK?” so she ripped it up? What the hell?

“But I scraped most of it up in this” she added hastily, holding up… a flower pot. I couldn’t help but smile. “You are… amused?”

“Peridot… I’ll help you bake, but” I gestured to the floor. “You need to clean this all up first”

“Oh! At once! Where do you keep your cleaning drones?”

“’Cleaning drones’? You mean the vacuum cleaner?”

“’Vacuum cleaner’?” we both looked at each other, confused. I let out a sigh, then went to get it and plugged it in.

“Here, just… push this button and move it over the flour on the floor. It will suck it up”

“Oh, how delightfully primitive” she took the handle and began to clean, snickering and mumbling to herself as she did so. I rolled my shoulders and wiped the counter tops clean, then surveyed the ingredient situation. There would be enough for one batch of brownies, I decided. When we were both done I turned to her.

“So. Clean bowl” I took one out of a cupboard and plonked it down on the counter. “Measuring cups, whisk, wooden spoon, dough-scraper” I held up each tool in turn. “Oven dish” I pointed to the tin on the stove. “Begin with dry ingredients, stir it together, then melt the butter and add it in, then the eggs. Stir it all together, then butter the dish, put some flour in so the dough doesn’t stick, then pour in the dough and put it in the oven”

“You make it sound so simple” Peridot said, frowning.

“Let’s just take it step by step”

“Step by step” she repeated.

We began adding the ingredients and I noticed Peridot was being very precise with the measuring cup. When it came to the eggs I demonstrated carefully and she tried to copy what I did, but knocked the egg bowl into the sink when she tried cracking one on the side.

“Let’s – try again” I said, suppressing a laugh. She was kind of adorable, in a very intense sort of way. When the dough was ready she spent a long time smoothing it out with the dough-scraper. “It will settle evenly in the oven, you don’t need to do it beforehand”

“I wish it to be perfect” she mumbled, concentrating hard.

“Alright” I said, trying not to sigh too loudly. I felt like having a nap, but didn’t want to leave Peridot alone in the kitchen. After a few minutes she deemed it as perfect as it was going to get, then we put the dish in the oven and set the timer. The little gem donned the oven mitts, then sat down in front of the oven and stared at it intensely, like it was the most interesting thing in the world. I brought some laundry into the kitchen and folded it there while we waited. As soon as the timer rang, Peridot wrenched the oven door open and reached eagerly for the dish.

“Oh look!” she held it up, smiling broadly.

“That looks great Peridot”

“Now for the topping, yes?”

“Yeah…” I let out a yawn and stretched. “Do you mind if I take a nap? I’m… super tired”

“Not at all, not at all – just – making the frosting is the same principle as before, right? Dry ingredients first?”

“Exactly” I smiled and nodded before getting up and heading into the living room. I lay down on the bed with a sigh. My body felt like it had had a thorough work out and that lovely, glowing sort of full-body heat was making me feel nice and relaxed. I thought about my day and smiled, looking at my shiny, shiny nails. Having a massage like that was fantastic… And now I knew what to do if Priyanka ever seemed down. Take her to the spa…

When I woke up a little later I went into the kitchen to indeed find it spotless, as promised. On the counter was a plate with two large brownies and a note. I picked it up to read it – it was in gem writing. I smiled and thought: Tourmaline? Could you help me read this? A quiet whispering voice said: ‘In recognition for your assistance this afternoon I wish for you and Jasper to have these. Please enjoy them and send me an e-mail reviewing their taste. I specifically want to know your opinions on texture and moisture levels. The more detailed the better. Peridot 5XG’

I sat down at the kitchen table, not sure what to think. Peridot was an intense individual, for sure. She had this… keen sort of nervousness about her sometimes that almost felt a bit… brown-nosy. When she knew she was in for a reprimand? And then there was the… other side of her that seemed to be… a bit of an asshole, to be frank. Well. She had made that comment about me and Jasper spending the entire day copulating in the dirt. But then she goes and does something like this… Making brownies for her… not girlfriend, surely. For her Amethyst? I should ask Jasper what to call them. But let’s not get sidetracked. The way she followed the recipe was… very precise. _Exactly_ one cup of sugar – if she could have measured it with a level I’m sure she would have. Was that because she wanted it to be _perfect_? Because Amethyst only deserved the best possible brownies she could make or… just because she was a perfectionist?

I wondered about Peridot and fusions… Was she really not able to do it, like Jasper thought? That made me a little sad. But surely she could… Steven was able to fuse with Connie, and she had no extra gem dust to help her along. Jasper had said she had ‘lost her nerve’… Maybe Amethyst would be able to help her find it again? What would their fusion look like? The combinations of the others were so mesmerizing… I really couldn’t imagine what any of them would look like together. That was such a lovely thing. Two or more people together, making someone new… I let out a long sigh and smiled at the memories of a few days ago. Being Echo for so long, doing all those things, racing, finding her weapon – _Tourmaline’s_ weapon! Would it be the same for me? Would I choke and retch every time I summoned it? Well, I wasn’t going to try to do it today. 

At six I started to make dinner and Jasper came home not long after.

“Hey babe” she said jovially, walking up and embracing me from behind. “Oh, you smell different…” she took a long whiff of my hair. I giggled and leaned back against her chest, letting out a relaxed sigh.

“I’ve had a wonderful day, a bit strange, but wonderful nonetheless…” Jasper smiled down at me.

“Yeah? Did you get a mud bath?”

“Hah, no… but I had the most delightful massage… and truly terrific ice cream”

“Massage and ice cream? At the same time? That does sound good”

“Not at the same time” I giggled. “Afterward… I treated Priyanka – oh, you should have _seen_ her – she was so _relaxed_ there… It was lovely to see…”

“Yeah?” Jasper sniggered. “I’m glad. And I’m glad you had a good time, babe”

“Me too… How was your day, darling?”

“Pretty great. I got to five rocks today…” she smirked down at me.

“Five rocks as in _five jumps_ in the aerial maneuver?” I asked in surprise.

“Mm- _hmm_ ” she hummed cockily.

“Oh, darling, _well done_!” I turned around and kissed her, feeling extremely proud of her. Butterflies burst into life around us, gold and pink and white. “How did it go?”

“I was moving so fast I had to take ten laps to slow down, but I did it!”

“Home world’s got _nothing_ on my amazing flying Jasper” I giggled, stroking both her cheeks.

* * *

  
Please review!  



	68. Three milkshakes

## Chapter 68: Three milkshakes

  
“So shapeshifting, right?” Amethyst said, kicking some random junk aside and sitting down on the ground. She, Steven and I were in her room, just by the little lake.

“It’s so much fun!” Steven exclaimed, sitting down too and patting the ground next to him for me to sit as well. I did so, feeling rather excited and nervous at the same time. “You can do all sorts of things with a little practice!”

“Yeah” Amethyst sniggered and raked her hand through her hair lazily. “I did a lot of that before I met Rose and the others. Didn’t know exactly what I was, so I tried being a whole bunch of different things”

“Oh, what was the first thing?” Steven asked, turning to her.

“A rock” she smirked. “This guy right here” her body glowed and a large boulder appeared with her face and gem on it. “Not a very practical shape for you know, _walking_ and such, but – it’s great for just sitting around” both Steven and I laughed.

“So… you said you should try to be… whatever you want to be, right? Think like a cat, be a cat?”

“Yeah, sort of” Amethyst turned back into herself and shrugged.

“I have done _one_ full body shapeshift thing outside my dreams” Steven said with a smile. “On my birthday. I kept it up for too long and… turned back into a baby”

“Whaaat?” I looked at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t push yourself – a whole day is _way_ too long” Amethyst said seriously. “You can really hurt yourself”

“Yup, learned that the hard way” Steven sniggered and scratched his neck.

“This is kind of freaking me out, you guys” I said uncertainly.

“Aw, man – we’re just trying to say that it’s _cool_ but to take it easy, right, Amethyst?” Steven said hurriedly.

“Yeah, yeah” she nodded. “We should start with something simple, like a tiny little bit of you – like… maybe… your nails?”

“Nails?” I asked, looking down on mine. They weren’t as pretty or as shiny as they had been after my mani pedi, but still looked good.

“Yeah, like…” Steven thought a moment. “Oh! I want sparkly pink ones!” he shut his eyes and screwed up his face, holding out his hands, fingers spread wide. His gem began to glow under his shirt and there was a twinkle of light and I let out a little gasp. His nails had indeed turned pink and sparkly.

“Nice, dude” Amethyst sniggered. “Think I’m gonna go with a _charming_ barf green, myself” her gem glowed now and her nails changed too. “Naaah… Rainbow colored, obviously” she sniggered again and changed them so that each nail had its own color.

“Wow… you make it seem so _easy_ …” I said in awe.

“Give it a try!” Steven urged. “Just like… concentrate on your nails and think of a pretty color!”

“OK” I smiled, then closed my eyes.

Tourmaline?

… Yes…?

Could we… shapeshift together?

… Never… really… needed to… But… I can…

That’s great – can we do it now? Change the color of my – _our_ nails?

… Yes…

What… is your favorite color?

A little giggle whispered through my mind and heat pulsed out from my throat – suddenly my finger nails felt warm and _tingly_. _Something_ must have happened and I felt excitement rising in my chest. I opened my eyes and looked down on my hands and smiled. My nails had turned an iridescent indigo!

“Ohhh! That’s so _pretty_!” Steven gushed, holding up his hands next to mine.

“ _Nice_ first try!” Amethyst said, sounding impressed. “Hey, but it’s cheating a bit – you’ve got a gem that knows what’s up” she waggled a finger at me.

“This is Tourmaline’s favorite color…” I said slowly, my chest feeling a little… constricted. “She said she never really had a need to shapeshift… but that she can do it…” I felt myself become very warm, sweat breaking out on my forehead. “Oh, is it hot in here?” I asked, wiping my cheek.

“Uh… no, not really?” Steven said.

“It’s alright, that’s your body saying ‘hey, this is weird and taxing’. You should change it back” Amethyst said seriously.

“How do I…?” I heard a sigh in my mind and the color on my nails faded slowly. Suddenly it felt easier to breathe. “Oh, wow… OK… Does it affect everyone like that? Like it gets hard to breathe and you sweat and stuff?” I was panting a little. “When Echo did it, it didn’t feel like this at all”

“It takes a lot of energy” Steven said, nodding sagely. “Might be because Jasper can do it for longer? Maybe it’s because we’ve got human bodies?” his nails returned to normal now too. “But it gets easier with practice”

“Yeah!” Amethyst patted my slightly sweaty back. “Take a little break and then try something else” she got to her feet. “So – got a request for me?”

“A cheetah! A fart!” Steven suggested eagerly.

“A cheetah farting, got it” Amethyst sniggered. She became a sleek cat and made some massive fart noises with her mouth and both Steven and I laughed.

“Oh! Oh! Could you do a _dragon_?” I asked excitedly, sparkly butterflies appearing.

“I could do a little one” Amethyst smirked, then transformed herself again. I gasped as she spread her purple wings. “This is pretty rad, right?” she took off from the ground and flew in a wide circle around us, Steven and me looking up at her in awe.

“ _Maaaan_ …” Steven said in amazement. “I can’t _wait_ until I can do things like that”

“Oh, you’d make such a _cute_ dragon” I sighed softly, bumping his shoulder with mine.

When Amethyst landed she suggested some more minor things to try. I tried changing the color of my eyes and eyebrows, and the shape of my nose. Amethyst found a mirror I could check out the result in. I succeeded every time, with the help of Tourmaline, but it took a lot out of me. After about an hour I was sporting huge pit stains and was pretty sure I had a broad sweat stripe down my back. I felt seriously drained and very, very hungry.

“Hey… after I caught my breath a bit… how about some lunch? Pizza sound good? My treat…”

“Aw yeah!” Amethyst patted my shoulder roughly. “Man, I _knew_ you were a keeper”

“Oh, I’d love that!” Steven said happily, wiping his brow. “My tummy’s been rumbling for a while”

After a few minutes we got up and I walked a little unsteadily back to Steven’s room. Before we left for the pizza place I had myself a large glass of water from the tap.

“Oof, I _smell_ ” I said after taking a whiff of my shirt.

“Ah, the _stench_ of a job well done” Amethyst joked, lifting her arm to sniff her armpit. “Come here, Ste-man!” she started to chase Steven.

“Nooo!” he laughed, jumping away from her.

We walked to the boardwalk slowly.

“Shit, I think I might have gone a little too overboard” I said, starting to feel dizzy.

“You gonna pass out on us, E?” Amethyst looked at me a little worriedly.

“Don’t think so… just feeling a bit woozy” I had to stop. Black spots were flitting across my vision.

“Here” Steven offered me his hand. I took it gratefully. It steadied me all the way to Fish Stew Pizza where he deposited me in a chair. “What kind of pizza do you want?” he asked softly.

“Tuna” I said, rubbing my now aching head. “And a big Mega Porp, please”

“OK, just hang tight”

After a little while Kiki came by with drinks.

“Hey guys – oh, Erica, are you feeling alright?” she looked at me with concern.

“Just – _very_ hungry” I let out an embarrassed little laugh. One feeble butterfly sputtered into life behind Kiki’s head and vanished after a second.

“She pushed herself during training, but she did _so_ good” Steven said proudly, beaming at me with a big smile.

“Yup, now we all need to re-fuel” Amethyst said lazily, balling up a napkin and throwing it into her mouth.

“Your meal will be done very soon” Kiki assured us and stepped away behind the counter.

“I think my favorite part was when you changed your nose” Steven said happily. “I liked the one with the wart!”

“Your Pearl nose was _my_ favorite” Amethyst sniggered, giving Steven’s shoulder a push. “Oh man, P _hates_ it when I joke about her nose… But you’ll be fine, Ste-man, she loves you to tiny bits”

“Your dragon, Amethyst… Damn…” I said with a tired but happy sigh. “I _love_ dragons”

“Of course you do, ya big nerd” she giggled.

“I like dragons too – they’re so _cool_!” Steven said excitedly. “Have you seen ‘How to train your dragon’?”

“Are you kidding? Vikings? Dragons? Charlie and I saw it at the premier!” I laughed, smiling at the memory. “And then like four more times – the part when Hiccup turns his head away and Toothless puts his nose in his hand – it makes me cry _every_ time. Ugh and the _ending_ …”

“Me too!” Steven smiled.

“Is that the one with the scrawny little kid?” Amethyst asked.

“Yeah, Hiccup – he’s so _funny_ when he thinks aloud and stuff”

The pizza arrived and we all threw ourselves over the warm, cheesy goodness with enthusiasm, talking about more movies we’d seen and loved.

After we had finished eating I felt a lot better. Steven spotted Lars through the window and sprinted off to talk to him.

“Phwoaarrr…” I puffed, patting my belly. “I really needed that… Sheesh! How can he just run off after eating an entire pizza? Think I might need to _roll_ my way home…” I let out a little burp.

“That’s Ste-man for ya – he’s like a bouncy ball. Nothing can keep him down”

“Talking about food… How did the brownies turn out?” I asked her with a smile.

“Aw, they were super” she grinned broadly. “Perry made ‘em from scratch! For _me_!”

“Yeah I _know_ ” I giggled.

“No one’s made me brownies before except Steven. And mud pies. Lemme tell ya – Steven makes an _excellent_ mud pie” she kissed the tips of her fingers, then waved her hand in a fancy way. “You should have seen P-dot’s little face, giving ‘em to me… All _giggly_ and shy… Was freaking adorable”

I couldn’t really picture that, but said; “I bet she was” with a smile.

“Uh-huuuh” Amethyst sniggered. “Gave her a kiss on the cheek and she all but melted”

“Now _that’s_ adorable”

“Right? Man… Who’d have thunk it? Me and Perry-doodle… sitting in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N-G… Well, apart from that li’l peck on the cheek it’s mostly been hand holding, but you know… taking it slow” she sighed. “I mean…” she looked over her shoulder quickly. “I wouldn’t _mind_ a bit of a faster pace…”

“Bet you wouldn’t” I sniggered.

“Yah… But she’s so, like, _innocent_ if you catch my drift”

“Think I do, yes”

“Been ages since I… you know… had the honor of _introducing_ someone to the whole… sexy times biz. Don’t wanna pressure her and junk”

“She doesn’t seem super comfy with… touching?” I said carefully.

“Yeah, no, skin to skin contact is a huge deal to her. She says she gets like… sensory overload and stuff. I don’t really get it? But you know, I can roll with it…” she let out a sigh that sounded both happy and a little sad. “It’s not like there’s a _rush_ , but…”

“You’re getting a bit… frustrated?”

“Yeah!” she said with relief. “I mean – like with other people it’s been the main goal, you know? Get your rocks off – hah, pun not intended – and then _see ya_ ” she waved off an imaginary person.

“OK…” I said slowly. “So… why not scratch that itch yourself?”

“Is that… OK? When you’re with someone?” she asked quietly.

“Of course it is” I said in surprise. “Just because she’s not ready to be intimate doesn’t mean you have to stop… masturbating, Amethyst”

“Oh thank _fuuuuck_ ” she sighed in relief.

“I mean, I fly solo sometimes. Well. Jasper is around and eager most of the time, but when she’s out…” I felt my cheeks heat up a little.

“Really?”

“Y-yeah. I’m sure Jasper does it too” the mental image of my beastie caressing herself distracted me completely for a few seconds.

“Hey, where’d you go, E?” Amethyst sniggered. “Or, hang on, do I want to know?”

“Um”

“Yeah, OK, leeeet’s skip it”

“Probably for the best” I giggled.

“OK, so that’s a load off my mind…” Amethyst sighed.

“Don’t you talk about this stuff with Jasper? Or Pearl or Garnet?”

“I dunno about this touchy feely stuff with J-dog… And oh-ho-ho-nnnnnnnoooo talking about sex things with _Pearl_ – pff! Her head would explode!” she laughed. “And Garnet’s well… _Garnet_. But I can talk both sexy times _and_ touchy feely stuff with you and it doesn’t feel weird” suddenly I felt extremely touched.

“Aw, _Amethyst_ … that’s… wow, thanks…” I felt my cheeks flush. “Just for the record, Jasper’s _great_ at touchy feely”

“Maybe with _you_ ” she sniggered. “She’s opened up _a lot_ lately, but you know… We’re not at the level where she won’t mock me for something like this. Feels better to not even having to worry, you know?”

“Aw… You know I’m gonna hug you now, right?”

“Yeah, I know” she smiled. We shared a short, intense embrace.

“So other than that particular bit, how’s it going between the two of you?”

“It’s going well, I think” she smiled and blushed a tad. “We talk… And she shows me things she’s discovered… And goes on endless rants about how things don’t make sense, but then mid-rant she figures it out and then get _super_ distracted, mumbling to herself…” she let out a sigh at sat back in her chair. “She’s so _intense_! I love it! Like all these cool things going on in her head – I don’t get half of what she’s saying sometimes but she’s so _cute_ I don’t _mind_ if I don’t get it” her grin widened. “And she’s been tinkering away, renovating – even built a nice little bed for me to nap in, since she doesn’t sleep much. It’s got _pillows_ ” she said and laughed. “It’s big enough for two and sometimes she lies with me and reads while I sleep… Or writes her Camp Pining Hearts fanfiction. Have you seen that thing? It’s like… five hundred pages or something”

“Oh, shit, really?” I felt impressed. “That’s pretty long for a fanfiction”

“I wouldn’t know, but five hundred pages of anything is like… a _lot_ ”

“That’s a _book_ ” I grinned. “More than one, gods… She must _really_ like that show”

“Oh, uh-huh, yup” Amethyst nodded and sniggered. “It was the first bit of entertainment Steven showed her and she got _hooked_. Hah, my little dork…” she smiled warmly – an expression that was rare for the purple gem. I smiled and gave her shoulder a push.

“’Little dork’, huh?”

“Yeah” she laughed. “You and Jazzy-pants are the nerds”

“Does she have a nickname for you?”

“Oh, a few. ‘Ams’… ‘Big A’… ‘Lug nut’…”

“’Lug nut’?”

“She loves those things…” she blushed and ran a hand through her hair. “I just… hope it _lasts_ , you know?” I smiled knowingly.

“Bet you _at least_ a year”

### ***

  
When I returned home a little later I got a slightly unsettled feeling as I touched the door knob.

“Darling?” I called out as I stepped inside. Cake came trotting up to meet me, mewling. “Hi sweetie… where’s mama, hmm?” the cat looked up at me, then turned around and walked into the living room. I followed her, feeling apprehensive. Jasper was sitting on the floor in front of a big canvas and there were brushes and empty paint tubes scattered around her. “Darling?” I asked softly.

“Shit…” Jasper swore, her body twitching. She half turned, then sighed. I walked up to her, reaching out for her shoulder.

“What’s going on, sweetheart?” I looked at the picture in front of her. “Oh my…” it was a huge… face, split in two. One side was smiling and soft, the edges sort of… fluffy, the eye closed and the eyebrow relaxed. The other side was a haughty, stern, malicious frown, the eye open and staring down at me. The jawline was sharp and angular and the hair spiky and hastily painted in. Around the edges of the smiling half were… gems? Round ones, square ones and triangular ones in many colors. On the other side were… shards? I was stunned. It was so _raw_ … Much like the painting she had made of the battling tornadoes – she had managed to convey so much in just the _brush strokes_ … “ _Darling_ …” I said breathlessly. “ _Wow_ …”

Jasper glanced up at me, then looked down at her paint covered hands. “I… didn’t _intend_ to make… that…” her voice was very hoarse.

“It’s Pink Diamond, isn’t it?” I asked, sitting down next to her and putting my hand on her thigh.

“Yeah…”

“It’s _amazing_ …” I looked at all the little details – the shine on the gems, the highlights in her hair, the little wrinkles between the eyebrows and on the ridge of the nose on the right side.

“It’s not” her voice was flat.

“Oh, darling, yes it is” I said, looking up at her face. Her eyes were puffy. “It’s so intense, shock full of powerful emotion – _that’s_ what art is all about… Do you want to tell me about it?”

Jasper grimaced and looked away, her fists clenching.

“Well… what _I_ see is… One side open, vibrant… peaceful… Brining gems to life… The other _passionate_ , angry… _ruthless_ … The two sides of her, from your point of view… The one who made you, who treated you special, but also the one who _broke_ gems… And this world… and you…” Jasper looked down at me, her face softening. She let out a long sigh and sagged a little.

“I didn’t… really think of all that” she said quietly. “I started painting and it just… happened…”

“How does it make you feel?”

She was silent for a long moment. “ _Sad_ ” she said finally. I made a soothing noise and stroked her thigh and arm. “How does it make you feel?”

“Proud” I said softly and Jasper turned to look at me, her brows wrinkled in confusion.

“ _’Proud’_?”

“Of _you_ , darling – this is a wonderful piece you’ve made – so _expressive_ … it’s bursting with meaning… not just what you painted, but _how_ you painted it… Such powerful brush strokes… Look, it’s giving me goosebumps” I held up my arm. Jasper looked down and her eyebrows raised.

“’Goosebumps’? Are you shapeshifting?”

“No, no… this is something that can happen to humans when we feel something intensely – like fear, surprise or pleasure. It’s an ancient thing… when we had fur, it would make us look bigger and more intimidating, or like… _sexy_ I guess… An animalistic response…” I snuggled up to her. “Primal… powerful… _wild_ …”

Jasper looked at the painting again. “I think… I want to keep this”

“Were you going to throw it away?” I asked in surprise.

“Yeah. Was just about to when you got back”

“I’m glad you didn’t! I’ve thrown away paintings and drawings that were hard to look at, but I always regretted it down the line. They tell such a story… Like the chapters in a book. You can see… how you change. How you paint, what imagery you use… the color palette…”

“Can I see your paintings? I mean, the ones from before we met”

“Sure – but, some of them are… a little disturbing” I smiled tensely. Maybe I should keep some to myself, even now.

“More disturbing than this?” she pointed to the canvas again.

“Art is subjective – this one isn’t disturbing to _me_ , and my most… emotional pieces might not be disturbing to _you_ , now that I think of it…”

“Like how… you’re afraid of spiders and I’m not?” I shivered a little and nodded. Jasper gave me a tired smile. “What is it about them that freaks you out so much?”

“Ugh – they’re so _creepy_! Eight black eyes looking at you – those _legs_ – bleh! The way they move, oh my gods” I felt that paranoid little tickle in my mind and scratched my head uncomfortably, a few puffs of green coming with my words. “And they _lurk_ …”

“Well, you’ve always got me to get rid of them for you, babe” she chuckled.

“ _Thank you_ ” I said intensely, giving her arm a squeeze. “We’ve been lucky with this house – I’ve only seen two this entire time…” Jasper let out another chuckle. “What?”

“I made sure” I looked up at her.

“What… you’ve been… de-spidering the house? For me?”

“Mhmm… Me and Cake”

“Oh, da-ha-ha-rliiing…” I closed my eyes and leaned my head on her arm, a surge of gratitude and love welling up inside me. “ _Thank you_ … That’s so incredibly sweet!”

“You’re welcome, babe” she raised her arms and stretched, then rubbed her eyes. “I could do with a nap…”

“Oh, me too” I said, getting to my feet and then lying down on the bed. “Shapeshifting _really_ took a lot out of me…”

“Yeah?” Jasper lay down too and propped herself up on her elbow.

“Oh my gods, yes… Tourmaline can do it, no problem – we just like… talk about it in my head and she can make it happen with my… _our_ body. But it’s extremely tiring for me… I was sweating like I’d just run a marathon… And I got _super_ hungry… Maybe I should have a shower”

“No” Jasper grinned at me. “I like this smell on you”

“This _stink_ ” I giggled.

“Stinky little monster” Jasper pulled me closer and took a long whiff of my shirt which made me giggle louder. She hummed appreciatively and kissed my neck. “Shapeshifting is really hard on the system for a _full_ gem. For you I can imagine it being exhausting… Your body wasn’t made to be able to change like that”

“No, I guess not… I got all winded and sweaty – at first I thought the room just got warmer… Hopefully it’ll become a bit easier. But it’s good that I _can_ do it right?”

“Yeah, it can be really useful” Jasper nodded. “What did you do today?”

“Just little things… The color of my nails, eyes and eyebrows and the shape of my nose. I made a spectacular witch-nose! And Steven made an awesome Pearl-nose”

“Bet that looked hilarious” both I and Jasper sniggered.

“It _did_!” I stroked her forehead gently. “It was fun – and Amethyst turned into a dragon and flew around the room – _that_ was epic”

“She’s the best shapeshifter I’ve ever seen”

“Really?”

“Yeah, no question… She goes down to the details, I saw her be a fish for a while a few weeks ago. _Scales_ and everything. That’s fiddly”

“Nothing compared to the fiddly stuff you had to make though, darling” I smiled at her warmly.

“Well… no” she smirked, putting a hand on her belly and scratching herself lazily. “But that _was_ a bit different” I moved my hand there too, stroking her gently. “Mmm…” she sighed. “That feels nice…”

“I used to hate people touching my stomach…” Jasper looked at me with raised eyebrows. “So I didn’t let anyone do it – and then _you_ came along…” I smiled as I remembered her just putting her hand there one day after we had just arrived in Beach City, when I woke up with Mittelschmerz. “And now I can’t imagine my life without _belly rubs_!” I rubbed her a bit more intensely and scrunched my face up, smiling. Jasper laughed and kissed my forehead.

“Aw babe… you’re so cute” she sighed, smiling contentedly. “Belly rubs _are_ indeed great, but my favorite is when you stroke my hair…” she blushed slightly and flicked her eyes up to her bangs and then met my gaze. I grinned and scooted up a little so her head was level with my chin and began to stroke is gently. “Mmmmh…” she purred, snuggling into my chest.

“Do you want me to brush it after our nap?” I asked softly.

“Would you?” she looked up at me hopefully.

“Yes, darling… I love touching your hair”

### ***

  
“Oh, well _done_ , Erica!” Pearl said with delight in her voice – the Holo-Pearl in front of me vanished as Songbird sliced through its chest. “You’ve been diligent in your practice, I see”

“Yeah, kind of” I panted, putting the butt of the spear against the ground and leaning on it slightly. I looked over to the other side of the rocky canyon we were practicing in today – Steven and Connie were facing off against four Holo-Pearls. Rose’s sword glinted in the crisp autumn sunlight as Connie swung it deftly, impaling one clone and then dodging under the strike of another, Steven charging over her back to hit it with his shield. It slammed into a huge boulder and vanished, Steven bouncing off at an angle and leaping high into the air.

“Connie – duck!” he called and threw his shield at the Holo-Pearl that had just appeared behind Connie – she rolled to the side as the pink disc rocketed toward it, separating the torso from the legs.

“Last one’s mine!” Connie said gleefully, launching herself at it with the sword held out like a lance. With a sparkle of white light, the last clone vanished and both the kids panted a moment before sharing a high-five.

“Oh man!” Steven whooped, stretching his arms over his head. “What’s that now? Twelve for you, nine for me?”

“ _Ten_ for you, _fourteen_ for me, Steven” Connie giggled, re-sheathing the pink blade and wiping her forehead.

“Very well done, you two” Pearl said proudly. “I think _all_ of you have earned a Pearl Point today”

“Really?” Steven beamed. “Does that mean it’s time for the… _Pearl Prize Pouch_?!”

“At the _end_ of the lesson, young man” Pearl said in a dignified voice. “Take a hydration break, all of you. And ah, yes, and have some vitamin C!” she went over to our bags and took out a plate of pristine orange slices from the basket she had brought.

“Phew” I said as I sat down on a rock next to the kids. “You two look so good! That last one you skewered, Connie – swoosh!” I imitated her last thrust with a smile.

“Aw, thanks” she said, blushing slightly.

“Yeaaah… she’s pretty great” Steven sniggered, his cheeks going pink too. Connie giggled and handed him a water bottle. The three of us spent a few minutes talking about the session so far, drinking water and chowing down on the orange slices while Pearl walked around the canyon looking thoughtful.

“Ahem” Pearl cleared her throat and all of us looked up attentively. “I have a proposition for the second half of today’s training session – Connie, Erica – on your feet” Connie and I stood up – she confidently, and me a little more hesitantly. What did Pearl have in mind? “The two of you faced off almost three months ago now. Erica has made great strides since then… As have you, my dear Connie” both Connie and I straightened our backs at her words. “I would very much like to see how you do against one another _today_ ” she smiled thinly at us. Steven gasped and Connie and I exchanged a brief look. Oh dear… How did Connie feel about that day now?

“Um… Pearl, maybe – “ I began.

“Erica, it’s fine” Connie said out of the corner of her mouth. Pearl looked at us, deflating a little.

“Is there a problem?” she asked.

“No” Connie said, shaking her head. Pearl looked at me with her eyebrows raised.

“Uh, no. No” I responded, hitching on a smile. Oh gods, I thought to myself. Was I about to receive another pounding? I knew I _had_ improved since then, but enough to rival _Connie_?

“Alright then” Pearl clapped her hands, all smiles again. She drew a wooden sword and spear from her gem and held them out to us, then drew her own spear and used it to trace a large circle in the dirt. “Inside the ring, please”

Connie and I stepped inside it and I felt a thrill run up my spine. OK. Facing up against Connie again… She is quick, _very_ quick – and she thinks ahead, but can improvise too… OK, you’re _going_ to get your ass handed to you, but you _do_ know more now. Maybe you can keep her from hitting you in the stomach this time. Wait. She shouldn’t do that anyway – I might be carrying another life within me…

“One question” Connie said, looking at Pearl and then at me. “Have you sorted out your balance problem, Erica?”

“Um” oh crap. “No” I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand on end suddenly.

“OK, so no running in circles, got it” Connie lifted her blade.

“And absolutely no belly blows” I put my hand there protectively.

“Of course not” Connie shook her head solemnly. Pearl smiled approvingly and we both took up our positions.

“Now! Connie – attack, Erica – defend – _and counter_! First position – and – _commence_!”

Connie charged toward me and I took a step to my left, cutting off her angle of attack. I saw a little look of surprise flash across her face before she pirouetted and swiped at a downward angle – I dropped the point of the spear to the ground so that she missed and almost over-balanced.

“Oh, nice evasion, Erica!” Pearl called. “Connie, she’s not a _rookie_ anymore”

“Go Connie, go Erica!” Steven whooped, jumping to his feet.

“You _have_ improved” Connie said with a half-smile, raising her sword again.  

“One day I hope I’ll be able to come away from a training session _without_ injuries” I sniggered.

“Well – not today!” Connie shouted as she darted forward again – I managed to block her first thrust but she used the momentum _I_ gave to her and swung round under my guard and smacked me smartly over the thigh.

“Ow – son of a – !” I yipped.

“I went _easy_ on you last time” Connie sniggered, a fierce look in her eye now.

“Oh – ow – really? Sure didn’t feel like it” I grinned, rubbing my thigh.

“Remember your counters, Erica – don’t let your guard down after the first interaction – and keep that grip tight” Pearl said encouragingly. “Connie, remember what I said about angling your strikes? And follow _through_ , always follow through”

“Yes, ma’am” Connie nodded.

“OK” I rolled my shoulders, then raised the spear again.

Connie was a superb adversary _but_ – I managed to hold her off me for a good five or six exchanges at a time before she gave me another stinging smack. I countered many of her blows and once _I_ gave her a rap on the calf! I felt a surge of confidence then – but me actually landing a hit seemed to light a fire in her and the following exchanges ended with bruises to my shoulders, knees and knuckles. I was kind of amazed at how much my stamina had increased, despite being a bit black and blue, and I could evade more than I had to block. But Connie was clever and figured out my pattern of movement as fast as I could change it.

After a good thirty minutes of fighting I was covered in sweat, but I wasn’t _entirely_ spent. Connie hardly even seemed winded and grinned confidently at me.

“Getting tired, grandma?” she quipped and I let out a startled laugh.

“’Grandma’? Oh – I’ll get you for that, _squirt_ ”

“Bring it on, rocker-jockey!”

“O- _hoooo_!” Steven cheered, imitating Amethyst.

“Let’s keep it clean” Pearl said, not _completely_ able to keep a smile off her face.

Connie lunged at me again and I stepped _into_ her path this time, taking her by surprise – my triumph was short lived however as a long and increasingly _sneaky_ series of blows began to rain down on me.

“Keep it up, Erica! Counter – _counter_!” Pearl shouted from the side lines. “Connie, _drive_ your blows home, use your momentum – _thaaat’s_ it, yes, excellent!”

I grunted as Connie’s strikes hit with more force – but! This also seemed to slow her slightly and then – there it was – _an opening_. I gritted my teeth to strike, but Connie’s eyes narrowed and she smiled – oh shit, I was going to get it now – as my spear was half-way through its arc, Connie twisted out of the way so that I missed her _by an inch_ – I overbalanced and then round came her blade, swinging low – there was no time to get out of the way and then – tap! The flat of Connie’s sword slapped the side of my right knee lightly and I tumbled into the dirt – more out of surprise than anything. I ended up lying on my back, looking up into the sky, my head spinning. Connie’s grinning face appeared above me.

“You OK there, granny?” she sniggered, panting slightly.

“Y-yeah…” I said, feeling stunned. “Gods… I thought you were going to chop my leg clean off…”

“I knew you’d go for my left side” she grinned and held out her hand to me. I groaned and took it.

“Uuugh… Was I _that_ obvious?”

“Kind of, yeah” she sniggered again, pulling me into a sitting position. “You OK?”

“Yeah, yeah, just… outsmarted by you once again” I shook my head, feeling quite woozy.

“Well, at least I didn’t hit you _hard_ this time”

“No you did not, thanks for that” I let out a little laugh and lifted my pants leg to inspect my knee. “Not even a bruise”

“Everything alright over there?” Pearl asked from the other side of the ring.

“Yeah, fine” I said slightly louder so they’d hear me properly. My eyes fell on the back of Connie’s bare leg as she turned around to face the pale gem and confirm my words. Something dark was trickling down it – fuck, had I injured her earlier? But I had hit her _other_ leg – wait, then why was she bl- oh. _Oh_. I looked at Connie’s pants. They were dark, but at this distance I could see darker patches. Oh dear, in the heat of the battle she hadn’t _noticed_ … I shook myself mentally. _Handle_ this, Erica. You’ve been in this situation – you _know_ how devastating it can be. Breathe. Then talk. Calmly. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes a moment. “Connie…” I said softly. Connie turned to look at me.

“Need some help getting up?” she asked with a smirk.

“No, I’m fine” I gave her as warm a smile as I could muster, then got to my feet and stepped between her and the others in what I hoped was a sneaky way. “Sweetheart… Are you feeling OK?”

“Uh… yeah?” she looked at me a little confusedly.

”OK, Connie – I don’t want to alarm you, but I think… you might have gotten your period” I said slowly, keeping my voice low. Connie wrinkled her eyebrows at me.

“Uh… what?” I looked down at her leg and then back up at her face meaningfully. She frowned, then looked down, her brow furrowing further as she turned her leg to see. Then she froze, her eyes going wide. “Oh my gosh…” she breathed. “Ohhh… my… _gosh_ …”

“It’s _OK_ ” I said reassuringly.

“How is this OK?!” she hissed, her eyes full of fear. “Oh gosh… what do I _do_?!”

“First, take a breath, then let’s… go to the warp pad and – “

“But everyone will _see_!” she covered her face with her hands. “Ohhh nooo… this isn’t _happening_ …”

“Here” I unzipped my sweaty hoodie and held it out to her.

I threw a look over my shoulder at Pearl – she was looking at us with her head turned to the side. She met my gaze and raised her eyebrows inquiringly – I shook my head at her. “Put this on and it’ll cover your behind, then…” I dug around in my pocket for my handkerchief. “Wipe the worst off with this and then we can go – you’ve got a change of clothes in your bag, right?”

“Uh-huh” Connie responded weakly, taking my hoodie and putting it on, looking terrified. She had to roll up the sleeves several times to be able to use her hands, then bent down to wipe her leg quickly. The hoodie went down to her knees.

“Maybe… tie it around your knee for now? To absorb things”

“Oh _gosh_ ” she whimpered, looking down at her slightly blood stained hands.

“Just… hide them in the sleeves for now – don’t worry, it’ll wash out no problem”

“Hey, guys? Are you OK?” Steven asked from behind us.

“Shoot!” she said with the intensity that I would say ‘fuck’.

“I need a little break” I said over my shoulder. “Bathroom break”

“Yeah, me too” Connie said squeakily.

“Alright, everyone take five” Pearl said briskly.

We marched past the two of them, Connie pulling on my damp t-shirt to keep herself hidden and to tug me as far away from them as possible in the not very wide canyon. We reached the warp pad in two minutes.

“Jump” I said and the lights streamed around us. When they disappeared Connie took an eager step forward, then froze up. Peridot, Jasper and Amethyst were in the house.

“Oh, hey babe, hey Connie” Jasper greeted with a surprised, but very pleased smile. “Thought you were going to be gone all afternoon?”

“Had to… use the bathroom” I said, stepping in front of Connie slightly.

“Why not just take a wiz outside? It’s great” Amethyst said with a grin.

“Yeah, no, maybe next time” we started moving across the floor, Connie holding her head low and not looking at the gems. Jasper wrinkled her eyebrows at me.

“Babe, what’s – “

“ _Bathroom break_ ” I said in a strained voice, puffs of green leaving me, then I grabbed Connie by the shoulder and frog marched her over there, ignoring the others. The girl slipped in through the door and I heard her let out a long groan.

“I forgot to bring my _bag_!”

“Oh… _fuck_ ” I whispered. “Want me to go get it?”

“Yes! No! I-I don’t know what to do here!” her voice sounded almost panicked now. “Please don’t leave!”

I glanced around at Jasper, who was still looking at me with a worried expression.  

“I could ask Jasper to get it?”

“Jasper?” Connie asked uncertainly.

“Yeah, then I could stay”

“Oh, OK, yeah, sure just don’t… _tell_ her, OK?”

“OK” I nodded. “Darling?” I closed the door fully behind me as I called out to Jasper. She came over.

“What’s going on, babe?” she asked. I gave her a slightly pained look.

“Could you do me a really big favor? Could you go to the canyon to get Connie’s bag? She really needs it…” my breath was green.

“Uh… sure?” she leant down to whisper. “Is everything OK?”

I shook my head, then glanced at the door. I knew Jasper wouldn’t mock Connie if I told her, but Connie had asked me not to. “Please hurry” Jasper looked at my face closely, her eyes darting between mine. I raised my hand to her jaw and caressed it. “Please?”

“OK, I’ll be right back – the canyon with the big red rocks or the one that has trees in it as well?”

“The one with the rocks. Thank you, _Melamin_ ” she smiled, then kissed my palm and stepped away.

“Amethyst, give me a minute” she said as she walked onto the warp. There was a ping and she vanished in the lights.

“Pssh, alright then?” Amethyst huffed, folding her arms. “Sorry Perry-doodle, apparently big buff busy bee’s gotta run an errand before we can scadatz”

“Will there still be time, then?” Peridot asked, looking a little grumpy.

“Oh, yeah, lots” Amethyst reassured her. “The dump isn’t going anywhere”

“Good! I wouldn’t like my efforts to have found this femur for the Frank-dog to have been in _vain_. It is _quite_ heavy” the green gem brandished a huge bone and put it on the counter with a clatter.

“Want me to get that for ya, P-dot?” Amethyst sniggered, swaggering over to the green gem.

“I’m capable of carrying it by myself” Peridot smiled, reaching out for Amethyst’s hand.

“I know that. Just asking” they stood still, looking at each other. I could see Amethyst caressing the back of Peridot’s hand with her thumb.

After a minute the warp pad pinged again and Jasper reappeared. She approached me quickly, holding out Connie’s bag to me.

“Oh, thank you so much, darling” I said with a sigh of relief, then stood on tip toe to kiss her. She must have run quite fast.

“No problem, babe” she smiled down at me. “I told Pearl and Steven to give you a while. See you at dinner later?”

“ _Thank you_ and yes – say hi to Frank for me?”

“I will” she kissed my forehead before walking away again, smiling. The other gems joined her on the warp pad. I let out a sigh as they disappeared.

“OK, we’re alone now” I said through the door. “Here are your clothes” Connie opened the door and took the bag gratefully.

“Oh thank goodness” she breathed and put it down on the closed toilet lid. I dug around in my EDC and took out my last emergency pad. Or would she want a tampon?

“Pad or tampon?” I asked and Connie’s face flushed. Right. I handed her the pad.  

“Thanks…”

“OK” I took a deep breath. “Shower, yes?”

“Would that be OK, do you think?”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure” I nodded reassuringly. “There are towels in that cupboard over there. Put the stained things in the sink to soak in _cold_ water, alright, not warm. Do you need any pain killers?”

“No, not yet”

“OK” I nodded at her with a small smile. “Good hustle, kiddo”

“Thanks…” she returned my smile faintly, her cheeks still rosy, but looking a little relieved.

“I’ll be here, so take all the time you need” I said and stepped away from the bathroom. I heard the door close behind me and let out a long breath, my shoulders sagging a little now. Oh _dear_ … Well. It hadn’t been a _complete_ disaster, at least from my point of view. I went to wash myself in the kitchen sink – I wasn’t exactly _clean_ after having fallen to the ground and jumped around, sweating like a hog for an hour and a half. Though Jasper probably thought I smelled pleasantly feral at the moment. The thought made me smile and I let out a warm breath – she had gone to get Connie’s bag without needing a complete explanation. Maybe she had understood what was going on? Probably, because she had asked Pearl and Steven to give us a while... I winced slightly as my bruised knuckles stung when I scrubbed my hands. I put a pot of water on the stove and found an old soda bottle under the sink. I didn’t really want to rummage around looking for Steven’s hot water bottle, so an improvised one would have to do – _if_ it turned out that Connie did need one a little later. I took my phone out of my pocket to entertain myself while I waited, reading a few e-mails and sending one back to Parker, confirming a list of my stored furniture and belongings I had asked her to ship. She said that the people at the con Sadie had mentioned to me had sent a general invitation to my publisher, for any of the big names, mine included – but – and I thanked the gods for Parker’s magnificent foresight for the millionth time – both my publisher and the con people were happy for me to just to attend as a normal guest and that a VIP pass would be provided for me (and up to five of my friends if I gave them enough notice) at a significant discount. Oh, I couldn’t _wait_ to tell Sadie! She hadn’t brought it up again since the first time she mentioned it. Maybe she thought I had forgotten? Well! I’d nip by the Big Donut on my way home and give her the good news. Who else would want to come? Jasper, surely. And Steven and Connie would love it, I thought, smiling to myself. Maybe even Peridot would want to come? Was Camp Pining Hearts the only fandom she was engrossed in? Oh! Maybe we could all cosplay! That would be awesome. I smiled broadly to myself, thinking who I’d like to be then… Starbuck leapt into my mind immediately and I giggled, making a few bright butterflies appear and flit around me merrily. Jasper would _love_ that…

After a few minutes of looking at Battlestar Galactica uniform how-to videos my gaze fell on the icon for my period tracker app. Would I be pregnant at the con? I clicked the little flower image and the app declared that my period was… three days _late_. With the move and everything, I hadn’t really thought about it. I felt a thrill of excitement and put a hand on my belly. I _had_ been late last time too, but… Maybe it _wouldn’t_ come… Maybe I would get to cosplay a _pregnant_ Starbuck? I decided to buy a pregnancy test on my way home. Oh what if it was _positive_?

I was roused from my happy musings by the bathroom door opening.

“Erica?”

“Yes, Connie?”

“Um… how do I uh… _clean_ the clothes in the sink?”

“You can just use soap and scrub it with your hands – you can launder the stuff afterward and apply stain remover if you can’t get it all out”

“Oh, um… OK? But wouldn’t it be better with warm water?”

“No, that makes the blood _set_ ”

“Oh, alright” she said, then closed the door again. Another few minutes passed and then she exited the room, holding the wet garments over one arm. “Maybe they’ll dry quickly in the sun…” she said, her cheeks glowing red.

“Good thinking” I said with a smile and we headed outside to hang it over the railing. The air was fairly warm for an October day, but I returned inside quickly, since I was only wearing t-shirt damp with sweat. “How are you doing, kiddo?” I asked, rubbing my arms to get warm.

“I’m _really_ embarrassed” she said quietly. “Do you think the others… saw?”

“Don’t think so, sweetheart” I said reassuringly.

“Has… that ever happened to you?” she asked shyly.

“Yes…” I said, nodding slowly. “Quite a few times. I think it happens to everyone at least once, to some degree…” I let out a little embarrassed laugh. “Mostly I um… wake up and there’s blood on the sheets – that’s _messy_ but, you know, not _publicly_ messy so… it’s easier to deal with. Once I started my period during a riding lesson – it was a very warm day and I thought I was feeling _sweaty_ but… Gods, my riding instructor freaked out! And then _everyone_ in the group saw… Including my sister. Luckily one of the older girls lent me a pad and I could wrap my jacket around my hips when going home… Funnily enough, Victoria _didn’t_ tease me about it”

“Your instructor ‘freaked out’?” Connie looked at me with widened eyes, perhaps picturing the nightmarish scenario. It had been _so bad_ at the time, but looking back I could _almost_ see it as funny now. Well. Perhaps not funny, but at least not _mortifying_ anymore.

“Yeah… I don’t know _what_ she was thinking” I frowned at the memory. “Maybe she got scared? I mean, you don’t ever expect to see that, right? It looked like I had sat in _wine_ or something… That’s… kind of the reason I’ve been so calm, I guess. I didn’t want for you to have to go through the same thing... It was scary and embarrassing enough _without_ everyone else gawking at me” Connie blinked and looked at me, her lower lip starting to tremble. “Oh, hey, it’s OK” I said softly, taking a step closer to her.

She put her arms around my waist and sniffed. After a few seconds her breath hitched and she began to cry. “I got _scared_ …”

“I know… That’s OK…” I held her close, hesitated a moment, then began to stroke her damp hair. She hugged me tighter then and I smiled, feeling my eyes go moist. After a while she let out a little whimper and I looked down at her with wrinkled eyebrows. “Is it starting to hurt?” she nodded silently. “OK, hang on” I dug out my pain killers and gave her some, then poured her a big glass of water and turned the stove on. “Improvised heating pad in T minus two minutes” I smiled at her warmly as she put the empty glass in the sink and leaned on one hand, grimacing slightly.

When the water had boiled I poured it into the soda bottle and wrapped it in a kitchen towel, tested the temperature, then put another towel around it. Connie had moved to sit down on the sofa by the window, huddled up in the corner.

“Here we go” I said softly, handing it to her. She took it gratefully and put it against her belly – immediately some of the pain-lines on her face smoothed out and her shoulders dropped a level.

“Thanks…”

“Hey… Steven and Pearl will be back soon, I think”

“Oh, right…” she looked a little troubled. “I um… told Steven that I got my period and he… didn’t sound freaked out about it but… I don’t know if… I want to tell him about what happened _today_ …”

“That’s OK, but I _think_ he’d understand” I sat down by Connie’s feet, smiling at the memory of Steven wanting to give her a present. I wondered if he had finished it yet. Well. I wasn’t going to ruin the surprise.

“I kind of… just want to go home…” she covered her mouth as she yawned hugely. “Oh, why does it make me feel so… _tired_ …”

“Want to give your parents a call?”

“Yeah, I think mom is off work today” on a Wednesday? Connie wiggled her phone out of her pocket and I stood up to give her some privacy, thinking to go check on the clothes. I headed out on the deck, shivering slightly in the breeze. Everything was still wet and I wrung it out some more. After a minute there was a tapping on the window from behind me and Connie held up the phone, pointing to it and then to me. Oh, Priyanka must want to speak to me, I figured. I put Connie’s shirt back on the railing and stepped inside, closing the door behind me.

“My mom wants to talk to you” Connie said with a wrinkle between her eyebrows. I took the phone and held it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Erica, hi…” a _very_ tired sounding Priyanka was on the other end.

“Hey… is everything alright?” I asked, feeling instantly worried. Priyanka let out a little breath of bitter laughter.

“Is there _any_ possibility… that you or Pearl could drive Connie home? I’m having… rather incapacitating cramps of my own”

“Oh shit” I said in surprise. Both of them at the same time? “Sure, I could drive her, yeah” there was a relieved sigh from Priyanka.

“Oh, you are an _angel_ …”

“Well, I don’t know about that” I said with a smile, my cheeks heating up.

“You _are_ … See you soon?”

“Yes, alright, see you soon” I hung up the phone and handed it back to Connie. “OK. I’ll write Pearl and Steven a note that I took you home and pack up our things, then we can go” I paused a moment, looking at Connie closely. “Do you think you can walk?”

“Yes” she sighed.

“Maybe we should wait until the pain killers kick in a little more?”

“Mayb – “ the ping of the warp pad interrupted Connie and she closed her eyes and groaned softly.

“Connie, Erica?” Pearl called. “We brought your things?”

“Over here” I waved to them and Steven ran up to the sofa.

“Connie, are you OK?” he asked urgently. Connie grimaced, her cheeks going bright red. I felt the tension rise in me too and decided to pack up quickly so we could leave.

“I’m taking her home, I just need to get our stuff” I said, stepping away from the two of them. “Pearl, do you have a plastic bag I could borrow?”

“Oh, why, yes, of course” Pearl opened a cupboard and took out a perfect little square and fluffed it out into a large plastic bag.

“Thanks” I took my backpack and spear from her and went back out onto the deck, pulling out my non-workout hoodie and putting it on gratefully. I began to shove all the wet clothes into the bag.

“Erica, what is going on?” Pearl asked in a whisper, stepping up next to me like a ninja.

“Connie isn’t feeling well” I said quietly. I knew Connie wouldn’t like me to tell even Pearl what had happened. “And neither is Priyanka, so I’m going to drive her home”

“Oh” Pearl looked down at Connie’s damp workout clothes and… her _underwear_ that had fallen onto the floor. She bent down to pick them up, then hesitated.

“They’ve been washed” I said quietly and snatched them up, wrung them out and put them in the bag, glancing through the window to see Steven sitting next to Connie and listening to her talk, her eyes cast low and her arms folded over her stomach.

“Am I right in guessing this has something to do with… _menstruation_?” Pearl asked in a barely audible whisper. I sighed as I zipped up my backpack.

“It’s not my place to tell” I said, standing up a little too quickly. I grabbed onto the railing to steady myself. “Sorry, I think I’m getting a little… stressed” I clicked my jaw. Pearl stood up a little straighter.

“I didn’t mean to pry, I’m just… worried”

“I know, I’m sorry” I gave her a slightly strained smile. “This is… difficult for her… We should get going” I hope that didn’t count as betraying her trust.

“Right, right…” Pearl nodded, stepping back to let me pass.

“It was a _really_ good session, Pearl” I said, managing a more natural smile. “I had lots of fun”

“Good, _great_ ” she sounded more relaxed now, her shoulders lowering a little. “We’ll save the Pearl Prize Pouch for next time”

“Sounds good” I went inside and picked up Connie’s bag, the pink sword sticking out of it. “You ready, kiddo?”

“Yes” Connie said, standing up a little unsteadily.

“Hope you feel better soon…” Steven said sadly, his hands clasped in his lap.

“Yeah…” she walked out of the house, eyes trained on the floor. I looked at Steven and he sighed, rubbing his arm.

“She will be OK” I said softly, patting him on the shoulder and giving him a smile that I hoped was reassuring. He nodded and gave me a brief, brittle smile, then got off the sofa and went to the fridge. I followed Connie outside where Pearl was saying goodbye in a slightly higher-than-normal voice and looking distinctly bluebell-cheeked. I gave the pale gem a quick hug, which was rather difficult with all the things I was carrying.

As we walked through the sand, Connie was being very quiet.

“Connie?”

“What?” she responded rather testily. I raised my eyebrows at her tone. She stopped and turned to me. “Did you tell Pearl what happened?”

“Um. No? She asked if it was at all period related, but I said it was not my place to tell” OK, so, yes, _hormones_ , cramps and an embarrassing incident had happened to this thirteen year old girl today. I shouldn’t be surprised _a mood_ was happening, but it was strange to see it from _Connie_. You’re the adult. Deal with it.

“Then why was she being…” she waved a hand. “So _awkward_?”

“Well… I think she was trying to respect the fact that you obviously didn’t want to talk about it… and pretending not to have guessed what it was about, maybe. She’s hasn’t been… very comfortable with this subject. But you _can_ talk to her about it. I have…”

“You _have_?” she looked at me incredulously.

“Yes. She… helped me deal with my cramps last month, when Jasper was in her gem” I said calmly. Connie started walking again, looking less agitated.

“Sorry, I just…” she mumbled.

“Got terrified at the thought of Pearl or Steven finding out and being freaked out by what happened?” I said with a little sigh. Connie glanced at me.

“Well… yeah” she admitted after a few seconds.

“I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be”

“Really?”

“Yes” I nodded firmly. “They care about both of us very much. I think it took a lot for Pearl to offer to help me with my cramps, but she cared more about how _I felt_ than she felt uncomfortable about human biological processes. I _had_ talked to her about… the thing I remembered about my mom and getting my first period and she _knew_ how much that had affected me. I think… she decided she didn’t want to make me feel bad about it, like _ever_ …  So she _overcame_ something of hers, for _my_ sake. She actually used the word ‘menstruation’ today, so… She’s come a long way”

“I didn’t know that…” Connie said quietly.

“Well, now you do” I said encouragingly. “That doesn’t mean that you _have_ to talk to either of them about what happened today, just that you can if you want to” we walked in silence for a moment, then I felt Connie’s warm little hand slipping into mine. I smiled at her and saw her meet my gaze for the first time in minutes. Good, I thought.

I bleeped my car keys and Lorelai unlocked. Connie and I both got inside and buckled up, then we drove the twenty minutes to her house. She fell asleep about half way there, the improvised hot water bottle kept on her belly by the seat belt. At about the same time I really started wishing I had taken the opportunity to go to the bathroom at home before driving off.

“Connie…” I said softly as I pulled the handbrake. “We’re here” she opened her eyes and looked around.

“I fell asleep?” she asked drowsily.

“Yeah. Hey, could I use the bathroom real quick?”

“Sure” she yawned, unbuckling herself. We got out of the car and I grabbed her stuff and the plastic bag out of my backpack, removing my hoodie from it and hanging it on the back of the driver’s seat by its hood. Connie opened the door and went inside and I followed. Priyanka was sitting on the couch facing the door, wrapped up in blankets and looking miserable.

“Hi mom…” Connie sighed, kicking off her shoes and walking up to her.

“Hi honey…” Priyanka unwrapped one arm from her blankets and turned off the TV standing on a chest of drawers to my left, then embraced her. “We’re a pair, huh? How are you doing?”

“Better than before” Connie said, sitting down next to her mom and leaning her head on her arm.

My heart twinged at the same time as my chest filled with warmth.

“Hello, Erica” Priyanka greeted me with an exhausted smile. “Thank you _so much_ for bringing her home…”

“No problem whatsoever” I said, bending down to untie my shoes. “Connie said it was OK for me to use the bathroom?”

“Of course, of course” Priyanka waved her hand for me to come in. “Would you like a cup of tea?”

“Oh, no, I’ll just use the facilities and then get out of your hair. I could _really_ use a shower” I walked over to the door next to the stairs. I sat down on the toilet and relieved myself with a sigh. When I was done I wiped myself, then wrinkled my eyebrows at the very… _wet_ feeling and looked down – the paper was red.

“Oh…” I said in surprise, staring at the crumpled tissue in my hand, feeling a sudden cold thrill run down my spine and my belly began to ache dully. I discarded the paper and grabbed my underwear to look at them. There was a big red blotch… I breathed out some red and purple sparks.

Was this my period or did I just… have a _miscarriage_? How would I know the difference? An icy hot bullet exploded in my belly and I winced and gasped, grabbing the wall with my free hand. The little room filled with red light as I tried to breathe through the cramp. Tears stung the corners of my eyes. Had I… _been_ pregnant? Had I just _lost_ our baby? What did a miscarriage _feel_ like? I had hopefully skipped those chapters in the books, not wanting to be paranoid and now I regretted it – _awfully_. Had I caused it somehow? What had I _done_? Was it the training? Oh… no… Had me falling to the ground… _crushed_ our baby? The tears came thick and fast, my mind racing out of control. _I had killed our baby!_ Jasper’s and my beautiful little son or daughter _ripped_ from my insides because of my _stupid_ mistake!

A sharp knock at the door made me draw in a gasping breath and I remembered Priyanka and Connie in the next room. _Fuck_ …

“Erica? What’s the matter?” Priyanka’s was using her no-nonsense voice, but sounded worried at the same time.

“I think – I just lost – our _baby_ …” I forced it out through my sobs, my breath becoming dark.

“What?! Are you pregnant?!” Priyanka’s exclamation triggered a gasp from Connie on the other side of the door.

“ _Oh_ my gosh!”

“I-I don’t know” I sobbed, hugging my aching stomach.

“Have you taken a pregnancy test?”

“N-no”

“OK – were you _late_?”

“Y- “ I swallowed hard. “Yes…” oh gods. _Oh gods_ …

“By how many days?”

“Th- _three_ ”

“OK, important question – are there any… _clots_? Or something _pink_ … or grey? Anything unusual at all?” ‘clots’? I looked down into my underwear – _thank the gods_ I always wore some when I worked out. There was only a dark _red_ mark and the paper I had used certainly hadn’t had any… _lumps_ …

“N-no?” my breathing calmed a little, a light that carried both hope _and_ disappointment appeared at the end of the tunnel.

“Are you having cramps?”

“M-hmm!”

“On a scale from one to ten?”

“S-seven, eh- _eight_ ”

“Goodness – i-is that a normal amount of cramps for you?” the edge had gone out of Priyanka’s voice now and she sounded very concerned.

“ _Mhmm_!” I grunted as a new wave of pain swept over me. My breath turned red and sparkly again.

“OK, I _think_ this – is just a – p-period… _Not_ a miscarriage” Priyanka’s voice faded further in intensity. “Oh, help me sit – sit down – thank you, honey…”

“Are you OK, mom?”

“Yes, well… no, but it’s fine… sit, sit… let’s all take – a _breath_ …”

Just a period? Even through the cramp I felt my mind unwind from the tangled ball of guilt it had become.

“Oh thank the gods…” I panted, my knuckles whitening as the pain peaked, then suddenly let go. I scrabbled for my EDC, digging out my pain killers. I had forgotten to pack my new meds, but I had the other prescription ones. They were better than the over the counter stuff, even if they made me sleep weird… I took one and dry swallowed it, rummaging around for a pad when I remembered I had given the last one to Connie. _Shit_. A tampon probably wouldn’t be enough… I looked around the little guest bathroom. There was only a small sink and a mirror, no bathroom cabinet to possibly hold a stash of pads. “Could I um… borrow a pad?”

“Yes, yes of course. Let me just – ah “

“I’ll get it, mom, stay seated” it was Connie’s voice.

“OK, thanks, honey” Priyanka sounded so tired, her voice coming from lower down now. Was she sitting on the floor? Footsteps moved away and then up the stairs and over my head.

“Sorry about… freaking out…” I said, feeling suddenly very stupid about the whole thing.

“Don’t worry about it” Priyanka said, then sighed. “I… remember how heartbroken I got every time I got mine after Doug and I started trying to get pregnant… I must have called my mother and cried at least ten times” that made my heart twinge _and_ made me feel a little better at the same time.

“So I’m not – _overreacting_?” I groaned as the pain intensified again, wanting, _needing_ reassurance. The ache echoed down into my crotch now, like it sometimes did if I was sitting on the toilet when the cramps were happening. More tears slid down my cheeks and I tried to breathe through it without making too much noise.

“No, _of course not_ ” Priyanka soothed. “You’re _disappointed_ … Truth is – it’ll happen – when it _happens_ ” she panted. “Try to think of it – as g-getting your period as a – better luck next month… not a _loss_ ”

Connie’s footsteps came down the stairs again slowly and after a few seconds a blue package slid under the door.

“Thank you, s-sweetheart” I said, reaching out to grab it. The pain abated to a dull ache and I applied the pad and inserted a tampon, then got to my feet and washed my hands and face. When I opened the door I found Connie just helping Priyanka to her feet. I kept one hand on my belly, massaging it slowly and wishing Jasper was here. “Do you mind if I… stay until the painkillers kick in?” I asked hoarsely.

“I’m afraid I have to insist… But let’s sit down in the couches, shall we?” Priyanka suggested tiredly.

“Mom, where did you put my heating pad?” Connie asked.

“Cupboard” Priyanka waved a hand, cradling her own to her stomach and sitting down among her discarded blankets with a wince.

“Wouldn’t happen to have a spare one?” I asked without much hope.

“I could boil some water for this?” Connie suggested, holding up the now probably luke warm improvised hot water bottle.

“That would be _great_ ” I said with a sparkly white and red breath, feeling gratitude well up inside me. I sat down on the slightly larger couch as Connie went into the kitchen. After a moment there was the sound of a microwave buzzing. Priyanka looked over at me with wrinkled eyebrows.

“I’m sorry you’re not pregnant…” she said, reaching out for my hand to stroke the back of my bruised fingers gently. “Please don’t blame yourself or Jasper – I can tell you for a fact that that _never_ helps…”

“Th-thanks…” I felt more tears come. “I-is it silly to have… _hoped_? After barely a m-month of tryi-ing?”

“You _always_ hope…” she said tiredly, reaching out to push a box of tissues closer to me on the table situated at the end of both sofas. I winced as the pain ramped up again and tried to just breathe normally, but not succeeding. Priyanka looked at me with concern. “Would you like to go lay down?”

“Thanks, but it’s… safer not to… _One_ of us bleeding through today is quite enough…” I grabbed some tissues and wiped my face as the agony settled to a heavy ache again.

“’Bleeding through’?” Priyanka asked, her brows furrowing. I glanced up at Connie who had just stepped back into the living room. Her face flushed scarlet and her shoulders rose to her ears – I immediately felt like the meanest, most _inconsiderate_ person in the world.

“ _Oh no_ ” I groaned. “I’m _so_ sorry – I thought – oh – _Connie I’m so sorry_ ” my breath was purple, green and red.

Priyanka turned to look at her daughter. “Honey?” Connie stood chewing her lower lip, her hands balled into fists. “Did you… oh _honey_ …” Priyanka’s shoulders dropped. “Why didn’t you tell me over the phone?”

“ _Mo-om_ …” Connie whined, her cheeks glowing.

“ _Pyaari beti_ …” Priyanka’s voice was very soft. “It’s _alright_ – it _happens_ …” she reached out for Connie. “Come sit down… tell me what happened” Priyanka patted the seat next to her. After a moment’s hesitation, Connie sat down.

“It was during our training session. Erica and I were… facing off and… I had just done this _feint_ and… I was helping Erica up and she told me that… I had started my… my…” Connie swallowed. “S-she um… she gave me her handkerchief and hoodie because I didn’t want Pearl or Steven to see and then we… warped to Steven’s house. I had forgotten _my bag_ – but Jasper was there and she went to get it because I didn’t want to be… alone…” Priyanka took my hand and put an arm around Connie’s slim shoulders and kissed her forehead. “Jasper came back and I took a shower… Erica told me how to wash the clothes and then and we talked a little – she made me a heating thing out of the soda bottle… Then I called you… I… was too embarrassed to tell you… And then you told me _you_ were having cramps too and I… didn’t want to… make your day… _worse_ …”

“Oh, _honey_ …” Priyanka stroked Connie’s cheek gently, gave my hand a last intense squeeze, then grabbed some tissues and handed them to Connie, who had begun to cry silently. I felt very much like I was intruding on their moment and tried to blink away my own tears. “I want you to know you can talk to me, even if _I’m_ having a bad day, OK? It has happened to me too”

“It has?” Connie wiped her eyes and nose.

“Yes” Priyanka nodded, giving her a pained little smile. There was a click and a series of beeps from the kitchen. “Go get your heating pad and I’ll tell you”

“OK” Connie got up and walked into the kitchen slowly and Priyanka looked over at me.

“I’m sorry – I thought she told you” I whispered urgently, feeling wretched. Priyanka let out a long sigh, then smiled exhaustedly.

“It’s alright… and _thank you_ for helping her out” she whispered back. Connie reentered the living room and held out the soda bottle to me.

“Oh, _bless you_ ” I said with a whine of gratitude in my voice. I took the bottle and hugged it to my belly. “ _Gudars – skymning_ …” I sighed as the cold, sharp, twisting sensation in my gut was cut in half. Sparkly red butterflies skittered through the air and Connie sat back down next to her mom. “Thank you so much, sweetheart… And… Sorry, I didn’t mean to… _out_ you like that” I said quietly.

“It’s… OK. I know it wasn’t on purpose” she smiled at me tiredly. I closed my eyes, leaned back and pulled my legs up, just _so_ relieved the pain was ebbing away _and_ that Connie wasn’t mad at me. Priyanka cleared her throat.

“Everyone gets little leaks, or accidents now and again – your pad slips or you sit awkwardly… Or you sneeze unexpectedly” I let out a little laugh.

“Sneeze?” Connie asked, then thought for a moment. “ _Oh_ my gosh!” she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

“Yes, it’s not a very pleasant experience… I think the most… _dramatic_ time that has ever happened to me was during one of my final examinations as a medical student. The test was six hours with no breaks and I hadn’t slept very much, being up late studying the night before. I noticed I started bleeding about an hour in and had to make a choice… Finish the test, get my degree or get up and leave to deal with the problem. I had worked too hard to just… _give up_ at the finish line. So I stayed. I decided to wait until everyone else had left before getting up, and I managed to get away without anyone seeing me. I got some strange looks on the subway, having to change into my scrubs to get home, but it was better than the alternative. When I looked at my calendar later I saw that I had marked that day down as the start of my next period, but with being sleep deprived and stressed, it had slipped my mind. My cycle has always been very stable, and if you’re anything like me, you can plan around it. Or at least _prepare_ ” she let out a hiss and closed her eyes. “I can – usually take the day off – in advance…” oh, so _that’s_ why she was free on a Wednesday… I tried not to feel envious of the stability of her cycle – gods, what a strange thing to desire…

“I’m sorry that happened, mom…” Connie looked down at the floor and fiddled with the corner of her heating pad cozy. “And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about today over the phone… It’s just… hard to talk about…”

“I know, honey” Priyanka patted Connie’s hand and used the other to cover her mouth as she yawned. “Oh excuse me”

“You get really tired too?” Connie asked, looking up at her mom with pink cheeks. Priyanka nodded and gave her a faint smile. Connie returned it and scooted a little closer to her. Oh, how sweet… “Do you… get tired, Erica?” she inquired tentatively.

“Me?” I was really surprised to be asked. “Not… really, no. But the painkillers I was prescribed make my head a bit loopy and I sleep for a long time. I got new ones now, but… I didn’t bring any. Kind of… hoped I wouldn’t need them…” my head was starting to feel a little fuzzy. The pills must be kicking in, finally… I closed my eyes and rubbed my belly, trying not to think of my uterus as having betrayed me. There was the sound of keys scraping in the lock and the front door opened and Doug stepped inside.

“Oh, hello ladies” he said with a bright smile that faded when his eyes fell on his wife and daughter looking miserable in the sofa.

“H-hi dad” Connie mumbled, arms folding over the heating pad hurriedly.

“Hello, Dear…” Priyanka said, smiling tiredly. “How was your day?”

“It was… fine. Is…” he cleared his throat a little. “Is this your day off, Dear?”

“Yes”

“Ah. Milkshake?”

“ _Please_ ”

“I’ll be _right_ back” Doug half turned before Priyanka spoke again.

“Dear?”

“Yes?”

“Connie and Erica could use one too” Priyanka said, looking at Connie, then me. I felt my cheeks flush and saw Connie’s do the same.

“Oh. What – um – what flavor” his voice cracked slightly. “What flavor would you like?”

“S-strawberry” Connie mumbled.

“Chocolate?” I suggested uncertainly.

“And _fries_ ” Priyanka added. “Lots of fries…” Doug’s face fell a little more.

“Oh, I’m sorry Dear… I’ll be right back, you ladies just… relax, alright?” he turned around and headed out again. The door closed with a click.

“ _Mom_ …” Connie groaned. “Now he _knows_ …”

“Oh, honey, he already did” Priyanka kissed Connie’s forehead and the girl closed her eyes with a frown.

“ _Uuugh_ …” she grumbled.

“Milkshakes?” I asked, feeling quite uncomfortable a man I hardly knew was aware I was on my period. My breath was red and green. I remembered Priyanka had mentioned milkshakes before.

“I always want milkshakes on a bad day… And fries if it’s… _really_ bad…” Priyanka rubbed her temple. I looked at her worriedly, then felt a surge of guilt. She was taking care of everyone… me included…

“I’m so sorry for imposing, I… should go” I said quietly, sitting up. Priyanka looked up at me with a wrinkle between her eyebrows.

“Don’t be _silly_ … you’re in no state to drive. Doug can take you home after we’ve got some food in us, but not before” she took my hand again and looked me in the eye. “Stay, I insist”

“O-OK” I said meekly, feeling kind of relieved and guilty at the same time.

“If we’re having fries…” Connie said slowly. “Can we make tzatziki too?”

“I think we deserve it, don’t you?” Priyanka said, turning to Connie and smiling.

“Yuss…” Connie raised a fist in triumph. “I’ll go shred the cucumber” she got to her feet.

“Could you put this in the microwave for me?” Priyanka held up her heating pad.

“Sure mom”

“Thanks, honey…” she wrapped herself in her blankets again and shivered.

After a few minutes Doug returned and we moved to the kitchen to eat. I didn’t really have an appetite but I had a little – the tzatziki was a wonderfully garlic-y addition to the crispy saltiness of the fries, and that made it a whole lot easier to eat. At the end of the meal, Connie was falling asleep where she sat and both Doug and Priyanka agreed that she should go to bed, even though it was only seven in the evening. Doug went with her upstairs to change out of his work clothes, saying he’d drive me home afterward. My phone began to ring and I looked at the display, my heart sinking to see it was Jasper.

“How on earth do I tell her?” I asked, letting the call go to voice mail and feeling terribly guilty about it. Priyanka looked at me worriedly, swallowing a last bite of fries and wiping her mouth with a napkin.

“Well…”

My phone vibrated with a new message and I glanced down at it and felt a surge of sadness and warmth.

“She’s asking if Connie is OK…” I sighed, feeling my eyes tearing up again.

“Erica, can I be frank?” Priyanka looked at me seriously. I felt a thrill of fear, but nodded silently. “Just rip the band aid off. There really isn’t more to do. You just have to try again. From what I’ve seen of the two of you together, you are very supportive of each other and love one another very much. She will probably be sad, maybe even blame herself for her side in this. But it’s only the first month – her sperm probably isn’t even mature yet. And there are other factors at play, even if they are” she patted my arm gently. “Not many couples succeed on the first try”

I wiped my cheek and sighed. “I was just so… _excited_ …”

“I know…” she said quietly. “Believe me, I do”

### ***

Doug drove me home and I spent most of the time looking at the street lights passing over the dashboard. I had refilled the soda bottle with hot water and it was keeping my uterus mostly in check, but my breath was still red on every exhalation. The window was open and the lights streamed out into the darkness. We pulled up to the house and I drew in a deep breath and closed my puffy eyes a moment before saying;

“Thanks for the ride. And the milkshake and fries”

“You’re… welcome” Doug said, smiling warmly.

“I’ll… drop by and pick up the car tomorrow”

“That’s fine”

The door to the house opened and Jasper poked her head out. She saw us and smiled, then approached the car.

“Thought I heard someone pull up” she said as she opened the car door for me. I got out awkwardly and closed the door behind me.

“Have a good night” Doug said, then drove off. I waved to him feebly.

“Darling…” I sniffed, not daring to look her in the face.

“Yeah, honey?” her voice sounded uncertain.

“I…” my throat constricted and I began to cry, leaning forward to put my forehead against her chest. Her arms folded around my back gently.

“Did you... get your period?” she asked softly. I nodded and she let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry, babe…” she put her gem in my hair and just… held me for a long time. Then she bent down and scooped me up and took me inside. “Let’s take a shower, hmm?” she said and I nodded silently against her neck. We went upstairs and she helped me undress, then we got into the shower and sat down. The warm spray was soothing and I just let myself cry in her embrace, the darkness and red of my breath curving away from us and drifting through the walls of the stall. Jasper massaged my stiff shoulders and stroked my back, then washed my hair with gentle hands. I didn’t have to speak. I didn’t have to say a single word. She just… _knew_ …

Eventually we exited the shower and I changed my tampon to just a pad while she got out some fresh clothes from the dryer. She must have done some laundry… As I washed my hands I glanced up into the mirror and saw her looking at me with such concerned, sad eyes. She met my gaze and I realized I hadn’t looked her in the eye since I saw her at Steven’s house earlier this afternoon. I sniffed and fresh tears began to roll down my flushed cheeks. Jasper approached me from behind and put my green monster hoodie around my shoulders, then bent down to kiss my cheek.

“It’s not your fault, _Melamin_ …” she whispered. I whimpered and had to grip the sink to keep myself upright. She put her hands on my hips to steady me for a moment, then she lifted me up and cradled me to her chest again. She carried me downstairs and into the living room and placed me gently on the bed. She lay down behind me and put her hand on my belly, rubbing it softly. “I love you, my little monster… You need to rest… We’ll try again… We _will_ be parents, I promise” I nodded and sniffed, then put my hand on hers and closed my tired eyes.

* * *

  
Please review!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to make it clear – Erica didn't have a miscarriage, it was just her period. I have not experienced this kind of disappointment myself, but I have friends who have and I know how truly devastating it can be. To those who have gone or are going through the same thing – I'm sorry and I hope that it worked out or that you succeed soon <3


	69. Best laid plans

## Chapter 69: Best laid plans

  
I woke up feeling miserable. Everything hurt and I let out a low grunt of red and black sparks.

“Babe, are you awake?” came from the kitchen.

“Mmff…”

Jasper came into the living room and sat down on the bed next to me. “Hey…” she said softly, stroking my hip. “How’s my little monster?”

“ _Hurts_ …” I groaned wretchedly, a cold, sharp ache in my stomach overshadowed all other discomforts except for my enormous need to use the bathroom. I forced myself to sit up and Jasper looked at me worriedly. “Need t pee…”

“OK…” she helped me stand and I glanced at the sheets and frowned at the stains I left behind. “Don’t worry about it, babe”

“Bt th _matrss_ …”

“It’ll be fine” she said reassuringly, then took me to the downstairs bathroom. “I’ll get you some new pajama bottoms”

“Thnks, drln…” I said muzzily. Jasper returned shortly with a new pair of pants, some underwear, a pad and a tampon.

“Here, honey…” she said softly, handing me the things.

“Thanks…”

“Do you want some privacy?”

I looked at her worried face. “Please stay…”

“OK” she smiled warmly and leaned against the sink. “How about some breakfast?”

“I kind of just… want to go back to sleep…” I said as I put everything on.

“It’s… five in the afternoon, honey” Jasper informed me carefully.

“What?”

“Yeah… You’ve been asleep for almost twenty hours. I was getting really worried. Was about to call someone”

“Oh… I took one of the pills that make me sleep weird yesterday… I hadn’t packed the new pain meds in my EDC…”

“I kind of figured, but I wasn’t sure” Jasper looked a little relieved. “Let’s try one of the new ones today?”

“Yeah… please” my breath was sparkly red.

“Where did you put them?”

“Oh… upstairs I think?”

“I’ll go get them”

Jasper returned as I was washing my hands and face in the sink and I took one of the blue pills, swallowing it with a glass of water from the tap, then brushed my teeth. We went into the kitchen together and I slumped down onto a chair.

“Here” Jasper handed me the hot water bottle and I smiled gratefully up at her as I put it against my aching tummy.

“Thanks, darling…”

“What would you like for breakfast? There’s soup and pork chops from the day before yesterday if you want something quick” she said in a soft voice, rubbing my back gently. “Or I could make you something? How about an omelette?”

“I don’t really have an appetite…”

“How about some soup? That’s easy to eat” Jasper wheedled. I looked up into her concerned face.

“Yeah, soup sounds nice” I said – Jasper looked very much relieved at my response. I didn’t know how much I’d be able to eat, really. But I should try. I probably needed it. Maybe it’d make me feel better. Jasper began pottering around the kitchen. “Have you… been home all day, darling?” I yawned.

“Hmm? Oh, yes of course” she paused by the stove, soup ladle in hand. “Wasn’t going to leave you alone _today_ , babe…”

“Th-thanks, beastie…” I felt myself tearing up. Jasper came over and kissed the top of my head.

“I’m just sorry I wasn’t there when it happened…” she whispered. “I could have done… more…”

“Darling, you were so kind last night… Well, you’re _always_ kind… Thank you for that… Thank you for this, today…”

“How are you feeling, honey?”

“Disappointed… sad…”

“Yeah, me too…”

“Priyanka was _great_ … she said a lot of reassuring things… I got so frightened when I saw I was bleeding, I thought I had lost our baby… I th-thought I had _c-caused_ it somehow…”

“Well, you know that’s not true” Jasper squatted down in front of me. “It’s most likely my sperm that’s not ready yet… I had hoped it would be” I looked up at her earnest, worried face.

“It’s neither of our faults…” it took a lot to say, because I still felt guilty. “Priyanka said not to blame ourselves, because it won’t help… and she’s right”

“OK, so we’re not blaming ourselves – deal?”

“I’ll do my b-best” I nodded, tears starting to roll down my cheeks. Jasper brushed some away and kissed my forehead gently, then my lips.

“Me too” she whispered.

### ***

Over the next few days, I started to feel better. Jasper treated me like a queen – anything from foot rubs to elaborate meals to marathon watching my favorite TV-shows – she was game for anything. When I told her she was spoiling me rotten, she just chuckled and told me I deserved it and that she was enjoying just spending time with me alone.

When moving day came I drove our few possessions over to the new house in two trips. The only big thing we had was the bed, but that was easily disassembled. When we arrived at the house we put it back together, then lay down on it.

“We need to get some plates and things” I said with a yawn. It was kind of early in the morning still. My new pain medication drained me of energy somehow and I wanted to sleep a lot, but they didn’t make me sleep for more than twelve hours or more at a time. And they reduced the pain a lot more than the other ones, which was _great_. I hadn’t been able to test them against first day cramps, but now on the fifth day I felt _none at all_. It was kind of amazing and I thought of maybe recommending them to Victoria.

“It’s on the list” Jasper said and stroked my cheek. Cake was padding around the bedroom, sniffing suspiciously at everything. I looked up into the ceiling. We had been able to transfer the bubbles to this place just by tapping the top of them. Seemed that if ‘home’ changed, they knew where to go.

“Mmm… I kind of feel like testing out the bathtub” I said, reaching down to scratch my thigh.

“We don’t have any towels” Jasper chuckled. “How about we go to Bed, Bath and Beyond and get all the things we need, have lunch somewhere and then have ourselves a nice long bath, hmm?”

“OK” I smiled.

We got back in the car, leaving Cake inside so she could get used to the place. When we pulled into the parking lot we had big trouble finding a space to park.

“What’s all this?” I asked aloud. “Is there a sale or something?”

There _was_ a sale and the place was crawling with people.

“Let’s make this as quick as we can, darling” I said as we grabbed a cart each.

“Got it, babe” Jasper nodded.

We found nearly everything on the long list we had made together, the few things we didn’t manage to get our hands on we decided to just order over the internet later. Jasper was delighted to find a heart-shaped waffle iron and I decided we needed more stuffed animals. The line to the register was incredibly long and once we actually got outside I felt such a deep need for a cigarette I was almost in tears.

“No cigarettes” Jasper said with a smile. “But let’s get a burger or five, yeah? And then we’ll head home and I’ll give you a back rub in the bath” I kissed her in thanks and we drove to a diner a little down the road. Turned out they made absolutely delicious burgers and had jalapeno poppers that were to die for. I bought three extra orders to bring home for later.

When we arrived back at our new house Cake greeted us with a mouse that turned out not to be _quite_ as dead as it first looked. It scampered off and Cake set after it, soft paws galloping across the hard wood floors like a little pony.

“Should we get some traps, or do you think that’d offend her?” I said with a little laugh.

“Let her have her fun” Jasper chuckled, looking at Cake pouncing fondly. We carried in our new purchases from the car, Jasper doing ninety percent of the actual work. We set to organizing the kitchen and Jasper tested out the raised counters. “These are great” she said with a big smile. “How’s the step ladder working out for you?”

“It’s good” I tapped my feet against the sturdy little step. It wasn’t very high, but it didn’t need to be. It brought me up to a very comfortable kitchen-working height.

“Feels good to be in a place where I _fit_ ” Jasper said, putting her hands on my hips and kissing my neck. “Can’t wait for the me-sized furniture”

“Me neither, _Melamin_ … I’m looking forward to snuggling in that armchair especially. Where do you want to put it?”

“Hmm… I don’t know. Needs a good spot. I’ll find one when we’ve got comfy in here”

“OK. Now… bath time, yes?”

“ _Yes_ ” Jasper sniggered and picked me up in her arms, making me squeal and leave a trail of butterflies as she carried me upstairs and into the master bathroom. We filled the giant bathtub with hot water and got in, both of us letting out deep sighs of contentment as the warmth enveloped us.

“Better than the hot spring…” Jasper said with a purr in her voice. “Doesn’t smell of rotten eggs…”

“Mmm…”

The bath was big enough for both Jasper and me to sit comfortably, and deep enough to reach Jasper’s armpits. I snuggled in between her breasts and watched them bob as she chuckled.

“You’re _so_ beautiful…” I said and looked up into her half lidden yellow eyes.

“Aw, babe… I _know_. But I love hearing you say it” she gave me a crooked grin. “And _you_ , little monster… are gorgeous” I felt a pleasant thrill run up my spine and leaned my head on her upper chest contentedly.

“I feel so lucky I met you… I couldn’t imagine my life without you now”

“And you won’t have to” she put her hand on my belly and gave it a little squeeze. “How’s the pain now?”

“Non-existent… the pills are magic”

“Good, I’m glad…” she kissed the top of my head sweetly. “After the bath I’m going to take a nap, want to join me?”

“ _Yes_ , darling…”

### ***

Tori Amos’ Strange little girl was playing from Lorelai’s speakers as I followed Greg’s van on the high way. He had asked me yesterday if I could help him transport some bulky spare parts for the car wash he had bought off the internet, so he wouldn’t have to make two six hour round-trips. As an incentive he had said we could stop by his cousin’s house to plunder baby clothes and toys.

“My family’s got a bit of a hoarding problem” Greg had said with a laugh. “Cousin Paul and his wife just sent their last kid off to college and they’re trying to clear out some things. They have four children! And you can _never_ have too many baby clothes”

 _That_ I had already known, I had told him when he made the offer. I had come to the conclusion that we knew that we _were_ going to get pregnant at some point and all we could do was to prepare, hope and try not to be too disappointed. _Prepare for the worst, hope for the best_ , I told myself. In the spirit of this I had refilled my EDC with pads and things. _Maybe_ I wouldn’t need them. But I wanted to be _ready_.

So, with the promise of baby things a-plenty _and_ a stop at what Greg called ‘The Best Diner in the World’ he and I had set out early this morning.

On our way back from picking up the spare parts we arrived at a big red house in the middle of nowhere. It was a little before noon. A man and a woman greeted us cheerily – I could see the family resemblance in Greg’s cousin Paul – they had the same nose and the same hair line. Paul and his wife Gina helped us load the cars up with boxes and treated us to a cup of hot cocoa and delicious homemade ginger snaps before we got back on the road. About an hour later Greg signaled a turn and pulled up to a small diner.

“This the best diner in the world then?” I asked with a smile as I stepped out of Lorelai. “Oh, it’s actually _called_ that, hah..:”

“Yup!” Greg laughed. “Just hope they finished the renovations since I was last here…”

“They were renovating?”

“Well…” Greg told me about the last time he had visited – with Steven and Garnet – and apparently Ruby and Sapphire. Oh dear lord…

“What can I getcha? Oh, it’s _you_ ” the waitress said with a frown as she spotted Greg.

“Ehh… hi” he said with a nervous smile. “Table for two?”

“Not got your little _red_ friend with you this time?”

“No, no, it’s just the two of us” Greg pointed at me and the waitress looked me up and down critically. I smiled and tried to look as wholesome as I could.

“No funny business this time” she said after a moment, then gestured to a table. “Gerald! Take the order for table six, I’m goin’ on break!” she shouted to someone in back. Greg and I went to sit down.

“Phew, thought she might refuse us service for a moment there” Greg said with relief.

“But you paid to fix it all up, right?”

“Yeah, but you know… this place was a _mess_ – but anywho! They’ve got all-day breakfast here – it’s _great_ ”

“Alright, breakfast for lunch it is. How delightfully _whimsical_ ” I waved an airy hand and smiled.

I told Greg about the con as we ate and he said he thought Steven would jump at the chance to go to one of those things.

“He loves dressing up! And he’s a big fan of that show… Crying Breakfast Friends? Have you seen it? I used to be able to understand cartoons… I must be getting old!” he laughed.

“He showed me a few episodes and I don’t really get it either” I sniggered. “Times are changing! They’ve got updated versions of all the things I used to watch as a kid now – well, I never really _stopped_ watching cartoons. I love them too much – and it’s _great_ to watch them with Charlie – My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is her favorite show, at least for now. She’s turning thirteen soon! Probably move on to like… teenage dramas and stuff. Man, I don’t even know what the _cool_ teenage shows are anymore. Back in my day it was Jackass”

“Those guys that blow themselves up and stuff?”

“Yeah, them”

“Oh man… Now I feel even older! That was when MTV was still a thing!” he laughed.

When we had finished eating we got back in the cars and started to drive home. I played the entirety of Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory and sang along loudly. Man, talk about a trip down memory lane – the teenage angst was rampant!

“Forfeit the game, before somebody else takes you out of the frame, and puts your name to shame! Cover up your face, you can’t run the race, the pace is too fast, you just won’t _last_! You love the way I look at _you_... While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me _through_ … You take away, if I give in… My life, my pride is _broken_!” just as the chorus started there was a loud boom from outside – it sounded like one of those supersonic planes flying low. I looked up at the sky, trying to find it – it always confused the hell out of me when that happened – it was like my brain couldn’t process the visual being separated from the noise. Then something _enormous_ shot overhead – but it wasn’t a _plane_ – it was – no, wait, what? A flying… _dick_? It sped ahead at an impossible speed, then stopped and turned – it wasn’t a dick, it was an _arm_ – something that glinted in the sunlight came out of the palm – it descended slowly, then the ship rose into the clouds and vanished. What the hell!? I picked up my phone, yanking it out of the aux cord and shouted at it to call Greg.  

“The number you have dialed has strayed within an uncovered area, please try again later” a cool female voice said, then it hung up. What the what? He was just in front of me! I honked at him and we both pulled in at a rest stop.

“Did you _see_ that!?” I asked as I stumbled out of the car.

“Yeah! It looked like the green hand ship that tried to take Steven away, but _bigger_! The whole _arm_ this time!”

“A gem ship?! More gems are here?!” _shit_! Was this the home world attack?!

“Must be, right? Let’s call the gems! They need to know!” he picked up his phone and dialed a number, then frowned at the screen. “Says it’s not in service? What?”

“I tried calling you a minute ago, said you’d strayed into an uncovered area – we are in the middle of nowhere…” then a thought hit me. “Maybe it’s the ship! What if it’s sending out like – blocking frequencies or something?”

“’Blocking frequencies’?”

“Yeah! Wait, I’ll try the satellite phone” I pulled it out and punched Jasper’s sat number. It was ringing! “Darling?” I said as there was a click, then wrenched the phone away from my ear – a horrible buzzing, screeching sound had assaulted my eardrum. “Holy fuck balls, _ow_!”

“What happened?” I put the phone on speaker and he raised his eyebrows. “T-try it again?” I did so, several times, trying different people, even Robyn and Charlie. But the result was the same.

“Shit” I said with a spattering of green sparks.

“What do we _do_? A gem ship is _never_ good news!”

“How far are we from Beach City now?”

“About two hours”

“ _Fuck_ …” I looked at Greg. “Should we go _look_? Try to see how many of them there are? Maybe we could figure out why they’re here?”

“Oh jeez… I don’t know, Erica… I’m not exactly _trained_ like you”

“I’m not stupid enough to pick a fight with an unknown number of gems, Greg – but we need to know what we’re dealing with, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Oh boy… _oh boy_! Are we really doing this?”

“Something landed over there, in that forest area” I pointed. “It was a lot smaller than the ship, so it can’t be that many… Like a landing party? Shit!” _were_ we really doing this? We had to, right? When we got home, we could tell the gems how many they were, maybe even _why_ they were there. If this was the start of an _invasion_ … Really unpleasant images of war and humanity enslaved flashed across my mind. We had to do _something_! I pulled out my compass from my EDC – I severely doubted there’d be a road all the way to where the thing had landed, so we might have to go on foot.

“Let’s get it over with” Greg said, looking pale. “Let’s take your car, it’s faster if we have to get away from there quickly afterwards”

“Good thinking!” we got into Lorelai and set off. After ten minutes we found a dirt road that took us into the forest. I pulled out my compass again and orientated myself – the path had taken a few winding turns. “If we get out here we should be pretty close” I said and pulled the parking break.

“Oh boy, are we really doing this?” Greg asked aloud. “Should we bring something? Do you… do you have a _gun_ or something?”

“A _gun_? Why on earth would I have a _gun_?”

“I don’t know?!”

“We’re not going to _fight_ them, we’re just going to spy on them a bit, then we’ll haul ass out of here”

“OK, OK, OK” Greg panted, his hand across his chest.

“And Tourmaline? _No lights_ ” I said aloud. I felt a thrill of fear that was not my own, then a whispered ‘No lights…’ floated through my mind. “OK” I said and took a deep breath, then stepped out of the car. We walked through the forest as quietly as we could and I tried desperately to remember how to _sneak_ …

“What’s that smell?” Greg asked in a hoarse whisper after about fifteen minutes. I sniffed the air – there was a strange scent that I couldn’t place at all – it definitely _wasn’t_ a forest-y smell.

“It might be them” I whispered back. “Let’s be quiet” he nodded and we followed our noses for another few minutes. Then Greg grabbed me by the upper arm and pointed through the trees on his right. My eyes went wide to see something huge, blue and blocky standing in a sort of glade. My first thought was; _That’s a_ _TARDIS!_

Then my heart almost stopped as I saw movement a little distance from the Tardis – something _very_ tall and blue was moving slowly between the trees. Over on my left was a cliff of sorts, looking down into a valley – were they going down there? Greg crouched down behind a log and I joined him. A soft voice began to speak – but we were too far away to hear actual words – then another, _much_ quieter and very breathy voice answered the first one – there were _two_ gems! Greg held up two fingers and looked at me, his face sweaty. I felt perspiration beading on my own forehead, my heart rate in the triple digits for sure. The two gems moved toward the cliff and I gestured for us to get closer. Greg paled, but nodded, then we snuck from cover to cover until we were in a bush by the very edge of the glade. I could see the Tardis thing clearly now – it was a rectangular structure with a pointed roof and had walls full of holes? Long blue pieces of cloth billowed from the opening – I could see what looked like a _throne_ inside it. What the hell was it? Then I turned to look at the gems. One was extremely tall and wrapped in a long, dark blue shroud. The other was very small by comparison, a little shorter than me, I thought. She had a simple but fancy short dress on and her blue bangs covered her eyes, only her very prominent nose poked out. She… looked like a blue version of Pearl, but her gem was on her chest like Amethyst’s – what? This didn’t _look_ like an invasion force… So what the hell were they –

“Oh Pink… I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...” the large gem said, then paused to sigh. “I… should have done _more_ … Yellow says it’ll all be over soon… I wonder what you would think. This is _your_ planet, after all… At least… _I_ still think it is…” She sounded so _sad_ … I don’t know _what_ I had expected – a bunch of soldiers maybe, but not _this_ … I felt so vulnerable all of a sudden, and Greg let out a little sound of sympathy.

“She looks so… _down_ ” he whispered softly. I nodded silently, staring at the huge gem, transfixed.

“What are you doing over there?” the shroud moved as she half turned toward us and I realized I had lost track of the other gem!

“I thought I heard someone…” it was the smaller one speaking now – and she sounded _very close_! Greg and I exchanged a look. “I think we’re not alone…” my mind raced. She was going to find us spying on them! Greg got a determined look on his face, then grabbed my shoulder and whispered so low I could barely make his words out;

“I’ve got an idea – just go with me on this – “ then he picked up a flower, pulled me to my feet, making us essentially pop out of the bush. “Is this a _chrysanthemum_?” he winked at me hugely.

“Pearl?” the taller gem inquired. Huh? Was this another pearl? I turned to look at her, grabbing Greg’s hand in fear.

“Uh… no! That’s a daisy!” I said awkwardly.

“My Diamond, I have found some natives…” the little blue gem turned to her… to her _diamond_. _DIAMOND!_ My brain felt water logged and my hand tightened around Greg’s. I thought they were _bigger_?! But she was kneeling down, hunched over…

“Yeah, we’re from around here, just out – uh – just out appreciating nature, you know? P-picking flowers” Greg babbled, holding up the flower for emphasis. “Just me and my friend, yep”

“Bring them here…” the diamond said slowly. Her back was toward us and she seemed to be huddled at the very edge of the cliff. The little gem, the _pearl_ , gestured for us to approach and we did so, slowly, holding hands tightly. Were we really doing _this_? I felt a surge of mixed fear, delight and a strange desire to be _useful_ at the sight of her, was this coming from _Tourmaline_? “How curious… I’m impressed by humanity’s ability to survive in the wild… What a strange planet… Where else would a being as fragile as a human _live_ , while a being as powerful as a Diamond… _perish_?” she was talking about Pink Diamond, _she was talking about Pink Diamond_! “This was the place where she would have built her first Spire… We used to come here to talk all the time…” she sounded as if she was about to cry and I – I felt a deep sadness bloom in my chest, but it didn’t feel like it was coming from Tourmaline… The world seemed to turn… _bluer…_

“Were you close?” Greg asked and I looked at him. His face was soft – _caring_ … almost in tears.

“ _Very_ ” the diamond said, her voice deep.

“W-we’re awfully sorry… We know how hard it is to move on when you’ve lost someone…” the shrouded figure turned to us then and revealed a large, tear stained face. She was _beautiful_ … My heart trembled with combined fear and sympathy.

“You do?” she asked in surprise, looking at Greg, then at me. I noticed the pupils of her startlingly blue eyes were diamond shaped. Greg nodded and squeezed my hand.

“Y-yes… I um… Try to remember the good things…” I said quietly. The diamond’s large eyes were full of tears and seemed to hunger for more words from us.  

“I lost people very important to me, too. I miss them every single day, and I think about them all the time. But they’re never coming back. That feeling can be _so hard_ to be okay with…” I looked at Greg – he must be talking about Rose… Every single day? Oh, what agony…

“I'm surprised that _human beings_ are capable of understanding how _I_ feel... It's a shame. There's a geo-weapon incubating in your planet that will destroy everything shortly” I felt my spine tingle. Was she talking about the cluster? But that was _fixed_ , right?! “But you don't deserve that, do you?” Greg and I exchanged a confused look.

“G-geo-weapon, huh?” Greg said uncertainly.

“You know… I really shouldn’t be here” she said with a little hint of laughter in her voice, as if she was telling us a naughty little secret. “But I’m glad I came back one last time… I can save a few more things of hers… to honor her legacy”

“Oh yeah? What’s – “ the diamond reached out and picked me up by my waist – too hard! I gasped for breath and lost my grip on Greg’s hand! Then Greg was lifted into the air by her other massive fist!

“Pearl, call the ship” she said casually as if she had just picked up two rocks or something – wait – _she was taking us with her_!?

“At once, my Diamond”

“N-no! P-put us _down_!” I gasped – my mind was going _bananas_ – Tourmaline’s feelings flooded me – supreme delight at being actually _touched, held_ by her diamond – _her diamond_! Everything was going to be alright now! _No, we’re being fucking kidnapped!_ Going **_home_**!

“Whoa!” Greg shouted. “Put us down, please! Whoa, _whoa_! Put us down, Your Highness!”

The diamond carried us with ease and stepped into her Tardis and sat down on the throne with us in her giant lap. I stared at Greg with wide eyes. What had just happened? What was still happening?

“ _Greg_ …!” I whimpered, struggling to get free.

“Stop, _please_!” he beseeched the giant gem holding us.

* * *

  
Please review!  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit. More than 500,000 words published now!   
> I think it's almost a year since I first published this story? (On fanfiction.net that is)   
> Jesus what a ride XD


	70. New names

## Chapter 70: New names

“Now, don’t worry…” the diamond said calmly. “I’ll be taking you to a nice place…” my stomach lurched as the Tardis began to move, then both me and Greg grunted in surprise as the thing _jumped_ into the air I turned to see the ground fall away – and with it my life, my hopes and dreams, my love, my _future_ …

“Please, I don’t want to go!” I sobbed. “I want to _stay_!”

“I would like to, too” she said with a sigh. “But it’s not safe anymore… You’ll be better off in Pink’s Zoo…” _zoo_!? I felt like I had been thrown into a lake of ice cold water, my breath catching in my throat.

“But what about our families?!” Greg pleaded with her. “Our friends!?”

“They won’t know what hit them… It’ll be better this way” the diamond said with another sigh and a _very_ uncomfortable thrill ran down my spine now. “They won’t feel a thing…”

The wind whined through the holes in the walls and soon a big shadow fell across us, then there was a whirring, a clunk and then a different light hit us. I blinked in confusion, my mind numb with fear.

“Captain…” the diamond said. _Captain_? Were we on the _arm ship_?!

“Yes, my Diamond?” a disembodied female voice echoed around the Tardis.

“Set a course for Pink Diamond’s Zoo” she stood up and strode out into an impossibly large room – the walls were tinted blue and some red, egg-like ships stood around the walls. Was this a hangar? Maybe Greg and I could get to one of the ships? The little gem followed and Greg and I were held securely in the diamond’s hands as she strode through a long corridor. Her steps echoed across the vastness of this place – how _big_ was this ship? I saw other gems stand at attention as we moved – they looked like Amethyst, but were much bigger than her – some others were green and blue, of the same build. “I wasn’t expecting to run across any humans, so I don’t have a habitat set up for you…” the diamond said. She put us down on the floor and I fell on my butt, my knees weak. Greg pulled me up and then we clung to one another, looking around in fear. Everything was so _big_! “You two – take these humans to meeting room nine three six and guard the door. No one to go in or out”

“Yes, My Diamond!” the two closest guards saluted and approached us as Blue Diamond and her pearl strode off in the other direction. She was just… leaving us now? I looked at the gems stepping closer and swallowed hard. They had long pale hair, one had dark blue skin, the other green and they were both tall, but not quite as tall as Jasper – oh my _Jasper_! She’d be so worried! I thought briefly of attacking them, but I couldn’t take on an entire _ship_ full of gems – how did we get into all _this_?!

“Heh, look at this one” the green one said, poking Greg in the stomach.

“Hey!” he said, wincing. “Don’t _poke_ me!”

“It was all squish!” the green one guffawed.

“Leave him alone!” I growled – oh _anger_ – thank the gods! Don’t get afraid, get angry! Don’t go punching them though, but _be_ angry. Anger keeps you alive…

“Why do you have to put your hands on _everything_ , Aves?” the blue one sighed.

“What? I’m a very tactile person” she grabbed me by the shoulder and yanked me away from Greg by my green monster hoodie. “Let’s go, human” we were more or less dragged by our clothes down into a side corridor. I looked around at the walls – they were carved and had intricate patterns of interlacing diamonds in blue hues. _Everything_ was blue! After a short while we reached a tall door and the green gem holding me by the shoulder tapped at a panel – the door slid open with a hiss that made me think of Star Trek and then we were shoved inside. The door slid shut again and I sagged to the floor, my knees going weak again.

“Oh my fucking _gods_ …” I panted. Greg sat down too, looking stunned. “I’m so sorry Greg! We should have just gone _home_!” I said wretchedly, regret rampaging through me.

“I was the one who stood up” he argued. “I was the one who started to talk to her… We could have just excused ourselves and left – then we would have been fine… I don’t know why I did it – I just felt so _sad_ …”

“You did? I felt sad too…” we looked at each other worriedly. “And _Tourmaline_ … gods – she felt _happy_ to see her diamond! She _liked_ being held by her!” I felt _defiled_ … “How can you feel anything positive toward the fucking person who _corrupted you_ , you idiot!” I tried to look down at my own throat and it made my eyes hurt. A cold feeling emanated from my Adam’s apple, then fear flared, followed by a feeling of… confusion and regret.

… I… apologize… My mind is… _not_ like it used to be… But old habits… die hard…

“Well as long as you’re _sorry_ ” I huffed aloud, folding my arms. Greg stared at me.

“What?”

“Sorry, that was for Tourmaline. I usually speak to her in my head but I’m too riled up _and_ too tired right now…” I groaned and rubbed my face. “What are we going to _do_!?”

“I-I don’t know…” he said quietly. “What’s Steven going to say when he finds out I’m missing… we were going to go to the movies tonight… See that new Guardians of the Galaxy thing… He really loved the first one…”

“And Jasper and I were going to try making our own fried chicken with the new deep fryer…” I felt my eyes fill with tears. “Nobody knows where we are!”

“Our phones!” Greg pulled his out and started tapping at it. He held it to his ear and his face fell. “Right… Try your satellite thing again?” I did so without much hope. It didn’t work.

“Maybe – could we send someone an _e-mail_?” I tried sending one to Greg and he held his phone up close to mine and we waited with baited breath – but the screen said: Cannot access internet, please connect to wifi. “Guh! It’s supposed to switch over to using data automatically!” I growled frustratedly, then changed the setting and tried again. The same message showed again. “What the hell?”

“I’ll try too” Greg said, tapping away. “Not working for me either…”

“Shit!” I groaned.

“I suppose they could… track our phones?”

“In space?”

“Shit… Maybe they’ll find my van”

“We didn’t leave a message there…”

“Right…” Greg sighed. “If we were on an actual _ship_ ship, with sails and things, we could at least send a message in a bottle…”

“Hah, yeah… Message in a bottle…” then an idea struck me. “Message in a bottle!” I said excitedly. “Message in a _bubble_! I can send those to the earth from the _moon_!”

“What!? I-is there a max range?!”

“I don’t know!”

“Well, hurry then – I think we’re _moving_!”

“Pen! Paper!” I yanked off my EDC and tipped it all out on the floor – I had a black marker in there and a little notepad.

“What do we write?”

“Uh… I don’t know? Taken by Blue Diamond to a Pink Zoo please help from Greg and Erica?”

“OK, good, yes” Greg began to scribble. When he was done he held out the note to me and I took a deep breath and summoned the memory of when I first held Charlie.

“ _Charlie_ ” I said fiercely and the bubble appeared with a little ‘schwomm’ sound.

“Go _home_!” I tapped the top and it vanished.

“OK – now what?”

“I suppose we just wait for… Jasper to read it? Wait… why would she? I’ve never sent a message like that to her before… She probably won’t even look at the bubbles before bed time… How is she going to even notice it?” my heart sank, slamming into the bottom of my stomach.

“Well she _might_ ” Greg said, sounding uncertain, then smiled. “But she _would_ notice if there were _twenty_ more – a _hundred_ more! We could fill the whole ceiling!”

“Good idea!” I smiled broadly at him. “Let’s write more notes! Shorten it to BD kidnap, Pink ZOO, G & E?”

“Right!” Greg dug out a battered ball point pen from his jacket and we both scribbled away. I bubbled the notes and sent them off, concentrating hard on our new home. 

“Maybe I could send a few to the others? I don’t know how the bubbles work, but maybe if I… think about _where_ I want to send them…” I held one in my hands and concentrated hard on Steven’s house, the kitchen specifically. “Go to Steven’s kitchen!” I said loudly, then tapped the top.

“Do you think it worked?” Greg asked nervously.

“No idea, but it went away, didn’t it? Let’s hope it arrived – someone might be in the kitchen _right now_ ”

“There’s only a few pages left” Greg informed me. “How many did you send to your house?”

“I don’t know, I lost count after thirty…”

We ended up sending the last notes to the kitchen – _hopefully_. Jasper was _bound_ to notice more than _thirty_ new bubbles in our bedroom, at least… _eventually_ … She might go out looking for me when I didn’t come home… She might not go to bed at all…

“Maybe we should try sending more… to different places – not put all our eggs in two baskets” I suggested.

“But there’s no more paper” Greg said.

“Well…” I looked around the room for the first time. It was the size of Steven’s house and had a large table with a lot of chairs in the middle. “Let’s check if anything is lose – if it’s small enough to go in a bubble and we can write on it, let’s take it. And we can use my EDC stuff too”

“How about you keep writing and I’ll look for stuff, in case we get out of range or something” Greg suggested.

“Yes, good point”  Greg scurried off and I began to tare the wrappings off everything that had one – even the paper slips for the tampons worked – in fact they were the best for writing on because they were actual paper. I felt a little proud for getting myself such a good marker – it managed to write on everything, even the slippery outer cover to the pads. All in all I managed to get ten more messages ready from my EDC and Greg came over with some coasters or something. They were triangular and had a white, blue and yellow symbol on them.

“There’s a bunch more over there” Greg pointed with his thumb behind him.

“Great – could you write? My hands are shaking…”

“Sure, yeah, no problem”

“Where should I send them? To the barn maybe? To Peridot? She and Amethyst might be there”

“Yeah, do it!”

“OK – go to the barn!” I tapped away seven bubbles – then wiped my forehead.

“Where else? To w-who else?” Greg asked, wiping his sweating face.

“Connie?” I suggested. “If _she_ got a bubble in her living room I’m _sure_ she’d notice immediately”

“Great, yeah – and she’s clever, she’ll call Steven and tell him if he doesn’t already know”

“Exactly” I sent seven to Connie’s living room. Lucky number seven, I told myself. Please, please work.

“Anywhere else?” I panted – I was getting really dizzy now.

“Can’t think of anyone else who’d understand” Greg sat down and stacked up the coasters with finished messages. “Let’s send all of them, just to be sure”

“Yeah, OK” I tapped away the rest, then sat back and held my head. “That better have worked” I groaned. “Do you have any water?”

“No, could use some myself…” Greg wiped his brow again and gathered up the mess we had made, tucking it back into my EDC and handing it to me. “M-maybe we could ask the guards?” I nodded and he approached the door and knocked on it. “Hey um – “ it slid open immediately.

“What?” the green gem inquired brusquely.

“We uh… we need w-water”

“ _Water_? Why?”

“Uhh… to drink?”

“Pff, organics…” the blue one sniggered. The door slid shut and Greg jumped back in alarm.

“Do you think they’ll give us some?” I asked, grimacing as my head began to really ache.

“No idea… But they can’t _not,_ right? If they want us for a… oh my gosh… if they want us for a _zoo_ then they need us _alive_ …” Greg rubbed his face, which had gone pale. “They want to keep us _alive_ , right?”

“I’m pretty sure we’d be dead otherwise” I said bitterly. Images of cages and whips entered my mind. Living on scraps from gem visitors… Was that to be our fate?

“Gosh…” Greg sat down opposite me. “I just hope they don’t ask us any questions… about gems and things…”

“How would they know? If I just keep my lights under wraps and we don’t actually _say_ anything about it… To them we’re just… _humans_ ”

“You’re right” he scratched his beard and I began to massage my temples, leaning back against the wall. “You… feeling OK?”

“Headache…” I closed my eyes. “From all the bubbles… not had much coffee today either… ugh” I must have made at least sixty bubbles… _Jesus_ , I needed a drink. And a _cigarette_ … I took out some gum instead and gave one to Greg. “This’ll help us keep our mouths hydrated at least”

“Thanks”

I took some painkillers and semi-dry-swallowed them with difficulty. Hopefully they’d do _something_ and it wasn’t _just_ a dehydration-headache or caffeine-abstinence-headache.

“You should rest, Erica, you look pale… Here” he took off his jacket and folded it up to make a rudimentary pillow.

“Thanks Greg” I lay down on the hard floor with the wall against my back. “This whole situation _sucks_ …”

“Yes it does…” he sighed and moved to lean against the wall too. “But the gems, Jasper at the very least, _will_ get our message. And they’ll come to find us”

“Hah… yeah. I wouldn’t want to stand in Jasper’s way, not when someone’s taken – t-taken her l-little mon-sssterh” and then suddenly, _awfully_ , I was crying. I covered my face with my hands and shook with sobs, everything just crashing down around me. Greg’s hand landed on my shoulder and I heard him start crying too. _What a fucking mess we had gotten ourselves into_!

“We’re g-gonna be _fine_ ” he said after a while. “They won’t stop until they get us back”

“A jasper never stops until she gets what she wants…” I mumbled. The words gave me a little comfort and I curled into a tighter ball on the floor.

“Right” Greg nodded, patting my shoulder a little feebly. “U-until then we just… keep our heads down and stick together” I put my hand on his.

“R-right”

### ***

  
The door slid open and I sat bolt upright. I clutched at my head and groaned as stars and black spots popped in front of my eyes.

“Water” a gruff voice said, then the door closed again.

“Oh thank goodness!” Greg exclaimed and got to his feet. He returned to the wall and handed me something very heavy.

“Oof, wht?” I slurred and blinked down at the thing in my lap. It looked like… a large gas canister?

“How do you – oh, OK, look there’s a thing to press – “ then the sound of him swallowing huge gulps could be heard. I looked at him blearily. After a while he put the blue tinted metal container down and panted. “Oh my… water’s never _tasted_ so good…” he let out a little laugh, then looked at me and smiled. “There’s a button or something on the side there” he pointed to a part of the thing and I pressed it muzzily. A little hatch opened at the top. I lifted the heavy container with difficulty and drank for a long, long time, not able to get enough.

“Oh my fucking gods…” I wiped my mouth. Some water had trickled down my chin and soaked into my shirt, but I didn’t care – I wasn’t _thirsty_ anymore. “Was I asleep?”

“Yeah, think I dozed off too…”

“Oh shit, do you know how long it’s been?”

“Judging by how much I have to um… _pee_ I’d say it’s been maybe _eight_ hours? Feel as if I do just after waking up in the morning… Oh man – what are the chances this ship even has a bathroom?”

“Fuck all?” I _tried_ not to be aware of how much I suddenly had to pee, myself. “I… need to go too”

“Crap. What do we do?”

“Ask for a bucket?” I suggested, pressing my thighs together. “Damn it, I shouldn’t have drunk so much all at once…”

“Mhm, same here” Greg got to his feet awkwardly and walked stiffly to the door. He knocked on it. “Hey, um, we need – “

“Ugh, what _now_?” one of the gems outside demanded. “You got your water!”

“Yeah, thanks, it was great and all but we need to use the bathroom!”

“’Bath-room’?”

“We need to _pee_ ” Greg said quickly.

“’Pee’?”

“For fuck’s sake just get us a fucking _bucket_!” I growled – my urgent need was only increased by them _talking_ about it. Sudden hoarse laughter came from the other side of the door.

“Make that _two_ buckets” Greg added. “Quickly! Or there’s going to be a _mess_ ”

“Ugh, _fine_ ” one gem said. “Your turn, 6XL, I got the water”

“I don’t know where they keep buckets in this place!”

“Well go find out or you’ll be the one to clean up after them”

“ _Just hurry the fuck up_!” I snapped, a tendril of blue escaping me. _Tourmaline_!

… Hard to… _contain_ …

More laughter came from the corridor, then;

“The small one’s got carats! I’m going, I’m going”

“Yeah, hurry the fuck up” more laughter followed and the door shut.

“Oh boy, ohhh boy…” Greg groaned. “I don’t know how long I can hold it”

“Shush, don’t talk about it” I grimaced.

After an agonizing amount of time the door opened again and the blue gem came in with two cylindrical containers that she plonked down on the floor.

“There, now – “

“Get out!” I scrabbled to my feet and glared at the gem. She smirked at me.

“Hah, _no_ ” she said, folding her arms.

“Fine, you want to watch us _piss_ , you perv?” I was about to burst now and didn’t fucking care if the entire _ship_ watched me pee and long as it wasn’t _into my pants_. Greg took one bucket and shuffled away a little, then I heard him unzipping. I yanked down my pants and squatted over the thing, trying to keep balance as I finally could relieve myself.

“Oh my gosh…” Greg sighed. I tried to ignore the sounds we were both making but felt my cheeks flush nonetheless. I had nothing to wipe myself with and of course I wasn’t wearing any underwear – J _esus motherfucking Christ_ – I settled for just shaking myself a little and then pulled my pants up and glared at the purple gem. Gods I was so _angry_!

“Hey 7XF, this one’s got murder eyes” she said over her shoulder. “Almost looks like she wants a _fight_ ”

“Heeey now” Greg said with his back to us. “Let’s keep calm, nobody wants to fight”

“That so?” the blue gem took a step closer to me.

… Too much… _rage_ … Can’t… Tourmaline was _distressed_.

I _couldn’t_ shoot this little bitch gem full of lightning bolts, no matter how much I wanted to – and I wanted to light this fucker up _so badly_. Tourmaline seemed to be _struggling_ to keep the lights in as it was – I took a deep breath and swallowed, forcing the anger to back down, then looked away and shook my head, feeling my ears burning.

“Hah, _thought_ so” the gem looked smug as all hell, then exited the room, laughing raucously.

I turned my back and exhaled several clouds of sparkly blue and green, thick tendrils lashing out into mid-air. There was a low rumble of thunder and I swayed slightly.

“A-are you OK?” Greg asked, his back still toward me.

“Fucking dandy” I exhaled more clouds – seemed Tourmaline needed to relieve herself too, in a way.

“I get that you’re… angry… But we _can’t_ pick fights with them”

“I _know_ …” I groaned. “Sorry, I know it’s just not _my_ life on the line, I’ll… try harder…”

“Well, you got us the buckets before we exploded so it’s not all bad. Maybe in a while you could brow beat them into getting us some _food_?”

“Are you hungry?”

“Yeah… I haven’t had much of an appetite, I had a bit of a cold a few days ago… Man, I wish I had had more for lunch…”

“I’ve got this” I dug out the emergency energy bar I kept in my now quite empty EDC. “It’s got 3600 calories, so it’d last us a while… shit… how long do you think it’ll be until we get… to the zoo?”

“No idea… Maybe we should save it?”

“This is why I got it. For emergencies. And this is most certainly and emergency” I unwrapped the package and took out one of the two bright yellow bars and handed it to him. It was divided into three rectangles, each containing 600 calories. “Better to eat it a little too early then a little too late”

“Thanks… Man… that sure has been helpful” Greg pointed to my hip.

“Yeah… it has, hasn’t it? Good thing I restocked it a few days ago…”

“Mmm – oh this is pretty tasty – lemony” Greg chewed one third of his bar thoughtfully. “I thought it’d be dry-dry-dry but it’s not making me thirsty”

“Yeah, they know what they’re doing with these” I smiled faintly and went to sit down away from the buckets. I took a third of my own bar and began to nibble at it. I wasn’t too hungry yet, but… I should try to keep my energy up. Maybe I should try to sleep as much as I could… I was feeling exhausted. “Hey Greg?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m going to try to sleep some more…”

“Oh, OK. Probably a good idea… you use less energy then too, right?”

“Yeah”

He came over and sat down next to me with a little smile on his face.

“One super power you get when you get older is the ability to nap practically _anywhere_ during _any_ circumstances…”

### ***

  
I sat and thought as Greg slept beside me. A zoo… We were going to a zoo… How fucking humiliating was that on a scale? Probably maximum… I had wandered round the room a few times now, trying in vain to find a way of escape, using all my accumulated roleplaying, gaming, book and movie knowledge to aid me. There were no screws to unscrew, no handy, human-sized air vents, no secret passages that opened if you pulled a candlestick (not that there were any, but I had tried anything I could reach), or places to hide for that matter if you were trying the old ‘hey let’s make them think we’ve _already_ escaped and they’ll get so distracted they’ll leave the door open’-trick. I had asked Tourmaline for help, but all she had said was that this was a _new_ ship. I felt guilt radiate from her at not being able to assist and from having enjoyed being touched by her _former_ diamond before. She was emphatic about the ‘former’.

I tried to think away my hunger. I had no idea how long I had slept this time, but I had woken up needing to pee quite as badly as the last time – but maybe that was because I had drunk so much water. My phones had run out of battery now, but they hadn’t been fully loaded when I left the house this morning – or maybe it was yesterday now – so that was no help… If it had been _that_ long… then they _must_ have found our notes by now – _if_ they had gotten there at all… maybe there were sixty plus bubbles left like little insignificant bread crumbs in space, leading no one to nowhere… But if they _had_ _got_ there… Did that mean there was no limit to the range? I remembered the leader ruby that took us to the moon had wanted to send Peridot to home world in a bubble… So if _she_ could do that from the _moon_ … Then maybe there _was_ no limit? _The limit does not exist_ , echoed in my head – a line from the movie Mean Girls. Strange the things that pop into your mind when you contemplate really serious things… If the limit truly didn’t exist… Then I could send more messages… Tell them how we were getting along… I sniffed and began to cry. ‘Hey beastie, this is day 643 of our capture, still waiting for you to come and rescue us… Where are you? I thought you would have come a long time ago? Don’t you love me anymore?’ – no, no, _stop_ – that’s _not_ helping! Jasper _would_ come, Jasper _would_ rescue us. She wouldn’t leave us to rot in a _cage_ … _Neither_ of them would hesitate, right? Greg and me weren’t… _expendable_ … Right? _Right_.

I took out my second piece of the yellow energy bar and started to gnaw at it, wishing it would work like Lembas… One bite to fill your tummy… I let out a long, dark sigh. Greg had asked the guard gems for food earlier, but they had said there wasn’t any, unless we wanted to eat _each other_. Then they had laughed for a very long time. Gods, I _hated_ them! There was no need to be so _grotesque_ … I tried to erase the way the blue gem had looked at me as I peed earlier… Fucking _pervert_ …

Jesus motherfucking Christ…

Did I have _anything_ going in my favor right now? I tried to think it without sarcasm. Gods, _that_ was hard… OK, OK… focus… One – I wasn’t alone. Greg was here. Two – we had _water_ , the one thing humans _couldn’t_ survive without for long. Three – nobody was actively trying to kill us (at this very moment)… Four – we had toilets, sort of… they _were_ beginning to smell quite badly now, though. Five – we still had some food left. Five good things – well, five _not disastrous_ things at the very least.

I looked at my EDC. OK, _six_ not disastrous things. I took out my Leatherman and shoved it in my sports bra – if they tried to take my EDC away I didn’t want to lose _that_. It might be invaluable later on… I unrolled the collapsible water bottle and filled it from one of the water containers, then put it in the pocket of my hoodie. _Prepare for the worst_ …

### ***

  
“Hey, get down from there!” I was just climbing _down_ from the big table in the middle of the room as the door suddenly opened without warning. I dropped to the floor and staggered clumsily then tried to look innocent. There hadn’t been anything up there to help us out in any way, just more coasters and what I assumed to be decorative vases or something. It was the green gem who had spoken and both guards were striding inside. “Get up, Squishy” she said to Greg and he got to his feet uncertainly.

“What’s going on?” he asked, going slightly red in the face at being called ‘Squishy’.

“We’ve arrived” the blue one informed us. “Let’s see… does wobbly-legged Murder-Eyes want to walk on her own two feet or does she want me to _carry_ her?” my ears burned at her words.

“Erica…” Greg said from the corner of his mouth. I felt the anger surge inside me and my throat tingle warningly.

“I don’t need anyone to carry me, _thank you_ ” I said acidly, my hands balling into fists.  

“Thank you, eh?” the green one sniggered. “Think she’s warming up to you”

“So we’ve _arrived_ , huh?” Greg said loudly. “Boy, that sure is nice! I’d love to stretch my legs for a while, get some fresh air! Yup!” he walked over to me and took me by the hand. “Just out through here, yes, then right or left?”

“Left” the green gem said and smirked. “’Fresh air’, yeah, you’ll get _plenty_ of that, Squishy”

Greg’s cheeks darkened further but he strode ahead, pulling me along. We took a left and walked down the same corridor we had arrived by I don’t know how long ago. The blue gem walked ahead of us and took the lead while the green one brought up the rear.  I kept glancing around to see any possible escape routes, but it was all just big corridors with guards every hundred feet or so. What were they guarding _out here_? Maybe they were just standing there for the look of the thing…

A long walk later we arrived in a huge hall and Blue Diamond was standing at the far end, wearing a dark blue dress this time. It took deceptively long to cross the space. When we finally reached her I saw her body language was different. Now she was straight backed and looked haughty and regal…

“Have my new humans been any trouble?” her voice was cold and hard. I glanced up at her in confusion – she hadn’t sounded like this when she took us? The guards saluted smartly.

“No, Your Radiance!” they chorused so loudly it made both me and Greg cringe. A spark of green escaped me but no one seemed to notice it.

Tourmaline…

… I know…

“Good” the diamond said shortly, then strode forward. Her pearl touched a panel and an enormous door slid open and we stepped into an ornate hall much like the one we had just left, only this one was _pink_. The area in front of us was lined with gems and a smartly dressed pale blue gem with pointy buns in her white hair bowed deeply.

“Ah, my lustrous Diamond! Such an incredible pleasure to see you again so soon! Oh, and what is _this_? _New humans_? Oh what a _boon_ , truly! Your Radiance is ever so kind! Right this way, my most scintillant Diamond” she bowed again and waved elaborately for the diamond to proceed ahead of her. The gems standing along the path saluted as we passed and I stopped dead as I saw… _Jasper_?! Was she here already, waiting?! Then I noticed her markings weren’t… _quite right_ – then Greg pulled me along and I stumbled after him, my eyes filling with tears. It… wasn’t _her…_ My heart had leapt with such joy and relief for a brief moment… Greg squeezed my hand, looking over my shoulder at the gem. And… she wasn’t the only one who looked like my beastie… Most of the gems on parade were purple, but some were orange with red, red stripes and beige manes of hair. Every new one was like a stab to my gut and I had to fight hard not to sob aloud as I cried.

“Just look at the floor…” Greg whispered wretchedly and I did so, my vision blurry with tears. I could hear the blue gem with the strange hairdo prattle on as we walked. The sound of the diamond’s heels echoed through the corridors as she strode – _glided_ – the smaller chatty gem’s steps seemed much quicker by comparison.

“And here we are, my Diamond! The assimilation bay – again, let me reiterate just how _grateful_ we are to receive a male _and_ a female”

“Mm” Blue Diamond huffed – she sounded almost _annoyed_.

“Amethysts, assimilate the humans!” the blue gem stepped to the side and a large pink hatch opened – Greg’s hand slipped out of my grasp suddenly – then someone picked me up by the waist before I had breath to protest. I entered the exposed tunnel and was dropped onto something hard that… _moved?_ “And there we are, if you’d follow me I’ll – “ then the hatch shut and the sound was cut out.

“Erica, are you OK?!” Greg called from a little ahead of me.

“Y-yeah” I panted out a sparkly purple and green cloud.

“What is this? Whoa!” there was a flash of light from in front of Greg.

“What’s happening?!”

“I think some blue sticks just took a picture of me?”

“What?!” more green and purple sparks burst from me and then four light blue cylinders appeared in front of me – another flash of light, then the cylinders formed a screen in front of me with a picture of my surprised face and a bunch of gem writing that wooshed past before I could ask Tourmaline to read it. Then the blue things pulled at my cheeks, shone a bright light in my eye that half blinded me – then one was jabbed into my mouth and turned half way red, then two were shoved up my nose! I sputtered tried to beat them off, then the thing I was sitting on _stopped_ with a jerk and the lights in the tunnel flashed red in short pulses. I closed my eyes at the flickering and heard Greg gasp.

“Greg?!” I called out, wrenching my eyes open and looking ahead – the lights were still going mad, then something sharp was jabbed into my thigh and everything… went… so… _blurry_ … There was a clunk and then I felt like I was falling backwards into darkness…

### ***

Distant voices… Mumbling… Cold things against my skin…

### ***

A quick lance of pain shot through my wrist – it was _burning_! I needed _water_ –

### ***

“ – be sure, Madam? It’s a very fine specimen, despite the scarring” a thin nasal voice spoke. It was… vaguely familiar…

“I worry the reason for the one on her head might be from some… barbaric attempt at _surgery_ … We must make _sure_ …” a different person said, this one sounded closer.

“The genetic scan should be complete in a few minutes, Madam” a third voice.

“Good… And what of… the _male_?” the second voice asked.

“Past his prime, but still viable” the first person responded.

“Good. Do the standard procedures, then put them in quarantine”

“Yes, Madam” the first and third voices answered in unison.

Footsteps moved away and I tried to open my eyes, but they were not… _obeying_ me…

“By the _stars_ I hope this one is viable…” the third voice muttered. I felt… something warm being pressed against my right calf.

“Look at its muscle tone – the head wound might have been from a battle?”

They were talking about… me?

“This… looks like tooth marks, doesn’t it?”

“The earth _is_ a terrible place. It was lucky Blue Diamond rescued these two when she did. Such a kind act…”

There was a ding.

“Ah! The scan is complete… let’s see… This is _fine_ – oh, look at _that_!”

“Oh my stars…”

“This is a most _precious_ specimen – ready the extr - ” darkness swallowed me once again.

### ***

My eyelids flickered open slowly. Green leaves came into focus above me. Leaves? I blinked sluggishly. My mouth was feeling dry and manky, like I hadn’t brushed my teeth for _days_ … My body seemed to wake up by degrees and I became aware I was lying on something dry and not exactly hard, but not exactly soft. My nose filled with the scent of grass but… something was not quite… _right_ about the smell. I moved my fingers and felt springy things tickling my palms. Was I… in a forest? I sat up slowly and blinked down at what I was… wearing… These were not my clothes… I had on some sort of… blue vest and under it a white, _very_ low-cut, armless shirt and a long white… _skirt_? No it was more like… a loincloth? What the… hell?

Where was I? I looked around muzzily. There were trees and bushes around me – _was_ it a forest?

There was a groan from behind and I turned my head too quickly – the world swam and I swayed, then blinked and saw –

“Grg?”

“Ohh… what…” he was lying on his side behind, wearing the same outfit as I was.

“Greg ar yu ‘K?” I cleared my throat and reached out for his shoulder.

“Huh?”

“Are you OK?”

“Erica? Yeah, I… think so?” he rolled onto his back and squinted up into the canopy. “Are we… in a forest?” he blinked a few times, then looked at me. “Are you OK?”

“I don’t know? And I think so…” I patted myself down quickly, then looked around some more. We seemed to be in a small glade. Faint birdsong was coming from around us. There was a five toned chime and then someone spoke into both my ears at the same time.

“Welcome, new arrivals” a soft female voice said pleasantly.

“Whuh!?” I twisted around in alarm, and so did Greg.

“What was that?!” he gasped, looking all over the place.

“I am your guide” said the seemingly disembodied voice. “My charges refer to me as the Little Voice. I am here to help. I am here to provide you enjoyment, happiness and security” Greg and I stared at one another. “It is my duty to ensure your wellbeing”

“Holy _fuck_!” I gasped, pointing to Greg’s ears – he had big pink and purple pendulous earrings that _lit up_ as the voice spoke! “E-earrings! Glowing!”

“Oh my gosh! You too!”

“No need to be frightened, my friends…” the voice said soothingly. “This is merely to ensure you always have me _with_ you” I began to scrabble at my ears, trying to pull the earrings out, but I couldn’t get a good grip on the nub at the back. “Don’t worry, you won’t lose me” the voice sounded as if it thought I was trying to make sure the earrings _stayed on_.

“Doesn’t come off!” I grunted.

“Mine neither…” Greg looked frightened. “What is this place? Why do we have these?”

“You are in Quarantine zone Alpha of Pink Diamond’s Human Habitat” Little Voice said happily. “To make sure you don’t have runny noses before you get to meet all your new friends!”

“’Runny noses’?” I asked, blinking in astonishment. The voice was talking to us as if we were children.

“Yes! We don’t want anyone to be sick, that would not be very fun at all, would it?”

“Um… no?” Greg responded hesitantly.

“Wait – what do you _mean_ **_new friends_**?!” I burst out, green and purple sparks coming with my words.

“The other humans, of course”

“ _Other_ humans?” Greg goggled at me. “Did you know there would be others!?”

“NO?! No one said fucking _anything_!” I said in alarm. “Other humans!”

“No need to be nervous” Little Voice said softly. “Everyone is nice and so eager to meet you. We haven’t had any new friends for a very long time – oh it will be so much fun! Don’t you think it will be fun?”

“Uhh…” Greg and I both said in unison, looking at each other uncertainly.

“It’s going to be so much fun!” Little Voice sounded unaffected by our distress and a cold thrill ran down my spine and Greg stared at me, his face going pale. “After your little nap I’m sure you must be very hungry. Are you hungry?”

“Uh… yes?” I said uncertainly.

“Then it’s time to eat! I wonder what color it will be today? What color do you think it will be, T43?”

“Who?” I asked.

“You are T43” Greg’s earrings shone more powerfully and mine went dark. “And _you_ are L19” now his went dull and mine went bright.  

“But that’s not what we’re called” Greg said with confusion.

“Those are your _new_ names!” Little Voice sounded so upbeat and perky it was disgusting.

“What do you mean, ‘new names’?” I asked, feeling suddenly cold _all over_.

“New names for your new safe and happy life!” Little Voice said with a jovial tone. “What color do you think it will be, T43?” she repeated her previous question – said it as if it was a recording it just… played again… Was this a _robot_?

“Uh… Yel-low?” Greg said hesitantly.

“Let’s find out!”

There was a twinkling of light above us and… _things_ appeared in the trees. They were a brilliant, artificial red and looked… strangely blocky.

“Oh, it is red! Red is the favorite of many of our friends, aren’t you lucky! Enjoy your meal” another five toned chime sounded and the earrings went dark. Greg stared up at the red things, looking alarmed and confused – exactly the way I felt too.

“What the… _hell_ …” I breathed, my exhalation a deep purplish green and grey. I tried taking the earrings off again to no avail.

“Here, let me try?” Greg offered. He spent a few minutes trying to rid me of the things, but no luck. “It’s like they’re… _glued_ in or something”

“Shit…”

Greg’s stomach rumbled loudly and he blushed slightly. “Do you… think they’re safe to eat?” he looked up at the trees again.

“They… _should_ be, right? But what _are_ they?”

“No idea… They look like… apples? Sort of? Like from a video game” he stood up and picked one and then another, then handed one to me. My stomach felt so _empty_ … I sniffed it gingerly. It smelled… sweet. My mouth watered at the scent and before I knew what I was doing I had sunk my teeth into it.

“Oh _fuck_ …” I mumbled with my mouth full. It was good – it was _really_ good! It was so _juicy_ and tasted like a mix of fruits – apples and melon, maybe a hint of cherries? It was wonderfully crunchy – like a perfect autumn apple or a raw potato. I felt myself tearing up – _food_! Finally food! I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the sensation of _chewing_ and the wonderful taste filling my mouth. The fruit was the same color all the way through – like it had been cut into this shape out of something bigger. Greg was munching too, a look of bliss on his face.

“Thish ish r’ly good!” he said between bites. I stood up to pick two more things and we ate in focused silence. I looked up hopefully for another, but the branches were empty now. Greg looked up too. “Damn it… I could have used one more”

“Me too…” I said and wiped my face with my hand, then froze as I saw my left wrist. “Holy shit fuck – is – is that a _tattoo_?!” I inspected the black markings on my skin closely. It felt a little… _bumpy_? It was in gem writing…

“Oh my gosh! I have one too!” Greg held up his left wrist – his markings were different from mine.

“Tourmaline what do they say?!” I asked in a hiss.

… L… 19… Rank 9 S… And T… 43… Rank 8 R…

“Oh my fucking gods…” I breathed.

“What? What do they mean?” Greg asked, his hand clamped across his marked up skin protectively.

“Yours says ‘T43 rank eight R’ and mine says ‘L19 rank nine S’” I said slowly. “Ranks? We have _ranks_?”

“Why do we have ranks?!” Greg rubbed at his wrist – the signs didn’t go away.

“I don’t know?” I touched my skin – it didn’t hurt or anything… “This is too fucked up…”

“You could say that again… Oh my gosh… I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but it always looked like it’d be so painful…” Greg said, sounding distracted. “It… looks kind of cool?” the signs were… quite pretty, from an objective standpoint but I couldn’t shake the feeling that we had been marked like… like _cattle_. Or like… someone who had just arrived at Auschwitz…  

“The… Little Voice said this was a quarantine area, right? Does that mean we’re sick?” I asked aloud.

“Oh shoot, do you think so? Maybe it’s because I had a cold? I don’t feel sick, do you feel sick?” I thought a moment, then shook my head.

“No, just… _thirsty_ ” although juicy, the fruit hadn’t satisfied this need.

“Yeah… me too”

“Maybe there’s a tap somewhere?” I got to my feet. “If we’re in quarantine then I’m _guessing_ we’re alone… So… we could probably… move around”

“Yeah, OK… But let’s stick together” Greg stood up too and took my hand. I nodded at him and we moved cautiously through an opening in the bushes. I noticed that there was nothing underneath what I was wearing – no bra, no underwear. It made me feel even more exposed and I put a hand over my very unfamiliar cleavage. Bright light made us both squint for a moment, then we looked around. We were in… a little field? Behind us were the clump of trees we had woken up in. In front of us was a twenty by twenty feet square of grass. On the other side of it was a little stream and… a curved, pink wall. I looked up to see the wall bend into a dome. We approached the stream – it appeared out of the wall and flowed into another part of it, stretching about fifteen feet in total. It didn’t look very deep – the water was clear down to the bottom.

“Do you think we can drink it?” I asked aloud.

“Maybe we should look for another source first” Greg suggested.

“OK”

We explored the area – there really wasn’t much to see. The dome seemed to be forty or so feet in diameter. There were the trees, the field, the stream and a gathering of bushes on the opposite side from the water. I had the distinct feeling that _that_ was the place we were meant to use as a bathroom – there was a deep hole in the ground and the plants around it looked… Very soft.

“Is that… a toilet?” Greg asked with wrinkled eyebrows.

“Think it might be…” I said, looking down into the hole carefully.

“Let’s head back to the stream, I could really do with a drink”

“Yeah, me too…” we walked back there in a few seconds then bent to drink with our hands. It tasted like fresh water and was nice and cool. We drank our fill, then sat down on the grass.

“So… we’re in a tiny dome thing… where there’s food, water and a toilet” I said slowly. “In quarantine. That means that we should be released into a bigger enclosure with… more humans in it soon… I don’t know how long quarantines last?” I touched my earring. “Hey, how long are we going to be here?” there was no response from the jewelry.

“Gosh… this really _is_ a zoo…” Greg said quietly. “And we’ve been _tagged_ …” he looked at his wrist again. “Maybe the gems will get to us before we meet the other humans?”

“Let’s hope so, but… if they don’t… what do we do?”

“The Little Voice said they were nice and eager to see us” Greg said uncertainly.

“Yeah, but what does that _mean_?”

“I have no idea… But if we just… _keep our heads down_ and play along I’m sure we’ll be OK” he nodded firmly and I wasn’t sure who needed more convincing. “The voice sounded like… a kindergarten teacher, didn’t it?”

“Kind of did, yeah…” I ran my hands through my hair. “So we just… play nice? ‘Yes, ma’am, thank you ma’am?”

“I don’t know if there’s anything else to do, honestly… I don’t see how you and I could… just _get away_ from here under our own steam – there isn’t even a _door_ in here. Or a hatch or anything… And what would we do if we _did_ manage to get out? I don’t know how to like… drive a space ship or anything…”

“Neither do I…” I looked down onto the ground, frowning. “So we just… wait then? Ugh… I don’t like that idea at all…” I rubbed my neck and felt my shoulders rise.

“Not a bad place to wait in, though” Greg said with an attempt at positivity. “It’s nice and warm and we have what we need to survive…”

“For now…” I said darkly.

“Hey, we’re _together_ , we’re not _starving_ , we’re not _thirsty_ … That’s better than the last few days – or however long it’s been”

I groaned and looked up at the ‘sky’. “Yes, you’re right” I admitted. “Just don’t want to _be_ here…”

“Neither do I…” he fell silent for a moment, then smiled. “Maybe… Yeah, maybe we should try to think of this as… a weird layover in a country we’ve never been…”

“H-how do you mean?”

“Like, when you get stuck somewhere and you have to wait for the plane or bus to get there or the storm to pass, but you _know_ you’re going to go home, or getting on with your trip or whatever. Like, _eventually_. You’re _sure_ about that, right? That you’ll _leave_ … and even though the country you’re stuck in is a bit… _strange_ and the people and customs are different it’s just _temporary_. We don’t have to _stay_ ”

“That’s… I think I can do that…” I felt a _huge_ knot of tension unravel in my mind. “Layover…” my shoulders sagged and I sighed out a long breath.

“OK!” Greg said bracingly. “So! When I’m stuck somewhere I like to think of what I’m going to do when I get to wherever it is that I’m going. When _I_ get home, the first thing I’m going to do is get myself a nice cold beer! Then one of those EDC things” Greg said with a big smile. “Would you help me with that?”

“S-sure… I need to get a new one myself now… and this time I’ll make sure to include a travel t-toothbrush, I kept on meaning to do that…” it was hard to keep my mind straight, but it was _working_ …

“What are _you_ going to do when _you_ get home?”

“After I’ve hugged everyone and told them I love them I’m going to have a cup of coffee and then _sleep in my bed_ for a week…” I sniffed and wiped my cheek.

“Yeah _coffee_ … And sleep in a real bed…” Greg sighed, then laughed. “Well, in my _van_ … Man I’ve lived in there for so long, even though I could afford a house now it’s my _home_ …”

“Did you really raise Steven in there?” I asked, needing this very normal conversation to keep going. 

“Yeah, I did” he smiled. “We lived there together until he was seven, then we built the house over the entrance to the temple and he moved in with the gems… My van’s not _big_ but it felt so empty without him… But he needed the space, an actual _roof_ -roof over his head. And an indoor bathroom!”

“Yeah, how do you deal with not having running water?”

“I mostly use the staff bathroom at the car wash – it’s got a shower too.  So I’m all set”

“We’re going to have a moving in party soon…” I said quietly. “For the new house”

“I’m looking forward to seeing the inside – I’ve walked past there many times on walks. It looks like a _great_ house”

“It is… Just waiting for all the Jasper-sized furniture and some things from Great Breton… and all the baby things... I think Jasper is going to love the orange onesies your cousin had – I had a thought that maybe I should sew some red stripes on them”

“Hah, bet that’d be cute” Greg smiled. “Maybe your kid will have stripes of their own?”

“Oh, wouldn’t that be _adorable_ …” faint, very small orange and pink butterflies winked around me for a moment.

“Yeah it would” he let out a long sigh and his smile widened. I looked at him, feeling _so_ grateful he was here.

“ _Thank you, Greg_ …”

### ***

We spent the next few hours inspecting the walls closely, trying to find a panel or… _anything_ that wasn’t just _wall_. If there was… _something_ then maybe we could find a safe way out when the time came to get the hell out of dodge. Prepared. I liked to be _prepared_ …

It was very awkward and uncomfortable to move around without a bra on – I never left the house without one if I could help it. And it felt very weird to feel air touching so much of my chest – with my clothes still on. It was somewhere… half between naked and not. I had been comfortable being naked by myself on the island, and around Jasper now – but this… _wasn’t my choice_. I was used to not wearing underwear, but the knowledge that _all_ that separated me from exposing my nether regions to the world was a flimsy bit of cloth that was only attached in one place – and not thick canvas pants or shorts held up by a sturdy belt – was _extremely_ unsettling. I kept on trying to pull the front bit of my shirt up, but it kept sliding down again.

“This is the _stupidest_ outfit” I grumbled out some green sparks, having to readjust my clothes for the fifth time in half an hour. “It’s like… all the worst parts of wearing a dress or skirt” Greg looked down at himself thoughtfully.

“I don’t know, I kind of like it” he smiled faintly. “It’s very slimming on me” he struck a little pose and I let out a snort of laughter, despite myself. “Maybe I should start wearing dresses when I get home”

“I’ll set you up with my sister to go shopping, it’ll be a blast”

“Oh boy, yeah, sounds like a ton of fun” Greg sniggered a little uncertainly.

“Hah, if she were here she’d… Well, I’m not sure what she’d do. I’m not sure if she… would have gone to investigate a space ship in the first place. Maybe she’s the clever one…”

“Hey, don’t be like that” Greg frowned at me slightly. “You wanted to keep everyone safe – and it turned out _not_ to be an invasion, am I right?”

“Yeah, but – they’re going to notice the cluster _not_ emerging. Right? They’d check. Isn’t that what Peridot was sent there for? To check?”

“Yeah, but… Steven changed her mind and she stood up against the diamonds for the sake of the earth. For us” the two words echoed in my mind. _For us_ … That’s what Jasper had said just after she told me about Pink Diamond, when she had had that nightmare… My beastie… I wanted her strong arms around me, I didn’t want to wait! Maybe if we could get out then we could get to a ship and then… then… Tourmaline, can you steer a ship?

… I do not have… pilot training… I’m a… _historian_ …

Her mental voice sounded a little reproachful and I dug my nails into a tiny crack in the wall in frustration.

“Maybe when they do send someone else to check Steven will change their minds too” Greg said quietly. “You know how far a little kindness goes, Erica” I looked at him and felt my frustration ebbing a little. “That’s why we’re here and that’s how we’re going to get out. Because of kindness” he spoke with certainty and then his face lit up. “Look!” his hands were pressed over an area of the wall that was a slightly paler pink than the surrounding stone or metal or whatever the hell it was. “There’s a groove around it – it could be a _hatch_!” I hurried up to him and we brushed away the clinging leaves. It was maybe a foot square. “If we only had something to lever it out with…”

“I lost my Leatherman…” I said, my heart sinking, then an unpleasant idea struck me. “Wait… I might… have something…”

“Yeah?” Greg asked in surprise, looking me up and down as if thinking where I had been able to hide whatever it was.  

“It’s Tourmaline’s gem weapon – it’s a knife, but… Only Echo’s summoned it and it was _not_ pleasant” Greg goggled at me.

“Well… can you do it?”

“I’ve never tried, but I’ll… give it a go” I stepped away from him and closed my eyes.

Tourmaline?

… Yes?

We need the knife.

… _Sharp!_ The same desire for sharpness and to make other things sharp flooded my mind and I raised my hand to my mouth in anticipation. My airway was suddenly obstructed and I opened my mouth to grab the handle, pulling it out as quickly as I could. I sucked in a lungful of air and felt like I was going to vomit. I doubled over and tried to take deep breaths.  

“Oh my _gosh_!” Greg gasped as I gagged and spat. My mouth tasted of metal and felt… like I’d tried to rinse with a cup of _mud_.

“Gods – that is _awful_!” I coughed and spat some more, at the same time feeling the little tickle in my mind that was Tourmaline laughing.

“You – you looked like a sword swallower pulling out a sword!” Greg said in astonishment. “A-are you OK? You look… _green_ ”

“I feel sick” I croaked, looking down at the long dagger in my hand.

“Maybe you should drink some water?” Greg suggested and we went to the stream and I dunked my whole head in. After a few rinses my mouth felt a little better, but there was still a powerful muddy aftertaste.

“This had better work now” I said with a frown and we went back to where we had been. I put the point of the blade into the groove and wiggled it a bit. “There’s not – a lot of give”

“Maybe run it all the way around to get it loose or something”

“OK” I did as he said, feeling around for a deeper spot or… an opening or something. The knife slid into a little pocket and I smiled. “Hah! Got something – what was it Newton said? Give me a long enough pole and I’ll move the world?”

“Something like that” Greg said, smiling. I pushed the hilt down as hard as I could, then there was a little jerk and the hatch popped off! I got out of the way and it thudded down onto the grass. It was about one inch thick, made of solid metal. Greg and I peered through the opening eagerly. It… was a _window_ … On the other side was a forested area, partially obstructed by large, flat leaves pressed up against the several inch thick glass. “It… looks like more forest” Greg said.

“Maybe it’s the… big enclosure?” I don’t know what I had been hoping for, but not _that_. An air duct maybe? A service hatch? “Or another quarantine area?”

“Maybe we should try to find another hatch? On the other side, by the toilet?”

“Did you see any more areas of the wall that looked like this?”

“No, but maybe we missed it?”

“It’s worth a try. Should we… put the thing back?”

“Let’s, but not all the way, so we can get it out again if we need to”

“OK”

We lifted the very heavy hatch back into place, then walked to the opposite side and scanned the walls.

“You find anything?” I asked after a few minutes.

“No… How about you?”

“No” I wiped my forehead and adjusted my clothes, then looked up. “Oh, there!” I pointed to a spot up the wall.

“That’s too far up, though, isn’t it?” it was about ten feet up and looked to be one foot high and two feet wide.

“Maybe I could reach it if I stand on your shoulders?” I suggested.

“Worth a try” Greg nodded decisively. He went to stand underneath it, putting his hands against the wall and bending his legs. “OK, just don’t pull my hair”

“And you, please don’t look _up_ ” I said, feeling my cheeks heat up.

“Got it” he nodded, staring straight ahead. I put the handle of the knife between my teeth and then climbed up Greg’s back, using his bent legs as stepping places. I walked my hands up the wall to steady myself as I stood up on his broad shoulders – I’d never done anything like this and it felt very precarious.

“You OK?” I asked him as I began to work the knife around the groove.

“Yep, fine” he said, sounding not very fine at all. I must be at _least_ a hundred and seventy pounds and he wasn’t exactly _young_ – I decided I’d better work fast. I got the knife into a pocket and pressed down, but the bigger hatch didn’t budge. After a few frustrating minutes Greg grunted in pain.

“I’m coming down” I said quickly.

“N-no! Get it – get it open!”

“It’s stuck – I need a longer lever or something, it’s too heavy – Greg it’s no use. I’m jumping down to your right, OK? You ready?”

“O-K” he puffed, I jumped off him and landed clumsily next to him and he sagged to his knees with a groan.

“Are you OK?”

“Hah… n-not as young as I was… Man, I’m out of shape…” he lay down flat on his back and panted hard. “That’s it… When I get back to Beach City I’m joining a gym…” he let out a tired laugh.

“You could join me for my little jogs? I don’t go super far or very fast, still”

“I might take you up on that… Jeez…”

“Let’s get you some water, alright?”

“Yeah, sounds good, just… give me a minute…”

After a while we made our way back to the stream and drank and washed our faces. There was the five toned chime and our earrings lit up.

“I hope you’ve had a pleasant day, my friends. Now it’s time for something to eat – you must be hungry”

“Yup, pretty hungry” Greg said with a sigh.

“A healthy appetite means a healthy life!” Little Voice chirped. “Please gather in the grove and food will be provided”

“Thanks?” Greg said a little uncertainly.

“You’re most welcome, T43!”

We walked to where we had woken up earlier and fruits appeared on the trees again – this time they were yellow.

“Let’s pick a few” Greg said and grabbed three of them quickly. I took as many, then sat down to eat.

“How does it taste?” Little Voice asked.

“’s good!” Greg said with his mouth full.

“What do you think, L19?”

“Mhmm” I hummed, too busy chewing to answer with actual words.

“That makes me very happy to hear. After you’ve eaten it’s time to say goodnight – tomorrow you will meet everyone – isn’t it exciting?”

“Yeah, _super_ exciting” I said with a healthy amount of sarcasm.

“Sweet dreams, my friends” the earrings stopped glowing.

A few minutes after we had finished eating the entire area went darker.

“I could do with some shut eye” Greg said dazedly.

“Yeah me too” I yawned, my belly pleasantly full of food for the first time in a few days. We lay down in the grass next to each other. I was experiencing a strange combination of feelings – the satisfied, full feeling of having just filled my belly and the nervousness about meeting the other humans. I reached for Greg’s hand. “I’m anxious about tomorrow” I said quietly.

“I’m not exactly jumping with joy” Greg turned his head to look at me. “But we’ll keep together, right? And look for more hatches and things in the big enclosure. Maybe the other humans even have… like a tunnel or something? Maybe they’ve been trying to escape for a long time and it’s just not quite ready yet…”

“Gods, I hope so… Then we could bring them with us, right? If it’s not like… hundreds… How many do you think there are?”

“No idea… Everything on the arm ship was so huge, maybe there could _be_ hundreds. Maybe even thousands…”

“I hope it’s not that many” I said, blinking away pictures of people stampeding over a field like a herd of wildebeests. “What would they look like? Like us? How long have they been here?”

“I don’t know… If the war ended five thousand years ago or so then… Maybe they look different”

“Please don’t let them be monstrous and have three eyes each or something” I said to the canopy.

“Yeah, let’s hope they don’t…” Greg yawned again. “I’m going to hope for the normal amount of limbs…” he closed his eyes and I looked at him. It was easy to see where Steven got his positive attitude from… We will get out of here, I told myself. Jasper and the others will rescue us. And then we’ll go home and have the moving in party and then there’s Christmas in a while and other nice things. I wonder what Jasper would want for Christmas? That was such a _normal_ thought… It gave me comfort enough to close my eyes and drift off into restless sleep.

* * *

  
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	71. Gilded cage

## Chapter 71: Gilded cage

  
I drifted awake to soft mumbling sounds coming from in front of me. I opened my tired eyes to see Greg lying on the grass on his side, his face toward me.  I rolled over to my back and looked up into the canopy. Today we were going to meet the other humans… Fuck I felt nervous. My breath came out green and purple.

I went to use the bathroom and as I strolled over to the stream a thought hit me. I was dry. I had slept on the grass and I was _dry_. Not _damp_. Of course, this was indoors so morning dew shouldn’t happen, but… Grass was still _grass_ … It grew from the earth and there was always… _moisture_ in the earth. I bent down and picked a blade of grass. It felt like real grass – a little scratchy. I dug my hands into the ground – it was like putting them in sand almost. It was dry and warm. I looked at a bush. It consisted of branches with tiny leaves on them – it was a _perfect_ bush, no stray poky twigs to snatch at your clothes. The trees were much the same. Pretty. But no sharp things… This… wasn’t a real meadow. It was all fake. Fake grass. Fake bushes. Fake trees. Nothing sharp to cut ourselves on… Like those plastic rocks in aquariums. This was a simulated environment. A good simulation – the grass felt like grass after all, but… fake. Well of course it was fake – we were in space somewhere – but, well… I had thought it was all _grown_ in soil. The magically appearing fruit had been a separate thing in my mind… Now I felt really stupid. Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen a single bug or any other kind of living creature either – there were just _sounds_ of birds around the trees. Ambient sounds… They were _recordings_ … Gods…This entire place was… _childproofed_. It made me feel _dirty_ in a way I couldn’t quite place. Demeaned. Like being sent back to kindergarten when you’re thirteen.

What kind of person could live like this? I suppose someone who had never known anything else. Gods… what were the humans going to be like?

I went to the bathroom, then walked back to the glade dejectedly, hoping like hell that Jasper and the others would come soon.

### ***

A few hours later – what I judged to perhaps just _maybe_ be mid-morning – Little Voice announced her presence with her five toned chime.

“Hello friends”

“Hello Little Voice” Greg and I chorused. Gods it felt like back in school, greeting the teacher at the start of the day. I shivered uncomfortably and tried to adjust my shirt.

“Your quarantine is over now and it’s time to meet everyone! Aren’t you excited?”

“ _So_ excited” I huffed sarcastically.

“Come on, Erica…” Greg implored. “Layover, remember?”

“It’s a defense mechanism, sorry. And I’m going to be polite, don’t worry” I said, raising my hands disarmingly.

“Please approach the stream and close your eyes – don’t peek now” we got up and walked to the stream. We did _not_ close our eyes. Would she know? There was a clunk and a hiss and the little bit of grass on the other side of the stream rose out of the ground, revealing an oval portal. “Step through and meet your new friends!”

“Here goes something…” Greg mumbled and we joined hands, then walked through it together. We entered a lush looking forest. Palm trees and… _pine trees_ were standing side by side – there was even an oak tree and what I was sure was a cherry tree too. I frowned at the strange combination. Greg’s hand was sweaty and I kept my other hand over my chest as we moved carefully through the oddly mixed fake flora.

“Hello!” an excited voice said from somewhere in front of us. Both Greg and I froze up mid step. Everything inside me was telling me to run, but there was nowhere to run _to_.

“New friends! We want to meet you!” a different voice – they sounded happy?

Greg got a determined look on his face, then strode forward through the trees, I followed him reluctantly, feeling queasy. Bright lights blinded us a moment and we both raised an arm to shield our eyes. After a second my vision cleared and I blinked in astonishment to see a group of maybe thirty people standing in a loose huddle in front of us. They were smiling and waving at us to come closer.

“Hello new friends, come, come say hello!” a red haired woman called with a huge smile. They were all wearing the same clothes as me and Greg and looked… healthy and… happy? No extra eyes.

“Yes, come say hello!”

“Look at their hair – it’s so different!”

“They are holding hands! Look! Have they already been choosened for each other?”

“No, don’t be saying silly things, O67”

I was overwhelmed with new impressions and my breath turned purple, my hand gripping Greg’s tightly.

“Oh look! She makes lights with her mouth!” a curious and appreciative ‘oooh’ went up and a few of them stepped a little closer. I put my hand over my mouth in alarm, blushing – feeling terribly embarrassed? And _exposed_.

 _Tourmaliiiiine_ … I begged in my mind.

… It is hard… to keep it in…

“Um… Hi?” Greg said uncertainly.

“Hi!” everyone greeted cheerfully.

The chimes sounded and the people in front of us lifted their hands to their ears and closed their eyes.

“Everyone! I’m so happy to introduce you to K43 and L19! Please take very good care of them on their first day” Little Voice said in her best kindergarten-teacher voice. A chorus of nods and positive answers followed, then the earrings went dark.

“I am J10” a blonde woman said and stepped closer. She held her hands in front of her chest as if she was praying – many of the others were standing like that too. “Please, come with us – we are so curious about you”

“Yes, very!” a brunette with a gap in her teeth said cheerfully.

“You must tell us _all_ about yourselves!” a man with short brown hair said with a big smile.

“Yes!”

“Come, let’s sit in the sand by the shore!”

“Do you have shores on earth?”

“What is the earth like?”

“Why is your hair so long in the back, but not on your head?”

“Is this the clothes you wear on earth?”

“Do you like our home?”

“Isn’t it beautiful?”

“That’s a lot of questions all at once…” Greg said a little weakly and I nodded, still keeping my mouth closed. “Sure um… we’ll tell you about the earth?”

“Oh, what great fun!”

“I wish to know everything!”

“Come, let’s sit, new friends!”

The people smiled and waved for us to follow, then they all moved away to our right – turning their backs on us.

“Well, that seemed to go OK, right?” Greg asked in a whisper.

“Yeah, it did…” I said carefully.

“They are like… the friendly people you meet in the bar at the airport. At the layover. You can talk to them… have a little laugh and be relaxed… It’s just… _company_ , right?”

“That’s a… good way of looking at it, yes”

Greg smiled at me faintly, looking relieved. “What are you going to tell them about your lights?”

“Uh… could we maybe say that… we can _both_ do it? But you’re tired from getting here? Then um… if it’s overheard or something people could think… ‘oh it must be a new human thing, look at them go, evolving and shit’” Greg actually burst into laughter and _that_ made me feel _so_ much better.

“Yeah, OK” he said, his great belly vibrating with mirth. “Oh – but when _I’m_ happy I want little seagulls flapping around instead of butterflies, OK? Important detail”

“Got it” I nodded and smiled at him, giving his hand a squeeze. We followed the others for a little while and ended up on a beach of sorts. They sat down in a circle and left two spaces for us. We sat down too – this arrangement seemed both democratic, which was a great sign, but also… the feeling of being in a kindergarten intensified.

“We will introduce ourselves” the man sitting next to me said jovially. “I am Y6, nice to meet you, new friends” all of them smiled and the woman next to him took a nervous sort of breath, then said;

“Hello, I am U12…”

“Hi, I’m G56!”

Everyone said their names and smiled or waved. The last person in the circle was the woman who had spoken earlier – J10. Jesus… How on earth was I going to remember everyone’s names?

“That’s a lot of names…” I said quietly. Would I even need to remember them?

“And you are…?” J10 asked sweetly. “K43 or L19?”

“Um… My _name_ is Erica” I said with a little frown.

“On earth we don’t have names like you” Greg said with a smile that looked a tad strained. He rubbed his wrist and I realized I was doing the same. The tattoo itched faintly.

“What is _your_ earth name?” Y6 asked Greg curiously.

“It’s um… Greg” Greg said uncertainly.

“Ga-reg” Y6 tried. “And Ri-ca”

“No, no it’s _Greg_ and _E-ri-ca_ ”

“Greg. Erica” I said, trying to be helpful.

“Ga-reg” Y6 said with wrinkled eyebrows. “I am saying it like you?”

“Well, not really…” Greg said slowly. “But Ga-reg is fine, fine” he said this a little quickly and smiled nervously, giving my hand a nudge.

“Uh… Ri-ca is OK?” I said hesitantly.

“Ga-reg, Ri-ca” J10 giggled. ”Such _funny_ sounding names”

The people echoed our new… nicknames? I felt a bit strange, but… it felt better to be called ‘Ri-ca’ than L19.

“Ri-ca why do you make light with your mouth?” U12 asked shyly. A lot of people perked up and leaned forward.

“Oh, um… we can both do it but uh…” I swallowed and felt my cheeks flush. Why was I _such_ a bad liar?

“I’m tired from the journey here” Greg added quickly. “Yup, I’m getting old – can’t uh… make the lights like Erica. She’s really good at it” I glanced at him with eyes wide from fear and he blanched a little.

“P-please don’t touch them” I said, letting out a purple breath as my grip around Greg’s fingers tightened.

“Oh, why not? They are very pretty” Y6 asked, his friendly face open and curious.

“Uh… because they’re very… um…” Greg faltered and looked at me imploringly – we really should have thought this through more! My heartbeat leapt into triple digits.

“P-personal” I invented quickly (well, they _were_ ) – a puff of sparkly green and purple left me. “It’s uh – it’s very rude to touch someone else’s lights, yes, r-right Greg?”

“Oh yes, not polite _at all_ ” he shook his head and put on a frown. Another chorus of ‘ooh’s went around the circle and they all nodded, some of them looking a little disappointed.

“No one will touch” a slightly older woman said with a reassuring smile. The people nodded and hummed ascent and I let out a relieved breath – this one pale green with hints of white sparks. Now no one would be hurt at least.

“I am very curious about the earth!” J10 said excitedly. “Please, tell us what it is like”

“Yes, tell us!”

“Oh um… The earth is pretty great” Greg said with a little smile. “It’s got trees and water… and things. _Cars_. And um… guitars and seashells and… fries”

“What are cars, guitars, seashells and fries?” Y6 asked, scooting a little closer to Greg.

“Cars are… vehicles. That you drive on roads. So you don’t have to walk to get to faraway places?”

“What is… ‘faraway’?” Y6’s eyes were sparkling. Greg looked at me.

“A place that it takes a very long time to get to?” I suggested.

“It takes a long time to get to the other side of the forest” Y6 said with a smile. I exchanged a look with Greg and we both smiled and relaxed a little. These people really had no idea about distance. My heart rate was slowing down now – everyone looked and… _felt_ so very friendly…

“Well… you don’t need a car to carry you there, you can just walk” Greg said. “We’re talking about… something that would take hours or days to get to on foot” a gasping murmur went up around us.

“Earth must be _really_ _big_!” one very short girl said, sounding amazed.

“How long would it take to walk from one side to the other?” J10 asked, leaning forward eagerly.

“Uh… The earth is round so it doesn’t have edges – I don’t think you could walk the entire way around it, because there are oceans and mountains and things” I said carefully. “But if it was land all the way, I don’t know… months? A year? Maybe more?”

“I’d say at least a year” Greg nodded.

“Oh my stars…” U12 said breathlessly. “I cannot imagine a place that _big_ …”

“And what are _oceans_ and _mountains_?” Y6 inquired.

“Oceans are… really big bodies of water. And mountains are huge… hills? That can reach the clouds or even higher” Greg waved his hands expansively and more impressed sounds came from our rapt audience.

“What are _clouds_?” someone asked. Greg smiled and looked at me.

“Clouds are… water droplets high up in the sky – the are really big um…” I tried to wave my hands like Greg to describe it, then froze mid movement and let out a little amused breath. A cloud of palest green came from me and billowed just like a fluffy cumulous cloud would. “They look like this, but they can be pure white or shades of grey, depending on whether it’s going to rain or not – and they are _a lot_ bigger”

“What is _rain_?” someone asked.

“Rain is when the water droplets that make up the cloud fall down” Greg said, smiling broadly at the astonished look on the faces of the people around us.

“Water coming _from above_?”

“Yeah, I really like it when it rains” I smiled too, remembering the sound of it falling on the shelter I had made for Jasper and me on the island. I tried to ignore the stab of sadness I felt at the memory.

“Yeah, rain is pretty great” Greg nodded.

“What are guitars?”

“And seashells?”

“And _fries_?”

“A guitar is an instrument that you can play music on – it’s _really_ awesome” Greg smiled a little sadly.

“Seashells look like this…” I drew one in the sand and everyone crowded in to look. “A crustacean lives inside it – and it’s very soft, so it makes this hard shell to protect itself. Then they can wash ashore when they die or get eaten. There are a lot of different ones…” I drew a conch and a mussel too.

“What does a guitars look like?” J10 asked in awe. Greg drew a rudimentary guitar in the sand.

“Here’s the body, it’s hollow, and here are the strings – you put your fingers on them and it makes a different sound if you move them up and down the neck here”

“What do fries look like?” Y6 inquired, almost vibrating on the spot.

“Um… Erica?”

“They’re something you eat – they’re very salty. They can look different?” I suggested. “They can be straight, or curly… long and short”

“Yeah” Greg laughed. “My son Steven always wants to get the bits – the leftover tiniest pieces – he absolutely loves them”

“You have a son?” U12 asked, sounding happy.

“Yes, he’s great” Greg said fondly. “Whenever he goes to get fries he always says: ‘The bits! The bits!’ – he’s funny that way”

“He’s a fantastic little guy” a few pale white butterflies flitted around me and the crowd gasped and laughed.

“What was _that_?” Y6 stared around in amazement.

“Butterflies” I said, feeling myself blush – Greg looked at me warmly and put his hand on mine. “They appear when I’m happy”

“When _I_ get really happy, I make seagulls” Greg said proudly and smiled.

“What do _they_ look like?” J10 asked, beaming. Greg drew a wave in the sand.

“I’m not very good at drawing – but they are birds that live near the sea. They sound like this: ‘Screee—aahhh, skree-ah, skree-ah’” he flapped his arms like wings and everyone laughed.

“What do _fries_ sound like?” someone asked with a giggle.

“Oh, hah, fries don’t make noise” Greg laughed, blushing slightly. “But cars go like this: Vrooom, vroom, screeeee!” he mimed turning a wheel and stepping on a pedal. Everyone burst out laughing and I smiled, my cheeks heating up. “And guitars go: didilidilililidi- _braooouuwwwww_ da-shannnnggg” Greg did an air-riff and everyone laughed some more and leaned on each other.

“Ga-reg and Ri-ca are so funny!”

“What other noises come from the earth?”

“There are so many things that make sound” Greg laughed and wiped his eyes. “Animals and people and _things_ ”

“What are your favorite ones?” Y6 asked, scooting so close to Greg they were almost touching.

“Favorite noises?” Greg raised his eyebrows and looked at me.

“Hmm…” I said thoughtfully. “I really like thunder… and rain… and cat sounds” I cleared my throat and gave my best attempt at a meow.

“What does a cat look like?” I drew a cat and smiled sadly, thinking of my not-so-little Cake. We kept talking for a while, me and Greg drawing pictures of cars, vans, drum sets and donuts. Everyone kept asking questions and laughing at our responses – it felt… strange but good – they really seemed to be a nice bunch – curious and friendly. After quite some time, the chime played and everyone fell silent, lifting their hands to their earrings and closing their eyes to listen.

“You must be hungry now, my friends” Little Voice said happily.

“Oh, yes” everyone nodded and hummed in agreement.

“Please proceed to the grove – I wonder what color the fruit will be today? F3 – what color do you think it will be?”

“Orange!” a big blonde man said hopefully. The crowd started moving away from the beach and Y6 waved at us to follow.

“Come on, Ri-ca, come on, Ga-reg – it is time for food!”

“Sure, alright” Greg said, standing up a little laboriously and dusting himself off. The others went ahead and we followed at a little distance. “Phew… I’m beat after all that drawing and noise making”

“Yeah me too… I could do with a nap after lunch – or whatever to call it” I rubbed my neck.

“Mhm, a nice little siesta… Gosh – they’re really friendly, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, they are. They’re so… innocent – they don’t really know… _anything_ …” I whispered.

“Well, how could they? If this has been their home – jeez… What a place to live, huh? Everything right there, no need to work… Just relax all day” he smiled broadly. “If it weren’t for the fact that we had been brought here against our will and are going to leave soon – this’d be a nice place for a vacation”

“Under different circumstances I might agree – gods I almost forgot where we were… They’re so _happy_ ”

We caught up to the group in a large grove. They were standing under the trees and looking up expectantly. There was a sound and red fruits sparkled into life in the branches.

“Look, today the food is red!” F3 pointed up and smiled broadly as Greg and I joined them.

“Red is my most favorite flavor!” J10 said happily. She picked three and handed one each to me and Greg. “Sit, eat – is there food like this on earth?”

“No, not really” Greg answered, then took a bite.

“They look like apples, almost. But apples are smaller and… rounder” I added, digging in too. Several other people joined us and they told me and Greg about all the different colors of fruit they had tasted. Everyone seemed to have different favorites.

After everyone was finished – Greg and I had two more fruits each – the chimes sounded again.

“Did you enjoy your meal?” Little Voice asked sweetly.

“Oh, yes, it was delicious” Y6 said, patting his belly. Everyone agreed and nodded happily.

“Then it’s time for a little rest, my friends. Lie back and relax, then it will be time to play”

“Ah…” J10 sighed and lay down in the grass. All the others followed and Greg gave me a little wink.

“Seems we got our wish” he whispered as he stretched out on his side. I smiled at him and looked up into the canopy. Normally – well, for a given value of normal – if I had met thirty or so new people I’d be very nervous to do something as intimate and private as _nap_ in close proximity to them – but the inhabitants of the zoo were… for lack of a better word – so _innocent_ … I didn’t get any sort of violent vibes or see any suspicious expressions on or from any of them. They were _genuinely_ happy to meet us. I didn’t exactly feel _safe_ , because we were prisoners after all, but… I could _relax_ among them. That was so surprising… I dozed off and slumbered until the chime sounded again.

“Now it’s time for play, my friends! Let’s let our newest friends pick the game”

“Yes, what a good idea – let’s play an earth game!” Y6 said enthusiastically. The people around us nodded encouragingly.

“A game?” I asked, my eyebrows raising – I glanced at Greg. “You know any um… _appropriate_ games here?”

“Maybe something… like hide and seek?” Greg suggested a little uncertainly.

“How do you play?” J10 asked, beaming.

“Um… One person covers their eyes and counts to a hundred, then everyone else goes to hide somewhere – then the person that counted has to go and find them. The first one to be found will count the next time the game is played, after everyone else has been found” I explained, smiling at the delight in everyone’s faces.

“That sounds fun!” F3 said loudly.

“Greg, you want to be the seeker?” I smiled, feeling strangely like I was back in the summer cottage and my cousins and I were preparing to play the same game.

“Oh, yeah – I used to be the _champion_ seeker with Steven when we played this when he was little”

“I want to go hide over there!” Y6 said and pointed to a tree a few yards away.

“Don’t tell me or I’ll find you immediately” Greg said with a chuckle. “Once I start counting, go find a good place to hide and stay there until I find you _or_ I call out: Olley-olley Oxen free! That means I give up and that everyone should come back here, OK? When I’m done I’ll say: ‘Ready or not, here I come’”

“Alright – I will find a good place!” Y6 looked determined.

“I will also find a good one!” J10 clenched her fists and smiled. The crowd agreed and excited giggles rose up around us.

“OK, everyone ready? I’m covering my eyes now – ooooone… twooooo… threeeee…” Greg began to count and everyone dashed off in different directions. I smiled round at all of them – they were kind of adorable. “Better find a good spot, Erica” Greg whispered and peered through his fingers at me, smiling.

“Hey, no peeking” I sniggered, then walked off to a likely looking bunch of bushes – three people were already hiding there and I held my finger to my lips as they giggled. After a little while I found a big oak tree with low branches and smiled before starting to climb it. It was very awkward to climb in these clothes and I hoped no one was watching. A few seconds after I had settled in U12 appeared out of the bushes and looked around. “Hey, up here” I sniggered and she looked up at me lying on my belly on a thick branch.

“Can I hide with you?” she asked in a whisper. I nodded and she climbed up nimbly, settling on another big branch. “This is fun!” she giggled.

“Ready or not, here I come!” Greg shouted from the grove. I could see him fifty or so yards away – he headed straight for the bush I had entered and I shook my head – he _had_ peeked! “Aha! Found you!” he called loudly and there was a burst of laughter. “Now you go to the glade – I saw you first – what’s your name again?”

“I’m S15”

“Lucky S15!”

“I’m going to go find the rest” Greg sped off and giggles and laughter rose around us as Greg located people. Everyone seemed to be having a very good time. U12 was smiling and had to cover her mouth as Greg passed underneath us once or twice. “Oh boy, I think that’s nearly everyone” he said after a few minutes.

“U12 and Ri-ca are still hiding – they are very good at this game!” F3 said loudly from the grove.

“Yes, very good” Y6 laughed.

“You can do it Ga-reg!” J10 said encouragingly.

“Alright…” Greg rubbed his hands together and set off into the bushes again. I was beginning to feel at little sorry for him and wondered if we should just come out when he appeared underneath us again. He stopped and scratched his head. “Boy… Never took _this_ long to find Steven, hmm…” he stretched his arms up into the air and rolled his shoulders – our eyes met and I smirked at him. “There you are! Hah! Up a tree – pff – that’s almost _cheating_ , Erica – oh another one, hi” he smiled at U12 and she giggled, blushing. “Guess you’re the winner – what’s your name again?”

“U12” she said as she jumped down. I followed a little less gracefully and patted Greg’s shoulder.

“Good job, Greg” I sniggered.

“Phew – I’m glad I’m not counting next time – takes a lot out of you, finding thirty or so people” he chuckled as we walked back to the grove. “U12 is the winner!” he announced as we reached the others. U12 smiled and blushed adorably, waving at the others. Everyone came up and cheered, patting U12’s back and smiling.

“This was a very fun game!” Y6 smiled and held his hands in front of his chest.

“Yes, fun!” the rest chorused.

“Now it is my turn to count!” S15 said with a big grin. He covered his eyes and began to count aloud – everyone giggled and ran off in twos and threes. Greg chuckled a little as he walked off sedately. I strolled along a little path and found a nice big tree to hide behind.

We played the game two more times, then Little Voice announced her presence.

“Did you have a good time, everyone?”

“Oh yes, very good!”

“We want to play more earth games tomorrow!”

“Now it’s time to clean up everyone, let’s go take a refreshing bath” the people split up into men and women, they walked in opposite directions, talking about the games and the places they had found to hide and ideas for more. Greg and I looked at them leaving – we would have to split up?

“Ri-ca, come with us! It is bath time” J10 waved for me to follow.

“Ga-reg, this way!” Y6 called to Greg and F3 waved at him.

“Guess I’ll see you later?” Greg said quietly.

“Yeah… OK…” I felt a little anxious – we had said we’d stick _together_ …

“It’ll be alright” he said with a smile. “I could really use a bath – I must smell pretty rank by now”

I sniffed my own armpit sneakily. “Oh holy _shit_ ” I grimaced and Greg snickered. “Yeah, bath will be good but… yeah, we’ll see each other later then”

Greg went to follow the other men and I followed the women. We walked through the miss-matched trees for a few minutes, then reached a big glade with a little lake and a waterfall.  It reminded me a lot of the spring in the jungle Jasper had taken me to and I stopped a moment, my heart aching. The women began to undress unashamedly and put their clothes in… a hamper? There was a big basket made of metal standing a few yards from the water.

“Put your clothes in there, we will receive new ones after we are done bathing” J10 said with a smile. I looked her firmly in the eyes and nodded, my cheeks heating up to the point where I must surely be _glowing_. The women entered the pool and began to wash. OK so _this_ is happening… naked women right in front of me, apparently unashamed of their bodies – gods now I looked! I closed my eyes a moment and took a breath. There’s no privacy. You’re going to have to be naked. Naked- _er_. No one has laughed at you so far so… Suck it up – you need a bath – you fucking stink. Just don’t look at the others.

“The water is lovely” U12 told me with a smile and waved at me to join them.

“C-c-coming” I stammered, green sparks spilling from me. I undressed quickly, my hands shaking a little, I threw my garments into the basket, covering myself as best I could, then strode into the water and sat down on the bottom to hide myself from view.

“Why does your tummy have stripes?” J10 asked me and I felt myself blushing even more furiously.

“Uh… they’re um… stretchmarks…” I mumbled.

“You have stretchmarks on your arms too? And your legs?” she came up close and sat down too.

“No, they are scars… Well I suppose stretchmarks _are_ scars…”

“What are scars?”

I blinked at her, totally surprised. “Y-you don’t know what scars are?”

“No. Are they an earth thing? Like a seashell? Or fries?” she smiled at me, looking very curious.

“No um… when you get injured and it heals you can get… scars…” I couldn’t imagine not knowing about this.

“They look pretty – the skin is shiny there” she pointed to a scar on my right upper arm – it was one of the ones I had given myself. It had taken forever to heal, I had gone so deep… She thought they were pretty?

“Um… thank you?” I said nervously, a puff of black and green floated up and away.

“Is that also a scar?” another woman came up to us, her long brown hair trailing after her in the water. She indicated my left arm – the stripe Echo had given me.

“No it’s… a tattoo” I felt a little dirty for saying that.

“What is that?”

“It’s… like this, but… red” I held my left wrist up. The two women looked at their own wrists.

“Oh! But it does not have writing?” J10 said, looking curious.

“No, it’s… so that I can remember something very important and beautiful. _Someone_ very important and beautiful”

“It is a very pretty color, my favorite flavor” J10 smiled so innocently at me I don’t think she realized just how what she just said could have been interpreted. There was a glint in her eye, though. “I had so much fun playing today” she said. “I wish to play more earth games! Will you teach us all the ones you know?”

Every single one I knew? My heart sank unexpectedly. How long would we _be_ here?

“Uh… sure, we could do that” I said, my voice tiny. There was an _extremely_ familiar ping sound and I whipped around and gasped – the basket was disappearing in a _warp stream_!

“Holy shit!” I gasped. A warp pad! Under the grass?! We could get _home_! My mind started to race – we could be home in a flash! Literally!

“Do not worry – they are nice lights, like yours!” J10 said kindly. “They take away the old clothes and bring new ones”

“Uh-huh, OK” I said, staring at the area of ground. Was it smaller than the warp pads on earth? I could see a faint outline – the grass was a little elevated in a circle. I had to get Greg! After the bath thing it was bed time, right? We could wait until the others fell asleep, then come back here and… _go home_ … My heart was racing. Keep calm, keep cool, keep _breathing_ , I told myself. Just a little while longer. Just a _little while_ …

After some time the warp activated again and the same basket appeared with new clothes in neat piles, as well as three stacks… of towels? The five toned chime sounded and the women closed their eyes to listen.

“It’s time to get out of the bath now and into fresh clothes, won’t that be nice? All clean and ready for bed” the women nodded and said yes – a few even yawned. They began to move out of the water and talked softly and giggled, drying themselves off and picking up the clothes. I was still in the pool, looking in the other direction.

“Here” I turned around to see U12 holding out a towel to me and smiling. “It is time to get out now”

“Uh, yeah, sure” I said, taking the towel and wrapping it around myself. I dried myself off quickly and grabbed the last pile of clothes – it had the same marking at the inside of the shirt as there was on my wrist. Clothes for _me_ … So why the hell didn’t they _fit_ properly? I kept on trying to pull the shirt up. Gods, never-fucking-mind the damned shirt! You’ll be home soon! And there’ll be _hoodies_ … I took a breath, then followed the women to a different glade. I spotted Greg and walked up to him hurriedly.

“Greg! There’s a warp pad over by the lake!” I whispered urgently – to my surprise he looked _sad_.

“Yeah, there was one where we swam too… But we can’t use them to get home…”

“What?” I stared at him, suddenly going cold. He let out a little sigh.

“Rose told me that the _first thing_ they did in the rebellion was to destroy the Galaxy Warp – the warp that went from earth to home world. No one can warp to earth from the outside anymore”

“Oh” I said, my heart sinking. “Well um… that… makes s-sense…” I felt my hands begin to tremble. Gods… I didn’t know how much more of this I could _take_ … Greg looked at me worriedly.

“Let’s um… let’s go and talk, shall we?”

“Yeah, O-OK” I bit my lip to keep myself from bursting into tears. The five toned chime sounded and Little Voice spoke softly.

“It is time to go to sleep, good night everyone” all the people lay down on the grass and Greg led me away from them as darkness fell.

“It’s OK, let it out” he whispered and put an arm around my shoulders. I let my tears of disappointment fall, black vapor leaving me in great clouds sparkling with purple and green. I didn’t fight it and tried my best not to feel stupid. Of course you couldn’t just warp to earth, then home world would have invaded long ago… “I got my hopes up too, for a second, before I remembered…” he sighed.

“Y-yeah?”

“Yeah… _But_ it means that we could get out of the zoo – even if it’s just into like a laundry room or something. But laundry rooms lead to other rooms, right?”

“I can’t take us there… I don’t know what it looks like…” I said, wiping my nose on my loincloth.

“Ah. Right… Well… At least it means the gems can come in and get us when they arrive – maybe we could even warp to the place with all the ships – the hangar or something”

I sniffed and wiped my cheek. “But what if they can’t get in here? Maybe the warp only works for laundry…”

“I don’t believe that’s how they work” Greg said slowly. “But we should scout out the walls – maybe we can find a hatch or a door or something” I nodded, needing something, _anything_ to raise my spirits. “Since this is the big enclosure, they’ve got to be able to get in somehow, right? There’s always a… way for the animal keepers to get in…” he frowned. It was an uncomfortable thought, but hopefully it was true. “It’s… sad isn’t it?” he said after a moment. “They don’t even know they’re prisoners here…”

“Yeah… When the others come… should we… bring them with us?”

Greg looked at me. “Erica, I don’t know if that’s a good idea… They don’t know a thing about the earth that we haven’t told them… They’d need someone to take care of them – maybe the best place for them is… _here_ …”

I frowned at him slightly, but – it did make sense. “I think I see your point, but…”

“Doesn’t feel great, does it?”

“No, not at _all_ … I don’t even know if they’d survive – that’s why we must have been put in quarantine right? Maybe they don’t have like… antibodies and things”

“Could you imagine all of them in Beach City? Where would they live?”

“I don’t know… Damn it… I – I like them – they’re kind and like… _sweet_ ”

“I like them too” Greg sighed.

“Maybe we could… _come back_ for them – when we have an actual _plan_? Like houses and… things…” I trailed off. That was a huge thing – a _massive_ amount of responsibility. It would take some organizing genius to pull it off… Maybe if Pearl and Parker worked together…  

“I would like for them to be happy, they _deserve_ to be happy…” Greg said slowly. “I’m just wondering if… they would be able to be as happy on earth as they are here?” I looked at him, then looked at the ground. How would I feel? If I had been as happy and as safe and sheltered as the people here, then taken to a place where there was no Little Voice and the grass made you cold and wet and the bushes had thorns… Would I think I had ended up in hell?

“Maybe ignorance truly is bliss…” I said quietly. “They didn’t know what scars were…”

“Our priority is _us_. These guys will be fine… Let’s go look for another way out before turning in, shall we?”

“Yeah, OK” I wiped my cheeks. It was pretty dark now… But I knew how to make light. I closed my eyes and concentrated a moment, then blew out slowly – the light spun into a little globe of green.

“That’s very handy” Greg smiled at me faintly.

We made our way through the trees until we found a wall, then walked along it, inspecting it closely. It had carvings on it – geometric shapes in pink. It made the search go very slow and after a while my eyes were feeling very strained.

“Maybe we should get some sleep – if the gems come tomorrow we’ll need to be rested, right?” Greg said. I looked at him, and smiled faintly.

“Yeah…” we walked back to the others and lay down. I looked up at the dome above us. I could see the stars… Different stars…

### ***

The morning began with Little Voice telling us to get up. I meandered over to a bathroom bush and wished I could take a shower – not because I felt dirty or anything – I just wanted some _privacy_ … A place to think. Alone. I walked down to the shore and sat down in the sand. After a silent minute I heard a large group of people approaching. I let out a sigh. Greg, J10 and Y6 greeted me cheerfully.

“Morning… I’m going to go for a walk” I said as the others sat down in a loose circle.  

“I think there’ll be breakfast soon” Greg looked at me a little worriedly.

“Just need to clear my head a little” I waved to the others and strolled down to the water’s edge.

“OK, see you in a bit”

There were no waves I noticed. There was no wind. Just… still water. Like a millpond. After a while I reached the end of the beach. There were some flat looking stones there and I weighed one in my hand for a second before drawing my hand back. I had always liked skipping stones. It brought back memories of summer days with Robyn and I smiled to myself a little. Muscle memory kicked in and I flicked my wrist just so – the rock skipped five times before sinking. That was another thing to add to the list of stuff I wanted to do when this layover was done. Go skip stones by a lake… maybe even bring a fishing pole… I could teach Jasper how to fish. I let out a little breath of sad laughter, the little silvery fish darting through a dark grey cloud.

I sighed and began to walk back to the others. As I drew close to them there was a huge splash to my left. I turned to look at the water – had someone thrown a stone? I looked at the others, but no one seemed to have heard –

“Dad? _DAD_!” a thrill went down my spine and I spun around again – there in the water was –

“ _Steven_!” Greg’s voice came from my right and then he sped past me a look of delight on his face. “My little man!”

“Dad!” Greg lifted up his boy and hugged him close. “Dad… I got your messages – I was so scared! A zoo! A horrible human zoo where you’d be chained up to a wall doing tricks for peanuts!” Steven began to cry and hugged his dad tighter.

“Hey, hey – it’s OK, Stu-ball. We’re perfectly fine”

Steven’s head snapped up. “Where’s Erica?!”

“H-here…” I said weakly, then began moving out into the water – Steven reached out for me and hugged me too. It was him, it was really him… My chest constricted and I began to cry. “You _came_ …”

“Of course we did!” Steven said shakily. “Everyone got on the Roaming Eye and – oh never mind, I’ll tell you all about it on the way home. I got separated from the gems. We got to find them and bust you out of here”

“Sounds good, son!” Greg smiled broadly and put him down. Steven began to splash in the water. “Uh… what are you doing?”

“I came through a tube! There must be a hole somewhere!”

“You weren’t quarantined?” I asked, feeling surprised.

“What? No?” Steven looked up at me, confused.

“Did they give you a tattoo son?” Greg asked urgently, grabbing Steven’s arm. There were a couple of black marks there.

… G82, unranked… Tourmaline whispered in my mind.

“Ow! It’s… tender…” Steven winced a little and I felt anger rising. Greg and me were one thing, but Steven was a _child_!

“Oh, my baby boy!” Greg picked him up again.

“Dad, I’m fine” Steven wiped his face. “Help me find the hole, yeah? We should hurry”

“Gar-eg, Ri-ca! Who is that with you?” Y6’s voice came from behind us and Steven turned quickly and stepped in front of me and Greg, holding out his arms.

“Another new friend!” J10 said with a smile.

“Y6, J10, this is – “ Greg began.

“Let me have my dad and Erica back already!” Steven voice was threatening.

“Hey, don’t be like that” Greg said hurriedly. “These people have treated us so well since we got here”

“Wha?” Steven looked up at his dad, looking terribly confused.

“Yeah, they’re OK, they’re cool” I added and Steven glanced at me, his arms lowering.

“Everyone!” Greg called happily. “This is Steven, _my son_!”

“Um… hi?” Steven said a little uncertainly.

“Hi!” everyone greeted in unison.

“Thanks for… being nice to my dad and Erica” Steven said with a little smile.

“Ste-van! Ga-reg has told stories of you – ‘The bits, the bits!’, that’s you, right?” Y6 laughed.

“The bits, the bits!” the crowd chanted, smiling happily. They began talking amongst themselves.

“Let’s get out of here. We came across a door that leads into the zoo, but we couldn’t open it from the other side. Let’s find it and try to open it from in here” Steven whispered quickly.

“A door?!” my heart leapt. “An actual _door_ ”

“Yes!”

“We must have missed it last night” Greg said quietly so only Steven and I could hear it. He drew in a breath to speak, but got interrupted by the chime.

“Greetings, everyone. It is time to start the daily routine. It is time for breakfast, my friends!”

“Who was _that_?” Steven asked, looking around.

“It’s like a robot kindergarten teacher that tells you what to do” I said in an undertone. “Just… go with it for now”

“Little Voice guides us through life here” J10 said kindly.

“You all must be hungry now” Little Voice chirped.

“Um, dad?” Steven looked up at Greg.

“Don’t worry, Steven. We’ll get out of here. But for now, let’s just play along. We’ll look for the door during nap time… Or better yet, _tonight_. Come on, I could use some breakfast” Greg smiled at his son and patted his shoulder.

“It’s pretty cool” I said, patting his other shoulder. Steven looked between us and took a breath, then nodded.

“OK” he said determinately and we followed the crowd to the grove.

“What color do you think it’s going to be, D20?” Little Voice asked as we arrived.

“Purple!” a young man said excitedly. Lights flickered in the branches of the trees and purple fruit appeared.

“Oh, D20 was right!” J10 clapped her hands together and there was a little cheer.

“That means D20 gets to pick the next game” Y6 explained to us.

“I pick… a new earth game, that we have not yet played!” D20 came up to us, beaming. “Can you teach us a new one today? Another really fun one!”

“Uh, OK, um… How about… Simon says?” Greg suggested, looking at me and Steven. “Oh, thank you, J10” she had offered him a fruit. Y6 held out one to Steven, smiling encouragingly.

“Purple is my favorite flavor, I hope you like it too!”

“Thanks” Steven said a little stiffly. U12 shyly held out a fruit to me and I smiled in thanks. We sat down on the grass and began to eat.

### ***

We spent the day following Little Voice’s commands to play, rest, eat and even smell flowers and make flower crowns. After dinner it was time for another bath and then bed. As the lights dimmed Steven, Greg and I snuck away from the others.

“We went counter clockwise from here last time” I said when we reached the wall. “Should we split up? To cover more ground?”

“No, let’s stick together” Steven said firmly. He looked uncharacteristically grumpy and Greg glanced at me worriedly.

“You OK there, son?” he asked softly.

“How could you do this, dad?!” Steven turned on his father suddenly. “Do you know how worried we’ve all been?! How worried I was?!”

“Shh – Steven, keep it down!” Greg shushed him, raising his arms in a calming gesture. “Let’s talk, alright?”

“Fine” Steven huffed and strode ahead. How could Greg have done what? We had been kidnapped for fuck’s sake… I had never seen Steven talk like this to Greg before – it made me really uncomfortable…

“It’s not like we _wanted_ this to happen” Greg said, sounding apologetic. “We were driving home and then a huge blue arm ship wooshed over us – something smaller came out of it and we decided to go check it out”

“We tried calling, but our phones didn’t work – we thought it’d be best if we could… you know, come back home and be able to tell you if it was the start of an invasion or… something else…” I said quietly. “We were just going to spy on them a little and then go home, but…”

“They found us” Greg said, going a bit pale. “At first it went well, that Blue Diamond gem was so… _sad_ and I just… wanted to comfort her. We talked for a little, then she grabbed us… because we understood what it was like to lose someone important…”

“She said we didn’t deserve to die when the cluster emerged, that she would keep us safe in the zoo. Said she was glad she could save a few more of Pink Diamond’s… _things_ …” I shivered unpleasantly.

“Wait – Blue Diamond is sad Pink Diamond is dead?” Steven blinked at us in astonishment.

“Yeah, she was really upset” Greg said, nodding slowly. “It was my f-“

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault, Greg” I said hurriedly. “ _She_ made the decision to grab us, we were just _talking_ to her… When we got to the ship some real asshole gems put us in this room without food or water and we tried to use our phones again, but they didn’t work”

“So Erica bubbled messages instead – did they all get there? We wrote loads…” Greg said as we walked through the forest.

“Yeah, they got there…” Steven sighed. “Suddenly – pop – pop – pop all over the kitchen” he waved his arms. “Pearl thought we were being attacked or something, then we saw they had bits of paper in them and stuff so we popped one…” he sniffed. “Dad… I got so _scared_ ”

“I’m so sorry, son” he bent down to hug Steven who had begun to cry silently.

“I’m sorry too, kid…” I patted his back gently. “We really didn’t mean for this to happen”

“I know you didn’t” Steven said hoarsely. “I’m so glad you’re both _OK_!”

After a minute he wiped his cheeks and Greg stood up.

“How’s… Jasper?” I asked tentatively, a few dark purple puffs leaving me. Steven looked up at me and gave me a faint smile.

“She told me you’d keep my dad safe…” I felt my eyes tear up.

“And she did” Greg said, smiling.

“T-team effort” I croaked, wiping my cheeks hurriedly.

“Let’s get out of here” Steven grabbed both mine and Greg’s hands and we set off again. After a while of frantic searching, Greg called out.

“Here! It’s here!”

“Good job, dad!” Steven ran up to him and pounded the large pink door half hidden behind leaves. “Come on, open!” he rammed his shoulders against it a few times.

“Maybe if we do it together?” I suggested and they both nodded.

“One, two, three!” Steven counted and we all heaved to, but the door didn’t budge.

“Ga-reg, Ri-ca, Ste-van!” a voice called from behind us and we all whipped around in alarm. “So you are the ones making the noise!” Y6 and J10 appeared out of a bush.

“What are you doing? Is it a game?” J10 asked, smiling mischievously.

“Can we play too?” Y6 stepped forward, grinning.

“It’s not a game, we need to get this door open!” Steven said frustratedly.

“What is a door?” J10 asked.

“Like, this part of the wall but open” he moved his arms as if opening a set of double doors.

“Hah, walls don’t open. They’re _walls_ ” Y6 rolled his eyes at us.

“There _is_ a story of an opening wall. A very long time ago, a gem came through a wall hole to help someone who was hurt” J10 said thoughtfully.

“What do you mean… hurt?” Y6 inquired, sounding confused. What, really?

“I don’t know. I don’t know what hurt is”

“I-I know what hurt is!” Steven said, raising his hand.

“You do?” Y6 and J10 asked at the same time.

“Um it’s like when you feel bad”

“Bad?” Y6 asked.

“Yes, like the opposite of good. If that’s the only way out, then, Dad, slug me in the face!”

“What?! I’m not gonna _hit_ you!” Greg said with a frown.

“It’s out ticket _out_ of here. One of us has to get hurt” Steven argued.

“OK, well… then _you_ hit _me_ ” Greg stated firmly.

“You sure?”

“Greg…” I said uncertainly. Steven was really strong.

“Yeah! I’ll take one for the team!” Greg nodded. Steven hesitated a moment, then drew his arm back and then swung at his dad’s face – but just grazed his beard. “Come on, give me all you got, I can take it” this time Steven aimed for his gut and Greg was sent flying into a tree with an almighty crash.

“Cannonball!” Y6 yelled excitedly.

“Oh my gods!” I burst out, running up to Greg and kneeling down. “ _Jesus_ , kid”

“Uh, how was that?” Steven asked nervously.

“Good” Greg groaned. “Anyone coming?”

“Doesn’t look like it… Should I try it again?”

“Better _not_ ” I said, looking at Steven with wide eyes. Fuck, Greg looked about ready to pass out.

“There won’t be anything left of me to rescue if you do…” Greg grimaced.  

“What do we do now?” Steven asked aloud, looking around at me and Y6 and J10. The five toned chime sounded and Greg let out a sigh.

“Whatever _she_ says…”

“It is time for the choosening. Please gather around the circle of choosening” Y6 and J10 made delighted gasps of joy.

“Ste-van, Ri-ca, Ga-reg – the choosening will start soon!” J10 said with a big smile.

“Come with us, it’s – it’s finally time!” Y6 grinned and waved for us to follow.

“But what about the door?” I asked urgently.

“It’ll keep” Greg groaned and got to his feet. “We’ve got all night… Let’s just play whatever game this is, then when the others go back to bed we can get back here… Ugh, I could use a little break…”

We walked through the forest and into a glade lit with blue lights. There was an illuminated circle on the ground. About twenty or so of the others were standing on the edge of it, looking happy. Excited laughter and a pleasant murmur of conversation was coming from them.

“Is it somebody’s birthday?” Greg asked dazedly. It certainly looked like a party. But in the middle of the night? I got a bit of a bad feeling.

“Let’s… let’s go back to the door” I whispered.

“Ste-van, wait here until the choosening is complete” Y6 said to Steven.

“The choosening is a very special event to us” J10 said and grabbed my arm gently, leading me toward the others. Y6 took Greg’s arm.

“We’re so glad to have you with us at such a wonderful time!” he said, grinning so happily it alleviated my worries a bit.

“Glad to be here” Greg glanced at me and shrugged a little. When we had reached the circle, Little Voice spoke;

“Let the choosening begin!” everyone fell silent and closed their eyes. After a long suspenseful moment, Little Voice spoke again. “U12, please step into the center of the circle…” there were cheers and woops and U12 blushed and smiled, then moved forward eagerly. “F3, please step into the center of the circle. You have been choosened for each other” the big man laughed and strode forward happily, grasping U12’s hands and smiling. They leaned toward each other and… _kissed_. A cold thrill went down my spine.

“Wait a second… Is this some kind of _matchmaking_ thing?!” Greg burst out, then groaned. “There’s always a catch to these utopias…” a _catch_?! My mouth had gone dry. Was I about to be assigned to some _guy_?!

“Ga-reg, Ri-ca whoever is choosened for you will be very lucky” J10 said to us and Greg met my gaze – he looked about as terrified as I felt.

“Greeeeg…” I said quietly, a dark green cloud leaving me. I saw him inhale a breath, then Little Voice spoke again.

“L19, please step into the center of the circle”

J10 smiled at me, her eyes sparkling in the blue light. “Oh, how exciting!” she said, patting my shoulder. Everyone was staring at me and cheering loudly. My chest constricted. _I_ was L19… My feet were rooted to the spot.

“Y6, please enter the circle” more cheers went up and Y6 beamed at me, waving for me to follow.

“Come on, Ri-ca!” he called, looking very happy. I shook my head, fear gripping my heart with cold fingers.

“Go in the circle, Ri-ca” J10 laughed. “Y6 is waiting for you!” I shook my head again.

“Hold on, maybe there’s been a mistake” Greg said loudly, looking at me worriedly.

“No mistake” J10 laughed. “Go on, Ri-ca, no need to be shy” she smiled at me kindly.

“Nope” I breathed, finally able to speak. “Nope, nu-uh, no, nope, not gonna happen” I shook my head more vigorously and took a step away from the circle, holding up my hands. “This has gone far enough, I’m done, nope, I want to go home now”

“This isn’t how it works on earth! You can’t tell someone who to be with just like that!” Greg said exasperatedly.

“This makes no sense… Ri-ca, why wouldn’t you want to be choosened?” everyone stared at me.

“First of all, I already _have_ someone! And secondly I’m _gay_! You can’t make me be with some _guy_ , are you _insane_?!” I stepped further away holding up my hands. Greg followed me out of the circle.

“Back on earth there was no voice to tell you who to be with. It’s your own decision!” he said with forced calm.

“Yeah, my mom and dad, and Jasper and Erica didn’t get together because someone _told_ them to. They spent time getting to know one another and fell in love. They choosened each other because… that’s what they choosed…” Steven chimed in softly.

“Hmm… I see. If that’s how it’s done on Earth, then… I choose Ri-ca” J10 said and took my hand, her cheeks flushing. I blinked at her in surprise.

“Huh?” I said, stunned.

“And I choose Ga-reg!” Y6 said, stepping up to Greg and taking him by the hand too.

“I choose Ri-ca!”

“I choose Ga-reg!”

More people came closer and they all called out for me or Greg – they were all getting _too_ close – my heart was beating against my ribs frantically.

“No! Hands _off_!” I yanked my hands out of four people’s collective grasp and stepped away.

“Everyone stop!” Greg shouted, backing away from the people around him. “We get a say in this, too! You’re all very nice and you’ve treated us well and we’re um… _flattered_ – and yes you get to choose whoever you want, but we get to say _no_ … We don’t want to be choosened with any of you”

For a second, silence reigned in the glade, then someone began to sob. Suddenly everyone was crying and I glanced round at Greg.

“What the heeeelllll…” I said slowly, backing away.

“Hey, don’t cry, you can just choose someone else” Greg suggested. “But not me or Ri-ca”

“I feel… _not good_!” J10 wailed, sniffing loudly.

“Could this be – is this _hurt_?” Y6 croaked, his eyes and nose streaming.

“Why would they _hurt_ us?” J10 sobbed wretchedly, then turned her head toward the sky. “Please! Take this hurt… _away_!”

“Come on!” Steven shouted and grabbed Greg by the hand and started to run back toward the door. I followed them in a hurry, hearing the others give chase!

“They’re chasing us!” I hissed.

“Oh man!” Greg panted. “Let’s – let’s _hide_!” he pointed to a large bush and we darted behind it – after a few seconds everyone ran past, sobbing and crying desperately. “Whoa… I haven’t broken this many hearts since I had all my hair” he whispered, sounding stunned.

“I don’t think I’ve ever come close to that many” I panted, my breath purple and green. There was a strange sound and then lots of heavy footsteps could be heard.

“ _The door_!” Steven hissed and pointed – I looked over there and – it was _open_! A bunch of big gems were stampeding through it – were they _attacking_?!

“Come on!” Greg said and darted forward. As I ran I saw the gems chase the crying people down and pick them up, talking to them _soothingly_? I nearly tripped in surprise and turned to focus on the door instead. Freedom! Greg and Steven were ahead of me and I sprinted to catch up, my heart rate in the triple digits.

“Hey! Where do you think you three are going!” a gruff voice called out – a large hand grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and yanked me off my feet suddenly.

“Ack!” I gasped in alarm. Motherfucking _ouch_! My _neck_! Another purple gem ran past me and picked up Greg and Steven deftly – I gasped for breath –  

“Got ‘em, Sharky” she said as Greg and Steven struggled to get free.

“Oh-ho… you three are in _big_ trouble” the gem holding me had her gemstone on her cheek and her teeth were jagged – she looked terrifying and I cringed away from her face. My breath caught in my throat as she began striding out through the door – she changed her grip on me to carry me over her shoulder like a sack. The breath was knocked out of me and I was too afraid and humiliated to speak – Greg and Steven were carried under the arms of the other gem – Steven facing forward. I met his gaze and saw fear etched clearly there. He was scared… I felt heat rising in my chest, anger breaking through my fear. Don’t get afraid, get angry.

“Put me down!” I snarled at the gem carrying me. She ignored me completely. “I said; PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN!” I screamed as loud as I could and thunder rolled, lightning striking the walls. I fell to the floor, landing hard on my shoulder as the gem jumped to the side with a yelp.

“Oh my fucking stars!” the gem carrying Greg and Steven stopped in her tracks and dropped them – they fell onto the floor with a grunt and got to their feet hurriedly. I got up too, glaring at the two gems, my breath red and sparkly with blue.

“Leave us the fuck alone!” I growled, holding out my arms protectively in front of Greg and Steven. The gems stared in amazement then held up their hands, glancing at each other in confusion.

“Come on, this way!” Steven called, leading the way down a corridor. The gems started to give chase – but kept their distance? What? We kept running for a few minutes, then we could clearly hear footsteps and voices coming from the other direction.

“ – incredible structure, don’t you think, your Grand Clarity?”

“It’s Holly!” came from behind us and I turned my head to see our pursuers put on a burst of speed.

“Steven!” I called out. We were almost at an intersecting corridor when large hands closed around me again. I snarled and fought back, then a hand was pressed firmly over my mouth and the gem stepped into the shadow of a large pink pillar.

“Calm _down_ , will you?” she hissed at me, sounding scared. “We’re trying to _help_ you! The fuck did Triumph say to say?!” _Triumph_?! That was Jasper’s nickname from the Beta Kindergarten! I was so fucking confused!

“Uh – tiny monster, it’s your beast?” the other gem whispered, cramming herself in next to the one holding me, pressing Greg’s and Steven’s faces into her shoulders – they were both struggling to breathe!

“Whmmppt?!” I stopped trying to break free for a moment – what in the name of fuck?!

“Shit, just wanted to have a little fun” I glared up at the gem holding me and she had the decency to look a little ashamed.

“Shut _up_ , Sharky, they’re getting closer!” the other gem hissed at her.

“ – very nice, indeed. It is a marvelous place” wait – I knew that voice – that was _Sapphire_?! Several pairs of footsteps walked past us and then the gem holding me relaxed, removing her hand from my mouth. The other one let Greg and Steven up – they both gasped in huge breaths, then panted, looking dazed.

“ _What_ _the hell is going on here_!?” I demanded. “And put me the fuck down _right now_!” light arched through the air and I was put on my feet hurriedly, the gem stepping away from me.

“We’re taking you to your friends so you can get out of here – had to put on a show, didn’t we? Don’t want Holly all up our asses afterward if this goes south” the other gem said in a low whisper.

“Yeah” the cheek gem nodded. I pulled my clothes into order and glared at the two of them.

“Steven, Greg, are you OK?” I asked, backing away from the cheek gem. She frowned at me.

“Yeah, fine” Greg squeaked.

“Where are our friends?” Steven asked urgently, reaching out for my hand.

“The sapphire, ruby and pearl are on a tour with Holly” the cheek gem said, looking Steven up and down. “8XM and Triumph are in our quarters”

“Who?” Steven asked, gripping my hand tightly.

“The little amethyst? And the tall Beta jasper?”

“Let’s go, I think it’s clear” the unnamed gem whispered. I had my doubts whether we could trust these gems, but we followed them through the winding corridors – what else was there to do? Eventually we reached a big door.

“Get in, quickly!” the cheek gem hissed and Greg, Steven and I sprinted inside, then stopped dead. The huge, high ceilinged room was _full_ of tall, muscular gems, standing around.

“ _Holy_ fuck balls…” I breathed – was this a trap?! A babble of conversation ceased and they all looked at us. Desperately, I raked the crowd with my eyes to find –

“Babe?” came from my right. “Out of my way!”

“Darling?!” I stepped forward and some big purple gems were shoved aside – and there she was, towering over all of them – my Jasper! She smiled at me and I threw my arms around her neck, laughing in such enormous _relief_! Butterflies burst out in a vast swarm of pink, white and golden orange, sparkling like freshly fallen snow under the moonlight. The gems around us stepped away – their gasps of alarm changed quickly over to delighted laughter and rough giggles. Jasper hugged me tightly and there were woops and more gasps, then wolf whistles as we kissed.

“ _Cormamin lindua ele lle*_ , little monster” she said, stroking my cheeks. Her voice was thick with emotion and I reached up to touch her face, so hungry for all of her.

“Beastie, I’ve missed you so much! I’m sorry!” I sobbed, hugging her again. I drew in her scent, relished the feel of her skin against mine and clung desperately to her, crying from emotional exhaustion.

“Did they hurt you, babe?” she asked tenderly.

“I’m fine, we’re all fine…” I whispered back. She held me close and let out a great big breath of relief. For a few seconds my mind was blissfully quiet, my heart rate slowing as I held my head against her chest, feeling it rising and falling slowly – I could almost pretend we were home.

“You guys, you won’t _believe_ this!” Amethyst’s voice came from behind me. “I’m an eight! These guys are from the Prime Kindergarten – amethysts like me – from _earth_!”

“R-really?” Steven asked and I looked up at Jasper who nodded down at me.

“Hey 8XL?” Amethyst called.

“Yeah?” a big purple gem responded in a voice a little rougher than Amethyst’s.

“Tell ‘em, tell ‘em!” Amethyst urged her.

“The amethyst under me never popped out, we were all waiting and… pssshh – nothing” she shrugged.

“I’m Facet 5, Cut 8XM, that’s me! This is 8XG, this is 8XH – “ Amethyst gestured to two large gems on either side of 8XL.

“I’m J” the right gem corrected her with a grin.

“Oh gee, sorry, I’m worse than Holly Blue!” Amethyst sniggered.

“Aren’t we all?” 8XJ shrugged and there was a burst of raucous laughter.

 “Prime, Prime, Prime…” a very tall but extremely skinny gem said lazily – she had the same coloring as Jasper. “You amethysts are so _cliquey_ ” Jasper chuckled and grinned at her.

“Skinny’s a _jasper_!” Amethyst burst out happily. “There are gems here from the Beta Kindergarten too!” she pointed to some other gems. I gasped and looked up at Jasper, who nodded at me again, smiling _hugely_.

“Oh my gods…” I said breathlessly, turning to look at the thin gem. “I… I think I’ve seen your exit hole…”

“Really? How’s the old place looking?” she stepped forward slowly and grinned down at me in a way that reminded me _a lot_ of Jasper.

“It’s lovely…” I said weakly, feeling a little overwhelmed by all these new and apparently friendly faces.

“Lovely, huh?” another jasper – of the same build as beastie, but a head shorter. “Don’t think that word has ever been used to describe anything from Beta”

“Speak for yourself, _I’m_ fucking lovely” a different jasper said with a chuckle – oh it was so different from Jasper’s chuckle, but still so similar – it was a little confusing. I glanced around – Jasper and I were standing in a little circle of six or seven jaspers. They had long beige hair, orange skin and red stripes on their bodies – their markings were all in different places – I assumed that Cleft had got her nickname for the little red streak on her chin. The skinny jasper’s hair was a lot shorter than the rest and she was the same height as my beastie – the others were half a head shorter.  

“This is my Erica” Jasper’s back straightened proudly as she introduced me.

“Hi…” I said, feeling myself blush slightly. I felt as if I had been thrown into a family reunion. “What uh… what are your names?”

“I’m Skinny” the lanky jasper said with a smug grin. “This is Crash, Snarly, Cleft, Grumpy, Val and Tracker” she pointed to the other gems in turn and they all grinned or nodded cockily at me.

“Nice to meet you” I smiled at them.

“Charmed, I’m sure” Skinny quipped and there was a round of hoarse sniggers.

“So what’s it like on earth now? Still got rain and shit?” Snarly asked with badly feigned nonchalance – it was totally adorable.  

“This is great and all!” Steven called nervously. “But we need your help to get _out_ of here! We came in here with Ruby, Sapphire and Pearl! And – “ he was interrupted by the big doors sliding open again – I gasped to see the tall blue gem that had prattled on so with Blue Diamond stand with her back facing us – Pearl, Sapphire and Ruby were standing in front of her, wearing very tense expressions.

“I’ll only be a moment” the blue gem said and Steven and Greg ran to hide behind a big amethyst. Jasper stepped in front of me hurriedly and I hid in her sweet-smelling hair, feeling her trembling suddenly. I noticed she was wearing a uniform – a blue one. My heart was pounding mercilessly and I wondered how much more it could take today. “ _What_ are you all doing in here?!” the blue gem demanded loudly. “Get to your stations! Even you hideous off-color betas!” she strode forward and I could hear her heels clicking ominously against the floor. There were some thumps and grunts and both Jasper and I winced. What was happening!? “Get out of your cubbies and into your places! It’s the least you could do for the diamond that kept you worthless, sorry gems in service! That’s right! Blue is _back_ already!” she began walking again. “Now go pretend your _filthy_ vein of quartz is capable of _gratitude_!” there was the sound of the door sliding open again. “Go, go, go! Disperse! My diamond is waiting!” everyone began to move and Jasper grabbed me by the hand, pulling me along. I saw Greg and Steven running ahead of me, hidden by a wall of tall gems.

“Babe, go, run, we’ll find you!” Jasper hissed when we had got to the other side of the door. “The agate can’t see you!” _agate_?

“But – “ I began with a puff of purple. I didn’t want to leave her! Our eyes met and she reached down to kiss my palm briefly, closing her eyes tightly – I could feel her lips trembling.

“Go…” she whispered. “ _Please_ …” I nodded slowly, feeling my eyes brimming with tears. Amethyst waved me along and I hurried up to Greg and Steven, and we slunk away down a corridor. The blue gem shouted out orders and heavy footsteps stampeded off in different directions. We ran through a door which closed behind us and looked up into an impossibly large room. Luckily no one was there.

“Who bubbled all these gems?” Steven asked aloud. There were… _hundreds_ of pink bubbles floating around in the air. We walked toward a wide pink pillar and looked out over the room. Below us was a giant pink… _divan_? There were… fluffy looking pillows and everything.

“What _is_ this place…?” I mumbled.

“Wow, it’s kinda like… a _birthday_ party in here…” Greg said in awe. Suddenly there was a loud sound that made my heart leap into my throat and all three of us scrabbled to hide behind the pillar. I glanced down to see Steven crying and an icy chill went down my spine. I put my hand on his arm as very heavy footsteps approached us. He looked up at me in confusion, his hand rising to wipe his cheek. He frowned at his fingers in surprise.

“Pearl… close the door…” I gasped out a purple cloud and clapped my hand across my mouth so hard it hurt. That was Blue Diamond’s voice! I exchanged a terrified look with Greg, and Steven looked up at us, gripping our hands tightly. The door slid shut again and I barely dared to breathe. There was a rustling of cloth and a deep, deep sigh, then a sniff. The tears on Steven’s face came faster. For a few moments, there was silence and I tried to think of what to do. Then the doors slid open again and all three of us winced in alarm – now what?!

“Please tell me you’re joking…” an affronted voice said from behind us – now Steven stiffened and his hands turned sweaty. Booming footfalls echoed around the room as whoever it was moved closer. “You only just left and you’re already _back_?”

“Yellow!” Blue Diamond sounded surprised. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to bring you back to reality, Blue” the gem said condescendingly. Wait, wait – was this… _Yellow Diamond_?! I looked down at Steven with wide eyes and he nodded, as if he could read my mind. Then – oh gods, what was he doing?! Steven had scampered over to the door we had arrived by and tried to open it again! He gave up after a few seconds and darted back hurriedly, Greg and I waving frantically at him.

“I’m fine… Just leave me _alone_ ” Blue sounded almost angry.

“It’s been _thousands_ of years, Blue! And you _still_ can’t bring yourself to destroy these gems?! She was _shattered_ by a rose quartz!” Steven twitched. “The entire cut of gems deserves the same fate!” Yellow Diamond strode around the room, sounding more and more agitated.

“But they were _hers_ …” Blue pleaded.

“They should be _wiped out of existence_ , not kept safe in _bubbles_!”

“Yellow, she made them. This is _all_ we have left of her… These gems… this place… and the earth…”

“I thought we agreed we need to put that planet and this whole debacle _behind_ us” Yellow Diamond sighed angrily.

“Why can’t you just let me _grieve_ …” Blue Diamond said slowly, sounding both furious and as if she was about to burst into tears.

“You can’t keep coming here forever!” Yellow Diamond snapped, her voice like a whip across the eardrums.

“Why not!?” Blue Diamond demanded.

Yellow Diamond sighed frustratedly. “Pearl! Do something! _Sing_ for her. Make her feel better”

“Yes, my Diamond” a nasal voice answered primly. “Ahem… Ahem!”

“Uh… oh…” that… that was Blue Pearl – there were two pearls? Two diamonds… two pearls… How on earth were we going to get out of here?! My blood was pounding in my ears and I could vaguely hear the pearls begin to sing. Steven peeped out behind the pillar, then waved for me and Greg to follow. Were we moving!? I was more or less dragged along to another pillar and turned my head to see the enormous yellow gem striding around the room, both her and Blue Diamond’s back toward us.

“We have to get to the door” Steven said in a barely audible whisper. Suddenly, Yellow Diamond began to sing and I nearly had a heart attack.

“ _Why_ would you want to be here? What do you ever see here? That doesn't make you feel worse than you do? And tell me, what's the use of feeling, Blue? Why would you want to employ her subjects that destroyed her?” we snuck to another pillar – I was terribly confused as to what the hell was going on.

“Why keep up her silly zoo? Oh, tell me! What's the use of feeling, Blue? An army has a use. They can go and fight a war. A Sapphire has a use. She can tell you what it's for. An Agate terrifies. A Lapis terraforms! Where's their _Diamond_ when they need her, Blue? You've got to be a _leader_ , Blue!  Yes, of course, we still love her, and we're _always_ thinking of her. But now, there's nothing we can do, so tell me! What's the use of feeling? What's the use of feeling? What's the use of feeling, Blue? Oh… How can you stand to be _here_ with it all? Drowning in all this regret? Wouldn't you rather forget her? Ohh! Won’t it be grand to be _rid_ of it all? Let's make a plan of attack! Start looking forward and _stop_ looking back!” we had almost made it down some stars when I tripped and fell flat on my stomach with a grunt. Greg and Steven pulled me roughly behind another pillar. Nobody seemed to have noticed!

“Oh, yes, of course, we still love her, and we're always thinking of her. Don't you know I miss her, too? But tell me. What's the use of feeling? What's the use of feeling? What's the use of feeling?” the song ended with Yellow Diamond humming the melody – the last verse had shifted the tone of it all and she sounded _distressed_ , as if _she_ was losing it too now. We had made it to the last pillar and were just about to sprint for the door when it slid open a third time. We threw ourselves back behind the column and tried not to breathe loudly.  

“ _And_ we have arrived” the blue gem that had shouted at all the Prime and Beta gems earlier was speaking. “That will be all, Pearl” she clapped her hands twice and Pearl walked away, looking put upon. The blue gem strode forward, followed by Ruby and Sapphire who both looked like they’d rather be _anywhere_ but here. “My Diamond. My gracious, wondrous, luminous, lustrous Diamond – “ she looked up and added “... sss?” she gasped. “ _Oh, my_! It's truly an honor to bask in your radiance... ses?”

“Get to the point, agate” Yellow Diamond said impatiently. She didn’t sound distressed now.

The agate cleared her throat – this was the gem Jasper didn’t want to see us. “Yes, of course. My deepest apologies. You'll be pleased to know that your Sapphire has completed your special delivery”

Blue Diamond turned around. “ _What_ special delivery?” she asked icily – a thrill went down my spine and I shivered.

“Um, the special delivery you requested from Earth, of course” the agate said uncertainly.

“I never asked any Sapphire to go to Earth” Blue Diamond’s voice was very hard.

“I... Um...” Sapphire stammered. The floor below her began to freeze up.

“Oh, no! She's freezing up!” Steven gasped. I saw Ruby step in closer and gently take hold of the small blue gem’s hand.

“My... future vision foresaw you, my Diamond, desiring more... humans for the zoo, so I... acted accordingly” Sapphire’s confidence grew as she spoke, sounding perfectly calm at the end of the sentence.

Blue Diamond’s face fell and when she next spoke, her voice was as soft and as vulnerable as it had been before the door had opened last. “It's true… The window for preserving earth specimens is closing…” Yellow Diamond’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Is _that_ what you want?” she asked incredulously. “Sapphire, has the Cluster emerged yet?” she turned to Sapphire haughtily.

”No, it has not” the little blue gem said hastily.

“Then there's still time” Yellow Diamond turned back to Blue Diamond with a small smile playing dangerously over her lips. “That will be all” she clapped her humongous hands twice.

”My Diamonds...” the agate bowed deeply, then strode out of the room. Sapphire and Ruby followed and Greg darted after them. Steven pulled me along and we managed to get to the other side of the door just before it closed. I froze up – the agate was standing _right there_! Her back was against us! Pearl, Amethyst and Jasper were out in the corridor as well, wearing terrified expressions. For half a second, no one dared make a sound.

“Two Diamonds?!” the agate burst out, leaning forward and resting her hands on her knees a moment. “I can't believe it! Can you believe it? Oh, well, of course, you can. You probably foresaw the whole thing” she babbled quickly, then began to stride forward. I let out a huge breath, producing a deeply dark cloud of purple that drifted to the side ominously. Jasper stepped in front of us and we fell in line behind her – even though she was hiding us from view I felt extremely exposed. My heart was beating against my ribs in an almost painful way.

“Of course! No surprises here!” Sapphire said quickly. “Now, we should return _to our ship_ ”

“Yes, of course, your Grand Clarity! I never expected to see Yellow Diamond in person” the agate said, oblivious to three extra people being behind her.  “What a commanding presence! You can just _feel_ strength and confidence radiating from her. Don't misunderstand me, of course – I'll always be in Blue's confidence, but if I had been made for Yellow, you wouldn't see _me_ complaining!” she let out a snooty chuckle. She led the way through long corridors, talking non-stop about the splendor of her diamond and _herself_. Jesus – did she ever _shut up_? My body was tingling, tense and ready to sprint away at the first sign of trouble. It took quite a while, but finally we reached a large door that looked promising. It slid open as the agate approached.

“I _do_ hope they appreciate all my hard work to preserve the Pink Diamond legacy. It would really make it worth being stationed here with these _sorry_ excuses for Gems” we strode past two of the purple gems from before – they stiffened up when they saw us. This was a hangar! There were lots of ships! “Oh! It's a shame though. This outpost is so _remote_ , I was beginning to think we'd been forgotten!” Jasper stopped suddenly and I walked into her, losing my balance and falling to the floor with a yelp – the gems gasped. “Hmm?” the agate inquired and I raised my gaze slowly to her blue face, terror racing through me. I was frozen, nailed to the floor by her increasingly icy stare. Jasper looked at me with fear in her eyes. “What… _is the meaning of this_?!” the agate shrieked suddenly and grabbed me by the vest and lifted me into the air. I gasped in alarm and my head swam sickeningly as my neck cricked with the force of the abrupt movement.

“Hey! Put her down!” Steven said loudly, stepping out behind Jasper too.

“What!? _Another one_?! Why are there humans outside the containment area?!” the agate demanded, her grip hardening around my clothes.

“L-let go!” I growled, trying to wiggle free.

“Holly Blue! I can explain!” Sapphire said quickly.

“No need, your clarity! Not even _you_ could have foreseen how _incompetent_ these Amethysts are” she waved her free hand at the group of gems that had suddenly appeared in the door.

“P-put her down or i-it’ll be the worse for you” Jasper stammered with a valiant attempt at sounding menacing – my blood ran cold – _Jasper was afraid_! The agate’s face hardened in response, her lips curling in disgust.

“Who gave _you_ permission to _speak_ , you _revolting_ _Beta_?” she said acidly. My eyes went wide and I froze a moment – anger flared up in me and my throat burned with bile. _How dare she_!

“Suit yourself” Jasper huffed and crossed her arms over her massive chest.

“And what it _that_ supposed to mean?” the agate inquired in a voice so cold it almost tinkled in the air.

“I would _really_ recommend putting her down, we can end this _peacefully_ ” Sapphire said hastily, taking a step away from us. Everyone else followed suit, Greg appearing from behind Jasper too. The agate let out a disgusted little sound and her grip tightened.

“Amethysts, get the filth back into their cage!“ _filth_?! I had had motherfucking _enough_! “Right _n_ -“

“ _GRrraaaahhhhfffffffFFFFFUCK_! **_YOU_**!” I growled, interrupting her – blue lightning rushed from me in a burst and a loud thunderclap rolled – I was suddenly dropped and a shriek of fear came from the blue gem. I landed on my feet, my fist already swinging back. I punched her square in the crotch, tendrils of light racing along my arm.

With a squeak of pain the gem collapsed into a heap on the floor, clutching at herself and gasping for air. A loud ‘Oooooh!’ came from over by the door.

“What are you doing?! They're traitors! _Destroy them_!” the agate shrieked in a much higher pitched voice.

I stood over her, panting out sparkly blue clouds that writhed and twisted through the air sickeningly. “ _Shut_ – the fuck – _up_ you word-vomiting, brown-nosing blue _bitch_! I’ve had it up to _here_ with all this bullshit!” I stamped my bare feet for emphasis. “Stay down or I’ll use you for target practice, you blind as fuck, stupid-ass _Nazi-lackey_!” a loud thunderclap made my ears ring and the gem in front of me twitched and looked up at me in alarm – her pupils were tiny and her eyes wide with fear.

“ _Yeah_ , you tell her, E!” Amethyst wooped, punching the air.

“Yeah shut up, agate!” Ruby raged. “Stars! And she called _Pearl_ ‘chatty’!”

“That’s enough, she’s… _not_ getting up from that” Sapphire walked up to me and spoke softly, putting a hand on my upper arm.

“Kalla mig _smutsig_ …**” I hissed.

“She’d be wise to shut her face, but I’ve never met an agate who could” Jasper said with a dark chuckle, stepping up to my other side and uncrossing her arms.

“I'll report you to the Diamonds! All of you! You'll all be _shattered_!” the blue gem shouted, her face flushed and sweaty.

“Oh, really now?” Jasper purred dangerously – her words made my skin tingle. Pearl scoffed at the same time and squatted down by the agate’s head.

“You're _really_ going to tell the Diamonds that _you_ allowed a band of traitorous rebels to infiltrate a highly secure facility and escape from right under your careful watch – _and_ that one of your – how did you describe them? _Pet_ humans put you on your back with just one strike?” she said with a _very_ pleased tone. “Doesn't sound like a wise thing to do, Holly Blue” she actually booped the agate’s nose, then stood up and strode to the ship, waving the rest of us along. Jasper took my hand and pulled at it gently. I followed, but kept glaring at the prone figure, panting out clouds of blue. “So do yourself a _favor_ and keep your mouth _shut_. _That will be all_ ” Steven clapped his hands twice as the ship rose into the air. The gems from the door rushed forward and waved enthusiastically, calling out goodbyes to us. Amethyst waved back, kissing her fingers in salute and shouting;

“Famethyst for life!”

“Prime’s got!” Jasper called even louder over her head.

“ _Nothing on this Beta_!” the jaspers in the group below roared back, cheering and whooping. The hatch closed and my legs finally gave up the ghost. I sagged to the floor with a groan and massaged my aching knuckles.

“Son of a _bitch_ …” I hissed, looking down at my blistered skin.

“Here, lemme get that” Steven said, hurrying over. He licked his palm and touched my arm – I felt the warmth spread through me and sighed in relief, leaning my head against the wall.

“Thank you, kiddo…” I said, tiredness washing over me like a wave. “Before I forget – I love you _all_ …”

“Oh man!” Amethyst sniggered, plopping down next to me and shaking me by the shoulder. “You hit that biatch right in the snoodle!”

“She fucking deserved it” I huffed scornfully. Jasper sat down on my other side and put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, chuckling sweetly.

“That was a good punch, babe. Swinging from the hip, straight wrist, thumb on the outside…” she looked down at me proudly.

“Yes it was” Pearl said with a slightly uncertain smirk. “Not sure if it was the _fairest_ target, but – it certainly was _effective_ ”

“Damn straight!” Amethyst pounded the floor energetically. “Erica Brooks, Crotch Puncher!”

“Oh for the love of fuck, I’m never going to live that one down, am I?” I closed my eyes and groaned, pulling at my stupid shirt.

“Nope!” Amethyst sniggered.

“Someone _please_ tell me they brought some _clothes_ ” I looked up at Jasper hopefully. Steven and Greg were hugging each other tightly a few feet away.

“Or something to drink, or eat” Greg suggested hopefully.

“As a matter of fact we _did_ bring some food” Pearl said with a smile. “Ruby, where did you put – oh, hello Garnet” the tall fusion appeared from behind Pearl, holding a picnic basket and grinning.

“I have my hoodie and pants and things, but didn’t think to bring any of your clothes, babe”

“Can I borrow your hoodie, _please_?” I felt as if I was about to burst into tears.

“Of course” she chuckled.

“Oh _thank you_! You have _no_ idea how much I’ve wanted to cover up…” I sighed.

“Gives you a _great_ looking cleavage, though” Amethyst said with a shrug. I put my hand over my chest and closed my eyes.

“Please don’t” I said quietly, feeling exposed.

“Really, Amethyst!” Pearl huffed.

“What? It _does_! Think you look great, all three of you! Especially _you_ , Greg – great look for you” the purple gem sniggered. Jasper put her large hand over Amethyst’s face and pushed her away without a word. “ _Rude_ ” the purple gem huffed.

“Here, babe” Jasper said softly. She was holding out her ‘So say we all’ hoodie to me and I took it gratefully.

“ _Thank you_ ” I said with feeling. I felt a pang of loss that I’d never see my green one again. “I’m sorry darling… they took my monster hoodie…”

“Don’t care. I’ve got you back, that’s all that matters…” she bent down to stroke my cheek, then lifted my chin to kiss me softly. “Please don’t get kidnapped again… I don’t know if I could handle it…”

“I’ll do my very best, I promise” I smiled tiredly up at her, then kissed her again.

***

“Was it wrong – was it stupid of us to go look?” I asked quietly after we had finished eating and retelling everything that had happened. Greg, Steven and Amethyst had fallen asleep in a pile on the floor and I was sitting in Jasper’s lap in one of the big red chairs. Pearl sat by the controls and Garnet stood next to her.

“It’s what I would have done” Garnet said.

“Me too…” Pearl nodded.

“And me too, babe” Jasper stroked my thigh.

“It’s what a Crystal Gem does” Garnet removed her shades and smiled at me.

“Indeed it is” Pearl sighed and pushed a button, then sat back in her chair and looked over tiredly, smiling too. I felt my cheeks heat up and Jasper chuckled. “And it was very clever to send the notes inside bubbles”

“Greg gave me the idea – he said something about if we were on a _ship_ ship we could send a message in a bottle…”

“We’re going to have to get you a star” Garnet stepped closer and patted my shoulder. “You too, Jasper – if you’re willing”

“Not sure I’m ready for that” Jasper said a little uncomfortably. “But… I don’t mind if you wear one, babe” I looked up at her through a haze of exhaustion.

“Darling, it’s you and me” I said softly. “First and foremost”

“I know that babe” she grinned down at me crookedly. “You already have that gem shirt with stars on it”

“Yeah but… that’s not the same – n-no offense you guys” I turned to Pearl and Garnet.

“We get it” Garnet said. “Took a while for me to incorporate a star into my form” Pearl let out a little giggle at this.

“Babe – if you want to wear a star I’m not going to stop you – your body your choice” after a moment she added: “Well, I know you can’t reshape yourself like that but you know what I mean” her cheeks flushed a little. I kissed the pink patch on her right side and leaned my head on her shoulder and sighed contentedly.

“I love you, beastie…” I mumbled, tiredness filling my head with soft cottony fluff.

“Love you too, little monster – you should get some sleep”

“Yes, _absolutely_ right” Pearl nodded in agreement. “We have a long way home”

“ _Home_ …” I sighed, resting my hand on Jasper’s chest. This strange nightmarish thing was over, finally… And I was back in my beastie’s arms, surrounded by my beloved friends.

* * *

  
_*Cormamin lindua ele lle_ = (Elvish) My heart sings to see you

**Kalla mig smutsig = Call me dirty/filthy

Please review!

* * *

Bonus art! Because of WolfyGirl's hilarious comment <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this story - or any of my other ones - please consider buying me a coffee :)  
> https://ko-fi.com/evilsnotbag  
> Here's my deviantart as well - plenty of NSFW pics there so fair warning lol http://evilsnotbag.deviantart.com/


	72. Homecoming

## Chapter 72: Homecoming

  
“Babe…” soft lips pressed against my forehead gently and I relished the feeling, snuggling into the warmth and scent of Jasper’s arms. “We’re almost home”

“Mff… _Melamn_ …” I slurred and Jasper let out a pleased chuckle. I opened my eyes – they felt so dry, as did my mouth. How long had it been since I brushed my teeth now? Days…

“I want pizza for breakfast” Greg said, sitting up from the floor and rubbing his neck. “And a _beer_ ”

“Pizza?” Amethyst sat up too, as if the word had summoned her.

“It’s pretty late in Beach City, so it’d be late dinner” Garnet said, stroking Steven’s back to wake him.

“Grlc knots” I hummed. “Mmmhmm… gar’c knts… _Coffee_! Coffee…”

“When we land I can go get some food” Garnet offered. “I know what you’ll want”

“And I do believe we have some coffee – _somewhere_ ” Pearl added, smiling at me.

“Thanks” Greg, Jasper and I chorused.

I’m not sure how much later it was that we landed – I kept drifting in and out of sleep. Pearl pushed a lot of buttons and then there was a small jolt.

“There…” she said, standing up and adjusting her clothes. “I put the ship down by the barn”

We trooped out into the cold air and I drew in a deep breath – I had never realized what the earth _smelled_ like, but it was fucking _wonderful_. The wet grass, the ground, the _air_ – everything combined into something that just screamed; _you’re home_. And had there always been this downward… _pull_? The gravity in the zoo must have been lower than here – it felt a little hard to breathe normally. My knees were wobbly and Jasper offered me her arm. I took it gratefully as we walked rather quickly toward the warp pad – neither Greg, Steven or I were wearing shoes. Or pants for that matter.

When we appeared in Steven’s house Peridot and Connie were waiting – Connie rushed up to hug Steven tightly and Peridot threw her arms around Amethyst with a squeak of relief.

“You’re _safe_!” Connie said, looking around at all of us from over Steven’s shoulder. “You’re all safe, thank goodness! I’ve been so worried!”

“As have I!” Peridot grabbed Amethyst by the cheeks and kissed her on the mouth – Amethyst let out a startled little grunt, then reciprocated enthusiastically, her hands caressing Peridot’s back. Jasper chuckled and I leaned my head on her arm, smiling and feeling warmth bloom in my chest. “Lug nut…” Peridot breathed as they broke apart, her cheeks a deep, deep green.

”Were you… really worried?” Amethyst asked quietly, her voice sounding both husky and... a little unsure. After giving Connie a tight hug I took Jasper’s hand and pulled her with me toward the bathroom.

“A real toilet…” I almost groaned as Jasper closed the door behind her. “Oh dear gods if it wasn’t terribly unhygienic I’d kiss it”

Jasper chuckled and went to wash her hands as I sat down on it, relieving myself with a long sigh of contentment. She looked at me and smiled.

“Would it be super weird if I kissed you while you’re sitting there?” she asked, drying her hands on a towel. I let out a little surprised laugh.

“No” I smiled up at her and she leant down to kiss me softly.

“I’ve missed you…” she mumbled, resting her forehead against mine for a while before pulling back.

“Darling… I’ve missed you too, so, so much!” I wiped myself hurriedly, then flushed the toilet – gods how I had missed even _that_ sound – then washed my hands in the sink. Jasper put her arms around my waist and snuffled around in my hair, closing her eyes and grinning. I could see her in the mirror and leaned back against her, sighing out a long breath. “I’m _so_ glad to be home…” we stood like that for a while, then my eyes fell on my ears in the mirror. “Hey, could you help me get these off? I really want them gone…” I touched the pink and purple earrings. “Both Greg and me tried but they’re… like glued it or maybe we just didn’t have strong enough fingers…”

“Sure babe” she lifted her hands and grabbed my left ear gently. I looked at her concentrated face in the mirror, smiling to myself. After a moment a weight I had gotten used to lifted from the left side of my head and I let out another breath of relief. Jasper smiled, met my grateful gaze in the mirror, then removed the other earring. “What do you want to do with them?” she held them out to me in her large hand.

“Destroy them…” I said flatly. She closed her first and squeezed – it made a sound like glass being ground – then she went over to the toilet and dropped the crushed things into it. She had turned them into powder... That was _very_ satisfying… She flushed, then washed her hands again. “Thank you, darling…” I said softly, then kissed her cheek.

“Anything, babe…” she hummed.

There was a scratch at the door and an urgent meow from the other side.

“Cake?” I asked aloud, then went to open. “Cake!” the cat darted in and wound around my legs, meowing loudly, then she stood up on her hind legs, putting her paws on my knee. “Aww… I’ve missed you _too_ , sweetie…” I picked her up and she rubbed her face all over mine, purring like crazy.

“I asked Connie to look after her, and Steven asked Connie and Peridot to watch over Beach City while we went to get you. They must have stayed here, all three of them” Jasper stroked Cake’s neck gently, then kissed her head and then mine. “Our little family, together again…”

“Oh darling…” I sniffed, hugging Cake to my chest tightly. Jasper wrapped her strong arms around both of us and we stood in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying being together again.

When we left the bathroom we found Steven and Greg sitting on the couch by the stairs, telling Connie what had happened. Peridot and Amethyst were sitting on the sofa by the window, their heads close together and holding hands, talking softly to each other. Pearl was in the kitchen making tea – and coffee too, by the smell of it. Jasper and I sat down on the couch with Steven, Connie and Greg. Cake was in my lap, purring contentedly. It felt so good to be here, the familiar smells of Steven’s house, the tea, coffee and Cake making me smile dazedly. Jasper put her arm around my shoulders and put her gem in my hair again, breathing deeply.

“I can’t get enough of your scent, babe” she chuckled. “Sorry”

“Don’t you dare stop” I sniggered, stroking her thigh. “I need it…” Jasper pulled me closer and I could feel her smile against my skin. I relaxed against her and listened with half an ear to what Greg and Steven were saying.

“ – and then they just started _singing_ out of nowhere” Greg said.

“They all got distracted and we snuck toward the door, but just when we were by the last pillar it opened and Holly Blue Agate, Sapphire and Ruby came in – they talked to the diamonds a bit – they behaved _so_ differently! Then Sapphire and Ruby were dismissed and we finally got out!” Steven looked at his dad for him to continue the story.

“Thought I was going to have a heart attack – the blue gem was standing right outside the door with everyone else, but she was _so_ distracted by having met two diamonds she just kept jabbering on about it – Steven, Erica and me hid behind Jasper and just… followed the others” Greg shrugged, as if he couldn’t quite believe we had gotten away with it.

“Yeah, then when we finally got to the hangar Erica tripped and _then_ Holly noticed us – she grabbed Erica and lifted her up!” Steven said, holding out his arm dramatically. Connie gasped. “Everyone kept telling her to put Erica down, but she wouldn’t listen – and she was being so _mean_ – then Erica got really mad and screamed at her – there was thunder and lightning! Holly dropped her and then Erica punched her right in the doodle!” there was a snickering from over by the window and Jasper chuckled softly. Connie looked confused.

“’Doodle’?” she asked, looking from Steven to Greg to Jasper to me.

“Groin…” I said slowly and Connie’s eyebrows knotted, then color rose in her cheeks.

“You punched an _agate_ in the p-pelvic region?!” Peridot burst out, going pale. I raised my eyebrows.

“ _Yeah_ she did!” Amethyst laughed. “It was _great_! And the big blue bitch went down like a tree!”

“She called out for the Prime and Beta gems to come and help her and threatened us with reporting everything to the diamonds, but then Pearl told her that would be a very bad idea – because Holly was supposed to be in charge and now all these rebels had just swooped in and got away and stuff! And then _Pearl_ told _Holly_ : That will be all!” Steven said excitedly, then he, Pearl and Amethyst clapped their hands twice and grinned.

“Wow…” Connie breathed, looking around at all of us. She began asking Steven and Pearl questions and I looked up at Jasper.

“Why is everyone so surprised I punched a gem?” I asked her, frowning slightly. Jasper looked down at me and a little smile spread across her face.

“Not just any gem – an agate. They are higher class soldiers, usually in charge. There are elite _squads_ of agates too. My immediate superiors have always been agates and they are ruthless, vicious assholes the whole lot of them” my eyebrows rose and my eyes widened in surprise. Is… that why Jasper had looked so afraid?

“I… didn’t know that…” I said slowly.

“I know babe” Jasper chuckled. “That makes it even better – it was _so_ satisfying finally seeing one of those dickheads get knocked down a notch. I’m going to remember that _forever_ …”

Garnet stepped through the door with a large stack of pizzas and a bag full of sodas. After we had eaten, Jasper and I decided to go home. It was farther to our new house and I didn’t have any shoes or pants, so Jasper picked me up in her arms and carried me home, keeping me nice and warm the whole time. Cake trotted along behind us and when we arrived at the house she snuck in through the new cat flap.

“Shower, then bed, I think” I said tiredly.

“Want company?”

“Please” I smiled up at her as she put me down on the floor. I undressed as I walked upstairs, finally removing the wretched zoo outfit with a sigh. Jasper chuckled appreciatively and followed me into the master bathroom. “Oh, my _toothbrush_!” I exclaimed happily, grabbing it and squirting out a lot of toothpaste onto it, then began brushing my teeth. Oh it felt so _good_! Jasper laughed at my expression, then went into the shower ahead of me and turned it on, finally phasing off her blue uniform. I joined her after a minute and hugged her tightly, snuggling in between her large warm breasts.

“Will you sing something?” she asked me tenderly. I smiled up at her and nodded.

“What should I sing?”

“Anything” she grinned warmly. I cleared my throat.

“Go on, go on – leave me breathless… Come on… The daylight’s fading slowly, the time with you is standing still. I’m waiting for you only, the slightest touch and I feel weak” I began to sing Breathless by The Corrs. “I cannot lie, from you I cannot hide, I’m losing will to try! Can’t hide it! Can’t fight it! So go on, go on. Come on, leave me breathless. Tempt me, tease me, ‘til I can’t deny this loving feeling, let me long for your kiss! Go on, go on. Yeah come on…” Jasper was grinning down at me warmly, her hands at the small of my back, my chest vibrating against hers. “And if there’s no tomorrow, and all we have is here and now. I’m happy just to have you, you’re all the love I need somehow. It’s like a dream, although I’m not asleep. I never want to wake up! Don’t lose it, don’t leave it!” butterflies and ribbons danced and twirled through the air as the water cascaded over us. As I fell silent, Jasper leaned down to kiss me softly.

“I love it when you sing, honey…” she whispered, stroking my back tenderly.

“I love it when you sing too, darling… Will you sing something for me?”

Jasper chuckled and nodded. “What would you like hear?”

“Anything” I giggled, squeezing her hips gently.

“OK, hmm… Come my lady, come-come my lady, you’re my butterfly, sugar baby. Come my lady, come-come my lady, you’re my butterfly, sugar baby” I stared up at her in amazement, smiling like a fool. She was actually singing Butterfly by Crazy Town! Word perfect! “Such a sexy, sexy, pretty little thing. Fierce nipple pierce you got me sprung with your tongue ring. And I ain’t gonna lie ‘cause your loving gets me high. So to keep you by my side, there’s nothing that I won’t try. Butterflies in her eyes and looks to kill, time is passing and I’m asking could this be real? ‘Casue I can’t sleep I can’t hold still, the only thing I really know is she’s got sex appeal. I can feel – too much is never enough, you’re always there to life me up, when these times get rough. I was lost now I’m found, ever since you’ve been around. You’re the woman that I want, so yo I’m putting it down. Come my lady, come-come my lady, you’re my butterfly, sugar baby. Come my lady, you’re my pretty baby, I’ll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy. Come my lady, come-come my lady, you’re my butterfly, sugar baby. Come my lady, you’re my pretty baby, I’ll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy”

“Darling, _wow_ …” I breathed when she finished the song. “I _love_ that, oh my gods…” it had sounded so incredibly sexy coming from her. She sniggered, her cheeks a little rosy.

“Want me to wash your hair?” she asked.

“Only if you let me wash yours afterwards”

“Deal” she kissed me sweetly, then bent to pick up a shampoo bottle.

When we exited the shower my fingers were pruny and I felt warm and relaxed and so very ready for bed. I put on some pajamas and lay down under the covers with a deep sigh of contentment.

“Oh my gods… Hello _bed_ …” I pulled several pillows closer, sniffing them happily. “Hello _pillows_ … Hello blankets and sheets and stuffed animals…”

“Hello little hoarder” Jasper chuckled, laying down beside me. I giggled and snuggled into all the softness, so ridiculously relieved and _happy_. “Come here…” she put an arm around me and burrowed into my pile of fluffy warmth and kissed my cheek with a loud smack. I burst into more giggles and butterflies exploded out from me, sending pillows and stuffed animals flying. Jasper let out a little gasp, then began to laugh, glancing around at the sparkly butterflies. I looked up at her, smiling tiredly.

“I feel as if I could sleep for _days_ …” I mumbled, stroking her cheek. “Can we just stay in bed tomorrow?”

“I’d love that, babe…” she scooted closer and stroked my thigh over the covers and let out a long, contented sigh. “Just you and me and Cake…”

“Mmm… Yes please…” I kissed her faintly glowing gem and then her cheek, resting my forehead against hers.

### ***

I sat up and looked around – what? I was in a… forest? A cold fist grabbed my chest and squeezed – _no_! I _can’t_ be back here?! I got to my feet and burst out through the bushes – no… I was in the quarantine area…

“No! I left! I’m _home_!” I gasped, darkness leaping from me in jagged streams.

“What are you talking about?”

I whipped around and saw – Greg?!

“ _Greg_! This is wrong! We _left_!” I panted.

“What do you mean?” he was so _calm_! He grinned at me kindly. “I think you might have dreamed that, L19”

“L19? Greg, you don’t call me that…” I took a step away from him, feeling my skin suddenly crawl.

I opened my eyes. Above me were the familiar orange bubbles. I blinked at them, the tension in my body settling slowly. It had been a dream… Just a dream… Jasper made a big warm noise from my right and I snuggled up against her back and buried my face in her hair, breathing in her tiger-relaxing-in-a-field-of-flowers-scent. I am home, I told myself. I am safe… Jasper is here. Her chest was moving gently as she breathed. The rhythm helped my heart slow and soon I drifted off again.

### ***

  
Soft humming woke me – it felt as if I had just closed my eyes for a second. I blinked at the bright morning sunlight streaming in from the balcony door window. The room smelled wonderful – then I realized Jasper was sitting on the bed next to me, just putting down a tray of food. And _coffee_ …

“Morning sleepy little monster” she smiled at me warmly. “I thought breakfast in bed would be appropriate today” I smiled back, feeling muzzy and happy despite the tiredness.

“Aww… thks bstie…” I slurred, kissing her bare knee. She lay down on her side and grinned at me crookedly.

“There’s waffles, coffee, toast with cream cheese, salami and cucumber, orange juice and… fresh strawberries” she made a dramatic sweeping motion over the spread and I giggled, looking at all of it and then up at her face.

“ _Luv_ you…” I said, smiling broadly. “Jus need t pee”

“I’ll be here” she chuckled. I got up a little unsteadily and went to the bathroom, relieved myself then washed my hands and face and brushed my teeth. I got back into bed and reached for the coffee, cradling the warm cup to my chest and sniffing it deeply.

“Ohhhh my gooods…” I sighed contentedly, then took a sip and closed my eyes. “Thanks for making breakfast, darling”

“You’re welcome” she sniggered. “Was thinking we needed a good start to this day of complete lazing around”

“Very good thinking” I smiled and picked up a piece of toast.

“How did you sleep?”

“Not… very well, I don’t think. Feels like I haven’t really slept at all, to be honest. And I had a bad dream – it was very short and not particularly scary but… just so uncomfortable, you know?”

Jasper’s eyebrows drew together. “What was it about?”

“I was in the quarantine area in that… _place_ and Greg said I must have dreamt that we left. And he called me L19…” I shivered and rubbed at the tattoo on my wrist. Jasper’s face darkened slightly.

“Does it hurt? The tattoo?”

“No, it’s fine…” I ran my fingers over it – it still felt a little… bumpy. Shouldn’t it have healed by now? Steven had healed me… I put my arm down, not knowing how to feel about it – I just knew I didn’t want to focus on it. I wanted to be right here, in this room, with my wonderful Jasper. I cast around for a _normal_ , _here and now_ topic. “Hey… the moving in party – should we have it this Friday? All the furniture should have arrived by then” Jasper looked me up and down, chewing a waffle slowly. Then she swallowed.

“Sure, babe... Who should we invite?”

“Everyone?” I felt like I wanted to surround myself with as many people I actually knew as possible. “Maybe we could… like play charades and things”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a game. Everyone writes down a word or… a quote, a movie title or someone famous on a piece of paper and puts it in a bowl – then you divide into teams, one person takes a note out of the bowl, then their team will try to guess the word or whatever, but the person who took the note can’t speak. So they have to act it out with their body” Jasper wrinkled her eyebrows. “Like… if I get a note that says… _donut_ I can go like this” I made a circle with my hands then mimed biting it. “Something _round_ that you _eat_ …”

“Oh, I see” Jasper chuckled. “And then people think, hmm, something round that you eat… a burger, a waffle, an apple… yeah?”

“Exactly!” I smiled at her. “And they call it out and if they guess right, their team gets a point”

“That sounds like it could be fun – could we play kubb too?”

“Sure we can” I giggled, taking a bite of toast. “What sort of food should we have, do you think?”

“Gravlax and those _pies_ …” she said with a dreamy look on her face.

“Your empanadas…” I felt my mouth watering and we both sniggered. “A lot of tasty things, then”

“Yep…” Jasper looked at me fondly, then folded a waffle in half, stuck a few strawberries in there then ate the whole thing like a taco.

### ***

 A little later I was lying on the bed on my belly and reading as Jasper pottered around the bedroom, putting away laundry. After a while she came to sit by my side and stroked my leg gently.

“Hey babe… Do you remember a while back… When you asked to play with Kara with no pressure?” her voice was husky. I smiled at the memory and turned to face her, putting my finger between the pages to keep my place.

“Yes I remember that very well, darling” I answered, shivering slightly. Jasper’s grin widened.

“Can I play with you… while you read?” she slid her hand onto my left butt cheek. I let out a little laugh.

“With what _part_ of me exactly?”

“ _This_ part…” she put her other hand on my right buttock and gave the whole thing a gentle squeeze. “At least… to _begin_ with…” her words sent a shiver down my spine and I shuddered again – Jasper chuckled sultrily. “Was that a yes?”

“Mhm” I arched my back slightly, pressing my bum into her hands a little.

“Fantastic…” she repositioned herself so she was sitting over my thighs, but not putting any weight on me. “Mind if I take off your pajama pants?”

“Mmm… not yet…” I hummed and Jasper made a little amused sound. She began to massage me softly, her hands sliding along my hips, then over my buttocks.

“Oh dear…” she sighed. My skin tingled as she caressed me and I felt warmth bloom between my legs. She kneaded my flesh gently, her big warm hands capable of enveloping my entire backside at once. After a while she began to push my buttocks together and then let them flow back to their relaxed shape.

“Darling” I giggled, putting the book down – not that I had been able to concentrate since she started touching me. “What _are_ you doing?”

“Playing” she sniggered cheekily, repeating the maneuver. “Your ass is so _delicious_ … Bounce, bounce, bounce…” I wiggled my bum for her a little and she chuckled. “Babe… _oof_ , do that again please” I obliged and a very pleased sound came from behind me. “Nnf… I _really_ want to take off your pants…”

“Go ahead, darling…” I hummed, lifting my butt off the bed an inch or so. She pulled the fabric down slowly, then I felt her warm hands slide over my exposed skin. She squeezed me gently, kneading me with her strong fingers. “Mmmf… that feels good…”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm…” I let out a long breath, arching my back a little. She spread my cheeks and I felt my anus being stretched a tad – it made me gasp unexpectedly and Jasper’s hands stilled.

“You OK, babe?”

“Yeah, just… careful… No one’s ever um… really played around with my _butt_ like this before…”

“I can stop” she said softly.

“No it’s OK…” I felt a very naughty thrill. “I’ll tell you if there’s anything I don’t like”

“Promise?”

“Promise” I heard Jasper let out a relieved breath, then she began stroking my skin anew – a little hesitant at first, but when I arched again she regained her confidence.

“Your skin is so _soft_ …” she murmured, running the very tips of her fingers along the curve of my behind. “Very _kissable_ …”

“Please, kiss my ass” I giggled.

“Don’t mind if I _do_!” she chuckled and I felt her move down on the bed, pulling my pajama bottoms off in one fluid movement. I spread my legs and she lay down between them – I could feel her breath on my thigh as the got comfy and goosebumps rose all over my exposed lower half. A soft kiss landed on my right cheek, then another on my left. “Mmm, yep… _very_ kissable” she dotted kisses all over both sides after that, drawing in deep breaths and lingering near the tops of my thighs – then I felt her tongue become part of the equation and I let out a little moan. I felt her quick exhalations as she chuckled. “Very tasty, yes… Good enough to maybe take a… nibble?”

“Oh my gods _yes_ ” I said before I could stop myself – then realized that I didn’t _want_ to stop myself. “Please, go right ahea – _ah_!” she had run her teeth over my skin as she opened her mouth, then pressed down firmly – oh my fucking _gods_ that was so - _nngh_! “A-again” I panted and she hummed happily, then repeated her move – it made me shiver with pleasure.

“Stars it’s so fucking hot that you like to be bitten” she breathed against me, grabbing my left cheek more firmly. She continued to bite and kiss and lick – I felt the sheet underneath me become damp as my back arched and relaxed. The feel of her incisors sinking into me made my toes curl.

“B-beastie…” I whined with pleasure, my voice much higher than usual.

“Stars, honey, even your thighs are wet…” she purred and I felt her fingers slide down and part my outer lips.

“Oh sweet baby Jesus” I panted. “Please, I can’t stand it – ah – I need you in-nnn- _side_ ” one finger entered me gently and I _moaned_ – the _angle_! “P-press _down_ – **_ohhh_**!” my hips ground into the mattress – she was hitting my g-spot _perfectly_ and my walls seized up around her for a moment. She growled ferally and began to move in and out. The pleasure was so _bright_ and it drew all my attention. “Da-arling oh my go-o-ods!” my hips moved of their own accord, needing – _aching_ for more stimulation.

“ _Fuck_ you’re sexy when you move like that!” Jasper purred against my skin. “Oh yes…”

“I-I c- _can’t_ – nff!”

“Don’t hold back, babe” my mind was on fire with lust and pleasure and I let my restraints go, humping her finger until I peaked barely a minute later, my internal muscles spasming in celebration and my vision going white. My scream came out muffled and my thighs quivered as the wave broke over me – somewhere in the cascading pleasure I felt myself _gush_. I trembled in the aftershocks and Jasper continued to finger me, softer and softer until she eventually removed her digit. She began to lap at me gently with her tongue.

“Hang on… give me a m-moment” I whined, overstimulated.

“OK, honey” she responded, kissing my right butt cheek, squeezing and caressing the left one. I could feel her rapid breath against my skin. Gods, even being so aroused she _listened_ to me. Oh, how I _loved_ her…

“Son of a _bitch_ that was so _good_ …” I groaned as my body relaxed. Jasper chuckled and I turned my head to look at her. She looked so gorgeous, her hair a bit of a mess and her cheeks red and her gem glowing powerfully.

“Sounded like it” she sniggered, then began to suck her finger and lick her palm. “Mmm, oh _honey_ … I do love that extra sweet stuff…”

“You bring it out of me, darling” I giggled, wiping my forehead. “Oh _fuck_ this position is wonderful… Do you want to… fuck me like this? Bring Galadriel and Kara together?”

“Mhm, yep, affirmative on that” she sniggered, kissing my thigh. “Kara is _very_ eager”

“Just let me catch my breath… _Jesus_ motherfucking Christ…”

After a minute or so I felt ready for round two and Jasper began to lick me. Being given oral in this position was also wonderful, and I moaned steadily for a few minutes as Jasper slurped at me happily. A little later she sat up and straddled my bum, guiding Kara to my opening – she was _throbbing_ and I felt so happy about that. We both gasped as she entered me and I grabbed fistfuls of the sheets – if I had thought a finger was good – _oh my fucking gods_!

“Mmmmmother _fuck_!” I moaned, my voice surely a whole octave above normal.

“Holy shit…” Jasper panted, her thighs trembling against mine.

“Go _slow_ …”

“Oh, _babe_ … oh, _babe_ … This feels so fucking am-a-zing”

“M- _hmm_!” she began to move very slowly in and out – I could feel every inch of her – a tingling, warm, pulsating Kara giving Galadriel all she had – the edges of my vision began to sparkle and my breath was so deeply golden-pink I might as well have been exhaling solid bars of it.  She nuzzled my neck, bending low over me, her hair falling around me, silken soft and smelling of our shampoo. The pleasure inside me mounted quickly and Jasper began to pick up speed. The feel of her muscular body moving against mine was setting my skin on fire – I could sense the power that was coiled behind every thrust, but she was being so _gentle_. My gentle giantess… My sweet, loving, gorgeous beastie… My sexy, smoking hot baby mama-to-be! 

“Honey, I l-love you, oh, I **_love_** _you_!” she panted into my shoulder.

“I-I l-love y-you t-too, da-a-arli-i-ing!”

I felt Jasper begin to tremble all over and then – oh and _then_ – she let out a moan so sensual my sense of hearing became part of it all – I moaned in ecstasy as waves of liquid heat filled me to the brim and then spilled out my sides.

“Oh… oh, my stars…” she moaned, shaking above me. I could feel her belly rise and fall against my behind, her skin sticky with sweat.

“A-are you OK?” I panted, turning to look at her. She grinned down at me, her face redder than I’d ever seen it, the light of her gem flickering.

“I need to lay down…” she panted, smiling.

“Don’t pull out…”

“OK…” she put one arm underneath me, then rolled us both over onto our left sides. Kara stirred feebly and Jasper let out a long breath. “Holy _fuck_ …”

“The _holiest_ …” I giggled and then gasped as Jasper gave an involuntary jerk – a smaller wave of warmth added to the wonderful pressure inside me. “Oops…”

Jasper panted a moment, then kissed my neck and purred. “You always laugh afterwards… I get a smaller bonus orgasm… win-win situation, right?”

“Right” I smiled and moved my hand down, cupping my lower belly. Jasper followed, putting her hand over mine. “Can you feel this?” I asked, pressing down with my fingers a tad.

“Mmm… a little…” she hummed into my shoulder. “Oh babe… I think I’ve found my new favorite position…”

“Mhm, me too” I rubbed my belly and pressed my back closer to Jasper’s still heaving tummy. “The butt biting too, holy fuck balls… adding it to the list of awesomely amazing things you do to me…”

“Yeah? Is it a long one?” she chuckled.

“Miles and miles, darling…” I turned to lie on my back, lifting my legs to drape them over Jasper’s thighs, still keeping Kara inside. I pulled at her chin gently and she smiled as she leaned in to kiss me.

“Stars, honey…” Jasper sighed as we broke apart a little later. “I love cuddle time afterwards… I feel so close to you…” Kara squirmed happily inside me and I let out a little surprised gasp.

“I love it too, darling” I smiled at her, tucking a lock of damp hair behind her ear. “Want to take a shower with me?”

“Mmm… that’d be nice…” she hummed, kissing my shoulder softly. “Just five more minutes though…”

“There is no rush… we’ve got nowhere to be but here…”

“Good…”

After half hour of post coital snuggling she pulled out of me gently. We most _definitely_ needed to change the sheets later. We wobbled our way into the master bathroom and got into the large shower stall together. When we were done we stripped the bed and then moved downstairs to make something to eat. It was raining heavily outside, the droplets drumming on the metal window sills. I smiled to myself, remembering again the sound of rain against the shelter I had made for us on the island – then my grin faltered when I recalled the _last_ time I had thought of it. I let out a sigh and leaned my hands on the sink, my eyes focusing on the tattoo on my wrist. I had been able to ignore it for most of the day, trying to focus on the happiness of being back in Beach City, but it was still _there_ … Still a terrible reminder of being taken away against my will… of what they wanted me to _do_ in the zoo… The faces of the people imprisoned there swam before my eyes. J10, U12 and the other women… and Y6, smiling at me… _happy_ that we had been… _choosened_ for each other… Ugh… Couldn’t they at least have been grammatically _correct_? And… would they have made me breed by force if necessary? I shuddered at the horrible images _that_ thought conjured.

“Pass the salt, babe?” Jasper asked me and I blinked away the pictures flickering before my eyes. I reached for the salt shaker, noticing my hands were trembling. I took a deep breath.

“Darling… I think you’d better grab it” I said quietly, then took a step down and away from anything breakable. Jasper looked at me, putting down the spatula.

“You OK, honey? What’s wrong?”

“They wanted me to _breed_ …” I mumbled and gripped my wrist, wishing the tattoo would just vanish on its own. Jasper’s eyes moved to where my hand was, then looked up at my face with a concerned expression.

“Well… they can’t do that anymore” she said softly. “Because you’re here. With me”

“I know… It’s just… just _knowing_ that _that_ was their plan… Makes me feel so…” I waved my hand, looking for the right word. “Used?” I tried. “Humiliated? Turned into an _object_ … v-violated…” Jasper’s eyebrows wrinkled and she took a step toward me, turning the stove off in passing.

“If I had known that before we left the zoo, there wouldn’t be a zoo left to _leave_ ” she said seriously. “I didn’t think there’d be something that could make me… _detest_ home world more than I already did, but _stars_ …” she reached out for me and I stepped into her embrace. “I could take the ship and blow that fucked up place into smithereens, just say the word…” her words were bracing, letting me know she was undeniably on my side, but… the people in the zoo… the _gems_ … they didn’t know any different – well, maybe they knew different _now_ … What had happened to them all after we left?

“Don’t…” I said quietly, feeling tears burning the corners of my eyes. “Just tell me I’m never going back there?”

“You’re _never_ going back there, honey” she hugged me tightly, her large right hand splayed out over my shoulder blades. The warmth of her body was so reassuring but it didn’t take all the bad feelings away.

“Can I… ask you to say that sometimes?” I sniffed.

“Of course… Anything you need, honey”

“Th-thanks, darling…” I began to cry. “I felt so… _powerless_ …”

“I know…” her voice was deep and soothing. “You did everything right – you bided your time, you looked for a way out – did everything you could and still kept yourself and Greg safe. That’s important to remember too… Another hard, twisted situation that you _handled_ … Babe, I’m so _proud_ of you…”

“You are?”

“Of course, honey. It was a terrible thing that happened and if Blue Diamond was here right now I’d… I’d… Well I don’t know what I’d do _exactly_ , but I’d make her _sorry_ ” she’d fight a diamond for me… Oh, how I loved her…

“She was so _strange_ …” I mumbled. “So sad one moment, then so haughty around the other gems… When me and Greg were talking to her she seemed… _reasonable_ … but then she just… _took_ us… like we were… _things_ …”

“ _You_. Are not. _A thing_ ” she said, lifting my chin to look me in the eye. Her gaze was so earnest some of the tension building up in me vanished. “And neither is Greg… The diamonds treat everyone who isn’t another diamond as things, as expendable resources, but that doesn’t _make_ us _expendable_ _things_ … It just makes _them_ **_wrong_**... So, so wrong...” she stroked my cheek with her thumb. “I love you, little monster…”

“Love you t-too, beastie…” I burrowed my face in her shirt and tried to let it all flow out of me, but… I was still fighting the fact that it had happened at all… I hadn’t accepted it… I knew I had to do that but… I just _couldn’t_. And I didn’t know _why_ …

### ***

  
That night, we were lying in bed as the October rain fell outside. Cake was nestled under Jasper’s chin – they were both sleeping peacefully beside me. My mind wouldn’t settle… The memories from the last few days kept repeating on an endless loop and my wrist was… _itching_ … I tried not to scratch at it, but I had never been able to resist scratching an itch. My nail… _caught_ on something and I froze, the physical sensation breaking me out of my thoughts. Had I broken the skin? I got out of bed quietly and padded hurriedly to the bathroom and flicked on the light, my eyes stinging at the sudden brightness. I blinked rapidly, then looked at my wrist. There was no blood… I ran my fingers over the tattoo in confusion and felt… the little bumps… That was probably what – wait… why _were_ there bumps? Was it an allergic reaction to the ink or whatever? Or – and I shivered at the mere thought – was there something _under_ my skin? I examined my wrist closely and prodded one of the bumps – it made the itch _worse_ … But it didn’t feel like… say a mosquito bite… Then to my absolute horror I saw the bump I was touching _slide away from my finger_ – the little bulge was now on – or under – the _pale_ skin, not the tattooed part! I froze up, my heart jumping into my throat and my stomach filling with ice – _there **was** something inside me_!

“Jasper…” I panted, a cloud of _deep_ purple left me. I fought the sudden urge to chop my arm off at the elbow and drew in a quick breath. “JASPER!” there was a grunt, a confused meow and then heavy footsteps approaching hurriedly. Jasper appeared in the doorway.

“What is it?!” she panted, looking wild-eyed.

“There’s… there’s something in my wrist…” I said weakly, holding it out to her.  

“What?” her brow furrowed and she moved to grab my arm. “What do you mean?”

“There’s something u-under the _skin_ …” I was shaking now, feeling sick to my stomach. Jasper looked up at me, color draining away from her face.

“Wh-what do I do?” she asked me hoarsely. I shook my head, gripping my wrist tightly – I didn’t want whatever it was to _wander_. The itch intensified and I hissed and clenched my teeth – the little bump was… moving back… Jasper looked down and gasped.

“C-call someone…” I whimpered, my breath darker purple still. “Call… call _Greg_! He… his wrist… Oh my gods… _Steven_ …” Jasper darted out of the bathroom and returned two seconds later with her tablet. “Wait… call Priyanka first… I don’t… They would have said… if they… felt something was wrong… right?”

“Greg and Steven?” Jasper asked and I nodded. “OK, um, OK – _call Doctor Maheswaran_!” she had pushed the home button on the tablet and the screen displayed:

_Calling Doctor Maheswaran_ …

Jasper activated the speaker and the signal sounded three times before the call connected.

“Nghf… This better be _good_ , Stromberg…” Priyanka sounded tired and a bit muffled.

“Uh hi!” Jasper began. “It’s Jasper and Erica – we uh… have a medical problem”

“What medical problem?” her voice was suddenly much clearer.

“I…” I tried to speak, but my mouth had gone dry.

“There’s something in her _wrist_ … it _moved_ …” Jasper said intensely.

“What do you mean _something in her wrist that moved_?” there were rustling and scrapes. Then under her breath she grumbled; “I _knew_ I should have insisted on them coming in for a check-up – human _zoo_!”

“Her tattoo! Under her tattoo!” Jasper sounded so frightened… “They _put_ something in there, those fucking _bastards_!”

“Hospital, _now_ ” Priyanka said in her no-nonsense voice. I nodded feebly, then thought… How do we get there?

“Lorelai…” I mumbled – I _needed_ to keep the thing from moving up my arm and into… into…

“Don’t worry babe, I’ll get you there – we’re leaving _right now_!” Jasper got a determined look on her face and if I hadn’t been terrified to the point of vomiting I’d be reassured.

“Meet me by the entrance ASAP!” Priyanka said firmly, then she hung up.

“I’m going to pick you up, OK?”

“O-OK” I stammered, nodding slowly. Jasper bent to pick me up and cradled me to her chest. I closed my eyes tight – the light in the bathroom was making them water.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be there in no time at all honey, then everything is going to be OK” she strode out of the bathroom, then a squeak of hinges told me she had opened the balcony door. Cold damp air hit my skin and Jasper swore loudly before jumping down into the garden. Half a second later I was pressed into her chest as the world suddenly blurred. I grunted and Jasper gripped me tighter. “I’m sorry babe!” she said over the rushing wind. “This is the fastest way!” 

“Th-thank you, d-darling…” the cold prickle of drizzle was distracting me from the itching, but the rapid acceleration and deceleration was making my stomach churn. I breathed through clenched teeth to keep myself from throwing up, little lights were popping in my vision – oh no… no, not a migraine, not _now_ … I hadn’t had one in _years_ …

After what felt like ages Jasper touched down and didn’t immediately push off again. Her chest was heaving through her soaked shirt. I couldn’t hold it back anymore and squirmed in her grasp, retching.

“Put me down” I groaned – Jasper complied, panting loudly. I put my hands on my knees and felt a pang of guilt as the delicious dinner she had made for us earlier this evening splattered over the rain soaked asphalt of the hospital parking lot. I was hitting the kaleidoscope stage of the migraine aura now, my vision almost completely obscured by the swirling, rapidly pulsating lights. “’m getting – migraine…” I panted between retches.

“What does that mean?!” she asked, sounding scared.

“Can’t really _see_ … Gon’ get horrible… _headache_ … T-tell Priyanka…”

“OK, I will! Let’s – let’s get you inside” she took me gently by the shoulders and we started moving forwards slowly.

There was a screeching of gears and Jasper pulled me to the side suddenly – then a car door slammed.

“Get inside!” it was Priyanka’s voice. Jasper picked me up again and I retched as my head spun sickeningly – the lights were going mad. “Has she been throwing up?”

“Yes – she said to tell you my-grain?”

“Oh dear…”

The sound the sliding doors made as we entered the building were _so loud_ …

“You! Get this woman onto a gurney, get her a bed pan and get _me_ a portable XRAY!” Priyanka commanded someone and there was the scraping of a chair across the floor. I groaned and covered my right ear with my left hand awkwardly, pressing my head into Jasper’s still heaving chest. After a few seconds I was lowered onto something mildly uncomfortable and a cold metal object was thrust into my hand – for vomiting into, my flickering brain concluded and I bent over it quickly as another wave of nausea hit. It was all too much! The sounds, the smells, the _memories_ – it became a blur of noise, lights, shaking and vomiting. Then, someone grabbed me by the face and a piercing light blinded me, bursting through and taking over the spinning lights in front of my eyes. It made my eyeballs feel as if they’d just been doused in acid and I let go of my wrist to cover them, whimpering and growling. My left hand was tingling unpleasantly and the shock of it all made me aware that people were talking around me.

“-agnesium sulfate, stat”

“What does that do?” Jasper’s voice was tense.

“It’ll help with the migraine” Priyanka said, sounding almost annoyed. “While Anderson gets it – tell me what the hell happened”

“I was asleep, then Erica shouted and showed me her wrist, something _moved_ under the skin – she was so _scared_ ” I grabbed my wrist again, feeling a jolt of pain as my fingers closed around it. “Aw, babe, _easy_ …” Jasper soothed.

“She must have been terrified to make bruises like that on herself…” Priyanka mumbled and I assumed it was her hands that gently pried my fingers away from my arm.

“Don’t leddit get’t ma _brain_ …” I grunted and gripped my arm higher up.

“Babe? Can you hear us now?” Jasper’s voice was suddenly much closer and so much louder – it made me hiss and turn away, my temples beginning to throb.

“I’d take that as a yes” Priyanka said. “Has the headache started yet?”

“Beginnin t’” I grunted. I knew it’d be worse if I kept tensing up, but –

“Here, Doctor Maheswaran” a familiar voice.

“Ah, good, administer it immediately through the IV”

“Yes, Doctor Maheswaran”

“Now let’s take a look at that wrist – _everybody out_!”

“Me too?” Jasper asked worriedly.

“No, you can stay – but the rest of you – out!” it seemed multiple people shuffled out of the room and a door creaked shut – I winced at the sound. My vision was beginning to clear but the headache increased steadily. Priyanka poked and prodded my skin carefully. “There is _something_ there…” she mumbled. “Jasper, help me hold her arm – Erica we’re going to take an XRAY picture now – oh wait, put this on her” something very heavy was placed over my torso, then Jasper’s warm hand took my left arm gently. There was a hum and a loud click, then silence.

“What’s happening?” Jasper asked nervously.

“I’m looking at the image…” Priyanka said thoughtfully. “I can’t _see_ anything out of the ordinary, but there _is_ something there… I think we need to have an MRI to get a better look”

“No” I panted. “Please…”

“Babe…”

“I’m not about to perform exploratory surgery on you, Erica” Priyanka’s voice was softer now. “I _need_ to see what it is – it might be… _anything_... I’ll give you a sedative this time – it will be OK”

“No, I don’t want…” I began to cry, the headache spreading across my forehead and down behind my ears. My scar seared and I suddenly felt so _small_.

“She _said_ she doesn’t _want_ to!” Jasper’s voice was hard.

“I heard her, Jasper” Priyanka said seriously. “I know she’s scared. I know _you’re_ scared. I’m not feeling too great myself at present – but the MRI is happening – it’s the fastest way to see what is going on” her voice was firm. “Are we going to have an _argument_ or will you let me find out what the hell is wrong with her?” silence stretched out for a few seconds, then Jasper let out a frustrated sound. “Good. OK. Please help me remove her clothes – and the earrings while I get the sedative. Erica – I’m sorry, but it has to be done. And the medication will help with the pain, as well as calm you” I merely whimpered in response and felt my tears slide down the sides of my face. _Powerless_ …

Jasper began to remove my earrings and I heard her sniff loudly.

“I’m sorry, honey…” she said weakly. I had lost my voice and could only nod. After a few seconds warmth began to spread up my right arm and the tension in my head, then the rest of my body, lessened – I breathed a sigh of relief and… the world seemed to become a much _friendlier_ place, sounds fading into the distance… Soon I was redressed in a hospital gown – it was soft against my skin… Then the bed began to move. I was taken to a new place, then lifted onto something much harder than the bed. I grunted a little at the increased discomfort, but then a large warm hand caressed my cheek gently. I liked that very much… Something was placed over my ears and sound completely vanished. A little while later, the thing I was lying on began to move and I slid into a tunnel of some kind, feet first – I didn’t like that _at all_ , but… A kind voice in my ear said to be calm and that it was going to be OK – I didn’t need to be in there for very long, just a little while. Something began to hum and my left arm jerked and twisted – then smacked into the side of the tunnel – the internal sound was a wet _snap_ and I gasped. Oh, it hurt a lot… but it was somehow… _far away_ … My arm had landed on my belly and was throbbing unpleasantly and it felt… _wet_ … I looked down to see… red. A lot of red. And… surely my arm didn’t usually _bend_ like that… The thing I was lying on started to move again and someone grabbed my arm, gripping it very tightly – they wrapped something warm around it in a hurry and pulled it tight – more people appeared like magic, lifting me onto the softer bed. Even though my arm hurt, it was much nicer to lie on this thing… I looked up and saw lights zoom past overhead – there were people walking very fast on either side of me. They looked… very stressed. Priyanka was holding my left arm and her mouth was moving fast, but I couldn’t hear anything. We moved through a big set of double doors and then the thing I was lying on stopped – people began to dart around me – Priyanka was still holding my arm, twisting around and talking to the others. Suddenly there was less pressure around my ears and sound came back – oh it was too loud… My head really hurt…

“I’m going to put a mask over your face and you just breathe deeply, OK?” another woman said from my right side. “It’ll make you sleep”

I would like to sleep, yes… I nodded and a see-through mask was placed over my nose and mouth. Cool air flowed over that part of my face.

“Count backward from a hundred for me” the woman said kindly.

“A hundred… ninety nine…” my eyelids became very heavy. “Ninety eight… ninety sev…” warm darkness rose to embrace me.

### ***

Someone was stroking my forehead gently… I opened my eyes and saw Jasper’s ashen face break into a smile.

“Hello little monster…” she said softly.

“Bstie?”

“Yeah, it’s me…” she caressed my cheek, then leaned in to kiss my temple. “How are you feeling?” I had to take a moment to think about that. I felt… tired… and my head was feeling… _fuzzy_ – everything looked a little bit out of focus. And my left arm hurt and felt… _heavy_.

“Trd… m’ arm…”

“Doctor Maheswaran fixed it, it’s all wrapped up now” we both looked down at it – it was in a cast and lying in some sort of brace along my left side. Jasper reached across me and picked up a little remote, then pressed the single button. “She said to push this when you woke up – I’m so glad you’re awake honey…” she stroked my thigh gently and looked at me with worried eyes.

“Wht… _happened_ …?” I tried to remember how I had gotten here, but it was so _blurry_. Jasper drew in breath to speak, but before she could a door opened and Priyanka came in. She smiled at me tiredly, then approached the bed.

“Good, you’re awake…” she said hoarsely. “Can you wiggle your fingers for me?” I did as she asked, looking down at my left arm – my fingers waved feebly – it took quite a lot of concentration to make them move, but they _did_ move. “Excellent result” she let out a long breath. “I’m terribly sorry about this, Erica…”

“What happened?” I asked again.

“The… objects in your arm were magnetic and the MRI machine is, as you know, a _big magnet_ – they tore out of your skin and we had to rush you to surgery. You’ve had a transfusion and I repaired the damage and set your broken arm – it wasn’t a bad break – you’ll be fine with a little rest and physical therapy… It was quite _dramatic_ , but the actual physical injuries were minor. The fact that you can move your fingers so well even now tells me no tendons were damaged either” she paused a moment. “Metal objects usually show up on XRAYs but… these _didn’t_ – they seem to be some sort of alloy – otherwise I would _never_ have taken you for an MRI – I’m terribly sorry” my arm tingled at her words and a vague memory of my arm suddenly being yanked streaked across my mind.

“What… what was it?” I asked. “In my arm, what was it?” Priyanka reached into her pocket and took out a clear plastic box. Three tiny, _tiny_ … _balls_ with… very fine strings attached… were suspended there in some sort of translucent yellow liquid.

“I don’t know what they are” she said uncomfortably. “My best guess is some sort of… electronic device. They must have been implanted when you received the tattoo… Connie told me what Steven had told her, and Jasper filled in the details. I’m going to call Greg and Steven to come in this morning, since they might have them too. As I said I’m not sure what they are, but I absolutely _refuse_ to have people I care about treated this way. They were just subcutaneous implants, so removing them in a _controlled_ way should be quite simple…” I blinked at her. I’d had… tiny machines in my arm? I turned to Jasper.

“Maybe… maybe Peridot will know what they are?” she said thoughtfully.

“There… aren’t any more, right?” I asked tremulously.

“If there were, they’d have been… pulled out just like these three” Priyanka said slowly. “I took some blood for testing – there’s nothing else out of order. You still have an iron deficiency, but less so than before, and your blood pressure is still low. I can’t find anything else wrong with you” I sighed out a sudden breath of relief.

“Th-thank you, Priyanka…” I mumbled, grabbing her arm. “And I’m not…?”

“No, I _did_ test for that too… where are you in your cycle?”

“I… don’t know” I answered, cold disappointment blooming deep in my heart.

“She should be ovulating soon” Jasper said softly, taking my right hand in hers and kissing my knuckles.

“Then you won’t have had _opportunity_ to become pregnant yet this month” Priyanka put her hand on my shoulder and met my gaze, turning her head slightly to the side in a reassuring sort of way. “You need to rest and recover in any case. I’m telling you as a doctor and as your friend – you _need_ to take it easy for a while... no strenuous activity, plenty of rest. We need to monitor you closely after the transfusion – twenty four hours, just like last time. You can go home tomorrow” I looked at her and felt my eyes tear up, then nodded, understanding. “I’ll go contact the Universes and ask them to come in”

“I’ll get Peridot here, too” Jasper said, squeezing my hand. Priyanka got up, patted my shoulder and smiled tiredly before stepping out of the room. I sniffed and began to cry, feeling relief and disappointment mingling in my mind.

“Hey…” Jasper said soothingly, then leaned in to kiss my cheek and put an arm around my shoulders. “You’re OK, you’re OK…” I leaned my head on her chest and cried into her shirt. “Everything is going to be fine, I promise…”

### ***

After a while Peridot and Amethyst showed up with Steven and Greg. After we explained what had happened Priyanka handed Peridot the little box. The green gem took out a strange device from a bag slung around her shoulder. Priyanka examined Greg’s and Steven’s wrists, confirming that both of them had the same kind of bumps.

“What _are_ they, Pear-bear?” Amethyst asked as the wand like object let out a little ping.

“Seems to be… some sort of medical implants… The data is corrupted – did you say these interacted with a powerful magnetic field?” she turned to Priyanka, talking briskly.

“Yes, that is correct” Priyanka nodded.

“I think I’ll have better luck with the still functioning ones – Steven, your arm” she held out her hand to Steven. He swallowed before obliging. She waved the wand over his wrist and there was a series of beeps. “Hmm…” she took out a little screen and connected the two objects with a cord. Everyone waited in tense silence. “Ah!” she said suddenly and the screen filled with gem writing. “Mmm… this holds an identification file…” she prodded one of Steven’s bumps. “This is a… ‘vitals monitor’ and this… is a tracking chip”

“’Tracking chip’?” Greg gasped, his eyes going wide. “We’re being _tracked_?!”

“What? No, no – it’s _short range_ – it would be limited to a medium sized space station or galaxy class space craft” Peridot waved a hand as if was of no importance.

“So… they don’t know we’re on earth?” Steven asked tentatively.

“No – and they’re not dangerous” Peridot added after Amethyst had given her a dig in the ribs. “It’s perfectly alright to leave them in, but if you wish to remove them I should deactivate them properly first” she glanced at me, then at Priyanka – who to my great astonishment blushed and crossed her arms.

“I-I don’t want them!” Steven said quickly, looking scared.

“Me neither!” Greg put a hand on Steven’s shoulder. “Please take them out”

“Right” Peridot nodded. “Sit down and I’ll start the procedure” this made Priyanka let out a slightly indignant huff.

“Excuse me, _I’m_ the physician here” she said, her brow furrowing.

“I’m simply doing the _shutdown_ procedure, Doctor Maheswaran” Peridot said as if it was obvious.

“Alright then” Priyanka looked at her sternly. “Go ahead”

Peridot set to work typing in commands on her screen and Priyanka went to get a tray of medical equipment.

“Will it hurt?” Steven asked in a tiny voice.

“I’ll numb the area, don’t worry” Priyanka reassured him.

“If you make a small incision here you should be able to get all three easily” the green gem said after a few minutes. Priyanka made quick work of it all and soon both Steven and Greg had their wrists neatly bandaged. The implants were put into a glass jar full of clear liquid. They looked different from the ones that had been inside me. These didn’t have those little wires… Maybe that was because they had been deactivated first…

“I could just… heal us” Steven said quietly, looking at me with a hint of… shame? In his eyes. I thought about it a moment.

“Priyanka… is the tattoo… _whole_ under there?” I pointed to my arm. She looked at me in surprise.

“Uh… no, there will be some scarring. It… won’t look the same at all”

I turned back to Steven. “Thank you for offering kiddo, but… I’d rather have the scar”

He looked at me with wrinkled eyebrows, then hurried over and hugged me tightly.

“I understand…” he sniffed.

As Peridot, Amethyst, Steven and Greg left the room, Amethyst said she’d feed Cake and Greg offered to come by tomorrow and give me a ride home in his other car. I accepted his kind offer and they all waved goodbye.

“Why would you rather have the scar, honey?” Jasper asked me after a thoughtful minute. I looked at her, then at my arm.

“Because then… I can think of it as a battle wound… From a battle I… _eventually_ won, not a stamp of… _ownership_ ”

“Yes. Yes you did win…” she sat down next to me and looked at me seriously. “And _nobody_ can own you”

“D-damn s-straight” I panted – and then finally, _finally_ I could accept what had happened. Now that I… didn’t feel so much like a _victim_ anymore. I had _got out_. I had _survived_ … Jasper held me tenderly as I cried, seeming to understand that I didn’t need any words. I looked at my arm through the tears. It would heal. I would _make_ it heal. My body was strong. And I would raise that fist many times to attack and defend, to paint and to cook, to carry our child and rock them to sleep. It was _my_ hand. And _I_ decided what to do with it.

* * *

  
Please review!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this story, please do consider buying me a coffee on ko-fi! http://ko-fi.com/evilsnotbag
> 
> also, here's a slightly NSFW pic that goes along with this chapter: http://evilsnotbag.deviantart.com/art/Yes-the-biting-thing-692760039


	73. Nesting

## Chapter 73: Nesting

  
The next morning we met Greg in front of the hospital and Jasper helped me settle into the front seat. I didn’t really need help, but I let her do it anyway.

“See you at home in a few” she said and kissed my cheek before jumping away.  

“You’re looking a lot more cheerful this morning” Greg said with a pleased looking smile.

“Yeah… I feel loads better” I responded tiredly. “The migraine’s over and I don’t feel so much like a piece of property now” Greg’s smile faltered a little and I looked at his wrist – he wasn’t wearing a bandage anymore.

“It… is kind of like a cattle tag…” he said quietly. “I’ve been thinking what to do with it myself and I wanted to ask you… could you help me design a… _real_ tattoo? To… cover it up?” I looked at him and drew in a quick breath before nodding.

“O-of course…”

“Thanks… Now, let’s get you home!” he seemed very relieved at my response and started the car.

When we arrived at the house, Steven and Garnet were waiting on the front step with a few grocery bags. Jasper came walking round the corner of the house, holding a purring Cake.

“What’s all this?” I asked, looking at them fondly.

“We went shopping for you!” Steven ran up and hugged me. “We wanted you to have plenty of good food so you’d recover quickly”

“You guys…” I said breathlessly, a few pale yellow sparks flickered in front of me. Steven went to hug Jasper and Cake too. He looked… his normal happy self. That was such a relief…

“These are from Peridot” Garnet said, holding out a wooden box full of… ears of corn? “From her first harvest”

“Harvest?” Jasper asked, looking alarmed.

“Yeah! She grew them herself – we had some last night – they’re _so_ good” Steven beamed at the both of us. “We bought the best butter for you, special”

“They are very tasty” Greg agreed. “Do you need help carrying this stuff inside?”

“No, I’ve got it” Jasper shook her head slightly, then accepted the box from Garnet and bent to pick up the two large grocery bags with her free hand.

“Thank you so much…” I said softly, feeling very touched.

“You’re welcome” Garnet patted my shoulder and gave me a little smile.

“Bye!” Steven called as he got into the front seat of the car. The three of them drove off and I looked after them for a few seconds. They were such good people…

“Oh, right, don’t have a key” Jasper said and put everything down. “I’ll go open from the inside, be right back” she jogged off toward the balcony and about a minute later the lock clicked open. She picked everything up again and I hurried inside to warm up. I had got to borrow a lumpy shirt, a blanket and some plastic slippers from the hospital, so I wasn’t _just_ in my PJ’s, but it was still quite cold outside. Jasper went into the kitchen and began unpacking all the food.

“I’m going to change” I said as I climbed the stairs.

“Want me to put on some coffee?” Jasper called.

“Oh, yes, thank you, darling” I called back and smiled to myself as I entered the bedroom. I changed into a fresh set of pajamas, putting on a sports bra underneath and grabbing one of Jasper’s hoodies on my way downstairs. _Gods_ it felt so good to have some chest support… It was a little awkward to do things with the cast on, but not terribly so. When I reached the kitchen I found Jasper holding an ear of corn and examining it carefully.

“Peridot really made this?” she asked me ponderously.

“She said she was growing corn, a while back” I stepped up to the counter and picked one up myself. It made a very crisp and fresh sound when I pulled at the green husk. “Oh… they must have been picked _today_ …”

“How do you cook them?”

“You just boil them, then put butter and salt on – then you can eat the corn straight off the cob. It’s a little messy but… a fun way to eat. Think you can barbeque them too – there’s lots of ways I guess, but oh… I’d really like to taste them with just butter and salt…” Jasper grinned down at me, then kissed my forehead.

“Let’s have some for lunch later, then”

“Great idea…” I leaned on her arm. “We’ve got such good friends… Doing this for us…” I looked at the empty grocery bags on the floor.

“Yeah…” Jasper put her arm around my shoulder. “What do you want to do until lunch?”

“Nap?” I suggested, suppressing a yawn. “Coffee, then nap… Or did you have something else in mind?”

“Was thinking maybe a movie, or some… Gravity Falls?”

“Mmm… I love falling asleep to you watching things” I hummed, picking up the steaming cup of coffee and smiling up at her. “Makes me feel all cozy…”

“Gravity Falls coffee nap time it is then” she chuckled, grabbing a can of soda from the fridge. “You know, they even got the same brands of stuff we usually get”

“Oh, that’s so thoughtful… I should text Steven and thank them again… Oh, right… I really should get a new phone” luckily all my photos and things were backed up to the cloud.

We headed upstairs and snuggled down with the laptop on Jasper’s massive left thigh.

“Which episode had we gotten to?” she asked.

“Mmm… Boss Mabel I think”

Jasper scrolled to the correct episode and I sighed as it started. My arm didn’t hurt so much now – and it was amazing how much better I felt mentally today. My mind was clearer and didn’t feel so heavy anymore. I wasn’t going to run away from my feelings about the zoo. I knew there would be moments when I’d feel helpless and small – and I’d probably have bad dreams about it, but… I’d face _that_ when it happened. Head on. Right at this very moment I felt OK – more than OK. My head was resting on Jasper’s chest, her arm around my back and her large hand on my hip. She let out an impressive burp and I giggled before letting out a relaxed sigh. I’d seen this episode many times over and let the warmth of Jasper’s embrace and Mabel’s antics soothe me into sleep.

I awoke to Jasper snoring loudly in my ear and opened my eyes to find I had slipped down onto her arm. I let out a breath of laughter when I found I had left a substantial amount of drool on her bicep. Appropriate if a bit icky. The laptop was showing the screen saver and I tapped the mouse pad to  look at the time – it was half past twelve. Mmm… lunch time. I got up quietly and shuffled to the bathroom before going downstairs. I felt like surprising Jasper with a delicious corn on the cob lunch.

I hummed and sang as I prepared the corn, taking an occasional sip from my refilled coffee cup. Maybe we needed something more than just corn for lunch? Meh. We’d have an early dinner to compensate or something. When the corn was done I went upstairs again.

“Darling…” I said softly as I sat down on the bed.

“Mmm…” Jasper rolled over, then blinked and sat up suddenly. “What’s wrong?” she asked. Her movement surprised me and I slid off the bed and landed hard on my ass.

“Ow! Well now my ass hurts” I laughed out some red sparks, getting to my feet and wincing. “I came to tell you I’ve made lunch – the corn is ready”

“Oh… S-sorry, honey” Jasper rubbed her blushing face, then grinned a little. “Want me to kiss it better?” I giggled again, rubbing my tender right buttock.

“Go on then”

Jasper smiled, then scooted off the bed, placing her big sock-clad feet on the floor on either side of me.

“I’m terribly sorry, glorious booty, do you forgive me?” she grinned and kissed my right cheek through my pajama bottoms.

“She forgives you” I laughed. “Now come on, the corn is waiting!”

We went downstairs and sat down on the floor to eat – all the Jasper-sized furniture would be delivered tomorrow and most of my old stuff from Londinium would arrive the day after. I handed Jasper two forks and demonstrated how to spear the corn and how to eat it.

“Then you just slather it in butter and gnaw at it to your heart’s content” I finished with a smile.

“Why not just eat the whole thing?” Jasper asked.

“I can’t digest the actual cob, I don’t think, but if you want to eat that too I’m not going to stop you”

“I’ll try it the official way first” she sniggered and spread a generous amount of butter on her first cob. She bit into it carefully and her eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, it pops!”

“Yeah” I smiled, digging in too. “Fun to eat, see?”

Jasper was being totally adorable and I wished I could take a picture – but my fingers were covered in butter. Eventually she tried eating the entire cob – but grimaced and had to drink an entire can of soda to get rid of the taste.

“It’s kind of impressive… that Peridot learned how to grow corn…” Jasper said as she finished off her last cob.

“How so?” I asked.

“I don’t know…” she looked thoughtful… and sad? I drew my eyebrows together.

“Are you feeling alright, darling?”

Jasper glanced at me, then my cast. “Yeah… well, _yes_ , but… I keep thinking of… the other Beta gems”

“Oh” suddenly I felt really guilty – I hadn’t even _asked_ about them… “Darling, I’m sorry I should have asked about them much sooner – how did seeing them make you feel?”

“Hey, it’s OK, important things have happened”

“ _They’re_ important too, I’m really sorry”

This made her smile. “It was… nice to see them. Good to know that there are more of us out there… Out there and _together_ ”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…” she nodded, blushing slightly. “They remembered me – and I think I remembered some of them – Skinny, at least. She’s… she’s something else… Thin as a twig but with all that jasper _pride_ …”

“I noticed that about her” I smiled up at her. “What did you talk about?”

“We didn’t really have a lot of time to talk, but… They said I was different now, after the war. A _good_ different… They said I sounded… _happy_. And that they really liked _you_ – I think you impressed them a lot. That Sharky went on and on about how you almost set her ass on fire when we got sent to patrol the halls together…”

“She was the one who picked me up… with the sharp teeth?”

“Yeah. And I punched her for that”

“You did?”

“Yeah! I told her to _speak_ to you and tell you that me and Amethyst were with the rest in the guard room – and if you didn’t believe her she should tell you that beastie was missing her little monster… But I guess Prime amethysts will always be Prime amethysts” she said the last sentence with a snigger.

“They seemed nice, you know… _after_ the whole carry-me-like-a-sack-thing”

“They’re a bunch of rowdy knuckleheads” she laughed, looking at me fondly. “And Amethyst was so pleased to see them. She’s never even seen another amethyst before…”

“Really?” I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “Oh, right… because she emerged late…”

“Yeah… Once we got to talking and found out they were actually from _earth_ – that was before we saw any of the Betas – they got all excited and figured out Amethyst’s designation… It was cute in a very loud, Prime amethyst kind of way”

“Will they… be alright, do you think? What if the agate _does_ tell the diamonds what happened?”

“And risk being shattered herself? Pff… not likely” Jasper chuckled, wiping her hands on a paper napkin. “The earth gems will probably have a little fun with her, mess with her a bit and stuff like that”

“And… what about the humans… do you think they’ll be OK?” I felt a surge of mixed emotions – but I did… _care_ about them…

“Oh yeah, I’m sure” Jasper nodded and took a swig of soda. “Most of the earth gems’ duties seemed to be maintaining the habitat, fixing air scrubbers and stuff like that. They had guard duty too, of course, but maintenance seemed to be a big part of their responsibilities”

“So they… care about the zoo-humans? The… zoomans?”

“Yeah, sounded like it”

“That’s… good” that _was_ good, right?

“It’s fucked up is what it is – that entire situation, but… it could be worse. If it were different gems stationed there…” she shook her head slightly. “Ugh, I don’t want to think about it… Let’s just say that magic fruit trees would _not_ be part of it if others were in charge”

“Jesus…” I shivered unpleasantly. “In the zoo… I thought maybe… we could bring them with us to earth… But it’d be such a big responsibility – they’d need help with everything. They would be so vulnerable…” Jasper looked at me fondly.

“Of course you’d think of that, babe” she sniggered. “Maybe if… no, I don’t see how they’d be able to pull it off, really…”

“What?”

“I don’t think it’s actually _possible_ , but… what if all the earth gems came here… and brought the zoomans with them? Then they would all be home and… the gems _already_ take care of them and stuff… Maybe we could find a place for them, out of the way and it could be sort of like… The Shire or something”

“The Shire?” I smiled at her, my eyebrows drawing together too.

“Yeah, nice and calm, away from dangerous things. And they could just settle and… I don’t know, Peridot could show them how to grow corn and stuff”

“That is a very nice thought…” I said slowly, feeling warmth blooming in my chest. “But where would it be? Their Shire?”

“I don’t know… Maybe… Hmm…” she got a very thoughtful look on her face. “Maybe… the island? Where we met?”

“Really?” I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

“Yeah… it was nice there. And you seemed to be able to do it on your own, so… why not?”

“It’s… isolated, no large predators, plenty of edible things…” mental pictures of the zoomans and earth gems frolicking in the shallows and climbing palm trees appeared in my mind. “That might _work_ …” Jasper smiled at me.

“I think Peridot might be able to repair the warp pad there – the Roaming Eye must have some flask robonoids in storage”

“’Flask robonoids’?”

“Yeah, these little repair drones. They can fix just about anything”

“And then… we could go and visit them any time we wanted… See the other Betas… Get to know them…” I smiled and so did Jasper, her eyes becoming a little over bright.

“Yeah…” she nodded. “It’s… a nice thought”

“A very nice thought…” I stroked her cheek.

### ***

The next morning the furniture arrived in a large truck. I signed the electronic clipboard and then Jasper carried all the large boxes inside. We spent most of the day unpacking and putting everything together – since they were larger than average and furniture was bulky by design, the company had spent a lot of time thinking about shipping and packaging. Everything was easily assembled and Jasper looked so proud when she put down the huge sofa in the large living room and dining area next to the open kitchen.

“Time to test it out” she said with a grin. “Come on, babe” she sat down and patted the seat next to her, then stretched out her arms and legs. “Ohhhhh yeaahhh… I fit…” I sat down next to her and felt quite small, feeling like I had somehow shrunk down. My legs barely reached the edge of the seat, let alone the floor. I pulled them up to sit cross legged, then leaned against the tall back.

“Mmm… this is _comfy_ ” I said with a sigh.

“Mhmm… I love it” she looked down at me fondly. “This was a _great_ idea”

“I have lots of great ideas”

“ _Yes_ you do” she sniggered and put an arm around me. “Want to get started on the rest?”

“I’m not much help” I said with a breath of laughter.

“You fold up the boxes and stuff so neat” she wheedled. “Very efficient, yep”

“Aw, thanks… Hey… should we keep one for Cake? Cats are _mad_ about cardboard boxes… Oh! Hah! We should definitely keep one for Lion! See if it’s true for _all_ felines…”

“Really?” Jasper chuckled.

“Yeah! It’s a whole thing – pull up tubetube and search for cats and boxes” we found a video of a bunch of different cats playing around in boxes. Jasper laughed heartily and clicked two more.

“Now I want to see Cake do it – Cake! Come to mama!”

There was a meow and then paws trundled across the floor. Cake skidded to a halt, looking around at all the new boxes – she looked so confused!

“Aww, it’s alright sweetie…” I said with a little laugh. “Look, here’s a little one for you” I got to my feet and picked up the box that had contained the legs for the sofa. I put it down on its side and Cake sniffed at in suspiciously – then, quite suddenly, she jumped into it.

“She did it!” Jasper laughed, getting to her feet too. She came over and looked down. “Aw, Cake…” the cat was licking the sides of the box, then gave it a bite – then she bounced around inside it, jumped out, streaked across the floor, rounded the kitchen island, then raced back and took a flying leap back into the box so that it skidded across the floor. Jasper and I burst out laughing, a large amount of butterflies appearing and flittering around the room.

“Oh, I wish I had caught that on video!” I said when we had calmed down a little.

“Maybe she’ll do it again if we get a different box?” Jasper pulled out her tablet hopefully.

“Cake, would you like another bo-o-x?” I called enticingly, picking up a slightly larger one. Cake jumped out of the one she was in and Jasper held her tablet at the ready.

“OK, go”

I wiggled the box, then put it down on the floor. Cake sniffed it, then jumped in and scrabbled around inside it.

“Oh, this one had packing peanuts, look at her go!” I pointed to the flying bits of Styrofoam. Jasper chuckled and approached the box, bending over it to capture Cake’s antics.

“Yeah, get ‘em Cake, show those packing peanuts who’s boss!” Cake was delighted over all the attention and jumped and rolled around, biting at the little s-shaped things. One particularly enthusiastic frolic tipped the box over and the contents, including Cake, tumbled out onto the floor. I was laughing so hard I had to hold my stomach. Butterflies and ribbons were dancing around me and Cake began to chase them instead, jumping high and twisting in midair. After a few seconds of this I realized Jasper had stopped moving and just stood and looked at us with a big grin on her face, her tablet aimed at us.

“What?” I sniggered, blushing slightly.

“Nothing… just happy to see you happy, babe…”

“Aw, darling…” I went over and kissed her and she filmed that too. “Darling!”

“What? I want us on film” she chuckled, but then put the tablet down when I gave her a look.

When darkness fell we had unpacked and assembled all the new furniture and tested them out for comfortability. Jasper was very happy about everything and I simply loved the high dining table. Jasper had her special chair and there were other higher chairs for more human sized people. I could dangle my legs! I had forgotten how nice that felt…

I made dinner – potato leek soup and oven toast with cheese and salami – while Jasper played around with Cake some more. When it was done we sat down to eat.

“Oh, honey – this is great!” Jasper said happily after slurping up the first hot spoon.

“Old family recipe” I sniggered. “Well, I added my own flare – lemon juice and chili in the soup and salami on the toast, for a bit more kick”

“It’s delicious” she finished her bowl, then went to get another. I smiled and blushed a little – I loved that she liked my cooking so much. Gods knew I adored _hers_.

“It’ll taste even better tomorrow” I gave her a wink.

After dinner we snuggled down in our bed and began to watch the first X-Men movie. I had my head on her chest and could hear her heart beat faster during the action sequences. About half way through an icy hot pain began to bloom on my left side.

“Nh… Darling, can I have your hand?” I asked with a little puff of red. She paused the movie and looked at me.

“Of course babe… Should be about time for ovulation, right?”

“Should be…” Jasper smiled and moved her hand to cover my tummy and heated it gently. “Mmm… darling, I love you so, so much…”

“Love you too, little monster” she kissed my forehead. “Do you want to keep watching the movie?”

“Yeah – how do you like it so far?”

“It’s good – I really like that Wolverine guy, and Professor X” she smiled broadly. “It’s great that everyone’s powers are so different…”

“I like that too” I smiled. “There are a lot of X-Men movies with even more characters”

“Good, I want to see them all” she grinned, then resumed the movie.

### ***

The following morning a smaller truck arrived with my stuff and I was quite excited, if I were to be completely honest. Jasper carried everything inside and we spent the day arranging it around the house. For furniture I had several large book cases, some desks, an old, very comfy sofa and a couple of armchairs – and my ergonomic computer chair that was so comfortable you could sleep in it without trouble. Now I had my gaming computer and TV, and all my consoles. I was very much looking forward to showing Jasper some of my favorite games – and I thought Steven might jump with joy, too – I had a bunch of old came cube games he could borrow now. 

We, and by ‘we’ I meant Jasper, put my desks and art  things in the attic. One desk was one of those you could tilt and had a light built into it so that you could ink stuff without having to tape it to a window, one had a _lot_ of tiny drawers and the last one… was my writing desk. It was something I had put together myself and I had scribbled all over it – doodles, things to remember, plot points – even some quest coordinates for Realm of Warlords. It was full of notches and burns too from when I had gotten frustrated and thrown stuff at it, put out my cigarettes on it or just… _stabbed_ it. The desk had been through a lot and it showed. But I couldn’t throw it away. It was where I had written my book on my old desktop computer. The computer had conked out years ago, but the desk remained.

A huge crate of paintings arrived too – but these weren’t my most private collection, these were just those I had had hanging up in my apartment in Londinium – including several framed art pieces of Charlie’s (mostly horse related). There was ample wall space all over the house – the paintings Jasper and I had made in Beach City were already adorning the walls (except for Jasper’s Pink Diamond painting – she didn’t feel comfortable putting that up, at least not yet. But her tornado piece was on display in the hallway and I was so very proud of her for wanting to show it).

Other than furniture, I had asked Parker to send along some kitchen things (including my impressive collection of nerdy-themed coffee mugs), various knickknacks and some of my old clothes, mostly warmer stuff like winter jackets and boots and my many huge soft scarves. And, of course, my _books_.

When the big stuff was all placed where we both liked them, we started unpacking the smaller boxes. Jasper was very curious about my things and I smiled at that. She looked as if she was opening presents on Christmas Eve*.

“You have so much _stuff_!” she said happily, picking up a very worn hoodie Robyn had given me years ago. It was black and had the print ‘Bad Wolf’ on it in garish pink.

“Yeah, kind of accumulates over the years…” I put all seven volumes of the Harry Potter series on a shelf. Jasper sniffed the shirt.

“It smells like you, but… a little different?”

I giggled. “Well, it _should_! That’s one of my favorite laze-around-at-home-hoodies – I used to wear it all the time. And nh – “ a sudden cold pinch in my lower abdomen made me completely loose what I was talking about and I put a hand there. Oh I _hated_ the _sneakiness_ of this pain… Jasper was by my side in an instant, putting her hand over mine. Heat radiated out from it in pulses.

“Maybe you should sit, honey…” she said softly.

“But I haven’t really helped with _anything_ – you’ve carried – “

“Yeah, I’ve carried stuff around, so? It’s not heavy for me. And Doctor Maheswaran told you to _rest_ ”

“You’re ganging up on me…” I gave her a little pained grin.

“Yup, we are. Because we care, babe. When the pain goes away I’ll go get your hot water bottle, OK? Then you can still sort stuff if you sit – I’ll just bring you more boxes when you finish one”

“I love you, darling…” I let out a sigh and looked up at her.

“I _know_ ” she chuckled. When the pain settled, Jasper went into the kitchen to boil some water. I sat down on the carpet in front of the big sofa to continue to sort my books. Since someone else had packed them, they were not in order. In the box I was currently rummaging I found several Narnia books, a few volumes of Sandman, the third Walking Dead hardback and… my diaries… I hadn’t kept one for years now, but when I had I hadn’t been very frequent about my entries. Some of them couldn’t be called diaries _officially_ – they were just notepads from school that had been taken over by doodles, rants and terrible poetry. I smiled ruefully as I picked up a tattered and dog-eared blue notepad. I flipped through it and stopped on a page where I had drawn mine and Robyn’s goth-tastic cartoon characters. They were in the process of spray painting rude words over a school building. I had forgotten the reason for the picture – if there even had been one. I smiled and closed the notepad, stacking the other ones on top. My more official diaries were worn too. The pages were falling out of my first one now… But I couldn’t throw any of them away. They were important to me. I ran my fingers over one my dad had bought me on a trip to Turkey. It had an actual leather binding with a stenciled gryphon on the cover. I had tried my best to keep a ‘proper’ diary for a while, but the entries stopped a third of the way through the book, the remaining pages left blank.

“What have you got there?” Jasper asked as she sat down next to me. She handed me the hot water bottle in its cozy and I took it gratefully.

“My old diaries…” I said with a little smile.

“Oh, like log books?” she chuckled, pulling another box towards her and opening it.

“Yeah, mostly rambling, half-finished stories, bad poems and random thoughts and doodles. I was never very good at keeping an every-day diary… Think I thought that if something big happened, I’d remember it. Now I kind of wish I had kept a proper one”

“Hah…” Jasper looked at me with a little smirk. “I’m relieved I _don’t_ have to keep a log anymore”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Was exhausting – keeping track of everything all the time – what resources you used, their ID-numbers, battle reports, performance reports…” she let out a sigh. “Stars… feels so good to be free of that!”

“I believe you” I giggled.

We kept on sorting books, then moved on to the next boxes.

“What’s in here?” Jasper grinned as she sliced the tape with a finger nail.

“More books?” I said hopefully. I still hadn’t found anything from my massive Terry Pratchett collection.

“A note, some stuffed animals and another box” Jasper reported, holding up a threadbare teddy bear.

“Nicodemus!” I said in surprise. “Oh, Nico-dico-dee-musss!” I squealed and hugged the plush to my chest and Jasper chuckled. “He’s my first stuffed animal ever, I couldn’t sleep without him when I was little… Aww… I didn’t ask Parker to send him?”

“The note says: ‘Some things you didn’t mention, but I’m sure you’d like to have – Parker’”

“Oh, that _Parker_ …” I sniggered. “She’s so awesome…”

“What – what in the – what is _this_?” Jasper gasped – she put down a blue lid onto the floor – I recognized it immediately. She tilted the big box toward me – oh my _gods_! I clapped my hand over my mouth and blushed scarlet – Parker had sent… my sex toy box… “They look like… I don’t know what they look like…” Jasper said and looked at me. I burst out laughing – it was that or tears, honestly.

“Ohoho my _gods_ – _Parker_! Jesus _Christ_!” I wheezed. Jasper looked terribly confused. “Sorry darling, Jesus, these are m-ahaha-y sex toys – I can’t _believe_ she sent them!”

“’Sex toys’?” she picked up a pink dildo. “Oh… Like you told me about a while back? Deel-dos?”

“Yeah, dildos, strap-ons, vibrators – oh my…”

“’Vibrators’?”

“Yeah, they vibrate” I sniggered. I scooted closer to her and looked into the box too, feeling a little silly, a little embarrassed but a bit curious as to how Jasper would react to them all. I picked up a small bullet vibe and unscrewed the controller – it had batteries. “Here, look” I held the black bullet between two fingers and turned the thing on – it made a ‘bvvvvvv’-noise. Jasper raised her eyebrows, then grinned and raised a finger to touch it.

“Hah, it tickles” she said.

“Mhmm… yes it _does_ …”

“And _where_ does it go, I wonder?” she asked with a smirk.

“Anywhere you like… it feels really good on your nipples, for one”

“Oh yeah?” she took the vibe out of my hand and held it to her breast and made a little gasp. “ _Oh_ stars!” she looked at me, then grinned. “Yup, that feels nice”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah”

“It has more than one setting” I waved the little controller and smiled impishly. “Want to try the different ones?”

“Yes I do” she sniggered. I pushed the button to switch programs and the vibe started to hum differently – a vv-vv-vvvv – vv-vv-vvvv rhythm now. Jasper’s fingers tightened around the black little thing and drew in a sharp breath. “Oh my _fuck_ ” she gasped and twitched, her hair rustling. She moved the thing to her other breast and I could clearly see the nipple she had just left stiffening up under her shirt. She chuckled and looked at me with a crooked grin. “This is certainly a fun toy…” she said huskily. “What do the others do?”

“More of the same, really…” I picked up a blue and sparkly rabbit vibrator.

“ _That_ looks _advanced_ ” she sniggered.

“This bit goes inside me, this bit vibrates on my clit” I pointed to the business parts of the rabbit.

“Can I see that?” Jasper held out the bullet vibe and we exchanged sex toys. I turned the bullet off – wanting to save the battery. Jasper inspected the rabbit carefully, finding the button controls on the handle and pressing one – the dildo part began to rotate around its own axis (and making a sound like a mechanical pepper grinder) and she burst out laughing. “Hah! That’s _hilarious_!”

I rummaged through the box while Jasper tried the different settings.

“Aha!” I said triumphantly, having found what I was looking for. “ _This_ is a very fun toy” I held up a purple double strap-on.

“What is it?” she sniggered.

“It’s a strap-on – this bit goes inside _me_ and this bit… goes inside someone else. It vibrates too” Jasper’s eyes went wide.

“Oho…” she said, looking at me with a glint in her eye. “So it’d be like… you had your own stem?”

“Sort of… but you know, not warm and… not making its own delicious juices or anything, but still fun…”

“’Delicious juices’, huh?” she grinned at me crookedly. “You’re one to talk about delicious juices…”

“Really now?”

“Uh-huh…” she leaned in close, flicking her eyes down to my lips, then back up to meet my gaze, biting her own lower lip. I waited for her kiss and met it with a soft stroke of my tongue against hers. “Your lips taste so good…” she whispered.

“Which ones?” I sniggered, kissing her again. 

“ _All_ of them…” she hummed, putting her hand on my thigh. I giggled into our kiss and touched her arm, running my fingers lightly over her skin. The sensation made goosebumps rise on my own arms and I shivered pleasantly. I could feel Jasper’s lips curve into a smile. “Hey… Can we play with your toys a little?”

“I’d like that, darling…” Jasper picked up the little bullet vibe again, clicked the switch, then ran it down my neck, making me giggle. “That’s a _good_ choice”

“Mhmm…” she moved it down my chest and let it slide over my left breast – I gasped as she nudged my nipple – the vibrations made it stiffen up quickly.

“Ohhhh dear” I whimpered into her lips. She made a little growl and put a hand on my lower back. I in turn reached down to her crotch and cupped it gently – she made a delighted little noise and I felt Kara twitch.

“I _like_ it when you’re bold…” she said huskily, kissing down my neck. I felt a thrill of naughtiness and pulled down her zipper slowly, gasping as she in turn changed the program on the vibe. I opened up her pants and Kara squeezed my wrist – _pulling_ my hand downward.

“ _Darling_ ” I giggled, stroking her base.

“I like to be bold too” she purred, squeezing my breast, the bullet kept in place by the pressure of her palm. Our kiss deepened as she caressed me and I her, our breaths becoming heavier pretty fast. The feel of Kara in my hand was amazing – so slick and warm, so powerful and happy to be stroked. Before long Jasper’s hand travelled down my belly, over the hot water bottle and down into my pajama bottoms. I twitched and moaned as the tiny vibe was pressed against the hood of my clit – my hand tightened around Kara, making her pulsate pleasantly. Our kiss grew more passionate and I used my injured arm to stroke Jasper’s steadily moving belly, tracing her magnificent abs and playing teasingly with her pubic hair.

“A little to the left, darling” I panted and Jasper obliged – now the vibe was directly against my clit and I shuddered as a spike of pleasure struck me suddenly. “ _Oh my go-ods_ ” my hands shook as I moaned.

“That feel good, little monster?” Jasper asked me huskily, biting her lip before kissing me again.

“ _Mhmm_ ” I hummed, gripping Kara tighter and moving my hand a little quicker. In the months I had been without my fun-time box I had forgotten just how _fast_ the little vibe could get me off. I breathed heavily through my nose, my chest heaving as my climax approached. As the wave broke over me I arched my back, moaning deeply into Jasper’s hot lips for a moment before needing to drag in a desperate breath. “ _B-beastie_!” I panted out pink and gold clouds that drifted over Jasper’s face – her breath hitched, her gem flared and Kara spasmed suddenly, oozing her sweet release over my arm and thigh. I looked at her, my heart beating fast. “S-sorry, darling I – mmmf!” she had grinned roguishly then leaned forward to kiss me again, lowering me to the floor and getting on top of me. Her hair fell around us and I giggled and squirmed with both relief and enjoyment.

“How’s your belly, honey?” she asked me, her fingers sliding over my pubes.

“It’s fine” I said. “Now come here…” I patted my shoulders. Jasper’s eyebrows rose and she grinned, then she stood up, took a few steps, then lowered herself, her knees either side of my shoulders.

“Never done _this_ before…” she sniggered. Kara waved excitedly above me, a few drops of her essence landing on my cheek. “Woops…”

I giggled and wiped my cheek, then put my finger in my mouth and looked Jasper firmly in the eye. Kara moved down to meet my lips as Jasper grinned broadly. I kissed her tip, then welcomed her into my mouth with a pleased hum. Gods, how could she taste so _good_? It was intoxicating… I stroked the backs of her thighs and grabbed hold of her wide and powerful ass, pulling her closer and deeper. “Oh s-stars” she panted. Kara slid over my tongue and I pressed her into the roof of my mouth, making Jasper hiss and tremble. “C-can I th-thurst a little?” she panted out the question and I nodded. She began to move ever so slightly, a deep moan escaping from her lush lips. It was a most curious sensation, having my mouth… _fucked_. I had always been the one moving my head and setting the pace before, but I trusted her not to take things too far. It was… _thrilling_ and my spine tingled pleasantly as she moved slowly and carefully.

“Mmmm…” I hummed into her warm, pulsating skin, squeezing her wonderful bum with both hands.

“Oh babe… _oh babe_ …” she moaned as she rocked her hips. “This feels so good, _fuck_ ”

I sucked and licked her as the minutes wore on. Soon she was trembling on the very edge, her breath deep and ragged. She was still keeping the same slow pace, her thighs quivering against the palms of my hands. Her moans rose in volume and Kara squirmed joyfully and hot sweet liquid spilled onto my tongue in pulses. I swallowed it eagerly, keeping my gaze on Jasper’s flushed face. Her gem was pulsating steadily and her hips twitched – and a second wave of molten pleasure flowed over my tongue. I hummed appreciatively, suckling her softer and softer as she panted above me.

“Honey…” she wiped her sweating brow and grinned down at me, pulling back slightly. I gave Kara a last kiss.

“Yes, darling?” I said a little hoarsely, giving her bum a squeeze.

“That was _great_ ” she chuckled, sitting down by my side and stroking my cheek. I rolled to the side and put my head on her thigh.

“It was fun” I giggled, several pink and gold butterflies appearing. “Kind of hot that we’ve still got our pants on…”

“Yeah?” she raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Yeah… makes the whole thing feel so… I don’t know… _spontaneous_ and a little naughty…” this made her chuckle and lean forward to caress my belly. The hot water bottle had slid off it in all the excitement.

“Still feeling OK?” she asked, smiling at me tenderly.

“Yes” I smiled back, rubbing my cheek on her thigh. “Thank you for being so careful… and so caring…”

“Last thing I want is to hurt you babe, or for you to be in pain” she hummed. I moved into her lap and snuggled up close to her belly, giving Kara a little kiss by her base. This made Jasper smile even broader. “Want to go again?” she asked huskily.

“In a minute…” I giggled, then adjusted my jaw with a click. Jasper stroked my belly gently and let out a pleased sigh, looking down on it with a very soft expression on her face.

“I keep imagining what it’d feel like when our kid is in there… When they get big enough to start kicking…”

“Aww, _darling_ …” I breathed, putting both my hands on hers. “I can’t wait for that to happen…”

“Do you think it’d be weird?” she asked tenderly. “The feeling… someone being in there, alive and growing…”

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything that’d come close… I just hope they won’t kick my bladder all the time” I giggled and blushed.

“Well, they’re going to be half you, so they’d probably be all calm and sweet…”

“ _Darling_ …” a puff of honey gold came with my words and I kissed her stomach softly. She chuckled and brushed my pubic hair gently with her fingers. “And they’re going to be half you – oh I really hope they get your eyes… and your smile…”

“I want them to have _your_ eyes, babe…” her fingers parted my outer lips now and I let out a little gasp. Kara wriggled playfully and I kissed her again. “Let’s make a baby, honey…”

“Yes, please” I panted, sitting up quickly and pulling my pants down. I moved to sit with my legs over Jasper’s hips and she guided Kara inside. I whimpered as she spread my slick walls apart. “Oh gods…” Jasper’s hands were at my back and she pulled me into a long, soft kiss as I began to move up and down very slowly. The thought that this might be it – that this was when it happened lit some kind of fire in me. Maybe if we both wanted it so much – oh it felt so _good_! Maybe we could just _will_ it to happen now? Please let it be… Please let this be the time… We were moving so slowly, both of us trembling.

“I love you so much” Jasper panted against my shoulder as I rode her.

“I l-love you t-too” I whimpered, my hands gripping her shirt. Kara was throbbing inside me and my walls hugged her tightly, tingling and pulsating with pleasure both physical and mental. I hit the plateau of almost orgasmic pleasure and moaned continuously. Jasper’s hands massaged my butt and dotted kisses up and down my neck, her breath hot against my skin.

“Mmm… oh honey… my sweet little monster…” she mumbled between kisses. “I’m so close…”

“Mmmmme too…” I moaned, moving a little faster. The pleasure built to a crescendo and my back arched – both of us let out lustful sounds of release – mine a desperate wail and hers a rumbling, hoarse moan. Kara spasmed inside me and I felt the hot pressure grow as Jasper came – my clit  was rubbing against her base, a bright little bead of pleasure that sent another wave crashing over me. My vision disappeared and I felt Jasper’s essence spill out around Kara still filling me to the brim. I grabbed her face in both hands and kissed her hungrily, wanting to feel _all_ of her. Her arms moved to embrace me tenderly, our chests heaving in unison. “Darling… I _adore_ you…” I panted with a smile.

“And I adore _you_ ” she chuckled.

### ***

Later that night we were making dinner together – steak with mashed potatoes and brown sauce. Cake was winding around our legs, meowing hungrily.

“Cake, I’ll feed you in a minute” Jasper said with a chuckle.

“I can do it” I stepped down from my little step where I had been making a salad to go with our dinner. I opened the large fridge and took out a can of wet food. Cake followed and started  pawing at my legs. “Sweetie, calm down, food’s coming” I pulled the tab on the can and transferred the contents into Cake’s bowl, then put it on the floor for her. She dove over it immediately. “Think this was the last can, we need to go buy more… Is the pet store still open, do you think?”

“Don’t think so, but the grocery store is”

“Right… but they don’t have this brand” I held up the empty can when I had rinsed it out in the sink. “I don’t like the percentage of _ash_ that the grocery store kind has. Only want the _best_ for our Cake” Jasper smiled as she peeled the potatoes. “I could go early tomorrow morning, before her breakfast”

“Oh, could you pick up some bones for Frank then too? Amethyst wanted to go back to the dump again soon – hey… would you want to come along? Don’t think it’d count as a _strenuous_ activity or anything” Jasper looked at me with a big grin.

“And meet Frank in person?”

“Yeah!” she chuckled. “And see all the cool stuff. Maybe you could find something you like to have? Peridot finds stuff she needs all the time”

“I’m not sure if there’s anything more we need now, for the house… Maybe some patio furniture… oh and a grill… and a hat stand or two for the hallway. Hah, I should take a leaf out of Robyn’s, Amethyst’s and Peridot’s book and maybe used some re – “ a sharp icy pain made me wince. “-cycled things, _ow_ ” Jasper put down the potato peeler and placed her heated hand on my tummy. I looked up at her face gratefully. “Thanks, darling…” she stepped up behind me and took the kettle with her other hand.

“Can you turn on the water, babe?” she asked with a little chuckle. She positioned the kettle under the faucet and I used my right hand to turn it on. When it was full Jasper put it on the charger and flicked the switch.

“Thank you… you’re so sweet, darling…” I leaned back against her and she kissed the top of my head.

“Teamwork, babe” she hummed into my skin, then drew in a long sniff of my hair.

“Hey, why don’t you bring anything back from the junkyard?”

“I haven’t found anything I really like yet” she said with a shrug and a smile.

After the delicious dinner we unpacked the last few boxes and I finally found my Terry Pratchett books! They got pride of place in the bookshelf in the living room, right next to the big sofa.

“These are my favorite book series in the _entire_ world…” I sighed happily, gently brushing the worn and dog eared copy of Feet of Clay. “I’ve read all the books so many times… Well, except for this one” I picked up a pristine copy of Shephard’s Crown.

“Oh yeah?” Jasper asked, looking at the book over my shoulder. “Is it bad?”

“What? No, of course not!” I laughed. “Well, I don’t _know_ because I haven’t read it yet… It’s his last book, published _after_ he died… I grew up to his series and reading _this_ one will make it be… really, truly _over_ …” I caressed the broad back of the book. I hadn’t even opened it…

“Aw, babe…”

“I keep saying that I’m saving it for a special occasion, but I wonder if I’ll ever dare to read it, really” I grinned a little embarrassedly. “I’m afraid one of my most favorite characters might die…”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I haven’t read anything about the story really, but I just have this _feeling_ ”**

“Who’s the character?”

“Granny Weatherwax… She’s the most _badass_ , _hardcore_ , _no-nonsense_ witch there ever was. She’s amazing… Or it could be _Vimes_ that dies, he’s the Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch… Maybe even the _Patrician_ … _Their_ death or deaths as a symbol for the author himself moving on. Sir Terry had this awful disease that was taking his brilliant mind away, piece by piece. I think that this book is his goodbye to his fans, where one of the most influential characters must die so that someone new can take over – to soothe us, remind us that life goes on even after people die. The Turtle moves… and moves _on_ … And that we’ll find a new series to love, or perhaps go and write our own…” Jasper looked at me with slightly raised eyebrows.

“Honey, you’re crying…” she said softly.

“Oh?” I wiped my cheeks. I hadn’t noticed… “I just love them so much? These books, these characters… They’re so flawed and complex and so ridiculously _funny_!” I smiled up at her, cradling the book to my chest. “They’ve taught me so much…”

“Sounds like I should read them, then” Jasper grinned down at me.

“Oh, please do!” I said happily, a bright white butterfly appearing. “Not everyone likes them, and not all of them are mind-blowingly amazing, but… oh I’d _love it_ if you did read them…”

“Where do I begin?” she asked with a smile.

“The Color of Magic” I said decisively, picking up the worn pocket version. “I’ve put them in order – this is the Discworld series – it’s got forty one books!”

“That’s a lot of books” she chuckled.

“Oh, I could read it aloud, would you like that?”

“I’d love that, babe” she kissed my cheek.

We shared a long and lavender scented bath a little later, Jasper helping me wash since my left arm was encased in a plastic bag. When we were done we got into fresh pajamas and then snuggled down in bed. Cake came to join us, a few packing peanuts stuck to her flank.

“And what have _you_ been up to, hmm?” Jasper asked Cake. The cat meowed and flopped down on the bed just by my shoulder, then began to wash herself. Jasper picked off the Styrofoam and put them on the nightstand on her side of the bed. “Been playing in the boxes by yourself I see” she hummed, kissing Cake’s head. Cake made a purr and batted Jasper’s chin with her paw once or twice before returning to grooming herself. I smiled at the two of them, then picked up the book.

“You ready?” I asked, feeling a little excited. Oh, I really hoped she would like it… Honestly, this book wasn’t my favorite, but it was still great. And you had to build up the world properly!

“Hang on…” she adjusted herself a little and put her hand on my belly over the covers. “Now I’m ready” she grinned.

“OK…” I cleared my throat an took a deep breath, then began to read aloud. “’The Color of Magic, by Terry Pratchett. Prologue: In a distant and second-hand set of dimensions, in an astral plane that was never meant to fly’” Jasper let out a little huff of laughter. “’The curling star-mists waver and part... See... Great A'Tuin the turtle comes, swimming slowly through the interstellar gulf, hydrogen frost on his ponderous limbs, his huge and ancient shell pocked with meteor craters. Through sea-sized eyes that are crusted with rheum and asteroid dust He stares fixedly at the Destination…’”

The book didn’t really have chapters as such, but I stopped after about twenty pages or so, right after Twoflower insists on Rincewind joining him for a picture. I took a drink of water and Jasper smiled up at me.

“What do you think?” I asked a little hoarsely.

“It’s funny” she said with a warm smile. “That Rincewind is such a coward, though”

“I know, right?” I giggled. “The biggest anti-hero of them all, him”

“And that Twoflower guy… so oblivious to what’s going on around him” she chuckled.

“Yes! He’s so positive all the time – he used to annoy the living hell out of me”

“Hah, why?”

“Because, well, I don’t know… Like, how could he not sense the danger around him? It’s so _obvious_ – but then when I got older I understood a bit more, like culture shock and well, being _so_ excited to be somewhere that you start to believe everyone else is just as excited as you – kind of blocks negative vibes, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever felt that way” Jasper said with a slightly uncertain smile. “I always know when something dangerous is around. Can you read a bit more?”

“Really?” I beamed at her, feeling my cheeks flush.

“Yeah, honey, I want to hear what happens next” she grinned, kissed my neck and rubbed my tummy gently.

“OK, OK” I cleared my throat again and resumed the story. I continued on for another twenty pages or so, then it became hard to focus on the text. “Think that’s all I’ve got in me for tonight, darling” I said with a yawn.

“But we’re in the middle of a fight scene” Jasper actually _pouted_ and I felt my heart melting.

“Oh my _gods_ , you adorable _beast_ – fine, fine – to the end of the fight and that’s it” I laughed.

“Aha-ha-ha… found your secret weakness” Jasper sniggered smugly and kissed my cheek.

“Don’t use it against me too often”

“I make _no_ promises” she hummed and snuggled closer.

When I had finished the scene – which was only about one more page – I folded down the corner to mark the place, then put the book down and stretched, yawning hugely.

“Can we continue tomorrow night?” Jasper asked, fluffing up her pillow.

“Of course, I’m really glad you like it so far”

“It’s a good story” she said firmly.

“ _Yes_ it is” I smiled and kissed her cheek, drawing in the scent of her. Her normal smell was accentuated by lavender from our bath. “I’ve had a _very_ good day today, darling”

“Me too” she said with a warm grin.

* * *

  
*In Soweland they celebrate Christmas on the 24th of December – just like in Scandinavia

** If you _have_ read Shephard’s Crown – NO SPOILERS PLEASE!

Please review!  



	74. Treasure trove

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got my new computer now! (If you didn't know my old one died) Sorry it has taken so long for me to post a new chapter, my offline life has been a bit hectic and I've been dealing with some quite substantial writer's block. I've mostly worked through it now, I think. Some good news! Stay has reached over thirty thousand views! See the end notes for more!

****Chapter 74:** ** ****Treasure trove** **

I put on my autumn jacket before venturing out in the drizzle next morning. Jasper kissed me goodbye at the door, still in her pyjamas. She looked so very cosy like that and I gave her an extra squeeze before leaving. I reached into my pocket, wanting to listen to some music, but remembered I still didn't have a phone. Maybe I could buy one in town somewhere? And I really should talk to Parker… she might have tried to contact me. I felt tension build in my shoulders at the thought of telling her about the zoo… and about my subsequently broken arm. She would not be happy with me… But that wasn't happening _now_ , I told myself. Right now I was going to go to the pet store and buy Cake some food and something for Frank. And possibly a phone.

I wandered through the streets, enjoying the feel of the prickly rain on my face – it was much nicer at this speed rather than the break-neck velocity Jasper got to when jumping in a hurry – not that I was complaining about how quick she had gotten me to the hospital or anything. I shivered at the memory of the little ball thing moving under the skin of my wrist and felt my chest constrict slightly. I stopped on the pavement. OK… That was super scary. Something foreign in my body, moving around. Yes. I had been terrified. I accept that that is how I felt. I accept these feelings of… _vulnerability_ swirling around in my mind right now… But the things are gone and they're _not_ coming back. _Not coming back_ … I took a few deep breaths and felt my shoulders lower slightly. After a moment, I resumed walking toward the store.

"Hey! Erica, hi!" Sadie's voice came from behind me a few minutes later. I turned to face her and smiled, very glad to see her.

"Hi Sadie" I said, a pale yellow butterfly appearing.

"Haven't seen you in a while, how's everything going?" she smiled back, then looked at the butterfly as it winked out.

"Pretty well, how are you?"

"I'm fine – I'm going to the market to pick up some lunch for later, are you heading that way?"

"Yes, I'm going to the pet store" we started walking together. "Hey, do you know if you can buy a phone in town somewhere?"

"Uh, sure, there's a place one street over from the park – going to upgrade?"

"No, I lost my phone, need a new one"

"Aw, that sucks…" Sadie's eyebrows knitted in sympathy. "Did you report it? Sometimes people turn in lost things to the tourist office by the boardwalk"

"No, I know where it is… just can't get it back" I said quietly. Sadie looked at me, worry creeping into her expression.

"You _sure_ everything's OK?" she asked carefully. I looked at her and sighed.

"Things are fine, now… or better at least… it's… it's rather a long story"

"I've got time, nobody comes in this early – except for Steven, and Lars can handle that" she smiled up at me. "Want to stop for a coffee somewhere?" I looked at her and smiled back.

"I'd… love to, Sadie" it had really been too long since we talked. Soon we reached a little café and sat down at a table, hanging our damp jackets on the backs of our chairs. When she saw my cast she gasped.

"Oh no, what happened to your arm?!" she asked in alarm.

"That's part of the long story thing" I said with an apologetic smile. "It's fine though, doesn't hurt"

"Coffee and cinnamon buns on me" she said firmly, then approached the counter.

"But it's my turn" I tried.

"No, I insist" she held up both hands, then took out her wallet. After half a minute she returned to the table and sat down. Sadie went pale during my retelling, listening raptly to a very shortened version of what had happened to Greg and me, and the aftermath at the hospital.

"The last few days me and Jasper have just been at the new house, unpacking boxes and… you know, moving in. She's done all the heavy lifting – she'd probably do that even if my arm _wasn't_ in a cast, but I'd liked to have helped a little at least"

"But everyone is OK?" she asked urgently, leaning forward. I nodded with a small smile.

"Yes, everyone is OK…"

"Oh dear… Erica I'm so sorry that happened… I don't know what I'd have done if it were me…" a mental image of Sadie there with me and Greg flashed across my mind. "I'm really glad everyone's back alright – Steven didn't say anything when he came in yesterday – he seemed just… his normal happy self" this made me smile.

"I'm glad he's alright. It was very brave of him to do what he did"

"He's a brave little guy" she smiled, then took a sip of what must now be luke-warm coffee.

"Hey, about the con thing" I adjusted my seat a little, hoping to turn the conversation in a different direction now.

"Yeah? Can you make it?"

"Yes I can and… I've got a special deal on VIP tickets for us"

" _VIP_?" she blinked at me.

"Yeah – me and up to five people. If you'd be OK with more coming, that is"

"Oh - yeah sure" she smiled a little uncertainly.

"I was thinking you, me, Jasper, Steven, Connie and maybe Peridot. Then we could cut the worst lines and get reserved seats at panels and things. And I think you get a special gift bag. You usually do"

"I don't know if I could afford that…" she said quietly.

"It would be my treat"

"Erica, no, that's too much…" she looked embarrassed.

"Sadie, I really want us all together – and I can afford it, I promise"

"No, no, I'd have to pay you back" she shook her head.

"Well if you want to do that I'm not going to refuse or anything, but really… it's fine" she looked at me doubtfully. I let out a little sigh. "Sadie… I wrote a book a while back and it sold well. I don't have to work any more. Please let me treat you"

"You wrote a _book_?" she looked very surprised.

"Yes"

"What… what's it called?"

I paused a moment before answering. "Relentless"

Sadie's eyes went wide. "But… that's been made into a movie and everything…" she said breathlessly.

"Yes" I nodded, looking away from her and feeling my cheeks heat up.

"Oh…" Sadie said in a small voice. I looked up at her uncertainly – shit… she looked even paler now. "Um… why didn't you say before?" she mumbled, pulling her coffee cup closer and looking down into it.

"It never came up?" I said, feeling cold sweat break out on my neck. "I… like that no one's really known me here… People treat you different, sometimes. I just wanted to be me, just Erica…"

"P-people treat you different?" she asked hesitantly.

"I don't think you would!" I said quickly, sitting up a little straighter. "But people in the past have… been false friends, just in it for… status and things. Getting into parties or whatever… So I tend to be… careful" I felt myself tearing up a little, remembering the upsurge of 'old friends from school' and such that had tried to contact me after the book launch.

"Why are you… why are you friends with _me_?" she asked suddenly, glancing up at me and then back down into her coffee. My eyebrows rose in complete surprise.

"Uh… because I _like_ you?" I said, feeling out of my depth. "You're a very nice person, Sadie. You helped me when I first got here, even asked if I was going to be OK walking in the sand with my crutch… And then when we had lunch I found out we liked a lot of the same stuff – and that was really cool and you're so sweet and now I'm rambling, sorry" I felt my ears burn. Sadie met my gaze with a slightly doubtful look.

"But that's how I treat _everyone_ …"

" _Exactly_!" I said with a little whine in my voice. "Who wouldn't want to be friends with someone who cares that much for a stranger…" Sadie blushed now and a little smile appeared on her face. Gods, she was so cute. My vision was becoming a little blurry and I dabbed at my eyes with my napkin.

"Oh, please don't cry…" she said quickly, reaching out to touch the fingers of my left hand. "I'm… I'm just being insecure… thinking what I could possibly offer someone rich and famous…"

"A _good friend_ " I sniffed. "Someone who insists on buying you coffee and a bun even though it's not her turn" she squeezed my fingers gently at my words. I wiped my eyes again – feeling both happy and sad at the same time. Happy that I was back, that I was able to sit across from this wonderful person, and sad about the fact that she felt insecure.

"Of course, that's what you do for your friends when they're having a tough time…" she said quietly. "Can… can I sign your cast?"

"P-please do" I smiled wetly. She smiled back, her cheeks pink. She pulled out a pen and signed her name and drew a little flower with a smiley face in the middle. "Aw, thank you…"

"I haven't signed a cast in forever… Last time was probably back in school" she let out a little laugh. It made me delighted to hear her laugh and I smiled at her warmly.

"Jasper and I are having a moving in party on Friday, can you come?" I asked.

"Oh, I'd love to see the house" she said, lighting up further. "Should I bring something? What would you like as a house-warming gift?"

"Just you"

"Come on, I have to get something"

"Chocolate is always nice" I suggested.

"Chocolate it is then"

After we had finished our coffee Sadie accompanied me to the pet store since it was on the way. When we parted she gave me a long hug and said she was looking forward to Friday. I bought some cat food and a few huge marrow bones for Frank, then went to find the shop Sadie had told me about. I stood outside it for a while, then decided I'd talk to Parker first – I could use Jasper's tablet to call her. I headed home, spotting a fish stand on the way. I bought some mackerel from the very short man with the expansive yellow beard that owned the stand. I recognized him – I had seen him around town before.

When I arrived home Jasper was lying on the couch asleep, the first volume of The Walking Dead on her chest. I kissed her on the forehead and she opened her eyes.

"Hey…" she said sleepily. "Everything go OK?"

"Yeah, sorry I was gone so long. I ran into Sadie and we had a coffee"

"Oh, nice" she yawned and stretched.

"Could I borrow your tablet to make a call?"

"Sure babe, it's charging in the kitchen"

"Thank you, darling" I went to get it, then sat down by Jasper's head. She moved up to lie in my lap with a grin, then kissed my belly softly.

"Who are you calling?"

"Parker…" I said with a little sigh. "I think she's going to yell at me"

"What? For what?" Jasper huffed amusedly.

"This" I held up the cast. "And the whole… zoo thing…"

"You're never going back there" Jasper said softly. I smiled, grateful she remembered to say it even if I didn't ask for it.

"Thanks, darling…" I stroked her cheek. "OK, time to take the bull by the horns…" I dialled Parker's number. As expected, she was mad at me and gave me quite the earful – at first. Then she went into fixer mode and promised to sort out a new phone and satellite phone for me and to make arrangements to ship all the baby stuff she had acquired so far.

"Phew… That wasn't as bad as it could have been" I said after putting the tablet down. I rubbed my temples a little, feeling a headache coming on.

"She really does get mad at you" Jasper chuckled. This made me smile tiredly. "If a pearl talked to their gem like that they'd be shattered, no question"

"Parker is my _assistant_ , not my slave" I said with an uncertain frown.

"I know that – but she does what a pearl normally does - the little things that need doing that you don't want to do"

"It's her _job_ to do those things. To assist me. She gets _paid_. Very handsomely" I felt a little defensive. Jasper looked at me.

"Hey I didn't mean anything _bad_ by it. I think it's great that you have that kind of relationship… Where she can yell at you… What I'm trying to say is that I'm glad I'm in a place, on a planet where that's even possible. Makes me feel… good, you know? Sort of… safe"

"Oh" I felt my cheeks heat up a little. "S-safe?"

"Yeah… I don't have to be afraid someone's gonna haul me off to be harvested if I speak out of line or make a mistake. Or whipped or _anything_ …" I looked at her, my eyebrows drawing together.

"Darling…" very unpleasant images of Jasper being dragged away from me and put into a dark van that sped off streaked across my mind – I shook myself mentally.

"Aw babe, don't look sad – it's all better now. That's never going to happen here. We're on _earth_..." she stroked my cheek with a reassuring smile.

" _You_ never have to go back there either…" I said quietly.

"Exactly" she raised herself up and kissed my chin cheekily. "Hey, what did you get Frank? Was thinking maybe we could swing by the dump this afternoon or tomorrow. I bet Amethyst and Peridot would want to come too. Frank loves Peridot"

"He does?" this made me smile.

"Yeah – she gave him this huge bone last time. He just kept following her around after that, wanting to play, but she just wanted to look for spare parts – so she ignored him. And I think that sort of did something to his head – like he wants to be with her more because she doesn't want it? Even ignored Amethyst when she got the ball out – he usually goes nuts for that thing. He came around after a while, though, and played with us, but he kept looking at Peridot and bringing the ball to her"

"Aww… that's adorable… Didn't Peridot want to play at all?"

"She said she was too busy looking for some part or other" Jasper shrugged. "I don't think she found it in the end. Would you mind if they came along when we go?"

"Of course not, the more the merrier" I smiled down at her.

"OK, good" she smiled back.

"Maybe this afternoon? Greg and I discussed going to get Lorelai and the van during the week. Maybe we should go tomorrow. I feel a little tired, think I need a nap…"

"What time is it?"

I pressed the home button on Jasper's tablet. "Oh, it's only ten in the morning still"

"I think I'm all napped out for the time being" Jasper chuckled, kissing my tummy again. "I was thinking of going to the store and get stuff for Friday, want to add something to the list?"

"Maybe some extra berries? I can't get enough of them"

"Extra berries for my honey-bum" Jasper feigned writing in mid-air.

"' _Honey-bum_ '?" I asked with a smile.

"You're my honey. And you've got a lovely bum. Honey-bum. Sounds better than honey- _ass_ " I burst out into giggles and Jasper beamed up at me. I didn't want to tell her about the word __honey bun__ – I liked that she had made up her own term of endearment for me. "You like it?"

"I _love_ it"

After a long nap and a lovely lunch consisting of grilled cheese sandwiches and salad, Jasper and I started to walk to the temple. It was still drizzling outside and I was glad for my scarf – I was wearing the one Greg had given me for my birthday. It was wonderfully warm. When we arrived at the temple we found Steven, Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst playing the complicated Kitchen Calamity game.

"Oh, look, it's Jazzy-pants and Doodle Destroyer, gotta go!" Amethyst said with a relieved look on her face.

"But you've just got the double-decker sandwich bonus" Steven complained.

"Meh" Amethyst shrugged. "Garnet can have it"

"Yes" Garnet said, holding up a fist in stoic celebration.

" _That_ 's not fair" Pearl piped up, putting her hands on her hips. " _I'm_ the one that gave you the All-Spice card"

"Fine, _you_ have it then" Amethyst sighed.

"No" Garnet said firmly. I looked between all of them and smiled, hearing Jasper suppress a snigger.

"Let's go before it turns into the Monopoly incident of 2013" Amethyst hissed, then walked hurriedly toward the warp pad.

"Come on you guys…" Steven pleaded. Pearl straightened her back with a little huff.

"Well – I'm going to make a cup of tea!" she got to her feet and strode into the kitchen. "And hello Erica, Jasper" she said a little stiffly. "Could you and I have a word when you get back, Erica?"

"Oh, sure Pearl" I responded, feeling slightly taken aback. "See you later then" everyone waved as we got onto the warp.

"To the barn first" Amethyst said as the warp activated. When the lights faded she sprinted off the pad and into the barn, calling out for Peridot. After a moment the two of them exited the structure and walked back to us. The place looked so neat – and there was a very large corn field on the left of the barn. The completed tractor stood gleaming next to it. There was a series of yappy barks and something orange ran out behind Peridot.

"No! Pumpkin! I told you to stay and guard the perimeter!" Peridot turned on the barking thing. "It is your duty to protect your brethren from crows!" there was an affirmative sort of yip, then the orange thing walked off around the corn. Peridot and Amethyst joined us by the warp pad.

"Did you get a… dog?" I asked in complete surprise.

"No, that was Pumpkin. She's a pumpkin" Peridot explained curtly.

"Steven's got this weird thing – like he can make plants come alive and stuff" Amethyst added with a snigger.

"Yes – at first I thought I had finally been able to produce a sentient vegetable, but as it turned out, it was Steven's doing" Peridot frowned slightly.

"One time he made this like… army of water melons that looked just like him – but he couldn't control them so he told them to go and learn to be good somewhere, or something. Hey, they're on Mask Island now"

"Those were… the little green things…" Jasper said slowly. I remembered her talking about green things distracting her during the fight with Alexandrite. I took her hand and squeezed her fingers. She squeezed back and gave me a look that told me she was OK. I let out a breath of relief.

"That corn you grew was super delicious, thank you for giving us some Peridot" I said as we stepped onto the warp pad again.

"You are most welcome!" the little green gem looked very smug. "According to my tests, the nutritional value of the things I've grown _far_ surpass that of whatever can be purchased in the _gross_ -ery store" she sniggered nasally at her little pun and Amethyst groaned with a smile. "When you two conceive I must insist you acquire all your vegetables from me"

I let out a little laugh, then Peridot turned to me – shit she was being serious?

"Uh…" I said uncertainly. "We wouldn't want to um… put you out?" I said diplomatically.

"Peridot" Jasper said sternly. "That's _not_ your decision"

"It's the _right_ decision" Peridot held up a finger to Jasper. "Don't you want the best for your significant other and your offspring?"

"Of course I do!" Jasper huffed, looking affronted.

"Then the decision has been made" Peridot turned her back on Jasper and took hold of Amethyst's hand – Amethyst looked extremely smug by association. "In fact, I should think my produce will aid in your reproduction plans, so you might as well take a box home today after we're done at the junk yard" she said over her shoulder. "Let's warp shall we? I think I remember seeing a heating unit last time" I looked up at Jasper – she was wearing an indignant expression.

"Yeah, to the treasure trove!" Amethyst raised an arm and the warp pad pinged. When the lights faded we were standing on a very windy hill. I clutched the ends of my scarf to my chest. Peridot and Amethyst went ahead, Amethyst laughing loudly. Jasper and I began to follow them on the little path.

"You OK, darling?" I asked, caressing the back of Jasper's hand with my thumb – she was looking at the other gems' backs with narrowed eyes.

"Peridot telling us what to do – _tch_ …" I hadn't heard her make that sound in a long time now. It made me smile.

"I didn't think she was being serious at first" I said. "We don't have to take her offer – I mean it was an _offer_ , not an _order_ "

"She sure made it sound like one…" Jasper grumbled. "I don't like how she _assumes_ things – we're not – it's _our_ baby! Thinking it'd 'aid in our reproduction' – the _nerve_!" her free hand balled into a fist and she glared daggers at the little green gem. "Like I need _her_ help"

 _Oh_ , I thought – that's why she got so riled up...

"Darling… are you breaking our deal?" I asked softly.

"What?" she said distractedly, then looked down at me, her angry expression turning confused.

"Are you… blaming yourself?" I kept my voice as soft as I could, having to fight off my own doubts. She met my gaze, drew in breath to speak, seemed to think a moment, then deflated.

"Maybe…" she said quietly, looking away.

"Darling, you know it'll happen – we both know that"

"I know" she sighed, shuffling her feet a little. "It's been two months almost… I was so certain that we'd be pregnant already… Feels as if I'm… letting you _down_ …" she said the last sentence very quietly.

"No, no, no… oh my gods, _no_ , darling…" I stepped in front of her and put my left hand on her belly. "You're not – you've _never_ let me down – I don't believe you _can_ , sweetheart" this made the corner of her mouth twitch a little. "It just hasn't been the right time yet… I'm frustrated too. There's such a lot that plays into it – stress and hormones and… just timing, I guess. If we could will it to happen there's no doubt in my mind that we'd be pregnant right now" I stroked her tummy up and down. "You are the most supportive, caring, loving person in the world, darling… And I know that when the time comes and we _do_ get pregnant, you'll go above and beyond to keep our baby healthy and safe…" she nodded emphatically at this and I smiled. "Even though Peridot is blunt as can be I think she wants to _help_ – not out of pity or that she thinks we can't do it on our own… If she did I think she'd have _said_ that. And if her vegetables would help anyone it would be _me_ , right? To make sure I'd grow a good… uterine lining and all that" Jasper met my gaze a little timidly. Oh, how beautiful her eyes were… Golden yellow…

"I… didn't think of it that way…" she said quietly. "Just keep thinking I did something wrong when I remade myself… And that… my sperm is _weak_ " she blushed a little.

"Garnet told me directly that you wouldn't have to redo it" I reminded her. "And just for the record, there's nothing about you that can be called weak, darling. It will happen… We just have to be patient – even if I really, really don't want to be" a slight whine entered my voice. "I just want to hold our baby and cuddle them and tell them I love them over and over again so that they'll know that for certain and there'll never be a doubt in their mind…"

"I want to listen to their heart…" Jasper said huskily, her eyes going a tad moist. "And see their little smile… And their little hands and feet… And hear their voice…"

"Oh, me too…" I said, closing my eyes and taking a deep, steadying breath. "And we _will_ …"

"Yes, we will…" she sighed, stroking my back. I nodded against her and she kissed my forehead for a long moment. "Sorry honey" she said quietly.

"It's OK, darling – you're allowed to be upset"

"Let's make a new deal – if we do start to blame ourselves, let's… just talk about it, OK? Not keep it… bottled up"

"Deal" I hugged her tightly, putting my hands on her lower back and rubbing the spot that sometimes pained her. She let out a little gasp and twitched. "Darling?" she cleared her throat a little embarrassedly.

"Maybe… add to the deal that we should also say when things hurt"

"Yes, most definitely" I looked up at her worriedly. "What's up with your back?" I put my hand on the sore spot and just kept it there.

"Don't know, woke up like this today. Happens sometimes" she gave a half shrug. "It's not too bad, just wasn't prepared for a spontaneous little massage"

"Well when we get home you're going to get a very much _planned_ massage" I said with a little frown.

"Your arm, honey…"

"I've got _two_ , you know" I smiled. "And no lifting anything heavier than a fridge for you today, darling" my grin turned into a smirk.

"Same goes for you" she smiled back, one of her eyebrows raising cockily.

"I'll try to restrain myself" I said with a little laugh, then looked up at her fondly. "Hey… If nothing else, Peridot's offer means free, high quality veggies. That's nothing to sneeze at" Jasper took a deep breath and closed her eyes a moment.

"The corn was lovely…" she said slowly with her eyes still closed, a concentrated expression on her face. I hugged her gently, knowing that it was hard for her to say that. "Honey… could you tell me again that my sperm isn't weak?" I had to concentrate quite hard myself not to giggle there – not that she was being silly or anything like that – it was just so strange to think that _I'd_ ever be reassuring my significant other of _that_.

"It's good, it's great and it's… very tasty" I felt my cheeks burning. Jasper let out a little snort and looked down at me. "I think… that when it's ready and mature I'm going to get so incredibly pregnant"

"'Incredibly pregnant'?"

"Yes" I nodded firmly. "People will look at me and go; shiiiit – she's _so_ pregnant"

"Hah…" Jasper smiled broadly and stroked my cheek. "You're always there to pick me up, when the times get rough…" she quoted Butterfly by Crazy Town and I beamed up at her.

"And you most definitely make my legs shake, darling… speaking of legs… Or bones, rather… should we get going? I'm really looking forward to meeting the famous Frank"

"Right" Jasper laughed a little embarrassedly. "Got a little sidetracked…"

"It's OK my sweet-stem" I smirked up at her and her face lit up.

"Sweet-stem, huh?" she chuckled. I felt Kara squirm against my belly and giggled at the sensation.

"Yes, very sweet" I said, feeling my ears heat up.

"I like that…"

"Yes, I can feel your enthusiasm" I giggled, then was gently rocked as Jasper laughed, her eyes closing briefly. Afterwards she let out a long, happy sigh.

"I _fucking_ love you, little monster" she said huskily, then leant down to kiss me softly.

"I fucking love you too, beastie" I giggled. She took my hand and we began to walk down the path again. After a few minutes we entered a tiny forest full of birdsong. I drew in the smell of damp earth, wet bark and decaying leaves. "Oh… I love this smell…" I said with a puff of gold. "It's so _autumn-y_ " Jasper smiled and drew in a deep breath too.

"Hang on – look" she stopped and turned to her left. Fifty or so yards away was a deer. It looked at us. "What is that?" she asked quietly.

"It's a _deer_ " I said with a smile, then I gasped. "Oh, she has _babies_ …" two little white spotted fawns lifted their heads from the grass to gaze at us too. "Aww…"

"Do they bite?" Jasper asked curiously, lowering herself slightly.

"I think they just run away if you get too close. Maybe kick or pummel you with their hooves if you corner them or threaten their young… I saw one going after a dog on tubetube once – that dog was _very_ sorry it tried to mess with the deer mama's babies"

"Hah, a mother after my own heart" Jasper said, grinning. A branch snapped from over to our left and the deer bolted, leaping away gracefully through the trees. I watched them go, feeling lucky Jasper had spotted them. No, wait…

"Did you smell them, darling?" I asked, looking up at her.

"Yeah"

"Wow… your sense of smell is so good" she chuckled at this and stood a little straighter.

"It comes in handy in battle, and in cooking too" she gave my hand a squeeze and we started walking again.

"Smelling in _battle_?" I asked, my eyebrows raising.

"You've got to use all your senses" she said sagely. "My sense of smell had gotten me out of a few really bad situations"

"Really?" I had trouble trying to picture that.

"Yeah. Once, my squad had infiltrated a rebel base and we knew there were some gems holed up in there, but it was like a maze. When we got close to them I recognized the scent of one of the rebels – this huge onyx and iolite fusion – she was a dangerous motherfucker. I called for a halt as soon as I knew it was her, then my squad split up and attacked from five different directions. We managed to take her down with only two of us being destabilized"

"Whoa…" I said, feeling slightly unsettled.

"Is that… those things… about the war. Do you even want to hear them?" she asked me a little uncertainly.

"It's OK, darling" I said quickly. "You can tell me anything"

"OK…" she let out a relieved sound, then smiled at me. "The junk yard is just up ahead"

When we exited the forest we came out on the top of a small hill. Down in a valley below us was a huge fenced in area piled high with all sorts of things. There were heaps of old cars, stacked on top of each other. As we approached the tall fence Jasper held out her arms to me.

"I usually just jump in" she said with a smile. I stepped into her embrace and she put a steadying hand under my bum and one at my back, then pushed off the ground. We landed on the other side and she put me down. There was a distant booming bark and a shriek of laughter that I recognized as Amethyst. "Hah, here comes Frank – he recognizes the sound I make when I land, I think" Jasper squatted down and took my hand.

"Oh? That's so sweet" around a corner came a large black dog, bounding along happily, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. He launched himself at Jasper and began jumping up and licking her face. She laughed and petted him and after half a minute or so he calmed a little, his tail still going mad though.

"Frank, this is Erica, I told you about her" Jasper said with a smile, wiping her face mostly clean of dog drool. Frank sniffed my pants then turned his back on me, his tail wagging against my thigh. "Think that means 'scratch my butt'" Jasper chuckled.

"Hello Frank, and Frank's butt" I sniggered, bending down to scratch him. One of his legs thumped the ground when I touched a spot above his hip and I focused there. "Is that a good place, huh? Does that feel nice?" Frank panted happily. "He's so _big_ " I giggled, making a few white butterflies appear. Frank glanced around at them, then closed his eyes and leaned on my leg. "Aww…"

"Think he likes you, babe" Jasper said, patting his head.

"Does Frankie-boy want a bone?" I asked him and his ears pricked up. I took off my backpack and he turned around to sniff at it curiously, then he sat down and stared at me intensely, his tail thumping the ground.

"That means yes" Jasper chuckled. I took out a large marrow bone and Frank licked his chops, reaching forward.

"Hold on a minute, big boy" I put my backpack back on, then held out the bone, but the dog didn't take it.

"Say 'it's alright'" Jasper whispered to me.

"It's alright" I said and Frank took the bone and lay down immediately, clamping it under one paw and licking at one end. "Oh, he's so well behaved" I said, feeling impressed.

"Yup" Jasper smiled and ruffled his head and ears before standing up. "Want to go find the others? Frank'll be busy for a while"

"OK"

We walked slowly between the enormous piles of stuff – there really seemed to be a bit of everything here. After a while we found Amethyst and Peridot digging around in a pile and giggling. Amethyst looked up when she heard us approaching.

"Sup, nerds. Got lost or something?" she smirked. Jasper's cheeks went a bit pink.

"We saw a deer" I said quickly and Jasper smiled at me, looking relieved. "It had two little fawns"

"Aw, that's nice – did you stop and look at it with goo-goo eyes?" the purple gem fluttered her eyelashes at us and made a kissy face.

"Yes" Jasper said with a smirk. "They were really cute – I _practically_ swooned"

"Pff! You're such a softie!" Amethyst laughed. "Never would have thought it about you, big buff hunk o' rock"

"It is rather extraordinary to see this side of Jasper. The image I had of you before our mission was clearly flawed" Peridot sat up, holding what looked like a circuit board of some kind.

"Hey, just because I like cute and soft things doesn't make me any less of a badass" Jasper stated a little testily. "Right, babe?"

"Certainly doesn't" I looked up at her warmly, remembering that I had said that to her when we moved into our first house.

"One thing I find fascinating about being on earth is that I keep on discovering sides of myself that are not very desirable in a peridot" Peridot said, putting the circuit board down and continued to rummage in the pile.

"What's not desirable about you, Pear-bear?" Amethyst asked with a confused expression – she looked as if Peridot's statement just didn't make sense to her at all.

"The fact that I now quite enjoy life without limb enhancers, for one. And that I'm eating and sleeping – and enjoying them too"

"Well, those things _are_ great" Amethyst said.

"Yes, I know – but not to a home world peridot. I wish I could inform the population that it doesn't have to be all… routine and maintenance and turning the other cheek to our superiors. We can be _free_ "

"Yeah you can!" Amethyst nodded. "I dig it when you go all Braveheart on me" I let out a little snort, picturing Peridot replacing Mel Gibson and screaming 'FREEDOM!' at the top of her lungs.

"I don't know that reference" Peridot grunted, pulling something out of the pile.

"It's a cool scene in a movie" Amethyst sniggered. "Need some help with that, P-dot?"

"Please!" Peridot braced her feet and heaved. Amethyst grabbed onto it too and there was a clunk, then both of them tumbled backwards, another electronic device in their hands. They both sniggered and Peridot gave Amethyst a quick kiss on the cheek before sitting up. "Oh no, it's burned out" she dropped the thing with a sigh. "Back to the pile!"

"What are you looking for?" I asked curiously as Jasper chuckled at the dazed look on Amethyst's face.

"A double sided PCB"

"And that means…?"

"A double sided printed circuit board – I'm sure I can adapt it to the drones I cobbled together from my old escape pod – I want to use them to patrol my fields. Pumpkin is not a very good guard-pumpkin and I've seen an unsettling amount of crows around the barn lately. Amethyst is very good at scaring them off but she can't be there all the time"

"Nope, got other things to do, even though it's fun to be a scarecrow" Amethyst had sat up now.

"It should look like this" she held up the one she had discarded and then turned it over, showing the other side. That side was also full of wires and things. "Not like _this_ " she pointed to a blackened and bubbly looking part.

"Want us to help look?" I asked.

"That would be very much appreciated" Peridot gave me a little smile. "What are _you_ looking for?"

"Hat stands" Jasper said. "And patio furniture. And a barbecue"

"I think I saw a barbecue over by the piano pile" Amethyst supplied.

"Let's go look babe" Jasper touched my shoulder, then started walking off to our right.

"See you" I waved to the others and followed my big, beautiful beastie. I took a moment to appreciate how her butt looked as she moved, then looked around at all the piles. After a little while Jasper stopped and pointed.

"The piano pile"

"Oh, _look_ at all of them" I said, feeling a pang of sadness. It really was a pile of pianos – stacked on top of each other, leaning against each other or lying in bits. They were burned, dirty and broken. "What _happened_ you guys?" I asked the suddenly much crueller looking world. I approached one that had had the back ripped off and touched the keys carefully. They were stuck in the position they were in, cemented together by mud and rain. I went behind it and ran my thumb nail along one of the wires – it made one of those noises that were not uncommon in a scary movie and I shivered pleasantly. It was almost a thundery sound.

"I think this one works" Jasper said from over to my left and pointed to a piano a few feet off the ground. She pushed at a key and it rang out a clear C. I walked over to her and climbed onto the back of one lying on its side. I ran my fingers over the keys – these weren't stuck. I pressed them in order – this piano was tuned – not just the key Jasper had pressed. It looked burned and the wood was scratched, the lid on the back loose and almost split in two. I began to play Chop Sticks, because you couldn't not. Jasper chuckled and looked at me. I smiled at her, then cracked my knuckles – I wanted to impress her…

"I haven't played in a long, long time but maybe you'll recognize this one?" I began to play one handed and Jasper made a little gasp after a few seconds.

"That's from Lord of the Rings!" she beamed at me and took a step closer. I nodded and smiled.

"You should play with both hands, but the cast, you know" suddenly I got a lovely idea. "You want to play with me?" Jasper's eyebrows rose. "You've got such big hands – that's really good for playing the piano"

"OK, sure" she grinned and I waved for her to come stand on my left.

"Here, you begin like this…" I demonstrated a bit of the Lord of the Rings theme. "Follow along? We'll go slow" Jasper raised her right hand and followed my lead – she was such a fast learner! After a minute she could play unassisted and I smiled, kissing her cheek.

"This is fun" she said, plonking out the tune.

"Yeah? Maybe we should get a piano?" I thought aloud. It was nice to play again… A mental image of Jasper sitting at one of those shiny black concert pianos appeared in my head.

"One of these?"

"No, a new one – or well… maybe not new new but not a burned one. I don't think these ones would survive being transported"

"Mmm…" Jasper thought a moment. "Could you teach me?"

"Sure, darling" I smiled at her warmly. "I haven't really played seriously since I was a teenager, but it feels… nice…"

"Then let's get a piano, babe"

"OK, great!" I jumped down from the one I was standing on and stretched. Jasper kept playing while I went around to look for the barbecue. After a few minutes I spotted it – it was quite high up on a pile of random things. It looked whole, but quite rusty. But you could get rid of rust. "Darling I found it" I called over my shoulder. The music stopped and Jasper came striding over. "Do you think this is safe to climb?" I asked, kicking a tire at the bottom of the heap.

"I've got it" Jasper smiled and reached out with her hand toward the barbecue – her arm kept growing and she just picked the thing up by a leg and brought it down to us. I beamed at her.

"Thank you, darling! What do you think, is it a keeper?" I squatted down to inspect it. Jasper followed suit and put her hand on the round lid, rocking it back and forth.

"Seems steady – what about the inside?" she lifted the lid. The interior was rusty and grimy but looked whole. All the pieces seemed to be there. "Keeper" she grinned at me and I smiled back.

"Great! Just needs a thorough cleaning and it'll be good as new"

We left the barbecue by the pianos and began looking through the piles in the vicinity. I found some old computers and a microwave under a ripped tarp. They might have what Peridot was looking for, I thought and tried to remember the place. I found a hockey stick and tied a red plastic bag to it, then shoved it in between the computers to mark the location for later.

"Honey? How about these?" Jasper called a while later. I went to find her – she was standing on top of a heap and holding up two chairs. "I think there's more under this" she stamped her foot on an old oil drum.

"Can you come down?" I asked, not able to see from that distance. She jumped down and landed a few yards away, then held out the chairs. They were wide and wooden, with arm rests. They looked in good condition. "Let's try them out" Jasper put them down and we sat down in one each. "Mm! Sturdy. Great find, beastie" I smiled at her. She chuckled a little cockily.

"Keepers, then?" she asked.

"Yes" I nodded. I leaned back in mine and let out a little sigh. "This is nice… It's almost like going to a rummage sale"

"What's that?"

"It's when people gather to sell old stuff they don't want any more. You can find all sorts of awesome things – I've found quite a lot of rare books at rummage sales. And some really cool hats and like mugs and things – it's great. But this is even better since it's free"

We got up and Jasper went to dig out the other chairs – she found three more but two were busted up. But three free chairs was a great find. After a while Frank showed up and we took a break from treasure hunting to play with him. Jasper found a little tire from a tricycle and threw it for him to fetch and he set off after it with an excited bark. We spent a while throwing the improvised toy for him – Jasper obviously threw it longer than me, but Frank didn't seem to mind. Amethyst appeared out of nowhere and shapeshifted into a dog and joined in on the fetching game – this made Frank positively burst with joy. They played tug-of-war with it, both of them growling happily. Peridot came over too and cheered Amethyst on, while Jasper and I cheered for Frank.

After the extended break I showed Peridot the computers I had found and she attacked them happily. Apparently she found what she was looking for and thanked me sincerely for the find. Jasper and I searched in vain for hat stands it seemed – but Jasper did find something she really liked.

"Look! It's like that fish from Gravity Falls!" she held up an oval wooden board with a plastic fish on it. She pressed the button and the thing moved feebly.

"Maybe it just needs new batteries?" I suggested.

"I know just where to put this" she said with a big grin.

It started to rain and we decided to give up on hat stands for the time being. Frank followed us to the fence and I gave him the second marrow bone as a goodbye gift. Jasper carried all our stuff easily as we walked back to the warp pad.

"Pretty good haul, I'd say" Amethyst said in a satisfied way. She had found some skis and a delightfully mangled base guitar. "I know just the pile to put these on in my room"

"I am also satisfied with this – what did you call it – 'loot'?" she turned to me and I nodded. "I will be able to get the drones off the ground now!"

We warped back to the barn and Peridot sprinted inside with her stuff, then returned with a box of mixed vegetables. Jasper said thank you a little stiffly, but she did say it. I felt very proud of her for that. We waved goodbye to Peridot and Amethyst, then warped back to Steven's house.

"Babe, let me get that" Jasper said and tried to rearrange everything she was carrying so that she could take the box of vegetables too.

"Darling I can carry this – it's not that heavy" I said with a little laugh.

"Come on, honey – you should be resting your arm" Jasper wheedled.

"Yes indeed you should" Pearl said, appearing from behind the kitchen counter. She strode over quickly and took the box out of my hands.

"Hey – I'm not _crippled_ you know" I looked between the two of them amusedly.

"We are _aware_ " Pearl smiled. "But let's not push our luck"

"Mhmm" Jasper hummed and smirked at me.

"Ganging up on me, huh?" I sniggered.

"We want you to heal properly – and that is not achieved by overdoing it – now, do you have a moment to talk or do you need to go immediately?"

"Oh right" I turned to Jasper. "Do you want to go right this minute?"

"Nah, it's fine babe. Could use a drink to be honest"

"There are juice boxes in the fridge, help yourself" Pearl offered politely and Jasper put the chairs and the barbecue down before going to the kitchen. Pearl put the box on top of the chairs, then turned to me. "I wanted to tell you that I've had an idea on how to try to help you with your balance problem"

"Oh?" I said, completely surprised.

"Yes, it's quite simple really – I don't quite get how I didn't think of it before. Dancing. Specifically – ballet!"

"What" I said, taken aback.

"Balance and poise are important in ballet and the techniques used would be beneficial to you, I'm sure"

"Really – ballet?" I sniggered, hoping she wasn't serious.

"Yes indeed! It's a _wonderful_ dance style" Pearl smiled at me excitedly.

"You… know I can't really dance, right?" I said, feeling my cheeks and ears get really hot.

"Don't be silly" Pearl waved a hand at me.

"Oh dear lord…" I mumbled, scratching my neck uncertainly. "Just for balance training, not like… _Swan Lake_ , right? I'm not being ungrateful or anything, Pearl, I really appreciate you coming up with this solution. I um… I did take lessons when I was really, really young – and I… hated it – but that was probably because of the people not the dance itself, as it were"

"Oh that's… I'm sorry, I had no idea" Pearl said, the excitement draining away from her a little.

"But um" I tried to think quickly. "Thank you, Pearl. When um… when do you want to start?"

She looked at me, a smile coming back to her face. "Next week? I know the cast won't be off for a while but we could do a few very light exercises just to start off"

" _Plie_ and stuff?"

"That's right!" she beamed at me. "Oh, this is going to be oodles of fun! And when your arm is all better I'm thinking you and Connie might just be ready for your first mission" she added the last sentence teasingly, poking my shoulder gently with one long, pale finger.

"What? Really?" my eyebrows rose and I blinked at her.

"Yes indeed! You've both made such splendid progress – I'm confident you are up for a simple retrieval mission, just to get your feet wet"

"Shit…" I looked over at Jasper. "Did you hear that, darling?"

"Yeah I heard" Jasper chuckled, looking pleased.

We said goodbye to Pearl and headed home.

After dinner consisting of oven baked vegetables and the mackerel I had purchased this morning Jasper and I sat down in front of the TV.

"So these are all for playing games?" she asked lifting up a Nintendo64 controller carefully.

"Yeah! I've got lots of games – I wasn't allowed to have any consoles when I was little. My mother thought they rotten your brain, but it's the complete opposite. It helps you build hand-eye coordination, for one. _And_ it's fun!" I plugged in the SNES and put in a Mario game. "Here, this D-pad moves your guy, then this makes him jump. If you hold this one in and move left or right he goes faster"

"They're so small" Jasper sniggered, taking the SNES controller. She pushed the buttons and laughed when Mario began to move on the screen.

"Oh, look out – that's a pit. Jump over it or you die"

" _Die_?" Jasper's eyes widened.

"Not you, darling – the guy, Mario. But it's OK, because you've got extra lives – those green spotted mushrooms are your extra chances. When you run out of those the game is over and you have to start from the beginning"

"Oh, OK"

It took a few tries for her to get the jump right and she lifted the controller up sharply every time she pressed the jump button – it was freaking adorable.

"Watch out – that's a Goomba – an enemy. You've got to jump on its head and that kills it, and you get points"

"Aahhh it keeps moving!" Jasper said, sounding almost afraid – then she jumped and managed to hit it square on the head. "Oh! It made a sound! Hah! It's dead!"

"Well done, darling" I beamed at her.

"Is that it? Did I win the game?" she asked eagerly.

"No, no this is just the beginning of the first level, there are lots more after that. And bosses and everything! And you get the fire flower a little later – that makes you throw fire balls"

"Fire balls, nice"

I watched her play and she got good really fast. After a while we switched and I got to play too. It was a bit awkward with the cast, but I managed. It was more fun to watch Jasper though and I gave her back the controller after one level.

When we got into bed I gave her a back rub and then read a bit more of The Colour of Magic aloud. As I was reading, Jasper stroked my belly gently. It was so incredibly cosy to be snuggled up in bed like that… Sharing the very beginning of my most favourite book series with the person I loved.

The next morning Greg and Pearl showed up after breakfast and I kissed Jasper goodbye at the door. She was too big to come along to get Lorelai and the van. She would take the day to do a bit of preparation for the moving in party and have a little training session with Amethyst.

I was quite tired this morning, and even though I had equipped myself with a thermos of coffee, I fell asleep in the back seat. I woke up when Greg pulled the handbrake.

"Erica, I'm gonna get out and take the van, you and Pearl are going to go get your jeep" Greg said with a little smile. As he got out he hugged the hood of his van. "Sorry for leaving you out here, girl…"

"Mmmm'k" I yawned and stretched. "Sry fr fln asleep…"

"Oh it's quite alright" Pearl said with a smile. "You must have needed it"

"Din't sleep ver well l's ni't…" I cleared my throat. "Think I was a bit anxious about getting the cars…" I rubbed my eyes and tried to wake up.

"I see…" Pearl looked at me a little worriedly and started the car. "See you back in Beach City, Greg" she said out the window.

"See you guys! Call if there's anything"

"We will"

Pearl drove down the dirt road toward the forest. I could feel my heartbeat rising and I tried to take deep breaths.

"Erica…" Pearl glanced at me with her eyebrows drawn together.

"Oh, this is harder than I thought" I said with an attempt at a laugh. It came out very nervous and was accompanied by a few puffs of green.

"I could… just stop here and go and get it on foot" Pearl offered kindly.

"No, no, I've… got to face it" I swallowed.

"OK, well… talk to me, alright?"

"OK" I nodded. Pearl put her hand over mine and gave it a squeeze. "It all made me feel so… powerless…"

We turned into the small forest road and my chest began to constrict a little. I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly – a stream of green smoke emanated from me and I rolled down the window hurriedly to let it out.

"Sometimes, some crimes, go slipping through the cracks, but these two, gum shoes, go picking up the slack…" I began to sing my calm down song as images of being lifted into the air flashed across my mind. Being dragged away from all that I knew by someone so powerful, so _unconcerned_ with what _I_ wanted – I shook myself mentally. I… accept that it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I accept that I felt incredibly powerless. But I know that if that happened _now_ I would fight tooth and nail to stop it. I was _never_ going back to the zoo. I was going to live my life here on earth, with Jasper and our kid – and Pearl and Greg and everyone else.

"It's… not quite like anything else, standing in the presence of a diamond…" Pearl said slowly. It broke me out of my thoughts.

"No, you've… got a point there…" I responded, forcing my shoulders to relax.

"Their privilege is immense… You truly are nothing in their eyes" her voice was hollow.

I stared at her. This… wasn't exactly helping right now. My chest constricted again.

"I remember the first time I saw a diamond… It was just after I was made… When I was presented as a gift to… to Poudretteite..." Pearl's eyes grew steely and looked determinedly at the road ahead. "She was merely a lieutenant commander when she took possession of me. I was plucked straight from my vat and placed by her side, knowing I must serve her to my dying breath… And then I looked up… It's indescribable… the way a diamond makes you feel… There is this want, this _need_ to be of use…" I remembered Tourmaline's emotions flooding me at the sight of Blue Diamond. "It's built into us, right from the start. And I knew… that I would do anything to honour the life she had bestowed upon me… But also that I was so insignificant… unimportant… just an ornament…" just an accessory – the words echoed in my mind "Just a _pearl_ …" she drew in a quick breath. "What I'm trying to say is that I _know_ how… _powerless_ and small it makes you feel – to be treated as a possession, as… _property_ …" she squeezed my hand very firmly and swallowed. "It's a terrible thing and I'm utterly, _utterly_ sorry they made you feel that way too…" I blinked at her, not really sure what to say. "But we are _not_ possessions. We _can't_ be owned. We are free… and we are together. Us Crystal Gems… And Crystal Allies, as it may be…" she smiled faintly now and I found that very reassuring, even more than her words. Lorelai came into view and Pearl stopped the car, pulling the handbrake. I drew in breath to speak, but Pearl said; "I've got something for you" and I felt both surprised and relieved – I still hadn't really known what to say. Her gem began to glow and something fell into her outstretched hand. She held it out to me and I looked down at her palm. On her pale skin lay two tiny, green and silver star shaped ear studs.

"Pearl…" I said quietly. "They're beautiful…"

"I'm glad you like them" she said with a warm yet concerned smile. "I was thinking… maybe you could wear them in the holes made for the other ones… to… fill them with something _better_ than bad memories. You approached this place because you care for us and wanted to keep us and everyone else safe… Such bravery is worth so much more than just a prize from the Pearl Prize Pouch – although you _are_ owed one of those too"

"Pearl I don't know what to say…"

"How about _I_ say thank you"

"Huh?"

"If you hadn't done what you did, who _knows_ what Blue Diamond might have done… And your quick thinking with the bubbles, Erica I'm so proud of you!" suddenly I was enveloped in a very tight and slightly awkwardly angled hug. I let out a little gasp, then hugged her back. "I was so terribly worried…" she whispered and I felt her begin to shake, then she sniffed and I hugged her tighter in response.

"Pearl…" I said quietly, my voice breaking a little – and then I was crying too.

We sat like that for a while, leaning on each other. Her hands gripped the back of my jacket as if she never wanted to let me go again. It meant so much – _so very much_ – all that she had said.

After quite some time we broke the embrace and sat back in our seats, wiping our eyes. I was feeling a lot calmer now, my spirits lifted and reinforced by Pearl's beautiful gesture.

"Could you help me put them on?" I asked, pointing to the ear studs still in Pearl's hand.

"Yes, of course" she smiled wetly, then applied them. "Oh…" she held her hands in front of her mouth when she was done. "They look great on you"

"Yeah?" I folded down the mirror and turned my head from side to side. They _did_ look very good. I smiled at myself, then at Pearl. "I really love green..."

"So I've noticed" Pearl let out a wet little laugh. "It feels a bit weird to say that green is your colour - but it _is_. Oh, these with Jade's shirt... you'll look fabulous"

"Th-thanks..." I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Now... do you feel ready to go?"

"I think so. We'd better make sure Lorelai will start up before you drive off though"

"Of course, of course" we got out of the car and went over to inspect the jeep. There were leaves covering the hood and spare parts on the roof - not to mention quite a few bird droppings - but otherwise the vehicle seemed fine. I unlocked the door and started the engine.

"Oh thank the gods..." I said with a breath of relief.

"I'll follow you out" Pearl smiled and got back into her car. We drove out of the forest an onto the road, then onto the highway leading back home. We stopped by 'It's A Wash' to drop off Greg's other car and the spare parts. Greg offered me a free car wash and I gladly accepted it. I invited them and the rest to the moving in party on Friday and they said they'd come.

At long last I pulled up into the driveway to mine and Jasper's new house and carried the boxes of baby things inside. When I opened one of them I found the clothes smelling of mothballs and decided to throw it all into the washing machine.

How many times would I end up washing these things? I thought as I sorted the clothes into different piles. Which little onesie would end up being our child's favourite? Which would be mine? I thumbed the collar of a blue and white striped one and held it against my belly with a smile.

"One day..." I said softly. A few butterflies flitted around me and settled on the piles of clothes. "One day _soon_ , I hope..."

* * *

Please review!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 
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	75. Welcome to our new home!

**Chapter 75: Welcome to our new home!**

"Welcome!" I said with a big smile as I opened the front door. "Come on in out of the rain!"

"Hi!" Connie said, stepping inside ahead of her parents.

"Good evening" Priyanka greeted.

"Hello - let me get that for you" Jasper said, reaching out for Doug's large umbrella.

"Oh, that's very kind - and hello" Doug smiled warmly. "And what is that _alluring_ smell?"

"That'd be Jasper's empanadas" I giggled, making a few bright butterflies appear.

"No, I think that's your pies he's smelling, babe" Jasper countered with a crooked grin.

"Whatever it is, it smells sublime" Doug assured us, taking off his jacket. We all hugged or shook hands.

"Oh, look, that's Steven's drawing!" Connie pointed to the framed picture hanging over a chest of drawers standing between the TV-room and the guest room door. "Wow this place is so _big_ compared to your other house!"

"Can't hit my head anywhere" Jasper grinned hugely. "Well. The roof slants in the attic, but I really have to _try_ there"

"I want to see everything - can I go explore?"

"Sure, sweetheart, but we were going to hold a tour when everyone's got here" I said with a little laugh.

"Oh, that's OK, I can wait" Connie smiled up at me. She was wearing a pretty yellow dress tonight, and Priyanka had a deep pink one.

"I love these floors..." Priyanka said, bending down a little. "Are they the originals?"

"Yup" Jasper nodded. "The renovators just polished them up a bit"

"Come in, come in - there are refreshments in the living room slash kitchen right through there" I gestured through the open door to my left. "There are sodas in the fridge for you Connie, feel free to browse"

"Whoa, that couch is _huge_!" Connie gasped and ran over to it.

"Yeah - some proper me-sized furniture" Jasper chuckled. Connie had climbed up into the sofa and was dangling her legs and looking around.

"Open floor plan - I like it" Doug said, looking around as well. "The furniture was custom made? Or did you make it yourself?"

"There's a company that makes them to order, for really big and tall people" I answered, smiling up at my beautiful Jasper. There was a knock at the door and Jasper went to get it while the Maheswarans walked slowly around the big living room and kitchen.

"Hey you guys!" Steven greeted cheerfully. He came running up to me with a big smile and hugged me round the middle. "This house is so cool!"

"Hi Steven" I said happily. "Thank you - "

" _Fuck_ look at that big ass couch!" Amethyst sauntered in and burst out laughing. "Purple Puma's gonna be _real_ comfy" she shapeshifted into her wrestling persona and plopped down next to Connie. "Aw yeah..." she put her hands behind her head and leaned back, man-spreading like crazy.

"Good evening" Peridot said as she approached. She was holding a wicker basket in her hands, stuffed to capacity with vegetables. "A... 'house-warming' gift for you" she held it out to me. "The gift is the _basket_ , the vegetables are just the ones I was going to bring you in any case"

"Oh, thank you so much, Peridot" I said with a smile. "They really are very good. Jasper and I made a lovely stew of the last ones, it turned out great"

"As it should" the green gem nodded with a prim little smile.

"Perry! Come sit!" Amethyst called. Pearl and Garnet came up to say hello and both gave me a hug.

"We brought you a little present" Pearl said, holding up a big jar of honey. "A traditional house warming gift - 'so that you may always enjoy the sweetness of life'. Made by local bees!"

"Oh, that's so _sweet_ of you" I giggled and Pearl flicked her hand and snorted at my terrible pun. "There's tea brewing for you, Pearl, on the kitchen counter"

"That's very kind, thank you" she beamed.

"Hello!" Sadie appeared from behind her and I bent to hug her in greeting. "This place is great"

"Thank you!" she gave me a big black box with a bow on it. "And thank you"

"It's chocolate" she smiled and I smiled back. "And this is my mom, Barb - thank you for extending the invite to her too" Sadie had asked if it was OK she came along as well a few days ago.

"How are ya!" Barb said, grasping me firmly by the hand and shaking it jovially. "I've always wanted to see inside this house! The Jacobssons who lived here before never got much mail - and it's been empty so long! I'm glad to be delivering to this address again"

"Nice to meet you" I said politely. "Please feel free to have a drink and some nibbles"

"Don't mind if I do! Is that jelly beans I see? Sadie! Look!"

"Yes, mom, I see them" Sadie said a little quietly.

"Hey Erica. Here's something from me, too" Greg grinned - when had he got here? He handed me a garishly wrapped gift. "It's salt - so that your life will always have flavour or something - and my CD - you can use it during Halloween to frighten people"

"Thank you Greg - and your music is great, what are you talking about..." I hugged him tightly. "Are you doing alright?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm great. How're you?"

"I'm OK"

"And your arm?"

"Healing and itching like crazy. I think I've lost two pens to the cast" I waved it and it rattled - this made him smile.

"Got another pen? Then I can sign it?"

"Oh sure, let me go find one" I went upstairs as the others got themselves drinks and snacks. The sound of them all faded as I walked up to the attic and instead the sound of rain against the roof took over. I breathed out a sigh of relief. It wasn't that I didn't like having them all here or anything. It was just nice to get a little break from being hostess - Jasper and I had spent the entire day cooking and cleaning and had just got ready when the Maheswarans showed up. There was a rumble of thunder above me and I smiled, stopping in the middle of the floor to take a deep breath. Lightning flashed across the dark sky outside and I looked out through the big round window - the high maple tree's branches tapped against the glass, blown by the wind. Maybe this would be a good place to tell ghost stories... The leaves made strange shadows on the floor during the next lightning strike. It sent both a pleasant and slightly creepy thrill down my spine and I hurried up to find my coloured markers, thinking maybe more people than Greg would like to sign my cast. I made my way downstairs again.

"There you are, babe" Jasper called. "Want to start the tour?"

"Sure, darling, let me just put these markers down" I put them on the counter and exchanged a smile with Greg.

"OK, so this is the kitchen" Jasper said unnecessarily.

"Duh..." Amethyst snorted.

"And through here is the hall and the small bathroom..." Jasper ignored Amethyst and gestured for the rest to move into the hall. "That room there is the downstairs guest room - but we've been calling it Charlie, Steven and Connie's room"

"What, really?" Steven said with delighted surprise.

"Yeah..." I smiled. "You're always welcome here - that goes for everyone, obviously! But we decorated it with you three in mind"

"A desk so you can do your homework or draw or polish weapons or whatever" Jasper said, patting the table. "A bunk bed - there's a mattress in the cupboard - and a little reading nook"

"Look at all the _books_!" Connie nearly squealed, running forward to look at the bookshelf. I had filled it with my most favourite stories from when I was a kid, and a few board games as well. Jasper had put some of the comics she liked there too - she had really got into The Walking Dead, but kept those up in our bedroom.

"And the _games_!" Steven joined Connie and picked up a box labelled 'Settlers of Catan'. "I haven't played this!"

"Oh, that's so thoughtful..." Pearl said, giving me a soft look.

"We love having them over" Jasper smiled, her cheeks a little rosy. "So... why not have a space for them?"

"You big softie" Amethyst sniggered and elbowed Jasper on the thigh. Everyone moved inside and began to look around.

"That's all of you, aw..." Sadie had found a picture frame and held it up - it was a printed photo from the time Charlie, Steven, Connie, Jasper and I had played Hero Quest in our pyjamas.

"I like this room" Garnet said and sat down on the bottom bunk without another word.

"Oh man, I haven't seen these since I was a kid" Greg chuckled as he inspected the books as well. "'Five on a Treasure Island'... hey can I borrow this?"

"Sure, Greg" I said with a smile.

"Great, thanks"

"It's a very nice gesture..." Priyanka said and Doug nodded, his eyes slightly over-bright. She put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.

"Steven, if you like games then you'll love the next room" Jasper said and pointed through the wall.

"You've got more?!" he gasped and sprinted out through the door. Everyone laughed and followed him. "Whoa!"

"This is the TV-room" I sniggered, looking fondly at Steven who was bending down to look at all the different consoles. "And that's my collection of consoles and games"

"Neeeerd" Amethyst taunted, then; "Oh shit is that an _Atari_?! Fuck! Greg! Oh! They've got ' _Asteroids_ ** **'****!" the purple gem laughed excitedly. "I'm so going to kick your ass on that later!"

"What's an Atari?" Connie asked curiously.

"It's this!" Amethyst pointed to the rectangular box. "It's like one of the first video game thingies - used to play it with Gregory back in the day"

"Hah, yeah..." Greg smiled reminiscently, then glanced at Pearl and sniggered; "Until someone _broke_ it"

"Oh, not this again..." Pearl sighed. "It wasn't _me_ it was a _seagull_ " she said it in a sing-song voice, as if she'd said it a hundred times already.

"You've got a Game Cube too! Oh - oh - and look!" Steven held up 'Zelda: Majora's Mask'. "Can I borrow this? I've read it's a really good game!"

"Sure you can and yes it is" I nodded and giggled. Jasper put her hand on my hip and kissed me on the ear.

"I think they like this room" she chuckled sweetly.

"If you're going to play that I'd recommend playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time first" I added and Steven beamed. "Here" I bent down to pick up the game.

"Can we play some after dinner?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure" I grinned at him.

"Dibs on first play!" Amethyst said loudly. "Greg - you - me - Asteroids, loser gotta chug a beer, just like the old days!"

"You're on, Amethyst" Greg smiled, a fiery look coming into his eyes.

"What is everyone so excited about?" Peridot asked Pearl.

"It's... human entertainment. Virtual games"

"Oh, like Steven's entertainment cube?"

"Yes"

"P-dot - you gotta try it after I whoop Greg's butt - it's so much fun" Amethyst took Peridot's little hand and bounced up and down. Peridot blushed a tad and nodded. "Yuss!"

"Anyone want to see upstairs?" I suggested and Jasper led the way.

"This is the nursery - not completely finished, as you can see..." Jasper said softly. "Through that door is the other guest room"

Steven picked up a onesie and held it up with a big grin. "I can't believe I was ever that small" he said.

"You were..." Greg said fondly and ruffled his hair. "Feels like it was yesterday..."

"Check out these toys!" Amethyst had found an old Fisher-Price toy rotary phone on wheels. "Ahem, yes, I'd like to order a bag to barf in? Because this is so cute it's sickening"

"Amethyst" Pearl said, giving her a look.

"Hey I'm being a charming rascal" Amethyst said with a smirk. "Hah! Look, this one looks like you, Perri-doodle!" she held up a little green alien plush.

"Oh! It's got those big, kind eyes" Peridot said and walked over, bending down to look at the box of toys. Priyanka and Doug were standing by the crib, holding hands. Doug put his head on her shoulder and whispered something that made Priyanka laugh and shake her head. Garnet had found a teddy bear with a red and blue little bow tie and was smiling down at it.

"You are getting window-guards and safety gates right?" Pearl asked.

"Yes we are. Parker hasn't sent them along yet. This house is going to be as baby proof as it possibly can be" I said with a smile and Jasper nodded.

"This armchair is so _comfy_..." Connie said from the depths of the dark red chair in the right corner of the room. I could imagine myself and Jasper sitting there and nursing our baby, and reading them stories when they got a little older.

"I _know_ right?" Jasper beamed.

"Have ya got a changing station yet? Because I still have the one I made for Sadie when she was a baby - she was so big I had to get it reinforced!" Barb said with a broad open smile.

"Mom!" Sadie groaned and blushed.

"Do we?" I asked Jasper.

"I'd have to check the list, but I think so" she looked thoughtful. "But thanks for the offer, Barb"

"Don't mention it" Barb gave her a wink.

Jasper and I showed them all our master bathroom and bedroom - Amethyst got into the tub and commented that she'd probably drown in there. In the attic everyone milled around and Priyanka and Doug had a seat in the reading nook in one corner. Steven and Connie both tried my computer chair and pretend-blasted bad guys on my turned off computer screen.

When we were all downstairs again Jasper and I put out all the food and invited everyone to dig in.

"Is that the gravlax?" Priyanka asked, pointing to a platter.

"Yes it is - and I've got a piece saved for you if you like it" I responded with a smile.

"Mom, you're going to love it" Connie giggled, putting an empanada onto her plate next to a few slices of fish.

"Make sure you leave some room for dessert - Erica made blueberry and raspberry pie" Jasper said over the sound of people getting food.

"Hey, what about that yellow pie from last time?" Steven asked with a hopeful grin.

"The cloud-berries are not in season right now, sorry" I smiled at him apologetically.

"Aw, too bad, that pie was _de-lish_ " Amethyst said, piling four empanadas onto her already full plate. "We playing any games tonight?"

"We were thinking charades after dinner, and there's kubb too, but it's raining so hard"

"Charades?" Doug asked, his face lighting up. "I _love_ charades!"

"He does, he does..." Priyanka said with a little sigh and a smile. Connie looked _slightly_ uncomfortable.

"Did you hear that, honey? Charades! Just like at your grand-pappy's house at Christmas!" Barb patted her daughter's shoulder excitedly.

"Yeah... great" Sadie smiled a little stiffly.

"Participation isn't mandatory" I said, glancing at both her and Connie. "It's just for fun"

"Well if it's just for fun..." Sadie's shoulders rose shyly.

"What, no prizes?" Amethyst asked.

"Just honour" Jasper said seriously, then gave Connie a big wink.

"And no shapeshifting" I added and wrinkled my nose at Amethyst and smiled.

"Boo!" she groaned.

"It wouldn't be fair" Garnet stated. "Because... my team would win" she gave a smile and plonked her plate down on the table and took a seat.

"Oh-hooo... wanna bet? I don't need to shapeshift to communicate with my body" Amethyst sniggered. There was a little strangled noise from behind me and I turned to see Peridot blushing furiously. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing.

"You'll lose" Garnet said slowly.

"Hey, if I can't shapeshift, you can't use your future vision!"

"Don't need it" the tall gem smiled confidently.

"Them's fighting words!" Amethyst growled delightedly. "You're on Garn- _tw_ -"

"ERICA THIS IS SOME LOVELY TEA OH YES INDEED!" Pearl said very loudly and I nearly dropped my plate in alarm.

"G-glad you like it" I gibbered, holding my hand over my chest. Pearl glared pointedly at Amethyst and the purple gem shrugged in response.

"Let's eat!" Greg said, waving people along to the table. I looked at him gratefully.

Everyone sat down and dug in.

"Holy smokes - are you sure this is _fish_?" Barb asked after swallowing a huge bite of gravlax.

"Yeah, pretty sure" Jasper answered with a grin, then looked at me proudly. "Had scales and everything"

"It's delicious! Oh, you should sell this! You'd make millions"

" _Mom_!" Sadie hissed, her cheeks bright red.

"I'm complementing our hostesses, honey" Barb said in a stage whisper - perhaps she thought she was being quiet? She didn't seem to have much volume control - something shiny behind her ear caught my eye and suddenly I felt very guilty at my previous thought - Barb was wearing a translucent hearing aid.

"Um, thank you" I said politely. "I'm glad you like it"

"It'sh gread!" Steven said with his mouth full. Both Jasper and I beamed at him. I saw Priyanka take a bite too - she smiled and took another, larger piece - that made a pleasant warm feeling fill my chest.

"Yes, I'd love some to take home" she said, looking at me delightedly. "It's great, Doug, you've got to try it"

"Hey, you're giving free delish-fish away? Sign me up!" Amethyst said, spearing an empanada onto her fork and biting off half of it in one go.

"Next time" I smiled at her.

"I want a _huuuuge_ piece" the purple gem grinned, stretching her arms wide over Steven's and Peridot's heads.

"You're not getting _any_ if you're going to put hot sauce on it" Jasper smirked at Amethyst.

"Scout's honour" Amethyst held up two fingers.

"It doesn't count if you cross your other fingers behind your back" Steven said with a snigger. Amethyst grimaced.

"Come _on_ dude - I was _so_ close! And I just _know_ it'd be even more delish with some jalapeño hot sauce!"

"No deal" I said with a giggle. "You've got to respect the pickle gnomes' work"

"Yeah. The pickle gnomes are a powerful bunch" Jasper grinned. "Don't want to piss them off" Steven let out a little gasp.

"What are _pickle gnomes_?" he asked, his eyes wide. I smiled at him.

"My grandma told me there are little magical people who make sure the pickling turns out well. You have to say a spell over the fish after you're done preparing it"

"What's the spell?" Connie asked, smiling too.

"Family secret" I giggled. Jasper met my gaze and I saw her cheeks pink up adorably. She knew what I meant... a big and bright orange butterfly appeared and soared around the table before fading.

"Whoa - that was a _big_ one!" Steven laughed.

"Yes it was..." Jasper smiled and blinked at me slowly.

People ate and talked - the atmosphere was light and pleasant and I felt myself relaxing into the hubbub. It was great to be here, surrounded by my friends and enjoying some really tasty food. The pickle gnomes had done a very good job this time around - Jasper had said the spell. When Steven and Connie were done they asked to be excused and if they could play video games in the TV-room. Amethyst and Peridot joined them a few minutes after, Amethyst bringing another plate of food with her. The rest remained at the table. Barb chatted happily with Greg and I figured they must be old friends. Sadie and Pearl conversed at a low volume and Garnet and Doug seemed to exchange a few words too.

When everyone had finished Jasper and I cleared the table. Sadie helped cleaning up and Pearl insisted on doing the dishes. I was more than happy to let her do that - it meant that I didn't have to struggle into the dish glove with my cast. Soon all the food was put away and a pot of coffee was brewing.

"So, did you want to play charades?" I asked as I cracked open a fresh soda can.

"I'm always up for charades!" Barb said happily.

"Me too" Doug nodded. The rest agreed as well.

"Steven, Connie, Amethyst, Peridot" Pearl called. "Did you want to play?"

"Yeah!" came Steven's enthusiastic answer and the four of them came back to the living room.

"I don't know how to play this game" Peridot said.

"Don't worry Pear-Bear, I think E's just about to give us the rules" Amethyst grinned at her reassuringly. Peridot nodded and looked at me expectantly.

" _OK_ " I said, picking up the paper I had cut earlier. "We'll divide into two teams, everyone gets two pieces of paper each, where you write down a word or a sentence. When you're done, put them in this bowl" I held up our red salad bowl. "When it's your turn, take a paper, read it without showing anyone, then you act it out without using words or shapeshifting and your team tries to guess what you're trying to say. If they can't guess in two minutes, the other team can guess. Since we don't all have the same... _cultural background_ I was thinking we should keep to simple things that everyone should be able to get - like 'the cat is on the table' or 'my knee is hurting'"

"Which are the teams?" Connie asked.

"How about... Barb and Doug pick the teams?" I suggested with a smile. They both nodded and Doug gestured for Barb to start.

"I pick my Sadie!" Barb said happily.

"Then I'll take this young swashbuckler" Doug put his hand on Connie's shoulder.

The first team ended up being Barb, Sadie, Priyanka, Garnet, Jasper and myself. The second team consisted of Doug, Connie, Greg, Steven, Pearl, Amethyst and Peridot. Everyone set to the task of writing down sentences on the little bits of paper. When Greg was done he came over to sign my cast with a bright red marker. Everyone followed his example and soon my cast was covered in names, crooked doodles and well wishes.

"Who wants to start?" I asked, mixing up the papers in the bowl.

"Can I go first?" Steven asked and the consensus was yes. He reached into the bowl and took out a folded note. He read it and I took Jasper's tablet and pulled up the timer app. "Hmm... OK, yeah, OK - I'm ready" he nodded, then rolled his shoulders.

"OK - go!" I pushed the button. Steven held up one finger.

"First word!" Connie said excitedly. Steven shook his head. "One word?" Steven tapped his nose and smiled.

"That means yes" I whispered to a confused looking Jasper.

"Oh, OK" she said and grinned. "Thought he meant _me_ "

Steven held up the finger again.

"First part of the word?" Doug asked and Steven nodded. Steven stretched and yawned, then put both his hands together under his cheek and closed his eyes. "Sleepy?"

"Sleep! Night! Uh - snooze?" Connie said.

"Rest?" Pearl suggested. Steven made a circular motion with his hand, then pinched his thumb and index finger together. "Little rest?" Steven moved his hand again and nodded encouragingly.

"Going to bed?" Amethyst asked. Steven held up two fingers now. "OK, second part" Steven looked pointedly at his wrist.

"Time?" Doug said and Steven tapped his nose. "Little rest time?"

"Bed time? Sleepy time? Night time?" Connie asked quickly. Steven pinched his fingers together again. "Short sleep time?"

"Oh! _Nap time_!" Amethyst said triumphantly.

"Yeah! Nap time!" Steven laughed. Everyone joined him and there was a few claps.

"Well done, Steven" Garnet said.

"That's one point for _us_ " Amethyst said with a smirk.

"OK, who wants to have a go?" I asked my team.

"You go" Jasper chuckled and the others agreed - though Barb looked a little disappointed. I gave Jasper the tablet, then took a note - it read 'Pirate booty'. I raised my eyebrows and let out a little snort of laughter.

"Oh dear, alright, I'll give it a try..." I said and stepped into the middle of the floor.

"And... go!" Jasper started the timer. I held up two fingers.

"Two words!" Barb said eagerly. I tapped my nose, then held up one finger. "First word!" I tapped my nose again, then covered one eye with one hand, put on a scowl and curled the finger of my free hand into a hook and jutted it into the air. Amethyst hooted with laughter.

"Half-blind claw person?" Sadie said a little uncertainly.

"Amputee?" Priyanka suggested. I nodded and waved my hook hand, then pointed to my eye patch.

"I think this one's mine!" Steven said delightedly. It wouldn't have surprised me at all. I mimed using a spyglass and he giggled and nodded.

"An amputee that is also half blind but uses a... telescope?" Sadie said.

" _Pirate_! A pirate!" Barb grinned and I nodded and tapped my nose, then held up two fingers. "OK, first word pirate - pirate _ship_? Pirate _hat_?" I laughed a little before pointing to my behind. "Pirate _hip_?" I looked at Jasper, then indicated my bum again.

"Pirate pocket?" Sadie suggested.

"Pirate butt?" Jasper sniggered. I waved my hand for her to continue. "Pirate ass? Bum?" I pointed to my nose and narrowed my eyes, waving my hand faster.

"Pirate b-something" Barb said. "Boat? Behind? B... binoculars?"

"Ten seconds!" Pearl said, bending over the tablet. I threw caution to the wind and wiggled my bum.

"Pirate... booty?" Jasper suggested.

"Yes, pirate booty!" I said with relief, then went over to hug my big, clever beastie. Everyone laughed and I was rocked by Jasper's mirth.

"I meant booty as in _treasure_ " Steven wheezed.

"I know, but it _is_ right there..." I sniggered. "And I had no idea how to _mime_ treasure"

"One point to _us_ " Garnet said and smiled.

Connie, Barb, Amethyst and Sadie had a go each and we managed to guess their words or sentences within the time limit. Then it was Peridot's turn. She took a piece of paper and read it carefully.

"I don't know what this word means" she said and frowned.

"Just pick another one, Perri-doodle" Amethyst said bracingly. "That's OK, right?"

"Yes" Barb nodded seriously. "Gotta be fair or it's no fun!"

Peridot picked another and her face lit up. "OK! This one is _easy_!"

"Go, Peridot!" Steven cheered.

"Time starts... now!" I said.

Peridot put on a smug look, then pointed to herself.

"Peridot!" Steven shouted, but the green gem shook her head and frowned slightly.

"Green!" Connie said. "Short! Gem! Yellow hair!" Peridot shook her head.

"Cute! Awesome! Dork-tacular!" Amethyst laughed - now Peridot smiled but shook her head again.

"Uh - how many words is it?" Doug asked and Peridot held up one tiny finger, then pointed at herself and raised her eyebrows.

"Something about you?" Doug suggested. Peridot nodded emphatically.

"Hot!" Amethyst said with a smile.

"Tiny?"

"Smart?"

"Technician?"

"Peridot, do something more than just point at yourself" Pearl said a little frustratedly. Peridot scowled and pointed to the ground, then raised her hand up and swept it across horizontally.

"Uhh... sunrise?" Doug suggested.

"Running out of time, you guys" I said and Peridot gritted her teeth and waved _both_ her arms, pointed at the ground, then at herself again.

"You want to grow bigger...?" Connie asked uncertainly - now Peridot pointed at Connie instead and nodded quickly.

"Bigger?" Steven said, but Peridot shook her head. "Grow?" now she nodded and patted her chest with both hands.

"Aaand... time's up" I said as the tablet beeped. Peridot groaned and looked terribly disappointed. "Anyone have a guess?" I turned to my team.

"No" Jasper sniggered. The others shook their heads.

"It was _farmer_!" Peridot said frustratedly. "It was so obvious!"

"Ahaa..." Steven said slowly. "Oh, so the pointing at the ground was... planting seeds?"

" _Clearly_!" Peridot huffed.

"Aw, don't worry about it Farmidot, we're still gonna kick their butts" Amethyst stepped up close to Peridot and gave her a smile. "Just next time maybe move a bit more, do some farming things"

"Hmph!" Peridot said and crossed her arms. "Made complete sense to _me_!"

"Yeah, but the point of the game is to try to make _others_ understand - if you try something and it doesn't work, you've got to think of another way. People think differently!" Steven said reassuringly. "Don't be sad, Peridot"

"I'm not sad!" Peridot grumbled, her arms tightening across her chest. Maybe not _sad_ but a bit of a sore loser, I thought to myself. Better move things along...

"Who wants to go next?" I asked my team.

"Jasper" Garnet said and smiled. "Trust me" Jasper raised her eyebrows.

"Alright..." she stood up and I grinned at her encouragingly. She took a slip of paper and read it, then laughed. "Amethyst seriously?"

"Oh, which one did you get?" the purple gem beamed.

"I'm not doing it" Jasper chuckled and moved to crumple it up.

"Hey! I put effort into my notes" Amethyst complained.

"What was wrong with it?" Connie asked. "Was it super hard?" Jasper glanced at her and then at Amethyst who had burst into laughter.

"Oh stars..." Pearl growled and snatched the note from Jasper, read it quickly, blushed, then crumpled it up. "N-n-not appropriate for a family setting!" she said by way of explanation. "Amethyst, _really_ "

" _What_? Nobody said it had to be _PG_ " Amethyst smirked.

"Just pick another" Barb said and waved her hand, eager for the game to continue.

"OK, let's see..." Jasper took another piece of paper and smiled as she read it. "OK, this one I can do"

"Pff" Amethyst taunted.

"Ready and... go!" I said.

Jasper held up two fingers.

"Two words!" Barb said loudly - Jasper touched her gem and smirked, then held up her other hand, showing two fingers again. "Second word?" Jasper touched her gem again, then held up a single finger. "Second word, first part!"

Jasper took a breath, then pointed up.

"The sky?" I asked and Jasper nodded and made a fluffy sort of oval shape, then pointed up again.

"Oh, a cloud!" Sadie said excitedly. Jasper nodded, then wiggled her fingers and moved her hands down toward the ground. "Snow? Rain? Rain!" Jasper touched her gem and grinned at Sadie. "Second word, first part rain, OK!"

"Rain coat? Rain boots? Rain - " Barb said quickly, but stopped as Jasper took up a pose that made my heart beat faster. She held one arm out straight ahead of her, then drew the other back toward her ear. "Shoot?"

"Bow!" I said with a burst of pink and orange sparks. "Rainbow!" Jasper winked at me and touched her gem, then held up one finger.

"OK, the first word" Greg said. "Something rainbow"

"Beautiful rainbow? Over the rainbow?" Barb suggested.

"Thirty seconds!" Pearl said, looking at the timer. Jasper hurriedly held out one hand, then put the other on top.

"On _top_ of the rainbow?" Barb said. Jasper shook her head, then seemed to think a moment, then waved one hand in a bow shape, then she moved a little higher and repeated the movement. " _Two_ rainbows?" Jasper nodded encouragingly and made a circular motion with her hand.

"A _pair_ of rainbows?" Greg suggested uncertainly. Jasper slapped one hand over the other, held up two fingers, then made the bow motions again.

"Oh I know!" Steven said excitedly.

"Ten seconds!" Pearl warned. Jasper looked around at us and I couldn't for the life of me think of what she meant.

"Two rainbows one over the other?" Sadie said with a confused look.

"And time!"

Jasper groaned, then smiled, her cheeks a bit rosy. "You figured it out Steven?" she asked.

"Yeah - _double rainbow_!" he said happily.

"Yeah that's right" Jasper chuckled.

"Oh..." I said, closing my eyes and feeling a little silly for not getting it. "That was such a big meme, I can't believe I didn't understand - sorry darling"

"One point to _us_ " Amethyst sniggered.

"'Meme'?" Pearl asked. "What on earth is a _meme_?" Steven gasped.

"I have much to teach you" her said seriously, putting his hand on Pearl's elbow.

"Well done darling" I said and kissed her cheek - I noticed it felt a little warm.

"Heh, thanks" she grinned down at me.

"And _what_ did the first note say?" I inquired curiously. Now she chuckled and leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"'Pussy whipped'" I snorted with laughter and Amethyst gave me an appreciative smirk.

"At least _somebody_ thinks it was funny" she sniggered.

"Can I go next?" Doug asked eagerly.

Turned out Doug was a freaking master mime artist - the other team guessed his word: 'White knight' in under thirty seconds. We kept on playing until we ran out of notes (skipping Amethyst's second one - 'rim job' - luckily I caught that one). When we counted the score we found that Doug's team won by two points.

"Congratulations you guys" I said with a huge smile.

"Yeah, well done" Sadie patted Steven on the shoulder.

"Yeah we rule!" Amethyst put her arms behind her head and smirked at Garnet. "Told ya we'd win"

"Shite" Garnet grinned and made a slow snap of her fingers - this was so funny I nearly choked on my drink.

" _Garnet_!" Pearl squawked indignantly.

"Hah! That _mouth_!" Amethyst hooted.

When the shock of Garnet's dirty, _dirty_ word had settled everyone began to refresh their drinks and go to the bathroom. I decided I'd brave the storm outside for a bit of fresh air. Jasper joined me and took a long and luxurious stretch.

"Can't believe Garnet _swore_ " she chuckled.

"Hah, yeah... But I've heard her say 'fuck'" Jasper looked at me and snorted in surprise. "Well, not _heard_ heard - Pearl told me"

"Hearsay swearing..." Jasper put her arms around me and her gem in my hair. "So... are we officially moved in now?"

"Hmm... I don't know if it counts really... until we've had sex in every room in the house..."

"Hah, OK - so then we could probably call ourselves moved in... tomorrow night?" Jasper sniggered into my hair.

"That's... a lot of sex for one day, darling..." I said and turned around with a smirk. "Maybe we should pace ourselves?"

"Nah..." she gave me a crooked grin then kissed my forehead.

"Oh darling..." I sighed happily. "I'm _so_ glad I met you..."

We went back inside after a little while and started to put out the dessert. Steven, Connie, Greg, Amethyst, Sadie and Peridot were in the TV-room playing video games with a huge amount of enthusiasm. They went to get some pie, then returned to the room. I tried not to think of the remaining people as 'the adults'. The... _rest_ were in the living room, sitting on the large sofa or around the low coffee table, talking at a low pleasant volume.

"Would anyone like a little something stronger than coffee or tea with the pie?" I asked them. "We have a little whiskey and schnapps"

"Who's driving?" Doug asked Priyanka hopefully.

"I guess I am" she said with a little smile.

"What'll it be, Doug?" I asked him.

"A little whiskey please"

"I'll have some too, if you don't mind" Barb said with a bright smile.

"Ice?" both nodded and I went over to the kitchen to get the drinks. I hadn't opened my birthday present from Robyn yet, but this seemed a good time to do so. I took a little whiff of it - the smell brought a smile to my face, then I poured out two fingers each for Doug and Barb. "Here we are - this is a bit special, not like other whiskeys. It's quite young"

Both Barb and Doug took a sip and smacked their lips.

"It's good - what kind is it?" Barb asked politely.

"Iona whiskey" I said with a smile. "It's a birthday present from my best friend"

"You're not having any?" she inquired, her eyebrows raising. "Oh, right, right - the baby!"

"Stars, Erica - _are_ you expecting?" Pearl gasped, putting a hand on Garnet's thigh.

"Don't know yet - but I don't want to risk anything" I said with a warm smile.

"Good girl!" Barb said bracingly and took another sip. "Boy, I tell ya... The morning sickness I had with my Sadie - oh! It was a trial!"

"Yeah?" I smiled.

" _Worst_ part of pregnancy!" Barb laughed. "Well, the labor wasn't fun, but I'd rather do those eight hours again rather than six weeks of constant nausea!"

"Constant nausea? Oh dear" Pearl said, raising her hand to her chest. "Is that what it's like for everyone?"

"Not necessarily" Priyanka put in. "I was very lucky to have just a few weeks"

"Why'd you stop at one kid?" Jasper asked Doug, Priyanka and Barb. They all raised their eyebrows and I felt a little thrill of unease.

"Darling..." I said quietly.

"Oh shit - was that rude?" she asked, blushing. "Sorry"

"It's OK, it's OK!" Barb said, patting Jasper's massive shoulder reassuringly. "I'm not sure about the Maheswarans, but I say why try again when you've already achieved perfection!" she grinned proudly.

"Aw..." I said, a warm feeling spreading in my chest.

" _Exactly_!" Doug said, raising his drink to Barb. They clinked their glasses and smiled at each other.

"Ooh adult juice!" Amethyst said, sticking her head into the living room. "Hey, still got some of that awesome schnapps?"

"Yeah, you want some?" I asked her.

"Hells yeah!" she grinned. I went to pour her a little glass. She drank it down in one. "Fuck that's gross" she sniggered. "One more please"

The evening continued with pleasant conversation about babies and plans for the coming holidays. Halloween was coming up and both Jasper and I got a crash course in how they celebrated it here. It wasn't a holiday in Great Breton or Soweland, but I had seen enough TV shows and movies to know it was a big thing.

We said goodbye at the door and exchanged many hugs with our friends. When the last of them had left I leaned against the wall and let out an exhausted sigh.

"Holy shit I'm tired..." I groaned happily.

"Hah, me too" Jasper chuckled, rubbing her lower back.

"Do we have to clean up tonight?"

"Nah... It'll keep until tomorrow"

"Awesome... I just want to go to be-e-ed" I yawned.

"Yeah - and rest up for tomorrow's _proper_ moving in party" she embraced me with a smirk and I giggled into her chest.

"And this was the warm up, was it?"

"Yup... mmm..." she stroked my back contentedly. "You tired enough to want to go to sleep immediately or can we have a little Color of Magic before we turn in?"

"There's _always_ time for Terry Pratchett" I said seriously.

"Good..."

* * *

Please review!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I built Erica and Jasper's new house in Fallout 4 (because why not) and made a video tour! Since I didn't want to get flagged for copyright on the music I just used some random free youtube music, so feel free to turn the sound off :) See it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qHcTDJC47A
> 
> If you like my work, please do consider buying me a coffee here: http://ko-fi.com/evilsnotbag


	76. Halloween

**Chapter 76: Halloween**

I was digging around in one of the few boxes I had yet to unpack in the attic.

"Aha!" I said gleefully, pulling out a battered witch hat I had made a few years ago. I was going to use it for my costume for Halloween. I wasn't putting that much effort into it with this short notice, but Jasper had been thinking about what she would be for the last few days. I walked downstairs, dusting the hat off as I went. "How do I look?" I asked my beastie when I found her in the living room.

"Nice hat" she grinned. "I think I've decided what to be" her smile broadened.

"Yeah? What are you going to be?"

"A cat" she sniggered. "That's not scary, according to this" she held up her tablet. It was open to a homepage with Halloween costume tips and tricks. We had discussed the scary versus cute costume thing last night. She had been adamant that she didn't want to frighten the kids coming to knock at our door.

"Aw, a cat?" I laughed. "With the ears and tail and everything?"

"I was thinking like this..." her gem began to glow and two big ears grew out of the top of her head and a long tail fell onto the ground behind her. I blinked at her, my cheeks growing red hot.

"Oh my gods..." I breathed. "You are so _cute_!" my voice rose into a squeal and Jasper grinned at me cheekily. "Look at your ****tail**** , oh my - it's so fluffy I think I'm going to die!" I picked it up off the ground and hugged it - the long pale hairs tickled my face as I buried it in the softness. "Darling this is awesome!" I giggled happily.

"How do you like my ears?" I looked up as she bent down slightly, grinning.

"Can I pet them?" I asked, blushing slightly.

"Yeah, go ahead" she sniggered and I let go of the tail. It swished to the ground smoothly.

"Sorry, I should have asked before just picking your tail up"

"It's OK, babe"

I reached up with both hands to touch her ears - oh they were so _soft_...

"They're like _kitten's_ ears..." I said, fascinated. "Can you feel with them?"

"Yeah... feels nice..." she smiled at me. "They're my actual ears, just... moved them... up a bit... mmm..." she leaned her forehead against my shoulder and hummed low in her throat.

"They're lovely..." I giggled. Little pink, white and orange butterflies twinkled around us. Jasper put her hands on my hips and leaned down.

"There's one more part to this pussy-cat..." she whispered into my ear.

"Oh yeah? Do you have paws like Echo?" I couldn't stop giggling or playing with her silken ears.

"No..." she purred and gently grabbed my left hand with her right, then brought it down to her crotch and pressed it gently against herself. I was expecting to feel Kara squirming under the fabric of her pants but... there was no squirm. I furrowed my brow in confusion, then the penny dropped.

"Oh!" I gasped, my eyes going wide. "Oh my gods..." I suddenly felt very aware of my hand - and my red-hot cheeks and ears. There was... a sort of firm softness underneath Jasper's clothes - that divided down the middle... A full body shiver made me tremble and Jasper chuckled in a very pleased way.

"I take it you approve..." she purred, letting go of my hand and promptly put it on my left hip, then slid down to fondle my butt cheek. I stared down at her crotch and moved my fingers, cupping her new genitals gently. I could feel the heat of her through her clothes...

"Darling..." I said with a puff of pink sparks and ribbons. "Let's... let's go to bed..." I looked up at her, feeling almost winded with desire. Jasper grinned at me crookedly.

"I was hoping you'd say that..." she gave me a quick kiss, then moved up the stairs, her long tail swishing behind her. I watched her go, biting my lower lip hungrily. "You coming?" she chuckled over her shoulder when I didn't follow.

"Yeah, yeah - you just look so good from down here..." I said breathlessly. Even more swagger entered her step now. "Son of a _bitch_..." I whined. When she was at the top of the stairs she turned and smirked at me, then beckoned me with a finger. I don't think I'd ever moved so fast in my life. I was up the stairs in two seconds flat and skidded to a halt in front of her, panting. She looked incredibly pleased, then led the way into the bedroom, her tail flicking up to stroke my cheek. I shivered with joy and pulled off my hoodie. I got a little tangled in my eagerness.

When I emerged from the shirt I saw Jasper lying naked on the bed on her side, her tail covering her crotch. She was wearing an amazingly smug grin and chuckling softly.

"Babe... come here..." she patted the bed.

"Yes sir!" I panted eagerly, stripping off the rest of my clothes. I got into bed and kissed her softly, stroking her arm. She pulled me closer, humming contentedly into my lips. Her hand moved to cup and gently massage my breast, her thumb brushing my nipple swollen with desire. "Mmm..." I got lost in the caress of her lips against mine.

"Honey..." Jasper whispered after a little while.

"Yes, darling?" I felt dazed.

"Would you like to see?" she asked, her pupils wide with arousal.

"I do!" I giggled. "I really, really do - got distracted kissing you" she looked down and I followed her gaze. The fluffy tail moved and revealed a rounded mound covered in thick beige pubic hair. "Oh gods..." I sighed, my fingers tightening on her bicep.

"Want to... take a closer look?" she grinned at me sultrily. I nodded silently and she rolled onto her back and propped herself up on some pillows. I moved down between her legs slowly - then she spread them open for me and I gasped with delight.

"Oh, darling... it's beautiful..." I said, my breath a sparkling cloud of golden pink. Below the patch of beige pubic hair was a lavish, puffy vagina. The outer lips were plump and looked so very soft, the inner ones were the same color of red as her stripes. They _glistened_ in the light from above. Her clitoris was large and prominent and looked oh, so very delicious... Jasper moved her hand down to spread her outer lips for me and I let out a soft sigh.

"Do you like her?" she asked, raising her hips a little so that I could see _everything_.

"Mhmm..." I nodded, almost getting a little teary eyed. "You're amazing..." I stroked her thighs up and down as I admired her creation. "How does it feel?"

"Feels good. I tested it before I decided to show you, worked some things out..." she grinned crookedly.

"You did? Oh dear lord..." a vivid image of Jasper playing with herself flashed across my mind. "Darling, please tell me what you _did_..." I groaned.

"How about I _show_ you?" she purred, adjusting her hips a little.

"Oh yes please" I nodded, stroking her thighs more slowly. Gods, how could I be so lucky? Jasper reached down with one hand and parted her outer lips, dipped one finger into her well of sweet smelling secretions, then brought it up to circle her clit. She bared her teeth as she inhaled sharply and I smiled at her, feeling very flattered - that's how _I_ did it... Jasper quirked an eyebrow at me and smirked.

"I did have a very good teacher, you know..." she said huskily, then bit her lip as her hips twitched. "Stars, it's so sensitive..."

"Holy shit..." I groaned, my hands gripping the softer insides of her thighs - her acorn sized clit was growing slightly, the head emerging from the hood to stand out even more boldly than before. "Darling, that clitoris is a work of _art_..." she chuckled at my words and rubbed herself a little more intensely, grunting appreciatively. I could see her getting wetter - her juices were reaching the sheets and creating a little wet patch. I really wanted to dive in and lick her, but it was so amazing just to _watch_. Her hand began to switch between rubbing her clit and sliding in between the inner and outer lips, sometimes pulling on them a tad. "Oh my... does that feel good...?" I asked, fascinated.

"Yeah" she smiled. "Stars, honey - nnf - the look on your face... you like what you see?" her hips twitched again and I drew in a quick breath, a spike of pleasure racing up my spine.

"Oh I do, I _do_..." I moaned, moving my hands up her thighs. "Have you - oh dear lord - have you tried going... inside?"

"A little... but it's hard to get a good angle?"

"Right?" I giggled, somehow feeling relieved. "Sometimes it feels like I can't quite... _reach_..."

"It's good we've got each other th-then" Jasper panted, rolling her hips and smirking. "Come closer, babe... I can't keep this up forever and I want you... to touch me..." I scooted closer eagerly, caressing Jasper's fluffy mound with one hand.

"What would you like me to do?" I asked huskily.

"Kiss me... here..." she put a finger on her left labia majora and I leaned down slowly to plant a very gentle kiss there. I discovered her outer lips to be extremely soft and delightfully squishy. I let out a little moan as I felt my walls contract and my clit tighten. "Here..." she moved her finger to the other side and I followed gladly. This time I looked up at her as our lips made contact and felt a surge of joy to see her biting her lower lip and her gem glowing. "Now kiss me... _here_..." she put her hand down just above her clitoris and I smiled, moving over to do so. The smell of her was enticing as ever and as I touched my lips to her large clit I heard her draw in a shuddering breath. " _Oh_ stars... do that again..." I gave her a slightly longer kiss this time and grinned to hear her moan. "That feels _really_ good babe..."

"I _know_ " I giggled. "I'm a little rusty but I think I'll find my groove in a bit"

"I don't doubt it for a minute" Jasper chuckled, then spread her legs wider. "Get ****un**** -rusty, babe"

"As my beastie wishes..." I sang happily, then lay down and got comfortable. Jasper was wonderfully on display in front of me and I licked my lips before leaning forward and kissing the hood of her clitoris.

"Nnf" Jasper grunted. I put one hand on her mound and massaged it gently as I began to lick her very carefully. "Oh my stars!" she gasped and I let out a breath of laughter over her slick skin.

"Talk to me..."

"That feels really fucking good!" she panted. "Fuck your tongue is so soft - nnnh!"

I kept lapping at her tenderly, running my tongue between her inner and outer lips like she had done with her fingers. Gods it felt so wonderful to lick a vagina again - my mouth tingled at the point of contact, Jasper's lubricated skin so slick and soft and smooth... She grunted and moaned, beginning to writhe under me after only a little while. I took her plump inner labia into my mouth and pulled at them carefully - this elicited gasps of pleasure from her that nearly drove me insane with desire. I rubbed her mound and used that hand to also spread her outer lips before moving up to focus my attention on her erect clit. My tongue rolled over it, playing with the hood a while before lavishing the firm head with soft licks.

"Could you - ah - could you go a little faster?" Jasper panted. I looked up at her face as I obliged and nearly melted at the sound she made. "Fuuuuck..." she moaned and began to rock her hips against me. "Keep d-doing that - oh my _stars_ \- babe - ah! Babe - **__**AH**__**!" she stiffened suddenly and trembled - I could feel her pulse racing through her slick skin. I kept fluttering my tongue over her throbbing clit, delighted to see her gem give off several bright flickering flashes before a more powerful one made me narrow my eyes. I decreased the speed and pressure slowly, soothing her down. "Oh babe..." Jasper panted, grinning down at me happily.

"Mmm...?" I hummed, giving her clit a careful little suck and then kissing her mound. "How was that?"

"Decidedly... un-rusty" she sniggered. "Fuck... that felt amazing... I'd really like for you to do that some more, but I think I have to let her go... I'm pushing it"

"Don't strain yourself, pretty kitty" I smiled and kissed her mound again. I would have liked to penetrate her with my fingers and oh my gods, my _tongue_ , but that would be something to look forward to next time. "Can we do this again sometime, darling?" I asked.

"Yeah babe, I'd _love_ to. Maybe then I could hold it longer... and you could use that fancy toy..."

"Oh, which one?" I asked with a giggle.

"The one that gives you a _stem_..." she waggled her eyebrows at me and grinned.

"I'd _love_ that..." I groaned and smiled back, stroking her mound slowly.

"I had a feeling you would" she chuckled. Her gem began to glow and the fluffy tail and ears vanished and Kara reappeared, squirming happily.

"Hello Kara, my dear" I hummed and gave her a kiss at the base. "What's that Galadriel? You want to play with Kara?" Jasper sniggered at my silliness.

"Well I think Kara would be up for it... but I'd like to exchange a few words with Galadriel first... do you think she'd mind?"

"Not at all, darling" I giggled. "Where do you want me?"

" _Right here_ " Jasper patted her shoulders and I moved up with a smile, lowering myself to her lush mouth. "Hell-o beautiful..."

***

"OK, so - we've got everything, right?" Jasper asked, rubbing her hands together and smiling. It was after lunch on October 31st and we had spent the day decorating the house and tried our hands at pumpkin carving. The resultant jack-o-lanterns were out on the porch.

"Candy, check" I pointed to the large bowl by the door. "Costumes, check" I looked Jasper up and down, then tweaked my hat to a jaunty angle and looked down at my shirt that read 'Hufflepuff forever'. "Pumpkins, check - I'd say we're ready to receive trick-or-treaters"

"OK" Jasper looked so excited - it was freaking adorable.

She waited in the hallway for the first kids to arrive while I went to sort the pumpkin seeds left over from the carving. I had never had them so fresh and was looking forward to Jasper roasting them in the oven later. After a while I heard someone ring the doorbell and two little voices said 'Trick or treat!' - I hurried to the door just as Jasper opened it. A fairy princess of some kind and what might just have been Mario smiled and held up their bags expectantly.

"Aw, look at you" Jasper beamed, grabbing the candy bowl.

"What are you supposed to be?" I asked, stepping up next to her.

"I'm Glenda the Good Witch" said the kid in the dress.

"And I'm Mario!" the other one pulled out a crumpled tin-foil star from their pocket and held it up for inspection.

"You guys look great" I giggled and Jasper nodded, dropping a fistful of candy into each bag.

"Wow, _thanks_ miss!" the kids exchanged a delighted look, then they turned around and darted away, giggling. Mario raised the star and began to hum the melody from getting Star Power as they ran to a pair of slightly harried looking adults I presumed were their parents by out garden gate.

"Did you see how happy they got?" Jasper beamed at me as we closed the door.

"Yeah - but I _think_ that had something to do with you giving them half the candy bowl"

"They _were_ very cute" she argued. "And we've got more candy"

"I agree, but we should make sure everyone gets a little, right?"

"Oh, right - how much is appropriate do you think?"

"A few pieces each, maybe three or four? I don't really know how many kids there are, but that should make it last for a while"

"That's not that much per person" Jasper said with a frown.

"Well, they go to more houses don't they? I'm sure they'll get more than enough" I smiled at her reassuringly and took a toffee from the bowl.

Over the next few hours we got to see many kids in costume.

There were Harry Potters, Transformers, ninjas, ghosts, vampires and mummies - and quite a few princesses. Both Jasper and I had so much fun handing out candy. The kids ranged in age from babies to early teens and the costumes varied in detail. Some looked store bought but most seemed home made. I wondered what our kid would like to dress up as and shared the thought with Jasper.

"I've been thinking the same thing" she said with a soft look on her face. "We get to go with them to trick or treat, right?"

"Yeah, at least when they're little" I said, leaning my head against her arm and kissing her bicep. "When they're that small I suppose we get to choose the costume... Aww... I can picture them in a bumblebee outfit... with little antennae..."

"A baby-bee?" Jasper closed her eyes and smiled broadly. "That's... that's almost too cute... I was thinking cookie... or maybe a waffle..."

"Waffle?" I giggled.

"Yeah" she grinned and gently put a hand on my belly. "Because I'd just want to eat them up"

"Darling that's adorable" I sighed and kissed her arm again, little golden butterflies and ribbons floating slowly through the air.

***

"This is a seriously good haul, you guys" Amethyst said, stuffing fistfuls of still wrapped candy into her mouth. She, Peridot, Connie, Steven and Pearl had come over after they had finished their trick or treating rounds. We had taken pictures in our costumes - Steven and Connie's were very elaborate, but I didn't recognize the characters. Steven said he was Lonely Blade and Connie informed me she was Lisa from Unfamiliar Familiar. Peridot was dressed as some sort of scout and Amethyst was wearing a burglar costume, complete with mask and striped shirt. Pearl didn't wear a costume, saying she liked seeing them, but didn't want to participate that way. Steven and Connie had cooed over Jasper's amazing shapeshifting and both had asked to try on my hat.

Now we were all sitting at the kitchen table, sorting candy. A trading game had developed between us and I had used mine and Jasper's left over treats to join in. Jasper was preparing the pumpkin seeds to be baked in the oven and was humming to herself happily, beaming at all the comments her costume had gotten.

"Amethyst, you're setting a bad example" Pearl said with a frown.

"Pearl, we know we have to unwrap them" Steven said, pulling down the cover of a tiny snickers bar.

"And we know not to overindulge, too" Connie added.

"What is this _overindulge_ biz?" Amethyst burped mightily. "I have got just as much candy as I can handle - and if I can't then I'll just make my stomach bigger" she shrugged and resumed eating.

"If I only eat a little at a time, then I might just make this last until Christmas" Connie said with a prim little smile, organizing her treats by type.

"What" Amethyst looked at her as if she was some kind of cryptid. "Would be the point in that? It's right _here_ \- just _eat_ it"

"If Connie wants to save it, Connie can save it" Steven put his arm between Connie and Amethyst - the purple gem had begun to inch toward Connie's pile. "No stealing, Amethyst"

"Psshh bo-ring" Amethyst huffed. "Come on P-dot, let's blow this repressed Popsicle stand - there are houses I want to TP"

"I would like to see all these pranks, Amethyst, but I also wish to see all the different kinds of treats! Steven would you like to... trade this... 'Mars' bar for that... little carton of raisins" Peridot said the last four words very quickly, as if it was taboo.

"That's not a good trade!" Amethyst sounded almost angry. "Chocolate is king, Perry!"

"I _like_ raisins" Peridot said.

"You can just have them" Steven offered. "But I _will_ trade you these sour coke bottles for that Mars bar, though"

" _That's_ a good deal" Amethyst nodded, apparently mollified.

"I accept!" Peridot grinned and the two of them exchanged goodies.

"Would anyone like, oh I don't know... some sugar free gum afterwards? Or... some milk to settle your stomachs?" I asked, standing up from the table and stretching.

"I'll take some gum" Connie said with a smile.

"I'll take some milk" Steven piped up.

"And I'll take all your candy!" Amethyst growled, pouncing over the table to scrabble at my little pile.

"Hey, no stealing!" Steven complained.

"Lug-nut - don't ruin our social standing by pilfering our hostesses' confectionery items!" Peridot hissed. Amethyst glanced back at the little green gem, sighed, then settled back in her chair.

"Fine..."

"Instead why don't you join the _trading_ game?" Pearl suggested with a little smirk.

As they were talking I had made it over to the fridge and taken out the milk.

"Warm or cold milk, Steven?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Cold please!"

***

Later that night Jasper and I were standing in the messy kitchen, cleaning up. Cake was under the table, chasing discarded candy wrappers.

"Did you have a good time, darling?" I asked tiredly as I dried a bowl.

"Yeah, loads" Jasper chuckled. "Who knew _not_ being intimidating could be so much fun" she smiled.

When we were done with cleaning up, we headed upstairs and had a long shower together. When we stepped out we dried ourselves off with some towels fresh from the dryer. Oh, they were so lovely and warm...

"Um... babe?" Jasper said a little uncertainly from behind me.

"Yes, darling?"

"Here..." I felt a towel run up the inside of my left calf and thigh. I gasped a little at the sudden very intimate touch.

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry babe... you're bleeding..." Jasper kissed my shoulder tenderly and I looked down - there was blood on the gray towel between my legs...

"Oh!" my cheeks burned red hot and a cold and heavy feeling of disappointment filled my chest. Moments later, the familiar icy ache bloomed in my lower belly. "Shit..." Jasper moved to stand just behind me, then slid her free hand onto my tummy and our gazes met in the bathroom mirror. I saw her eyes glistening with unshed tears - and that made me feel so terrible. "I'm - I'm sorry darling..." I mumbled, turning my head away.

"Look at me" she said softly. I forced myself to face her. "I'm not blaming you - or _myself_... I'm just... _sad_ we didn't succeed... And I know you're sad too" I nodded slowly, putting my hand on hers. Her palm warmed and the pain that hadn't had time to reach its full potential yet settled - as if a snake had raised to strike, but then changed its mind. I felt the blood trickle out of me slowly, wetting the towel steadily. "But next month... it will have been three months..."

"And your sperm will be mature..." I finished the sentence for her and she smiled faintly through her tears and nodded. I really hoped they would be... The wish burned fiercely in my chest and the heaviness of my heart eased a little. I lifted my free hand to stroke her cheek and she leaned into my touch and kissed my palm. "This is not a loss... It's a better luck next time..." I said it very quietly.

"Yeah... I love you, honey" she whispered.

"I l-love you too, darling..."

We stood in silence for a while and I closed my eyes, leaning back against her strong, naked chest. Her steady breath was soothing, like it always was, and after a minute I felt a little better still.

"Do you want me to go get your pajamas? And some underwear?" she asked me tenderly.

"Yes please..." I responded, squeezing her hand. We broke the embrace and I went to sit on the toilet and cleaned myself up. With a sigh I realized I'd have to go get more pads tomorrow. Jasper came back a minute later with a soft bundle of clothes. "Thank you, darling" I sniffed. She lifted my chin and stroked my damp bangs away from my forehead.

"You... are very welcome, Melamin" she leant down to kiss me and I could taste the tears on her lips. "Let's go to bed"

I put a precautionary towel down to try to minimize any nocturnal leakage, then we both got under the duvet and snuggled up close. Both of us needed the reassurance of the others touch... Jasper had her hand on my belly and her gem in my hair and I was stroking her arm tenderly, so grateful she was so kind. Her warmth and caring enveloped me like a cocoon and as I drifted off to sleep I felt safe and loved... and like it wasn't my fault.

***

The next morning began with cramps extraordinaire and I whimpered before even opening my eyes fully. I curled in on myself instinctively and groaned, feeling like someone had kicked me in the stomach with a frozen, steel-toed boot.

"Babe?" came from behind me, then I felt Jasper's hand against my back. "Hey, try to just... breathe... I'm here..." she soothed, sounding tired. Heat flowed into my back and battled my contracting uterus - my red breath flowed over the sheets like clingy mist, sparkling as it went. With great effort I rolled onto my back and Jasper moved her hand to my tight belly - I kept my head turned away, not wanting her to accidentally touch my lights. I was sweating quite a lot before her warmth calmed my rebellious organ. She looked at me worriedly as I panted, my breath slowing down as the pain ebbed.

"Sunuffa cunt..." I groaned, putting a hand over my eyes. "I didn't take my new pills last night did I...?"

"No" Jasper responded. "I'll go get them" she began to sit up and I put my free hand over hers on my belly.

"Not yet, please..."

"Oh, sorry" she relaxed down next to me again. "Just tell me when, babe"

"In a minute..." I sighed. Now that my attention wasn't completely consumed by pain I could feel how sticky my bum and thighs felt. "I think... I need to wash... Can't there be just ****one**** time where I don't wake up like this?" I groaned, feeling my eyes welling up with tears of frustration and embarrassment. Jasper glanced down at my duvet covered lower half , then nuzzled my cheek tenderly.

"We did put down a towel, honey..."

"Might have spared the _sheets_ but not my _pajamas_..." I said - I could hear how grumpy I sounded. "Sorry..." I closed my eyes and took a breath.

"It's alright, you don't have to apologize" Jasper said softly. "The only thing I could compare it to is waking up after having jerked off in my sleep, or the night before and not dealt with it - not a very nice feeling at all. And I imagine this is worse because this actually _hurts_. A lot. I'd be upset too, babe, it's OK"

"Thanks darling..." I said quietly, squirming a little uncomfortably, trying to unstick my pajama bottoms from the inside of my thigh. "Ugh I can't - I need to shower..."

"OK" we got out of bed and I hurried into the master bathroom while Jasper removed the towel from the bed. I took one of my new painkillers and threw my pajamas in the left sink with a disappointed huff, then filled it with cold water, taped a plastic bag over my cast, then got into the shower. I scrubbed my thighs and butt with the loofah then sat down and sighed, looking down at my vagina.

"Galadriel this isn't funny" I said with a few blue and red sparks. "Stop being so - so _inhospitable_..." I felt more than a bit of an idiot for talking to my genitals like this but I needed to vent a little. "You are my _baby maker_ , so make me a gods damned baby already... I think you need a break from all this blood business too - so come on - next month please..."

"Um... honey?" Jasper's voice came from outside the shower stall. "What um... what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to talk some sense into Galadriel..." I responded with a groan. The cold and tight pain began to build up again and I turned the temperature of the water up quite a bit. "She'd better be listening or... I don't know... I'll _shave_ her or something... She doesn't like that at _all_..."

"That sounds an awful lot like blaming yourself, babe..." Jasper said a little uncertainly. I grimaced slightly.

"Yeah..."

"It's not your fault - or Galadriel's"

"I... I know... Just felt like I needed to vent..." I rubbed my aching tummy.

"And please don't shave... I like your little furry thing - well - _furry_..." she opened the shower door and vapor billowed out as cold air was sucked in. She looked at me with a slightly pouty grin and I couldn't help but smile back.

"I won't shave... It itches terribly anyway. But please close the door - it's cold"

"Sorry" she closed it. "I put some clean clothes for you outside. What do you want for breakfast?"

"Thank you and I don't know. I don't feel hungry at all"

"Blueberry jam waffles?" she suggested, sounding encouraging. "Blueberry jam waffles with _whipped cream_ " the thought of whipped cream made me feel a little queezy.

"Maybe a sandwich?"

"OK, sandwiches. And coffee?"

" _Yes_..." I groaned. "I love you"

"I _know_ " she chuckled. "Come down when you're ready and I'll prep the hot water bottle for you too"

"Did I say I love you? Because I _love_ you..." I sighed, leaning my head back against the wall and rubbing my belly.

"Yes you did, but I love hearing you say it babe" she said it softly and I could hear her smiling.

About twenty minutes later I was dressed and had cleaned my pajamas. I made my way downstairs, holding one hand under my shirt. A wonderful smell of coffee, waffles and toast filled my nostrils.

"I'll give Amethyst a call" Jasper said as she handed me the hot water bottle. "I think she's asleep still but Steven can tell her when she rolls out of bed"

"What um... what are you going to tell her - or him?" I asked, suddenly feeling very exposed. Jasper paused in the middle of picking up her tablet.

"I hadn't thought that far ahead" she said a little embarrassedly. "Can't train today, Erica's got cramps?" I closed my eyes and groaned quietly, pressing the water bottle to my stomach. "No?"

"I don't know..." I frowned slightly.

"Right, right - it's private" Jasper shook her head and frowned at herself. "Sorry. I could say... we need a few days?"

" _Days_?"

"Last time we did..." she looked at me a with sad little smile. "It was wonderful to be just you and me..."

"Maybe not days..." I said. "Maybe _one_ day... I don't... I don't want you to have to cancel your plans for one week out of every four..."

"I _so_ do not mind" Jasper said, putting a hand on my shoulder gently. "I love spending time with you! And it's... it's really nice for me too..."

"It is?" I looked up at her, needing reassurance.

"Yeah - all the snuggling and cute movies... And I get to touch you all the time... and take care of you a little..." she blushed slightly and I felt moved by her words. The tears came so much faster than usual and I sniffed in surprise.

"Darli-ing..."

"Oh, hey..." she put the tablet down and gave me a gentle hug. "I've got you, babe" this made me let out a surprised little snort of laughter. "Hmm?"

"No it's - it's a song lyric... 'I got you babe' - da-da, da-da, da-da..." I sniffed as I smiled up at her. "It means a lot to me that you don't find my... my period an inconvenience, darling..."

"Of course it's not, babe" she chuckled, looking at me with both warmth and worry. "It's part of you... and I love that I can help you out..." she slid one hand down to warm the small of my back. I found myself in a uterus-heat-sandwich and relaxed against her chest gratefully.

" _Jag älskar dig_..." I said with a sniffle.

"What does that mean?"

"I love you..."

"Yah ell-skarh day too, babe" I hugged her as tightly as I could and she chuckled sweetly. "So what do I tell Amethyst?"

"Tell her..." I let out a sigh. "Tell her we need a day, like you said"

"OK"

***

Jasper and I spent the day in front of the TV, snuggling on the couch. The pills were working quite well against my cramps - I'd put them at a four and a half - which was a freaking miracle on day two. The only drawback was that they made me lose energy like crazy. I dozed in Jasper's lap or leaning against her side as she played video games. It felt really good to be able to do that... Just _be_... Sometimes the pain flared up to my normal levels and Jasper soothed me and rubbed my belly tenderly. My appetite was barely existent, but she made lunch that I nibbled on over the course of the afternoon. As darkness fell I felt quite good and decided I was going to go to the store to get more pads, see how the pills traveled sort of thing. Jasper wanted to come along too. We both went upstairs to get dressed and I picked up my phone from the nightstand.

"Oh shit" I said in surprise. "I've got two missed calls from Connie and - _five_ from Steven? In the last fifteen minutes"

"What?" a worried expression passed over Jasper's face. "Call them back?"

"Yeah..." I wondered which of them to call first, but then my phone started ringing and I nearly dropped it. "Jesus motherfucking Christ - he-hello?"

"Erica!" it was Steven's voice. "I need your help!" he sounded stressed.

"What's wrong, Steven?"

"Connie! She thought she had a tummy ache because of all the candy yesterday and we were watching TV and she had to go to the bathroom and now she's got her period and we don't have any lady things so she asked me to go buy some and I'm nearly at the store and I don't know what to do!" he said it very quickly and I blinked in astonishment, my brain lagging behind a bit.

"Oh um... OK..." I shook my head a little to clear it. "OK, take a breath, Steven"

"OK" I heard him inhale deeply.

"What's going on? Are they alright?" Jasper asked. I held up a finger for her to hold on.

"Jasper and I are heading to the store too, we can meet you there" I said to Steven.

"Really? Oh that's great!" he sounded so relieved it made me smile. "I'll wait for you outside, please hurry"

"We're on our way" we hung up and I looked at Jasper. "Connie and I seem to be synced up... She got her period too and asked Steven to go buy her some pads"

"Oh, OK" Jasper relaxed noticeably. "Thought there might be a corrupted gem on the beach or something - phew"

We put on our shoes and headed outside. I felt a little unsteady and took hold of Jasper's arm as we walked to the store. When Steven saw us he came running up.

"Hi" he said, wringing his hands worriedly.

"Hey Steven" Jasper greeted.

"Hey kiddo - you doing OK? You look a little pale" I said, feeling a tad concerned.

"I'm fine, just worried about Connie - I know it can um... hurt a lot? That's what she said last time..."

"It... _can_ " I said carefully. Jasper put her hand on my shoulder, rubbing her thumb over it in a very sweet way. "Did she ask you to get painkillers too?"

"No, we keep them in the bathroom, I think she took some"

"OK, that's good, that's great" Jasper said and nodded down at Steven.

"Should we get going?" I asked and we moved into the store.

"Where do they keep the lady stuff?" Steven wondered aloud as we walked between the shelves stacked with food items.

"It's in the back" Jasper told him. When we arrived at the aisle Steven all but gasped.

"There's so many different kinds!"

"Yeah" Jasper nodded.

"Did Connie say what she wanted?" I asked, looking over the multitude of choices.

"No, she just said 'darn it all to heck - Steven can you please go get me some pads'"

"That's almost swearing, oh dear" I said, my brows furrowing slightly. "Maybe I should give her a call. Shit, I should. I'll be right back" I picked up my phone and stepped away a little.

"Erica..." Connie answered on the fourth ring. She sounded hoarse. Then she sniffed.

"Hey sweetheart... how are you doing?" I asked softly. "Me and Jasper are in the store with Steven right now, just so you know"

"Kind of awful..." she said and I could hear paper crinkling in the background. Was she crying?

"Everything is going to be alright, sweetie..." I soothed.

"I feel so _stupid_..." she sniffed again, then drew in a shuddering breath.

"What? You're not stupid... what makes you say that?"

"I - I should have _known_ \- I should have been prepared! I've got an emergency kit in my school bag, but I didn't bring that today! And now Steven is at the store with you guys and - and I'm stuck here in the bathroom and everything - everything _sucks_!" I blinked at her using the word 'sucks' - I don't think I had heard her say it before.

"Are the cramps bad?" I asked, my heart aching at the sound of distress in her voice.

"Yeah..." she said quietly.

"Did you take painkillers?"

"Yeah... They haven't started working y-yet"

"I'm sorry, sweetie... But they should soon" I tried my best to sound reassuring, my own cramps flaring up a little seemingly in sympathy. "I'm calling to ask what kind of pads to get you - do you have a brand you prefer?"

"I um - I don't know?" she sounded on the verge of tears now.

"Hey, it's OK - were the ones you got from me alright? Did they chafe or anything?"

"N-no... they were OK. A bit um... _big_ maybe..."

"Yeah, OK, something smaller" I nodded to myself. Mine were the super plus absorbency, Connie probably didn't need that level of protection. "Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?" she hesitated a moment.

"I want to try calling my mom again... It's not her day off today"

"You could call me back afterwards if you want" I didn't want her to be alone - I knew how much sitting alone in a bathroom with cramps stunk. Several very unpleasant and lonely memories of my younger self flashed before my eyes.

"You s-sure?" the paper rustled again.

"Yes, sweetie" I nodded, rubbing my belly over my jacket - it didn't help very much.

"OK, I think I will... Thanks, Erica"

"No problem what so ever, sweetheart. We'll hurry up a bit. Is there anything else you need?"

"No..."

"OK, talk to you soon"

"Bye"

We hung up and I looked down at my phone with a sad frown. I knew what she was going through... Well not _exactly_ , but I had a pretty good idea. I pocketed my phone and walked back to Steven and Jasper.

"I-is she OK? What did she say?" Steven asked.

"She's having a tough time" I said with a sigh. "But I know what to get now" I located my usual pads and grabbed a box, then took one of the long tailed night versions as well - maybe they'd keep me from having to sleep on a towel. I looked down the shelf to find the slightly less humongous ones. 'Normal' with wings was probably enough for Connie - I hoped. Better get the next one up as well, just to be safe.

"Honey, do you need tampons too?" Jasper asked, weighing a box in her hands.

"Might as well" I said with a little sigh, feeling a sting of both guilt and pain in my belly. The unpleasant... bubbling, trickling feeling of blood leaving me made me freeze a moment.

"Oh..." Steven said, glancing between Jasper and me. "Are you... um..."

I took a breath, then nodded as I exhaled some red and green sparks. I felt my cheeks heat up a bit.

"These ones, for Connie" I said and held out the two smaller boxes to Steven. "Do you have money for them?"

"Yeah" he patted his back pocket, then blanched. "Dang it! I f-forgot my wallet!"

"It's OK, kiddo" I smiled at him faintly. "Got you covered..."

"Thanks" he said, letting out a breath and looking down at the floor. "I'm making such a mess of this..."

"You are _not_ " Jasper grinned at him and gave his shoulder a reassuring nudge. "The first time Erica asked me to go to the store for her it took me forever. They were out of her kind of pads, but a very nice lady working here helped me out"

"We should get some ginger ale too" I said. "Could you go get some, darling? For us and Connie. And some pickles"

"On it, babe" she gave my cheek a kiss, then strode away still carrying the tampons.

Steven and I began to head toward the check out.

"Hey um... what do I do when I get back?" Steven asked tentatively. I looked at him.

"Well, you give her the pads. And the hot water bottle. Did you finish the cozy?"

"Almost... it says 'DOG-COPT' right now, but I put one of those iron on stickers onto it, so it has the picture at least. But I guess I could just stitch the 'ER' on later if she needs it today... Do you think she'll like it?"

"I think she'll love it, but right now I think she'll like the heat best, so don't expect her to be over the moon about it. And she might want space..." I said the last bit with a sigh.

"Space?"

"Yeah... The first day or days are usually the worst and I know she gets really tired. So don't - don't expect anything and just... be you. Be your caring self and listen. I'd offer to drive her home but I'm... too tired"

"I could ask my dad to take her home?"

"Yeah, that's a good idea - if that's what she wants. Maybe ask your dad to see if he can first, then suggest it to Connie if she brings it up"

"I can't just like... _heal_ her right?" Steven asked uncertainly.

"There's nothing _to_ heal, our bodies are designed to work this way" I said with a tired smile.

"That's so _unfair_ " he said and looked sad.

"Not everyone has a tough time though, and I'm sure when she gets a bit more accustomed to the whole thing she'll feel a little better about it, maybe" emphasis on the maybe, I added in my head.

"How are.. how are ****you**** , Erica?" Steven asked, glancing up at me with his big, dark eyes.

"I'm... OK" I nodded and smiled faintly at him - it was mostly true. I did feel myself fading rather fast, though, and I felt an strong impulse to lie down on the floor and go to sleep. We were just passing the Cheetos and I took a bag of spicy ones. When we reached the check out Jasper was already standing in line.

"Nice, Cheetos, thanks babe" she kissed my forehead in greeting. "Got everything?"

"Yeah" I nodded and yawned while Steven put all the things on the conveyor belt. I punched in the code for my card muzzily while Steven and Jasper packed the bags. As we were exiting the store I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. "Connie's calling" I said to the others before picking up. "Hey sweetie"

"Hey..."

"How's it - sss - going?" I had to grab onto Jasper's arm as a combo of pain and trickling struck together. Jasper looked down at me with worry and handed Steven her bag quickly. Without a word she slid her hand onto my belly under my shirt and jacket and warmed it, stepping in front of me to shelter me from view. Her other hand ended up at the small of my back.

"It's a little better..." she sounded quite dejected.

"What did - did your mom say?" I leaned my forehead against Jasper's chest gratefully.

"She's coming to pick me up in a while... Are you guys done soon?"

"Yes, we're just leaving the store..." I turned my head to look at Steven.

"OK..." gods, she sounded so _sad_.

"Sweetie..." I said softly, feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that was going on. A huge urge to go hug Connie filled my chest - but my body was telling me that going home and lying down was what it needed right now. "Steven's on his way..." I nodded at him to go and he put a bag down, mouthed 'Thank you!' and jogged off.

"You're not coming?" she asked and I felt my heart twinge at the tone of her voice. She sounded so _small_...

"I'm sorry Connie, I'm not in great shape myself right now..." I said, feeling a lump in my throat. "If I was you know I'd be there like a shot, no question"

"Are you... OK?" she sniffed.

"We're... in the same situation, you and me" I said a little hoarsely.

"Oh... oh no... and I - oh _no_..." I heard her begin to cry.

"Hey, it's _OK_ \- Jasper and I were going to the store anyway - it was no trouble at all, sweetie..."

"I'm so sorry" she sobbed. "I didn't know - I shouldn't have called - I - "

"Now, stop that, please..." I said quietly. "Connie, it's alright..." Jasper put her gem in my hair and kissed the top of my head soothingly. "You can _always_ call me... I'm sorry I didn't pick up earlier - my phone was on the second floor and we were downstairs"

"Ih-it's OK!" she said, sniffing and sounding as if she was trying to gather herself. "I should go" I wrinkled my eyebrows.

"Hey, don't worry about it, sweetheart... really. _Really_ really. We can stay on the phone until Steven gets there. I don't want you to have to be alone. It's OK. Jasper's keeping me nice and warm"

"A-are you sure...?"

"Yes, sweetie, of course..." I said as reassuringly as I could. Jasper rubbed her cheek against my forehead gently.

"OK... is it... is it always going to be like this?" Connie asked, sniffing.

"Always like what?"

"So overwhelming?" I thought a moment - my immediate answer was yes, but how reassuring was that on a scale?

"Not... necessarily" I said slowly. "It gets a bit easier to deal with when you... well, when you get used to it. _Less_... overwhelming. And you can always talk to me about _whatever_ is going on, you know that right? And your mom, obviously"

"Mhm..." she hummed, sniffing. "It's much easier to talk to _you_ though, about this stuff..." I felt my heart swell and let out a little sound, feeling enormously touched.

"Aw, _sweetheart_..."

"I - I think I can hear Steven coming. I've got to go - thank you, Erica, thank you so much"

"No worries, Connie - take care of yourself and don't hesitate to call if there's anything else, OK?"

"Thanks... you take care too. And thank Jasper as well..."

"I will... bye"

"Bye"

I hung up the phone and sighed out a long breath, feeling quite worn out.

"Connie says thank you... and I really... _really_ want a cigarette..." I said, my voice a tad muffled by Jasper's shirt. She chuckled and stroked my back.

"How about a foot rub instead?" she suggested.

"Mmmf..." I hugged her tightly and sighed again. "Yes please..."

"Didn't want to say anything while you were talking, but I could hear both of you" she said quietly. I looked up at her.

"You could?"

"Yeah... never heard Connie like that... She sounded so upset"

"Well... she _was_ upset"

"And you called her 'sweetie' - you call _Charlie_ sweetie. And Cake, too"

"That's right, I did. And I do..." I smiled tiredly. "Connie's very dear to me..."

"I know" she chuckled, grinning down at me. "You've got special terms of endearment for special people... But I'm your only darling, right?"

"You're my only _darling_ -darling. Robyn is my sweetie-darling"

"A combo" she chuckled.

"It's from one of our favorite shows... Absolutely Fabulous... It's totally mad. Oh... Now I really want to see it..."

"What kind of show is it?"

"It's a comedy - it's about these women and they're so messed up..." I let out a sigh. "It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's special to me and Robyn - it was on TV when we were at school, but very late in the evening. So we had to sneak to the common room..." I paused to yawn. "... to watch it with the volume turned way down... And she'd call me Eddie and I'd call her Pats... They're the two main characters"

"Want to watch some with your foot rub?"

"I'd love that, darling..." I hugged her again.

"Good. Feel ready to get moving?"

I nodded and she removed her warm hands from my belly and back and took my hand instead. She bent to pick up the bag, then let out a little chuckle.

"I think Steven took the wrong bag" she said, holding it out to me.

"Oh crap..." I frowned as I felt the need for a pad change mounting.

"Don't worry. Let's get you home, then I'll pop over to his house and get our bag"

"Thank you darling..."

"So how are the pills doing?" Jasper asked as we started walking home.

"Still pretty miraculous, but I think... Maybe I shouldn't be out and about so much on them"

"Well, now we know that, at least" Jasper gave my hand a squeeze.

"Yeah we do..." I sighed. "Just hope Connie and Steven are going to be alright"

"I'm sure they will. They're good kids"

When we arrived home I went to sit down in the couch in the TV room and scrolled through my series to find Absolutely Fabulous while Jasper went to get our bag from Steven's house. After two minutes my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Erica, it's Steven - I took the wrong bag with me!" he sounded as if he was pacing nervously.

"I know - but it's OK, Jasper's on her way over with yours right now. She should be there soon"

"Oh thank goodness..." he puffed, sounding tired.

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm OK, just... I can deal with monsters and space ships and stuff - but this is like a different kind of stress, you know?"

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" I smiled exhaustedly.

"I just wanna make Connie feel better..."

"Did you get the hot water bottle ready?"

"Oh shoot! I'll do that right now!" I heard him walking and then rummaging around in something. "And there's Jasper - I've gotta go - thanks again, Erica"

"Don't mention it, kiddo"

We hung up and I leaned back with a tired sigh, stroking my belly. This whole thing had taken less than forty five minutes but I felt as if I could go to bed. My eyelids were so heavy... I closed them for a moment.

***

"Honey? Aw, look at you..." I opened my eyes to see Jasper standing over me with a smile. "Here's our bag"

"Thanks darlin'..." I sat up a bit and yawned before getting to my feet.

"Did you find the show?"

"Yeah, it's cued up... Just gotta go change my pad..." I put on one of the night time ones and a tampon since I was planning on lying down.

When I returned to the TV room Jasper was sitting ready with soda and the Cheetos in a bowl. She patted the seat next to her and I sat down.

"Foot" she patted her thigh now and I smiled, re-positioning myself. She began to rub it and I sighed out a contented breath.

"Nnh... that feels _great_..."

Jasper smiled at me and kissed my big toe. "Mmm... my hands are occupied... Can you feed me some Cheetos?"

I giggled and scooted down a bit, then grabbed the bowl from the coffee table in front of us and put it on my belly. "You have to lean down a little, darling..." she did so with a big grin and I popped a few into her mouth. She chewed them with a very smugly happy look on her face.

"Thish ish gread" she said, spraying crumbs. "More pleash" I fed her some more then wiped some red dust from her cheek and put my fingers in my mouth.

"Mmm... _spicy_ Jasper..."

"You shou'd 'ave more'n dust, babe" Jasper said a little thickly, then she swallowed. "You've barely had anything to eat today"

"I _almost_ finished my lunch" I protested with a raised eyebrow, pointing to the admittedly only _half_ -finished plate of chicken and potato salad.

"I was thinking of making pasta for dinner... how does that sound?"

My stomach answered for me and gurgled loudly. Jasper let out a snort of laughter and kissed my toe again.

"Your belly thinks you should eat something too" she smirked.

"Fine, fine..." I said, holding up my hands in surrender. "One episode first, though?"

"Alright - more Cheetos please - fanksh"

***

I woke up on the couch - a slightly damp Cake was rubbing her head against my cheek.

"Mmmf..." I grunted and petted her a little clumsily. I could hear humming and running water coming from the kitchen - and a wonderful cheesy, meaty smell. My stomach gurgled again and I felt that strange sensation of my body being hungry, but my mind was not. Cake stepped onto my belly and began to knead it with her paws, purring gently. "Oh, no-no - no, sweetie - not today" I grimaced and lifted her away and sat up, then got to my feet. I shuffled into the kitchen and Cake climbed onto my shoulder, then jumped onto Jasper's as I approached her. "I come bringing a damp cat..." I said groggily.

"Wow thanks" Jasper chuckled. I snuggled in under her arm and leaned my head against the side of her boob.

"Mmm..." I mumbled, then yawned wookie style. I was rocked as she laughed.

"Babe! That _noise_!"

"What?"

"How do you even _do_ that?"

"I dunno" I yawned, normally this time. "Doesn't always happen..."

"Well it's fucking hilarious" she chuckled, leaning down to plant a kiss on my forehead.

"Mmm... it smells so good..." I hummed.

"I used three kinds of cheese" Jasper said proudly. I almost groaned, leaning heavily on her.

"That sounds amazing..."

When the food was done we sat down to eat at the table.

"Jeshush _Chrisht_ " I whimpered after the first bite and Jasper beamed at me.

* * *

Please review!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like my stuff? Buy me a coffee here: http://ko-fi.com/evilsnotbag  
> :)


	77. Not even Rory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Fluff
> 
> Also; all the formatting in the text has vanished for some reason? Ugh -.-  
> Read it with formatting here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12053391/77/Stay (but alas, no pictures)  
> I will edit this chapter at some point, but not tonight

**Chapter 77: Not even Rory**

The next morning I woke up with considerably less cramps - I had remembered to take another pill before bed last night. And... I __didn't__ feel uncomfortably sticky! I wiggled my bum experimentally, then smiled. I got up to go to the bathroom, then discovered to my dismay that I had slept with a tampon in. I pulled it out with a wince, trying to remember how long it had been in there. Shit... __way__ more than the recommended time... I'd be __fine__ , I told myself. Don't google random symptoms or you'll be bound to see some really fucked up images. Worry if you get a fever. OK. You're __fine__.

I took another pill and changed my pad, then went back to bed since the alarm wouldn't ring for quite a while. Jasper made a soft sound in her sleep as I cuddled up to her back. Her large warm bum was in my lap and her body heat eased the pain down enough so I could fall back asleep.

When the alarm went off later both Jasper and I kept pressing snooze. Eventually Cake jumped up and pawed at our cheeks and meowed hungrily until we got out of bed to feed her.

"Hey... no leaks..." Jasper said as we walked downstairs. Cake darted between my legs and skidded into the living room with a scrabbling of claws.

"Yeah, though I fell asleep with a tampon in so I don't know how much I should be celebrating..." I said tiredly.

"What? But that sounds great - why don't you sleep with a tampon all the time?" Jasper looked at me with a confused expression.

"You shouldn't leave them in for that long, you can get really sick"

"What?" she stopped in her tracks. "They make you sick?"

"Not the actual __tampons__ , no" I filled the kettle when we entered the kitchen. "Bacteria gathers and stuff, I think. But as long as you don't leave them in for too long you're OK" I turned my head to look at her - she was wearing an almost terrified expression now. "Darling?"

"Do you __feel__ sick?" she asked worriedly.

"No" I said and shook my head with a reassuring smile.

"Thank the stars..." she breathed out a huge breath of relief and came up to hug me. "I'd rather change the sheets everyday than risk you getting sick..." she said to me softly, her head on my shoulder.

"Thanks beastie... I never sleep with them normally... just forgot about it last night. I'll be more careful"

"Good..." she kissed my cheek and rubbed my tummy. "How's the pain today?"

"I got up earlier and took another pill, so not so bad" I said with a sigh. "How are you?"

"I'm..." she bit her lip a little. "I think I slept weird. My back is... a little sore?" she said it tentatively. I turned around fully to look at her with a warm smile. This was the first time she had actually __volunteered__ that something hurt. I put both my hands over her special spot and just kept them there.

"Here?" I asked softly.

"Yeah..." she smiled down at me a little embarrassedly.

"Maybe we need a new mattress?" I suggested. "Do you think ours is too hard? Too soft?"

"No idea" she chuckled, her cheeks going a bit pink.

"How was that... piece of rye-o-lite? The bed you had back on home world I mean - how was that for your back?" Jasper looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Um... kind of awful..." now my eyebrows went up.

"Really?"

"Yeah... was more a __status__ thing than anything else..." her blush deepened.

"We could go test out some different ones?"

"Yeah?"

"Sure, darling..." I nodded up at her and smiled. "I want you to be able to walk around without pain"

"Likewise" she grinned down at me crookedly. "How about... we go check out mattresses this weekend then?"

"It's a date"

We made breakfast and ate it at the kitchen table while Cake practically inhaled her wet food. When she was done she jumped onto the kitchen island and washed herself. I did the dishes while Jasper went to get dressed for the day.

"You sure you're going to be OK?" she asked me as I kissed her goodbye.

"Yes, darling - it's much better than yesterday. I was planning on catching up on some reading... Maybe watch some more Ab-Fab" I said with a happy smile.

"Alright - call me if there's anything, OK?"

"Promise" I giggled. A few pink butterflies settled onto Jasper's shoulders before fading. She smiled and looked a little relieved at that. "Now get going, darling - and say hi to the others from me"

"I will"

I watched her walk down the garden path to the gate - then she turned around and kissed two fingers before jumping away. I followed her with my gaze until she vanished behind the trees, then closed the door and sighed with a smile. I grabbed my cup of coffee and the hot water bottle, then headed up to the attic, picking up a blanket on the way. I snuggled down in the reading nook with 'Nightwatch' and began to read.

While I was having some left over pasta for lunch I got a text message. I put down my fork to take my phone out.

Connie: Would it be OK if I came over after school?

I wrinkled my brow a moment.

Erica: Sure you can. Is everything alright?

Connie is typing...

I waited for the message to come through, taking another bite of pasta. I saw the three little dots stop, then start again. This happened several times. Was she erasing everything and starting again?

Connie: I'm not sure? And thanks :) Class is starting, turning my phone off

I stared at my screen, chewing thoughtfully. Had something happened? It made me feel worried. ' _ _I__ _'_ _ _m not sure'__...

At four o'clock the doorbell finally rang and I jumped in my seat at the sound. I had managed to rile myself up __and__ calm myself down several times during the course of the afternoon, wondering what was going on. I had texted Jasper to say that Connie would most likely be at the house when she came back.

"Hi, come in" I said as I opened the door. "How's it going?"

"Hi... I'm so tired..." she looked it, but I wasn't about to point it out. Instead I offered a hug and she leaned quite a lot of her meagre weight on my belly - which __it__ did not like at all. I should take another pill, I thought. "Thanks so much for yesterday..."

"You're welcome, sweetie... Do you... want a little rest and a snack?" I asked softly.

"If it's OK, yes..." she said and yawned into my shirt. It made me smile as looked down at her with warmth.

"Of course it's OK" I gave her another squeeze even though my tummy protested, then we broke the embrace and she took off her jacket and shoes. "I'll get you a blanket" I said as she went into her, Steven's and Charlie's room. When I returned she was lying in the bottom bunk, already asleep. I put the blanket over her carefully, then went upstairs to take a pill and get myself a pair of warmer socks.

As I waited for Connie to wake up I prepared the meat for tonight's __kallops__ *stew and answered a few emails with the hot water bottle against my belly. I contemplated giving Priyanka a call, but decided to talk to Connie first. I was feeling a little peckish myself and made us a little snack platter of fruit, crackers and cheese. That felt like a very __adult__ snack, but I didn't think Connie would mind. After forty minutes or so she joined me in the kitchen.

"Ginger ale?" I asked her and she nodded gratefully, then sat down at the table. I put down the snack platter between us and assembled a cracker, cheese and pear combo for myself.

"This looks really good" she said, smiling at me a little nervously. I took a bite and looked her up and down.

"So... what's going on, sweetheart?" I asked in a soft voice. "Your text had me worried"

Connie chewed a cracker slowly, then swallowed. "Sorry... I just... um..." she broke her cracker into smaller pieces.

"Did something happen?"

"No, not really... I kind of... overheard some girls talking in the bathroom... about... about __bras__..."

"Bras?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Yeah..." she glanced down at my chest briefly, then looked back up at me, her cheeks blooming with red. "I um... What's... what's it like to have __boobs__?" I blinked at her in surprise.

"Well... they're just kind of... __there__..." I said with a little uncertain smile. Connie looked down at her own chest and shifted around in her seat uncomfortably.

"Right..." she sounded sad.

"Sweetie... you'll get them" I said softly, figuring she was heading toward the question. She swallowed a second time.

"Really?"

"Yeah" I nodded.

"Wh-when?" my eyebrows rose again.

"It varies from person to person, I think" her shoulders sagged a little. "Connie... what's going on?"

"I'm... the last one in my class that doesn't - that's hasn't... Everyone changed so much over the summer! Except for me..." she said the last part very quietly.

"Oh" I said. "I see... I suppose being last to... blossom is as uncomfortable as being the first one..." I frowned slightly.

"Y-you were the first?"

"Yes" I let out a little sigh. "I would gladly have waited to be honest"

"What? Why?"

"It drew a lot of attention to me that I didn't want at all. I stood out already, being very tall and... generally big... And they got in the way a lot"

"They... got in the way?"

"Yeah... suddenly there they were and it wasn't comfortable to lie on my stomach any more. And running around got more... complicated. Bouncing and stuff. Horseback riding was a nightmare until my mother dragged me the store to get me bras" I shivered slightly at the memory of having my ten year old chest measured by an old woman while my mother watched. I put my arm across my chest protectively. "But I get being the last one has its problems as well... Has someone... said something mean?"

"About me?" I nodded. "No - it's just - everyone has... well... __bras__... or some sort of chest... covering thing"

"And... you don't?" I asked carefully.

"No... I don't think some of the others actually __need__ them... but they do __have__ them... I've seen them in the locker room. It's __so__ awkward... I started changing in the bathroom..." I drew my eyebrows together in sympathy. Gods knew I had taken every opportunity to do that, __if__ there had been a bathroom available.

"So... go get some bras?" I suggested. "You don't need to have... fully developed breasts to __own__ them, as you said" Connie looked at me and bit her lip.

"Could... you come with me?"

I blinked at her in astonishment.

"Me?" I asked, feeling stunned. I avoided shopping for clothes in actual stores as much as I could. Though having lost the weight had made it a lot less terrible. Now that I could actually __fit__ into the things on display...

"It's too much to ask... sorry" she said, sounding hurt. She drew back in her chair and looked away.

"Hang on a minute, sweetie" I said softly, shaking myself mentally. "I'm not... a very clothes-shoppy kind of person. If I __have__ to go shopping I usually do it as quick as possible, not those... full day walking from store to store, trying things on, setting some things aside and then going to another store, trying more things on, then going back to the first one and - " I realized I was rambling. "Shit, sorry"

"I-it's OK!" Connie said quickly, looking hopeful. "I don't like clothes-shopping very much either - I usually wait in the book store while mom does it"

"Did you ask your mom?" wasn't this something you did with your mom in any case?

"No! I __can't__ go bra shopping with my __mom__ " she shook her head and looked almost terrified. My eyebrows rose again.

"Why not?" it'd be considerably better than to go with __my__ mother, a rather sulky and a teensy bit jealous voice said in the back of my mind.

"If you had a choice, would you have gone with a friend or with your mom?" this made me pause.

"I've... never been clothes-shopping with a friend" I said quietly and felt myself blush.

"Wait, what? Really?" now Connie's eyebrows rose.

"No"

"But you're so - " she stopped herself.

" _ _Old__?" I let out a little breath of laughter.

"Well, not __old__ but... you know, an __adult__ "

"I think Robyn invited me once but I said no..." I said thoughtfully. "I didn't do a lot of... like typically girly stuff when I was younger. If I could avoid it"

"Oh... is clothes-shopping girly then?" I paused again.

"I suppose not, I mean everyone does it" shit, what other sort of stereotypical thinking was lurking around in my brain. "Just... associated it with my mother and sister I guess. And all those teen movies growing up... Kept being told that girls were __supposed__ to like it"

"I don't really get it either - the shopping thing. It's just clothes, right? It's not that interesting..." I smiled at her. "If it makes you super uncomfortable I... suppose I could ask my mom..." she grimaced slightly.

"Hmm..." I said, scratching my neck.

I __wanted__ to help her... and honestly it was flattering to be asked, even if it did make me uncomfortable. But... I __was__ an adult now. It didn't have to be the same... And when me and Jasper got our kid, shopping would have to happen. Then I would want to make it __not__ traumatic for them. So what would I have to change? I mean... the way my mother and sister did it certainly wasn't the __only__ way to shop. It could be quick... and if me and Connie decided what we did... maybe we could actually stop at the food court and get a snack, not walk around and be hungry all day because we'd have to keep our stomachs as small as possible so that the clothes would fit... I didn't have to be a specific size any more... Gods! Just how much absolute shit thinking __was__ in my brain? It didn't need to be like that! I took a deep breath and tried to think clearly. This was Connie... she was asking me to help her go get something she needed. Or would need in future. It didn't have to be so complicated. And if I could spare her some embarrassment I should, right? But... I was pretty sure Priyanka would want to do this with her daughter. It was a bonding thing, wasn't it? Or... __could__ be a bonding thing... But what Connie said also made sense - which kid would want to go bra shopping with their mom if they could help it? Not even Rory Gilmore - she'd rather go with Lane - and Lorelai __certainly__ wouldn't want to go with __Emily__... That thought made me feel better... __Not even Rory__.

"OK" I said and looked Connie in the eye. "But - it has to be OK with your parents that we do this, it can't be a secret or anything"

"Really?" she looked enormously relieved. "I'll talk to mom when I get home!"

"OK, alright" I felt a little light headed and took a steadying swig of coffee. __Going shopping__... Maybe I needed to get some new undergarments myself, now that I thought of it. My sports bras were extremely well used by this point. And... maybe Jasper would appreciate a little more fancy packaging for my girls? Once in a while... That brought an entirely new line of thinking into play and I lost myself in the mental images conjured where __Jasper__ was wearing something interestingly lacy...

"What kinds of bras are there?" Connie asked me, sounding a little excited now.

"Oh, lots of different ones, I think... I just go with sports bras usually"

"What's that?"

"It's designed to keep things in order, reduce bouncing and stuff when exercising. But you can wear them even if you don't. They're very comfortable - you can sleep in them too, but it's nice to be without one in bed"

"So you don't wear bras when you sleep?" she asked, sounding surprised. I smiled at her innocent question. She really didn't know anything about this stuff...

"No - I mean you __can__ but I don't think many do. Certainly not with wire bras. I've never been a big fan... But I suppose if you've got a smaller cup size you could find something that's actually comfortable... I like to keep things simple and supportive"

"That sounds like a good place to start" Connie nodded. "Level one"

"Yeah" I smiled, my heart swelling with affection for my fellow nerd. "Level one"

Doug came over to pick Connie up just before dinner. Jasper and I offered them to join in on the meal but Doug politely declined, saying he had something special in mind for dinner for tonight. Connie gave me a long hug goodbye and Jasper and I waved them off before returning to the kitchen.

"How was your day, darling?" I asked as I ladled some stew and potatoes into a bowl for her.

"It was good! We did endurance spin dashing for hours, so I'm pretty beat - had to carry the little brat home, she was complaining so much" she chuckled and rubbed her side. "Once I got warmed up my back wasn't too bad, but I could use a long soak and massage later if you feel up for it"

"Sure darling" I said with a smile. A long bath did indeed sound nice.

"Thanks. How was your day, babe?"

"Mostly quiet... Connie asked me to take her bra shopping..."

"Bra shopping?" Jasper paused with her spoon half way to her mouth. "Those little boob harnesses?" I burst out giggling at the way she put things.

"Yeah, boob harnesses... It's a pretty big thing for a girl, getting her first one. And I want __Connie's__ first time to be good. Mine was awful..."

"Your mother...?" Jasper asked, frowning.

"Yeah..." I put my arm across my chest again. "I severely doubt that Priyanka would handle it in the same way as __my__ mother did, but I think I get why Connie asked me instead of her. Well, she's going to ask if it's OK that I __do__ take her shopping - I don't want Priyanka to be uncomfortable about it - or feel left out of the picture completely... if it were our kid I'd want us to take them shopping for their first bra... But they might not want that... I hope they will though, if they need one. I want our kid to be able to talk about their body and its needs and not be ashamed..." I looked up at Jasper and smiled. "With you as a role model, I don't see how they could be anything but confident and proud of their body" Jasper raised her eyebrows, then smirked cockily down at me.

"Confident and proud, huh?"

"Yeah... I'll do my best in that department too"

"Babe... You are tiny and gorgeous and sexy and our kid will be too - I mean, not sexy, not to __us__ , obviously, but to others" she laughed a little.

"I think we'll be biased, since we're their parents - but who cares? I want our kid to know for sure that we love them and think they're wonderful in every way..."

"Don't worry, we'll tell them everyday" she kissed my cheek and smiled confidently.

A little later my phone rang. It was Priyanka. I felt a little thrill of nerves as I put down my book and picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Erica, how are you?" Priyanka asked - she sounded... tired.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"I'm... rather exhausted to tell you the truth. It was a long, __long__ day at work... And then I come home and Connie asked to talk to me - oh I can't believe how fast she's growing up..." she sighed.

"They tend to do that, don't they?"

"They do, they do..." she sighed again. "And you're never prepared for when they take another leap forward in development... Goodness - she needs __bras__... feels like it was yesterday that she refused to eat peas because she thought they were toads' eggs - she didn't want a belly full of hopping..."

"Oh my __gods__ , that's adorable..." a mental image of a tiny Connie in a bib appeared in my mind.

"I suppose this is what they do, the kids... they grow older and get embarrassed by their parents instead of reassured..." she sounded... sad?

"Oh, come on, Priyanka..." I said softly. "Like Connie told me, would you like to go bra shopping with __your__ mother?"

" _ _Heavens__ no!" she said with a breath of laughter, then she sighed again. "But... I can't help but be a little bit... disappointed, you know?" this sounded very sincere.

"I get that... I would feel the same way, I think"

"I thought we had gotten __closer__... but there's still things she doesn't feel comfortable talking to me about..."

"But she __did__ tell you about it - asked if it was OK, right?"

"Yes..."

"I... really don't want to impose on your mother-daughter thing - I feel as if I've done that already - if you're not comfortable with me taking her shopping then that's OK - you have every right to say no to this"

Priyanka was quiet for a while, then I heard her sigh again.

"If I __do__ say no it will have a negative impact on our relationship... It will push her away... And I really don't want to go back to that and - " her voice broke a little. "Oh confound this wretched PMS!" I heard her draw in a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry - I shouldn't be talking to __anyone__ tonight" there was the sound of paper rustling in the background and then a sniff. I smiled faintly at how similar she and Connie were.

"Priyanka..." I said softly. "It's OK to be upset - PMS is a bitch"

"It __is__ , isn't it?" more rustling followed, then she took a deep breath. "OK" she said, sounding determined, almost falling into her no-nonsense voice. "Nothing too expensive - she'll need practical, sturdy things she can grow into, alright?"

"Oh - yes, mhm" I nodded.

"And nothing with any inappropriate words written on them - I've seen __toddler__ sized clothes saying 'little bitch' and things"

"No, of course not" I shook my head.

"You are both sensible and I trust you and - and - " she took another shuddering breath. "And I'm very grateful you're willing to do this with her!" she began to cry, panting into the microphone. My heart twinged powerfully in sympathy and I felt myself tearing up too.

"Hey..." I soothed. "I care so much about the both of you - it really means a lot, first to be asked by Connie and then that you can call and talk to me so honestly, really it does... Priyanka, thank you for trusting me..." I felt my cramps ramp up and adjusted my hot water bottle. It was luke-warm by now and didn't help at all, so I put it to the side and rubbed my tummy with my hand instead. Priyanka sobbed in her very controlled way for a little while and I just listened, occasionally making a soothing sound, hoping it'd work on my uterus too.

"Goodness..." she panted after a minute, then blew her nose. "I'm a complete mess tonight"

"You're allowed to be" I said gently.

"Thanks"

"No problems whatsoever, sweet- " I just realized I was calling her 'sweetheart', but couldn't stop half-way through the word. "-heart..." I finished, feeling unsure if she'd be OK with that. She let out a breath of laughter and sniffed.

"Nobody has called me sweetheart in years..." she said, her words accompanied with more paper rustling.

"Is that OK?" I asked uncertainly.

"Yes..." she said with another shuddering breath. "I think I needed to hear it today..."

"Happy to oblige, sweetheart" I smiled, then winced as my uterus twisted into a knot. "Mmmnnnouchsonofabitch" I hissed out a few red sparks.

"Oh dear, are you alright?"

"Give me a - a momhent..." I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, rubbing my tummy carefully. After a few seconds the cramp subsided to a dull ache. "Oh thank __fuck__..." I breathed.

"Cramps?"

"M- _ _hmm__..."

"Oh dear... We all seem to be synchronized, don't we?"

"Yeah" I said with a bitter laugh. "Regular old period party all up in here..."

"Are... you and Jasper OK?"

"Yeah, yeah... disappointed, you know, but we're OK. She's so amazingly supportive..."

"That's good" she sounded a little relieved. "Oh, excuse me - yes, dear? I'm on the phone..." the sound grew muffled and I figured Doug had come into the room. I took the opportunity to readjust my position and lie down on the couch. That alleviated the pain a bit. I let out a long sigh, thinking of maybe calling out for Jasper while Priyanka was busy talking to Doug, but then there was a series of scrapes. "Sorry for the interruption" she said, sounding a little tense.

"Everything OK?"

"Trouble with Doug's car. __Again__ " she said with a sigh - I could practically __hear__ her rolling her eyes. "He asked to borrow mine tomorrow - which is __fine__ since it's my day off, but... he __never__ adjusts the seat back properly" I smiled at this.

"Hey, when would be a good time to go shopping, do you think?"

"Oh, right - how about this weekend? I... usually take her to the mall close to Ocean Town. There are a lot of choices there"

"Do they have a mattress store, by any chance?"

"I think so. Thinking about getting a new one?"

"Well. Test some out at least. Jasp-" I didn't know if she'd be OK with me talking about her back troubles. " _ _I've__ been having some lower back aches lately"

"You should try memory foam - Doug and I got one and it's great"

"I'll do that! Any... other little tips? For lower back pain?" I bit my lip - this was a medical question...

"Try sleeping with a pillow between your knees" Priyanka said knowingly.

"Thanks, I'll give that a go for now" my cramps escalated again and I let out a low hiss. "Fuck, OK, I think I need to go take another pill..." I sat up with difficulty.

"Maybe take a warm bath? That's what I'm going to do..."

"Yeah" I grunted, then stood up - that made a substantial amount of blood leak out and I froze and shivered at the unpleasant sensation. "Talk more ano-other day?"

"Yes, sure - take care of yourself, Erica"

"You too, bye"

"Bye"

I gritted my teeth, then made my way up the stairs to the master bathroom, finding Jasper on the bed engrossed in a comic book.

"Oh, hey babe" she said, looking up. "You OK?"

"Nope" I grunted, shuffling into the bathroom and turning on the tap to the bath. After a few seconds warm and strong hands wrapped around me from behind. Jasper kissed my shoulder tenderly as I swallowed a pill.

"Why didn't you say something?" she asked quietly.

"I was talking to Priyanka..."

"About the bra shopping? What did she say?"

"She said she was... disappointed but understood. Fuck..." I leaned on the sink. "I left it too long..." Jasper's hands warmed slowly. "Ohh..."

"Babe..." she put her cheek against mine and I leaned my head against her gratefully. "You going to take a bath?"

"Yeah... that was the plan..."

"Can I join you?"

"Yes please..."

When the tub was ready I put in a tampon and both Jasper and I got into the steaming water. She sat down first and I lowered myself slowly into her lap. I felt Kara pressed up against my butt and lower back. She stroked me slowly there in a reassuring sort of way.

"Stars I love this tub..." Jasper sighed.

"Me too..." I rubbed my lower tummy slowly and leaned against her chest. "Hey... when we go to bed... try sleeping with a pillow between your knees"

"Hmm? What?"

"Supposed to help with l-lower" I started to yawn deeply. "Lower back pain..."

"Oh, OK"

After a little discussion Jasper and I decided that I should go with Connie to the mall alone on Sunday - then Jasper and I could test out mattresses on Saturday and no one (meaning me) had to feel stressed.

The testing process went a bit slow at the store - none of the display mattresses were really long enough for Jasper. She solved this by shrinking down a bit - which was oddly disturbing to see (but I didn't say that aloud) - when no one was looking. When she lay down on a memory foam variety she let out a long, hoarse groan.

"Fuck... what __is__ this..." she asked, her eyes fluttering closed.

"Memory foam" I said as I lay down next to her. "Oh my gods..." it hugged and supported my body very nicely.

" _ _This one__..."

" _ _Agreed__..."

After an __extremely__ good night's sleep and a delightful waffle breakfast in bed (courtesy of me, since Jasper was too comfortable to move) I got into Lorelai and drove to pick Connie up at her house.

"Good morning!" Connie said excitedly as she opened the door half a second after I rang the doorbell.

"Good morning" I said back, smiling at her. She hugged me tightly, then started to put on her shoes and jacket. "And good morning to you too"

"Morning, Erica" Doug said, walking up with a cup of coffee in his hands. "Let me give you some money for gas"

"Oh, you don't need to do that" I said, smiling at him and shaking my head. He took out his wallet anyway and handed me some bills.

"Doesn't __have__ to be for gas" he said with a little wink. "That mall has a __pretty good__ ice cream place"

"Ice cream?" Connie piped up, looking up at her dad. "But it's a Sunday"

"I __am__ aware" he said conspiratorially and gave her a wink too. I felt a pang of sadness at the cute display of paternal affection and support. "Be a star and get me some of that wonderful lemon sorbet?"

"Sure, dad"

"What's this?" Priyanka appeared from the kitchen in her bathrobe, cradling a heating pad to her stomach. "If you're getting sorbet I would like to request some mint chocolate - and some strawberry swirl" she looked a little worn out, but smiled warmly at Connie and then at me. "And good morning, Erica"

"Morning" I said back, returning her smile. "Do you want anything else?"

"Just for you to have a good time" she said, stroking Connie's shoulder.

"We will!" Connie finished tying her shoes and stood up.

"Have you got your wallet honey?" Priyanka asked.

"Yes, mom" Connie responded, patting the little satchel she had just put on.

"Looks like you're set then, drive safe" Doug said. "And you know, take your time" he cleared his throat a little. __Oh-ho__ , I thought and smiled at him.

"I will. There's some other things I might need to get, now that I think of it. Text you when we're done?" I smiled at Doug and Priyanka while Connie zipped up her jacket and stepped outside.

"Yes, thank you" Priyanka smiled, looking tiredly pleased. Good for them, I thought. "Bye, you two"

"Bye!" Connie called from the car. She was already buckling herself in.

When we arrived at the mall I found us a parking space quite close to the entrance - that always made me feel a little smug - and it also made my heart-rate settle. I wasn't going to lie to myself - even though Jasper and I had been here yesterday, today was a completely different situation. I told myself to calm down, then took a deep breath.

We walked into a likely looking store and made our way to the underwear department.

"Oh my gods, that's a lot to choose from" I said as we arrived at the bra section. Rows and rows of colourful garments were in front of us. It was more than a little overwhelming.

"Yeah..." Connie breathed. She took a step closer to me and grabbed the sleeve of my jacket tentatively. It was such a sweet, innocent gesture... I took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Right. OK. Do you know your size?"

"No"

"Alright, so... let's go find something you like and then you can try them on and we'll find one that fits" I smiled at her.

"OK" she nodded, looking both excited and apprehensive.

"Got a colour preference?"

"I like blue and yellow" she said, looking at the garments just closest to us. "These seem nice?" she pointed to a dark blue bra. It had a little rosette on the middle of the chest. I picked it up with my left hand and looked at the label.

"Says girls size five - see if it's an approximate size for you?"

" _ _Out here__?" Connie's eyes widened.

"I mean, hold it against your body" I smiled reassuringly.

"Oh, OK" Connie took the thing from me and held it against herself. "Seems pretty good?"

"Alright - a place to start" I gave her hand another squeeze. "There are some yellow ones over there" I pointed and we went to have a look.

"Oh my gosh, that one says 'SEXY'" Connie gasped.

"Seriously? This is child sized stuff..." I said with a puff of green. Priyanka had been right - not that I'd doubted her - but it was disturbing to see it for myself.

"Is that even like... __allowed__?"

"If it wasn't I don't think they'd dare sell it. Bleh"

"Bleh is right" Connie nodded, then took a pale yellow bra off the rack. "This one's nice, though..." it was a simple cut with a cross back - the bottom hem read 'GIRL' in yellow letters.

"That looks comfy" I said encouragingly. I took one down for myself and felt the fabric. It was soft and stretchy - she could grow a little and it'd still fit her. "Good choice" Connie smiled up at me, looking a little relieved. "Want me to hold it while you look for more?"

"Yeah, thanks" she handed the one she was holding to me and I put the other one back. She let go of my hand and began to wander down the row a little, looking carefully at the many options.

After a while she had found around ten she liked and we located the changing rooms.

"OK, so... trying them on - some of these you can adjust the straps and stuff, but you've got to take them off to do that. Nothing should pinch or scratch or anything, or make you feel too restricted in your movement. Find the comfy ones and we can get more of the same model, in different colors if you like. When you've found things that fit, try it with your shirt back on too. If that makes it uncomfortable or... looks weird or something, we'll find something else. I'll wait out here and can get you... different sizes and stuff?"

"OK" Connie nodded, a serious look on her face. I handed her all the bras and she went inside. I stepped in front of the door and turned my back since I was tall enough to see over the top. I could hear the rustling of cloth from behind me.

"Oh gosh..." Connie said after a minute.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"Just feels... __weird__..."

"Weird how?"

"I... __think__ it's the right size... just... weird to be wearing something on __just__ my chest. Feels like a tight little shirt"

"Oh, well... tight little shirt is probably what you should aim for. Just not __too__ tight"

"Hmm..." she said thoughtfully. "Could you get me a bigger size?"

"Which one was it?"

"The blue one with the pink flowers on it, the label says..." there was some rustling. "Size five"

"I'll get you a six" I looked around to make sure no creepy people were around, then stepped away and located the larger size and returned quickly. "I'll hand it over the top"

"OK, thanks"

I resumed my guarding position and waited for the verdict.

"That's __much__ more comfortable" Connie said, sounding relieved.

"Great - how does it feel in the straps and things?"

"It's good"

"OK, keeper then"

"Yeah!"

Over the next half an hour Connie found three models that were comfortable and when she had gotten dressed again she picked out one more color of each.

"Six is a good start, right?" she asked.

"Six is great - I think I have three or four I keep switching between"

"What? Don't you need to wash them all the time?" she looked up at me with raised eyebrows.

"You can wear them for more than one day if they're not too sweaty, but I should probably get some more, to be honest"

"The adult section is over there" she said and pointed.

"Mind if I have a look?"

"No, not at all!" she smiled up at me. We headed over there. "These aren't as colourful as the kids' section ones" she said thoughtfully.

"You're right" I smiled. "Well, look at those" there was a bright pink row made up mostly of frilly lace bras.

"Oh my gosh" Connie giggled, her cheeks going a bit red. I walked along the rows to find the less flashy kinds and ended up in the maternity section. These were some __heavy duty__ bras. Maybe I should get one of these? Or a few... I __would__ need them eventually... What size did I have now? I had no idea. I took down a black number and held it against my chest, but that didn't really give me a clue.

"I guess I'll have to try some on" I picked a few simple ones of different sizes, then stopped when I found a row marked 'Nursing Bras'. I took one down thoughtfully - it had a little hook at the front that you could unlatch - it opened up to reveal most of the breast. That's clever, I thought. Then you wouldn't have to lift it up or take it off all the time when you were nursing.

"Connie, could you stay outside the door?" I asked her as we approached a different set of dressing rooms.

"Sure" she smiled at me.

"Thanks, sweetie"

I went inside and took a steadying breath before pulling off my shirts. The lighting was severely unflattering and highlighted my stretchmarks, zits and scars in the mirror.

_"_ __For fuck's sake, Erica - how can this be too tight?! It's a_ _ **__**medium** _ _ ** __!" my mother's frustrated voice hissed at me through the changing room wall._ _

__I was so hungry I felt faint and could only mutter a quiet; "Sorry mom..." in response._ _

_"_ __I can't_ _ **__**believe** _ _ ** __you're embarrassing me like this" she snapped. I heard her rummaging around in her handbag, then the all too familiar sound of her flask unscrewing. "Why can't you be more like your sister? I went through_ _ **__**so** _ _ ** __much, carrying the two of you - and this is how you repay me?" she huffed. "No dinner for you for a week"_ _

__No... I felt the hated tears burn the corners of my eyes. "I'm s-s-s-"_ _

_"_ __And_ _ **__**don't** _ _ ** __\- stammer!" she hissed, sounding even more angry. It made me wince._ _

I blinked at myself in the mirror, the memory falling away from me, finally. It's OK, I told myself. You're fine, even though your scar is tingling, you're fine... Your mother isn't going to pop out of the ground and start berating you. She's gone _ _..__. I took a few sparky dark breaths to try to steady myself. She's gone... __She's gone__... You're __not__ on the verge of fainting - you're thirty three, not eleven... You're in the US, not Great Breton... I am here, and this is now, and I am safe... I am here, and this is now, and I am __safe__... I began to hum my calm down song to myself quietly and after a minute I felt my heart-rate slow. I took another deep breath, then looked myself in the eye in the mirror and nodded, surprised at the determination I saw in my own gaze. __Right__.

I took my sports bra off and began to try on the new ones. One was very comfortable and soft, but way too small in the cup area. My chest constricted a little, but I told myself to be brave.

"C-Connie?" I bit my lip - my voice was a little shaky.

"Yeah?"

"Could you... get me a b-bigger size?"

"Oh, sure. Are you... OK?" she sounded a little uncertain.

I let out a breath I hadn't been aware I had been holding. "Yes - and thank you" I handed the bra over the top of the door and she took it and walked away. While she was gone I tried on the nursing bra, unhooking the front bit on one side. It looked almost comical and I smiled at myself in the mirror. I bet Jasper would like that... A mental image of her in one of these made me bite my lower lip for a much better reason than before. Yes. I'd get this one too.

When I was redressed we headed to the register. Connie paid for her new things with pink cheeks and the female cashier smiled at her kindly. I paid for my stuff too and when we were leaving the store Connie reached up to grab my hand.

"Thanks for doing this with me, Erica..." she said, blushing slightly.

"Thank you too, sweetie" I said, jiggling my bag. I felt quite relieved to be out of the store. My scar tingled faintly, still, but I did my best to ignore it. I needed a distraction... "Now, I think it's time for something lunch-y, what do you say?"

"Yeah, I could eat!" she grinned at me broadly. "There's a food court over there" she pointed with her bag.

"Awesome - what do you feel like? I could go for something spicy"

"Hmm..." she furrowed her brow. "How about... Thai food?"

"Oh __yum__ , I want spring rolls" I felt quite bolstered by the idea.

We went over there and found a Thai place, then sat down in a plastic booth to have our food.

"Here's to shopping with friends" I said, holding up my Mega Porp can and smiling without effort. Being able to do this - sit down on these slightly greasy seats and decide for myself what I ate was so, __so__ important to me.

"Cheers!" Connie bumped her carton of apple juice against my drink and said "Clink!"

After lunch we meandered through the mall and looked at a bunch of things. It was nice and relaxing, now that we weren't going to do any more clothes shopping. I bought some duct tape and zip-ties from a store, finding a travel toothbrush on our way out - I was going to add it to my new EDC I was assembling. We got stuck in a large bookstore for quite a while, Connie wanting to get a new book. She eventually settled on 'The Wee Free Men' on my very biased recommendation. I thought she would really like the main character.

We stopped by the ice cream place and had a cone with two scoops each. Connie had hot fudge over hers and I hesitated a moment before asking for the same. I felt a rebellious thrill inside at my daring to indulge. I also texted Priyanka then, thinking she and Doug might appreciate a longer heads up. We purchased the flavors they had requested and then went back to the car. As I started the engine I received a text from Priyanka that said 'THANKS!' in all caps. I smiled to myself and reversed out of the parking space.

When we arrived back at the Maheswarans' residence Priyanka and Doug met us with some very happy and relaxed smiles. I noticed scratch marks peeping out over Doug's collar and exchanged a knowing little smile and a quirked eyebrow with Priyanka.

"What's that on your neck, dad?" Connie asked.

"Just cut myself shaving, honey" Doug responded easily.

"Did everything go well?" Priyanka inquired smoothly.

"Yeah, mom"

"Can I see?"

"Not in front of __dad__!" Connie burst out as if it was the most embarrassing thing in the world.

"OK" Doug laughed, holding up his hands and taking a step back. "I was just about to pour myself some coffee - would you like a cup, Erica?"

"Oh, I'd love some" I said with a grateful smile. He gestured for me to follow him into the kitchen while Connie showed off her purchases to her mom.

"Please have a seat"

"Thanks" I sat down at the kitchen table and leaned back against the chair, allowing the tiredness I felt to take over a little. I stretched out, noticing my shoulders were quite sore. I should ask Jasper to massage them later...

"Cream and or sugar?" Doug asked, taking out two cups from a cupboard.

"No thank you"

"Here we are" he put down a steaming cup in front of me and I lifted it to my nose, drawing in the lovely smell.

"Thank you so much" I said with a sigh, taking a long careful sip.

"No, really, thank __you__ " Doug grinned and scratched his neck, his cheeks flushing slightly.

* * *

Please review!

*kalops = a meat and vegetable stew, great for cold weather. Here's a recipe: www.daringgourmet.com/kalops/   


(I don't add garlic or red wine, though, but I double the amount of carrots - they're my favourite part! XD)

If you like my stuff, please consider buying me a coffee here: ko-fi.com/evilsnotbag   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noticed that I forgot to draw Erica's cast! She still has it :P


	78. Bittersweet November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter... took a lot of time and effort to write. In addition to airing out some of my own demons, this also pushes me past the 600,000 published words mark. Yay!?  
> Parts of this is really heavy. Maybe get a blanket? Or a cup of hot cocoa.

##  **Chapter 78: Bittersweet November** ****

  
”Phew, this is hard...” I said, sitting down on a broken piece of pillar and wiping my forehead. “I always forget how _fast_ you lose your condition when you don’t exercise...”

“You’re doing well, Erica” Pearl said, handing me a water bottle. “Take a breather”

“Thanks”

Pearl had taken me into a room in the temple and had shown me some basic ballet moves that would improve my balance - with enough time and effort. Standing on one leg was fine, it was the bending down and getting back up and especially the spinning around part that were my issues. We drew up a schedule for me to practice when I was at home. Baby steps.

As I walked over the sand after our session was done, the cold wind was blowing in from the sea, making my scar tingle. I pulled my hood up and hurried toward the boardwalk, hoping the wind would be less biting among the houses.

It was November now. I had tried not to think about that too much, but my scar tingling brought this back to the front of my mind. On November twenty first in 2001 I had had my first CT. That night, I had been told that I had a brain tumour. And my life changed forever... For the better, _eventually_ , but... It had been so very hard. And lonely. But I wasn’t alone any more, I tried telling myself. Jasper knew already... At least a little bit.

Maybe...

Maybe it was time to tell her the rest? I sighed deeply, expelling a dark cloud.

Christina had known too... But during the years we were together I had never spent that day with her. Or the days leading up to it. I had always been alone then. Maybe it was more accurate to say that it was self-imposed alone time. I couldn’t really deal with anyone else's... _anything_  during that time. After Parker began working for me I had informed her that I should not be disturbed then, under any circumstances.

Mostly, I could talk to people and say that I had had a tumor. At least, nowadays. And they would go ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that’ and then look alarmed or uncomfortable. But very few knew just how much it had affected me. Robyn knew all to well how I had felt - she was probably the only one. Apart from the therapists that had helped me work through it as much as I could.

One of the things I always insisted on if I made an appearance on TV or radio, was that my medical history was not to be discussed, nor my family. Thankfully, that had been respected so far. Well... It was probably safe to say that the threat of million dollar lawsuits were the reasons for the restraint. Journalists were _not_ my favourite kind of people.

When I got home I found Jasper in the living room, reading on the couch. I took a deep breath to try to steady myself.

“Da-arling?” my voice was a little shaky.

“Yeah?” Jasper looked up from her book, her eyebrows drawing together.

“It’s... it’s the tenth of November...” I said quietly. She nodded slowly as if to confirm that, yes, this is true, then put her book down, her expression growing uncertain. I took another breath. “On the twenty first it will have been... fifteen years since I found out about the... about the tumour...” I sat down next to her.

“Oh... OK?” she put a hand on my thigh.

“The anniversary of that day is... always hard, and the time leading up to it too - no matter how happy I am otherwise - so um... if I seem... _down_... that’s most likely why...” Jasper looked at me in silence for a moment, then stroked my thigh and scooted a little closer.

“Do you... want to talk about it?” she asked softly. I let out a long, dark sigh.

“After I... found out it was like I was in a daze... I don’t remember very much, but...” I closed my eyes, both wanting to and not quite daring to recall the strange feeling of being half-asleep. “I was so disconnected... It was like _I_ couldn’t be in my mind, while the tumor was there... It’s hard to explain...”

“I’m listening” Jasper said steadily, giving my knee a reassuring squeeze.

“It was like it pushed me out? Not that it took over or anything, just... there wasn’t space for _me_ ... So I was... nowhere? Fading in and out? But Robyn told me that I... came back to school, for a while before the surgery - it was scheduled for the eleventh of December, I know that, so... for two weeks I apparently was attending my classes? The only thing I remember from then is going to my bed to lie down and... having the worst migraine I had ever had...” my hands tightened into fists. “Usually, I see little lights popping and swirling in front of my eyes, but that time... it was like _spotlights_ burst into life, blinding me every few seconds... I was so _sick_ ... I vomited all over the floor and couldn’t stop - someone found me and... called an ambulance? The ride was so long... My school was in the middle of the country side, and the clinic there didn’t have an MRI... so they had to drive for over an hour and - “ my breath hitched. “They kept the sirens blaring the whole time...” my breath became a dark, dark red and I shut my eyes at the sparkly lights, feeling Jasper slip an arm around my shoulders and hug me close. “My head felt like it was going to _split_ but they wouldn’t _listen_ to me...”

“Tch! _Assholes_ ” she said with a growl in her voice.

“When we got to the hospital they said... that I had to go in the MRI machine before they could give me anything for the pain - they didn’t know if - if - “ my voice vanished as my throat constricted.

“Hey, hey...” Jasper soothed. “Breathe...”

I panted a few moments, concentrating hard on remaining _there_ in her arms.

“If something had happened to the tumour... If it had _g-grown_... Then they would have to operate straight away... I think I must have passed out... The next thing I remember is going to the hospital in Londinium with my parents, the day before the surgery...”

“Is that when your mother washed your hair?” she asked gently.

“Y-yeah” I nodded, my breath hitching again. Jasper stroked my back and kissed my forehead. “I couldn’t fall asleep that night... but a very nice nurse gave me a pill and talked to me... I don’t remember her name - she worked the late shift and had long, curly red hair... she was the first adult who... who actually _listened_  to me... I think she gave me a hug”

“Yeah?”

“I told her I was afraid...” Jasper’s arms squeezed me carefully and she let out a long sigh.

“Anyone would have been...” she murmured.

“When I woke up...” I swallowed hard. “When I woke up... afterwards... I thought I was _d-dead_ ...” my breath was a buzzing dark cloud that twisted in on itself. It undulated sickeningly in the air and I closed my eyes as it drifted down toward the floor. “The lights were so bright... and I... couldn’t remember _anything_ for a few seconds... then it all came rushing back and it began to _hurt_ ... There was a sound and I t-turned my head a little and - and there was a _sloshing_  - ih-inside my head”

“Wh-what?”

“They had to f-fill the v-void from the tumour with s-saline solution...” Jasper stiffened at my words.

“Oh, _babe_ ...” she sighed, sounding terribly sad. “I’m really... _really_ sorry...” I lost myself for a while then, crying into her shirt. I had only ever told Robyn about that before... My scar tingled and seared awfully as I sobbed. But Jasper just held me... Soothed me until my breathing steadied, I don’t know how much later. Maybe it had been half an hour, maybe only a few minutes.

“Could you get me the beanie? I think it’s in my little backpack...” I asked her, sniffling.

“Yeah, of course honey” Jasper gave me a gentle squeeze, then got up from the couch and hurried off. She returned a twenty seconds later with the black and white hat and the roll of paper towels from the kitchen. I took both gratefully and put the beanie on with slightly shaking hands.

“A-armour on...” I said, then blew my nose.

“Armour?” Jasper inquired with a tentative little smile.

“Yeah... Um... this is kind of disturbing but...” Jasper nodded at me to continue. “After I got home... I got afraid to go outside. I thought that someone would... knock me over and my um... my skull would just... _open_ and my brain would fall out” Jasper looked horrified. “Someone gave me a beanie - not this one, I lost the first one on a trip... a fan made this for me...” I stroked the soft fabric. “They had heard I lost it... and made it for me... I don’t remember who gave me the first one, but they said... ‘This will keep you safe’... and it did”

“So... you could go outside?”

“Yeah... It... _hurt_ though. The cold. They told me that could happen... Told me I had nerve damage...” I raised my hand to touch the lowest part of the scar than extended down the right side of my neck a few inches. The raised skin tingled there, but didn’t sear.

“Babe...” Jasper sighed, looking at me with concern in her beautiful yellow eyes. “Is there something - _anything_ I can do to make this easier?” I felt incredibly touched at her words and my vision went blurry.

“It’s a relief to be able to talk about it, even though it hurts. I feel better... Thank you...”

“ _Any_ time” Jasper insisted, nodding emphatically.

“I usually... don’t want people around me at this time but... I want _you_  to be around me...” I plucked at her shirt, feeling my cheeks burning. It felt like I was telling her a secret deeper than the head-sloshing.

“Of course I’ll be here, babe!” she hugged me tightly for a long moment and I felt reassured. “Is there something you want me to say or... like _do_?”

“It... wouldn’t hurt to be reminded that it’s in the past. I mean, I know that it is... but sometimes I forget...”

“What should I say?”

“Say - you are here, and this is now, and you are safe...”

“Oh” Jasper’s eyes widened slightly. “So that’s why you say it...” she blinked, then took my hands in hers. “You are _here_ , and this is _now_ , and you are _safe_ ” she repeated seriously, looking me straight in the eye. The intensity in her gaze made me let out a little gasp. Her brow furrowed and her eyes darted between mine worriedly. “Too much?”

“N-no, that was...” I swallowed. “ _Very_ convincing”

“In a... good way?”

“Mhm” I nodded, not really able to put words around the feeling she invoked. The combination of those words and her voice... and her eyes... made me _very_ certain where I was.

“OK” Jasper said, looking relieved.

“I know I shouldn’t run away from how I’m feeling, but if I keep busy I won’t dwell on it too much... And the day after I usually feel so much better. Because then it’s over again. It’s weird...”

“Doesn’t sound so weird to me...” Jasper stroked my cheek gently. “It was a bad time... and now it’s that time of year again. Seems pretty straight forward - I mean, _awful_ , but you know... it makes sense” I leaned into her palm and managed a little smile. This made her eyes light up and she grinned back at me.

“You have no idea how much that means to hear, darling... People in the past have just... told me to get over it”

“Well they can go fuck themselves” Jasper huffed. “Nobody tells my little monster how to feel”

“ _Melamin_...” I sniffed, putting my arms around her strong neck and hugging her as tightly as I could. “I love you so, so much!” she chuckled faintly and embraced me back.

“Ja-ak ell-scar day too, babe”

***

As the dreaded date approached I kept busy; working out as well as I could with the cast still on, doing Pearl’s balance exercises, painting, playing games and cuddling Cake - and Lion. He had taken to napping on our big couch with all four legs in the air, Cake snuggled up to one cheek.

Jasper was extremely supportive, as I knew she would be. She asked if I wanted to do something special the day after, like we had done after Victoria had been here. Something to look forward to, to help me get through it. I said I’d think about it, but realistically I’d probably just want to rest.  

Today was the seventeenth of November and I was heading to the temple to watch Steven and Connie practice. It was good to watch others train, Jasper had assured me. And it was something to do. Something distracting.

As I knocked on the door I saw Priyanka sitting on the couch with Connie.

“Hi!” Steven greeted happily, opening the door for me.

“Hi guys” I said, accepting Steven’s warm hug a little tentatively. But it felt so good to be hugged by him. It made me relax a little.  

“We’ve got a two people audience today” Pearl stated, stepping out from the kitchen and wiping her hands on a towel.

“Then you’re watching too?” I asked Priyanka.

“Yes I am” Priyanka smiled, and both she and Connie stood up to hug me hello. Pearl gave me a hug as well. “I’m quite excited to see my swashbuckler swashbuckling. And I brought snacks. And a power bank - Doug wanted to be here too, but he got called into a shift, so he asked me to take _extensive_ video”

“Mom...” Connie said slowly, blushing.

“Where are we going? Somewhere warm I hope” I smiled faintly.

“Yes - to Greece!” Pearl beamed. “You’ll need a sweater, Steven, but not a jacket”

“OK!” Steven nodded, then ran up the stairs to rummage in his dresser.

”There is an amphitheatre I know of - thought it might be appropriate for today” Pearl clapped her hands together excitedly.

“Whoa, really?” Connie asked.

“Indeed! I heard Socrates speak there once”

“Excuse me?” Priyanka blinked. “Socrates - as in - _the_ Socrates?”

“Why yes, Doctor Maheswaran - a decent man, with ideas far ahead of his time, to be sure”

“That’s - oh, that’s amazing” Priyanka beamed at Pearl delightedly.

“Will you tell me about your meeting?”

“Of course, I’d be delighted!” Pearl smiled happily. “Come along everyone, off to Greece we go!”

“I can’t find my red hoodie” Steven said from upstairs. “Have you seen it, Pearl?”

“No, but I just laundered your blue one, take that instead” Pearl called back.

Everyone got onto the warp pad and Connie took her mother’s hand while Steven zipped up his hoodie.

“Hold on to me, OK? This is going to feel a little weird! But don’t be afraid, and try to keep still” Connie smiled up at her mom.

“Ah, yes, the ‘ _warping’_...” Priyanka said, frowning slightly. “No gravity, if I remember correctly?”

“That’s right” I nodded, offering my hand as well. Priyanka took it gratefully and nodded, her face taking on a serious look, as if she was readying herself for a race - it made me smile.

“Everybody ready?” Pearl asked and we all said yes. The warp activated with a ping and Priyanka made a surprised little yip, her grip tightening on my hand (and presumably Connie’s).

“Oh my goodness!” she gasped. The lights streamed around us for a moment and the warp filled with giggles from Steven and Connie - and after a few seconds, Priyanka’s as well. As we landed, Priyanka stumbled into me and I steadied the both of us. We had arrived in a lightly forested area with tall, pale trees.

“You alright, Doctor Maheswaran?” Steven asked politely.

“Y-yes, I think so - thank you Connie, Erica”

“You get used to the sensation” I said with a little smile. “The first few times I fell flat on my face or a - uh... behind”

“Me too!” Connie giggled, pulling her mother off the warp pad.

“Me three!” Steven nodded, sniggering.

“This way, everyone!” Pearl called, leading the way down a path between the trees. She and Priyanka talked about Pearl’s encounter with Socrates as we walked, and I listened with half an ear.

“Who was this Socrates guy?” Steven asked me quietly.

“He was a philosopher I think? I don’t know much more than that” I said, feeling like a bad adult for not knowing more.

“He was!” Connie said.

We walked for a while in the warm sunlight filtering down through the canopy above and I found myself relaxing, taking deep breaths of the fresh forest air. Eventually we reached the tree line and emerged on the top of a small hill. Below us was the ruin of the amphitheatre, the white marble stone shining out among unkempt green grass. Broken pillars surrounded the raised area that might have been a stage in ages passed.

“Alright, why don’t you two make yourselves comfortable and Steven and Connie can begin to warm up” Pearl said to me and Priyanka, gesturing toward the seats. “Ten warm up laps around the stage!”

Priyanka and I went to sit down, Priyanka pulling out a blue blanket from her backpack and putting it on the stone before sitting down. She patted the seat next to her and I sat down as well while she took out her phone and held it at the ready.

“I’m so excited” she whispered to me, wearing an eager smile. To my surprise, my heart twinged powerfully and I swallowed before returning a stiff little smile of my own. My mother had attended multiple riding performances in which both Victoria and I had performed, as well as spelling bees and other things. But she had never worn the expression Priyanka was displaying now. Oh, how my heart ached... I shook myself mentally. I should be _happy_ for both of them! This was a wonderful thing, a mother excited to see her daughter demonstrate her skills. And wanting to record it for the parent that couldn’t be there... Suddenly I wished I was somewhere else, alone. Quite without realizing, I raised my hood and scooted back from the edge of my seat a bit. “Everything OK?” Priyanka asked.

“Yeah, just... a little cold” I fibbed, drawing my hands into the sleeves of my hoodie. When she turned back to watch the kids, I let out a green and black cloud.

A few minutes later, Pearl summoned four clones for Steven and Connie to fight and Priyanka gasped loudly.

“Oh my goodness! They’re so many - is this _normal_?” she asked me, looking alarmed.

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ve seen them take on more than this - it’s still the warm up” I did my best to sound reassuring.

Steven and Connie dispatched the clones with ease, their weapons glinting in the sunlight. Priyanka gasped and fretted over the exchanges, but eventually settled and just _stared_ in awe.

My pocket vibrated and I took out my phone - Jasper had sent me a picture of herself and Frank. The dog was in the process of licking her cheek and she was smiling broadly at the camera, the caption saying; FRANK SAYS HELLO. It was so cute it made me smile, my tense shoulders relaxing again. I texted back a few hearts, then pocketed my phone and leaned back against the stone behind me, feeling my spirits lifting. Everyone cared about me, I told myself. Even if I hadn’t told the others just what was going on inside me, they cared and wanted to include me. This is a nice day, even though it’s November. Try to be _here_ , right now - don’t dwell on the past or focus on what you _didn’t_ have... Be in _this_ moment. You are here, and this is now, and you are safe.

Over the next hour or so, Steven and Connie fought their way through dozens of clones, displaying a wonderful awareness of the others location and skill. Steven stepped in to block Connie’s blind spots (which weren’t many) and Connie sprang in between the lanky shapes of the clones to slash at their legs when they threatened to overwhelm Steven. They worked so well as a team, it was like they shared a mind. And, I knew that they had done just that. Would that be me and Jasper in the future? Would we be so in sync on the battlefield? That was both a reassuring and disturbing thought. Reassuring because it made me feel less intimidated about being _on_ a battlefield and disturbed that I _might_.

Priyanka and I cheered them on - I had to force myself a little to engage in this, but when I saw just how bolstered Steven and Connie got from it, I couldn’t stop.

When the final clone vanished in a puff of white smoke Pearl called the session to a halt.

“That’s enough for today - well _done_ , both of you! Pearl points for everyone!”

“Alright, yeah!” Steven whooped, wiping his sweaty brow. “Pearl Prize Pouch time?”

“After you’ve had a rest and imbibed plenty of water, yes, then it’s Pearl Prize Pouch time” Pearl beamed at him. They all jumped down off the stage and Priyanka put away her phone and got up to extract water and fruit from her backpack.

“Connie, I’m so impressed!” Priyanka gushed. “And with you too, Steven. Here, have some water” she handed both of them a water bottle.

“Wow, thanks Doctor Maheswaran” Steven said, blushing adorably.

“Thanks mom” Connie beamed, looking excited. Her cheeks went pink too.

“We are very proud of their progress” Pearl said delightedly. “Soon it will be time for Connie and Erica’s first mission!”

Steven gasped and Connie’s hands rose to cover her mouth.

“Oh my gosh, _really_?!” Connie squeaked.

“Yes!” Pearl laughed, almost knocked off balance as both Steven and Connie hugged her. “You are both skilled fighters and I think I know _just_ the thing for you to try”

“Oh, what is it? Is it a monster hunt?” Steven was practically vibrating on the spot.

“No, no - it’s a retrieval mission”

“Like when we got the little hourglass?” Steven asked.

“Yes, sort of like that”

“Will we travel in time?!” Connie gasped.

“ _Time travel_?” Priyanka asked, frowning.

“No, no - I see everyone’s getting excited” Pearl said, holding her hands up and glancing briefly at me. “It is a retrieval mission, quite a simple one, just to get your feet wet. Nothing exceedingly dangerous - and _no_ time travel”

“I don’t know...” Priyanka wore a worried expression. “How dangerous _is_ your version ‘nothing _exceedingly_ dangerous’?”

“I assure you, there’s _nothing_ to worry about” Pearl waved a hand and smiled reassuringly at Priyanka. “It’s all been quite well planned”

“Oh!” Steven gasped, then sniggered, glancing at Connie and me. “Oh, _I_ get it”

“Get what?” I asked, curious.

“You _know_ what the mission is?” Connie grabbed Steven’s arm.

“I’m not saying anything!” he laughed. Pearl gave him a confused look, then shook her head and smiled. “Part of the fun is figuring things out on your own, thinking on your feet sort of thing!”

“That is very true” Pearl nodded, smiling at him. “Now! I do believe someone called for the Pearl Prize Pouch earlier?”

“Yeah!” Steven whooped. “Who goes first?”

“Ah - I think Connie does - your footwork today was simply _excellent_ ” Pearl beamed. Her gem started to glow and a fanny pack appeared around her middle. She opened it and reached inside, then pulled out -

“A book! I get a book!” Connie grinned and blushed, then held out her hands for it. “’The Art of War! _Cool_!”

“Wow that’s awesome!” Steven laughed. “What do I get, huh? What do I get?”

Pearl reached inside the pouch and extracted one of those ping-pong rackets with a rubber ball attached with an elastic string.

“No _way_!” Steven gasped with stars in his eyes. “Boing boing! Look!” he started playing with it immediately.

“And for _you_ ” Pearl smiled at me, then reached inside the fanny pack a third time. Her hand came out closed and she held it up, opening up her fingers slowly.

“Aw, _Pearl_ ...” I said with a breath of laughter. On her palm stood a little unicorn, painstakingly painted with a brown coat, black mane and tail, a shooting star and four white socks. She gave me a warm smile and I took it carefully. “Thank you... Did you _make_ this?”

“No, but I painted it. It’s correct isn’t it?”

“’Correct’?” Priyanka asked.

“Oh my gosh is that - is that _Of the sky the Lark_?” Connie gasped.

“It _is_ ” I said, holding it up for everyone to see. I had to blink away a few tears, I felt so touched.

“Of the sky the what?” Priyanka inquired, looking at her daughter with raised eyebrows.

“It’s from her book!” Connie said, her eyes shining. “What a thoughtful Pearl Prize! And this too!” she held up the book. “I’m going to read it _straight_ when I get home”

“It is a very good book” Pearl nodded sagely. “I’m so pleased you all like your prizes!” she patted the Prize Pouch happily. “Now, let’s start heading back - and you two, don’t forget to stretch out after you shower as well”

“We remember” Steven laughed. “I’m going to show this to Amethyst - she’s going to be _so_ jealous!” he set off at a run and Connie sprang after him, shouting;

“I’m going to show this to Jasper!”

Pearl laughed, then sighed contentedly as the kids dashed away toward the warp pad.

“Positive reinforcement, hmm?” Priyanka said with a little smirk. “Perhaps I should try that on my interns”

“Oh, it’s very effective, I’d have to say” Pearl grinned, turning to her. “Though for medical students I suppose it’s harder to find an appropriate reward?”

“Beer?” I suggested and both Priyanka and Pearl snorted with laughter.

“Oh, no - they’re good at getting that on their own” Priyanka sighed. “And I find that a healthy dose of _fear_ does the trick as well. We are physicians - a mistake could literally cost someone their life”

“As could fighting” Pearl pointed out.

“Yes, you have a point there. Though I think I might get sent for a _psych eval_ if I suddenly changed my tune” even though it was meant as a joke, her comment stung.

“Let’s head back, shall we?” I said, picking up Connie’s bag that she had left in all the excitement.

“Ah, yes, let’s” Pearl said, then turned to Priyanka again. “Teaching is a great passion of mine - would you mind telling me more of your methods?”

“Oh, certainly” Priyanka smiled, putting on her backpack.

As we walked back to the warp pad, I tried telling myself that Priyanka’s comment _was_ just a joke... And I had my little unicorn friend in my pocket. That made it a little easier. Pearl and Priyanka discussed positive versus negative reinforcement as we walked. I kept a little ahead of them, feeling quite tired now. I was looking forward to going home and taking a nap and wondered if Lion and Cake were snuggling on the couch. It was very cozy and warm to cuddle up to them. But before that I really needed to use the bathroom.

Pearl warped us back and Priyanka landed with relative grace.

“Oh, before I forget - Erica, you should come to the hospital on Friday and we can remove your cast, finally”

I froze in the middle of putting Connie’s bag down. The hospital. The... _hospital_... My ears started to ring and my chest constricted.

“Y-yeah... the cast...” I mumbled, my scar suddenly tingling awfully.

“Mom! Look - did you know?! This book is written by a philosopher, just like Socrates!” Connie came bounding up with Steven’s phone held out to her mom.

“Sun Tzu and Socrates may indeed have both been philosophers, but they are very different!” Pearl said, putting on a school-mistressy tone. She began telling the story of how she had met _him_ as well and I... couldn’t bring myself to listen. While everyone was looking at Pearl, I slunk away to the bathroom, took care of my need, then said a quick goodbye.

The hospital, Priyanka had said... Come by the hospital... on _Friday_ \- the twentieth... I breathed out a stream of black and sparkly green as I hurried through the sand.

No, no - not the hospital - not _now_ ! Not _now_!

_“Just lie down and try to relax, Miss Brooks”_

“No! Stop! I am here! And this is now! And I am safe!” I growled, blinking away the tears.

_“This is standard procedure, just to eliminate anything physical causing the migraines”_

“I am here, and this is now, and I am safe!” I repeated, breaking into a run, suddenly feeling like I was being chased. As my feet pounded the damp sand, the memories stampeded through me. When I reached the boardwalk I knew I was dribbling both snot and tears, but I kept going - I couldn’t stop! I had to get home! _Home_...

_“Get up, it’s time to go” my mother said coldly. I got dressed, somehow. And then we were in the car. And then we were entering the hospital’s big sliding doors._

_“She doesn’t need a wheelchair” my mother huffed. “She’s having brain surgery, she’s not paralyzed!”_

_“It’s standard procedure, ma’am” the nurse said. Standard procedure..._

_“Let them do their work,_ sötnos*" _my dad sighed. He looked so..._ tired _... And I felt so tired too..._

 _“Fine, cart her around, why don’t you!” my mother snapped, waving her hand at the nurse and muttering; “_ Vilka jävla tramserier**!”

I reached the door to our house, feeling sick to my stomach. My hands were shaking pretty badly and I fumbled with my keys. As soon as I got the door open I rushed in and slammed it closed, then ran upstairs, just making it to the bathroom before my stomach turned itself inside out. I vomited until there was nothing left, black spots flitting across my vision and a high pitched sound in my right ear. I was so cold, my scar searing icily, my body shivering.

_“I can’t fall asleep...” my voice was hoarse and very quiet. I hadn’t spoken all day._

_“Sorry, what was that? You’re miss Brooks, aren’t you?”_

_I nodded slowly. “I can’t fall asleep” I said a little louder._

_“And you’re going in for surgery in the morning...” the red headed nurse smiled at me sympathetically, looking me in the eye. No one had done that in... I don’t know how long. “I could give you a sleeping pill, that’s OK. Many patients have trouble falling asleep the night before”_

I undressed and taped a bag over my cast haphazardly - I needed to get _warm_.

“Some times - s-s-some crimes - guh-go slipping through the c-cracks, buh-but these two, g-gumshoes, are picking up the slack” I began to sing my calm down song, puffs of black leaving me as I turned on the water of the shower.

_“Do you have any open wounds?” the male nurse asked me._

_“Why do you need to know_ **_that_ ** _?” my mother asked, frowning._

_“To reduce any chance of infection, Mrs Brooks”_

_“She doesn’t have any!” my mother snapped. “_ **_Do_ ** _you, Erica?”_

_I couldn’t lie... I lifted my arm and rolled up my sleeve. I didn’t dare look at my mother, but heard her gasp and then huff._

_“She must have gotten scraped by that - that_ **_chair_ **!”

_“They’re almost healed... these should be fine” the nurse said to me kindly, and made a note on his clipboard._

The water cascaded over me, just like the memories. I tried to force them away with my song, and little by little, I regained control over my breath and heart.

“I am here, and this is now, and I am safe” I panted, my exhalation dark and sparkly with purple and green.

I lost track of how long I sat there, singing and talking to myself. My fingers were pruny when I finally found energy to stand up and get out. I felt dizzy and numb... and so, _so_ tired... I vaguely registered that my head, throat and stomach were hurting as I dried myself off. Why was it so cold in here? I shuffled out into the bedroom, feeling an icy breeze from my left - the balcony door was open. I closed it, then crept under the covers on the bed, shivering.

***

I woke up as the front door opened and shut. Amethyst and Jasper were talking and laughing. And I felt... silly. I knew it _wasn’t_ silly, really, but the feeling remained. I knew that I had been triggered by Priyanka mentioning going to the hospital - I shivered under the covers as I thought the word, but no memories burst forth. I let out a sigh of relief at that. Hopefully this was the only panic attack I’d have this time around. I had not been... prepared for her bringing up the cast. I looked down at it in the semi-darkness under the duvet. What did the scar look like underneath?

“And... _breathe_ ” I told myself as the memories of the night I had acquired the cast started to flicker before my eyes. “I am here, and this is now, and I am safe... I’m never going back to the zoo... I’m never going back... I am here, and this is now, and I am safe...” as I spoke to myself I noticed how manky my mouth felt. I hadn’t brushed my teeth after having thrown up... My stomach rumbled, feeling all too empty. I didn’t want to deal with any of it, but I knew that I had to take care of myself or I’d just feel worse. “Brush your teeth” I told myself with a sigh. “Get something to eat... And go hug Jasper” I sat up and groaned at the light from the lamp in the ceiling.

After having cleaned myself up a little and taken a few painkillers I made my way downstairs. My body ached all over and I felt stiff and angular in my movements. Amethyst was standing by the door to the TV room.

“Sup, E? Didn’t know you were home - hey Jazzy-pants! Your squeeze is here!” she called out loudly.

“Hey Amethyst...” I said tiredly, wishing she’d keep it down. Jasper appeared from the kitchen, her face lighting up as she saw me.

“Hey babe! How was training?”

“Hi darling...” I put my arms around her waist as soon as she was withing reach, relishing her heat and presence. She embraced me back, chuckling softly.

“Did you just have a nap? Did we wake you?”

“Yes and yes...” I sighed, a faint puff of red and black coming with my words. Jasper stiffened as she saw them, then she began stroking my back.

“Amethyst, fuck off for a minute” she said seriously.

“Um, OK?” Amethyst huffed. “Rude...”

“What’s going on, honey?” Jasper asked gently. I let out another sigh.

“Watching the kids was fine... When we got back to Steven’s house Priyanka told me to come by the... the hospital on Friday, to remove the cast... I wasn’t prepared and... all the memories just... overwhelmed me on my way home...” Jasper’s arms squeezed me a bit more intensely. “It’s better now... just very hungry and tired... I kind of... threw up...”

“Honey... why didn’t you _call_?” Jasper asked, sounding a little hurt?

“Sorry... I couldn’t think straight” suddenly I felt ashamed. “Sorry, darling...” I sniffed.

“Hey, hey - I’m not - ugh” she unwrapped her arms from me and knelt down in front of me instead, putting her warm hands on my hips. “I’m just worried about you, babe”

“I know...” I managed a faint little smile. She smiled back hesitantly.

“But you’re feeling... better?”

“Yeah” I nodded. “Just need to... eat and drink something and rest, I think...”

“OK” she pulled me into another hug. “I think you need a cup of hot cocoa. And some salami sandwiches”

“Yeah...” I sighed into her shoulder, feeling grateful she knew me so well now.

We went into the kitchen to find Amethyst happily rummaging in the fridge.

I sat down in the couch and wrapped myself in a blanket, letting my mind drift as the two gems bustled around in the kitchen.

“Leave space for a banana in mine, alright?” Amethyst said, bouncing up and down next to Jasper.

“A _whole_ banana?”

“Yeah!”

“That’d destroy the whole thing!”

“Don’t care, just do it”

“No, I’m putting it on the side”

“Food-nerd!”

“Do you _want_ the hot cocoa or not?”

“I want it!”

“Then go sit down and let me fucking _finish_ ”

“Guuuuh fiiiine”

Amethyst came strolling over as Jasper put the finishing touches on our drinks.

“Had a bad day, huh?” Amethyst asked, plopping down next to me on the couch.

“Partly...” I admitted quietly.

“That sucks man”

“Thanks... what have you been up to?” I said to change the subject.

“Oh, you know. Been at the _dump_ , found some stuff for my _Dorkidot_ , showed Jazz-ass a bit of _Cambodia_ ... Said hello to a _crocodile_. Normal stuff”

“You said hello to a _crocodile_?” I asked, a faint smile finding its way onto my face.

“Yeah! Was a grumpy bastard, but they’re so _cute_ , ya know? All scaly and green... I brought a bunch of eggs home once, but Pearl made me take them back. I kept one though, but I lost it. Hmm... that might explain why my snacks keep disappearing... Hah! I have a pet croc! _Nice_!”

“Tch - could be anything, given the state of your room” Jasper smirked, coming over with a tray.

“Holy shit, Jas-tastic, you should open up a fucking restaurant!” Amethyst burst out as Jasper put the tray down. Three cups stood on it, each topped with a swirl of whipped cream, marshmallows and flakes of chocolate that were melting before our eyes. There was also a plate of sandwiches. And a banana.

“Darling, this looks lovely” I said, smiling up at her. She smiled back, then picked up my cup with a lily on it and handed it to me. I took it gratefully and blew on it before taking a sip. “Mmm...” the sugary drink was wonderfully warm and I felt it heat me up from the inside. I could taste a hint of orange among the dark swirl of creamy chocolate. Amethyst drank hers down all in one go, ending up with a whipped cream mustache.

“Dude” she burped, making me snort unexpectedly and almost spill my drink. “Oh, you like that huh?” she grinned, licking her mouth. “Hang on, hang on - “ she inhaled deeply, then began to belch the alphabet. Both Jasper and I laughed, a few faint red and yellow butterflies flickering around me.

We had some sandwiches and they showed me the pictures from the day - the crocodile did indeed look grumpy, as far as I could tell. Then Amethyst insisted on showing me her favourite TV-show - Little Butler. It was entertaining, but Amethyst’s laughter made it all the better. Half-way through the third episode my eyelids began to droop, and I felt safe and warm resting against Jasper’s side, her strong arm around my back.

***

“Honey...” Jasper’s soft voice called me from slumber.

“Mffzzzt...” I grunted.

“Amethyst’s staying the night in the guest room, and I’m about to go up to bed. Want to come with?”

“Mmm...” I mumbled, snuggling into the crook of her arm.

“Want to walk by yourself?”

“Noo...” I whined.

“OK” Jasper chuckled, then got to her feet and picked me up carefully. “You are so much cuddlier than that crocodile - he did _not_ want to be held”

“His loss...”

Jasper carried me upstairs - I could hear loud snoring coming from the guest room.

“Bathroom or bed?” she asked as we entered our bedroom.

“Bathroom”

Jasper put me down by the sink and I brushed my teeth as she used the toilet, then we switched places. We got into our pajamas and snuggled down in bed, me scooting as close to her as I could under the cold sheets.

“Brr...” I shivered.

“It is a bit cold, yeah” she said. “Maybe something’s wrong with the heating unit?”

“Hope not...”

“Pearl or Peridot could probably fix it if it’s broken”

“Maybe it just needs a good thump - that’s how I fixed the one in my first apartment”

Jasper chuckled appreciatively and put her gem in my hair.

“You OK, babe?” her voice sounded more serious now.

“Yeah...” I said slowly. “Thanks for tonight, it was so nice just... doing normal things... Amethyst was so sweet. And you too, but that goes without saying” I looked down at my cast. “I would really like it to be gone...”

“Do you _have_ to go to the hosp- ah shit...”

“It’s OK, you can say the word...” I smiled up at her tiredly.

“Alright” she looked relieved. “Do you have to go to the hospital to get it removed?”

“I don’t know... Maybe they could do it at the clinic in town...” I felt really uncomfortable at that idea. “But that’s... I don’t want to go there either, now...”

“Maybe we can just wait a little? Do it next week?”

I frowned at this idea too. “I just want my arm back...”

“Could you and I take it off, do you think?”

“I don’t know... I’ve never had a cast before”

“Why not call Pri- I mean, Doctor Maheswaran and ask her? She’d know, right?”

I thought back to the comment she had made this afternoon.  

“Yeah she would...” I said with a sigh.

Jasper looked at me a moment, then asked; “Did something happen between the two of you?”

“No, she just... made a joke that made me feel... a bit uncomfortable”

“What was the joke?”

“She said... if she suddenly changed her way of teaching from negative reinforcement to positive reinforcement they might haul her in for a psych eval... She’s made me feel like she’s not... super respectful of psychological illnesses before, but maybe I’m reading too much into it...” Jasper was quiet for a few seconds.

“But... she’s a doctor” she said thoughtfully.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t have to mean anything... I’ve met shrinks who were completely unable to empathize with what I’ve told them...” I let out another long sigh.

“But... when you’ve talked about her... she doesn’t seem like that. She has listened to you and stuff. Made you feel better... right?” she sounded uncertain.

“Yes, she has... She is a good friend, I... I’m probably just over-sensitive right now” Jasper kissed my forehead for a long moment and stroked my back.

“You don’t _have_ to call her” she said slowly.

“No, I should. I’d have to, anyway... Say I’m not coming on Friday at least”

“Maybe she could come to us? Come here and do it - I mean... It can’t be that complicated” she ran a finger over my cast, tracing her signature on it. “That’s such a strange custom - writing your name on someone’s injured limb...”

“I suppose it is...” I said, looking down at what she was doing. “It’s nice to look at... makes me remember the moving in party”

“That was such a great evening” she said with a chuckle.

“Yes it was...” I yawned hugely. “Mmm... I think I’m falling asleep...”

***

My heart pounded. Shit. Why was I so nervous about making this call? It was nine in the morning, so Priyanka would be at work, surely. Maybe she wouldn’t pick up?

“I’m right here, babe” Jasper said from my left. We were still in bed.

“OK, here goes...” I pressed the call button and put the phone to my ear. A few signals sounded and just as I was about to hang up, the call connected.

“Hello?”

“Uh hi... it’s Erica”

“Good morning, how are you?”

“Fine, fine...” I lied. “H-how are you?”

“Fine too, I’m preparing a demonstration for my interns so I have a few minutes - what’s, as the kids say, up?” it sounded as if she was moving things around in a large room.  

“Um... I don’t... I’m not coming to the hospital on Friday” I said with a puff of purple.

“Oh? Are you busy then?”

“No... It’s just... this time of year... and hospital environments... I was wondering if, at all possible, you could... remove the cast at our house?” I held my breath as I waited.

After a moment of silence, Priyanka asked; “’This time of year’?”

I closed my eyes and felt Jasper squeeze my waist in a reassuring sort of way. “Yeah... on Saturday it will have been fifteen years since I found out about my tumor. The anniversary is... hard to deal with...”

“Oh...” the sounds in the background disappeared. Had she stopped moving things around? “I... see...” she said slowly. “Is that why you were a tad... _subdued_ yesterday?” I felt a cold thrill in the pit of my stomach. I had hoped no one would notice.

“Uh... Yeah, I guess...” I felt myself blushing.

“I wish you would have said something...” she sighed, sounding... troubled?

“I didn’t want to... you know... bring the mood down on such a lovely day...”

“Erica...” she said in a voice full of concern. “Now I feel like an idiot - I sensed things weren’t all hunky-dory, and then you left so suddenly” her words made my chest constrict a little. “Was it because I brought up the hospital?”

“Um... yes, but... you couldn’t have known. I’m feeling better now”

“Oh dear... I’m sorry, I thought it’d be a relief to be rid of the cast”

“It would be! I really want it gone... I want to get back to training and... showering without a plastic bag and things...”

“I suppose I could bring a saw over on Friday, after my shift”

“S-saw?” I asked, freezing up.

“Yes, the most efficient way of removing a cast is to use the electric saw, and - “ but I couldn’t hear anything over the sound of buzzing in my head. The sensation of my skull vibrating as the surgical saw cut into the bone overwhelmed me for a moment.

“-ca? Where did you go?” Priyanka sounded concerned. I blinked rapidly, my breath shallow and dark.

“N-no saw” I panted. Jasper pulled me closer, kissing my forehead soothingly.

“Oh OK? Um... There are _other_ ways of removing it, but it takes longer”

“That’s f-fine” I nodded, closing my eyes and feeling tears roll down my cheeks.

“Alright, I’ll come over Friday night...”

“Thank you...”

“I’m sorry about all this, Erica. Take care of yourself - I’ve got to go, my students are arriving”

“Thanks, you too, bye Priyanka...” I hung up and hugged Jasper tightly, letting myself cry.

“You did so good, babe” she said soothingly, stroking my back.

“Y-you heard?”

“Yeah” she nodded. “Are you OK? You disappeared there for a moment”

“Remembered... the sound of the bone saw...” I shivered, feeling my scar tingle.

“Oh... oh right... That was a fucked up thing to feel...”

“Huh?” I looked up at her and sniffed in confusion.

“In Echo, after our fight with Lapis... when everything went to hell for a bit... I felt that. Felt the saw. Heard it” now she shuddered too, shaking me slightly.

“Oh... that’s right... S-sorry”

“Come on, honey - it’s OK. This is hard stuff... If it were me I’d... well, not talk about it I think. I think it’s really brave that you do, little monster” being called brave was... surprisingly uplifting and I managed a tiny smile.

“Thanks darling... Can we have pancakes for breakfast?”

“Feel good pancakes, like you made me after the fight with Lapis?”

“Yes...”

“You got it, honey”

***

On Friday evening Priyanka arrived with a hailstorm hot on her heels.

“Fuck its bad out there!” she said as she came through the door. “Evening you two - oh, thanks” she took the towel Jasper was holding out to her and began to dry her hair peppered with little nuggets of ice crystals.

“Hey” Jasper greeted.

“Hi, Priyanka, thank you so much for doing this - was the drive OK?” I asked nervously.

“Visibility got worse and worse once I got into town - lucky you’ve got such a distinctive mail box or I’d never have found the right place - ugh I should never trust the weather reports! Call this a drizzle? I _ask_ you”

“If it doesn’t let up, the sheets are fresh in the guest room” Jasper said with a little smile.

“Do you want to borrow some clothes? You’re _soaked_ ” I helped her off with her coat - it dripped onto the floor.

“That would be very welcome” she puffed, struggling to take off her shoes.

“I’ll put on some coffee” Jasper offered, stepping into the living room.

I took Priyanka upstairs and gave her a set of clothes, then hung her things on various radiators around the house to dry. We really should ask someone to take a look at the heating unit, the radiators were barely warm, I thought as I placed her last sock. Having something to do was calming me slightly, but once I was done (and now quite damp) I stood outside the master bathroom and fretted for a second, before putting on some dry clothes myself.

“Erica?” came from inside the bathroom.

“Uh - yes?” I answered, my head half-way through one of Jasper’s hoodies.

“Do you have make-up remover?”

“Um... no, sorry”

“Ah, OK - I’ll make do”

I dug out an extra pair of socks for myself and Priyanka while I waited.

“Here” I handed her a thick red pair when she exited the bathroom. “Sorry about the chill, the heating unit is on the fritz”

“Thanks” she put them on and we headed downstairs. “I don’t think I’ve worn a hoodie since college” she said with a smile as we entered the kitchen. “It’s very comfortable”

“Yeah...” I said back. “They’re good”

“Coffee’s almost done - you hungry, Doctor Maheswaran? There’s potato leek soup if you are”

“Something to eat would be nice, yes” Priyanka smiled politely. “But first, let’s get this thing off you, shall we?” she tapped my cast. “Let me go get my bag”

“OK” I took a deep breath and exhaled a puff of dark green and purple.

“It’s going to be alright, honey” Jasper said softly. “You are here, and this is now, and you are safe...”

“I am here, and this is now, and I am safe” I repeated, forcing my shoulders down. “Could you get the beanie?”

“Sure, babe” Jasper went into the hall just as Priyanka returned.

“Have a seat at the table and we’ll get started” she said with a reassuring smile. “I’ll be using the cast cutter - see those little tubes?” she pointed to the outsides of my cast.

“Yeah?”

“It’s standard to include them on everyone at the hospital nowadays in case of emergencies - you just insert this wire and move it back and forth, cutting through the fiber glass. The protective padding will keep your skin intact. Ah, Jasper, could you assist me?”

“Uh - sure, one sec” Jasper came over and held out the beanie to me.

I put it on, mumbling; “Armor on...” Jasper gave my forehead a kiss, then we both turned to Priyanka.

“Could you hold her arm while I thread the wire? And while I cut?”

“Sure, sure” Jasper grabbed my cast. “Anything else?”

“No, just hold it steady” Priyanka set to work and I leaned my head on Jasper’s arm. When the wire was through she attached two handles to it and began to saw.

“Ohh...” I hissed, closing my eyes. “It’s just sawing through a plank of wood - that’s all that sound is, nothing scary at all, no-othing scary a-at all”

“That’s right, honey. Just a plank of wood” Jasper murmured. “Hey... did I show you the picture I took of Amethyst yesterday? When she got stuck in a barrel?”

“Wuh-what?” I panted - I knew what she was doing - she was trying to distract me. “How did she g-get stuck in a bah-barell?”

“We were in her room, looking for the crocodile. She named it ‘Burt’, even though she hasn’t seen it yet. Well, she _thought_ she did and lunged after it, but I think it was a rat. Anyway - she dove into one of her piles and there was a huge garbage avalanche - had to dig her out! I found one of her legs and hauled her up. She was stuck in the barrel head first, laughing” I tried to picture this in my mind. “I just had to take a photo - it was too funny”

“Nearly done with the first one” Priyanka said. “What kind of barrel was it?”

“One of those wooden ones, with a metal ring around it, like in the Desolation of Smaug, when the Dwarfs escape from Mirkwood”

“D-did she do a Bombur?” I asked with a puff of green.

“You know, I asked her to, but she didn’t know what I was talking about - called me a raging ultra-nerd” Jasper chuckled. I felt a little jerk, then air touched the skin of my arm on one side.

“Half-way there” Priyanka said, taking one of the handles off to thread the wire through the other tube.

“Darling, can we - can we sing The Misty Mountains Cold? Together?”

“Sure honey...” Jasper cleared her throat, then began to hum the intro as Priyanka reattached the handle.

“Far over, the Misty Mountains cold” Jasper’s voice was deep and raspy, while mine was high and wobbling slightly. “To dungeons deep, and caverns old. We must away, ere break of day. To find our long, forgotten gold. The pines were roaring, on the height. The winds were moaning, in the night. The fire was red, it flaming spread. The trees like torches, blazed with light”

“Now I just need to cut away the padding...” I felt something blunt and a little cold slide along my arm. “And... there we are...” Priyanka said, lifting the wrappings away from my arm. It felt so good to be free of the cast, but I didn’t dare open my eyes yet.

“What does it look like?” I asked quietly. Jasper turned my arm over.

“Like a battle wound” she said firmly.

“Your skin has healed very nicely. The scar will be permanent, and... the tattoo is almost completely covered by it”

I opened my eyes tentatively, looking down at my wrist. There was a thick red line running through the black gem writing, leaving only some of the tops and bottoms visible. The rest of the scar looked a like a twisted trident, the handle tapering off to nothing half way down my lower arm.

“I... didn’t think it’d be so... _big_...” I said breathlessly, running my fingers over the tail of it.

“It was a big battle” Jasper said bracingly.

“Some of it will fade” Priyanka told me, putting her hand on my shoulder and giving it a little squeeze. “I know you’ll want to use your arm a lot, but try to take it easy. It’s been immobilized for six weeks, so it will be stiff and you’ll tire quickly. No spear fighting for at least another week or so” she added the last part knowingly. “Do yourself a favor and build the strength back up slowly”

“Don’t worry... I have no desire to get another cast... Thank you, Priyanka, for coming all this way... putting up with... all my little... _things_...”

“You are my dear friend” she said, catching my eye. “And how could I not, when I was the one who broke your arm in the first place...”

“I don’t think of it that way” I said, my eyebrows raising and drawing together.

“Me neither” Jasper chimed in, looking at Priyanka seriously. “You got those things out of her, and you fixed her arm afterward”

“Yeah” I nodded. “Good as new...” I had to concentrate a little to make a fist and hold up a thumb. I was so relieved the cast was gone - now I didn’t have to be reminded of a coming hospital visit every time I looked at my arm.

“Good as new” Jasper repeated, lifting my fist to kiss my wrist. Her pleased expression changed into a grimace.

“You should... probably wash that” Priyanka pointed out, trying not to smile.

“Sorry darling” I said with a breath of laughter. Jasper wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, then chuckled. “Oh... a shower would be nice... _Without_ a plastic bag...” I smiled at the thought. “Do you mind?”

“Go, babe” Jasper kissed my cheek and hummed; “Much better”

Priyanka looked out through the windows at the steady downpour. The hail had given way to rain now, mostly.

“Don’t worry on my account” she said. “I think it’d be safer if I did stay the night, if it was no trouble? I don’t like the idea of driving in this weather”

“Please stay” I said, getting to my feet and flexing my wrist experimentally.

“And did you want some soup? I could make you some cheesy toast too” Jasper waved toward the stove, where the pot stood, still cooling down from our dinner.  

“Oh, yes, that would be lovely” Priyanka smiled. “Potato leek, did you say?”

“Yeah, secret family recipe” Jasper gave me a crooked grin, her cheeks a little rosy. I went upstairs, feeling drained, but very relieved. I got into the shower and stood there for a long time, letting the water wash over my arm. I could feel the tension in my body subside a bit, but knew it wouldn’t completely go until the day after tomorrow. I sang softly to myself as I massaged most of the stiffness out of my left arm and shoulder.

When I returned downstairs I found Jasper and Priyanka sitting on the couch and talking softly in the living room, a purring Cake in Priyanka’s lap.

“Hey babe, how was the shower?” Jasper asked, patting the seat next to her for me to come sit.

“Lovely” I said with a little smile. “I feel very clean...” I sat down and Jasper took my arm, then kissed the scar on my wrist carefully.

“Mmm... _there_ we go” she hummed.

We talked for a while, then we decided to go to bed.

“I’ll bring you something to sleep in” I said as I handed Priyanka a toothbrush wrapped in plastic.

“Thank you” she responded tiredly.

When I entered the guest room with the pajamas a few minutes later, Priyanka was stretching on the floor.

“Wow, you’re flexible” I said, my eyebrows rising.  

“I like to start and end the day with a little yoga - helps me wake up and unwind” she sighed as she stood up. “Thanks” she put the pajamas on the bed and looked at me with a little worry wrinkle between her eyes, then she embraced me quite suddenly. I let out a little gasp of surprise. “I’m here if you want to talk...” she said softly, her warm breath flowing over my neck and shoulder. My arms rose to hug her back, affection for her filling my chest. We stood like that for a little while, just breathing.

“Thank you” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but I knew I could, now... That meant so much to me. “If there’s anything you need during the night, don’t hesitate to come wake us up”

“I doubt I’ll need to - but you might want to shut your door. I snore. Very loudly”

“Ah, right, the wounded tractor thing?”

“Exactly” she smiled. “Sleep tight”

“Thanks, you too. Goodnight”

“Goodnight”

I went into mine and Jasper’s bedroom and snuggled down next to my big, beautiful beastie with a long sigh.

“You feeling OK, honey?” she asked me.

“Yeah... yeah, I think so...” I mumbled into her chest. “How are you?”

“I’m good, babe” she chuckled, rocking me slightly. “I like having your arm back to normal”

“Me too, darling, me too...”

***

The field of withered grass before me billowed in a breeze I could not feel. Somewhere out there on the endless stretch of moor was something I had lost, but I couldn’t remember what it was. Something... _important_...

I began to walk. My gray feet sank down slightly in the cold mud. Funny that I could feel the clammy wetness, but not the wind, I thought.

After a long time I felt something sharp poke my foot and I stopped, lifting it up. A long shard of glass protruded from my instep. Wincing, I pulled it out. Wait... where had that come from? I looked around, seeing little glints of light all over the ground. More glass... I looked over my shoulder - there was glass there too, now, but I had just come from there, hadn’t I... Hadn’t I? I... couldn’t remember.

How... had I got here? Where _was_ here? I looked around... there was nothing for me to focus my eyes on, just... mud and glass. Hadn’t there been... grass?

Mist began to creep across the ground and suddenly I grew afraid. Mist... Mist was _bad_ . No, not the _mist_ , but the... _thing_ in the mist was bad. Something flickered in front of me and I gasped -

The golden bars of a cage enclosed me. The dress I was wearing was too tight, as were my shoes. I bent down to try to untie them and the fabric of the dress ripped in the back. A shriek came from behind me and I whipped around, staring into the darkness of the cave.

“How _dare_ you...” something growled from the shadows.

“I-I-I’m s-s-s-sorry” I stammered, backing into the cold bars. “I j-j-j-just wanted to - “

“Be **_quiet_ **!”

My mouth snapped shut and - began to disappear - I could _feel_ my lips melting into the rest of my face - I scrabbled at the place where they used to be, feeling utterly confused and completely terrified.

“Mmmfff!” I whimpered. The sound of heels echoed through the cave, getting closer _fast_! I threw my hands up to cover my face -

Someone was crying. A tiny person was huddled over a slim figure on the floor of a kitchen. The floor was wet and my nose prickled, even though I couldn’t smell anything.

“Wake up, mom” the little girl cried. “Why won’t you wake up?”

I... wanted to help... I stepped closer - there was a stabbing pain in my foot and I drew in a sharp breath -

The light from the window high up on the wall was fading. How long had we been in here? I was so hungry... The hand holding mine was losing strength.

“Where’s... daddy...” Victoria’s voice was almost inaudible. The floor creaked above us and we both gasped - her hand tightened around mine -

I was running down a long corridor - the sound of pursuit behind me. Where was the exit?! I skidded around a corner and sprinted down the long, windowless hallway. At the end - there! A door! I slammed into it with my shoulder and it gave way -

A steady beeping was coming from my left. I... couldn’t move... Everything was dark... Then I registered voices talking far away, then there was a loud click and the sound of something spinning up -

My eyes flew open. I stared into the ceiling as I tried to figure out where I was, panting out puffs of purple and my heart racing. A familiar snore from my right made me turn my head - Jasper’s sleeping form was now in front of me. I was in bed, I told myself... In our house... It had all been _dreams_... nightmares...

I just lay there for a few minutes, looking at my beastie, letting myself calm down. She looked so peaceful... After a while my bladder made itself known and I sat up slowly, groaning at the twinges in my body. Every part of me felt sore... but my mind was... _numb_ . When I placed my feet onto the floor I winced - it was so cold. I shuffled into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet, wishing we had got one of those super fancy ones with a heated seat. Or that we had sprung for a heated floor... Who knew Beach City got so _cold_?

The sound of the alarm came from the bedroom, and Jasper’s snores stopped, instead replaced by sleepy grunts and a tentative pat-pat of her large hand searching for my phone. The alarm stopped as I reached out for the toilet paper roll - it was empty.

“Morning honey... Honey? Honey!” Jasper called out suddenly.

“In here...” I said back. I heard her get out of bed and hurry closer. When she saw me she let out a relieved sigh and rubbed her eyes.

“Shit, you scared me...” she puffed, coming over to stroke my cheek. “You OK?”

“Had some bad dreams, woke up a few minutes ago...” I said quietly. “There’s no toilet paper...”

She stepped over to the cabinet under the sinks to get a toilet paper roll. “Want to talk about them?” she asked.

“It was a bunch of stuff... just the beginnings of dreams I’ve had before, but it stopped right before it got to the really bad parts, I think...” I massaged my stiff neck and grimaced, then accepted the roll and wiped myself.

“I’m sorry, honey” Jasper said softly, then kissed my forehead, seeming to understand I didn’t want to discuss them further right now. Even through the numbness, I felt the fire that was my love for her glow within me. I washed my hands and face as Jasper used the toilet, then she joined me at the sinks. After she had washed her hands too, she bent to embrace me.

“Nnnh - careful...” I hissed out a pale red breath. “I feel really sore today...” she met my gaze in the mirror - she was wearing a concerned expression. Her arms wrapped around me extremely carefully and she placed a gentle kiss on the left side of my neck.

“OK” she whispered, then put her cheek against mine and smiled. “How about I go put on some coffee, hmm? I was thinking maybe we could watch some movies... Maybe Babe? Or... Spirited Away?” gods, she was so thoughtful... I managed a little smile in return and felt my eyes go moist.

“A Ghibli marathon... that seems about as much as I could deal with today...” I nodded, then leaned back against her. Her smile broadened and I felt her chest swell behind me.

“I’ve got something special I want to make you later, but I might have to run to the store”

“’Something special’?” I asked, a little flare of curiosity springing up within me.

“A surprise I think you’re going to like” she kissed my cheek, then picked up her toothbrush.

“And you’re not going to tell me, are you?” I sighed, picking up my toothbrush too.

“Then it wouldn’t be a surprise” she gave me a crooked grin and a wink.

When Jasper was done in the bathroom, she headed downstairs and I went to put on more clothes. I moved slowly, every part of me felt so tender you’d think I’d have worked out for hours yesterday... Or maybe I was getting sick? When I was half-way down the stairs, the door to the guest room opened and Priyanka appeared, toothbrush in hand and wearing the clothes I had leant her.

“Good morning” she said.

“Morning...” I greeted. “I think Jasper is putting on some coffee, would you like some?”

“Yes, thank you - I’ll be down in a minute” she hurried into the little bathroom by the nursery and I continued downstairs.

A steaming cup stood on the kitchen island for me and I drew in the scent of freshly brewed coffee. I sat down on one of the bar stools and grabbed the cup, sliding it toward me slowly, then put both my hands around it to warm them up. Jasper was busy taking stuff out of the fridge.

“What do you want for breakfast, honey?” she asked, half-turning to look at me.

“I’m not really hungry... I think coffee is enough for now” I said quietly.

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, as I’m sure you know” Priyanka said as she entered the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down next to me, then paused, her face growing... strange. I looked at her, feeling... a sudden guilty thrill? I had no idea where it stemmed from. She drew in breath to speak, paused again, then cleared her throat and put her hands on her thighs. “Erica... can I take your temperature?” she asked seriously. My eyebrows rose.

“Huh?” I blinked at her.

“Your temperature - can I... feel your forehead?”

Jasper stopped clanking around with bowls and looked up at us.

“Um... sure?” I said hesitantly. Priyanka put her palm against my forehead - for a fraction of a second, the corners of her mouth rose just a tad.

“You’re a little warm” she informed me, looking serious again.

“Does that mean... you have a fever?” Jasper asked. I looked at her, thinking; _great_ , just what I need today...

“A slight fever, I’d say” Priyanka nodded. “And you’re looking quite pale. I should... probably stay for a while” I blinked at her again. Wouldn’t she want to get home? Or... was she inventing a reason for staying around? Did she... want to stay? Suddenly I felt very touched.

“Then will you need that nose spray thing again? Should I go get it?” Jasper asked, looking worried.

“It’s fine darling... I don’t have a stuffy nose” I gave her a little smile. “A fever might explain why I’m feeling so sore...”

“That is a common, yes” Priyanka nodded. “Some breakfast would be good for you, then you should rest”

“That’s the plan” Jasper said, looking a little relieved. “How about... omelets, hmm? We’ve got some mushrooms too”

“Mushroom omelet... sounds great, darling”

“Alright! Omelet for you too, Doctor Maheswaran, or do you want something else?”

“Fine by me” Priyanka smiled. “And... please call me Priyanka, Jasper”

Jasper beamed like the sun, then started to crack eggs into a bowl. I took a sip of coffee, feeling... _less_ numb. They both cared about me... I _knew_ that, but... They cared about me _today_  too... And Priyanka had allowed Jasper to call her by her first name - I knew that meant a lot to Jasper.

Priyanka and I watched Jasper cook - now that she had an audience she put on a bit of a show, flipping the omelets in the pan with a flick of her wrist.  

“Even garnish” I smiled tiredly up at my beastie as she put the plates down in front of us.

“Well” she gave me a crooked grin. “It’s a special day and we _do_ have a guest”

“I’m honored” Priyanka smiled, then we dug into the food.

I did the dishes as Jasper and Priyanka set up the TV-room for our movie marathon. I’d had my doubts about Priyanka being interested in joining in on watching cartoons, but... She said it had been ages since she had seen a movie that didn’t include a serial killer in it somewhere. When I entered the room there were blankets and pillows a plenty and Jasper was just putting down a bowl of left over Halloween candy on the coffee table.

“Which one do you want to start with?” she asked as I sat down in the couch. “What’s this one... ‘Grave of the Fireflies’?”

“Oof, no” I shook my head. “It’s terribly, _terribly_ sad... It’s very good, but I can’t handle that today... or, _ever_ , really... I’ve only seen it once”

“What? Why do you keep it then?”

“It completes the set” I said simply. Jasper and Priyanka sat down on the couch too and Cake jumped up as well, curling up in my lap. It was a little snug with all three of us on there, but... it was also kind of cosy. Really cosy... I felt a tiny thrill of excitement as I selected Kiki’s Delivery Service. It had been ages since I had seen it. “Subtitles are fine, right? I’ve never been a fan of the dubs” both nodded and I started the movie.

After Kiki I thought about picking Ponyo, then immediately dismissed the idea and chose The Secret World Of Arrietty instead. I loved the way the borrowers adapted things to fit them...

Then it was time for lunch and a little nap. I lay down to sleep on the couch in the living room. When I woke up later, Jasper said she’d made a list and was going to the grocery store. I felt a surge of anxiousness at the prospect of her leaving, even if she’d only be gone for a bit. I told myself she’d be back soon and tried to believe it.

“What is she going to make?” Priyanka asked after I had kissed Jasper goodbye.

“I don’t know. It’s a surprise...” I responded with a forced half-smile. “I could do with something hot to drink, do you want some?” I rubbed my arms. “Fuck it’s cold...”

“Some tea, maybe? And yes, it is rather chilly”

“I’m calling someone to come look at the heating unit first thing on Monday” I sighed and shuffled into the kitchen.

“Those movies really were _beautifully_ drawn... I’m sure I’ve heard the name Ghibli somewhere before - Connie might have mentioned them? Or possibly Doug” Priyanka said slowly. I had a feeling she was trying to distract me. And that... was very welcome.

“It’s a big company... They’ve made several movies... I love them so much”

“I can tell” she grinned at me kindly. “Which one is your favourite?”

“That’s a hard question” I smiled tiredly, putting on the kettle. “They’re all so wonderful... Did you know? Miyazaki storyboarded most of them all by himself”

“You say that as if it’s... significant?” Priyanka smiled a little uncertainly.

“It is - usually it’s a whole bunch of people... I suppose he wanted the stories told just so...” I took out two cups from the cupboard, picking the Totoro one for Priyanka. “It’s a lot of work, storyboarding... How the story flows...” I let out a sigh. “How the camera moves... Expressions... Angles...”

“I was surprised at the level of background detail, especially in the last movie”

“Right?” I turned to her with a smile - it felt a little easier now. “It’s so... _meticulous_ ”

“Do you know if it’s hand drawn, like the old Disney movies?”

“Mostly, I think it is... Some scenes have unmistakable CGI, but I think that they keep to hand drawn wherever poss- “ I had picked up my lily cup to take a drink of water from the tap when I glanced down into it and saw what I at _first_ thought was a stain, but then it _moved_ ! The black spider scuttled around the bottom and I _screamed_ , jumping back. Purple light burst from me in a sparkling cloud and the cup fell to the floor and broke with a loud tinkling sound.

“What - “ Priyanka asked in alarm.

“S-s-s” I panted, clutching at my chest, my heart suddenly racing. My rapid breath was coming out as pulsing, flickering puffs. “Spider - fuck me sideways - there it goes!” I pointed as I retreated away from the sink, my eyes trained on the offending arachnid. Priyanka gasped, then grabbed a coupon magazine from the counter and set after it. I kept backing away until my back hit the kitchen cabinets, then my knees gave way and I slid down, wincing as my butt hit the cold floor. All I could think was; not today, not _today_... There was a loud ‘THWACK’ and I shuddered as the all too familiar images of baby spiders escaping the dead one played in my mind.

“Got it!” Priyanka said triumphantly. “Ugh, repulsive little _things_ ...” she stood up and marched into the downstairs bathroom. I heard to toilet flush and she returned to the kitchen, dusting off her hands in a very business-like manner. I stared at her, then at the broken cup on the floor... My cup, I thought, my chest filling with cold. My special cup that I had gotten with Charlie and Jasper at the botanical garden... It was in pieces... broken... _shattered_... A wave of grief flowed over me and I burst into tears quite suddenly, feeling terribly embarrassed about doing so.

“M-my _cup_ ...” I panted by way of explanation, my breath now dark and red. Priyanka looked at me, then at the sad ceramic shards on the floor. I covered my face with my hands, confused at the immensity of the sorrow within me. Somewhere, the logical part of me said that it could probably be put back together. _But it’ll never be perfect again_ , a familiar nasty little voice hissed. _Even if you put it back together it’ll be like your head_ ... _Always with that_ **_SCAR_ **! I drew in a shuddering breath and then suddenly... I was back in my hospital room.

_“We can take the bandages off today, Miss Brooks. Do you want to wait for your parents to come back?” the nice nurse smiled at me._

_“No!” I said quickly. “I... want to see for myself first..._ **_a-alone_ ** _”_

_“Alright, let me... get the scissors, then”_

_The instrument was so cold against my skin... I felt so naked, even though I was fully clothed. When she was done cutting I asked her to wait, then I went into the bathroom and closed the door. I wanted to see... I couldn’t be the last to know what it looked like... Couldn’t be the last to know..._

_I stood in front of the mirror, then unwrapped the last layer of bandages and turned slightly... I stared into my reflection and froze... That_ **_couldn’t_ ** _be me... I had told them to shave my entire head or just the incision site... But they had just... shaved a third of my hair... The smell of my stitched up skin made me feel sick... The wound looped from behind my ear, up and to the back of my head, then down my neck a few inches - it was so red... so livid... so..._ **_real_ ** _..._

_I saw tears start to roll down my pale cheeks before I felt them on my skin, my already broken heart breaking some more._

“- gone - it’s OK... sssh... sssh... it’s OK...” Priyanka was hugging me tightly and I gasped at finding myself in her arms, but I needed... someone to hold me... I sobbed into her chest, my scar tingling and searing awfully. I put my hand over it, trying to keep it from _bursting open_ ... I remembered standing there in the bathroom - the smell of my raw skin and the ever-present hospital disinfectant... And the feeling of such _complete_ isolation... And disappointment and betrayal of expecting either all my hair or none of it to be gone... No one had _listened_ to me... I felt... _violated_.

A confusing mix of emotions rolled through me like a kaleidoscopic tornado and all I could do was to hold on to the one thing I knew was real; Priyanka. She was there. I couldn’t hear what she said, but she was _there_...

It took a long time for my breath to steady, and when it did I didn’t dare move or open my eyes. I couldn’t remove my hand from my scar for fear of it somehow... splitting open again.

“There we go... ssh, ssh, ssh... it’s OK, take your time... ssh, ssh, ssh...” I became aware that she was kneeling in front of me. She was stroking my back between my shoulder blades with one hand, the other on my right shoulder, holding me steady. My left cheek was pressed to her left upper chest, my tender left arm clutching my shirt with white knuckles and my right clamped across my scar. I trembled with every dark breath, but my heart rate was settling now, even though the tears were flowing steadily. Flowing steadily into... her shirt...

“Suh-sorry...” I whimpered, attempting to lean back. I felt her draw in a quick breath, then she hugged me tightly with both arms. It _hurt_ , but...

“I s-said it’s OK - so take your time... I _mean_ it, Erica” she whispered in such a soft voice - it reached inside me and disabled _all_ my already crumbling defenses. The tension left me suddenly and I began to sob again, less violently now... since I wasn’t holding back any more... My right hand fell to the floor, my arm limp. “ _There_ you go, _hiran_ , there you go...” she soothed and resumed stroking my back.

This... what was happening right now... was that what should have happened fifteen years ago? Wouldn’t it have been... _so_ much easier? If I had known someone like Priyanka... No one had held me like this back then... Robyn had held my hand and hugged me, yes, but... she had been so sad I ended up comforting _her_  somehow... But this... This was different from being held by Jasper too, in some way that I couldn’t quite put my finger on... Some kind of unfulfilled need was being... _filled_ ... Even though it hurt, it hurt less now... I didn’t feel exposed... And it was safe to cry in her arms... With a twinging of my tattered heart I realized I felt _protected_...

And I... _cried_...

Priyanka kept stroking my back, maintaining the same slow rhythm. She _was_ really letting me take my time... even in the middle of everything going on in my mind, a part of me managed to feel grateful. A few yellow sparkles joined in on the darkness leaving me with every exhalation.

Eventually, the storm within me calmed and my sobs turned to sniffles. With some difficulty I raised my arms to embrace Priyanka back, finally completing the hug.

“Th-thank you f-for staying this m-m-morning...” I croaked. She drew in a slightly stuttering breath and squeezed me tightly.

“Oh...” she sighed softy, sounding both sad and relieved. “I’m glad I did...” we remained in the embrace for a moment before parting. “Now, you need a good blow and a glass of water, I think...” my body didn’t quite obey me and I slumped to the side with a little grunt, ending up leaning on a kitchen cabinet. “Let’s... take it easy” she said in a caring voice, then got to her feet very slowly, her knees clicking. She grimaced as she rose and I felt a pang of guilt. How long had she been on the cold floor with me? The tap turned on and after a few seconds she handed me the Totoro cup I had taken out for her. I took it carefully, my hands shaking slightly. I glanced at the remnants of my lily cup a few yards away and sighed out a dark cloud.

“Thank you for getting the spider, too...” I said hoarsely, then took a long sip of water. Priyanka handed me the paper towels and sat down opposite me with her back toward the kitchen island, wearing a tired smile. There was a big wet patch on her shirt and I felt uncomfortably guilty about that, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“I have experience with dealing with them - Doug is not a big fan either...” she looked at me and her face grew a tad concerned. “Though I assume that only the... _initial_ reaction was because of the spider?” I nodded slowly, glancing at the shards again, then I wiped my face and blew my nose.

“It scared me... and I remembered seeing the... the scar just after the surgery...” I felt more tears leak out of my eyes and dabbed at my cheeks with some fresh paper. “I wanted to be alone when I saw it... so I went into the bathroom... I didn’t recognize myself... I found they had shaved a third of my hair? I asked them to either just do the incision site or... take it _all_ off...” Priyanka frowned at this. “Why didn’t they... _listen_?”

“Well...” she began after a few seconds. “Speaking as a surgeon... I _suspect_ they might have started out with just the incision site and discovered they needed more... space to work - and it might have been... _neater_ to shave a bigger area. Or the message could have not come across... lost in the preparations. Some surgeons are... well - they are arrogant pricks and don’t take patients’ requests into account” I sniffed at her explanation, pulling my legs up to my chest. The feeling of being violated stole over me again. “I don’t know in this particular case... but I’m sorry your wishes weren’t respected, _hiran_...”

Somehow, that made me feel a little better about it. Maybe it was because she was a surgeon?

“Thanks...” I said quietly. “What is... hee-ran?”

To my surprise, she blushed a little. “It means... reindeer. Because of your nose... Like Rudolph? If you don’t like it I won’t use it again”

“You... you’re giving me a nickname?” I blinked at her, feeling touched in the middle of everything else.

“Yes, I... I’ve been meaning to bring it up with you and it just slipped out” she gave me a slightly uncertain smile.

“I like it” I said, wiping my cheeks again.  

“Good! Can I... ask you a question?” she inquired in a careful tone of voice. I nodded equally as carefully. “Is today the anniversary of the _surgery_ or...?”

“No. Today is the anniversary of me _finding out_  I had the tumour... It was removed on the eleventh of December...”

“I see... So the psychological trauma... _started_ **_there_ ** ... I have had patients who have been very upset about news that they need surgery but, at least to my knowledge, no one has been... this affected - was there no... counselor at the ward after the surgery? Or someone to talk to _before_ , even?”

I tried to think back. “I don’t remember very much, just bits and pieces... I can’t recall anyone asking how I... _felt_  emotionally. They just took care of my medical needs at the hospital but... I don’t think I wanted to leave when I was being discharged... At the hospital I could be...” I trailed off as a memory swam to the surface. Just after I had come home, I had asked my dad something... And he had responded with a tone of voice that made me feel... like he thought I was _milking_ it. “I was allowed to be _hurt_ there...” I mumbled, a feeling of unfairness and loneliness washing over me. “When I got home it was... all over for everyone else. The problem was fixed... So I should stop whining about it...”

“But you had just had major surgery” Priyanka frowned. “Brain surgery at that... I encourage my patients to get back to their lives as soon as they can, because that is good for their recovery, but... everyone needs emotional support after something like that. At the very least”

“Yeah well...” I huffed, starting to cry again. “Some people get told to just get over it”

Priyanka let out a long sigh. “As an outsider... I think I can understand that the people around you wanted to move on, because in _their_ minds it was _over_  - as you said, the problem _they_ saw was fixed... Did you... receive _any_ sort of counselling afterwards?”

“No, not until years later when I... broke down completely. My parents sent me to a clinic where I was an outpatient for years... I was a _mess_...”

“And what was the diagnosis, if I may ask?”

“Post traumatic stress disorder and major depression...” I mumbled, sniffing. A sudden thought hit me. “Why do I... remember the s-sound of the b-bone saw?” Priyanka’s eyebrows rose and she was quiet for a few seconds.

“There is a... _complication_ called anaesthesia awareness or unintended intra-operative awareness...” she said _very_ carefully. “It’s fairly rare... It can happen when the patient hasn’t been given enough anaesthetic or... something in their physiology makes them more resistant to the medication... There are different degrees of this... what do you remember?”

“The sound... and the... vibration in my head... Just for a second, then it all went dark again...” had I... been _awake_? The thought sent a cold thrill racing up my spine and scar.

“I see...” she frowned sadly. “Sounds like awareness _and_ recall - meaning you remember something but were not necessarily conscious enough to respond to commands. Did you inform the hospital staff of this?”

“No, I only remembered it later... when I walked by an active construction site...”

Priyanka reached out and touched my foot.

“I’m terribly sorry, _hiran_ ... Traumatic events are hard to deal with, to put it mildly. And being as young as you were... And given your family situation...” she let out a sigh, her expression compassionate. “I’m _so_ glad you pulled through...”

“Th-thanks...” I sniffed, my eyes starting to leak again. She scooted over to me and put an arm around my shoulders, putting her forehead to my temple. The feeling of being protected bloomed inside me again and I let the tears fall.

After a little while the front door opened and Jasper called out;

“Hey - sorry it took so long, the lines were fucking _insane_ ” I heard the rustling of plastic bags. Priyanka looked at me with a questioning expression, silently asking if I wanted to get up. Before I could answer Jasper appeared in the doorway and she froze and blanched. “Babe? What - what happened? Are you OK?!” she rushed over, stepping smartly around the shards. Suddenly I was surrounded by her scent, her hair, and a mass of bulging plastic bags.

“I’m... alright. There was a spider... I got scared and dropped my cup... then I remembered... some things...” I didn’t have the energy to go over it again so soon. Priyanka gave me a little squeeze as Jasper freed herself from the bags. “But I feel better, thanks to Priyanka” Jasper looked at Priyanka and let out a breath, smiled at her briefly, then put her warm hands on my knees.

“That’s _good_...” she said carefully. “But let’s get you off the floor, OK?”

“OK...”

Jasper helped me to the couch and some tinkling noises from behind me told me Priyanka was picking up the broken cup.

“Please don’t throw it away” I said, looking over at her. Gods I felt exhausted...

“Alright, I’ll... put them in a bowl” she reassured me.

“You’re shivering” Jasper stated, then wrapped a blanket around me. “Do you want the beanie too?” I nodded and she hurried off, returning a few seconds later.

“Armour on...” we said together as I put it on - it made us both smile a little and Jasper leant down to kiss me tenderly. After a minute, Priyanka came over and sat down in the couch too.

“I’ll start the preparations for your surprise, babe... no peaking until I’m done, OK? Hey, why don’t you two go start another movie? Or watch some Absolutely Fabulous, hmm?” Jasper suggested softly.

“Oh my goodness - you have Absolutely Fabulous?” Priyanka said with a surprised little laugh. “I _adore_ Bretonnish comedies”

“Y-you do?” I asked, squeezing Jasper’s hand as she stood up. She was smiling broadly at Priyanka.

“Oh yes, Monty Python is the favourite, obviously, but Lumley and Saunders are, dare I say, rather fabulous”

“Great!” Jasper beamed. “I’ll make you some hot cocoa and bring it to you” I looked up at her face and smiled tiredly.

“ _Melamin_...” I sighed.

“I know” she grinned crookedly. “I love you too”

Priyanka and I moved into the TV room and got comfortable, then put on an episode. After a few minutes Jasper came in with some extravagant hot cocoa. Mine was in my second favorite cup - a yellow one with Jake from Adventure Time on it.

Soon, the familiar smell of pancakes frying wafted in from the kitchen - that made me smile. Priyanka sniffed the air too.

“Is that... pancakes?” she asked with a smile. I nodded tiredly.

“The best on a bad day...”

After quite a while Jasper joined us on the couch.

“Pancakes?” I asked, greeting her with a kiss on the arm.

“ _Kind of_ ” she said mysteriously. “You’ll see with dinner. Which is cheeseburgers and potato wedges”

“With garlic sauce?”

“Of course” she chuckled and I kissed her arm again and let out a sigh. A few _barely_ visible golden-ish butterflies appeared. We watched some more episodes of Ab-fab, and I even laughed a little, something I had not thought possible today. Jasper headed out to the kitchen again and I lay down in the couch.

Priyanka woke me by giving my calf a squeeze. I must have fallen asleep...

“Dinner’s ready” she said with a smile.

We headed into the kitchen to eat - I didn’t have much of an appetite at first, but it was so, _so_ tasty that I managed three quarters of a burger and a handful of potato wedges.

“Time for the reveal” Jasper said with a smirk and got up from the table. She went over to the fridge and returned with a covered plate which she put down on the table with a flourish. “Tadaa” she chuckled, lifting the lid.

“ _Pannkakstårta***_ !” I burst out laughing - and it turned to tears almost immediately. “Darling...” I sobbed. “I _love_ it, thank you!” I got up and hugged her round the middle, not caring that I got dizzy. She had made _pancake cake_ for me... The large pancakes were stacked on top of each other with jam or vanilla cream between each layer and topped with blueberries and powdered sugar. “How did you - oh, _beastie_...”

“Well” Jasper began, looking rather smug. “I wanted to make you something special and I thought, hey, why not combine pancakes and _cake_ , right? And I thought about like, rolling them up and stacking them with jam and stuff inside, then figured this was a better structure. And you love blueberries, so...”

“I’ve heard about this, I think” Priyanka said, looking at the beautiful cake with obvious desire in her eyes. “But these are not flapjack pancakes?”

“No, they’re the Sowegian kind” Jasper responded, her eyebrows wrinkling a little. “What do you mean ‘you’ve heard of it’?” oh my gods... she hadn’t looked up a recipe... she had _made it up herself_... For me... “Fuck, so I’m not the first?” Jasper’s shoulders sagged and Priyanka looked a little guilty.  

“No, but you thought you were” I sniffed, hugging her again. “You made up a cake for me... That’s the sweetest thing in the _world_...”

“It’s the thought that counts” Priyanka nodded, her cheeks slightly flushed. “I’ll get some plates!”

We sat down and dug in - and it was _heaven_ in cake form... The taste reminded me of the summers spent at my grandma’s house. Several of my cousins had their birthdays during June and July and pancake cake was served during at least one of them. I told Jasper and Priyanka about this and Jasper lit up at my words.

After several pieces of cake, Priyanka changed into her own clothes (which were finally dry) and said she was heading home. We shared a long embrace at the door and I thanked her for staying - she smiled and said that she was glad she had and she called me _hiran_ again.

Jasper and I snuggled down in the sofa and kept watching Ghibli movies, making our way through Princes Mononoke, The Cat Returns and finally... My Neighbour Totoro.

“Hey... I remember this song...” she said as the ending theme played. “You... sang it on the island...”

“Yeah, I did... But I thought you were _asleep_ ” I smiled tiredly up at her. “You sneaky sneak-sneak” she chuckled at my words and gave me a one armed squeeze.

“You woke me up - what was I going to do? Tell you to _stop_? Nah... And hey, look at the time...” she pointed to the clock on the wall. “It’s officially the twenty second of November...” I turned to look at it - it was ten minutes past midnight... I let out a long, long sigh, feeling my no longer exactly tense shoulders relaxing as a heavy weight seemed to lift from them.

“Thank the _gods_ ...” I said tiredly. “No, scratch that - thank _you_ , darling... Today has been... so much better than I could ever have expected, but still so _exhausting_ ... This the best twenty first of November I’ve had for fifteen years... I don’t -” I paused to yawn. “I don’t know how to thank you, _Melamin_...”

“I feel pretty thanked” she chuckled in her raspy way. “And for next year I _will_ invent a new cake for you. I’ll make one _every_ year...”

* * *

 

Please review! This has taken a serious amount of energy to write, I could really use some feedback.

*Sötnos = sweet nose ≈ honey, sweetheart, sweetie, cutie-pie etc.

** _Vilka jävla tramserier_  approximately translates to; Fucking silly business.

***Pannkakstårta = pancake cake <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe having gotten through this part will make it easier to write what comes next, but please, no more ‘when’s the next update coming?’ messages/reviews/comments here or on deviantart/tumblr. I will publish when it’s ready. (And it's barely been two weeks, so come on...)
> 
> If you like this story, or any of my other stuff, please consider buying me a coffee here: ko-fi.com/evilsnotbag


	79. Fetch quest

**Chapter 79: Fetch Quest**

"Darling, could you..." I trailed off, getting distracted nudging a large piece of porcelain a sixteenth of an inch to the left.

"'Darling, could you...'?" Jasper asked with a chuckle - I looked up at her.

"Sorry - could you get the um... oh, what's it called? The thing... With all the tools?"

"The... tool box?" she raised her eyebrows and grinned at me crookedly.

"Yes, that!" I nodded.

"It's right next to you, honey"

I turned my head. And there it was.

"Oh" I said in surprise.

"You asked me to get it ten minutes ago"

"I did?"

"Yes, honey" Jasper nodded. I blinked at her, feeling a little embarrassed.

"S-sorry I... got distracted"

"I _know_ " she chuckled, then sat down on the chair next to me, putting her soda can on the desk I was working at.

I had woken up that morning with the burning desire to put my cup back together. I had taken the pieces up to the attic where the light was best and had arranged them carefully. I was tired and my body was aching from yesterday, but I was determined to do it. I wanted my cup back. It was very important to me.

"Did you get all the pieces?" Jasper asked, leaning forward to inspect the shards.

"I think so..." I opened the tool box and rummaged around for a few seconds before finding the glue, then tried to read the label. "Fuck why is this writing so tiny?" I grumbled, then rubbed my tired eyes.

"Let me" Jasper said softly and I handed her the tube. "Hmm... 'Apply to both ends, let dry until no longer tacky, then press together'"

"Does it say it works on ceramics?"

Jasper was quiet for a moment. "Says it works on wood, metal, glass and ceramics, yeah"

"OK, good"

Jasper handed the tube back and I unscrewed the cap and began to apply a thin layer to all the surfaces. When I was done I put the cap back on and rubbed my stiff neck.

"You... sure you want to do this right now, honey?" Jasper asked softly.

"Yes" I said with a nod. "It's not going to fix itself"

"I know that" she murmured. "But is this really the... best time?"

"I can't stand leaving it, OK?" I sighed out a dark green cloud.

"Alright" Jasper glanced at the vapor. "Do you want me to stick around or...?"

"Please stay" I said quietly. "Would you... help me?"

"Of course, honey" Jasper smiled, her eyebrows drawing together.

"Thank you..." I leaned my head against her arm.

Working very carefully, we managed to reassemble the cup over the next half hour or so. When it was done I let out a long, tired sigh.

"There" Jasper said proudly. "Good as new"

"Good as new..." I echoed, looking at the cup. It wasn't good as new. But it was good _enough_.

*******

After almost a week of steadily increasing my hand and arm exercises, my left arm seemed almost back to normal function. I still hadn't picked up a spear, as per Priyanka's instructions, but _today_ I was finally going to. Not the heavy practice spear, mind.

Jasper and Amethyst watched me go through my program and kept encouraging me as I swung Songbird in the back garden. I had regained a lot of the stamina I had lost after breaking my arm, having started to go for jogs again, but I wasn't completely back yet. I would be, though. My left wrist was stiff and a little weak, but the supportive bandage I was wearing was helping.

"Lookin' good, E!" Amethyst called as I sliced through the last remaining piece of wood. She and Jasper had brought a bunch for me to practice on - and the remnants would be used for firewood at the temple. A win-win situation, as Amethyst put it. I had had my doubts whether I'd be able to do something like that, but Songbird was a superb weapon - the sides of the tapered blade were razor sharp and sliced through the wood like a hot knife through butter. I put the butt of the spear down and leaned on it slightly.

"It's a - very _inefficient_ way - of chopping wood" I panted, wiping my forehead.

"Meh - it's gonna burn anyway, just needs to fit into the fireplace" Amethyst shrugged, then got up from her chair and began to pick up the splintered logs. " _And_ I think I can tell Pearl you'll be fine to join in on that mission no problem"

"You think I'm ready?" I asked, smiling at the purple gem.

"Yeah dude"

It made me feel a lot more confident.

*******

"Hey, honey?" Jasper said a little later.

"Yeah?" I looked up from my book. Cake was purring in my lap.

"So I was thinking... of maybe going to get one of those pregnancy test things" she said as she sat down next to me. I blinked at her.

"OK? But... I haven't been feeling any different?" I put my hand on my belly.

"I know, but we should check right? Before you go on that mission"

"That's a good idea" I nodded. "If I am... I shouldn't go"

"Right?" Jasper breathed out heavily, looking relieved. She put her hand over mine and kissed my temple. "It would be amazing if you were pregnant..."

"Yes it would..." I leaned my head against her chin. "It's been three months now, hasn't it?"

"Just about" Jasper chuckled. "What does your app thing say?"

I pulled out my phone and checked my period tracker. "It says I'm five days late, but I've been so irregular, I don't know if it's accurate anymore. Let's see... it's been twenty nine days since the start of my last one, that's pretty long for me..."

"And the mission is tomorrow..."

"Yes" I looked up and met her warm, yellow gaze. "Just so you know... Priyanka told me it took her and Doug more than ten months to get pregnant with Connie. Or, she said she called her mom and cried every time she got her period after they started trying... So even if someone has had fully functional sperm for years and years it can still take a while... Gods it feels weird to talk about someone else's _sperm_ " I grinned uncomfortably. Jasper chuckled and stroked my belly.

"But talking about mine is fine?"

"Yeah" I laughed, feeling my cheeks heat up.

"Good" she kissed the top of my head. "But I get what you're saying... Not to blame ourselves if it shows it's negative"

"Exactly..." I nodded, feeling a little anxious. "It's OK if it's negative... but it would wonderful if it's positive"

" _Yes_ " Jasper sighed. "It would be _so_ wonderful... What should we do to celebrate? _When_ we get a positive answer?"

"Hmm..." I said thoughtfully. "I don't know... Something _fun._ Got any ideas?"

"Fun, huh?" Jasper grinned. "Yeah... I've got a few _fun_ ideas"

"Tell me"

"Nah..." she kissed my cheek and then laughed as I turned to her, a mock-angry expression on my face. "You know I love surprising you!"

"Yeah but I'm so _cu_ -ri-ous!" I groaned.

"That's part of what makes it fun"

"You _tease_ "

"Yeah..." she chuckled. "I'm a tease. A beautiful, powerful, super-gorgeous tease"

"Yes you are" I huffed, smiling.

"I'm going to go to the store now. Want anything else?"

"Chocolate. And we're out of butter"

"OK, adding it to my list" she gave me a kiss, then stroked Cake's head and got to her feet. "I'll be back in a little"

"And I'll go drink a big glass of water"

"Good idea"

*******

"Ugh, why is it _taking_ so _long_?" Jasper paced in front of the sinks in our master bathroom.

"I don't know - this one said three minutes, but this one said five?" I pointed to the two different pregnancy tests lying on the edge of the left sink, then looked at my phone. "It has only been _two_ minutes, Jesus..."

My heart was pounding rather fast and I kept changing my stance anxiously. What if they were positive?

"They should make a test that tells you _instantly_ " Jasper grumbled. "This waiting is fucking awful"

"I agree" I said, leaning over the sink to watch the little displays while chewing my bottom lip. One of them had a little clock in the corner, the other an hourglass. They were both blinking, slightly out of sync. After what felt like an eternity, the one with the clock went suddenly blank. "Something's happening!" Jasper stepped up close and stared down at the thing. Her hand found mine and squeezed it hard. The little display read; not pregnant. I let out a little puff of dark green.

"Not... pregnant..." Jasper said quietly, her grip relaxing.

"But if the other one says I am, then... what does that mean?"

"I don't know - should you take another? I bought like seven"

"Let's wait..."

"OK"

Jasper and I stared at the second one. After a thousand years the display changed and read; NO -.

"Fuck" I grunted, feeling my knees go a little weak as the tension left me.

"Damn it..." Jasper sighed, leaning on the sink heavily. We were silent for a moment, then we both drew in breath to speak at the same time.

"You go first..." I said quietly.

"I'm sorry, babe - I'm trying not to blame myself, but it's hard" she mumbled, looking at me with sad eyes.

"Same..." I nodded, squeezing her hand. I felt very disappointed and a small dark cloud left me. We moved to embrace each other at the same time and remained in the hug for a long while. I could hear her sniffing and felt warm tears fall onto the top of my head. "Darling..." I soothed, surprised I _wasn't_ crying. Maybe I hadn't let myself hope too much?

We moved down to the kitchen and I threw away the negative tests, then made us some hot cocoa.

"It really took Priyanka and Doug ten months?" Jasper asked after having taken her first sip.

"Yeah" I nodded slowly. She let out a long sigh and leaned back in the couch.

"That kind of makes me feel better..." she glanced at me and blushed slightly. "Hey, could you um..."

"Say that your sperm isn't weak?" I smiled at her faintly.

"Y-yeah"

"Darling, your sperm is _strong_ " I said confidently, looking her straight in the eye. "Strong and delicious. We will succeed"

"And then people will look at you and go 'fuck, she's _so_ pregnant'"

"Exactly. And you'll be all proud"

"Yeah I would" she sighed and looked mournful. I wanted to make her feel better.

"Want me to get the hair brush?" I asked softly, stroking her arm.

"Yeah..."

*******

"Have you got everything?" Jasper asked, looking me up and down. It was one day later and we were standing in the hallway just inside the door. The disappointment of the tests had given way to nervous excitement about my first mission. Honestly I was glad to be able to go, but a positive pregnancy test would have made me even happier.

"Yes, I think so" I looked down too. I was wearing my fire-proof suit with the gloves, a pair of sturdy boots with good grip, my newly assembled EDC with a water bottle strapped next to it, a green bandanna around my neck and the black and white beanie on my head. I gripped Songbird's shaft tighter and smiled up at my beastie. "Yes. I'm ready for my first mission"

"Alright!" Jasper grinned. "Call me as soon as you're done, OK?"

"Yeah, of course!"

"I want lots and lots of pictures" Jasper smirked down at me, putting her hands on my hips and squeezing slightly. I nodded and stood on tip toe and kissed her, delighted to hear her humming into my lips. A thorough pampering last night had cheered her up markedly - not to mention the naked sexy fun times we had got up to this morning.

I was a worried I was going to get my period, and had told Jasper that, but she said that if I did, I could just say so and ask Pearl to help me deal with the cramps until my magic pills kicked in. I had everything I needed. And, she added, if the shit hit the fan, I could just call her and she'd come carry me home. This made me feel a lot better.

We walked to the temple hand in hand and I started to feel really nervous. I tried to calm myself a little by repeating the contents of my 'mission EDC' as I called it in my mind. First and most easily accessible was a spiffy new Leatherman, then the first aid kit with all my pills and emergency pads and tampons, then came a long roll of heavy duty paracord, the new satellite phone, an emergency blanket, water purification tablets, chewing gum, a few yards of duct tape and _two_ 3600 calorie meal bars. I didn't know exactly how long we would be gone, but I knew Connie and Steven would be part of the team and they'd need an energy boost too.

Cold December drizzle began to fall when we reached the beach and we hurried to the Temple to get out of the worst of it. When we arrived we didn't have to knock on the door - Steven had seen us coming and just waved us inside, smiling hugely.

"Thanks, kid" Jasper said, shaking her hair and spattering the floor with water droplets. "Oh, whoops"

"It's fine, here, have a towel" Steven held one up to her and she thanked him, then dried her hair and then used it on the floor. While she was doing that I said hello to Steven and Connie.

"Did you get a mission outfit too?" Connie asked with shining eyes. She was wearing a tight fitting dark gray and green ensemble and her hair was in a long braid - it made her look like a cat burglar. A cat burglar with a large pink sword strapped to her back. And a bright red fanny pack.

"I already had this" I said with a giggle, patting my suit over the pockets. "It's fire-proof"

"Ooooh" Steven gasped, touching the sleeve. "Oh, that's thick!"

"Can you move in it?" Connie asked.

"Yeah, I can move fine. Nice fanny pack there, Connie" I smiled.

"Thanks! Steven told me about your pack and I thought I'd make my own - I haven't got much in it right now, but it's something!"

"What do you have in there?" I asked curiously.

"A pocket knife, some string, some matches, a flash light and a candy bar - is that good?"

"That's great, sweetie" I smiled. "How are you guys? Are you nervous? Because I sure am"

"I'm nervous too, but mostly excited" Connie informed me.

"This isn't _my_ first mission, but I'm all tingly anyway" Steven sniggered, looking between me and Connie. "Oh! I almost forgot my backpack!" he sprinted up the stairs and picked up his cheeseburger backpack and put it on, then rejoined us by the kitchen.

"It's almost nine, where is Pearl?" Jasper asked.

"I'm sure she'll be here on the dot" I smiled up at her.

"Yeah - let's see... Six, five, four..." Steven looked at the clock on the wall and counted down. When he reached zero, the door to the temple slid open and Pearl strode out.

"Ah, good morning everyone" she trilled. "Are we ready to get going? Has everyone been to the bathroom?"

"Yes!" Steven and Connie almost saluted.

"I should probably do that" I said with a little laugh.

"Alright, the rest of you, on the warp pad" Pearl called and Steven and Connie dashed over.

"Kiss for luck?" I turned to Jasper.

"Luck for the bathroom or for the mission?" she chuckled.

" _Both_ probably" I laughed. We shared a quick kiss, then I hurried to the bathroom and relieved myself. As I wiped I realized I hadn't brought any toilet paper and quickly rolled up a length and stuffed it into a pocket. I washed my hands, then took a deep breath and stepped out again to join the others on the warp pad. "Sorry for the wait"

"It's OK!" Steven reassured me.

"Can you tell us where we are going now, ma'am?" Connie asked Pearl.

"You'll see in just a minute - everybody ready to warp?"

"Yes!" Steven, Connie and I answered. I gripped Songbird tightly and kissed two fingers, then held them out to Jasper as the warp activated. I saw her beam and repeat the gesture quickly.

"Eeee! I'm so stoked!" Steven did a little flip in the stream.

"Careful, now" Pearl chided. "Get yourself righted - " the warp lights faded and Steven fell onto his front with an 'OOF'. " - up! Oh stars, are you alright, Steven?"

"I'm fine!" Steven bounced up, his cheeks bright red but otherwise unharmed. "Time to take some first mission pictures!" he pulled out his phone and held it up. "Scootch together guys"

"Oh, alright" Pearl grinned. "Just a few, though"

"OK - say cheese!"

After taking more than a few pictures, Pearl hurried us off the warp pad and I looked around. We had appeared next to a tall cliff. Ahead of us was a vast field dotted with outposts of pine trees.

"Pine trees?" I asked, drawing in the scent of them. "Where are we exactly?"

"Somewhere in Texas, I'm quite certain" Pearl clasped her hands behind her back and cleared her throat. "I'm _also_ quite certain you'd all like to know what our mission is today?"

"Um, _yeah_ " Steven said, glancing excitedly at Connie and me.

"As you know, it is a retrieval mission. What we are getting... are probes! From an Era One gem ship I have been keeping my eye on for a while" both Steven and Connie gasped audibly and my mouth fell open in surprise. An actual Era One ship? My curiosity mounted exponentially. "It is wholly intact - I'm sure it didn't take off during the evacuation. It's in pristine condition! And I'm betting its probes will be as well. Peridot and I have been thinking - it would be nice to have a little more warning if and when Home World decides to drop by again, so! We will be retrieving the probes and Peridot and I will reconfigure them and add some functionality we might need - then we will place them around the solar system, along the routes used during the war - effectively making it an alarm system!"

"Oh my gosh, that's such a good idea!" Connie burst out, her eyes wide and shining - then she seemed to think for a moment. "But... won't they be detected by Home World?"

"That's the clever part" Pearl smiled a little smugly. "It is such outdated tech that it won't register on Home World's scanners, unless they specifically search for Era One signals - and if they do, they'll think it's from Era One, left over from the war!"

"That's so smart, Pearl!" Steven bounced up and down excitedly. Pearl beamed at him.

"It really is" I said, feeling a strange sort of pride in the two gems.

"I'm glad you all think so" Pearl's cheeks were flushed a pale blue. "The plan is to cut into the hull near the Engineering bay, then activate the back-up power system and go to the Launch bay and get the probes - we'll collect whatever is viable and I'll transport them in my gem to the rendezvous point. There we will be picked up by Peridot in the Roaming Eye"

"Are we likely to run into any corrupted gems?" I asked, feeling a tightening in my chest at the thought.

"Since the ship has been sealed for thousands of years and doesn't look as if it has moved in _more_ than that, I'm confident that if there _are_ , there won't be many. The main power is down and I couldn't activate it remotely - so I'm quite certain it was abandoned _before_ the evacuation. During my scouting trips I have not seen any signs of corrupted gems in the area. But - we will proceed with caution. It is possible some internal defences will activate when the power returns - but I have dealt with them before, so there is no need to worry about that" Pearl smiled at the three of us, then stood with her back rigid and lifted her chin proudly. "Now, are you ready for your first mission?"

"Yes _ma'am_!" Connie actually saluted now and I stood up straight, but couldn't help smiling as I nodded.

"Yeah let's go!" Steven laughed, hitching up his backpack. "Which way is it? Will it be like Centi's - I mean Nephrite's ship? Or is it _bigger_?"

"It is an Era One research vessel - one of the first to have landed on earth. The ones you are thinking of were a kind of transport ship, larger and heavier and able to hold the equipment needed to begin colonization" Pearl informed him and led the way forward across the field. "The kind of probe we are looking for - the Mark III - has a much greater range than the ones in the transport ships, which are Mark I's. We might end up using the Mark I's too, to expand our alarm system in time, but for now, our goal is the Mark III's"

"This is like out of Star Trek!" I nearly squealed, not able to contain myself.

"I _know_ right?!" Connie burst out, losing her composed demeanour. "Dibs on being Janeway!"

"Janeway?" Steven asked.

"You don't know _Janeway_?" Connie goggled at him.

"Um, no?"

"She's the best captain of the whole series! She's so cool! You can be - hmm - who would Steven be?" she turned to me. I smiled and looked up at the sky as I thought.

"Neelix" I nodded. " _Definitively_ Neelix"

"Is he good?" Steven asked, looking confused.

"He's so awesome - he's the cook! And captain Janeway's advisor! He's always so positive and encouraging - just like you"

"Really?" Steven lit up. "Then who would Erica be?"

"Hmm..." Connie stopped to think - I was quite curious about who she'd pick for me. She looked me up and down and narrowed her eyes. "B'Elanna Torres"

"Really now?" I smiled, feeling very flattered.

"Who's she?" Steven asked.

"She's half-klingon, half-human - she's the chief engineer and _super_ fierce"

"Quapla'!" I growled, shaking my spear at Pearl and grinning. "It means success"

"What's a cling-on?" Steven asked, looking excited again. Connie began to tell him about the Star Trek universe and Pearl and I let them walk ahead a little.

"I'm afraid I have absolutely no idea what you were talking about" Pearl confided to me quietly.

"It's a TV-show" I explained with a little grin. "About two space ship crews - one rebel army and one from Starfleet - that get transported to the other side of the galaxy and have to work together to make their way back home. It's really good"

"Ah, another TV-show" she smiled politely.

"Yeah, sorry - they do a lot of things like that - reconfigure their ship or add things to it to improve their chances of survival. I love that stuff and it's so _ridiculously_ cool that I get to be part of something similar" a few bright yellow butterflies and ribbons flitted around me as I spoke. "Not that the things we have done so far have been boring or anything" I added quickly. "Far from it! It's just... I don't know, I'm just all excited about being on an official mission!"

Pearl's smile warmed. "The first of many, I'm sure"

After ten minutes walk or so, we reached the edge to the vast field. It turned out we were on some kind of plateau. Far below us we saw the land stretch out to the horizon, a mottled gray, brown and green - and a speck of something pale in the middle distance.

"That's our destination" Pearl pointed to the ship, then turned her head and indicated a path leading to the right. "We'll take the slightly longer route since we have to go on foot. It is quite steep, so watch your step!"

We proceeded along the cliff's edge until we reached a sharp incline covered in the wilted grass that grew on the plateau. Further down the pines gave way to beech trees and shrubs. We moved carefully - at the very top we had to go sideways, but as we proceeded downward, the ground levelled out more and more. Once we reached the trees I had unzipped my suit - I was sweating quite a lot and my thighs were burning.

"I'm so glad we don't have to climb our way back up later!" I puffed, wiping my forehead.

"Is granny getting tired already?" Connie sniggered, strolling along as if we'd just had a nice relaxing walk.

"Bah!" I laughed. "Brat!"

"Now, now, let's be civil" Pearl chided with a smile. She walked up to me and let the kids move ahead a little again. "Do you need a rest?" she asked quietly.

"I'm fine, Pearl" I waved my hand at her and took a drink from my water bottle. "Just a bit warm from the climb, that's all"

"Alright, but we should take a breather and have a snack before we enter the ship, to make sure everyone's at their peak performance"

"Sounds good to me" I nodded.

After around fifteen minutes, the ship came into view and Pearl called for a halt.

"Snack time!" she said brightly, and summoned a Tupperware box from her gem. "These home made granola cookies will provide you with excellent nutrition, as well as an energy boost"

"Is this what you made yesterday?" Steven asked, removing his mitten to take a cookie. "They look really good!"

"Yes, they are. Do tell me if you like the taste - Amethyst said they were fine, but as you know, she eats _anything_ "

"Thank you, ma'am" Connie said politely, taking a cookie from the proffered box.

"Thanks, Pearl" I took one too, thinking that it was great that I could save my energy bars for an emergency. I bit into it and hummed in delight - it was very tasty. "Oh shhhhh-" Pearl glanced at me. "-oot, these are good"

"Thank you, Erica" she gave me a slightly school-mistressy nod.

"Yummy!" Steven sprayed crumbs as he spoke. "Oh shorry" he covered his mouth with his hand.

"They're delicious" Connie smiled, speaking after she had swallowed the first bite.

"I would like for you to have at least two each, but no more than three, alright?" Pearl beamed at Steven and Connie, offering them the box again.

"Awesome!" Steven took two more and sat down on the ground, taking off his backpack and digging out a thermos.

"And _you_ " Pearl turned to me. "Should have four"

"Oh, sure, thanks!" I took three more cookies and joined Steven on the ground.

"Would anyone like some hot chocolate?" he offered generously.

"Oh, yes please" Connie sat down too.

When we were done with our snack we moved up to the ship. It was _huge_.

"Whoa..." I said as I took it in in its entirety.

"It's so _big_!" Connie breathed. Compared to the Roaming Eye, it was vast, but compared to Blue Diamond's arm ship it was tiny. I shook myself mentally. Focus on the task at hand.

"How do we get in?" Steven asked.

"With this" Pearl took something out of her gem and held it up. It looked like... compasses? The things I used to draw circles with in math class. She stepped up to the side of the ship, then put one end of the compasses to the metal and her gem began to glow - the other end of the tool shot out about half a foot and began to revolve, fizzing and leaving a glowing line behind it. Steven, Connie and I gasped in awe as something went _clunk_ \- then a perfectly round piece of the hull fell to the ground. It was about three quarters of a foot thick and toppled onto the grass with a dull thud.

" _Whoa_!" Steven laughed. "That's so _cool_ , Pearl!"

"It's an old gem tool, called a breaching unit. I've modified it slightly, because they had a tendency to overheat" Pearl said with a smug little smile. "It has come in handy many times, but it's been a _quite_ while since I've had to use one"

"Can you make holes in _anything_ with that?" Connie inquired curiously.

" _Most_ anything" Pearl nodded.

"Oh my gosh!" Steven gasped. "We could totally rob a bank!"

"No we could not - that would be breaking the law, young man" Pearl looked at him sternly.

"I don't mean that we _should_ , but we totally _could_!" Steven laughed, bouncing up and down.

"Totally" I agreed, smiling.

"Be that as it _may_ " Pearl held up her hands in a calming gesture. "Now is when the real mission starts, I think we're even a little ahead of schedule! I need you all to be alert and focused!" Connie straightened up immediately. "I'll enter first and make sure the coast is clear, then you follow. I will use my gem to light our way, since it will be pitch black inside"

"I brought a flash light" Connie volunteered. I felt a little exhilarated thrill then - had any of them seen my little orb? I was too excited to remember just now.

"I can help light stuff up too" I said.

"Excellent!" Pearl smiled. "Now, I'll head inside and you wait for my call. Erica, please enter last"

"Got it" I nodded.

Pearl crawled into the hole and lit her gem. Half a minute passed and Connie, Steven and I stood and waited very impatiently.

"All clear" Pearl called from inside. "Come on in!"

"After you" Steven bowed to Connie and she climbed up eagerly. I looked around to make sure we were still alone while Steven clambered in as well. "This is so rad! Erica come on!"

"Coming" I put Songbird through first, then entered the hole. When I stood up I found myself in a dark hallway. The wide beam of light from Pearl's gem was illuminating the wall ahead of me.

"Ah, there it is!" Connie said, then there was a click and a bright light blinded me.

"Gaaahh!" I gasped, then rubbed my stinging eyes.

"Oh, shoot, sorry Erica!"

"Fuck, give me a minute..."

"Sorry" Connie repeated.

"It's... alright sweetie" I reassured her. I blinked until I could see again, then took a deep breath and concentrated. I blew out a stream of pale green light that spun itself into a ball.

"Oh my gosh" Steven gasped. All of them looked at me in astonishment. The orb lit about ten feet in either direction, slowly fading as I inhaled, then grew brighter as I exhaled.

"Echo did something like that once and I sort of knew how to do it afterwards" I explained, feeling my cheeks heat up a little. As I spoke, the light intensified further. "It seems the most consistent if I hum, is that OK?"

"By all means" Pearl said with a smile, and her gem stopped projecting light.

"We won't need my flashlight then, either" Connie said a little disappointedly.

"Oh, do you - aw man..." I felt a bit bad now.

"It's fine, it's fine" she waved her hands quickly. "This is more light, and it's not blinding anyone so it's better - and I can save the battery" I relaxed a tad at her words and began to hum quietly.

"Which way do we go?" Steven asked.

"This way" Pearl started down the corridor and we all followed. "Engineering should be the first on the right" we reached a doorway and Pearl lit her gem again, sweeping over the area within. "Ah - there's the control panel I need, come along" we entered the room and Pearl approached a console in front of a tall cylindrical structure. "Let's see... back up power is... _there_!" she put her palm against a nondescript bit of the panel's surface and suddenly there was a growing light in the cylinder in front of us. A low humming began to sound all around us, rising in pitch as the illumination intensified.

The panels around the walls began to light up. It didn't get particularly bright, since this was the back up power, but we didn't need my little orb anymore. I waved it away and looked around at the room. It was in two levels, much like the engineering bay on the Voyager. I exchanged a smug little smile with Connie. Pearl brushed away some dust from another console and began tapping at a screen. I walked over and looked curiously at what she was doing.

"I'm looking over the security systems - nothing seems out of the ordinary. I'll just disengage the door locks so we can get where we need to go..." she swiped over the screen, her gem glowing faintly. "Now that's done, we'll head to the launch bay. It's this way!" Pearl pointed to a now open door across the room.

"This is so rad" Steven bounced ahead, looking at all the panels. "Pearl - what does this one do?"

"That? That's the manager's control board"

"Manager?"

"The one in charge"

"Like the chief engineer?" Connie asked.

"I guess that's an appropriate term, yes" Pearl smiled. "Your station then - Belinda was it?" she turned to me with a little smile.

"Ah, yes. My station. And that's _lieutenant_ B'Elanna, thank you very much" I sniggered.

"Can we go to the bridge?" Connie looked at Pearl.

"Another time" Pearl said. "Let's focus on the mission"

"R-right! Sorry!"

"Don't worry, Connie. I like that you want to see more"

"OK, good" Connie's shoulders relaxed.

We entered another hallway. Doors branched off every twenty feet or so, and we proceeded to the one straight ahead. We went down some stairs and found the corridors there higher and wider.

"It's just down this hallway here" Pearl informed us.

We entered a large rectangular room that had a few boxes stacked on shelves against the far wall. On the wall directly across from us were long missiles.

"Are they _live_?" I asked cautiously, pointing at them.

"No, they won't be activated until launched" Pearl said reassuringly. "The probes should be in the boxes over there - Steven, take one down, carefully"

"OK!" Steven bounded up to the shelves and took a heavy box. Pearl walked over and opened it.

"Oh, this one is empty... Next one, please"

They went through a few equally empty ones, but then Steven laughed.

"This one is much heavier!"

Pearl opened the lid eagerly.

"Ah, _pristine_!" she said in a very pleased tone. "These haven't even been _handled_ , oh, it's even better than I predicted!" she picked up a small sphere about the size of a baseball and held it out to us.

"That's a probe core?" Connie asked, her eyes wide.

"Yes indeed" Pearl nodded.

"I thought they'd be bigger" Steven frowned slightly.

"When they're in the casings we've made for them, they will be about as big as the microwave at home" Pearl smiled, then her gem began to glow. "I will take as many as I can carry! Oh, this is a most useful find, Peridot will be _delighted_ " she held the probe core up to her gem and it vanished with a twinkle of light. "This will take me a few minutes, keep alert in the mean time"

"Roger!" Connie put on a serious face and took up position by the door. I went to join her, starting to feel a little uneasy. The air this deep in the ship was quite dry and I took a swig of water and a strip of gum to help keep my mouth moist. I offered one to Connie, but she shook her head. Steven took out his phone and started to take pictures of all of us.

After about five minutes Pearl and Steven came up to us.

"Is the coast clear?" she asked, smiling at us proudly.

"Left hallway clear" Connie reported.

"Right side too" I said.

"Good! Then we'll head back the way we came"

"Aw, can't we use the breaching unit thing again? That was really cool" Steven whined disappointedly.

"We are in the heart of the ship now" Pearl said, patting his shoulder. "It's faster to go back upstairs"

"OK..." he said, hanging his head a little.

"I like the idea of getting outside" I admitted. "Need some fresh air"

"Then let's get going. Steven, why don't you lead the way?" Pearl offered.

"OK!" Steven lit up at the suggestion and bounded ahead. Connie followed at a more sedate pace and Pearl waited a moment before striding forward. I took up the rear, glancing over my shoulder every so often. Was I getting paranoid? When I looked forward again I saw Pearl holding onto the wall as she walked.

"Pearl?" I asked. "Are you alright?"

"I... might have underestimated the amount of things I've put in my gem over the centuries..." she said very quietly. Her head drooped slightly and she raised her free hand to rub at her temple. A thrill of unease ran up my spine when I saw her gem sparkle faintly. "I'll be fine! I'll get to unload them in the Roaming Eye..." she swayed a little and I ran up to her and grabbed her by the shoulder.

"Shit, can't we just... make two trips or something?" I asked in a whisper.

"Language..." she chided, looking at me slightly cross eyed. This made me even more worried.

"Wait up, you guys" I called ahead to Connie and Steven.

"I'm _fine_ " Pearl waved a hand at me and nearly lost her balance. "Whoopsie-daisy" I grabbed her quickly.

"You're _not_ fine" I grunted, holding out Songbird to a rapidly approaching Connie. She took the spear without a word and I draped Pearl's arm across my shoulders, then put my hand at her waist to steady her. "Let's go slow, Connie, behind me please"

"OK" she nodded.

"Steven?" I called.

"Yeah?" came from around a bend.

"Come back here please"

"I found something cool!" he called back.

" _Steven_ " I said more seriously.

"Rose _never_ listened to me..." Pearl mumbled and I exchanged a worried look with Connie.

"Let's get out of here as soon as possible" I said with a puff of green and purple.

"I agree" she nodded. Steven came round the bend, his smile faltering when he saw Pearl leaning on me.

"Pearl? What's wrong?" he asked, running up to us.

"I'm _fine_ " she insisted, then tried to take a step, but almost collapsed to her knees, pulling me half-way down with her.

"OK, no more walking for you" I grunted, then picked her up in my arms, ignoring her feeble protests. She was lighter than I had expected.

"What's wrong with her?" Steven asked anxiously.

"Think she put too many cores in her gem?" I explained. "Let's get out of here so she can remove them"

"Oh, OK" Steven nodded.

"You lead the way, Steven, I'll take up the rear" Connie said quickly.

"Got it - don't worry Pearl, we'll get you home safe" Steven patted Pearl's arm, then turned around and began to walk ahead.

"You're carrying me?" Pearl mumbled, looking up at me as I began to move.

"Yes I am" I said quietly. "How are you feeling?"

"Full" she grimaced and leaned her head on my shoulder, her eyes glazing over slightly. I began to sweat as we reached the stairs and was puffing when we entered the hallway with all the doors. Pearl's gem fizzled unpleasantly again.

"One second" I stopped a moment to catch my breath, Connie coming up just behind me. She was looking worried.

"Are you OK?" she asked.

"Just need to... catch my breath"

After half a minute it felt easier to breathe and I began to move forward again.

"We're almost out" Steven said encouragingly. "Do you want me to carry her?"

"No, it's OK" I reassured him.

"Wait, stop!" Connie hissed suddenly. I froze mid step and stumbled slightly, then half-turned toward her, raising my eyebrows inquiringly. "Listen..." she whispered. I strained my ears but couldn't hear anything.

"C-" I began, but was interrupted by a 'Shh!' from Connie and I fell silent. Sweat beaded my forehead now. After a few seconds of silence I began to hear a very faint... clattering? Steven gasped and came up to me and Pearl - Pearl seemed to have fallen asleep? Her eyes were closed, but she was breathing steadily. Connie began to unsheathe Rose's sword, holding out Songbird to Steven. The distant clattering sound was getting closer, then it stopped. My heart was pounding rapidly now and my breath turned green and purple - I was just about to say that we should move when the floor suddenly shook violently. I stumbled around, trying to keep balance.

"Son of a _bitch_!" I hissed.

"What the heck!" Connie blurted. "Let's-" there was a sound of rending metal quite close, then everything went still again. All three of us panted in alarm and I suppressed a shriek as the lights suddenly went out.

"Oh my gosh!" Steven gasped. I breathed out a sparkly, purple cloud that lit the hallway a few feet in either direction. "More light! More light!"

I closed my eyes and concentrated hard, then blew out a stream of purple and green. The orb I had created hovered nervously next to me and Steven and Connie blinked in the ghostly shimmer.

"Let's move" Connie hissed and Steven and I nodded. Steven summoned his shield quickly, then began to walk forward. We made our way slowly toward the Engineering bay. I was shivering now, partly because of the strain of carrying Pearl, partly because of fear. What the fuck had made that noise?! Every darkened doorway was a trial to pass, but eventually we reached the room where Pearl had turned on the lights.

A hiss floated down from the ceiling and my breath caught in my throat as I looked up.

* * *

 

Please review!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to divide this chapter in two, since combined they'd be almost 20k. I don't usually end on a cliffhanger, but I figured, why the hell not? The next chapter will be up inside the week (probably before the new episodes come out!), just working on some pictures and editing.  
> If you like my stuff, you could buy me a coffee :) https://ko-fi.com/evilsnotbag


	80. Don't get afraid, get angry

**Chapter 80: Don't get afraid, get angry**

" _Shit_ " I swore under my breath - it made Steven and Connie look up too. Above us were... three elongated creatures, their thick hides reflecting my lights. Six eyes glinted down at us and the hissing intensified. Steven and Connie promptly stepped in front of me and I backed up toward one wall, panting out purple sparks.

"Move toward the exit" Connie whispered, keeping her gaze locked on the creatures above. We moved slowly, inching our way to the only other open doorway. My lights pulsated as I breathed and I clutched Pearl's unconscious form to me tightly.

A distant, high pitched cry reverberated through the ship and then the creatures dropped to the floor with loud crashes. They each had four legs and ridges along their spines like a stegosaurus, but there were no heads - just eyes stuck onto the body where there heads _should be_... The Shetland pony sized things approached slowly, cautiously.

"You go left, I'll go right" Connie whispered to Steven, and he nodded. Pearl's gem sparkled and she made a little grunt - I gasped in surprise and purple fizzing sparks left me in a flurry - then all hell broke loose. The three creatures surged forward, hissing. One headed straight for me and I lurched to the side, almost dropping Pearl - the thing barreled into the wall with a thump and staggered drunkenly. It shook its non-head, then clattered toward me. Before I could take more than a few steps, Steven struck the creature with his shield so that it slammed into the wall again.

"Connie!" he shouted.

"Raah!" Connie came screaming and swiped at its belly - the thing vanished in a puff of smoke and I clutched at Pearl, panting loudly.

"Are you OK?!" Steven came over and looked at me worriedly. I looked around the room - all the creatures were gone.

"F-fine" I stammered. Holy shit, I thought dazedly, my heat beating like a drum.

"Where are their gems?!" Connie ran around the room, looking at the floor.

"They... didn't _have_ any" Steven said slowly.

"What?" I asked, blinking at him.

"I've seen this before - corrupted gems can make like... little versions of themselves"

" _What_?!"

"Centi - I mean Nephrite did it! They were like her babies or something"

" _ **Babies**_?!" I spat red sparks, my heart almost splitting in two.

"Not _babies_ , babies" Steven waved his arms and shook his head, looking alarmed at my reaction. "Like the Holo-Pearls! Just - just _clones_ "

"Let's get out of here, there might be more coming" Connie had taken out her flashlight and peered through the door to the corridor. "It's clear" she whispered. I shook my head and took a breath, then changed my grip on Pearl, moving her to hang over my shoulder - so I at least had one hand free. I _really_ wanted to get outside.

"I'll go last this time" Steven waved me along, handing me the spear. I hurried after Connie and we moved quickly and quietly toward the light spilling in from the... _giant_ hole in the hull. It looked like something very large had forced its way out of it - the metal had tore open like a flower.

"Holy fuck balls..." I breathed.

"That must have been what made that sound earlier" Connie said and nodded.

"Yeah..."

"Connie... Should we fuse? That thing must have been _big_!" Steven approached cautiously.

"Let's do it" Connie nodded again. I stood back and leaned my elbow on the torn wall and tried to see outside. A bright light flashed behind me and I turned to see Stevonnie grinning at me.

"Hi!" they said.

"H-hi" I panted. Somehow it made me feel safer to see them. Maybe it was because they were taller than me?

"I'll go first" they jumped out through the hole, walked a few feet and looked around carefully, then waved at me to follow. It was very awkward to climb through the hole with the spear in hand and Pearl over my shoulder - when I dropped to the ground I stumbled, my knees all but buckling. "Careful!" Stevonnie caught me at the shoulder and I regained my balance.

"Thanks" I wheezed. "Do you - know where the rendezvous is?"

"Um... no. Shoot!" they frowned. "And Pearl didn't say _when_ we would meet Peridot either"

"No she didn't, fuck. I should have _asked_... We have to try to wake her up" I put her down on the ground, relieved to be rid of the weight. "Will you keep watch?"

"Sure thing! I'll do like - a perimeter check!" they ran off silently, sword in hand.

"Pearl... can you wake up?" I shook her gently by the shoulder.

"Mmm..." she mumbled.

"Pearl!" I shook her a little more forcefully, the panic rising in my chest. A spattering of purple sparks flew out of my mouth and wafted away in the cold breeze. "Where's the rendezvous point?!"

"Wha-at?" she groaned. "Don't shout..."

"Where... is the rendezvous point?" I repeated a little more quietly.

"Oh... I don't feel well..." she blinked up at me blearily. A sudden clanking made me stiffen and I looked up at the hole - one of the red creatures was looking out - straight at me. I fumbled for Songbird and gripped it tightly, slowly getting to my feet. Don't get afraid, get angry, don't get afraid, get angry - don't get _afraid_ get _angry_ \- I shouted in my own mind, but before I felt the heat of the anger rise the red thing charged with a rolling hiss! I screamed in terror and swiped the spear wildly, all technique and training forgotten. Songbird ripped through the air with a thin, high pitched hum and purple lightning streamed and leapt frantically down both my arms and transferred into the spear - the light arched at the creature, crackling loudly as it went - the cloud the monstrosity made as it exploded wafted over me and I realized to my already horror struck dismay that if I had been a _fraction of a second later_ in raising my weapon, it would have hit me.

" _Stevonnie_!" I screamed, keeping a wary eye on the opening in the hull. We had to get away from here!

"The clearing..." Pearl groaned. "Five minutes north..."

"What?" I panted out purple and green sparks that buzzed like a swarm of maddened bees.

"The rendez... vous..." her eyes fell closed.

"Pearl? Can't you take the probes out? Pearl?" she didn't answer, but her gem fizzled again. " _Shit_ " I bent to pick her up, then moved away from the opening in the hull. Footsteps from behind me made me twist around - it was Stevonnie.

"You guys OK?!" they asked, sounding out of breath. Gods it felt so good to see them!

"F-fine" I panted, hitching Pearl higher on my shoulder. "Wh-what time is it?" I looked up at the sky. "It's still m-morning, right?"

"Like somewhere around eleven maybe?" Stevonnie suggested.

"OK, so that's east - then that's north, OK, OK - Pearl said the rendezvous was five minutes north, in a glade, so - we go there, right?"

"Right! I could carry her, you know"

"No, you're the better fighter and I've - I've got a ranged weapon apparently" I mumbled, starting to walk quickly toward the trees, trying and failing to process that both Pearl and I could have been killed forty five seconds ago.

"What? Really?" Stevonnie caught up to me easily, Rose's sword in their right hand. "Oh, hey - so I think... I think the corrupted gem went that way" they pointed to the west. "There were tracks and some torn bushes"

" _Good_! Then we're going away from it!" tendrils of green and purple light leapt from my mouth, along with some sparks.

"But there might be _people_ around here" Stevonnie pointed out. "We have a responsibility to take her out - if she's been locked up in that ship forever then she must be confused to be outside! We don't know what she'll _do_!"

"Yep" I grunted shortly. Pearl was growing heavier and heavier and I was getting more and more worried about her. "What you say is true, _but_ \- two conscious people on the ground, not great odds. Three conscious people in a space ship with weapons, _better_ "

"Right" Stevonnie nodded. "I see your point. I'll call Peridot and tell her what's up - do you think there's reception here?"

"Use my satellite phone, j-just to be safe" I stopped in the shade of a tree and pointed to my EDC. "It's in the back, behind the first aid kit"

"OK, sure"

I felt Stevonnie dig around in my pack.

"So, just dial the number?"

"Yeah"

"OK, cool"

I started walking again, using Songbird as a walking stick to help move me forward.

"Hi - Peridot! This is Stevonnie!" a pause. "What? No, I'm - I'm Steven and Connie's fusion - yes! We ran into some trouble and need you to come here quickly, ca-" another pause. "No she's like, passed out?" a longer pause. "There's no need to be _rude_ , Peridot..."

"What is going on?" I panted over my shoulder. To my astonishment I saw Stevonnie had tears in their eyes. I felt my heart swell with anger, finally. They sniffed and I held out my spear to them. "Give me the phone"

Wordlessly, Stevonnie handed it to me and I held it up to my ear.

"-an't be serious! This is not the plan Pearl and I discussed! We spent _-_ " Peridot complained.

"Well you know what, plans _change_!" I growled. "And you'd better be on your fucking way here right fucking now or there is going to be trouble, do I make myself clear?!" light burst from me in a stream of purplish-blue and Stevonnie jumped out of the way. There was silence on the other end. "I _said_ \- do I make myself motherfucking _clear_?!"

"Y-yes my Diamond, I -" Peridot interrupted herself with a horrified gasp and I stopped walking out of shock, Pearl's head hitting the small of my back rather hard.

"You did _not_ just -" I panted, blinking in disbelief.

"YOU MUST BE HEARING THINGS! I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES! PERIDOT OUT! _**OH MY ST**_ -" she shrieked, then the line suddenly went dead. I stared at the phone in my hands. She had called me... her _Diamond_. I squeezed the phone so hard the plastic casing creaked.

"Erica are you - "

"She'll be here in five minutes!" I snapped with a tendril of reddish blue, shoving the phone into my pocket. "Spear" I held out my hand and began walking as soon as the shaft was in it, hoping Stevonnie wouldn't see my burning face and ask about it. I wasn't sure if I felt more insulted or sickened by Peridot's words - it only added to the storm of emotions I was barely able to control right now. The beast inside me seethed with strange pleasure at being compared to such a powerful being, but most of me was horrified. I steamed ahead, literally fuming. Red and blue sparks and vapor poured out with every labored breath I took. In the distance I could hear something crash to the ground - I looked up to see birds flapping away, flying overhead from the right. That must be where the corrupted gem was now.

After a few minutes of tense silence we arrived in a glade and I put Pearl down on the cold ground as gently as I could.

"I need a minute" I grunted, then stalked off without looking around.

"But - " Stevonnie panted. I ignored them and headed toward the trees on the other side of the clearing. The nausea was overwhelming and I stepped behind a trunk and clutched at the bark, the acid rising in my throat and my head spinning awfully. I took a breath, then leant forward and started to vomit.

_Diamond_... Someone who owned _slaves_! Who _made_ slaves! I shuddered as the memories of being snatched from this world - my home - rampaged through my mind. Blue, black and red billowed from me in vast, sparkling clouds. Birds screeched above me and took off in a panic. I vomited until there was nothing left, then leaned against the tree and panted, trying to calm myself down. I had a few moments of silence, then there was a humming overhead. The ship! I spat onto the ground, wiped my mouth on the back of my glove, then pushed myself up and stumbled back into the clearing. Stevonnie was holding Pearl in their arms, looking up at the descending Roaming Eye, their hair billowing in the wind. The ship touched down and the hatch at the front opened. Stevonnie hesitated, then looked over at me. I gestured for them to get in, then stomped ahead of them when they didn't move.

"Peridot!" I growled hoarsely. The little green gem didn't turn around, but tensed in the captain's chair. "You and I are going to have words later - but first, help Pearl"

"What's wrong with _Pearl_?" now she turned around, then winced when she saw me, and winced again when she saw Stevonnie coming inside.

"She put too much into her gem, we think"

"Pff _what_?" Peridot huffed indignantly, colour rising in her face.

"And there's a big corrupted gem out there" Stevonnie stated as the hatch sealed itself behind them.

"A corrupted - " Peridot's sharp question was interrupted by a rumbling crash - the ship lurched sideways and a yellow warning light started to flash and an alarm began to wail. I fell to my knees and Songbird flew out of my hands. "Emergency take off! Emergency take off!" Peridot slammed her tiny hands over the control panels - I looked up to see the front windows taken up by something huge and red. The ship vibrated and rocketed upwards, pressing me into the floor. There was an angry roar and a lot of scrabbling from outside, but after a moment the pressure on me lifted and I could sit up. The warning lights turned red and the ship vibrated unpleasantly.

"Was that it?!" Stevonnie gasped, getting to their feet at the same time I did. Pearl was grunting and stirring feebly on the floor. "Pearl! Pearl, can you hear me? We're on the ship, you can take the probes out now! Peridot - could you turn that alarm off?!"

"SICK!" Peridot erupted half a second later, the lights and sirens flickering off. I turned to see a view screen materialize to her left - it was displaying what was directly underneath us. A huge corrupted gem the size of a bus was just below. It was bright red and looked like a cross between a stegosaurus and a bull with no head. It roared up at us angrily. "Eat lasers, you clod!" Peridot smacked her hand on a yellow button and beams of light shot toward the stego-bull. "Ha ha! Wait - what?! It's got shields!" I ran over to look closer at the screen - the stego-bull had summoned a yellow carapace-like object made of light in front of it. "Grr! How infuriating!" Peridot stabbed at the laser button several times, but the attacks had no effect. Stevonnie came up to us, carrying Pearl, then deposited her in a chair and propped her up.

"Oh no, look!" they pointed out the right most window. "It's smoke - there must be people there!" a cold thrill went down my spine - from this vantage point we could see the tops of a few houses. A farm, I thought. Maybe with _children_!

"My weapons are doing nothing!" Peridot growled.

"We have to stop it!" Stevonnie cried. "What do we do?"

"I don't know! My experience with these freaks is limited!" Peridot snapped.

"We need reinforcements!" praying that my phone still worked, I wrenched it out and dialled Jasper's number.

"Good thinking!" Stevonnie smiled at me.

"Darling, come on, pick up..." I mumbled into the phone. Three signals went through, then the call connected.

"Hey babe, you back already? How did it go?"

"Darling - hi, we're not back - we need help! There's this huge ass corrupted gem and there's people and it's got shields and the ship's lasers aren't doing anything!"

"... what? Where are you?!"

"Texas! I think?"

"Amethyst! Do you know where Pearl took them for the mission?!"

"Uh, yeah?" I could hear Amethyst very faintly. "'s on the fridge"

"They need our help" Jasper stated gruffly. "There's a big corrupted gem"

"Oh _alright_! some _action_ , let's go! GARNET!"

"We'll be there as soon as we can, babe, just hold on!"

"Thanks, darling!"

"Keep it occupied til we get there!"

"OK! Bye!" I hung up, then looked at Stevonnie and Peridot. "They're coming, we just need to keep it away from the people, OK?"

" _How_?!" Peridot demanded. "My weapons are - "

"Doesn't matter if it's not _hurting_ it!" I snapped, the anger leaping back into play. "Keep doing it! We need to keep aggro and kite it away!"

"What are you talking about!" Peridot shrieked, slamming the laser button again and again.

"I _mean_ \- keep its attention on _us_ until Jasper and the others get here, and lure it further away from the houses!"

"Why didn't you just _say_ that!"

"I just did!"

"You are all so _infuriating_!"

"Listen, you little - " I growled, but Stevonnie stepped in between me and Peridot's chair.

"OK, OK, let's calm down!" they said loudly. "We're all on the same team here!"

" _ **Bah**_!" Peridot barked, keeping her eyes on the screens. The little shit! I drew in breath to give her a piece of my mind -

"Can everyone _please_ just be quiet - I have to... _concentrate..._ " Pearl groaned from her chair. There were several plunks, and things began to roll across the floor. "Oh stars, someone get the probes..."

"I'll get them!" Stevonnie sprang away and hurriedly picked up the orbs that were falling out of Pearl's gem. One of them sparkled as it left her and she grunted in relief.

"You inserted a _live probe_ into your gem?! Are you _cracked_?!" Peridot demanded, her face draining of colour now.

"I must have been careless..." Pearl mumbled. "What is happening? _Why_ are you all _shouting_?"

"There's a corrupted gem!" Stevonnie explained.

"A _wha-at_?!" Pearl sat up straighter, little spheres still appearing from her gem one by one. She put them on the chair seat next to her.

"It's got some kind of shielding!" Peridot growled. "My lasers are useless - we are waiting for ground support!"

"There are buildings in the forest - with people - there's smoke coming out of the chimneys!" Stevonnie added worriedly.

"Oh my stars..." Pearl rubbed her temples. "And what are we doing?"

"Distracting it!" Peridot snapped.

"Good thinking!" Pearl took the final probe and put it on her seat, then stood up unsteadily. Stevonnie deposited all the ones they had collected into the chair as well. "By ground support I assume you mean Jasper, Amethyst and Garnet?"

"That is correct!" Peridot kept bashing the fire button. The screen displaying the creature below showed the yellow shield deflecting the barrage.

"Oh my stars that's _huge_!" Pearl gasped, gripping onto the back of Peridot's chair.

" _I know_!" the little green gem snapped. The monstrosity below us began to move toward the shelter of the trees, its shields sending bursts of light everywhere.

"No, you're driving it toward the houses!" Stevonnie said loudly, pointing out the window. "Move to the other side!"

"I'm not a fighter pilot!" Peridot screeched. "I'm doing the best I can!"

"Stars, the lasers are starting fires - this will not do!" Pearl declared. "Peridot, cease fire! Stevonnie, Erica - we need to get on the ground" my chest tightened - then the image of a family trapped by a burning blaze flashed across my mind and the anger flared.

"I'm not setting the ship down again - it _charged_ last time!" Peridot blurted.

"Then we'll jump" Pearl pulled her spear from her gem and rolled her shoulders. "Erica, with me, Stevonnie, follow us!"

"Alright!" Stevonnie jumped to attention as the hatch at the back of the ship opened. Cold air billowed in.

"The plan is to distract it!" Pearl shouted over the rushing wind. "The others should be able to reach us within minutes, so it won't be for long! Erica - do you trust me?"

"Yes!" I said with a spattering of blue sparks.

"OK - on three, we jump and I'll shapeshift mid-air - ready?"

"Y-yes!"

Pearl grabbed my hand and I hastily stuffed my beanie in my pocket, then gripped Songbird tightly and took a breath. This was happening - no time to be afraid! And no time to worry about how much this was going to hurt my already tingling scar.

"One! Two! _Three_!" and then we leapt - the rushing wind made my eyes water and my ears fill with noise - and my scar felt like it was being prodded with a branding iron. I gritted my teeth and hissed out red sparks. The plummeting feeling in my belly was interrupted by a flash of blinding white light - Pearl took the shape of a giant bird, her massive wings extending above me. She was holding onto my arm with both sets of claws. As we glided through the air I saw the corrupted gem shake itself and turn toward us. Giant yellow slit-like eyes glared at me angrily.

"Over here, red!" Stevonnie called from above - their voice faded and I assumed they had moved in the other direction. The stego-bull turned toward the noise and let out a guttural roar that sent chills down my spine - it was not the same as the jasper fusion in the forest, but similar enough to make my heart rate spike.

"Brace for landing!" Pearl shouted and I turned to look at the fast approaching ground. With a mighty flap of her wings, Pearl slowed us down substantially and dropped me a foot off the forest floor. I staggered as I landed, but righted myself quickly and turned to face the corrupted gem. A loud clang perhaps best rendered as 'SKANG-G-G' reverberated across the clearing - Stevonnie had just thrown their shield at the stego-bull. The creature's yellow counter part was now projected over its left side - it had _moved_ to face the incoming attack.

"It moved the shield!" I said loudly.

"Yes, I see it - I wonder if it can produce more than _one_!" Pearl sent a barrage of shots toward its flank. We waited with baited breath and watched the shield on the left flicker and fade, only to reform on the side facing us. Pearl's light projectiles spattered across it, doing nothing. "Stevonnie! Strike!" Pearl called, cupping her hands around her mouth. From the other direction, Stevonnie summoned another pink shield, then threw it at the stego-bull as Pearl set loose another wave of shots. Now the yellow field split in two, one to block Stevonnie's attack, the other to block Pearl's. The creature roared in frustration, then stomped toward Stevonnie - who leapt out of its path like a gazelle. "Erica - run in the other direction and do what you can to distract it from us while we attack!"

"O-OK!" I gripped Songbird tightly, then set off to the left while Pearl went right. "Hey! Hey! Look at me! Big ugly thing!" I shouted as I ran, streaming green and blue sparks behind me. The stego-bull didn't seem to hear me and that made panic rise in my chest. Don't get afraid, get angry! Don't get afraid - get _angry_! _She called you Diamond_! I stopped and drew in a deep breath, letting the rage fill me up. " _ **HEY**_!" I bellowed - a thunderclap rolled around me and lightning snaked along Songbird, shooting up into the air. That was _right_ \- I had a _ranged_ weapon! The thunder made the stego-bull twist around to face me - its big yellow eyes widened and it roared and staggered as Pearl and Stevonnie's attacks landed on either side of it simultaneously.

" _Again_!" Pearl called. That word. That _command_ \- it made everything _so_ much simpler. The creature turned and charged in Pearl's direction and she leapt away gracefully, sending a volley over its back as she flew through the air. Stevonnie took advantage and sprang forward, slashing at the back legs with their sword. Both their attacks were blocked, but the stego-bull was having trouble - it was big, but not very fast. I started to run to my right, trying to be the point in a triangle - so that it could only face one of us. Pearl and Stevonnie kept attacking - jumping and twirling through the cold air. 

"Shit for brains!" I shouted as I reached my position. " _ **You**_ \- !" and then the shit hit the fan. From above, Peridot sent a laser beam straight down just as Stevonnie threw their shield - the beam of light rebounded off the stego-bull's carapace and rocketed toward Stevonnie. They screamed in surprise and raised their sword to block - and was blasted out of the air.

" _Stevonnie_!" Pearl screamed. The stego-bull stomped toward her with a roar and Pearl scrabbled out of the way. "Erica - get to Stevonnie!"

For a thousand year long breath I stood frozen, my heart gripped with terror at what might have happened to them - then I began to run toward where Stevonnie had landed. While I ran I heard Pearl launch a new wave of attacks against the corrupted gem. She grunted and shouted insults at it as I skidded to a halt by Stevonnie's side.

"Uugh..." they groaned.

"You're alive!" I panted, bending down to grab them by the cheeks. They were covered in soot and dirt, but there was no blood and nothing seemed to be broken. "Are you OK?! C-can you move?"

"Oh my gosh... that really _hurt_..."

"I'll tan Peridot's hide!" I growled, the anger at Peridot blissfully overpowering the fear at what had just happened.

"No, don't... I think she was trying to _help_ " they managed a little smile, then rolled to their side and sat up. I glanced over my shoulder at what Pearl was doing - she was keeping the stego-bull distracted all by herself, moving swiftly through the air like a graceful, but very angry, bird of pray.

"Let's get you up, OK?" I held out my hands to them and pulled them to their feet. "We'll find a safe spot and just wait for the others, they should be here soon!"

"But what about Pearl?"

"She'll be fine!"

"O-OK" they said, staggering slightly.

"Here, lean on me, there we go" I put their arm over my shoulders to steady them, then we began to move toward the trees. From behind us came a fizzling sound -

"DUCK!" Stevonnie threw themselves to the ground, pulling me with them as a laser beam ricochet struck the tree a few feet from us.

"HOLY SHIT! FUCKING STOP FIRING YOU _**ASSHOLE**_!" I bellowed pointlessly up at the ship. Blue and purple sparks and tendrils burst from me. " _ **GODS**_!"

"Mmmmm _bubble_!" Stevonnie grunted, and a pink sphere appeared around us a fraction of a second before what seemed like the entire top of a tree crashed over us.

" ** _ **Fu-uck**_**!" I screamed in alarm and the tiny space filled with skittering purple sparks that seared and stung the skin on my face - and Stevonnie let out a piercing shriek - the bubble popped and I was knocked sideways by a branch and tumbled into a thicket of burning leaves and twigs. "Shit shit shit shit _shit_!" I swore, clambering out clumsily, slipping on wet grass and leaves.

"Erica!" Stevonnie called out weakly. I spun on the spot, trying to locate them - they were pinned under a smouldering branch. I rushed over and pushed it off them with great effort and they got very unsteadily to their feet.

"Let's move!" I grabbed them by the hand and we hurried into the forest before _more_ trees could fall on us. The air was full of smoke and we both coughed as we ran.

"Wait - what's that sound?" Stevonnie croaked. I stopped and strained to listen, wondering what was going to happen next. And then my heart leapt with relief as I recognized the steadily approaching sound as Jasper spin-dashing. A bright orange _glowing_ Sonic-like-thing _whooshed_ through the trees and into the clearing. Stevonnie and I exchanged a look, then we both ran to follow her. We saw Jasper charge the stego-bull's side and slam it into the trees straight across from us. The yellow shield kept Jasper from making contact with its body, but it screamed out in agony as Jasper kept spin-dashing, pinning it against the trunks. Flames flared into life around Jasper's spinning form and I swear I could hear her roaring as she _sped up_! Pride bloomed in me at the sight and momentarily I forgot how tired I was.

" _Get it, darling_!" I shouted, pink and golden bolts of lightning leaping from me gleefully.

"Oh my _gosh_!" Stevonnie panted. "She's on _fire_!"

The yellow shield began to buckle under the pressure of Jasper's relentless assault and the stego-bull flailed its legs uselessly, trumpeting angrily as it tried to get away.

"Keep going Jasper!" Pearl called encouragingly. "It's nearly - !"

There was a terrible cracking sound, a sudden wailing cry, then Jasper finally made contact - the corrupted gem vanished in a great big cloud - and Jasper shot off into the forest, trailing flames.

"It's down!" Stevonnie cheered, lifting their arms high and then wincing. "Ow - ow - ow!"

"Careful - careful" I panted, turning to grab them by the shoulders. Their face was scrunched up in pain - and I felt absolutely horrible. Under the soot and dirt I could see angry red blisters all over the right side of their face and both their lower arms. I stared down at their hands.

"Erica it's not that bad, I just moved too suddenly" they said quietly. Running footsteps approached from the direction Jasper had come from and I tore my eyes away from Stevonnie's injuries.

"Aw, did we miss it?!" Amethyst and Garnet came sprinting up to us, out of breath.

"Jasper totally destroyed it! It was so awesome!" Stevonnie pointed excitedly toward where Pearl was now searching the ground for the gem.

"Pssh, just like Jay-Z to want all the glory" Amethyst huffed, tossing her hair.

"Oh my shitting fuck" I panted, sagging to my knees, all my energy reserves now drained.

"Stevonnie? Why are you all - oh shit, what happened?!" Amethyst was looking the soot covered Stevonnie up and down. Garnet grabbed them by the shoulders and turned them around.

"You are injured!" she gasped, horrified. A terrible surge of guilt washed over me.

"I'm so sorry, Stevonnie" I sighed wretchedly.

"It's OK - I said it's not too bad" Stevonnie waved their hands, trying to calm everyone down.

"What _happened_?!" Amethyst rounded on me, pinning me to the ground with her glare.

"A tree fell and I bubbled us - Erica didn't see it coming so she screamed - and there were sparks..."

"I'm so, so, so sorry!" the guilt squeezed my guts - I had _hurt_ them... And I feared either Amethyst or Garnet, or _both_ would punch me out. "I didn't mean to"

"I know that" Stevonnie stepped out of Garnet's grasp and plopped down next to me. "It's just some blisters. And you've got some on your face too - are _you_ OK?"

"Me? Yeah, fine" I said quickly, glancing worriedly at Amethyst and Garnet.

"Is everyone alright?!" Pearl came running over, a pale bubble suspended over her hand. The gem inside was square and a deep, deep crimson color.

"We're - " Stevonnie began, but was interrupted by a flash of light - another laser beam fired onto the ground, missing Pearl by a few feet.

"Oh, that is _enough_!" Pearl screeched, nearly dropping the bubble. "I'm never working with you on anything again - ever! You land this ship right this instant and then it's the _leash_ for you, Peridot!"

"Hey - you can't talk to her that way!" Amethyst piped up, her face flushing with rage.

"She kept shooting into the battle!" Pearl waved a hand up at the ship that was moving erratically closer to the ground. "A shot ricocheted into Stevonnie and they didn't have their shield! Stevonnie! Are you alright?!"

"I'm OK Pearl!" Stevonnie got to their feet as Pearl ran up.

"Yeah, Stevonnie's _fine_!" Amethyst waved her hand. That's funny, I thought. She was all for blaming me when _I'd_ hurt them, but Peridot shoots them with a _laser_ and it's fine? Oh, that _hurt_...

"How can they be fine?! They took a laser to the chest!" Pearl gestured to Stevonnie angrily, glaring at Amethyst.

"I did _not_!" Stevonnie argued. "I deflected it with the sword!"

"But you've got blisters all over, oh my stars, look at your arms!" Pearl plucked at Stevonnie's shirt and walked around them, gasping and worrying.

"Yeah but _Erica's_ the one who burned them!" Amethyst pointed out. I felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water over me and gasped out some dull red sparks, looking at the purple gem in shock.

"Not on _purpose_! She got burned too! A whole tree fell on us! And I had to summon a bubble, which was freaking _hard_ , by the way! All because Peridot kept _shooting_!" just as they said that, another shot went off and everyone except Garnet jumped in alarm.

"Peridot what the fuck?!" Amethyst barked - it had landed less than ten feet from us. As the ship swung around, we could all hear Peridot screeching from inside.

"FREAKING HELP ME ALREADY THE BUTTON IS STUCK I REPEAT THE BUTTON IS STUCK! I CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT FREAKING CIRCUIT SOMEONE GET IN HE- _AAAAAAAIIIHHHH_!" her voice rose in a scream of pain and Amethyst rocketed up the fifty or so feet to the open hatch. "NO-NO-NO DON'T HIT IT - " there was an unmistakable smashing sound and the ship lurched sideways and began to drift. Everyone stared up at it in stunned silence.

"I fixed it - everything's cool!" Amethyst called from inside.

"You did _not_ \- you broke it!"

"It's not firing any more is it?!"

"No, but - !"

"Then it's fixed!"

"No - it's _more broken_! Get OUT! _OUT_!"

"Peri!"

"I said OUT!"

"Fine!"

Amethyst appeared out of the hatch, shapeshifted into an owl and flew off - swearing incoherently under her breath.

"Pearl. Go help Peridot" Garnet said stoically.

"But - !" Pearl blurted, pulling Stevonnie closer to her by their shirt.

"Go" Garnet's voice was serious. Pearl groaned like a teenager being told to go play with their bratty younger sibling, but crouched and leapt up to the open hatch. "Erica. Your first aid kit"

"Huh?" I blinked at the sky where I had watched Amethyst fly away, then turned to Garnet.

"Your first aid kit" she repeated.

"Oh, uh - sure" I unbuckled my belt and took out the kit.

"It's not that _bad_ " Stevonnie tried.

"It may not be, but we don't want it to get worse. And we're going to be here for a while" Garnet stated.

"Oh, fine..." Stevonnie sighed, their shoulders slumping. "But can't I just?" they licked a finger and touched it to their arm. Garnet and I looked at them and I hoped for dear life that they'd be able to heal themselves, but after a few seconds, they let out another sigh. "Great... Oh, but what if I split up into Steven and Connie, then he could heal all of us? Or... wait, what would happen then? To Steven and Connie... would they be hurt?" they looked up at Garnet.

"Your injuries would transfer to them" she said slowly, putting a hand on Stevonnie's shoulder.

"I... don't want to do that to them..." Stevonnie mumbled. "Even if it's not that bad!" they added hurriedly. "I wouldn't want... to hurt them" gods, how my heart ached...

"Then stay yourself" Garnet nodded and gave them a tiny smile. Stevonnie nodded back, their hands balling into fists with determination.

Garnet turned to me. "Help me clean their wounds? Your injuries both warrant Rose's fountain, but for now... let's do what we can"

"Yes, o-of course" I nodded, feeling my guts churn with guilt. The three of us sat down on the cold ground and I began unpacking the kit. I had put some antiseptic cream in there, as well as some specialized burn bandages - because I learned from my mistakes... Hopefully I'd never make _this_ mistake again... I cleaned my hands with some antiseptic wipes, then took a breath. "I'm sorry, but this is going to hurt" I said slowly, looking Stevonnie in the eyes. Their exposed lower arms and face were blistered quite badly - not as badly as my arms had been in the forest after the fight with the jasper fusion, but these were second degree burns alright... I began to apply the antiseptic cream carefully, biting my lip not to start crying as Stevonnie hissed through their teeth.

"Yeah that hurts!" they said, their voice more high pitched than before. Garnet began working on the other arm.

"T-try to take deep b-" I drew in a slightly shuddering breath. " _Breaths_..."

"That's good advice" Garnet nodded, working with steady hands and an unreadable expression. "You should follow it too, Erica" I nodded shakily, then began to sing my calm down song quietly. I tried not to feel embarrassed, and to my great surprise, Garnet began to sing along, and then Stevonnie joined in too on a few words. My chest felt less tight and my hands steadied as the song went on, and when it was over, Stevonnie's arms were clean and ready to be wrapped. I unpacked the gauze and burn pads, then heard a low chuckle from behind me.

"What, no standing ovation for the one who saved the day?" a wonderfully familiar raspy voice said. Gods, it was so good to hear her voice...

"Hey Jasper!" Stevonnie waved the arm I was trying to wrap. " _Ow_..."

"Hold still, please, I don't have a lot of these" I said with a little pained smile.

"Sorry, sorry" Stevonnie held out their arm again.

"Sorry darling, everything went a little off the deep end over here... But thank you so much - you were amazing" I looked up at her and gave her a tired smile, hopefully without pain this time. The broad one she had been wearing slid off her face and she squatted down hurriedly, reaching out for my chin.

"You're hurt" she said, her golden eyes growing worried as she studied the burns on my left cheek.

"It's not that bad" I said hurriedly, echoing Stevonnie. "Stevonnie got the worst of it..." Jasper looked at them and her eyes widened.

"Shit - are you OK?"

"They will be" Garnet said softly, carefully wrapping their right arm.

"It doesn't hurt _that_ badly" Stevonnie sat up a little straighter. I had a feeling they wanted to appear unfazed in front of Jasper. "And you were so cool, just charging in - you were on fire! Literally! Amethyst never gets on fire when she spin-dashes!" I finished wrapping their arm.

"She does, now" Jasper grinned crookedly. "But I beat her to you. Hey runt! You owe me some donuts!" she looked over her shoulder, waited a moment, then wrinkled her eyebrows. "Where is she?"

"She... kind of left" Stevonnie said carefully, their smile fading.

"What? Why?" Jasper's brows furrowed further.

"She and Peridot had _words_ " Garnet said calmly. That reminded me that I had a few I wanted to exchange with the tiny green gem myself. But that would have to wait.

"Oh" Jasper said and frowned, then she sat down on the ground next to us. "Is... that why the ship is listing?"

"Yeah..." I sighed. "We're going to be here a while. Stevonnie, would you like some painkillers? I think I have some water left"

"Um..." Stevonnie glanced at Jasper, and Jasper raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not going to lie - those are going to start to really hurt once the adrenaline wears off..." I said with a puff of dark red and black.

"Erica knows this stuff" Jasper nodded at Stevonnie, then put her hand on my lower back. "You should take some too, babe"

"I will, don't worry" I said and dug out my little box of pills.

"Maybe just one" Stevonnie whispered. I held out two paracetamol and one ibuprofen to them.

"All three" Garnet insisted. Stevonnie pursed their lips a little, but took the pills and I handed them my water bottle. I took the same amount of pills and drank the last of the water.

"And have some of this" I took out one of my energy bars and unwrapped it, holding it out to Stevonnie, feeling a sting in my heart at the memory of doing the same to Greg not too long ago.

"Oh, thank you" Stevonnie said politely. We both began to eat and Jasper dotted my cheek burn with salve very carefully. When she was done, she leaned in to kiss me and I turned my head away.

"I need to brush my teeth..." I mumbled.

"I know you threw up, babe" Jasper said quietly. I blushed and looked down at myself, wondering if I had got some sick on me or something. "I can smell it, and I don't care"

"Darling..." I grimaced.

"On the cheek, then?" Jasper coaxed, grinning at me.

"Fine, on the cheek" I surrendered. Her grin broadened and she leaned in close, then pressed her lush lips to my blushing right cheek.

"Mmm! Tastes like _victory_ "

"Victory tastes like sweat and vomit?" I said with a breath of confused laughter.

"Sweat and _dirt_ " she chuckled, her thumb caressing my lower back. She leaned in closer, her breath now tickling my ear. "And a little bit like..." she paused to snigger. "What you had on your face this morning..."

"Beastie!" I snorted, then swatted at her arm, my face glowing red hot. Hopefully Stevonnie and Garnet hadn't heard that part.

"So, how long is 'long', in the terms of getting the ship in working order?" Jasper asked Garnet, her thumb drawing little circles on my back. I got the impression she would like it to be _soon_.

"About an hour and a half" Garnet responded. "Give or take twenty minutes"

Something plunked down on the ground twenty feet away from us, making me twitch. Gods I was jumpy today... I looked over to see what it was and saw some kind of irregularly shaped metal part with a lot of wires attached.

" _Two_ hours" Garnet corrected herself, then got to her feet. "I'll go get some firewood"

Garnet lit a bundle of sticks by holding them in one hand - they just burst into flames! She dropped them on the pile of bracken and logs she had gathered. Even though the sun was out, it was still December and both Stevonnie and I gathered around the flames, shivering. Jasper sat down and patted her knee for me to come sit, then looked up at Stevonnie and offered her free leg to the teenage fusion. I smiled at my caring beastie and kissed her arm as I sat down. Stevonnie hesitated for a moment, then joined us.

"Can you tell us what happened today?" Garnet asked us, throwing more wood on the fire.

"Sure!" Stevonnie said eagerly. "We warped in - and went over this huge field, down a steep incline, and had some really tasty cookies Pearl had made and hot chocolate Steven had brought. Then we went to the ship and Pearl took out this cool thing - a breaching unit, and put it to the hull and it went fizz! Then a round chunk fell out like _thump_ and we went inside. Erica can do this rad energy light ball thing, did you know that?" they looked at Jasper and Garnet.

"Yeah, I knew that" Jasper chuckled, putting her cheek on my forehead.

"It was great! Pearl took us to the Engineering bay and turned on the power - all these panels came to life, it was like being in Star Trek, really!" an excited tone entered their voice now and I smiled at them. "We went down a floor and found the Launch bay - it had _missiles_! And Pearl found this huge box of probes - the looked like baseballs, I thought they'd be much bigger, but Pearl said they need casings and stuff - Connie and Erica guarded the door and when Pearl was done we headed back up - even though Steven wanted to see more wall chunks fall out and go thump. Connie and Steven went ahead because Pearl said Steven could lead us, which was cool, but then Erica called us back and handed Connie her spear, which is also really cool, by the way. Pearl was like, unsteady and looked a little out of it and couldn't walk properly, so Erica carried her. When we got upstairs again Connie heard something - and then there was a huge loud noise and all the lights went out!"

"And I screamed" I added, blushing slightly.

"Yeah, but that was good because that made a light! And then you made another light ball thing - when we got to the Engineering bay again there were these gem creatures in the ceiling! They dropped down and we tried to get out without getting in a fight, but then they attacked! Connie and Steven worked together, just like in practice, and the headless dinosaur things poofed but there were no gems, not even shards - and so Steven thought of Nephrite and the little centipede things she had made. When we got to the hole Pearl had made it was much, much bigger, like it had exploded! The walls were all wonky. That's when they formed me - we jumped outside and Erica asked me to keep watch while she tried to wake Pearl up, so I did a _perimeter check_ " they said this very proudly. "I found some torn bushes and things and figured that the huge thing had gone that way - then Erica called for me"

"One of those things came out of the hole while you were gone" I said with a frown. "It got way too close to taking me out..."

"Oh shoot" Stevonnie's smile faded. "I shouldn't have gone so far!"

"But you took it down, didn't you, babe?" Jasper's voice was bracing.

"Yeah, but it was _this_ close" I held up my fingers, pinching them together. "I was really scared"

"But you got Pearl to tell you where the rendezvous was - and you figured out which way was north so we could find it" Stevonnie said encouragingly. "We called Peridot to come and get us and..." now their smile faded again. "She was rude"

"Rude?" Garnet asked.

"I think she was upset because the schedule she and Pearl had worked out wasn't being followed? Or something... She wanted to talk to Pearl, but she was out cold, and..."

"And?" Garnet coaxed.

"She said she didn't take orders from... from pebble fusions..." Stevonnie trailed off, blushing.

"She did, did she?" Garnet frowned.

"Tch!" Jasper scoffed.

"So that's why you looked upset?" I asked carefully.

"Yeah, but, as I said, I think she was upset because the plan didn't work out the way she wanted... And then you talked to her" they looked at me uncertainly.

"Yes I bloody well did" I huffed. "She _was_ upset about the plan, but I said; plans change, and you'd better be on your fucking way here right fucking now or there is going to be trouble, do I make myself clear? She didn't answer, so I said - do I make myself motherfucking _clear_? And she - gods..." I breathed out a cloud of sparkly green and blue. "She said 'Yes, my Diamond"

"She did _what_?" Jasper demanded, looking shocked.

"Oh my gosh" Stevonnie gasped faintly.

"It made me so mad!" I continued, feeling my cheeks burning. "I don't know why she said it! But it fucking hurt! And she said I must be hearing things! I'm not - I'm not like that am I? Like a... diamond?"

" _Fuck_ no!" Jasper scoffed, now looking scandalized. "You are nothing like them!"

"Really, you aren't" Garnet said, throwing a few more sticks into the blaze, her lips pursed uncomfortably.

"How could she say that to you?" Stevonnie's face was agonized. "She knows what happened with the zoo and everything... Oh gosh, is - is that why you _threw up_?"

"Y-yeah..." I admitted, looking at the ground.

"I'm going to kill her!" Jasper growled, almost rising to her feet, but Garnet put a hand on her shoulder.

"Peridot will be dealt with" she said stoically. "We'll all have a talk later - but for now, please keep telling us what happened"

Jasper grumbled, but stayed on the ground and pulled me closer, kissing my forehead a little aggressively. I leaned on her chest, feeling reassured.

"We um... we got on the ship and the big corrupted gem attacked - so Peridot moved us upward and started shooting at it - but it made this like _force field_ , and the lasers just bounced off. That's when Erica called you guys. And then Pearl woke up, and she said we should get on the ground, because the lasers were starting fires and was driving the gem toward the houses - so we jumped out!" now Stevonnie looked excited again. "We started attacking, and it split the shield and moved it - Erica distracted it with thunder while Pearl and I went on the offensive - it was working really well until Peridot shot the laser again and I got hit, but I know she didn't do it on purpose now... Erica came over and helped me up, then a tree fell on us and I had to summon Steven's bubble - Erica got scared and that's how we got burned... Then you showed up, Jasper! Like _whoosh_!"

"Like whoosh, huh?" Jasper smirked.

"Yeah, like whoosh" I agreed.

"Why did you leave afterwards?" Stevonnie asked, looking up at Jasper.

"Well, I was going so fast, had to spin it out to slow down. Took me a minute"

"Can you teach _me_ to do that?" Stevonnie asked eagerly, bouncing up and down on Jasper's thigh.

"Sure kid" Jasper grinned crookedly. "You're a quartz, so it's in you somewhere"

"That's so rad..." Stevonnie breathed with stars in their eyes.

"But not today" Garnet said calmly.

"How about tomorrow, can you teach me tomorrow?"

"Are we doing something tomorrow, babe?" Jasper asked me with a chuckle.

"I don't think so"

"Alright then, tomorrow"

"Awesome, thanks Jasper!"

After quite a while, the repairs on the ship were done and we went inside after Jasper had stamped out the fire.

"Let's go to Rose's Sanctuary" Garnet said, positioning herself behind Pearl, who was sitting in the captain's chair now. "When we get there and Stevonnie and Erica have been healed, we all need to have a talk"

"Yes, we do..." Pearl sighed.

"What about Amethyst?" Stevonnie asked cautiously. The tension in the air was palpable.

"She needs some time to gather herself" Garnet said stoically. "She'll come home when she's calmed down"

When we arrived at the Sanctuary, Pearl hurried Stevonnie outside and Jasper and I followed. We reached the pool and both Stevonnie and I touched the translucent liquid.

"Oh my gosh... that feels so much better..." they sighed as the blisters on their face vanished.

"It does indeed..." I nodded, letting out a breath of relief as the aches and pains of the day melted away. As before, it didn't make me less tired and as it was, I was barely able to remain upright. This day had been so fucking _overwhelming_...

"Pearl" Garnet said, coming up behind us.

"Yes, Garnet?"

"Explain to me what happened today. Where did things go... wrong"

"Alright, well... I suppose it can all be traced back to... me accidentally activating one of the probes during the insertion process..." Pearl chewed her lower lip. "I was delighted to have found so many, but I should have been more careful"

"And what were the consequences of that?" Garnet asked.

"The consequences were that Steven, Connie and Erica had to fend for themselves, not... knowing when or where the rendezvous was... Oh, stars..." Pearl covered her eyes with one hand. "I'm really sorry everyone - I should have told you, for safety's sake"

"Yes, you should have" Garnet agreed calmly. "From now on, no one person holds all the relevant information on a mission. That goes for everyone, including me. I know it's an old habit stemming from the war, but the times are changing... And with new people becoming Crystal Gems, maybe it's time to be a bit more... _open._ And speaking about being open to change... Peridot" the green gem twitched. "Why did you feel the need to insult both Stevonnie and Erica when they asked you for help?"

"Excuse me?!" Peridot blurted.

"You called Stevonnie a pebble fusion" Garnet said calmly.

"You called them a what now?!" Pearl glared at Peridot, who looked put on the spot. But she took a breath and spoke in a very controlled manner, as if she had rehearsed it;

"I - I was angry and I... might have said some things in the heat of the moment that I... now regret" she stood with her hands behind her back and her eyes firmly closed, as if she was giving a report. "Pearl and I had spent a long time planning this mission, looking at maps and setting a very firm schedule. Being called up by a person I didn't know... startled me"

For a moment, everyone was silent.

"I s-scared you?" Stevonnie asked hoarsely, their eyebrows knitting.

"Yes" Peridot nodded, her face growing sweaty now. "... as did Erica"

"What?" I blinked at Peridot, totally surprised.

"You spoke to me in a manner not dissimilar to my former Diamond, even using the same phrases... 'do I make myself clear' and I... _accidentally_... responded as I had been trained, thinking I was in fact... talking to my D- I mean my _former_ Diamond" sweat was pouring down her face now. Was this... hard for her to say?

"I thought you were insulting me..." I mumbled.

"I assure you, I had no intention of doing that" Peridot said quickly, losing a little of her composure. She cleared her throat and straightened her back again. "It was merely a slip of the mind and tongue that I wish hadn't happened, for both our sakes. I am acutely aware that the Diamonds have impacted your life as well..." guilt swelled like bile in my throat. Had I really scared her?

"I'm sorry Peridot, I... was angry too. And scared for my life and Pearl's and Stevonnie's - I just wanted to get somewhere safe... but I shouldn't have talked to you that way..."

"Then is it fair to say we _both_ regret our interactions today?" she asked, looking as if she was about to faint.

"Yes, that's fair..." I agreed, feeling worried she might in fact faint.

"OK... now if you would excuse me..." she let out a breath, then moved to the other side of the fountain and sat down on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. She looked... so lonely like that... Had I triggered her? I remembered Steven telling me about Peridot telling Yellow Diamond to basically fuck off, and that Yellow Diamond had responded by trying to blow them all up. Shit... And I had _sounded_ like her? Fuck, I felt so _guilty_...

I looked up at Jasper, who was staring at Peridot with confusion.

"Now that the unpleasant things have been dealt with" Garnet said with a little smile on her face. "I would like to congratulate Steven, Connie, Stevonnie and Erica on their first successful official mission"

"Oh, yes, congratulations!" Pearl said quickly, putting her hands together over her chest. She looked extremely relieved to be leaving this part of the conversation.

"It may have had a few bumps, but you four did an excellent job working together" Garnet continued.

"Did we?" I asked, feeling unsure. It didn't exactly _feel_ like a success... not after what Peridot had said...

"You told me you divided up the tasks well, protected each other and Pearl, helped each other figure out what to do and where to go, all on your own" Garnet smiled at me and Stevonnie beamed. "That is what I call team work"

"Go team!" Stevonnie cheered. I still felt uneasy about the whole thing and glanced over at Peridot.

"Babe, come on..." Jasper put an arm around my shoulders. "You did good!"

"It doesn't feel that way..." I looked at Peridot again. She was staring ahead blankly. Gods I felt awful. Garnet went over and sat down next to the green gem and started talking to her quietly.

"You did very well, Erica" Pearl said, walking up to me. "You shouldn't have had to literally carry me, I'm deeply sorry about that"

"But you did, and you kept her safe" Jasper insisted.

"I wasn't exactly being careful with you..." I mumbled, remembering how I had thrown her around.

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" Pearl nodded reassuringly. "I'm very proud of how you handled yourself today - especially when we jumped from the ship and were facing the corrupted gem on the ground. You positioned yourself _excellently_! Keeping us in triangle formation, and I didn't even have to tell you"

"It just seemed logical" I muttered.

"And when Stevonnie got hit, you ran to them immediately and helped them - and I knew I didn't have to worry about either of you then, and could focus on keeping the gem occupied"

"But I hurt Stevonnie!" I whimpered, tears stinging the corner of my eyes.

"Not on purpose!" Jasper assured me. "You'd never do that"

"Amethyst sure didn't think so..." I sniffed.

"I think she only said that because _I_ was shouting at Peridot" Pearl put her hands on my trembling shoulders. "Emotions were running high - I thought Peridot had shot into the battle on purpose, but in her panic she had broken the firing button - and the corrupted gem charging into the ship had damaged the propulsion and steering systems - Peridot spent most of the battle trying to fix it, and keep the ship from crashing down on us. She displayed some really quick thinking there"

"Ugh, that only makes me feel even _more_ guilty" I closed my eyes and tried to keep myself from crying.

"Babe, listen" Jasper put her hand on the small of my back. "There's no such thing as a perfect mission. This was a _success_! Everyone's _alive_ , the ship is _fine_ , the corrupted gem is _bubbled_. That's a _win_!" even though what she was saying _should_ make me feel better, I just felt more and more like I wanted to go hide under a blanket and cry.

"I don't know what's w-wrong with me..." I sniffed, then burst into tears. Jasper pulled me into a gentle hug and I felt her take a deep breath, then let it out slowly.

"You're exhausted..." she said softly. I nodded into her chest, knowing that was true.

"It's been a... _very_ eventful day..." Pearl said from behind me.

"Sure has..." Jasper agreed. "When we get home I'll run you a bath and you can just relax. I'll fix dinner - how does home made pizza sound, hmm? Does that sound good?"

"M-mhm..." I managed to squeak between sniffles. My stomach felt so awfully empty.

"OK, good..." she stroked my back and put her gem in my hair, breathing calmly.

"I-is Erica OK?" I heard Stevonnie whisper.

"She's over-tired" Pearl whispered back. "Let's give her and Jasper some space. I'm really proud of you, as well! You displayed excellent control of your shield throwing today!"

"I did?"

"You most certainly did"

"Wow, thanks Pearl..."

They moved out of earshot and I kept crying. Jasper kept stroking my back soothingly and after a few minutes, my tears dried up.

"Gods..." I groaned.

"You feeling better, little monster?" Jasper asked softly.

"A bit..." I tried not to feel embarrassed, but it was hard.

"I'll take a bit" she grinned down at me and wiped my cheeks free of tears. "Let's go home and make it _all_ better, shall we?" I managed a little smile at this.

I glanced over at Peridot and Garnet - the little green gem was leaning on the tall fusion and they were still talking together. I had been so angry with her... And it turned out _I_ was the one who had overstepped. I had steam-rolled her... It was hard to imagine Peridot being affected like that, but she had feelings too, even if I had trouble understanding her most of the time. I wiped my face with some of the toilet paper I had taken from Steven's bathroom and stood up straight, then walked over to Peridot and Garnet, asking Jasper to wait a moment.

I cleared my throat awkwardly and Garnet looked up. Peridot hurriedly wiped her cheeks and didn't meet my eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Peridot" I said in as clear a voice as I could muster. "Here, it's not been used..." I squatted down and took out my handkerchief. Our eyes were level now and she met my gaze for the first time in hours. I had shouted at her, not just over the phone, but in the ship as well... Had I ever done that before?

"W-wow, thanks..." she said in a small voice and took it tentatively. "It's... a square of cloth"

"It's to wipe your face" Garnet said helpfully.

"Ah, I see..." she dabbed at her cheeks carefully. "It's... very soft"

"It comes in handy" I smiled weakly at her. Silence stretched awkwardly.

"Hey, um Peridot?" Jasper said from behind me.

"Y-yes?" the tiny green gem tensed up, her fingers gripping the handkerchief tightly.

"Uh... good work on the ship. You know. Repairing it" her cheeks were rosy. Oh how I loved her...

"Thank you, Jasper..." Peridot was flushing now too, but she had stopped twisting the handkerchief in her hands. "Uh... good work um... destabilizing that corrupted gem..."

"Yeah, thanks"

It was awkward as all hell, but the tension in the air dissipated slowly, and something tight in my mind unraveled. A wave of tiredness washed over me and my stomach rumbled quite loudly - this made Garnet smile.

"I think that's our cue" Jasper grinned crookedly. "Ready to go, little monster?"

"Yeah... let's go home" my stomach gurgled again and I put my hand over it. "Maybe... we should stop at the Big Donut?"

"Let's" she held out her hand and I grasped it. "See you later"

"Bye guys"

They all waved goodbye, except for Stevonnie who dashed over and hugged both of us tightly.

"See you tomorrow!" they said with a big excited smile.

* * *

Please review!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! I can't tell you how many times I rewrote the aftermath there! All in all an action packed chapter - it's been a long time since I wrote a fight scene. And I had loads of fun having everyone be on edge. Personal fave = Pearl threatening Peridot with the leash.  
> If you like my stuff, please consider buying me a coffee :) https://ko-fi.com/evilsnotbag


	81. Seno akta gamat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning; this chapter brings up consent and the importance of it in all relationships. And how confusing things can get sometimes, especially if you’re young and the situation is complicated.
> 
> Special thanks goes out to Master of the Boot that kindly read and re-read this chapter for me and gave me some splendid notes along the way! Check out his stuff here; http://archiveofourown.org/users/Master_of_the_Boot1/pseuds/Master_of_the_Boot1

##  **Chapter 81:** **Seno akta gamat**

“Peridot?” I knocked at the closed barn door and waited for a response. It was very early in the morning and frost adorned the wilted grass and hibernating plants around the building. I had gone to bed at nine last night, being completely drained from the day’s events. I had slept uneasily, waking up time and time again after uncomfortable dreams. As soon as the sun had risen, I had told Jasper I wanted to go talk to Peridot. I told her I still felt awful about how I had shouted at her. And I was worried about her being alone. Jasper pointed out that Amethyst might have come back during the night and that they had worked things out, and I had said that I hoped so.

I really hoped Amethyst had come back. But I’d still want to try to make amends, if I could. And if Amethyst _was_ there, she and I could talk too.

To try to make it a little smoother, I had brought a USB-drive with some cartoons I thought Peridot might like and had gone to the store to buy some treats. I had found a large box that contained many smaller cartons of raisins, just like the ones Peridot had traded for at Halloween. They were small enough to fit comfortably even in a tiny pocket. I smiled as I pictured the brown and beige haired toddler sharing a box with Peridot.

I stood outside the barn and waited in the cold, and after half a minute I decided she must be out. I let out a sigh of sparkly green, then bent to put the raisins and USB by the barn wall, so that she might find them later, when the door suddenly opened a crack.

“Oh. It’s you” Peridot said, sounding disappointed.

“Yeah” I smiled awkwardly as I stood up. “I um... How are you?”

“Functioning within... acceptable parameters”

“That’s good... I brought you some things. To say sorry. Again”

Peridot gave me a slightly doubtful look.

“You apologized yesterday. That still stands” she said, then glanced at the box in my arms. “Are those... raisins?”

“Yeah, I remember you liked them?” I held them out, the USB balanced on top. “And some cartoons on the memory stick there”

“You have brought me food and entertainment?” she frowned at me a little suspiciously.

“Yes?”

“Why?”

“To... say sorry again?” gods... this was hard. “To try to make you feel better?”

“But _why_ would you want to do that?”

“Because we are... friends?” the pitch of my voice raised at the last word - _were_ we friends?

“Hm” she looked me up and down for a full five seconds. “May I offer you a... heated beverage?”

My eyebrows shot up. “Uh, yeah, sure. That’d be... nice”

She opened the door further and stepped back. I entered the barn - it had changed a lot since last time I had been there. It was still packed to near capacity with stuff, but now it seemed... _cosy_. There was a little bed with a pile of blankets and pillows in one corner - I remembered Amethyst saying Peridot had made one for her. There were many different lights hanging from the high ceiling and the place was pleasantly warm. Farming equipment was mixed in between half-repaired electronics, and the tractor stood under a tarp to the right of the door.

“I like what you’ve done with the place” I said approvingly as I looked around.

“Thank you. Have you officially met Pumpkin?” an excited yap came from under the blankets on the bed and the orange pumpkin... thing came bounding out.

“No, I don’t think I have... um... Hello” how did you treat a pumpkin pet? Like a dog? It certainly _barked_ like a dog. The pumpkin trotted up to me and wagged a green tail like thing with a leaf on it, then sniffed my boots briefly. I reached down to pet her.

“That’s a good Pumpkin!” Peridot said in a (for her) soft voice. “No bite! _No_ bite”

“She bites?” I froze with my fingers a few inches from Pumpkin. Did she even have _teeth_?

“No, but I don’t want her to _start_ ”

I blinked at her in surprise. She thought _so_ differently than I did... I petted Pumpkin carefully and she looked up at me, seeming happy. She really _was_ a pumpkin... with little bumps on her skin. But she felt warm. Like... well, like she was alive.

“I have tea, I favor the green kind”

“Green tea sounds great” I nodded, standing up again.

Peridot went to fill a kettle, then put it on a hotplate that was plugged into a very advanced looking power strip with a lot of buttons on it. Pumpkin jumped back onto the bed and settled down, just like a dog would.

“Park your keister” she pointed to a few mismatched chairs around a very low table.

“Excuse me?” I said with a surprised little laugh.

“It’s Amethyst’s influence” she explained. “She said I speak too formally” well... yeah she was often formal. “Earth phrases are so different from what I’m used to. There have been many... more or less unfortunate miscommunications”

“Oh?”

“Yes. I tend to take things literally...” yes, I had noticed that. “Once, Amethyst told me to ‘go teach my grandmother to suck eggs’ and I responded by saying; ‘I don’t have a grandmother, as well you know, and sucking eggs sounds like a very uncomfortable and pointless exercise’. And she explained to me she was trying to insult me in an entertaining way, like she does with Jasper and Steven. I find this practice baffling but... I also appreciate being included in the ritual, even if it is a strange one”

“It is kind of weird, yeah” I agreed.

“It has been quite some time since she didn’t spend the night here...” Peridot sighed. OK? So we were changing the subject then? Sort of?

“She hasn’t come back yet, then?”

“No. I expected her last night, but... she seems to think I wanted her gone”

I looked at the little green gem with sympathy. Gods knew I had been in fights with girlfriends in the past, and I hated that feeling of... uncertainty whether they were ever going to come back. Or even get in touch.

“Do you... want to talk about it?” I offered carefully.

“Steven says that talking is good. He has helped me understand a lot more about... feelings” she poured some tea into two mugs and brought them over.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes” she put the mugs down on the table and took a seat across from me. “Amethyst usually understands me, but _yesterday_ she...” Peridot’s little face drew into a frown. “I told her specifically to _not_ hit the console I was working on, and yet she did. She didn’t listen. And I don’t understand why? It was obvious I was trying to repair it and asked for someone to come and help me do that - not to _destroy_ it...”

I picked up my tea and cradled it in my cold hands. “Maybe she thought that punching it would stop it from putting everyone in danger?”

“That is what happened, _technically_ , but the parts I had exposed were very sensitive and could just as easily have led to an engine overload! _Or_ a more complete malfunction of the steering system! It was irresponsible and _rash_!” Peridot’s frown deepened.

“Do you... think Amethyst knew that? About the parts, I mean”

“How could she? She’s not technically minded at all!”

“So...”

Peridot deflated a little. “But she should still have _listened_ to me...”

“Is that why you’re upset with her?”

“Yes. Her reckless decision led to me having to repair so much more than the initial damage the corrupted gem caused. Not to _mention_ having to explain it all to Pearl, who was very angry with me, thinking I had activated the weapons during the actual fight! I may not have much experience with fighting but I’m not a clodding idiot. You don’t fire into a melee”

“I thought you were doing it on purpose, too” I admitted, feeling a surge of guilt. “But Stevonnie thought you did it to try to help”

“Well, you were _all_ wrong...” she wrinkled her nose and looked away. “I tried to communicate my distress over the PA-system, but that had been damaged as well...”

“I’m sorry Peridot. Yesterday was hard for me, but it seems like it must have been just as hard, if not harder, for you. It must have been terrifying being in a ship out of your control like that...”

“Yes it was” she looked at me and the lines in her face smoothed out as she relaxed a little.

“And I was so angry with you... And so was everyone else... Even Garnet, when we had that talk afterward, asking you why you had insulted me and Stevonnie... Holy fuck balls...” I covered my eyes with one hand, feeling terribly guilty. A puff of green laced with black left me as I sighed.

“What do you mean by ‘holy f-fuck balls’?” she inquired.

“It’s just an expression, like holy shit or... gods damn it. Or shoot”

“An expression to emphasize the situation?”

“Yeah” I looked at her carefully. “I swear a lot”

“I have noticed” she took a sip of the tea. “And I appreciate you... being able to see things from my perspective. And being emphatic about it. I know I frustrate you”

My eyebrows shot up. “What?”

“I frustrate a lot of people! And most people frustrate me - they act so illogically and inefficiently. But Steven has told me that everyone is different, and thinks differently. That is hard for me to understand. As evidenced by that game at your moving in party. What is obvious to me is not obvious to everyone else. I’m aware my communication skills are lacking and I’m trying to work on that. But it is very counter intuitive, I have to say. People say one thing, and mean another, they use metaphors I’m unfamiliar with and I end up being confused. Why can’t people just say what they mean?”

I blinked at her.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, frowning again.

“L-looking at you like what?” I stammered.

“Like you’re about to scream!”

“What? No?” well, I had no idea how my face had looked, but I hadn’t felt an _urge_ to scream. “I’ve had a tough time trying to understand you, because we think so very differently. It’s... surprising to me. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone that works like you. And it’s confusing to me too - but I wasn’t going to scream. I was... a little stunned I think”

“Stunned?”

“Yeah”

“I had no idea I was _stunning_ ”

I let out a little snort of surprised laughter and Peridot looked at me in confusion.

“What?”

“You said stunning?” I smiled uncertainly.

“Yes, and?”

“Well, it’s usually used to mean someone extremely beautiful, to be stunning. Not... to cause stunning in others?”

Peridot wrinkled her eyebrows. “This is what I’m talking about! For you to be stunned, I must be stunning! If you are confused, I must be confusing! It’s _only_ logical!”

“But words have more than one meaning, sometimes” I said uncertainly as I leaned away, feeling unsettled at the aggressive tone she was using.

“Why are you drawing back now?!” she demanded.

“Because you’re sounding so angry?”

She stared at me a moment.

“Oh” she said finally, sounding much calmer. “I didn’t realize. I... apologize”

My shoulders relaxed a little.

“Were you angry with me?” I asked tentatively.

“What? No I - I was frustrated with the _words_ ”

“Oh, um... OK?”

Peridot’s jaw clenched and unclenched.

“It wasn’t clear that’s what I meant?” she asked.

“No”

“Ah...”

A long silence stretched as she seemed to think quite intensely.

“I never had to communicate like this on Home World” she said with her eyes closed. “Mostly I worked alone and I liked it that way. And when I talked to people, it was mostly other peridots, or my manager. People who understood the tasks, that didn’t _need_ more than facts. And the facts only meant one thing. There were strict rules. Everything made sense... Here everything is confusing and chaotic, but it’s also beautiful and mesmerizing. And fascinating. And frustrating. I hate not understanding things, it makes me feel... _small_ ”

I looked at her in astonishment. She had never been so open with me.

“I can relate to feeling small...” I said slowly.

“You can?”

“Yeah, but how I feel when I feel small is... probably different from how you feel. Can you describe it?”

“It’s... a very uncomfortable feeling. Everyone becomes so large and threatening and I feel... inferior in every way, even though I know I’m not”

“When I say I feel small, I mean I feel vulnerable. Like I could break if someone looks at me wrong or says one bad word”

“You describe it as a very emotional thing, but it sort of means the same?”

“Yeah, but you describe it in a very physical way” I smiled at her faintly.

“Physical and mental... fragility” Peridot said slowly. “How does the word big make you feel?”

“Big?”

“Yes?”

“Well... the first thing that pops into my mind is... fat”

“’Fat’?”

“Yeah. I... used to be bigger. Physically wider, heavier, not... a bigger scale” I added the last part when Peridot looked confused.

“Oh. To me, feeling big is an emotional state. Like I’m powerful and worth something”

I smiled at her. “Now I had a very physical sensation”

“And I the emotional” she smiled back briefly.

“It’s fascinating how different one word can be to people”

“Yes” Peridot took another sip of her tea. “When I told Amethyst to get out yesterday, I meant get out of the ship, not for her to _leave_... It could have been interpreted as that?”

“For you to want her to leave?”

“Yes”

“Yeah, it could. It’s what _I_ thought you meant”

“I see...” she looked down into her tea.

“Emotions were running high yesterday” I repeated Pearl’s words. “I think a lot of people said things they regret today...”

“I called Stevonnie a pebble fusion” she sighed.

After a moment I asked; “What does pebble mean?”

“Something tiny and worthless” she mumbled.

“I see...”

“Needless to say, they aren’t!” she said quickly. “I was just - surprised...”

“And... frustrated?”

“Yes! I was following the set schedule and then things changed! I do _not_ enjoy things changing like that”

“And you lashed out...” I sighed.

“I... suppose I did, yes” she admitted.

“And I did too” I nodded slowly.

“Although at the time, it felt completely justified” she added.

“Yes, I thought so too” I agreed, feeling strangely relieved at being able to say that out loud, and felt myself blushing. “But just because it feels like that, it doesn’t mean it is”

“It is very hard to judge in the moment” she pointed out.

“Yeah” I said with a sigh. “Everything is easier to see with hindsight”

“Mmm” she agreed.

There was a long pause, but it didn’t feel as awkward now. But I felt I should say something bracing.

“Amethyst will come back, Peridot. She’s head over heels for you, you know that right?”

“That means...?”

“She’s in love with you” I responded with a smile.

“Even after yesterday?” now she looked insecure.

“I’m certain of it, she just... needs some time, like Garnet said”

“And when she does come back I should explain I meant get out of the ship, not go away"

“That would be good, I think” I agreed carefully. “Hey um... Jasper and Stevonnie are going to have a training session today, do you... want to come along and watch?”

“What would be the point in that?”

“Just something to do to pass the time until Amethyst comes back” I explained.

“I’m not... very comfortable with fusions, apart from Garnet” she mumbled.

“Oh, right... Well, it was just a suggestion. Or you could try some of the cartoons out, I copied over both Avatar: The Last Airbender and Avatar: The Legend of Korra, as well as Gravity Falls and some My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”

“The _entirety_ of Gravity Falls?” she inquired briskly.

“Yes, of course”

“I’m partial to that show, yes. It has a very pleasing mystery element that Camp Pining Hearts lacks, but they both feature woodsy settings and outrageous outfits”

“I’m glad you like it. I’d really like to hear what you think of Avatar as well”

“I might give it a look while I’m working on the probe casings. Despite everything that happened yesterday, the probes are satisfactory. Outdated and barely classified as _tech_ any more, but useful for the purposes we have intended for them”

“That’s good” I took a sip of my now luke-warm tea. “I should... probably get back to Steven’s house if I want to catch them before they leave” that was a half-truth, but I felt it was probably best to leave on a high-ish note.

“Ah, yes. Could you bring this with you? I fixed it for Steven” she got up and went over to one of her shelves, then took down a toaster.

“Oh, sure” I stood up too and accepted it.

After a slightly awkward goodbye I walked down the hill to the warp pad. I let out a long sigh and felt my shoulders settle, finally. It had gone quite well.

“Jump” I said and the pad pinged.

##  *******

“Right!” Jasper clapped her hands together and smiled. “Spin dashing is a quartz specific battle move. It’s one of our most powerful attacks”

“So how do you do it?” Stevonnie asked excitedly.

“Usually - I mean, with Homeworld tactics, the quartz soldiers are the ones on the front lines. We charge and break the enemy line. Then you’ve only got to keep going straight, and once you’re through, you bring out your weapon for close combat fighting. That’s what we’ll start with, achieving a spin dash and going straight. Steering is tricky and it takes a while to get it right, so we’ll leave that for later. Do you know how to do a front flip?”

“Yeah!” Stevonnie nodded.

“Good, show me”

“OK, sure!”

Stevonnie took a breath, then sprang forward a few feet, jumped, flipped over and landed perfectly.

“Good! Come back” Jasper smiled and Stevonnie ran back. “A spin dash is essentially a continuous, super fast front flip or somersault that goes along the ground. See if you can go from a front flip directly into a combat roll. I’ll show you” Jasper ran forward, did a flip, landed on her feet and then rolled once. “See how I did the transition?”

“Yeah, I think so!”

“Good! Show me”

Stevonnie did the maneuver and ran back to stand beside Jasper again.

“Nicely done. Give it a few more goes”

“OK!”

After ten or so repeats, Jasper called Stevonnie over.

“Looking good, kid. Now try to add on one more roll”

“Yes, ma’am”

“That’s _sir_ ” Jasper chuckled and patted Stevonnie’s back.

“Sorry, yes sir!”

I almost got dizzy from watching Stevonnie rolling over and over. If it had been me I’d have been sick several times already. I wondered if I’d ever be able to do a flip. Maybe if I kept up doing Pearl’s exercises?

After nearly twenty minutes, Stevonnie tumbled out of their fourth consecutive somersault and fell flat on their stomach with a sudden squeak.

“Don’t worry about it, just try again!” Jasper called encouragingly.

“Oh my _gosh_!” Stevonnie gasped, rolling over to their side and grimacing.

“Are you OK? Did you hurt yourself?” I scampered over to them and knelt down.

“No-no-no not _now_...” they panted. “Steven we should unfuse! -- What is happening?”

“Uhh...” I leaned back from them - they seemed to be talking to themselves? “Stevonnie?”

“What’s going on?” Jasper came running over and squatted down next to me.

“I don’t know?” I answered, feeling really worried.

“I can’t -- no, what are you _doing_?! I don’t want to share this -- Connie? Wait, wait, wait!” Stevonnie began to pant more intensely and their face flickered between confusion, fear and determination. “Steven I don’t _want_ to any more!” they screamed suddenly and there was a burst of light. Steven and Connie flew apart - Connie tumbled into Jasper’s stomach and pushed her onto her back and Steven knocked me on the chin so that we both fell over in a heap.

“Connie!” Steven called out, and in his hurry to get up he stepped on my fingers.

“Ow, shit, _easy_!” I hissed.

“Sorry Erica!”

I sat up and shook my trampled hand and clicked my jaw - then looked over at Jasper - who was sitting up too, her arms around... a tight little Connie-ball.

“Go away Steven!” Connie cried.

“But - “

“I said go - ah-ha ** _ _way__**!”

Steven froze a step away from her and Jasper. Then he turned slowly and I got a glimpse of his confused and distressed face before he set off at a run. I looked at him go in stunned silence and exchanged a bewildered look with Jasper. Then Connie began to cry so hard she gasping for breath.

“Oh, hey...” Jasper rasped gently. “You OK there, kid?”

I got to my feet gingerly and hurried over.

“Connie?” I asked carefully. What the _fuck_ had just happened?

Jasper looked up at me, her expression frightened.

“I-it’s OK, sweetie...” I nodded at Jasper and she swallowed, then began to very carefully stroke Connie’s shaking back with one large thumb.

“It _hurts_...” she whimpered after a few seconds and I noticed she had her arms wrapped around her middle.

“Oh _sweetie_...” I made a little sympathetic sound. “Do you have cramps?” I asked to confirm my suspicions. Jasper’s eyes widened and she looked up at me again when Connie nodded with gritted teeth.

“Should I...?” Jasper asked me quietly, flexing her free hand.

“Gods, I don’t know...” I grimaced. “Maybe on her lower back?” the idea of Jasper touching her anywhere but there seemed _very_ inappropriate. “Connie - um - would you like Jasper to... help you out?”

“Wh-what?” Connie panted.

“I can warm my hands - it always helps Erica” Jasper spoke with a soft voice.

“It does, it really does... but it’s up to you, sweetheart” I said carefully, keeping eye-contact with Jasper.

“P- _please_...” Connie sobbed - gods how my heart ached to see her like that...

“OK, try to, um... try to relax. It’ll be alright... It’ll be alright...” Jasper soothed. She placed her palm against Connie’s back and closed her eyes to concentrate. She must have heated her hand, because Connie gave a little gasp and blinked in astonishment.

“Oh my gosh... that’s... ohh...” she relaxed against Jasper’s stomach, her shoulders lowering several notches.

“There you go...” I whispered, stroking Jasper’s arm gently and smiling at her. “Just breathe... just breathe and relax...”

“Yeah” Jasper rasped. “Just breathe...”

Connie took several deep breaths and slowly wiped her face on her sleeve.

“Wait, here, sweetie” I dug out my handkerchief and gave it to her.

“Th-thanks...” she managed to say in a very tiny voice. Her face was burning scarlet.

After a little while I dared to ask; “Do you... want to tell us what happened?”

“Oh gosh...” Connie grimaced, blushing furiously. “Oh _gosh_...”

“You don’t have to...” I said calmly. I was curious, but she might not be ready to talk about it.

“I didn’t think Stevonnie could - oh this is so _embarrassing_...” she mumbled.

“Do you want me to go, so you can talk?” Jasper offered gallantly. I kissed her shoulder.

“Please don’t take your hand away...” Connie said very, very quietly.

“Right, no, of course not” Jasper shook her head and her cheeks went rosy. “Sorry”

“I didn’t think Stevonnie would feel... my c-cramps like that...” Connie continued to speak at a very low volume. “And Steven got _so_ scared? And then he... didn’t want me to leave... but I was hurting both of them and I didn’t want - it was _my_ pain - and he - he didn’t ask if I _wanted_ him to stay! H-he j-just he-eld _on_!” she burst into tears.

Jasper stiffened and a cold thrill went down my spine. Malachite... I knew that’s what Jasper was thinking about right now - and so was I. Jasper’s golden eyes seemed to go empty for a moment, but then she blinked and shook her head again. She met my gaze and her eyebrows drew together in an unspoken question.

“You are here... and this is now... and you are safe...” I said quietly yet firmly, nodding for emphasis. It was for both of them, but I saw Jasper’s clenched jaw relax and her shoulders settle.

“That’s right...” Jasper said a little shakily. “Safe. You are safe...” she closed her eyes a moment and drew in a long breath, then exhaled slowly.

“Steven shouldn’t have done that...” I said carefully. “He shouldn’t have... held on like that”

“No he shouldn’t” Jasper agreed, blinking rapidly a few times. “That’s not - that’s not what fusion is about - not what it’s supposed to be. You did good, kid - you got out of it, you got o-out of it, it’s OK...”

“How are you feeling, sweetie?” I asked, stepping in between Jasper’s legs and sitting down on the grass next to Connie. Not close enough to touch, but close enough to see she was trembling.

“Ugh I don’t know...” she whimpered. “I - I don’t want to sleep over at his house any more...”

“Oh, right... Priyanka and Doug are visiting Aisha over the weekend” I nodded, then looked at Jasper, hoping she would ask Connie what I was thinking.

“You can stay with us” Jasper whispered.

“Yeah, would you like that?” I asked, feeling relieved. Connie nodded into Jasper’s shirt and wiped her cheeks again.

“OK, good...” Jasper breathed out slowly and Connie seemed to relax some more.

##  *******

We left the training field after I had given Connie some painkillers. As we warped into Steven’s house, we interrupted a muted conversation between Pearl, Garnet... and apparently Amethyst. So she was back, then?

Silence slammed down as the warp lights vanished and they all looked at us. Garnet’s expression was unreadable as ever, but Pearl looked on the verge of tears. Amethyst looked extremely uncomfortable.

“Aw shit...” the purple gem muttered.

“Connie?“ Steven stepped out from behind Garnet’s legs and I felt Connie grab onto my shirt sleeve like her life depended on it. I took half a step in front of her, shielding her from view.

“We are just here for Connie’s things” Jasper said with harsh finality.

“But - “

“This is not the time, Steven” Garnet said quickly, and put a restraining hand on his shoulder.

“Come on sweetie” I said and took Connie gently by the hand. She followed me without a word and I tried to not look at the gems as we walked quickly toward the door. Jasper picked up Connie’s backpack from the floor. As soon as the door closed, the gems started talking again and I felt Connie’s hand tighten around mine.

“Do you need a minute?” Jasper asked as we reached the sand.

“I need the _bathroom_...” Connie mumbled, her cheeks going bright red.

“OK - closest one is the Big Donut” I said and nodded. Some sort of plan, at least...

We hurried over there and entered the cafe. I took Connie toward the bathroom.

“Hey, only customers can use the toilet!” Lars huffed from behind the register. I ignored him and opened the door for Connie, then handed her her backpack, then I planted my feet and turned to glare at Lars. “Jeez! Fine, use the damn shitter, but you’ve gotta buy something!”

“How about you show some fucking decency, hmm?” Jasper growled and placed her dustbin lid sized hands on the counter very slowly.

“I could lose my job!” the boy complained. “It’s against store policy to - “

“Lars? What’s going - “ Sadie came in from the back, carrying a large box. “Oh, hi Erica - hey Jasper”

“Sadie - your friends are using the toilet but won’t buy anything!” Lars hissed, backing away from Jasper’s glare. Sadie wrinkled her eyebrows and glanced at Jasper, then put on an uncertain smile and turned to me.

“It’s um... kinda store policy...” she said quietly. Gods, she looked _scared_...

“Sorry Sadie, we’ll buy something. Get us, I don’t know... A dozen assorted donuts” I said in a forcibly calm voice.

“There! See! All good!” Sadie laughed nervously. “Lars, get on it!” she hissed in an undertone.

“R-right!” Lars scrabbled at a box and began to fill it with pastries. I watched him suspiciously, as did Jasper. “That’ll be f-fifteen bucks”

“Here” Jasper threw a couple bills on the counter and picked up the box in one hand. “I’ll go wait outside, babe. I need some fucking air”

“We’ll be out in a minute, darling” I said, still keeping my eyes on Lars, who scurried through the door at the back as soon as he had put away the money.

“So um... How - how’s everything going?” Sadie asked carefully as Jasper exited the cafe with a violent jingling of the bell.

“We’re having a rough afternoon” I said with a few blue and green sparks. I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. “Sorry, Lars just - gets to me”

“He’s been getting to a lot of people lately...” Sadie muttered, looking at the door Lars had left through. The lock behind me clicked and I stepped away so that Connie could come out. “Oh, hello” Sadie said in surprise.

“Can we _go_?” Connie asked quietly.

“Yes” I said. “Talk another time, Sadie?”

“Oh, sure. Have... have a good day, you guys”

“Thanks, you too” I said with a fair attempt at a smile. It did make me feel guilty, leaving Sadie like that, but... Connie was the one having an absolute shit time.

We left the cafe and made it home.

“OK, so...” I said with a sigh. The walk had calmed me slightly and Jasper seemed a lot less tense now. But Connie had been so quiet. “How about... a shower?”

“Would that be OK?” Connie looked up at me uncertainly.

“Of course, sweetie... There’s the downstairs bathroom - it’s got a shower. But there’s a bathtub upstairs if you’d rather have a soak”

“Shower is f-fine”

“I’ll get you some towels” Jasper said and strode off toward the linen closet.

When Connie started the water, I grabbed Jasper by the hand and pulled her into the kitchen.

“Darling - how are you?” I asked, looking her in the eye seriously.

She looked at me for a long moment, then let out a breath.

“I think... I’m OK” she said and nodded slowly. “A little... _rattled_ , but... OK”

“You sure?”

“I _think_ so” she closed her eyes and took another deep breath. “I’m not Malachite and I never have to be her again. I am here, and this is now, and I am safe”

“You are here, and this is now, and you are safe” I echoed, then embraced her and put my hands over her special spot. She hugged me back, put her gem in my hair and continued to take deep breaths. “You were so good with Connie...” I said proudly into her chest.

“Really?”

“Yeah... my gentle beastie...”

“Gentle...” she gave a little huffing laugh.

“You are... so, _so_ gentle...”

“I just... tried to say what I... would have wanted to hear... after...”

I let out a long sigh and hugged her tighter.

“You know I always want to listen” I whispered.

“I know, little monster” she whispered back, returning the squeeze. “But right now... Connie’s the one with the freshest wound”

“Later, then?”

“Yeah... later...”

##  *******

Connie spent a very long time in the shower and I was starting to really worry when the door finally clicked open. I had to stop myself from running up to her and giving her a hug. I knew that boundaries were more important now than ever. I took a deep, steadying breath and grabbed onto the doorpost by the kitchen instead.

“We’re here if you want to talk, sweetie” I said softly.

“Yeah” Jasper agreed from behind me. She put a hand on the small of my back and stroked me gently up and down. “I prepped the hot water bottle for you, if you... want it”

Connie looked over at us and I was struck with how small she looked... I knew she had been hurt, but with her hair wet she looked even sadder. Her expression was melancholy and she didn’t quite meet either mine or Jasper’s gaze. I heard Jasper draw in a little breath and her hand stilled on my back.

“I don’t... I don’t know how to feel...” Connie said in a hoarse voice. Had she been crying? Her eyes were a little red and puffy...

“Don’t know as... it’s confusing? Or don’t know as... it’s all blank inside?” I asked carefully.

“It’s confusing...” she responded.

“Do you want to go sit down?” Jasper suggested. Connie nodded and started to head into the kids’ room. I had sort of expected her to want to sit in the couch in the living room, but maybe she felt safer in her own space in this house. She sat down on the bed and I paused a moment before sitting down on the floor. Jasper entered with the water bottle, put it on the bed next to Connie, then followed my example. Now everyone was almost on the same eye level.

“It happened so fast?” Connie began tentatively. She picked up the water bottle and hugged it close. I nodded for her to go on. “We were just... rolling along and keeping balance, just like you said Jasper, and then...” her brows furrowed. “I felt that... tightening in my gut, just before it starts to really hurt? And I... lost my concentration completely. We fell over and then it just - gosh...” she hugged the bottle tighter to her body. “I wasn’t expecting - mom said it’d stabilize but...” she trailed off, her cheeks burning. “Otherwise I wouldn’t - I wouldn’t have come today?” she glanced up at me.

“It’s OK, sweetie... I get it... I never really know when it’s coming, but it _does_ stabilize... just maybe not yet...”

“If I’d known that Stevonnie would be able to...” she shook her head and looked ashamed. “I wouldn’t have agreed to _fuse_...”

“This wasn’t your fault” Jasper said firmly, looking at Connie with slightly widened eyes.

“Then why do I feel so _awful_?” Connie asked breathlessly.

“Having your boundaries ignored is very, very unsettling...” I said softly. “Whatever happened to make you not want to be Stevonnie any more - Steven should have respected that”

“Yeah” Jasper nodded. I reached out for her hand and gave it a careful squeeze. “Fusion is supposed to be... a _partnership_. And if someone doesn’t want to keep going, then you stop”

“So why _didn’t_ he?” Connie looked from Jasper to me, tears brimming in her dark eyes.

“I don’t know, sweetie...” I said wretchedly. “I don’t think he did it to be a jerk - but that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid, I really want you to understand that, OK?”

Connie nodded uncertainly. Gods, was I confusing her? Shit...

“He... might have been surprised by the pain...” Jasper said, and it looked like it took great effort for her to say it. “Erica let me feel what it was like for her once... and I’d never felt _anything_ like it...”

“You... let her?” Connie looked at me in horror-mixed surprise.

“Yes” I nodded slowly, putting my free hand on top of Jasper’s. “We talked about it and both agreed to do it”

“Yeah... And it made me understand a bit of what she goes through” Jasper nodded too. “Not claiming that I know completely, but... I have an idea and it - it takes carats to endure things like that” she squeezed my hand gently.

“The difference between that situation and this is... well... _consent_ ” I said slowly. “The way we feel... it’s very personal and private. We get to _choose_ who to share it with”

“Yeah” Jasper nodded again.

“I think my mom... said something about consent, but... that was about... you know... _sex_ stuff” Connie looked down at mine and Jasper’s interlaced hands and blushed.

“That’s very important too!” I agreed quickly. “It applies to everything - to every kind of relationship and situation”

“It’s your body, your choice” Jasper said firmly.

“And your _mind_ , your choice” I added. “ _Seno akta gamat_ ”

“What?” Connie blinked at me.

“It means... never without my permission” I said seriously.

“So... it wasn’t bad of me to not want to keep going?” Connie asked very quietly.

“ _Fuck_ no!” Jasper erupted, making both Connie and me twitch in alarm. “Sorry, sorry - shit - I didn’t mean to shout - are you OK?” she looked at both of us worriedly.

“It’s fine...” Connie said, though she looked a little rattled.

“It wasn’t bad that you wanted to stop” Jasper whispered hurriedly, as if trying to make up for her loud outburst.

“If you want to stop, then you want to stop, it’s really that simple” I added.

“So did Steven... do a bad thing?”

“He might not have intended to, but...” Jasper trailed off, looking troubled.

“Does that make Steven... bad?”

“It’s not black and white” I said carefully. “It’s... more complicated than good or bad, but... What Steven did was _wrong_ , that’s a better word choice here” Connie looked a little relieved at that.

“OK I... think I understand...” she nodded. “There was a guy, Kevin... the first time Steven and I fused... he wanted to dance with us, but we didn’t want to dance with him. And he kept insisting we should anyway... It _almost_ feels like that time...”

“He didn’t respect you saying no to him?” I asked, my eyebrows drawing together.

“No, he didn’t” Connie shook her head. “Both Steven and I were _very_ uncomfortable... I never thought _Steven_ would make me f-feel like this...” she drew in a shuddering breath and hugged the water bottle tightly.

“Sweetie...” I said with worry. “Do you - do you want a hug?”

She nodded and moved down onto the floor, and I held out my arms for her. She practically fell into my embrace and I let out a soft sound as I wrapped her in a gentle hug.

“It’s alright...” I said softly. “It’s _alright_...”

Connie began to cry into my shoulder and I closed my eyes, feeling relieved she was able to accept my hug and let her feelings out.

“It’s going to be OK” Jasper joined in gently. She looked a little pale, but gave me a brave smile. “I’ll go make us some hot cocoa”

Gods, how I loved her...

##  *******

After a good long cry, Connie sat back and blew her nose and wiped her face.

“How are you feeling, sweetie?” I asked softly.

“A little better...” she said in a croaky voice. “And really _tired_...”

“It takes a lot out of you, an incident like this... It’s not quite dinner time yet, you’ve got time for a little nap, if you want”

“But first, hot cocoa” Jasper came in carrying a tray with three mugs on it. We’d had a lot of hot cocoa lately, I thought to myself as I accepted my patched up lily cup. “And for dinner I was thinking noodle wok, how does that sound?”

“That sounds great” Connie yawned hugely and rubbed her eyes.

We had the cocoa and then Connie lay down on top of the covers on the bottom bunk. Jasper put a blanket over her, then we left the room so she could rest.

When we entered the kitchen, Jasper let out a long sigh.

“Holy shit...” she said, leaning her hands on the counter. I stepped up to her and hugged her from behind.

“I know...” I sighed into her back.

“Do you think she really feels better?”

“I hope so... I don’t think she’d be untruthful about that”

“She’s such a good kid - and so is Steven... Fuck I can’t believe something like this happened between the two of _them_...”

“It can happen to everyone, between any kind of people... Any kind of relationship... Hopefully Steven didn’t actually _intend_ to hurt her... Gods, I can’t believe I even said that, of course _he_ didn’t intend to...”

Jasper turned around so she could hug me too. I knew we were both thinking about the times when we both had had our boundaries ignored... and worse things.

“I said something... to the people in the zoo... when they asked about my lights... I said they shouldn’t touch them because they were personal, and some people looked disappointed, but they didn’t touch them. I was afraid I’d hurt them... Or make them feel the way I was feeling - afraid and terribly uncomfortable about being there... Or how much I missed you...”

“Babe...” Jasper stroked my back gently.

“Have I ever made you feel that way? Like I’ve... pushed further than you were comfortable with, since we’ve been together?” I asked quietly.

“No” she said firmly. “Have I made you feel that way?”

“No” I shook my head for emphasis.

“Good...” both of us relaxed.

After a while of comfortable silence, Jasper said; “Do you think... Steven knows what he did wrong?”

“I don’t know” I responded with a sigh. “I hope this doesn’t destroy their friendship...”

“Me too...”

“Maybe they can talk about it, when Connie feels up for it. It’s what I’d want to do, I think... When Pearl made Charlie lookout - she took away my choice in the matter and put Charlie in danger... But we worked it out. This is different though... this was such a private thing to Connie. A very intimate thing... And it _is_ \- sharing that sort of pain, and all the feelings that come with it. Gods, she must have been so _overwhelmed_...”

“Did I ever tell you how much it meant to me that you shared those feelings with me?” Jasper asked gently. “Because it did... Even more than when you let me experience your pleasure...”

“Darling...” I sighed, feeling honoured.

“It made me feel so trusted... No one has ever trusted me like that... I love you so much”

“I love you too...” we hugged each other tightly, then Jasper leaned down for a kiss.

##  *******

Later that night we were lying in bed together. Jasper’s head was on my chest and I was playing gently with her hair.

“Babe?” Jasper asked.

“Yes, darling?”

“Can I... talk about Malachite?”

“Of course, beastie...”

“OK...” she took a deep breath. “Stars... Even a few seconds after Lapis agreed to fuse, I knew something was wrong. And then I was... overpowered. And it wasn’t like... a _physical_ overpowered - I’ve fought gems who were physically stronger... There was this... surge of... feelings that didn’t belong to me. That invaded me and filled me up. And... I tried to get away, tried to break it off, but she... didn’t let me go. She was so angry it _scared_ me... No one has ever made me so afraid. Or made me feel so... insignificant... She hated me. She hated so much _more_ than just me. She hated everything. This place, Homeworld, _herself_... It was endless...” Jasper trailed off. I stared into the ceiling, trying not to picture what it was must have been like, but nevertheless doing so. My heart ached to hear this coming from her, but she needed to say it aloud... _It’s much harder for her to say this than it is for you to hear it_ , I told myself. “She found ways inside me that I had never imagined I needed to block off... I was so used to being on guard with everyone around me and had told myself that there were things I couldn’t even think about, let alone speak of... but she found them... And she used them to hurt me...” Jasper let out a tight breath, then began to cry. “I could _feel_ that it pleased her...” she panted.

“Darling...” I hugged her tightly to me and Jasper curled up as close to me as she could. Again I felt that I wanted to be bigger, so that I could hold more of her.

Over the next hour, Jasper told me more of what had happened inside Malachite, and we went through a lot of tissues, the both of us. By the end, we were both exhausted, but I insisted on giving her shoulders a massage and brushing her hair. It took a while for her to relax and come back to herself, but she did and I felt myself unwind too. She fell asleep with her head on my chest, but it took me quite a long time to drift off.

Boundaries... They were so important. Especially to someone who had had theirs violated. Who had _been_ violated... Both Jasper and I knew what that felt like. Although it was unspoken, it was the reason why we never stopped asking permission from each other.

In Connie’s case it had only been for a few seconds, but a few seconds was all it took from going from safe to unsafe. It didn’t even need that long. It could all go wrong in the blink of an eye...

Why _had_ Steven held on in the fusion? Had he really been afraid? I couldn’t see any other reason why - Steven was _not_ like Lapis. Lapis had done what she did out of malice. And Steven was the least malicious person I could think of. But what he had done, for whatever reason, was still _wrong_... It was hard to think of him like that. To put him, if not in the same box as Lapis, then at least in the same drawer.

Was I just making excuses because I liked Steven and didn’t want him and Connie to... break up their friendship? Was I... somehow putting blame on Connie here? No... right? Gods this was complicated... Or was it getting mixed up with all the things Jasper and I had been through? I closed my eyes hard and tried to think clearly.

No means no. Stop means stop. Whatever happens after that... is at the very least, breaking a trust. But this wasn’t... Steven reading Connie’s _diary_ or something. This had been her real-time emotions that got... transferred in the fusion. Gods... It was different for me now. I could imagine, and actually _had_ , shared intimate emotional experiences with Jasper. And Pearl. I had showed everything I felt. All of it. Nothing held back or filtered through conversation... A hundred percent real... That was something I’d _never_ thought I’d dare to do. But I had. At thirteen, that would have been _impossible_ for me. The very thought made me shiver.

##  *******

“Connie... can you please tell us what happened?” Garnet asked calmly.

It was the afternoon the day after the incident and Connie, Steven, Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, Jasper and I were sitting in the living room at our house. Jasper and I sat either side of Connie and held one of her hands each for support.

“One second everything was fine and then... I don’t understand...” Steven said hoarsely. His eyes were puffy from a lot of crying and he looked as if he’d barely slept.

Connie took a deep breath.

“Everything _was_ fine...” she began quietly. “Then I got... c-cramps... And I didn’t want you or Stevonnie to feel them, that’s why I wanted to break the fusion, but - but you just held on! I said I wanted to stop and you didn’t - why didn’t you _stop_?” she was talking very fast by the end.

“ _Oh_ my _stars_...” Pearl raised her hand to cover her mouth.

“I-is that why our stomach hurt so bad?” Steven asked, looking extremely worried. Connie nodded and looked away from him, her face beet root red. “I thought we had been hit by something... I didn’t want us to split up because... what had hit us might hurt us worse if we were... separated...”

“You... thought it came from _outside_?” Connie blinked at Steven in surprise.

“Yeah... I thought we were under attack from a corrupted gem or something” Steven nodded earnestly. “And I remembered Garnet saying anything that hurt Stevonnie would transfer to us, so... I thought it’d be better if we were still... together...”

Everyone looked at either Steven or Connie.

“So you held on... because you wanted to _protect_ us?” Connie asked in a very small voice.

“Yeah, of course!”

“But you _didn’t_ protect me - you _hurt_ me...”

“H-how?” Steven looked both confused and on the verge of tears.

“Because I told you I wanted to stop and you didn’t! I didn’t want to share what I felt with you - it’s - it was too private!”

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” Steven whimpered. He looked like a kicked puppy.

“Do you _understand_ what Connie means?” Garnet asked with a slightly dangerous tone to her voice.

“I - I’m not sure, but I’m still sorry she got hurt!”

“I didn’t _get_ hurt, _you_ hurt me” Connie muttered.

“Yes” Garnet nodded. “Steven, if someone tells you to stop doing something, you need to stop - even if you don’t feel like stopping”

“Uh, _yeah_ ” Amethyst agreed with an intense eye-roll. To my surprise, Pearl blushed a deep blue.

“But - “ Steven tried, but Garnet held up a hand.

“ _Even if_ ** _ _you__** don’t feel like stopping” Garnet repeated firmly. “Connie didn’t want to be fused any more. I know you thought you were doing the right thing by holding on, but you ignored her wishes and kept the fusion together by force”

“What? _Force_?” Steven blinked at Garnet, his face distraught.

“You made me feel worse than _Kevin_ made us feel...” Connie whispered and I squeezed her hand gently.

“ _What_?” Steven gasped in anguished disbelief. “No - no I’d _never_ \- “

“I know that’s not what you intended” Garnet stated. “But that is what _happened_. That is how _you_ made _Connie_ feel”

“W-who is _Kevin_?” Pearl asked quietly.

Steven stared round at all of us and then his lower lip began to tremble. Pearl got half-way to her feet before Garnet put her hand on her shoulder.

“No. He needs to _understand_ ” Garnet said rather harshly. Steven hugged his knees, staring ahead of him with wide, tear-filled eyes. “So that he _never_ does something like this again”

It was agonizing to just sit there and watch Steven cry. But everyone remained in their seats. Connie’s hand was shaking in mine and I squeezed it tighter.

“Now...” Garnet said after an eternity. “Do you understand what you did wrong, Steven?”

“Ye-es!” Steven bawled, his nose running as well as his eyes.

“Tell me what you did wrong”

“I-I kept g-going when Connie wanted to s-stop!”

“You are banned from TV and the Big Donut for a month. And you are not to contact Connie. She will be the one to contact you - if and when she wants. Is that understood?”

Steven nodded and sniffed, looking terribly sad.

“Connie” Garnet turned to her, her voice softening now. “We are all very sorry for what happened. As Steven’s guardians we should have done a better job explaining proper fusion behaviour to him...” Pearl made a little uncomfortable sound and Amethyst looked very uneasy with the whole situation.

“Th-thanks...” Connie said quietly. She was looking at Steven with a mix of emotions on her face. “Can I go now?”

“ _We_ will leave. Thank you for agreeing to see us” Garnet said firmly and nodded at Pearl and Amethyst. Steven got to his feet and shuffled after the gems. When the door closed Connie let out a breath and closed her eyes.

“He looked so _sad_...” she whispered.

“Well... yeah” Jasper said a little uncertainly.

“How do _you_ feel?” I asked, trying to dispel the tension in my shoulders.

Connie thought for a long moment, looking at the spot where Steven had been. “I don’t know... Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything...”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Jasper held up both her hands. “Steven felt bad - like he should! He did a bad thing!”

“I know it’s hard to see your friend upset though, sweetie... But you did the right thing by speaking up. I wish this whole thing hadn’t happened, but it did and now it’s... sorted out so that everyone understands. That doesn’t mean it’s over and _done_ with - feelings are still hurt and stuff”

“What if he doesn’t want to be my friend now?” Connie grimaced.

I hesitated a moment. “Friends... fight sometimes. Or hurt each other without meaning to. That doesn’t mean the friendship has to _end_... I’m guessing you don’t want it to end?”

“No, he’s my best friend...”

“Then you’ll work it out” I said bracingly. “Pearl and I’ve had a fight or two, and we worked it out. Not saying this is the exact same situation, obviously, but... if you both want to, I’m sure you’ll find a way”

“You fought with Pearl?” Connie looked at me in astonishment. “Why?”

“It was after we got rid of the fusion experiments at the barn, when Charlie was here... Pearl had no right to... _conscript_ Charlie into being lookout. I got very angry with her for that, almost hit her... But we talked about it and both got to say how we felt and why we had acted the way we had, and we worked it out”

“I had no idea...” Connie said, still looking surprised.

“I didn’t want to fight in front of you guys when you had all done such a good job, so I asked Pearl to have a word in private”

“Should I have done this with Steven alone?” Connie’s eyebrows knit in worry.

“No” Jasper said quickly. “I mean... You’re kids. This was... complicated. There’s no shame in asking for help in sorting it out”

“Garnet and Amethyst seemed so mad at Steven...”

“Well... if I had been in their shoes and _our_ kid had done something like that...” I said with an uncomfortable grimace.

“No TV and donuts for a month would _not_ have been enough of a punishment” Jasper said with a deep frown. “Honey...”

“We will talk to our kid about consent and emotional privacy in all its forms” I nodded quickly and stroked Jasper’s arm. “As soon as they are old enough to understand, I promise”

“Two big fights in three days...” Connie made a face and rubbed her belly. “This weekend was supposed to be full of _fun_...”

“Yeah...” I sighed. “Sorry, sweetie”

“Should I get the hot water bottle?” Jasper asked, looking down at Connie, who blushed and nodded. Jasper got to her feet and went into the kitchen to put on the kettle.

I leaned back in the sofa and put my hands over my own tummy, wondering when I was going to get my period. Maybe Jasper and I should get some more hot water bottles for the house? Just as I had the thought, my lower abdomen contracted and I inhaled sharply in surprise.

“Oh _shit_...” I sat up quickly. “I’ll be right back” I went upstairs to take a pill and put on a pad. Luckily I made it back downstairs before it really started to hurt. “Nnn... Darling...” I grunted out a red cloud and clutched at my tight belly. Jasper reacted immediately and moved to sit behind me. She put her hand under my shirt and I felt her lovely warmth soothe the twisting ache inside. “Fucking shit I love you so much...”

Jasper chuckled faintly and kissed my neck. “Did you take a pill?”

“Yeah” I nodded and leaned my head on her chest.

“Do you... want this?” Connie held up the hot water bottle with a pained expression on her face.

“No, no, sweetie, you keep it” I said with a concerned smile. “I like Jasper’s hands better any way” I received another kiss, on my cheek this time.

“OK” Connie looked relieved not to have to give it up. “I think I’m going to go lie down...”

“You could nap here if you want?” I offered.

“Thanks but... I want to be alone, if you don’t mind. I need time to think”

“That’s OK” I said quickly. “Just call if you need anything, alright?”

“We’re right here” Jasper nodded down at her.

“OK, thanks...” she stood up and let out a long sigh. “Thanks for letting me stay here...”

“Anytime, sweetie”

“Yeah, anytime” Jasper agreed.

##  *******

Later that evening Connie received a call from her mom and asked if it was OK if she stayed another night. Apparently baby Benjamin was displaying some concerning symptoms and Priyanka wanted to keep a close eye on him. Naturally, Jasper and I said it was fine and I promised I’d take Connie to school in the morning. I overheard Connie explaining that Steven and she had had a ‘disagreement’ and that’s why she was at our house instead of at Steven’s.

“I really feel like watching Babe or something tonight...” I said quietly to Jasper while Connie was still on the phone. My magic pills were doing their thing, but I had that small and vulnerable feeling going on. The level of anxiety over the last few days were not helping.

“That duck is hilarious, I’m in” Jasper smiled and stroked my cheek. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, a bit” I nodded.

“Good... I feel like pizza for dinner, how about you?”

“I’m not very hungry, but... oh, then I can have cold pizza for breakfast. Yes”

“Tuna?”

“Yes please”

“Mmm... and I’m thinking... Bacon and onions, ham and mushrooms... and pepperoni”

“Trade you one tuna slice for a pepperoni one?” I asked.

“Sure babe” she smiled and gave my forehead a kiss.

“Oh... do we have something for Connie’s lunch tomorrow though?”

“Hmm... Sandwiches? And there’s fruit”

“We should ask her when she’s done talking to her mom. Maybe she needs something more substantial”

Connie came into the kitchen, looking tired and worn out.

“Gosh... My mom would _not_ stop asking _questions_...” she rubbed her forehead. I wanted to ask if she had told her mom the whole story, but held my tongue. It was hard for me to see that Connie didn’t want to confide in Priyanka, and had to remind myself that even Rory didn’t tell Lorelai absolutely everything.

“Could you answer a few more? Film and food related” Jasper inquired with a soft little smile.

“Sure...”

“What kind of pizza do you want, is sandwiches OK for your lunch tomorrow and do you want to watch Babe with us with dinner?”

Connie thought for a moment. “I’d like a cheese pizza, sandwiches sound good and are you talking about the pig movie?”

“Yes, the pig movie” I said with a tired smile. “It’s such a great feel-good movie... I like to watch it when I need cheering up”

“Sure..." Connie gave us a very small smile.

When the pizza arrived the three of us sat down in the TV-room. I sat in Jasper’s lap with her hands on my belly. I cried in all the places I always did and even Jasper shed a tear at the end when the farmer said ‘That’ll do, pig... That’ll do’.

“Have you guys seen... The Land Before Time?” Connie asked as the credits rolled.

“Yeah... a very long time ago” I nodded and allowed myself a little smirk. “Pun not intended”

“I haven’t” Jasper said. “Is it good?”

“It’s... kind of sad. Especially in the beginning, but I really like it. It’s got dinosaurs. I really like dinosaurs”

“What are dinosaurs?”

“They’re big, big creatures that roamed the earth millions of years ago” Connie said with a little smile.

“Older than me, huh? Let’s see if we can find it online” Jasper smirked and I nodded again. She grabbed my laptop and began tapping at the keys.

All three of us cried as we watched the movie and Connie cuddled up to me and Jasper quite early on. It felt good that she felt comfortable enough to do that with us, and I felt proud of both her and Jasper for being able to show their emotions in front of each other.

“I think I need some air after all that” Jasper said and wiped her cheeks. “You going to be OK if I step out for a while, babe?”

“Yes, darling. We caught it early this time around” I said and rubbed my tired eyes.

“OK, I’ll be back in... like half an hour or something” she got up carefully and gave me a long kiss before she left through the front door.

“You need anything before bed, sweetie?” I asked as I turned to Connie.

She looked at me and swallowed. Uh-oh, I thought, feeling a cold thrill run down my spine.

“Can I ask you something?” she inquired carefully.

“Sure, kiddo”

“Has anything... like what happened in Stevonnie - has something like that happened to you?” she asked tentatively. It felt like she had been holding in the question. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to ask in front of Jasper?

“Yes...” I nodded slowly and let out a long dark green sigh.

“What um... what happened?”

“A lot of things” I said and tried to keep any trembling out of my voice. “There are... many ways of violating someone’s boundaries. My mother, for one, made me think that I had no say in a lot of ways. She... crossed too many lines I didn’t even know were there” I folded my arms across my stomach and pulled my legs up. “When Blue Diamond took me and Greg, that whole zoo thing... that was a whole _series_ of violations”

Connie looked at me with wide eyes.

“I... don’t think I thought of it like that” she said quietly. “Oh _gosh_...”

“It’s why consent and boundaries are so important to me” I said and tried to open up my body language. “Jasper and I always make sure whatever we are doing is OK with the other. When I was younger, nobody told me that there even _was_ such a thing as saying; ‘No, stop it, I don’t like it’ and that people actually were supposed to listen and respect that. It’s not something that should have _had_ to be taught to me - to some it’s learned early on, to some it’s left out... either because the people raising you believe it goes without saying... or that it doesn’t matter at all. Or something else completely... ”

“Steven thought he was protecting us...” Connie mumbled. “He’s never done anything to make me feel so... uncomfortable”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart...”

Connie was silent for a moment. “Is that why you never... just hug me?”

I raised my eyebrows. “Huh?”

“Either you ask if you can... or I start hugging _you_...”

“Well... yeah. I hope I remember each time” I said and closed my eyes. “It’s so important for kids to know they can say no. For everyone, really, but... _especially_ kids”

“Why kids especially?”

“Because... well... if you learn that you _can’t_ say no to someone touching you, or looking at your private things, even if you don’t want them to... or that you have to put up with it, even if you don’t like it, because someone, like a parent or someone else in an authoritative position _says_ so... that could lead to some incredibly bad situations down the line” I forced away the words ‘cold... cold, dead’ from my mind. That was a nightmare, nothing else.

Connie wrinkled her eyebrows, then understanding dawned on her face. “ _Oh_ my gosh...”

“Yeah... That’s why it’s so important to know that it’s your body, your choice” I said firmly.

Connie looked at the floor and blinked her large eyes slowly, then she shivered and grimaced.

“This has been a lot to take in...” she said quietly.

“I know...” I nodded.

“Can I... have a hug?”

“Sure, sweetie” we embraced each other and she let out a weary sigh.

“It feels safe hugging you” she said, her voice a little muffled by my shirt. Gods, my heart all but broke...

“That means _so much_ to hear, sweetheart...” I gave her a more intense squeeze, then we both relaxed into the hug. It felt good to hold her, to be _trusted_ to hold her for so long... We had been through a lot, the two of us. At that realization, another spawned quite suddenly; I loved her. She was like... the little sister I never had. She stifled a yawn against me and I glanced at the clock. It was almost ten PM. “Oh, you’re so tired... How about... we get into our pajamas and have one more cup of cocoa before bed?”

“OK...”

Jasper came home and joined us in the kitchen for cocoa. She must have gone to the forest, I figured, because she had twigs in her hair.

“You alright, darling?” I asked as I picked one out and held it up to her.

“Yeah. Just needed to blow off some steam. How are we doing?” she looked at both me and Connie with soft eyes.

“Tired” Connie responded.

“You did good today, kid. Took a lot of carats to talk about personal stuff like that in front of so many people”

At this, Connie brightened slightly. I had a feeling Jasper’s words meant a great deal to her.

“Thanks, Jasper...” she gave her a very small, but rosy cheeked, smile. That made me so relieved to see. Connie would be OK, I told myself. She would be OK.

* * *

 

  
Please review!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At one point or another, we’ve all had our boundaries crossed. Someone read your diary, or they may have touched you in a way that made you really uncomfortable. Or it might have gone further than that. Whatever, however it happened, I’m sorry and I hope that there’s someone you can talk to about it. It’s not OK for someone to violate you or your privacy, so please speak up! It’s your body, your choice - and your mind, your choice. If someone tells you otherwise, they’re lying.
> 
> To the people that might have been in Steven’s shoes... If you did something wrong, be brave and accept responsibility, apologize and try to make amends. If you don’t understand something, speak up. Ask questions. And realize that the way you see things isn’t the only way to see things.
> 
> Consent can be given, then taken away. And when it’s taken away, that’s it. Going against someone’s wishes is at best a breach of trust, and at worst, a crime.
> 
> If there’s anything about this chapter that is confusing or unclear, please say so in the comments/review.


	82. Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More kudos to Master of the Boot who gave me excellent feedback as I was writing this one too! Look at his stuff here: http://archiveofourown.org/users/Master_of_the_Boot1

**Chapter 82: Thoughts**

I got up slightly earlier than normal the next morning, both to prevent myself from having to drive with monster cramps and because I wanted to make Connie Parisian Toast for breakfast. I wanted to give her as good a start to the day as I could.

I had had some really uncomfortable dreams during the night, but couldn't remember what they had been about. I had an idea, though...

Jasper rolled out of bed just as we were about to leave and gave me a long kiss at the door. Cake accompanied us to the car, then slunk away down the street.

"You've got everything you need, right? Lunch, pads, painkillers, all your books..." I asked before I inserted the ignition key.

"Yes" Connie responded after nodding a few times, counting off the things in her head most likely.

"OK" I rubbed my eyes a little while Connie yawned. I had a sudden very strong urge to not take Connie to school at all and just do... something else. But that would be kidnapping, even if it was for a good cause. _I_ certainly wouldn't want to go to school after a weekend like we'd just had. And with cramps as well, on top of everything else. She was a braver woman than I, I thought as I took a long pull on my travel coffee mug and started the car.

***

After I had dropped Connie off I sat in the parking lot for a minute and watched the gray clouds roll across the sky. Gods, I really wanted a cigarette...

I began to drive back home and turned on the radio and tried to clear my head a bit. As I stopped at a red light, a little light bulb on the dashboard lit up.

"Fuuuuuck..." I groaned. "But you're _brand new_ , Lorelai..."

Was there a car repair shop in Beach City somewhere? What did that light even mean? Did I need an oil change? Surely not... Who'd know about cars? Greg owned a car wash... and I think he said something about having to repair the van once or twice... Maybe he could help me? It wasn't that I wouldn't be able to afford car repair, it was just such a _hassle_...

I drove to the car wash and dug out the instruction manual to Lorelai that I kept in the glove box along with registration and apparently a half finished bag of chocolates. I munched the candy as I tried to motivate myself to read the manual. I searched the list of symbols and found the one that was lit. Oh, thank the gods... I just needed to get some more washer fluid. I frowned at the little pictogram - was that supposed to be a _window_ \- pff... I hadn't recognized it at all.

"Hey, what can I do for ya?" Greg's cheery voice came from outside. "We've got a special on Deluxe Wash right now, get a free air freshener!"

I got out of the car and greeted him.

"Hey Greg"

"Oh, hey Erica, how's it going?"

"Apparently I need some washer fluid, do you have that here?"

"Oh, sure, sure. Follow me"

I followed Greg into the little store and he gestured toward a fridge full of blue bottles.

"Two for one sale" he smiled.

"Then I'll get four"

When I exited the shop I went back to Lorelai and popped the hood. Now... where was the washer fluid tank... There. OK. I topped it up and screwed the lid back on, then turned around - and almost had a heart attack.

"Steven - Jesus motherfucking Christ!" I gasped, clutching the bottle to my chest.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you! I just didn't know how to start... talking" Steven said, stepping back from me hurriedly. I leaned on Lorelai a moment to catch my breath.

"Holy shit..."

"A-are you OK?"

"Yeah, yeah... just give me a second..."

"Sorry..."

He shifted from foot to foot nervously.

"Um... i-is, um... is Connie OK?"

I looked at him and took in the bags under his eyes and the greasiness of his hair. Was I mad at him? _Should_ I be mad at him? Would I somehow betray Connie if I talked to him now?

"Steven..." I said slowly.

"Please?" he pleaded. "Can you just tell me if I've ruined everything? D-does she hate me?"

Gods it tore at my heart to see the distress on his face...

"She... doesn't hate you" I said with reluctance. A puff of green and red left me as I exhaled slowly. Steven let out a breath and his shoulders sagged with relief, his tired eyes closing a moment.

"Oh thank goodness..." he whimpered. Oh dear, he looked on the verge of tears... "I feel terrible about what happened... I wish there was something I could do to make it better - _is_ there something I can do?" he looked at me with the light of hope in his eyes.

"Give her space" I said firmly. "I know you didn't... mean things to get this way, Steven..."

"I really d-didn't..." now he started to cry and I stood there, irresolute. Would I be betraying Connie if I offered Steven some comfort? Would I be softening the blow and making him think that blatantly overruling someone's protests because _he_ thought he knew better was an OK thing to do? Would I, by hugging him, be saying that Connie's feelings were less worth than his?

Had he changed in my eyes now? Was he a different person from before?

No... he wasn't. He had made a mistake. That hurt Connie _a lot_...

If he had done something that had caused Connie to break her arm, would I be... this upset to see him? No... Sudden anxiety clawed at my insides and I felt cold sweat break out on my neck. The thought of what it may have felt like for Connie in that moment made me feel slightly sick. As if someone had touched my head and... _kept their hand there_ , even after I asked them to remove it. Maybe they'd even... _press down_ \- ugh! My skin crawled.

If and when he and Connie made up I didn't want mine and Steven's relationship to have _changed_ , so I should hug him...?

Fuck. But I didn't _want_ to... And what did that say about _me_?

The times Steven and I had talked, when we had hugged, the times we spent together in dreams - it all flashed across my mind lightning fast. He had saved my life... He had healed me time and time again - and he had trusted my word - a _stranger's_ \- that his enemy, Jasper, had changed... He had healed her too... I couldn't fit _that_ Steven together with the Steven that forced Connie to remain in their fusion. My heart started to pound. But it _had_ been a mistake, right? Was I confusing _him_ with... _others_?

All this passed through my mind in the space of two seconds. With enormous effort I took a deep breath. "Steven. I hate to see you upset, but I can't... help you with that right now. I... I need space too, do you understand?" I said with a puff of sickly purple and green. Gods, the nausea was sticking around...

He nodded and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, choking back the tears.

"Sorry" he mumbled.

"Bye Steven" I closed the hood and got back into Lorelai, and tried to keep my own tears away as I drove off. I hated to leave him like that, but seeing him was stirring me up inside terribly. Knowing he was a good person that made a mistake... Did I know that? That was the truth, yes... He had acted in a way he thought was best - what did that say about the people that had crossed _my_ boundaries? Had they just been good people who made mistakes? Who thought they had done the right thing?

Blue Diamond had thought she had done the right thing... Lapis had thought she had done the right thing... My _mother_ had thought she had done the right thing... They had all acted 'right' and it had ruined other people's lives... To my mind, they were all _bad_... But was that just a label I had put on them so I wouldn't have to think about them as people with feelings and reasons of their own? Put them in the 'bad box' and that's it? That... was black and white thinking... The world was _gray_...

Obviously they'd had _reasons_ for acting the way they did... Blue Diamond had wanted to preserve Pink Diamond's legacy, I thought with a scoff - seen from the other direction that might be considered _sweet_ \- but gods! Taking people and putting them in a _zoo_! The car filled with red and blue smoke and I slammed the brakes. Luckily I was driving down a deserted street, and I opened the window and... sent the smoke out - how? I just wanted it _gone_. It vanished quickly, like it was running away from me. I pulled the car to the curb and turned the engine off. I shouldn't be driving right now.

Lapis must have had her reasons as well... Revenge. Not a nice reason, but... a reason. That she thought was right. Revenge hadn't been her only reason though... I grimaced and felt the acid swirl in my stomach.

And my mother... what the hell had been _her_ reason for treating me - and Victoria - so horribly? How could you possibly justify that... But she had always behaved as if she was right. And had the right to treat us exactly the way she did... Narcissistic bitch.

Fuck this whole thing was setting off too many things in my mind...

When I eventually got home I found a note from Jasper, saying she had gone to the temple to train with Amethyst.

Shit... I had really hoped she'd be home. I wanted to talk to her... but maybe what _she_ needed today was to be with Amethyst. Yes... The last two days had been very hard on her... She needed a break.

If Steven was at the car wash... maybe Pearl was at the temple? I took a deep breath, got back in the car, then pulled out my phone. It was at three percent battery. Great... I rummaged around for a charger, but I couldn't find one. Maybe there'd be just enough battery to make a quick call? As soon as I pressed my contacts the screen went black. So much for superior battery power on this new model! Shit why couldn't I just carry a damn Nokia brick!? I hissed out red and blue sparks that made the dashboard smolder in places - I quickly patted them with my sleeve, then sat in the stench of burned plastic and tried to calm down. Wait, was I stupid or what? I pulled out my satellite phone - it had fifty percent battery! I called Steven's house, but no one picked up.

I'd just have to hope Pearl was inside the temple, I decided after arguing with myself for a minute. I turned the engine on and drove carefully toward the boardwalk.

When I approached the house, a large pink thing uncurled from under the deck and gave a rumbling sound of greeting.

"Hey Lion" I said, and felt myself smile at him. He approached and put his forehead against my shoulder - I was enveloped in the smell of damp fur. "Aren't you cold out here?"

"Mmrrrmmm" he rumbled.

"Is anyone home?" I asked as I petted his large warm head. He blinked at me, then looked up at the house. He turned around and trotted up the stairs. I followed and knocked at the door. Maybe someone was home? The lights were on at least. And there was a fire in the grate...

"Hello, you two" Garnet said from behind us.

"Holy _shit_!" I jumped half-way out of my skin and Lion gave a startled yowl. Purple and red sparks flew out of my mouth and fizzled as they hit the wet ground.

"Would you help me with the groceries?" Garnet didn't wait for a response, just held out a bag to me.

"Uh... sure?" I panted. We carried the bags inside and Lion slunk in after us. He plopped down in front of the fire and began to lick himself.

"Tea?" Garnet asked me as I put the heavy bag down on the floor.

"Uh, yeah... please" I rubbed my cold hands together. Apparently I was invited to stay for tea then? I removed my jacket and hung it on the back of a chair. "How's... everything going?"

Garnet turned on the kettle before answering.

"I'm very disappointed in Steven" she said with a sigh. Had I _ever_ heard Garnet sigh? I blinked at her, and was even more surprised to see her remove her reflective shades. She, like Steven, had bags under her eyes. All three of them. She met my gaze and I saw how tired she was.

"Garnet... Are you alright?" I asked softly, feeling concerned.

"I will be..." she gave me a faint smile. "How are you?"

I swallowed, then said; "A little upset? I was hoping to find Pearl?"

"Pearl is doing a solo mission today. She needed time to think and clear her head"

"Oh" well... shit.

"Tell me why you're upset?"

"Um..." I hesitated a moment, then sighed out a green cloud. I needed to talk to someone. And here someone was, offering to talk. "I ran into Steven after dropping Connie off and... he asked how she was, if she hated him... I said that she didn't and when he asked if he could do anything, I said give her space. Then he began to cry and I said I needed space too. I... didn't comfort him..." I rubbed my arm uncomfortably. It was hard to say, but... It was how it went down.

"Why not?" Garnet asked, adding a splash of milk to her tea.

"I didn't want to betray Connie... And I wasn't sure if I'd somehow be telling him that what he did was OK if I hugged him. And I... I didn't want to" I admitted with a sigh. "Seeing him made me think about the people who've crossed my boundaries, and it's... confusing me? I mean... Steven made a _mistake_... The others just... did things. Because they wanted to, I guess. That's not Steven... But Connie's so hurt - I'd hate to have to choose sides, but I did already, didn't I? Sorry if I'm not making sense..."

"Don't worry - you're making sense. And this isn't about choosing anyone's side. It's about right and wrong. Steven did wrong" she said with a hard look in her eye. "It's one of the hardest parts of being a guardian, a parent. To be firm when things get out of hand and people get upset, whether what happened was intentional or not. If Steven had broken a window, he would have to pay to get it replaced, no matter how sad it made him. When we mess up, we _have_ to take responsibility. I think it was best you didn't hug him today"

"You do?"

"Yes" she nodded. "He knows that he did something awful. And he needs to face it and learn that actions have consequences - and that it affects _more_ people than just him and Connie. You drawing a line in the sand reinforces that lesson. Connie is our main concern here. She was the one who was..." uncharacteristically, Garnet trailed off.

"Violated?" I suggested tentatively.

"Yes..." she nodded slowly. "How is she?"

"Um..." I hesitated a little. "Better"

"Good. Better is good..." she took a long sip of her coffee. "You and Jasper did a great job supporting her"

"I hope so..." had we said the right things?

"You did. I've seen what it can do - not talking about something like this. And I know that you know too" she said darkly.

I nodded silently. Then an uncomfortable thought hit me.

"What about Connie's parents?" I asked, my voice careful.

"What about them?"

"Should we... tell them?"

Garnet gave me a thoughtful look. "I say we take our lead from Connie in that"

"To not violate her trust further..." I filled in with a sigh. Garnet put her hand over mine gently.

"I know you and Priyanka are close" she said in a softer voice. "I can't stop you from speaking to her, but consider the consequences of doing that"

"She might forbid them from seeing each other, even if Connie forgives him" I closed my eyes.

"And as far as we know... Doctor Maheswaran doesn't know who Stevonnie is"

"Right..." even more complications.

"Connie is a bright girl, very bright. She will decide for herself how much to say, or not say. We have to support her decision, or we will reinforce the feeling of... having control taken away"

"Yes, you're right" I nodded, knowing it was true. It had felt good to be able to voice the concern though.

"If Connie's parents need to be told something in the future, I'll be the one who tells them. Steven is my responsibility - it shouldn't fall on you, Erica"

I nodded slowly. That felt like a relief to hear, too.

"Will Connie be able to... move on from this? Can you see that?"

Garnet gave me a sad little smile.

"Don't worry. Just be there when she asks you to be"

"OK... Thanks, Garnet" I took a deep breath and took a sip of my tea. My shoulders lowered slightly, but a stab in the gut made them rise again. I put my hand in the pocket of my hoodie and rubbed my belly, hissing. A few sparks skittered through the air - some of them reached the counter top before fading, and I patted at them to make them go out. "Sorry"

"Do you need something?" Garnet asked.

"No, it's fine..." I said, trying to sit up a little straighter. "Could I use the bathroom?"

She nodded silently and gestured toward the door behind me.

"Thanks" I hurried into the bathroom and leaned on the sink as the air around me filled with sparkly red clouds. The pain in my belly made me weak at the knees and I sat down on the toilet quickly and doubled over, trying to take deep breaths. When was the last time I had taken a pill? This morning, right? It wasn't even lunch time yet... I couldn't take another one until the evening, shit. Maybe it'd just pass on its own? Maybe it was just one of those... rogue cramps that broke through even the magic pill armor somehow? Please let it just be that...

A few minutes later I felt better, and decided that I should head home. A nap would be good. I thanked Garnet for the talk and the tea, then left Steven's house. I felt _a lot_ calmer now. Garnet was a great listener.

Lion followed me to the boardwalk and grabbed my jacket sleeve with his teeth and began to pull me gently toward the Big Donut.

"You want an ice cream? In _this_ weather?" I asked him with a half-amused smile. "Oh, _fine_..." we entered the cafe - Lion let me go first this time - he didn't try to barge past me. Sadie looked up from her phone at the counter.

"Oh, hey" she said, grinning at me a little uncertainly.

"Hi..." I said with a stab of guilt. "Sorry about yesterday - it was all... a great big mess. Are you OK?"

"Me? Yeah, fine" she waved her hand, but looked relieved. "Did everything... work out?"

"A bit?" I grimaced faintly. Lion butted my shoulder impatiently. "Right, sorry Lion"

"Do you want a Lion Licker, Lion?" Sadie approached the freezers and opened one. Lion walked over quickly and stuck his head in there. "Hold on, you big dope!"

"Lion, behave yourself" I chided. He backed up, four or so ice creams in his mouth, still in their plastic wrappers. He plopped down and spat most of them out, then chewed and pawed at the one still in his teeth, completely absorbed. "How many did he get?" I asked, not sure if I should be apologizing for his behaviour.

"Four?" Sadie suggested. "Let's say four"

I took out my wallet and paid for the ice cream.

"You want anything? Or was this a Lion only treat trip?"

"I'm not really in the mood" I said. "How are you Sadie?"

"I'm OK"

We watched Lion tear through the ice creams quickly.

"I should get the mop" Sadie said and walked over to a cupboard. I felt a bit bad for bringing such a messy eater into the cafe and went over to pick up the plastic wrappers at least.

"You done with these?" I asked Lion as I bent down. He licked his paws contentedly, then let loose an almighty belch - I was spattered with saliva and froze up. "Oh my gods, doesn't Steven ever brush your _teeth_?" I nearly gagged as his breath flowed over me. "Guuuh..."

"Bad breath?" Sadie asked as she hurried up.

"Like a _dumpster_ " I wiped my cheek free of spittle - my hand came away sticky. "Uuugh..."

"Hang on, let me get you a napkin!"

Lion licked his chops and rolled over to his side, looking as if he was settling down for a nap. I wiped my face with the napkins Sadie gave me.

"Thanks"

"Don't mention it..."

"Hey, don't fall asleep, Lion - sorry, Sadie, I'll get him out - up you get, you stinky fluff-monster" I pushed at his shoulder. "Outside with you!"

Lion grumbled but got to his feet and I opened the door for him. He slunk out, then sat down under a parasol and looked at me through narrowed eyes, evidently displeased with me.

"Don't give me that look, I just got you four ice creams!" I huffed. "Ungrateful bastard..."

"Hey, are you OK?" Sadie asked, eyeing the red sparks that flew out of my mouth.

"I need a nap" I sighed. "And a motherfucking cigarette"

"Are you smoking again?" she asked, her brows furrowing.

"No, I just really want to" I took a breath and exhaled slowly.

"Well don't start again" Sadie patted me on the arm. "I'd like a nap too - make it count for the both of us?"

"Sure, Sadie, thanks" I managed a little smile.

We hugged goodbye and I left the cafe and drove home. To my surprise Lion appeared as soon as I had parked the car and butted me on the shoulder as soon as I stepped out.

"Is this you saying sorry and thank you?" I asked him. He rubbed his cheek against me and rumbled low in his throat. I took that as a yes. "Fine, I forgive you" I sighed. He followed me up the stairs to the door and I let him in. Cake came and greeted the both of us and I left them in the hallway.

I went to fill my hot water bottle, then headed upstairs to our bedroom, got into my pajamas and snuggled down under the covers. Soft footsteps padded up the stairs and soon both Cake and Lion were in bed with me.

"My cuddle-buddies..." I sighed, then closed my eyes and adjusted the warm package against my belly.

***

The phone rang and I awoke quite abruptly.

"Hrlo?" I slurred into it.

"Erica? Oh dear, did I wake you?" it was Priyanka's voice.

"'s aight..." I mumbled. "Wzp?"

"Can Connie stay with you for the rest of the week?"

"Hmm? 's evryfin 'K?" I blinked hard to try to wake up.

"Benjamin has bacterial pneumonia"

This made me sit up quickly.

"What? That's serious, right?"

"Yes it is. We went to the emergency room here in town and we were taken in immediately. He's got a high fever... I can't leave Aisha right now"

"I completely understand, don't worry" I said and nodded. "Connie can stay with us as long as you need"

"Thank you" Priyanka sighed, sounding very relieved.

"Is Benjamin going to be OK?"

"Bacterial pneumonia in a child this young is very dangerous - but they've got an excellent paediatric team here. He's in good hands... I'm just glad I was here to spot the early signs"

"Yeah, thank the gods..."

"He'll pull through" she sounded determined. "He's a strong little boy"

"Of course he is" I nodded again.

"I have to go - yes, Aisha, I'm coming - sorry to just drop this on you, Erica"

"It's OK, go - I hope he gets well soon"

"Thanks - I'll call Connie and tell her right now, please take care, bye"

"You too. Bye"

I lay back on the pillows and let out a long breath. Jesus... _Bacterial pneumonia_... That could _kill_ babies... I shivered and hugged myself under the covers. Losing a baby... Someone you carried inside you for nine months... My hands travelled to my tender belly and rubbed it gently. I didn't even _want_ to imagine losing a child...

After staring into the ceiling for a while I got out of bed and took a shower. I dressed thoughtfully, then went downstairs and made some very late lunch.

***

At three thirty that afternoon I was sitting in Lorelai in the parking lot in front of Connie's school. The bell rang and the doors opened. The children ran out to the waiting cars and buses. I looked for Connie worriedly, craning my neck to try to spot her in the crowd. I found her and felt my spirits sink - she looked so dejected... She approached the car and got in, letting her backpack fall to the floor with a thump.

"Hi, sweetie... How are you?" I asked carefully.

"Tired" she sighed. "Worried about Benjamin... He's so little..."

"Your mom said he's in good hands, though" I tried to sound reassuring and nodded for emphasis.

"Yeah I know, but... I'm still worried"

"I get it" I said softly. "I'd be worried too"

"Can we stop by my house? I need some... clean clothes and things"

"Yes of course we can. How was your day?"

"Not great..."

"I'm sorry sweetie... Is there something I can do?"

Connie seemed to think for a moment, then shook her head.

"It feels better knowing I don't have to deal with anything serious today, just... normal stuff. Homework" she said the last word almost longingly.

"Any... good homework?" I asked, hoping I was interpreting her correctly.

"Some math... A little history... We're reading about the Triassic Period right now"

"Ah, _dinosaurs_ " I said knowingly.

"The world was so different then..."

"Wasn't there... like one big landmass? P-something? P... Panem! No that's from the Hunger Games"

"It means 'bread' in Latin. And the big landmass was called Pangaea"

"Ah, right. Were there T-rexes then?"

"No - that was much later" she smiled faintly. "Everyone always asks about the T-rexes"

"Jurassic Park's influence, I think"

"Wouldn't it be cool to go there? I mean... to see dinosaurs... Not get eaten by them"

"Mmm... Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. Would there be a petting zoo, do you think? With like... little ones? Or were they all super huge mega lizards?"

"There _were_ small ones" Connie sat up a little straighter. "But I don't think they'd be safe to pet, no matter how small. I'd really like to ride one, though..."

"Yeah?" I smiled at her. "Which one?"

"A quetzalcoatlus!"

"A what-now?"

"A quet-zal-co-AT-lus" Connie intoned. "It's the biggest flying creature _ever_! It was as tall as a giraffe"

I blinked at her.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, they're really cool - it's a pterosaur, not a dinosaur - and it walked along on its wings and hind legs, almost like a bat on the ground"

"A giraffe-sized, bat-like non-dinosaur... Sounds terrifying"

"Right? It's got a very long head that's mostly beak, almost like a stork or a crane? I could show you a picture later"

"Would I be able to sleep after?" I joked as I started the car.

We drove to the Maheswaran's house and went inside. Whenever I had visited, there had always been a light on. Now, the place seemed so cold and empty. We gathered the things Connie needed - some clothes, school books, her violin, a stuffed bunny, her laptop and her heating pad.

"Mom asked me to take out the trash too" Connie said as we were leaving. She headed back inside and I carried all her things to the car and put it in the back seat.

When we arrived at mine and Jasper's house we were greeted by Cake and Lion at the door.

"What's Lion doing here? Is _Steven_ here?!" Connie looked at me with confusion bordering on panic in her eyes.

"What? No, no! Lion comes here sometimes to hang out with Cake - don't worry" I put down Connie's bag quickly.

"OK..." she sighed and leaned against the wall.

"Hey... how about a little rest before anything else?"

" _Yeah_ " she nodded and took off her coat.

"Get settled in and I'll pop your heating pad in the microwave"

"Thanks..."

Connie went into the kids' room with her things and I went to the kitchen. After a few minutes I entered the room to find her and Cake on the bottom bunk and Lion lying with his head on the pillow next to Connie's.

"Cuddle-buddies unite" I said softly.

"Hmm?" Connie mumbled.

"Never mind me" I smiled at her. "Here's your heating pad... I'll make something to eat, just come find me when you wake up, OK?"

"Mmm OK..."

I texted Jasper and asked her to call me as soon as she read the message - I didn't want to tell her about Benjamin being ill in a text. I didn't have time to put the phone down before it started to ring.

"Hey darling" I said as I picked up.

"Hey babe - what's wrong?"

"Connie's cousin Benjamin - the little baby boy? He's very sick. Priyanka called and asked if Connie could stay with us for the rest of the week. I said it was OK - it's OK by you too, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, no problem" she sounded a bit relieved, and I figured she had been worried something might be wrong with _me_.

"Good... I just wanted to tell you so you wouldn't be surprised Connie was here later. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Is the baby going to be OK?"

"I hope so... Priyanka said he's in good hands"

"Good. How's Connie?"

"I'm not sure, really... We talked a little, but not about... you know... She's having a nap now with Cake and Lion"

"She's in good company then" Jasper said with a soft chuckle.

"How's your day going?"

"Amethyst's taken me to some island off the coast of Aff-ree-kaa?"

"Really? What's it like?"

"It's warm. And there's lemurs in the trees... Just like Cake's toy" I could hear she was smiling, and that made me smile too. At least one of us was having a good day. In the background I could hear Amethyst sniggering.

"Hey Jasper, check this out - hah!" there was a loud squelch.

"Oh my stars, hang on honey - look" Jasper had turned the video feature on and showed Amethyst on the ground, making mud-angels in a marshy-type place.

"Feels good man! Helps beat the heat - like a hippo!" Amethyst laughed. "Hey E! Care to join us in the muck? It's great for your skin! A real, honest to glob mudbath! Gonna be so smooth for my Peri-dork"

She and Peridot must have worked things out then? That was a relief to hear.

"Thanks Amethyst, but I'll pass. Next time, maybe?"

"Gonna hold you to that!" Amethyst cackled. "Get in here Jay-dog, or I'm gonna take all the best mud!"

"Hah, I'd better go, babe" Jasper chuckled, turning the camera toward her face.

"Yes, or you'll get second rate muck, and we can't have that" I sniggered.

"See you at dinner later? I promise I'll be moderately clean when I get home" Jasper grinned at me crookedly.

"Good, see you later, darling" I smiled as we hung up.

The call with Jasper had cheered me up a lot and I cleaned up the kitchen a bit before making a snack for Connie. I took some minced meat out of the fridge to make meatloaf with later.

I was sitting in the sofa with a book and the hot water bottle when Connie came into the kitchen.

"Hi" I greeted warmly. "How are you feeling?"

"Less tired" she said with a faint smile.

"Good, I'm glad. I made you a little snack - it's in the fridge"

"Thanks, Erica. Can I eat it in the room? I need to start on my homework"

"Sure, sweetie. Just tell me if you need anything"

"Thanks, I will"

I let out a sigh. Connie had looked _a_ _lot_ better after her nap.

***

Jasper and Amethyst came home around six with their arms full of fruit they had picked during the afternoon. After they had deposited their loot in the kitchen sink and I had received a slightly dirt-tasting kiss from Jasper, both of them headed upstairs to shower and bathe, apparently at the same time.

"No wet towel fights" I called after them with a smirk.

"Well now we've _gotta_ have one" Amethyst nodded seriously. "Dibs on the tub!" she sprinted into our bedroom and Jasper followed after giving me a wink.

"They clean up together?" Connie asked me. I noticed her cheeks had gone a bit pink.

"Apparently" I said with a shrug, still smiling. "If you're done with your homework, could you help me with dinner?"

"I'm not quite done, but I need a break"

"OK, good. Can you peel the potatoes? We're going to need lots if Amethyst is staying too"

"Sure"

I got a chair for her to stand on and used my stepping stool to be able to chop the onions and mix the meat, bread crumbs and eggs for the meatloaf.

Soon the kitchen filled with the wonderful smell of meat cooking in the oven. From above we could hear an unmistakable wet towel fight break out. It was brief, however, and ended with a loud "YEOWCH!" from Amethyst. Connie and I giggled together as we did the pre-dinner dishes.

At the dinner table Amethyst regaled us with an elaborate retelling of her and Jasper's day - they had seen a lot of cool stuff. Jasper's tablet was passed around and both Connie and I laughed at the picture of several lemurs playing with Jasper's mane. After dinner we had some of the fruits she and Amethyst had picked. They were delicious! There was guava, tiny bananas and mangoes.

"Do you do this kind of stuff every day?" Connie asked Jasper.

"Mostly we train"

"In different _terrain_ " Amethyst sang.

"But sometimes we do other stuff. Amethyst's been showing me the earth" Jasper grinned at the purple gem.

"Yeah, some cool places, you know... Mostly nature stuff" Amethyst smirked.

"That's so cool... You get to go on field trips every day"

"Yeah! I'm _the_ best tour guide" Amethyst put her hands behind her head and leaned back in her chair.

"You know where all the muddy places are" Jasper sniggered.

"I like goop" Amethyst shrugged.

After the dishes had been done and Connie had finished the last of her homework, the four of us spent quite some time playing Mario Kart on my old Nintendo 64. Amethyst's commentary was hilarious, and she made me laugh so hard I crashed several times.

When it approached nine o'clock Connie began to nod off and I said it was time for bed.

"Yeah, I'd better head home - Perry wanted to show me this new show she's into. Avatar something" Amethyst said as she stretched.

"Really?" I asked with a smile. "She's liking it?"

"Yeah, she was raving on about ice blocks and flying cows or whatever. Sounds cool"

We said goodbye to Amethyst at the door and Connie went to get ready for bed. Lion and Cake had taken up residence in the kids' room and I felt very glad about that.

"Just come get us if you need anything, sweetie. We'll be up for a while longer" I said as I half-closed the door. "Goodnight"

"Goodnight..." Connie mumbled from the bed.

I rejoined Jasper on the couch in front of the TV and snuggled up to her side. She looked at the wall to the kids' room and smiled before turning down the volume a little.

"Feels good that she's here..." she said softly.

"Connie?"

"Yeah" she put an arm around me and hugged me close. "I know it's not under the best circumstances, but... It feels... cozy"

***

Over the next few days our little household flowed into a new sort of rhythm. I drove Connie to school in the mornings and picked her up in the afternoons. Jasper began to get up when we did and made us breakfast before going off with Amethyst.

I spent my alone time working out, doing my balance exercises and trying to think up Christmas presents for everyone and coordinating things with Parker and my aunt Heidi, who was organizing the Christmas party at grandma's house as per usual.

Since Jasper didn't have a passport, we couldn't fly to Soweland, but a quick consultation with Pearl revealed that there were a few warp pads in the country of my birth. One was about two hundred kilometres from my grandma's house and Jasper and I decided to warp there and drive the rest of the way. Parker hired us a car big enough for Jasper to fit into (another Jeep) and would have someone drive it to a town called Norrnäs, which was about an hours walk from the warp pad.

I had e-mailed back and forth with Charlie about what she would like for Christmas and had decided to get her a new safety vest for horseback riding. Jasper wanted to get her something too and she spent a lot of time trying to think of something good.

Since my old hair brush was kind of small and, to be honest, quite worn out by now, I had decided that a bigger, fancier brush would be a great gift for Jasper. I did some secret research when I was home alone, and had settled on a Extra Large Mason Pearson brush with boar bristles. It gave me a happy little feeling inside to know that I had come up with a gift I was sure my beastie would like.

I found a place online which had flower mugs similar to the ones Charlie, Jasper and I had gotten at the botanical garden - my plan was to get everyone of our friends in Beach City a mug with their favourite flower, so that it could be like at my grandma's house - that everyone had their own special mug, just like Charlie had suggested. It wasn't a very big present per person, but Jasper really liked the idea and asked if they could be from the both of us. I said "Of course - that was my plan" and smiled.

I held off on asking our friends about their favourite flowers, since Steven and Connie still weren't talking. I hoped they would work it out before Christmas...

As the days wore on, Connie seemed to be doing better and better. She smiled a lot more often, and seemed less tired. We hadn't spoken much about the incident - neither Jasper or I wanted to bring it up randomly. We kept telling her that we were both there if she wanted to talk, though, just as a reminder, and she responded by smiling and saying thank you.

The news that Benjamin was responding to treatment lifted our spirits, and on the Thursday that week, Connie asked if it'd be OK if Steven came over that afternoon. It had now been five days since the incident.

Her question had made me pause as I poured her some orange juice. I glanced over at Jasper, who smiled at me before returning to her waffle making.

"I haven't asked him yet, but I wanted to ask you guys first if it was OK"

"Fine by me" Jasper said. I nodded in agreement.

"What's the... what's the plan?" I asked carefully.

"I want to talk to him" Connie said and prodded her toast around on her plate. "The shock has sort of worn off now and... I miss him"

"OK" I said with a slightly uncertain smile. "Do you want us to be here?"

"This is your house" Connie looked at me with a half-smile. "You kind of have to be"

"Yeah, OK" I laughed a little embarrassedly.

***

At exactly five thirty PM there was a knock at the door. I went to open and found a very nervous looking Steven there. His face was pale and he had his little black bow-tie on under his jacket and was clutching a bouquet of flowers in one pink mitten.

"H-hi Erica" he said anxiously.

"Hello Steven" I said back. "Please come in. Connie's waiting for you in your room"

"Thanks"

He entered and took off his shoes and jacket, straightened his sweater and took a breath before walking toward the open door. I went into the kitchen and tried not to eavesdrop too overtly.

"Can I come in?" Steven asked.

"Yes" Connie answered.

Steven left the door ajar and I could hear him nervously greeting Connie.

"H-h... Hi Connie..."

"Hi Steven" Connie said back.

"Here! I brought you these!" Steven squeaked.

"You brought me flowers?"

"Yeah! My dad said it might be a good idea - I - I picked them myself!"

"Thanks, Steven"

"Y-you're welcome!"

Silence stretched for a moment.

"Are you OK?" they both asked each other at the same time.

"You f-first" Steven said quickly.

"I'm... OK. I've been doing a lot of thinking... And I've talked with Erica and Jasper, they helped me understand what happened and said that how I was feeling was OK to feel. I know you didn't do it intentionally... but it can't happen again. You really hurt me, Steven... I get to choose what to share, and with who and _when_. If we're going to be friends - if we're going to fuse again you have to respect that. We have to be a _team_..."

"Yes, you're right - you're so right!" Steven agreed quickly. "A team! T-team!"

"Are you OK, Steven?"

"I've been... very upset - I've felt so awful about what I did... I talked to my dad about it, and he said... He said all I could do was wait for you to want to talk, and when... _if_ you did, I should try to tell you just how sorry I am" he paused to take a breath. "Connie, I'm so sorry I didn't listen. I'm sorry I didn't let go in our fusion. I invaded your very personal space and I'm _so_ sorry I made you feel terrible and I hate that I can't take it back and..." Steven trailed off with a sniff.

"Do you know what consent is now?"

"Yes!"

"And you're sorry?" Connie asked carefully.

"Extremely sorry - I c-can't tell you how sorry I am" Steven's voice was shaking.

There was another few seconds of silence.

"Then I forgive you" Connie said.

"R-really?" Steven sounded as if he couldn't quite believe what she had just said.

"Yeah. Just promise... to never do it again, jam bud"

"Of course not, j-jam bu-ud!" Steven burst into tears.

I leaned on the sink and let out a breath I hadn't been aware I had been holding. They had worked it out! Gods I felt so proud of Connie... She had acted so maturely! And Steven... he had apologized and taken _responsibility_ for his actions. I felt something tight inside me unwind... and at the same time, a spike of strange jealousy pierced my heart.

 _No one ever apologized to_ ** _you_** _, did they?_ Hissed the little voice inside me. _They didn't - and they_ ** _never will_** _... And that bothers you, doesn't it?_ ** _Connie_** _can move on from something that would have broken_ ** _you_** _... Isn't it_ ** _unfair_** _?_

For a moment I struggled to comprehend what was happening in my head, but then a spark of anger flared and gave me strength.

It might be unfair that I'll never get an apology, but my situation is different from hers - the people who hurt me didn't do it to protect me - they hurt me because they _wanted_ to! Intent _matters_! I thought as loudly as I could. I'm happy and relieved for Connie's sake - for _both_ their sakes! Don't you dare ruin this! Don't you dare! Get out of my head! Get! Out!

 _Weak_... the voice whispered before it reluctantly faded away.

I shivered unpleasantly, then loosened my tight grip on the sink. I took a few deep breaths and felt my mind settle. I accept the fact that I have a nasty little voice, I told myself as I kept breathing deeply. I accept that it says horrible things, but I know I'm stronger than _it_ is... I don't have to do what it says. I'm OK. I'm good. I'm alright. I might not ever be able to get an apology from the people that wronged me but I'm OK. I'm still here. I'm still alive.

For a moment, stillness reigned in my mind, then;

"Can we play Mario Kart?" Connie asked from behind me.

"He-ey!" I turned around and forced myself to smile. "S-sure you can - it's still plugged in, so... yeah go for it" how much time had passed?

"Thanks" both Steven and Connie said together - they looked a little pale, and Steven's eyes were red and puffy, but they were both smiling in a relaxed way. They walked out of the kitchen and I sagged against the sink.

Get it together, I told myself. Let yourself be happy for them... I closed my eyes and concentrated... That's right, let it fill you up. Feel the worry slip away... They are both OK. They are friends again... Isn't it amazing how quickly things can change when you're a kid? How fast things can go back to normal? Aren't _they_ amazing?

After a few minutes hard work, I opened my eyes again and headed into the TV-room.

"Got room for one more?" I asked Steven and Connie.

"Yeah - I'll kick your butt this time, granny!" Connie beamed up at me. Her smile shooed away the last vestiges of doubt from my mind. I hadn't seen her smile like that for almost a week.

"You're on, brat" a few pale yellow butterflies flitted across the room, and seemed to take the tension in my shoulders with them as they faded.

* * *

Please review!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to forgive those who hurt us. It's not an easy thing to do, however.
> 
> Sometimes what someone did is unforgivable. Sometimes the people who hurt us are gone and the situation is left unresolved. That can be even harder to deal with.
> 
> Whatever the case, it's up to you to decide what to do, as hard as that sounds. It might feel like you have no choice, but you do. There is always a choice.
> 
> It's difficult to learn how to trust again, but it can be done. You can do it, too.
> 
> If you like my stuff, please consider buying me a coffee here: https://ko-fi.com/evilsnotbag


	83. Christmas, part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All (complete) sentences in _italics_ are in Sowegian (Swedish), for easier reading. (Otherwise this chapter would be _so_ much longer)

**Chapter 83: Christmas, part one**

I was lying in bed, unable to fall asleep. I was worried about the Christmas party. More specifically, I was thinking about Victoria.

How did I feel about her now? The thought of her didn't immediately make me tense up, or show her gleeful face smirking at me from behind our mother's legs. Instead what swept across my mind was the image of her lying passed out under the pile of planks by the boardwalk, in the storm. Her scream echoed through my head. It made me shiver.

She was... different now. Or... was it just my view of her that had changed? It was a relief to know that I hadn't been the only one affected by our mother. Of course I had known Victoria had been _affected_ , but not to what degree.

I let out a sigh in the dark.

"I was the lucky one..." I whispered quietly, and watched as the faintly glowing bubbles above our bed were momentarily obscured by a dense cloud of darkness.

We had sort of agreed to be civil toward each other, that still stood, right? The only communication I had had with her had been when I inquired about the awfulness of her periods and then a brief exchange that resulted in a short list about what Charlie could use for Christmas.

It was a sort of unspoken deal, that. What I got Charlie for Christmas. Victoria had always been more or less well off, but _not_ as well off as she _thought_ she should be. Now, with the divorce, I had noticed that the things on the list were slightly more pricey than usual. And that this time, it was sent from _her_ actual email, instead of her assistant's. I took that as a good sign, in the sense that she had written it herself, but also that she might not be doing excellently financially, which was... not great. She would never actually _ask_ me for money, but getting things for Charlie was sort of neutral ground. An acceptable way for someone to help out financially. Birthday or Christmas gifts weren't _charity_. The safety vest I had purchased had been the one she had mentioned - not the most expensive one available, but still a really good one. I had considered getting Charlie the best one on the market, but I knew Victoria would have refused it on principle.

Victoria got a job right after having finished school, and had kept working for the same company. She had rubbed her financial stability in my face at every opportunity, since I barely managed to scrape by back then. When my book sold, the tables had turned. I think that really infuriated her - well, I knew it for certain now - that she resented me for having gained so much without - to her - any real effort.

My insides squirmed uncomfortably. How was she feeling now? Did she still resent me? Had our talks during the storm changed anything for her?

I let out another dark sigh.

Victoria... What could we have been if it weren't for our mother? What if it had only been the two of us and dad? What kind of people would we have been then? Would we have been close? What would it feel like... to actually have a sister...

The... _need_ that I had shut away all those years ago whimpered from the depths of my mind and filled me with such a profound ache that for a moment, I forgot how to breathe.

I couldn't remember exactly when it had started. When Victoria turned from... being someone whose presence I found comforting to someone whose presence I feared. Faint memories of something _Before_ floated to the surface of my mind. A hand the exact same shape and size as my own holding onto mine. The feeling of softness under my bare feet. A... red carpet. We used to... play on it... It was our boat. Dad had been there... I remembered the smell of his cigarillos... And the smell of rain... And the soft rumbling of thunder, far away...

Another memory floated to the surface; the time she had pushed me into a puddle, when we were four... or maybe five. I had been so _surprised_... My head had snapped back and I had landed on my hands and knees, scraping them on the rough gravel. I had started to cry from the shock and the pain, and when I turned around and looked at Victoria, her expression had scared me. She called out for our mother - it had been at some fancy party at our house. And our mother had come rushing over, all smiles and concern and apologies to her guests, and I had felt a moment of _safety_. Then she had picked me up and put me on my feet, but I wanted to be _held_... She made me walk into the house, her grip on my wrist tightening as the sound of the guests faded...

I shook my head, not wanting to remember how she had washed my hands with water that was too hot, or how she had berated me for being ' _A clumsy little idiot who couldn't even behave in front of guests_ '. But the memory played anyway. I had been undressed, washed, then redressed in a different dress, told to stop whining, then instructed to go sit by the kids table and be quiet. When we had walked outside again, my dad had come over and picked me up in his arms. He had hugged me and kissed my cheek. It made me forget about everything bad that had happened. Victoria had glared at me furiously when I had cuddled up to him.

I blinked as the memory finally faded.

Victoria had been awful toward me. She always wanted to come out on top. Wanted to be... _better_ than me. Prettier. More popular. And that's what had happened. But there was a part of me that... didn't care about that. That just wanted her to be... my sister. It wanted it so fiercely, it was willing to forgive everything if only - if only she _liked_ me... I grimaced in the darkness and felt a little sick.

I tried to gather my thoughts.

Victoria wasn't... a nice person, by any standards. Like our mother, she could be pleasant and indulgent to people she cared about. I could count _those_ on two fingers. Our grandmother and Charlie. To others she could be cold, and she didn't suffer fools gladly. She put fools in their place. If they were _really_ stupid, she could go out of her way to ruin their lives. She was vindictive. She could be petty. She could be cruel.

She was _not_ a nice person.

But was that... her fault? Had she really had a chance to _be_ anything else? Our mother really had destroyed her...

I let out another long sigh.

At some point, the responsibility for how Victoria behaved had shifted from our mother to Victoria herself, the logical part of my mind said.

So, what's the plan, then? I asked myself. How do we deal with her now?

We will be civil. And nip any sort of uncivil behaviour toward us or anyone we care about in the bud. If we don't tell her she's being uncivil, how will she know?

She must know that, I argued.

Must she? Who is to say that she even knows she acts that way? Let alone why.

Of course she knows - at least somewhere... She doesn't treat Charlie the way she treats us. She doesn't treat Charlie the way that our mother treated _her_.

We have a point...

So... we will be civil.

Yes. And we'll be surrounded by the rest of our family. She never says anything _overtly_ nasty when we're at grandma's. She knows grandma hates it when we fight.

Yes... So it'll be fine?

It'll be fine.

And we _like_ Christmas, a different part of me piped up. The same part that wanted to forgive Victoria. A part of me that, despite me being thirty three now, still felt about four years old.

Yes, we do like Christmas, the rest of me agreed.

Seeing grandma, Charlie, all our cousins and their children... All the wonderful food, and the singing... Drinking hot cocoa from our special mug... Sitting in front of the fire in one of grandpa's old knitted wool sweaters and surrounded by dogs... Victoria is just one person. Christmas will be good despite her being there. And we'll get to share it all with our Beastie.

I let out a much more relaxed sigh now, and turned to look at Jasper's sleeping form. A smile found its way onto my lips.

Yeah... Jasper was going to meet my family...

********* **

"OK, so _this_... is everyone that's going to be at grandma's house at Christmas," I pointed to my computer screen. I had sifted through the pictures in grandma's cloud and found one from last year's celebration. "Oh, and Charlie and Victoria will be there too, so that'll be... twenty five people and four dogs, including us."

Jasper looked at the screen closely and nodded determinedly.

"From right to left we've got... Ylva, my oldest aunt and her husband Patrik. Next to them is their oldest daughter Ullrika, who is my cousin, her husband Henrik and their son Peter. They've got a baby now, too! Little Algot, he's about eight months now. The short man next to Henrik is Jacob and that's Lisa - they're Ylva and Patrik's kids too. Sitting down in the chair is my grandma - her full name is Josefina. Then that's my aunt Heidi and her husband Markus and their kids Timothy, with _his_ daughter Clara, she's ten now, Antonia with her husband Mattias and their daughters Isabella and Louise, they're ten and twelve, then there's Pernilla, oh she had such a cold when this was taken... And that's Elinor and Adrian and their twins Anton and Vera, they are eighteen months now. Elinor and Adrian broke up during the summer so you won't meet him, which is too bad, because I liked him."

"OK," Jasper said and nodded again. "Iil-vah," she pointed to Ylva, then moved her finger over the others. "Paat-rick, Oll-ree-kaa, Hen-rick, Peter, Yaa-kobb, Lee-sah... granny Jo. Hai-dih?"

"Heidi, yes." I smiled at her. She really did pick things up quickly.

"And Mar-kuss, Timm-othy, Clara, Ann-toh-ni-aah, Matt-ee-as, Iss-abell-ah, Loo-eese, uh... Penril?" Jasper wrinkled her eyebrows.

"Pernilla - Pehr-nill-ah." I enunciated the name carefully.

"Pehr-nill-ah," Jasper nodded along. "And that's... Ell-ee-nor and... Ann-ton and Veh-rah. And baby All-gott."

"Yes, well done." I kissed her cheek.

"And the dogs?" she pointed to the dogs sitting among everyone.

"That's Nisse, he's grandma's," I pointed to the pug next to grandma. "That's Lotten, she's a cocker spaniel, she's Ylva's. Nico, a french bulldog mix, I think? He's with Lisa, and that's Bamse, he's Timothy's."

"Niss-eh, Lott-en, Nee-ko, Bam-seh... But no cats?" Jasper asked.

"Not indoor ones, no, but there are cats _around_. There's a farm next door, and they've got lots of cats. Grandma feeds them too, so they come over a lot, but not when Nico is there. He likes to chase them." I frowned slightly at this.

"Cake would put him in his place." Jasper smirked.

"Yes, she would." I agreed. "Victoria, Ullrika, Jacob, Antonia, Pernilla and I were born within six years of each other, we used to play when we were kids. Timothy is the oldest, Heidi and Markus had him when they were eighteen, which is quite young to have kids. Elinor and Lisa are the same age. Victoria and Ullrika used to be inseparable during the summers. I used to play with Pernilla a lot, and Jacob and Antonia too."

"You're smiling." Jasper pointed out.

"I really loved the summer holidays at grandma's house..." I said with a sigh. "Dad was always with us then, for _weeks_ at a time. My mother came sometimes, and sometimes she had other plans, with her side of the family or friends. When she _was_ there she just... pretended we were a happy family. I guess I did the same, in a way, and Victoria too. I mean I _was_ happy there. I could go outside whenever I wanted, I could climb trees - we built forts in the woods and fished in the lake and went swimming... Sometimes we helped on the farm and got to feed the chickens and pigs and cows, or pull weeds in the garden and things... We earned pocket money and once in a while the ice cream truck would come by..." I smiled at the warm summer memories drifting into my mind. "I would always get an orange _Igloo_ and Pernilla would get a cola flavoured one, then we'd go swapsies."

"Swapsies?" Jasper grinned at me.

"Yeah - the Igloo is a double Popsicle, we'd trade so we both got both flavors. It was a flawless system." I sighed reminiscently.

"What is a Popsicle?"

"It's like... frozen juice or soda on a stick. It's not ice cream _per se_ , but... It's cold and delicious on a hot summer afternoon."

"Will there be an ice cream truck now?"

"No, it just comes round during the summers. But the farm is still there! On Christmas Eve morning it's tradition to buy eggs from Gösta and Petra - they're the ones that own the farm. We get to gather them ourselves! Grandma buys all her eggs from them, but then they pick them for her, because she can't bend like she used to. It's a lot of fun and we get to see all the animals. There's a horse too - Bläsen. He's a timber horse, a North Sowegian. The lumberjack who lives close by stables him there. He's got to be one of the last timber horses now, there used to be a lot more when I was a kid."

"Timber horse?" Jasper inquired with a smile.

"Yeah, nowadays when they cut down trees its done by machines and stuff, but there are places those big things can't go, even now, so they've got Bläsen for that. He pulls the logs on a wagon or sled. North Sowegian horses are big and strong and used to do a lot of the heavy work on farms, before we invented tractors and things."

"Really?" Jasper's eyebrows rose.

"Yeah," I smiled. "I'm so excited for you to meet everyone, I hope you like them."

Jasper's eyebrows rose further and she let out a little chuckle. "I just hope they like _me._ "

"Of course they will!" I said with a puff of pink, then leaned on her shoulder. "Charlie already does, and grandma too. If _grandma_ likes you, then you're good. Everyone will follow her example."

"So she's in charge?"

I blinked at Jasper in surprise. "Well... I guess you could put it that way? She's not our... _boss_ or anything." I said a little uncertainly. "But no one really goes against her wishes, no. She's really nice, though!" I added quickly. "And open minded. She always accepted me for who I am, and whoever her kids or grand kids brought with them. If your partner is good to you, then she doesn't care who you are. So, you've got nothing to worry about, darling. Just be you."

Jasper smiled and kissed my forehead. "What about Victoria, though?"

"I thought about her last night..." I said with a little frown. "She never causes trouble when she's there. It's like... a special deal. We kind of... keep out of each others way? It's not super, but it works. At grandma's everyone gets along, generally. Grandma's got this way of making people feel... _comfortable_." I shrugged my shoulders as I tried to find the right words to describe the feeling.

Jasper smiled again and looked back at the picture on the screen. "She sounds an awful lot like you."

" _Darling_..." I all but groaned, my heart almost bursting with the praise. "That means a lot to me... If it weren't for those summer breaks and holidays, if it weren't for _her_ , I don't think I would be here now..." I said quietly. "I'm not sure if she knew how my mother really was when we were back in Londinium, if she did, I think she would have done something..."

"She didn't know?" Jasper asked in surprise.

"No. Nobody knew."

"Why haven't you told her?"

"I don't know... I guess I... didn't want to ruin the magic?" I shrugged again and didn't quite dare to meet Jasper's eyes.

"So you pretended everything was fine." Jasper said it slowly.

"Everything _was_ fine, while we were there..." I mumbled, starting to feel a little uncomfortable now. "I know it wasn't a... _good_ way of dealing with it, but I didn't _have_ a way of dealing with it when I was a kid. It was just... so _nice_ to not have to worry for a while? I could just be a kid there..."

Jasper looked at me and blinked a few times, then let out a breath and embraced me.

"I think I get it." she said slowly. "Like when I ran with the six legged beasts on Colony 96HS-3. I could just... _be_."

"Yeah..." I looked up at her and smiled, feeling relieved that she could relate.

"But then everything went back to the way it was when you returned."

"Yeah..." a puff of dark green left me now. Jasper's hand found mine and we interlaced our fingers.

"When your life is complicated, it's nice to have a break."

"Yes it is," I said with feeling. "But my life is so much better now, so going to grandma's is... like _bonus_ happiness." I was determined to be positive.

Jasper let out a slightly sad chuckle. "Stars... I never thought I'd be able to be this happy for this long... Babe," she lifted my chin and smiled crookedly. "I love you."

"I love you too, darling." I hugged her tightly and we fell silent for a little while.

"Do you still climb trees while you're there?" Jasper asked after a minute.

"Not so much, no! During the winter it's kind of dangerous. But we do other outside activities then, like making snowmen, have snowball fights... Sometimes we go sledding on the hill behind the barn, or we go ice skating on the lake if the ice is thick enough."

"What are those things?"

"Making snowmen is like sculpting with snow. It's really fun. Snowball fights are, well you just make balls of snow and throw them at each other. Sledding is - you have this like plastic thing that you sit on, then you slide down a hill and it goes really fast." I looked up at her and felt myself smile. "Ice skating is when you put on special shoes that have metal bars under them, then you... kind of slide around on the ice. I'm kind of terrible at it and keep falling over, but... Victoria is really good at it. Come to think of it... I don't think I've seen her do that in years. She used to take lessons and things, when we were younger."

"Do the rest of your family do that too?" Jasper asked with a smile.

"Sometimes!" I laughed. "Someone has to supervise the kids so they're safe and don't go off too far or hurt themselves too badly, doing stuff like standing up in the sled or fall over on the ice. In Sowegian a little sled like that is called a 'pulka'. So if someone asks you; 'Ska vi åka pulka?' it means, do you want to go sledding."

Jasper chuckled. "Do you think they'd ask me?"

"Oh, most definitely! Charlie _loves_ it." I patted her arm excitedly. "Everyone speaks English more or less fluently, except for the babies and Peter, so he might ask in Sowegian. Grandma reported that the snow lies thick up there, so there's going to be lots of outside things to do. Usually the grown ups take turns watching the kids, and the rest do the other things that need doing. Grandma's house is pretty big, but with twenty or more people there it gets really crowded, so if the kids are outside there's more wiggle room."

"Is the house as big as ours?"

I looked around and thought for a minute.

"A bit bigger? And it's _a lot_ older. You've got to watch your head upstairs, the ceiling goes pretty low in some places, and the doors are _much_ lower than ours. All the adults have to be really careful."

"Even you?" Jasper looked at me in surprise.

"Yes, even me," I giggled. "I _am_ really tall for a human, you know."

"I know babe." She chuckled.

"When the house was built, people were a lot shorter! Most of my family is taller than average, but grandma is really short. She likes to joke that grandpa was a giant and that we all take after him..." I smiled and Jasper's eyes gleamed. "Jacob is the only one that takes after her, height-wise."

" _I'm_ kind of like a giant." She pointed out with a smirk.

"My giant darling..." I kissed her soft lips and stroked her cheek. "When we arrive everyone's going to want to say hi - the more poky questions will come at dinner, I'm sure. It's really busy the day before Christmas - lots of cooking and things. _Most_ of the food is cooked before hand, and people just heat it up if there's a need. But some things need to be prepared or cooked the day before, or on Christmas Eve itself. Grandma does the Jansson's temptation on the twenty third. And of course the gravlax needs to be sliced, and that takes forever. Markus is a baker, so he always makes fresh bread. Ylva does the meatballs and sausages, Elinor usually has cheese duty, and the rest just bring or make whatever Heidi says."

"What did Heidi tell us to bring?"

"'Something you like that travels well, and/or something that doesn't require the oven' were her instructions. We have a lot of traditional Christmas foods, like ham and meatballs and rice pudding, but we have non-traditional stuff too. Over the years the things on the Christmas table has changed. Some of the really old dishes have been updated or replaced, or just plain removed. Like the pickled pig's feet."

"The pickled what nows?" Jasper chuckled in amazement.

"It's exactly what it sounds..." I said with a grimace. "Granddad used to love them. And my dad always had _one_ in his memory, but he didn't like it very much. It was fun to watch him eat it though." I smiled at the memory. "So I was thinking we could bring... your empanadas."

"Really?" Jasper's eyebrows rose.

"Yeah, they're delicious." I looked up at her hopefully. " _And_ they travel well and don't need to be heated up."

"Right," Jasper grinned mischievously. "We brought them to the little glade... When you did that awesome belly flop."

I burst out laughing. "Is _that_ what you remember about the glade?"

"Not _only_ that," Jasper chuckled. "I seem to remember some pretty mind-blowing sex as well. And, of course, my empanadas." She smirked at me.

"So it's decided then. We'll bring your empanadas."

"I'll make them special this time. How does the rest of your family feel about garlic?"

"They love it!" I smiled up at her warmly.

"Good, good..." She said and then a thoughtful look swept over her face. "I know there will be presents at some point. How does that work? Is it like... at your birthday party? Steven explained that a bit to me."

"Oh. No, it's not like that. On Christmas Eve, the twenty fourth, we have the special 'gather your own eggs'-breakfast, then there's a break until lunch, which is rice pudding or porridge. Then there's another break when the kids usually go outside and everyone helps set up for Christmas dinner, with an option to watch The Christmas Hour at three o'clock. It's this hour long show that they air every year, with clips from Disney movies and things. After that's over it's time to open presents. We all go in the parlor and one of the uncles dresses up like Santa and hands out the presents, reading the poems on them if there are any." Jasper's eyebrows raised. "Some people like to do that, it's like a little rhyme to give you a clue of what the gift is or what it can be used for. I do it sometimes with Charlie's gifts."

"Should I do it?"

"If you want, but it's not mandatory." I smiled at her. "Then everyone opens their presents and say their thank yous. The kids get more gifts than the adults, generally. I get a gift from grandma, which is usually clothes of some kind, and this time I assume I'll get one from Charlie."

"And one from me." Jasper pointed out.

"And you'll get one from me." I nodded and smiled, feeling my cheeks glow pleasantly. "And one from grandma! Your _cup_."

"Yes, my _cup_." Jasper beamed proudly. "What's a san-tah, by the way?"

"Oh, right, right, right - Santa is this big jolly fat man in a red suit with white trimmings and a great big white beard. He has a red hat with a bobble on it. He's a made up magical being that delivers presents to children at Christmas. There are _many_ stories about him, and movies too. He's said to live at the North Pole and have little elves to help him make toys for all the good children of the world. He has a magical sleigh pulled by reindeer which he flies to everyone's houses. In some countries he's said to come down the chimney and place presents around the Christmas tree for the kids to find in the morning, on December twenty fifth, but in Soweland he comes into your house on the twenty fourth and says; 'Ho, ho, ho! _Finns det några snälla barn här_?' which means, are there any good kids here. The kids say yes and then he gives out presents from his sack. My uncles share the duty of playing Santa, and sometimes Gösta from the farm next door does it. Kids sometimes believe in Santa, meaning that they think he's real. Eventually they figure out that he's _not_ real, or someone tells them. But Santa is kind of a useful tool with kids, since he's only supposed to bring presents to _good_ kids. So the kids behave a little better. If you've been bad, you're supposed to get coal as a gift instead of... an actual gift."

"Coal?" Jasper furrowed her brow. "But isn't that still a gift?"

I let out a little laugh. "Yes, I suppose so, but the kids usually ask for toys or video games and things like that. Fun things that they can play with."

Jasper looked suddenly crestfallen.

"What's wrong, darling?" I asked in surprise.

"I didn't get Charlie a toy. Or a video game."

"Neither did I - it was just an example. What _did_ you get her?"

"Seeds."

"Seeds?"

"Yeah, I... had the idea a while back. I've been picking them up when Amethyst and I've been training and stuff. Just... when I saw a cool plant or a flower that smelled really good I... looked for some seeds. So she could... you know, _grow_ them. Then it'd be like she... had the whole world in her greenhouse."

"Oh _darling_! She'll _love_ that! She'll fucking lo-ove it!" Butterflies of a bright pink and gold burst out from me as I giggled. "Oh my gods that's so fucking thoughtful!"

"Yeah?" Jasper chuckled a little uncertainly.

"Yes!" I nearly groaned. "She's going to be _so_ happy! Mystery seeds! You're a genius."

"Alright!" Jasper sounded a lot more confident now. "Thank the stars, I thought I had just royally fucked up."

"It's _perfect_..." I leaned on her and sighed happily into her shirt. Jesus fucking Christ, I loved her so fucking much...

"OK, good!" She beamed down at me happily. "I hope you'll like your present too."

"I really want to ask what it is, but I _know_ you won't tell me."

"That's right." She chuckled and stroked my back.

"I hope you'll like yours too."

"I'm sure I'll love it, babe." She let out a happy sigh, then put her lips to my forehead and gave me a long, humming kiss.

********* **

" _Grandma, hello_." I said a little nervously.

" _Oh, hello my dear_!" She sounded surprised but pleased that I was calling.

" _How - how are you_?"

" _I'm fine, how are you_?"

" _Fine, fine. Um there's... something I need to tell you. Before Christmas._ "

" _Don't tell me you're not coming_?" Now she sounded almost sad.

" _No, no, we're still coming. It's just..._ " I let out a sigh. " _I've..._ ** _ **changed**_** _, since last year_."

" _I know you've lost a lot of weight, silly pants_." Grandma chortled.

" _I have, yes, but that's not what I mean._ "

" _Oh_?"

I took a deep breath, then told her... _almost_ everything. I left out a lot of details and tried to focus on the fact that everyone, including myself, were OK. When I was done I held my breath, waiting for her to speak.

" _Erica_ ," She said seriously. " _Are you alright_?"

" _Uh, yes. I'm OK. All limbs still attached and everything_." I tried a little humour.

" _Don't joke about that, my girl_."

" _Sorry grandma_."

" _And the rest of it, it's not a joke, is it_..." She said it as if she wished it was.

" _No, grandma. It's all true. I know it's a lot to take in - but I'm OK, and so is Jasper. It's been one hell of a ride, but I've never been happier_."

" _Well, that's the most important part. And you did say that children were in the future_?"

" _Yes. We're trying_."

" _Are you eating enough meat_?"

I had to smile now - that was so like her, worrying about my eating habits, even after hearing about aliens, magical powers and a human zoo.

" _Yes, I'm eating enough meat_." I said reassuringly.

" _And Jasper will be a good, steady... partner_?"

" _Yes_."

" _And this... Tourmaline won't interfere with anything?_ "

" _She won't harm me, she's fine._ "

" _As long as you are happy and safe. But if these Diamond ladies show up again I will have to have a conversation with them. These bones may creak but I've got Nisse and my walking stick_!"

The mental image of grandma shouting (and Nisse yapping) at Blue and Yellow Diamond was both hilarious and terrifying.

" _I will tell the rest of the family about this, just what they need to know."_ Grandma said after a moment. _"_ _I'm looking forward to seeing you sing with lights! I want to take lots of pictures. Can you do different shapes_?"

" _I honestly never tried_?" I said with a laugh. Jesus Christ I felt so relieved.

" _Well, give it a go, won't you_?"

" _I'll try, grandma_."

" _Good, good_!"

After a few minutes of talking about much less serious things, we hung up and I leaned back in the sofa and let out a long sigh. Grandma would see to it that the rest of the family knew about me, and my lights, so I wouldn't have to explain it to everyone all at once. That was a relief to know. Now Jasper and I just had to face the _normal_ avalanche of questions you had to endure when bringing someone new to the Christmas party.

********* **

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, Jasper and I prepared for our trip and made plans with Steven, the gems, Greg, Sadie and the Maheswarans to have a little post-Christmas get together on December twenty eighth. We were invited to join Steven and the gems on New Years Eve as well. Apparently they had a very interesting sounding tradition on that day.

I kept up my spear and balance exercises and had a few training sessions with Steven, Connie and Pearl. On our last one, Steven and Connie fused and I got to see a _spectacular_ fight between Stevonnie and Pearl. It was such a relief to see Stevonnie again, and they seemed solemn, but happy. After our session, we ran into Jasper and Amethyst and new plans for an 'all quartz spin dash bash' were made for after Christmas. I nearly _burst_ with pride for all of them - and the nasty little voice was nowhere to be heard.

********* **

On the morning of the twenty third of December I woke up before the alarm and smiled up into the ceiling. Our bubbles hung above us like always. They glowed faintly - like night lights. I felt exhilarated, happy and a little nervous - today Jasper was going to meet the rest of my family! I rolled out of bed and went to pee, then brushed my teeth and washed my face before going back to the bedroom. I turned the alarm off a minute before it was supposed to ring, then stroked Jasper's arm gently.

"Darling..." I said softly. "It's time to wake up..."

Jasper grunted and stirred, then slowly opened one eye and smirked at me.

"Hey..." she said hoarsely.

"Hey..."

"You look happy."

"I _am_ happy." I giggled. "I'm going to run downstairs and start breakfast."

"No." Jasper rasped, then pulled me into a hug. "I want - " she paused to yawn hugely. " _Cuddles_."

"OK, _five_ minutes..." I giggled into her chest.

"Mmm..." she sighed and I got comfy in her embrace.

About twenty minutes later we got out of bed and I headed downstairs while Jasper went to the bathroom. I patted The Luggage which stood _almost_ ready to go by the door. It was big enough to hold mine and Jasper's clothes, our toiletries, our gifts and three full oven dishes worth of empanadas, packed in tupper ware containers. I hadn't packed those yet, or our lunch - but I went to do so now. We would leave just after breakfast. The journey to grandma's house would be around four hours, door to door. The part of Soweland we were heading to was six hours ahead of us in time, so we'd arrive somewhere in the afternoon, if everything went OK. I loved spending time at grandma's house, but that many people were exhausting to be around, so Jasper and I were only going to stay for a few days. While we were away, Cake was going to stay at Steven's house. I packed all her things into my little backpack and put it next to The Luggage before starting to make breakfast.

Jasper joined me downstairs and we sat down to have the last quiet meal we would have for a few days. When we were done we got dressed and put on our backpacks. Jasper took The Luggage and I took my little backpack.

"Do you have everything?" Jasper asked as she patted her pockets and tightened a strap on The Luggage.

I patted my pockets too. "Phones, keys, wallet, gifts, all the cat things - oh, Cake!" I called out loudly. "Come to mommy, sweetie!"

A distant meow came from upstairs and a few seconds later Cake appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Come on, it's time to go." Jasper said. Cake trotted down to us and Jasper picked her up. "Now you _behave_ yourself at Steven's house, you hear me?"

Cake purred in response and rubbed her cheek against Jasper's.

"That's my good girl." Jasper hummed happily, then opened the door for me.

"Off we go!" I said and stepped out into the cold December morning.

When we arrived at Steven's house Garnet let us in. She was wearing a sweater that said 'Ho ho ho'.

"Good morning." She said and gave a little smile.

"Good morning, and merry Christmas." I grinned back.

A low rumble came from Steven's loft and Cake jumped down from Jasper's shoulder with a meow of greeting. She trotted up the stairs and bumped her head to Lion's, who had lowered his in anticipation. It always made me so happy to see them interacting.

"Hey guys! Murly Crust-masssss!" Amethyst called from the couch. She, Peridot and Steven seemed to be... putting popcorn on string? Or Steven and Peridot were, at least. Amethyst shoved a handful into her mouth.

"Amethyst we need those for the tree." Steven complained, then he turned to greet us.

"You put popcorn in the Christmas tree?" I asked, fascinated.

"I'm trying to!" Steven laughed. "At least let me finish this one and take a picture for the Christmas album, _then_ you can eat it, OK?"

"That's fair." Amethyst shrugged.

I put down the backpack with the cat things next to the door.

"Oh, hang on a second!" Steven put down his popcorn project, then went upstairs and rummaged around under his bed. He came back down holding a little present and wearing a huge smile. There were several dust bunnies in his hair.

"Here you go." He said happily as he handed it to me. "It's for Charlie."

"Oh, Steven... that's so nice of you..." I cooed happily. "Are you exchanging gifts?"

"We haven't said anything about it but we just wanted to give her something. That's OK, right? She doesn't have to give anything back!" He smiled a little nervously now. "It's from both me and Connie."

"Charlie is going to be so glad!" I held my arms out for him and his smile broadened, then he accepted the hug with a giggle.

After wishing everyone a merry Christmas Jasper and I got on the warp pad.

"Ready, babe?" Jasper asked and held out her hand to me.

"Ready." I said. "Jump!"

The lights flashed into life and streamed around us for a moment, then ice cold air hit my face.

"Oh fuck!" I giggled and quickly raised my scarf over my cheeks, then put the hood to my winter coat up. Both Jasper and I left great big plumes of breath in the frigid air. A thin layer of snow covered everything, making the landscape look soft and sparkly in the early afternoon sunlight. We started walking east, holding hands.

A thin and very cold looking young man was waiting for us at the parking lot in front of a small bed and breakfast when we arrived in Norrnäs.

"M-m-miss Brooks?" He shivered.

"That's me." I said with a smile. "Have you been waiting out here in the cold, are you insane?"

"N-not supposed t-to leave your vehicle unatt-ended, Miss B-Brooks!" He held out a set of keys in a thinly mittened hand and made a grimace that might have been intended to be a smile, had his face not been semi frozen.

"Thank you uh - what's your name?"

"L-Liam Thomas, Miss Brooks! I'm an i-intern at Glendale Publishing."

"They sent you from _Londinium_?" I asked in horrified surprise.

"Y-yes, Miss Brooks."

"Oh my fucking gods, let's get you inside - do you speak Sowegian?"

"N-no, I'm from Cardiff, I didn't know it w-was a requirement!?" Now he looked terrified.

"It's not!" I reassured him, then grabbed him by the arm and dragged him inside the little wooden building. Jasper followed with a chuckle. I stomped the snow off my boots, then greeted the middle aged woman behind the counter. " _Merry Christmas, do you have any rooms available_?"

" _Merry Christmas! Yes, a few. Don't get many visitors around this time of year._ " She smiled at me, then looked at Liam and raised an eyebrow.

" _Do you speak English_?" I asked the woman.

"A little bit." She answered in a thick Sowegian accent. "Enough for tourists asking about the fjord!"

"Excellent - this is Liam. Liam, say hi."

"H-hi!" Liam said, his face turning a bit purple around the cheeks.

"Liam, you're going to stay here and get warmed up. When are you going back to Londinium?"

"T-tomorrow, Miss Brooks!"

"Do you have anywhere to stay?"

"W-well..." Now he looked embarrassed.

"Right." I turned to the woman. " _A room for him, food and everything, and a taxi to the airport tomorrow, whenever he wants it. Can you send me the bill_?"

" _Of course_!" the woman beamed. " _We have a sauna and this evening there will be a Christmas feast, with our home made pickled herring_!"

" _Wonderful_." I smiled at her. "Liam, you're going to stay here tonight. They have a sauna and there'll be a Christmas feast tonight. Don't worry about paying, it's on me."

"B-but - "

"No buts! It's Christmas." I patted him on the shoulder, then went to sort the billing with the woman, who was named Berit. "Do you mind waiting, darling?" I asked Jasper.

"Do your thing, babe." She said with a crooked grin, then went to look at a little shelf full of locally made souvenirs. When we left, Liam had been equipped with a cup of tea and he stammered his thanks to me through still chattering teeth.

"I'm going to have to have a word with my publisher about this." I said as Jasper and I stepped outside. "They can't just send some guy all the way up here with a car... And not make sure he's taken care of. He didn't even have a hat!"

"You didn't have to pay for everything, though." Jasper said as she got comfortable in the spacious back seat.

"It's _Christmas_." I huffed. "I thought they were just going to order a car a few days in advance and we'd just pick up the keys here. They didn't have to send a person all the way."

"Oh, look, there's snacks." A crinkling sound came from behind me and I turned around to find Jasper ripping open a bag of Cheetos. "Want some?"

"No thank you." I said and took a calming breath. "We should get going if we want to make it there before dinner. Berit said there's more snow coming."

As we drove I calmed down further and found my Christmas spirit once again. Darkness had fallen when we arrived at our destination, and the snow was coming down pretty hard. I parked the car and we both got out and stretched.

"You ready to meet my family?" I asked with a big smile and held out my hand to her.

Jasper cracked her knuckles and rolled her shoulders, then took my proffered hand. "I'm ready."

We walked up the garden path to the big house. The roof was covered in snow and every window was lit, spilling warm light onto the snowdrifts building up outside.

"OK, be prepared to be accosted by a number of people." I said as I rang the doorbell.

"Bring it on." Jasper chuckled.

Some thumps, a few yappy barks and a burst of laughter preceded the door opening.

"Fucking finally!" Charlie said happily. Three dogs tumbled out and began jumping up and sniffing at both me and Jasper. " _Nico, Lotten, Bamse, no - get inside -_ ** _ **shoo**_**!" She snapped her fingers and pointed inside. The dogs tore back in, panting and barking excitedly. "Hi!"

"Hey Aeir!" Jasper chuckled.

"Merry Christmas, sweetie!"

We all hugged hello, then shuffled inside. Jasper had to duck to get in.

"Everyone's in the kitchen, making dinner. You're so _late_!"

"Sorry, the snow started coming down like mad. God Jul, Heidi, Ylva - oof!" Nisse had come bounding up bow-leggedly and grunted and sneezed around my legs as my aunts embraced me in turn. "God Jul, God Jul - this is Jasper - OK, Nisse, yes I missed you too but - I need to take my shoes off!"

"Hello, nice to meet you." Jasper said and shook hands with Heidi and Ylva.

"Hello, välkommen! And God Christmas - uh, I mean, Merry Jul." Ylva said, getting flustered.

"God Jul, God Jul, come in out of the hallway - can I take your bag? Is this all you brought? You travel light!" Heidi babbled as she reached for The Luggage. Seemed _both_ my aunts were a bit flustered around Jasper.

"Erica!"

" _Grandma_!" I beamed as my grandma came walking slowly out from the kitchen. I hugged her with my jacket half-way off and one boot untied.

"Oh, so good to see you! Come on in, the food will be ready soon. And this must be Jasper." grandma looked up at Jasper with a smile. "Come here, come here, let me look at you."

Jasper stepped up to grandma and held out her hand. She had to bend down quite far and I noticed her grin grow a little nervous as grandma clasped her large hand in her own small and wizened ones.

"Nice to meet you." Jasper said over the din of greetings.

"Yes it is! My great granddaughter has told me some very good things about you." grandma gave Jasper a prim little smile that made me feel a happy tingle run up my spine.

"She's a great kid!" Jasper said a _little_ too loudly. I stepped up beside her and put my arm around her back, and felt her relax a little.

"Oh, I know she is." Grandma beamed.

"Uuugh." Charlie groaned at the exchange while Clara and Louise giggled.

When almost everyone had said hello in some way shape or form, the pressure of people abated and Jasper and I could take off our jackets and shoes properly.

"Did you survive the first assault?" I asked in a whisper.

"Still in one piece." Jasper whispered back with a grin.

"Let me show you around!" grandma said over the slightly reduced din. Charlie, Clara and Louise followed us into the parlour, whispering and giggling together.

Grandma gave us the tour of half the bottom floor before the call of ' _Dinner's ready_!' came from the kitchen.

"Just as well we're in the dining room." grandma chortled. " _Take a seat, everyone_!"

Everyone entered the room carrying trays, bowls and oven dishes. Soon we were all seated around the long dining table. I was sitting between Jasper and Charlie. I saw Victoria down the other end of the table - she had not come to greet us at the door. She gave me a grumpy look, then turned to talk to Marcus. Well. No obvious hostility at least, but not exactly _civil_.

"Everyone, your attention please." Grandma said from the top of the table. "Now that we're all here it is time to ring the bell." She lifted an old bell and jangled it three times, as was the tradition. "Christmas has been rung! Now please, dig in, dig in!" She sat down and the conversation rose around us again.

"Christmas has been rung?" Jasper asked quietly.

"Grandma always does it." I replied, passing a large bowl of salad to her after taking some myself. "Now that I think of it, I don't really know why? Just... announcing that Christmas has started? Oh, you've got to try this - it's beet root salad." Charlie had just passed the bowl to me and I ladled some onto my plate.

"I'd like to try everything." Jasper grinned a little excitedly.

"That's the spirit!" Henrik raised his glass toward Jasper. I beamed at both of them.

"You must need to eat a lot to be able to retain so much muscle mass." Jacob pointed out from across the table.

"No, it's just... how I was made." Jasper said, looking over at him.

"So you don't work out at all?"

"She can lift a car!" Charlie giggled excitedly. "Right over her head, I saw her do it!"

"I call bullshit." Timothy grinned from Jasper's other side.

"It's true!" Charlie almost got out of her chair. She looked annoyed.

"It _is_ true." I confirmed.

"I'd like to see that." Timothy smirked at all three of us.

"Soon you'll challenge her to an arm wrestling competition." Antonia groaned.

"Which you'll lose, and then you'll _sulk_." Pernilla pointed out.

"I do not _sulk_." Timothy frowned at his younger sisters.

"You do!" Elinor joined in as well now, laughing. "Stop embarrassing Erica's new girlfriend already."

"Significant other." I said quickly. "Not girlfriend."

"Oh, la-di-da." Timothy smirked again.

"Sounds serious!" Marcus wiggled his eyebrows in my direction.

"It is serious." Jasper said, frowning slightly.

"Do I hear wedding bells?" Ullrika inquired from Charlie's other side.

I nearly choked on my beet roots and the people around us burst into laughter.

"Now, now." Grandma said from the top of the table. "Enough of that."

"You OK, babe?" Jasper asked.

I wiped my mouth with a napkin, then cleared my throat and nodded.

A slightly tinny wail came from down the table and Ullrika got up quickly, taking a baby monitor with her.

"Do you want me to go?" Henrik asked as his wife hurried past him.

"Next time it's your turn!" she called over her shoulder.

"How is Algot?" I asked quickly, relieved at the change of subject.

"He's growing like a weed!" Henrik said proudly. "He just started crawling!"

The dinner conversation rose and fell around the table, and I found out what my cousins had done in the last year. There were many questions for Jasper (many of them from Charlie funnily enough), which she handled admirably. She reached for my hand sometimes and I held it and squeezed it reassuringly. My family could be a little blunt sometimes, but Jasper handled it very well.

After Jasper's interrogation had settled a little, Charlie told us what she'd been up to since this summer; she had dropped her junior business classes, which was an enormous relief to hear. She had also gotten back to growing things, and said that her greenhouse was coming along great now. _And_ that she had come in third in a show jumping competition last week. She showed us a picture on her phone and I asked her to send it to me so I could frame it. She agreed with glowing cheeks.

After dessert consisting of several delicious cheesecakes, we all helped out clearing the table and doing the dishes. Algot and the twins were already asleep, we were told. But they would be up bright and early, Elinor, Ullrika and Henrik assured us when I inquired about them. Peter, who was six years old, seemed absolutely fascinated with Jasper, but he was very shy. Charlie, Clara, Isabella and Louise could be heard laughing from the living room while the adults dealt with the aftermath of dinner. When everything was squared away, some people headed upstairs to their rooms. The rest took to the living room and parlour, armed with coffee and various alcoholic drinks. Jasper spent some time admiring the wall covered in drawings and I spotted Victoria sitting with Ullrika and Lisa. She met my gaze for a moment, then turned to talk to our cousins. Charlie called us over to join the girls at the coffee table and we had a lovely time playing board games.

At around ten I decided to go up to bed, and Jasper joined me.

"Are you having fun, darling?" I asked quietly as we moved up the narrow stairs.

"I am." She said with a smile. "Everyone is so nice. And you look so alike!"

"Family traits..."

We joined the cue to the bathroom, then got ready for bed in our room.

"Right, the tinsel." I said as I got into my pyjamas. I went back into the corridor and grabbed a length from the cupboard next to the stairs. After wrapping it around the door handle, I went back inside and closed the door with a sigh. "I'm fucking exhausted..." I laughed and rubbed my eyes.

We got into bed - it was quite cramped with both of us in it. Jasper's hair took up a lot of space and she had to pull her legs up so she'd fit, but it was very cosy.

"We could move the mattress to the floor, if you want." I said with a tired smile.

"Nah, it's OK." Jasper wriggled around a little to get comfortable, then grinned at me. "Might be a bit complicated to have sex, though."

"We could make it work..." I glanced at her, feeling my cheeks heat up pleasantly. Suddenly I didn't feel so tired. "We'd have to be quiet though..."

"We're still kind of bad at that." Jasper chuckled and pulled me in for a kiss.

"Maybe we should practice then."

"Yes, let's."

I began to stroke her cheeks as our kiss deepened. It was so wonderful to kiss her... Her lush lips could be both firm and mindbogglingly soft. My hands wandered up into her hair and she let out a deep purring sound. I smiled into her lips and carefully ran my fingers through her silken mane.

"Mmm, babe..." She hummed delightedly. I started to kiss down her neck, my hands still stroking her hair. I focused in under her chin, giggling to feel her skin vibrating as she kept humming. "Mhmm... Mhmmmmm... Let me just..." Her hand stroked along my back and came to rest on my left butt cheek. "Mmm... Perfect..." She squeezed me gently.

"Oh, my muscles are sore from walking in the snow." I giggled.

"Mmmyeah?"

"Mhm." I nodded. "Could you squeeze a little harder?"

"Mmm!" Jasper's eyebrows twitched and she grinned contentedly, her fingers and palm massaging my bum with a bit more force. "Stars..." She sighed.

"You're loving this aren't you?" I giggled.

"Oh yeah..."

I loved seeing her enjoying herself. Her cheeks were pleasantly flushed and her gem began to glow softly as the minutes wore on. As her hand massaged me I felt my labia rub together, that nice slick sensation making a happy tingle run up my spine. I shivered with pleasure and Jasper opened her eyes to gaze down at me. Her pupils were huge.

"You know what I call it when you make that little shiver?" she asked huskily.

"No, what do you call it?" I giggled.

"Little monster quakes."

"Darling!" I snorted with laughter, then showered her big smiling face with kisses as the butterflies shimmered around us. She chuckled happily, then got up on hands and knees and leant down to kiss me. I shivered again and then we both laughed.

"Stars, babe..." she sighed as she lifted my shirt with one finger. "You make me so fucking happy, you know that?"

"I know..." I smiled at her, a great plume of pink and gold vapour drifting out of my mouth. It curled around Jasper, but didn't touch her. She kissed me again, then licked down my neck until she reached my breasts.

"I've been thinking about these lovely ladies all day..." she said before taking my left nipple in her mouth. I let out a gasp as her lips closed around it, my back arching as pleasant tingles raced over my skin.

"You have?" I asked, biting my lip.

"Mhmmm..." she hummed.

"What - ah - have you been think-ing about them?"

"I've been thinking... how soft they are..." Jasper smiled and looked up at my face. "How good your skin tastes..." now she gave my breast a long lick. "And how it makes your eyes go all hazy when I do _this_..." she slowly closed her lips around my nipple again and sucked very gently. I drew in a sharp breath, my insides surging in response. She chuckled sultrily and gave me a crooked grin.

"Beastie..." I moaned.

"Yes, little monster?"

"Please do that again..."

She grinned and obliged, her gem pulsing faintly. I felt one large, warm hand slide up the outside of my left thigh and gently sweep over my lower belly, just above my mound. My hips rose in response and I let out a low hiss of pleasure. Her thumb stroked lower, teasingly caressing me _just_ above my clitoris. It made everything else feel more intense and I began to moan softly.

"Remember, we have to be quiet..." Jasper rumbled into my skin, a grin stretching her lips to tighten around my nipple.

"But it's - so hard!" I groaned, my back arching.

Jasper chuckled and looked up at me with shining eyes.

"You know what else is hard?" she asked mischievously.

"You?"

" _Mhmm_."

"Show me..." I moaned.

She moved to sit up, but bumped the back of her head on the bottom of the overhead bunk.

"Are you OK?" I asked with a gasp.

"Ow, yeah, fine." she chuckled. "Hmm... How do we do this?"

"Might be easier if I'm on top?" I suggested with a giggle.

"Yeah, OK." Jasper beamed. "I love it when you are."

"I know..." I bit my lip.

We rearranged ourselves and threw off our pyjamas eagerly, then she lay down on her back and braced her feet against the wall at the foot of the bed. I climbed in between her legs and began to lick a very happily squirming Kara.

"You know..." I said after a while of teasing her with my mouth. "There's one position I've been thinking about lately... And you're basically right where I want you..."

Jasper looked up at me with glowing cheeks, her chest rising and falling quickly.

"Y-yeah?"

"Yeah. It's called the Amazon. Would you be OK if I bend Kara toward me a bit?"

"Uh, sure." Jasper grinned interestedly. "And then what?"

"Then I get up like this..." I rose to my knees and scooted closer to her crotch, my knees fitting neatly under her raised thighs. "And put Kara inside me... and thrust into you."

"And what do I do?"

"Just enjoy yourself." I grinned at her, feeling my cheeks and ears burn with anticipation.

"Yes." she said, nodding seriously. "Yes, please."

"OK!" I giggled happily, then guided a delightfully squirming Kara to my entrance. She slid inside with ease and I whimpered softly - Jasper's thighs tensed and she gasped and gripped the sheets tightly.

"Oof, _babe!_ " she panted.

"Oh, _fu-uck_..." I moaned, then looked down at the astonished expression on her face. "You OK, d-darling?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Yeah." I nodded, then leaned forward, placing my hands either side of her broad hips. "Ready?"

"Yeah!" she bit her lip and looked at me eagerly.

I began to move slowly, enjoying the sensation of the thick, warm, not to mention _slick_ shaft, sliding out of me immensely. I was in control in a different way now, and _that_ was _incredibly_ arousing. I tilted my hips down and caused Kara to move back inside, deeper than before.

"Oh my fucking gods..." I moaned. "I - I really like this." I tried another thrust, a little faster now, and shivered as Kara bumped my deep spot. "I _really_ like this..."

"Stars, this feels - ah!" Jasper gasped as my walls contracted in a rippling wave.

"Mmmh!" I purred. My hips found a steady rhythm. It was incredible! I felt so powerful! "Oh, darling, oh _darling_..."

"Stars you're so fucking sexy." Jasper panted, grinning up at me with cheeks positively glowing with delight.

"I _feel_ so sexy!" I hissed, grinding a little on her when she was as deep as can be. It felt like it was a bit forbidden to say, and I shivered pleasantly.

I lost myself in the rhythm, my mind falling into some sort of primal... _chase like_ state. Soon sweat was pouring down my face and back, and my breath was sparkling with pink and gold. Jasper panted too, her gem glowing more and more powerfully with each deep thrust I made. My body was not used to moving like this, and I felt the muscles in my lower back protesting and my breasts bounce a little uncomfortably, but it was just too good!

"Honey I'm - I'm - ! Nnh!" Jasper stiffened and threw her head back, biting her lower lip not to scream out. I felt Kara spasm and flood my insides with her wonderful essence, and I gasped loudly as Jasper's gem blazed with light. But I wasn't quite there yet. I slowed down, however, wanting to make sure Jasper was OK.

"You ah-alright, darling?"

"Fuck..." she panted, grinning broadly. "Yeah, I'm alright. Keep going, babe! I'm not done with you." she raised both hands to fondle my breasts.

"I love you so much, beastie." I growled happily, and began to thrust again. It wasn't long until a blinding orgasm claimed me and I collapsed onto Jasper's heaving chest, my thighs and back burning with exertion.

"Stars, babe..." Jasper purred. She wriggled a little underneath me, then tenderly stroked my sweaty back. "You looked so fucking good like that. Did you have fun?"

"Yah..." I grunted happily against her skin. "Think I might have overdone it a little bit..." I began to laugh tiredly, and Jasper shuddered and gasped, her sweaty face sporting a delighted smile. I felt her spurting deep inside me, hot and wet and trembling with pleasure.

"If you keep laughing while we're like this, do you think I could keep on cumming forever?"

"I don't know." I laughed, and she gasped again. Another, smaller wave of warmth flooded me now. "Hey. Tell me a joke."

"Oh stars, I can't think of any." she made a sound half way between a groan and a snigger and wiped her forehead.

"Well... I have one. Why did the cat run away from the tree?"

"I don't know, hah, why did the cat run away from the tree?"

"Because it was afraid of its bark."

"What?" Jasper's eyebrows creased a moment, then she let out a groaning laugh. "Oh my stars, that was terrible!"

"Made you laugh though." I pointed out, giggling as her stomach muscles made me bounce.

"The point was to make _you_ laugh."

"We can't have everything..." I grinned at her. "But I could always just... _squeeze_..." I grimaced as I concentrated to contract my vaginal muscles. Jasper drew in a sharp breath and clutched at the sheets. I relaxed a moment, then squeezed again.

"Oh!" Jasper squeaked, and I felt Kara tremble within me, a final little blast of hot, sweet pleasure. " _Mmmh_..." she hummed as she settled back into the bed.

"Satisfied?" I smirked at her.

"Mhm... yup..." she sighed contentedly. Kara did her little happy wriggles inside me and I stretched my arms out, relishing the afterglow. "My hard working little monster..." she caressed my cheek lovingly.

"That's me." I kissed her top-most abs.

After just lying joined for a while, I moved up to kiss her.

"I think I require another butt massage." I said with a little groan. I was quite sore now.

"Say no more." Jasper grinned, then put her warm hands on my ass and began to rub and squeeze it.

"Mmm... oh that feels so good..." I sighed. As I relaxed, her essence flowed out of me. I tensed up for a moment, did some quick calculation in my mind, then relaxed again. It could _not_ be my period.

"Is it too late to shower?" Jasper asked after a while.

I looked at the time - it was almost a quarter to one.

"Yes, I think so." I giggled. "We could go to the bathroom and clean up a _little_. If I can stand, that is."

"And maybe get a snack?" Jasper asked hopefully.

"Oh, yes. There should be plenty of leftovers from tonight."

"I'm good with anything. Just worked up an appetite."

"OK, bathroom, then kitchen. We have to be quiet."

I wobbled as we got up and almost fell over, my legs were so rubbery. After a lot of giggling and sparkling butterflies we were both redressed in our pyjamas, and we snuck through our door into the quiet house. I hoped we hadn't been overheard, but I knew the rest of the adults wouldn't mention it. We might get a few snickers from the kids, but I was OK with that.

"Watch your head, darling." I reminded Jasper as we tip toed over the floor toward the bathroom. The wooden floor boards squeaked underfoot as we passed doors with snoring occupants inside. We reached the bathroom and squeezed inside, then cleaned up as best we could with some hot water, soap and a few wash cloths. When we were done, I was feeling quite peckish myself, and we snuck downstairs without bumping our heads on anything.

In the kitchen we found a veritable smorgasbord of leftovers, and assembled a plate each. Lotten and Nico padded into the kitchen and looked at us expectantly.

"You can lick our plates, if you're quiet." I told them softly. They followed us into the parlour and we sat down on the couch next to the Christmas tree. It was still lit.

"Why _is_ there a tree in here?" Jasper asked as she munched a roasted potato. "I get that it's a Christmas thing, since Steven had one too, but why is there so much stuff in it? Lights and spheres and... candy?"

"It's traditional. Christmas as we celebrate it now is quite new. Back in the old days, they celebrated the winter solstice with a feast - when the world turned toward summer and springtime again. The turning point in the year. The only green things around were fir trees, so people used them for decoration, and protection from evil things in the dark, I think."

"There are evil things in the dark?"

"Superstition mostly. Trolls and elves and gnomes... there are so many stories about them. People used to believe they, or the gods, were what made things happen in the world. Like one god brought summer, and another the winter. Trolls kidnapped people who walked alone in darkness without iron. All sorts of stuff."

"Huh." Jasper said slowly.

"That was before humans understood the world. Before we knew it was a planet in a solar system. People wanted explanations for things like thunder and natural disasters, so they sort of made things up to make themselves feel better, to put it very simply. Thunder is a big scary sound, so if we say it happens because a god is fighting evil giants to protect us, then it's a lot less scary, right?"

Jasper looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Different people in different places came up with different ways of explaining the world, but many gods or creatures did the same things. There are a hundred thunder gods, and water gods, summer goddesses and so on. It's pretty cool when you think about it, that even though humanity was so spread out, we all had the same need for explaining our world, and the same ideas about what made everything happen."

"You're a curious species." Jasper smiled at me and took another potato.

"We are, aren't we?" I smiled back.

"Crazy geniuses... Mmm, oh, what's this called?" she held up a piece of bread with some _leverpastej_ on it.

" _Leverpastej_ \- it's made from cow or pig liver. Try it with one of those tiny pickles."

Jasper threw one into her mouth and chewed carefully, then smiled.

"Oh, that's good! Do you know how to make it?"

"No, but I think Ullrika does. We could ask her tomorrow."

"Yeah, oh, yeah, for sure!"

"You're not the only one who likes it." I giggled, pointing at the little puddle of drool forming under Lotten's muzzle. "But we shouldn't overfeed them, they get enough little treats during Christmas. I promised you the plates, don't worry." I said to them quietly.

When we were done eating we put the plates on the floor, and the dogs threw themselves over them. Jasper and I cuddled up on the couch. I let out a soft burp.

"Oh, I could go to sleep right here." I said sleepily.

Jasper yawned hugely. "Mmm... me too."

* * *

Please review!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of a few weeks ago, Stay passed 40k views on fanfiction.net and Ao3 combined! I'm thinking of doing something celebratory, but I've been busy with work and battling writer's block - that's why it's been so long since I updated. I have an idea what I'd like to do, but I thought I should get this out before anything else. This chapter grew so large that I had to split it into three. The following parts will be uploaded relatively soon!


	84. Christmas, part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All (complete) sentences in _italics_ are in Sowegian (Swedish), for easier reading. (Otherwise this chapter would be _so_ much longer)

**Chapter 84: Christmas, part two**

I jerked awake to a child screaming shrilly. I looked around in confusion, my vision taken up by something pale and fluffy and soft. I lifted Jasper's hair out of the way and something grumbled in my lap.

"Li-ohn?" I slurred, blearily blinking down at a grey-muzzled cocker spaniel. She huffed at me reproachfully, then lay her head back in my lap and let out a doggy sigh. Well excuse _me,_ I thought, feeling a little reproachful myself. Another shriek came from the kitchen and was followed by an urgent shushing.

" _We'll go soon, mommy just wants a little sip of coffee..._ " that was Elinor's voice. The twins must be up then. A slightly different sounding squeal of protest sounded now. " _I know, honey, I know you want to go outside and play, but just wait a little, OK? Come on coffee maker..._ "

She sounded _very_ tired. Couldn't be easy, dealing with twins on her own. Maybe I could help her out a bit? I moved Lotten's head to a cushion, then stood up with a groan. Man, I was sore all over. Falling asleep on the couch had not been a good idea. Jasper looked as peaceful as ever, Nico lying with his head on her massive thigh. I smiled, then stretched and yawned.

"Darling?" I said quietly.

"Mmm..." she rumbled, wrinkling her eyebrows.

"We fell asleep downstairs. I think Elinor could use some help with the twins... I'll be in the kitchen."

"Mmm... wait..." she opened her eyes and looked over at me muzzily. "Take your horse, he's eaten all my... my _waffles_..."

I smiled at her warmly. "OK, I'll take my horse. Go back to sleep, darling."

"Mmm... 'k..." she closed her eyes again.

I went to the bathroom and washed my face, then headed into the kitchen with the plates from last night.

" _Oh, no, did we wake you_?" Elinor asked tiredly.

" _Yeah, but it's OK. Jasper and I fell asleep on the couch. Late night snack_..." I held up the plates as explanation. I put them in the sink, then turned to the toddlers. " _Hello Vera, hello Anton, do you remember me_?"

Both of them squeaked and went to hug their mother's legs.

" _Darlings, this is my cousin, Erica. She's nice. Can you say hello to Erica_?" Elinor said with a tired smile.

" _Hiii..._ " the twins said in unison.

" _Hi guys_." I said softly.

" _Could you keep an eye on them for just one second_?" Elinor asked pleadingly. " _I_ ** _ **really**_** _need to go pee_."

" _Sure, no problem. Hey guys, do you... want to hear a little story_?"

" _Story_!" Vera clapped her hands and let go of her mother's leg.

" _Oh, good idea - here_." Elinor handed me her phone. " _There's a story app with pictures, they love the ones with the blue dinosaur_."

" _OK_." I took the phone and sat down on the floor. Once I tapped the app there was a little melody and Anton perked up too. Elinor disentangled herself, then stepped away carefully as the twins sat down on the floor as well. " _Once upon a time, there was a dinosaur called Henry_."

" _Ree-ree_!" Anton giggled, and Vera scooted closer to look at the picture. This was a really cool app, I thought to myself. Plenty of colourful illustrations that jumped as the pages of the story turned. Soon both toddlers were sitting in my lap, cooing along with the words and helping me turn the pages. When the story was done, Elinor wasn't back, so we read another one. Lotten came and joined us and the kids squealed happily, petting her tummy when she lay down flat on her back with all her legs in the air. Anton was quite intent on riding her but I said that she was too little to ride. Some pouting ensued, but was washed away when Elinor re-entered the kitchen.

" _Thank you_!" she said and picked up Vera and kissed her cheek, then did the same with Anton.

" _Think the coffee is done too_." I said.

" _Oh good."_

_"_ _You want a cup_?"

" _Yes please_."

" _How's it going with you? You turned in so early last night we barely had time to talk._ "

" _Yeah, sorry, these little rascals run me pretty ragged._ " she said with an apologetic smile.

" _I_ ** _ **bet**_**." I laughed.

" _It's been an adjustment, sure. But I think we've got it sorted out, haven't we? They'll start kindergarten in January, finally got them a spot."_ she smiled at her children and took out some crackers from a bag on the counter. " _Are you thirsty? How about some apple juice_?"

" _Juice!_ " Anton raised his little arms.

" _OK, then we've got to sit at the table. Could you grab Vera_?" she asked me.

" _Sure_."

" _Say 'you want to go upsies_?'" she added in a whisper.

" _OK, you want to go upsies, Vera_?"

" _Mmm_!" she lifted her arms and I bent to pick her up. My back protested, but I ignored it.

We sat down at the kitchen table, putting each squirming toddler in a high chair. Soon both were equipped with crackers and juice, and Elinor and I had a cup of coffee each. I glanced at the clock. It was barely half past seven.

" _We can go get the eggs at eight, right?_ " Elinor asked and yawned.

" _Yeah. I could use a cracker or something, too. You want something pre-breakfast-y_?"

" _A banana would be great. Think there's fruit in the pantry_."

" _I'll go get some_."

As I stood up, I heard heavy footsteps from behind me.

"Morning darling." I said with a smile.

"Morning..." Jasper greeted hoarsely.

" _Bear_!" Vera squeaked. " _Bear, bear, bear_!"

" _Vera, that's not nice_!" Elinor chided. " _That's Jasper, she's Erica's girlf- I mean, significant other. She's very nice_!"

" _Nice bear_?" Anton asked.

" _Yes, she's a nice bear_." I giggled, looking up at Jasper fondly. Jasper looked back, smiling faintly in confusion. "They think you're a bear, darling." I explained.

"Oh. Is that good?" she glanced at Elinor, who smiled apologetically.

"I think it's your hair?" Elinor said carefully.

"I say bear is good, my soon-to-be mama-bear." I stood on tip-toe to give Jasper a kiss.

" _Good day. Me one bear_." Jasper said in broken Sowegian. I gasped at her and the twins squealed shrilly with delight.

"Darling! When did you learn to speak Sowegian?!"

"I just listened to you guys talking. Was it right?"

"Pretty good. You said 'good day, me one bear', but we got what you meant." I beamed at her. "You learn so fast!"

Jasper gave me a crooked grin. "How do you say it correctly?"

" _Hello, I am a bear_." I said slowly.

" _Hello, I am a_ ** _ **nice**_** _bear_." Elinor corrected me with an amused smile.

"He-i, ya-g err enn snell bee-yorn." Jasper repeated.

" _Nice bear, nice bear_!" Anton squeaked.

" _Baloo! Baloo!_ " Vera pounded her little fists on the high chair.

"Oh, got them all excited." Elinor sighed faintly.

"Why don't you go get dressed? _Baloo_ and I can keep these little buggers occupied for a few minutes."

"That'd be very helpful." Elinor perked up noticeably. She emptied her coffee cup, grabbed her banana, then hurried out of the kitchen.

"What's a Baloo?" Jasper asked.

"He's a bear from a Disney movie called the Jungle Book. He's big and funny and has a little human friend called Mowgli. They sing a song together. _Look for the - bare necessities, the simple bare necessities_ ," I began to sing the Sowegian version of the song, and both Vera and Anton cooed excitedly, mumbling along with the lyrics. " _Forget about your worries and your strife. I mean the bare necessities, Old Mother Nature's recipes, that brings the bare necessities of life_." butterflies in pink and white flitted through the air and the kids giggled and reached for them. I couldn't remember the entire song, but just hummed the bits I didn't know, doing a little Baloo dance on the middle of the kitchen floor. Jasper looked at me fondly and chuckled.

" _Baloo! Upsies_!" Vera called after I had finished the song. Jasper raised her eyebrows at me.

"She wants you to pick her up." I said with a broad grin.

"Would that be OK?"

"Yes, just be careful."

I held my breath a moment as Jasper reached down to Vera and gently grabbed her around the torso. I wasn't afraid Jasper would hurt her, it was just... seeing her pick the little girl up almost made me feel faint with happiness. Someday, it would be _our_ son or daughter she raised into the air. Next Christmas it could be the two of _us_ that were tired beyond belief, needing someone else to watch our kid while we stole a few minutes alone in the bathroom... My heart both brimmed with joy and felt as if it was going to break at the same time, especially when a big, _bright_ smile spread on Jasper's face, I wanted it so fiercely. Vera gaped as she was lifted up, then giggled, and her little chubby legs pedalled the air.

" _Big bear_!" she cooed.

" _Yes, she_ ** _ **is**_** _a big bear, isn't she_?" I agreed, feeling my cheeks flush with happiness. Jasper brought Vera in close to her chest and held her securely.

Vera patted Jasper on the chin and declared; " _Nice bear_..."

Jasper chuckled, which made Vera squeal happily. I was ready to burst into tears, my breath a deep, rich gold.

"Uhh!" Anton whined.

" _You want to go upsies too, little man_?" I asked him with a smile. He nodded and raised his arms. " _I'm not as tall as the bear, but we can do rocket ship_!" I picked him up and made a whooshing sound, then raised him high before bringing him in close. This cheered him up quite a lot.

"If I'm a bear, then what are you, hmm?" Jasper rumbled to Vera.

"A little troll, I think." I said with a smile. " _Are you a troll, Vera? Or a gnome, perhaps?_ "

" _No_!" Vera said and looked almost insulted. " _Smrf_!"

" _What_?"

" _Smmmrrrrf_!"

Anton laughed at his sister.

"What's she saying?" Jasper asked, looking fascinated.

"'Smrf'?" I said, trying to figure it out. "Oh a _smurf_!"

" _Aiiiieee_!" Vera squeaked in agreement. " _Smrf_."

"What is a smurf?"

"She's wearing one on her pyjamas." I smiled and nodded toward Vera. Jasper raised her up a bit more, to get a good look at her shirt.

"A blue little person in a white hat and pants?"

"They're a cartoon people." I explained as Anton began to bounce up and down. I swayed from side to side, and he laughed again, settling a little. "They live in mushrooms in a forest. How does the song go? La, la, la, la, la, la, la-la-la-la-laa..."

"LA LA LA LA LA!" Vera almost screamed and Jasper chuckled again, leaning her head back a little.

" _Oh, not so loud, not so loud, people are sleeping... Can we sing quietly_?" I lowered my voice as I spoke. "La, la, la, la, la, la..."

"La-la-la-la-laah..." both Vera and Anton sang in whispers.

" _Oh such good smurfs_..." I cooed. The butterflies flitted around us, and inspired a new set of squealing giggles. " _Oh dear_!"

Jasper leaned down and kissed my cheek and I turned to kiss her on the mouth with a happy hum.

"Bleuuurghhh..." came from the door to the kitchen, and I smiled - I _knew_ that groan.

"Morning Charlie..." I said with an amused raised eyebrow. As Jasper leaned back from me I saw her gem glow faintly.

"Do you _have_ to be so gross?"

"Yes." Jasper nodded firmly.

"Yes, indeed." I nodded too.

"Who's being gross?" Clara came in too, putting her hair up in a pony tail.

" _They_ are." Charlie pointed to us.

"What? Is holding babies gross?" Clara looked at Charlie questioningly.

"No, they were _kissing_!"

"But that's nice."

"As if you'd know!"

" _I've_ kissed people!"

"What?! When?!"

"I don't have to tell you!"

"Opf! Tell me! Was it Martin?"

"Not telling."

"Alexander?"

Clara huffed and stalked off.

"It _was_ Alexander! I knew it! He's such an idiot!" Charlie followed Clara out of the kitchen again. They squabbled their way up the stairs and Elinor came into the room, fully dressed and looking a lot more awake now.

" _Mommy_!" both Vera and Anton called out, and wiggled around, wanting to be let down. Jasper and I bent to put them on the floor, and they both scampered over to their mom.

"Did it go alright?" Elinor asked us.

"Yeah, went fine. We have been informed that Vera is a smurf." I said with a smile.

"Ah, yes." Elinor nodded seriously. "Anton used to be a smurf too, but now he's a dinosaur. A blue one. _You're a dinosaur just like Henry, isn't that right_?"

" _Ree-ree_!" Anton said happily.

"I think I should take them upstairs and try to wrangle them into their clothes. Thank you for keeping an eye on them."

"No problems." I said and Jasper nodded.

"Maybe we should get dressed too?" Jasper asked as Elinor took the twins by the hands and led them toward the stairs.

"Probably a good idea. We won't be out for long, but pyjama bottoms will not be enough against all that snow." I pointed outside. The back garden was covered in fluffy white mounds.

At eight fifteen, everyone was downstairs and ready to go. Elinor and the twins, Charlie, Clara, Louise, Isabella, Peter, Henrik, Jasper and I trooped out the front gate and headed toward the farm next door.

"It's going to be quite smelly in there, just so you know." I said.

"I know." Jasper tapped her gem.

"Just how good _is_ you sense of smell, darling?" I asked.

"Pretty damn good." she smirked. Suddenly I felt very self conscious about having the bathroom so close to our bedroom at home. "Might even say... _beary_ good."

"Oh my gods!" I groaned happily.

Gösta welcomed us with a smile and opened the door for us. We entered the big gray barn and were greeted with soft grunts and moos, and the cackling of chickens in the distance. The girls ran ahead to look at the pigs straight ahead of us. To our right was the big cow pen, and the horse boxes. Jasper looked around curiously. Henrik was helping Elinor wrangle the twins, and Peter was gazing at Jasper in awe again.

"Jasper, auntie!" Charlie called from the pig pen.

Jasper took me by the hand and we walked over there. Three big sows were loitering in a large amount of hay, and ten or so smaller pigs were rooting around, grunting and chasing one another in the excitement of having visitors.

" _Look, my darlings! Pigs! What does the pig say_?" Elinor pointed to the animals.

"Nöff, nöff, nöff!" Anton said loudly.

"Nöff!" Vera agreed.

" _In Great Breton they go_ 'oink'." Charlie said and reached out to pat a sow that was resting against the fence. The sow grunted and flicked her ears, but didn't move.

" _Sounded more like 'gronk'_." Louise pointed out.

" _The little ones go 'wee-wee-wee'_!"

On cue, one of the smaller pigs squealed, triggering Vera and Anton to do the same.

"Want to try petting this one?" I asked Jasper as I petted the pig by the fence. Jasper did so and chuckled. The sow grunted again.

"They's wery nice animols." Gösta informed us in broken English. " _Let's go get you your eggs, shall we? I've got a hankering for scrambled eggs today. How about you, miss Clara?_ "

" _Hmm... I want a boiled egg. And so does my dad. But he wants two, usually_."

Gösta led the way toward a green door and we all followed, Vera and Anton waving goodbye to the pigs. We entered a smaller and warmer area. A chicken sat on top of a barrel and chirped at us softly.

" _That's Prillan, she's an escape artist. Come here, girl_." Gösta said with a chuckle, and went to pick the chicken up. She didn't protest in the slightest as Gösta put her under his arm. " _You know where I keep the baskets, don't you_?"

" _Yes we do_!" the girls said in unison.

" _No running_." Elinor reminded them.

" _We_ ** _ **know**_**." Charlie rolled her eyes, then followed the other girls to a shelf. She came back and gave me and Jasper a little wicker basket.

"Thank you." Jasper said and smiled. "So we just... look for eggs? In there?" she pointed to the large chicken pen.

"Yeah!" Charlie nodded. "See those nests? That's where they are, usually."

Gösta went over to a barrel and got a bucket of feed. The clanking of the lid got the chickens excited and they clucked and chirped as they flounced to the gate.

While the birds were distracted, everyone entered the pen. Vera and Anton were securely held by Elinor and Henrik. The golden brown eggs were warm to the touch and we collected four dozen of them, and there were still plenty left over.

On our way out I pulled Jasper over to say hello to Bläsen, and the girls followed us.

"This is Bläsen." I said with a smile. The large horse approached the fence interestedly, most of his face hidden by his black mane. Only his tiny ears and muzzle poked out. I dug around in my pocket and pulled out an apple, broke it in half, then held one piece out to Jasper, and the other to Bläsen. The horse took the offering with his wriggly muzzle and chewed it sloppily. "Just hold your hand out flat so he doesn't get your fingers accidentally." I said encouragingly to Jasper. She held out the apple as instructed, and chuckled as Bläsen took it and subsequently drenched her hand in horse drool.

"He slobbers like Frank when I give him a bone." she observed.

"That's because he loves apples." Clara informed us with a decisive nod.

"You can pet his neck, but don't pet his head. Horses don't like that very much." Charlie said, and reached up to pat Bläsen's winter coat covered and heavily muscled brown neck. Jasper carefully copied her and both Charlie and I beamed.

" _Thank you so much and merry Christmas_!" we said to Gösta as we left a few minutes later. We trooped back to the house, everyone being very careful with their baskets.

Back in grandma's house, the kitchen was full of people. The eggs were greeted with a little cheer, then they were washed and the breakfast preparations that were already under way continued. The eggs were cooked, loaves were cut, juice of all kinds was poured into jugs and a gallon of coffee was made. Plates and glasses clinked and clanked, and cereal and milk and sugar bowls passed from hand to hand until everyone was finally seated.

" _Oh, such good eggs_." Grandma said after taking a bite of some scrambled ones. " _Very well done, thank you, thank you_."

" _Thank you_." the rest chorused, and the girls beamed proudly.

The conversation rose around us, and we dug into the food on our plates. Jasper spread a generous amount of _leverpastej_ on her sandwiches and topped them with pickled cucumber slices. I had scrambled eggs and toast with ham and cheese, and a cup of very strong coffee served in my special mug. Everyone had their own mug at the table, save for Jasper. Someone had given her a rather fancy blue one with little white flowers on it, and I took that as a very good sign. If your new partner was given a plain white mug, the family _did not approve_ of them _._ I met grandma's gaze and raised my mug to her, before taking a sip, and she smiled back and nodded slowly.

After breakfast was finished, Jasper and I got to say hello to baby Algot. Ullrika handed him over to me and I held him carefully.

"He's so _cute_..." I cooed. "Hello! Hello little guy..."

"Such tiny hands and feet..." Jasper said, sounding amazed. She held out a finger to him, and he grasped the tip firmly. Jasper chuckled and blushed, and Algot gurgled and squirmed, his sock clad little feet bumping against my arm.

"He's always had a good kick, that boy of mine." Henrik said and beamed.

"Like _you'd_ know." Ullrika giggled, and the people around us laughed. "Would you like to hold him, Jasper?"

Jasper's face lit up. "Yeah, sure." she said, and wiped her hands on her pants. I handed baby Algot over very carefully. He was only slightly bigger than Jasper's hand. "Oh stars..." she gasped when Algot first whimpered, then opened his little pink mouth in a yawn. I got really weak at the knees and had to blink away tears at the sight. Pink and gold butterflies flitted around me, their wings beating with the rhythm of my heart - there were a few gasps from my family. "It's OK, butterflies mean happiness." Jasper said softly, and slowly rocked from side to side, her eyes not leaving Algot's little face.

"That right?" Ullrika asked, and I nodded mutely in response.

"Oh, they are _lovely_ , my dear." grandma said and patted my arm. "Now can I have a go at holding my great grandson? _Hallego_!"

Jasper handed the baby over with elaborate care, then stepped away as Algot began to giggle. I hugged her tightly, and she chuckled and put her gem in my hair.

"I can't wait..." she whispered, and I nearly exploded with happiness.

***

Jasper and I went upstairs, then we had the shower we weren't able to have last night. We couldn't do it together, like at home, so we took turns. Once we were clean, we got dressed in our room and I cherished the relative silence in there. Thumps, laughter and various other busy sounds could be heard through the floor. I rubbed my temples a little and Jasper came over.

"Do you have a headache?"

"Just a tiny one. I love my extended family, but I wasn't built for being around this many people all at once." I said with a slightly sad smile. "When I was smoking I had an excuse to just go outside and take a break from everything for a while."

"It's only ten thirty, we could just stay in here for a bit." Jasper suggested softly.

"You don't mind?"

"No." she chuckled. "I don't get tired around people the way you do, but... I don't want to sound like an asshole..."

"What?" I looked up at her, suddenly feeling unsettled.

"Victoria keeps giving me dirty looks." she admitted with a sigh.

"Dirty how?"

"Like... I don't know. Makes me feel on edge, like when someone was spoiling for a fight back in the barracks. Everyone else is really nice, though. And I think little Peter has been spying on me."

"I think he finds you fascinating," I gave her a brief smile. "And Victoria... is Victoria. I don't know what I expected. She's never liked anyone I've been with, not really. Is it selfish if I say I think she doesn't like you because you're with _me_? If you met on your own I think she'd dislike you _less_ , at least..." I rubbed my temples again.

"You saved her life." Jasper pointed out. "Shouldn't she... you know, show a little gratitude? And I went out looking for her, and Pearl, too."

"When I told her that at Rose's Sanctuary she seemed so surprised..." I said quietly. "She's never been good at saying thank you."

Jasper huffed.

"She can't be feeling great right now..." I sighed. "Getting divorced... Having to deal with all that... and being alone..."

Jasper relaxed slightly. "She's got Charlie..."

"Yeah, she's got Charlie... But it's got to be tough, even for Victoria. Everyone here have been supportive as far as I know. Don't know if she's smashed Jonathan's cup yet." I had told Jasper about the tradition before we got here. I had a feeling I should be there for that. To witness it. "I think I want to see that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Jonathan's an _ass_. Whatever Victoria is, she didn't deserve to be treated like _that_..." I wrinkled my eyebrows at my own words. "Can we go lie down?"

"Sure, honey."

I took a few painkillers, then lay down next to Jasper with a sigh. She put her hand on my belly and stroked me gently. I smiled up at her, suddenly feeling very tired.

"Did you like seeing the animals?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, I did." she smiled at me and her shoulders settled. "The big pig was so bristly. I thought it was going to be soft." I smiled wider at her, thinking about her Christmas present.

"When they are piglets they are a lot softer. And squeal-ier. And _cuter_."

"Hah, I thought the big one was pretty cute. Reminded me a little of Amethyst, with the ear over one eye like that." she flipped her bangs over one eye and grinned. We both sniggered. "The horse was nice too. He was so fluffy. When you went riding with Charlie, were the horses like him?"

"No, they were smaller, slimmer and..." I paused to yawn hugely. "a lot less fluffy."

***

After a little nap I felt a lot better, and was ready to join the throng again.

Just when Jasper was about to open our door, she froze. From out in the corridor I could hear footsteps approaching.

"Charlotte, _don't_ walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" Victoria said frustratedly.

"Mom!" some foot stomping followed, as if Charlie had stopped and turned around. "I've _told_ you - I like when people call me _Charlie_!"

"Oh, not this again! _That_ is not your name! And keep your voice down!"

My eyes widened in amazement. They were fighting again?

"It is my _nickname_ and I like it a whole lot better than _Charlotte_!"

An angry huff escaped Victoria.

"You were named after - "

"I don't care who I was named after, I'm not _them_!"

"You certainly are _not_." Victoria's voice was suddenly _ice_ _cold_ , and I felt a stab in my gut at the tone. "My grandmother on my mother's side knew how to behave in front of people."

"Uugh! _Why_ are you freaking out so much?! It was _just_ a _burp_! I said excuse me! "

"If you kept to your portion sizes and ate like a lady you would not _need_ to burp!"

"Well sorry I'm not a perfect lady like _you_ , _mom_!"

A cold thrill ran down my spine and I breathed out a puff of greenish purple.

"Go to your room and don't come out until you can behave yourself!" Victoria snapped.

"Then I'll just stay in my room _forever_!" Charlie shouted, then stomped closer to me and Jasper. A door squeaked open, then slammed closed. It made me cringe. Dust drifted down from the ceiling. Jasper looked at me with raised eyebrows, then put her hand on the door handle and moved to open, but I put my hand on her arm.

"Wait..." I whispered.

A second door slammed, as I knew it would. I only cringed a little bit this time. It hadn't been the door I expected, though. The one that led to the balcony made a high pitched creak when it opened - that's where I had expected Victoria to go. Perhaps she had gone to fetch her cigarettes.

"I'm guessing we weren't supposed to hear that..." Jasper said slowly.

"No..."

"Let them cool off?"

"Yeah, good idea." I felt quite a bit relieved that I hadn't been the one to suggest it.

We exited our room quietly and made our way downstairs. I thought I heard someone blow their nose, but couldn't tell where the sound came from.

As we entered the chaos in the kitchen, we were immediately put to work by Heidi. It distracted me from the uncomfortable tension in my shoulders. No one commented on the fight upstairs, and I didn't know if it was because they hadn't heard it over the din, or if they thought of it as not their business.

When lunchtime came, both Victoria and Charlie had reappeared. They sat at either end of the long table. Jasper and I had taken seats on either side of Charlie and Jasper was trying to engage her in conversation. After a few false starts, the subject of My Little Pony came up, and Charlie perked up a bit. Jasper beamed at her, and her enthusiasm soon had Charlie giggling. I listened to them and ate my rice pudding mostly in silence, feeling the tension in my mind and shoulders be swept away by the warm hubbub around me.

After lunch, Jasper and I helped out with the dishes, and were then asked by Ullrika if we could go outside with the kids and the dogs, since we hadn't brought a particularly complicated dish for dinner. We agreed, and fifteen minutes later we were outside. Everyone was wrapped up with mittens and scarves - Anton and Vera looked almost spherical. They squealed happily, trundling around in the soft snow. Nisse and Lotten walked around in the garden and did their business, then went to lie down in the dog house on the back porch, but Nico and Bamse played with the girls and Peter.

"Let's build a snowman!" Louise suggested.

"I want to make a snow horse." Clara said.

"I want to make a snow horse too." Charlie joined in.

"What do you want to make, kid?" Jasper asked Peter. He looked up at her with his mouth open.

"He doesn't speak English, darling." I said softly.

"Right, um..." Jasper scratched her head, then bent down to grab some snow. She squeezed it into a large ball. Peter bent down too, took a lump of snow, then threw it at Jasper's leg with a big grin. Jasper looked at her leg, then at Peter, then at me.

"Oho-ho..." I laughed. " _Do you want a snowball fight, young man_?"

Peter nodded and picked up some more snow, then backed away excitedly.

"He wants a snowball fight." I giggled.

"A fight, huh?" Jasper chuckled. "Well, well, well..." she grabbed a handful of snow, then flicked it toward Peter, who squealed happily and threw his ball at Jasper, but missed. They began to play, and didn't need words at all. Jasper knew to be careful with the little boy, and just threw loose snow at him. I watched them with a big smile on my face. Isabella joined after a while, and soon the rest of the girls were in on it too.

"Come on, auntie!" Charlie called, weighing a snowball in her hand.

"Me?" I asked, acting surprised. "I don't know... Not sure you could handle it."

"Ooh!" Louise teased.

"Oh yeah?" Charlie grinned and patted her chest with both hands. "Come at me, auntie!"

"Such snark!" I giggled, then bent to make my own snowball. I wasn't quick enough however, and was hit on the shoulder. "Just you wait, you little troll!"

After quite a while, Ullrika called from the porch that the Christmas hour was starting soon, and that anyone that wanted to watch should get inside. All the kids started moving toward the house, and I took advantage of Jasper being distracted. I took aim and hit her on the chest.

"Oh, you're in trouble now!" she roared happily, and bent to gather a big ball. I laughed and ran to hide behind a tree, made another snowball and threw it at her just as she had raised her huge lump of snow over her head. I hit her square in the face, and she dropped the ball so that it landed on top of her head. "Oof!" she grunted.

"Ha ha!" I cheered triumphantly. The butterflies sparkled in the setting sun.

"OK, I yield." Jasper chuckled, then shook her mane, making snow fly all over the place.

"Come on, auntie, or you're going to miss the mice!" Charlie called from the porch.

"Coming!" I called back. "You OK, darling?"

"Yeah. What's this about mice?"

"It's a clip from a movie, come on, let's go inside."

"Hang on a sec." Jasper grabbed the back of my jacket and dropped a handful of snow down my back.

"OIIIH! That's _cold_!" I shrieked and wriggled about, trying to shake it out.

"Now we're even." she chuckled, then hurried to the porch.

"Oh fuck you!" I shouted happily.

"I love you too!" she laughed over her shoulder.

I got the last of the snow out only after I had taken off my winter gear. I went upstairs to get some dry shirts, then joined the kids, Jasper and Elinor by the TV. Everyone had very red cheeks from the cold. The Christmas hour was well under way and Henrik came over with a tray of hot cocoa.

" _Did you have a snowball fight_?" he asked Peter.

" _Mmm_." Peter answered, distracted by cartoons.

" _Wish you would have told me._ "

"Oh, the Jungle Book part is coming up!" I said and patted Jasper's thigh. "You'll get to see Baloo."

" _Baloo, Baloo_!" Vera and Anton giggled.

"Huh?" Charlie said, looking confused.

"Vera and Anton think Jasper is a bear." I said with a smirk.

" _Hello. I am a nice bear_." Jasper added, absolutely failing to keep a straight face. Charlie nearly dropped her cup of cocoa as she snorted with laughter. The other girls laughed too, until I shushed at them.

"We want to hear the song, so shush!" I said over the sounds of mirth. As the cartoon bear began to sing, Jasper smiled and leaned over to kiss me and chuckled in a very pleased way.

After the show was over, Henrik stood up and proclaimed in a very loud, clear voice;

" _Oh my god, I'd better go buy the paper before they close! Time to go get the paper, yup!_ "

" _Oh yes, dear husband. Go get the paper, won't you_." Ullrika said from the doorway, rolling her eyes and smiling.

"What's happening?" Jasper whispered as everyone got up eagerly. I waited until we were alone.

"It's the signal that Santa is going to arrive soon." I said quietly. "So everyone should get ready for presents."

"Oh, I see." Jasper got to her feet, smiling broadly. "So it's Henrik's turn to be Santa, is it?"

"Apparently." I giggled and got to my feet too.

Everyone milled around, making last minute preparations on the food, and the children all hung around the hallway. Even though both Charlie and Louise were twelve, and hadn't believed in Santa for many years, the promise of presents still summoned them there to wait. I wasn't sure if Clara and Isabella still believed, but Peter most certainly did.

" _When is Santa coming_?" he asked his mother, who was nursing Algot in the relative calm of the living room.

" _Oh, he'll be here soon, my love_." she reassured him.

After a few minutes, there was a loud knock on the door.

" _Santa_!" Peter called out joyfully, then ran to open for him.

" _Ho! Ho! Ho!_ " Henrik said in a deep voice. " _Aaaare there any good children here_?"

" _YES! I AM!_ " Peter almost screamed, then he barged through everyone and sprinted into the parlour.

" _Come on in, Santa, we hope you've had a busy night_." Grandma said and shook his hand.

" _Oh, yes! Veeeeery busy! So many good children in the world! Oh my, yes_." Henrik dragged a big sack inside. Since we were twenty five people, we couldn't fit all the gifts in one sack, so the rest were in bags hidden in the pantry, where the children seldom went. As Santa went to sit down in a big chair in front of the fireplace, the rest of the bags were carried in and placed next to him. " _Can Santa get some little helpers_?" Henrik asked, and Isabella, Peter and Clara volunteered. Everyone else sat down on chairs or sofas, and some on the floor. " _Let's see... this first gift. It has a poem! To my Ullrika, when you want to drink tea, I hope you'll steep it in this, you see. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Henrik. Ho, ho, ho, this Henrik sounds like a swell and very handsome guy, I can tell by his handwriting._ "

" _To mommy!_ " Peter said eagerly and took the present from Santa and ran with it to Ullrika.

" _Oh, my love, no running please!_ " she laughed, reaching out for him.

It took quite some time, but finally the last gift had been handed out and everyone began to open them. The kids threw themselves over their presents and the paper went flying everywhere. Nico was helping make more of a mess by playing with the discarded wrappings.

I had received three gifts, one from Jasper, one from Charlie and one from grandma. Jasper had got three gifts as well, from me, Charlie and grandma. I started with grandma's gift and unwrapped a set of lovely new pyjamas. They were a dark blue with little horse shoes printed on the pants. I looked over at her and smiled, holding up the shirt, which also had a horse shoe on it, and mouthed 'thank you' over the din.

"Oh my stars, honey, look!" Jasper said excitedly.

"Look, look, look!" she held up a red cup with 'JASPER' on it in big black letters. She could just about fit two fingers in the ear and took an imaginary sip. "Does it look good or what?"

"It looks great, darling!" I giggled, so happy to see her so excited about it.

"Hang on I've got to take a picture right now." she said and took out her tablet. "Get in here, babe." I leaned in and held up my pyjama top again and smiled as she took the picture.

"Auntie, thank you!" Charlie said and ran up to me, wearing her new safety vest. She hugged me hard, squishing my chest rather painfully against the hard surface of the vest.

"You're welcome, sweetie."

"And look what I got from Steven and Connie!" she held up a little snow globe with Beach City written on it. It held a tiny, tiny town with a big cliff. It was Beach City alright. It had the temple statue and everything.

"That's really cool, darling, look."

"Nice! What is it?"

"It's a snow globe." Charlie shook it so the snow swirled. "I didn't get them anything, though." she said with a slightly guilty smile.

"That's OK, Steven said you didn't have to give anything back." I reassured her.

"I'll think of something!" she said and nodded seriously. "And then you can take it with you?"

I smiled and nodded, and Jasper said; "Sure, _Aeir_."

"Great! I'm going to open the rest of my presents. Pernilla, look!" Charlie disappeared to our left and we went back to opening the rest of our presents. The gift from Charlie was a leather necklace with a carrot pendant. It looked hand made. I put it on and smiled. She had made this for me! I tried to catch her eye, but she was too busy opening what looked like new riding boots.

"Darling, look what Charlie made me." I said to Jasper, and held up the pendant.

"I got one too!" she held out a corn cob necklace and grinned broadly. "Looks good enough to eat, right?"

"They do!"

"Just got your present left now." she said and bit her lip. "Will it top this?" she nodded down at her necklace.

"Why don't you open it and find out?" I smirked at her.

"You open yours, too."

"After you."

Jasper slowly unwrapped my gift, then opened the box.

"Oh, _honey_..." she breathed, then took the black and red brush out and held it up. She admired it for a moment, then began to brush the left side of her mane. "Oh my stars, it's even better than the one we have at home..."

"You like it?" I asked, smiling so much my cheeks were hurting.

"I love it! Thank you!" she kissed me fiercely, her gem sparkling. "Now open your present."

"OK." I unwrapped the soft package and found a pair of gloves. Well, not a pair. Two gloves. One was a soft yellow, and looked a tad worn, and the other was green with a hexagonal pattern on the back of it.

"They're gem made." Jasper said quickly. "I found one when Amethyst and I were exploring, and I thought, hey, Erica could use that. I searched for its mate, but couldn't find it. I kept looking for another, and I found a few, but they were way too big, or broken. I almost gave up, but then I found the green one last month. They're _almost_ the same size. Garnet helped me test them out - they work just like the gem shirt Pearl gave you - fireproof, stands up to almost anything. To keep you safe. And they're light enough to put in your EDC, so you could always have them with you, if you want." she looked at me a little uncertainly. "Do you... do you like them?"

"Darling..." I whined, getting choked up. I put the gloves on, then grabbed her by the cheeks and kissed her softly. As we parted, a tendril of golden light shone between us. "Thank you, I love them and I _will_ always keep them with me, oh, _beastie_..." I caressed her cheeks with my thumbs. "I love you, _thank you_." the butterflies lit her smiling face.

"I love you too, little monster..." she said huskily, then put her forehead against mine. After a few seconds she asked; "Want to go take a little break?"

"Yes, please." I said gratefully. We picked up our presents and the wrapping paper, then went out onto the porch to get some air. Jasper hugged me from behind and put her gem in my hair, then let out a long, contented sigh.

"I love all my gifts..." she mumbled softly.

"Me too." I held up both my hands and wiggled my fingers. The yellow glove was a smidge bigger than the green one, but they both fit me well enough. What they looked like mattered very little to me, it was the thought behind the gift that was filling my heart with joy. She wanted me to be safe. Not by telling me _not_ to go on missions, or to _not_ use my powers... but by trying to make sure that I could do those things as safely as possible...

"I think that this one," Jasper pointed to the left glove, the yellow one. "used to belong to an iolite. They are pilots. And this one," she pointed to the green one. "probably belonged to a moldavite - an aristocrat."

"I'll put them to good use. No more scorched knuckles!"

"That's _exactly_ what I was thinking." she chuckled in my ear. I hugged her arms to my chest and sighed, looking up into the star strewn sky. The constellations were different from the ones I saw on the island. If I hadn't met Jasper, would I still be there? Would I be... all alone, in the middle of nowhere? At Christmas?

"Do you think Cake misses us?" Jasper asked after a moment.

"Huh? Oh... yeah, I think so."

"I miss her..."

I smiled and gave her arms a squeeze. "I miss her too. But we'll be home in a few days. Then we can _spoil_ her."

"Get her a new box to play in."

"Yeah. And some sashimi."

"Mmm... And packing peanuts."

We stood in comfortable silence for a while, then the door behind us opened.

"Oh." it was Victoria's voice. I felt Jasper stiffen slightly. "I'll go somewhere else."

"It's OK." I said quickly. "I feel ready to go back inside, how about you, darling?"

"Yeah. Sure."

Jasper and I disengaged from our lengthy back-hug.

"Victoria." Jasper said gruffly as she strode inside ahead of me.

"Jasper." Victoria responded, nodding reluctantly.

I didn't say anything more to Victoria, but noticed she had a little bell pepper on a leather string around her neck. Charlie must have made it for her.

We had barely closed the door when someone called; "Jasper, Jasper, Jasper!"

Charlie came running up to us and hugged Jasper around the middle.

"Oof!" Jasper grunted in surprise.

"This is so cool! Where did you get these? What _are_ they? There are so _many_!" Charlie held up a large pouch - Jasper's mystery seeds.

"Oh. I've picked them up a little bit all over the place. I don't know what most of them are called, but there's a durian seed in there, I think."

"No way! They smell awful! That is _so cool_!" Charlie was practically jumping up and down. "And I got seedling pots and trays from great granny Jo! This is _perfect_ , thank you so much!"

"You're welcome." Jasper chuckled. I took her hand and squeezed it happily. She squeezed back with a huge grin on her face. Fuck, it made me _so_ happy to see! "Hey, thank you for this awesome necklace."

"Yes, thank you sweetie, they're wonderful!" I chimed in.

"You're welcome! I'm going to go show these to great granny Jo!" Charlie sprinted off, holding the pouch reverentially. Jasper _beamed_. Barely a second later, Heidi came round the corner, looking slightly stressed.

"Oh, there you are! We're starting dinner in a few minutes, could you arrange your empanadas? I've left a space for you on the counter, between the ham and the second cheeseboard."

"Sure, sure." Jasper nodded, then we started to head to the kitchen. "Wow." she said as she stepped through the door. " _That_. Is a lot of food."

And it was. _Every_ available surface was covered with dishes and bowls. I felt my mouth watering at the sight of it all.

"I need to take a picture of this." Jasper said in an awed voice. "Amethyst is going to be so jealous."

"Yes, she is." I smiled.

After Jasper had sent the picture, we brought out and arranged the empanadas on a large dish.

"Where do you begin?" Jasper asked after we were done.

"With the herring, of course!" Marcus said from behind us. "You have to try the one Jakob makes, it's delicious. It's the one in the red pot right there, but it's quite sharp, so you really _should_ start with that one." he pointed to a white porcelain container.

"Herring is gross." Louise informed us with a wrinkled nose. "You should start with the meatballs, they're great!"

"No, no, no, you're all wrong." Charlie said firmly. "You _start_ with the ham, then you work your way backward to the herring."

"Ugh, you like _ham_?" Louise gave Charlie an affronted look.

"Let's not forget about drinks." Timothy opened the fridge and took out several bottles. "Finest aniseed schnapps! This years batch will knock your socks off. Do you know any schnapps songs?" he turned to Jasper with a smirk.

"Um, no. And I don't really like that alcohol stuff." Jasper said.

"Erica, what have you been telling her?" Timothy gave me a mock-indignant look. "Of course you wouldn't like _store bought_ stuff, but this has been lovingly made, with the freshest ingredients!"

"You have to try some, it'll put hairs on your chest." Marcus grinned.

"You _don't_ have to try." I said reassuringly to Jasper.

"But she should _want_ to." Timothy wheedled. "It's traditional!"

"Can _I_ have some, then?" Louise said, an impish look on her face.

"No." Mattias strode into the room. "When you're eighteen, little lady, and not a second before that."

"Dad!" Louise groaned. "I'm practically an adult _now_."

"You're twelve, cupcake."

Grandma came into the kitchen and took a small plate from the stack on a table next to the door.

"Let's get started, shall we? Come, Jasper, let me make a plate for you." she waved for Jasper to come over, and I raised my eyebrows in surprise, as did many around me. This was an unusual honour. Jasper glanced down at me and I nodded eagerly to her. She went over there and I followed, taking a plate for myself. The rest of my family formed a cue and commented on the lovely look of everything.

"Thank you, granny Jo." Jasper said when grandma had finished piling different kinds of herring onto her plate.

"Don't be afraid to take seconds, or thirds." grandma smiled and patted Jasper's arm lightly. "It's nice to see someone with a healthy appetite."

I followed Jasper to the table. She waited for me to sit down before sitting down herself.

"This looks really good!" she said excitedly.

"I know, right?" I beamed at her. My plate wasn't as laden as Jasper's, but I had helped myself to plenty of herring. Everyone else came to sit down, talking and laughing. Different schnapps was passed around, and I declined, but Jasper accepted a tiny amount.

"This might be different?" she said with a little shrug. I shrugged back with a smile.

Timothy stood up, with his shot glass in hand. Everyone picked up their shot or drinking glass, and Jasper followed suit, looking around curiously.

" _And now, dear family_ ; _Hej_! -"

" - _Tomtegubbar slå i glasen och låt oss lustiga vara!"_ everyone responded without dropping a beat _. "Hej tomtegubbar slå i glasen och låt oss lustiga vara! En liten tid, vi leva här, med mycket möda och stort besvär! Hej tomtegubbar slå i glasen och låt oss lustiga vara!_ "

" _Skål_!"

I took a sip of my soda and Jasper tasted the schnapps, as did the rest of the drinking adults. Timothy was praised by the people around him for the quality of this years batch.

"Top you up for the next song?" Marcus asked from Jasper's left side.

"No thank you." Jasper said, clearing her throat a little.

"How about you, Erica?"

"I'm good, thanks."

The dinner proceeded with everyone getting up and fetching more food every once in a while. Jasper and I went together and ate our way through everyone's contributions, with an emphasis on gravlax. This years gravlax was as good as ever and everyone sang grandma's praises, which she graciously accepted. Jasper had two more helpings before she moved on to the meatballs and ham.

As the evening wore on, and the different schnapps were sampled, the volume of the conversation around us rose. More songs were sung to the collective embarrassment of the children. When the kids were done eating they left the table and, presumably, returned to play with their new toys. I felt inclined to join them - I was full of delicious food and felt ready to be somewhere more quiet.

"I'm going to go hang out with the girls for a little." I said into Jasper's ear. "I need a mini-break."

"OK, honey." Jasper said, smiling up at me. "I'm almost done."

"Stay, eat!" I smiled at her. "Don't forget to try the cheese."

Jasper quickly wiped her face and stood up as I got to my feet, and I kissed her ham-tasting lips. It always made some little part of me squeal with joy whenever she did that.

As I took my plate to the sink, I heard Antonia say; " _You never do that for me any more, Mattias_."

I went looking for the girls, but they weren't in the living room or parlour. I heard some giggles and followed the sound to the downstairs bathroom. The door was wide open, but I stopped and knocked on the door jamb.

"Hey guys, what are you up to?" I asked.

"Hi auntie!" Charlie's voice came from inside. "Oh, get in here!"

"Yeah!" Clara came out excitedly and I blinked in surprise. She had _a lot_ of make up on.

"Uh..." I didn't have time to say anything else before she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bathroom. The other girls were doing make up as well. A large box of various make uppy things was standing on the sink. I had heard a very loud shriek of joy from Louise during the gift opening, and this was apparently why.

"Great!" Louise beamed. "Sit, sit, sit!" she patted the closed toilet lid.

Oh dear lord. For a moment I thought about leaving, but... they looked so happy and excited.

"Oh, alright then..." I said with a little smile.

"Makeover!" Isabella sang.

"What colours do you think, Louise?" Clara asked.

"I like green...?" I suggested.

"No, no, no." Louise shook her head. "I think she'd look good with _this_." she rummaged around in the box, then held out a little tray of eyeshadow. It was purple.

"Oooh..." the other girls said, sounding impressed.

After quite some time, a lot of giggles, and a few unfortunate eye pokings, I got to look in the mirror. I snorted with laughter and white butterflies burst out around me, causing the girls to gasp.

"They're so pretty..." Clara said wonderingly.

"I _told_ you." Charlie giggled.

"Thanks guys, I think if I ever did feel inclined to use make-up, this is probably how I'd do it." I smiled at myself in the mirror. Louise was very good at this stuff, as far as I could tell. I had _very_ dramatic eyes.

"You don't use make-up, like at all?" Louise asked, sounding stunned.

"No."

"But... _why_?"

"I don't like it very much? And I can't touch my face then. Or rub my eyes. I do that a lot."

"You can do that, you know, like _this_." Louise demonstrated rubbing the side of her eye, grimacing fantastically as she did so.

"I'd rather not have to worry about messing it up, to be honest." I said softly. "You're really good at this, Louise."

"Thanks! I do my friends' make-up all the time." she beamed at me happily. "Wash it off if you like, but let me take a picture for my blog?"

"Oh, alright, but just my eyes, OK?"

"OK!"

"Me next!" Isabella said excitedly after Louise had put her phone away, and promptly sat down on the toilet lid.

I washed my face, then left them to it and went back to the dinner table. Jasper was just about done when I rejoined the party, and we helped with clearing the table and put everything away. After we were done we joined the girls for some board games. Many of the adults had eaten their way into a food coma, and were snoozing in the chairs around the fire. After a while, someone suggested hot cocoa, and Jasper volunteered to make it. She returned to the living room with a huge tray that smelled wonderful. Everyone had their own cup now, and Jasper sipped her drink with a very pleased look on her face. She smiled even broader when it was agreed that the hot cocoa was, and I quote, "fucking awesome". The dogs lay around us, full of leftovers and snoring happily.

When we went upstairs I felt warm and happy, and very ready for bed. But before that I wanted to brush Jasper's hair. She did not object in the slightest.

***

I woke up and blinked in the complete darkness around me - I needed the bathroom, but it was so nice to lie here... I could feel Jasper's breath over my shoulder. Even though she had brushed her teeth, I could still smell the herring. I smiled to myself, then sat up and put my feet on the floor. Jasper made a soft grunt as I got up, and shifted into a new position behind me. I made my way to the door and opened it carefully, then padded into the corridor and headed toward the bathroom. When I was done in there I caught a glimpse of the sky through the balcony window and stopped in my tracks. I grabbed a blanket from the pile next to the door and stepped into a large pair of slippers, then slunk outside.

" _Gudars skymning_..." I breathed, looking up into the brilliant sky. Shimmering bands of bright green rolled across the heavens, moving slowly as if being blown by a gentle breeze. I had seen Northern Lights before, but it had been twenty years or more. I stared up in awe.

"Do you remember when dad showed us this?" a voice said from behind me. I twisted around, my heart jumping into my throat.

"Jesus fuck!" I gasped in alarm. Purple sparks filled the air for a moment. Victoria pursed her lips at me and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah... I remember." I said after I had calmed down a little. In the following silence I noticed Victoria was sitting with a bottle next to her. And a packet of cigarettes. Was she sitting up here drinking in the middle of the night? I wrinkled my eyebrows.

"He said it meant the fishing would be good."

"Yes, he did..." I said slowly. This... didn't sound like Victoria. Was she drunk? "You... feeling alright?"

Victoria's eyes snapped to mine quickly, and I got the feeling that she really, _really_ wasn't. I glanced at the cigarettes again, and noticed the packet was reflecting the dancing green lights above - the plastic wrap was still on. My gaze moved to the neck of the bottle. The cap was sealed. My brow furrowed further in confusion. It was _very_ strange for her to sit out here with an _unopened_ bottle, and _untouched_ cigarettes. She saw me looking at the things next to her and closed her eyes and swallowed.

"Vi-ictoria?" I asked, feeling suddenly scared.

The silence stretched for a few unbearable heartbeats, then in a strangled voice she said;

"I'm... pregnant."

* * *

Please review!


	85. Christmas, part three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning; the subject of abortion.  
> All (complete) sentences in italics are in Sowegian (Swedish), for easier reading. (Otherwise this chapter would be so much longer)

**Chapter 85: Christmas, part three**

My mind froze. No. What? She hadn't just said...

"Huh?" I blinked at her.

A storm of emotions rose inside me, chief among them a bone rattling _envy_. But... she didn't look happy. My chest suddenly felt so, so tight.

"You heard me." she grumbled, adjusting the blanket over her shoulders.

"Wh-who?"

"Jonathan."

More silence, as I tried to make sense of this.

"How?"

"How do you _think_?" she snapped. Then after a moment, she said; "We met at a party after the divorce was finalized. We got drunk. I wanted him one last time."

"Does... does grandma know?"

"No."

"Does _Charlie_ know?"

"No! Nobody knows!"

"But why - "

She glared at me, and I fell silent. I glanced at the bottle and cigarettes again, then understanding dawned on me.

"You... haven't decided what to do." I said, the envy disappearing from my mind, chased away by cold, damp dread.

Victoria shook her head and looked away.

Silence fell again. After agonizing over it for a few seconds, I shuffled over and sat down on the bench next to her. She pushed the packet of cigarettes toward me wordlessly.

"I quit." I said quietly, looking up at the sky again to avoid looking at her.

"Why?" she huffed.

"Because Jasper and I... are trying to have a baby."

"Great." she said sarcastically.

I didn't rise to the challenge I knew that statement was, and silence reigned again.

"What do you want?" I asked after a minute.

"What?" she snapped, sounding indignant.

"Do _you_ want to have another baby?"

"I..." Victoria trailed off and grimaced.

"I mean, you don't _have_ to."

"I know that!"

"So...?"

"I don't want - I can't _do it_ again. Not now. I can't raise _another_ child on my own."

I wrinkled my eyebrows at the sky. "What?"

"Jonathan isn't exactly the kind of guy that willingly changes diapers..."

"Oh." that made sense. Jonathan wasn't a very... warm person.

"I can't take time off from work. I don't _want_ to take time off from work. I can't _afford_ another child! Jonathan and I just got fucking _divorced_! I didn't _want_ this to happen! And now _I_ have to make a decision!" she spoke quickly, as if she'd been holding in the words for a long time. "I haven't smoked since I found out, I haven't had a drink! My work's been suffering! I've been fighting with everyone!"

I took a deep breath. "It sounds like you've decided already..." maybe she had needed to say it out loud to understand...

Victoria glared at me, then her gaze fell away, like she was thinking deeply.

After a long silence, she grabbed the bottle and unscrewed the cap, took a deep, unsteady breath, then took a drink. I knew she hadn't opened it earlier, because she hadn't decided what to do. She unwrapped the cigarettes and lit one with a shaking hand. She inhaled deeply, then blew out a stream of smoke. And began... to cry. Silently. An unpleasant thrill ran along my skin. When was the last time I had seen her cry? She dug out a handkerchief and quickly wiped her cheeks.

"I'm not keeping it." she said thickly.

"I understand." I said, feeling myself tear up too. What a terrible thing to have to decide about... If I were in her shoes, if I had just divorced someone who had cheated on me, who had not been willing to keep a deal we made about rearranging their work for the sake of our child _and_ my career, _because they wanted to_ _ **go on**_ _cheating on me_... I would do the same thing, I was pretty sure. Not out of some sort of twisted revenge, but because it'd just be too much. Trying to balance a life with work, a soon-to-be teenager, money, time for the baby, having to do it all alone... It'd just be _too much_. And if she'd already done it _once_... I trusted her to know what she was talking about. Jonathan was _already_ not being a great dad to Charlie. I severely doubted he'd change if there was a new child on the way. Gods, my heart felt so heavy. I felt so very sad for Victoria.

More silence.

"Do you think dad would hate me?"

My heart froze for a moment. I had no idea whether our dad had been pro-choice or pro-life.

"It... doesn't matter what he would think," I said slowly. "It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's your body, your choice." I said it as firmly as I could, but had to take a shuddering breath. Warm tears began to roll down my cheeks.

"Why the fuck are _you_ crying?" Victoria asked me, her voice dark and threatening.

"Because I can't imagine how hard that decision was to make..." I said quietly. My breath was a dark, dark red. "I'm sorry you had to make it..."

"Oh..." Victoria deflated a little.

I sniffed and wiped my cheeks too, looking up into the sky again. The lights seemed eerie now...

After finishing her cigarette, Victoria stood up. When the blanket fell away I saw that she had been holding a cup in her hand. She was gripping it very tightly. It had the name 'Jonathan' on it. So she hadn't smashed it yet? Oh, I thought. She hadn't been able to, had she... When she hadn't decided what to do...

Victoria gave me a look that was both a little threatening, and inquisitive at the same time. She didn't want to do it alone, I realized. Without hesitating, I stood up too. We went downstairs in silence, put on shoes and jackets, then headed out the back door. The brilliant sky lit our way to the gardening shed. I located the chopping block and kicked the snow off it while Victoria went inside to fetch a mallet. She placed the mug onto the block and I stepped back.

"You worthless son of a bitch!" Victoria snarled, and swung the mallet. The rusted iron head pulverized the cold ceramic in one blow. Little bits sparkled in the air as they fell onto the snow. There wasn't much left to pick up, but I did my best, then deposited the shards into the bucket kept for this purpose. There were the remnants of another cup in there. One quite large piece said 'DRI' and was probably Adrian's, Elinor's ex.

I heard Victoria let out a sigh behind me. Something was finalized now. It was over and done with. I felt relief coming off her like steam. She still had one thing left to do, but the important thing was that she had made the decision. She took out a cigarette and lit it. Her hand wasn't shaking now.

Gods, how I wanted one...

She held the packet out to me, and it took a lot of effort to shake my head. She put it back in her pocket. We stood by the chopping block and looked up at the sky in silence while she smoked. When she was finished, we went back inside.

We headed upstairs and she went into her room, closing the door quietly behind her. I went to the bathroom again before going back to bed.

I lay down next to Jasper carefully. She made a big warm noise and put an arm around me.

"You're cold..." she mumbled, then took a long sniff of my hair. "What? Have you been smoking?" she half raised herself up on her elbow.

"No." I said with a dark gray puff. It lit the bottom bunk faintly. "Victoria did."

"Oh, OK..." Jasper lay down again for a second, then her head popped up again. "Victoria?"

"We didn't fight." I said reassuringly. "We just... talked." I was pretty sure I shouldn't say anything about this to anyone. This was Victoria's business. Her very private business.

"What? In the middle of the night?"

"Yeah."

"You've been crying." she stated.

"Yes..." I sniffed.

"Babe." she stroked my cheek. "What happened?"

"I can't tell you what we talked about." I said in a small voice. "So please don't ask... But we didn't fight. She smashed Jonathan's cup..." that was OK to say, right?

"Alright..." Jasper frowned slightly.

"I'm so tired..." I whispered and put my hand on her chest. Gods, she was so warm... "I just want to go to sleep..."

Jasper was silent for a moment, then she let out a controlled breath. "OK." she said.

"Thanks, darling... I love you so, so much..." I cuddled up to her and hugged her tight, needing to feel her skin against mine, feel her warmth and heart beat. She relaxed around me, then hugged me back and kissed my forehead.

"I love you too, honey."

I could smell her breath again, and let out a short, tired laugh.

"You smell like herring..." I said and buried my face in the crook of her neck.

"I do?" she asked with a huff of surprised amusement.

"Yes... now you really are... a bear..." I closed my eyes, and was rocked gently as she chuckled.

********* **

Jasper stood in front of me with a bunch of papers in her hands.

"You need to sign." she said in a cold voice. She didn't look at me.

"What? Why?" I asked, feeling afraid.

"You need to sign." she repeated.

A pen was in my hand. I tried to put it down, but it was stuck to my fingers.

"Sign." she held the papers out to me, but I couldn't read what they said.

"I can't read this!" I said, my voice high out of fear.

"I can't leave you unless you _sign_."

My heart stopped. And then I opened my eyes and drew in a quick breath. I blinked up into the underside of the bottom bunk. Beside me, Jasper slept soundly.

"Jst ah dreem..." I slurred at myself and tried to force away the awful feeling it had left me with. It had just been a dream. Just a dream.

********* **

Next time I woke up I found Jasper's face above mine. I blinked at her in bleary surprise.

"Fuck, I was trying not to wake you." she said with a crooked, apologetic grin. She pulled herself onto the floor, then sat down by my pillow. "Good morning."

"Morn..." I mumbled and rubbed my eyes. "What time ist?"

"About nine I think."

"Mmm..." I rubbed my eyes and clicked my jaw. It made a wet snap. "Mf!" I grunted.

"That was a loud one." Jasper said and looked at me worriedly. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired..."

"Want to sleep some more?"

I thought about if for a moment, then cleared my throat.

"I want breakfast."

Jasper smiled.

"If we were home I'd bring you breakfast in bed."

"Aw, thank you..." I smiled and sighed, reaching out to stroke her cheek. A sudden cold pinch on my right side made me stiffen and let out a high pitched grunt of surprise. My fingers squeezed Jasper's jaw involuntarily and a few red sparks lit her face, but faded before touching her, or the floor.

"Hey..." her voice was soft. Her hand slid under the covers and found my belly. "Is it the middle thing, or...?"

"Must be... It's only on one side..."

Warmth emanated from her large palm and I let out a long breath.

"Thank you, darling..."

She smiled, then reached for the luggage with her free hand and dug out my EDC.

"Two of these, right? And... one of these?" she asked after having deftly pulled out my little box of pills. I nodded at her, feeling very touched that she knew how many of, and which kinds of pills I took. She held them out to me and I took them gratefully, swallowing them with a drink of water from my water bottle.

"Thank you, darling." I said again.

"Anything, babe." she gave me a soft look, then drew in breath to speak, but was interrupted by a knock at our door. We exchanged a surprised look.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"It's Charlie - are you two going to get up or what?"

"We are." I said with a grin. " _Eventually_." Jasper chuckled at me.

"We want to go ice skating." Charlie said in a slightly accusatory tone.

"And this is you politely asking if Jasper and I want to come with?" I asked, finding this very funny.

"Uh, _yeah_."

"Do you want to go ice skating, darling?" I asked Jasper quietly.

"That's the thing where you slide around on the frozen lake?"

"Yeah."

"Sure." she shrugged jovially. "But breakfast first."

"Yes." I nodded.

"We're coming." Jasper said loudly.

"But we need breakfast first." I added.

"OK, but hurry will you? It's going to snow later!"

********* **

It was decided we would turn the ice skating idea into a little outing. The girls, Peter, the twins, Elinor, Henrik and Jasper and I packed firewood, sausages, blankets, hot cocoa and everyone's ice skates and helmets on a few sleds for ease of carry. The twins and Peter were bundled up in another sled, and we brought an extra one in case of injury.

I was pulling on my new gloves and just about to head out through the back door, when I heard Charlie speaking from the kitchen. Her voice was very careful.

"Mom? We're going ice skating. Do you... want to come along?"

She was asking Victoria? A sad, sharp pain went through my heart and I put my hand on the doorknob to the garden, expecting Victoria to decline, but then;

"Yes. I... could use some fresh air."

"Great!" Charlie sounded so pleased. It made my heart ache in a different way. I smiled faintly, then went outside.

"Victoria is coming with us." I said to Jasper, who was just putting the final log onto one of the sleds.

"Oh." she furrowed her brow a moment. "And that's... good?"

I nodded, feeling a strange sort of relief. "Charlie sounded so glad..."

"Oh." she took a breath, then smiled a little tensely. "Alright." she saw I was wearing the gloves, and her smile turned more genuine.

"They are so thin, but I don't feel cold at all!" I said and wiggled my fingers at her.

After about ten minutes, everyone was ready, and we set out for the lake. During the summer it took about ten minutes to get there, but now, with around a foot of snow, it would take a lot longer. Elinor and Henrik struggled with pulling the small children and the wood, and Jasper chuckled and offered to pull all the sleds, not just the two with the food and the skates that she had volunteered for. Elinor agreed gratefully, but Henrik plodded on for a few minutes before giving up. We tied all the sleds together to make a little train, and Charlie decided that the last empty sled might as well carry her. Soon, all the kids were being dragged by Jasper. Clara and Charlie were in the last sled, Louise was sitting on a blanket in the food sled, and Isabella sat perched on the wood pile. I walked next to Jasper to show the way, and Elinor, Henrik and Victoria took up the rear, where the sleds had flattened the snow.

Jasper pulled everything one handed and with no apparent effort, and the kids giggled and screamed happily, yelling 'Giddy up!' and the like.

"Have I told you you're incredible lately, _Melamin_?" I said with rosy cheeks.

"No, but I know." Jasper chuckled. "I offered mostly because I thought Henrik might hurt himself." she added in a whisper, smirking. "And honestly, Elinor could use a break."

When we arrived at the lake, Henrik insisted on going out to test the thickness of the ice.

"Maybe I should do that." Jasper pointed out. "If it holds up for me, then it's going to hold up for you."

"But - " Henrik protested, his cheeks flushing.

"Don't worry, you can light the fire, big man." Elinor said and gave him a knowing grin.

Jasper went out onto the ice carefully and I winced worriedly as she stopped and stomped her feet.

"Any cracks?" Charlie called out.

"Nah, we're good!" Jasper called back.

"Let's go!" Charlie said to the girls, and everyone got busy putting on their skates.

The lake was not very big; maybe a few hundred yards across. There was a little island with a clump of pine trees in the middle. The dark blue ice was mostly covered in snow, but there were large bare patches where the wind had blown it away. Louise was the first one ready.

"Helmet!" I called before she could set off. She groaned at me. "No helmet, _no_ skating." I insisted.

"Fine..." she relented.

I took out some painkillers and swallowed them with a sip of water, then strapped on my own helmet, and wobbled out onto the ice. It was wonderfully smooth!

"Smile!" Jasper called from behind me, and I managed about a quarter of a turn before I slipped and fell on my ass with a yelp. Green and red sparks fizzled onto the ice. "You OK, babe?" Jasper asked with a barely restrained laugh.

"I should wear a butt helmet." I groaned as I got unsteadily to my feet, rubbing my behind. Luckily I hadn't fallen on my EDC. I moved it to my front instead to keep it from getting crushed.

"Pffft, butt helmet!" Clara giggled as she wobbled past me.

"Oh my stars, I caught the perfect moment." Jasper came up to me and held out her tablet. I snorted with laughter - she had managed to take the picture just as I had started falling. My facial expression was hilarious.

"Send it to me!" Charlie laughed, then followed Clara out onto the ice.

"You OK though, honey-bum?" Jasper inquired sweetly.

"I'm fine. I am mentally prepared to fall on my ass a lot today. Might need special treatment when we get home." I pouted a little, and Jasper grinned.

"I'll be your ass doctor. And... how's your belly?"

"It's fine, just took some more painkillers - now come skate with me!"

"Alright - how's this?" Jasper's gem glowed, and she rose up a little, then lifted one foot to show the skate that had formed under her boot. I nodded at her and smiled. "So how do you do this?" she chuckled.

"Look at Charlie and Clara." I pointed to them - they were finding their balance and swishing around and laughing. Jasper took a few experimental strides.

"Oh, I see." she said, then slid to a halt and waved at me. "Come on, babe!"

"Coming!" I called back, then carefully moved forward. It was easier when you moved a bit faster, though I still had to wave my arms to keep balance. _But_ it wasn't as difficult as I remembered. Maybe Pearl's ballet lessons were paying off? That gave me a bit of a confidence boost.

Victoria glided regally onto the ice, her hands in her pockets. Charlie skated over to her and they began to move in a slow circle, Clara following them a little unsteadily. Peter, Henrik and Isabella joined too, and soon the laughter echoed over the ice. Elinor and the twins were on the snow, playing with buckets and spades.

After a while, Victoria split off and began to skate along the shore, then picked up speed. I smiled a little at this.

"Where is she going?" Jasper asked.

"Around the lake..." I said softly. "She used to do that..."

"Auntie! Look at me!" Charlie called, and I turned slowly to watch her slide along on one foot.

"Not bad, but can you beat _this_?" Louise scoffed, then flipped around and began to skate backward slightly awkwardly.

" _I'm_ not impressed." Clara huffed, then began to skate ahead quickly, bent her knees and jumped, landed on her heels and fell flat on her back with a surprised shriek. Her helmet cracked loudly on the ice and I winced, inhaling cold air through my teeth.

"You OK, sweetheart?" I called and began to move toward her. "Thank the _gods_ for helmets..." I mumbled. Jasper followed.

"I'm fine!" Clara said and sat up, shaking her head slightly.

" _No broken bones_?" I asked with a little smile.

" _No broken bones_." she said back, then got to her feet. I brushed the snow off her helmet and backside, then she skated off again.

"Let's keep the tricks simple, shall we?" I called after her.

"Yeah, yeah!" she called back, then jumped again and landed better. "Ha ha! Beat that!"

I sighed amusedly and Jasper chuckled.

"Your whole family's got carats." she said and held out her hand to me.

"For better or worse." I took it gratefully and we skated off to follow the girls.

Jasper and I glided more or less sedately, keeping an eye on the girls as they abandoned their quest to out-do each other, and decided to play tag instead. Henrik was teaching Peter to skate and kept close to shore in the meantime. And Victoria zoomed around the lake, gliding like a ghost. She used to do that sometimes, when we were younger. Just... skate. No doing tricks or jumps, just... go fast. Sometimes she would do an impressive hockey stop and change direction.

After a while Henrik and Peter started to prepare the fire and soon the smell of burning wood wafted across the lake. I drew in deep breaths then and smiled. I loved the smell of a good campfire.

" _Aw hell_." Henrik swore from the pile of sleds. " _We forgot the spit_!"

" _Can't we just use sticks_?" Elinor asked.

" _You see any sticks around here_?" Henrik looked around sarcastically, gesturing at the thick layer of snow that covered everything. The shore was clear of trees on this side.

" _What's the problem_?" I skated over. I was doing a lot better now I had gotten a bit used to it.

" _Henrik forgot the spit_." Elinor said over Vera and Anton's muffled voices.

" _What? But it's almost lunch time!_ " Louise came over, looking disappointed.

" _Don't worry, we'll think of something._ " I said and looked over at the island in the middle of the lake. "Darling, can you help me get some sticks?"

"What's that, honey?" Jasper looked up from chasing a giggling Isabella.

"Help me get some sticks for the sausages?"

"Sure. Um. Where?"

"There!" I pointed to the island, and Jasper looked over her shoulder. She smiled and nodded, then said something to Isabella which I was too far away to hear.

"Be right back." I said to Henrik. I skated over to Jasper and managed not to fall over, then we joined hands and began to move toward the center of the lake. After a minute or two we reached the little island. "Oh fuck, I forgot to bring my shoes." I sighed, and began to slowly turn around.

"It's OK babe, I've got it." Jasper said and shapeshifted away her skates. "What kind of sticks are we looking for?"

"Oh, thank you, darling. We want ones that aren't too thick, and not brittle. And as dry as possible." I said as Jasper deftly climbed the slippery rocks surrounding the island.

"OK, got it."

She wandered in among the trees and I heard her stomping around. I took a seat on a rock as I waited and looked back at the girls by the shore and waved, and Charlie waved back.

After a few minutes Jasper emerged with a bundle of sticks, as well as some pine needles in her hair.

"These good?" she asked with a grin.

"Yeah, they look great." I smiled back. We headed to shore and I dug out my Leatherman from my EDC and handed it to Jasper while I took off my skates and put on my shoes. Soon there were pointy sticks for everyone to spear sausages on, and the fire was at the perfect stage.

"Time for sausages!" Henrik called over the ice. The girls began to move to shore, and I looked out over the lake. Victoria was still skating round and round. I thought she might see the girls heading in, but she swept past. "Victoria!" Henrik shouted, but she didn't seem to hear him. I smiled and took off my glove, then put my fingers in my mouth and whistled loudly. A few silvery fish flew through the air as the shrill noise echoed over the lake. Victoria did a slightly stuttering hockey stop - had I scared her? She looked over at us - both Henrik and I waved for her to come over. She started to head toward shore. Everyone else sat down and the sticks were handed out, and the sausages were just being passed around when Victoria stomped past, her skates slung over her shoulder and her phone held up to her ear.

"Mom?" Charlie asked in surprise.

"Excuse me one moment sir, I'm trying to get better reception," she stopped a moment, without turning around and said; "I need to take this, I'm going back to the house." and then trudged on. Charlie's cheeks burned, and I was just about to break the tense silence when she got up, and stomped in the other direction, walking out onto the ice.

"Charlie..." I said with a soft sigh. Henrik and Elinor looked at me wordlessly, their expressions worried. Suddenly I knew they had heard Victoria and Charlie arguing the other day. I got off my slightly bruised behind and followed my niece, saying; "I've got it... Save us some, OK?" over my shoulder.

Charlie was walking fast across the ice, and I hurried to catch up, but she was pulling ahead.

"Wait up, sweetie!" I called with a few green puffs. "Shit." I grumbled as I slipped and almost fell. Charlie ignored me and steamed ahead. She reached the little island a few minutes ahead of me, and I climbed the slippery rocks carefully, calling out for her. I heard angry scuffling and the sound of snapping branches coming from ahead, and stepped out into the clearing on the middle of the island. Charlie was whacking a fallen log with a thick stick and growling and crying at the same time. I let out a long, sad breath.

"Sweetie..." I said gently.

"Why did she say she'd _come_ \- if she was just going to - _leave_?!" Charlie raged. "She could have just - _stayed_ at the house and not - _ruined_ anything! I _hate_ her!"

My eyebrows shot up and I forgot how to breathe for a moment. She hated her? Or... was this a heat of the moment thing?

"Grr!" Charlie struck the trunk with all her might, and the stick broke with a wet crack. She stood a moment and panted, then wiped her streaming eyes and turned her back on me, sniffling. I walked up to her right side and held out my handkerchief.

"It's too cold to have a wet face." I said calmly. Charlie took the folded cloth and wiped her cheeks angrily.

" _Why_ does she always have to _work_? It's _Christmas_ , for fuck's sake."

I let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry sweetheart..."

" _You_ don't work all the time!"

"I don't _have_ to work. But your mom does."

"Why?!"

"You know why, sweetie."

"Well why don't you just give her some money then?! Then she could quit her fucking job and not be so angry all the time!" Charlie panted. I let her breath calm down a moment before I spoke.

"Honestly? I don't think she'd take it."

" _Make_ her take it then!" she glared up at me and sniffed, the anger in her voice fading to be replaced with sadness. "Can't you make her take it?"

"Nobody can make Victoria do anything she doesn't want to do." I stated with certainty.

"Auntie..." Charlie whined, her lower lip trembling.

"Come here..." I said softly, and held out my arms to her. She leaned her head on my chest and sniffed. "I know it hasn't been easy lately... And I know that _you_ know that your mom needs to work, _but_ that doesn't mean she should _always_ work..."

"It doesn't..." Charlie agreed with a slightly sulky huff. "I don't want her to become like _dad_..."

I hesitated a moment, then drew in breath to speak, but Charlie interrupted me.

"I _don't_ want to talk about him..."

"OK," I said and nodded, trying to swallow the anger that bubbled up inside at the thought of Jonathan. "Your grandfather worked a lot... We didn't get to see him very often, because he travelled so much, but I wanted him to be home all the time."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah... I never actually told him that. I never told him I loved spending time with him. I wish I had, now. Maybe he would have been home more."

Charlie was quiet for a moment.

"I should tell mom I want her to be home more?"

" _Do_ you want her to be home more?"

Charlie nodded into my thick jacket.

"Then yes, you could tell her that."

"And to not be so embarrassing?"

"Unfortunately, parents will always be embarrassing." I said with a little chuckle. "In some way, shape or form."

Charlie groaned. But as far as her groans went, it was not a very bad one. Then her stomach rumbled.

"How about... we go get some lunch, hmm? Or do you need a minute?"

"Minute..." Charlie sniffed.

"OK..."

After a little while, Charlie leaned back and wiped her cheeks again, and we set off toward the shore and the promise of sausages. Isabella, Clara and Louise had finished eating and were building a snowman when we arrived, so there was ample space by the fire. Jasper rose to her feet and sat down when we did. I leaned over to give her a kiss, and the slightly worried expression on her face faded. Henrik and Elinor relaxed.

"Did you eat all the sausages?" Charlie asked.

"Nope." Jasper responded and handed her a stick with a sausage already speared on the prongs. She gave me a stick as well, and I leaned my head against her arm.

When we were out of sausages I leaned back against a snowdrift and let out a satisfied sigh, watching the girls play in the snow. There was just something amazing about cooking over an open fire... Jasper and Charlie joined the girls after a little while and I took many pictures. When it began to snow, we picked up all our things and put them back on the sleds. Jasper smirked, gave me a huge wink and sat down on one.

"What are you doing?" Clara asked her.

"I pulled you guys here, so... _you_ get to pull _me_ home." Jasper held up the rope that was tied in the front.

"Whaaat?"

"It's only fair." I sniggered. "Come on girls, pony up."

"We'll never be able to move her!" Louise complained.

"Should have thought about that before yelling 'giddy up' at my significant other, then." I said with a 'so, there' expression, and booped her rosy nose.

"Uuuugh!" she groaned, then went over and snatched the rope from Jasper's hand. "Come on, I'm not doing it by myself!" she called to the others. The girls lined up while Henrik, Elinor and I stood and watched, grinning.

"One, two, three, _pull_!" Clara said through gritted teeth, and the girls heaved to, but Jasper didn't move.

"It's impossible!" Louise panted.

"Nah, you're just not trying hard enough." Jasper chuckled.

"We need Bläsen!" Isabella said.

"Pfft!" Henrik sniggered. "Just put your backs into it, come on."

"Like _you_ could do it." Louise muttered.

"I could." Henrik said confidently. "She's not _that_ big."

"Oh-hoh!" I snorted in surprise. "Give it a go then, mister man."

Henrik took the rope and began to pull. Jasper chuckled, but the sled didn't budge. Henrik tried for half a minute while the girls jeered at him.

"Fine! OK! No I can't do it!" he said and let go of the rope, his face red from effort.

"Everyone help out!" Charlie called, and everyone grabbed the rope, including Peter.

"One, two, three, _pull_!" Clara counted again, and everyone pulled with all their might - the rope snapped! We fell in a pile, and Jasper started laughing, then the rest joined in.

"OK, enough playing around." Elinor said after everyone had got to their feet again. "Time to go home before the snow really starts coming down."

We agreed, then put out the fire with a heap of snow. Another sled train was set up and the twins and Peter got to ride this time as well. Jasper pulled it all easily. When we reached the house, the snow was coming down pretty fast, and we hurried to put the sleds away before going inside.

"How about we put on a movie?" Henrik suggested when we were taking off our many layers of clothing. I got the feeling that he wanted a bit of a break.

"Yeah!" the girls cheered, and immediately began talking about which one they wanted to see.

"Something Peter can watch too!" Henrik added after someone suggested The Ring.

"Everyone hang up your wet things, please." Ullrika said, appearing from the kitchen with Algot in her arms. "Including you, dear husband."

"Yes, yes, hello dear wife and second offspring." Henrik went to kiss my cousin and their youngest son.

"I need a _nap_." I said when I finally removed my snow pants and boots.

"Nooo, it's movie time!" Clara said excitedly, pulling on Jasper's sleeve. Jasper smiled with both warmth and surprise, and followed the girl toward the living room.

"Nap during the movie?" Jasper suggested before she was pulled out of sight. I laughed to myself, gathered up the last of my clothes, hung them to dry, then joined the group by the TV. Jasper's lap was already taken up by Clara, Charlie, Nico and Nisse, so I settled for sitting down next to Jasper and leaning on her instead. She put an arm around me and chuckled happily.

By a vote of four to three, it was agreed that we were going to watch The Emperor's New Groove in Sowegian, but with English subtitles. I was asleep before the end of the first song.

********* **

After dinner that night I went to take a shower. I sang softly as I turned in the spray, and my mind wandered back to the events of last night. The Northern Lights had been so beautiful, and what Victoria had told me had been so sad. Jonathan had left her alone to take care of Charlie... Would Jasper ever do that? No, no, she wouldn't, I told myself that very firmly. Jasper is warm and sweet and looking forward to being a mama. Yes.

When I was done in the shower I dried myself in the humid bathroom, got dressed, then went back downstairs. Jasper was sitting with the girls and Ylva, playing cards. I gave Jasper a kiss on the cheek on my way to the kitchen.

"Come join us? I'm having my ass kicked." she said with a crooked grin.

"In a minute, I want to get something to drink."

When I arrived in the kitchen, I found Charlie standing by the fruit bowl. She was looking at the back door intently.

"Expecting a visitor?" I asked with a smile.

"What? No." she picked up an orange and gripped it tightly. "I'm waiting for mom to finish smoking."

"Oh?" I took out the electric kettle from a cupboard and filled it with water for tea.

"You said I should talk to her." she glanced at me a little nervously.

"Ah, yes." the back door opened and Victoria came in, and Charlie put down the orange.

"Mom." she said, and Victoria looked up. Our eyes met for a fraction of a second, then she looked at Charlie instead.

I busied myself with making tea, and was just about to go ask if anyone else wanted some, when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me around roughly.

"You _told_ her?!" Victoria demanded as I staggered sideways.

"Mom, what are you _doing_?!" Charlie gasped.

I grunted, having to grab the sink to stop myself falling over. Victoria was standing in front of me, face bright red and her eyes burning fiercely - I would have taken a step back if I hadn't already been backed up to the counter.

"Jesus _Christ_ , Victoria!" I grunted.

" _Mom_!"

Victoria drew in an angry breath, but before she had time to speak, Jasper loomed over her.

"I thought you said she _wouldn't_ cause trouble in your grandma's house." Jasper rumbled, and Victoria stepped away from us sharply.

" _I'm_ causing trouble?!" she scoffed indignantly.

"Yes, you are." Jasper stated and looked over at her coldly. "This got something to do with last night?" she asked me in a gentler voice.

"I - " I began, but Victoria interrupted me.

"You told her too?! Of course you did, why wouldn't you!" Victoria snapped, waving angrily at Jasper.

" _Girls_!"

Both Victoria and I winced and turned guiltily to face our grandmother standing in the doorway. She may have been short, but she could loom more effectively than Jasper. Grandma glared at us, then pointed to the left, toward grandpa's old office. Victoria strode over there with a lot less hauteur than a few seconds ago, and I followed silently. I heard Jasper move behind me, but then;

"No, my dear." grandma said, and I knew she was talking to Jasper.

"But - !" Jasper began.

"I need a moment to speak to my granddaughters. Do excuse me. _Inside, you two_."

Victoria and I entered the office and grandma followed, closing the door behind her with a little click of doom.

" _Sit_." she said and Victoria and I sat on some chairs in front of grandpa's old desk. I didn't dare look up. " _Explain_."

I glanced at Victoria.

" _Erica's been telling my secrets_!" she said sulkily, and suddenly I felt like we were six years old, fighting over something silly, like who should get the first piece of toast.

I let out a huff, but grandma held up her hand, and my mouth shut automatically.

" _The secret being that you are pregnant_?" grandma said evenly.

Both Victoria and I gasped.

" _Girls... I have had three children, eight grandchildren and eight great grandchildren - I know the signs_." grandma sighed and sat down in her own chair. " _And I know you're not going to keep it, Victoria_."

" _H-how_..." Victoria asked in a very tiny voice.

" _You haven't had any schnapps, until today_." grandma said simply. Victoria's face went blotchily purple. " _And Jonathan's cup is gone_."

Victoria nodded slowly.

" _Was Erica supposed to have told someone about your condition_?"

"Y _es! She told Charlotte and that freak of a girlfriend of hers_!" Victoria erupted before she could stop herself.

" _Young lady I will_ ** _ **not**_** _have disrespectful language in this house_!" grandma said firmly.

" _Sorry_..." Victoria mumbled, looking down at the carpet. I was so stunned I couldn't speak, both at her calling Jasper my girlfriend and a freak _and_ the fact that she had said 'sorry'.

" _Erica,_ ** _ **did**_** _you tell anyone about Victoria's condition_?" grandma's steely eyes moved to mine, and I felt as if I was being x-rayed.

" _No_." I shook my head vigorously.

"Pfft!" Victoria huffed, then crossed her arms.

" _There are no lies in grandpa's room_." grandma reminded us sternly.

" _I swear I didn't! Jasper asked what happened last night but I said I couldn't say_."

" _And why not_?" grandma inquired.

" _Be-because I didn't think Victoria would want me to. It's her business_..."

" _And I suppose you didn't tell Charlotte either, did you_?" Victoria huffed sarcastically.

" _I didn't_ \- "

" _Then why was she talking about dad!? Why did you whistle like that at the lake?! You did it so I'd feel guilty, didn't you?!_ " Victoria was gripping her arms with white knuckles, still staring at the carpet. Angry tears were leaking out of her eyes.

" _Victoria_!" grandma said disapprovingly.

I stared at my sister in shock.

" _For your information, Charlie and I talked after you stormed off from the lake,_ " I began, angry blue sparks flitting through the air. " _She was really upset with you! You embarrassed her by taking that business call - I told Charlie our dad worked a lot too and that I regretted not having told him that I loved spending time with him, and maybe if that's what she wanted with_ ** _ **you**_** _then she should tell you that! And I whistled at you because you didn't hear Henrik calling out to you!_ " I paused to drag in a shaking breath. " ** _ **Why**_** _do you_ ** _ **always**_** _assume the_ ** _ **worst**_** _of me?!_ " I asked, feeling _incredibly_ hurt. I had thought that last nights events had done... _something_ to repair the bond between us, but saving her life during the storm hadn't! Maybe nothing ever would! It felt so _unfair_... I had been super supportive of her! And today, when I had a brilliant opportunity to bad mouth her to Charlie, I hadn't! I hadn't said one bad word about her! And then she just assumed that I - ! Oh, she made me so _angry_! I chewed my lower lip hard, tears of frustration running down my burning cheeks.

In the ringing silence that followed my last question, Victoria's eyes went wide and she stopped moving completely. Grandma stood up, and walked over to me. She stroked my cheek slowly, then very calmly said;

" _Could you be a dear and give me and Victoria a few minutes_?"

I looked up at her, my eyebrows twitching in confusion.

" _Just a few minutes_." she repeated softly. I nodded slowly, still feeling confused. I got up and had placed my hand on the door knob, then she added; " _Wait with talking to Jasper. And Charlie. I want a word with them as well_."

Feeling more confused than ever, I left the room and closed the door carefully behind me. Jasper stood up in the kitchen and hurried over, but I held up a hand.

"I need a moment alone, darling..." I said quietly.

"Oh... OK?" she said uncertainly.

I walked outside in a daze and sat down on the wooden bench on the patio. I had never wanted a cigarette so badly. I exhaled great clouds of shimmering black, red, blue and green as I tried to make sense of Victoria's thinking. Why _did_ she always assume that everything I did, I did to hurt her? Did she really loathe me that much?

I felt so... _disappointed_...

After I don't know how long, the door to the house opened and Victoria stepped out.

"I'm... I'm sorry." she said in a strange voice. I blinked at her in shock. "Grandma's waiting for you..." she even held the door for me. I went inside without saying a word.

When I was back in grandpa's office, grandma gestured for me to take a seat. I slumped into the chair, my head spinning slightly.

Grandma gently took my hand in hers. " _You have always been a kind girl. Even if you and your sister didn't always get along, I know you always cared for her, deep down. Since your parents passed, you've drifted apart. Further apart, I should say. Your mother, even though I shouldn't speak ill of the dead, your mother was something..._ ** _ **else**_**." I looked up at grandma in fearful surprise. " _She liked her little games, and she used you and Victoria as pieces. And your father too, even if he didn't realize..._ " she let out a sigh, and my mind raced.

What was she saying? Had she _known_?

" _She took you away, out of the country. And every time you came back, you were a little more worse for wear... My son was a bright boy, but he always had a blind spot when it came to your mother. I tried telling him something was off about her, but he just said she was willful and liked things a certain way, and who was I to point fingers? I hadn't been a perfect mother_..." she sighed again. " _And I watched you and Victoria... change, year after year. And then you had your illness, and I feared I'd lose you. But you held on, somehow, my strong girl... And then your parents passed, and I watched you change again... You went through so much. I feared that every year would be the last, but you pulled through. I am so..._ ** _ **proud**_** _of you, my girl. So proud... Not because of your success, but of the person that you've become. That you made yourself into._ "

Tears were streaming down my cheeks now and I sniffed loudly. Grandma gently squeezed my trembling hand.

" _Victoria told me that you spoke last night. It helped her make up her mind. And she said that she didn't have to ask you to accompany her when she went to smash that bastard Jonathan's cup._ "

I drew in a shuddering breath and smiled faintly at this. I had never heard her refer to any ex of any of the family as a 'bastard' before.

" _You were_ ** _ **kind**_** _to your sister. That's something Victoria has never been good at recognizing. Especially when it came from you. Did she apologize when she came to get you?_ "

I nodded and sniffed.

" _Good_." grandma smiled. " _She has different qualities than you, but you share many. She, too, is strong. A lot stronger than she thinks. And she's a much better mother to Charlotte than your mother was to either of you, which honestly isn't hard to be_."

I let out a little gust of bitter amusement at her words.

" _One thing Victoria is not very good at, is asking for help. Neither of you are. You always think you need to struggle alone. Which really isn't true. Your family is always here_."

I nodded and drew in another shuddering breath.

" _I want you and Victoria to be there for each other too_." grandma said it in a very serious voice, and looked me directly in the eye. " _She's not got an easy time ahead, your sister. Even though it's hard to see, and harder for her to admit, she needs you_."

My eyebrows shot up.

" _Yes, she needs you_." grandma nodded. " _And you need her. You're_ ** _ **family**_**."

I nodded slowly.

" _Good. No more fighting_."

" _N-no more fighting_..." I repeated hoarsely. After a tense moment I said; " _Grandma_...?"

" _Yes, my dear_?"

" _If you knew about our mother... why didn't you... stop it_?"

Grandma let out a long sigh and patted my hand.

" _I tried. There was only so much I could do when you lived so far away. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you better..._ "

It hurt so much to hear, but there was relief as well. Someone had seen... And I had always been happy in my grandma's presence. My mother had never treated me badly here. Had that been grandma's influence?

" _Now, let's move on to something happier - Jasper. She's good to you_?"

" _Yes_." I nodded vigorously. " _She makes me feel so safe._ "

" _Good! She seems like a steady person. With a healthy appetite._ "

I nodded again.

" _The kids and the dogs like her, and they are far better at judging character than any adult. You picked yourself a good one, my dear_."

I nodded a third time, tears welling up in my eyes again, this time from relief and happiness at her approval.

" _Now, chin up, and dry your tears_ ," grandma said softly. " _Can you send Charlotte in here_?"

I nodded and sniffed, and she got up and kissed both my cheeks and then my forehead.

I stood up slowly, then left the room.

"Sweetie..." I said hoarsely. Jasper stood up from the kitchen table, and Charlie looked over at me. "Grandma wants a word."

"With _me_?" Charlie asked, looking terrified.

"Yes. It's OK." I smiled at her tiredly. She got up and trudged over, straightening her skirt. I heard the door close behind me and looked up at Jasper. She swallowed and grinned uncertainly. "Can I have a hug?" I asked quietly. The relief in her expression made me feel weak at the knees. She hurried over and embraced me gently, and I leaned my head against her chest and sniffed, slowly wrapping my arms around her waist.

"Are you OK?" she asked softly.

"Yeah..." I nodded into her shirt and closed my eyes a moment. "Tired, but OK."

"Good..."

"Grandma wants to talk to you too, after Charlie's done."

"She does?" Jasper stiffened slightly.

"Yeah, but don't worry... She likes you. She said I'd 'picked a good one'."

"Oh, OK?"

"That's high praise..." I let out an exhausted little laugh. Now I felt her chest inflate proudly.

After a few minutes, the door behind me opened again, and Charlie stepped out.

"You're up next, Baloo..." she said, sounding a whole lot more relaxed than when she went in. Jasper and I broke the hug and she took a breath, then ducked inside the office, closing the door behind her.

"You OK, sweetie?" I asked Charlie.

"Yeah... I think so." she said thoughtfully. "Great granny Jo called me 'a good seed'..."

"You _are_ a good seed." I said with a tired smile. Charlie smiled faintly too. "I was going to make tea, but I feel like a cup of cocoa now... how about you?"

"Yeah..." she nodded and we went over to the stove. "Can we... make some for mom too?"

"That was the idea." I smiled at her and she hugged my side tightly.

Another few minutes later, both Jasper and grandma exited the office. Jasper looked rather dazed, but pleased, then came to join me and Charlie at the table. Grandma bad us goodnight, then headed upstairs slowly, smiling to herself. She clicked her tongue and Nisse ambled up the stairs after her.

"What did great granny Jo tell you?" Charlie asked Jasper after she had handed her her red mug.

"She... _threatened_ me." Jasper said with a strange smile.

"She _did_?" Charlie gaped.

"Yeah... 'If you hurt my granddaughter, mine will be the last face you'll ever see'."

" _Wow_..." Charlie sounded impressed.

"And then she said that she knew I'd never do that on purpose..." Jasper furrowed her brows now, but still wore a smile on her lips. "And that felt... really good?"

I nodded up at her, feeling amused, proud, tired and happy all at once.

"And she said if I wanted to, I could just call her _grandma_ now..."

"Darling..." I said with tears in my eyes. Golden butterflies flitted around me and settled on the table and Jasper's arms.

"My dad never got to call her _that_." Charlie said, looking even more impressed.

Jasper straightened up proudly and I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. At that moment, the back door opened and Victoria stepped inside. She looked... pale and embarrassed.

"Mom!" Charlie hopped off her chair and scampered over, then hugged her tightly around the middle. "We made hot cocoa, do you want some?"

"S-sure..." both of them came over and I pushed Victoria's mug across the table to her. She was about to pick it up when her phone started to ring. Charlie's face fell, and Victoria glanced at her, then took her phone out and clicked the call away. "It can go to voice mail." she said, then grabbed her mug and took a sip.

* * *

Please review!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you can clearly see, I am pro-choice. If you disagree with the opinion that it's your body, your choice, then you are very welcome to stop reading Stay. All pro-life and/or sea-lioning comments/reviews will be deleted and the users blacklisted.
> 
> That said, please review!


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